Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP1: The morning after the night before...

Episode Date: July 13, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP1: The morning after the night before...We're back! We're tired. Nothing changes...Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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gains are yours to keep and put towards your first home. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, Hello, I'm Josh Whittaker. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we'll also be hearing from the listeners with your tips, advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest,

there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you are listening to Parenting Hell with... No more Beckett. I don't like him. Who are they? I don't like him. I don't like him and I don't like Rob Beckett. You don't like Rob Beckett?

I like Josh Willicam. Oh, Rob, everyone's a critic, mate. Everyone's a critic. Willicam. Oh, Josh Willicam. Yeah, he loves Josh Willicam. He doesn't like me that's fine you know some people like it some people don't what you're gonna do who was that

i think the country's made the mind up about both of us rob uh hi guys congratulations on your baby son josh this is the podcast beginning when i was pregnant and now my daughter is almost one i also have a two and a half year old son lewis um we had always said your name to the podcast opener but never intended to send. But now he's mentioning your names every time we're in the car. So I had to send this. Oh, that's nice. Thank you very much.

And I'll work on it. I'll get it. I'll win him over one day. Yeah, exactly, Rob. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Do you know what? He's not old enough to buy tickets yet anyway, Rob. So it doesn't really matter.

Yeah, exactly. Once he starts getting a bit disposable income, I'm going to be all over him. Get my analytics on him um josh i can't my we sound horrific i'm so hungover everyone in the country has got a weird voice oh are you yeah okay so we've got a lot to talk about let's give everyone a rundown basically we've rebranded it's now parenting hell it's now parenting hell right so we can talk about lockdown anymore guys it's not locked down anymore freedom day's coming but you probably still have to wear a mask or whatever but let's not get bogged down by it the ins and outs of it it's not our area to discuss that kind of thing rob anymore we don't do lockdown stuff you're not

locked we're not the lockdown guys we just do parenting badly that's what we do and um yeah so that's done we've got a rebrand probably you know a funky new look or poster or funky new look Michael no I think we just took the lockdown

off oh okay we've not got a funky new look no no exactly the same look but the title's changed yeah

but that's happened and we're going to talk about the Euros for five minutes and then we'll get into how the parenting's been going if you don't want to hear about the euro i think they kind of intercept in my life oh we should say if anyone is watching the euro final on catch up let's uh

just skip this bit oh don't do it guys don't do it don't do it horrible my body i feel like if anyone you know i've gone to a lot of the games. I don't know if people only listen to podcasts and don't follow me and Josh on social media. We both went to the Germany game and then I went to Denmark and the final. And my body, I feel like I've done a summary magaluf. My body's broken. Mate, Rose said to me just about 20 minutes ago, she was like, we've got to get back to normal life now. Rob, I've had pizza for the last four main meals.

Lunch, dinner, lunch, dinner, pizza every time. That is not acceptable. I've been pissed every two or three days. Yeah. Like, like, stag do pissed. Because the problem is, like night is it's a prime example the nerves made me drink fast yes yes 100 that's my biggest that is my biggest problem is nervous fast drinking yeah because i wouldn't if i drank like that normally it would be problematic

i do also i've become just the drunk bloke I'm not Oliver Reed I feel like I've lived in another dimension I went on the Peter Crouch show after the final that we lost and everyone was depressed did you know who one of the guests were? my Uber driver from three weeks ago

no way he ran on but he never went and then they started asking him Uber driver from three weeks ago. No way. They got Imran on. Oh, wow. But he never went, and then they started asking him what was his favourite goal of the tournament. I love Imran to pieces, but you don't want him as a pundit after the Euro final, just because he drove me home pissed once. But I was in

the pub. I woke up this morning to find that I'd sent out an Instagram of a picture of me in the pub pointing at TV with you on. Sent out an Instagram. Sent out an Instagram of a picture of me in the pub pointing at TV with you on. Sent out an Instagram. Sent out an Instagram. Sent a telegram from the queen. Well, I feel all right today.

I just, I'm like what Rose said. Me and Lou were doing really well with healthy eating. I wasn't eating carbs. I wasn't drinking. I literally hadn't drunk for three months properly. And now, but now we are, we're doing like meal prepping. We're doing planning. My kids, the way my kids look at me, I feel like, you know,

like a drunk in Emmerdale. And then the kids are going, oh, daddy, I'll walk myself to school, then shall I? And I'm just like rolling about in my own field. It's horrible. Oh, man. So I took my daughter to nursery this morning. Yeah, so you are really struggling josh i can sense i'm in a bad way and uh my brother who was staying because the because the game um is that allowed oh god i don't even know anymore he was camped in the

garden right but what is allowed i mean i've never been so close wemberly i mean if i haven't got covid it don't exist but i'm doing my tests and it's not i must be fucking riddled so my brother because my brother doesn't drink uh he drove i'd normally drive my daughter to nursery this morning but i couldn't drive because I was just obviously over the limit. So he drove me and my daughter to the nursery and then I came back. And now I'm going to send you a picture, right? Okay. So this is what I came back to.

