Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP8: Babatundé Aléshé

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP8: Babatundé AléshéJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian, actor, writer, and star of Gogglebox - Babatundé Aléshé.Baba is also the host of the brand new series of the Puffin Podcast ‘Mission Imagination' - now live and available on all podcast platforms. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC Cashback Mastercard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will, and... Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card, and he's done it! Oh, clicky-click magic trick! The clicker around the room! You guys just about finished?

Sorry, we got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight worthy with the BMO Toronto FC Cashback Mastercard. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicam. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.

Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with oh come on josh focus focus focus come on right here we go this is because you've been doing too many episodes. You're not fresh. This is not my fault that it's slowly downloading. Oh, my God, my phone's died, Rob. Should I pretend to be a child? Yeah.

Oh, no. I'm starting to do it, but I think it's going to be offensive. I think it might be really weird, yeah. No, I don't think it's offensive. Don't you just do a high-pitched voice? I'll do it. You do it, Josh. We should say, by the way.

Explain what's happening with Michael, Josh. Michael's talking very quietly because he's, brilliantly, he is looking after a child. How old's your niece, Michael? She was one last month. So why are you talking quietly and what's happened? I don't know. I'm not qualified.

She was making, like, noises that were disturbing so i was why are you looking after her this we recorded nine this is 10 a.m actually because my my sister's gone to the doctors with her partner and the baby was asleep so i said i'd look after her and then the moment she left she woke up i don't know whether she's hungry or tired or i i'm not qualified to do this guys is it are you enjoying it do you understand our pain now uh yeah i wouldn't say i'm enjoying it but i've definitely got more empathy for you guys michael why do you i mean you sound like you're commentating on the snooker there's's no soft furnishings in this house, so I'm slightly worried. They're like, if I laughed once at something you guys were saying and she stirred and I was like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Do you think that's why people like this podcast? It makes it feel illicit because you have to listen in quietly with a baby sleeping. You laugh and you have to stifle it like you're in a classroom at school. Yeah, that's what it is. Michael, do you want to say our names in a sexy voice? Because Josh's phone's died and we can't have a child doing it. Yeah, okay. Do you want to cue it in again?

Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Josh Whittakin and Rob Beckett. Oh, my God. I think I came on Rob. Do you know what? This has reminded me, and I think we should do this as when when it comes to it that uh michael suggested to me when we're having a chat that um when our books come out each week he should do a little reading of a little sentence or two yeah just a little line

that you like to have yeah the more ridiculous line the better yeah that's a good idea we will do that uh because people do want more of michael's sexy voice sexy lines we'll call it um i've realized by the way that i've got i did have something to talk about but it was written in the notes on my phone and my phone's just died so i can't remember what it is don't worry what a parenting disaster don't worry i've got excellent couple of emails here oh okay right this is i'll do the Instagram messages. We'll do these and then we'll go into the interview, okay? We've got Babatunde Aleshi

who's a star of Gogglebox and a parent, which is ideal really. That's actually more key for this show. Yeah, yeah. Gogglebox is great but if you didn't have a parent

it just doesn't work. Anyway, here we go. We don't even ask our Gogglebox to be fair. No, I didn't mention it. It's mainly parenting based, the interview. Yeah.

Hi, Rob and Josh. Which, in our upcoming interview with Pat Sharp, I would say swings the other way. I mean, the amount of questions goggle box to be fair no it's mainly parenting based the interview yeah hi rob and josh which when in our upcoming interview with pat sharp i would say swings the other way i mean the amount of questions you're asking about the mullet is on a level with his children i just couldn't believe you went in mullet so hard anyway that's another episode let's do this one look hi rob and josh my worst moment of lockdown was escaping to my bedroom for 10 minutes of peace as I was feeling really emotional and needed some quiet time. Instead, my daughter jumped out of the laundry basket and said, boo. I burst into tears and then she burst into tears as I'd forgotten we were playing hide and seek.

What? And my partner had to come in, leaving his work call to deal with the both of us. This is great from gwen the day in question was my birthday oh my word oh god when oh oh gwen i've forgotten you're playing hide and seek how long had she been in there months i think um here we go. Here we go. This one is an absolute belter from Scott, who's been asked to keep it anonymous. But the story is so mental that it's pointless. You know it is.

Do you know what I mean? It's like someone emailing in and going, I got accused of murder and I had to put a glove on in front of loads of cameras. And, you know, that really made me sad about my NFL career. Do you know what I mean? Like, you know. Yeah.

Good afternoon. Just thought I'd give my contribution for most ridiculous thing while just tired. My four-year-old had started waking up at 1am every morning and will not go back to sleep without watching an episode of Pokemon with a glass of juice. Usually takes a few good hours to get him to settle down. Oh, mate. Anyway, last week we stayed at my in-laws who greeted us showed us the spare room and gave us a few bits of key information for our overnight stay roll on the next morning when i was

so so tired after fighting to get my son back to sleep for three hours so at 5 a.m i decided to have a quick shower um i don't know if it's 5 a.m it's early in the morning five six after his kid finally went back to sleep yeah i popped in and started to wake up a little in the shower and did my usual morning wee in the shower admit it lads everyone does it this is a real contentious issue but he pisses in the shower i've done the odd piss in the shower i won't judge it was then that i remembered that one of the key pieces of information that i'd forgotten in my tired days was the shower is currently blocked. Oh, no. And we were told to have a bath instead.

