Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP10: Pat Sharp

Episode Date: August 13, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP10: Pat SharpJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is a broadcasting legend. Presenter, DJ, once the owner and the most spectacular hair cut in showbiz and most importantly of all, host of iconic kids TV show Fun House. It's our absolute pleasure to welcome Pat Sharp to the show. Pat's brilliant book 'Re-run the Fun' is available now and we highly recommend it. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Josh Whittakin? Josh Whittakin. And Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Josh Whittakin. Me.

You're Josh Whittakin. No, because Josh Whittakin is Elsie. There we go. That is Elsie, who is three and thinks she is Josh Whittakin. Oh, bless her. She sounded cute. Yeah, she was nice, wasn't she? What's her vibe?

What's she up to? She's the daughter of Anthony and Tilly. That's all we've got. Tony and Tilly. Tony and Tilly. I don't think they like Tony and Tilly. No, he was called Tony until he got together with someone called Tilly and then he thought, I'm going to have to go longer here,

aren't I? Yeah, Tony and Tilly are the kind of people you'd meet at an all-inclusive. Were they in the caravan park? Tony and Tilly. Yeah, that kind of vibe. They'd be from Lancaster, not Manchester. Lancaster. Live out in the countryside a little bit. They go to Manchester for a big shop, like, you know, if it's

a birthday. And, yeah, they'd been down to London a few shop like you know if it's a birthday and um yeah they've been down to london a few times but they they just they just love malaga they've gone there every year for 20 years how are you rob i'm all right actually it's been busy it's been all right it's been busy um but good good it's just it's just a lot of lots of children isn't it the summer holidays so all those moments when you are in between work or meetings and stuff, you have a bit of quiet, there is a child so near your face. Do you know what I mean? And I made the mistake of saying once,

when they wanted something and I was trying to make them love me, I said, what are the rules in the summer holidays? There are no rules. Which the five-year-old has remembered like i said it every day for 10 years there's got to be rules in six weeks rob i know but i i know that now it's six there aren't i know there aren't rules the purge lasts 24 hours rob it doesn't last six weeks that's like that thing isn't there's a yes day in america where you just whatever your kids want to do you say yes for 24 hours and it's right would and then it's just like you do mad stuff yeah but i've done it for six weeks six

weeks having so much sugar six weeks rob oh god also i'm trying to not drink right but then every day about 11 a.m i go all i want is a cold pint but you can't have that every day at 11 a.m no you can't have that any day at 11 a.m unless you can't have that any day at 11 a.m unless unless you're on a stag do no holiday 11 a.m is all right isn't it is it no it's not is it my problem is if i have a if i have a drink in the day you've got you're such a lightweight though josh no but the terrible one pint two pint i just i just feel shit after that can you reset and you know fine do you know how stiff neck the comedy industry is was when like i've known you I just, I just feel shit after that. Can you reset? I'm fine. Do you know how stiff neck the comedy industry is?

Was when like, I've known you that much. It was like, yeah, Josh is a bit of a drinker. He likes a night out. Right. And you used to like a night out.

You like to night out and you'd be out boozing. Right. And then I drunk with you. You have four pints and you're sick. Yeah. So anyway, to keep going. Okay.

Then you do keep going, but it's because you've only ever got four pints in your belly. Yeah, one, two, three, four, back to zero. One, two, three, four, back to zero. I think working class people are just better at drinking. Oh, yeah, I think they are. Because the amount of middle class comedy people that I've met that go, yeah, I had a drink problem at 18.

And I'm like, did you? Or was you just 18? Because if you're middle class, that's a problem. If you're working class, you're just 18. And I'm like, did you? Or was you just 18? Because if you're middle class, that's a problem. If you're working class, you're just 18. You know those people and they go, I can't, man.

I had a problem at 18. I go, did you? Fuck. You had a middle class problem at 18. What were you drinking at 18? When I was at 18, when I was at uni,

so I was at uni at 18, I didn't used to get hangovers. I'd have like 10 pints and half a bottle of whiskey on a night out which is mental i used to before i'd go out i'd drink a bottle of i'd go and buy to go to the sainsbury's and buy the reduced bottle of white wine and i'd just drink the whole bottle and that was before i went out so i'd try and drink i'd probably drink about half a bottle of whiskey before i went out. And then 10 pints is probably a lie. I probably might have caged in, but not very often.

But then would have like loads of just loads of beer and then shots. But I can't remember what I was drinking because it was all like a quid and like watered down. I vividly remember one night when I went out to a place in Manchester called Fifth Avenue, which was a... Tony and Tilly love it there. No, they don't, mate. and it like tony and tilly love it there i don't they don't mate it's a it's a uh it's a student uh kind of student e indie club and on a wednesday it'd be a quid for a vodka red bull but it wasn't red bull it was like you know oh yeah one two three go-go juice yeah yeah exactly and i i had 16 of them and then i i was walking home and I went for a piss down an alleyway 16 of them I could

tell because I was paying a pound a time and I had four quid left yeah and um and then I went for a piss down an alleyway and there was an empty bottle there and I I remember pissing in that bottle and then the next day I was walking to uni and I walked past the alleyway and that bottle was glowing like the yellow of that bottle was like a color I've never seen in my life before was it Barocca was it Barocca yellow it was it was like it was something from the x-men it was like it was astonishing that bottled water from Chernobyl those were the days Rob those were the days you could get away with that behavior couldn't you these days I am it's it's mad how different

my life is these days in terms of i had a pint last night when i did the gig and i was like do i really need this or is this going to impact how i feel when i'm watching the olympics at 5 55 tomorrow morning you want to be clear-headed to watch that you know speedball running exactly i want to be able to concentrate on the climbing the modern pentathlon doesn't watch itself exactly um all right josh i've got this really good play date email and also you want to talk about party bags we do party bags first i was just interested in your take on my party bags because i thought you'd absolutely destroy me for them no you've been so mean to. I want to hear about your party bags. What party bags have you got for your daughter's birthday?

So, so far the party bags contain crayons. Yeah. Happy with that? What is the bag? It is a rainbow coloured paper bag.

Paper? Not plastic? Rob, this is the thing. I'm catering for East London parents here. No, you're not. You're catering for children that don't give a fuck about the environment mate mate mate mate mate there's no way i there's no way i can put a bottle of oasis anywhere near these bags mate what what we did we got we got canvas bags that had some felt tips attached you could color in

the back oh my word i mean they were quite big what i did is i went on amazon i looked what was uh what was on prime and that was these and then what so you've got some crayons in there crayons pom bears pom bears that's fine so what are you doing catering wise just what's in the because the party bag i thought you got given at the end you do with sweets and stuff in it yeah but you're you've put pom bears in the part i didn't assume part pom bears would be a part of the catering. The Pombez is just making up the numbers. It's just making up the numbers in the bag.

What's the food at the event? What's the food at the event? Well, it's 2 p.m., Rob. So everyone's going to have eaten. So I've been to three of these. They don't really cater them much. So we're just going to go sandwiches, crisps, and a cake. Just a few sandwiches and crisps and stuff just for us to pick out yeah okay that sounds

fine yeah yeah i'm down with that and then uh one of those uh those curled up fruit whip things that you see in the organic shops okay so that's in the party bag i knew it'd wind you up, Rob. I think you need to rename the bag. The guilt box. The moment I ordered them, I thought, Beckett is going to be livid. What's the paper bag look like? It's rainbow coloured. Oh, it's got a rainbow colour. It's not just like brown. No, no, no.

