Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S03 EP9: "She let a Rottweiler lick her face!...."

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S PARENTING HELLS03 EP9: "She let a Rottweiler lick her face!...."More (mis)adventures in parenting hell with Rob and Josh. Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you are listening to Parenting Hell with... Well, Michael's not here, so he's failed to provide me, Rob, with any of the intros. Yes, there are no intros, because Michael's internet is up the spout. Is that what they say? He sent us a picture of a man working on the pavement outside his house

yeah but that could that picture there's no dated like newspaper next to it is it it could be from that could have been from months ago he needs to go out there with a copy of the day's paper and have it taken with the man with the hole exactly like you know when there's been like some sort of you you know, proof, when you put online proof. So Josh, how's the sound? Are you in charge of sound levels? Yeah, it's fine.

I can hear... What's the sound that I can hear? Oh, can you hear me? Yeah. Oh, no. I thought I was being very... I thought I was... What's that thing where they say,

work smarter, not harder? Right. What were you doing? Well, without sounding like the biggest wanker in the world, I'm signing copies of my book. Oh, mate. Mate, I am on. You know when you've reached your limit of workload and family load and life load

and you're about to explode? I'm not there, but I can smell it and see it on the top of the hill. And I am... Stop signing. I can hear you guys. How do the top of the hill and i am stop signing i can hear you guys how do you go again i'm gonna stop i'm gonna i'll stop signing i'll stop here a sharpie lids go on okay let me let's be shuffling let's be shuffling papers they're in the box and then listen listen lovely it's on right i'm i mean i'm in the zone i'm ready i was those signings that it dominates your life rob wait there's no way i've sold this many books it's bollocks no no well exactly it's

it's i was just signing these pieces of paper one point i was hammered and i was having a drink and i was like this is actually quite a good opportunity to knock out a couple of hundred of these because i'm because i'm drunk because it's not gonna make it i'm not gonna be bored i was like what i'll do is make it really fun and put a little message on each one and maybe like that not on board there's so many anyway um but yeah i'll look sorry i won't do that because that's uh offensive and to your ears yeah no but i've i have i am busy josh basically i think we've done the same thing because Theatreland has been shut I love Theatreland they always say Theatreland on the news I've never heard of it ever been said out of fear Theatreland because Theatreland's been shut yeah we had to you know work smarter

not harder well actually we had to work smarter harder and longer hours for no money for quite a bit of a lockdown which a lot of people have. However, this podcast has been really successful, and we love doing it, and the book commitments and things like that. So I've taken on a lot of work, assuming that the tour wouldn't be coming back. But it's coming back. So now I'm very busy, Josh, which is fine, and it's only for August. The R8 hasn't been going in the direction I was hoping in terms of having a bit of free time in autumn, Rob.

Our R-rate of work to home time ratio. But what's good is I'm still balancing parenting because I went to a caravan park with the kids and Peppa Pig World. And I am the most tired man that's ever existed, Josh. Oh, my God. My body aches. I feel like I've done to tough mother. My body aches and I am the most tired man that's ever existed, Josh. Oh, my God. What's – My body – I feel like I've done it to Tough Mudder. My body aches, and I don't know why. So what – take me through the caravan part. Do you want to know what happened?

Right, okay. We went on four nights. I've been to a campsite. I've never been to a – you haven't got your own caravan, have you? No, I haven't got my – no. It's a static caravan. Yeah. So it's like a lodge-type thing, but it's like a caravan that you could move if you want,

but it's not really like a proper caravan, if know what i mean yeah it's three bedrooms there's a million doors it's impossible to get down the all way the kids love it it was great this caravan park a couple of them it was called a green hill or something down in the new forest new forest is banter that there's just like you can drive through the woods mate there's just like a pig in the road yeah new forest is absolutely uh my uh my wife's sister lives in the new forest and they like they'll just have deer on their lawn yeah so like they have blowed a wild boar out because they need to eat the acorns so the horses don't eat them you what so there's horses everywhere yeah and sheep everywhere i think and i saw a cow i nearly run over a cow in the middle of the road

it's like being in India. Well, this is what it was like growing up in Dartmoor, Rob. Do you know what? It's really refreshing to say it felt like being in India about England and it not being racist. Yeah, it's good. But obviously, I fully support that comment. But if that was edited out of context, that could be a career end.

Look, I'm just saying, cows are really respected in India and wander across the road. In the UK, not so much, but in the New Forest, there's a lot of cow respect. That's what I'm saying, that the New Forest is a bit like India. Well, I was filming in Devon recently, Rob. Yeah. And we were filming on Dartmoor, and a horse...

Was you filming as your future self in an auction programme? Let's not go into that. Is that a bloke that looks like you? Yeah. I mean, he really does. You've not seen his on our Instagram page. I was visiting our Instagram, which is what's on our Instagram page. At Parenting Hell, I think.

