Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP39: "Can you ice a vagina?..."

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

S03 EP39: "Can you ice a vagina?..."More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Josh Widdicombe. Josh Widdicombe.

There we go. Oh, wow. Can I guess where they're from? Guess where they're from. Birmingham Way. Very close. Stoke-on-Trent. Not far. Oh, not too far. In fact, I've got his exact address because he's done one of those. You know when you do a voice note and it saves it as the address where you've done it from?

Oh, I didn't know that happens. Yeah, sometimes it'll just label it where the phone says you are. Anyway. You can't just drop that on me, does it? Because sometimes I lie about where I am. Just in the cab on the way home. Oh, nightmare traffic. Does it do that?

What's that? What's that? I've got one from you before. It says Stringfellows. And you're like, I'm five minutes from doing the podcast. Just bring me a cup of tea. Yeah, well, I was actually in Spearmint Rhino,

but I want to look flashier. I was in Browns Bar, Shoreditch, actually. Pounding a pint. Oh, my God. Does that still exist? Yeah, it's still there. Hello, Rob and Josh, because I live around the corner, Rob. Oh, yeah, it's my local.

You're allowed to go in there and put a pint. Is it still a pound and a pint until the pints fall and then they strip? I don't know, Rob. I don't go inside, but it's near Dishoom. But you're aware of the place. It's a cultural... If you're not you're aware of the place it's a cultural if you're not aware in east london there's a bar called brown's bar which i have been to once or twice when i was a younger man where you go in it's late night drinking place but then there's

a strippers and they go around with a pint glass and if it's filled with enough pound coins they do a strip yeah have you been there no i haven, Rob. Ever? Not once out of intrigue? Well, you've got to remember, when I was a young tearaway with the morals of a guy in his early 20s, I didn't really live in this area, so I didn't know of its existence until I'd become the stiffest of stiffnecks. So you were just at home on Bathe Station, were you? Rob. Weren't aware of the local facilities exactly i was living in turnpike lane rob it's a different world up there isn't it it's much

more measured turnpike lane was it was rough it was rough it was rough oh was it was it 50p in a short glass tom crane who i lived with had a gun pulled on him tom oh my tom crate out of everyone i've ever known him having a gun pulled on he's probably the lived with, had a gun pulled on him. Oh, my. Tom Crane. Out of everyone I've ever known, him having a gun pulled on him is probably the funniest person to have a gun pulled on. This is the man that's got swollen elbows and cancelled a gig five minutes before because his elbows got too big through. He flooded the people below. We were in a flat. The people below hated us.

He flooded them because he fell asleep in the shower covering the plug hole with his arse. He fell asleep in the shower? Yeah, in the his arse. He fell asleep in the shower? Yeah, in the shower. Okay. And then they pulled a gun on him because of that? No, no. These were different incidents.

These were different incidents. Okay, all right. Let's not get bogged down by this. And I can just say I don't like going to strip clubs. I went a couple of times when I was younger, but I don't go anymore. Even on stag do's. I have been on stag do's,

but I don't want to be there and I stay at the bar. yeah is that fair have you been to a strip club on a stag do do you know what i haven't no but i i put it at the bottom of my list of things actually one above paintballing which is fucking awful right hello it's just terrible paintballing just the worst experience in the world have you been i haven't been paintballing i just think i'd get angry and try and fight the person that was shooting me just in my fists oh man just some guy who's just obviously annoyed that he's not in the army shouting at you going who's gonna win red or blue and you're like i didn't care i'm scared in my experience anything that's sold face to face in a shopping centre isn't a good day out.

Hello, Robert and Josh. Here is my two-year-old. Oh, God. We've already wrapped it in today. Let's get this Stoke guy. Let's see what he's got to say. Her name is Grace and been trying to get her to say your name for ages. She would always say it when I wasn't recording, but as soon as I got the phone out, she would go mute. Finally, a breakthrough.

Interesting. We caught her off guard recording your names as she was exploring a new colour of garlic bread dipped in strawberry yoghurt. Oh. I mean, astonishing, considering how bland the food my daughter will eat is. Oh, my God, it's insane, isn't it?

Oh, mate. The bowl of plain pasta. The bowl of plain pasta. It's haunting my dreams. What is going on? What is wrong with their pathetic little tongues? They're like sort of rationing evacuee kids. A bowl of plain pasta.

Come on, mate. Come on. Splash of Tommy sauce, at least. Yeah, come on. There's of Tommy sauce at least. There's a whole world out there. It must be the worst holiday as well, right? Bowler plain pasta. They eat it more when I pick it up and put it in my pocket and feed it to my dog treats.

What is wrong with kids? Why? Did we do this? Have we bowled a plain pasta? My mum said on holiday once once I wouldn't eat anything when I was three they went to a place in Spain

at my dad's mate's villa read into that what you will if anyone's seen her Rise of the Foot Soldier documentaries and films yeah it's normal for a working class family

just go to a villa in Spain for three weeks no questions asked my dad's mate was called Mickey Pie. Well, no, no. Who's the one from Only Fools and Horses? That's Mickey Pie, isn't it? No, Mickey, I can see him as well.

Yeah, I know. He's got the little hat on, his little face. Yeah, the little pork pie hat. Mickey Pierce. Mickey Pierce. That's the one, yeah. Anyway, sorry. So we go to space in Spain.

My mum, all I would eat was cheese sandwiches and pickled onions. She packed loads and loads of bread, loads and lumps of cheese and pickled onions. And I ate that for three weeks. Oh, my God. Wow. No wonder I was a fat little bastard. Do you know when the Beatles, they went to India to go to the Maharishi, his kind of yoga and meditation retreat.

He loved all that, didn't he, Leonard? Yeah, Leonard and Harrison all over it. Ringo, his suitcase, just tins of baked beans. That's all he took. Just a full suitcase of baked beans. Such a heavy case. But four wheels on a suitcase. That must be four wheels and pre-plastic cups for baked beans you

know you get the little four packs for kids yeah you know that was that's pure tin and no wheels ring a big strong drummer arm dragging that around gatwick got there forgot his tin opener absolute nightmare bit of fun bit of fun right josh how have you been have oh josh congratulations this week you recorded the raw variety performance well i've got some exciting news from the raw Bit of fun. Bit of fun. Right, Josh, how have you been? Oh, and Josh, congratulations. This week you recorded the Royal Variety Performance. Well, I've got some exciting news from the Royal Variety Performance for you, Rob. Oh, go on. Did Megan turn up and have it out with Kate? Yeah.

Like Tally. It was like... Oh, no. But I did meet their Royal Highnesses. Oh. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Kate and William. Kate and William, yes. How are they?