It looks like. No, it looks. It's rainbow coloured. I typed in party bags on Amazon. I didn't type in paper bags. It looks a bit like the kind of thing you'd put sweets in at the cinema. So what else should I put in my party bag, Rob? Is that you? No, no, no.

Jesus fucking Pombe. Sounds like you're having a clear out of your drawers. No, I'm going to go to the toy shop. I'm thinking stickers, tattoos, Powerballs. Love it. I'm back in the game. Yeah. I think you're padding it out with the Pombe's and the yo-yos. stickers, tattoos, power balls. Love it. I'm back in the game. Yeah.

I think you're padding it out with the Pombears. Yeah. And the yo-yos. I don't think you need to put the yo-yos. Oh, is that what they're called? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you've got to put

some kind of sweets in, but I think... Put some fucking sweets in. I think you're going to get a lot of shit from the East London parents if you put some proper sweets in there, Rob.

The day the East London parents are happy with me is the day I'm doing it wrong. That's what we did. We bought loads of inflatable balloons, you know, like helium balloons that are animals and tied a little string around them and then they could walk them home. Yeah. And they're weighed down. And that's all plastic and helium and helium's running out.

But you know what? Who cares? I mean, that's a great idea. That's a great idea. I'm not getting around to it because I'm not going to be able to take them to the park. The kids love that.

I'm not going to be able to... Taking them back to the park, that's like a sort of, like a sketch from a sitcom with them all blowing about. Yeah. I mean, it's the... Only Fools and Horses

run with the two inflatable women in the back of the car. But they do love them. So we normally... What we did, we had that canvas bag we just put some bubbles in it and loads of bubbles is a winner i'm gonna go bubbles especially at the park bubbles is a winner and then we didn't put we didn't put we put a little bag of harry bow in

um and a slice of cake but nothing are you doing a cake yeah you'd have been thrown out of hackney the moment that harry bow was smelt rob you're not allowed harry bow you'll be you'd have been thrown across the border into Tower Hamlets before. I've got the halal ones. Come on guys. I'm trying. It's like the veggie Percy pigs. I do like the veggie Percy pigs though. But yeah, so that...

I don't think you should worry too much. Would you give your daughter Harry Bow? Yeah, of course. Exactly. So who cares? I like winding them up though yeah like all the parents you love that mate yeah love that i just want to be popular i just want i just want them not to remember me for getting a black cab to nursery that's what i want rob you want to be part of them don't you what i don't want to do is get out monday morning get out the black cab someone say have you got any haribo in that black cab absolute hammer blow here he is willy wonka the old sugar factory we tried to get kids to sleep

actually one of them's lost the tooth we've got three you know three of them they're still in bed stomach pains do you know what i think that's all right i don't think you need the pom bears in a party bag i think that's no i'll be honest with you rob i'm already working my way through the pom bears i don't think they'll be there by next saturday anyway you're panic packing the bag just get some balloon bubbles sorry and all that are you gonna have balloons you'll have balloons is that yeah no i'll just go i'll just go into the local toy shop and i will be buying all of those extra little bits the bubbles the bubbles tattoos. I think the tattoos are fine. Tattoos are great, but you need a water source and tissue at the park.

But I suppose you're giving them at the end, aren't you? Giving them at the end. That's fine. Yeah, exactly. Okay, that's fine, yeah. Yeah. Okay, cool. I think that sounds great.

And you've got a balloon, a bubble guy come in. Well, it's a general entertainer. They do a variety of different entertaining activities. Okay, fair enough. And you've got them there for how long, the whole time? And we've got soft play. You've got soft play, the entertainer. How long?

A three-hour party, is it? Or no end time? Yeah, well, it's normally three hours. You can't really tell someone when to leave a park. It's very difficult. It's very difficult to say, I'm sorry. It's finished now. And they're going, but we want to go to the swings.

The party's finished. I said at five, leave. No, but my daughter wants to go. Here are your Pombez. Fuck off. You've got crisps. Now fuck off home. God, it's her birthday.

But no, I don't think that's too bad. I think you're just sort of Josh panicking about the Pombez, but I think that's good. Paper bag's better. I would go paper bag or canvas bag over plastic bag. There's not much in the price and it's better for the environment. I'm not that much of an animal.

The thing with a plastic pie bag, it's very difficult to use it as a bag for life. You're not going to get many shopping trips out of that little pie bag. No, I think paper is fine.

I just think sometimes structurally it's more sound. Exactly. Exactly. Do you want this email? Yeah, and then we'll bring on our guest. We'll bring on our guest.

Bring on. All right, mate. Looking Parkinson. All right. Okay. Here we go. Nightmare play date story. You've got to strap in for this.

There's a lot to take in, but it's absolutely sensational. Okay. This is from Haji85. Hi, Rob and Josh. Recently, you spoke about play dates and I want to share a nightmare one we had. We live in Shanghai and my husband made a friend with a lovely bloke made a friend with what made friends with that with a lovely bloke um made a friend with a lovely bloke like he went in double-handed to find someone we're living in Shanghai and my husband made a friend with a lovely bloke after joining a local

cycling club I am a oh s-a a, oh, stay at home mum. S-A-H-M. Is that like a mum's net thing? Yeah. S-A-H-M. Yeah. Stay at home mum. I hope so, unless I am.

I'm a Sam. I'm a Sam. I'm a Sam. I love Sams. I'm a Sam to our four-year-old son. So I was keen to get the families together, as it can be hard to make friends when you're newly arrived in a foreign city when you're some when you've newly arrived in a foreign city the other couple have a daughter who is seven years old which wasn't an ideal age gap but we

made it work so about five pay so about five play dates deep i invited them all over for a meal to our apartment which is brand spanking new and is entirely white walls something was off the moment they arrived if the wife arriving first with the daughter and the husband arriving some 30 minutes later, the daughter was being particularly naughty and clearly didn't want to be at ours playing babysit to our four year old. Cause what seven and four is quite a big gap. If they're not sort of on the same wavelength.

I noticed in our son's room that the paper lampshade had been written on with his name in clearly very advanced handwriting i knew it must have been the seven-year-old but seeing as i was it was only on a paper lampshade and things were already tense i didn't say anything yeah so the next day i noticed my son's name has been written on the walls in several places around the apartment and also on the white duvet in the guest room as it it's a service department, we have the bedding changed once a week. So the maid was getting annoyed that the bedding was being daubed on. And by now, I was pretty peed off that their daughter had been so naughty.

So my frustration, I messaged the other mum to say, sorry to write this, but if my son done it, I would absolutely want to know. So I could fix it and make sure it doesn't happen again. But I think your daughter's been writing all over the apartment anyway she messaged back saying she messaged back only saying send me a photo of what was written that was it josh oh my word no you know no pleasantries just oh my word oh i i just i just cut and run at that point i immediately well this lady has not cut and run. She's in deep.

I immediately knew she was going to deny that her daughter had done it. I was right. She messaged me back. My daughter says it wasn't her. Your son must be more advanced than he's letting on. So now she's accusing the four-year-old of lying and being more advanced. Oh, my word. And so the lady said, yes, my four-year-old son,

who can barely brush his own teeth, has been hiding from us and his school teachers that, in fact, he is a handwriting savant who could apparently write at exactly the same wall height as a tall seven-year-old. Oh. So, you know, she's angry now. So we messaged back and forth, and I refused to accept that it was my son, as he can she's angry now. So we messaged back and forth, and I refused to accept that it was my son,

as he can't write his name. And finally, the mother sends me a handwriting analysis. A handwriting analysis? That she's had done by her own company employee, who is qualified in handwriting analysis, as proof once and for all that it was my son and not her daughter. Needless to say. That is insane.

