Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP21: My sweat has started to smell different...

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP21: My sweat has started to smell different...More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whittaker. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you are listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? That's all right. Good girl. Can you say Josh Weddecombe? Weddecombe. Weddecombe.

Well done, darling. There we go. Oh, that's nice. That started South African and finished Scottish. It's like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. Come on. Still works. How old's that film?

24 years? It's still a nice bit of work, isn't it? Nice bit of satire. I'll tell you what, Dick Van Dyke sounds a bit funny in that new film. What about Kevin Costner as Robin Hood, eh? Have you heard that new tune from Bryan Adams? I think it's going to be a big song, you know?

I think it's going to stream well. Do you know what, though? I bet it doesn't stream well. I wonder how many, you know, like it was number one for 16 weeks or whatever. Yeah. When was the last time you heard that? Well, do you know what? I think you get like, why don't we write a song and stream it on Spotify

to see what we could hit? I mean, that's not going to happen, is it? This week, Rob. Not this week. No, not this week. Before we talk about your PR tour, what it feels like, you're the winner of Big Brother 7,

the amount of radio interviews. Everyone wants a piece of Josh Whittaker. I'd like to take my Brian Adams observation back. He's had 339 million streams of that song on Spotify. Summer of 69 doubled it though. It did, didn't it? Even though,

as we all agree, it's an average sex position. I did a great sex position joke. Cause that's, I think it's a bit hack. The whole funny wording. Oh, it sounds like a sex position.

Oh, it sounds like a porn star name. Do you know what I mean? But I was doing an awards and up for one of the awards was Brunel carriage. Brunel carriage sounds like a sex position or sounds like a porn star name do you know what i mean but i was doing an awards and up for one of the awards was brunel carriage like brunel carriage sounds like a sex move and i i think that's a good one yeah sometimes people jump to that joke too quickly but um but i think a brunel carriage i think also rob yeah when you're doing an awards all kind of creative questioning is off anything that can get you through the night i did the british insurance awards the other week and this i was really happy with this josh i said and now we

come to british insurance personality of the year no nominees i'm afraid hopefully next year that's a bit of fun isn't it oh lovely no personality in insurance you know you didn't like that you didn't seem like that that much did you check a text halfway through that? No, I didn't check a text halfway through. No, I was just, to be honest with you, Rob, I was just thinking about the, I just disappeared into a dark kind of hole of thinking about doing those awards ceremonies. Yeah, well, don't think about that now.

I quite enjoy them. I'm going on post-lockdown. You haven't done an in-person awards ceremony? I haven't done an in-person award ceremony an in-person award ceremony since one where we weren't allowed to touch the people but the drunk people winning awards were not playing ball oh just before lockdown yeah i've done quite a few but i think um i think i don't think romesh like i don't think romesh does many and i am happy to gobble them up i'm like a pacman give me a hotel function room with some,

you know, normally fat white blokes in suits and I'll dish out some awards. Oh, there's a lot of white middle-aged baldies there, isn't there? There's a lot of

60-year-old white men. A lot of CEOs, isn't there? Their big bellies only just got back in their suits after lockdown. Good luck to them.

Sweating profusely as they came to collect their awards. After having Chicken Supreme the full time that week. Josh, what would you think the Brunel carriage would be as a sex move off the top of your head? Well, carriage is... Well, it's held and suspended, doesn't it? Yeah, it's held and suspended.

And Brunel was obviously the inventor of the suspension bridge. So I think you're going at it so hard, there's steam coming out your arse. Like in the Industrial Revolution. Yeah, exactly. And you're also wearing a top hat. Yeah, it's quite an intense move, but it really pays off. It's sort of inspired by the opening ceremony

of the Olympics in 2012. Do send in your illustrations of what you imagine it is. Yeah, if you are going to have a little go at the Brunel carriage tonight, let us know. Don't film it and send it in. That is not the kind of thing we're allowed to ask for. No, we're not doing that. We'll pop it on Instagram and the whole podcast will be over.

Suddenly we're pornographers. We're the kings of solo all of a sudden. Also, no more Dion Dublin Dublin messages. Thank you very much. You've proved that you do listen. Poor Michael. He's had to order more cloud storage for the emails, I'm sorry um who was that sorry i'm overexcited i've had a very strong coffee you know who was the scottish people sorry god yeah we've got we've got i am really full

of energy i've had a good week you are going to do you know like when manchester city have 85 percent of possession in a game that's going to be you in this podcast my heat map's going to dominate everyone's going to have a go Rob you spoke over Josh again I'm just going to sit back and soak up the pressure you're going to park the bus you're going to park the conversational bus and ideally fall asleep in the bus hi Rob and Josh absolutely love the podcast it's given my partner and I great insight and laughs into what will hit us the following years with our little girl, Florence, 20 months. No.

Which is like, after realising Florence was mimicking every word we were saying, we thought we'd try out for lockdown. Try out for the Lockdown Parenting Hell podcast. It's not X Factor. Oh, no, no, no, there is. It's actually, we're not going to put a, we're not going to charge you to listen, but we can cut off the stream if we don't think your banter is strong enough. There is a qualifying. It's like a members club now. Yeah.

