Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP36: Sophie Ellis-Bextor

Episode Date: November 12, 2021

S03 EP36: Sophie Ellis-BextorJoining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant singer-song writer, Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Sophie's book 'Spinning Plates: music, men, motherhood and me' is available now. Tour info and tickets can be found at www.sophieellisbextor.netPlease rate and review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... No. Finlay, can you say Josh? Josh. Widdicombe. Widdicombe. And can you say Rob?

Rob. Beckett. Beckett. Well done, Finlay. She came in at the end, didn't she? To claim all the credit? She was praising a dog for having a shit. Hey, Josh, why do you say that, Rob?

Why is that the first thing that jumps into your head? I'm training a dog, mate. I've got a dog now, like Keanu Reeves in a John Wick. Got a little dog. My little mate. On Wallace and Gromit. Hi, Josh and Rob. We've been avid followers of the podcast from the beginning

when we were locked down with a three-year-old. Oh, this is... Me and my husband are both Christian ministers. Your podcast has helped us through when parenting for the first time and served the growing need of our community felt overwhelming. You gave us laughs we needed. Sorry for swearing, guys. Oh, fuck off. Don't listen.

It's not my problem. This is our 20 month. I think you stopped counting in months after one. It was just started copying everything we say. P.S. We bought both your books. So pretty sure we deserve a shout out. Rachel and Tom.

Thank you. Yes, Rachel and Tom. I'm glad that we're big in the minister community. Yeah, I keep the religious guys on side. I always have. Not really got a, don't really dabble in it myself, but I haven't got a problem with it. That's my view on religion.

Exactly. My view is... Do you want to know my view on religion, Rob? What's that? I don't have the brainpower to know whether there is or isn't a God. I wouldn't want to stake my number either side. No, well, I treat religion a bit like veganism.

It's probably the right thing to do, but I can't be bothered. Oh, on the subject of veganism. Okay, go on. Hello to Lisa Ranganathan. Oh, yes. Who is a long-time listener of the show, much to her husband's annoyance. Yeah, Romesh texts both of us.

It livid that Lisa Ranganathan. Hi, Lisa. Hope you're doing well. We would just like to publicly offer you the opportunity to come on the show. Yeah. And we can chat about you and your lovely three children and how you deal with them and things that annoy you about your partner, Ramesh, and how he parents. So, Lisa, if you're listening, you've got our numbers.

Just let us know. We'll get you on the show. Maybe a Christmas special. Exactly. Yeah. It's great to have, you know, we've had John Richardson and Lucy Bowman. It's good to hear both sides. So we've had Ramesh on. It'll be good to hear Lisa's side. So, you know, we've had John Richardson and Lucy Bowman. It's good to hear both sides.

So we've had Romesh on. It'll be good to hear Lisa's side. So Lisa, whenever you're ready. The correct side. It'd be good to hear the truth, wouldn't it? It'd be good to hear the truth about their children and not be sidetracked by Fortnite. That would be lovely. Anyway, thank you for listening, Lisa.

And, you know, I'd love to say that Rose can't stop listening to hip hop, save my life, but I'm not going to lie to our listeners now how are you Rob yeah good not too bad just a few pisses and shits in the garden and uh the dog training's going well as well I got a sat hound and it does loads of shits um how are you you all right yeah good i was just you hear jokes like that and you go no wonder we're popular with uh no wonder we're popular people like average comedy people like comedy that gets the job done straight from a to b they're busy people they don't want to think they don't want to be challenged they just want a quick laugh a quick switcheroo switcheroo joke pull back and reveal it was actually me doing a poo in the

garden and not my dog the sat hound um but you know all good kids are all right to a point and yeah just sort of just surviving how about you can i talk to you about something rob yeah go on teething oh no what's happened uh this is teeth city here at the moment it's my daughter wasn't a bad teether, but I've only realised that four years on. Has she lost any yet for her new ones yet? No, no, no, no. Okay, so she's still rocking the old crew.

Yeah, she's still got the old classics. But my son is having an absolute shocker. Oh, no, what's he got? Nothing. He's got gums. He's got pain and nothing to show for it that's what happened with dogs, my dog's teething

Rob, please not everything it's like a fucking baby mate it's teething as well Rob, have you got a baby by mistake? is that what you've got? we've got this weird hairless dog keeps shivering in the garden having a shit.

The breeder said it was very exotic and don't leave it out, it might get kidnapped. Yeah, exactly. Dog cow poll, it's fine. Just give it some cow poll, it'll be fine. Loves Mr Tumble, this dog. No, Teethington, absolute nightmare. It's a bastard, isn't it?

Cold shit, isn't it? They like cold stuff. Yeah. And just like absolutely just unhappy the whole time. Well, not big, big red cheeks. Do you know what I mean? Like, were you good or bad for teething? Not too bad.

But there was a it's a bit like being I imagine sort of, you know, like people just in the war come home and never talk about the war. Because they've sort of blocked it out of their head because it was so horrific. I think that's what happens with parenting. There's certain stages I've been through, which is quite good that we document it on here, that I completely forgot ever happened. But yes, I imagine it was horrific considering the teeth situation that's going on in the person that bred them, i.e. me. Yeah, of course. They're bringing out the big guns, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're bringing out the big guns, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're bringing out the big dogs.

So, yeah, there's some gummy cream stuff. Even when you say the big dogs, you can't get dogs off your mind, Rob. It's unbelievable.

Oh, God, it's so, don't, it's really, it's actually quite anxiety-inducing having a dog. I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah. Oh, God.

He's just a thing there all the time. He's lovely, though. Yeah. He just needs stuff, doesn't he? Yeah. Let's stop talking about

dog. Oh, fucking hell. Is it right? Let's do some Instagrams. Let's do some't he yeah let's stop talking about dog oh fucking hell is it right let's do some messages let's do some instagrams stop talking about fucking dogs okay hi just listen to the have you taken magic mushrooms pod and generally the family parking space is for ages of children up to 12 years old love the podcast michelle i think that's because 12 year olds is when they don't have to be in a car seat booster yes of course so that's that so i saw a man parking a space the other day and i nearly said something josh but i panicked did you i didn't want to confront him it was a man on his own and he was old though so i didn't know if he had a sneaky little blue badge which basically means you can park where you want than

it if you've got a blue disabled badge yeah yeah so i didn't want to go all right there mate need to hand with your kids and he turns around i'm actually disabled and i'm like yeah so if you could help me with the wheelchair and the boot, mate, that would be good. Oh, God, that's going to be on pot, bitch. You can't wait out with this wheelchair, please, because I'm just like, okay, yeah, I will. I'm really sorry, mate, yeah, I will.

