Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP23: Viva La bath time revolution

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP23: Viva La Bath time Revolution More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you are listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. What's Rob? And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. What's Josh and Becky Widdicombe?

They're people. There we go. Lots of questions. Yeah, a perfect delivery. A couple of questions at the end. The guy switched on. Who was that? So, hi, this is Rebecca Tomlin, Becky, sorry, should I say,

who writes, love the podcast. You've overtaken the Ramses for me. Open brackets, sorry, closed brackets. Sorry. Closed brackets. No need to be sorry. This is my daughter, Ruby. Three and a half. Very rarely does anything requested. So this was a pure fluke.

Can't figure out how to send this on Instagram. So we'll probably never get read out, but worth a shot. Had something read out on Shag Married, et cetera. So here's that. All right. Let's not bring up the Ramseys twice, mate. But there we go. Talking about the competitors.

We're not competitors. We're just free thinking artistsseys twice, mate. But there we go. Talking about the competitors. We're not competitors. We're just free-thinking artists expressing ourselves twice a week. Exactly. It's all a big family, the podcast world. That's a nice one. That was good, that. That was really strong, I thought. Very good delivery.

Becky with an I or with a Y? Becky with a Y. Do you know what? That's my little bit of banter. Because I do go to banter sometimes. Oh, Becky with an IE. Oh my God, that's too much.

Becky. I, when people, sometimes people ask for an autograph, I say, who do I make it out to? And they'll say like, Becky.

I go, Becky with a B. And they get so confused. Lovely. Lovely. They're like, where's her? Yeah,

obviously. And I'm like, oh, I am a laugh. There you go. Even when I'm not on stage. Yeah. Oh yeah, by the way, the signed books, I am a laugh. There you go. Even when I'm not on stage. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

By the way, the signed books. Well done by Josh Winnicombe. Sunday Times bestseller. How could I not bring it up straight away? Well, Rob. How does it feel to be up there in the chance with that book about the Normans? I wasn't for a day. Do you want to know the...

What happened? I saw your Instagram. I was number 11. I was number 11 during the week. And you want to know the... What happened? I saw your Instagram. I was number 11. I was number 11 during the week. And you went down to shops? No. Well, what happened, Rob? My publisher, the numbers came out.

My publisher phoned me and they said, you missed the top 10 by 59 copies. Oh, come on. And then the next day, it turned out that Taskmaster had been reclassified as a quiz book and i was in the top 10 recount recount you got a recount well they my publisher just made a mistake and taskmaster didn't qualify so there i was oh so so what what what's what is the bestseller list is it all books he's non-fiction books and then there's fiction you see and then

what is it and then there's a quiz because the fiction and the quiz books they don't get to be in a chart quiz must be non-fiction let's not dwell on that rob because if one of the things in a chart is a non-fiction chart is a book of drawings about a fox that's friends with a mole and a horse and a human so that's not non-fiction in my view perverts reading that so yeah but the book, that must be non-fiction. I'm not going to question them if they want to disallow Taskmaster, Rob. Okay. But you're in! There we go!

Thank you to everyone so much for buying it. Yeah. Genuinely, you then feel like, you know, I was very, very excited and I was very, very happy and I was very, very happy. And then I thought, why do I care so much?

What's wrong with me? What is this deep hole in my soul that meant that this mattered to me? Cause I know it really matters to you. And it also matters, you know, when anyone does anything, you want it to do well, but I did get the feeling that you wanted it a little bit too much.

And then I did, I know, I knew you was going to get it. I always had faith, but I also knew that when you did get it, you would too much. I did. I knew you was going to get it. I always had faith. But I also knew that when you did get it, you would have no feeling whatsoever inside. I'm dead inside.

Do you know what the problem is? You instantly feel guilt for caring. And you feel like, why am I such a vacuous person? The constant cycle of anxiety. I want that. If I get that, I'll feel better. Oh, you've got it. Why did you want it, you pathetic little rat? What is wrong with me?

That's how people live their life. That's why people need promotions. You'll do another book. You'll have to sell more than the first one, and it never ends, and then we all die. That's just life, babe. God, it's rubbish. It is.

It is. But that's why it's better not to care josh anyway but saying that you cannot let me not get in that top 10 now josh has people it has to happen right anyway well done but let's not get to our books too much no no no it's about parenting but well done i should say that how's been your thank you robert yeah how's been your parenting week well i tell you what guy we had to implement a new bedtime strategy we've revolutionized better you're taking your pants off again rob your pants are off they're standing in bed somehow yeah it's longer um no basically they were just we had we didn't realize

but we had such an archaic out of date bedtime policy because we've got a five roll and a three rolled right and they we get them up fairly early that we've got we leave-year-old and a three-year-old, right? And we get them up fairly early. We leave the house about 8 in the morning to get them dropped off. Okay. And that's going to have to be even earlier if we move next year, which we're planning on doing. They'll have to be leaving at 7.30 a.m. in the morning, which is an early start for kids. But what we were doing was we were bathing them at 6 p.m.

and then they were in their pyjamas and then they play upstairs for a little bit. iPads on the weekend weekend not in the week that's the rule yeah and then then we'd like get them into bed but then what would happen was we'd bath them and calm them down but then they'd go mental because they weren't going to sleep before seven and sometimes before eight so they'll just be upstairs going mad for two hours constantly coming up coming down so what we did do is we pushed it all back a bit and we started now bath time seven oh that is an hour of play in bed by half seven asleep by eight which is a much calmer nice way of doing it rather than

pretending they're going to be asleep yeah which is never going to happen i i wonder that because it's like when did i don't remember like the bedtimes must creep later and later do you know what i mean yeah i don't really know what the rules are. What's your bedtime? Because my daughter's been at, bath time starts, we go up at 6.15. I don't know why 6.15. I've just realised that's weird. It's so true though. You go 10 past six. I think it's a hangover from when naps and military operations,

because it matters. But now it doesn't really matter, but you're still in that mindset. We've been on 6.15 for two years or whatever. That's what I mean. Unthinkingly. Why is this time the.15 for two years or whatever. That's what I mean. I'm thinkingly. Why is this time the right time? I don't know. So normally we try and get them up at six.

