Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP6: Isy Suttie (The Return)

Episode Date: July 30, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP6: Isy Suttie (The Return)Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian, actress, and writer - Isy Suttie. Isy's fantastic new book 'Jane is Trying' is available now wherever you buy your books. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC Cashback Mastercard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will, and... Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card, and he's done it! Oh, clicky-click magic trick! The clicker around the room! You guys just about finished?

Sorry, we got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight worthy with the BMO Toronto FC Cashback Mastercard. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicam. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.

Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you are listening to parenting hell with say Rob Beckett and Josh Whittaker. That was very cute. There we go. That was Finn Luca, who's three on August the 2nd. Well, happy birthday, Finn Luca. How are you, Robert? Yes, I'm not too bad. I'm good. I can tell you of an issue I've had. Oh, go on. Is it downstairs? No, it's not downstairs, no. It's, well, it is down, it's in the kitchen.

It's not what you call your bum, is it? That's not what I call my bum. I'd call my bum, well, I wouldn't call it a kitchen. The utility room. The sitting room, yeah. The sitting room, nice. Do you still do that stand-up about what your lap is? You only have a lap sat down.

I haven't done that in years. Yeah, yeah, I haven't done that in years. It's a good bit. It's a good bit. Yeah, it was a bit of fun, wasn't it? That was in the first ever show I did, Rob. 20, 10 years ago. Were we ever so young?

Laps. All you cared about was laps back then. Yeah, exactly. Now I've got bigger concerns in my life. Sleep. Now, ivory tower confession, Rob. Oh, no. What's happened?

Yeah. So we've ordered a new cooker. Okay. What kind of cooker? It's a nice cooker. An Arga? No, not an Arga. A range?

No, it's a... I'm not going to tell you. I'll tell you it's French. It won't surprise you, Rob, that I wasn't the one that did the choosing of the cooker. Does it look nice? Yeah, it's a lovely cooker, right? What's the date today?

Is it a Lachance? It is a Lachance. Is it a Lachance? I've just literally typed in French cooker. They do it. Oh, it looks beautiful. Yeah. So many knobs. So many knobs. It's to a French cooker. They do. Oh, it looks beautiful. Yeah. So many knobs.

So many knobs. It's like a rugby club. Hey, yes, please. There we go. There we go. So many knobs, mate. And then it's like a bar. It's like a bar on it.

The ballet. Oh, my God. I don't know what to do with it. Oh, my gosh. We can do some cooking in there, boy. So a luncheon. A luncheon. Ordered it.

Yeah. Yeah. It will be ready second week of December. What the fuck are they doing? Are they still cooking in it now? I don't understand. Why is it taking so long? Because they build it.

They build each one to order. Oh, my God. What colour have you gone for? Black with brass trimmings. Oh, that's nice. Second week of December. That's too long, isn't it, for an oven? How long does it take to...

I don't know. It's in July. Do you know... Think how far Christmas feels away. You're in a fucking heat wave ordering a cooker and they tell you it'll be ready for Christmas. And you know that's going to be delayed. And then what's going to happen is it's going to be delivered on like the 20th

and you're going to stress and you're going to ruin your Christmas dinner because you don't know how to work. And what's going to happen is we're not going to get anyone to take away the old one or install the new one. So what we're going to have is Christmas dinner cooked in the old cooker with a Lachance in the middle of our kitchen floor. I love fucking Lachance. Fucking Lachance.

I've never heard of a Lachance before. I can't stop saying it. Fucking Lachance. In the middle of the kitchen floor. Wow. Lovely. It looks very nice. But it's a long time to wait.

It's too long, Rob. Natural gas? You don't gas? Gas, hobs, electric, ovens. Looks like an absolute fucker to clean, mate. Yeah, well, you know, gas? Gas, hobs, electric, ovens. Looks like an absolute fucker to clean, mate. Yeah, well, you know, Rob. You know me. I love to clean the cooker.

You'd have to sort of break it down every Sunday and give it a good old polish. That's how I relax on a Sunday. And then I do the car. The car, which is a complete steak because I went to the tip, I should say. Oh, what have you been doing at the tip? Getting rid of some old bits of wood that used to be a bench. And they've ruined the car. But I did convince my daughter that she'd enjoy going to the tip to help me.

And then I did such a good job. At the end, she was sad we'd finished putting rubbish in the bins and asked if we could come next weekend. Really? She loves the tip, Rob. She she loves to tip it's a good day out sometimes there's stuff there to look you think oh should i take that back it looks all right that and then you get it home you definitely don't work no no exactly i've got i've got in a um a vortex of kitchens now and cookers you get some right mental cookers, can't you? Can you? Yeah, I can. Why,

do you want one? Can you? I think you turned Craig Revel Hallward. Seven. What, second of December? That is too long, mate.

Second week of December. Second week, sorry, we said the second, second week. Oh, that's, no,

no one wants anything delivered then. No. It looks quite big. Can you get it in the house? It's 90 by 90. It's a square cooker. It's a square cooker. You always want a square cooker. I think that's a coincidence. It's 90 by 90 and

the gap we've got is very perilously close to 90. And I'm already braced for it not fitting in the gap. I'm already thinking in six months' time I'm going to have to deal with this. But at the moment, I'm not dealing with it. No, you're not dealing with it now. It's a square one.

Oh, it's not one of those long ones. On night areas, I found a Lachange now that looks very nice. Very compact. I think that should get in, mate. Six-h hob burner. Is it a six hob burner? You've got six hob burner, mate. You're never going to use all six.

Let's not go too detailed about this. You're trying to get a freebie. Anyway, let's talk about kids. I tell you, this is a low moment. I did contact them on Instagram to see whether they could do it any quicker. Oh, really? Yeah, I thought this was my chance.

You thought the Widdicombe Sway. Yeah. Can you imagine who's running that? I can't imagine they're on Twitter. It's such an old school company. Well, obviously, yeah, they don't have last leg in France. How's your been parenting-wise this week, Josh? All right?

Yeah, all right. It yeah all right it's the same you know some holidays is there no summer holidays for no summer holidays and um yeah it's do you know what i'm feeling better which i know is worse for the podcast wrong not ideal for content it's not ideal for content right ideal for content no but i've got i've got hope i've got kind of i'm trying to stay positive. Yeah. You've ordered a cooker. You're living your best life. Exactly.

I've got friends that are having, their three-year-old's not sleeping, and that's really helping me through it. All these kind of things. My three-year-old keeps having night terrors. It's horrible. Really? Like, absolutely. Like, screaming like she's been chased by a bear.

And then you go in there and try and sort of like comfort her. And she isn't awake. She's sort of like half asleep, half awake. So you have to sort of really like sort of snap her out of it. But I've been Googling it, and apparently you're better off just leaving them to have the night terror. Because if you try and wake them and comfort them, you scare them more because they're not fully awake.

Yeah. When we had those night, when my daughter had the night terrors, and you just have to sit there, and basically it's like watching The Exorcist, isn't it? It's awful. Oh, it's horrendous. She's just going absolutely mad. But you don't know.