So I didn't say anything, but apparently 12 years, up to 12 years is the age. And here we go. Oh, my God, this story is horrific. This is from Melanie. Just listen to the podcast where a lady squirted milk on a teenage waiter when she was breastfeeding um by accident obviously she's by accident we should add that go back and listen to it it's not as weird as it sounds well it is well it is weird but it wasn't intentionally weird and that is sort of manslaughter milking

um this brought back my memory of when i was 17 working at orton towers at the front of the queue for oblivion letting people on the platform where the ride docked and i got stung by a wasp pretty much immediately a lady at the front of the queue whipped out a boob and squirted some milk on the sting on my arm what yes she said she did it because breast milk is healing and would reduce the sting that was not acceptable. No. That is, I'm not sure how I feel about it, to be honest. My reaction was ever so polite and I probably seemed very grateful, but inside I was thoroughly confused and a bit creeped out.

Her family, who were queuing up with her, looked on slightly apologetic and ever so embarrassed. That is not acceptable. No. You can't whip your tit out and squeeze milk on a sting. I think I'd just get on oblivion, turn it on, to get out of the situation in that. Jump on oblivion, press start, go, bye.

Oh, God. Imagine, that's not okay. Does it work? Well, even if it does work, you have to ask for... If you get stung by jellyfish, apparently piss works, but you have to say, can I piss on you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I think if you're going to piss on someone

or squirt milk on someone, there needs to be a communication of consent. Bare minimum, sign a waiver, really, in that situation. You can't just whip it out, squeeze milk and go, there you go, thank you very much. Invoice in the post. That is one of the most surreal. Imagine queuing up for an hour for oblivion and that happens in front of you.

I think you've already had oblivion. The ride's just extra hi guy love the podcast just listening to the latest one i thank my lucky stars every day i was born a girl my dad has four daughters and wanted to call every single one of us gareth if we were a boy oh you would have thought over 13 years he would have gone off it. Absolute madman. Hazel, that is. Thanks, Hazel. Not Gareth.

Nice name, Hazel. Right. Joshua. Who have we got this week? Sophie Ellis Baxter. Who has, Rob, how many children? Five. Five children.

Cinco de Mama. Yes. I was going to say Cinco de Mayo. Oh, yeah, nice. It's really quite good, that. Was that good? But, yeah, if she was Mexican, it would be better, wouldn't it? Yeah.

It's... Well, yeah. Sorry. Here's Sophie. Sophie Ellis-Bexter, or Soph, welcome to the podcast. Hello. Thank you for having me., welcome to the podcast. Hello. Thank you for having me. Oh, we're excited.

Yeah. I think you've got the most children that we've... Yeah, this is a record. ...on soon, which I think may beat your record, but you will hold the record. For a week. For a week, I think. Five children, is that correct, Sophie?

That's correct. The last head count, five, yes. Five. All boys, right? Yes, yes. What ages have you got uh my eldest is 17 and my youngest is two oh wow that's a lot of kids so is there a big gap between the youngest and the others or is it all just spread out quite evenly there's five years between the first two and then three years for the next four oh wow yeah i got i got into a bit more of a rhythm

like a conservative election year just sort of five years in three three three how is that now like because it must be you're doing two things here for 17 year old and a two-year-old you've got completely two different things i mean my youngest started nursery the same week my eldest had his first driving lesson so you do get those parallels quite often. Did he drop him off? That would be quite handy. It would be handy, actually. But I think I quite like all that.

I quite like the juxtaposition of all the age gap. For me, it makes things... I mean, sometimes it's easier, I guess, if they're closer together. But sometimes there's a nice balance that comes with having lots of different stuff going on all the time then yeah well that's why i can see why you called your book spinning plates because how did you write a book when you've got these five kids to look after and your career you know you know what i was quite chilled about it i think is the way i approached it because my mum she's written books and she said don't feel like you've got almost you know turned into a different person who's writing a book um so i just would sit actually where i am now which is my

youngest uh bedroom and also my dressing room and i'd have the door open and i'd just be tapping away and i just sort of see how long i could get away with without anyone coming to disturb me and if they did then i would just stop for a while but yeah just little bits every day really yeah you've done a book as well haven't you so you would know yeah just little kids though it's easy isn't it rob yeah we've got two kids you know and i didn't do a book with a dog though you couldn't do a book with a dog you couldn't do a book with a dog no that's a fact isn't it stop bringing the dog up josh you know it gets in my head god i think it's going to do something in a minute that dog um but um yeah so um and they

off to uni is it the 17 or the students uh is it yeah he's gone to do something in a minute, that dog. But, yeah, so, and are they off to uni, is it, the 17-year-old? Are they still doing, is it? Yeah, he's gone to college now. And so, yeah, he just finished his GCSEs last year. And now he's doing a design course. So, yeah, I'm nearly, he'll be 18 in April. And then I think Richard and I might be like one high five, like one as I've done.

Yeah. And then we'll focus on the next four. Only 16 years to look to this five in the back so do you do you do like 50 50 of the parenting or is it one more than other how's it how do you divvy up because it must be more stressful with more kids or is once you've got five you're all bunched in together is it uh well i don't know i mean no it's quite exponential i think when i had went from one to two it really dawned on me that oh it's not like oh you've got one I mean, no, it's quite exponential. I think when I went from one to two, it really dawned on me that, oh, it's not like, oh, you've got one, you just add another one.

It's like, oh, no, it's double the work. Yeah. And there's more to delegate. And I think I'm a bit of a control freak with the admin side. So I do like kid admin. And obviously, now that there's a lot of them, that's a lot of stuff to get through. That's mental load, I think that's known as in the game, isn't it?