Because my brother lives in Wales, right? So he was driving back. Oh, so he had to drive back to Wales today? Yeah. Has he left already? He's left this morning, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, he doesn't drink though, so he's all right. Yeah, okay he had to drive back to Wales today? Yeah. Has he left already? He's left this morning, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, he doesn't drink, though, so he's all right.

Yeah, okay. Like that. Is that allowed? What is allowed? I don't... I literally don't know now. Like, what is... When you've seen a man shove a flare up his arse...

Oh, my God. ...in a crowd, and you just sort of think, what are the rules? How is Lloyd Griffith? He was so sad. Poor bloke was so sad. We were all sad. So that picture I've shown you.

Yeah. That is Tom Parry. Lockdown parenting hell. I'm sorry, parenting hell legend. He looks really sad. Yeah. That is the moment that my wife this morning,

because he was getting a lift back with my brother, because Harry lives in Exeter. He was getting a lift down the end for my brother. So he came to our house to get the lift. That is the moment that my wife explained to him that he was caught pissing in our garden last night. Oh my God, he looks so sad. Also, there's a bit of toast been eaten on that table in such a weird way.

Oh, that's my daughter doesn't eat the crusts. Oh, right. Okay, that makes sense. Because it looks like it's that bloke, that's your brother. Who's doing a scratch card? Is he doing a scratch card? He's doing one of those parking scratch cards. Oh, right.

I was going to say, what a scene that is. God. We'll pop it on our Instagram. Yeah, a little mask in the middle of the table. They're inside. Is that allowed? Who knows? I should ask, Rob.

Yeah. How has it felt to be suddenly catapulted to being the face of English football fans? Obviously, in the last 24 hours, you don't want to represent English football fans, obviously. And you don't stand in front of that kind of stuff. Let's be very clear on that. Well, that's what I found disappointing because up until it was like, you know, last night at the game, it was horrific because people just went to Wembley without a ticket. So did you see any of that stuff?

Yeah. So basically people were breaking through the barriers to try and get to the stadium. You have to go basically one ring of barrier to show your test test and your test result yeah and then that validates your ticket and then once you get through there you go through the turnstiles of your ticket so what was happening was it was so busy they're just letting people through but without validating their tests they were trying to get in but then couldn't get in at the turnstile so some people being turned away to go and get their ticket validated and then some people trying to get in without a ticket people. And then some people were trying to get him without a ticket. People's phones were dead. People were like on the floor begging people for power banks.

I charged up two geezers' phones with my power bank. Amazing. So it was a carnage. But it was, I think, because it was Sunday night and people had been drinking for like weeks, essentially. It just all went to a crescendo. And as Lou said, it wasn't the right side of lad. You've got to keep it the right side of lad. And I think I have.

So, you know, I had a few drinks, but I kept it the right side of lad. You got to keep it the right side of lad and i think i have yeah so you know i had a few drinks but i've kept it the right you remember him badly you're martin clumes well yeah i'm i'm a meme now josh basically and i've i've basically i wore that little bucket hat and stuff to go to the football in good faith against germany and now when i put it on i feel like mrs brown pulling her stockings up fucking character act people didn't stop me can i get a photo you're the drunk man from the internet how the fuck how's that my legacy wow what have i become i'm the everything that you've done i know all that you've been all right for after mate come on all that hard work on no wedding day winners 50 greatest plastic surgery shockers and e4 all that great solid gold stuff nothing i'm just a drunk guy now but yeah it's weird to be sort of you know because people know who you are if you've done a podcast on telly but when you do something like that it was the day after

that germany game when that first story went out it was just ridiculous i couldn't walk down the street as was saying but then it calmed down a bit but then also i felt too much pressure to do other stories and if people on the give like instagram as shit it's really hard doing content there's so much pressure because there's nothing that happens normally exactly my life's so boring you can't replicate it Anyway, it was fun. If you lived like you lived at the Germany game for a week, you'd be dead.

Mate, 100% dead. It was awful. But what a following on Instagram you'd have, Rob. Oh, mate, yeah, they're flying up,

but like, they'll probably all leave you when they realise there's the boring bloke who has children shouting at him all the time. It's so funny though, I had to do like

for Zoe Ball's show, she went, oh, can you do some audio clips? And it's all me going in the stadium looking forward to it oh no

they've scored and then nothing so God knows what she played on the show but I couldn't bear to send her another clip but yeah I'm happy to be the

the Drunk England fan but it was it was fun it was an amazing couple of weeks I couldn't keep it up I got to see my kids to be fair

I only missed one school run out of all of the Euros. But that's because it was a late game, the Denmark game. I went to extra time and I didn't get into like three in the morning because I couldn't get a cab. It was so busy. So I only missed one school run. But Lou has really, when you talk about mental load this week, I'd say if it's out of 100, she's operating at 105% of our mental load.

