Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP30: Jessie Ware

Episode Date: October 22, 2021

S03 EP30: Jessie WareJoining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant singer-songwriter and podcaster - Jessie Ware. Jessie's amazing parenting podcast 'Is It Normal?' is available now. And her equally fantastic 'Table Manners' podcast is also available wherever you get your audio content. And head over to www.jessieware.com for all the latest tour and album info. Please rate and review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Let's say Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Ah, very good. That was a good one, wasn't it?

And another one. No, that's it. Oh, there's Michael with a nice voice. Michael with a nice voice. Michael Widdicombe. There we go. No, that's it. Oh, there's Michael with a nice voice. Michael with a nice voice. Michael with a nice voice. There we go. Mickey got a shout out. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael.

This is Buddy, who is three in October. That is a great name. Buddy, what a name. Fucking great name. He keeps us extremely busy and is currently obsessed with asking Alexa what the weather is doing, saying boobies. Instead of a bedtime story, he now wants to have a chat. My husband Gareth and I love the podcast.

It's helped us through all the lockdown, so thank you. In January, we had a little girl, Nell. Another great name. Buddy and Nell. Buddy and Nell. Gareth is really not a great name in that house, is it? Let's be honest with you, mate. Gareth is dealing with a bad name.

What he's done is he said it stops here. Buddy. Nell. Gareth? Gareth is an awful name, let's face it. No offense. We all know it. It ain't Gary.

What do you, Galf? Galf, for sure. You won't know that. Gazza, Garth. Garth, Gareth. Gareth. Gareth, Southgate. But you know what? Buddy and Nell, it's the other end of the spectrum, Rob. Oh, and what's the mum called?

Alice. And their surname is Leek. Gareth Leek. Gareth Leek, Buddy Leek, Nell Leek, and Alice Leek. Is that too much information about our family? No, they just put it all in the email. I could steal their identity, but I wouldn't want it because I'd only be called Gareth.

That is seriously an offence to all the Gareths out there, but you know, you know deep down. Gareth Southgate. Buddy Nell. Buddy Nell's great. Great Buddy. Buddy Nell. Sounds a bit like a gnarly Californian.

Yeah. Any other famous Gareths? Has there ever been a cool Gareth? Yeah, Gareth Southgate. I'm looking for a cool Gareth. Gareth Southgate is not cool. He's a fairly sensible, defensively-minded, I'd say mid-level international manager.

Wait, he's the second most successful England manager of all time. That's not our going, though, is it? No, but you know. There are no other Gareths. Gareth Bale. Again, not cool, is he? Gareth Gates. Gareth Malone, not cool.

Gareth Gates, not cool. Gareth Thomas. No, there's not a cool Gareth. I'm sorry. There's never been a cool Gareth. This is terrible. Gareth from the office. Gareth from the office. There we go. If you are called Gareth. We are, sorry. And you think you're a bit cool, let us know and we

can judge. And if it's true, we will big you up. Yeah. And if you've called your child Gareth, We are, sorry. And you think you're a bit cool, let us know and we can judge. And if it's true, we will big you up. Yeah. And if you've called your child Gareth, what are you doing? Have a word with yourself. Yeah. You can't call it Gareth Barry.

It's not too late to change it to Buddy. No, it's not. Change your name. I tell you, if you're an adult Gareth and you're going to change your name, go for it. We'll support you.

Yeah. If Gareth Southgate came back for the Qatar World Cup and said, can you call me Buddy? I mean, that kind of feels like his management style anyway, doesn't it? Call me Buddy.

If Gareth changed his name to Buddy, I feel more confident about the World Cup. Buddy Southgate. Buddy Southgate. Immediately more confident. Wouldn't you? I can't believe Buddy Southgate's playing seven attacking midfielders, but I suppose that's Buddy Southgate for you, isn't it?

He's gone mad. Since he changed his name by depot, he's a monster. We've got nine wingers. Josh, shall we, let's do some Instagram messages

because we blabbered on tired and emotional. And emails, and emails. And emails. I've got a great Insta to kick things off with if you want it.

Oh, go on then. Why not? Why not? Why the hell not? Here it is um this is about a holiday some people were on parenting fail we took our two-year-old to turkey with a grandparent and whole extended family it was an all-inclusive so the toddler was happily getting juice from the bar to fill up her cup the first few days you know the ones that look like slush machines she was incredibly well behaved for the trip napped loads and allowed us to get a lovely tan.

Oh no, oh no. I know what's going on here. The husband happened to take her with him one day and the juice cup to the bar. Turns out she'd been drinking sex on the beach. That is astonishing. The hotel swiftly added signs to the machine. That is amazing.

That is absolutely amazing. That that's terrible isn't it that's so dangerous yeah but so effective seemingly no no that's not what we're doing here that's not what we're suggesting draw your own conclusions from that i myself think obviously that's terrible if you're sitting on the train, listening to this, stroking your beard, going, hmm, interesting. You're a bad parent. Do not let your kids drink. Racially named cocktails.

Even the word cocktail, that's rude for a child to say. Can I have a cocktail? Hi, Rob and Josh. Love the podcast. It's given me endless giggles. Just catching up on the Ian Stirling interview with Rob, realising...

Fuck it. Are you far behind? Come on! Realising the girls have heard the word slut in Mamma Mia a hundred plus times. Well, embarrassingly, when me and my brother were younger, my mum recorded over part of Harry Potter, I think it was film one or two,

where Ron Weasley says, bloody, so that we wouldn't hear a swear word. What? So she actually edited the film. What did she record over it with like just a bit of other tv yeah it says so that you wouldn't hear the swear word so every time we watched the film part way through it was suddenly cut to bbc news and then back to harry potter amazing amazing it was very weird and confusing after realizing none of my friends

had that issue when they watched the same film i I have to remind my mum about it and remind her what a weirdo she is for doing it. Keep up the good work, Hannah. That is phenomenal. Unbelievable. Bloody, that's bloody, is all right, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, that is the least of your problems is bloody. Well, I think it would be, if my daughter went, I'll go, how was school? Oh, I had a bloody nightmare at funky jazz.

I'd laugh my head off. I wouldn't think you'd have to tell her off. You wouldn't start censoring Harry Potter. Yeah, but maybe, you know, these children weren't drawing dicks on post-it notes and passing them through the house. Let's be honest, Rob, you've already lost the battle. Bloody so far in the distance from the situation you're in now.

She's drawing dicks too soon. I've got to sort that out. It could be worse. She could be doing pubes and it's spunking, but she's not. Oh, it's not far off, is it? It's not far off. That's 10 years off. It could be worse. She could be doing pubes and it's spunking but she's not. Oh, it's not far off, is it? It's not far off. That's 10 years off. That's secondary school.

God, don't stop it. I'm panicking. I'm panicking now. Josh, got some emails. Yeah. Do you remember the person who fell asleep at the dentist? Oh, yes,

because she was so tired and they did a filling. Yeah. Joe from Somerset. I'd been up all night with my vomiting three-year-old. The following morning, I was due for an MRI scan on my back. This was the second scan so I knew what to expect. I'd been up all night with my vomiting three-year-old. The following morning, I was due for an MRI scan

on my back. This was the second scan, so I knew what to expect. I had no problems with the noise or feelings of claustrophobia. Settled down on the bed, moved into the scanner machine

and immediately nodded off. Oh, what a lovely place to go to sleep. What a way for an MRI that is. People panicking about being in that tube. She's just gone fully asleep. The MRI technician

woke me up halfway through. She was worried I wasn't responding to her. But I went straight back to sleep again. I like you passed out through panic. I came out feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world again. Best sleep in months, Joe from Somerset. Have you ever had an MRI? Do you know what?

