Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S02 EP7: Paloma Faith

Episode Date: February 12, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' S02 EP7: Paloma Faith Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant singer and actress, Paloma Faith.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx Paloma's new album 'Infinite Things' is available now and her new documentary is on the BBC on the 27th March:Paloma Faith has sold well over a million albums, had number ones all over the world, headlined Glastonbury, and sung to tens of thousands every week, but now, she is taking on her toughest challenge yet - having a baby. With unlimited access to Paloma as a woman, a mother, and an international pop-star in the public eye, this film follows Paloma on an emotional journey, as she balances the demands of a vital make-or-break tour with writing a new album, launching an acting career, and being a first-time mum. Filmed throughout 2019, the film observes Paloma’s life, both front and backstage, in the midst of a pivotal year in her career. It features appearances and contributions from Rag’n’Bone Man, Ty Taylor, and Jonas Blue as well as her band, management, and family members. We see her struggling with choices every mum will be familiar with, whilst embarking on enormous career challenges in a cut-throat business. Paloma not only returns to work after having her baby but also to huge expectations to break Australia and America. At every turn, we ask ‘Will Paloma pull it off?’ and although she ultimately looks successful, she is tested to the limit in doing so.If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Josh Middicombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you are listening to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... You say Rob Beckett. Beckett. And?

Beckett. Josh Whittacombe. Josh. Whittacombe. Whittacombe. Whittacombe. Good job. Yeah.

Lovely stuff. I like that one, Josh. Yes robin josh my name is laura this is my son teddy who'll be four in april possibly spending another birthday in lockdown teddy was diagnosed with autism on his third birthday last year and was completely non-verbal he then started yeah that's mad isn't it what progress he started at his specialist nursery place in September. He's come on so much. Loves anything to do with numbers and knows if he presses 608 on the Sky remote, CBeebies will appear. Ah, that's all you need. That's all you need. Yeah, the podcast kept me sane throughout looking after Teddy, homeschooling my 13-year-old,

working from home as a travel agent through this shit show. Thank you both. Laura. Oh, travel agent must be hard work. The rebooking for a travel agent through this shit show. Thank you both. Laura. Oh, travel agent must be hard work. The rebooking for a travel agent in COVID. Oh, my Lord. Yeah. I mean, you're more than welcome to rebook that, mate,

but you're going to end up in prison for 10 years. So good luck with it. And that's amazing, though, that, Teddy. That's very impressive to go from nonverbal in a year to featuring now broadcasted. He's a broadcaster. To the nation. On, we should say, Josh,

because I know you don't like to brag, but I do, the number one podcast in the country this week because Louis Farouk didn't have an episode. But forget that. Because Louis Farouk didn't have an episode. Forget that he didn't put an episode out. But of all the episodes that are out, we were number one. So well done, Teddy.

Within a year, you have been on the number one podcast. Love it. I had to have speech therapy as a kid, so it good to um show that even if you can't speak at one point there is always progress to be made so well done teddy there's such a thing as too much progress rob some would argue i had too much therapy if anything i need to regress um thank you very much yeah for everyone who's listened that's amazing genuinely uh delighted with that rob yes away from uh number crunching on the charts, how have you been? Do you know what?

I feel like I'm in the prime of my life. Do you? I feel great. I've got some bad news. Oh, what? I'm not? I'm not. I must be.

Have I had it? Yeah, I think you have had the prime of your life. I've always said it. I'm going to peak at 40 like Barlow and I'm going to be ripped. I'm going to have a six pack at 40. I've got five years. It's happen i'm making progress and the snow has helped this week imagine imagine your physical dream being to look like gary barlow you have a picture of a topless gary barlow pinned up above your exercise don't get it twisted josh barlow when he burst back on the scene on x factor got everyone going oh

hello don't tell me barlow's not a sex symbol i'd say barlow is the sexiest member of take that now i mean not back in the day i reckon robbie i think barlow's beat robbie to the to the punch at the moment i don't know rob well all i'm saying is i'm getting ripped all right i'm gonna be ripped at 40 that'll be my prime of my life. I just feel good. The snow has brought something different to look at this week. I've enjoyed that. How was the snow for your family? A lot of snow. A lot of snow down in South East London, mate.

I'm talking like three inches of snow. It was madness. And I had to drive into London to do Slaves Go Dating voiceover, and it was icy. And do you know what? I enjoyed the danger. Oh, what, you drove yourself? Well, yeah, because I'm shielding.

I have to drive myself to a car park, and then I scurry into the VO booth like Howard Hughes, like I'm a germ freak. I'll be honest with you. I was more expecting the X Factor reference than the Howard Hughes one from you today. Do you know what, though? Because what they do is they properly disinfect the entire booth,

so it's safe. But I go in there there and it's so small and it stinks so much anti-bac and then i do voiceover of joey essex and wayne linica and when i come out i feel like i've been on drugs i've really experienced that yeah i don't know if that's the anti-bac i think that's just pure uncut linica uncut linica um but yeah i'm feeling good it's been a decent week to be fair after a couple of difficult ones so yeah, I'm feeling good. It's been a decent week, to be fair, after a couple of difficult ones. So yeah, I'm good, Josh. I've got a few funny bits that have sent the house into turmoil.