We've been told that. Mental load stuff. Mental load, right. Knowing where they've got to be, what they've got to do at all times, that kind of stuff. But you're not maybe, and then he may do more of the physical moving them there and taking them there stuff.

Yeah, I mean, like Richard, it wouldn't be that unusual for him to get their ages wrong or the year that they're in at school. Okay, fair enough. I'm not directing him on that, but I'm kind of up to speed on that stuff. What car have you got? Sorry, I'm getting into details now. What a question.

Five kids, what's the car sitch? Well, so we have, we've got a Chrysler, like an old beat up old car Chrysler that's a seven seater that we use when we do a family trip and does that get car seats in as well but now you're probably not a car seat stage as well it fits it'll car yeah that's all fine Voyager is it the Voyager yes exactly Chrysler Voyager yes yeah Rob Moonlights is a traffic police officer and he's just double checking that you're not breaking any uh no but my dad was obsessed with cars and he always wanted a big one to get us all in because

i've got four brothers um so across the voyager is it that was a lot of chat about that in the full galaxy as options for seven seasons but yeah it's a big it's quite a nice van but it's basically a van with seats in it that's exactly what it is and then we go from that practical and then down to sort of impractical which is um which is actually being fixed at the moment. We have a tuk-tuk. Well, a motor one or a bicycle one? It's a motor, yeah, so it's electric. But yeah, it's basically got like, it's like a trike.

So you've got like a motorbike type bit of the fun, like a scooter, and then you can fit three in the back. So that's good for the primary school and the nursery drop-off. What speed does that go? What's it look like? I'm trying to get... It's the same colours as the Mumbai Tuk-Tuk so it's yellow and black.

Yellow and black so you can get three in the back. Wow! Do you know what it's called? So I can see it. If you Google Mumbai Tuk-tuk. It's the one that you've been ported over. Yeah, so basically Richard and I went to Delhi, it must be about four years ago now,

for a Save the Children trip, actually. And we travelled around a lot in these tuk-tuks and as a sort of joke, he said, oh, these would be quite good for the school run and then when I got back to the hotel I realised that there was tuk-tuk.co.uk this guy that imports them he's in Chester and he imports

them, so yeah we... I was hoping you were going to say that you'd driven one back from India that would have been the ultimate story my postman asked me if it was the one from the Groovejet video which I thought was really funny like a sort of 20 years later, trying to find a tuk-tuk from a video I once did.

Wow. And then because it's classed as a trike, you can actually park in any residence bay without any ticket. Oh my God, I love it. She's got round it. This is amazing. It's like when Noel Edmonds used to drive a taxi, a black cab through Bristol, but have a mannequin in her back to look like a passenger.

So he could go in the bus lanes. Yeah, yeah, he could go in the bus lanes. Please tell me it's not like that. Yeah, but actually in its absence, I've walked the kids to school in the morning. That's quite good. I like the walk. Fair enough.

It gives me a bit of a clear head. Oh, wow. Okay, so that's the car sitch. And what's the morning looking like? What time do you get up? What's schedule getting them because that's a lot of people to get out of the house to different places are they all in different schools different nurseries what we're dealing with yeah and i don't really love the morning thing because you do it every day and it's exhausting and then you don't get any reward at the end you just have to do it again

the next day so i set my alarm for like 6 45 get my big two up by seven my eldest one has to be out the door with a toasted sandwich for his breakfast in his bag by quarter past seven he leaves yeah next one's out the door by half seven and then i've kind of got a lot it gets a bit more leisurely after that because then i just have to get the little three ready by half eight is when we leave to go to school and nursery. And it's a walking distance. And are they all in the same school? Two in primary. So it's one in nursery, two in primary, one in secondary, one in college.

But obviously the big two take care of themselves. Yes, they're gone. Three that I need to get somewhere, yeah. Okay, cool. Fair enough. All right. That's not bad, though, 6.45. But they sort themselves out, the big two.

Just as long as you give them a toasted sandwich, he's all right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. On his way. And a little thermos of tea. And he's off. way and a little thermos of tea and he's off yeah little thermos of tea yeah yeah do you know what i'd have loved that as a kid that would have been great toasted sandwich and thermos of tea that is my dream and so you still make it for him yes i know i do yeah when do you think that'll change do you reckon that's always gonna be a thing in it that's you can't i know i'm actually really bad with that i think i do probably do a little bit too much with them

really because i don't know i just get a bit like would you like me you know can you do that oh don't worry i'll do it and then yeah i'm that kind of mom really so is it and does he quite like it or is he a bit like oh mom stop it or is he like mom where's my sandwich because sometimes it goes two ways doesn't it a teenager he likes it he likes it i don't think my mum made me a toasted sandwich at 17 no and also my mum didn't actually i don't remember seeing her in the morning before my secondary school she i don't i used to get up i'd see my stepdad and then i'd be on my way but i get i'm basically the human alarm so if i don't wake up no one wakes up i have to go and because he's 17 he must be going out and being a, you know,

he's at that age where you're kind of dealing with a teenager going out for the first time and stuff. Yeah, there's a bit of that. You know what, he's not been too bad, but I think the next one down is going to really be the more challenging one. And how old's he? He's 12 now, but he's already nearly taller than me. He's about 5'6", Kit, and then Sonny's about 6'0".

So I've got quite... There's quite a tall gene. So when they start to overtake you, that's when it gets a bit trickier, I think. Yeah, what's it like telling off a massive bloke that you make of a sandwich? Someone that's bigger than you. I don't know about you guys. old are your kids mine is four and six months oh tiny sweet yeah and i've got a five year old and a three year old so we're right at

the other end of the of the spectrum well my experience is when they get past double figures the telling off changes shape a little bit actually maybe not double figures maybe when they get a bit older, like 13, 14. So I don't really shout at my oldest ever. It's more like we'll have, you know, chats about things. I don't think telling off would work, really. And it's all about, you've got to be really careful with keeping the communication open. And actually, I spoke to Kathleen Moran once about it

because I do a podcast as well where I talk to working mums. And she said you've got to basically turn yourself a bit bovine she said you've got to put yourself like a friendly cow so you don't try and problem solve everything you sort of act a bit like hello how's it all going a bit sort of sleepy and dopey but really in here you're like yeah and actually I think that's quite a good technique with teenagers I'd recommend that do you feel like seeing these children at different stages looking now can you see their personalities are really clear from the off or do they like who they are yeah no i'm big i mean i my belief is that i sunny was who sunny was from the moment i laid eyes on him he just happened to be a baby when i met him and that's i felt like

all of them because you think you're having a baby and you've got all these ideas about, oh, I'm going to do this for my baby, that, and then you meet who they are. I think parenting is a lot more reactive than I ever anticipated. And they need different things from me and certain things work well with one and not so much with another.