And then we'd bring her down and watch Moana for like five minutes, and then she goes back up to bed. But yeah, it's horrible. I can't not cuddle her. No. It's a horrible situation. Because you're like, are they going to remember this? Is this a thing? And then we asked her in the morning, I can't not cuddle her. No, it's a horrible situation. Because you're like, are they going to remember this?

Is this a thing? And then we asked her in the morning and she didn't remember it. Yeah, exactly. So you're just better off letting her get on with it. But then you feel bad. Yeah. So I don't know what I'm going to do. If anyone's got any night terror tips, that'd be very helpful. But yeah, she just goes absolutely loopy, loopy-loo.

Yeah. Right, I've got some more uh instagram messages josh have you got some emails i've got one here go it this one's from i think it's an anonymous here anyway hi fellas um i've only just started listening but i love it i've i even play it to my clients in my home salon wow oh wow that's a bold move that's a dangerous game to play isn't it yeah because if they don't like it, they've just got to pretend while they're in their home salon, which is legal now, I imagine. Freedom Day.

Anyway, I'm a mum to three kids, 15, 9 and 7. Strange names. Lovely. Oh, no. They'll be loving that in the salon. That's the kind of thing I want during a haircut. That kind of stuff. Exactly.

I've got all their belly buttons in their keepsake. Oh god leave her salad now she's insane so you've got she's gonna keep your hair she's gonna make a voodoo doll out of it she's got all their belly buttons as a keepsake um uh i've just wanted to share a potty training story with you years ago we had taken the eldest boy out for dinner and during it he needed a wee he'd been doing very well but become obsessed with standing up like daddy to go to the wee i'm in the ladies toilet and he could just about reach aloo as he's peeing he starts to shout i'm pooing i'm pooing looking down and not being able to turn him in time i reluctantly held out my hand and caught the poo oh my god it was really it was relatively solid i reassured him and turned to wipe my hand on tissue roll well you guessed it there was none so my hands full of skids i opened

the door to go and wash my hands without without whilst telling my lads to hang on and let me get some tissues oh my as i opened the door i was greeted by the young lady who had served us and had to ask if she could get me some paper to wipe my son's arse and my shitty hands. Oh, my God. When we returned to the table, my husband asked where the hell we had been and why we'd taken so long. And when I told him he found it so hilarious, he started to choke on his food. We ended up having to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him

and take him to hospital. Oh, my God. But all I could think while slapping his back was, I just held shit on these hands. Keep anonymous as my son would kill me if he knew that I told you any of this. So they've kept the belly buttons. Her son's done a poo in her hand or her husband's choking

and she's slapping his back with a poo hand and had to go to the hospital. That is something else, isn't it? What an afternoon. That would be too much if you wrote that in a sitcom. Do you know what I mean? The Hamlet manoeuvre bit's a bit much. Yeah.

Here come the carrots making their way upfield, followed by the whole wheat bread, over to the two dozen eggs. Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry, I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC

cashback MasterCard. Oh, and the broccoli boots are over the line. What a goal! How would you like to pay, sir? Credit, please. Make every purchase a win with the BMO Toronto FC Cashback Mastercard with up to 5% cashback on your purchases in your first three months.

Terms and conditions apply. Um, Rob. Yes. We've made a mistake. Oh, no. Do you remember a few weeks ago when I said we were going to stick a pin in Lucy Pond's email and read it on Tuesday. We did this about a year ago, wasn't it?

Yeah, well, she's emailed in. Oh no, the Pond's done. What an umptey I felt after sending to all my friends and family, telling them to tune in on Tuesday the 18th of May to find out that you had forgotten. Josh, I still don't think we should read it out. Oh, come on, Rob.

Well, maybe we'll do it on Tuesday let's do it on Tuesday no let's do it Michael how long have we got I think this is a good such a good interview

with Izzy it's going to be a long one isn't it we can't leave Pond again she says from the very unsalty even though you forgot all about me

Lucy Pond straight Mrs Pond straight Pondy okay hello Josh and Rob Lou's calling me can we wrap this up next week? Sorry, I've just got to sort something out.

Right. Now, this was genuinely one of the funniest interviews we've done in a long time, wasn't it? Yeah, we hardly talk about parenting, really, do we? We hardly talk about parenting. Not about food, which sort of ties in with your new cooker. It's a real cooker episode this week. Yeah, let's put it this way.

Izzy doesn't need a Lachanche. No. And a trigger warning. If you don't like the saying from scratch, turn off now, because that gets said a lot. And if you're Ellis James, turn off now, because you genuinely, there's a lot of things said about you. Ellis James gets an absolute mothering at the end. Yeah. He's not going to be happy about it this is izzy sooty

hello izzy sooty how are you hello i'm fine i've got a coffee and a pint of orange squash oh god hangover is that a hangout hangover cure or just how you start a day i did go out last night with my two of my friends for that like how much have we all been out in the last year and a half and it was absolutely brilliant we went to this place where you like grill your own food over a grill what oh yeah what do you mean they don't do it for you no i didn't think that they were like yeah yeah yeah i remember there's this cafe that i used to go to with my scottish friend years ago in clapham where there was a toaster on every table and like loads of different types of bread

and jams and stuff and it was like only eight pounds and you can eat as much as you want and we love going there and then my mate was like you know you could just do that at home it is literally a toaster and it was like oh yeah the point of going out is they do it for you. So you've been in lockdown cooking for yourself for 18 months. You've gone out to cook for yourself on a little grill. It's fun. You've had a good time. You've got a coffee and a pint of squash.

Can I ask a question? Are you too old for squash? How dare you? I drink squash too, Josh. I know know i well i took that as red rob but i presumed as much is it what kind of squash is it it's orange squash do you know what ellis is absolutely obsessed with squash and i think if i hadn't found ellis that's a weird way of describing my relationship if I wasn't going out with Ellis I probably wouldn't have it in the house

but he gets, I mean we have to have one he's like this with squash and radox he has to have one full one in reserve or he gets a bit me and Ellis have got a lot in common squash, you've got to drink a lot, people aren't drinking enough water and everyone just keeps drinking tea and coffee which is bad for you and if you have a little bit of flavor in a nice

pint of water to have some squash it's good for you josh well do you know what do you know what i've done do you know what how i'm consuming more water what's that i've got i've got 840 mils of soda streamed water right next to me here rob in a bottle soda stream what do you mean it's bubbles in it i bought a soda stream because it's the 90s and it's absolutely changed my drinking habits okay okay so what have you got have you i'm wary on this because at one point soda stream we're going to sponsor our podcast and they didn't and i don't want to give them too much advertising for free so what is you just having fizzy water? Yeah, so I just have fizzy water because I really like fizzy water.

But I was starting to get guilt about how many plastic bottles I was getting through. Yeah, because you get through it, don't you? Yeah, you get through it. Oh, sometimes I think, Josh, you've got to stop having so much guilt. You're just drinking water, mate. You're not in charge of the bottling process. But I just thought I'll get a soda stream and then it's in my house. Do you make coke and lemonade with it or is it?