We get them at six, but then at six, we've not eaten properly. We've not tidied the house, but by letting them stay down for longer, we can get the house sorted. We can eat earlier rather than wait until they're in bed. And then when they're in bed,

they're in bed. But all that was happening was they were just coming downstairs crying and then waking up tired crying. And I was like, this is no way to fucking live. Exactly, mate. You've got to adapt. I remember when I was a kid, one of my bedtime was judged. Do you remember The Bill?

Yes, I do remember The Bill. Reg Hollis, Burnside. Do you remember The Bill? I'm surprised you haven't got a chapter on it. Well, I'm surprised I haven't got a chapter on it. But we used to watch The Bill, and I was allowed to go to sleep at the end of The Bill. I was allowed to step to the end of The Bill.

And I was allowed, you know the feet that walked at the end in the closing credits? Yes. I was allowed to stay up until the feet had completely disappeared off the screen. Yeah. And that was my bedtime. Well, I remember, I remember going to,

I remember watching Bottom before my bedtime, which is probably not very good, is it? Yeah, I watched Bottom. No, I watched Bottom as a kid. And we were allowed to do the dance at the end. You know, Rick Mow and Adrian Edmondson did the dance. Me and my brother used to do that. But, yeah, and Heartbeat.

I remember Heartbeat, then Bed on a Sunday. After Heartbeat, Greengrass and Nick Berry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then it was bedtime. It was a better time, Rob. It wasn't, actually, was it? No, it wasn't. 56K modem.

I've been trying to download the new update for Call of Duty on that. Three days, there'll be a new update. It'll be never-ending. It'll be like painting the fourth bridge, just constantly updating the new update. So it's worked for you? Yes. It's much better.

And we're getting an extra hour with the kids that we're all enjoying as a family eating together properly rather than an hour you all have the same meals now not really when we're going to get to that point where we all have the same dinner well i this is what we're trying to do is i think wait until the they're both in school and they're because i have school dinners at their school and they're eating better and they're and they're both trying way more food now because they're eating school dinners with their with their kids and going around you know for parties and trying different stuff so I think that's going to be within the next year when the youngest starts primary school and we get proper same schedules that's when we're going to do it so it all matches up because at the

moment we're still a bit in our ear there and everywhere and they all different times so I think that's when we're going to start doing that um but it's hard with my you know I'm out a lot of the moment in the evenings so you're never really getting that everyone home from work at six sit around the table kind of thing so it's sort of like you're forcing you're forcing something really I do think growing up as well I was not forced to eat too much but it was very much like you must eat all your dinner we all sit down and eat now where really I think you're better off eating little and often really than a massive meal or something totally I don't know I'm just trying to work it out because I don't think I've got the healthiest

relationship with food I just I comfort eat a bit no but do you know? I beat myself up about the bad food that my daughter has. Yeah. But then every other parent I see, everyone's doing it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, exactly. And I sort of think as well, I think there's sometimes too much pressure. It's almost like a thing of like, well, my child eats this, but they eat that. Where the reality is, if we all ate fish fingers and veg and baked beans every day,

you'd probably be all right. Like, you know, I don't see many fat cats on the same meal every day you'd probably be all right like you know i don't see many fat cats on the same meal every day if you pick one semi-healthy meal like as long as you've got semi-healthy meals that the kids eat they don't have to be like oh yeah my kid loves ragu or like you know or like what is ragu is ragu i don't know i think i meant ravioli you know when it's like random stuff but they don't necessarily need to like. I think either are a bad example, but yes. Do you know what I mean? You really make sense of my analogy.

But I do think some people get hard on to go, oh yeah, my kids love smoked haddock. Yeah, totally. Because you can live your life without eating it. I have. You have? Yeah, you're veggie. I'm still here.

He's still here. Barely. Smelly pits. Smelly fish pits can I just say if I sound a bit edgy edgy what you got some views no no like on edge

yeah I'm so thirsty I'm in a hotel room Rob yeah I'm so thirsty are you alright if I just order a bottle of water to come up on room service?

Oh, yes, please, big dog. Sorry. Did I not put any water in your room? There's no water in the room, and the water from the taps in the bathroom is tepid. It's unacceptable. Hotels without water. That's my number. I'm sorry.

No worries. Tell them you're Josh Riddickham. I'm not going to tell them I'm Josh Riddickham. I need to lubricate my throat to bring joy to the nation. Okay. It's ringing. I'm going to suck everyone off. It's still ringing.