So I was basically stood paddling in a small pool of yellow water. It gets worse. My in-laws came up as I was desperately trying to. He's got a towel on him now. But he's desperately trying to fish out the way with a cup. Oh, no. And did something I instantly regretted to make them think I wasn't a dirty animal. I told them it was just my son's juice from the night before that I poured in the shower.

Oh, no one was believing that. No one was believing that. You've got a sink and you've got a toilet. Even if the shower's unblocked, it's your last port of call. So he said that he was just, and above, and above. I would just pour the orange.

Yeah, it's literally the fourth option. Or just drink it. Who's not finishing off their kid's juice? Yeah. Anyway, so I told them it was orange juice. My father-in-law knew straight away. Of course he did. As his first comment was,

drink it then. What? No. The father-in-law went, drink it then. What? That is not, that's just not a situation.

I think it is. What's the father-in-law doing? That's the kind of thing my dad would say. What's the father-in-law doing? That's the kind of thing my dad would say to someone. You know, father-in-laws are a bit banter, a bit geezer. Drink it then.

Not wanting to lose the upper hand. No, thisavonors are a bit banter, a bit geezery. Drink it then. Not wanting to lose the upper hand. No, this isn't peep show. I drunk. Life is peep show, Josh. That's the thing. That's why people laugh so much. Things like this have happened.

Not wanting to lose the upper hand, I drank nearly a whole cup of water, of urine, and did my best to keep a straight face without heaving.

Then the Favonor instantly told me that he knew what I had done, as he had done the same thing the first time the shower had been blocked, and wanted to see how far I'd go. Oh, wow. This is all from Meet the Parents. I'd say keep me anonymous,

but I can't imagine anyone else has had this kind of golden shower. Thanks a lot. Oh, my word. That is absolutely phenomenal. Oh, my God. Drink it then. Is that something a gangster would Oh my word. That is absolutely phenomenal. Oh my God. Drink it then. Is that something a gangster would say?

Yeah. That is a peep show episode, isn't it? That is a storyline from a sitcom. Yeah. Drink it then. That is phenomenal.

Oh God, that is awful but excellent, isn't it, Josh? Loved it. Absolutely loved it. Any more details for your kids' party? You're still pretty relaxed.

No, it's still detail-free at this stage. Detail-free is just something. Detail-free. Keep it free and easy. A park on the full scene. It sounds like a hooligan meet-up for a fight. Keep it quiet so the police don't know.

Don't sue me, details. I'll bell you on a burner. I'll fill you in on the details next Tuesday. Oh, wicked. When the party will be about four days from happening. Straight into it. Balloons everywhere. I'll be you in on the details next Tuesday. Oh, wicked. When the party will be about four days from happening. Straight into it. Balloons everywhere. I'll be honest with you.

I'll be honest. I've left it too late. It's like the Athens Olympics, Rob. I know what I'm heading towards. Oh, God. It's stressful. Why didn't you want it in the house, though? Is it because it didn't fit the soft plate or just easier having loads of kids?

You could get it in the house though? Is it because it didn't fit the soft plate or just easier having loads of kids? You could get it in the garden, but I just feel like the garden would be big enough for everything, but it wouldn't offer the freedom of the park. Do you know what I mean? What I'm saying is right. Your, your daughter is trained in knickknack care. You unleash 10,

15 kids. Rose is going to have to do like a stop check exactly exactly it's just not gonna happen it's just not gonna allow children in that house play dates are gonna be very stressful for you and the kids well yes we're gonna have to take the lower plates off the walls rob no plates on a wall it's like you're self-harm you're asking for it is that the fact it's like you get taller though do they kids get taller mate and you know oh my god they just do things like we went around tom allen's house the other day and the kids were in the garden took their shoes and socks off their feet

they had feet like street children you know like street street dogs you know like you know like kids their feet were like a Victorian minors child, right? And then they went indoors, walked on the carpet and then just stood with their feet on the wall. Who puts feet on the wall anyway? And then one dirty one. So I'm running around trying to clean it all, Tom's perfect house. It's like the Royal Tenenbaums' house. It's beautiful.

He just sort of sits in it like he's waiting to film a scene. And my kids are rubbing their dirty feet on the wall. Dirty feet. Feet. Their dirty feet. Feet and sheep. The only ones, aren't they? Anyway, sorry, Josh, let's introduce Babatunde.

Let's introduce Babatunde. I'll tell you, Babatunde's got the most wraparound care anyone has ever had in his life. To the point where he gets annoyed that his family take the kid out for the day. Oh, mate. He doesn't get enough time with his kid. They just keep taking him on day trips. He doesn't get enough time with his kid they just keep taking enough time with his kid oh god you might yeah that's it that is he is the king of wraparound care in the countryside old babatunde uh yeah babatunde enjoy people here come the carrots making their way up field followed by the whole wheat bread

over to the two dozen eggs sir do you do this every time sorry i've been a little excited ever since i got this bemo toronto fc cashback mastercard oh and the broccoli boots it over the line what a goal how would you like to pay sir credit please make every purchase a win with the bemo toronto fc cashback mastercard with up to five percent cash back on your purchases in your first three months. Terms and conditions apply. Babatunde, thanks for coming on the show. Thank you for having me, Rob, man. Right, for us and the listeners, give us a rundown of your family set up, Babatunde.