No, you can't. I do apple juice with fizzy water for myself if I'm feeling, you know. If it's a Friday night. If it's a Friday night. That's exciting. So your own apple ties. I make my own apple ties. Is it easy to make?

Yeah, it is. Five squidges at the bottom and there we have. Five squidges at the bottom, and there we have it. Five squidges at the bottom, and there you are. Oh, I want to get one now. I mean, actually, you have done really good advertising. I know. I'm literally looking at them on Amazon now. Josh, what are you doing?

We should have got the money in for it. We shouldn't just be saying it. This is terrible advertising. I never had a soda stream in the nine 80s was it 80s or 90s it was both my best friend had one it was so exciting to go but what happens if you put like ice cream in it or something would it make fizzy ice cream i think I think you just... All right, Heston's on the phone. Guys, I'm thinking of diversifying. I don't think there's such a thing as fizzy ice cream, is there?

You have to buy gas canisters to refill it. Yeah, you do have to buy gas canisters. But they're plastic-y mentally. Yeah, exactly. They're great for the environment, John. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's just ship tiny bottles of gas around the world so Josh can have a fizzy apple, little turd. He must have his fizzy apple.

It's a weekend. You can't get fizzy in the paper bottles, can you? You what? You can't get, you can't put, you know, like, if you're trying to do it. You can have fizzy in glass, I suppose, can't you? Yeah, I reckon paper or cardboard wouldn't contain the bubbles, would it?

No. It has to be airtight. It has to be some sort of waxy plastic. Do you know what? Just buy bottled water. Can I say that? Is that allowed? I think we've covered all bases of the options of fizzy water.

We've promoted and had a go at all the different angles, if anything. I think people have left more confused than at the start of the fizzy water conversation. Either way, do you drink squash, Josh? No, I don't, no. I drink fizzy water. I do make my own apple ties like a complete twat do you let your kids drink squash izzy oh well look everything's gone if you asked me a year and a half ago i would have said no but i mean i don't know about you but like everything all the standards have slipped yes yeah you know yo-yos those like wine fruit winders

yeah yeah fruit winders yeah i don't know i know i don't know if that's the right name for it but i knew exactly what you meant i think there's an own brand version of them called fruit winders which is why which betty won't eat she's like no it's got to be a yo it's got to have the cards in it that's how they get kids reeled in isn't it but she must have 18 to 20 yo-yos a day like she comes up to me and goes can I have a yo-yo and I just go yeah like there was a period where I was like no you've had you've had 12 maybe you could eat some proper fruit but then in my head I'm like well it is fruit it's just baked fruit um but it's just like if someone looked at her diet so yeah no they do drink squash um the little one doesn't I make it very weak but then he just grabs my pint of squash and downs like

so this is your second appearance on the show is he can we just have a quick reminder of the ages of your kids yeah Betty's six and Stefan's two and um when you was on last time um we had ellison as well your partner who was doing like the early shift and you were going to bed later because yeah you was writing a book now your book's finished is that correct it is yeah so what's what's the sort of set up now with the the child care divide now you're not how's the book how's the sleep okay oh he's a sleep junkie josh he's got a new kid. How's the sleep? How's the sleep? He's a sleep junkie, Josh. He's got a new kid and he's a sleep junkie.

Oh, Josh. Okay, listen, Josh, it's not going to be easy for you to hear this. Brace yourself. Yeah. It's good. What? Yeah.

Interview's over. But it was bad about a week ago, wasn't it? It was terrible for years. So console yourself with that. Like, basically, the reason that Ellis started doing the mornings and I was doing all the cooking and cleaning in return, which some of my mates thought was quite unfair on me, but I was a little devoid.

It was very controversial in our email inbox. Was it? Leave and remain, very much. It was very much. There was a lot of abuse of me and Rob over us because we had the easier side of the deal. I got called a gammon pig. The thing that I feel like I didn't mention the first time

is that when I say all the cooking and cleaning, I wasn't really doing that much cleaning and like it sounds like i was like you know dawn till dusk scrubbing floors yeah like mopping yeah i mean like a 1940s housewife yes exactly with a pinny on and if you saw this dining room i'm sitting in it i mean like there's a pile all the time on the on the dining table of like pens and books and like my work ellis's work the kids drawings just getting higher and higher yeah oh my right so yeah i think we still call it the dining table we've never dined on that table and it's fucking like it's like a boot sale stockroom yeah but no one would ever want to come to like a car boot sale people would pay not to come to

this store the only time we eat in here is christmas dinner and i this is how much i did cooking and cleaning i found a pea yesterday in the corner from christmas dinner that was like all shriveled up so what is it now july so you know uh i was sort of giving it all that in a way but i still hate doing the morning so what happens since i lasted this podcast is his sleep which had been terrible and that was the reason ellis started doing the mornings because he was like i don't mind getting up early but i hate cooking and cleaning fine that's that's the deal his sleep um got better so when it got better i was like why am i cooking like a steak from scratch why am i making like sorry a steak from scratch has probably got me the easiest thing you could have cooked unless unless a steak from scratch means a cow yeah you've gone to the avatar going into a field catching a cow killing it with my bare hands a steak from scratch yeah look guys i'm not just

cooking i'm doing steaks from i've had to let it to get to room temperature for 20 minutes guys say i've had to come in here 20 minutes early, get it out of the fridge and put it on the side, in its Sainsbury's wrapping, go back in the other room, do some emails, then come back in. That is how committed I am to this steak. From scratch, guys.

You've given out fruit winders from scratch. I've opened this packet. I chucked the bear card in the recycling and I give you the fruit winder. Yeah, steaks from scratch. Quiche from scratch. That's a better from scratch, quiche from scratch. No, quiche from scratch means taking it out of the cardboard box and putting it in the oven right this is truly what happened right when i say cooking i did things like things like that which for me was a big deal because I never really cooked before lockdown. I just made salads or got takeaways.

And then I did learn to make stew, which my mum had been trying to get me to do for ages. That's put everything in a pot. That's learning to make stew. Everything in a pot, but you have to like rub flour in it and stuff. Yeah. Get your bolognese. Yeah. I did make one thing that was ambitious, which I got from, I think, a recipe book, like a posh recipe book.

And it was like pie. And you had to, yeah, it was chicken pie. I didn't make pastry. Why do you keep talking about food like you've never heard these words before? Pie. Is it pie or pie? Chicken pie. P-I-E.

P-I-E sorry you've done a chicken pie I did a chicken pie but you had to like sorry Josh I know you're a veggie it's alright I can deal with you it's alright you're not feeding it he's allowed to hear it he's not got vegan ears

I'll be honest with you I'm not sat here going god I wish I was eating that chicken pie It's reinforcing my choices And what? Steak sitting out on a hot counter for 20 minutes You do have to get the pan really hot though That is quite scary Yeah you do and you have to rub it with olive oil

Then you have to wash your hands You're not supposed to put olive oil on it You're supposed to cook it dry just with a bit of salt. Oh, God, don't say... I might be wrong, but you don't want olive oil on a steak. I thought you had to rub it with olive oil before you put it in the pan. No. You do it dry, apparently.