Oh, no. Still ringing. I'm just going to assume it's still ringing until you talk. It's gone to the O2 messaging service. All right, well, I'll do the whole thing without water then. What about in the corridor? But there's no water in the corridor. sometimes they have little the new thing they're doing is they give you a bottle of water in your room that's empty you go and fill it up like you

work in an office oh i haven't got that either mate oh well no life goes on how it goes on so you've sorted out your bedtimes and that's working better much much better because we get the hour in the evening with the kids because six some also some of the times there's six is tight if they're not too early yeah especially now at school we're doing clubs and stuff they don't she finishes at five on a monday like get in shovel food down and stick her in bed it's like she's been kidnapped right let her have a bit of time to chill out poor thing so yeah seven now is sort of bedtime and then like yesterday they were knackered so we took them up a bit earlier just because they were exhausted you know we don't force them yeah no you must stay awake yeah so that's worked better but i think it's that kind of thing you get stuck in old routines you

don't even need anymore but in your head oh that's just what we do but actually what i'm trying to say is try guys adapt adapt or die adapt or die yeah exactly i think that's the correct way of approaching life what were your bedtimes as a child rob all over the gaff i mean the problem was my dad was a black cab driver so he'd come home late sometimes so we'd sometimes stay up to see him or we wouldn't see him in the morning because he was sleeping in the morning so we used to go a bit late and like my brothers used to work at like supermarkets and as waiters and then I'd come in late from gigs you know obviously when I was grown up not like seven yeah but yeah so we was always quite a late household um because we were

excited to see my dad I remember watching the pilot of Sopranos the night before I went to my first day of secondary school oh wow totally unacceptable unacceptable, isn't it? Yeah, that is. It's like 90 minutes. We'd all watch weird stuff. Like, as you say, Bottom. Yeah. I was watching that at 10 easily. Yeah, that was so funny though, wasn't it? Oh, it was great.

Also, I should say that, Josh, I don't want to bring up my own CV, but we're getting a lot of listeners talking about my role in Cinderella. I don't know if you've seen me play the Disney pervert. I haven't seen it yet, but I was speaking to James Acaster about his role in Cinderella. I don't know if you've seen me play the Disney pervert. I haven't seen it yet, but I've, I've, I was speaking to James Acaster about his role in Cinderella this week. So, so.

What was he saying about that? He was saying that he's a mouse that turns into a boy. Yep. And in the first scene he filmed on the first take, he had to jump up and land and then he was a boy. And when he landed, he accidentally did a fart. That's what you want, isn't it? That's a perfect, perfect scenario.

Have your daughters seen it? Yes, they have seen it. What do they think? The three-year-old laughed and just pointed at dad and said, Daddy, and then um the other one ran away she didn't want to see it i think give a shit um but they know what you do for a living do they understand it yet yeah um yeah i don't mean they're completely across like no different things but like but yeah to a point they know like because people ask me for photos

and stuff they sometimes the other day someone had a photo and Lou went, why did they ask? What's happened there? And then my oldest went, oh, someone wanted a photo of her daddy because he does jokes and they think he's funny, but he's not. And all that kind of stuff. So she's sort of slightly aware of what it is. But then, you know, I think sometimes the kids at school say, Oh, I saw your daddy on something the other night. You know what I mean?

Cause it's watch all different stuff, but, but yeah, it's, it's quite weird being the pervert in a Disney film. And you've got daughters. Do they understand you were acting or do they now think you're a pervert? Yeah.

I don't think they were like upset that I was trying to leave Lou for Cinderella. That's good. Yeah. So I think it's all that I was trying to leave Lou for Cinderella. That's good. Yeah, so I think it's all fine. But anyway, thank you for all your photos you keep sending to the Instagram page. Because the shock that you're sending this to me and to the parent in Hellgroup is as if I'm not aware I'm in it. Spotted. Spotted.

Are you aware that you've popped up in this film? But thank you very much. And thank you for. Salty appearance from Rob Beckett. Well, yeah. What's difficult is it's quite a backhanded compliment to go, oh, you are such a disgusting pervert in this. As if like, you know,

and then question my acting credentials as if that is just who I am. So I'm happy to be the Hollywood's go-to pervert, you know, you know, there are, there's a few gaps in the market. We both raced to it, didn't we?

No, we both raced to it, but we know where we'll be going at the same time. How about you? How's your week been Josh? Well, I had the most stiff neck event in the history of stiff neck events, Rob. Oh, come on.

Which you did comment on the Instagram that you said each photo made your neck go stiffer. Yes, indeed. This is your little day trip out where you... Went to the Chelsea flower show. That's the noise you have to make when someone says, Oh, look at me, flowers in Chelsea. How was it? Why do you have to wear a suit to go in a garden?

Shorts and T-shirts, surely, innit? I don't know. Flip-flops to court. Because I was worried if I couldn't, I was worried I might, I wanted to look good in case I bumped into Monty Don, who I know you aren't aware who Monty Don is. Yeah, I found out who he is now, but I had no idea. I had a meeting with the BBC and I didn't know who he was

and they were absolutely disgusted with me. Honestly, mate, Monty Don was talked about at the Chelsea Flower Show like Pele was there. It was unbelievable. But yeah, I had a meeting with the BBC and I had no idea who Monty Don was and they were disgusted with me. Yeah, well, Rob, you wouldn't have fit in at the Chelsea Flower Show. No. meet with the BBC and I had no idea who Monty Don was and they were disgusted with me yeah well Rob yeah you wouldn't have

fitted in at the Chelsea Flower Show no because Monty Don was talked about in hushed tones really I think you'd love

the Chelsea Flower Show I actually do I had this discussion with Rose what hang on why was he talked about in hushed tones like he'd done

something wrong or they loved him no no they were like does anyone know where Monty Don is because I'd love to get a selfie with Monty Don.

Yeah, I think there's some really horny middle-aged women that love the Don. Like, I've got 52. Just watch BBC, no other channels, and they flip through Gardener's World, and they are keen for the Don. Montgomery. Montgomery Don. Fucking hell. You've really got to have confidence in your kid to let him survive with that name.

