Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP11: "Did you audition for The Hobbit?..."

Episode Date: August 17, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP11: "Did you audition for The Hobbit?..."More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Parenting Hell with... Indy. Can you say Rob Beckett? I can't. Rob Beckett. I don't want to. I'll give you some chocolate.

Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Josh Whittakin. Say it again. I can't say it Josh Josh Widdicombe Widdicombe

Well done That's one of the best we've ever had isn't it That is my absolute favourite That house sounds like carnage Oh my god that it? That is my absolute favorite. That house sounds like carnage. Oh my God, that is brilliant. That is, hello, Rob and Josh. My name is Alex Reynolds and I live in New Zealand. Oh God, New Zealand.

I love that accent. It's so, it's a proper like take no shit accent. I think the New Zealand. It's exactly what you didn't just try and do as well. The bribery you can hear from a three-year-old indie who listens to your podcast when I'm driving her to my mother-in-law most mornings. As I'm sure you can hear from a three-year-old indie who listens to your podcast when I'm driving her to my mother-in-law most mornings.

As I'm sure you can hear in the background, our house is very chaotic with a mixed family situation. My husband and I have five children between us, aged nine to two.

No, two to nine, isn't it? That's how it works. Yeah, that's just... No, the other side of the world. Upside down. Oh, yeah. Widdicombe, you've had a good sleep.

That's a lovely... The baby's sleeping. Widdicombe, you've had a good sleep. That's a lovely, lovely day. This is like 2015. He's absolutely double barrelling me. The two and three-year-old we have together, I bought him... Sorry, I'm trying to get my head around this. The two and three-year-old we have together, I bought him one son and my husband two daughters.

There are four girls and one boy smack banning in the middle. This feels like a logic problem. We have trains traveling at 70 miles an hour. We'll get there first. The girls are the boy. We have a very lucky New Zealand with our response to COVID. They're living in Auckland means we have been in four lockdowns, which has meant about 12 weeks in total.

It's been a long time in lockdown, but rooms are swelling around. It won't be long until a new one. The podcast is hilarious and I've recommended it to every parent I know. We could do a New Zealand tour when they allow people in. When they allow people in.

They've just lost a big film contract to New Zealand, to the UK for Lord of the Rings, because no one's really vaccinated, I think, in Australia or New Zealand. They're not opening up. So they're in lockdown. So I know we changed the show time. So what, are we doing Lord of the Rings? Haven't they done Lord of the Rings?

They're doing like an Amazon series, I think. Oh, for crying out loud, guys. Fucking dweebs. I didn't know Lord of the Rings. I hate Lord of the Rings. I do. I didn't know it was a three-parter. I sat through three hours of it and then it finished.

I was like, there's two more? Yeah, awful. Gee, I gave up. Worst three hours of my life. Did you audition for The Hobbit, Rob? No, I didn't, there's two more. Yeah. Awful. I gave up. Worst three hours of my life. Did you audition for the Hobbit, Rob? No, I didn't audition for the Hobbit,

but I think, I think when those auditions are going round, you were a bit more ahead of me with profile wise. So you got the Hobbit call. I think I could have been in with a Hobbit show. It was about 2000 and I was when I was in the comedy. It was 2010. Yeah.

I did the Hobbit. You were a couple of years ahead of me with success and telly stuff, Josh. Well, I wouldn't go that far at that point. I was on the coattails of the Whitt years ahead of me with success and telly stuff, Josh. Well, I wouldn't go that far, Rob, at that point. I was on the coattails of the Whittaker. They'd been to the Leicester Comedy Festival. John Richardson auditioned for it as well.

My mate Steve Parry auditioned for it, right? Yeah. He looks right for it. Steve Parry. He should have got the job. He should have at least got some extra work out of that, shouldn't he? Right. If so, Google Steve Parry because he's done stand-up.

He's more of a comedy writer now. We'll put his picture on our Instagram as we always'll love that he'll love that old steve steve perry but he should have got it he looked like yeah he's sort of like a hobbity um mick hucknall tell you yes i tell you who auditioned who i don't think should have got it yeah kevin bridges oh no he's too tall he's not he's not right for a hobbit is he i i i don't think i would have got the audition just because of the the teeth i think the teeth aren't hobbit they's not right for a hobbit is he i i don't think i would have got the audition just because of the the teeth i think the teeth aren't hobbit they're too big for a hobbit i'd look like a little golem maybe golem before yeah this breakdown was golem a normal bloke and

he got into drugs and looked like that or did this golem is just a thing that looks like a golem i don't know what golem is you know what golem is but i don't know what gollum is oh we don't know what i've got yeah because gollum you know when they do those things that go around on like facebook or tiktok where it says celebrities before they found drugs and gollum looks like the after picture of a child star how are you rob um i'm good you know what i'll be honest i'm tired it's been a very busy week more summer holiday. Working your way through the old spreadsheet of events. The spreadsheet.

Oh, yes. Lou's got a spreadsheet. Yeah, no. So we've been doing loads of good stuff, but I've been working a lot. And because the tour's coming back, we know about this. We know about your Dudley day, you know, the Dudley double with Zoe Ball. So it's a bit manic. And the wedding.