I'd love an MRI at the moment. Mate. How long do they last? A half hour sleep? Oh, they're about 20 minutes, aren't they? And I tell you what. Slip me in the tube. Wing it round me. No one will talk to you.'s glorious that is bad in it how busy are you i've booked in for an mri this afternoon what's wrong nothing just tired like an easy

jet hotel have you ever had one rob no i had it on my foot once when i broke my ankle yeah that's obviously different you just but it takes a little while. But yeah, a whole body one. I think I would find it quite stressful because I don't like it. It is quite stressful. I've had one. You had one? Yeah, I had one for my back, for my neck.

And of course... You had a stiff neck MRI. Exactly, mate. And, you know, there was no worries about whether I was going to move there because I couldn't move my neck in the first place. So that was a positive. So I had an MRI. Fucking hell.

See, it's a really mad experience, actually. Oh, is it? Yeah, because the noises are so otherworldly. Like they're like something from a sci-fi film and you're trapped. Are you allowed headphones? No. Oh, yeah, because it's all electric, isn't it, and magnets and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're not allowed headphones or any of that. We sounded like two Robot Wars people that have built a robot. I was like, yeah, it's all bloody robots and magnets and spinny stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, mate, yeah. Sir Killalot won't get close to this. Do you remember all the Robot Wars names? Well, yeah, Matilda.

Matilda was such a weird name. Yeah, Matilda was one where they, Sir Killalot was the main one, wasn't there? Yeah, and then Matilda. Sergeant Bash or something? Sergeant Bash! Is that right? Or was the one with the road closed sign that just used to flip them? Well, that was always the ones that were good.

I don't know. Yes. You could have a flamethrower. It was a complete fucking waste of time on Robot Wars. Total write-off. Or like a little chainsaw thing. It just used to just spark up. You've got the thing with Robot Wars, and I've always said it,

people go style over substance. Totally. You just need to get under and flip. That's all you need to do. If you get under and flip, you've completed Robot Wars. Matilda cannot deal with that attitude. No. Matilda's gone.

Suck a lot. Hasn't got a chance. What was the one that was like a spinning saw? Oh, some sort of razor thing wasn't it yeah oh god oh i'm on the wikipedia i'm doing it now here i go i'm gonna get them cast members that would it be a cast member cast members come on this isn't fucking equity oh yeah i seem to remember sekel a lot from his role in doctors battle rules immobilization aggression damage oh what the

names here we are no i think this is the american one but yeah matilda i forgot about matilda jeremy clarkson used to present it did he clarkson pierce charles obrien and scanlon yeah house robots dead metal growler matilda They all sound like grinder names. Sergeant Bash, Mr. Psycho. Mr. Psycho? Ref Bot, Shunt. Shunt. Dead Metal, Cassius Chrome.

Is that a pun on Cassius Clay? Yeah, but it's a terrible pun, isn't it? Oh, what was it? Strengths, fastest house robot. Weaknesses, it did go on strike during the Vietnam War war fair enough cassius crowe i don't even understand this he's actually oh no actually so it's not it's not cassius crowe anymore it's a muhammad metal here is an admission rob yep i didn't give a fuck about robot wars i didn't care about robot wars i love robot wars i thought you'd be all over it on paper you'd think i'd love robot wars I didn't give a fuck about Robot Wars. I didn't care about Robot Wars. I love Robot Wars.

I thought you'd be all over it. On paper, you'd think I'd love Robot Wars. And on metal. And on metal. I didn't care about it. No. Why not? I found it quite boring.

I quite like destruction. Is that one of the robots? No, no, no, no. That's... You mean the concept? Yeah. I'm sorry. We've done five minutes on a robot.

Oh, yeah. We should do what you said the other day, Rob, to be in tech. Let's do that. I mean, I've enjoyed this. The Big Brother won Robot Wars. If you want a subject for us to mind dump on from nostalgia, make TV from the past, let us know, and we'll do a nostalgia dump on it.

We've just done Robot Wars. We've done Big Brother. Send one in, and we'll go a nostalgia dump on it. Yeah. We've just done Robot Wars. We've done Big Brother. Send one in and we'll go for it. Do send them in. Michael, we won't have an email by next week

because we're recording it in advance. So, Michael, you can choose the topic for next Tuesday. Let us know, Michael.

Have a think. Okay, great. I'll have a think. Right. Okay, here's Jessie Ware. I don't know what this podcast is anymore, Josh.

We don't talk about kids or do the emails. No, but Jessie Ware's doing that for us. We're talking about kids with Jessie Ware. She's got kids. Exactly, yeah. See you next week to talk about what lasts the summer wine. Bye.

How heartbeat. Greengrass. Do you want to do the intro, Josh? Yeah, why not? Jessie Ware, hello. Hello. God, I'm really interested to know about this intro that you do. You're much more prepared than we, my mum and I.

That was the intro. That was the intro. Oh, oh. There is no intro. We just say hello and we take turns. Hello, Jessie Ware. You're not going to talk about my accolades and my parenting accolades. Actually, you don't know because I haven't got any.

You've got three children. Yes. Yeah, so we know that. That's good. Is that correct? It is correct. I've got a five-year-old who's just started school, and then I've got a two-and-a-half-year-old,

and then a ten-week-old. Oh, my God. Ten weeks. Actually, my heart rate went up then. As you said to all those, I could feel myself getting a bit more stressed. I mean, yeah, how old are yours? Yours are in school now, right?

Yeah, I've got a five-year-old in year one of school and then I've got a three-year-old who's in nursery, nearly four. So she's in like three or four days a week. So they're pretty much in school now, which is groundbreaking. You've got a kind of system. Look at the smile on his face. I do look smart. You look like a different person to the other two people there.

I might sit this one out, guys. I don't feel like I've got... Good for you, Rob. Me, I've got a three-year-old and a four-month-old. So I'm not a million miles from you. No. Also, just to say, though, guys, I've got to do the school run. So can we wrap this up in about four hours' time?

Is that OK? Is that all right for you? I've got to do the school run, too, whilst also implementing the afternoon nap in the sling. Because, oh, my God, I've got to do the school run too whilst also implementing the afternoon nap in the sling because, oh my God, I've got a whole system. I'm like militant with this third one. I don't know about you, Josh. How are you doing with the four-month-old?

Do you feel like you're being stricter with the old sketch or have you got no sketch? We haven't got... He doesn't seem to be into sleeping in the daytime, which is pretty oppressive. So his record nap so far is 45 minutes, which is not long enough. No, you can't get through an episode of anything

on Netflix with that, really. No, exactly. Yeah, it's not long enough. How about you? So you're going for, have you got a clear schedule? So what are you on, two and a half months, basically? Yeah, I feel and i i know this will divide people that listen and i apologize in advance i tried with my first one to like do

the thing where i was like you know i'm a pop star she's got to be on the road she's got to be able to kind of you know jam with the musicians at 10 o'clock at night and you know um and that shit didn't work so then i realized the hard way when she hadn't slept through the night like until like what like 10 months and then second one was a little bit more like you know bad cop and then this one I was like mate you gotta like fit in wow yeah full Russell Kane we call it here full Russell Kane oh is that what Russell Kane does okay well Russell Kane managed to get his child to sleep through the night for 10 hours within about 45 minutes of delivery

with a technique where it's not about getting them to sleep, it's about keeping them awake so they're tired for bedtime. Blackout blinds, air conditioning, and flannels on their feet to wake them up if they do nod off before bedtime. Yeah, he got it from Guantanamo Bay, his technique. But he stands by it and it has worked for him. So, you know, you can't judge anyone in this game.