Absolutely manic. Also, that is was my son and not her daughter. Needless to say. That is insane. Absolutely manic. Also, that is not a fair person to go to. No, also, as well, even in a year of my daughter being at school from four, now she's four and a half, her writing has improved dramatically. So another three years, it's going to be, because there's kids in her class who can write like, it looks amazing. Anyway, so needless to say, I decided, while I was a bit of a karen sending the text in the first place this woman certainly doubled up on the crazy and totally over overreacted to prove her child was not a total

brat insane and i couldn't message her back to tell her she was nuts because she blocked me she blocked her this is a five day in there there's five, five play dates they've had. Oh my God. It's mad, isn't it? This is insane. We've had a few play dates. Just do the zoo. Just do the zoo.

You love the five hours at the zoo, but you couldn't believe how long, because you're a big park guy, aren't you, Josh? No, I'm not. You're over the park now.

The park is repetitive, Rob. It is repetitive, but where you are, it's great if you want you know it's a great fancy cocktail in a locally sourced pub but there's not those to do for kids you have to travel a bit further well i don't i don't know what what your kids are doing in your local area jump air jump five minute drive. Trampolining. What's air jump? Trampoline. Exactly, mate. You are so zone two.

Mate, we've got Westfield 10 minutes away. Westfield's insane. Mate, air jump. You've not been to an air jump yet? Trampoline park? We've not been to Westfield. It's got three escalators. Yeah, but we've got blue water.

We've got Go Ape, mate. You hate Go Ape. You think it's too much money for climbing on ropes. But I've got it if I want it. I'm just saying there's not as many options where you live for kids. Josh, let's not fall out over this. This is a very great working relationship we've got. But I'm just saying, Victoria Park is a great park.

I'm going to block you. I'm going to block you. That's the only way this can end. And your daughter's been writing her name on my walls. But no. But the London Zoo is great. I admit that. And I'm happy you had five hours.

Yeah. Would you have confronted the woman? I probably just wouldn't have invited them around again. I sort of think what you're getting out of it. One, just paint it white. Kids write on walls. My daughter wrote her name on the wall 20 times. It just happens.

The kid's been seven and been a bit naughty. So just like cut them out. white kids right on walls my daughter wrote a name on the wall 20 times it just happens the kids being seven and being a bit naughty so just like cut them out i'm not a big confrontation let's have it out type person i'll just just sort of bin someone off yeah much easier much easier um anyway listen next week where me and ellis james will be hosting parenting hell um who have we got today we have got an absolute banger of a guest josh and i feel like seeing as you've written a book about tv in the 90s it's only fair that you introduce this guy we should also mention that he's got a book out called rerun the fun uh if i mean they know they know who it is because in the episode title is pat sharp so there's a certain demographic who

are going to listen to this that are probably going to be more excited about pat sharp so there's a certain demographic who are going to listen to this that are probably going to be more excited about pat sharp than any other guest we have i'd say as well he exceeds expectations where sometimes you get like a legend of of the 90s and they're a bit quiet and a bit boring he's got loads of banner oh he's great i loved him. This is Pat Sharp. Hello, Pat Sharp. I was going to try and do a It's Friday Afternoon. Get ready for the week. Pat, do you want to do an intro to this one? It feels like you're the most qualified to start a podcast in an upbeat manner.

Here we go. Here we go. You'll like this. Friday afternoon, even if it's not, welcome to the weekend. This is where it starts with the Parenting Hell podcast starring Pat. That's a lot of Ps. That's incredible. Is that just experience or did you learn that somewhere?

I just learned to jock it, Rob, really. I just jocked it. I went to America on a skateboard when i was 19 and listened to the radio and came back and turned up the echo at capital and from the top of the tower we're smashing the tunes that's so true it is an american style actually because you do it a bit more delicately it doesn't seem like a american i got a bit older so i've chilled out a bit now that i'm on greatest hits radio so i'm more laid back uh but still upbeat still upbeat but when i was 25 it was like you know people used to say i loved that what you did but i didn't get it what was it all about you know what

did you say just energy but that's the thing though it's like having that energy i think energy is good for anything you do including like work or being a parent it's when you're you're knackered you can't do it and how many kids you got pat what's your what's your setup now you got grown up kids yeah we have three kids and we have two grandchildren and one month or five weeks. Wow. Yeah, and another one due in September. How has it been, a granddad? Oh, it's great.

Yeah, it's really good. We have a beautiful, beautiful granddaughter, beautiful grandson, and another granddaughter on the way. And I love it. I mean, I love being called grandpa, and I like being young enough to sort of you know um not look like a grandpa i see some some of the dads out there and i think wow you must be grandpa too and they go no no no that's my kid not my grandson so those ones always look so know, they think it's a bit older and they're just fucked. Absolutely knackered. I see them in the park and I'm running around and, you know,

I'm just going to turn 60 and they're like, give us a break. Do you get called on to do a lot of grandpa-based babysitting? We do and we love it because, to be honest with you, you know one of our grandchildren kaya our oldest one the two-year-old is actually in america because our son lives in new york with his wife and they're there so we don't see them all the time especially with what's been going on so when we get called to babysit our five-week-old one we're there and we often don't want to give him back really to be honest with you and you got another one on the way as well yeah but that's another one in america so i need the our british kids to really well they're all british but i need the ones who live here to really you know snap into it and get a few more kids here

so um and with um having grown up kids you know this this is not a good tip for life, I'd say, but some people have said to me that, you know, when they're grown up, you're just worrying about them in a different way. Do you find, like, what's it like being the parent of grown-up kids? How often are you thinking about them? Is it dominating your life in the way it did when they were children? It doesn't dominate your life, Josh, but you are absolutely right. You're never going to stop worrying about your kids,

and you're never going to stop lending them money and getting them a start on the property ladder and just being there to help them, I suppose. And you always do that because they are your kids. So anything you think that you guys are spending now, believe me, it never ends. It just keeps on going. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Oh, no. That's not what I want to hear, Pat. Well, it gets bigger. I mean, the sums get bigger, don't they? A deposit on a house is not exactly, you know, a train set, is it? Do you feel like, was you working loads or was you off work when the kids were small?

Did you see a lot of them or was it a bit tight? Because you were all over the place on telly, I imagine, when they were younger. Yeah, I was working a lot and I still am to this day to pay for the extra bits that I just mentioned. So therefore, it never stops. But I did see them a lot, yeah. I was a pretty good hands-on dad and I think my missus would agree with that. And I loved it. I mean, I took Nicky.

When Nicky was a kid, he was very funny because he was probably, say, two or three years old, probably three, three or four maybe. And we would go to sort of Chessington World of Adventures, and then someone would come up. And there obviously were no selfies in those days because then nobody had a camera. So they would say, can I get your autograph? And I'd say, well, I haven't got a pen. And they'd go, well, I've got one. And they'd find a pen in a handbag or whatever, and you'd do one. And then another person would come along, and they'd get your autograph.

And then a big line would start. And by the time you got to the end of the line, there'd be people going, yeah, can I get your autograph? And I'd go, sure, what's your name? And they went, yeah, what's yours? And I went, well, why do you want my autograph? They'd go, well, because everyone else did. And I said, all right. And then by that time, Nicky, who was obviously about a foot tall or maybe too far i don't know i can't remember

how big kids are anymore but he was a little boy and he would be tugging at my trousers and he got so used to hearing people saying my name that he said for goodness sake pat sharp hurry up he goes i want to go on the rides. And that was how he grew up. He grew up calling me Pat Sharp because of people going, Pat Sharp. So I never got called Dad. I was just Pat Sharp to Nicky, and he's 34 now. But now he calls me Dad, so thank heavens for that.