It is. I mean, it's difficult because this is non-visual medium the podcast but to say is it i've been recording them all i've got five cameras rigging which you told me it's it's it's a phenomenal lookalike what's it on it's an auctioneer on what flog it or something i don't know what he's on um but yeah he seems like a nice guy and if anyone knows him do get him because yeah what's his name how often do you think he gets gets it not sex i mean i reckon he's fucking four times a week this guy he's he like he's got the little microphone on his little gavel he's got his gavel now what show is it it's road trip something auctioneers

road trip celebrity i'm zooming in is it i'm's Road Trip, something. Auctioneer's Road Trip. Celebrity Antics Rattrap. Is it Antics Rattrap? I'm zooming in on a photo someone's taken of their telly. How many screens are involved in this Zoom? I don't know what it's called, but he seems like a nice guy. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, you were down in Devon, not as your future self, not old Joshua to come from the future.

Yeah, and I got blocked in in a car park because a horse just stood in front of my car and i couldn't get it to move did you beep yeah no it just wouldn't move so you're just blocked in like you know when you're like someone parks too close to you yeah i've got a wall and then i've got a horse and it's just game over so what did you did you flash your lights did you just had to wait so it? No, it just wouldn't move. Did you shout, bang, clap, nothing? Yeah, honestly. And I revved. You revved? You revved the horse.

He didn't give a fucking shit, mate. He knew who was boss. I got the feeling he did this every day in the car park to a new tourist. Just his bit of fun. Yeah, just absolutely showing them. Yeah, anyway, so we went to the forest went to the forest basically and it was it was um it was good it went it went really well um but it's just it's just full on and the kids were so excited went to pepper pig world which was

i'm gonna say guys pig world well pepper there's paulton's park which is like yeah and it's already for small children. Not like in age, not just like ones of certain height. Yeah, yeah. It's all just kids, 20th percentile, across the park. If you're over the 20th percentile, you've got to go Chessing. No, so it's little kids. So it's basically a thought park type place,

but with a whole Peppa Pig world. It's really good for really small kids, 10% old. No, but like young kids, right? Yeah. And yeah, I've never been there, but it was really's really good and all the rides my kids went on all of them my youngest is a sicko she's obsessed with dogs she let a rottweiler lick her face when i turned i turned around and saw her on all fours facing up to a rottweiler getting licked in the face my heart nearly escaped my body and this rottweiler was licking her face. Anyway, she was going around the shop.

That's an anecdote that's not from living in South East London. We travelled for that. They track you down, don't they? Well, the thing is, with a caravan park, you get a mixture of people. You get the people in the lodges, a.k.a. me, and then you get people setting up camp. And in that, you'll get the middle class people that like camping. You'll also get some sickos from South East London

that get 15 in a tent and they sit out the front drinking stella right right so there's a weird there's a different there's a weird vibe on certain sites anyway um yeah so that was all good it had a play area and a pub attached to it so it was all fenced in you could sit there drinking pints watching your kids oh my. Oh, my word. It was like, that for me was the highlight. Did you know that existed before you turned up? Was that one of the selling points? Yes, and it was the main reason that we went. Yeah.

Thank you. Because the last place we went, they didn't have that. And the boat we went with Steve, the legend that brought the car battery generator when we went camping last time said, I know a place and it's got a fenced in area where you can sit and have a beer and watch them. Oh, my word. So we went there. How often were you doing that?

Every single day. Oh, my God. Not all day. No, no, no. We left for four nights. I'm not accusing you of that. You spent at least an hour at Peppa Pig World. First day, we went to a country park, 15 quid to park.

We got there. You had to pay for everything when you were there. Hear this, Josh. No bin policy. No josh no bin policy no what no bin policy what do you mean no bin policy at this country park why what in case the ira attack it it's a hangover from the 80s they've got a no bit no a no bin policy right and i went so basically you just have to take all your rubbish home but then but then you basically everyone just walk around with a carrier bag of rubbish which is not very ideal

and i understand you don't want to leave rubbish just in a country park but if you're paying 15 quid there's about 10 000 cars there this is more valley park yeah you think surely that money's going towards the upkeep of the park well that's what the parking's for isn't it and i think you're you're creating more litter by not having bins. And they're selling food. They're selling food. So they're selling food. It's not like just, you know, there's a...

So what, did you take a bin bag? Are you carrying a bin bag back to your car? Like you've kind of been thrown out by your wife? How's it like? So basically, I started off a policy of, I bought a bottle of Oasis drink, and then I started putting ice cream wrappers... Bob, is this anecdote, with the no a bottle of Oasis drink, and then I started putting ice cream wrappers. Bob, this anecdote, with the no bins and the Oasis drink, are you sure you haven't travelled

back in time to the 90s? And I'm saying that. I haven't seen a bottle of Oasis in 20 years. I've got a can of Rio, right? And a packet of discos. And I'm having a good time. But what I did was, I started putting all the rubbish in the bottle of Oasis, which was great for the ice cream sort of sticks and wrappers and that. But after all, when I bought like these boxes of sandwiches and stuff, there's so much waste wrapper. And then the manageress come over.