God. And you dab it with a kitchen towel to get the moisture out of it. Because if it is wet and you put it in, or wet and cold, what happens is all the moisture goes to know it go all the moisture goes out to that weird like brownie yes juice stuff which is it goes into like puddles yeah hot meat puddles in the sorry josh it's all right hot meat puddles not doing it for you josh do you know what i was doing i was putting um olive oil is a hot meat puddle really isn't it with a coat on so yeah this pie you had to like poach

the chicken in milk and I was like oh my god I've never done anything like that I just buy cooked chicken yeah and just add it to like pasta that's the meal chicken pasta fully cooked what are your kids eating And you can just add it to like pasta. That's the meal. Yeah. Chicken pasta.

Just chicken pasta, fully cooked. What are your kids eating? Oh, they only eat like, they like, Steffi does have bits of our meals, but they like chicken nuggets and waffles and stuff. Stuff that kids should eat. Microwavable veg is the saving grace of a parent's guilt yeah that's so true I try really hard to get them to eat um lots like they eat like about five different vegetables and that's it and I do

try really hard to get them to eat different stuff but Betty especially is just really fussy so yeah I just can't I really envy those family who's are who are like we just make a chili and everyone has a bit and it's like no we're not that no yeah we're not we're not that either what i'd say is because my eldest was a bit funny with food and then when she went to school and they have like school dinners that she's everything there in what with the other kids along as they're eating enough sort of healthy stuff they're not just you know let them let them learn themselves i think there's sometimes too much pressure of you've got to try and eat everything you've got to finish your plate and i think that's an unhealthy attitude to food you're

allowed to not like it that's true apparently what my grandpa said to me when i was about five or six i want to see a nice clean plate and actually i remember that he used to say that whenever i was eating he used to go i want to see a nice clean plate and one day he said i want to see a nice clean plate and apparently i went to the cupboard and got out a plate and showed it to him. Brilliant. So you had to poach the chicken in milk. Yeah. Still going. Yeah, still going.

And then you had to sieve it and all the milk went everywhere and there were bits of chicken. And I was like, this is really, and it was nice, but I was like, this has taken more than half an hour. I'm not doing this again. So that was like, that was the only time I've been more ambitious yeah um so when Steffi started um so like he wasn't sleeping very well then he started sleeping better again so I kind of pulled back my standards from steak from scratch to like beans on toast right yeah then he's possible weight standards on the cooking

just raw steak tonight guys yeah i'm not doing it from scratch it's finished it's ready to go in the oven if you can slice it we'll have carpaccio but otherwise just chew it on chew on it like a dog there's a field there's a cow do your best um so he started sleeping um well again um i pulled back because i was like ellis isn't you know ellis doing the mornings he's getting eight hours sleep i'm not doing all the cooking cleaning so everything was about balance right so yeah okay so you it's a bit like your oven ready breready Brexit deal now needs to be renegotiated because the goalposts have moved. Yes, but I did all the renegotiations in my own head. So what, okay, so...

I didn't talk to him about it. So Steffi, how long, Steffi's going to bed, what, seven, eight o'clock at night? Well, when Alice puts him to bed, he goes to bed at like half nine. Oh, yeah, but then sleeps till... So what was happening in the middle, when he was sleeping badly, he would sleep,

he would go to bed about, say probably like quarter to nine, nine on average. And he was waking up, that is late, I know. He was waking up in the night and then waking up for the day sometimes at 4.30 or five. So that was hard for Ellis.

Then when he slept well again, he was sleeping till maybe 6 or 6.30. So I was like, actually, you know, this is fine. This is like later than post people get up. I think it's post people. I don't know if you're being like the 2021 word for like, you know, postman, post people, or you were talking about post people, like some sort of apocalyptic situation. when people don't exist anymore i didn't i didn't know where we were in yeah post

post people are gonna get up after this blimmin pandemic everyone's gonna be a post person yeah we're all gonna get up at that time yeah no um post men and women i was like comparing it to like coal miners would wouldn't get up um you know later than ellis so you know he's actually got a really good deal um so yeah as well that could have been his fate yes exactly born 50 years earlier yeah because if the baby's sleeping well and ellis gets a lie in then it's a bit unfair one person to do all the cooking and cleaning isn't it actually in all seriousness then we've both been working and i'd be like. So I've got a lion, which is an hour's more sleep than him, but I've been up doing the kitchen and sweeping up and stuff.

I say that as if it takes like 30 seconds. And you know you're doing it properly because there wasn't a pea from Christmas in the corner of the room, was there? You're on top of it. So then I do that. Well, there's peas at Christmas. It's not a Christmas dinner thing, is it, peas?

Yeah, wait, what? Is that for your Christmas dinner, peas? No, it's not. You don where's peas at Christmas it's not a Christmas dinner thing is it peas yeah wait wait what is that where you eat Christmas dinner peas yeah it's not you don't have peas at Christmas dinner

yeah peas and carrots in one Brussels in one bowl peas and carrots in another bowl parsnips yeah okay

potatoes I'm not against it but I've not really seen it as long as you're not swapping it out for one of the mainstays at the Christmas dinner I don't mind a bowl of peas no I mean no and also youapping it out for one of the mainstays at the Christmas dinner, I don't mind a bowl of peas.

No, I mean, no. And also, you see, it's only one of the few vegetables that the kids will eat. Fair enough. Fair enough. I stand corrected. I take that back. Thank you. The shriveled up vegetable thing from Christmas actually runs in the family because we used

to have this Christmas crockery that we used every year when I was growing up and with like really nice pots with lids on. And one year, Dad got them out and there was a shriveled up brussels sprout in one of them that had been in there for a year but what i thought is the whole bowl can't have been washed because why would you just leave one brussels sprout in it it can't have been washed at all you wouldn't just like wash up around the brussels sprout and be like oh that'll be nice to see in a year reminders of last christmas so yeah so then he started sleeping really badly again i upped my game again with the cooking i you know did a bit more why did he sleep badly again just did oh i don't know i think it was the heat it was reasonably recently so you know we had that like mini heat wave like probably about

two months ago yeah suddenly so we we'd got him back to sleeping really well and then we would yeah suddenly so we we'd got him back to sleeping really well and then we would he was like a robot we'd put him in the in the um in his bed and he would turn over and go to sleep it was amazing and then one day he just didn't he got up and was like out and i was like no no no it was like everything started to unravel you know that feeling you get where you're like no no no no i'm not going to be able to watch time i'm not going to be able to i haven't eaten i wanted to have a beer i needed to do work like i was just like this can't be happening and then it was a grim period of about six weeks where one of us would have to lie on his floor sometimes for hours um and we were like how has this happened like we yeah um and like hold his hand and um i would lie there holding his hand like just in the dark not daring to move just thinking about all the things