Oh, wow. Because I've done, I have not pulled my weight. But this week, I'm back. I'm on it, mate. We're going for it. I'm back in the game, Josh. Rare into parents. That's good.

DQ presents Picture This. Picture a freezer, but it's no ordinary freezer. It's an extraordinary freezer holding all of the Blizzard flavors of the past. DQ Free closes and keep your eyes open. You never know what may come out of the DQ freezer next. Only at DQ. Happy tastes good. If I could give you a parenting tip, Rob. Yeah. As the Qatar World Cup approaches next year.

Yeah. Do not have a baby the month before the Qatar World Cup. Yeah. So how? So I've, it's been, Lou's had to do a bit more of the, well to be fair, it's not too fair in my defence. I have been going out

getting drunk for the games so there's been a few, I've had a few nights out but then I'm on it in between the games so I've not, and it's easier because ours are five and three

but how's it been with you and Rose balancing enjoying the games? Eight, seven weeks old this week, five weeks old for the Germany game.

Do you know what? Can we talk about what happened to you after the Germany game? What happened to me after the Germany game? In the morning, how hungover you were. You fainted. Oh my God, I fainted, yeah. And you text me saying, thank you for being so hungover.

It's taking the heat off the road. Your Instagram story absolutely saved me because I was in the dog. I went to the toilet at 5am, right? And I've never done this before. I started having a piss and I thought, I don't feel, I'm in a too bad a way to continue this piss. Yeah. And I stopped having a piss.

I just stopped myself because I was like, I feel, I've got to go back to bed. I can't finish this piss. Yeah. And I stopped having a piss. I just stopped myself because I was like, I feel, I've got to go back to bed. I can't finish this piss. I've never done that before in my life. No one's ever not finished a piss.

I was like, I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. And then... So, how do you even stop a piss? I don't know. I just stopped a piss.

I just, I don't know what was going on. Right? I think you should get your prostate checked, mate. Yeah. And then the next. I just, I don't know what was going on. Right? I think you should get your prostate checked, mate. Yeah. And then the next thing I remember,

I was on the floor on the other side of the bedroom. Oh, no. And I'd fallen into the window, which so luckily was covered with curtains, and I was just lying on the floor. And Rose was what? I just blacked out or something. It was mad.

And then I was like sweating on the floor Rose let's be clear didn't even get out of bed she just talked to me while I was on the floor for five minutes come on mate did you cut your head or anything no I was I was I was luckily because the curtains are quite they're quite heavy. Oh, of course they are. Of course they are, absolutely. But yeah, I'm not going to lie, Rob. Oh, there we go. That's five pounds in the bloody... I think they'll let you off.

You're hungover. We've had a tough few weeks. Also, we stopped doing this for a rest. Oh, mate, I feel so much worse. I feel awful. Serves us right. Yeah, so I was lying on the floor and then Rose was... I was like, I might just go to sleep here. I feel awful. Serves us right. Yeah. So I was lying on the floor.

Yeah. And then Rose was, I was like, I might just go to sleep here. And Rose was like, you can't just go to sleep on the floor. But I, like my,

I was sweating because my body had gone into shock or something. I don't know what happened. And then I got back into bed and I couldn't get back to sleep because I was like oh my god that was so mad and Rose was quite angry and then she watched your Instagram stories and I was back in the good books yeah I mean like the end like the end part of a pandemic fingers crossed and it's like whenever I say stuff like that I really worry when someone listens to this in three years time and go yeah what they didn't know was how good it was gonna happen shake the bloody r rate um and um yeah but i think it comes around now and again and we've just let our hair down we've

had a busy horrible couple of years and we just had fun and now we're being healthy and gonna be professional josh aren't we totally so let me tell you how difficult it is to have a child during the Euros. Okay. It's the evening games that are the problem, Rob. Because he wouldn't sleep in the evening games. Oh, okay. I love five o'clock games. They're my favourite at the Euros. Yeah, five o'clock games are fine for me. I love the two o'clocks, mate.

I wish they hadn't dropped them. They should have kept the bloody two o'clocks. The group stage was fine. Once we got to the quarters, that's when i was in trouble right these 8 p.m games where i was in a dark room rocking a baby who wouldn't go to sleep and was screaming and these people that say i just listened to podcasts and stuff i couldn't listen to a podcast because my baby was screaming so instead I'm walking up and down a dark room. He's got a reflux, right?

Oh no. Oh no. Yeah. And, um, he's screaming and I'm trying to follow the 8pm games. Do you remember that night of the France group ending that amazing France group ending?

Oh yeah. With Germany and Portugal. Yeah. So I'm watching it on my phone. Right. And the problem is your phone is, because it's going through iPlayer, it's slower than people's TVs, right?