Is manageress allowed or am I getting cancelled? I think that's fine. The person that manages it, there was a woman. Anyway, so she comes over and she wanted a photo or whatever. Also, there's some

knitting. She wanted a photo? Of me. Holding a bottle of Oasis stuffed with rubbish. Yeah, I know. And what's going on with the bins?

She went, we've actually reduced our bin waste. Yeah, so she's proud of this bin policy. Did she come over and go, can I get a photo? And you went, all right, yeah, I've been on TV.

And she went, no, of that bottle of Oasis, I haven't seen it in 20 years. People won't believe I've seen such a thing. She goes, we've got a zero bin policy. I went, I know, I'm carrying rubbish. I'm aware, right? And she went, it's brilliant.

We've reduced our bin wastage by 80%. I went, yeah, because it's all in our fucking cars. That's why. We're all carrying it home. We've got kids carrying it. It's ridiculous. But also, how is it only 80%? It should be 100. You haven't

got any bins. They've got a zero bin policy, Josh. Where's the other 20% then? Do you know what I did? Do you know what I did with all our rubbish? I just walked into their cafe and put it on the table and left. Oh, absolutely. Next to your new bin, mate. Your bin's the fucking table. That's your fucking bin. I spent 15 quid on parking.

It's 20 quid to go on some netting that Go Aper are absolutely ruining you for. 20 quid a person, Josh, for two hours on an adventure net. Oh, my God, Rob. Are you serious? You must have choked on your Dairy Lee sandwiches. You must have been absolutely livid. I was. I couldn't deal.

My opal fruits flew out my hand. I didn't know what was going on. My lube dropped to a bongo. I couldn't believe it. It was ridiculous. There were no bins. Why do living things die? What would happen if they didn't?

Why do we memorialise our dead? Is death the end? Or a new beginning? ask bigger questions with death life's greatest mystery exhibition on now at rom book tickets at rom.ca um other highlights from the trip my five-year-old ate popcorn so fast in a big handful that she actually inhaled some through her nose. What? She snorted popcorn. What, because it's so light? Well, no, because she was... She snorted popcorn?

She had a handful of popcorn, rammed it in her face, but it was all over. She was like smothering herself with popcorn. Yeah. And someone up her nose. So then I had to get her to... Did you put the finger on the other nostril and get her to breathe out? Yeah, but that weren't enough. So what I had to do was. Did you put the finger on the other nostril and get her to breathe out? Yeah, but that weren't enough. So what I had to do was hold her mouth shut,

blow up one nostril and it came out the other nostril. No! Yeah! Yeah! Rob, did you go on holiday in a cartoon? Yeah. And then you had to pump her back up with a foot pump. She got three splinters.

Yeah. She got two splinters at the centre park. So I don't know if she's playing with the bark or she's got weird skin but she is a splinter oh god right she loves it yeah um i i got this was so this was all building up really and i got quite stressed towards the end i went on a dragon ride at pepper pig world which i think needs a public health warning josh yeah are you allowed on the rides or are they all for kids like no no so some so one of the rides this little dinosaur one my eldest was too tall to go on it with me so she had to go in it without me so she got on it and just cried for the entire duration of the ride including the photo

oh my god because she didn't know she had to get that known the dragon ride josh i'm going to send you this dragon ride it goes so far it right so it looks quite deceiving it looks like it's a small little ride yeah and like oh that's cute yeah i'm going to send you the dragon ride it goes so i cannot express you it goes so fast 30 miles an hour with g-force in one direction and then it goes backwards at the same speed and the G-force pushes you to the side and I've got bruising all down the side of me. Oh my word, Rob.

Watch this video, Josh. Look how fast it goes. It's an absolute joke. Whoa! So who's taking it? Are you on it at this point or is this just it going? Yeah, I'm on it.

You wouldn't know it was me. You can't. You just see it. You just see occasionally a bit of yellow hair. Are you wearing a white T-shirt? Yep, that's me. Yep.

Guy, you're really going for it. And is your daughter enjoying it? You're coming around so fast. They're loving it. Whoa. It looks chilled. Look how small it looks. It looks like a little...

Who's just shot a tuna salad? Oh, Steve, who's filming it, because I had a tuna salad for lunch. It was a bit warm. Oh, right. Oh, right, okay. So I was a bit concerned about that um but you know but what I said about Peppa Pig World considering some holidays it was busy but manageable yeah a little tip go to Peppa Pig World in the afternoon do all the other rides like the dragon ride in the morning because

everyone just runs for pepper of course of course do you know what I mean but because I'd say because when i went lego land i paid extra i just got normal tickets this one last one a lego land i paid extra for the ones where half the time in the queue but really the longest queue was about 45 minutes which isn't that long considering it was sold out and the middle of the summer holiday so i had a brilliant time and the food was really good there i don't want to start throwing shade but the food at le Legoland is fucking dog shit could you not get a hold of any Mountain Dew

I just wanted Chicago Down Pizza and a packet of McCain microwaveable fries didn't have it dog shit's harsh it's just deeply average whereas Poulton's slash Peppa Pig World the food was good so I would massively recommend that