But morale-wise overall, we're good. How about you? Good. Yeah, good. We built a snowman, which was much more stressful than... Because she's at that age where, you know, they picture something and then they want it to happen and then it kind of doesn't happen exactly as they want so it stresses them out yeah i'd say it became making the snowman became an exercise in getting a photo that in years will make us think we had a better time

than we did yeah so what was your issues with the snowman build because i find with any snowman it's only me on my own in the cold finishing off the snowman, which sounds much more sexual than I needed. Yeah, I mean, that's a very different cartoon for Christmas Eve. What's that doing out there? I was just wanking off Olaf. He always does it. No, but they never really contribute. They just want the snowman there.

They don't really properly. Yeah, and I just think she's got very specific design specifications. Okay, what's she after? Well, you know, the eye fell out and that annoyed her rather than making her think, well, just put her back in the hole for God's sake. You know, it's not that big a deal. Come on, mate.

Let's move on from this. Stuff like that, you know, oh, the head's too big. Oh, the body's not round enough. That kind of stuff. Oh, my God. I mean, mine is basically just a little hill with sticks in it and some face, but it seems like you've got a bit of a hard task yeah yeah it was like doing a it's like how i imagine being on location when they were directing one of neil buchanan's art attacks do you know what i mean right so because

i think we have a different approach to this so how if if you're doing it and then your talk keeps going no but i don't want it i want it like this how are you approaching that conversation do you try and like negotiate or do you redo it or do you just go no this is the best i can do well often the problem is i wouldn't go oh okay i'll try and i'll try and make the head bigger or whatever because you just can't because often the things are so unrealistically uh ambitious that you can't do much about it really well i just go you do it then do you yeah well you do it then. Do you? Yeah, well, you do it then. All right, then you do it.

And do they? And then they realize, no, because they can't either. And then it sort of comes to a mutual understanding that that is not possible. All right, then go and you do that then. I want that stick going in there. It won't. It'll fall out.

Yes, it will. All right, then you do it. That's a good way of doing it, Rob. Yeah, but I suppose that was with the five-year-old. And then what happens? So then you both don't do it. And then I go, I was right, wasn't I? And they go, yeah, you were, weren't you?

I mean, it sounds a bit like two builders pricing up a job, which is not far off it. I sometimes do talk to them like they are my grown-up mates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which Luke says sometimes, because I didn't want to be that parent that's like, oh, we're going to do a little snowman, and all that couldgy-couldgy voice. But there's an area between that, then, right,

should we do a snowman in or what? Do you there's an area between the two yes i understand yeah no i i'll be honest with you i was just imagining you uh you and your daughter starting a building firm and it was really i was really enjoying the image yeah well i did do something wrong really this is a bad bit of parenting that i did um so the eldest went behind the youngest and started just throwing snow on her head. But the youngest didn't realise. A bit like the pencil sharpener. Yeah, she loves throwing stuff on the youngest's head, don't she? I love that.

But I could see the little glint in her eye and she knew this was a bit naughty and it was going to get wet. And then obviously loads of snow went down the youngest's neck and she was really cold and started crying. So I went out and went, no, you mustn't do that. And then I took the youngest in and I said, you mustn't do that. You wouldn't like if I did that to you, would you? And then I did it to her. You did it to her? Yeah, that's not allowed, is it? Whoa, you mustn't do that. You wouldn't like if I did that to you, would you? And then I did it to her. You did it to her? Yeah, that's not allowed, is it?

Whoa, you did an eye for an eye? You did a kind of... I did an eye for an eye and I immediately regretted it. I didn't like smash a snowball in her face. I just got a little bit and sprinkled it on her. Very, you know, it was very like, it wasn't aggressive or like, it was just a little bit on her neck so she could feel the cold there, on her neck.

And then I knew immediately I did that wrong. So then i'll get a situation where she's really crying and now i've got to apologize when i didn't even need to apologize in the beginning so then i had to apologize and she apologized to the youngest but then i just walked in and louis went what was that like russian dolls of apologizing really isn't it yeah it was that was bad did lou then do it down your back so kind of yeah and it just went on forever and then lou next door and said look i've done that to rob to show him you shouldn't do it you do me and then eventually it sort of spreads out covid i think that's yeah what a terrible way for to stop shielding as well i have to explain that i was tired though and you know

when you're tired and you're just like and i did something wrong and as soon as i did it i was like no that is not how you deal with this and it was like no that's not textbook that was terrible it wasn't it was awful that was back of a leaflet but do you know what the good thing about stuff like that Rob is that how swiftly you probably think well that's content for the podcast no I felt bad actually at the beginning because I thought that is not how you do it but I just got really she was she had a real look little naughty look in her eye when she was doing it and And I was like, I'm not having that. But I sort of went, I needed to go more Philippa Perry. I went a bit more Russian soldier.

I was trying to think of a person with a surname Perry that's like a thug, but I couldn't. Perry Groves. Perry Groves. Bit more Philippa Perry, bit less Perry Groves. We should have all of our parenting on a scale from Philippa Perry to Perry Groves. The loose and stiff neck scale, Groves to Philippa. I don't know what Perry Groves is like at that. I don't want to, you know, throw Perry Groves.