Oh, that's nice. Eventually. As a kind of celebrity in that world, did you like, when you're going to chestington world adventure are you are you queuing in those situations or has the family got special perks well we did have uh some moments where they you're you're gonna think this is really pretentious and your listeners are gonna go what a dick but they closed the theme park for us and we got in either early or late like Tom Cruise.

Like Tom Cruise. I mean, because at one point, Pat, I would say he was one of the most famous TV presenters in the country, easily. Well, kids' TV, you know, yeah. I never really – Yeah, but then I think actually kids' TV makes you mega famous because they grow up with you, and then they see you on other things.

So it's like they've all seen you, and it's sort of's a different bond i find they're really you've summed that up rob there's an amazing affinity with kids tv presenters because i can go into a room where there's somebody of say you know your guy's age and there's graham norton and the person who's coming over will probably come up to me as a kids tv presenter before they go to graham norton because it's part of their childhood. Yeah. And they remember you from a time when they didn't have, you know,

relationship, mortgage, rent, this, that, job worries and everything else. They just remember chucking down their school bag on a Friday afternoon and, you know,

and watching me and the twins and some bright colors and a bit of gunge. I mean, what's not to like? What age were your kids when all that was going on were they fans of the show are they too young or too old no i can't remember the timeline nicky was spot on our oldest son he was spot on he was about the right age and a little bit younger than the contestants they were around about 12 or 13 it was probably about it started nicky was born in 86 the show started in 89 so by the time the show was sort of 93, 94, he was a prime candidate fan.

He used to come to some of the recordings. And we made Funhouse, the whole series for each year was made in one week at Scottish Television. Really? Yeah, so we would go for seven days. I'd take the time off capital and then for seven days we would go to Scotland and we would do one in the morning, one in the afternoon, two times 70 is 14 series done for a whole year.

So I've only ever spent 10 weeks of my life doing fun house. It's mad, isn't it? And then it can sort of, you know, define someone and be such a big show. I know, you know,

isn't that mad? Cause I, you know, I mentioned this, uh, when I last spoke to Josh and I said to him that, uh know you know mad isn't that mad because i you know i mentioned this uh when i last spoke to josh and i said to him that uh you know people will come up to me and say in a burly voice a great big guy at a dj set and go you made my childhood and i'm going i'm going well that's just as well isn't it and uh you know so and you think about it that people come up and also say

to me not my name they just look at me and go, Funhouse. I mean, the best story I've ever got of that one was at the Nordhoff Robbins Music Awards lunch in about early 2000s. And Posh was there, as in Victoria Beckham, and with David. And they were sitting at a table and they had people around them so that people couldn't go up to them. Because they were sort of the flavor of the month at the time and they didn't want everybody coming up to them and they couldn't eat their lunch and blah blah blah so at one point I sort of glanced over and and she smiled which she doesn't do a lot as you know and she and she wagged her finger in a way to say beckon you over like this and I

thought oh I went over I went hi she goes hi I just want to say that I heard you on the radio the other day and you were mentioning my autobiography learning to fly and it was so nice you were so kind about me and you weren't rude about me or David or anything like that it was just really nice and David was in the bathroom and he and he heard it as well and while she was saying all this to me I just focused on her eyes and he was grinning and leaning over her shoulder next to her looking at me just smiling so and he was grinning and leaning over her shoulder next to her looking at me just smiling so i then looked look around and i went oh that's great who's your friend and um and she said oh that's my husband davey and i went all right yeah and he was obviously the england captain at the time and and you know probably equally as famous as he

is now and uh and he looked at me and literally in his voice he just went, Funhouse. And I went, yes, it is, David. It is Funhouse. So growing up then, did your kids love it and they were like proud that their dad was doing Funhouse and all the kids knew who you were? Or is it a little bit of a bore for them and a bit tiresome? I wonder. I don't know. I've never really asked them. I think they just think that that's what I did and that's what it was.

I lived in a Funhouse with these two cheerleaders, a couple of blonde twins, and my wife didn't mind. Their mum was fine with it. Yeah, look, you must get so many comments about the twins. It's ridiculous, isn't it? Well, the best comment I ever get, and it's the standard one that I'm sure you know is coming, literally, and they just say, you know, people at a gig, they'll just say, like, shag the twins.

I go, well, I've given up denying, so I just go, yes, and their mother. And, you know, and they go, oh, yeah, good on you, mate. Yeah, can't blame you for that. Can't blame you for that. It's amazing. It is sometimes easier just to just let people have what they want to hear. People go, oh, I think you went to school with my husband. I'm like, all right.

And they show me a photo of him. I'm like, well, he didn't look. He wasn't a 45-year-old father of two at school. And I used to go, I don't remember. Now I go, oh, yeah, I'm like, well, he didn't look, he wasn't a 45-year-old father of two at school. And I used to go, I don't remember now, and go, oh, yeah, I know him. Even though I know the amount of people I've agreed I went to school with. Yes. And I get the people who lie as well. They go, yeah, I was on Funhouse

class of 92, you know. And I go, oh, right, yeah. How was it for you? What team were you on? What colour? They go, oh, green team. I go, well, it's only red or yellow, so tricky. Was it weird being left in charge of, you were a parent at the start of it, obviously, but you're in charge of all these kids on Funhouse.

What was it like relating to those kids that were on TV? Did you feel like you were having to look after them as much as present the TV show? Well, they had chaperones. They had people who looked after them, obviously, when, you know, between sort of the shots. And obviously, the twins were also given the main job. So, you know, Martina being yellow, not green,

and Melanie being red, not green, would look after their respective twins. And I would just sort of stroll in to give them the money shots, you know, as in, hey, 25 points. You said respective twins, were all the guests twins? No, no, not the guests, the cheerleaders. I knew they were twins, but when you said their respective twins, I only got given twins.

I didn't know the contestant was also a twin. Can you imagine? That's so clever. I normally hear things in different ways. I'm quite used to that with the radio and you heard you imagine? That's so clever. I normally hear things in different ways. I'm quite used to that with the radio, and you heard that differently. That's very good, very good. I didn't know that. That's been so hard to cast them all.

Series 14. There's got to be some more twins somewhere, hasn't there? I've got two of a triplet. Can we have them in? Surely, that's okay. And they look so different. Oh, sorry. I did just mishear that. I mean, when you're dropping your kids at school and stuff, right?

So, and you're on the most, how many people are watching Funhouse at this point? Do we know? Oh, well, crazy figures, seven or eight million, sometimes ten. Yeah, yeah. Five to five on a Friday afternoon. Yeah, that's amazing. So when you're turning up at school to drop your children off at school, that must have been, like, pretty exciting for all the other kids there, right?

Unless Dave Benson Phillips' kids are also going there. Well, he didn't have any kids until he was quite a bit older than me, so I had a head start on him with the gun, Jan, the kids. But I think – Oh, did he nick the gunge and the kids but I think Oh did he nick the gunge from you? Well it was Who was the gunge originator? Well do you know what? When Dick and Dom

did their final Saturday morning show on the Beeb a good few years ago they had me on and I was a guest as the godfather of gunge so I think that says it all See you in court it's official but i would i would go to school and uh josh mentioned that we we would drive our kids to school because it was a bit far away and then one day uh it would be me and my wife and the next day uh some friends of ours and obviously there would be their kids

and it was a rota and um a guy called darren richmond who was ironically uh this is worth a mention here a quick plug on your podcast the uh the co-author of my book rerun the fun which came out last year and isn't out in paperback until october but it's well worth a buy i'm gonna definitely buy the book was it rerun the fun yeah rerun the fun rob that's it I'm 100% buying that for people for Christmas. And I say that as someone who's written a book about the 90s. I feel like I've been completely – actually, someone who knows about the 90s has written a book as well.

