Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S02 EP6: Misadventures in parenting...

Episode Date: February 9, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' S02 EP6: Misadventures in parenting...Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx Thanks to Andrex for sponsoring this episode. Andrex believes that Clean is more than just being clean – clean is a feeling. It’s the confidence you feel, the spring in your step that only the superior quality of Andrex gives you. It’s feeling fresh in every moment, every day.For more information go to www.andrex.co.uk (or via Andrex social channels) If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This podcast is brought to you by Andrex, who believe that clean is more than just being clean. Clean is a feeling. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation and to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills, each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent

about how well they're coping or hopefully not and we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing hello and welcome to lockdown parenting how with can you say rob beckett and can you you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Good try. Good try. Good try.

I thought that was better than a try. I thought that was great. Yeah, lovely. Good try. Nice work. That was from Jen Chilton. This is my three-year-old Alva, who has just been sent home from nursery for self-isolation for a week.

As someone there tested positive, my husband has suggested we go for the scoring system this week. I'd say we are about 3-1 down already this morning. Thanks, lads. Thank you very much, Jen. On the sent home from nursery, shout out to Matthew and Charlie, Matthew Crosby and his wife, Charlie. I found out today on day one of a 10-dayer, the old 10-day nursery lockdown. And the reason that came into my mind was partly you said that, but partly for some reason I'm linked to him on Spotify.

So I can see what he's listening to. What is it, all Disney? Toot, toot, chugger, chugger by the Wiggles. Chugger, chugger at the moment? Four hours ago he was listening to that. Oh, right. I was going to say that's a mad thing to you can't play chugga chugga to get your kids to sleep can you no no you can't mad tune um

how you been josh you're a bit better sleeping a bit more uh yeah i am yeah oh good to know you avoided a uh in the bed situation with uh with your little one how are you well we've had an up and down week it's been pretty positive all in all i must say i'm feeling Well, we've had an up and down week. It's been pretty positive all in all. I must say I'm feeling really good. We've got into our rhythm of homeschooling and stuff like that. And I don't know, it just feels more positive for me in February. And March the 8th has come around the corner. But we did have a bit of a pom-pom jar problem this week, Josh. Take me through it.

Well, as you know, we've got the pom-pom jar of destiny, which is where there's a big jar of pom-poms. And if they do something good, they can have pom-poms put in their pom-pom jar and then if they do it bad it's taken out we had to have a deduction from the five-year-old's pom-pom jar she lost the pom-pom oh okay that's just gonna make it worse isn't it well yeah yeah but they need to know when they're doing something wrong so i went upstairs we've done bedtime we let them play in their rooms for a little bit before bed and um they're in there lovely lovely, doing colouring in, just like little angels.

They're sat there. They end up colouring. Nice, calm thing to do. Anyway, I walk past a three-year-old, and I'm like, oh, my God. She's got nits. She's got lice. What is going on with her head? The five-year-old had sprinkled pencil sharpenings on her head.

Oh, my God. Her head looks like, you like you know the twits who lost the pom-pom the three-year-old or the five-year-old yeah the three-year-old for being an absolute weakling and allowing that anyway so i saw that and i sort of picked it out she was oblivious and i picked it out of her head and i said to five-year-old did you put pencil sharpenings on her head and she went no oh and then was like truth on free and then she went yeah i did and then smiled and i told her off and that's not okay it's not nice lou laughed which didn't help because you know they're being naughty but quite cheeky they lost a pom-pom from her jar

as well yeah no treat day for louise this week and uh anyway so i explained it was wrong and stuff like that but then it was so cute and the three-year-old was a bit oblivious to all this went no we're not being naughty me and my sister are sitting here colouring in nicely like good girls. And I was just, I felt like saying, she's played you. She's played you. You've got your head covered in pencil sharpening. Don't stick up for that little lizard that's been sprinkling it on your nut. Oh, it was horrible.

But apart from that, she apologised though and all that. And she went to bed okay. But she lost a pom-pom, and that's the name of the game. Yeah. I have invented a new game, though, to keep them happy, called Disco Drive. Right. And it sort of really plays into my working-class roots,

where basically what we do is... What doesn't? I take a... I move the car off the drive. Yeah. And they just go up and down the drive on their scooters. Yeah. And then I sit on the doorstep and have a speaker next to me playing songs off Spotify.