It's a nice fire. No, no, no. But I'm saying they're both great parents, but in different ways. Let's have it said. Perry Groves and Philippa Perry are great parents. Just for anyone that's not aware of Perry Groves, he played on the wing for Arsenal and Southampton yeah and i know i've met him a few times lovely

fella lovely fella um i went on that hitting with the putting the snow down the neck of your daughter i was uh at secondary school and there was snow so we were in like one of those porter cabins or whatever that they teach you in when they don't have enough rooms. And outside there was some kids and there was a teacher. And obviously the teacher didn't realize anyone could see him. And I saw him pick up a snowball and absolutely plant it on the back of a head of a kid who he didn't like. And then just carry on as normal. It was unbelievable to watch.

He was a PE teacher as well. So it was hit with accuracy and taste. Oh, they're always a bit naughty. And you just saw him go, this is my fucking chance to get revenge on this absolute little bastard. Well, I can't think of anything worse than trying to make 40 kids play rugby. Oh, mate. Can you imagine it?

I love sport, but the thought of... Yeah, anyway. I like watching sport, but I hated PE. I hated rugby. Rugby was just... I used to run ahead of the ball so they couldn't pass to me. Do you know what my daughter's got into? Oh, yeah, go on.

A video you put on Instagram of Tom Allen trying to get over a puddle. Right, so I don't get the puddle videos that me and Tom Allen are doing. I'm getting so many views, but I don't even think they're that interesting no well i think it's purely my daughter i reckon she's watched that first one 30 times it's why why did she love it did she laugh she just watched it once loved it and then she just keeps requesting it and you're like well you know it's pretty harmless fun yeah it's just yeah it's just jumping a puddle isn't it just jumping in a puddle it's just a couple of young guys in the woods jumping puddles. Exactly. But she absolutely loves it.

She can't get enough of it. I mean, you're producing content, Rob, for the three-year-old generation that is unsurpassed. I'm a multi-channel, multi-generation content producer. What can I say? You've always said that. I've always said it. Do you want to know about parenting? Come here. Do you want to see a puddle for a three-year-old multi-generation content producer. What can I say? You've always said that. I've always said it. Do you want to know about parenting? Come here.

Do you want to see a puddle for a three-year-old? Go on my Instagram. Do you want to hear me talking about Wayne Lineker? Go on e4mate. You're basically Jason Manford meets Mr. Tumble. That's who you are. That's who I am. And that is the area I want to dominate.

That's my heat map. That's your heat map. Right. That's probably enough, isn't it michael please keep that in literally not a second more or a second less that's enough isn't it michael the way you didn't even, it was just so quick. It just made me laugh.

I think we should keep that in. Right, we've got Paloma Faith this week, Josh, correct? Plus, plus 18 minutes of loveless banter beforehand. I know, I'm sure. I love our little chats, Josh. I so do I. I can't believe how swiftly I moved into that. That's enough, isn't it?

I clicked on my screen, saw 18 minutes and was like, I'm out of here. It feels like, you know, like they do them behind the scenes documentaries of like megastar rappers or singers or divas and they're like, woo, come on, hello Mexico, and they're out on stage giving it and they walk off stage and immediately burst into tears. That's enough, isn't it? I don't need an encore.

Do I? Let's get back to LA. Oh, brilliant. Oh, do you know what, Rob? We've got another minute out of it. Oh, look at us. Content everywhere, mate. Even on slip-ups. Even on slip-ups.

Right. Who have we got? Paloma Faith. Great interview. I think she's... I don't know if she's had her baby yet or she was, you know, really near to giving birth

when we did the interview. Heavily pregnant in her studio at the basement of her house. But she's an incredible woman. She's got a documentary out on the 27th of March. know really near to uh giving birth when we did the interview heavily pregnant um in a studio at the basement of her house but um she's incredible woman she's got a documentary out on the 27th of march um on bbc one or bbc two i'm not too sure about her return to music 2021 rob get it on the iplayer get it on the bloody iplayer catch up download re-engage watch it on the iplayer mate make sure make sure you've paid your license and it's about her return to uh touring and music after having a child but she's expecting child

number two and it's a very good interview josh you enjoy it loved it one of my favorites really brilliant um enjoy it hello paloma faye thank you for coming on the show. Hello, that sounded like a proper old school radio presenter. Yeah, yeah. Hello, welcome to the show. It's almost daytime. That's what I'm going for. Hello. Yeah, I'm the upbeat one. Josh does it a bit more cash, don't you, Josh?

How would you have done it? I just said, hello, welcome to the podcast. How many fucking kids you got? That is quite a lot. Josh's general sort of state of being is underwhelmed. Yeah, it really is. So I work with Rob. I think Rob could be one of our great Radio 1 Breakfast DJs.

One of the greatest Radio 1 Breakfast DJs. Do you know what? I think I've still got time. I'm 35. Do you reckon I could pretend? No, it's too late. Greg James is having a go. He's my age. That's the problem with being a Radio 1 DJ

is it's a ticking time bomb, isn't it? You know you're getting moved on. It's just when. Is it when you wear a boot cut jean? What is it that happens? You walk in one day and they go, no, he's lost it or she's lost it. Wearing a mobile phone, whole stuff. Yeah, exactly.