And the people that don't know this, they just think we've stopped. Yeah. I used to enjoy that podcast. Oh, don't you know? I realised the scale of the mimicking when I accidentally said, fuck's sake, when my partner was driving me mad. To my horror, Florence's little voice perked up behind me and shouted, fuck's sake. As you can imagine, swearing is now banned in the household.

Yes. I was quite impressed with her pronunciation of Widdicombe, but Phil Robbeck, it sounded more like rabbit. There we go. That is from Gemma. Florence. In Paddington in Scotland. Paddington in Scotland?

Paddington. No, Paddington. Paddington. Okay, fair enough. Oh, that sounds like it's going to be nice, Paddington. Have you ever been to Paddington in Scotland. Haddington. No, Haddington. Haddington. Okay, fair enough. Oh, that sounds like it's going to be nice, Haddington. Have you ever been to Haddington? No, but there's lots of lovely places in Scotland, isn't there? It's very picturesque.

Josh, how has your week been? You are everywhere. I'm so tired, Rob. For someone who said they didn't know how to sell a book, every time I go on Instagram or turn the radio on or turn the telly on, I see your face and your book. Yeah, it's know what you're a machine i'm not saying that i'm burned out right but i'm i'm living so much on adrenaline that my sweat has started to smell different that cut that's not a thing it is is, because it must be. What's it smell of?

A different smelly amount. My sweat smells worse because I think, because the amount of adrenaline going through my body this week just to keep me going. Now, it doesn't look like a book about a young buck who remembers watching the telly. It sounds like you're an ex-90s TV drug addict talking about being on the telly.

Well, that's why I was on the bloody number one of the gambling charts in Amazon. But now you're, you're on the normal charts. Now the television charts, you're number one, aren't you? Yeah.

It's been a lovely, it's been a lovely experience and I've had some lovely times, but we don't focus on them on this podcast. Right. So do you want to hear the disasters? Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Let's not beat around the bush. I've had a lovely time on Chris Evans. Now let's tell you about a disaster I had on Capital Extra. I did enjoy the fact that you was on Radio 2 with Emma Raducanu. What took about being a spare prick at a wedding? Jesus.

Who cares? Me, Emma Raducano, Anton Dubac, you might as well fuck us off out the building there, mate. I'm on the one show with Dubac tonight. I'm on two shows with Dubac in 12 hours. What's he promoting? Strictly? Yeah, Strictly's on tomorrow, isn't it? Do you need to promote that? Who doesn't know that's back?

I know. It's like when they go, could you do some interviews about the new series The Last Leg? You're like, are you fucking kidding? It's only been off for four weeks. No one cares. People have made their mind up. They like us or they hate us.

We don't need to tell them, oh, what's this show? They know. Strictly as well. People know Strictly's on. You might as well go and do PR for Saturdays. Do you know, guys, it's Saturday tomorrow? Yeah, yeah. Anton Debeck here is talking about Saturday. Yeah, you might have forgot, but he's coming back after Friday.

Every week, it's Saturday. Okay, now Strictly's on. Oh, yeah. What can you ask? Anyway, let's talk to you about Capital Extra. So have you seen your kids this week? Oh, no, mate. It's been really bad.

Oh, no, mate. It's been really bad. So I did Capital with Amanda Holden and Jamie Theakston. Yeah, which was pleasant. Very nice. They're lovely people, aren't they? Lovely people. Also, it's great for you because all the people that now present the radio are people you watched on the telly.

Exactly. You're going, Theakston, Evans, Ball. It's just, it's absolutely perfect. Yeah. Then on to the one show for Ronan Keating, who I'm not going to lie, I slag off boys only in the book, but I'm confident he won't have read it. So let's plow on.

No, yeah, I think you'll be fine. He didn't read the book, did he? He didn't read the book. He didn't read the book. Anyway, yeah, I did Capital Extra, Rob. As an extra thing, they were like, you know, while you're here, can you do this? The classic.

So Capital FM, that's the one that Roman Kemp does the breakfast show on. They're all in the same building, aren't they? They're on the global radio building, which is a... So Extra, what's the music there? Because Capital's pop music. What's Extra? Capital Extra is the urban music channel.

Okay, so i'll get you okay cool right so once i knew i was in the building i started sniffing around yeah i know he's really great for our demographic josh widdicombe talking about telly in the 90s well no because it was one of those can you do this for the socials things right oh for the socials the classic while you're here for the previous people that the example they showed me were romesh and John and Lucy together. So I thought if John and Lucy have done it, fine. Oh, yeah.

Romesh is into hip hop and urban music. But John and Lucy, fine. Yeah, I'd say you're cooler than John and Lucy. Do you know what, mate? That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I think you're more capital extra. I am more urban than Lucy Beaumont and John Richardson. So I was meant to have a 20-minute gap before this.