I wouldn't bother with Moor Valley Park unless you want to carry around your own rubbish and pay 15 quid to park. Oh, you're furious about that, aren't you? I was. No bin policy really sent me over the edge when they're selling food. Do you know what I mean? It's different if you're going somewhere for a picnic and you're paying to park. You assume that that money will go towards some sort of bin system. I think 15 quid for

parking is pretty steep it was about 25 quid for all day well how long were you there for i was there for about three or four hours oh blimey because it you parked so far away josh yeah because it was so busy i had to go on the overflow oh my so what is it so what is it just like a country park with a country park we've got a go park. We've got a Go Ape in it and Go Ape nets. Yeah. It's 20 quid per person, including children, to go on the nets for two hours. Rob. So if me, Lou, and the two girls wanted to go on these netting for two hours,

you're looking at 80 pounds. 80 quid? 80 quid. Whoa. How was it? Joking, isn't it? I didn't do it. Didn't do it.

Refused. Also, I do all right for myself. Yeah. If I really wanted to, I could dig deep and get 80 quid for that. But out of principle, I couldn't. Yeah. Do you know what? And I'm sure, you know, I'm not speaking out of turn to say that we're both pretty well off.

That's fair enough to say, I think, Rob. But there's certain things where I just can't swallow it. Mini bar. Mini bar. Oh, you can't do mini bar. I just can't do it. I just can't do it. Psychologically.

Psychologically. I just can't put myself through it. I'm a bit like that with munchies. They're always about £1.80 for some reason, munchies, in a vending machine. And I could afford £1.80, but I still don't buy cashews do you know what do you know the absolute classic apps the moment an app is 79p i'm like fuck that or the subscription ones you know you get one like for a quick video edit or where it's like face swap and he goes continue your free trial it's only 7.99 a week are you

fucking insane how much face swapping do you think I'm doing for £30 a month, you lunatic? Some silly bastard in Silicon Valley. All they're doing is preying on the fact you forget you subscribe, and then they get a year out of you, and then they move on to some other shit. Sorry, Josh. It's been a busy week.

Be honest. What subscriptions have you got that you meant to cancel years? I'll be honest i'm not making the most out of my audible subscription one free audiobook a month i've in the year i've had it i've i've done half an audiobook as if you're getting oh that's good 40 hours of audio i'll give that a listen shall i never when i'm looking after my kids the problem with the audiobook is it counts down from the it gives you the full time of the book and you're like 13 hours where am i gonna get this from it's like i'm chipping away at a fucking folder it's unbearable

it's it's intimidatingly long isn't it chapter it up so i don't feel like this is one of the greatest achievements of my life to just finish a book about fucking Liverpool FC. You don't even care about it. I don't even care about Jurgen Klopp's memoirs. For God's sake. Skipping through the Dortmund years. Do you know what, Rose? I'm going to take a day off work.

I need to get through this audio book. I'm sorry. I've just got to make the most of my subscriptions. Would you like your face swapped onto, you know, Princess Diana from The Crown? Because I can do that and it's only cost me seven pound a week.

This will annoy you. I was going to ask how your week's been, but one of Steve, who we went with, Jess and Steve, who we went with, their daughter

is a week older than your son yeah and i have i literally i'm gonna be i was away with them for four nights and we were with them all day and most early evenings um never heard the baby cry once and would literally go and they'd feed it and then maybe hold it for a bit. And then we'd immediately go down sleep for four hours again. Must be awful to have a baby without a personality. That's a classic. That's a classic response from someone whose baby's mental. Oh yeah.

You and your boring kid that sort of just sleeps and is really cute. Well, Rob, my son's been putting together some pretty long sleeps. Really? Is it an absolute acid reflux slam dunk he's coming through the acid reflux it's not he doesn't seem troubled by it anymore and his general sleep pattern now their baby by the way has been doing this since six weeks old just FYI okay okay it's not a race it's not a

marathon it's a sprint let's see how well that they are in the terrible twos yeah yeah exactly yeah exactly yeah good luck with that good luck with that um i actually think there should be a rule you know like you know that thing where they talk about like um where you can genetically choose in the future when you'll be able to genetically choose stuff about offspring i don't think you should be able to choose like all positives i think you should be able to choose easy baby or easy teenager and you've made your decision and then you've got you've got to play it out it's like when you design your player on a football game and it's like if you give them loads of strength then they can't be fast yeah exactly you get like 80 points to be spread across

five categories and then that's how you do it so they could be the you could have best sleeper ever yeah but they won't eat and they're horrible and all that so it's about exactly and i think i'd put a lot of that i still think i put a lot in sleep i put a lot of my points in sleep but generally now we're looking at 7 30 till 1 that's lovely you've got an evening got an evening and when's your daughter going down at that point uh 7 30 as well oh mate you've got it you sound good i do sound good rob you look good john i look great don't i i tell you what you don't sound good rob you sound like you're right no no my day's been mental i was up at seven with the kids. We had to sort the caravan out. Then we had to drive to Lou's grandparents.