Is that when you walk in with your kids and like, no, no kids here. So Paloma, what's your set up with children? What's going on in the world of Paloma Faith? I've got one four-year-old and one that's very soon to come in my, in utero. Yeah. Oh, wow. That is as pregnant as you get before you have a baby in it

really that was a visual by the way that wasn't that wasn't just us impressed with the um with the terminology so how far off are you Paloma? I sort of I try not to say because my last birth was so wrong it's a bit like when you go for your driving test and you don't want to tell anyone you've gone so i sort of just because everything went wrong she was early it was a big bloody mess oh dear it was just on many levels so i try not to focus too much on the date fair enough and you know it's going to happen but it's not yeah well that's the thing i we like lou i say we but lou had you know it was quite a traumatic birth for lou and with our first born and the amount of people when they go yeah it's so magical we had a home water birth of like

for us it was like you know being in the trenches it was something like it wasn't a magical day we're just happy that it happened and everything was okay in the end but i found it quite a quite stressful experience but um you know hopefully this time around be much smoother sailing so how old's your first child Paloma? Four. And how are they feeling about the incoming sibling? They say they're excited but I'm sort of sniggering because I'm like you don't know what's coming I keep saying to her like I'm trying to sort of manage her expectations yeah like i said like this baby's gonna cry a lot and and it will probably get on your nerves but i said but then we could just leave it with daddy and run away

okay and she's she's like in on it she's totally like whispers it in my ear like if if we don't like it can we run away and leave it with daddy now i'm like absolutely i'm like you and me felma and louise yeah go have you got have you got a plan for like bringing the baby back then like some people get present for the the older kid or anything like that or you just you know it's just the escape plan you've got i bought the present i thought it was a nice idea but now that i've received the boxes i'm not sure how that baby's gonna have like held those boxes inside my stomach for the full term you could say she picked it up on the way back to the house. That's a good point. All the shops are

shut, Josh. All the shops are shut. These kids are not silly. All the shops are shut. Unless you get them something from, like, Sainsbury's. I'll say she only had her credit card in there, and she just did it online. Is your four-year-old in school or nursery?

She's been in nursery since she was 11 months old, but she's not at the moment because I'm shielding. And I'd say I'm on the spectrum of, like, quite anxious about getting COVID. Yeah, especially when you're pregnant. I saw on your Instagram as well, you said that you went to the park with your four-year-old and you found it was quite stressful

and people coming up to you and stuff because when you are in the public eye and you go outside people will be excited to see you and go hey Paloma but in a pandemic it's not it's not ideal really when you're expecting yeah no I was really stressed also obviously I'm emotional like because I'm full of hormones so everything makes me cry so I was like a bit tearful I'm not a pregnant hormonal woman um as as you may have noticed but I'm finding this whole thing exhausting like it's so stressful we've got you've got your kids you don't know if you're doing the right thing they say nurseries are open but you don't feel like you should send them or if that's the and then you're worried that it's going to stop the development but then you're worried about covid i feel everyone but it probably feels the

same as you paloma but what people love about you is that you will say it you know i think a lot of people are feeling that way we've spoken about it privately josh to each other about like days where you just can't cope and it's all too much and it's difficult but i think that by saying it people really respond well to that because it shows you know everyone is feeling the same thing oh and you do have you do have those everyone has those days it's so hard just to get through one day isn't it the news is horrific yeah and you just touched on something there that I think is interesting about how you're always as a parent I think it goes beyond like the COVID thing you're always trying to sort of

think oh what's the best thing for my child and quite often there's no kind of clear-cut obvious decision so you're like thinking oh well on one hand I don't want to you know and be socially responsible when when she asked me like why I was staying home, I sort of say partly to protect the new baby and partly because we don't want to give it to like old people that might be really sick from it and stuff. And that we have to like, not just think of ourselves in life and I'm trying to turn it into a life lesson. And then she's sort of like sucking it all in. And then,

then like you see another kid and they don't know what to say to each other yeah or they like run away because they're not sure and she looks at me like am I allowed to go near them yes and I put a little mask on her and I say put your mask on then you can go over and then she sort of plays a bit and then she'll come back to me and then she goes i need to do my hands now yeah so it's horrible it's heartbreaking i also think it's like a little bit heartbreaking but also it's kind of good that she's just like adapted and she's like this is what i'm doing at the moment and she'll probably adapt i like somebody said to me the other day i was so hard on the kids and i just think

do you know what actually i think it's harder on the adults yeah well the kids don't realize in a weird way what they're missing if you know what i mean yeah well if you only lived like three to five years or whatever yeah it's not a lot of it it's not making a massive impact on your life like we're all in our 30s i hope are we yeah yeah rob's rob's uh dj age is 21 though yeah yeah let's not let's not talk about you know exact details we're mourning like something you know we don't know anything else we're the ones which feel sorry for and we've got to teach them you know all the guilt about the fact i, I don't know what age they're meant to learn to read. I know.

I don't think I read until I was five. I don't, I really don't. That's early. I was about seven or eight. Yeah, I think I was, I struggled with reading. I had to go to special reading classes, but they just brought out a bigger book. Is that why you're so loud, Rob?

Because it's like everything you've read is massive. It's all in caps. I just think think well in when you look at scandinavian countries they don't actually start school until they're about six or seven so we're already you know it's a bit much and then um my mum was a teacher and she's just like i never worried i just knew you'd do it in your own time and then I did and I left school with all A stars that's where the similarities with Rob and Paloma yeah very much so but I didn't think though there's definitely a weird sort of competitive thing with kids when they're about four or five and they just started to learn to read and write it's a weird like how well my kid writes kind of energy. But like they say, the kids aren't aware of it.