Oh, that's good. And they dance on the drive. And it feels like it's a different environment than the back garden. And people walk past and sort of wave and say hello at them because they're cute girls dancing to music. So we've been doing that. Lovely. Really nice. Also, Josh, I've got to confess something to you.

Yeah. Since you mentioned about your itchy bum... When did I mention that? A couple of weeks ago. I've had a really itchy bum. Now, I don't know whether it's because you said you had an itchy bum and I need some cream because I actually do have an itchy bum, or I just think I've got an itchy bum because you said itchy bum.

Yeah. Well, do you know what, Rob? Yeah? Phone the NHS, but don't give your real name. That would be my tip. Was it a prescription or was it just over the counter over the counter i imagine they listen to the podcast you'll walk in they'll go here you go put this up your ass and then you look straight back out that's what winnicke about he's been fine since he's actually it's the same cream he's returned it that's half of it now click and collect some ass cream can i do that anyway we need to do

more correspondence josh we're banging a couple of things i want to discuss with you right well hurry up because there's people waiting would you like a tip on how to get some time to yourself when looking after kids oh yes this was why i started well why we started this podcast josh hit me hide and seek yes i've really got into it have you okay yeah are you a hider or a seeker what your best there well I don't really I let her choose okay I prefer to hide yeah that is a good one because if you get a really good space you get a bit of time alone well it's a great way to get to look at your phone without feeling guilty isn't it Rob pretending you so you just need it for a light source but actually you're gobbling up transfer news yeah

under a blanket straight onto bbc transfer gossip that's good that's tough game though in the house when like after a while you run out of spaces to hide surely yeah but she's quite crap at it oh fair enough um to the point where i have to start making noise at some points um i also had a low uh lockdown moment rob oh talk to me so sophie who is uh my daughter's been my daughter's carer for like since she joined nursery on and off but for the most part she's moving to york and she came uh to knock on the door and give my daughter a present as the goodbye. All socially distanced, obviously.

And it's too emotional for me, Rob. Oh. So I've been listening to it on Saturdays because we were in a rut, obviously. I listened to Radio 2. They do a thing between 1 and 3 on Saturday where they play the top 20 from a year, this week in a year. Oh, right. Okay. So basically, I walk back into the house feeling quite emotional.

Yeah, that is quite sad because, you know, your daughter's formed a bond with her and she's going and stuff. Yeah. And then Radio 2 kicks in with that week's number one. Here you go. No. I couldn't believe it. It's genuinely, it's making me go again.

You're just sat in your front room crying. Just crying. I am getting quite emotional, even when it's not anything that bad. But I was driving home from work the other day listening to a song, and it was an upbeat song. It was reminding me of festivals. And I got a bit teary, just from a sense of longing more than... I wasn't sad.

I was just like, oh. it's just sort of a release. You have to be so hardy. It's so hard at the moment getting through each day. You have to be so hardy. Like, no, we can do that. It's one day. But you're only human. And sometimes it's just too much.

And I'm going to say it. We'd love your correspondence on what is the smallest thing that's made you cry during lockdown. Yes. Lockdown low points, where things that normally you could take, little things that just set you on the edge, and you can't really... In the first lockdown, I was watching an ad,

and I literally burst into tears watching one of them charity fundraising adverts. It was just horrible. It's too much, isn't it? Far too much. But yes, lockdown low points would be great. Send them in, and we can talk about them. Well, I hope you're

feeling better now, Josh, but it's good to show emotion. You don't want to be like a dad from the 70s. I have four points to John Smith and Plowman's and you're all right.

Rob, have you ever put your daughter on the toilet where you don't have the child's toilet seat on it and then they fall down into the toilet, Rob? Oh, yeah.

It's like something from Stranger Things. They're getting sucked into the underworld. Yeah, it looks like they're getting down into the toilet, Rob. Oh, yeah. It's like something from Stranger Things. They're getting sucked into the underworld. Yeah, it looks like they're getting sucked into the underworld. Also, it's so cartoon, isn't it? Yeah, it's like Mr Bean. Yeah, it's like Mr Bean. Was she panicked?