So you're behind. And obviously the thing you're watching on is the thing that people are messaging you on. So everyone is messaging about every, you can't watch it on a phone where you're getting messages about what's happening ahead of time when you're watching.

Oh yeah. It's the worst piece of kit because you're looking at the screen and then it's coming up with like oh my god i can't believe that or whatever yeah the only thing worse than that is if you've got like french or german neighbors that cheer yeah because we've got some i thought you're gonna stop that as just uh the only thing worse than that is if you've got french or german neighbors so we've been getting a lot of takeaways, Rob, for obvious reasons. Yes, yeah, yeah. Oh, mate, I think I've put a stone on. Oh, mate.

And my England shirt looked much better in the group stages. Can't do my jacket up. My jacket, I wore for the first game, could do up, can't do it up now. That is mental. It's been two weeks. Fuck's sake.

So I got home one day and Rose's friends, Susanna and James, were here so I got home one day and Rose's friends Susanna and James were here and they they'd all been for lunch and it was like 5pm so Rose was like oh we're going to have to go

and get my daughter and then do bedtime Susanna and James had a couple of drinks over lunch they were like oh we might just go for a drink in the area around here. So then, I forget about this, and then about 7 p.m., 8.30, what the fuck is going on in my mind? 7 or 8 p.m. 7 or 8 p.m., yeah, cool.

I think I'm going to go out and pick up a takeaway from the local Turkish restaurant. Josh, you sound like you're about to die. Are you all right? I'm just so... You're really taming off. It's really been tough. I'm just remembering this.

I'd been in the bedroom in the dark being screamed at for an hour. Yep. Also, the baby was there. But that's why people are tuning in to this podcast, that kind of gear. It's throwaway stuff. We do that joke, what, once every three weeks?

Yeah, but it's always good. It's always good gear. I walked out of the house, and it was like... You don't even know where you are in this, Adam. No, sorry. So I'm going to get this takeaway. I've been in this dark room being screamed at. And I walk out of the house, and it's still sunny,

and I walk past the house and it's still sunny and I walk past the local Italian and Susanna and James are on a table outside sharing a bottle of rosé and I just looked at them with so much hate I've never they didn't even spot me

they were just having a lovely time and I just walked past, got the takeaway and then walked back into the dark room to return to being screamed at. And it was, I was like, what is my life? It was just the euros was just every night was just being screamed at by a

baby. It was. And you know what? The England games were fine. Because... And I should thank Night Nannies Essex because we got Night Nannies for the England games, Rob. Oh, like babies... What do they do, Night Nannies?

Are they there all night? So, turn up at 8pm. Yep. And they looked after the baby. And I'd highly recommend it because it was the best money I've spent in my life so it's sort of like a babysitter but for a newborn so that yeah overnight yeah you're in the house and they'll bring them to you if they need feeding or whatever oh okay oh that's good it was 8 p.m

for the England 8 p.m till 6 p.m 6 a.m oh okay oh 6 a.m is brutal though, imagine if they just kick off bang on 6. Oh, they do. But it allowed us to go, we're not, for the England games. Yes, because otherwise, you're not, no one's enjoying it then,

you're both worried about it. At least you go, there's someone in charge of the baby, let's just sit and watch the game. Oh my God, it was amazing. It was pure freedom, Rob.

So, they were fine, the England games. How's your time? Apart from being a bit tired from the Euros, are you getting much sleep or is he waking up a lot? He's waking up every hour and a half, two hours. Oh, God.

Yeah, it's pretty brutal. I tell you what, we normally save this for the Friday episode, but this might make you feel better about tiredness. Yeah. Because you're so tired. I think said uh i'm being more tired than josh we're trying to find people that more tired than you aren't we yeah okay so now when my now two and a half year old was only a few weeks old i had to go to the dentist for a filling i was dreading it thinking what if she starts crying in the prayer master i'm in the middle of getting my filling done oh my god i got there lay in the chair and immediately fell'm in the middle of getting my filling done. Oh, my God. But I got there, lay in the chair, and immediately fell asleep and slept for nearly the entirety of the appointment.

Absolutely amazing. So the baby was asleep in the pram. That is astonishing. The woman, the Laura, the woman who's emailed in, fell asleep completely. The whole procedure. At the dentist. At the dentist.