You've got a weird voice. You sound like a posh person doing an impression of Rob Beckett. We've got a good little grandparents. Oh, that was another stress. I got stressed because we was going to visit them. Lou calls her nan and granddad. I ain't got any water, mate. I've not been allowed water today Let me just breathe, I don't know what's happened to me

I've gone weird Anyway Oh Josh, let me get my water, one second I'm going to drink it from the tap I'm back You're back I just laughed, I swallowed and laughed. Sorry, I'll just tell you this because I started that.

Sorry, I interrupted you. It's all right. Let me get that. Basically, Malou calls... I wouldn't say this is a particularly structured episode. Oh, fuck it. Who cares? They're the best ones, Rob.

They're the best ones. It's free. If someone else gives me shit for adverts again, I'm going to go around their house and fucking chin them. I'm sick of it. Do you know what, guys? The other option is... It's free.

It's free. It's free. What would you like if we did it like the Telegraph? We just put our first paragraph up. Or a face swap subscription. Do you want that hovering on your phone? Anyway, so Lou calls her Nana and Grandad, Nana and Amps, because her sister once said Gramps wrong.

And now, for some reason reason my kids have got to say amps for them so they're lose dad's called amps and now a nan and granddad's called great nana and great amps great but i don't know the names and they kept going who are we going to see we're going to see i was nan and granddad and they're going no it's not nan and granddad because my mom and dad are called nan and granddad we go in there but no we're not going there we're going to amp nan and amps and she went what what, back home Nana and Amps? I said, no, no, great Nana. And they went, I don't know who it is.

And I literally just went, I don't either, but they're old and related to you, and we've got to go and see them. I don't know what they're called. Oh, my God, it's awful. There's a kid clawing at the wall here. Is it yours? Yeah.

Go and see. One second. You all right? I'm just doing some work. I won't be out in a minute. And you're playing with a house? There you go. Right.

I'm just passing my daughter my Lego Simpsons house. Oh, my word. It's all in there, OK? Sorry, Josh. It's all right. One second. Absolute nightmare. You know that limit I was at nearly? It's all right. One second. Absolute nightmare.

You know that limit I was at nearly? It's getting closer, Josh. Yeah, it does feel like you're on edge. Have you got tomorrow off? I've had a big old coffee. No, tomorrow. We're recording this on Friday because we're busy. I'm hosting the radio show on Radio 2.

Oh, mate. You're going to burn out. I'm going to burn. No, Owen. I'll be all right, mate. I've got Sunday off'm going to burn out and I'll be alright mate I've got Sunday off in the day And then I've got a gig in the evening It's doing evening stuff that's doing me in Rob

I've lost my ability to work In the evening completely It's impossible isn't it I'm so tired And that's part of lockdown as well as kids Yeah it's lockdown Genuinely I've worked in What are we on

friday wednesday and thursday evenings and both times i've just finished and just got like just gone i just need to go home i'm just absolutely done i know and people i used to go like when people come and see me do a show people go i'll do it for a drink and i'd go for a drink now i'm like no yeah i cannot do that the other day I finished a gig at 9 30 and still had to go home I was like I can't I've got to drive home I was doing a tv show and it the record went on to a quarter past 10 and and I was like this is this is inhumane what is this Guantanamo Bay like Like this is not quarter past 10, which was completely acceptable for the first 10 years of my career. But now I'm like,

geez, I'm not going to be in bed till five to 11 at this rate. Look at this madness. So he sleeps from 7.30 to 1am. Then about 1.30 he goes back down and then till about six. Yeah. He sleeps till about six. So you get.

Wow. That's great. Yeah. He sleeps till about six. So you get... Wow, that's great. Yeah, exactly. That's brilliant. And I am... When he wakes up at six, I absolutely... There's only two days left to the Olympics, but I am absolutely taking one for the team, Rob.

Straight downstairs to watch the... Really? Love it. Absolutely. It's been great. It's the best period of my day is the 6 a.m till 7 a.m and i'm looking like a hero i'm looking like one of those gold medal winners mate absolutely oh yeah i'll take this one i'll go downstairs and watch some yeah don't worry about

you have a lion and then when when rose gets up you're like oh yeah take the baby i'm gonna go and chill even though you've actually been chilling it is genuinely the best thing for new parents the early olympics i i actually wonder whether next week i'm gonna have a what am i gonna do at 6 a.m with a baby it's almost like waiting to try and plan to have the baby for an olympics or a world cup that is on the other side of the world guys qatar i'm saying it no qatar qatar's not too distant what you want is beyond that the world cup in north america and south america because there'll be games in la which will be like 3 a.m oh that's the 2026 get shagging in kind of october 2025 yeah october 2025 you really want to be putting the shagging on top priority.

I got caught, Rob, in the rain. Me and my daughter went to the park. Yeah. Yeah. Let me find the picture. It's a classic Widdicombe day out there. Yeah. Also, by the way.

By the way, I'm now a member of London Zoo, Rob. I had such a good time. I've joined. Oh, really? What does that mean? We did five hours at the zoo on Sunday. I was going to say, you have given away your daughter's birthday party, basically. Yeah, I know.