Like my eldest has started school this year. She, as far as she's concerned, in January, everyone just does homeschooling for three months. She doesn't, she's never experienced school before. So she doesn't know. So I definitely think they're much hardier than we realise. It's all about the mid 30 year olds that are trying to bring up kids and go to work.

They're falling apart. They're all projecting their own sadness. Like, oh, it breaks your heart for them, doesn't it? It's like, actually, it breaks my heart for me. Yeah. Even though you literally just described me, that's fine. It's like when someone comes up to you with a newborn or they do me and go, can you do a picture of the baby?

And you're like, what, is the baby a fan? And they're like, oh, she'll love it when she's a bit bigger. And I'm like, don't you know how my career's going to go, so maybe she'll be pissed off. Yeah, exactly. Also, that's a good thing. If any of us ever get cancelled for something horrific, at least we'll know there'll be a baby of a photo guy.

You know that? That racist guy. Why did you let her hold me? The things she's done. Irresponsible parenting. So is your youngest due to go to school then next September? September, yeah. It happens.

Let's face it, old T-Boz is really Tory Boris, that's what I call him. T-Boz. He's really dragging it out, isn't he? He's loving it.

He's loving it. He's really enjoying it, relaxing into it. It's my moment, people watching me on the telly every evening. How can we long all this out a bit more? Have you been working? You have been working.

You've recorded an album in lockdown, haven't you? The first lockdown, yeah. The first lockdown. What was that like with a four-year-old in the house? The first lockdown, we do sort of... I'm quite lucky because i still live in east london my mum lives here so i can drop her off at hers ah good yeah i did quite a lot of it after she'd gone to bed so i wasn't pregnant then so i wasn't tired yeah i'd do like day mum and then put her to

sleep and then record my album into the night oh wow that sounds very sort of romanticized isn't it that's sort of yeah that's really cool yeah i'm not really that cool anymore now i put her to bed and i go oh and then i sort of waddle to the bed myself and then i just go to sleep for about two hours and then i wee and then I go for another two and then I and then I go for that's my life at the moment that's the thing isn't it like when you when the baby's due to come and they're so tiring having a newborn but it's not as if like you've had nine months of chilled sleep leading up to it is it you slowly get less and then it just drops off a cliff when they arrive was your first one a good sleeper no terrible absolutely falling

i've just sleep trained her for the 174th time age four oh so what's the four-year-old sleeping like now what kind of what kind of shifts you on it's really good we've done this brilliant thing that um i actually was at my wits end because i was a bit like how the hell am i going to handle this the fact that my four-year-old gets in my bed in the middle of the night and starfishes with a newborn as well it's not going to work so I thought I've got to nip it in the bud soon and I do this thing now this is a bit of proper parenting advice oh yes please so it works on a four-year-old because obviously when you sleep train a baby. So it works on a four-year-old because obviously when you sleep train a baby,

they can't talk, but a four-year-old can just get out of bed and walk in and go, Mum, can I have a biscuit? And you're like, what? As if you're not asleep. They talk to you when you're not asleep. What's that about?

Yeah, it's so true. It's just like no empathy at all. What have taught you anyway so what we do now is we go into the bedroom do like two stories say good night and then everything they ask for is like you've got to divert to the morning so you have to say yeah in the morning we'll do that or whatever so you do all that you say good night and then they say then the first night she was like mom I don't want to go because because the thing was was we were sitting in a room to help her go to sleep which is why she was coming to find us in the middle of the night because she thought she couldn't do it on her own so you have to teach them to go to sleep by themselves at the beginning yeah so so to do that she's like mom

i'm hungry and it's like in the morning we're gonna have the best biggest breakfast mom can we have one more cuddle in the morning i'm gonna cuddle you so much all like that and then you say i'm gonna go out of my room and all you've got to do is stay in bed and if when I check on you you've stayed in bed you get like a bead in the jar there's a little empty jar on her counter and then I go the first night I did like two minutes and then I went in and I was like well done put a bead in I said I going to come and check on you again and then you keep doing it and you extend the amount of time that it takes by which time the third fourth time they're asleep anyway yeah wow that's a great technique technique yeah and then you fit when the jars full after

like three four days then you they get a prize from the prize box at age three or four is like a bit of old sweet wrapper. Yeah. Rolled up tin foil into a ball. There you go. Like a cat. Have that. It's a feather on a string.

You can have like little bubbles or like a little notebook or, you know, something or a toy that they don't play with very much anymore. It's not already theirs. And then eventually it took three days because I said to her, like, all you have to do is stay in your bed. So if you wake up, you call me. So it's a bit annoying because they do wake up still, but you've just got to keep them in their bed.

And then after three days, she just didn't wake up anymore. oh brilliant are you still doing their beads in the jar i only do it one a night whereas before i was doing like five chet yeah it takes like three weeks or something to fill it up and she sort of gets surprised but it takes longer yeah it's insane what humans have to do with their offspring. I mean, you can see that you see like a giraffe bangs out a little baby giraffe and it just walks off. It's walking and eating leaves already. Yeah.