My one 20-minute gap today, and then I got a text from my agent saying, you've forgotten to do the chat about the who do you think you are quotes. And so if I'm unprepared for this, it's because the 20 minutes I'd allowed to think about my week was then taken up with another PR interview. How has this happened josh

because i'm a man who can't say no rob so did you did you was this like did you agree to do loads of things in lockdown when stuff was quiet and it's all come at once is that what's happened no i said when when the book came out i was like i'm willing to do as much pr as you want me to do because when you've put the effort into doing something, I'm happy to do PR. You've done more than Radhikarnu and she won the US Open. You're set for set with Radhikarnu on PR. She doesn't need to do PR, mate. She went to the Met Ball.

I'm surprised you didn't squeeze that into your schedule. It's awful, isn't it, when you have to leave the Met Ball early because you're doing BBC Radio Berkshire. I didn't find that when you go to Radio Berkshire, and then it's like, oh, yeah, because you've got a few more tickets to sell in Reading. I'm like, oh, fucking come or don't.

You know what I mean? Oh, Jesus Christ. Because I'm not across the tour, like the sales of the tour. I just don't want to know. Okay, but you know, if they're sending Christ because I'm not across the tour like the sales of the tour I just don't want to know okay but you know if they send you

to Radio Berkshire that's the problem when I get an email saying could you do this local radio interview I think well that's a fucking write off Liverpool's not selling

there we go you're better off knowing I'm better off knowing but I just prefer to live in oh well that's the end of Stoke

I look forward to that one now because I'm doing bloody Radio Stafford well um I thought I thought it was a hate campaign against me in like Belfast and Derry then I realized that they're just still in lockdown and the theaters are shut I thought that makes sense and that's why people aren't booking tickets I'm sorry Josh I keep talking right capital extra oh yeah so um so you had to watch four hip-hop videos on YouTube and you have to commentate on them and make my comments right basically well that's that's sort of a one way to get cancelled that isn't it for you little uh little honky boy with glasses sitting there judging hip-hop videos well you're not judging i you you play a low status rob you talk about how

you know there was one that was set in a prison i talk about i wouldn't do well in prison that kind of you bring it back to you. Absolutely. You bring it back to yourself. Bring it back to me, make me the idiot, right? Yes, exactly. But then it turned out I was the idiot. But they didn't realise I'd made this mistake wrong.

So they played the first two videos. I did a solid job. The third one, they pressed play. First minute, it was quite a generic, boring hip-hop track. And then I was like, this song has gone mad. It's like, it's almost unlistenable. And I kind of admire it because I've never heard,

like, I've never heard it. It's so layered. And it's like, there's so many different beats. And I got to the end. And then I realized they'd managed to play two YouTube videos at the same time.

They were like a remix. They'd been playing two different tracks i was talking about how this is like nothing i've ever heard before in my life they're like this is so uncommercial as well it's really admirable that they've made this a single because you can't really hear what's going on this is a seven inch is this a seven new drop. It's amazing that you can buy this in our price. But they didn't notice I'd done it, Rob. So I just deleted the second YouTube video. I never spoke of it.

And they must have thought, he had a really weird reaction to that really generic YouTube, that really generic YouTube song. But it turned out I was listening to two songs at the same time. Oh, no. Oh, Josh. Oh, dear. So that was one of the low moments the other low moment

well it was a high moment but was um i was doing near hell on five live yeah and uh they surprised me with a special guest oh because we were talking about big break and they surprised me with john virgo on the phone oh wow i'm not saying exciting, Rob, but my glasses steamed up. Josh, you weren't. I remember once we were talking about 8 Out of 10 Cats Has Countdown, and you went, whenever I go on that, you sort of treat me like the little nerd. You know, and they say, oh, you and John get on because you're a cardigan, because you're little nerds. And it's annoying because I'm not actually a nerd.

And then you say things like that. And you can't complain. Do you know what? I've relaxed into who I am in the last six months, Rob. At one point, eight years ago, you thought you was the lead singer of an indie band, but then you realised you're a little funny nerd fella from the countryside. So how was Virgo? He was absolutely lovely. Do you know what? It was a dangerous game they played because they asked me about Jim Davidson just before. I could have easily

gone in two-footed on Davidson with Virgo sat there on the phone waiting to talk to me. Is Virgo still mates with him? Well, this did come up in the interview.

They don't see each other anymore, but they've just got very different lives. It's not that they've fallen out. Oh, okay. They've got very

different lives. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, but I've got mates like that you swerve after a bit. Yeah, exactly. I had more respect

for Virgo once he'd said that than I ever did and I've got a lot of respect for Jgo once he'd said that than I ever did. And I've got a lot of respect for JV. So anyway, that's been my week. Basically, Rob, I've been doing that.

I've got a Sunday brunch on Sunday. When have you got it? Thanks for that extra bit of intel. It's good listening to you. You get all the insight in the television industry.