So I feel – don't buy mine. Buy Pat's. Yeah, but mine is a spoof memoir. It says on the front cover, based on an untrue story. So you have to get into it and judge which bits are true and which bits aren't. But anyway, it's a lot more fun than my real life. So that's why we called it Rerun the Fun. Oh, it's got amazing reviews as well.

It has. No, it really has. It did really well. Yeah, from GQ, a funny relief from the Dumpster Fighters 2020, hilarious, racy, and largely untrue, The Guardian. Yeah, you smashed it. Look at this. Oh, thanks, mate.

But this is Darren and Luke, the main writers. I just contributed. So Darren Richman sat in the back of my car with my boys and our daughter and his brother on the way to school. It's a very big car. And we used to take the kids. And my kids would get out and say, thanks, Daddy. Bye-bye.

Have a good day. Bye-bye. He never said thank you. Never said a word, Darren. Every time I looked in the mirror and looked back at the traffic or whatever was going on, I'd see his eyes looking at me like Damien from the movie The Omen. So who's your friend's son? Yeah, who 30 years later comes to me and says, oh, I want to write a book on Funhouse. It was

my favorite show. And I never said thank you because uh you you you know you were driving me to school and you were the guy who hosted funhouse and i was a bit over enamored with it all so so that's why and uh so so we did the book together with another guy uh you know called josh that was good so you used to drive him to school and then you end up writing a book with him but he was too nervous to say thank you yeah that's exactly it and literally he came to me 30 years later and he's been writing for The Independent and loads of newspapers

and he's a, you know, quite a prolific theatre guy and does various different things with comedy and he loves you guys. When I told him I was speaking to you guys, he's a huge fan.

Oh, thank you. Oh, well. I would say thank you, but I'm a little bit nervous. Well, come back to me in three decades and it'll be fine. With the grandkids now, do you notice, like, how different it was when your kids were that young? With your children, is there many big differences

of what happens with babies now to 30-odd years ago, Pat? Oh, my goodness. I'm so pleased you brought this up. Apparently, babies can't have water until they're about 37 now. And you can't put them on their side for more than four seconds, and then you can't do this. I mean, our kids were gnawing the side of their cot and eating the paint and they were drinking out of a hose pipe and and i took nicky i mentioned this earlier

i forgot to say because i got got sidetracked you know when he was about three or four years old i took him to see def leppard and eric clapton in the same night i mean can you imagine someone doing that now they go no you couldn't possibly do that please put the please put the ear defenders on you know i mean you know we were just having a blast i took him to california we went from uh from san francisco to la on the you know us 101 and then into vegas and he was only a kid and you know i was i was teaching him how to go swing swing because wayne's world was out you know so we were having a we were having the best time things have changed apparently

you can't do any of that stuff well you do your kids tell you off then for doing it wrong when you're looking after like holding the baby and things like that they do

they do they really do and I have to ask I go oh is it okay yeah can I pick her up yeah is that alright can I pick him up

yeah is that okay how long now oh sorry due for a nap okay straight and the timings they go on FaceTime with Nicky in America and his wife Giordano.

It's like, got to go. It's quarter to nap time. And I go, oh, maybe do it at 10 to or that break the whole thing. You know? No, got to go. It must be so hard, though, your, you know, your grandchild being away because it's, you know, only two years old. Lockdown must have started when it was like six months old or something. Yeah, exactly right.

Most of her life, Kaya is her name, most of her life has been in lockdown. But we have been able to see her a couple of times. She's been over a couple of times because she has dual nationality. Because she's American, she has to have, obviously, people with her to travel. And so, therefore, our son and his wife are are english are able to bring her backwards and forwards from the states whereas we can't go to the states so that's quite that's quite good oh that's butswell yeah we have seen her and and you know they they facetime us and stuff so we see her every day and in the park or in the bath or whatever and she knows us well enough now from from seeing us a

couple of times or a few times uh that uh you know that even on facetime it works so that's an amazing thing to have these days if you've got kids far away or grandkids going through the teenage years of your children what was that like because me and rob like we present this podcast from the position of people that only really understand the first few years of parenting how tough was it being the parent of teenagers you know i don't remember our kids being that awful i do remember what i have to say they they did all try and leave home with like a knapsack at one point so they kind of like you know they i'm going to find my fortune and they went off like dick whittington and just went you know i go where are you going then and they got to the end of the road they go oh i'll go to pete's house i go all right yeah you check with his parents or not yeah you know, I go, where are you going then? And they got to the end of the road and go, oh, I'll go to Pete's house. I go, all right, yeah.

You check with his parents or not? Yeah, you know, maybe that won't work. And they go, oh. And then 10 minutes later, they were a bit hungry and came back. So, yeah, you know, you're going to get issues. But I don't remember them being that bad. They've always been good kids. And that's due to our fine parenting skills.

Are you the disciplinarian or is that your wife that does that? Yeah, probably more Monica. She's Scandinavian, so they're a bit fiery. You know, she likes to shout a bit. When they were kids, I know you get asked a lot about your hair, Pat, and I do apologise for that. How do you manage to get the hair question into a podcast about kids? Were they born with a mullet?

I can see the mullet the mullet's coming through first when you're taking your kids for the haircut part and you've got the mullet did any of them did you give the mullet to any of your children when they were growing up nicky had quite long hair when he was a kid. We just let it grow, and it wasn't ridiculous mullet style, but it was sort of that pudding bowl haircut, where it sort of just goes over the eyes a bit and you can't see where you're going like a dog. And it wasn't fair on him because he bumped into everybody

at Chasing the World of Adventures when he was trying to get me to go on the rides. And I think that you can't do that to a kid, can you? It wouldn't be fair you know a junior joe exotic is no fun for anyone so i think no they just had normal regular hairstyles and they're normal regular kids who've grown up into normal normal regular adults so it's all good have any of them followed you into show business absolutely not no in america he's in it recruitment and uh charlotte's a makeup artist and uh daniel

works with my production company so at the end of the day no they haven't not well i mean working with the production companies you know we do jingles and music imaging and commercial production and stuff like that so uh that's similar but um i don't think any of them have any wish to to jump on a stage and and say welcome to the weekend none of them want a bmx onto the stage and cover children in gunge yeah can you imagine that yeah i think i was i was writing a bmx onto us onto a tv show age 28 which was just really odd and in bmx bright clothing as well it's um it's an amazing kind of thing to have happened to you, that you were such a kind of big deal on children's TV

during your children's kind of childhood. I've said the word child too many times in that sentence. It was very clumsy. I was looking for variant words and I couldn't come up with one. Kids. Kids, thank you. Blimey. I've got a baby.'m very tired very tired indeed um did you realize at the time what a kind of exciting thing to be involved in

it was fun house i don't think you do at the time i mean do you realize when you guys are on the telly that what you're doing is being seen by loads of people and everybody loves you I mean I don't know I mean you know not on tv anymore Pat we dream of eight million we dream of eight million no but I mean you just go to work and do last leg now Josh but yeah in years to come last leg you know it's a huge show and it especially around the Paralympics it made such a difference it's not the kind of thing you don't really appreciate it until you stop doing it I think I think you do i think i've certainly and you must have this with robin romesh where like you're sat there like when you're nominated for a bafta or when you're turn on the skybox and it says robin romesh is the main thing just part of i'm always going try

and remember this try and enjoy this all that kind of stuff were you doing that with funhouse I'm always going, try and remember this, try and enjoy this, all that kind of stuff. Were you doing that with Funhaus? No, you really weren't. You treated it as your job, and you went and did your job, and you did it to the best of your ability. But you didn't realize that in all these years to come, you would be called a cult by people.