I'm going to have to move the location. So because the 14th of August in Victoria Park, basically, if everyone just went, they'd be able to find you and join your kid's birthday party. Yeah, I mean, I would be able to spot them. I've got bouncers, obviously. I'm not an animal. So you're going to change location. That's a good idea, I mean, I would be able to spot them. I've got bouncers, obviously. I'm not an animal. So you're going to change location. That's a good idea, I think. Yeah, or I keep it at Victoria Park because, you know, the old double bluff.

Yes. But also, it's a big park. It's a big old park. So, you know, come and find me. Don't make it a challenge. I'll be honest. I've got £1, pounds in used notes that i'll be giving away to the first person that can find us in victoria park on the 14th of august

no we won't because we'll get the competitions people on us yes i and also i i just i i haven't used cash in so long i'll just do a bank transfer um so it started raining in the park rob yeah in the play park and me and my daughter had to hide. I'm going to show you. This was my view for about half an hour. So this was my view. Oh, you hid in the play area. I'll show you exactly what I hid in.

This is an outside shot of what I hid in. Canvasy, straight shoes on. That is a photo of where I was hid, Rob. That is. Hid or hidden? Hidden. I was hidden. I was hidden. That is a photo of where I was hid, Rob. That is... Hidden or hidden? Hidden. Which is a small wooden shack attached to a...

That was fun though, wasn't it? It was fine, but there was a slight panic that some child... I know it was raining, but I was like, if a child tries to use this, it's going to look very... Was you on your own? No, I was with my daughter. I wasn't on my own. To be honest, I was like if a child tries to use this it's gonna was you on your own no I was with my daughter yeah I wasn't on my to be honest I'd have had a lovely time if I was on my own little pervert just tied it there yeah suede shoes I'll be honest with you Rob I'm just telling you this because it's an alibi in case the story comes out. How convenient.

Yeah. So I was hidden there for half an hour. That was an unfortunate experience. But apart from that, it's not been bad parenting. It's gone all right. You're on a good sleep high. I can sense it. You're still not getting enough.

And the zoo was such a hit. Yes. And did you all go as a family? We went with. So I've made a decision, Rob. Come on. I think... I love it when you're authoritative.

I think... It's not so much a decision as I've formed an opinion and I'm sticking to it. I think... That's how Farage started. That time subscription is really paying off. On the time subscription, I had to phone up to cancel it,

even though I'd bought it on the app. That's unacceptable. Oh, that's sneaky. That is like a no bin policy, that is. Yeah. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. The point I'm making is, I think it's far better.

You have a far better day out. If you don't know the parents, but your child knows the children, rather than you going out with your friends and trying to jam the children together that don't really know each other. Yeah, that's key. I totally agree.

And then you slowly find the one, the parents that you sort of get on the best with out of that little play date set up. Because the children just have such a brilliant time and they completely mark each other out of the game and there's none of that do you want to play to get they just they just love it because otherwise they're sort of clinging to on you yeah and the other person also i don't know if um your daughter has this from preschool that she goes nursery but at the school right now you know like when we have we have play dates and

the girls come over and they just go boom boom straight off in the garden and play and then the parents sometimes just leave them yeah so you just leave them with you or they pop in for a coffee or they don't bother so the other day the granddad was looking after one of the girls he just dropped her off and he went like off with his wife for a cup of tea somewhere and then picked him up two hours later it's genuine much better it's so much but it's such a better... I always thought when you're a parent, what you want to do is, like, the kids will fit in with your social... No.

Fuck that. I'm writing off my friends. Oh, mate. I'm just going with the parents of her friends. It's such a better time. Life's short. You just have to... You know, there's nothing wrong with your friends.

You haven't got a problem with them. I'll see them in 18 years. I'll see got a problem With them I'll see them in 18 years I'll see them in 18 years I'll see you in 18 years And then you'll be Having stuff to talk about Exactly What have you been up to

One of the guys At the nursery Rob I'm a big fan Of the nursery bands These days I'm big on the Nursery band scene Yeah But one of the guys Is these days. I'm big on the nursery band scene. Yeah.

But one of the guys is, there's a running joke that he keeps it. I keep getting a black cab in the morning. Cause I'm always late. What we keep saying. Oh, what with you, with your daughter too.

With my daughter. Cause you can't. What are you in love? Actually film or something. You can't. He gets a black cab. Who gets a black cab? Who gets a black cab to nursery? You can't put a child in an Uber, Rob. Who gets a black cab to nursery?

You can't put a child in an Uber. Who's getting a fucking cab to nursery? Well, that's basically what I said. This guy, he's seen me getting out of the black cab. It's become a running joke. And now every time I get the black cab, I'm just like, he's going to see me again. He's going to see me again.

I'm like, I'm always doing that thing. You know when Rodney tries to get dropped off at the wrong house and only falls in the water? I'm like, for the black doing that thing. You know, when Rodney tries to get dropped off at the wrong house in Only Fools in Austin, I'm like, for the black cab, drop me down the road. I can't be seen appearing in the black cab. You've got to be more honest. You had to do this with the birth of your child, didn't you?