And then once it had finished, the dentist let her sleep in the chair for another hour. What? The baby sleeping next to her. Because she did have an appointment, so she just left her in the chair. The dentist was very nice. And she said she didn't want to wake me at the end,

and she figured I must be tired, because I'd slept through the drilling bit that is poor laura sleeping through a filling oh man alive that is amazing magic oh god that is just amazing through a filling well done laura does that make you feel a bit better josh yeah i mean why don't you go and get filling i'm tempted rob i'm tempted oh man um we should oh i i went i went to the doctors the other day josh oh yeah i had to have a finger up my ass what my first ever medical finger have you had a medical finger up the bum um no no i don't know why i needed to pause on that you'd think you'd remember all's fine um but um i had to double check something and um it's quite the experience josh but it's got to be done i'm too young for a prostate but the geyser went in there

um asian doctor so i had to speak about romesh for half an hour just before and always happens if you thought romesh was popular you meet an asian guy especially shranken he's like god oh my god can you imagine what shranken people think of romer oh my god they love him right but obviously i'm in there and he doesn't really know he's got to do this yet because you put all your stuff into a into like an email he looks on the screen see what's what's up so he's chatting that's great isn't it when you went and saw usain bolt and he looked at the screen to see what's up. So he's chatting. He goes, oh, it's great, isn't it, when you went and saw Usain Bolt? And he looks at the screen and went, okay, the gear shift from banter of Romesh to the finger up the bum was –

I've never seen – and I'm sitting there waiting for the gear shift, thinking, how is he going to deal with this? Because he's got to go to – anyway, he went, while I'm up there, I'll give the prostate a check as well. And I'm like, while you're up there? You're not nipping to the fucking shots, mate. Anyway, all was all right. But just a bit of advice.

I thought it would be. Which finger did he use? I didn't see. I was just turned away. I was turned away like a, you know, like a rescue dog when it first arrives at Battersea. I was curled up on the bed like that. And I thought it would be shallow and slow, but it's deep and quick, Josh. Is it?

He spins you around like a Harlem Globetrotter with a basketball. I don't know if anyone would like it. And he checked the prostate. But, yeah, so it was actually all right in the end. It wasn't too bad. I was really dreading it because it's quite scary. So it so if you are if you have anyone listening get a little finger up your ass um expect him on the safe side that's my answer to be on the safe side get the finger up the ass guys that's what we need to talk about as well josh when you come around for my kids

little garden party that we had because they couldn't have birthday parties in in the winter their little garden party your daughter had quite a monumental moment didn't she what did she what did she eat her first ever she she ate her first ever happy meal Rob she'd never have a happy meal until she came to Beckett Towers there we go there's only one reason to visit really isn't it it's for the like it she did enjoy it Rob she did enjoy it didn't she but that was the first one i felt bad when i don't i don't like to be the first one do you know what i mean no don't worry about that you suddenly realize when all the children together how much they preferred that their friends to you oh yeah but that's good though isn't it really it's amazing you yeah but we're boring aren't we that we're they're much more fun the kids are rubbish in their life in their eyes because we're not we're not up for pretending to be Elsa really if we're honest with ourselves no

I mean I'll sing but I won't put the dress on no I'm excited I mean I didn't realize when you go to parties all the kids kind of look after themselves because they all just interested in each other I didn't know this going forward Josh when they go to school the way we did their party we did a party for the girls the parents drop the kid off and you say drop them off from two till five they drop them off at two and then you come back at five and then you've got three hours to yourself oh my word very interesting drop-offs some people were like oh can i just come in come in see if she's settled some people literally like chuck about the car and boot it off really interesting how did it feel to have that kind of responsibility at one point i was like if we lost one i wouldn't know

because it's like there's so many of them and they're so busy and there was just everywhere that is like oh god and then but i was i just kept on counting them all the time yeah just to make sure but there's no one for it to go in our house we've sort of got all gates up and stuff um yeah on the side so they can't even get down like the alley of the house type of thing so you know that they were all there but it was interesting seeing them all like drop off was there any child that you don't know crying situations no they're not no not really they're all fine because because they're all the same it's like they're all the same

class we just basically had her class come so they're all the same age and they all know each other so it was quite easy a bit of my youngest

it's hard for the youngest though because she was trying to be palatable but she's like a couple years younger so it was hard so I felt a bit like next time I'd get her

to bring one of her mates from preschool so that they can play because she was trying to get in but she wasn't really part of it but yeah on talking of that I'm now officially in a new whatsapp group

called year one dads oh my how is it all the school dads i mean so it's just the dads there's one for the moms there's ones for the dads i don't know i'm not i'm not i'm taking a very step back approach to admin with my kids' school. And I just sort of know that I won't do anything. And at some point I'll be bullied into doing a gig and that's fine by me. But not now. So basically, people are up for a drink. We're going to the pub.