Well, Rob, my set, as you'd imagine, covered both parenting and having a stiff neck. You'll be glad to hear. So you actually did a routine about having an actual stiff neck? I've got, well, a bad neck, yeah. Because that's where it started from, the stiff neck thing, from your bad neck. But you've got a routine about having a bad neck and having kids because you're a cool, hip, young guy. Exactly. I looked at the Royal Variety audience and I thought, I know how to play this.

Do you know what? That is incredibly astute because I had a terrible time the first time I did it by talking about me. And they did not want to hear it. I went on after diversity. It was like going on after a Star Wars film. I didn't have a chance. It's mad what you've gone after. I went after the cast of Matilda.

I mean, you're good, Josh. But you're not cast of Matilda good. No, I'm not cast. Just with words. They've got dance routines, children singing, and you shuffle out. So obviously you stand in the lineup to meet the royals in order of performance. Yeah. I was next to Matilda.

Oh, that was good. She'd been at school that day and then just come and knocked out the Royal Variety performance in the evening. She's going to school the next day.

So you had Matilda there who's going to be probably some sort of Oscar winning megastar when she's older and who was on your other side? Chris McCausland who we've had on the show. Yeah, I forget

you only will go on TV with a disabled person, don't you? Exactly. You couldn't bear to be there with two able-bodied people. If he's not next to a disabled person, he's not on TV. So the reason Chris McCausland was on next to me wasn't that we were next to each other in the order, but because Chris was using me to show him where to go.

Yes. So how did that work? Is that because Chris knows you the best, Chris was using me to show him where to go yes so how does that work is that because Chris knows you the best or were the producers like look we've got a blind guy Widdicombe consultant he knows what he's doing he's dealt with he's dealt with no feet before on last day

he can do no eyes he's got a name he's called Alex mate he's not called no feet he's got a name he's got a name. He's called Alex, mate. He's not called No Feet. Oh, he's got a name. He's got a noun. No Feet. Yeah, and I got an email a few days before saying, would you be willing to do this?

Imagine saying no. No, fuck him. Good luck, Chris. See you later. I don't know whether I was the first to get the email, whether Rod Stewart had gone, absolutely not. Rod Stewart, like, no, leave it out, mate. I'm a knight.

I ain't got time for that shit. Well, no, also, you do know Chris the best, so it's a lot easier, isn't it? He's a lovely bloke, Chris. Well, that's amazing. You're next to Chris McCall and the cast of Matilda. Do you know who I stood when I did it? Who was either side of me?

No. The Chuckle Brothers and Bernie Clifton. Great guys, but, you know. It's very rare that you're the alternative act, isn't it, Rob? How's the edgy guy? These mainstream losers. I'm going to shuffle on and do some of my stiff-necked shit about, you know, whimsy. Bloody Stuart Leaster between the Chuckle Brothers and Bernie Clifford.

Look at him, with a wry smile, going to write about this in one of his blogs, isn't he? Old Beckett? So. Yeah, go on, sorry. Little chat with Will. Will, Big Willie style. He's very lean, isn't he? Yeah.

He's lost a bit of weight. He's quite fit and healthy. He's taller than you expect as well. Very tall. And that's with no hair. He's 6'2". Yeah. Imagine if he had a quiff.

Exactly. Imagine. It would be... Big guy. Imagine if he just came back and he had a quiff. Yeah. He'd have way more in it. I want to meet Prince... Well, I have met Prince Charles. Imagine, it would be... Big guy. Actually, he just came back and he had a quiff. Yeah. Dwayne Rooney. I want to meet Prince...

Well, I have met Prince Charles. I want to meet him again and look at his fingers because he's got big sausage fingers. Have you seen his fingers? No. It's like a thing on the internet. It's like a TikTok trend. Is it?

He's got fingers like Cumberland sausages. Has he? I don't know, but hopefully it's not some sort of condition and I apologise if it is. Or he's just got big, fat, red posh man fingers. Yeah, you get the feeling it's a posh thing. I don't know why. Yeah, I just imagine having big, red, posh fingers, innit?

Yeah, I'm just Googling Prince Charles fingers. Yeah, honestly, mate. Google Prince Charles fingers sausages. Oh, yeah, they are. Yeah, look at that. You wouldn't want to wear a ring, would you? Well, I don't know. Camilla seems happy.

Yeah. So, he... what was I saying yeah so I had a little chat with Will yeah still touring stuff blah blah blah blah blah just general

okay yeah thanks that kind of stuff yeah Kate comes along yeah she starts talking yeah she says oh

you're parenting eh I thought here's my chance oh go on what do you do I said well actually Kate I do a parenting podcast with Rob Beckett and we'd love to have you What did you do? I said, well, actually, Kate, I do a parenting podcast with Rob Beckett, and we'd love to have you on.

Did you? Yeah. Amazing. What did she say? She kind of laughed politely, and then we moved on. Oh, well, she's done Giovanna Fletcher, hasn't she? I know, yeah. Well, that's what I found out later.

What you should have said is, look, apparently now, you go, yeah, do you want another kid, but this time with hair? Come and see Widdicombe. Like a big shaggy dog over here. hair. Come and see Widdicombe. Like a big shaggy dog over here. Hairline for days, Widdicombe. So there we go. Well, fingers crossed that booking comes off. Exactly.

I've got a number, so I'll give her a text. Yeah, good stuff. Just to be clear, I haven't got a number. So you did that, and then you went out and got drunk, and then you had to do Last Leg the next day. So what's... And now it's Saturday. So that was Thursday.

Friday, last leg. Saturday, you're up now at 10am. Saturday, we're recording for Tuesday. Oh, well, so I got home at one yesterday. 1am. Yeah. So, you know, Rob, the nursery rhymes, the complete game changer,

because they were getting him back to sleep. Yes, they're getting you to sleep. Yep, yep. We recorded on the Saturday. By the time the podcast went out on the Tuesday, they had stopped working. Oh, no. That's a shame. There's probably people sending you new recommendations now.

Even by the time of broadcast. So he was up at 4.20 today. 4.20. Oh, that was the other thing. The night before Royal Variety, we moved him into his own room. What a decision that was. So you moved the baby into his own room the night before the Royal Variety performance?

The right before the Royal Variety performance. Did he sleep? Yeah, he sleeps fine. He sleeps through. If you count sleeping to 4.20, sleeping through. It depends when you start that through system, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. If you're saying night time's 4pm, then he's sleeping through.

Yeah, right. Well, he sleeps 7 till 4.20. 7, that's not... Well, normally 7 till 5. But then is he up through. Yeah, right. Well, he sleeps 7 till 4.20. 7, that's not... Well, normally 7 till 5. But then is he up for the day at 4.20? Well, he more or less is every day. Today, I managed to get him back to sleep at quarter past 5.