Listen, maybe I'll try the flannels. You're straight on to Amazon to order 10 flannels. Russell, Russell. How cold is the water? Is it ice cold? You know what? Like, yeah, I think my youngest has realised he needs to just put up and shut up and he just watches because my son

is an incredibly noisy two and a half year old. And so he makes enough noise for all of us. Okay. And also that's middle, now you've got a middle child on your hand. You had a youngest three months ago and I'm a middle child and I'm here to tell you. Oh, no, what happened?

You are just worse because you have to fight for more attention I disagree with you because I am a middle child and I am the best child of all my mum's children so I don't know what you're talking about um but no my my son yeah he's he's struggling with I think he's struggling bless him he's done all right the um five-year-olds just kind of thinks that he's a dolly and she likes it. And she goes like this to me. She goes, mum, I think he needs feeding. She's like the mother-in-law.

Oh, really? You're like, no, no, no, I've got this, darling. I've got this. And she's like, no, mum, I really think you need to feed him. At that age, they do get like that, don't they? It's unbelievable. That one year at school completely changes them. They're tiny Karens, aren't they?'s unbelievable that one year at school completely changes them into a they're tiny karens aren't they no doubt you forgot the lemon fuck off i didn't even want

lemons i just half said that in the shop now you keep bringing lemons up whenever we go to the shop my daughter will say you forgot the lemons like and they are not like a nagging mother-in-law totally but my two and a half year old he um he did a thing we thought he was doing all right with the new one but then he had a kind of empty pram, you know, the miniature ones that you've got in your playroom. You've got about five of them broken. But yeah, we had one of them and my husband said, where's the baby? And he said, oh, he's dead.

And Sam went, oh, my husband went, oh, that's really sad. I was like, oh, OK, cool. So you're really getting on well with this new one. Yeah, he basically killed his brother. Oh my God. Oh, wow. Yeah. So is he two and a half and he's aware of death then?

Well, apparently, I don't know. I feel like the Lion King was maybe played, it's Circle of Life. Oh my God. It's too much. It's really hard. It's too much for me. But I remember when my daughter saw it first time

and her older cousin said, when Simba's dad is dying, and my daughter went, he's just sleeping. And her cousin was like, he's dead. And I think, yeah, she got some hard truths. Oh, God. Did it need such a brutal death? Because there's an old lion dying, and then there's been trampled to death by

wildebeest so you're saying rob that you think the lack of success of the lion king is they've missed they've misjudged how they put that film together yeah i just think you know if they got it right imagine the success the lion king could have been so you've got a tour coming up and presumably you're taking your baby on the tour how's that going to play out sleep wise so i've been quite strict with this schedule which i know really divides the crowd and it's you know a bonus my mother well my mum is like you know she always just thinks the baby's hungry and and all that so anyway i've been quite strict and actually we're not gene affording it like he never cries,

but he's an amazing sleeper, but like, yeah, he's kind of nearly sleeping through the night. So I'm fingers crossed by kind of that. Oh, that four month regression when I'm going on tour. Amazing.

But yeah, I'm going to take him. So the baby will be in the rehearsals with me kind of doing some jazz hands with me. And, and then the baby will come and tour but the other two won't but i don't know how i'm not i'm gonna not be able to see the other two because i'll kind of have to isolate fully like me and the little one yeah and so it's

this weird thing where it's like well when do you start isolating because like the kids are bringing back i don't know if you've had noro recently like we've all been having noro in southeast london um so that's going around what about in southeast london Noro in South East London. So that's going round. What about in South East London? I'm in New Cross. Oh, yeah. Oh, you used to live in New Cross. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so we're down in Bromley Way now, a bit further out. Oh. Is everyone trying to get into Emma Raducanu's school? Yeah, she's round the corner. I've not seen her. I literally Googled which school she went to. I was like, could I get in? Is the catchment okay?

Yeah, none of them can read or write right but that's tennis yeah our lunchtime is off the charts are you breastfeeding then with this one or that so could you not leave the baby at home with your husband the kind of thing oh man do you think like i well i'm a mixed feeling because my boobs just never have worked properly and actually that kind of works kind of well in the fact that my husband can then give him a bottle. So I kind of do a bit of both. I like to say the boob is like a kind of an amuse-bouche or a side salad. Right, yes, of course. But yeah, so I could leave the baby at home, but I kind of don't, I don't feel like I can be away from him for that long. Even though my husband's like...

How long's the tour? Well, it's only like 10 days, but I just, I don't feel like I can be away from him for that long, even though my husband's like. How long's the tour? Well, it's only like 10 days, but I just, I don't know. I think you're over rehearsing, Jessie. Just go out there and bang out a couple of tunes. You don't need six weeks for a two-week gig. I'm the most efficient man in comedy, mate. Three days in a panel show, two a day, see you later. I love you.

So your partner will have the other two school runs and all that kind of stuff while you're on tour. Yes, yeah. Yeah, three on your own is a lot as well, isn't it? Yeah. Before a show, it's not like I need to get in the zone or anything, but for the hour or two before I do a tour show, I just want to, like, stare at my phone or, like, eat and just be, like... Totally.

When are you going to go, right, that's baby time over, now I'm about to do a tour show? So I've had an experience of this before where i took my daughter on tour in europe and we had this tour bus and we had like you know the star room on a tour bus where you get a double bed i'd never had one in my life and my daughter and my husband had it so i'm still in the bunks which was absolutely fine so my daughter at the age of uh 18 months was in the star room with my husband so that he would, he'd kind of get up with her. And it was like, my husband was there and I brought my brother along,

but my brother had such a great time on Grindr. He was barely like into babysitting. He was really cleaning up in Berlin. He was like, I'm not doing, I'm not doing bedtime tonight because it's pinging off. Exactly. It's such driving the bus. I'm going to bedtime tonight because it's pinging off. Exactly. It's us driving the bus. I'm going to Burt Munich.

So we did it and it was a bit like crazy camping and it was highly stressful, but kind of amazing. Sadly, she doesn't remember any of it. But I would kind of go, right, night, she'd have kind of dinner with us and I'd say night, night. And then it was when it was bedtime, I'd go and get my makeup done. And then I'd kind of have to switch from like mum mode to pop star where yeah this time yeah

it's going to be exactly the same and that's kind of why I needed my little man to have a really good schedule so he could feel really comfortable to be like right okay this is bedtime it's so stressful. Yeah. I mean I watched Pink's documentary which was really amazing and I was like oh my god there's going to be like that and then I remembered I'm playing academies not stadiums. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember reading that Paul and Linda McCartney so Paul and Linda McCartney when they got together never spent a night apart for the rest of their lives. So, and she was in Wings, and they would take their three kids just on all of their tours. I can't think of anything worse. No. For the parents and the kids, do you know what I mean?