That is a long show. You're going to slip up on that. I'm going to tell you why because you're knackered and when you're there for three hours, you just relax. It's all right. Me're going to slip up on that. I'm going to tell you why, because you're knackered. And when you're there for three hours, you just relax. It's all right, me and Anton Dubek are on together, so that'll be no. It's not a trip, I love Dubek. It's not, it's not. That's him promoting Sundays.

Who are you on with on Sunday? Who are you on with Sunday brunch? Desiree Birch and Jamie Lang. So that'll be nice. Oh, Jamie Lang's good fun. Yeah, he's a nice bloke. I just find the best thing to do on there

is just be disruptive. Yeah? Yeah. It's boring otherwise. Have I ever told you about the one time I went on Sunday brunch and the disaster?

I must have told you this about the egg. I can't imagine there's two separate egg on Sunday brunch stories. So it must be one and I would have known it if you'd told us already.

So I went on sunday brunch uh yeah quite a long time ago and um i so you have to do the cooking segment right yeah so as you know i'm vegetarian i brought up vegetarian yeah i did i never liked eggs or eating eggs right yeah so that's just a separate thing right but it means that I'd got to the age of whatever I was then 30 yeah and I

I'd never cracked an egg Rob oh no like Richard Blackwood with a lime egg yeah it was like Richard Blackwood and then they were like if you could just

you'd never cracked an egg no because there was no need because I've never cooked eggs so when would I have cracked an egg this was before kids. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, before having kids.

Exactly. So they were like, if you could just crack that egg into that bowl. I was like, I didn't want to say I've never cracked an egg. I couldn't say it. You should have. I should have. Thinking back, it would have been much more entertaining. That's what I mean.

Be disruptive. What you should have done is just launched it in the bowl like you're frying a baseball. I had to crack the egg. So how did you do it? Just bite it? I knew it. I see how to crack it.

Yeah, like a grenade. Yeah. Well, you must have seen someone crack an egg. Yeah, so I did do it. But how? Just like on the side of the bowl? On the side of the bowl. Yeah.

But it was a lot tougher. I was too tentative, Rob. They're tougher. Tough old eggshells. I just didn't want to go through it and go full egg. So it took about six hits to crack my egg. You must have looked so weak. Yeah.

Because no one thinks someone's holding back. They just think that that's as hard as you can do it. Like an old man. Do you know what no one's thinking at home? I bet he's never cracked an egg before. No one's thinking that's what's going on there. He's quite weak, isn't he, Josh? He can barely get any momentum up to crack that egg.

Poor sod. Well, enjoy Sunday brunch. Yeah. But you've got no parenting stuff. Tomorrow I'm going to a harvest festival. Oh, what? At the nursery? Or is it PR gig?

Hi, guys. I'm here. Just want to sell the book as much as possible. I'll say it's your daughter's harvest festival. It's the sister school of the nursery. They're holding a harvest festival. Because I've got basically most of the weekend free rob and lovely i cannot it sounds like on sunday it's my actually i'm doing bromley sunday night so but on sunday afternoon i'm free

you're such a weekend's free you're doing sunday you're doing friday night you're the one show on sunday morning you're on sunday brunch and you're doing a night you're on the one show Anton Debeck Sunday morning you're on Sunday brunch and you're doing a tour show Sunday night and that's a free weekend is it Jesus Christ what has it come to doing the terms and conditions

on strictly Saturday night but apart from that free as a bird if you want to hook up I do think PR's overrated sometimes I think people there's no way

you should have told me this 48 hours ago Rob I don't think you convince anyone to watch or do something, but I think you remind them. You remind them it exists. It's not QVC, is it? No, no, you're not listening to Anton DeBette going,

oh, that sounds interesting. What's so celebs? Learn a different dance. And then they sort of, so who they dance on their own? Oh, with a professional. That's interesting. And then you vote. Oh, brilliant.

Yeah, I might give it a go, Anton, actually. Do email him with the most pointless thing you've ever seen someone promoting, PR-wise. Anything that needs less PR than Strictly. Well, I saw Richard Osman on this morning with his new book. You know, he's written... His novel has become one of the biggest selling books ever behind Harry Potter and Dan Brown Da Vinci Code.

And he's on... Have a lieian, mate. Why would you? Surely you don't. Come on. You don't need to do this morning, Richard. You don't need to do it, Richard. Also, you didn't even need to write a book.

You weighed in already. The geezer's minted. Have an afternoon off. Let someone else earn it. Come on. Chill out, mate. But if you do want to promote it on here, Rich, we're always here.

Oh, yeah. Come on, Osmo. Osmo, you've got a couple of kids. We'll get him on here Rich we're always here oh yeah come on Osmo Osmo you've got a couple of kids we'll get him on here how have you been Rob? do you know what it's been a better week a much better week

after the car crash of last week and I think it wasn't going yeah I mean yeah but we can't because that was a very popular episode Rob I know but you come on put the effort in my sweat swells differently Rob

that's what I'm doing for this podcast. What does it smell like? It smells like a man with BO. And I can't get rid of it. I tell you what I smell like. I tell you what I smell like. I don't know why I was asking that question. I smell like...