So the kernel of who they are is just set from the offset, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Does that worry you, Rob? Or does that make you... Yeah, I agree with it because my two personalities from the offset i think yeah yeah does that worry you rob or does that make you um i yeah i agree with it because my my two's personalities have been so set in stone from from day one and it's

just getting just more like confirmed as they get older and the second one is definitely livelier like that's the one i'm worried about going out and about and i think that's true about that's a really sort of wise thing about when they're older is i think teenagers hate being told what to do and it's almost like you have to be their therapist where you just listen and then you say a couple of things that isn't necessarily telling them what to do but then they they sort of go figure it out for themselves but then they feel like they've thought of it yeah as opposed to yeah i would totally recommend that approach because you want to go i know what this is like because this happened to me and don't you're going don't worry about this because that and then that just is like fuck off it's a wall of noise um and they don't care they don't care

about anything you've got to say no matter who you are or what you've done yeah like who cares um and sometimes as well another thing i've found worked for me anyways when i like when sonny was first going on the internet and going like you know i don't know, he used to do like VR where he'd speak to friends. And I found a lot of it freaked me out. And then I just went and I said to him, look, I'm not the expert. You're the expert. I'm going to tell you what they're telling us parents to worry about. And you're going to reassure me about why I shouldn't be worrying about these things.

And I kind of went through the checklist, really. Like, you know, these are the issues that we're told to look out for. But you can tell me why I need I can relax. And actually it kind of put him in the driving seat with it. And that worked quite well for us as well, I think, because then he realised I trusted him. Yeah, that happens a lot, doesn't it? Because I remember when I was a kid and Grand Theft Auto came out, right? There was all these bad news like, oh, kids are going to be drug dealers or they're going to be murderers and all this.

And also people played so much of it that they went into like sort of like a fit and a shock and all that and my mom don't know that it's literally just a little playstation game start watching the telly but you're pressing a couple of buttons it's all you know there's no difference between watching like a gangster movie and watching you know and that kind of stuff and like and you're when you're a kid you're playing it my mom's like you can't play that game or you'll have a fit and i'm like no you've just read the daily mail that's what's happening even at 14 i knew that and i knew that it was getting blown up because it's a media thing but if you open that chat it makes it a lot easier didn't it than just screaming we've had a thing recently where the

school sent home an email saying that we're not allowed the kids are allowed to talk about squid game at school which is quite quite to talk. No, that's a bit weird. Well, see ya, fuck off. Imagine being caught talking about squid game. Imagine that. Imagine that. That's a strict school that is. I heard you talk about squid game. No, I wasn't, actually. So what did you do? It's the zeitgeist thing. It's like, that horse

is bolted. What am I going to do? And also we just had half-term holidays where all of us, including two-year-old Mickey, were playing Red Light, Green Light, where if Jessie had learned the Korean song that the girl sings, went the doll. And then you turn around and like Jesse's five at the time tends to shoot us. And like Mickey, the two year old,

he does really good death scenes. Yeah. Obviously you wouldn't let a child watching all the gore, but there'll be aware of the zeitgeisty things. That's only, what's the time Mr. Wolf, that game,

isn't it? Yeah, basically it's that game it's just the korean version of that game there was a thing a few years ago where the teacher he's not there anymore but he he phoned me because the kids were talking about fortnight at school and it turned out that he told my kid off and said um you can't talk about fortnight and you're not as play it and my son had said actually my mum doesn't mind and the teacher said if your mum asked you to rob a bank would you do that and i was like when he told me i was like firstly that's illegal so you know you're like secondly if i decide the family's going and robbing a bank this weekend, yes, you're bloody well doing. And what a news story it would be if you got caught with your five kids robbing a bank. That would be...

It's like a weird comparison from the teacher. What, are you trying to get my son to question what I say now? Thanks. Yeah. Sophie Ellis Bank Breaker. That would be the pun. That would be it. now thanks yeah yeah sophie ellis bank breaker that'll be the pun growing up i found that my friends that had it really strict went mental obviously you don't want to be the other end of it but there's a sort of a middle ground which is like but if you

you know the ones that weren't allowed a beer or anything like that just went insane lou weren't allowed any fizzy drinks growing up she does about 15 cans of diet coke a day she's an animal do you know what i was allowed fizzy drink wise was the the small trial can of tango do you remember the small ones you get the supermarket yeah so my dad would buy them as a kind of halfway house you're allowed one of those small cans of tango a day and i'm yeah i'm sure fizzy drinks now you're fine you're fine with it mate i love a rio now and again but that's it do you have many many house rules sophie or is it quite relaxed there's anything that's a big no-no and it's caused rails or there are some things i mean i don't i don't like it if any swearing goes on because especially with the front of the little ones it's not cool but then every once in a while one of them i mean

i'll tell them off in front of them every once in a while there'll be an amusing bit of swearing that goes on yeah and then i'm like privately finding it funny yeah because obviously with that's the problem with the big age gap actually my eldest is not really that bad with language stuff but the next one down like and you know if he's listening to something on his phone and like they'll be swearing on that so they do probably hear more than i would like yeah um yeah bloody's fine i say it's difficult isn't it when they're older and they're talking about saying things and the little ones here in it because they copy them because they my daughter read piss written on a picture in my book and she says piss now and the other one says piss

and they love it and then we got to the point because it was quite funny but now we just say they're allowed to say one naughty word a day and they'll come up to me and go one naughty word I go yeah and then they'll just whisper on me piss and then that's it

for the day see that's the equivalent of my tiny can of tango Rob that's exactly the way to do it it is it is a bit trial

trial what are you going to do Rob though if they come up and use a proper big swear word for their one a day no but they don't

they think that is like a really bad one. But that bar, the young, obviously, they can spell, the five-year-old can spell, but the three-year-old can spell her name and she can spell poo and piss. So she can spell three words and one of them is piss, which is quite bad. That is bad, isn't it? That shouldn't really happen. Well, I don't know.