i could be doing and thinking is this gonna last forever i thought because you got the thing where they're a newborn and you think and josh you're going through this now where you're like okay yeah it is hard when they're a newborn but when they're two especially when they've had a really good period of sleeping you're like oh no no no like this oh my god and how long are you lying there well there was one night i must have lain there for an hour and a half and every time i moved he would like oh because you feel bad don't you because they're like and his little hand would like scrabble for mine and um i'd hold it again and i needed a wee and i was like what are you doing within your what are you doing with your hour and a half so this is what i did and then victoria corin mitchell sent me a really lovely message on twitter saying like basically i got

all the i tweeted about it and i got all these really lovely messages and me and alice talked about it and we were like let's imagine this is the conclusion we came to from like all this like parents were like I'm with you we were like let's imagine that they're teenagers Ellis said this is what I do I imagine he's a teenager and he like he doesn't want to hug me and a few people had said this and it's like this is my chance to give him a cuddle so I was trying to do that this is my chance to give him a cuddle so i was trying to do that this is this particular night i was like imagine he's in a band he hates you maybe he's not in one band he's in five bands you know he's got a really long fringe he's got spots he doesn't want to talk to you but i just lay there thinking i i find i i i think my patience has really got thinner since i've had

kids i said that stuff's a really controversial thing. Guys, I think it's really weird, but I think my patience has got thinner. But Ellis just seems to be really calm the whole time. But I think I get really like instantly like, oh, my God, this is how it's always going to be. And I lay there and I was like, oh, my God. Right. OK, Izzy, just chill, chill. So I started trying to think about like random things from the past that I can't do anymore.

A, because of the pandemic and B, because I'm old. It's that thing, isn't it, where you go, oh, because of the pandemic, I can't go clubbing anymore. And I'm like, I've been clubbing for like 15 years. Like this idea that if it wasn't for COVID, I'd be out every week and like watching Chemical Brothers. I'm quite up for another barrier to stop me going to a nightclub. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Oh stop me going to a nightclub. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? Like, have you got, oh, actually, can't, not double-jabbed, actually. It's next week, so I'll miss this one out, guys. Have a good stag do. I'll see you back at the hotel. It's the ultimate. So the way you deal with it would be lie there and think about things you couldn't do.

Well, it was like I lay there and I was like, just chill, just chill. And all these thoughts came into my head of things from the past. Like, for example, I thought about something I hadn't thought about for ages, where me and my best mate from home had an argument in a pub in Matlock when we were like 18 about the pronunciation of X-mouth. And it was before the internet. So she was saying it was X-mouth. And I was like, as if like and we ended up

getting the barman and saying you know how do you pronounce it stuff like that just came into my head because i was just like lying there with it was like being in that kind of you know when people go in those isolation tanks or something and they find these places in their mind that they didn't know they had yeah it was a bit like that um I did do that once and I didn't like it. I felt really kind of like... Yeah, I wouldn't like it. Weird, I felt like I was in a tank with a lid on. Like, it felt really...

And I started swimming around in it, which I don't think you're supposed to do. No, you're not going to do that. You're not going to do legs. Just going under, holding your breath, seeing how long you can do. Do you think... When you said Ellis was calmer and stuff,

do you think, like, because sometimes Lou can get more hair up than me, but I think there's like an unsaid, undue pressure that sort of women are sort of more maternal and like mumsy, where like traditionally men haven't been. So now if you're a man in 2021 doing stuff for your kids, it's almost like, oh, look, guys, I'm like one of those modern guys that does stuff. And it's almost like you're riding i'm like one of those modern guys that does stuff and it's almost like it's you're riding a wave of pressure off yeah yeah because you might like actually do you know what i mean men normally like my dad didn't

do that much so i'm doing this so i'm like you're automatically sort of on a bit of a high of like where actually there's undue pressure on women to sort of automatically know what they're doing and be on top of it stereotypically and i think that still exists to a point where men are a little bit like, hey, man, I'm a modern man. You're like, fuck off. You're just doing what you should be doing. Yeah, it's like when you see a man with like a sling on with a newborn, you're probably doing this, Josh, like sauntering down the street.

I can't deal with the heat, Izzy. I can't deal with the heat. I've got my flat white. I've got my strap-on kid. But it's too hot for you, Josh, is it, the sling? In this weather, we're recording this at a heatwave, and the sling is an absolute horror show.

You do end up with, like, a mountain of sweat, don't you? Yeah. Yeah, well, it's like something an army person would put on, isn't it? To train. I think they're called soldiers. They're called soldiers. Don't want to be the stiff neck of the group, but there are certain names for certain things.

You can say, it's not like post-person. You can say soldier. Soldier's fine. There'll be no gender argument there, mate. What are those soldier men? I don't think they're soldierettes. Soldier boy. Soldier girl.

But do you think that is all just because you want personalities, you and Ellis? Well, I think you're right. And I remember when my mates had kids before I did, I would often see the guys referring to looking after their kids as babysitting. I've fallen into that trap. Yeah.

Well, you know. You're not alone. It's a difficult... You say it and then the moment you say it, people pick up on it. I never have because I'm a very modern man it and then the moment you say it people pick up on it I never have because I'm a very modern man and I think

the birds are doing great things looking after kids and I'm happy to do a bit as well so they're doing themselves proud aren't they

doing themselves fucking proud they are they're spinning a million plates and they still manage to put food on them every night

what about she does she don't moan good on her good old girl obviously that's all joking isn't it if you want to cancel me that was a joke She don't moan. Good on her. Good old girl. Obviously, that's all joking, isn't it? If you want to cancel me.

That was a joke. I don't think... Can't cancel this, can you? Yeah, basically, if you get cancelled, you lose the advertisers, but I'd still be doing it for nothing, this. Yeah, you'd do it on a street corner. Yeah, you can cancel my wage. You can't cancel my voice. I don't think.

I think that's the rule, isn't it? I love the idea of you standing on the street being like, well done, love. You've got the the idea of you standing on the street and being like, well done, love. You've got the bugger, you're on the phone. She ain't panicking. Is she? Look, good on ya. Two she's got.

Yeah, that is my wife, yeah. They can't cancel my voice. You can't cancel my voice. But the other thing that used to kind of I used to pick up on was that men often called their

their male child that's a weird word their little boy's mate and there was one I remember going to this thing and there was a man

with his boy and he only called him mate and I never knew what the kid's name was he must have called him mate a hundred times I was like is his name mate anyway Ellis uh that is a South London thing though mate I've played football with blokes for 10 years and I don't know their name yeah and I'll just call them mate mate mate and call them for the ball like that it's a good get out if you don't

know someone's name isn't it well it's too good a get out. So, especially with this accent, mate, it sounds all right. But if you're Ivo Graham and you go, mate, you don't know my name. You 100% don't know my name. But if I call you mate, you just think it's all right. What about pal? I don't mind pal. It's quite northern, isn't it? Yeah, I suppose it is actually.

A bit more northern pal. Mate, I hate chief or fella. Oh, yeah. Yeah, fella feels like an affectation, I hate chief or fella. Oh, yeah. Yeah, fella feels like an affectation. I hate being called big guy. I'm five foot eight. I'm not a big guy.