Listening to Wings every night. Let's do some of the old stuff, Dad, for fuck's sake. Poor old Stella. Come Dad. Fuck's sake. Poor old stuff. Come on. Wings again. Jesus Christ. Oh, man. Yeah, I mean, it's exhausting.

It's exhausting. Have you never had any of your kids come on your... No. Well, we don't really tour that way. Well, you know, we don't really do big European tours. I'm going to Australia to tour next year, but I'll go on my own for like two and a half weeks and get it all done. It's not worth bringing them i don't think and

because you're not doing one thing the other i think you're not on holiday with them and you're not properly working and i i would rather go there and then have a bit of time on my own i think it's very good to have time on your own away from your partner and your kids and vice versa so i'd rather go to australia and do that and then come back ludo over friends and then we have a proper two week holiday somewhere as a family rather than trying to do it all at once all the time you know saying that I am taking them to Dubai to do gigs in a couple of weeks but I need to ask you though I need to ask you how it works like I'm into this whole thing of you now have to ask permission to take because now my daughter's in reception yeah this whole thing about like if I'm

going to do work then can they come out or is it like I don't know that do you get fined I've done it because it's just half term anyway so that's when the gig was so it's lucky how it felt like are you factoring that in though like that you go we had to reschedule it because of covid you said can we do it during term time so I don't have to take them, but it all went wrong. Yeah, exactly. It all went wrong. But no, I just said, oh, can we do that

October half term? And I think, because Dubai is a bit more, it's such a holiday destination, it's quite a good time to do it because there'll be like Brits over there that might go as well

because they're on holiday. And do you think they'll come to the gig? I think there'll be more Brits that live over there already. No, no, no, I don't mean kids. I mean your daughters.

Just for the demographic. I wasn't worried about your already. No, no, no, I don't mean Brits. I mean your daughters. Just for the demographic. I wasn't worried about your sales. No, no, no, they won't come to the gig. I did Bromley the other week, and I was going to take them so they could see the stage, but I don't really care or know what's going on. Also, it's exciting seeing their mum dancing like it's Strictly with the music and the disco and lights and all the other dancers.

I just shuffle out and complain about my body and my mind to a few hundred people every night. It's not really the same thing. It's just me talking, but no one interrupting. So it's not. I think there's like, definitely my daughter's at the age where she'll now maybe understand that like, she needs to be nice to me because people adore me.

And so I'm basically doing it as a lesson yeah so i'm gonna make her with her bloody sofa on the side of the stage go look at how many people like your mummy so don't be rude to me don't watch me watch the people that like me okay because actually some people like me in this world exactly but i mean i think she'll understand my son will be like i want to watch fireman sam and he'll say he's too young he'll fall asleep i think she'll fall asleep too but let's try it when you're like not on tour like so and what's the sort of setup with the parenting and stuff like is your husband working a lot is it sort of a 50 50 split or is it because it's so ad hoc you're doing podcasts you're doing touring

is it a bit all over the place it's chaos but it's our kind of chaos that we quite like. But my husband's a personal trainer and he's also a really great man for putting up with my jobs that kind of take me everywhere and anywhere. So he's an amazing dad, but he's fucked it because, well, I fucked it. Basically, when we had the case of Noro and my daughter's shitting on the Sisal staircase, which I tell you, getting diarrhea out of Sisal is a bugger. What's Sisal? Sisal is a kind of carpet that it really seeps in and it's a really good one for staining.

Yeah, okay. It's rough and has kind of ridges. So, you know, you're trying to scrape. Anyway, so that happened. Oh, fucking hell. Sorry. That imagery just hit. Sorry. So my husband's also. Oh, fucking hell. Sorry, that imagery just hit. Sorry.

So my husband's also, yes, exactly. My husband's a Virgo and he can't, he's a bit of a, I'm a slob and I can't live in. I don't think you have to be a Virgo to know that there's shit in your carpet though, Jessie. I don't think the star signs get, I mean, you know, if you're into star signs, that's on you. But I'm just sad.

I'm a Capricorn, so I don't mind shit on a carpet. I'm from cancer. Sick shit, bring it on. I'm a chill girl. So basically, he was running up and down the stairs. And I usually use the baby as an excuse to not move much. Because I'm like, oh, I'm feeding. So fucking matey bloody fucked his knee.

He's got this bursitis thing. The other word for it is housemaid's knee. Yes. Because he's been working too hard at the house and I've made him work too hard. He's like, look what you've done to me. I've got housemaid's knee. That happened to my friend who got housemaid's knee

because he was going down on his knees too much. Especially if you're, I don't know how tall he is, but my mate's like six foot five. So he's constantly having to go on his knees to help him get him dressed and bend over the time and he completely ruined his knees too much and doing, especially if you're, I don't know how tall he is, but like my mate's like six foot five. So he's constantly having to go on his knees to help him get him dressed and bend over the time. He completely ruined his knees. Yeah, his kindness has fucked me over and he's out for six weeks.

So I'm having to do everything now. And he's a personal trainer. How hard was you working him? It's, mate, I know. Yeah, personal trainers should have strong knees, right? I agree. As someone in the music industry, I've noticed it, especially because you get treated very well,

even as a comedian or doing a bit of telly, but music industry, I think you get treated so well and, like, you can be in control of that, but whenever I meet people and they come in, there's always loads of people with them getting any whim and stuff like that. So how is that to go from work mode when you are being treated like that?

I don't know if that's your experience, but, and then you come home and it's, you've got to be, you've got to be the person looking after the kids like that because you do see it

in some pop stars. You must have them last leg, Josh, when they come on the pop stars. Mate, let me, let me put it this way. When we did a,

the Paralympic homecoming, Chase and Status were two minutes late to go on stage and we had to fill. And, and? I've never forgiven them. two minutes late to go on stage and we had to fill. And? And? I've never forgiven them.

Two minutes late. Who do you think you are? Here he is. He's the invalid. Yeah, housemate to me. Oh, housemate to me. Yeah, they're saying hi. Here's the housemate over here.

Just making some lunch. Just made me some lunch. Don't worry. I've still got a fucking whip. I've got to run upstairs to get the baby now. He's crying. Don't worry about it. Oh, here he is.

He still knows what's good for him. He seems to be walking all right to me. He seems to be walking okay. Do you want to ask him about the question whether how you readjust from being pop star to being mum and having everything done for you? The guys want to know, how have I readjusted from being pop star and mum

and having things done for me? Am I, you know... How have you readjusted? Do you think I am,'m you know i can really switch filmed you putting the bins out last night that was the first time in two years i've seen that did you know that you've felt it for two years look his the bins are his thing well yeah we can tell he's injured he's so good at it he's so good at putting the bins out our thing well anyway i yeah yeah i mean

look i took the bins out last night you know i'm yeah she hasn't really just i mean it's telling that he actually videoed you taking the bins out listen he was shocked we were all shocked and is that because of his knee were the bins too heavy for his knee? Mate, he's really milking it. And I'm just letting him, like, I'm indulging him a bit. Like, he had it elevated and he was watching the City match. So I was like, you know what? You have this.

Oh, that's nice. Because I haven't done the bins for two years. So, you know. Two years, that is. Yeah, I owe him. I owe him. You enjoy Man City losing. I've had some fun. I mean, look, like, we, there's, I like to. I owe him. You enjoy Man City losing. I've had some fun.