So you got in at 1am? Yeah. Got up at 4.20? Well, Rose got up to feed him, then he was still making noise, so neither of us were sleeping, so I was like, I'll go in and I'll just try and get him to sleep. Because it's basically, I thought it's a write off. And I was like, I'll just do some until Rose had enough sleep. And then I can go back to bed for the whole morning.

What do you think got him off to sleep? Your sort of sad eyes or the smell of alcohol in your breath? Well, it was in the pitch black rob okay pitch black you're sat there three hours sleep doubly hung over i thought there's no way he's getting to sleep and so i it was because it was pitch black had one ear in one of my earbuds or airpods or whatever they're bloody called listening to a podcast rocking him in the pitch black podcast listen john because that's what i listen to when i'm feeling down and in the dark black. What podcast? Ellison John, because that's what I listen to when I'm feeling down and in the dark.

Why do you, when you're down? Is that because they go a bit dark so it makes you feel better? It's because, no, I think it's because they're my friends and it stops me feeling lonely. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Well, is it?

Or is it pathetic? It's not pathetic. It's nice, isn't it? Because they're your friends and you're listening to them. Yeah. And they make you feel less alone. That's nice. But then you got him back to sleep.

That's good. And then he went to sleep. But it was difficult, Rob, because it was pitch black. I didn't know if he'd gone to sleep. It was purely done on... I was like, his breathing's changed. Oh, because you couldn't see him at all? I couldn't see him at all because I was in the pitch

dark. Really? It's like a kind of taskmaster task. How dark? It's never that dark. Have you got blackout cairns then? Put it this way. I'm not going to put it that way actually because that's a really inappropriate joke. Okay. Let's beep it out then. We can beep out the joke. Put it this way. The room

was so dark that... Oh, God. What is it going to be? I'd quite happily have made a mistake in that room. It was that dark. OK. You could see the other side of the case. You're in that darkness.

OK, fair enough. All right. So it was very dark, so you didn't know. It was so dark. You went on breathing and put him down. Yeah. And it worked. It worked. So it was very dark. So you didn't know. It was so dark. You went on breathing and put him down. Yeah. And it worked. It worked.

That's good. Yeah. And then went back to bed. And then he woke up at like half six. It's untenable, Rob. 4.20. It's unacceptable. That is like, yeah.

Because it just ruins every social situation. It's too early. I mean, I remember when we went to center parks with them when they were little and my daughter woke up every day at like 4 30 and i remember waiting for baby jake to come on the telly and it and i hate baby jake and now i know that baby jake's a grown-up and i if i see him i think i'd have a row of him and i know it's got nothing to do with him because it was 10 years ago and it's 11 year old boy now baby jake because was 10 years ago, and it's an 11-year-old boy now, Baby Jake. Because Baby Jake's a grown-up.

Oh, my God. Well, not a grown-up, but he's 11. You wouldn't recognise him, though. But I know. But he was on so early in the morning. Oh, God. And I remember it coming on. And yeah, 4 a.m. is just a killer.

I think we're going to have to think about some kind of sleep training. But it doesn't feel... But what's difficult about it? Because people... I was talking to my friend, and his wife listens to this. And they've got a similarly like two week older baby than us. And she was, he was like, she can't believe that your son is like sleep, basically sleeping for that long without waking up at like 1am or anything. I think it's pretty good to be fair.

Yeah, it is pretty good. But how's it, it's still. Alright, don't get me up with me because your baby wakes up like a fucking got girl. But I know, I know it is pretty good. But how's it... It's still... All right, don't get me up with me because your baby wakes up like a fucking gottkroll. I know. But I know it's pretty good. It is good. You just have to go to bed earlier. It's like an hour and a half from perfection.

Isn't everything? It's so tantalising. It's so close. You're like, if you did 6am, all you need is that extra hour beyond five. Josh, that's what life is. There'll always be something else. There will always... Wanting is the extra hour beyond five. Josh, that's what life is. There'll always be something else. They will all...

Wanting is the thing that kills you. All right. I feel like Ringo Starr with a can of beans. Just saying, because then it'll be another thing. But I just embrace that. You get a whole evening. Well, I don't, Rob. Well, no, it's because you're out working, but Rose does.

But we're in bed at fucking nine. And not because we've got a wall-to-wall shagging. We're in bed trying to get to sleep, knowing that we're up in seven hours. Absolutely non-stop bang session, 9pm till midnight, and then a couple of hours sleep back up again. You guys are animals. But got the bedroom back.

Got the bed... Oh, OK. Got the bedroom back. How long? How long until you make the move, Josh? What? To a vasectomy? Before you just sort of go,

hey, babe. Now we've got the room back. Rob. What you seeing? I am too tired for that. Because, no offence, Josh, I don't have you down as a sex man on your best day, OK? On your best day. I don't have you down as a sting kind of guy, right?

So I can only imagine when you're tired what it is. It's almost like, you know, sort of like yoga with a partner. Mate, my sexual tastes are pedestrian and I'm happy with it. You like doing it in the street? On the pavement?

You monster. Yeah, I think being a sex person is a bit overrated at points, isn't it? Yeah, I just think it sounds tiring and too much effort. Is that someone who's really into stamps, isn't it? Yeah, you've got your thing, fair enough, but I'm not bothered. Sex is good, but, you know, let's not complicate matters. Let's not overthink this. Yeah, let's not.

I've got enough things to worry about don't need to worry about the this performance as well as everything else i've been doing variety in the evening in front of the queen don't need variety at home um well anyway well that's good though josh i think that seven till four is there'll be people listening to be very jealous of that i know not to make you feel bad about it but i think you till four, there'll be people listening to be very jealous of that. I know. Not to make you feel bad about it, but I think, you know, four is brutal, though. Yes. Well, we'll see how it goes. We'll see how it goes.

Well, to be fair, I'm getting up at five with a dog. How's the dog? Do you know what? To be fair, I can't really moan. It's fine. Do you know what? It's horrific for about two or three weeks. And once you get a handle on it, it's still a bit annoying because you're getting up early

and stuff and doing stuff. But it basically is fine. But it's a a bit annoying because you're getting up early and stuff and doing stuff but it basically is fine but it's a real real if you're contemplating a third kid it's it really reminds you you don't want one yeah it's it's a real whoa guys look it's a couple of weeks of this see how you get on and then you'll realize it's not for you you don't want any more so that's been quite good but yeah it's not too bad where we're taking it turns lose doing more of the night shifts because i've been gigging but uh yeah it's all been good um kids wise though um my three-year-old's obsessed with remembrance sunday which is nice oh wow so yeah there's no danger of her not remembering because she brings it up

every fucking day since she got told about it yeah um what when are you gonna die dad um why do you die when am i gonna die when mom's gonna die how old are you when you die, Dad? Why do you die? When am I going to die? When Mum's going to die? How old are you when you die? What is old? Why are there wars? Why do people fight? Why do people kill each other? Why do you have to remember?