And I doubt a giraffe's ever thought, oh, I wonder if my giraffe's going to go to sleep tonight. I really need to work on my giraffe prize box because there's some really disappointing leaves in there. It's not enticing. I would say that the giraffe mum's like we can just play this by ear i reckon we'll be all right um paloma you you've been quite open as well about your problems with conceiving the second child yeah and so um you've had quite a lot of rounds of IVF.

Is that right? Which was great because I didn't really want to have sex with my partner anymore. Having children with someone's quite eternal. I'm only joking. He's very hot. I can't wait to Google image search him as soon as this interview ends.

Very, very attractive. Yeah but it it was harder this time because the last time we had problems it was something on his side and then because ofy by the way um now we've mentioned my vagina i'd just like to just point out that um i do have an album out called infinite things it seems like the perfect time um did you um because we've had a lot of people talking about ivf and and like the perfect time. Did you... Because we've had a lot of people talk about IVF and, like, the wanking room, essentially. So did your partner have to go into the little wanking room? Well, yeah, he did.

Apparently, when I woke up the first time we did it, for our first child, apparently I was so delirious on, like, the anaesthetic when I woke up that I actually said to him were they playing Marvin Gaye in the wank room I don't have any reflection of saying it I don't know why that was in my head I was thinking if there was like mood music well yeah also as well imagine there must be someone

that had a wank in the morning forgetting it was the day and then they get to the hospital going I don't I just don't think I can I don't think I can just dust came out just putting some flour and water

just to kind of bulk it up a bit so it looks yeah we tested the sample Just putting some flour and water just to kind of bulk it up a bit. Yeah. We tested the sample and it seems to be hand soap. Yeah. Is it a stressful experience other than that? Or is it, like, what does it feel like to go through that process? As you might be able to tell, not much makes me very serious.

I'd say it could be stressful for some people and it's a little bit stressful thinking, oh, will it or won't it work? But I sort of feel really lucky that I've got the career that I've got and I'm always busy because when they talk about the thing, so the most stressful bits really, after they put the embryo in you, you have to wait for two weeks and they call it the thing so the most stressful bits really after they put the embryo in you you have to wait for two weeks and they call it the two-week wait before you do um a test and during that time a lot of people sort of take time off work or whatever sit around pacing the floor and i just get on with life so i feel like you know for yourself like what your boundaries are and i

actually knew that i'd had enough after three goes and then this second lockdown happened and i thought what else am i gonna do yeah i'll have another go and then it worked oh brilliant yeah i i don't know stress yeah yeah do they tell you is there anything in that two weeks so they like don't do this so obviously can't get hammered or anything but is there like things you can and can't do not meant to lift your child which i think's impossible yeah that's tough like if your kid falls over you're not gonna go sorry stay down two week break mate it's the two week wait might have another one coming, so I don't want to get too close to you.

Get up yourself. I do think that's true, though. When they fall down, I know, obviously, if your kid's hurt, but some parents are too eager. If their kid trips slightly, they run over. Yeah, oh, my God, are you OK? I'm like, there's fucking nothing wrong with them. And then they start crying because the parent's all over it.

Yeah, they see it, and then they see your face, and they go see your face and they go yeah oh so as well when you're a kid having a bloody knee is quite cool isn't it as a parent you go oh my god my baby's poor knee but when you're a kid you go that's right i've got a scab on my knee i'm a fucking bad boy i haven't had a grace since i was about 12 but when i used to have them i absolutely loved them mine's the opposite mine's like a tiny bit i don't know she's a bit funny about it. She doesn't, she really hates imperfection. She's just like, can you see that? Can you see that?

She'll be showing you like a tiny little dot. And then she's like saying I need to plaster. And I'm like, I'm not giving you a plaster. My oldest is like that. It's all, everything's like, and if there's a little cut, I go, you don't need a price, it's not not bleeding she'll squeeze her finger into a tiny bit of blood coming you think if you started buying those really ugly like fabric flesh color ones and that was all that was available they'd stop doing it oh it's because there's pig plasters or whatever that's that's

like our dinosaur plaster she's got some of them in the cupboard. Quick, give me the knife. I think if I was starting again and I had my kids, I reckon the first time they cut themselves, you just get like a whole toilet roll and just wrap it around their hand. So it's like giant lollipop. Yeah, that's what we do. So is it bad enough for a plaster?

Yeah, really embarrassing. All right, I'm just getting dog cone. There we go, I'll pop that on your head now. You've got your plaster on. Cone of shame. Yeah. Yeah, homes are falling. How much of the time do your kids watch TV for at the moment?

Oh, I mean... Most of the day. Yeah, pretty much all the day and i'm sat there with them watching it normally yeah like yeah the telly is basically the the childminder so what are you watching with your your kid is that you've got any fave shows um i really all the pixar ones are so good aren't they and i wish they'd put one out a week yeah yeah i mean there's only so many times you can watch it. But in terms of shows, we now like, it was a massive period of time of Paw Patrol and it did my head in.