I'm thinking maybe it's a good base. Does it work well as a good basic for learning other words? Probably. Exactly. Yeah. She's got all across the P sound, the I sound. Exactly. I'm trying to think about the house rules.

I like kindness. I'm probably a bit obsessed with them getting to be kind. I try and get them to think before they speak. I don't know house rules. I think it's just the sort of basic stuff, really. There's got to be some boundaries about, you know, not taking things physical and about how we are interact it's a busy house and it's yeah you know and also when this is the place where it's safe to let a lot of big emotions out so you know I try to be kind of

understanding but yeah I think I try and keep rules on on manners is probably my my hottest topic I'd say did you always want like a busy house like was that something you always imagined living in as a I don't know really when I was little I was actually an only child till I was eight I'm the only one from my mum and dad and then when I was eight my brother Jackson was born and I was absolutely obsessed with him and I think that probably sowed the seed really and he was that's from my mum and my stepdad so he was almost like this sort of new beginning like a happy new thing and I think that's probably something that's hardwired with me that like babies are good and that whole thing about having a baby on the hip is something I've done throughout my whole

life really since then because I've got lots of little siblings now I've got three sisters and two brothers they're all younger than me yeah so I think that kind of chaos that family chaos is something I really like but in some ways I think if I hadn't had five I think I kind of chaos, that family chaos, is something I really like. But in some ways, I think if I hadn't had five, I think I would have just had one. I feel like it was all or nothing, really, yeah. Are you going to go more? Another one? I don't know. I think I'm so close to being, like, dead with the next one.

I'm tiring me. You've just got 16 years. What's another 80? You've got another two years. Oh, yeah. It's tricky, though. Like, my youngest is nearly three, so I'm kind of at the point where there'd normally be another one. But then I'm 42, so I'm like, oh,

it's probably time to just watch them grow up now. Yeah. Hard, though. It's tricky. You're still tempted, aren't you? I'm not one of those people that can form the, like, say, I'm done. I just, I can't, I've never been able to like form the sentence it's like my mouth just kind of goes what about rich he's pretty chill i don't think he would i don't think he

instigated many of the last few to be honest you was more the sort of talk spare of that yeah i think he's just kind of gone, okay then, okay then. What are your Saturdays like? I'm finding it a bit overwhelming with two kids and birthday parties because basically we've got birthday parties every weekend

for like till Christmas and beyond. So how do you do that at five? Because you physically can't get to them all. No, and we actually had Jesse, my fourth, he was six last week so he had

his birthday yesterday so we had an extra few kids here and we took them all out and about and did that um there's yeah always something like that going on um but we sort of pick and choose i guess i just ask them if they want to go i'll make it work a lot of it is just logistics and i mean i've got you know good parents with the year group who are always good at helping me out because I quite often call and, like, can anyone help me with a lift here and I can bring them back and that kind of thing. Oh, fair enough, yeah.

Otherwise all you're doing is running around all weekend and I don't really want to do that. No, and you're working as well. How do you manage the work? How do you switch off? Because isn't your phone constantly going with, mum, where's this, where's that? Have I got my rugby kit and all that kind of stuff?

Yeah, I don't really switch off that much, really, if I'm honest. But could you just turn your phone off and Rich sorts it? Or do you still just have your phone there? I sort of just get on with it, really. Richard would obviously do stuff if he's the one that gets asked to, definitely. But with that sort of stuff, it's quite normal that I'll just be kind of quickly sorting things and then or like when i've taken them away with me i've sometimes done it where

i've taken the elder ones without bringing anyone to help me with them and then they'll just be side of stage and then i'll come off still in my like twinkly stuff and quickly make them a sandwich or whatever i just wow it's fine i think i quite like the flip really because my job is quite daft and it's quite a quite a lot of emphasis on you know getting asked questions about me or how you know getting myself ready and I think it's quite nice that when I'm with the kids it's all about them I quite like that yeah I sort of quite enjoy just going like okay let's talk about you they don't they don't really care about what I do that much at all they're not interested are they are any of them musical yeah they are but I don't

know if they'll do it for a living or anything but yeah especially my youngest couple actually are like pretty musical my even my two-year-old goes to nursery with a playlist um i play from the back of the buggy and he's like head banging marshmallow j balvin skrillex he's quite quite into his reggaeton at the moment as well. So we have a lot of that. Amazing. And you- It's really funny. You grew up with a mum who's in the public eye as well. And so how do you manage that in a way?

Do your kids care that you're kind of famous or that you're recognizable? And did you like that feeling when you were a kid? I think I had a bit of a love-hate relationship with it really, because as a child, I sort of learned a bit of a love-hate relationship with it really because as a child I sort of learned that there was quite a currency to it and my mum was also famous for presenting a children's tv program so a lot of the kids I was meeting or going to school were actually watching my mum on telly yeah and if she was being mobbed she was being mobbed by

people like my height so um I think i kind of quite quickly realized that there was a bit of a currency but that also it could kind of turn on you so there were definitely some perks i remember going to madden two swords for our birthday party and we skipped the queue which i thought was the most glamorous thing ever um but then sometimes i felt like a bit jealous because i felt like i sort of had to share her with people probably. Yeah. She never made me feel like that, but you know. I was reading about your book and it said that you talk about you were flogging Blue Peter badges in the playground. That must have.

So did you have a pure source of Blue Peter badges as a child? Is that how your mum could just get them? My mum had to wear them for every episode of the programme. So every time they went live, it was twice a week. So obviously sometimes they'd reuse the badges, but sometimes she'd just go on, put her top on, and they'd be like, there's your badge. So sometimes they'd make it home that way.

So she seemed to have a lot of them lying around in the house. Oh, my word. I don't know what made me think of it, but it must have been, yeah, about, I was primary, so let's say I was about six or seven. And I was like, hang on a minute, I think there's some business to be made here. How much does one go for? How much do you fetch in?