Not just survive. He's thrived, Rob. Look at him. Straight to Cambridge. Straight out. Straight to the BBC. He's a bit fit. He's fit.

Let him do the gardens. I bet that's exactly. That's basically his Wikipedia. Well, big posh sod. Went to Cambridge. Some of the BBC went, I know a fit bloke I went to uni with, he can do gardens, get the Don out,

40 years later, best in the biz, good luck to him. I didn't get to, I didn't get to see Monty Don. No, who did you meet? Any,

Titch Marsh? I saw Titch Marsh, I saw my neighbour, Tommy Walsh. Is he your actual real life neighbour? He lives across the road from me.

Any Dimmock? No, I told you this last week that we left the TV on, you know, and the TV was just on and then my daughter walked into the room and started watching it on her own and it was on daytime

TV and it was on Charlie Dimmock's Garden Rescue and my daughter absolutely loved it and then for about a week just demanded we watch Garden Rescue. So what's happened? People getting lost in her garden. It's quite a niche.

How often does that happen? How big's her garden? It's like 999 meets Gardener's World. Little known fact, Charlie Dimmock's garden is Dartmoor. Occasionally people get lost. No, it's like a, it's a base. It's one of those gardening programs where people have a garden that's rubbish and then charlie dimmock turns up and um makes it into a nice

garden yep standard fair it's very entertaining yeah yeah but my daughter who's three and a half suddenly became obsessed with garden rescue so the clangers and yakadee and you know um oh god i thought he's being misogynistic about Charlie Dimmock. So the clangers are there and she's loving it. You can't say that these days, Josh. You can't say clangers, Josh. You can't talk about Charlie Dimmock like that in this day and age. Come on, mate.

Don't get us cancelled. With some respect. So, yeah, my daughter's stopped watching The Melons, right? And she's a... Melons! Oh, God. Yes, The Clangers, the kids' TV show. Josh was at the inbrew.

So all of those have gone out the window, The Clangers and Yakadee and Hey Dougie, et cetera, et cetera. And for a week she solely watched Charlie Dimmock's Garden Rescue. Wow, that's a much better watch as an adult though than having to watch the Clangers. Oh my god, what a relief. But sadly we've gone back to the Clangers. Oh, that's a shame.

Who do you think I saw? I tell you who I saw, Rob. Who? The man I can't avoid. Only Anton Dubek. Oh, I thought you meant your own mind. That's why I was there. I was trying to lose him at the Rose Bar. A Rose Bar!

So Anton Dubek was there. That's three times in three days, wasn't it? Three times in three days I saw Anton Dubek. You've seen him more than the Strictly people. I've seen him more than Mrs. Dubek, whoever she must be. He was very good on Saturday on Strictly as well more than the Strictly people. I've seen him more than Mrs. Dubac, whoever she must be. He was very good on Saturday on Strictly as well.

I watched Strictly on Saturday. How was he at the Chelsea Flour Show? He was just wonderful company. I think he slightly creeped out by me. Because after last week... The smell? I did a sorry ball with him. No, not the smell.

And then I had the one show with him. What fertiliser are you using on this? Come on, Monty. Stinks of shit here. Oh no, that's me. That's me in my stress sweat. I did the one show with him

after doing Zoe Ball and in the middle of the day, as if I hadn't had enough Anton Dubek, we discussed Anton Dubek on this podcast which we're recording and that about how much i'd seen him and then when i saw him at the one show i said to him i'll see you on sunday because in my head i was doing sunday brunch with him even though i wasn't doing it with him because i talked about

him so much he was very confused oh and then i saw him on the monday and there he was have you seen him since you're gonna go steady oh that was was it a fun day though was that what was that it was a fun day we got quite drunk was that one of the first days you and um rose have been out together without the kids since it's the new one of our first it's the first day we've done without the kids how was that it was amazing rob so who had the baby uh we had a nanny nanny it's a little babysitter babysitter what age is it what age is it not a nanny it's just a babysitter i think that's a babysitter i think a nanny is if when they're there full-time all right then we had a babysitter yeah okay cool

so we went and then we yeah because you my mom thinks you've got a full-time nanny why does she think that because you say nanny all right well right. Well, we haven't. Yeah, I know. That's what I'm saying. You have to babysit. I think nanny shows more respect to the trade. That's why I use the term nanny. Because to me, babysitter implies a 15-year-old who's doing their GCSE revision in front of the TV while the kids are asleep upstairs. Do you know what I mean?

With a Dr. Eicher in the oven. She brought herself from the shop. Yeah, exactly. That's the image. She's know what I mean? With a Dr. Eicher in the oven, she brought herself from the shop. Yeah, exactly. That's the image of, she's invited her boyfriend round and not told you. That's right. Yeah, yeah. The babysitter.

So you had the babysitter slash nanny for the day, and then it was your first day out. Did you get too drunk or did you pace yourself? No, not too bad. But it was, we had a couple of champagnes, and then it was a free rosé bar. Free rosé.

That's deadly. Rosé is deadly. So we got blanked, Rob. Me and Tom Allen got blanked. Who by? Well, this is the thing. I'll send you a picture. Come on.

All right. There was a man there and he was selling. He was selling. He'd invented an outdoor. It's basically a very, very big barbecue where you put your legs underneath it. It's a full kitchen that goes in your garden. He's putting their legs under a barbecue. To warm them under a blanket under the barbecue.