I couldn't tell the cab driver he was going to that hospital. I'm uncomfortable with ostentation, Rob. Is that the right word? I'm uncomfortable with people seeing that I'm willing to splash the couch on the black cab. You're willing to splash the couch. You're supporting a local worker. It's great.

Well, he's from Essex. But yeah. They all drive in from Essex. And knowing about what it's like now, what it used to be like. Come on, man. Oh, yeah. You used to live in the area. I'm aware of it.

I'm sorry. We priced you out. The media elite priced you out. I get it. Now go back to Chigwell and let me get my school run done so you can go back to Brisbane. Go back to Chigwell where your house

is six times bigger and you've got a massive garden. Yeah, and even you moan about living in East London, but you did buy the house for six grand and sold it for six hundred. So why don't you take that five hundred and ninety four grand profit and just be happy? Don't give me shit for overpaying for your old shit house.

All right. And it's not my fault that people call it Victoria Park Village now. It's not my decision to call it that. What do they want to call it? The ex-inhabitants of Victoria? I have not used the phrase Victoria Park Village in a black cab for two years because you might as well go, you might as well walk in and go, I'm a twat.

Like they absolutely hate you if you say that. How short are you? Who walks into a cab? Surely you're duck and stoop and sit. Duck, stoop, sit, you're in. Winnicum just bowling in. Well, you've seen that picture of me getting in the cab outside the award ceremony, Rob. Massive Bilboive Bilbo energy. Just have a...

I'm going to bowl in it. What do they call it in the cab drivers? They just... I don't know. They just call it like... You just say... The shops on the corner. The shops by Victoria Park, please.

You go, can I go to Victoria Park Village, please you what get out my cab here we go we are victoria park village i remember when you walk down there you get punched in the face could walk down the village village all that all that good stuff yeah um so what did what does the nursery uh black cab spotting guy say then has he seen you recently getting out the black cab well no but even if he sees me i'm not in the black cab he'll make a joke about i'm now not getting out of a black cab come on mate that's why you need to have sort of a lad's night out because you need to move on the banter he is a genuinely great laugh no no i'm not saying he isn't but what i'm saying is at the moment your

capacity for banter is so small because all you do is see someone for 20 seconds doing the same thing every day yeah have a night out before you know it someone's squeezing lime in their eye you've got a new running bit of banter also i found out that there's a group of dads that play basketball together on a tuesday right yeah guess what time what time they play? What time? 7 a.m. What? They shoot hoops from 7 a.m. to 8 a.m. And now there's a big group of like 20 dads that play basketball in a local park. I might go, yeah.

But it's so early, Josh. You're going to go and shoot some b-ball at 7 a.m.? Yeah, but I'm very conscious about what to wear to basketball. You must have like a – they don don't wear a vest do they i mean well i've got every single because of robin romish i've got every single sports outfit you need to do to do it i can go in full basketball gear but i'd look so keen and i'm so rubbish yeah yeah yeah you're gonna i mean i i don't know if you have you got a pair of high tops you're gonna be wearing like high top Air Jordans? Are you good?

No, I'm terrible. And also, Peppa Pig, that world, which I loved, they've got one of those basketball games where if you get a hoop in, a ball in a hoop,

you win a massive teddy. Oh yeah. I had one of the worst 20 minutes of my life on that foot. Oh no. I spent 20 pounds, hit the rim on everyone. You could have gone on, go out for two hours.

I was trying to distract my daughter was crying who wanted one. And every time I missed, she cried. Oh my God. And everyone's watching because it's a bloke on the telly. And I missed everyone.

Well, I didn't miss. I was close, right? But you never guess what? The balls are massive and the hoops oval. It's a fucking, it's a fucking oval. Yeah.

What? It's an oval hoop. Those fun fair games. It's an oval hoop. Even a Peppa Pig world. That's what I'm saying. a fucking, no, yeah. What? It's an oval hoop. Those unfair games. It's an oval hoop. Even a pepper pig world. What's I'm saying? If a pig pepper, I'm going to,

I've got a problem. I've got an issue with pepper, but it's not just them. They have it everywhere. Lego land and chest. But you know, that's what I've heard. Allegedly,

allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, if they want to sponsor us, that if they want to sponsor the podcast, that is the most circular hoop I've ever seen in my life however i say that um but as soon as i said oh it's too hard to do i was saying i'll tell you about 3 000 photos of people that had won the teddy and scored the hoop so it probably is just me oh you said it on social media yeah i mentioned on social media

and now loads of people keep sending me pictures of massive teddies and so i don't know if it's an overhoop or not but i just that you know that is allegedly yes but the only people that were saying it was over were the people that also missed yeah of course all the people that got it in which way like depth or width so it's sort of pushed back a bit it's pushed back so it goes out that way so So it's basically like, if it, it's quite, yeah. So, but I don't know if that's what happened to Pepper, but I've got a photo of it here, a carnival, a carnival booth game, an oval shape. You can only see it from the side.