50p for a badge or a pound if you wanted it with a signed autograph. Wow, not bad. Amazing, amazing. I'm not proud of it, by the way. Oh, you should be. Amazing. Amazing. I'm not proud of it, by the way. Oh, you should be.

Did you find writing the book and, like, going back across your life, like, looking back at your childhood, did that affect how you kind of experienced being a parent to your kids now? Oh, yeah. Definitely. I'm quite a similar parent to my mum, I think, and aspects of my dad too. But, yeah, my mum and I, especially because we spent, I was with my mum majority of the time, my dad every other weekend. And for three years, it was just my mum and I.

She was like a single mum for that time. And yeah, I think that formed the bedrock really of our relationship and definitely how I parent. And she did a lot of the same stuff I do, like lots and lots of talking. Like my kids are very used to me just saying like, we're going to talk about this. And yeah, I've got like a little script for everything, probably, which is probably very annoying for them. But I have warned them if they keep, you know, if things keep happening that I don't think are right,

then I just like, look, I've got inexhaustible supply of this. And I'm prepared to have this conversation many times over. When you're booking a holiday, how do you book a holiday that all the kids are happy with? Because it's easy when you've got two. Rob, you're absolutely obsessed with the way it works with fire. Yeah, I like that. I like the practicalities of it. Yeah, you love it.

Just that sort of thing, because that would stress me out, because if you get a little kid's pool, then you need to know you have something that the older kids can do in the evening and things like that. You're quite right. Well, actually, in the last holiday we went on, my eldest didn't come, because I said to him, him do you want to come would you want to stay here and hang out and my mum lives 10 minutes away i was like you can see grandma and he just did that

instead oh really away without him yeah um and he went away during last summer as well for like six weeks to visit a friend in germany and he did that by himself so he flew there and then i would just keep in touch that's the longest he's done that for but I thought you know it's good for him like yeah he had a great time and I'm quite sympathetic when because I was a lot older than my little brother and sister so I know that feeling of like you love them but you also it's kiddy stuff and it's all pitched to that age group and yes they do look cute sitting on the merry-go-round you don't really want to stand there like watching everything happen like that like he i think it's nice for him to go and do his own thing when he when he has the opportunity so i'm cool with that and then we actually did this holiday though for the first

time ever we did hand luggage only which i'm very proud of for wow so yeah four kids a week away a week away hand luggage yes hell i know i felt so good about it with a two-year-old as well where'd you go a naturist resort yes actually yes how did you manage that oh my god well the two-year-old is it easy because his stuff is tiny you know yeah very small items of clothing and we went um to italy where you know it's really hot so you're spending most of time in swimwear yeah true yeah it was actually all right i just i just felt quite good about it does the two-year-old get a hand luggage allowance himself like yes because now that he's two he has his own ticket yeah so yeah so he's got a massive bag that's bigger than him

and you just you just dominate in a hot are you's bigger than him. And you just, are you just dominating, are you dominating a whole row or are you going in front and behind? We go in front and behind, actually, because then the two-year-old, if he's like kicking the seat in front of him, it's just his brother. Oh, you're fucking, literally. This is the most, you're like a rope, you're like a machine. You're like you've been built.

This is unbelievable. I'm learning so much. Take us through bedtime. Take us through bedtime. Okay've been built. This is unbelievable. I'm learning so much. Take us through bedtime. Take us through bedtime. Okay, bedtime. Bedtime is tiring. So I start off with the smallest guy, Mickey. Yeah.

It'll be harsh on the 17-year-old, won't it? You're up first, half six. Yeah. And then I do Jessie and Ray together. So I take them up. And we normally would read a book, but they've got really into this thing they call talking time, which just basically means we chat for 10 minutes. And then I bring poor Kit, the 12 year old is still sleeping,

top bunk of a bunk bed that he shares with his nine year old brother in the same room as his six year old brothers. There's three of them in the room. But yeah, Ray and Jess go to bed next and then Kit goes to bed like half nine but size is ten if he's being a bit obstinate and then um and then and then i go and knock on sunny's door and say time to go to bed because he's generally just in his room like on his computer or listening to music yeah that's it so we started about bath time starts about seven six thirty seven and it goes all the way through till 10 o'clock with like intermittent breaks for me oh wow when are you eating dinner uh if i'm on it then i'll eat supper with them and richard will too at about half five six o'clock and you do dinner at half five for all of them

yeah yeah we got into that with lockdown really richard would do all the cooking it's very good cook which is great for us so yes five boys, that's a lot of food, isn't it? Teenage boys eat a lot. I mean, me and my brothers. My mum and daddy used to just take us to all-you-can-eat buffets in the end. It was just the only way to get us full. They used to hate us coming in and wait us panicking. Where are you in the line-up, Rob?

So I've got two half-brothers. So I've got three older, one one younger and there's five of us but it was like it's very boisterous and we were like quite harsh to each other it was quite sort of laddy sort of harsh banter but i don't know what it's like yours do they get on or do they fight are they a bit mean to each other you're on you're hot on kindness so do you pull them up on any of that stuff and it veers into a bit bit bit harsh yeah i try i mean i've got some that are more like um sensitive i think and a bit more like gentle with each other and then i've got a couple of more like like one of them in particular is really quite alpha i'd say yeah so yeah who can be a bit school of hard knocks but um but actually weirdly he's the one that the little ones really flock to

because they actually really want his attention and his approval. So it's quite interesting. I'm trying to be better at just stepping back, but I think as a parent, seeing one kid be mean to another kid taps into something very deep. So I get very like, please don't be like that. He's only two or he's only five. And I think I'm trying to be better at just going like just unless they come and get me like just stepping

out of it but yeah it's when they all you've got when you've got more as teenagers so like five years time when the 12 year old 17 then you'll have a 17 year old a 14 year old yeah exactly yeah 11 yeah that's when it's and that's when it's going to get a little bit of fisticuffs, I think. Because the eight-year gap gives you a bit of breathing space. We were horrible to each other, the things we'd say to each other. It was a slightly different time. I think you've got a bit more of a gentle household.

My dad's a bit... I don't know. He's a bit of a bit South East London. How are you now when you get together? When you get together as adults, how are you? Yeah, we're all still quite brutal to each other. We used to call each other... As teenagers... That's such a throwaway way.