Have you ever had one of those T-shirts that's got awful smell trapped in it? Yeah, yeah. That's my skin. Also, as well, you're not a shorts wearer. You'd be in jeans. You'll have thick denim jeans on,

a jacket and T-shirt, whatever the weather. I'm not turning up to Capital Extra in a pair of shorts. Thank you very much, Rob. I've done club gigs on weekends in heat waves in espadrilles and shorts and t-shirts.

Unbelievable. It's on brand, Rob. It's on brand. I'm just going to take my jumper off. Of course he's got a jumper on. You know, it's 25 degrees in London. Pop a jumper on to see the... Absolutely one of the most stupid things I've ever done wearing that jumper this morning. I'm wearing sports gear. No wonder you stink. The layers you've got on.

No, no, my week's been much better because it's sort of obviously calmed down. I couldn't possibly continue that level of stress, even though the podcast was popular. But it would be a very short-lived podcast because we can't keep that up. No. I actually think by episode six,

people will be like, these two are actually quite annoying as well. Yeah, it's too bad. You know, like when someone has a TikTok that goes viral and then they're under pressure to repeat the same TikTok every day. But no, it's been much better. The kids now...

I'm sorry to interrupt. Yeah. Taking off the jumper was a huge mistake. The smell is now unbearably... It's been released. It's vile. Are you showering showering yes i'm showering rob but my smell is sweat smells different to normal i know but then anton dubeck is gonna absolutely turn his nose up at me later on today oh my god you're your mate you're a tired smelly man but you know good on you you're working hard hard. So you've had a good, much better week. Much better. Yeah.

So they've, they've been in their school and preschool. And the thing is before they were tired and it was coming out negatively. Now they're coming in and cause they're tired. They're sort of calming down a little bit. So they're sleeping a bit better. Like they're sleeping in a little bit, a little bit longer,

going to bed a little bit easier and stuff. And also as well, it's been a big week of new pants, Josh. You've got new pants? Well, for bedtime. Oh talk to you for it right picture send me a picture of pants rob all right i haven't got i can't at the moment they're in they're in the bedroom um but i will do but i went into marks and spencers because i've not been working that much this week so i've been dropping the kids off at school picking them up and it's been really nice actually it's quite when

you're at home a bit calmer they kept on going been really nice, actually. When you're at home, the bit calmer. They kept on going, are you going anywhere? No, we're at home. So I think that's settled them down a little bit. Not to make you feel bad, but it does help there. But my daughter's been very unsettled this week as well. Really? Has she missed you? I think it's that.

I think it's... Well, we'll come to it. We'll come to it on Friday. Okay, we'll talk about it on Friday's episode. But yeah, no, so the pants. So basically, I went in Marks and Sparks, found XXL, cotton. That's big, isn't it? Yeah, that's massive.

It's way too big for me. You know, my waist isn't that big at all. But I want it loose. I don't want it tight. So I've got not cotton, not like the big dad ruffled top ones, elasticated waist, but like a jersey cotton. What do you mean the jersey cotton? So not like cotton that's a bit like, you know,

some cotton pants and big billowy dad boxes. Love them. That's what I wear. Oh, I hate them. Love them. You've got to have breathing room, Rob. Basically, like, dad's in the UK in the 80s, or like sort of American prisoners wear them.

That's the only two people that wears those pants. I hate them. They're my worst. They've got no movement in them. They're always ripped know that you know i prefer it when it's a bit tight to the skin do you yes but not a bit of support yes not sleepy time though so what i did is i got those ones that stick stick to your skin and got elasticated waist but i got like double xl you got them so they're too big but they're the type you like. They're the type I like but way too big and it's just been

you know what Josh it's been an absolute revelation. Has it? What are you wearing on your top half? Nothing. Nothing. I've just got the pants on nothing on top and then sort of like a gimp choke hold thing that Lou likes me to wear that just sort of rubber ball. Yeah of course.

That's just to show you up yeah sometimes yeah we don't even have sex she's like to look at me you know vulnerable and that's enough for her and she rolls over and goes to sleep um but um but also i did i did uh splash out because they were like fairly normal price and then got a pair of like autograph marks autograph silk like pajama shorts they're so right, Hugh Hefner. They're so soft, but a little bit too thick to sleep in. So now they're just my downstairs

making eggs shorts. And then I wear the pants in bed. And my arse is hidden away from my children. And are your children pleased that they haven't seen your penis or arse in the last... Well, now they're going, you need to wear a vest as well. I'm like, no, they keep adding to it.

What kind of prudes are you bringing up? I know, just laying there, just my eyes out like that. Am I covered enough now, kids? Do you know what? He's talked about it in stand-up, so I'm sure this is a fair game to mention. Do you know what Matthew Crosby wears to bed? What?

He wears nothing on the bottom and a T-shirt. Like Winnie the Pooh. I think he needs to see a psychologist. That's so weird. It's such a weird look, isn't it? Why is that? Does his top half get cold out of the cover? His top half gets hot cold out of the duvet.