And the wedding. The wedding, Dudley, Zoe Ball. So it's a bit manic. It's all. And the wedding, the wedding, Dudley, Zoe Ball. So it's a bit manic. It's all good though, but it's sort of all work sort of happening at once. I feel like a lot of television stuff's been,

and live events have been put off until, you know, lockdown finished. Which also, that's what I was going to say, Australia, we've changed the name now

because we're not in lockdown, but Australia and New Zealand still are. So how galling must it be for those guys listening to this? I do apologise, yeah. We're both double jabbed guys, I'm sorry. And we're still sort of refreshingly young.

We are refreshingly young. We are refreshingly young. So what did you do with your week as a refreshing youngster? Okay, so this week... As a cool cat around town. Right, so this week I've done... Well, I've done three hour-long tour show warm-ups before my tour. You are more prepped than I am.

I did a stand-up TV show that I filmed that was long-distance. I could have done with doing that just for the warm-up. I'm really warm. I couldn't be warmer, actually. I think, if anything, I'm overheating. I'm perfect on a summer's day because I am ice cold. You're ice cold. Yeah, so I've done three warm-up shows.

I did a stand-up show i did a radio two cover um yeah on saturday morning and then i did so i've done i've done some boxing i'm trying to get healthy again um i signed all my books i've done all that i had a haircut and i did a another episode of a b podcast and i had a meeting about hosting the TV Choice Awards. The Bumblebee podcast. I'm doing a Bumblebee podcast for the BBC, don't ask. Long story. Right, okay. And then I also went to Legoland.

Are you doing the TV Choice Awards, Rob? Yeah, I'm hosting it next week. That is hilarious. Why? Why is it hilarious? Because I thought, I mean, what is the TV Choice Awards? Well, it's TV Choice magazine doing an award ceremony, and the readers can vote,

and I'm going to announce the winners on, I don't know, on their website. Oh, right, it's not a live event. Right, okay, okay. It's going to be, well, it used to be a live event, but now this is one of the last ones that's going to be filmed and then put on a website in a few months. So, guys, I'm doing it next week.

I'm going to know all the winners. Not of the TV Choice Awards. Yes, big time. And you won't know until November. Oh no. How am I going to deal with that? If you see me in the street and you want to know what wins best drama, slip me 20 quid, I'll let you know.

See, I'm doing that next week. So I had to have a meeting about that. But Legoland was the main parent. Can you bet on the TV Choice Awards, Rob? I mean, I'm sure you next week, so I had to have a meeting about that. But Legoland was the main parent. Can you bet on the TV Choice Awards, Rob? I mean, I'm sure you can run a book somewhere. This is your ultimate. You could get done for insider trading on the TV Choice Awards. He's like Back to the Future when he finds the almanac.

Exactly. You're going to be the one person in the world that knows the results of the TV Choice Awards. To be fair, though, like, you know, Line of Duty, what odds are you going to get on that? It's probably going to win everything, isn't it? I mean, I don't know what's won. You're the one reading it out. know, Line of Duty, what odds are you going to get on that? It's probably going to win everything, isn't it? I mean, I don't know what's won. You're the one reading it out.

Well, I don't know what's won yet. I've not done it, but I'm saying Line of Duty. You're reading it out, Rob. It's not, whatever you say is the result.

Do you know, Joe Swash did that once, a perfume awards. Right. So Joe Swash got invited to a perfume awards to give out an award. And the winner was say, for example,

a D&G perfume. He went, and the winner is Dior. And it wasn't for a laugh. What? No. And then Dior started coming up to get their award. I don't know if this was the company's, but say whatever.

Well, it's old thingy, isn't it? Happened at the Oscars, didn't it? They didn't do that on purpose, though, did they? No, but... Joe Swash did it for banter. For banter? That is cruel. I was once, to go back in the day, I won't name a person.

Come on. Can you believe it? I did a new act competition. Yeah, I'm going to guess. I'm trying to guess. No, you will never guess because it's not someone that you've thought about since 2011. So they announced who had gone through to the next round. Yeah.

And the four people that had gone through to the next round yeah uh and we all and the four people that gone through to the next round had to go up on stage yeah and then they announced them and there was five people on stage and um one person had just heard their name that hadn't been read out and in front of the whole audience they had to kind of regretfully walk back off stage oh my god so that's bad if you if you If you get the numbers wrong in bingo and you call out and they read out the numbers, but he thought he'd heard his name. He walked up onto stage with the winners.

Oh, but no one actually said his name. No one said his name. He just thought he'd heard it. That's the problem with manifesting. If you manifest so hard, you think you've heard it. Oh, poor sod. Yeah.

Oh, it's a shame. You know know he got an audition for the hobbit so that's fine um so for the record that was not steve parry no it was not steve who's an absolute legend by the way steve i love steve parry um so go on oh yeah do you do any parenting this week yeah look lego land hardcore parenting how long for we went we stayed we stayed in a hotel the um castle hotel and you know i don't want i'm aware now we've got quite a strong listenership and what i'd say about lego land in the in the land one thing is i've got are you treated when you go to these places rob was like

a mystery shopper because they know the sway you have no quite the opposite. No, so I, well, the thing is, let's be honest with the audience. You can contact certain places and get freebies if you sort of, you know, hashtag it or, you know, put ads. Did you do that? No, I did not do that. We paid for everything that we had. Yeah. But I like doing that because then I can honestly talk about the experience. Here we go.

Strap in for Rob Beckett's honest review. Honest review of Legoland. Like I've said before, we pay for the extra reserve and ride. It's a luxury and a cost. You've been before as well, haven't you? I've been before. I've got two problems with the land of Lego. One is I've got a Lego VIP card, which sounds more impressive than it is.