Yeah, that is a tough one. That's a tough one. Yeah, well done, done, Paw Patrol. I'm really glad that I'm out of the other side of that. Yeah. And now we're into Gabby's Doll's House. Oh, what's that?? yeah mine likes Gabby is that on Netflix?

yeah Netflix and it's like an actual person little girl and then she sinks down into a cartoon yeah oh nice

yeah I've seen that yeah they love all that I mean poor Bajoran it's almost like I feel like when I talk about awful like kids TV shows that your kids like I imagine it's what

I'll be talking to other parents like when my kids seven in like yeah we're going through the weed stage but hopefully you know they'll move or they'll get off here and that kind of stuff we prefer that they just do it around at ours because it feels safe hey guys you want to watch some paw patrol it It's fine, I can get some Paw Patrol. We prefer that she watches Paw Patrol at home rather than goes out to watch Paw Patrol. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

You don't want to watch Paw Patrol in the park, do you? You don't know who she is. It's only cut with other TV shows you don't want it to be cut with when she's buying it from the wrong place. With all the adverts as well in the middle on Nickelodeon. It's annoying. But, yeah, you do start to go a bit mad with that, especially if they pick an awful TV show.

But yeah, they'll watch it on telly, but we're not, we're just trying to, because now the eldest is doing some actual homeschooling. She has some lessons because she started school. The youngest is a bit jealous because she's not getting that interaction and stuff. So we get to a point where also I don't, it's not like, I don't, your kid just looking at a computer all day when they're five, it's not good. Their whole point of the first year of school

is sort of interaction stuff. But the school's been pretty good because it's been so rainy and then it was quite nice weather today. They went, well, it's quite nice today. So what we're going to suggest that we do all this phonics and stuff in the morning, but afternoon is going to be outdoor learning

where you can go to the park or the garden or do stuff where you're outside and, you know. Do they check up on you, Rob? You have to upload what they've done like to send it to the teacher so they can see what they've done if they're handwriting and stuff and then they send back some sort of notes and stuff but they're quite relaxed about it but it does give you a bit of structure to the day which is quite good rather than it just being a free-for-all i try and do that with my four-year-old but i think it's because I'm the daughter of a teacher all right yeah so what have you been doing we I try and do a different topic every week and I sort of watch

her for the week and see what she needs me to do so like things come up and then I go we'll do that next week but she my mum was a teacher so I send her to hers twice a week as well and so she'll do the same topic so i texted her they were doing this and it's quite good like so this week we did the sea the ocean and then we did um a few phonics in the morning like what word starts with f that lives in the sea and then she has to write it and then we drew a few of them have you got that one rob yeah all i've got so much is frog but that's what i know it's water but i wouldn't say i've seen a frog in the sea what was it like growing up as a daughter of a teacher did you go to her school i did oh what was that like well I was never actually taught by her, but she was in the infants and I was in the juniors when that happened.

And it was probably the reason why I was good as gold, because if I ever was not good, I'd get double trouble. Yeah. So I'd get in trouble from the teacher, and then when I got home, they'd be like, I heard what you did in the staff room at lunchtime. Oh. And I'd be like I heard what you did in the staff room at lunchtime and I'll be like oh shit so in the end I'd stop being naughty and I feel like that's why I'm a naughty adult oh because you it was so impressed in you as a child I was just like trying to be good all the time and so yeah And so now I'm like, yeah, fuck it. Yeah, so I try and do little projects.

And we made the coral reef in a jar. So to be fair, you're doing exactly what my five-year-old's doing, where they do sounds and they do different drawings and stuff like that. So you're pretty much doing homeschooling already. So your kid's going to be flying. Oh, good. Nailing it. But next week I've decided, and this is a big one for me, that I'm going to do a week about being kind.

Oh, nice. Because the other day the cleaner was there and she said, like, something about the coral reef. Like, you should add... And she went, don't tell me what to do and I was like um I looked at her and I went don't you ever let me hear you talk to her like that again and she's just melted down crying like buckets I took her out the room and I was like you cannot speak to grown-ups like that yeah and then he's like but then she said to me once she'd sort of got herself together but i didn't know why that was rude can you tell me why that's rude oh yeah that's good yeah and

then now i'm like okay we're gonna do a week on that it It can't be plain though, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of subtleties going on there, isn't there, that are kind of difficult to communicate. Why is it rude? And she was sort of doing a funny face, so I don't think she meant it like truthfully. She was sort of like acting a little character. Yeah. It was still embarrassing.

Yeah. Yeah, but I suppose if she's like, you know, the way you are when you're always messing around and being sarcastic, where the way you delivering that could be quite funny because it's done in a certain way and also i've got this paranoia i don't know i've got this major paranoia that people will think like okay paloma fay pop star in the public eye her kids are going to be brats. Yeah. They're going to go, well, they're probably rude, entitled, whatever. So I'm sort of overly on her about it all the time. So I want people to go, oh, do you know what? He's done a really good job with them.

That's some sort of EastEnders deleted scene. Yeah. Just like, oh, they said please and thank you. Like any normal human being should. Cut to 20 years' time when they win a Brit Award and they go, thank you so much, please, thank you for my award, thank you. They're like subservient, shaking up down the stairs. Thank you so much, thank you.

That's what I was like. When they're on your Radio 1 show, Rob, they'll be really polite when you invite them in. We need 120. Yeah, aren't there? 40 stone, three divorces. Welcome to Radio 1. Time for Newsbeat.

Rob, you always like to end with the same question. The final question, Paloma, is there something that your partner does, parenting-wise, that really annoys you, but you can't say it to them without it turning into a big row? But it's a fair point. And if they listen to this, they would go, I think she's right, you know, and would maybe take it on.