Yeah. But it's a disgusting image, the thought of a man in just a t-shirt not a big t-shirt not a long t-shirt no just just skimming across the top of pubes yeah and then naked but i think that's worse than just socks yeah i think that is worse than just so i think that's the worst thing you could if you can wear one item clothing just the t-shirt is the worst just the t-shirt i take actually waistcoat and nothing else what do people wear to bed do email in yeah the weirdest thing you've ever seen someone wearing to bed that is yeah that is oh the one before we do a couple of emails the one weird thing what not weird thing good thing i cannot remember if i mentioned this apologies if we

have or michael can delete it but a good idea when you've got a new baby really good tip the sip and see party did i talk about this no so basically what you do is you know constantly people are coming around the house to and they keep texting you when can we see the baby can we come around for a cup of tea blah blah blah blah blah and it's a nightmare because you never have any rest you're just constantly i've been on a joshua can pr tour there's constantly someone at your door what's being jacobs and turning over your door lorraine's here quarter past nine i thought ramvir was covering oh no you're back are you after the summer okay anyway so and what you do is you obviously have your mom and dad and close family and friends over but when it's all just like aunts

and uncles and stuff you do a thing like in after about a month called a sip and see part and you can host it like your house or a friend's house or in like a pub function room where you take the baby and everyone comes and there's a few nibbles and drinks and they sip the drinks and see the baby and they do it all in one go so you're not constantly having guests over and making cups of tea oh that's nice that's a great idea brilliant idea because normally when i hear something from america i think shut up stupid you know what The name of it is instantly off-putting. Sip and see. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, sip and see. Sip and see also sounds like some sort of legal insurance claim. Oh, you need to have some sip and see cover. Oh, no. But yeah, sip and see, that is. I think that's a good idea. That is a good idea, Rob. Thanks, man.

Should I talk about my daughter being unsettled? Is that the kind of fun thing we chat about? Yeah, well, yeah well let's talk about i think that's what people are here for but we'll talk about that now and then what we're going to do on friday is because we're a bit too busy um not getting through all your emails and we rabbited on last week we're going to do a correspondent special on friday so let's hear about um your unsettled child then after this week we have put our strongest string of guests lined up you've ever seen. It's a real good run of guests. It is a real good run.

Let's put it this way. Christmas is coming. People want to promote stuff. And we are filling our boots. We're interviewing Josh Whittaker about his new book. He's going to play both roles in the ultimate PR book. All I'm saying is Anton Dubek will be telling us about Saturday nights coming up for the next 12 weeks.

Yeah, so what's happened with your daughter this week being unsettled? She is unsettled, Rob. I would describe it as a shitstorm of circumstances she's been hit with, which is I've basically been away, Paralympics and doing the King of the Jungle tour.

And then. You've just won X Factor. Let's line him up with the PR. Right, right. You know, it's my goal isn't going to sell itself. Steve Brookstein, Matt Cardle, Josh Willikers. A few signings in some Arndale centres. The Shell McManus, the big dogs on the promotion train.

Honestly, my week, it's like that week when Victoria Beckham and Sophie Ellis-Bexter went head-to-head in the promo trail. Who are you up against? Who's your promo? Oh, there's people that are unbeatable in my week, sadly. Oh, really? Bob Mortimer. Bob Mortimer, yeah.

And Margalise, Miriam Margalise is a big deal in the publishing industry. Oh, is she? Yeah. Do you know what, Rob, though? What? I'm doing very well, very well in the old audiobooks because all of my fans can't be bothered to read. That's good for me, then.

Yeah, exactly, mate. Margalise fans are all reading the books. I'm blowing her out in the fucking water on the audiobooks, mate. When mine comes out, we're like, do you reckon he cried at this bit? It feels like they've re-edited it. There's an edit pause there. While this snivelling wreck pulls himself together. So I've been away on the promo trail.

By the way as well, I should say, this isn't just you being a madman you do have contractual obligations to fill when you have a book out to do so many i would say yeah i've i've exceeded my contractual obligations actually asking you to stop josh can you just stop talking about the book for a bit if these were my contractual obligations i would be sacking my agent if I'd signed that contract. You're like a member of Five or Westlife, just been sent out to work. The worst thing, Rob, is I'm doing all of this through choice. Yeah.

I didn't even know, Rob, that I had contractual obligations for PR. You just took it upon yourself. I just took it upon myself. I got them to organise it. Yeah. But I was like, yeah, I'll do whatever you give me. And they called my bluff.

Genuinely. And I don't, I'm not just saying this because it's not a brag. Flo said, who's my agent, she said, I've never in my life

known someone do as much PR for my book in the history of the agency. history of the agency. Why are you doing it? Because I didn't think that they'd fill it up in the world. Because I wanted to sell the book. And I do want to sell the book. Yeah, Bob sell as well. The book. You get paid in advance for the book.