Basically, it's a loyalty card that you can sign up for and get sent in the post. It's not a... And is that for the land or is that for Lego in general? That's Lego. So online, if you want to buy some Lego,

you get points. Same way as you, you know, if you buy anything, you get next to points or whatever it is you've got a loyalty card for. It's not any,

you don't get any freebies on it, just points and stuff you bought. Anyway, so I got some vouchers. So I went in the Legoland shop at Legoland, well, the Lego shop in Legoland. No, it's not owned by Lego. It's owned by Merlin. so I got some vouchers. So I went in the Legoland shop at Legoland, well, the Lego shop in Legoland. No, it's not owned by Lego. It's owned by Merlin.

Couldn't use my vouchers. In the land, it's literally called the land of Lego. Yes, there we go. So they stitched me up there. A little bit angry, but fine. I'll swallow it because we're going up to London next week. I'll go to the Lego shop. It's like my friend went to M&M World

and asked whether they had a certain type of M&M that he'd had in America. And they said, no, you'll need a specialist shop for that. He's like, I'm in M&M world, mate. You need M&M universe. This is a specialist. This is too big as it is. This is as specialist as it gets.

Yes. So you're not allowed to use your... You brought your Lego vouchers. Like a complete dweeb. You turned up at Legoland with your Lego vouchers to buy some Lego. Absolutely. With our I'm a virgin T-shirt on. Raring to go.

Bum fluff chin. Holding a copy of a Star Wars novel. Excuse me. I've been saving up for this. I want to get the Yoda. Are you telling me the land of Lego? I tell you what, fuck Merlin. Fuck Merlin and his T's and C's.

No, but for getting the shot, actual Lego, the rides are brilliant. It's perfect for a five and a three yard. We absolutely love it. The queues were fairly long, but early in the morning and late in the afternoon, they're not too bad. We did go reserve and ride. We pay extra. That's just what I do because the queues are difficult so when you start talking about your vouchers

people tend to just leave the queue to get out of the way of you for fear of being caught in a conversation with you so i i did pay extra for the reserve and ride which is a bit pricey but i just for me i i don't want you paying rob there's two options there's the 45 quid a person, which cuts the queue time in half. All cards on the table. I paid for the 90 quid one. For four people? Yes, I did. Or did Lou have to queue?

Yeah, Lou and the kids queued. I went on everything. Four times. No, but there's a level above that, which I couldn't go for. There's VIP. Which is more. which is more money right they carry you to the ride you have a personal assistant what i don't want that i

don't want to have to talk to someone who works in lego land all day yes they do they get you you wander around with someone employed by lego land and then they take you to the front of the queue like you're kim kardashian and put you on a ride and then all your snacks are free i think or something like that as you walk past the queue people spit at you and call you a scam yeah yeah but i couldn't do that level but i went 90 you'd have to make conversation with this person who's paid to make conversation with you all day absolute nightmare exactly so i did pay the extra but i just thought you know what i'm just gonna go for it we've not had a summer holiday like why not exactly so i'd pay i'd have i'd have had to pay a similar amount for pcr tests yeah to go to spain so i just thought that it's it's

it's not idiot tax it's self-love and also i don't want to queue for an hour and people ask me about josh widdicombe all the time yes exactly people going you know i don't want to queue for an hour and people ask me about Josh Whittaker all the time. Yes, exactly. People going, no, I don't want to hear about your vouchers. I want to hear about the audition for The Hobbit. So in the defense of that pricing system. Rob, you don't need to. Money is there to be enjoyed. I've changed.

I'll have people. I'm losing listeners. I'm shedding my working class roots by paying extra. Do you know what the beauty of my persona is rob yeah i can do these things and it fits in yeah i look like i've let people down whereas me wait till you hear about the bloody uh party i had on saturday well that'll make you feel better about uh yeah well can i say this as well because i think this is quite a bit i because i struggle with anxiety a little bit one of my big things that sets me off is anticipation waiting for things okay yeah so that's why I never get to a gig really early and wait I will get

there last possible moment just to go out because the longer I'm there you can't have an advent calendar as well yeah exactly I can't deal with anticipation and I overthink it and I sort of get into sort of not full panic attack mode but sometimes it has been that way which when I was I'm much better mentally through therapy now but years ago when i was all over the gaff me and lou went to disneyland paris and i broke down in tears on the pirates of the caribbean ride which is the it's it's a water-based ride with the tiniest drop you've ever literally i'd argue you know at least the water could cover the tears exactly but like and it was dark which was good but you know, when you're in the countryside

and you go over a little bump in the road and your belly goes over, I'm talking that level of drop, right? I burst into tears, which is not a sort of emotionally stable reaction, is it? So my plan, I don't want to be like that with my children on rides, okay? So rather than just being the bag holder,

I want to treat myself like a toddler, basically. And so Lou's been wiping my ass and i'm joking so what i've done is i'm going on the journey of building my confidence up on rides with my kids so a good way of doing that is being able to not make me queue for an hour because i don't want them to develop my anxiety about rides yeah so by paying the extra it's worth it for my own mental state so we were being able to get on all the rides so we the kids were loving it we started going all the different rides and i end up going on like this dragon ride that's got two big drops and you know they're only five and three but i absolutely loved it and i really enjoyed it because i sort of i was doing all

the silly little duplo rides and the tea cups was building up my confidence i did the dragon ride at portons so i'm are you good on rides rob not really i don't mind heights i don't mind speed i just can't deal with the anticipation of waiting and i can't get up the cranking up is awful so i i will have a limit of certain rides but as long as i'm not in tears on on basically the waltzes, that's a good place to be. So I'm building up with the kids. And there'll be a point where they go mad ones that I can't do. But Lou loves them and she'll do that. Because I want to go Disney next year.