I'll tell you who it is, Rob. And so he was at his stall. He's a famous person. So is it like a bit of a, like a, there's loads of gardens, but there's also loads of companies selling stuff for garden sales. Yeah, so, you know, let's put it this way. Tom Allen's dad bought some secateurs. Okay, fair enough.

Yeah. That's very much a Tom Allen dad purchase. Yeah, exactly. Lovely man, Paul Allen. Yeah, Paul Allen, lovely man. And so me and Tom and Rose, my wife, went to... This guy was doing the kind of hobnobbing with the people that were trying to buy his barbecue.

Yeah. We come and sit down. Tom's in the market for a barbecue. He's just moved house, you know. Well, this guy didn't even acknowledge we were there. Oh, in what way? He just genuinely... You've got a photo?

Yeah, I've got a photo of him. God, you've got real beef with this guy. What do you mean by didn't acknowledge you? Like didn't know that you were someone fake?'re implying it didn't even consider that we might be in the market for a leg warming barbecue so he just sort of like dismissed you not just like didn't want interest in selling it to you he didn't it wasn't he dismissed us he just he it's like we weren't there did you try and talk to him well we sat down at the same table you'll see where we're sat rob okay also it's a big table with a barbecue in the middle,

a bit like a Japanese restaurant. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So you can cook at the barbecue and everyone can sit around it and have a drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you sat at the table. Yeah. And he completely ignored you. You can see how close we are to him.

Yeah, yeah, it's very awkward. Can you see who it is? It's Guy Ritchie. It's Guy Ritchie. Buying a barbecue table. No, selling it. What? It's Guy Ritchie. It's Guy Ritchie. Buying a barbecue table. No, selling it. What? It's his invention.

Guy Ritchie barbecue table? Why is he doing that? This is Guy Ritchie outdoor kitchen. He was married to Madonna. He was? All right. I didn't know he had Wikipedia up. I know, but you don't...

I mean, why is he selling kitchens. I didn't know he had Wikipedia up. I know, but you don't... I mean, why is he selling kitchens? I don't know. I'll tell you what he's not doing. Selling them to me and Tom Allen. That's for sure. Oh, he's sneaky little bugger. It was a scene in The Gentleman. You know, his film.

So he did his own product placement. Did he? Yeah. Oh, it's a five grand barbecue. A 50 grand barbecue. 50 grand. Yeah, I was going to say it's 50 grand. No way.

Fuck me. I'd just like to say we were ushered in on the proviso that we got a free glass of rose, not because we wanted to buy one for 50 grand. Yeah, he knows you ain't buying it. You ain't spending 50 grand on that. He knows we aren't buying it. He knows for a fact we're not buying it, mate. It looks amazing, but 50 grand's obscene, isn't it?

What does it do? It warms your legs and cooks food at the same time. He's quite cool, isn't he, for his age? No, absolutely not, Rob. He's rude. Oh, did he even say hello to you at all? No, he did not, Rob.

I used to train snatch on VHS, not a fucking sniff of a hello. He knows you ain't got 50 grand for a barbecue that's why he knows that by the look of that if i put that in my in my garden we'd have to shimmy around it to get around to the garden he's looking for big dogs abramovich warren buffett buffett who does your buffer the barbecue expressive previously admitted to having 30 different grills said the wild table is a brand new way to oh he's getting free advertising now i mean who's buying it i've no offense to anyone listening to this but i don't think i'm gonna say yeah i i love our listeners

but i don't think they're in the market for this no exactly i don't know you know you've got to be multi-million multi-multi-millionaire and it's just like big dog it's like kim kardashian shit yeah so there you go there you go so he ignored you um well that's it i'm glad you had a nice time out though rose nice little trip i'm gonna take you next year rob see ignored you. Well, I'm glad you had a nice time out though, Rose. Nice little trip out. I'm going to take you next year, Rob. See how you like it. Oh, I don't think I can handle it. I tell you what. That's why I want to take you.

Next time, I think you go over, you put your hand out and go, Richie, how much for the barbecue? And then I go, I haven't got that kind of money. Goodbye. Yeah, exactly. I'll tell you what though. Imagine if you upload a picture in a few weeks time and you've actually got the barbecue and you've done this is your secret deal to give him

advertising on the podcast you actually snuck it past me and the listeners inside a training for your 50 grand table oh my word yeah me and guy imagine it i think without i think that would break us do you know what it would take so long to explain to Guy Ritchie what this podcast was and why it was worth him giving me a free barbecue to mention it on here. If I got one of them for free, I'd immediately sell it and just keep the money. Of course, for scrap. At least.

How's it been parenting-wise, though, this week, Josh? Are you working a bit less? I've been doing a lot of early starts, Rob. I've seen you, Schumacher documentary. Is that a working a bit less? I've been doing a lot of early starts, Rob. Yeah, I've seen you. A lot of Schumacher documentaries. Is that a bit too bleak? I've watched a Schumacher documentary. What time did you start that?

I started that about quarter past five in the morning. So you get through about half a documentary a morning. And then you finish it off the net. That's hard, though, because especially with the Schumacher one, you get quite a fun opening doc. And then the rest of the the net. That's hard though, because especially with the Schumacher one, you get like quite a fun opening doc. And then the rest of the, you have to, you start Tuesday really down because you get the end of it.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I'm watching a lot of documentaries just about old sport. Have you seen them untold ones on Netflix? They're really good. I've watched the one where about the, the malice in the palace.