Where's your poppy? You need to wear a poppy. You must remember. Are you dead yet? When are you going to die? So, you know, it's great education, isn't it? Oh, my word. Yeah, that's mad.

Why the fuck does a three-year-old need to know about Remembrance Sunday? I don't know. Why? They'd learn it at nursery. I imagine so, yeah, but maybe that's to do the minute silence thing. But they're not in on Sunday. No, but it happens on the 11th, doesn't it?

Oh, right, yeah. So maybe they did that and she's asked some questions. I suppose they've got to answer the questions, but fuck, you know. One want to oversee the minute silence at nursery. Screaming at them, you don't know what they sacrifice for you yeah this is disrespectful um that is mad so what can i ask you what your what your answers are rob yeah you do want to die when you get old um but don't worry we're not old um they did say i mean what happens when you die i went and i just said yeah you just grow into a tree oh so you become a tree that's

nice and then you're born a baby again did you you went with reincarnation yeah fuck it why not why not why not it's a nice one isn't it yeah and we don't know it's not true well exactly this could be the truth it could be reincarnation so i'm not you know not lying to her but yeah so i sort of said that but also she's asking a lot of questions now the three-year-old so she's noticing stuff so we went to the park and on the park he's got a sign where it says no dogs so she goes oh look no dogs in the park i go yep and then it was shouting a lot of person shouting what's that when i said no shouting and being loud and she was like oh okay and then she went oh and no leaves and it was a cannabis leaf all right she went no leaves i went

yeah and then we're in the park and obviously it's autumn. There's fucking leaves everywhere. And so she's trying to get them out. These poor kids. I'd say on the floor, 3,000 to 4,000 leaves. She's attempting to pick up on her own. But no leaves. I went, no, no, no. It wasn't leaves. It was just a certain type of leaf.

Yeah, nice. She went, what one? I went, a cannabis leaf. And she went, what's that? And then I went, oh, it's drugs. Did you hear? Yeah, he went, it's drugs. You can't do drugs in here. Outside here, what one? I went, a cannabis leaf. And she went, what's that? And then I went, oh, it's drugs. Did you hear? Yeah, he went, it's drugs. You can't do drugs in here.

Outside here, though, you can. Just over there in the main bit of grass. But in here, by the swings, no drugs. I love that there's a no cannabis sign. A no cannabis sign? Cannabis is illegal. Well, exactly. Everywhere.

It's like saying, no murder. Yeah, no murder. No stealing all the stuff, please. So I just said, it's drugs. She went, what are drugs? It's like saying no murder. Yeah, no murder. No stealing all the stuff, please. You know. So I just said, it's drugs. What are drugs? I went, they're things that you have that make you go all weird. I don't know if I'm saying the right thing,

but I'm very much a freewheeling, improvising parent. I think that's all right. Yeah, so that's been going on. The other thing as well, I don't know about with girls. My daughter, my five-year-old, slipped on a chair and landed like with the chair between her legs like you know like strike you know like all sort of gymnasts that slip and it goes between them yeah she's going how how it hurts it hurts and she's like what can i do what can i do to make it better but i don't know what to say josh because i i don't know how to deal with a vagina i don't know what makes a vagina better no no exactly i

don't know what the pains are. I know what it's like when you hurt your balls. Yeah. There's nothing you can do. You just sit there through the pain. You sort of hold them, but...

Do you know what? When you hurt your balls, the feeling of it stopping hurting is probably the best feeling in the world. It's almost worth being kicked in the balls. Yeah.

There's nothing you can say. But I don't know if vaginas are like that. So I knew I was asleep. So I don't know. I haven't got... I don't know if vaginas are like that. So I knew I was asleep, so I didn't want to... I haven't got... I don't know what. You do... What did you say? You're getting into a lot of pickles when they're asking you questions, aren't you?

I'm talking about drugs, vaginas and the dead. God! What a week. What a week! Because if she'd slipped on her head or her arm, I'd have got a bit of ice to put on it. You can ice a vagina, can't you? God!

Who knows? It's a part of the to put on it you can ice a vagina can't you who knows i think it's a part of the body rob don't be scared i don't can you ice a vagina i'll ask well maybe i'll ask i'll ask a vagina next time i don't know but i don't know what i'd say the last minute is probably the bit of our podcast that's had the most potential titles in the history i don't know if you can ice a vagina i assume you can but i don't i feel like can ice a vagina. I assume you can, but I don't... I feel like I need a second opinion before I start cavaliering with a vagina ice. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And if you just type vagina into Google, it's never medical, is it? No. Can you ice a vagina? I mean, it's not one of the most popular searches. Pain from friction or pressure should end on its own in a matter of hours. In the meantime, an ice pack may help vulva discomfort.

There we go. You know for next time. Don't place, an ice pack may help vulva discomfort. There we go. You know for next time. Don't place the ice pack directly on the vulva. I mean, Josh, between you and me, fuck knows which bit's the vulva. You can't... If I have Google search for Johnny, you can't chuck vulva back at me.

Do you know what I mean? No, that's not helpful. I'm just learning. What is a vulva? Also, I tell you what, Rob. It's good that you're doing this now, because the last thing you want is your kids to see that you're Googling about their vaginas

before you offer your advice. Well, now I've Googled it, and the vulva seems to be all of it. I've Googled search, it says vulva. Then it goes down to a little sort of, like, you know, a family tree graph? Yeah. So it has vulvava then there's three

lines coming off that it says labia minora labia majora and clitoris so it's a vulva just a whole bit of it i do think you should be on private browsing at this moment it's medicine this is a doctor's research you're one google click away from some some interesting websites. Anyway, I don't know. Maybe we'll find out. I'll ask Lou, but if anyone knows if you can ice a vagina or which bits of vulva, let us know. But in the meantime, I just left it and hopefully it'll be better. That's the hope.