So I don't want to not be on the rides with my kids and enjoy it with them. So that's why we did it. Anyway, that was absolutely great. We love that. My issue with Legoland is when you stay over and they've got you on the complex, the dinner situation is unacceptable, Josh. Oh, no. What happened? It's a three-course meal, a head for not except your vouchers i don't know accepted vouchers i ordered the lamb rump two lamb chops came out oh my word that's not rump is it same animal same death same animal same they brought out an actual sheep

they said the rums in there somewhere yeah the rums in there somewhere and there was a little bit of some places 25 quid ahead and you get free courses the food or the food wasn't all right it was all right yeah it wasn't no the shit the food was shit if you only got one option there's a few options some of the things were all right i mean like like it's a one restaurant for everyone there's two restaurants there's that that one that's 25 quid ahead and then there's one that's like fine dining, which is more. But like, I'm not going to Legoland for fine dining. Do you know what I mean?

I want egg and chips in an early night. No, exactly. No one's going to Legoland for fine dining. No one's celebrating their anniversary at Legoland, are they? No, they're not. But anyway, I did have a really good time. So I don't want to poo-poo it all because there were some lovely people that worked there. I don't want to just sort of slag people off.

But this happened at the Lego Land, which is quite funny. When we was in the playground area, right? Cause we stayed there for two days. And then the second day I was watching the kids in the playground and I was just watching my kids like climbing up and going down the slides and play when you're on,

mate. I went, yeah. He went, why'd you keep looking at my daughter? I went, what are you talking about? I'm not looking at your daughter.

Someone saying to me, why are you looking at my five-year-old daughter that is not that is not a situation i would ever want to be put in right and then i went i'm not that's mine that's my daughter we were arguing we thought we had the same daughter now my head's spinning right like what are you talking about anyway this girl with blonde hair was wearing the exact same outfit my daughter had on the day before so you were looking at his daughter i was and now i've got no no no i wasn't some sort of pedo panic lie no actually my daughter had that outfit on yesterday oh my god it was horrible in what way were you looking like because you're in a park no but you know we're not like you know so you know when like you what you're in a park

but there's it's a big park and they're all and then so you're in a park, right? No, but you know when, like, you're in a park, but it's a big park, and so you're watching them, but then I'll move round to get a better angle if they're climbing up something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You sort of are, you're fluid. I'm not on the bench, phone out, they might smash their head kind of parent.

I will watch them, but no, that was brutal. But yeah, that was so funny. Did he buy your story? I mean, not that i'm accusing you of being a story but yeah he bought he bought my shit yeah he bought your excuse yeah no but then i went oh no oh god sorry no that she was wearing that yesterday i went that they're mine over there and stuff like that and um yeah so that sort of calmed it but i wasn't like you know i was just looking it wasn't like i was there like rubbing my thighs licking my lips i mean i

was just you didn't pick her up off off the slide and looking. It wasn't like I was there rubbing my thighs, licking my lips. No. I mean, I was just stood there. You didn't pick her up off the slide and carry her around. Yeah, I was not wandering around with a bag of sweets. And saying, let's get you an ice cream. Yeah. Sorry, mate. I've just parked the van up. I was just having a little look around, see what they've got.

But yeah, anyway, so that was a bit stressy. But no, we're good. How about, I've got more Legoland stuff, but I can do that on Friday. No, do it now if you want. You sure? Because I because i don't feel like i'm just absolutely um we've only done 21 minutes rob okay well i feel i could do hours on this um this is something else that doesn't lego land but really made me laugh oh no where was it i'll admit that yeah i've got i've got to warn i'll tell you this about lego land before we move on i've got to warn our audience about rides at Legoland okay so

my advice would be if they're young build them up go to Duplo World there's a little Duplo dinosaur get them on that do all those ones and then graduate it up maybe waltzes and stuff like that there's a little dragon ride and if they're enjoying that take on the big dragon ride be very careful though on Mythica it's their new one right and it says fun for all the family so there's like obviously a height limit but anyone can go on it and it's a simulation so you queue up and it's a big screen i like simulations oh i don't you're on this live your life in reality mate it's a big screen and then you're on this thing and your feet are dangling and there's like loads of like seats that turn around it feels a bit like you're a minority reporter in the future.

It's really cool. It's a great ride. And you're not actually going anywhere. They just blow air on your face and heat and a bit of water. Like if you're going over water to make it feel like you're going over water and then it drops and it spins. But it doesn't actually make you feel like you're flying through the world. But my children are too young to understand that's a simulation because it's such great graphics. And there's a bit where you're chasing a dragon with three heads and one of the heads is a lion one's a shark and one's a falcon and you chase it through to the bottom of volcano where it's all

molten lava and red and black and it's screaming and attacking you but my kids just lost their mind because they thought i just took them to hell you can't explain it because it doesn't it feels so real because that's the point of a simulation yeah yeah and that so that one that we thought that would be a nice chip but that one was probably the worst one for all the family insane someone wheeled their nan in a wheelchair and just pops her on the edge and i was like this woman she going to hate this. It's like some sort of acid dream, you know. But yeah, my poor kid. That one is, I'd say, keep them away from that until they're older. Because it isn't scary like a theme park ride.