I think that's what it was. I hear it all the time from car windows. Bye! Cult. And with your grown grown up kids now, is it difficult as a grandparent to, you say that like parenting is very different now and all that kind of stuff. I don't know if I'd find it easy to just let them do it in their own way

completely without offering advice or without going, Oh, do you know I did it? Like, do you find you have or without going oh do you know i did it like do you find you have to sit back or do you um are you an interferer i find that it's probably better to sit back and just discuss it with your partner your wife your husband because the kids who now have the kids i you guys compared to say your parents are they going to be the people who are running the show and you're reading things you're going to classes you're doing things online and things are done differently and everything has a safety aspect now health and safety is is prominent these days and we didn't

know about a lot of stuff but i had no idea that kids now honestly cannot have water till a certain age and yet our kids have water they were thirsty so they had some water when they were babies but apparently you cannot give a baby water the car seats the car seats are so heavy have you dealt with your five week old car seat yet absolutely i mean no offense i cannot get that out now for the life of me that's there forever pat and there's a thing you have to turn it around as well at an angle it swings around like the girl in the exorcist her head and i go whoa what's going on and uh you know i don't i don't do it my wife does all that stuff and uh and then we just call our kids and get them to do it because we can't yeah the isofix the level of safety in the isofix it's like they're

going up to space it's like an astronaut chair the green and the red bits as well and you're like is that a proper great i don't know if i've properly greened that yeah or amber safe enough it's either red or green surely with a seat belt do you feel completely confident like have you got with with a baby like do you have the same confidence with a baby that you kind of got when you were in your 20s and 30s when you had children like does that stay with you or do you feel like like riding a bike like riding your bmx pat no one ever forgets how to ride a bmx well i i never had a bmx i wanted a rally chopper when i was a kid and i got an elswick hopper with a basket on the front so i was uh not the most popular kid in school but uh um with our grandchildren you are much more safety conscious

you're much more aware my wife is saying don't do that follow her up the slide follow her up the slide stand on the top stand at the top and i'm going for goodness sake it's a kid we did this with our kids she's going no you can't and then she realizes that we have turned into our parents the way they used to talk to us that's all it is we're just really really careful because it's not our kids so we've got to be careful and heaven forbid you know they give you their kids and then you take them out for the day and you come back and they've got a you know a cut or a bruise you know yeah oh that's not for us we want a very safe day we might just you know keep them in the car seat and say we couldn't get out just stuck in there yeah no risk no risk at all there just keep them strapped in what kind of things do you do with

your uh what would be your day out that you take your grandchildren on well obviously we haven't done too many of those because we haven't had uh our granddaughter she's the only one who's kind of suitable at the moment because jayden is only five weeks old so with kaya we you know we take her to the to the park we took her to a to a place called willow farm where she got to you know see the animals and do stuff like that and watch a little show so just but she's really content you know just just being a grandkid often sitting in front of uh you know luca on on netflix or something so uh you know i i just enjoy any time with her even reading her story or giving her a bath or whatever.

I mean, she loved the bath because when she was here last time, one of our baths has just a shower at the top of it, as many baths do. And literally, I was changing the tap water from coming into the bath to then moving it to the shower. And she thought she was under a waterfall because it was just the best fun for her. And she was screaming with laughter every time I changed it from the tap to the waterfall, tap to the waterfall. And she loved that. So, you know, just natural, fun things that you did with your kids. And I've got, you know, I've got a couple of laser pens as well that I use sometimes at my gigs, you know, safety, of course. And she loves the laser pen.

I just put it on the walls and on the floor and she just runs after this dot, you know. Great idea. loves the laser pen i just put it on the walls and on the floor and she just runs after this dot you know it's a great idea we it's that weird isn't it that like you can buy all these toys we've got like but that's not normally like the thing that the child we've got a tube one of those tubes to take for the aircon unit to go outside and my daughter has been playing with that tube for the last two days yeah because it because it clicks open and it clicks closed and she loves that far more than anything we've spent money you have lots of outside she's trying to crawl back in to be fair the thing with kids is and i remember this when ours were little at birthdays and christmas you get them all these presents because you want to be lovely to your kids

and spoil them a bit. And they literally rip in open the wrapping and see in the box and they're not even bothered to open the box to actually get the toy out. They're just moving on to the next one. And it's all about the wrapping and the boxes in the end. And they ignore the toys.

You should just buy them empty boxes and some wrapping paper and they'll be very happy. Yeah, and also as well, I think parents get so worked up with the must-have toy of Christmas or whatever. Was you ever hunting down a Buzz Lightyear or whatever at Christmas for your kids? Or was it always a bit calmer?

Absolutely. And I was quite lucky because I did the opening TV show for Euro Disney for ITV. It was me and Matthew Kelly. And we took a bunch of kids out there to Euro Disney. And we were there for like two weeks and then did the opening show on the night. And that had a huge audience, like 23 or 24 million, I think. And it was a massive show. And they gave us literally all the Buzz Lightyears

and all the various toys of the time, and probably pre-Buzz Lightyear, so it would have been whatever the Disney film was at the time. And I just gave them all to our kids, so they were very happy with that one. But I can remember looking for presents and stuff like, you know, without getting lucky like that and going around Hamleys and stuff and

then being sold out and having to get, Oh, I tell you what they did want. They all wanted, and they were really hard to get. All our kids wanted Furbies. Furbies were a thing, weren't they?

Yeah. And they were like, you had to like look after them and they grew and nested. And then, and then suddenly Yeah. And they were like, you had to look after them and they grew and nested and then suddenly they just, like a computer or something, they just gave up the ghost and they just don't do anything anymore. They just died. And I think once your Furby

died, it was just like a dog or something. That's it. Sorry, he's gone. The Tamagotchis, the awful crap Tamagotchis where you kept everything alive. I killed my Tamagotchi. I got him wet onotchi. That as well. Where you kept everything alive. I killed my Tamagotchi. I got him wet on a log flume. And that's how he died.

Absolute heartbreaking way. I was looking after him computer-wise, but just got him wet. And when Nicky was little as well, our eldest, he came to the Smash Hits Awards, weren't you, with me, when I won Worst Haircut for the third year in a row. Is that even a prize? and i never got an award for it i just got hey you've won but and i got listed in the magazine but i never got a trophy so that's really unfair he came with me and it was when the teenage mutant ninja turtles were number one with

that record teenage mutant ninja turtles you're probably yeah they had a number one so nicky who loved the turtles because they were the biggest cartoon at the time when he was growing up he got to hang out all day with the turtles until they came into the green room with their heads off and he was most disappointed did you take him to lots of things like that then that must have been like because he's got like the keys to the kingdom of being a child really right everything came regularly week in week out to Noel's house party he would just come with me go hi Noel and what was Noel like big hair

and small I do remember I went I confirmed you should have just taken him home let him look after him can you imagine Noel's died look it's not working anymore.