That's the hope. That's sort of been my week, really, mate. Also, I've got a dog voice as well i need to tell you about you've got a dog voice yeah because when you need them to come to you you have to let you they don't understand good boy i'm trying to get this dog to come good boy oh not like that okay good boy coming anyway so you have to you have to be like excited and high pitch but i didn't know that and that he was basically we tried recall where you and he completely ignored me and went to loo every single time it was awful do dog

training yeah so we're signing up for a bit to be fair he's fairly well behaved um he's just a puppy so it's just a bit of a learning curve but i do need a dog voice but it's like and it's you sound insane but it's what it's what you have to do um i'm afraid so i've got a dog voice now i didn't know i needed one oh that's good we should uh say that um you can still sign up for uh the mailing list uh for our live show which is at hang the empire oh yes live show the mailing list we we this goes out tuesday thursday the email will go out so if you go to um our instagram and go to our link in the bio you can get the mailing list link and you can sign up to the main list if you want to come to the live show at the moment it's just hackney empire however if lots of people sign up all around the country then potentially you might do a tour but

it depends on demand really so if you're interested in coming to see us do a live version please sign up and then we'll look at the numbers and see if if we can do it and stuff like that as this stands this is the only time we will ever be doing this on stage yes at the moment it's the only gig we've got planned because we've got live stand-up shows talk planned for next year which my agent did say i need to start mentioning yeah okay that is a worrying sign yeah so you need to mention your tour shows for next year she did say it's fine but you do mention the book a lot and you never really mention the tour you never mention the tour

okay but have you got a few more tickets to sell then basically well I don't know I don't ever look at the sales I'd argue if your agent says it's fine

yeah it's not it's not no so do buy tickets for the tour anyway the reason I bring this up

Rob is I thought you could do our if you do the mailing list address which we need to read out oh yeah in your dog voice okay right it's a long one isn't it yeah it's a long one isn't it it's parentinghelpodcast.mailchimps I can't do it it's too many oh good boy come here boy it's a parentinghelpodcast.mailchimpsites.com good boy good boy very me boy it's a parenting podcast dot male chimpsites dot com

good boy good boy very good very good but if not just go on instagram um josh

let's do some instagram messages and emails for our peeps um hi rob and josh ryan from chorley

you were talking the other week about where the weirdest place is to listen to the podcast okay um we get very excited

by american and overseas listeners tokyo i'd love a japanese listener if you've got one please uh get in touch you don't have to be japanese but if you're listening in japan that'll be quite nice to know um anyway this is the weirdest place i've been listening i've just had a vasectomy listening to the episode where rob goes mental about his new dog pissing and shitting every two hours. Fun times. Got me through the 20-minute process of some bloke sucking, sucking around with my testicles. I don't think he should be sucking it, right? Sucking, is that a thing? Can you read that again?

So basically what he's saying is he had a vasectomy and he was listening to this podcast when I was talking about the dog shitting and pissing everywhere. A lot of people are getting in contact saying saying i don't refer to my dog by his name i just call it the dog but i don't think that'll be changing um anyway uh fun times got me through the 20 minute procedure of some bloke sucking around with my testicles what does that mean messing around or poking around but sucking maybe do they suck it i thought they tie it up i thought they'd cut and then they tie the tubes up i don't do they suck it i thought they tie it up i thought they'd cut and then they tie the tubes up i don't think they suck the all the spunk out do they they suck all the spunk out i'm gonna give you a little treat i'm just gonna pop down there and have a bit of

a suck around let me just taste it yep you're still fertile unfortunately i'm gonna have to tie it up it's the taste test oh this is a good one as well, Josh. Morning slags. It's such an aggressive and funny. Morning slags. I was just on my morning run listening to the podcast when you start discussing running. I was on my last kilometre of my run when Rob exclaims,

if you're running listening now, go on, keep going. Feeling encouraged by your words, I pushed on. Full pace, maximum effort. No more than 10 seconds later, I tripped over and sprained my ankle. I know, I've done him. Hoping nobody had seen, I got up and looked around sheepishly, only to notice two young kids pointing and laughing at me. I learnt two things.

The kids and Rob Beckett owe me two weeks' pay because I can't go to work. Cheers, Lewis. Oh, no. Unlucky, you slag. Unlucky? We can't keep calling people slags, can we? No, we can't. Well, it's our thing now. I think you can call a bloke a slag. You definitely can't call a woman a slag. No, you definitely can't. So, Lewis

there, who I assume is a bloke, has called me a slag, so I'm calling him a slag, and I think that's a fair exchange. That's totally unacceptable. That's a slag agreement that we've got there. That's a slag agreement. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm not a parent, but absolutely love the show. Makes me laugh all the time as I work from home.

On the pod recently, you asked what things people wear to bed. I was seeing a guy once who used to sleep with a t-shirt over his head. I asked him about it. He said it helps to block out any light. Sort of made sense, but his room was pretty dark, so I didn't see the need. I asked him why he didn't

use a proper sleeping mask he said he didn't like the tightness on his head I agree with that I want my eyes covered but the tightness is too tight totally agree

so they're saying I should go down the t-shirt route what do you do for light on the face well to be honest I just sort of lay there awake

and then eventually just pass it out I need a healthier bedtime routine try the t-shirt i've pretty watched tiktok for two hours until it falls on my head and then go to sleep but i'm going to try the t-shirt over the head and also i imagine if you practice sleeping with a t-shirt over your head if you are ever taken hostage you'll have a good kip you'd be out like an absolute lie

got nothing to tell you mate apart from my sweet my sweet, sweet dreams I keep having. Yeah. How was the two weeks in the being taken hostage? I slept like a baby. I'm really caught. Oh, yeah. I'd probably have a better sleep than I am at the moment, Rob. I came out better rested, in actual fact, being taken hostage. Yeah, exactly. It was a nice break. It was a nice break.

Well, they do play the sound of crying babies as punishment in torture. Do they? Yeah, it's a technique. Oh, that would have thrown a pen into the fire for me, that would in torture do they yeah it's a technique that that would have thrown pen into the fire for me that would be oh this one's good here we go funny birthing story my sister had to have a c-section for the birth of my nephew and whilst they were removing the baby and he was still attached by the umbilical cord to my my, the exposure to the fresh air made him wee everywhere, including over the partition between my sister and the doctors

into her face. Oh my God. Do you want to see this picture? Yeah. It's amazing. Do I want to see this picture? It's one of my favourite photos because all the staff, all the nurses and the midwives are pissing themselves laughing as this baby pisses

on the mum's face i mean what a terrible start to being a mother this poor woman i mean we're gonna have to ask if we can get permission because i've got to go on instagram that is unbelievable they are having the time of their lives it's like it's almost like an infinity pool because technically that baby's still attached she's feeding the baby through the umbilical cord as it pisses into her mouth and it goes through and round horrendous that is amazing it's a great photo isn't it that is that is wonderful and the doctor and the midwife are having the time of their lives i know they're loving that wouldn't you though as well long shift just see a baby pissing on its mum's face?