You're going to the pub? They go organizing a pub. Are you going to go, Rob? A pub catch up. Yeah. But my problem is I've really got to, it's hard to judge what level of rob beckett you give them don't wear the bucket hat rob don't wear the bucket hat i'll wear one what do you get when you graduate i'll wear that a mortarboard mortarboard i wear a mortarboard um yes i'm going i'll let you know how that goes um oh i need to talk i need to have a little vent

because you know i'm saying it's a bit easier with my kids being old now bedtime has turned into a fucking war zone oh no absolute nightmare so two things are happening right one they're just not going to sleep right so we've tried all different things they just keep coming downstairs chancing their arm tuck me in again tuck me in again and for some reason the three-year-old's got really clingy so now whenever we leave the house if i'm like all right i'm off to work now normally they give me a kiss or whatever and then they'd go oh can we shut the door and open the door and shut the door now the the older one don't don't care really the three old is crying go kissing a hug kissing hug and just constantly sort of so like, we were like weird attachment issues to the point sometimes where she would

just like scream, like, like mad screaming, you know, like the first day you sort of drop them at a preschool and they go mental. And you just have to walk away from them. It's like that, but I'm leaving her at home. She's at home with like a mum and sister, but just goes absolutely apeshit and screaming. The other day I had to like jump in a cab because I was late and I could hear her like screaming as I was like 50 meters down the road with the cab window open oh my word and i don't

and i and then so what's going on there then i don't know i don't know but because obviously i've been at home and me and lou have both been at home near enough non-stop like everyone for last 18 months and she when we first went into lockdown she's only just two but then she's going to preschool like three times a week but she goes into preschool fine but this weird thing now if like one of us goes off she just goes into full meltdown but i don't know if it's temper or being or being a bit naughty or she's just three but she was so chilled and she'll go and stay at her grandparents stuff like that but i just don't know what to do because and that's mad yeah and it's not like we're leaving her with someone she doesn't know i'm just literally leaving her with her mum or she does it to both of us and then but yeah bedtime

bedtime's falling apart oh no not it's just not happening and they're just so tight i think we're doing too much with them because we're packing the days for and i think they get a bit too wound up and they can't sort of de-escalate because we're constantly our house what are you doing well our house is so busy and i've got we've both got big families and they do a lot of classes you know like there's a ballet camp and gymnastics camp and football and they go swimming and it's quite they've got quite busy weeks and then they've been going away they went to like his zoo like port lymph on saturday with lou and her parents and stuff and so i think they're doing a little bit too much and they're all a little bit amped up.

And I think they need a bit of quiet time of doing nothing. Do you know what I mean? So that's what I think, but I don't know. I don't know why she's going so mad. That proper like distraught screaming. Oh my God. Are you worried about like going back out on tour and all that kind of stuff?

Like it feels weird when I go away and work yeah yeah well yeah I think so a little bit but I'm I'm sort of trying to not work too much because I think I was working too much and it wasn't wasn't good from like the family of me being away that much but when you're in the middle of it you can't see the wood for the trees like before I'll do whatever anyone said for work Rob you've got to go up to Manchester for three nights I'm like okay absolutely and I didn't want to rock the boat because I was so worried that if I did I wouldn't get rebooked or as a freelancer you don't want to be difficult because then they just get someone else of course but now I've been more like yep I can do that if it means that I get up there late on the first on the Monday do all that so for example

I did a pilot for a TV thing and they you know they want you up there for like two or three nights but I said I can't do that but I can come up on the Monday afternoon so I've seen the kids in the morning and stuff and got them off to school do the rehearsal the night before then on the day the next day over one night on the next day do the show and then jump in a car or train to get back that night so I'm'm knackered and getting in late, but at least I'll get to, I'm only away one night. So I think I'm just trying to,

trying to do that more rather than just be sort of put family before work. I totally agree. Like you feel this kind of situation where you're like, you're, you feel like you don't want to be away. Don't I, but obviously in the current situation, Rob,

I also feel a huge guilt if I'm working in the evening and Rose is in the dark room with the screaming child. Yeah. Yeah. The point I did, I did celebrity tipping point, Rob. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

I can't tell you how it went, Rob. Obviously that's Stephen Mulhern's rolling in it. Oh yeah. That's coming out as well, but I can't see where that went. Oh my God, this is like a weird ITV big dick quiz competition.

Yeah, I do some work as well. I did the chase. Have you done the chase? I've not done the chase, Rob. Yes, I've done the chase. Beat the cinema, and he's still annoyed about it. Did you? You beat the cinema.

I think I should have gambled. Anyway, carry on. So I did Tipping Point, and it was filming at 10am in Bristol they were like we can get you a lovely hotel in Bristol and then you can come in the morning booked that all up and then like two days before I was like I just can't leave

Rose to do this on her own in the evening with the bad sleep as well and so I took the alternative option Rob and the alternative option rob and the alternative option was the 6 a.m train from paddington oh my god and i'm not gonna i'm not gonna lie to you there we go it was brutal right so here's my take on this right yeah i totally agree because you don't want to like you know you want to be there during the night and help but what am i what am i achieving rob what are you achieving apart from

when you get back from tipping point or whatever it is you tipping point you're both going to be exhausted so my argument would be if you go that night before and have the hotel and then you're up and fresh and you're tipping point you've had a good night's sleep you've done some work and then you come home you're going to become home refreshed and ready to parent and then you could even say to what me and Lou do because I do go away with work a lot I'll say to her like on Saturday she did it um and I had the kids was you go out with friends and stay in a hotel even though it's not for work but have a bit of you time and in that way it's even then so you get that you can enjoy that

time rather than feeling guilty at our hotel in bristol for work and she can and then rose can do it another yeah but i don't know if she's if she's still breastfeeding that's difficult yeah i think that would have been the logical way to do it it was almost like it wasn't it was almost like my own inbuilt guilt yeah stopped me doing it so i ended, I had to set my alarm for 5 a.m. Oh, my God, to go to Bristol. To go to Bristol. It's not like you're flying somewhere. No, not exactly.