What you got, what you got at home? I've got one son who is about to be five in about two weeks. All right. What are you doing for the fifth birthday? So there's this, I forgot what it's called it's that jumping place where it's like all trampolines air jump air jump that's it my wife is yeah that's how you know i've forgotten you have to watch the little instruction video you get your socks on and you jump until someone sprains their ankle and you go home basically and it's got like a little arcade in there so my son's like a little gamer so yeah oh is he he's into gaming already

yeah yeah he's into gaming hard real hard yeah so what's he what's he playing at the moment i bought him a switch uh nintendo switch so he plays like your mario world your mario karts so is he good can you be good at that age no i mean i beat him a lot and he cries but i do it on purpose because like when he gets on my nerves i'm just like oh yeah should we play mario kart and he's like yeah and then i thrash him like and the funniest thing is he watches me like totally thrash him every single level and he'll wait until the uh the trophies presented to me and then he'll just start crying really because i did that try to play the um they've got the olympics game you know the mario sonic olympics and with the running and then like i let my daughter win a couple and then i beat her and

she just went mental they can mental at that age they cannot deal with losing and it's like it's just a scream and cry and they have to win every time and you just think oh my god is my kid going to be an awful person or is this just part of growing up? That is my son honest to god I do the same thing with him but yeah he just wants to

be better at me than anything like he's always like trying to say like I'm stronger than you daddy like and trying to fight me and it's just like dude like i will body slam you like you know exactly they'll say like you know i don't know how big he is but you're a pretty big guy you're not a small guy i think you could take a five-year-old couldn't you yeah i could oh listen i will my son especially when he gets on my nerves like i told you man i'll body slam him sort of play fighting and stuff yeah yeah yeah he loves it man he like always just trying to like punch me up and stamp on really see my five-year-old is like that but with like knowledge she's like i know i know this because

of school i know more than she's obsessed with knowing more than me because she's learned a bit at school now i said there was a refraction of the light and she went, it's actually reflection. And then she kept banging on at me about what a reflection is. And I just felt like saying, you're fucking wrong. It's so wrong. It sounds similar, but you're fucking wrong. But she goes, I know because I go to school and I know. And I was like, shut up.

But they love it, don't they? Even at fire. Is he in his first year of school then? Yeah, he's going to go into year one this September so he's just finished reception and uh yeah he's he's happy because in his mind I'm gonna be a big boy now dad and it's just like yeah kind of but you still struggle with wiping your bum so I don't know about this big boy you know what I mean this big boy stuff you know what i mean so yeah and you you were in north london and you've moved to hertfordshire is that right yeah yeah was that because of the kids and stuff or was it yeah it was it was we would we were living

it's so weird so yeah when i moved from my mom's house in highgate once i got married we moved to enfield and then we spent like maybe like a year and a half there. And then, you know, was fortunate enough to save up enough money. Came to Hertfordshire. So you're in the countryside? I am. I am, man. I'm there like, you know, there's a whole bunch of trees outside my yard. I didn't know you had the lingo.

He's a city boy, but he knows all the terms. But I'm a turn-down country bumpkin all of a sudden trees and that yeah trees and that and couple horses and that and sheep and that so yeah man it's it's different man it's different up here how are you finding it though you know you're born born in london and bred in london i'm finding it all right you know what i'll be real i actually like it i prefer it the country life because obviously I'm finding it, though. You know, you're born in London and bred in London. I'm finding it all right. You know what? I'll be real. I actually like it. I prefer it, the country life, because obviously you've got the –

like, you can go on walks and there's nice little pretty lakes and there's racism. It's always good. You know what I'm saying? Come on. No, no, no. No, no, but it is nice. It is nice.

It's pretty. You know what I'm saying? It's proper pretty. It's nice as well for the kids, loads of space and stuff to do things. Where in London, it can get a little bit. Because Josh is in Victoria Park. And you've been, let's say, flirting with the idea of moving further out. I haven't flirted.

Do you know what? I'm less flirting with it than I was. It's on a day-by-day basis. It's good, though. It's like a village in the city where I live, Rob. Yeah, but then that's not a village, is it? No, no, it's still the city, yeah. It's a village in the city.

And how was homeschooling and stuff like that? Because you wasn't working as much, I imagine. Yeah. Did your wife work? Was she at home or what's how do you split the child care so she works full-time she has a full-time job and so when uh you know we were in lockdown it was just me teaching my son which was hard as hell but for some reason, my son went up two reading levels. Oh, well done. I don't know, but this is the thing.

I don't know what I did. Maybe it's the Nigerian in me that was just like, you must learn today. Like, I don't know what I did. Did you actually have a Nigerian accent for teaching that you implemented, or does it just come out now and again? It comes out. No, real talk, it actually just come out now and again it comes out no real talk it

actually comes out every now and again like when i'm shouting at my son and i'm i wasn't born in nigeria so i don't know where this accent comes from and where the language comes from but honestly no joke it actually comes out like sometimes when i'm shouting at my son like for doing something crazy like my mum like yoruba would come out that's my mum's um mother tongue and I remember the first time that happened I was just like where the hell did I learn that because I don't speak the language yeah yeah so what what came out what what bubbled up so um I said basically that means what's wrong with this boy but and and when it happened i just froze and i was just like hey what the hell really yeah yeah yeah would your mom have said that to you when you were a kid then