Oh, my word. That's the dream, isn't it, from a birth? Umbilical cords are mental, aren't they? Did you cut the umbilical cord? Yes, against my will. Yeah, we feel you have to, don't you? I got bullied into it. Yeah, who by?

The midwife. What do you think? Timmy Mallet? No. Jeremy Beadle's there winding me up. What, were you doing a raw variety again between Timmy Mallet and Jeremy Beadle? Bit of an upgrade On the last time

The midwife was like Yeah you do it You do it And I didn't want to I felt like I'd done nothing To warrant getting involved At that point

It took me so many cuts They said They said the scissors Must be blunt But I think they were Being polite Oh no Josh Just couldn't get it

Started chewing through it Like a cellophane On a videotape Would you like a cellophane on a videotape. Would you like a more tired than Josh story? I'm a dad of two boys, both of whom took two years before they slept through the night. Oh, my word.

Fuck off. But as there was an 18-month gap between them, we therefore went for around four years without an unbroken night's sleep. Oh, my God. At one point during the hazy period, I got up one morning to drive to work, but when I got into the car, I was bemused to find that someone

had stolen my steering wheel. I sat there trying to work out where it had gone, how someone could nick it, and why that's all that had been taken, and it finally dawned on me that I was sat in the back seat, staring at the driver's chair. Fuck. What's wrong with it? lack of sleep lack of sleep oh my

god my boys isaac and finley are now six and four respectively and while they wake at 6 a.m every day those months of being so tired you feel like your face might fall off have thankfully passed it's from alan wilkes it is mad though because basically what happens is you get no sleep until you basically just accept you get up at six for the rest of your life. Yeah, exactly. I never used to get up at 10am was my get up time when I worked, you know, when I was gigging all the time. Yeah, of course. I'd get in about midnight, go to bed about two after watching a bit of telly, wake up at 10 o'clock.

Exactly. And that's all right. You're working late nights, right? Yeah. But never. Never. Oh, Rob. So I had a car issue again. Oh oh no what's happened to your car so i was very close to the petrol running out okay how close what what miles were you down to six right six miles six miles and i thought tomorrow i'm gonna go and fill the car up yeah right and then uh that night went to bed

woke up at um, my daughter crying. And we went up. She had croup. Have your children had croup? No, never. It's horrible. We've always swerved the croup. Sure.

All the others, you know, chickenpox, the lot, chest infections. Never croup. So croup is horrible because it's a cough, but it also sounds like you're struggling for breath. My kids choked a lot on food growing up. And I, oh, God, don't. So it's like... Like sleep apnea, like a granddad. Yeah, so awful, right?

So we're like, well, she's had it before. Because she's had it before, it's less scary. Yeah. I had to take her to A&E at midnight. Oh, no, was this last week? Yeah, this was last week. How did you not lead with that? Do you know what, Rob?

I don't know. It's been such a week that I only remembered it when that guy talked about his car. Okay, so, you haven't had a fucking week, mate. Yeah, so scary.

Obviously, this is the first time we've had to go to A&E at night when we've got two kids, so only I could go because Rose had to stay here. So, I drove her

to A&E in the car. So you didn't know she had croup at this point? Well, it was, yeah, you could tell, because we've done it, because we've had it before. Yeah, so is croup an A&E thing, or was she particularly bad with it? Yeah, they can't breathe properly.

Basically, they then give them steroids to take in a kind of orally, like cowpoll. Okay, so, like, in the daytime, would you have taken her to the gp to get the prescription or would it be night a and e again for croup i don't know because i think it gets worse at night so i don't know but it's pretty horrible you couldn't bow on with your life oh no i'm not suggesting you do i just don't know what it is but so basically you need to get the the medicine as quick as possible really so if you go to any it's in and out okay cool

drove to a and e homerton also, when you've got kids, fucking what's the difference between 2 in the afternoon and 2 a.m.? Exactly. You're up. You're up. You're up. So petrol-wise? Got to A&E, fine.

What, with six miles? Six miles. It's probably about two miles to Homerton. Okay. So with Croup, they've got to hear the thing. So suddenly she's not making the noise as soon as we get in there. Absolute classic.

It's like when you take a car, you take the car to the garage because something's clapping and then you kind of, yeah, classic, yeah. So they have this all the time, obviously. They're like, you just sit here. Yeah.

We'll listen out. When we hear croup, we'll come in. It's weird, because now you're hoping she's got croup again. You want it gone, but now you're there. You want to hear it. Yeah, exactly.

You're like, come on, make the sound, mate. So why is the wanting that gets you in it, Josh? It's the wanting. It's all about desire. You don't want croup. Now you want croup, because you're there to get the wanting that gets you in it, Josh? It's the wanting. It's all about desire. You don't want croup. Now you want croup because you're there to get the medicine that you want. And you want petrol. Exactly.

So we get the medicine. She makes the sound. We get the medicine. Then you have to wait an hour until the medicine kicks in. Yeah. But she's fine. Okay. It's amazing how quickly your mood goes from worrying about your child's survival to

fucking bored fucking here again with her old creepy it's like counting crooks in the town just watching the clock tick down at 1am anyway get back home 3am i think i'll sleep on her floor she doesn't want me to sleep in her bedroom so I have to sleep next door to her bedroom in my office on the floor

well hang on so you've took her back home yeah so why are you she wants you near her no I was like I think just because

of the breathing thing and stuff yeah so you just wanted to sleep with her but she won't let you be in the room no she won't let me be in the room

so basically I'm next door with the door open sleeping on the floor of my office a bed that is still next to me as I do this. And I then used, when I got back from the Royal Variety performance, because she'd had a nightmare, and when I got back she was in my bed, in my position.

So I'd done the Royal Variety performance and I had to go and sleep on the floor of my own office. This isn't the story of a happy married man who's having a nice life and a good career. This sounds like a shamed sex pest that's now been forced to sleep on his office floor because of his terrible deeds. You're a good guy, and this should be happening to you.

No. You're one of the good ones, Josh. Yeah, exactly. We've already said I'm not a sex pest. No, you're not. I'm not. Yet. Yet.

You've done nothing yet. No, but bloody treated like one so anyway next morning yeah get in the car i'm like i've got to go and get petrol yeah one mile it says it said one mile one mile's not a lot in london either with the traffic is it no and the tension of that drive where's the nearest petrol? There's no petrol stations near you because it's quite built up. It's Cambridge Heath Road. Oh my God. It's about a mile away. That's what you needed it.

Yeah. Right on the fucking nose. One click. Drive really slowly. Get there. The one thing I was thinking is at least if I break down, I mean, there's men around to help me push the car

to the side of the road or whatever. Or women, Josh. Or women. People. Women can push cars too. But Rob. Yes. That is true.