It's scary as in like a horror film. Yeah, you don't want that. But yeah, so that's a little bit of a Legoland advice. But how are you, Josh? That's enough of me. You had your big birthday party, didn't you? Yeah, we had the party in the park. Is that a Radio 1 thing? I don't know. I i'm old i'm not one of those young people anymore rob like

you roll your jeans up no socks pair of canvas shoes pretend you like julepa you're on radio one um so it went very well yes the party i'm thinking of going into party planning rob how many how many attendees did you have in the end? Adults or kids. Yeah, because yours wasn't a drop-off, was it? She's younger and she's not started school yet. I wasn't like, let's all go to the park and I'll look after your kids. So I turn up.

There was about 15 kids, I'd say. Okay. And probably 20 adults, I suppose, in that. No, 25 adults. Most people came with two um that's quite a big old doing it in the park you could do a big old do i really want to do a parent in hell festival that's that's my that's why i organized it for you rob after the after the success of this we'll take over victoria park when people can like you know go and visit the little hut you sat in

when it was raining oh yeah well you could do like a guided tour. So, sorry. So I did it in Millfields park in Clapton. Oh, you changed it up because. No, I was never doing in Victoria park. Rob assumed that. It was always a ruse.

Was it? No, I never said the words Victoria park. Oh really? I said the park people assumed it. Bang dealt with idiots. Idiots. I think I might've said Victoria park. Do you know. Idiots. Idiots, I think.

I might have said Victoria Park. Do you know what I'm not going to do, Rob? Go back and check. I can tell you that for free. But we had a lovely time, Rob. The soft play and the entertainer. It looked good. You sent me a photo.

It looked pretty good, that soft play. It's good soft play. Good soft play. He, at the party started at two, they were like, the company were like, you probably need an hour and a half beforehand to set up the soft play so i went ahead met him at 12 30 yeah it was set up by one he went he went to get a sandwich and i was literally left in the park alone surely he should be in charge of it well he was like can i go and get a sandwich before the kids turn up i was like yeah and then before i knew it, I'm basically some weirdo sitting with a soft play

drinking beer on my own. Random kids try and get on it. No, I was just in the corner of a park. Right? Just with a soft play. I'll be honest with you. Hiding in plain sight. Hiding in plain sight.

Just watching other people's kids like you do. Yeah, and they wore that outfit yesterday. They've got no clothes on. There was a cricket match at the other end of the park i watched that from a distance and i'm going to be honest with you rob yeah it's probably one of the most happy hours of my life i mean yeah that is back that would yeah i'm just thinking actually pre-parenthood

what a waste of time as a parent what an hour little beer what a good weather as well beer in the sun i had a bench next to my soft play. Had a beer. Sat there. Caught up on some email admin. Email admin, isn't it? So, it was quite an East London-y party, Rob. Oh, God, talk to me. How many pairs of glasses?

Oh, there was a lot of pairs of glasses, Rob. There was a lot. Because in South East London, blokes are so geezery, they will happily not be able to see anything before wearing glasses. They will wander around blind. Most people had a job that didn't need doing and i include myself in that no one no one did a sort of practical job well there was a bit where we had to erect a cardboard tp that we'd been uh given by nursery because they were clearly trying to get rid of it yeah right they were like oh you're having a party

you you can have this and i was like that was very nice of them yeah turn up absolute disaster recycling nightmare i imagine me and another dad setting it up and i just thought there's no one here i can see now there's no one here who's practical right there's literally no one here who's practical when we went to center parks with our friends right steve who's like a he's a builder, but now he's in charge of the builders. He's a manager. He just went, he was a bit bored, and the kids were playing out by the grassy trees, foresty bit at Centre Parks,

and he just built a teepee out of twigs, like one that Bear Grylls would build. That's what people can do. Meanwhile, I'm struggling to build a teepee while half of the DJ geo Simeon mobile disco gives me advice. But while we're making the teepee, I did think this is,

you know, yeah, this isn't a party of people who've got hard fingers. Shall we say, well, you'd be surprised, you know, unless he uses a plectrum.

If he's on the guitar. They have surprisingly long nails, rock stars, don't they? So, anyway. So, I'm going to send you a photo, Rob. I ordered some, this is the most East London thing you'll ever see in your life, I think. Okay, what did you order? I ordered some bunting. I would say the least East London place, Amazon, right?

Some bunting from Amazon. Bunting is a bit East London, but also very Middle England countryside. I accidentally ordered some very ethical bunting, Rob. You ready to see this bunting, Rob? Oh, yes. I would describe it as the least fun bunting I've ever seen in my life. But it's ethical. That's the main thing.

Well, I think that's what I ordered by mistake. Oh, God. No, it's quite sad, actually, isn't it? It looks like nice bunting that's been out for a year, and you finally cut it down. Yeah, I mean, it's literally hung up by what looks like parcel, you know, baler twine. Do you know what it looks like? It looks like sort of that rope, but also it could be, you know, baler twine. Do you know what it looks like? It looks like sort of that

rope, but also it could be, you know, like a white man with dreads, if he would dread his pubes. Yeah, so it doesn't look very long though, either. There's not much of it. Is that to go around the teepee? I had to buy three. No, it was to go around the tables. Do you want to see my tables display? Yes, please. I'll show you my table display.