do you reckon it's just sort of oh hell yeah into your memory yeah hell yeah i was troublesome and this explains my son you know he's just he's he's exactly like me he looks like me he behaves like me he's always trying to like prank me and his mom and was your mom strict then would you say oh hell yeah every Nigerian mom is strict every Nigerian mom is strict but yeah I I think she was more strict with me um out of me and my sister because I was just trouble I was cheeky you know I'm saying yeah yeah always trying to like mess around what was the worst trouble you got into oh this one's really bad so basically i stole a girl's phone in um school yeah yeah and my mom beat the living daylights out of me like you know i mean this is back in the day this is back in the

day like during child line you know well yeah well that poor girl i wouldn't have a fucking phone to ring it mate you nicked it does your mom look at you there does she think you're not strict enough or does she think you're a bit sort of a soft british dad no she actually is always telling me leave him alone just let him do what he's doing yeah yeah yeah yeah like and that upsets me so much i'm just like you tore me a new arsehole like you really went to town like but when it comes to my son all of a sudden no one's allowed to touch him he can do no wrong and i'm just like you've watched him trash your whole house since he's got here and the minute i go okay like judah just relax now. It's leave him alone. It's just like, what? Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She loves my son. Well, obviously. But yeah, she loves her grandson. Is that her only grandchild? Yeah, at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the first one. Just moving out of London,

is that damaged babysitting opportunities with... Hell no. No way. No, no, no, no. Listen, my son, yeah, he gets treated like a prince not only does my mum always offers to take care of him but obviously his mother-in-law well my mother-in-law uh and then his aunties are always trying to take him from us and it upsets me oh my gosh it gets on my nerves sometimes i'll come home i'm just like where's judah oh this one took him and I'm just like, where's Judah? Oh, this one took him. And it's just like, oh my gosh, can I just see my son for five seconds?

Really? You've got almost too much. So you've got one sister, is that right? I've got one sister, yeah. And how many siblings has your wife got? Oh God, she, well, she's got two brothers, but then she's got like a million cousins. Oh, and they're all like family, aren't they?

And they come and take him. They're just always jacking my son from me. And it's so funny because like I'll moan about it. I'll moan like, oh, you know, my son's not here. But then the minute he comes back, give it 10 minutes. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, get this boy out of my face. This boy is always troubling me. I't chill i cannot even this morning like he was just like play games let's play games i'm just all right so i'm playing a game and this guy's just jumping all over me and like what he likes to do he likes to get one of

the cushions from the chair and just charge into me and he just kept doing it i'm just like do you want me to play this game or not because i don't know what's going on they're so aggressive some little boys i'm telling you just love they love violence yeah he loves it he just beats me up all day long just beats me up and then when i do it to him like i'll tickle him and stuff that's when he's like crying to his mom oh daddy tickled me. It's just like, get out of here, man. Yeah, they do turn, don't they? And then run to their mum. Yeah, I'm always getting in trouble by my wife.

Trust me. How did you find it when he was little, when he was a newborn and stuff like that? Did he sleep well or was he a bit of a nightmare? No, he slept well. He slept well. Oh, mate. He was good.

He was good. Josh is dealing with a very badly sleeping child at the moment. That's a heartbreaking answer. Oh, mate. He was good. He was good. Josh is dealing with a very badly sleeping child at the moment. That's a heartbreaking answer. Sorry, bro. The answer is you just get a good sleeper or you don't, and then that's just your end. You're just lucky you're not. Yeah, that's the hand I've been dealt for the next 18 years.

One of my mates, Kane Brown, he's a comic as well, he just told me kiss sleep goodbye. That's all he said to me. It was just like, forget about sleep. Like, you will never get a good night's sleep forever. And I was just like, damn. Well, it is true. It is true.

Because when they get older, you don't sleep because you're worrying about them. Because they're not in the house. Oh, I take that, Rob. I'd happily lie there worrying. I don't know. You know what? At least I can look at my phone while i do it mate at least you can watch a film while you're worrying yeah at least i'm not getting back problems from walking him around the bloody room all the time well my wife kind of dealt with that side of things to be honest i kind i did sleep through the crying sometimes when he would wake up because he wasn't that bad he wasn't that

bad obviously the odd time here and there was just like yeah this child ain't going to sleep but what annoys me now is that up until today he still jumps in our bed halfway through the night and really oh it annoys the life out of me because if you get so uncomfortable Then I wake up, I'll be like, why is my neck hurting? And I'll turn around and my son's just there snoring in my face. It's just like, oh, and I can't move. By that time, it's just like, I'm too tired. So he's just going to have to stay here. And they start getting big at five.

They're like long, aren't they? That's a big person to share a bed with. Do you know what I mean? They're like long arms and just spread out. They can take over a bed. This is a grown adult in my bed he's a big child have you tried to do anything to get him back in his bed like or are you just gonna hope he grows out of it have you got a plan no i just hope he grows out of it because i tell him all the time i tell him look you know you have to stay in your

bed and he'll be like yes dad yes dad and then that night he's back in my bed it just is what it is isn't it oh my and does he just walk in and just get in yeah he walks in gets it my son has this annoying habit yeah he he likes to touch my armpit i don't know why and i don't know where this comes from and this this is true. So what he will do sometimes is more time. If he's not just jumping in the bed and just getting in between me and my wife, sometimes I'll wake up to him scratching my armpits. It's the most random thing.

Oh my God. That's so weird. No, honest to God, this is so weird. And I'm like, me and my wife, we Googled it. We were just like, what is this obsession with him holding people's armpits? Can I ask what you Googled? What exact terminology you're Googling, Iris?

I put child's obsession with armpits. Oh, my God. What a search. I bet you were so worried, waiting for it to load up. And apparently it's a rare thing. It's not uncommon, but it's rare. Oh shit. And I'm just like, why would it be my son?