I mean, look, like, we... I like to say we're a team. He'd be like, I'm your slave. But we are a team. Like, I do the cooking and I am the person that organises, like, the shop, which, as you discussed, is, you know, on your Ricardo ad, it's highly stressful.

It is stressful getting the show in. It is very stressful. Yeah, though Ricardo do make it easy, I should say. With a brilliant range of over-range goods. Yeah. Oh, we love Ricardo. You do the shopping, you do the cooking. Is that right, you said?

Yeah, and I do the, like, organising play dates, which are... Mental load stuff. Yeah, I feel like I do the mental load he's like much better he's more fun than me like he's the one that fucking amps them up before bedtime and I'm like mistransferable it's like okay it's not it's bedtime now and he's like they're all kind of being dinosaurs and laughing and tickling and having fun and I'm the bad cop all the time but no we kind of work I don't know we're a team we've also been together since we were 18 so we we know each other you know so well that I can't get away with too much shit I definitely try though and you've got a very close relationship with your mum yes

and so what have you learned from like your upbringing that you've applied to your own parenting what is it that's meant that you and your mum are so close now are you always like that food she's a really good cook and I think I know she's she's amazing my mum is really inspiring she's a bit of a she's a diamond like she's such a star and she's I think she was really inspiring she really brought us up on her own and it was three of us and she's a social worker and she's a brilliant woman, but she's also kind of completely sassy and brilliant. And I think when I started the podcast, you know, I knew people would warm to her and she's kind of the best for conversation.

Actually, we've got to have you on the podcast. We're desperate to have you on. And we cook you a nice meal. And it's like, you know, it's a nice evening. Very nice. Also, it's South East London, so I nice it's a nice evening very nice oh sounds like southeast london so i'll be home in 15 if you if you're talking i gate i'm probably not going to do it but new cross i'm in you have to wait until my kitchen's done then so that's going to be you

know we'll do it in the new year otherwise you clap them and i don't know how that works for you oh no it's a nightmare not especially with the fuel storage yeah god have you tried to get fuel no i've just realized how little i use my car that i've realized that i can live without my car It's a nightmare. Especially with the fuel shortage. God, have you tried to get fuel? No, I've just realised how little I use my car that I've realised that I can live without my car all of a sudden. Do you feel quite smug about that, Josh? No, I just feel like I've wasted money on my car. I feel like, wait a minute, if I'm not willing to wait 45 minutes for petrol,

how much do I need this car that I've got? Do you know what? If I don't use my car for two months, it fine doesn't make any difference i'm just getting a cab oh i've got electric ones i feel a bit smug oh my god there were very good memes going around last week about that well who knew out of us three i'd be the biggest hipster with my electric car you know you dinosaur juicers chugging around them dinosaur juice yes because obviously she she like you said she sort of brought you up sort of almost as a single parent is that right so she had to do it all yeah she's amazing and I think I kind of learned from her she always exposed us

like we always were doing things so I think I've learned that from her she was took us places we always went on holidays or we went and did kind of fun things at the weekend. We were always making her take us to the Trocadero. Do you remember when that was really popular? Yeah. And Alien War she was having to do like every week. And I just kind of, I love her for that. She kind of, she spoiled us with loads of attention

and fun things whilst always having a good cooked meal. I don't know. She made it look effortless because I bloody require matey who's out of action um and a host of other people to help me i can't do it and i can't imagine how she did it all on her own when it's such it's full on it's amazing isn't it it blows my mind stuff like that and i kind of go am i just soft do you know what i mean am i just yes i think you are yeah all right fine no you your other podcast your new podcast should i say is it normal oh yeah this is a great idea so this is each podcast takes you through two weeks of pregnancy yeah so until

at 30 weeks and then we do like week by week because we kind of introduce things about you know induction methods pain relief you know doulas so we kind of have a whole span of such a good idea it really spans yeah i mean look it's it's definitely not me being prescriptive and telling people what to do it's me asking the questions speaking to experts and trying to make it as broad as possible you know some people want to have you know dim lights have known pain relief have you know chanting i don't know singing bowls and all that and then the other people may have won all the drugs in the world or have an elective c-section it's like any any everyone wants something different everyone has a different

pregnancy everyone has a different birth and so we're just kind of offering all this information that takes you through your pregnancy where i speak to a midwife and an obstetrician kind of we alternate and just hear what's going on and then we kind of you know gear up to the big day oh that's that's great it's a little companion piece of people going through pregnancy each week yeah and I think also like you know especially when we were doing it it was a time when you know we were in lockdown like fully locked down that miserable you know that January so was you pregnant for the whole of lockdown basically yeah I was pregnant from November I think yeah like October November yeah and um so I I think it was that need for kind

of a some kind of continuity that I think lots of you know pregnant people really really want during their pregnancy they want to see the same midwife. And sometimes they can't, and that's completely understandable. But I just wanted that reassuring voice and those voices in their ear and to show that everything is completely normal, even if you think that your boobs are a bit too itchy. Oh, somebody else has got an itchy boob. You know, you don't want to have sex with your husband?

No worries. Nobody wants to have sex with their husbands when they're pregnant like i have to give this podcast to lou you've done two already but yeah it's it's just yeah it's it's it's a helping hand during pregnancy oh brilliant no because we've like lou and like you know obviously it's more lewd than me but like we found it quite a stressful experience there's so many worries if you're already a bit of an anxious person, it just gets amplified and stuff. You told me that you found it,

you said it was actually more stressful for you than Lou, didn't you? That's what you said. No, I said I didn't enjoy it though. That's the only thing about being a dad, where I want to be like, well, I am like sort of, you know,

fully involved sort of modern dad, but if I had to be 1950s dad, if you're allowed one 1950s dad card it would be being in the pub for the labour that's that's the one I'd play out of all the ones you can play you know like of the old school approach I just I hated every second of it and couldn't wait to get out of the hospital quicker I just found it really total loss of control didn't know what I was doing that I didn't enjoy any of it Just wanted the baby out and dressed and in the car. I didn't enjoy it at all, really.

How did Lou find it? The same, but the second one was a bit better, but we had a really traumatic first one where she sort of, her water was broke in the corridor and then she got chucked in the room. She got left alone and we had to run around trying to find a midwife. And then she came out and it was all like,

and then there was, was it the meuconium? Is it meuconium? Meuconium. Meuconium, yes. They had to get to get the pediatrician and they immediately went to the pediatrician and they had to check and then had to check for the hearing because so it was all it wasn't there's a way worse stories but it's not competition it's not top it wasn't a laugh but no it was it was a highly everything that happened and i forgot the fucking red book and i had to drive home to get it and everything was a fucking nut. That fucking red book gets lost. Put it online for fuck's sake.

Jesus. Fucking red book. I've got nothing on paper. Even emotes I ain't got. No one fucking red book. The one people that have to remember paperwork are people with like a six week old baby. I know.

Even the children have to remember paperwork. I know. You're so right oh i hated it but i think we had a bit of a traumatic experience with the and some people love it and we had charlotte church and he's had an amazing time with a couple of her kids and then the third one was a bit more problematic but yeah i found that very stressful how was it for you the the labors well like that's the thing i think you're so you're so right it's so every pregnancy and birth is different even if this is going to be your second or third like you just never know what's going to happen and it's that like giving over that you can have no kind of

control can you you just have to have as much information as possible so you kind of can hopefully understand so you can maybe rationalize it but I don't know um yeah no I feel very lucky I've had pretty straightforward births and, yeah, mine have been all right. No, but that's the thing. But that's fine, though, that you shouldn't feel bad about having that. That is your experience. And just because some people have not enjoyed it, you can really enjoy it. And for some people, it's a great experience.