You know what? No, because it happened before, so the second time, it just felt like she was like, not this again. I think the trick with it rob yeah it's all about building confidence you're right and andrex wants children and parents to be more confident during key toileting milestones by helping create positive bathroom habits and routines andrex is recognized

by the british skin foundation for clean and healthy skin so you can feel reassured that your family's delicate skin will be cared for andrex wants you to be the very best version of yourself every day. That's why there's a perfect range of products to suit you and your family's individual needs. Clean is a feeling, clean is Andrex. Find your feeling of clean at www.andrex.co.uk or via Andrex's social channels. Now it's time for the Lockdown Parenting Postbag. It's the Lockdown Parenting Mailbag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Okay, so we've asked for correspondence

and we've had a lot of emails in. Hello, chaps. Since having our first child on Christmas Day, I've been smashing through the episodes. Thank you for giving some light relief between nappy changes, feeding, and soothing in sleep-deprived days. Two quick discussion topics

that I would like you to shed some light on. One, what would you do for her birthday? Christmas to start with, and then birthday, or the other A round, or anything else oh my this i mean i've got some terrible news here she's not gonna have a birthday it's over it's gone the more you fight and the more pain it will cause she just she will just be a person

on this planet that doesn't have birthdays that is just gonna be her life my birthday is on the 2nd of january okay i may as well not have a birthday yeah that's a crap birthday Rob it's terrible because everyone's back at work everyone's on a diet no one's drinking everyone's spent all their money everyone's had New Year's Eve everyone's had a day off for New Year's Day 2nd of January and then on some days as well if it falls wrong you know sometimes if it's New Year's Day on a Sunday you get the Monday off but if it's New Year's Day on the Monday you're back at work it. But if it's New Year's Day on the Monday, you're back at work. It's horrific.

And I've given up. It's not worth trying to do anything. That is a bad birthday. I think because you're two days away, I think, from having a brilliant birthday, which is if your birthday was New Year's Eve. Yeah. I think that would be a superb birthday. The only bad thing with that is everyone celebrates when your birthday's over. I just think New Year's day could be a good birthday no everyone's completely hung over rob no one wants to because if it was new year's eve you basically got a way of guilting everyone you

want to spend new year's eve with to come out with you you know when you have a birthday and there'll be people there and you can see that they're there yeah just to show their face and then they're going to leave there'd be no one doing that with your birthday well let's get back to the question rather than make it about me with a birthday the christmas day birthday depends if they've got any siblings if they're an only child i'd suggest you could split it up and do birthday in the morning or afternoon or whatever they're gonna be judging by uh the next question which is about being a parent for the first time this they're going to be judging by the next question, which is about being a parent for the first time. They're going to be an only child or the oldest sibling.

If I was them, I'd just do Christmas and then pick a day in between Christmas and New Year for your birthday or just sack it off. That's what I've done with my birthday. It's not worth it. Yeah. Do you miss it? Well, I've never had it. What about when you're a kid? Because no one's hung over or not drinking and stuff when you're a kid. When I was a kid, once my mum had forgot to get me a birthday present when i was 13 so drove to sainsbury's on the morning of my birthday and bought me a fucking whisk and she's listening to this she knows that's true i've just sort of given up on birthdays it's not really worth it

but um with a child because ours are at the beginning of december we do stuff with them on the day you can't do that Christmas day. But we, in the summer, always get a bouncy castle and do a big birthday party in the summer. So I'd do that maybe 25th of August or something. I think you could make a virtue of it and let the child choose another day in between Christmas and New Year

when they can have their birthday. Yeah, so I would, between Christmas and New Year, you could have a little birthday party because everyone's bored and wants to do something. So if you had like a little party in a hall or you know people could come and everyone's off work and school so they can do that so i'd pick a little day for a little in a hall or a house party and then pick a day in the summer where you could do a big one if you wanted let's face it birthdays aren't as good as christmas people who prefer their birthday to christmas are psychopaths oh my god so the thing

is if you try and split the day yeah it'll be people if you do birthday first everyone going when the fuck can we do Christmas and then if you do birthday second it's like we're stopping Christmas now what do you mean we can't stop Christmas and also let's be honest those birthday presents you get they are no no one's specifically buying you birthday presents they're going should we just relabel one of the christmas presents that is their birthday present as well it's yeah the truth is it's over your child has no birthday but obviously that's quite a harsh message to deliver to new parents uh and you know sure try and do that thing on the 28th try and do something this summer but ultimately your child won't have a birthday number two what is worse for feeling tired a broken sleep cycle of about two to three hours