That has to be the rare one. But yeah, apparently, yeah, a few children do this. Plus one of my mates, his son does it as well. So does he just touch the hair under your armpit or he will just just put his hand under it yeah he'll just hold it and i think he that's his comfort thing you know like some children have like blankets his is holding it's your armpit and that's true honest to god that's what he he does. And would he hold a stranger's armpit? It depends how comfortable he gets. Like, he did it to my mate Nelson.

He just did it so... He did it so smoothly to the point where my mate turned around and was just like, oh, snap, like... Like, he's holding my armpit. And I couldn't... Listen, I was on the floor. My son just, like, literally just sneaked his hand up there.

And he was there for like five minutes. And then that's when my friend realized like, what the hell is this sensation in my arm? And then just turned and saw my son, you know, sucking his tongue and just enjoying armpit as he does. Yeah, yeah, that's what he does. And so have you spoken to him about it? Yes, yes yes we have yes

and i ask him why like what is it like why do you like holding people's armpits and it's just like his excuse is armpits is for big boys and i'm still trying to wrap my head around this one he probably doesn't know does he it's just like an impulsive thing yeah and then i suppose if you just say it's a big boys, isn't it? Because he's probably aware that it might be something that like a smaller kid would do. Yeah. So if they just say it's for big boys or big girls,

it sort of okays it, doesn't it? Yeah. What's even stranger? I had to ask one of the teachers, like, has he done this to Jeff? Oh, God. And they just looked at me like, what the hell? And I was just like,

nothing, nothing. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Well, that's probably better than them going, yes, he has. It's just something he does at home. Yeah.

I'm glad to know he's not doing it to like any other teachers or anyone at school. Yeah, that's good. He'll grow out of it. It'll be one of the things you'll be able to wind him up about when he's getting married yeah i can't wait until i'm able has he got any interest in his own armpits no i can't believe i'm still i can't believe i've still got questions on this no honest to god everybody does and like it's only until they come around him and then they like see how he is with us.

Or if he does it to them, then they're just like, oh, snap. So he really does have this weird obsession. I don't know where it's come from. Well, actually, I do think it came from him breastfeeding. Because, you know, children, they'll, like, you know, they'll almost, like, rub the breast, like, as they're breastfeeding at the same time. I think it came from that.

So it's like a comfort thing to him because when I'm looking at his face, when he's holding my armpit, it's like he's in total bliss. Oh, bless. That's so cute. He's proper calm. So I'm thinking, has it come from that? Because obviously he was obsessed with breastfeeding. Most children are.

So the day that my wife told him, she was just like, you know, it's all finished now. There's no more. Like he looked distraught. And then this is where the armpit thing picked up from. So I'm thinking it must have come from that. Well, at least he'll grow out of it if he gets comfort from it and he's not doing it you know in the middle of maths does he like uh growing up in the countryside then oh yeah he loves it because there's so much to do like we go to the farms all the time and even sometimes there's like little fields that

you can go to and you know you'll end up seeing like chickens or pigs and just in the random field. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's just dope, man. And are your in-laws in that area? Are they in North London as well? No, they're still in London. Yeah, they're in North London.

So it's a bit of a trek out. So did you think moving out would mean you'd get a bit more space and time to yourself, but the family still keeps turning up and nicking your kid? A little bit, a little bit. Was you trying to escape from the busy family? Is that what the plan was? That was part of it, but mainly it was getting on the property ladder.

That was the main thing. Yeah, of course. Yeah, and London, when I saw the prices, because I was proper bragging, I was thinking, yeah, I'm going to buy a house in London. I've got this much saved up. Then I saw the prices, because I was proper bragging, I was thinking, yeah, I'm going to buy a house in London. I've got this much saved up. Then I saw the prices. I was just like, yeah, for what I'm going to get in London does not make sense.

When you move there, presumably there's kind of quite a lot of pressure to make friends in a weird way. Are you at school gates and stuff trying to buddy up with people? Nah, I'm kind of anti bro i'm not even gonna lie to you man i'm not really a talker like that like my wife is like she'll like you know talk up a storm but really me i'm not really i'm just i pick up my son and i'm bouncing like there was a child that kept on calling out my son's name what What about playdates and things like that, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go to those.

I'll go to those. Like, if one of the parents is just like, oh, yeah, my son's been asking, can your son come to mine? I'm like, yeah, cool, that's fine, you know, and I'll go. But I don't really chat too much. I just, I've got things to do. So once I pick up my son, i'm gone man i'm not really trying you're not a school gate gossiper you're in and out of the school gates have you had but

have you got um his friends coming for the birthday party then at the air jump yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah a few of them you're gonna have to look after them i ain't looking after nobody like their parents their parents better be there listen man everyone you've got to take care of your child nowadays man like i can't be responsible yeah no but what about at some parties it's just drop off you just drop the kids off yeah in that sense then i'll do that but this air thing this whole trampoline thing listen i'm not responsible for no injuries so yeah parents better be there but if it was like in my garden or something like that yeah drop off your child yeah don't worry man we've got we've got ring cameras we're all good

so if you want a copy of the like that nothing happened to your child yeah man don't worry we'll send you the copy you're good your child's in safe hands here you know what i mean have you been i suppose you haven't had a chance to go on holiday with your kid yet, really, because of lockdown and stuff. Have you been away much? You got plans to go away? Because it's a totally different experience, isn't it,