I think as well, on top of the fact that... The ring of fire is never enjoyable. I mean, that is fucking horrendous every time but yeah i mean yeah the pain's never a job but i do find i think as well at that point i think was in a very different method like six years ago of like mental state of where i was finding that life quite overwhelming and i'm quite anxious so that on top just sort of went a lot of volcano sort of overexploding whereas now if we were to have another one i'd be even if it was quite stressful i think i'm in a much better mental space to deal with it and

calm myself down rather than getting over overwhelmed and stuff it was just but you've chilled out a lot since your two kids went to school and you just sit around all day i'm fine now don't worry about that but yeah at the time well our water's broke and all our trousers got wet obviously and then i panicked so i took my trousers off and gave them to her in the corridor of the hospital i was a man on the edge when the red book came out oh it was awful i don't think she needed she didn't care about bloody trousers i love that that's so sweet well no she's about to give birth don't need another pair of trousers on do you it's the last thing you need oh mate i mean i look my thing is that i kind of i've been lucky with my birth but

my postnatal thing the breastfeeding has always been an absolute bugger for me yeah and so it's so funny it's kind of you know you never know how it's gonna go but yeah because there's so much pressure do you find it's a bit like overwhelming the pressure of maybe you're different now but with your firstborn it's sort of like I don't know it's sort of like oh you must be able to do it because that's what mums do and if you you can't produce it, it must hit your confidence. I think actually also the conversation around breastfeeding has really changed even over the last five years. The beginning, I was really struggling and my mum was like,

this is so weird. Like, I used to just pop you on and 10 minutes and you'd be done. Oh God, that's the worst thing anyone can say. I know. And I was like, well, it's not fucking working. Children slacked, breastfeeding was easy. Everything was fine, wasn't it? Do you not think I tried popping them fucking on, mum?

I know, totally. And then I was going to all these clinics and like the, you know, the breastfeeding dropping things. And this woman was like, right, what you need to do is set your timer every two hours in the night. I was like, if my child is sleeping beyond two hours in the night, I'm fucking my child is sleeping beyond two hours in the night

i'm fucking sleeping mate and um and so it was highly stressful and then like did the whole lactation consultants on the second one was like i'm gonna smack this it was because i it was because i went back to work too quickly it's because i wanted to get them on the bottle too quickly no same fucking thing and then this time i was like i just had formula ready i was like right i'm not gonna this is how it's probably going to go. And that's how it's gone again. And I'm okay. I've made peace with it this time.

Would you consider doing the podcast like beyond the pregnancy, like for that first year or something? Yeah. You know what? I think I am so obsessed by pregnancy and giving birth. I kind of, I think that I would love to train as a midwife. I would absolutely, I adore it. I'm so obsessed by pregnancy and giving birth. I kind of, I think that I would love to train as a midwife. I would absolutely, I adore it.

I'm obsessed. And the postnatal bit, I'm kind of, I don't know. I think what I wanted to do is I also really enjoy being in the moment with him and not feeling like I was kind of prescribed work to it. Yeah, true. You know what I mean? And also I think there's so many other people that are doing the postnatal stuff so well as they're doing people are doing great stuff with pregnancy

too and birth but i just i think also i was a bit like i can't be fucking arsed i'm already like is that really bad no i think it's nice because it's that it's a thing isn't it like oh this is jesse woe's pregnancy thing and then they could go with you and it's our standalone thing that you produced in lockdown you know it's a great yeah and also i think like there'd be maybe there's somebody else that could do and is it normal we get somebody to do a postnatal one but like for me i was like my journey is done i'm like i i don't want to be a no offense to mumfluencers um but i have many other hats that i wear and i don't need to be that as well yes I've not heard that word before a mum fluencer oh yeah are we dad fluencers oh did we just say god no I don't know maybe you are I don't think

I've ever influenced anyone I think yeah I think we influence in a different way we're not really talking about like great sort of techniques and we're telling everyone to burn the red book first yeah so I feel like yeah you know what that's, if everyone stood up and burned the red book together. Yeah, but the first two months of that, the admin at the hospital would be an absolute nightmare. You'd come back with the wrong one. It's not what the NHS needs. They just get over COVID and they go,

no, we've got this red book problem because Josh and Rob have started everyone burning their red book. Yeah, good Britain's laying on the M25 with red books. No, we must stop traffic to get rid of the red books um is there any um tips though obviously i think a lot of people listening to this especially pregnant women or people thinking about getting pregnant uh like any tips from your podcast and obviously listen to it in full but that that cropped up that you weren't aware of even though it's your your third there's only sort of things that come out that really uh cut through i think that just there are so many different reactions and symptoms

during pregnancy that we have merely scratched the surface of right we got lots of people to put in voice notes of saying is it normal that i have funky discharge or is it normal i didn't get i mean these are people that is it normal that i just want to eat bechamel sauce like i mean yeah i feel like i need to get away from discharge and bechamel sauce i need to kind of go yeah they're too similar sorry sorry um but like it's like piercing a glass of coke oh i'm just thinking about drinking piss now i think what i learned was just that everyone's pregnancy journey is so different and there's so much amazing information out there and people that can help. And you can access that privately or through charities. And I think that was what was really amazing to see how many people there are out there.

If you want that help, you can access it. Well, I think that's why podcasts are so good, because there's so much of it. You can do whatever you want on it. You can talk about things that you maybe, one one there wouldn't be a platform to do it on like film them all the week I can't really talk about oh my god this happened with my late you know and as comedians it gives you more space to do stuff that hasn't got a punch time right at the end and I think people can just be more honest because it's so niche you know getting that so you've got that show which is like week by week that is the week and a whole episode dedicated

to that week of pregnancy which for a majority of the country of like oh that's a bit quite specific but for that person it's the best podcast in the entire world to listen to so it's sort of just offering those really you know those moments in time i'm just going to dip in i'm going to do weeks 12 to 14 and weeks 24 to 26 and then just leave the rest of it just a couple of episodes well i have to say guys like you know the pregnancy podcast is definitely a niche thing it's mainly for people that are expecting right i mean you're welcome to join us if you're not but like you you know you may be interested but it's really funny because you know yours is a parenting podcast

and you are amazing and my somebody at my management kirsty who is 24 she's obsessed with this podcast she definitely she doesn't have any children she doesn't have a boyfriend she fucking loves it so you are breaking the mold of like you know other people loads of people are listening i want do you know what we get loads of people because you're brilliant yeah you're brilliant thank you do you imagine if you got together with someone at 24 and then you looked at their phone and they were listening to parenting podcasts exclusively? Parenting and pregnancy podcasts, yeah. Just working through Jesse Ware's parenting podcast. Yeah, exactly. It's like that pressure of like, is she keen? Well, she's listening to a parenting podcast, so I think so.

But I do think that with parenting and same, you know, like pregnancy and stuff like that, it's just like with parenting everyone's influenced by parenting aren't they to the point where either you know you've got parents you might want to be a parent or might not want to be but if you don't want to be a parent then that sometimes offers up more questions from strangers and saying you want to be a parent so it sort of does that conversation does dominate your life for whatever reason I find yeah it's a strange thing isn't it really but you you do this twice a week, right? Yeah. Is that quite, do you just, I mean, that's the joy of podcasts. It doesn't really feel like work, right? Feels like a lovely conversation.