What time did you get back then? I was back by, like, 2 p.m. Fucking hell, what a morning that is. It was mad. You must have been on that train just going, what is my... This happened to me once right i got a train to the this place i'll do the preview and i think it was somewhere like him or hempstead or something like that right it took about an hour on the train i've got the train right and the train arrived at

10 to 8 i got off the train walked five minutes to a venue my show was at eight o'clock right i did an hour on stage and then left the stage and then got on the five past nine train home and i was like i was on the train longer than i was at the gig you don't just sometimes you just sit on a train going how's that so just imagine you on the train back to badington at one o'clock going i've just done television it is so weird you're just like is this how i should work all the time just get get all my work done i'm i'm done by 11 a.m it was just surreal that's what i'm struggling with a bit because of lockdown and you know if you don't work in evenings or work shifts right and you've got kids you're in bed by 9 10 aren't you really it just it just grinds you down you're knackered

but now i'm back on tour. I went out and did a gig the other night, and I was leaving the house at 6, and I went to Lou, I can't do this. She went, what, what, what? Are you worried about doing gigs? I went, no, I can do the gigs. The shows are going really well.

I love doing comedy. I'm good at it. I just can't work in the evening. I can't physically. The thought of going out and starting work at 8 till 10 is like, I've just got to get back into it. But I was like, Jesus Christ, I've been up at 6. I can't do it.

We did a last leg at 11pm the other day because of the England-Scotland game. Do you know what time Peter Crouch's show started? Oh, mate. 5 past 12. What? 5 past 12 at midnight for half an hour. Oh, my word. Poor son.

It was so hard for him to try and get any energy up after that. I am. So when we do Last Lag, I used to stay and drink, right? Yeah. But now there's no green room, right? Obviously now for obvious reasons. But there's like these picnic tables outside the BBC where people hang around. I finished the show

and after about 10 minutes the energy has so drained from me that I just get in the car and this is pathetic, Rob. I put my headphones in and I was like, none of the music that I like,

I can't think of any band I like that is ever low energy enough for me to enjoy it at this point. And I just wrote the words into Spotify, relaxing classical. It's horrible. You're so tired. When you get so tired,

you lose your personality. Yeah. Who am I? I do that all the time. I was like, what is it that I like? so tired you don't you when you get so tired you lose your personality yeah yeah who am i yeah i do that all the time i was like what is it that i like i don't know what i like anymore especially with like food and stuff because i just go wherever it's easy for the kids when i'm left to my own devices i don't know what it is i do what is it i do when i'm not at work or looking after the kids. And then every time I come back from the last leg,

I was like half 12 or whatever, and you're going through Shoreditch, and I'm literally sat in a car listening to Relaxing Classical, and there's the piss heads in the street, Rob. And you're like, You need to move. You need to move. It's too much fun there for you. You just want a relaxing classical.

I just want a relaxing classical. You need a market town, mate. I just want to pour myself a long bath, have a flake and relax. You want Anthony Turner's life. I want to be Anthony Turner. That's who I want to be, mate. Right. We've been life i want to be anthea turner that's who i want to be right um right um we've been blabbering on for ages no sorry i'll tell you what let's do i've got this one instagram story i might make you feel better um about parenting lows this anonymous um

don't know why it's nothing too bad um this is a should anyone else that's struggling at the moment parenting lows just listen to the ep about being tired parenting loads just listen to the ep about being tired and just listen to the ep about being tired and the discussion on parenting low points we have a new baby boy i was so tired last week i burst out crying because i convinced myself my son couldn't understand english and maybe he spoke a different language to us and we now can't communicate. This is the best bit. He's seven weeks old. Oh, dear. Please send in any more apparently low points or if anyone's more tired than Josh

or the lady that fell asleep during the dentist appointment. When we were at a low ab last, not last night, the night before, Rose Googled how long should a seven weekweek-old be sleeping for,

and it didn't help. What's the answer? Well, the internet said they could do up to six hours in a row. And what, you want every one and a half hours? One and a half to two hours, yeah. That is really bad. Yeah. When does it change?

It can't get much worse than that, with them just being awake all the time. Yeah. I don't know when it changes, mate. When does it change? I do think baby sleeping is luck of the draw. There's certain things you can do to help or make it worse, but some are good sleepers and some aren't. So don't beat yourself up about it.