when you've got a kid, holidays? Yeah, yeah, no, no. We have actually taken him on holiday. This was before the lockdown. My brother-in-law got married and we went to Cyprus. And yeah, my son son was he came along the whole family jesus christ and yeah yeah it was it was dope we had a good time my son's great grandma was there so she was always just like bring me all my my grandchildren my great-grandchildren let me sit with them and you know that's the answer isn't it yeah holidays with family yeah man we got lit man we got lit me and my wife it was good times bro

trust me with the moving out of london have you got mates in london they've got kids and like yeah do their kids have a different upbringing to yours do you think like like when they meet up as you have you got a country bumpkin on your hands yeah yeah i do my son is privileged as hell you know i mean and because we're middle class now only my friend was the one that broke it down to me it's just like yo bro you're middle class now it's like no i'm not it's like bruv you're a homeowner you got you know got a nice living and nice house and you know you know you got trees all this stuff these trees are doing a lot of the heavy lifting aren't they yeah and so like when i go to visit my mates in london obviously they've got youths and stuff they've got children they live in like flats and things like that and

that's not me you know bragging but it is different like do see the difference between my life and their life, they're very much still kind of living the type of lifestyle I was surrounded by when I lived in Tottenham you know so it's very street influenced and all of that kind of stuff but yeah none of that

around here man Sometimes you're a bit jealous of your kid or like you know you stop yourself from being like oh you don't realize how lucky you are and that kind of stuff because his you know upbringing is so different to yours yeah yeah yeah that's a fact that's a fact my mind i'm i'm happy for him that he is living a totally different life than i did because you know he's not surrounded by the sound of gunshots and people getting stabbed hunting going on people getting stabbed left right so i'm i'm glad that he doesn't have to grow up you know with that

kind of trauma uh you know surrounding him i'm happy but it's yeah yeah he's he is privileged like he asked me for the wi-fi password the other day and that's this that let me know okay i'm definitely middle class my four-year-old child asked me for the wi-fi code i'm just like he sounds like a little he's like a little zuckerberg this kid i can't believe he's playing games at four and getting the one i can't even get me i can't put a Wi-Fi password in correctly first time. This kid's a genius. He just watches all these nonsense,

all these, what's it called, oddbods and Vlad and Nicky, all this, you know, weird kiddie stuff. How much iPad time do you let him have? Do you let him have a lot of iPad? An hour, yeah, an hour. An hour a day in the afternoon? Yeah.

No, this is... So afternoon, normally when he comes back from school, we'll let him go on the iPad for a bit. an hour because an hour an hour a day in the afternoon yeah no this is so afternoon normally when he comes back from school we'll let him go on the ipad for a bit um just to wind down and then afterwards activities set up some activities and then you know get him active again but he yeah he just gets an hour on that because i yeah once we bought that we noticed such a difference like yeah this boy is getting a bit lazy you know because you can just go through hours of just either playing games or hours of just watching the ipad so we had to monetize what about some holidays though do the rules go out the

window a bit yeah we do kind of let him have a little bit more but to be honest because we set up so much activities for him he kind of that still gets left behind because he'll go and see his cousins or he'll be out in the garden on the trampoline and you know yeah water get like water games will be you know playing water pistols with each other and all of that kind of stuff or his mud kitchen and things just this little things like that so yeah time kind of goes time kind of goes to the point where it's just like you don't really need the um unless you force yourself isolate and then the old ipad comes out and saves everyone's life when he goes to my sister's he my sister's got him playing

chess he's terrible at it but the fact yeah no no joke she's actually trying to teach him how to play chess and i'm just like i've watched him do it and obviously yeah he is terrible he moves everything does he know where all the bits move and stuff no he doesn't know none of that but she will guide him through it so she'll be like no you can't move that there you can move that here so he is rubbish obviously he's four but the fact that she's even the fact that she's even got him to even be like calm whilst doing it and he's proper patient he'll listen to her and you know he'll play it to the best of his ability but i couldn't believe that when she was just like yeah should we play chess i'm just like he ain't gonna play chess next minute my mind started moving the pieces i was just like what

the hell? What's your plan for the summer holidays? And if you're, cause your wife's working full time and you're, you know, you're mad busy filming and stuff. Do you, he's off for like six weeks.

So will he, do you book him into summer camps or like any of your sport camps? Or is he just often you just share him around between you and your wife and, you know, childcare stuff? No, no, no. So my wife, now that she's off of work she's taking like the whole summer holiday off um plus um some uh extra

dates like unpaid and stuff like that uh she's got everything set up for him the yesterday they went Drayton Manor and oh so they've got loads of stuff planned out all summer she sounds very organized your wife she is is. She is. I give it up to her. Plus, she proper likes it. Because I can't, for me, if I take him to, I don't know, like the water park, you know, down the road, after 20 minutes, I'm just like, yo, this child.

I'm always chasing him, trying to like, you know, stop him from running away or, you just running way too far and it's just like you know she's better at dealing with him in that respect so when it comes to like all the activities she's organized everything plus she's you know obviously i'm doing loads of stuff but the fact that she's she likes it is amazing to me you know it sounds like it sounds like he's like got loads of energy he has but because this is my first child i've i've never had to like deal with like younger cousins or anything so i don't know nothing about you know child rearing so when my son when i saw my son like going like you know crazy in terms of his energy

i'm panicking like what the hell you know what's wrong with this child but no she she's like raised all her nieces and nephews you know so yeah she's used to this like she's very calm with him very very calm i find sometimes when i like what you saying, when you started saying the things your mom used to say to you, even though you don't really speak the language, I felt they were winding me up the other day. And I turned to Lou and went, I'm not having it Lou, they're fucking mugging me off.