Well, yeah, I'm talking anyway, so I might as well record it. There's been a couple of interviews that really felt like work, I'll tell you that. Oh, mate. I know about that one, yeah. Yeah.

When the blood drains from your legs five minutes in. Try having a whole fucking first, second and third course with them. Fuck it, Al. Oh, God. Shall we get to pudding? Yeah.

We've just got nachos today. We'll just share that. No dessert. We're on a diet. Off we go. Yeah, no, we do it twice a week, but it does feel like it's just become like talking about our lives in a way. Do you know what I mean?

Like a verbal diary, isn't it, sort of thing. Yeah. What I like about it from our point of view is that if you're having a terrible time on a Sunday, I'm just like, I can't wait to tell Josh about this on Monday. Yeah. Suddenly doing something horrible becomes useful for your podcast and your work

rather than just doing something horrible. I mean, have you found that you've got loads of material for, you know, your stand-up stuff and or do you kind of go nope that's for parenting hell that's for Bromley I think it's much more anecdotal like parenting hell do you know what I mean like I haven't used any in stand-up I don't know about you Rob well I know what I find is with podcasts it's so honest it's sort of the energy of your emotion is what sells a bit whereas on stage every night you need it needs to be functionally a good joke because by the third month that energy of emotion's gone

where i'll tell a story on here that will be funny and josh's tell us so it's funny but it's only really funny because in that moment i can see in josh's eyes that he feels and means every part of it and then sometimes you can tell them on stage, but like stuff that happens to me with my kids, I will tell on stage, maybe in the opening section about fucking hell, I've had a nightmare day because it's the immediacy of that energy of it's just happened where sometimes with jokes,

they just need to work in and out whether you're in the mood for it or not. Totally, yeah. And also you've got a disco dance section as well, haven't you on tour, Rob? Yeah, I've got to do a disco dance section. Yeah, yeah. I just thought, well, I just wanted to get ripped

and just eat it and have a video. I mean, listen, are you watching Strictly? My kids are obsessed with Strictly. They absolutely love it. Like, completely obsessed. Do yours look like watching it? I really, I should let her watch it, but I'm like, that's bedtime, mate.

I love bedtime and I love a strict bedtime. I mean, you've talked about this, haven't you? Yeah, so what we do is we let them watch like one or two dances and then they see the scores and they go to bed they can watch the rest in the morning on a Sunday morning but what so what's your street you I do quite like how scheduled you are so what's your bedtime routine with three kids at the moment god it sounds so dull I mean we I just leaned in then that really says a lot about me I just leaned in he wants a bedtime routine Jessie seems to have it together

she's a pop star she's got podcasts we're all taking notes now what's the sketch oh mate I think it's quite similar to every bugger's sketch we do the like

6.15 bath that's Josh's time 6.15 that's my time 6.15 love a 6.15 I've moved it back because my five year old is not having it well that's my time 6.15. Love a 6.15. I've moved it back because my five-year-old's not having it.

Well, that's my daughter's not having it either. So when is she six? She's six next September so she's just turned five. Okay, so mine's six soon. I'd say you're going to have to push it to seven. Mate. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to bring this news. But I like to

be in bed by 9.30. 9.30! I'm so boring. I should not be a pop star. I want to do matinees for my whole fucking tour because I like to be in bed early. If I'm up beyond 10, I feel like this is a bit dangerous. Yeah. Whoa, what can I do?

I feel like, what? This is a... Yeah, you're getting cockier. Yeah, I'm setting myself up for a fall. But you know also you're going to have a shit night, like two of them are going to be up with either, you know, like wetting the bed or vomiting or something's going to happen that's going to fuck it.

If you have a, if you relax and you like go past like 11 o'clock, you're fucked because either they're going to get up at four in the morning or. I came in from a gig, I got in at midnight, right, from a gig in Portsmouth. Lou was still up because she was building a desk for the five-year-old, like an IKEA desk she was putting together, right? Lovely.

She's very keen on making sure that the girls see her doing... She's actually better than me at all the IKEA builds, you know, but she's very keen on the girls seeing her do all that kind of stuff and stuff. So she was building that and then our eldest was up in the night because she was moaning about something, but obviously she just wanted to watch Strictly for a bit and she was crying about her pain. So she said, that. And then our eldest was up in the night because she was moaning about something, but obviously just wanted to watch Strictly for a bit. And she was crying about her pain.

So Lisa, come down and watch Strictly. So I come in at midnight. There's a five-year-old wrapped up in a, in a, in a, in a duvet watching Strictly and Lou building a desk at midnight. I was like, what the fucking hell is this house? Right? So then she stays up for a little bit longer

and then she goes to bed about half 12, the five-year-old, because she hasn't got the pain anymore as her wee gets into bed. Then Lou goes, do you want a rum and coke? I was like, all right. We stayed up till half two drinking rum and coke, building desks. Half two?

Half two. Oh, that's very lovely. And then we had a lovely time. We're right on laugh. And then the kids woke up at about seven. And because it was weekend, gave them the iPad, laid in bed for a couple of hours. Oh, nice.

It was an absolute dream. Half two? Half two. I know. And I was like, we kept the iPad, laid in bed for a couple of hours. That's my absolute dream. Half two. Half two. I know. And I was like, we'd get to him going, it's half two. That would be really naughty. The other day, I tried to watch Match of the Day 2, and I didn't make it to the end of the first game.

And I'm just like, I can't do this. I cannot do it. I have the best schluffs when I'm watching Match of the Day. It's like that one where you get dribble in your mouth, where you're just like, oh. And you're like, yeah, no, definitely, definitely time for bed. The worst is when you're nodding off to a true crime drama

because it starts to seep into your dreams. Oh, God, yeah. That happened with me and Vigil the other day. Oh, yeah, stressful. Yeah, no, I mean, you know what? I'm going to have to change the sketch because I need to stop calling it a sketch as well. I like it, Jessie.

You're a cool pop star living in South East London. You've got sketches. I know, right. OK, schedule. 6.15, is it a sketch as well. I like it, Jessie. You're a cool pops. Don't live in South East London. You've got sketches. I know, right. Okay, schedule. 6.15, is it? 6.15. 6.15, but the baby's having a bath a bit earlier because he's getting fed by 6.15.

So the kids are in the bath whilst I'm feeding the baby. Yeah. The baby goes down for seven and then the kids are negotiating till about quarter to eight now yeah it's very similar to our house i need to basically just push everything a bit for yeah and just be done with it because all they do is in that negotiation period you get them out the bath at like quarter to seven then they go mental for an hour and wake themselves up more and they're

just upstairs running riot so that's why we push it back to seven o'clock bath and then 10 minutes play in bed by half seven and then should be asleep by about quarter about eight o'clock so it's the same time that they're going to sleep but without the hour of stress so you just get an extra hour downstairs with the kids and how's reading stories in your house because don't do my son do you know i read with them when they get home from school, if they ask and they've got a new library book. And they sometimes get books sent home from school because they've got to move up their levels

when they're in reception. So I do that with them. But pre-bed, I don't read books to them pre-bed. They don't want it. That's really interesting. It doesn't calm them down. I do such a good reading of Harry McCleary. I genuinely, I surprise myself how,

if I don't get the Harry Maclary audiobook contract, something has gone wrong. I don't even know Harry Maclary. He'd give us a blast of it from Donald Sundari. That's the one, isn't it? Yeah, Harry Maclary. Yeah, I mean, it's, I'll just go and grab one for you. Go on, Josh.