Josh would have come to him on a log flume. So I only rang the doorbell once at Crinkly Bottom. I often appeared on it coming out of his little box. He used to have these boxes that opened up, as I remember. And I rang the doorbell, and he was quite a bit smaller than me, and I was on a step to make me look even taller the other side and he looked straight up at me and went look at your hair and i went you can talk and uh you know and i think it was rehearsed and planned but either way from there it was a bit of

banter at the uh the doorbell and then and then i uh and then i went off again and then i wasn't asked back so yeah oh edmunds didn't like the hair banter. Well, he couldn't take it. It's a lot of that in my book, actually. There's a couple of chapters on going to a party with Noel, but is it fact or is it fantasy? I'll leave it for you guys to decide. Well, it must be weird in that world because, obviously, you seem very level-headed with it,

but you can imagine the sort of mad egos of that time when, you know, 23 million people watch you on that other show and 10 million people. with it but you can imagine the sort of mad egos of that time when you know when you know 20 you know so 23 million people watch you on that other show and 10 million people when it all gets big figures like that and people are in demand and getting paid well and they're the flavor of the month you must have noticed that of a lot of people big egos and things like that did you did you did you notice that from others i suppose some people were a bit more yeah into what they were doing than me and I just took it with a pinch of salt and was just kind of happy-go-lucky and uh nice to be you know nice to

be important more important to be nice type thing because I've always you know think that it's just pleasant to treat people the way you want to be treated so I didn't take too much into it but maybe they were I remember going on surprise surprise with Cilla I mean I went on all these great shows you know I went on You Bet and Surprise Surprise and Celebrity Squares with Bob Monkhouse. And that was the best one. I did Celebrity Squares and I was waiting to meet Bob Monkhouse. It was all quite exciting. And I was just standing in a corridor and he came walking towards me and he was with this guy. And I heard this guy saying to him, right, Bob, Bob, this is Pat. He does a show called Funhouse and he's, he probably seems got the long hair and everything. He goes, yes, yes.

So I go, hi Bob, how are you? How are you? Nice to meet you. And he goes, Pat, how's the Funhouse? And I went, you don't even know what my Funhouse is, but it's alright. I've got to ask, since you brought up YouBet, can you remember any of the challenges that were done in front of YouBet?

I love YouBet. I want to bring YouBet back. That would be my dream job to host YouBet, if that came true. If Rob Beckett hosted YouBet, I would ask to be a regular on the panel because that would be the best Saturday night of my life. It was. When you look back at some of these shows, when they rerun them, you think,

wow, was that even a show that got commissioned? I did it with, did Bruce Forsythe do it for a while? Yeah, he did. Matthew Kelly was, I remember Matthew Kelly. So I did it with Bruce and I did it with Matthew and I did it with, you've forgotten, Darren Day. Oh, Darren Day oh Darren Day he had a good run at a few bits didn't he

Darren Day Cilla Black surprise surprise I went on with Cilla and I had to take a viewer who won a competition to meet Michael Bolton and she goes we have got someone to take you I'm doing a great Cilla impression here we've got someone to take you

she said to the winner you are just going to love I'm doing a great sort of impression here. We've got someone to take you, she said to the winner, who you are just going to love. I'm going to bring him on now. He has got lovely air. His air is lovely. And I came on and she goes, oh, I love your air. And she touched my mullet and sort of moved it all around. And I was just going hey anyway uh well

done winner let's go come on uh the limousine's waiting we're gonna get to wembley to meet michael bolton even though it was like you know in two days time and uh it was just extraordinary and scilla was very enamored with my hair uh my what happened when did you decide to get rid of that the air well i had a phone call from my wife one day when I had one of those big car phones, and it rang. And you were always really excited back in the day. You won't know this because you're way too young. And it rang, and it only ever rang with a number

because you couldn't have a name on it in those days. And it was like I was going, I better take this call coming through in the car. And it was the days when you could pick up your phone as well and it was just great it was on this sort of uh thing where you clicked it off like that and you went hi yeah hi it's me i'm in the car yeah yeah i can talk yeah hi yeah hi oh hi it's you yeah okay i think she was the only one who had the number anyway so i and it would cost about 40 quid to phone me as well. And she said, I want to speak to you when you get home.

And I went, no, speak to me now. I've got a car phone. And she said, no, no, just you and me when we get home. We had an au pair, and so the au pair look after the kids, and I just need to speak to you. And I went, oh. So I thought that was a bit odd. And then I got home, and I was quite happy to hear that she wasn't unwell, there wasn't any problems or anything.

She just said, I want you to cut your hair. And I went, oh, wow, phew, because it was a bit of a relief. There was nothing wrong. I went, sure, sure. So I had my hair cut, but obviously I couldn't let it go in one go. So for about six months I had a bob. And it was just sort of shoulder length, living the dream, as long as nobody went

around the back and didn't didn't see that it wasn't full length anymore so yeah it was like you you went to uh the bob before like more of a uh you know sent a traditional cut it was 94 1994 i wasn't 94 so you didn't have it for that so how long did you have it for so you didn't have it so it's quite uh yeah so you didn't have it years and years no I didn't have my mullet probably for seven or eight years I reckon but it's it stood the test of time I think that's a good decision though because if you're still like what you got that you mulleted now are you about you just a normal no regular Rob like you regular sort of side parting much like you actually yeah well that's the thing I think if you that's the thing if someone who's like mega famous so a certain if you continue if you don't evolve it

looks a bit tragic doesn't it if you still had the mullet now i think it'd be too much yeah it would be joe exotic it would be odd it would be horrible and i haven't got any tigers and i'm not in jail so just wouldn't work there was there was a there was a mullet era though where you look absolutely phenomenal and that was when it was like almost just like there was a mullet era though where you look absolutely phenomenal and that was when it was like almost just like really like a bit ringletty curly but less mullet and just like a massive head of hair hang on no you you have you've made a massive faux pas if you want to bring that picture up now and uh have a look at it i know what you're looking at that was me going to my friend's hair salon to have the very first hair extensions after I'd had my hair cut

because he wanted to use me in a newspaper. It was the Mirror, and they were running a thing on hair extensions with his salon. So I agreed to go in. He put the hair extensions in. It looks ridiculous, that picture. Is this the one with the white T-shirt with the black writing written on it?

I think so. The hair just doesn't look real. If you look closely... No, yeah. You can see the top bit. Oh, yeah doesn't look real. If you look closely. No, yeah. You can see the top bit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. You really can see the join.

Yes, you can. Basically, what happened was this was for the mirror, and we went in, and I got papped about the only time in my life from a distance outside because they saw me going into this hair salon. They called someone. I got Pat from about 50 metres away, and the pictures went in the sun saying, Pat can't bear to live without his mullet.

Four page, four page. That's amazing. And the mirror never ran their piece on hair extensions with the salon because they were scuppered by the rival paper. Oh, my word. Oh, wow. I think the mullet is making a comeback at the moment, though, genuinely. Damon Albarn's got one, Rob. I mean, it's not

the same. I don't think he really has any sway on pop-threer culture anymore, though, Damon Albarn. I think that's fair enough. When I saw the Damon Albarn one that you mentioned, Josh, I commented on Twitter. I go, what a crap mullet. And I put a picture up of it like that. And the Daily Star picked up on it and says,

Pat says Damon's mullet is crap. And it was like half a page. I'm going, well, you know, don't want to have a fight over this. But it's true, it's a crap mullet. Yeah, it is. It doesn't even go down his back. It looks more like my bob how much upkeep you doing or does it just fall into place every morning i didn't do a

lot with it i didn't do a lot and didn't use any product in it it was just uh majestically flowing and uh it was a bit like a bird's nest it didn't really you know i don't know what was in it and what was growing in it was a bit horrible at the time. But you don't need to do anything with them. They just become. You just become trailer park, you know? The mullet exists separate to the individual. It's just there, isn't it? It's its own entity.