Yeah. So all the, I watched the rest of the others. They're amazing. Well, Rob, don't worry. I've got time to about you're getting up at 5 30 ish and then you do the morning shift and then you go to work oh i i tend to get up 5 30 ish and then i get back to bed i get another half hour 45 minutes at what time is that about eight okay so when rose is up then you go back for half hour yeah yeah that's, exactly. That's a nice little setup. Do you know what, Rob?

I hate to say it, but it is a lovely period of the morning. It is because you're up. Yeah. Hello. No? Yeah, I'm totally disagreeing, but letting you finish. Go on. Well, I'll tell you why.

Go on. Because it changes markedly once you have a child that wants to choose the television or yes or actively doesn't want to kind of you know just be bounced up and down on your legs while you make faces at them or be on one of those maps with the dangly things but in fact needs proper input because then it's tiring so the storm's coming basically is what you're saying i know the storm's coming i'm just trying to get in as many documentaries as possible at this point. So it's quite a magical time of the morning and you're really enjoying it. Can I ask you a question?

You're away of work at the moment in a hotel. Will you be getting up at 5.30am in the hotel to watch a documentary or will you sleep in if possible? I couldn't possibly comment at this stage. Yes, I'm just saying it would be a shame to miss that magical part of the day. Wouldn't it? It would. Yeah, I'm sure Rose wants to hear that magical part of the day. Wouldn't it? It would. Yeah, and I'm sure Rose wants to hear that you're up at 5.30.

You know what? This morning, I overslept in the hotel. I was annoyed at myself. It was 7.30. I'd missed out on the chance. All that magical time. All that magical time you could have had gone in an instant, Josh. What are you thinking?

I know. Such an error of judgment and i do regret it now i do regret it i will admit that um josh um i've got some information that might help our listeners about the entertainer toy shop oh yeah yeah i know the entertainment shop um did you know it's always shut on sundays i didn't know i thought that was just a bromley one but no nationwide because they're so religious. No. Yeah? Never open up.

They're like Entertainer in the Sky. Yeah. So they're always shut on Sunday, right? And also, don't sell anything that promotes the occult. Oh, really? Including Harry Potter. You can't buy it. Blimey, they really believe in, like...

God. They really believe in God, that they really believe in god that they're willing to like that's a big market isn't it obviously you can't take your riches into heaven everyone knows that but like um yeah that is do you know who else won't do sundays what's that due to being uh very religious dan walker oh strictly but yeah oh well he just never gets the results does he from his dancing? Well, Rob, I'm starting to suspect that result is recorded on Saturday night

if Dan Walker's still there. Yes, but I know that they film strictly all on a Saturday. They do the dance and the results and they just put the answers, the results, the answers, they just put the next show on the Sunday, even though they recorded it on the Saturday. However, what happens if it goes past midnight?

Does Dan Walker? Walker. I heard that once he turned down Match of the Day because it went beyond midnight. Oh, idiot. Come on, mate.

Even God would go, come on, it's Match of the Day. Do you know what I mean? Like, come on. Come on, Walker. Come on. Also, Walker,

all you're doing is like the top goal scorers, the table and like Burnley versus Southampton being nil-nil. Exactly. It's hardly like, you know, you're doing a line of coke and presenting TFR Friday, do you know what I mean, on a Sunday. But you've got to respect people's religion. I tell you what, that entertainer thing is amazing.

You'd think that would be like their second most popular day of the week. Fair play to them. Yeah, so no, that's interesting though, isn't it? Occult stuff. That is very interesting. I don't really know what the occult is. It's just anything that worships sort of the hell stuff. Yeah.

Parenting hell. He won't be able to come on it. Oh, no. Of course we can't put Dan Walker. Name change for a week? Parenting heaven with Dan Walker. Walker name change for a week parenting heaven with Dan Walker. Why don't we do Instagrams and emails?

I've got a couple of good emails on Friday before the amazing Lucy Beaumont. But for now, tell me some more updates from your life. So my updates from my life. Okay. Well, I went to, I was filming in Iceland,

right? This week. I was, went to Iceland. Um, Heathrow airport, well, I was filming in Iceland, right, this week. I went to Iceland. Heathrow Airport queues back two hours. Absolute nightmare to get through passports. Anyway, don't know. Dad's gone to Iceland. Bit of fun.

Yeah. I actually saw an Iceland shop in Iceland. Oh, lovely. Did you know that Iceland... Does it open on a Sunday? God knows. I don't know what day of the week it was when I was there. God does know.

That's the problem. Well, it was... Do you know, Iceland, the country, tried to sue Iceland, the shop, for stealing its name? No. And then, apparently,

allegedly, I don't know if it's true or not, it's what the guide said, that apparently, the Iceland, the shop, say, we have 1.9 million shoppers a week, and there's only 360,000 people in Iceland.

So actually we are the dominant Iceland. Oh, wow. Nah. It's good, isn't it? I mean, let's see which of you can get the furthest in the Euros. Do you know what I mean? All the shoppers from Iceland, I reckon you get a couple of good players. Yeah.

Wayne Rooney. Imagine Wayne Rooney goes in just to pick up a gatto before he knows it. He's in the semi-final against Greece which is do you know what better than he ever did when he played for England but let's not get into that

and they win because they're playing against a team of mechanics that have just used Greece because that's how the world works very nice anyway back to religion

when I was in Iceland the cast of Bruce sorry it used to be really religious Iceland and now it isn't as much and they've got this amazing church right in the middle of this in Reykjavik but I was in this It used to be really religious, Iceland, and now it isn't as much.