sleep i have at the moment at night or when she's older and wakes up at 5am for the whole day hopefully not 4 30 uh like ellis james i would say the broken sleep cycle is a million times worse than the 5am wake up no no yeah oh yeah no because i well it depends i'm not a morning person okay so i am done for the entire day if i wake up at five because no matter what time i wake up i always go to bed late still i can't i'm just a night out so that kills me i'd rather it be broken and one of us if it's a broken sleep i'll say to me or lou i'll go like one of us deal with her in the night and then when they get up for the day at six seven the other person sleeps

for a couple of hours right so i think if you've got your strategy right the unbroken if that if that unbroken night sleep both up doing it you're gonna kill yourself as a team so you need to go you deal with that all night and then at eight o'clock or seven o'clock i'll get up for the day and you sleep till 10 if you can if you're not working or whatever you sleep until 10 or 11 then yeah i don't think i'm getting back to sleep properly that's i i'd go i'd there was a long period of 5 30s when my daughter was about six months it was during the world cup in 2018 and i just i actually got quite into it yeah but your morning but you like mornings i love a morning mate it's the best part of the day yeah but not if you don't sleep no but like not

5 a.m not when you're watching baby jake and someone's screaming at you for a yogurt all right if you're up at five and gone for a nice walk in a fryer i've got quite into early nights rob do you know what time i was in bed last night? What time? 9.30. You're never going to be out of tour again, Josh, with this. You're going to turn into one of those little bearded glasses, long haired, like comedians that just end up on book review shows.

Do you know what I got asked to do on Friday? What? Go on a book review show. Have you been reading my emails, Rob? Also, they said I was top of the list, which must mean i'm

the absolute comedian you think of if you're doing a book review show if you're doing a book review show go right we need to get a slightly younger comedian um talking about books and stuff like who should we go for right it's you all day mate oh my god oh this is the moment but you love that but do i need to stay up till 11 p.m to stop that happening i don't know but let's look at the facts here, Josh. Out of the two of us, I'm more likely to be on a cruise ship in 20 years, and you're more likely to be on some book review show. Like the Hay Festival, Hay on Wire Book Fest. You'll be there in a tent chatting about your favourite fiction novel. You struggled to finish that sentence, didn't you? Yes. Sometimes I don't know what books are. But you read books rob i do read

books yeah but you've been on a boat do you know we're doing a you know a song tonight um so the answer for ben parkin is depends who you are depends if you're night hour early mornings but for me i can't do that 5 a.m start but lose the same luke can't get back to sleep so if i say i'll do you know you do all night and then get back to sleep she can't do it where i can but it depends on who you are and your daughter's not gonna have a birthday one last point on it is i i think there's nothing worse than the fear of going to bed knowing they're gonna wake up in the night that's the bit i can't stand i can't deal with it well that's what i realized i stay up late is because i quite like being in my house awake when it's quiet.

Yeah. Don't be scared to use a device. The timeout step can be your ally. Don't be afraid to say no to your kids. It's OK to apologize as a parent. Apologize. Apologize. Apologize. Apologize. You're listening to WWRBD. What would Rob Beckett do? This one here is a nice little parenting hack around NYE. Yes, please. This one's from Abu Dhabi, where we live with our nine-year-old son, son Charlie I just wanted to share our New Year's Eve tradition that has got us through the last four to five years obviously

with things as they are this is the first year we have spent New Year's Eve at home just the three of us with my son determined to make it till midnight he put in a sterling effort but only made it till 10 p.m as we predicted he's only nine their son um as this is inevitable for young kids for the last four to five years we have celebrated oh this is a great idea josh fake new year oh that is good the night before this is a full party for him and his friends and drinks for adults party poppers big ben on youtube full countdown all done around six to eight p.m when they can still enjoy it we got away with this probably until the age of seven yeah because when it was new year's eve um my kids were going oh

let's wait for midnight new year and i you can't explain to them no that they're never gonna make midnight and they won't be enjoying that and you were gonna ruin it for us as well yeah they do a whole party on the 30th but i think 31st just bang it out at 8pm. Oh, lovely. Do you want another one about keeping kids in their bed in the morning? Yes, please. So that last one was from Rob, Roxy and Charlie in Abu Dhabi, nine-year-old Charlie. This one is from KM Fuller. Just listen to the most recent podcast of Josh talking about the clock he has for his daughter to keep her in bed in the morning.