They're fighting them through Rob. They're not mugging you off. They're just being children and you're tired. Were they in the room when you said they were mugging you off? No, they weren't. I went into another room and went, Lou, I ain't having when you said they were mugging you no they weren't i went into another room i went look i know for a minute they're fucking mugging me off what have they done i can't remember but it was just one of the things that said i don't know if i mentioned before that sent me mad and i actually i slammed my fist on the table like a judge in a

courtroom drama was when you know what they could have because sometimes i don't know if your boys had this worms it's like we don't know if they did have worms or not but they're really itchy bums and basically you have to have this banana flavored medicine that everyone in the family has and you have it once and then in a week's time and it basically if you do have worms it gets rid of it but they say if you're suspected of worms just have it even if you haven't got it so we had this banana stuff right and even if you haven't got any symptoms you have to have it because it might be in you or whatever so the five-year-old wasn't was the one we thought had it and we gave her this thing to uh to drink this banana syrup stuff and she spat it out onto

the table and it was literally the only one that was at the chemist and the chemist was shut now and i couldn't get any more and i just i just saw it being spat out of her mouth and i just slammed my fist and i went no i was so stressed we should mention your podcast as well what's your podcast you're promoting yes it's called mission imagination and it's with puffing books it's about what it's for children and we basically dive into you know mythical worlds created by the authors and yeah it's a it's a really good podcast and what we're doing we're trying to champion uh authors from diverse backgrounds and so you know a lot of people from

the bane community and we're just trying to champion them get their their voices out there get their books out there and yeah i'm working with two brilliant kids uh ben and skylar ray and it's really really good man it's really good and so it's aimed at kids to listen to a podcast for kids about these amazing books basically yeah amazing books and then we just we create a mythical world the magical world that we kind of like explore and yeah we just make it up as we go along and it's yeah amazing and how are the kids you're working with uh they are a little bit older than my son we've got six and seven so what's it like working with children though doing a podcast it is good it's hard

no no no it's good it is good it is good they are excellent i have to say they are excellent but yeah it children are very talkative yeah yeah yeah yeah children yeah yeah i understand why they say don't work with children or animals because you know children yeah well the animals podcast would be very weak you're doing it you've got kids under puffing it's a double whammy yeah yeah it's it's this is a new one for me but no i i thoroughly enjoy it and it is good it's fun so what age is it aimed at so what kids what age kids so you're looking from like you know seven downwards yeah like four to seven i'd say four to seven oh brilliant oh that's good yeah because it's

sometimes if they can't wind down putting something on for them to listen to we've got those tony boxes and you buy like little figures for it so we've got like a pepper pig one and an elsa one and they listen to them before bed so it might be a good little yeah yeah and they're really short you know my podcast really really short it's like 15 to 20 minutes and so yeah yeah it's nice man if you just pop that on you know before bed it's nice for them just to kind of like get their imagination going would you ever consider doing your own children's book uh yes but as i've read a lot of children's books i'm just like you know what i don't have no damn ideas man i'll be real like i've always wanted to like do a child's book but the more i look into them i'm

just like what can i do mine on i'm just like bro i i can't there's nothing i can do like maybe judah and the magical armpit maybe i'll do something like that you might be surprised by how many armpit armpit huggers there are out there yeah you know a massive massive market to aim at that is actually a good maybe might be a good idea does he listen to the podcast you do uh yeah yeah yeah, yeah. He's listened to, like, me record it, and he's listened to, like, the recordings that I've got sent back. Does he like it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He loves it. Listen, my son, he goes to parties. When he goes to, like, my friends' parties, like, he will tell them, oh, my dad's on TV, and then he'll, like, tell them to go on, like, Catch Up. It'll be like Gogglebot. He's so technology friendly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he'll like tell them to go on like catch up. And he'll be like, like Gogglebox. He's so technology friendly. Yeah.

He did that at my friend's party. He was proper just like, look, there's my dad. And showed them Gogglebox. I was just like, yeah, that's daddy. But then he also loves Mo. He loves Mo. So obviously masked singer, masked dancer. He's always trying to watch that.

You know what I'm saying? And he's just like, can you call Mo? I'm just like, no singer, masked dancer. He's always trying to watch that, you know what I'm saying? And he's just like, can you call Mo? I'm just like, no, I don't. Because he thinks it's live. I'm like, there's no reason for me to call Mo right now. And he's working. This was filmed three months ago. But he made me call him one day.

He was just on the phone talking to Mo. And I was just like, I'm your dad, you know. No way, nothing for you, bruv. Does he watch your Gogglebox then? He's a bit young for a five-year-old, but I suppose if you don't say anything too rude. Well, he's seen me on it, but we don't let him watch it because obviously the swearing and stuff like that. But he knows that that's what I've done. My son's got this weird thing like with

younger children he doesn't really like to engage with him he just thinks he's bigger oh i'm a big boy like he yeah if you call him a uh a baby he will lose it he will lose his nut really i'm not a baby i'm a big boy it's just like even today i was calling him a toddler i was just like oh you know you're still a toddler he's like no i'm a big boy I was just like, oh, you know, you're still a toddler. He's like, no, I'm a big boy. I'm just like, okay, all right. You know what I mean? So, yeah, just leave him to it. I'm basically in awe of how good he is at technology.