No, it's not about that. It's not like you're doing it because you want to sell more because you get paid more. You just want people to read about it. The worst thing, Rob, is I'm doing this not from financial reasons, for pure ego. Pure. I thought you were going to say, because I'm really proud of it.

I want people to read it. That is what I mean, obviously. There is a pure ego element driving this. Josh, talk to me about your book. Because you say you're really into it. You say things like, on Instagram, I thought publication day and all that, all the book words and stuff like that. Yeah, but do you know why?

Why? I texted Ellie Taylor, who I think is the queen of Instagram. Yeah. And I said, I'm a bit. Kylie Jenner might have something to say to you about that. Yeah. I move in a very different world to a lot of people yeah Ellie's great on it but all I'm saying is what I mean is she's very good at Instagram she's very she's aware of how it all works and she's very good at it and I said what should I do about this because I'm very uncomfortable

with all this and she said this is not the time to be shy yeah you've really taken that advice you've really taken me advice and gone with it. You've really taken that advice. You've really taken me aback. It's almost like, you know, you know when someone goes like, you can't be bullied at school and then they like turn out of a machete and everyone's like, all right, calm down, mate.

I don't think, you know. Just start hitting back. That's what I meant. He's told up. Come on! To attack dogs. Let's go. Nunchucks in the back pocket.

There's probably a middle ground between the person i was two weeks ago and the person i am now but i'm yet to find it you're what it's life is about finding these different gaps i think good on you though to do it because it is a great book and you should be proud of it so let as many people know as long as it doesn't overwhelm you that's what i'd say yeah what's so what's happening with your daughter she's just not because she's not seeing you she's about it's not just that her so she was in the top year at nursery even because she was born in october but they kind of moved her up as well because she was kind of um all her mates were just all of her mates except two have left so she was born in

october shouldn't she start school this year no because, because September's the... She's three and a half. She turns four in October. Oh, so she's... Yeah, because she's about the same. I keep thinking she's more closer in age to my second. No, she's going to be the oldest in her year when she goes to school next year. One of the oldest to me.

Yeah, I get you. Yeah, of course. So then my daughter is born in December time. So she's still going to be pretty old in the year. Yeah. Yeah. So they both are going to be starting in September at their own school. Okay.

Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. So she got moved up to the top year with the kids that were born in like August and June and July, who are all her mates, but they've all gone to school. Oh, I get. Yeah. Because it's done in like the year.

Because it's different, isn't it? It's done in like. Yeah. Yeah. oh i get yeah because it's done in like the yeah because it's different isn't it it's done in yeah yeah so basically her and two other kids are the only three that have been left in the top year and the other two and then all the younger kids have been moved up yeah and then her two mates that stayed have both gone on two-week holidays oh no oh that is brutal That is such a big deal for a kid. It's so awful. And just, I forgot, it's been like a year since she didn't want to go to nursery.

And now she doesn't, she's like, you know, all that. I don't want to go to nursery, all that kind of stuff. I'd forgotten that happens. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And you're like, oh my God. And she's just been having like. Meltdowns at the gate.

Meltdowns. Not a nursery. No. Not at all yeah nursery they were like i was like does she have a good day and they're like yeah she just kind of she did a lot of drawing on her own and stuff oh god don't tell me that tell me she's bullying the young kids that's what i want to hear she's got a bit she's biting good on her. I had that once with a preschool and I said, oh, she's all right. She had a bit of a funny face. She went, yeah, yeah, she's fine in there now. And also, she started

playing with the other kids now. I was like, when wasn't she? What the fuck's that? What do you mean? Why am I hearing about that now? She's just been there a year. She's just started playing the other kids. This like lone maverick sat in the corner.

God, I was like, what? I know you can't get upset about something you didn't know that was going on, but now I'm like, what's what? She's been sat at her own for a year. Oh my God. She started playing the other kids now. Cool. Good to know. But I know it will

change, but it's but i know it will change but it's a really tough time yeah and you've got a harvest festival thing though you can go with her too and stuff oh well this this went badly rob oh no so i'm going to harvest festival tomorrow yeah i thought i'd pop the uh harvest festival thing on the um the whatsapp group of the parents of the nursery popped it on yesterday Literally, WhatsApp group of 30 people. Not one reply, Rob. Nothing? Nothing.

We're off to this on Saturday if anyone fancies joining us. Nothing. How long has it been? Well, then we got a reply at 7am this morning. Someone said, I'm not available. And then another person replied, luckily broke the ice and said, if you do go on the Buckingham Bronco, do take a photo, which was a bit of fun.

But ultimately still, absolutely not. No thank you for the invite. Yes. Ultimately still, four no's now. All of them today. The first one of which took 16 hours to come from my initial message. My eldest daughter started doing clubs after school now, right? Yeah.

And I was like, great, it'll knacker them out. I dropped her off at five past eight the other day because I have to drop her a bit earlier so I can drop the other one off. And after school, she finished at three. Three till four, she did ballet. Four till five, funky jazz. She came out

full of energy. I was like, what is this kid powered on? Half eight at night. Daddy, I'm bored. Fucking sleep, you nutter.

you've created yourself. I was like, what did you have for lunch? Speed? Little livener, was it, before funky jazz? Funky jazz.