This was before the sandwich plates had arrived that i'd made so uh i was very pleased with it this is why i'm going into party planning also lou called me out on something i said on the podcast josh oh no i was talking about the party bags we had for our party and lou went oh the party bags we had rob why don't you tell me what was in those bags rob so we did it and all I can remember was the bag was canvas. There was a load of crap in it. It's good, great stuff.

And there was balloons, bubbles in it. And we gave them the inflatable animals. We did bubbles. I was in charge of the inflatable animals. I'm that guy. Oh, that's a lovely table. I like it. Very nice, isn't it?

That looks like an absolutely lovely party. It's great. You've got a few drinks. You've got an ice bucket, some pom bears. Didn't go, you know, they're just for snacking throughout the day. Loads of drinks. Yeah, snacking throughout. it's great you've got a few drinks you've got an ice bucket some pom bears um didn't go you know they're just for snacking throughout the day loads of drinks snacking throughout that's great mistakenly bought vegan cakes by mistake do you know what the only thing i'll do if i was you to look like an absolute legend order some pizzas to put on the table for the parents i certainly did to do that you did yes josh what a party my man so you ordered some pizzas for the adults while the kids had this,

and everyone had a little pizza playing. Mate, you've absolutely nailed that. So it was brilliant. I'd say it was the best day of my life. Really? No. No, come on. But it was as fun as...

So we were there till 8.30 p.m. Oh, my gosh, you animal. Drinking in the park, Rob. With the kids playing. 8.30pm oh my gosh you animal drinking in the park with the kids playing till 8.30pm with the with the remain

there was two sets of parents there was three sets of parents by the end yep and three kids till 8.30pm that is lovely having a lovely time in the park

summer's evening that's a bit frowned upon in like England but in Spain they all do that sure drinking in the park yeah

they always sit outside in the evening the kids play it's nice and the kids love all that exactly that's lovely josh at 9 p.m i got home and i fell asleep straight away before my daughter because i'd been up since 4 30 going to sleep before like a four-year-old is so degraded mate i i genuinely woke up this morning. I was like, I don't remember bedtime for my daughter. What would you do if you went downstairs and she was still sat there watching CBeebies? I don't care.

I feel refreshed. Best sleep I've had in ages. You know it's bad when your kids, whenever they're up too late, because CBeebies stops about seven, doesn't it? Right? And then CITV, which is like the bad boy of cartoons, isn't it? Yeah. Right?

Then that, even that stops at like nine or 10 and they went, Daddy, why have the cartoons stopped? I was like, because the world's telling us you need to sleep.

Yeah. You cannot stay awake anymore. Even CITV have turned off Mr. Bean. You have to sleep now. What about the seating in front of the adults? Do the adults all stand or do you sit on the grass?

Two, we bought two picnic blankets, mate. I think that's fair. And then anyone else who's got a problem with that, they bring a chair or a picnic blanket. You cannot provide seating for 28 people. You can't provide seating for 28 people. Turns into a fringe venue.

No, exactly, yeah. You start running little gigs out of it. It was less judgy than the fringe, Rob. It was a very pleasant experience. I didn't leave hating myself like I normally do when I do the i did a fringe oh god that is a dark place for a performer good luck good luck to anyone up there keep going enjoy yourselves you had a great excuse to have a year off and you've still gone up idiots um just well i'm really happy with you josh because it's obvious now that like that you know i feel like the acid reflux for the bubba has calmed down.

You're getting a bit more sleep and you're enjoying it a bit more. And that's good for the listeners because as much as I loved hearing you struggle, and we all did a bit, I was a bit like, oh God, I hope it gets a bit easier for him because you want it to have fun.

So it feels like this is a hope. This is a hope episode for those people with young babies. You can drink in the park till 8.30 after three months. You could be pissed in the park after three months asleep at nine after being up at 4 30 a.m that is your future you know yeah exactly i should say that obviously my wife was being very um you know in charge so uh it wasn't that i was just

hammered and there was a child let's keep that let's just be very clear josh do you know someone sent me this do you know what if someone google searches you what they search what the most popular searches are no disabled's definitely one of them yeah so it goes in this order just josh widdicombe on its own yeah josh widdicombe height yeah fair enough it's odd but fair enough then josh widdicombe wife yeah then disability yeah i've told you the story haven't i when i checked into a hotel and they thought they thought i was you and they've told you the story, haven't I, when I checked into a hotel and they thought I was you. And they've given you a disabled room? Yeah. I get disabled rooms all the time in hotels.

They're accessible rooms. Accessible rooms. Sorry, I get accessible rooms all the time in hotels. Do you know what? I actually quite like the space. But I just feel guilty in case someone actually needs it. I was doing a corporate event, Rob, and I

asked a woman where the toilet was and she took me to the disabled toilet and I was too embarrassed to tell her that I

wasn't disabled so I just used it what do they think is wrong with you probably no foot probably

because that's the bit that's not visual he's probably got no foot that's why he needs a 12 foot by 12 foot toilet he's walked in there absolutely fine he's still on stage for an hour absolutely fine but he's just gonna need a wider toilet just in case

oh dear no it just made me laugh people keep sending that in um yeah and i got a really funny message when i was in Legoland as well, because as much as Legoland was fun, it is quite stressful. Obviously, with kids, it was quite hot. We were marching about, and someone said, I think we need to add, you know, we have salty and non-salty stories. So if you've seen, and I think they died off a bit because we was in lockdown.