We use this with our son too, and he calls it Mr. Sun. And it works great until they learn to press the button themselves to switch it back to morning and come and wake you up in the middle of the night shouting, Mr. Sun is up. He knows he now can't get away with trying to evince us it wasn't him, but instead just comes in asking how long until Mr. Sun comes up. So he's worked it out. So this is good because mine's all run by an app.

Oh, okay. So they said, I've tried to slowly creep it forward by five minutes, but the latest we can get is 6 a.m. And even then we can still hear him awake in his bedroom some mornings around five. Good luck, Josh. Hopefully it carries on working for you. Loving the podcast.

Mine get up about 5.36 every day. 5.36? They're up about 5.30 and then sort of come in about 6. Oh, 5.36. Sorry, I thought you were just being very... Might get up about 5.36 every day. Yeah, like little robots. Pre-programmed.

Oh, wow. I think we're probably about a 6.30 average. I'm not sure we have some more correspondence. Okay, hi. This is from Sugar and the Twins. Hi, Rob and Josh. Loving the podcast. Been a fan since

first lockdown. My question to you is, am I a terrible mum slash wife? Yes, you are. Okay. Next one. Yeah, no, no, no. I had COVID last week. While I wasn't feeling my best, I left my husband in charge of my two-year-old twins. I secretly felt happy that I got a break from them and he would actually see what they are like every day to look after but to my surprise they were angels for him I started to feel better but enjoyed having my meals brought to me in bed and watching Netflix that I stretched out my sick days a bit further oh yes please it felt like a holiday nobody seemed to miss me downstairs am I a terrible wife for letting my husband take over when I was actually feeling better what would you do in this situation enjoy the peace or feel the guilt and help with the kids I'm all recovered now thankfully Am I a terrible wife for letting my husband take over when I was actually feeling better? What would you do in this situation?

Enjoy the peace or feel the guilt and help with the kids? I'm all recovered now. Thankfully, thanks for the laughs. What's your thought on this? Well, I think when you get ill, when you have a job, you'd always like to take that one extra day when you know you can probably go in, but you can actually enjoy being ill. Yes.

But also you want to feel your best when you're back. You don't want to get rushed back into action yeah exactly exactly if you compare it to a footballer yeah you don't you don't want to just get get injured again do you no also i think mum guilt is so strong if you're a good person like i'm sure this lady's not giving us her name here sugar and the twins is she is feeling guilt but like unnecessarily so she's like she's always veering on the side of caution of how much guilt she has. I think she's, I think you're probably absolutely fine. Also,

you know, and you have to, I look at it, it's an aggregate, it's like time in lieu with illnesses and recovery. Cause I broke my ankle and I, I I'm throwing this out here. Now I was rushed back into service too soon.

And I will stand by that. I'm owed a week of nothing so if i have to tag that onto a little bit of flu here and there i think it all works out and you know that i know lou's probably doing it a bit as well where she lays in bed a little bit longer so i think it's it's all a good bit of give and take yeah i would love a week of pretending i'm ill so I don't resent it. to apologise as a parent. Apologise. Apologise. Apologise. Apologise. You're listening to WWRBD. What would Rob Beckett do? Josh, do you know what one of my kids' favourite activities is? Unrolling toilet rolls.

Oh, yeah. It looks like they're sort of ultras at a German away game. But that is a fun game. I can see why they're into it. Exactly. And that's why I get frustrated sometimes as an adult, because you go, look, I know that's fun, and I want to do that as well, but I'm going to be the one who has to pick it up or re-roll it.

Well, do you know who the kings of toilet roll are, if you ask me? Go on. Andrex. And Andrex want you to feel clean and confident every day. Andrex Gentle Clean Toilet Tissue is specifically designed to clean you and your family with a touch of softness. Plus, each roll is uniquely Andrex with a lovable Andrex puppy embossed on every sheet to confidently care for your family. Andrex is recognised by the

British Skin Foundation for clean and healthy skin so you can feel reassured that your family's delicate skin will be cared for. Andrex wants you to be the very best version of yourself every day. That's why there's a perfect range of products suit you and your family's individual needs. Clean is a feeling. Clean is Andrex. Find your feeling of clean at www.andrex.co.uk or via Andrex's social channels.

I did a, I did an interview for some, for the Robin Romish press, for the Robin Romish show. And then there was this guy who's got no kids. And I was like, oh, how's it going? Like on the interview, he went, yeah, fine. Just sick of people moaning about their kids in lockdown.