Yep. But if I'm... But what, mate? Do you want a gig on talk radio? All right, Mark Dolan. Start cutting up some masks in a minute. Talk me through it, yeah? You're in the street.

If I'm in the street and I need someone to push my car with me, I'd say, because of my reputation as a sex pest that I've recently got this week, I don't want to go up to women I don't know and say, will you push my car with me? It feels creepy. Can you push my car, please? Well, yeah, I think it's a new world, yeah they might i think you know it's a new

world isn't it before you know it i'm having to do an on-air apology yeah please can you help push my car please thank you yes it has got a confederate flag on the front of it because i'm a big red-faced gammon conservative republican yeah and i do believe we have the right to bear arms but please push this car man um so did you make it get to the petrol station you got you made it yeah by the way i put a picture of the one mile thing on my instagram stories and every comment was from a listener of this show going i hope your tires were pumped up as well it's like i realize i have no ability with cars. No. As if to highlight that. I get there and then I've never seen this in a petrol station before.

It says go in and pay before you do the petrol. So I lock my car, go in. They go, yeah, that's wrong. Go back out and do the petrol. I get back outside. Oh, so that's wrong because you don't have to go in? Yeah, I don't have to go in. You walking back and forth don't contribute to the miles left in the car, does it?

No, no, no. But I did lock my car to go in. Yeah. Come out and I can't open the bloody metal bit of the petrol cap, Rob. You know, you push it and it pops out. Weak wrists. The metal lid bit. I can't do it.

And it's stuck. Isn't there a button inside the car? I couldn't find one. Have you put petrol in it ever? Yeah. I wouldn't open. I was like, oh my God, this is a disaster. What am I going to do? I haven't got enough petrol to leave. Yeah. believe wouldn't open and i was like oh my god this is a disaster what am i going to do i haven't got enough petrol to leave yeah i can't open the petrol cap to put

in more petrol so then what is it what is wrong with you i don't know what i'm doing because i think i'm bad with cars you're really bad i'm really bad i actually rung you in the week to ask you advice on a car yeah you, you rung the wrong guy. I think I'm going to get the one you've got. Yeah, well, I tell you what, here's a tip, Rob. Yeah? From one man to another, or to all women. People to people, go on.

From people to people. Human to human. Human to human. When you lock the car, it does lock the petrol cap thing, even though you don't realise. Because I'd essentially locked the whole car when going in to try and pay. Yeah. I'd locked the petrol cap thing.

I didn't know it locked. Who knew that? Who knew? Well, we know now. All the men know now because it's man to man, this conversation. Yeah. Yeah. So then I unlocked the car to try and find a button to open the petrol cap and the petrol cap thing unlocked.

Oh. So then i got in yeah but for that minute when i thought i'm not going to be able to open the petrol cap thing here and i was like hitting it i was like this guy don't i'm pressing it hard have you got pressure in the tires now as well is that all sorted yeah because my dad came to stay so he did it for me oh so you still haven't done it no he did it with me no but you also he showed you how to do it he showed me how to do it oh i bet he loved that although i bet you're funny on the telly yeah yeah you can't put air in your tires i get old daddy we'd have come down is it a generational

thing or are we just shit um i think two things one it's a generational thing where you sort of cars were something that you was a bit more involved in now they're also automated you feel like you don't need to know anything about them yeah but before it was a bit of something you'd have to do the oil yourself but now they're so well advanced that they sort of do look after themselves to a point but also back in the day you didn't have much else to do in the evenings so they would go and put air in the tires for a little trip out yeah of course my mom and dad used to go for a drive with the radio on yeah that's the's a thing people do, go for a drive. Not anymore. So I think it's a combination of cars are more advanced now,

so they sort of sort themselves out. And also, you know, your dad's a boring old bastard. No, I'm joking. I love your dad. What's your dad's name? Tom. Tom, Tom, great guy, good guy. Knows about air pressure.

There we go. Looks like I'm getting the same car as you now, though, so I'm going to regret that. Well, get the same car, and I'd highly recommend it. Don't lock it, whatever you do, before you go to put petrol in it. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. Josh, we do small business shout-outs.

Yeah. Do you want one more Instagram? Yeah, why not? Okay, one more Instagram, then we do small business. Anyway, this is a good one. This is from Claire, which is spelled C-L-A-I-R-E. My favourite way to spell Claire. Is that your favourite way to spell Claire?

I'm not a big fan of Clare of Clare Clare Clare anyway hi Rob and Josh I've just listened to the story about the pube eating toddler

and this was when a toddler accidentally ate pubes not that that's all they ate and it was like some sort of wacky eater program about the pube eating toddler oh cool so can I say Frankie Bridge is going in the jungle.

She came on as a guest. I think she's going to win it. That's my betting tip. If anyone wants a betting tip on the jungle. Is that right? Yeah, I think Frankie Bridge will win it. You always make money on betting on the jungle, don't you? You're good at it.

Yeah, I do. I do. I got Giovanna Fletcher last year at quite long odds, but that was an obvious one. Basically, the key to I'm a Celebrity winners is you want normally a mum with young children that she misses and cries when the letters come out. That wins votes.

You want someone that's involved in a pop group, a boy band or a girl. You're writing this down. A pop group, girl band or boy band. Kian Egan's one. You know, Giovanna Fletcher one. She's a mum with young kids and a podcast following. But also a boyfriend slash husband, I think his husband, is in McFly. You need the power of the...

Why is the pop group thing useful? Because they're obsessive fans, so they will pick up the phone and vote. It's not about who's the most popular, it's who's going to pick up the phone to vote. So it needs to be pop groups. Keane Egan won from Westlife. So basically anything involved in a pop group or a mum that cries when their kids are young. She is the favourite, Frankie Bridge. Four to one, I can get on her.

Exactly, 100%. Because there isn't anyone else that could to one, I can get on her. Exactly. A hundred percent because there aren't anyone else that could really compete, I don't think. If there was someone like a boy band member like Ronan Keating,

he'd probably win because of the following of the pop group. But she's, you know, in the Saturdays, wasn't she? And she's very popular on the telly

and she's got young kids that she'll probably miss when she's away. So that's my tip. Rob, there's four of them I've not heard of. It's embarrassing, isn't it? I know.

Who haven't you heard of? Danny Miller. He's from Emmerdale. I know him, I think. He's a second favourite. Yeah. Then I know Simon Gregson. He is Steve McDonald, isn't he?

Yeah. David Janela. Obviously, I know him. Know him, yeah. Richard Maidley. I know him. Yeah. Louise Minchin.