This is the Brit school in the 90s, isn't it? She's doing funky jazz for an hour! I don't know what the fuck funky jazz is! No. Imagine that, doing a bit of jazz dancing. She's dancing, she's not playing. I don't know what she's doing. She's got a pair of shoes and a sparkly dress for it.

Funky jazz. Imagine that. Make it a bit funkier, actually. I think what you're doing there is just jazz dancing. This is funky jazz now. How much funk does a three-year-old from Beckenham have? She's got no... I don't know.

I would never describe her as funky. I'd say your armpits are funkier jazz than what she's doing. Oh, mate, there's some funky jazz going on in this room at the moment. I tell you that. Poor Anton de Becker. We get him on next year. there's some funky jazz going on in this room at the moment, I tell you that. Poor old Anton Debeck, how we get him on next year. It stinks of funky jazz, that guy.

Oh, poor old Anton. Right, Josh, let's do a proper correspondence catch-up on Friday. Small business shout-out. It's going to be hard to follow Jimmy Chippell-Arter,

isn't it? Yeah, it's going to be hard to follow Jimmy Chippell-Arter. It's possible impossible task also thank you to all the people that went on to the umbilical umbilical umbilical oh yeah we should say that that was amazing anthony nolan um the umbilical thing they've been inundated with a request for information and donations of umbilical cord to go to stem cell research so thank you very

much for doing that so at least we know this is worthwhile doing these yeah so if you do have uh spare umbilical cords that you want to donate to spend stem cell research yeah it's so worth it so go on to the anthony allen website because i got i am i did we did a small business shout out for this welsh company that did close um section 27 i think it's called and then we i did a i got sent something on instagram i did it out this lady does cross stitch like cross stitch bitch which is called and um i plugged that in my mate who's from wales but you've done more you and josh have done more for small businesses in wales than three successive tory governments really made me laugh hello love the podcast and would love a small business shout out my name on my business is Clary Poppins. I provide support and advice for all things baby and child, including sleep, feeding, baby care,

and I also offer overnight baby care for very tired parents. I cover Essex, Hertfordshire, and London. You can find me on Instagram and Facebook at Poppins Clary. P-O-P-P-I-N-S-C-L-A-R-E-Y. And at clarypoppins.co.uk. Oh, here we go. Right, okay, I've got a good one here. Hi, Rob and Josh.

My little boy was born in the first lockdown. I'm a massive fan of the podcast. If my boy's first words are, I'm not going to lie, I won't be totally surprised. I'd be extremely grateful if you could do a shout out for my amazing friend's children's charity.

Spread Some Sunshine is a small charity that aims to deliver smiles to children facing adversity in the UK and abroad. One of their many projects involves sending birthday gifts to children who would not normally be able to celebrate their special day, living in hospitals, safe houses and orphanages. Faye works tirelessly to help as many children as possible. I love for her charities.

Get a shout out. Thank you so much, Kelly. Yeah. So I've learned a lot. It looks fairly kosher I will we don't really do any sort of check on all this so take

it with all a pinch of salt but this I reckon this feature is two months away from promoting a far right organisation by mistake but look spread some sunshine looks like a proper charity but do your due diligence first our new business, GB News. It's a little startup.

Small business shout out here from Tommy Robinson. Long time listener. First time. He's starting up a... Yes, leave that one. Right. So we'll see you on Friday. We're going to catch up with all your correspondents on Friday.

We've got loads of good Instagram messages. Before the big guest Christmas run-in that is going to... Yeah, we've got loads of good... Basically, we're so busy at the moment, and obviously everyone's back. Before, it was a lot easier to book guests because we was in lockdown, so it's a bit trickier. But we've got a Google Doc document.

We're scheduling people, Josh, and we're getting in some really good names. So they're going to be coming up in the next few weeks. Have you heard of The Rock? We haven't got The Rock. We haven't got The Rock, but that's the kind of level we're trying to get. But we'll meet them halfway. Elton John's off

work with a bad leg, isn't he? Exactly. I had tickets to see him, mate. Did you? His last ever tour. I had tickets to see him in 2019. I got to see him four years later. For a man who's trying to give up touring, fucking out. All right. Fucking people in glass houses, Josh.

You stink of shit and you're knackered. Have a day off. Right. Can I just say, I do love Elton John and I can't wait to go and see him. Do you know what? I think he's going to be getting really big. I think he's going to be huge. I think he's going to be a big star one day. Right, we'll speak to you on Friday. Cheers, people.

Bye. Hello, I'm Tom Crane. And I'm Simran Shah. And we're the hosts of the new food and comedy podcast, My Favourite Takeaway, where each week we're invited into the home of a celebrity guest to share their favourite takeaway, exactly as they normally have it. We'll be trying it all, from Peruvian street food slouched on James Acaster's L-shaped sofa,

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