And they've got this amazing church right in the middle of this, in Reykjavik. But I was in this hotel room and it had really thick, double glazing windows. I thought, that's really weird. It's like no one in Iceland. It's quiet everywhere. Anyway, in the middle of the night, I opened the window because it was a bit hot in the room. And church bells went off every 40 minutes throughout the night i was next to the church it was like having a newborn but you know when you're half asleep you i couldn't work out what was going on because every time they rang they stopped for a

bit and then i just i just didn't see all night i was having a newborn in the room so why were they ringing every 40 minutes and that having to be resettled. I think we need to do Cry It Out with the church. Just ring your bell for as much as possible. And it was mad, but I don't know why it's every 40 minutes. If anyone knows why in Reykjavik it is every 40 minutes, please let me know. But it was brutal. But then the next night I shut the windows.

It was fine. But yeah, that was horrific. It's Iceland not a bit cold for you to open the windows. So it's Iceland. it absolutely freezes. Also, they don't have umbrellas because they are useless. What? Because it's so windy and the rain comes from the side. You just have to put on like a hood and a hat.

And there's one bit of banter that they love in Iceland. Icelandic people are very similar to sort of British people, very self-deprecating, where they go, if you don't like the... Oh my God. Oh God. Fire alarm's going off, Rob. Oh no.

Oh, it stopped. It must be a test. Every 40 minutes that's happened at this hotel, you're not going to believe it. It's actually run by Evangelical Christian Company that are very anti the occult

being spoken about in their premises. I'm sorry. Anyway, so there've this one joke where they say if you don't like the weather wait 10 minutes and it'll change and they're right it constantly changes so what happens is sometimes the rooms are so warm because it's so cold normally but if it is hot out there and you've got your thermals and you're getting and it will be red hot because it's all built to be warm kind of thing. So it's an absolute layer nightmare.

And then we went up this mountain thing and I was freezing cold. And then I was so cold and the room couldn't get warm. I laid on the bed for an hour still with all my outside clothes on. Oh my word. Just to try and warm up. But it's a great place to go and visit, but it's pretty parky to be fair. And was the beard good,

Rob? Did the beard help? The beard did help actually. My beard oh god i've been so busy recently my face looks mental i'll send i'll send you a picture we put it on instagram but i'm getting a haircut today because i just can't i'm going on telly and stuff i look like you look like you i know that you're found yeah you do you look like you're in an unpopular american indie band can you listen to that's my beard can you hear that on the that's my beard i can you'd have had to tidy up if i took you to the chelsea flower show rob i've said i look i look like a prepper look at that look at that

what a photo that is because also your hair from that angle looks quite well cut so it looks like the beard is an intentional kind of grow out. Yes, exactly. It was a very good haircut. Paul Sweeney, big shout out to ELP Barbershops and Wall Street. Say what? And yeah, so it's a good haircut, but it's grown out too long now and it looks insane. But the thing, because I was away for four nights.

This is what happens sometimes when I work away from home without the kids. And when you're so used to looking after the kids, when I come back and I take them out, I forget to watch them because I forgot how to be a dad for four days because you know you get used to it so i was in like the soft play and i looked at my phone looked up i was like i've got no idea where my fucking kid is at all because i just sort of forgot because i was used to just looking after me and um it was yes i was it's like a panic because you do forget how to be a dad quite quickly like what's it like being away from your kids for four days like that because when i find a film for four

days it's weird it feels odd i really really miss them and i think because it's a bit like you know i knew lou before um we started gigging loads and stuff so she's sort of quite used to it where it's such it's so antisocial my life and everything's different every week. It's never the same. And I'm not moaning. I love my job and I'm very lucky to be doing something I love. But the worst part is, is the lack of routine. You're always off somewhere else. Do this, do that.

Different studio here. You never go into the same place all the time. So you can't plan ahead. And, you know, if you meet someone when you're in the middle of that, a lot of comedians and people that do what we do find it difficult to settle down with someone because you've got such an antisocial lifestyle but lose what was used to it but then because of lockdown and being at home and the kids are used to me being at home and i'm used to being at home i'm finding it really hard to be away from them it's horrible and stuff so it's it was lovely to

come back it's only three or four nights but yeah so i'm really struggling with that a little bit at the moment and you know i've got a lot more of it coming up over the next few weeks of filming away and doing tour shows and stuff like that. But yeah, I found it, I'm finding it quite difficult, but you can't, you can't really do much about it to be honest,

but hopefully it'll come down when the, when the tour tour tour finishes and stuff. But hopefully one day we'll both be less successful and popular Rob, and then we can see our children. Well, no, that's not really what happens there is You still have to be away as much, but you may not be playing to the same amount of people.

You have to be away more. You have to be away more and sometimes for less money because I definitely was away more and earned less money when I first started out before kids. I would drive into Exeter for 40 quid. Nothing wrong with Exeter, Rob. You should pay 40 quid to go there. It's that nice.

Yeah, I know but I'm just saying you're doing more in petrol especially at the moment bloody hell the old corn exchange I mean in Exeter I don't mean them

that wasn't what I referred to petrol as you know bloody corn exchange mate good luck with that unleaded corn my end that did sound like

I had a really I was making a satirical point that neither of us understood. Right. Should we do a couple of Instagrams or should we do

a small business shout out? There's a couple of Instagrams and a small business shout out, yeah? Yeah, go on. Here we go. Things I don't have an opinion on.