You're just implying I'm fat. I'm not a big bloke. Actually, I think I'm below average height. I'm a fucking big guy. Big guy. Hey, big guy, what's up? Oh, fuck off. It's different for girl.

I do sometimes call people mate, but I don't know if I'd call someone I didn't know mate. What would you call the plumber? If you've got a plumber in, what are you calling him? Actually, I think I would probably maybe say mate. Yeah. I'd immediately go, all right, mate, you want a cup of tea? Yeah. Straight off the bat.

Mate, they absolutely can't even get in the door before I've offered them a cup of tea. Oh, me too. Oh, my God. Flask at the doorstep. Yeah. You felt yourself? I am a good guy.

Here's your cup of tea. Would you offer them something from the SodaStream, Josh? What? Do you want a homemade apple ties? Just still for me. Out of cardboard, thank you. I'd offer them still water, but I wouldn't say still. I'd offer them a, I'd offer them still water,

but I wouldn't say still, I'd say water. Would you like some still water, mate? A weird thing happens when you're a woman, which is that you start getting called madam or mom. That's what it's like. Like now I'm 42.

Like I've never minded being called love or darling i don't i mean i i don't know why i just haven't i don't want to be called mate pal i don't actually really mind what i'm called because i for me it's about the intention behind it if you know what i mean like i might i mind being called love or darling if i feel like they're being sexist but if it's sort of that is what they call women. It just, yeah, instinctively, I don't mind. But what's happened in the last sort of like four or five years is that sometimes people will say, madam or mom. And I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God, that is a weird, yeah.

It's weird. Where's mom? When are they saying mom? Mom. What kind of situation? I think it happened in the, like, the hardware shop the other day. But it's sort of hard though, because you don't, I think a lot of blokes are so scared like blokes will go all right darling all right cheers love you wait there love which is a bit some people would find that disrespectful but then it only

leaves you with quite sort of you know like authoritative you know officious titles of madam and ma you're really boxed into a corner yeah yeah you can say so everyone panics and madam mom yeah exactly but then i suppose what would you say if it wasn't about their gender then it something like mate or pal is quite can be applied to both but i think some older women maybe wouldn't want to be called mate i don't think my mom would want to be called mate no i go I would go with sugar tits. Do you think that's a mistake? I think that's the safest. For everyone, men and women. Well, because bird,

you know, calling someone a bird. I don't like that. No, exactly. But then that's, if you know someone's name, being a bird or a bird, that's disrespectful. Because bird is basically Old English for poetic young maiden, basically. Where it's basically, if someone's seeing someone and you've never met them before and they're bringing them to a party or something, he's bringing his bird. It's actually spelt B-Y-R-D. It's not an animal. So it's Old English. Oh, I see.

So if I went, oh, that's Ellis's bird and you're stood there, that is so disrespectful. But if I'd never met you before and Ellis was bringing a new partner we have never met it's almost like a suitor it's sort of like bringing along then that's where it's from originally but obviously it's been used in a derogatory sense when people have not bothered to learn the name of a lady all of a sudden sorry it got a bit stiff out my neck there but no but it's because I looked into it interesting though but how things change it's always about the intention that's what I mean about, I don't mind if some people call me love or diamond,

it doesn't register. And then if others do, it feels like jars. It's only about how they mean it. And if a word changes its meaning over time, I think the most up-to-date meaning is how it should be taken. Oh, of course, yeah.

It's interesting to learn about that. Yeah, exactly. But that should never, no one should know. Even in the old meaning, you should never refer to someone as a bird like to their face or if you know them or if you've met them it was always used in we don't know who that person is yeah so he went off with some bird because you don't know who that person is or and you've never met them you have no name they're just it's just a young single woman that he's gone off with yeah basically

is what that implies but yeah it's whatever the most up-to-date meaning. But I just found it interesting of where that came from. Because up north, if someone calls you pet, pet seems a bit of a weird thing to be called. But because it's like a part of that sort of accent and that region. Oh, yeah. It's sort of actually, isn't that a bit weird? Or duck.

No, I think duck. So where I'm from in Derbyshire is, well, everyone says duck. Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't even register it. It's like the word. That's for men and women duck, isn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. Especially young men. I don't know if you'd say it to like a rugby player. Who's like, did you get the dinner? All the dinner ladies would go with my lover. Did you,

did you have that one? My lover. Oh God. That's so weird. You're my lover. The dinner ladies. lover the dinner ladies oh the dinner ladies it was almost exclusive

to dinner ladies that phrase as part of the training yeah so they'd be like come through my lover on all that kind of stuff oh that's lovely

it's raining my lover get inside yeah yeah exactly inside play today my lover I wasn't any of their lovers anyway just to just to clarify

where did we really got off tangent today ellis i have to say much as i want to come on here and slag ellis off um that's what we really want that's what the listeners want i mean that's funner isn't it but i have to say the truth i hate to go back to language but it's more fun is the word but then it's funner my lover um i think he he he actually does do so much uh i i think uh and i don't want to say i'm lucky because like you said rob it shouldn't be like, hey, guys. But he really does do a lot of childcare and a lot around the house. And I think it's great. Yeah.

To kind of... I said it really reluctantly. Yeah. Like a politician. Like you've been forced into an apology. Yeah. Like Dominic Cummings. Yeah.

He does a lot. And I think it's great live from the rose garden here on bbc news oh to steer you on to uh something more beneficial to you but also keep it on parenting how was writing a book in a house with two kids while you were also making a steak from um from scratch it was at times really hard like there were bits so i got my notes from my editor just after covid began and i remember being upstairs in bed in betty's bed because it was like the only place that people weren't screaming throwing balls at the wall and that's just Ellis lovely thank you I think everyone has a place in their house where

if they want to escape they go at mine it's a spare bedroom under the washing the clean washing I go and hide under there sometimes is there always clean washing on the bed always it's like a wardrobe it's a lay down wardrobe basically there's always clean washing on the bed? It's like a wardrobe. It's a lay down wardrobe, basically. There's always clean washing on the bed until someone comes to stay. Then we panic. But it's been a lockdown, so no one stays. Exactly. It's just a wall of washing. I've actually got to the point where I don't put things away.

I know where they are on the dryer, on the floor under the dryer. I just get it off my pants pile off the bed. That's where my clothes live. There was one day where I had a 28 minute gap to try and do like 500 words when I was doing the rewrites. And I like ran upstairs and I was like, I can do it. I can do it. And then both of them started crying, Betty first, then Steffi. And they were like screaming. And I was like, what am I like? This is so hard because I I'm just going to go downstairs. I like need to see what's going on.