As teenagers, our nicknames were... I had massive nipples, so I was called Jaffa Cake Nips. My brother Dan had a spotty back, so he was called Dartball Back. And my brother Joe had smelly breath once and got called Dog Shit Breath for about eight years. Oh, no. And my mum used to call it the House of No Compassion. But it was a different time.

It was the 90s. Stuff changed. Exactly. Every once in a while, they'll all be kicking off and i'll be like this is what people think i live like and then i get very sad yeah i definitely had a couple of moments where i just sit looking sad on a sofa staring into space like you know i like it when they're all being nice yeah they will be though honestly they will be it'll be fine don't worry we'll be fine. Don't worry. We'll get on really well. No problems at all. If I'd grown up in your household, I would have crumbled, Rob.

No, you wouldn't. You would have just been a bit... You would have been just not as nice as you are now. It's like the house of no fucking compassion in here. It was just a different... Of course, my dad's older. My dad's 76 and my other brothers are older. They're like 50. So there's quite a big gap. But my younger's older my dad's 76 and my other brothers are older they're like fifth like he's 50 so there's a big there's quite a big gap but my younger brother's two years

younger than me six year gap to the next one and then above that it's back in like a 10 or 10 year gap i think and then a two year gap so it's all really spread out and there's about five different generations so even like my oldest brothers are almost like my uncles oh yeah so many beckets aren't they oh mate we're so loud as well. But I just think you've got a slightly more calmer, middle-class vibe in your house, Sophie. I feel like it's a bit more, you know, I imagine crochet has been said out loud in your house.

I don't know about crochet, but sometimes I have cringed a bit when they're like, I want sushi, or, you know, I want croissant. And I'm like, oh, it's so middle-class. And do they play sports and stuff like that a lot of clubs and sports or some of them my eldest two are not at all never interested in sport

but the little ones yeah a bit more into it yeah the fourth one down Jess he really loves his football on Fridays yeah because that's a weekend killer training Saturday game on Sunday. I know. I think in a way as well,

I've probably been a bit bad with that because I just, I'm a bit selfish with my time with them and I can't be bothered to spend time like ferrying them around.

So they'll do like the odd things and we do stuff after school. They do swimming and piano and stuff like that. But I'm not like, I'm not giving over my weekends really, no.

No, no. You're already giving over like six really no no no no giving over like six hours every evening to bedtime so yeah exactly yeah that's enough thanks way enough so like if you and rich want to date night and stuff like that have you got like will your mum babysit all five or do you have to sort of split them up and separate them because that's a lot for one you know one person to take on overnight or something no no well if we're talking child care yeah um then my mum takes them after school on a tuesday before swimming but no she's very smart she doesn't take all five ever no she'll do one-on-one so now we've got our lovely nanny carolina who looks after them

like so that's when i go this afternoon i'm going to newcastle to do my gig the steps this evening so yeah i'll leave her in her capable hands because rich is working okay so she'll come in and take over so you've got someone you go to when you need to go and do your work and stuff oh golly yeah it comes in yeah no and i think i'm very very lucky that even when i just had one baby we could afford to have a nanny and i do understand that's a really big thing to be able to do that i was 25 when we had sunny and we had nanny claire who was our nanny for 11 years and um that you know the beauty of having help especially with lots of kids is when even when i'm just like it means i can actually do things with them one-on-one sometimes as well which i think is a massive privilege if you've got loads of kids i love that very much i can't believe i'm

going back on this detail but did you say you're doing a gig with steps i am yeah i'm on tour with them at the moment. Amazing. What's that like? Sorry, I know this is off topic. Well, she's used to it. There's five of them, so she gets them, sits in rows, one in front of the other. If H starts kicking his seat, Lee don't mind.

Hand luggage only for Lee Latchford Evans. It's only white crop tops anyway, isn't it? Will any of your kids come and watch that? They're very welcome. I mean, the last time I did a gig in London, I said, who wants to come? And I think I had maybe two hands go up. So I just take whoever's interested.

They don't have to watch me. It's boring to watch your mum singing over and over. So is this your kitchen disco? Are you touring that or is it just your music and stuff? Or is it a combination? So next spring is the kitchen disco tour. We're actually going to do it with a full band and do it properly but this is kind of like i suppose i've been doing kind of greatest hits things really and some covers and i just kind of want people to have a really good time and just it's just going for like the party clubby stuff and yeah just having a bit of a dance with people it's been

so nice to have crowds again so yeah i think i'm just i probably come having a bit of a dance with people. It's been so nice to have crowds again. So I think I'm just, I probably come out a bit over-enthusiastic if anything. So I'm like super keen, like, yay, it's me! And they're probably like, wow, she's a bit enthusiastic. That's good. Well, you've not been able to do it for ages.

You want to do it. Also, you could be on a six-hour bedtime. You're buzzing to be out on stage. I turned up on tour and I didn't bring anyone with me so i was in my dressing room my own and the manager of steps came in and went oh god are you all right you're on your own i was like it's bloody brilliant i've got my ipad i've got my jar of gherkins i've got my game boy life is good yeah i love i love it when i'm gigging on my own when you go do a show i love seeing all the empty dressing rooms and see how much money I'm saving

rather than having 10 people. With the book, when you were writing it, was there a part of you that wanted to kind of, I mean, talk about question, feeding and answer, but did you think about your kids reading it and did you think about whether one day they'll have this record of your life? Yeah, I did actually.

I was quite aware that they might, and certainly my 12 year olds already listened to unaudible he got straight to so i'd be like how you doing tonight he'd be like i've just got to your panic attacks like okay um but yeah no i think um i think you talk about quite intense and like some dark stuff in here so how do you feel about your kids reading that uh i just i just had a chat with i mean the little ones won't bother yeah and the older i just i just had a chat with i mean the little ones won't bother yeah and the older ones i just i had a chat with them and i was like yeah these are the things that you might want to ask me questions about um but no i mean i'm quite an open person like in an age appropriate world i don't yeah there's no subject i'm frightened of

with them to be honest i don't want them to feel freaked out by anything like that so i think i think some of it's okay i I think it's quite helpful. And they need to know I'm a 360 person. I'm not just their mum. I've lived a life and I have experience and there might be some things I've learned about that can help them. I'm totally cool with that, actually. I think sometimes that dies.