Own entity, yeah. Did you ever consider getting it insured, like Elmock Ferson's legs? You've really gone off the parenting thing, haven't you? Yeah, sorry. He can't help it. We've been asked about your kids for 20 minutes

right did your kids like the mullet stop talking about the mullet I know you love the 90s but Pat's got

his thoughts about the mullet we're talking to a man in an audio format that hasn't got a mullet anymore

about mullets I haven't had one for like nearly 30 years it's amazing have you ever had an interview that hasn't got a mullet anymore about mullets. I haven't had one for like nearly 30 years. It's amazing. Have you ever had an interview that hasn't ended up touching on this, Pat? No.

Right, have you got any more questions, Josh, before we wrap up? Well, I feel like I should bring it back to parenting, shouldn't I? Because I'll be honest with you, you know, this has been one of the most fun ones we've had, and I've thoroughly enjoyed it. But I want to learn from someone who has, you know, who's parented and now is... I think he might be our first grandparent, actually. Is that correct, Ross?

I don't really pay attention to all the... Yeah, maybe Jonathan Ross. I don't think Jonathan Ross has got grandkids. Has he not? No, we've had a lot of guests on, but I think he's our first grandparent, which is exciting. He seemed too young to be a grandparent, Pat. Still in my? No, we've had a lot of guests on, but I think he's our first grandparent, which is exciting. You seem too young to be a grandparent, Pat. Still in my 50s, so yeah, it's good.

But we had kids young, so if you start young, you're getting there. How long are you, when did you turn 60? October. So still in your 50s, though. You're in your 50s. Just. As kids say, and kids listening will like this,

well, if there are kids listening, as parents listening, they'll know that their kids always say, I'm 59 and three quarters. Yes, perfect. And so what, which was the period of being a parent that you kind of look back on the fondest? Is it them as a baby or as a toddler or small children? Or did you love the bit?

I mean, obviously you're a very positive person i'm sure you loved it all but the bit when they felt like they were mini adults yeah i would say probably the mini adult bit where you can say to uh certainly we had two boys first and then a girl and i i would you know i'd take my boys and just say come on let's go we're just going and and monica would say where are you taking them i go we're just going we just go and we go out and play football in in a hailstorm or something and just come back really muddy. And they'd go, that was brilliant.

She'd go, oh, look at the state of you. So I just did things with my boys that were fun and just outrageous and took them to concerts. They would come to all the Capitol Road shows. Even when they were babies, I remember Nicky at a Capitol Road show fell asleep at the Hammersmith Palais on one of the sofas, and he was vibrating as he slept with the bass as it hit the sofa, jumping up and down.

I said, where else would he be? He's obviously going to be here. This is what I'm doing, so this is where he's going to be. And he grew up with the sound of bass vibrating in his head on the sofa. That's probably not allowed these days either. No. his head on the sofa that's probably not allowed these days either so no that i think that's really nice that you kind of went you your kids experienced your life do you know i mean it wasn't that you kept these two separate lives you were kind of no they were in everything they loved it

they absolutely loved it i think they did anyway they always say they've got great memories of it and they enjoyed it but none of them went into the same business as business as I am in still today and blessed to be in it. So they're all doing their own thing, and their kids will obviously enjoy whatever they do, you know? It's been a heartwarming, genuinely lovely conversation. Rob, you always like to end with the same question. I think Pat's going to struggle with this. Well, yeah, the question is,

what's the thing that your wife does, parenting-wise, that probably doesn't anymore now that they've grown growing up it used to really annoy you when the kids were small that um you couldn't tell her annoyed you without kicking off is an initiative opportunity now that if she listened to it if monica listened she you know she won't go fair enough he's got a good point i think she does now what she did then and she was just a little bit too over caring with them she should have let them off a leash a bit and she's not doing that with the grandchildren she's very careful i keep getting told off don't do that don't let her do that don't do that and i think

you just got to let kids go a little bit you know keep an eye on them but still let them go on that swing or that slide and have some fun because they've got to have a youth where they learn to fall over a little bit and dust themselves down. So she's probably a little bit too worried about things. I can say that is the absolute spirit of Funhouse, speaking right there. You've got to be able to fall over. Stick them in the gun, you kids. We had kids who went to hospital.

They got winded and stuff in the games, and we were going like, right, you could do us a real favor. Could you just stop crying for a couple of seconds while we get this link done? And all I need to do is I'm going to say, well done, Johnny. You've got 25 points. You smile, and Melanie will run off with you to the side. That's all you need to do. And he's going, fuck, I need to go to hospital now.

And I'm going, no, no, you'll be fine. Just get this link out of the way because I can't get back into these clothes tomorrow. They're filthy. We've got to get it done now, otherwise it's another shoot. So for goodness sake, put yourself together. You're on the show. You wanted to be on it, didn't you? They go, yeah, I always wanted to be.

I didn't know it would be like this. I didn't know it would take so long as well. I've been here seven hours. It's only 20 minutes on the telly. I go, yeah, well, it's television. It takes a while. You've got to get the cleaners in to clean up before the go-karts can go around because there's all gunge on the floor from the last game so get with the program bloody kids oh thanks it's been amazing thanks so much pat and the book is called rerun the fun it's

available now pat sharp there we go what a legend that was a real buzz for you wasn't it josh loved it loved it can't wait for dave benton phillips next week rob this podcast changing we can't just do your 90s crushes i'd say one a year one a year and well no to be fair though it was good we i think it was it wasn't his fault we didn't talk about parenting that much it was more our fault and our questions that led us down the fun house you went mad on the mullet at the end yeah I'll be honest

we haven't digressed that much since we talked to Romesh about how ripped Andy Peters was yeah people like that let us know do you like the digression

or should we be bringing it back to parenting let us know what you think because I'm a fan of a digress me too let's always remember we did 15 minutes on Priscilla Presley

with Jared Christmas. I'll be honest, the best stuff I've ever done has involved kids. No, it's holding us back. It's holding us back. I tell you what, just get rid of the parenting

and just call this podcast hell. Rob Beckett and Josh Riddickham's hell. See you on Tuesday when it'll be me and Rob talking about parenting and bins and stuff probably. Right, bye. Bye. see you on Tuesday when it'll be me and Rob talking about parenting and bins and stuff probably yeah right bye

bye hello I'm John Richardson and I'm Matt Ford we are comedians best friends and we're both football mad and with the new season just around the corner

we'll be spending more time than we'd like to admit playing Fantasy Premier League there's nothing we love more than competing against each other in our own league so in order to justify our FPL addiction we've set up a brand new weekly podcast There's nothing we love more than competing against each other in our own league. So, in order to justify our FPL addiction, we've set up a brand new weekly podcast called Comedians Playing Fantasy Premier League. And it's not just us. Each week, we'll follow a group of comedians competing in the world's most competitive game.

Buying for top spot will be, amongst others, Rob Beckett, Russell Howard, Romesh Ranganathan, Josh Widdicombe, Maisie Adam and Richard Osman. Plus they'll be joined by a recurring roster of special guests from now until the end of the season. And each week there'll be prizes, forfeits and lots of interaction with you. Yes, you, our soon-to-be-hopelessly-obsessed listeners. There'll no doubt be lots of competition between myself and Matt and we will look back at the week in football and discuss how events off the pitch might affect your selections.

Our first episode is available to download from the 11th of August from all the usual podcasting platforms. So please like, subscribe and share. You can also follow us on Twitter for extra content throughout the week and to also keep up to date on the standings of the Comedians League. And that's at Comedians FBL. See you in a couple of weeks.