I'm not beating myself up. I just need it to change. I just need it to change. I just need it to change, Rob. Oh, my God. Someone needs to do something about this. Someone, this has got to stop. This is unacceptable. This has got to stop.

You've got to make a stand. Start a petition. My friend's got a baby who is four months who sleeps through, but his three-year-old is such a bad sleeper that it makes the good sleeping baby completely useless. Oh, yeah, it's a non-starter. His three-year-old the other day started the day at 10 past four. A.M.?

A.M. 10 past effing four. My mum reckons I woke up at 4am every day for 6 years oh my god yeah she also had one that was my other brother was 6 years older than me

and another one 2 years younger than me and I woke up at 4am every day oh my god and now you've got the cheek to do a parenting podcast where you complain about your own children she's savage with me though if i ever moan she goes yep she loves it she really enjoys the fact that when mine uh get up early and says sir if you're right like i had any control over it oh dear well we've got a small business shout out josh oh i was just gonna assault you rob beckett

oh no oh god there's gonna be so many of them after the Euros. Oh, come on. Tuesday evening, some friends and I were leaving Wembley. Okay. All, obviously, on cloud nine. Okay.

As we walked around the ground towards the tube station, a mate of mine splintered off. He had a brief exchange with another fan and walked back over with an expression that was half smiling,

half shocked. When asking what had happened, I presume you've got no memory of this, Rob. I spoke to a lot of people at the football, and also England fans are very drunk and loud. Yeah. I was in aggression mode, I imagine. When asking what happened,

he told us that he'd seen the one and only Rob Beckett. He started with the standard, I don't mean to bother you, before being cut off by Rob with the response, but you do though, don't you? And that was where the exchange ended. Oh, no. I was doing that as fun.

I was laughing. I had fun with everyone. I haven't seen Rob's's story the following day. All the pieces fell into place. No, no. This is my strategy when I go football. I'll have a photo of you and say hello and all that, but I will mess about and give you shits.

I didn't mean that. I had about 5,000 photos, mate. It was ridiculous. Oh, all social distance, of course. No, it was none of that. oh all social distance of course no

it was none of that but sorry if it came across as rude I was only messing about no he says I should say that nothing in the world

could have offended us after seeing us beat Germany at Wembley love the show guys cheers James Nash I'd say when I go football it's a considered salt yes

it's a you've got to you've got to almost pre-salt haven't you? Oh, yeah. And I reckon I said the C word probably about 20,000 times in a sort of in a like a generous fun way.

Yeah. I said it quite a lot last night and it wasn't in a generous fun way. God. Right, let's stop talking about last night. Right, small business shout out. Yes, go on. Hi, Rob and Josh. Thanks for the great podcast.

Listening to some good English humor has made me feel closer to home whilst living in Germany. It also gave me some much needed perspective during lockdown by showing me it would be worse with kids. However, the tables have turned as I am now eight months pregnant with my first baby. Congratulations. Listening to Joshua for the past few weeks has been equal parts hilarious and horrifying. So thanks for that. I'd love it if you could give a shout out to my aunt's toy shop in Billericay, Essex.

She specializes in sensory toys for children of autism, Asperger's syndrome and anxiety related issues and spends a lot of time researching and sourcing the items herself. She's so passionate about what she does. And her website is to the moon and back toys. Instagram to the digit moon momsums to moon mums on insta thanks so much best wishes from charlotte um not sure if this will swing it for me but i've pre-ordered both books i've just read that and it would have swung it for you um but you didn't need to already out anyway um yeah so um yeah to the moon and back toys yeah because there's not enough good toy shops out there so go and support the toy shops yeah kids love a toy shop uh hello could you do our small business shout out please we've been running just over a year and would really appreciate it and then they've done the emoji

with the hands like a praying symbol which is a bit much but you know it's nice you know if there's an emoji there use it why not exactly why not they've used some more in a minute i'll tell you what they've used in a minute our story is we invented a floating bath tray for kids called bath buddy to use in the bath stroke hot tub to enhance play time please check it out if you have a minute it's www.thebathbuddy.co.uk the good news is during tough times it also doubles up as a floating alcoholic beverage holder and then they've used the red wine emoji, the beer emoji, and the smiling emoji. Oh, love it. Emojied up to the max.

Love it. Me and my wife love listening to your show, and we have two kids, a girl aged four, a little boy aged 16 months. So you can understand, we have our moments. The podcast helps ease the burden during such tough times. Please keep up the good work. Cheers, guys. That's www.thebathbuddy.co.uk.

Wicked. Well, thanks for listening, guys. We'll be back on Friday with a guest. I'm not sure who the guest is. We've got quite a few in the bank, haven't we? So we'll work that one out. Yeah. There'll be another great interview on Friday,

and we'll be back on Tuesday with another one of these. See you then. Cheers, guys.