I've got something to tell you about what's in my book. It can do more harm than good. It's like if you're more relaxed about it and go, this is what happened and that's how I feel and it's in there if you want to read it i think you know less stress is the best way sometimes where i think you could over you could make it more of a bigger thing your head to i've got to tell them what actually it doesn't really matter and they'll find out themselves and and you know what it's like when you read or experience anything you pull out the things that are relevant to you the bits that you know there's bits of it

that kit probably just was like you know thinking about something totally different and if i mentioned it you might be like oh i didn't really notice that no it's fine yeah it's fine then you probably only wanted to know how much he was in it to be honest yeah exactly yeah straight to the index that's why if you get an e-book you can just search your name it's quicker that way yeah yeah and just see if i've mentioned you just have a little scat about yeah i mean i don't know why someone would do that. I mean, I haven't done that at all ever. If you want to write about Rob, you can just put like, what was it, Jaffa Cake Nips? Jaffa Cake Nips.

Yeah, that's what I searched. Little wanker, Jaffa Cake Nips. Big mouth. Yeah, big teeth, no gums, stuff like that. This sounds like your character show that you're going to do, Rob, your sketch show. I do little wanker, I do Jaffa Cake Nips. I do have a character act called Melvin Skimback

that I did years ago, but I haven't done for ages yet. But it was quite shit. It was quite shit. What a review. It was quite shit. Quite shit. Sophie,

we always finish with this question. Is there one thing that your partner does parenting-wise that really annoys you but you don't sort of keep bringing it up because it turns into an argument.

Is there something he does that just gets on your wick and you sort of just deep breath and move on? You know what? I can't, nothing sprung to mind, which I guess is a good thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Anything he does that really annoys me. I mean, I suppose, I mean, Richard's done, he's done like, he's literally, he'll put them in clothes that are from different,

other, his brother's drawer. He'll put the feet, shoes on the wrong feet. But annoyingly, if he's sort of got, you know, full control of everything, he's actually quite good at it, which I find kind of irritating because I think I got a lot more in a flap. And he'll just kind of go like, it's fine and sort of deal with it. So that annoys you that the fact he's quite calm.

Yeah. And I did, when you said about the bib thing, it did remind me about, it's not through my own choice because I don't really see the point of it, but we've got a hot tub because Richard really likes having a hot tub. And sometimes he'll get in there with the kids. And then when he gets out, he'll hang, if he goes in, if he goes in his boxes,

he'll hang them up in the cupboard on top of the kids. We have these little onesies they put on in the morning if they're cold. They'll hang it on top of that. So then they'll have wet onesies in the morning from their dad's boxer shorts the night before. I'm just like, that's not cool, man. I don't think where you put your wet boxes. Fair enough. That is annoying.

And you're right to bring it up. And if he listens, he might stop doing that. Yeah, but then I'm already annoyed we have a hot tub i'm just like what's the point i just have a bath like a normal person why do you need to be in the garden do you not do you not get in it then not really no like maybe like once a year or something but he's like trained the kids so that even the little ones can go out the hot tub, get him a beer, come back with the beer. And they'll sit there having philosophical chats under the stars. Kids love it. Oh, amazing.

Oh, lovely. Five kids and you're managing to have a beer in the hot tub. I've got two and I haven't done anything in about a year and a half. What is going on? Richard just manages to make life work out for himself. It's just one of those life skills that he has. Sophie, that's been amazing. Thank you so much.

The book is called Spinning Plates. It's out now. Yes. In book or audio book for your sons or e-book for Rob if he wants to search for his own name. Yeah. Yeah. Slag me off at a gig or something where we met Sunday brunch.

I met this right prick Sunday brunch. Don't know what his name was. He had massive nips. Oh, my God. Now back to my kids. Thanks so much, Sophie. Thanks, Sophie. Thank you.

Good to talk to you guys. Cheers, mate. Sophie Ellis-Bexter there. She was absolutely lovely, wasn't she? God, busy life. What a life, Rob. Five kids. Absolutely obsessed with how everything worked in her house, weren't you?

Just close your eyes for a second and just compute hand luggage only. Oh, my God. I just send shivers down my spine. Do I have to be on the flight as well? You can't just send Rose with five. I'll stay at home with the 17-year-old. Thanks very much, Rob. Yeah, just have a beer in the hotel, watch the football.

Yeah, exactly. She's lovely, isn't she? She's got a good balance. Well, she works loads, so it's good to have that. You know, there's a little, you know, sometimes I think with working mums, having a nanny is a bit like, oh, you have a nanny duty. But I think you've got to.

You can't physically be in two places at once. You can't earn money and have kids and stuff. And I think sometimes it's a harsher on women than men, that childcare thing. But yeah, good on her. She sounds like she's absolutely nailed it. Little tuck tuck. I might get one of them. She sounds like she's absolutely nailed it. Little tuk-tuk. I might get one of them.

I love the tuk-tuk. You should get one. That'd be perfect for you on your way. Do you think? Yeah, because park it wherever you want. Residence parking. Take her to preschool. Come back.

Don't have to get the bus. Don't have to pay a taxi. If people saw me in a tuk-tuk, they'd absolutely. Can you imagine? You'd definitely look like Noel Edmonds then. Yeah, I just don't think I'm cool enough to pull off the tuck tuck

but I just I'm just imagining so imagining being in a traffic and a black cab stuck behind you and you're in a fucking tuck tuck

and how angry they'd be at you and then they go past you and they recognise you and your life isn't worth living at that point the problem is

if you go back through Central and you go past like Mamma Mia and then like loads of drunk mums get in they think you're

like one of them rip off ones do you know what Rob the prices they're charging I'd happily pick up people from West End

just have Abba playing on your Spotify do you know what I've got a gig tonight Rose I'm going to make more money

by going into the West End and I'm going to be outside Harry Potter yeah just trying to find a couple of Japanese tourists to charge 900 quid for a trip to Old Kent Road. To Tottenham Court Road, yeah.

Wicked. Well, that was Sophie Ellis-Baxter. We'll be back on Tuesday with some more parenting chat, won't we, Josh? See you then, yes. Cheers, bye.