We'll end on this and then we'll ask the last part of the question. He's a very sort of, you have to coax it out of him, Josh. He's the right little performer he is. He loves a little little show i mean i is there a guitar in the background yeah he can't play it i i mean i'm really like i'm really into performing the books but they seem to listen to my husband who i feel like puts in so much less effort with the voices and the kind of I really take it quite seriously yeah but they don't like that they don't like me doing all the voices they go daddy stop doing the voices just to read it normally like chill out but I think it's embarrassing parents we've got two bigger egos aren't we that we just think that we need to be

on the stage and perform oh yeah I'm basically doing a self-tape, Josh, give us a little blast of this. So this is Schnitzel von Krumm's Dogs Never Climb. Schnitzel von Krumm is like a character from Harry McClane. It sounds like a presenter of Eurotrash. Yeah. So this is like a spin-off like Joey was with Friends. Okay. Okay.

Give us a go. I'm quite nervous, actually. Just breathe out. Imagine we're all naked. A dog to remember is Snitchel Von Crumb with his very short legs and his very low tongue. He can bury a bone in a minute or two. There are many remarkable things he can do.

Oh, I like it. I liked it. That was a bad one. You have a very fruity voice. I like your voice. Thanks, mate. Cheers. There's a lot going on there, isn't there, Jesse, with his voice?

It's a good voice. Is it a good voice for singing? Absolutely not. No? But you have a guitar in the background, Josh, so what can you play? Yeah, I do. Yeah, give us a quick sing song. I'm not...

I was nervous enough doing Snips of Old Crumb. I'm not about to hit into Blackbird. Come on now. Sing Jesse Ware. I'll stop a video and you sing Jesse Ware a song. Absolutely not. Do you guys, do your kids have songs that you have to sing to them to get them to sleep? Well, no, we don't sing,

but there's songs that they love to be played. They love the Mamma Mia songs, but they'd rather have the originals played on a stereo rather than us sing. But you can sing, Jessie, that's the difference. Oh, no, no. They tell me to shut up. No, no, no. They don't want to hear me. What do you sing to them? My son is really into London Bridge is Falling Down But I find it quite menacing And so much so that he had A nightmare and he woke up because he gets

Night terrors and I said are you alright darling And he went mummy London Bridge is Falling Down Oh fuck poor sod But no we have to do the whole Frozen Like soundtrack I have to do the whole Frozen, like, soundtrack. Yeah, I love that. I have to do, like, Olaf's, like, operatic thing.

And it's quite cringe. So are you singing for laughs or are you singing well when you do that? Because, you know, Into the Unknown, you know that? Oh, wow. Yeah, that one. But I'm like... And they crack up. But if you could sing it, do you sing it properly?

Oh, no, I give it a good go. Yeah. I take it quite seriously. I'm like Monica from Friends. Like, you know, I am quite competitive with fucking Idina Menzel. Yeah. Their favourite song that they sing, and actually it's got quite a hook. They go, I love poo-poo, poo-poo and go, I love poo-poo, poo-poo and wee.

I love poo-poo, poo-poo and wee. And they jump on the fucking bed and I'm like, right, it's bedtime. But it's got kind of something to it and I'm kind of like, it's in my head now. I'm like, yeah. I like poo-poo and wee. There's a fart song,

Mr Fart or something that they play, but I don't even know where it comes from. They ask Alexa for it and then they had Alexa blaring at full volume to Mr. Farty's song. And I'm like on a phone call downstairs and I'm just going, Alexa, stop, shut up. This has been genuinely such a great episode.

It's the first time we've ever overrun just because we've been enjoying ourselves so much. Oh my God, you're so, no, sorry. No, I see that as the ultimate vote of confidence. I feel like we haven't covered anything to be honest but i'm i'm sorry no don't apologize i meant that as the ultimate compliment oh please come on the podcast would love to and next time you've got an album out come back because we could do this for hours why don't we do one when i'm on tour with my son and let's see how fucking

shit it's going okay that's yeah, okay. Yeah, okay. That sounds good to me. We'll do that follow-up. So you've got Is It Normal, following the pregnancy podcast. And then what are your other podcasts and your tour? Where can people see and hear you? Oh, my God, you're so sweet doing this little bit at the end.

You're so sweet. The spiel, the PR. Right, okay, so Is It Normal? Is It Normal's out now? And you can either listen to it week by week. But then I felt like it was unfair on people that were like 20 weeks. And they were like, well, you're doing it week by week. So you can actually, you can download it all if you want.

So that's one option. And then I've got table manners that goes on and on and on. We just carry on doing it. So like that's with my mum. You've had amazing guests on, like Ed Sheeran and people like that. You've had incredible guests on that. Yeah, no, we're very lucky. When can we, where are you gigging?

Where are the shows? So the tour is the beginning of December. I think it's all sold out now, but that's for my music. So What's Your Pleasure, my disco record. That's what we're doing. Are you excited? I am. I feel so lucky that I get,

the podcasting has just been the greatest kind of blessing and has been such an amazing thing for me I think everyone thought I was such a miserable pop star because I always made quite sad songs and I looked completely terrified but that looked like resting bitch face and so for the podcast it's just been able to like you were saying it's so open honest and it's really kind of shown me yeah um thanks Jessie um oh last question last question is um is there one thing that your partner does parenting wise that annoys you but you can't bring it up because there'll be a massive row Thanks, Jessie. Oh, last question is, is there one thing that your partner does parenting-wise that annoys you but you can't bring it up

because there'll be a massive row? Oh, my God. Okay, so he is the most amazing dad, but I will... It's so fucking annoying when he... The speed to Bart is always so interested on this question. You didn't even finish dad. You're amazing to Bart.

He's... He... Honestly, I can't fault him him but i can in many respects he is the person that forgets to feed them when he's out because they're having so much fun so they either come back with sunstroke or like severe hunger but they had an amazing day but they'll be like shitting and vomiting from the sunstroke because they had ice cream for the whole day and they turn like that don don't they? They turn in an instant when they're hungry.

Totally. And he doesn't believe in snacking. I'm a big snacker. Okay. That's one thing. I mean, I've got plenty. He riles them up before bedtime that they're all kind of like,

they're ready to go out raving. And I'm like, no, this is like calm down time. Let's dim down the lights. Anyway, no, he's wicked. And, you know, he puts the bins out all the time. So love him. There you go. Another two year streak.

Well, I did think after that, some of that two years, you were pregnant for nine months and then you were breastfeeding. Like, you've got to write off that nine months as acceptable. You're totally right, Josh. I am really going to miss the fact

that I can't use pregnancy or a newborn as an excuse anymore. It sucks. Thank you so much, Jessie. It's been amazing. Thanks so much, Jessie. That was great. Godspeed and good luck with the bedtime tonight.

OK, Jessie Ware. I love Jessie Ware, Josh. She's brilliant. I never really spoke to her before. First time I met her. What a lovely lady. Lovely. South East London as well, mate.

Yeah, I don't think she's not vintage. She's moved in. Anyway, right, let's go. See you on Tuesday. Thank you, Jesse. See you on Tuesday. Bye. Thanks, bye.