Yeah. You covered him playing Nintendo Switch. Yeah. Four on demand so that he could bring up Gogglebox. There was another one. The Wi-Fi password. The Wi-Fi, yeah. The Wi-Fi password. The Wi-Fi password. Plays chess.

Absolutely. Plays chess. Bit of analogue knowledge. Yeah. But I bet he'll be playing that online. Before you know it, he'll be playing online chess. Words with friends. He's all over it.

Well, I will say, especially with my wife's side of the family, they're all brainiacs, man. They've got random facts and stuff. Like the eldest cousin, he's just turning 18. That guy, like Cairo, he is mad smart, mad smart. So I know he'd never, my son never got any of his, like, you know, intelligence from me. I failed everything.

I failed everything. It's all from the other side. Yeah, it's for my wife's side definitely um we always ask the same question um babbiton day um it's called crosby's law if there's anything that your partner does um parenting wise that annoys you a bit but you don't really bring it up because you don't have her falling out so is there something your wife does that annoys you a little bit with the parenting um or is she an absolute angel because at the moment it doesn't sound like she does much wrong no she um so it's not that this thing's got nothing to do with parenting but basically she she likes to hype him up and sing so she'll sing

like but she'll sing in a very like you you know, annoying way. Like she knows she's being annoying and it hypes him up. And the more he gets hyped, the more destructive he gets. And that winds me up so much because it's just like, you know, if you do this, he is not going to stop. So don't start something that you're not going to be able to control. But she just lets him get as hype as hell and then he literally turns into the tasmanian devil and just tears this whole place apart and then i've got to put on the dad voice to stop him you know what i'm saying so you're the boring one the fun police i am yeah he could yeah so apparently according to my son i'm always grumpy

according to him and i'm just just like, I'm a comedian. Like, you know what I'm saying? I make people laugh for a living. You know what I'm saying? So I can afford to be grumpy at this time. I can be fun. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I can be fun.

But if you pay for a ticket, I will be fun. Exactly. For 90 minutes. Top. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, she hypes him up. That annoys me. What kind of singing does she do

so she's she sings gospel songs but she'll sing it in a very obnoxious way yeah she gets hyped with it like she will really sing it in an annoying way like she won't take it seriously but she'll sing an annoying way that hypes him up and it's just like stop yeah gospel does get you hyped up though didn't that When it's proper gospel going for it. Yeah, like the American Pentecostal gospel, that kind of, yeah, she hypes him up so much. Bro, it's so annoying. So with a child that's got his kind of level of energy,

are you constantly trying to just keep him in a kind of in a chilled kind of chilled out way i mean when necessary when it's just like you know bedtime it's just like you have no business being this hype because you are about to sleep you know so i'm not trying to have you in bed shaking from fun, all this fun that you're having. So let's wind it down a bit. Shaking from fun. You know what I'm saying? Like, let's calm it down. Let's take it down, you know.

But no, when it's like afternoon times, bro, lose your mind. Have fun. Have all the fun that you want, man. You're a child. Like, I know what that's like. You got any more questions, Josh? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Just got a weird text from Rose. She just texted me. Oh, God. I've got to go down and sort out our parenting situation. Oh, Lord. Parenting situation. Our parenting situation has occurred. I'll be honest.

I've lost my head now. I don't know where I am with the whole thing. I mean, that is the perfect way, in a way, for all of our interviews to end with me just going oh fuck josh in the complete state of panic you don't even make sense i've got a parenting situation um all right then um we're gonna have to go with babba today because josh has lost his head but thanks oh god i've gone i've gone it's all good sorry cheers mate that was brilliant thank you very much thank you yo i hope everything's okay.

Babatunde Aleshi. Oh, is it Aleshi or Aleshi? Oh, no, Josh. Oh, no, Rob. I've done names wrong. I got thrown by the accents. No one's listening. There's accents on both E's.

We both know that I didn't learn the accents on the E's. No. And I was so happy with Babatunde. I fucking, the accents has thrown. No one's listening by this point, Rob. No one's listening to the podcast by our app.

I would love to know how many people stick around for the outro. I wouldn't love to know. Don't, don't get in touch, but no, I think people do stick around for it or if they listen to it by accident, um, armpit holding,

I'm actually got my hands under my armpits now and it's quite, it's quite reassuring. So if anyone knows about the armpit holding. Yeah, you could stand with your hands under your armpits. That's kind of, I can see that working as a thing. But do get in touch if you've got any unusual, shall we say, ways that your children comfort themselves. Yes, comforters.

Unusual comforters. The armpit. How do you get in touch? Just scream and someone will hear it and then tell us. Yeah, that's fine. Scream it from your front door. Like, the bit between the back of the knee and your thigh. My kid puts their foot there.

And then someone will hear it and then it will just trickle down. That's how we get in a correspondence. No, there's probably, you know, emails. This is how we get in a correspondence no there's probably um is that you know emails this is how to get in touch email us hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk thanks for listening guys and we'll be back with um some more podcasts next week to a week why because we are efficient and productive aren't we josh yes and also uh when we started this we had less work than we do now yeah really now and now we've made a rod for our own back huge rod huge rod for our back i'll see you next tuesday at the start we used to do two

episodes a week pure madness two two two interviews a week yeah absolutely burning through the celebs a total waste of time right see you next week two interviews a week yeah absolutely burning through the celebs I know a total waste of time right see you next week bye