If he's doing you anything, why do you have kids in the first place? What, is this the interviewer? Yeah. And I was like. Is he across your output? Why, obviously not, is he? And I was like, well, to be fair though, yes, I did decide to have children, but it wasn't really, really you know in the offing that at some point i'll be

locked down in my house with them for two years i mean there is a there's a big moment that's changed i've not sort of gone like oh my god kids in my house and i don't pay rent like i'm aware i'm accepting of the challenges of children but i think it's fair in a national worldwide lockdown that you can moan a bit more than usual. Do you know what I mean? I can't believe you're doing Robin Romesh promo with some kind of shock jock interviewer.

You did a Howard Stern show to promote Robin Romesh. I don't know, but I was like, all right, man, it's the wrong thing to slag off there, but I didn't mind, I just laughed.

Yeah. Someone said to me the other day, I'm actually unoffendable. Are you? Yeah, like when I do stuff like Romesh, I get humiliated on it on those shows and someone takes a piss at me, I just laugh.

But yeah, I don't know what would annoy me. Yeah, what would offend you? No, you're pretty stoic with those things, whereas I'm an absolute snowflake of the highest order. Really? What upsets you a little bit? Would it be a review or someone saying something about it? Well, i don't read reviews because i know they'd upset me yeah so everything really literally is anything you've read or seen that's really got stuck in your head and you still

think about now well have i told you about the one time i did read a chortle review of the last five years and for chortle for the most of the people that listen is an independent comedy website that no one else in the world knows or cares about, apart from about 1,000 comedians. Is that fair? Yeah, I'd say so. I think 1,000's pretty... I think 1,000's generous, but there we go.

So I never read Chortle reviews, because I was like, I don't want to read a bad review. And then I did a charity gig in Brighton, but i had a really good one so i was like this has to be a good review oh because it went there's no way this isn't going to be a good review because it went so well yeah i'm gonna read it went on it josh riddickham was brilliant oh here we bloody go at last right josh riddickham was brilliant unlike the last time i saw him with link to my tour show unbelievable so even in the midst of a good review that i knew must be a good review i'd managed to stumble across a bad review because he links to it in the good review

he links to it enough to go he was good but don't worry he can't be shit i was like do you know what? That's my own fault for the arrogance of going, this has to be a good review and reading it. It's a bit like England beating Columbia in the World Cup on penalties. England beat Columbia, but also they did lose to Germany. Look at this. Look at that.

Yeah, exactly. I do think, though, to be fair, within comedy, there's a bit of a thing where if you are just funny and just do jokes, it's a bit sneered upon that you're not making some sort of big political point, especially like the Edinburgh Fringes, where I once got reviewed, Rob Beckett is funny to Rob Beckett fans. And I thought, yeah, that's how magic works.

That's the point, isn't it? When I got a one-star review in Edinburgh with me and Acaster. Yeah. Acaster as well. Me, Acaster, and Nick Helm did a Edinburgh with me and Acaster. Yeah. Acaster as well. Me, Acaster and Nick Helm did a free fringe show in 2009. Yeah. When we were quite new, he described it as depressing.

Depressing. Imagine your show being described as depressing, Rob. Yeah, because what could have happened? Because in a way, if you were so bad, it would make you feel good, wouldn't it? Because at least I'm not them three. Yeah, exactly. Imagine what happened? Because in a way, if you were so bad, it would make you feel good, wouldn't it? Because at least they'll knock them through. Yeah, exactly. Imagine what that reviewer thinks now. Nick Helm is incredible.

You're a brilliant comedian. Acast is one of the best comedians of his generation. I do imagine that that person then went and watched what happened in the following 10 years and went, what the fuck has happened here? No, you're still depressing. Don't get me. You're just funnier. Right.

Would you like another email? Hello, Josh and Rob. Our bedtime routines are getting a little out of hand. We have two sons, four and six, both off school, and we decided not to send the younger one to his wraparound care until the old COVID is more under control. They each have their own preferred way of doing things, but there are some crossovers. I will highlight some of the madness.

Elder son. Bag chase. My eldest five has a sleeping bag in which I chase him with, catch him in, and carry him to the bedroom slung over my shoulder like a Santa sack. Covers chase. See the above, but with a duvet. Bed leap. He stands in the edge of the, but with a duvet. Bed leap. He stands in the edge of the bed and jumps onto the mattress. Bag leap.