So it was all like anecdotal stuff from years gone by. So if you do experience any saltiness or unsalty behavior for me and josh you can still send it in i think we need another level which is um predicted salt i don't know what we call it but where someone said you wasn't some message going i saw it at legoland you wasn't salty but you had a look in your eye that you would be salty to someone if they tried to talk to you so it's almost like a predicted salt where i was so stressed scared to go up to you because you're looking too stressed yeah or like you would have been salty to someone that day where because it's so busy you're so stressed the kids are you're trying to get in the queue you're moving moving the buggy and you're trying to buy you

know like drinks about 40 quid for a cup of coffee yeah um and so yeah we may need another level of potential salt but i did have if you've seen another level of potential salt, but I did have... Yeah, if you've seen us looking angry and flustered. Yes, I did have the... I was dead behind the eyes at one point in Legoland before I had a coffee.

I drank... Because it was hot. All they had were these like Costa cans of double espressos. Oh, mate. I had five. What?

No wonder you're suffering from anxiety, mate. That's not anxiety. That's 10 espressos i know but i had nothing left in the tank josh it's all i had it is all i had what timing are you doing those on well we woke up they woke up at five on the first day because i was excited so that's what i had like one, but I, maybe five's a bit strong. I had five coffees in the day, I think, but three of them. I had one coffee when I woke up in the room, instant. At breakfast, instant, because it was four quid extra for a other coffee.

Don't worry about it. Rob, you're earning, mate. You can afford a nice coffee. I know, but do you know how much it is to stay in that fucking hotel? Anyway. An instant coffee. Come on. Yeah, yes i had two instant coffees and then i had three of the cans so i had one of the cans probably about 10 a.m when the

park opens we ate so i was up at five coffee coffee at 8 a.m um breakfast coffee at 10 a.m one at one o'clock one at half three oh my god and did you get any come down because if i have one coffee i feel depressed the next day. No, I was tired the next day. It was more tiredness, but like, yeah,

I'm drinking, I was drinking, I'm drinking a little bit too much coffee, but I'm calming that down now. Cause the week's calming down. It's just been a bit of a, cause yeah, cause Lou's taking the kids to a caravan park for four nights with her

parents because I've got to record the audio book. Yeah. I'm recording the audio book this week as well, but that's when they're away. So I'm going to be able to catch up. But you're not doing it from home. I didn't want to commute from the caravan part they're going to, to be honest.

Yes, yes. And then go back because Lou's staying in a caravan. Right. It's a free bed caravan, but they always say they can sleep 10, don't they? Because you can make the front room into beds or whatever. Do you know who's in this caravan? Her mum and dad, her, the two girls,

her sister and her sister's husband and their kid. And then for two of the four nights, Lou's sister and boyfriend are coming down. Bloody hell. In a three-bed caravan. Absolutely can't imagine anything worse. Her dad's just had a hip replacement, so I don't know where he's going to sit.

Oh, my word. It's carnage, mate. Oh, God. Rob, you are gonna have a lovely few days i know just sat there on my own reading a book i've written out loud which i cannot imagine will make me do anything other than go slightly mental yeah that is going to be an odd few days but at least when you get home in the evening you're playing xbox i'm just gonna i'm gonna just hammer warzone and i'm gonna eat shit all week and then get sad because i miss them after two

days well that's nice that'll be my process yeah i always think you saved it there i think if lou left me yeah and just left just i'm leaving you and took the kids comes up a lot on this show no the phrase if lou let's think about you've got to have options in it you've got to think about you do definitely ponder on it don't you yeah yeah well yeah exactly so it's probably some sort of self-worth thing but we don't need to go into that. But if she did leave me, I reckon the first two days would be incredible. Right?

You're just like, you're there, quiet house, you're sleeping, you're ordering food. There's loads of food in the fridge that your kids aren't eating. You're getting through all the stuff on catch up you've missed. But then it really hits home after five days, I'd say. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. I'm going to say it, Rob. If you and Lou split up, there's no way you're the one that gets to keep the house. I'll be in a really sad flat somewhere. Oh, God. Central. It's really easy, though, for work. Oh, yeah.

And for crying. No, no, no, no. There is news agents in the middle of Soho. It's fine. They're open 24 hours. Yeah, sure, it's loud, but, you know, I'm a pretty deep sleeper. Yeah, sure, it's loud, but, you know, I'm a pretty deep sleeper. Josh, are we having messages from people?

We've got to do a small business shout-out. We've just spoken for ages. Yeah, sorry. We've just had a very, very, you know, busy parenting week. Very busy parenting week. Okay, well, let's do a small business shout- shout out and then we can do some correspondence on Friday, which I think will be well needed. Let's have a look at small business.

What small business you got here? Ah, this is good. Yes, this is a really helpful one. This is a great idea. This is, here we go. Small business shout out. Hi, Rob and Josh and Michael. Hope you're well.