I did Tipping Point against her. Did you smash her to pieces in Tipping Point? Well, it's not been out yet, but let's put it this way. Have a watch and enjoy. Adam Woodyat. Woodyat. Ian Beale. Ian Beale.

Yep. Not heard of Naughty Boy. He's like a musician. Yeah, he works with lots of different people. Kadena Cox, Paralympian. Yep. You know all about her. Yeah.

I've not met her, obviously. I've not met Snoochie, or don't know who Snoochie Shy is. Snoochie Shy, I think she's a DJ. Right. Yep. I don't know who Snoochie Shy is. Snoochie Shy thinks he's a DJ. Right. Yeah. I don't know who Matty Lee is. Matty Lee. Oh, he's Tom Daley's dive partner.

Oh, yes. Come on, mate. Get you to grips with it. You're going to watch Armour Celebrity this year? No. I think you should. You've never watched it. I think you should.

I watched it when Joel was in it. I think you should and let us know what you think of it as a little feature. I'm already watching Strictly, Rob. I'm not a 50-year-old woman. What's happening to my life? No, you just look like one. Right, here we go. Rob and Josh.

You just look and sound like one. I can't buy anything for the petrol. I've locked the car. Tom, come help me, please. I can't find my petrol. Sadly got one more. Oh, no. One of the best Alan Carr impressions I've ever heard in my life.

She's actually been ripping off the female version of Josh Winnicombe he's 58 that's what he's been doing for years anyway this is the pubic and toddler quickly because we're running out of time okay and it reminded me of when my eldest was nine months old he just started crawling one morning we came downstairs i put him on the floor of the living room and when i went in the kitchen to make breakfast i came back after a minute or two i noticed there appeared to be some blood around his mouth so i panicked i picked him up only to find that he had a handful of mouse innards that our cat had kindly brought as a present oh my god so he'd been eating a dead mouse oh my word he didn't want to wait for breakfast he was just chewing on a dead mouth oh my god awful he's now a very healthy nine-year-old so hopefully it didn't do him any harm but i still feel very sick each time i think about it keep up the good work thanks for the entertainment claire p.s he occasionally coughs up hairballs but apart

from that there's been no side effects from eating that mouse and he can lick his own ass well done okay very that's a very healthy and flexible nine-year-old. Good luck. Right, Josh, let's do small business shout-outs. Okay. Oh, we've got a lot of them. Tell me when to stop, Rob. Stop.

Right. Did you just pick one out of the list? Yeah, just whatever it landed on. Oh, nice. Hi, Rob and Josh. Hi, I'm Kat from Cheltenham and I am the owner of Handmade Happiness. I make cards and wedding favors.

Oh, God. I've found that some sort of Handmade Happiness. I make cards and wedding favors. Oh, God. I've found out some sort of hand job enterprise. Some sort of wanking set up. Big happy ending. Handmade Happiness is not that. It's not wanking. No one's getting wanked off. It's separate.

Okay, sorry. I mean, it's not a bad business idea, is it? It's not the worst business idea. Just train stations in sort of small business towns. You walk in. It's almost like an escalator. okay sorry no i mean it's not a bad business idea is it it's not the worst business idea just train stations in sort of small business towns you sort of you walk in it's almost like a like an escalator and then flat escalators you walk in someone wanks you off by the time you get to the end you leave eight quid a go everyone's happy eight quid is not enough depends around it up to a tenner no eight quid but you always give them a tenner and it's that sort of unspoken tip

of two quid yeah like a taxi yeah the unspoken tip of two quid. Yeah, like a taxi. Yeah, the unspoken tip. That's what we could call the company. Sorry. Heads or tails. Oh, hey, cards and wedding favours. Sorry. Let's do this properly without all the wankies. Using biodegradable paper, which contains wildflower seeds.

So rather than battling with the guilt of recycling cards, the recipient can plant them You can plant the card Oh god So she is actually de-seeding people It's all coming back to It's coming back to haunt of this business Sorry I'm

Sorry I was not talking So you can plant the card It contains seeds You can plant it Instead of making a card It makes a card and gift all in one go Oh that's nice That is good isn't it

Actually I think I prefer that than a handjob. I'm getting older. It's nice. You can put that on all your promotional literature. Rob Beckett, I'd prefer this to a handjob. You can find me on Facebook at Handmade Happiness Cheltenham. Oh, lovely. Handmade Happiness Cheltenham on my Etsy store,

which is www.etsy.com etsy's etsy slash shop slash x handmade happiness x lovely stuff okay cool i've got one here this is hi rob and josh we would be very grateful for a shout out to our small business so what dad please it's called so as in scw and then what dad oh as in so what dad but sewing you get you get in the vibe it's better written down and it's they're on they're on instagram so let me find it so what dad so what dad established in 2018 is a small independent family business consisting of a dad with a love of sewing and a mum with a passion for beautiful and sustainable clothing joe and jazz that's us love to give recycled vintage fabrics a new lease of life

by creating bespoke quality handmade clothes for families to love, wear, and share. They provide a service to remember, close to treasure, and exquisite attention to detail with handmade creations in an array of sustainably sourced vintage fabrics. We are offering 10% for all listeners of the podcast

using the discount code PARENTINGHELL10, and that's parenting with a capital P and Hell with a capital H. ParentingHell10. Head to SewWhatDad.co.uk to order or check out our Instagram at SewWhatDad, S-E-W-W-H-A-T, Dad, D-A-D, for sustainable clothing inspiration. Thanks, Joseph. Oh, they're really nice clothes, actually.

They're lovely outfits for kids and stuff as well. Oh, that's really nice. Oh, my God're lovely outfits for kids and stuff as well. So, oh, that's really nice. Oh, my God. Rosie's going to love this, mate. What? Or the outfits. Oh, right. Sorry.

Yeah. Well, I thought you'd found something completely. I thought you'd found. I was like, oh, no. Oh, no. He's going to have found someone who's selling knickknacks. No, there's beautiful girls' dresses and stuff that are all handmade. So, basically, it's an old dress that they get, and then he sews a pattern on them.

Oh, that is nice. That is lovely stuff. Yeah. Cool. Well, yeah, check both of those businesses out, and we'll be back on Friday with another Instagram. And we're back on Friday with, and I'm going to say it, Rob, the kind of person you think would win I'm a Celebrity.

Yes. I'd put my money on him. It's H from Steps. It was a great one wasn't it yes he's a father of two twin boys

really interesting as well he talks about surrogacy something we've not discussed but is something that a lot of people are going through or just deciding upon

so that was really interesting and loads of other funny stuff and he does talk about Steps forming as well so it's got everything it needs Josh yeah it's got everything

you want look forward to it see you friday cheers bye