But if you did bring it up after bedtime, it could escalate. Well, I bring everything up. I thought you might say that so there's a few that i have brought up but have backfired um but luckily we do go to couples therapy which i'm a big fan of every week yeah and so we talk about these things in that but there's a few so let me have a think of the best one. So I see TV not as meant to be something educational. I see it as, like, a break. Yeah, OK.

Because when I watch telly, like, I might go in the bath and put the iPad on and watch something in the bath. A bit of Last Leg or something. No. And then... And then, so if I do that with her, like, let her watch Paw patrol or whatever that we hate he's just like there is this is not productive and you're basically letting her fill her mind

with terrible influences especially if it's like something really pink and girly because we're not really into that yeah but i'm like but the moment that i suddenly start censoring pink and girly things she's definitely gonna want it yeah you let her watch it and it will last a month and then she'll lose interest yeah yeah i definitely think that's a good approach but like he's really not into it also he's french so he wants her to watch everything in French. And then he comes over and he's like, it's in English. And I'm like, I can't understand it if it's in French. And he's like, you really want to watch Paw Patrol? Also, I don't understand it in English, to be fair.

I can't explain the plot to her if it's in French. Is there much plot explaining, Paloma? Thank you so much, Paloma. Thank you. It's been an absolute joy. Good luck with the birth. Thank you. Been a pleasure. Bye. Bye. Bye-bye.

Paloma Faith. I said it the same way last time when we weren't recording. Don't know why I said it that way, but I've done it again. Paloma Faith I said it the same way last time when we weren't recording I don't know why I said it that way but I've done it again Paloma Faith everyone hi you're listening to Radio 100 Rob Beckett it's Bobby B and Stiffy McGee

what's coming up today Stiffy? oh my god does that make me Comedy Dave? actually Comedy Dave I've met him and he is a funny bloke but you can't be called Comedy Dave because it puts too much pressure

too much pressure it's like oh hi my name's Big Knob Rob even your name is a TV channel I mean can't be called Comedy Dave because it puts too much pressure. Too much pressure. It's like, oh, hi, my name's Big Knob Rob. Even your name is a TV channel. I mean. Yeah, exactly. Also, imagine being Comedy Dave plus one at a wedding. Basically, you have to eat your soup an hour after him.

I love Ployma Faith. So great. Oh, she's brilliant. I've always loved her. And I was a bit worried in case she wasn't the plumber faith i wanted is that before i met anandek and to confirm anandek and plumber faith absolute legends and she was so lovely and funny comedy paloma even i'd call it paloma i'd call her comedy paloma i'd happily call her comedy paloma comedy paloma sounds like a like a dodgy online educational certificate you get. I've got Paloma in comedy.

I think Comedy Paloma is a sketch group you get flied for walking down the road mile in Edinburgh. I can picture them, right? Four stiff necks, all really torn skinny, Chino trousers, massive air and glasses, doing impressions of parrots and stuff. The old Palomas are insane. Look at them.

A million pound of private education spent on them to be stood in a Royal Mall with old Bobby B handing out flyers. So, yeah, she was great. Really loved that. Talking to her about the IVF. Yeah, because that's been quite a big thing on this show, really. And, you know, we've never had to go through that process.

It's hard for us to talk about it. But our listeners have, and it's great for Paloma to talk about it so openly. It was really good. Also, when I logged on, I was like, God, her sound's good. And then we looked at the picture, and, of course, she's using a fucking professional mic in a recording studio. Of course her sound's good. She's a musician with a home studio.

Yeah, definitely go and get the album uh infinite things infinite things um but yeah i love that it's really really great thank you to paloma thank you for listening see you next time oh why don't we end rob by you uh segwaying us into a current radio one hit that you'll be familiar with oh yeah okay hi it's rob beckett here you're listening to Radio 1. We've just had Paloma Faith. We've got Stiffy McGee in the studio. Now, the new song from Jason Derulo, which is called Gun Stiffy. It's your favourite.

It's your tune of the week. What's it called? The new Derulo song. I think it's called the... Yeah. Yeah, it's just called Jason's Jig. I once got taught to do the... In fact, I was with Paloma Faith, I think.

I got taught to do the dab with Jason Derulo. If we did have a Radio 1 show, this would be Showbiz Anecdote Alert and there'd be like a big siren. And they're like, confetti. And they're like... And then they all get clipped up for online content. It'd be on TikTok

they stick it on Vine even on Vine now and you spit it in my face as a punishment and everyone would laugh yeah and then you bend over we get the showbiz

anecdote paddle out slap your arse really hard and then bang on like the killer's human I was with you until you went with the Radio 2 song yeah I know

I panicked last time I listened to Radio 1 they were playing the killers I think so who took you to dab? Jason Derulo. Oh! And Paloma! Wow, what a way to end. Now that is a Radio 1 anecdote.

Exactly, exactly. Next time they kidnap Greg James, we'll go on and do that anecdote. Oh, right. That sounds good. And I'm sure they will kidnap him soon. I presume there's Covid restrictions on kidnapping annoyingly for Greg. Yeah. It's tough to do radio these days. You can't get kidnapped without some sort of bureaucracy. This is Jason Derulo.

We'll see you next week.