This is something we asked for. I quite enjoy these. Oh, I love things I don't have an opinion on. Will from Leeds. Love the podcast. I don't have an opinion on whether milk goes in first

or last in the tea. Great. Great thing to not have an opinion on whether milk goes in first or last in the tea. Great. Great thing to not have an opinion on. What an easier life. People are very strong viewed on that and they shouldn't be. Here we go. This is from Leanne. Megan and Harry, don't give a fuck.

Do continue to send those. This is Emma. Things don't have an opinion on pineapple on pizza don't carry the way sazzy underscore h hire this is one for not having an opinion on a few years ago i made my partner toast for breakfast and having run out of his usual spread preference said we have marmite do you like marmite and he shrugged and said uh i'm not fast i don't love it and i don't hate it underminedermined an entire decade long marketing campaign. The ultimate thing to not

have an opinion on. Exactly. Two fingers up to the PR department. Go swivel. Right. I've got more time than Josh but these are always good. Okay, go on. Here we go. Love the podcast. It has been... Imagine this. I hate the podcast. I just love the attention of something being read

out. I think it's a given. Thank you, though, for the lovely messages. Hi, guys. It has been keeping me entertained during the darker moments of parenting. I had my second child two weeks ago in lockdown and looking after a baby and attempted to homeschool. A very reluctant seven-year-old boy has taken its toll. After I had my first son seven years ago, I was so exhausted I was hallucinating one night I woke up and in the night and rolled over to grab my phone to look at the time I wondered why my phone wasn't doing anything after too long I realized I wasn't holding my phone it was my other hand I thought my left hand was my phone and I'd been chapping it with my fingers oh my

she lost feeling and it was just chapping her hand was jabbing her own hand when it was the phone. Oh, that happened to me. Because before I went to do this film with Josh, I've been doing loads of stuff for the kids and working a lot. Anyway, I've been getting, like, silly o'clock flights, like, or trains at 7, 8 in the morning. So I've been getting up about half four in a cab at 5 a.m. And I don't know about you, when I've got to be up at half four,

I just basically lay in bed looking at the clock waiting for it to be half four. So I don't actually go to sleep. Anyway, so I fell asleep and I woke up and got panicked and thought I was being picked up at three. So at 2.30am, I got up, got showered,

packed my bag and went downstairs at the reception of the hotel and then just had to come back up again. Oh God. Oh God. What an absolute lunatic. Oh, mate.

Here we go. This is a really good one to end on, I think, before smell business shout out. Hola. I'm English and my husband is Portuguese. When my children were born, we were told to burn the umbilical cord. Oh, my God.

What? This is a Portuguese thing. This is a Portuguese culture. You wouldn't be allowed to do that in the entertainer, I tell you that. Just go on a Sunday and do it outside the shop. They won't even know. When my children were born, they were told to burn the umbilical cord.

You have to burn it because if you throw it away and a rat eats it, your child will become a thief. Oh, my God. What? So this is like some sort of Portuguese folklore thing, right? I assume, she's not actually said that, but I assume from the Portuguese husband, like, rather than just that she's

got a really weird husband. Here we go. I think it's an old tradition. Okay. Trying to burn an umbilical cord is a nightmare. My husband was outside of a lighter and the smell of burning flesh. You've got to put some petrol on it. And it was disgusting. In the end, we put it on the barbecue.

What? We just cooked it on the barbecue to burn it. Oh, my God. I assume it was a disposable one for that purpose. You can't stick it on. Imagine sticking that on Guy Ritchie's 50 grand one. You know what? This barbecue's been worth every penny.

It's the only thing. I'm burning an umbilical cord at the same time. He sold 20,000 in Portugal in one day alone. Right, just a small business shout out. Hello, I'm hoping you'll include me in your small business shout out. I worked for a large retail chain who closed all of their stores

and made thousands of people redundant just before lockdown one. After the COVID redundancy, wtf do i do now i set up knots and crosses bakery i make soft pretzels from home in loads of different flavors and did doorstep deliveries all across teeside through the height of lockdown i still do my deliveries now alongside some markets but things have got quieter since the world is opening up again so any shout outs would be great i get up at 3am when i'm baking so i can Oh, my word. That's fun. I listen to podcasts while I'm working, and yours is always one of the front of the queue,

and always a great cheer up when I feel like everything was a bit too much. Thanks for keeping us smiling. Beth, so that's at knots and crosses bakery on instagram i'm sure she must do home um must post them out as well but um yeah let's go give some support there she goes made redundant and uh buy yourself some pretzels you like pretzels you sounded quite excited about that i love it i love a soft pretzel right here we go at knots. At Knotts, K-N-O-T-S, and Cross's Bakery. Yeah, give her a follow. They look amazing. Good luck with it.

And yeah, you can DM to order availability from 8th of October. Get your orders in. Get yourself a soft pretzel, guys. My sister has started up her own business, which could solve all your mental load stroke party planning problems. Josh, you think you have party planning sorted but this is what you need how dare they act by the box full b y the b o x f u l it's basically

a party in a box everything you need for kids party table decks party bags balloons crafts etc very good idea it's a good idea no more searching on amazon for questionable bunting and pom bears how dare you take the stress out of the prep everything you need delivered to your door stroke park www.theboxful.co.uk supporting my sister who's had her first baby during the pandemic and managed to create a small business at the same time. Love the pod. Thanks, Cara. Good work.

Oh, it looks great. I've just seen it. So you just get it all in one? Yeah. So you don't have to go all over. Oh, look, they do Halloween ones, Jungle Safari. Help them out, guys. We will see you on Friday when we've got Lucy Beaumont,

and it is an absolutely brilliant episode. She's brilliant. Enjoy. Absolutely one of my favourite people to interview in the world see you then bye