Same as above, but with an unslept sleeping bag on the bed. I have to then zip up around him. There's so many levels. Spinning plonk. I drop him into the bed and he spins around once on his way down. Bag spinning plonk. You get the picture. Then the usual bedtime stuff.

Younger son, three. This starts usually in the lounge, which is upstairs. We say goodnight to everyone and head down. I have to carry him, running down, saying down, down, down, down, down. Next, we have to get his stool from the kitchen, with both of us carrying it, doing to me, to you. My addition, he's never seen Chuckle Vision. This is insane.

Back to the kitchen to fill up the water he must do it himself he climbs into bed and asks a a spinning plonk b a float swing him down floating like a leaf c the biggest float ever as a boy swinging with his arms out full stretch ending in a plonk non-spinning he weighs the best part of 20 kilos so i count that as my lockdown exercise story usually stick man but he turns the pages. Songs, every day when Santa got stuck up the chimney times two and Santa Claus is coming to town. We have tried other songs but get shouted down, no Santa, after they generally sleep through well after seven

and have done since around 18 months. Would you swap that for your children sleeping past seven? No, that is absolutely insane that is i can't believe surely the kid can't remember all those stages i don't know kids are quite good at stuff like that aren't they yeah i know but i that that just seems absurd you wouldn't swap that for your daughter's sleeping beyond 7am no just out of self-respect i mean i'd rather be able to go to sleep at night knowing that i did the right thing and get up early than do all that. You know what, Rob? I would do that for the post seven wake up a hundred percent.

No way. No. Yes way. I'd rather take one on the chin. I'd rather go down fighting. Next time you're up at 530, think about whether you wish you'd done the spinning plonk. Here is another email. This is from Rebecca Quigley. My friend has recently shared a great parenting tip I wish I had used a while ago. Her son is going through a phase where they need to sit on their bed

or stay in the room until they fall asleep. My son did this and we would often be in there for an hour. Her and her husband had been tag teaming sitting in the doorway each evening when they decided to try cutting a person-shaped figure out of cardboard. Miraculously, they basically home-alone'd him, Rob. They've home-alone'd their son.

That is, if they wake up in the night and see the car, that's going to freak them out, though, isn't it? Because I used to get scared in my bedroom thinking that my dressing gown was a person. Does that ever freak you out? Yeah. And do you know what? I've been listening to a spooky podcast, Rob. Oh, which one? It's Shag Mary Did Not Know.

The spooky podcast is about a poltergeist in Battersea. Oh, no, Josh. You don't need that. Not in a pandemic. Look after yourself. I listened to the poltergeist one while i was doing my morning uh my morning workout rob in the shed yeah but i was doing the press-ups rob and i was too scared because i couldn't see what was behind me while i was doing the press-ups

i was like what if someone taps on my shoulder while i'm doing the press-up i'll never recover well the worst thing you could do is do vr headset anywhere in my house because Lou sees that as an open invitation to sneak up on me and scare the shit out of me to the point where I'm nearly sick and mess myself. You know, we love a international correspondence, Josh. I do. We've got, this is Mimi Swanderins here. Hello, Rob and Josh. Thank you so much for the podcast. It has made me cry.

Oh, cry laughing. Thank God. On many occasion, you're building up quite a following in Sydney. I used to teach young kids around five years old in Singapore at an international school whose parents were mixed nationalities. They asked me where my parents were from. I explained that my mummy was from Syria and my daddy was from Scotland, where men wear kilts that are similar to skirts. One kid piped up with, my daddy wears skirts on the weekend, but my mummy doesn't like it. It was nearly impossible to compose myself for the rest of the class. So a reminder to be careful what you say in front of your kids,

unless you want everyone to know. Mira. That's amazing. Don't be scared to use a device. The timeout step can be your ally. Don't be afraid to say no to your kids. It's okay to apologize as a parent. You're listening to WWRBD.

What would Rob Beckett do? I apologise. You're listening to WWRBD. What would Rob Beckett do? Right. Thanks for all your emails. We're back on Friday with Paloma Faith, which was an amazing interview.

One of my favourite we've done. So look forward to that. Yeah, it's a great one. I love Paloma. She's brilliant, isn't she? Enjoy, guys. Speak to you later. Bye.

Bye. This podcast is brought to you later. Bye. Bye. This podcast is brought to you by Andrex, who believe that clean is more than just being clean. Clean is a feeling. It's the confidence you feel, the spring in your step that only the superior quality of Andrex gives you.