I'm not a parent, but I'm an enthusiastic auntie and a big fan of your podcast. My friend Sophie has a small online business that I was hoping you could shout out about, please. Sprout, and it's www.sproutperks.com, is an online discount club for parents and expectant parents. Sophie wanted to create an opportunity for parents

to save what can be a very expensive time from pregnancy to parenthood. The mission is to offer the best discounts on everything you need for the parenting journey. Sophie has been working so hard to get the business up and running over the last couple of years, while also raising two little boys under two. So you can sign up to it and get loads of details. See all the discounts. I've got ones here off Mamma Mio skincare,

Latched, Snooshade, Seraphine. So yeah, you can sign up all 12 months for £10 with zero obligation. And yeah, so you pay a tenner and then they give you loads of access to all these discounts. Sounds like a good idea. That is a great idea.

That is a very good idea. Isn't it? Jojo Mama Bebe. Some of the names for kids stuff, so mental, isn't it? Oh yeah, Jojo Mama Bebe. Jojo Mama Bebe. Some of the names for kids stuff are so mental, aren't they? Oh, yeah. Jojo Mama Bebe. Jojo Mama Bebe. I can only say Bebe.

How do you say the accents over the Bebe? Bebe. I don't know. Bebe. Yeah, so they've got loads of different... I think you have to sign up and then you get access to all these different discounts. And I think they show you the discounts beforehand, so you know what you're signing up for. Jojo Mama Bebe.

So that's sproutperks.com. Oh, I'm still going on that. Is it like the Man U player, Bebe? Oh, 35% off pushchairs, M-L-L-E. We're actually having two different conversations now. It's an astonishing achievement. What are you talking about? I was still doing the Bebe thing, trying to work it out.

Sorry, I'm on M-L-L-E. Patty & Co, Noah & Nanny. Look at all these names. R&O-B, Snuggle Bundle. Why do they always spell things wrong in the kids names and stuff so Snuggle Bundle

is B-U-N-D-L B-U-N-D-L A-N-O-E on the end yeah people love that they love that I swear they always they love spelling it a bit wrong to make it look

I don't know why yeah I don't know Rosa and Bo hot tea mama mini manny I'm obsessed with Zippy Up, all in caps. Don't know why. Zippy Up?

Zaza Storybox. Look at this, all these things. Everyone's getting a shout out today. Anyway, Mama Made, Vitti Mum. Okay, we get the point, Rob. Sorry, okay, sproutperks.com. Hello. I am a single mum of an almost two-year-old.

I studied and retrained throughout the various lockdowns to be an infant and child sleep consultant, passed exams and qualified in April of this year. And I'm loving being able to help parents come out of the sleep deprived state. I was in when my girl was a baby. Yeah. My approach to child sleep is always gentle,

supportive and loving. It doesn't involve crying without comfort. And I hope to change the idea of sleep training as being something that is harsh or that is anything other than a positive impact for child or parent. My website is, oh, you're going to love this, Rob. Give it to me. I mean, this is a very difficult website to read out. I've got to tell you, this is a bit of feedback. Anyone starting a small business, whatever your talent is or whatever you're good at,

you cannot forget the business side of it. But do you know what, Rob? You've got to make it easy and accessible. Do you know what, Rob? They get us because they know the moment I read out this website address, we're going to say it 16 times because we're going to talk about it like that guy the other day. Maybe that's the advert. Maybe that's the way to do it.

Go on. www.babyzzzssleep.coco.uk i mean that's confusing zzz baby z's i suppose baby dot baby dot zzz no no no no no baby zzz s sleep no dots www.babyzedsleep.co.uk because it'll be the company will be called Baby Z's or baby like as in baby sleep B-A-B-Y Z-Z-Z

S sleep .co.uk okay that's not too bad that is hard to spell that's an hard one do you know what it's a good name for a company

until you put it in the yeah in the context of the website name is there an argument for Z's as in Z.E-E-S Baby Z's I mean Zed.EES? Baby Z's. I mean, look, I don't want to be a business consultant.

It's too late. It's too late. But do you know what? Do you know what? You've got the small business shout out. We've talked about it longer than usual. You've absolutely played us like a violin. I am based in mid-Devon due to being run mostly online and via Zoom.

So my business is national or global. Global. Bloody love the podcast. Thanks, Emma. Don't limit yourself emma you're global now um thanks for listening people we've got another great episode on friday we'll do some of your instagrams you've sent in some amazing instagrams we will get around to doing them maybe we'll do a special um correspondence catch-up episode one week um on the friday to get through some of it because we keep yabbingbing on. We should do that. We should do that.

And also I've got an amazing voice note from Lou. I'm going to play on Friday about this cat that keeps bothering us. I've told you about this cat, haven't I? No. We've got a cat. Let's save it for Friday, Rob.

Okay. We've got this cat. There's not ours. Don't leave us alone. And it's escalating. I'll tell you about it on Friday. See you later. Bye.

Hello. And it's escalating. I can't tell you about it. It's on Friday. See you later. Bye. Hello, I'm Sean Walsh. And I'm Paul McCaffrey. And we're here to tell you that our podcast, What's Upset You Now, is back for a brand new series. Now, I know what you're thinking. Do I have time in my life for another comedian-hosted podcast

with my busy schedule? Well, in most cases, no. But here's why What's Upset You Now is different. Each week, we ask ourselves and a guest what's upset you now, and we spend exactly 15 minutes discussing and ranting about the frustrations and idiocies of everyday life. Anything from a bus driver wanting the exact change to those people doing yoga in the park.

And quite often, just simply each other yeah it's basically anything and everyone it's the podcast equivalent of being in the pub with your two funny mates putting the world to rights yeah at 2am so do expect shouting listen to what's upset you now available on all podcast platforms