And it was really tricky. It was tricky. And Ellis, we still go upstairs and work quite a lot because things really aren't normal even now, are they? Like a lot of us are still working from home and the kids are back at school and the childminders. But like that bit where we were all in it's just a blur like it is i don't know how i got anything done now um and ellis like even now will go up to our room to work almost like he's now conditioned even if the dining room's free with the pee on the floor like he will he will go upstairs and get in bed and work and then

i the amount of stuff he leaves up there is unbelievable it's like two the other day there were two halves of malt loaves that he'd been biting off like like two new ones that he'd opened for some reason um i think he thought that he was going to be all of the first and then forgot that he'd opened it and then coffee which he always has to make from scratch weighing it out scratch yeah this is a thing in your house isn't it fucking hell he's in colombia at the moment picking the cocoa bean so he weighs out the coffee beans and then he grinds them. The other day I was waiting, we were going to Go Ape in Battersea Park and I was like, please, can we go?

And he was like, I need to make a coffee. And he's like weighing out this coffee. I'm like, oh my God, you haven't been out of the house yet. Why does he have to, why does he do that to the coffee? What is it just so it's perfect? My mum finds it really funny because she's like, it brings his scales. When he goes away, not that we've really been away in the last year and a half but with a few times we've been seeing mum and his family it has to take his scales he's like a dealer he has to take his scales and the coffee beans

and then he has to wait has to take the grinder which is really heavy and um you won't let anyone else do it. All the day? Yeah. I mean, I do not know this, Josh. No, but he wouldn't. And sometimes his mum is like,

oh, I've got a cafeteria. Will that be all right, Ellis? And he's like, no, I've got to have my scales and my grinder. What kind of scales is it?

Is it electric scales? He's not got like little, little weights. What kind of grinders has he got as well? It's not the app is it jump on in a cab from so we've all undergone changes in the last year some of us have realized no they're electric scales and it's like a hand grinder with um like a handle it's quite big and

the kids always want to do it of course and he won't let them do it in case they grind it the wrong way like Oh my God. So we were like nearly late for Go Ape because he'd had to make this. Was Go Ape with the kids? It was with Betty. Right. How was that? I've done it before with her.

So Ellis said, I really want to do it. And I said, do you know it's heights? You don't like heights. And he was like, it'll be fine. And then he was like white and shaking when he came down. She'd been going first and being like, come on, Dad. And he's like, I'm not doing it again. It was so scary.

And it was like the kids' one. So it wasn't even the big one? No. She's six. Had too much coffee, I think. Can't relax. So how is Steffi sleeping all right now? He doesn't have to hold his hand?

Did he just sort of grow out of that? No, it's fine now. We had to sort of like go back to scratch and do like loads of stuff, like going to the stair gate and telling him gently to get back into bed. It took about three weeks. And now he, sometimes he like comes to stair gate and telling him gently to get back into bed. It took about three weeks. And now he,

sometimes he like comes to stair gate and like chats to us. And then Ellis seems to be the only one who can get him to go back into bed. And he's like, Stefan, bed. And Stefan like scuttles to bed, like a little, like he's from Oliver Twist or something.

Like he looks from side to side and like scuttles. And then when I try and do it, he just laughs. So I have to go down and get Ellis to come and say, so I'm going to have to record Ellis saying, Stefan, bed. Well, that's the thing. My three-year-old's got a bit funny like that. She's not going to bed.

But I think it's the heat doesn't help for this heat wave we're in at the moment. It really doesn't help. They're not going to bed till about half nine. I know. Because they're just playing in the garden. Would you know what the other thing is? Did you guys find this? The football didn't help. They're not going to bed till about half nine. I know. Because they're just playing in the garden. Would you know what the other thing is? Did you guys find this? The football didn't help.

Did you have people like cheering outside the window and stuff? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I had people in the garden for the football. Socially distanced and totally the right amount of numbers. But also, the way you said that, it was like you didn't know them. They'd just come into the garden. Squatters. I'd just let them stay you know

especially as well in London there's so many different nationalities all around Europe it's like every other garden every night

oh they're Belgian never knew never knew they were Belgian four down I went to see a Euro 96 game and it was Denmark versus Sweden

did you? yeah because you know nothing about football I know nothing about football we just met this these Danish guys said he was watching the final with you or the Denmark game sorry yeah and uh when England scored their winning goal you looked up and you went oh is that who Harry Kane is? Yeah, that's right. That was the first time you'd ever seen him in the flesh? Yeah. And then I watched the final final on my own because he went to do a podcast,

inverted commas, at someone's house. He did have to do a podcast. He was like, I think I better leave at four o'clock to make sure I get there in time. And then he was like, yeah, we had loads of really nice food. And I was like, actually, yeah, that's fine. Enjoy it. But she adds hastily. But I watched it on my own and it was quite weird and then I I didn't know like what was going on so I just had to put it all on Twitter and people genuinely

couldn't believe that I didn't know what do you mean you didn't know what was going on like I realized that in order to know how long it would be I had to add 45 plus 45 and I was like oh I do that every time I watch football because I know that one half is 45 but obviously my maths is so bad but I have to add it together every time but I didn't know how long a football match was no and then I didn't know how long extra time was so I put how long's extra time people like 30 minutes and people couldn't believe I didn't know I suppose because Ellis likes football so much. Yeah. No. Yeah.

Can you name 10 footballers? Definitely. What? Who are playing now or like who've ever played? Who've ever played except in that England team. And in exchange for that, we'll promo your book. Oh my God. Okay.

What? Did you say who haven't played on the England team? Who aren't in that current England team? Okay, fine. You watched that last week. Peter Shilton. Nice. Yeah. Ryan Giggs.

Yeah. Rodri Giggs. Oh, his brother. His brother. It's the third football you know. I think he played at a lower level. I can check it for you. Rodri Giggs.

What? No one was. Rodri Giggs. What? No one was thinking Rodri Giggs. What are they? Oh, dear. What is Rodri Giggs? We'll let you have Rodri Giggs. Okay, that's three.

Okay, okay. Beckham. Yeah, first name? David. Yeah, if he's going to go for his cousin, Stephen. I'd have run out for Welling, I think, in 86. Played a charity game the other day. Okay, David Beckham.

Let's think of all their little mates. Hang on, hang on. Justin Fashenoo? John Fashenoo? Yes, two there. You love siblings. Absolutely. Good two, good two there. You love siblings. Absolutely love siblings. Good two there, Justin and John Fashionew. Okay.

Where have they come from? Why are they the next two? They are literally the next thing that popped into my head. Okay. Pele. That's probably the best game I've ever played. Yep, enjoying the Pele. What are we up to now? We've got the two gigs, the two Fashionew've ever played. Yep, enjoying the Pele. What are we up to now?

We've got the two gigs. We've got seven. The two fashioners. Seven. Seven, okay. Okay. Brian Clough, did he play before he was a manager? Yes, he did.

He'll give you that. Oh, real. Yep. The guy who missed the goal in Gareth Southgate. Yes, he used to play, yeah. Yeah, yeah. yeah one more one more peter shilton was a strange first one as well well he came to my school that's why i thought of him oh okay uh neville uh someone neville or neville something um neville southall is that yes yes Neville

I thought you were going for Gary or Phil Neville so did I or Neville Neville well Gary and Phil Neville were they in the 90s I feel like they were around when I was at school

yeah did they have red hair no that's Paul Scoles right okay and Nicky Butt yeah remember that brilliant good work

I really enjoyed that me too Rodri Giggs Rodri Giggs Vinpello Yeah. Remember that? Brilliant. Good work. I really enjoyed that. Me too. Rodri Giggs. Rodri Giggs. Vin Pele. After the fashion news. What's your book called, Izzy?

It's called Jane is Trying. And there is no football in it. There's none. There's no sport, actually. What's it about? gone there's no score actually what's it what's it about um it's about a woman who uh is engaged to a guy who is cheating on her and when she finds out her parents like his scooper up and take her back to her hometown which is like matlock but not matlock um okay is it is this biographical or no it isn't biographical but I don't think you can help putting in little bits of people you know and stuff.

But yeah, her parents are really overprotective and stuff. And she's quite an anxious person. And then it's about her like trying to kind of get her life back together. But lots of things happen to her. It's a great book. Everyone go out and buy it. All signed editions available on Waterstones. If you want to

sign one how many did you sign is a thousand was it the worst worst experience of your life well i was supposed to go to the um printers to do it and then i i just ended up being a little bit too busy so they sent me all the pages and i did it at home and i thought it would take me about an hour and it took me about three hours and I had to keep shaking my hand. Like that's how I shook hands with myself. Well done. You've done a hundred like shaking like my wrist because my arm got tired. It was quite cool as well.

I'm signing mine at the moment. They've sent me some in a box. It takes forever. And as I'm doing it, my daughter has been doing her autograph as well. So I've got a big pile of post-it notes of her autograph. And she keeps going, I'm going to go and give them to everyone. And I'm trying to say, that's not really how it works. You don't just sort of, you have to be asked for it.

I can't bring myself to tell her that. And she went, I'm doing them. And she went, there's enough for everyone in town. So what I'm going to do is I've collected all these little post-it notes. And they're really cute. She's done a little girl's face and then a squiggle for her name. And I'm going to sneak into bookshops and put them in the books when the book's out. You might get a double-sized one.

So I'm saving them all up. Yeah, that's weird. I used to do that when I was younger, you know. I used to write out my autograph on squares of paper and give them out and say, I'm going to be famous. Here's my autograph. Oh, that's true. Izzy, thank you so much.

No time for Crosby's Law. We've already done Crosby's Law, I think. Have we asked Izzy Crosby's Law before? Josh, we quickly do that. What one thing would you do is, what one thing would you name that Ellis does that annoys you, but you haven't brought up with him because it's too awkward, but were he to listen to this podcast, finally, he'd know.

Oh, God, there's quite a lot to choose from. Most people normally go the other way and go, oh, well, it's very difficult to come up with something, but here's one thing. Do you know what I think um i think i would do well he likes putting clothes away which is great that's like his thing but he listens to his own podcasts really loudly oh my god he's doing it but once he's he the one once he's in yeah only ones that he's in what no not yeah yeah he listens to himself so like ones he's in yeah only ones that he's in what no not Ellis

yeah yeah he listens to himself so like ones he does with John Robbins or the sports bar yeah sports bar

that's that's and you can hear him is he laughing yes very much so oh my himself

yeah oh my god that can't be true it's I mean it's true Really? Yeah Oh my gosh

Does he do the sport one or the Robbins one? You are More Which one does he prefer, the sport one or the Robbins one? God, I don't know I don't know Okay But he'd do both

Both He does do both And does he claim he's like listening back for like a quality control situation I don't think so because they're already out he's not like I listen to mine

back to say like my own podcast I'll be like which you probably do as well like oh did I want to say that or whatever or did the guest

that ship sailed that ship sailed I have never listened back to any podcast I've ever done I can't bear to I just assume it'll be alright. It's hard. We haven't got

the guts to tell Rob this finished six months ago. I don't care. It's just nice to have a chat. I just like chatting to people. If it goes out, it goes out. That's a bonus. Ellis James. Cannot wait to bring this up when I see him. Now, if anyone ever

sees Ellis James out and about with headphones in, you can go up to him and go, oh, what podcast do you listen to of yourself, Ellis? Yeah. If you put one of the headphones into your ear, you would hear Ellis's voice. Amazing.

Right. Oh, hopefully he listens. Well, he won't listen back to this. He might listen to the back ones, to the ones he's on, but not this one. I don't think he will. I don't think he listens to anything that he's guested on i think it's just his own stuff fair enough maybe he's listening back to see how he can improve and things like that yeah yeah it's

i don't think so i think he just loves he just loves loves it just makes him laugh at least he's laughing at like bubbins and the other people and john and stuff not you know yeah it would be bad if he was only laughing at himself yeah yeah i mean obviously i'm not gonna lie to you it is bad but it could be trying to find that if he did a podcast that was just him like ellis james ellis james's thoughts it was just him and then he was listening back to that and laughing it would be i mean what is going on but the reason i feel i can't say anything and bring it up with him is because i'm so grateful for him putting clothes away because i hate putting clothes away okay so you don't want to stop that okay fair enough and it feels like that is one of the conditions

izzy thank you so much it's out now isn't it it's out now jane is trying yeah brilliant thanks izzy Jane is trying it's out now isn't it it's out now Jane is trying yeah brilliant thanks Izzy thanks Iz Izzy Sooty I love Izzy Sooty she's brilliant isn't she

I'm just going to say it the updates from that house are always astonishing whoever they come from I can't wait to interview Betty in the years to come I want to interview the nanny

you know the babysitter that they use a come. I want to interview the nanny. You know, the babysitter that they use a lot for childcare. It's not a nanny, is it? It's just the local babysitter. But I want to interview her. I would love to see a reality TV show. You know, the same as they do with, like, Fern McCann and the Billy Fares, you know,

and all those sort of, you know, ITV reality shows. I want to see one of Izzy and Ellis. Ellis just listening to himself. to himself i would never have had ellis james down as a self-listener no and a laugher and a self-laugher that is an astonishing revelation have you ever listened back or seen yourself do something and laughed and then felt instantly great i've never listened to myself back or watched myself back. But the other day there was an advert for Robin Romesh versus we did like gymnastics

and I'm dressed like an absolute moron doing a cartwheel. And I did laugh. And even then I felt sick. But I think that's a physical thing. If it wasn't just something you'd said. Yeah. Something you've said is the thing you shouldn't be laughing at. He'll never let Izzy

or us let it down that he's a self-laugher. He's a self-laugher. Rodri Giggs as well. That was a curveball. Rodri Giggs. Still best advert of all time

is that Paddy Power one. Have you seen it? Yeah. Loved it. If you want to buy Izzy's excellent novel it's called Jane is Trying

and it's out now. Should we say all good bookshops? That's what they say, isn't it? Yeah, but we're not them, are we? No. You can either get it from Waterstones or a local bookshop. Probably not Amazon.

Probably not. You probably will. But yeah, I've literally just bought some pretzels off Amazon because my kids shouted at me and I was next to my phone. And they're coming. They're coming today. It's too easy. Anyway, wherever you get it from, just buy the book.

It's a good book. It's brilliant, isn't it? And yeah, we'll speak to you next week. See you then. Bye. Bye.