Bastards. But I don't know if that was Pepper, but apparently, I'm not accusing Pepper of this, but it does happen on the carnival scene. Yes, yes, of course, of course. Fair enough. Well, I'm sorry. Anyway, anyway, sorry.

I'll go over that. I'm over it. I mean, have we got time for correspondence, or should we just go, should we do it on Friday? I've got one really good email I could do on Friday. Do you want to do it now? I mean... Let's save that email for Friday.

However, I can tell you this quick story. Go on. My daughter ate so much Haribo that she sicked it up and then swallowed it and ate it again. Oh, my God. What is she, a pigeon? No, she just gets so amped up and excited. When I was at Peppa Pig World, she was enjoying it so much,

she grabbed my three-year-old daughter's head and went nose-to-nose, head-to-head, and went, come on, like she just scored the winner in the FA Cup one. You know what I'm like when I get, they've got that, but in spades of energy like that. It's absolute carnage. I tell you what I told you about on Friday,

Rob. What? Party bags. The contents of party bags. Oh, yes. Okay. What for the part for their part?

You're sorting out party bags for your kid's birthday. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Interesting. What have you got to say about it well i think you're going to consider my party bags quite stiff neck okay right and i'll tell you what we did yeah i think it'd be interesting to compare party bags yeah okay we'll compare party bags i've got a great story about a play date that's gone wrong um oh yeah and um we could we can do that on friday i want to the bloody zoo mate five hours absolutely five hours that's a beauty of a day out that and no problems

no drama no problem oh josh it feels like you've got a handle on it you're this is so inspirational yeah exactly exactly we'll see we'll see see. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. Is it three months? Yeah. Three months. I love it. Three bloody big ones. Absolutely love it, Josh. Yeah, more or less three months.

Three old big ones. Three old big ones. Right, let's do small business shout out. Yes. Got one here. Go on. Daisy and Dragon Design is a children's interior company I set up during the first lockdown in July 2020.

Oh. It's a children's interior company I set up during the first lockdown in July 2020. COVID hit my family hard as I left my jobs week before it all kicked off and my husband runs a wedding band. So we lost all of our income overnight. Oh no. My daughter was six months old at the time and I decided to make her a teepee to entertain her at home. My friends then started asking for them for their kids and that's when I started my business. I handmade teepees, toy boxes and other toy storage and accessories with free personalization on all

items as stressful as it has been starting a business under such awful circumstances it's also been a really good distraction and the best job i've ever had i've listened to the podcast since day one while working away in my studio so I feel like you've been on this journey with me. Thanks for making me laugh, even on the bleakest of days. My website is www.daisyanddragondesign.co.uk. That's www.daisyanddragondesign.co.uk at Daisy and Dragon Design on social media. Oh, lovely.

Well, good luck with that. It's nice when it comes out of something nice and then it becomes a business. So good on you. I've got one here. This one actually, listeners, you're in for a 10% discount here. We're giving back.

So we're giving a shout out, but now the shout outs are giving back to you, to our lovely Parenting Hell listeners, PHLs. Yeah, PHLs. PHLs. Anyway,? PHLs. Um, PHLs. Anyway,

hi, Robin, Josh. I've been listening to your podcast all the way through the end of my first maternity leave last year, lockdown. And again, now I'm back on leave with my six year old,

six week old. Sorry. That's a long maternity leave. And it's six years. Um, Josh is a couple of weeks ahead of me with the sleepless newborn experience. It feels like we're living the same lives. Anyway, I'm hoping you'll consider us for your small business shout out.

We're at a takeaway coffee and sandwich bar in St Albans with a tiny team of six absolute legends who have kept going throughout lockdowns. Even the first one when it was just me and my husband going in alone to keep us afloat and ensure we had jobs to return to. We serve up epic toasties, homemade baked treats, and specialty coffees with good vibes and great chat every day. Sounds like a radio station. Find us in the Maltings Central St. Albans. Such like a weird English village place that if you're near there, you know what that means.

But I've got fucking no idea where Maltings Central St. Albans. Is that a place? I've got no idea where malting central st albans what that is that a place malting central idea i've got no idea train station god knows find us in the maltings central it's probably a shopping center google it josh google it while i read out the website maltings central st albans or check out our website www.kioskstalbans.com anyone who mentions parenting health podcast when ordering can get a 10% discount on toasties until the end of August. Best wishes, Tensie and Team Kiosk. So that's Kiosk St Albans.

It's a shopping centre. The Maltings. The Maltings. If you want 10% off a toasty. I mean, I wouldn't travel beyond St Albans for that. It's not worth the journey, but if you're from St Albans. We both did St Albans Comedy Festival recently, didn't we, Rob? Yes, that was good fun. It's not worth the journey, but if you're from St. Albans, we both did St. Albans Comedy Festival recently,

didn't we, Rob? Yes, that was good fun. It was absolutely lovely, wasn't it? And I did not give a 10% discount to the promoter for that. No, you did not. Oh, they do pancakes. They do all sorts.

Let's see how much a toasty is. Let's see what kind of discount we're getting here. Oh, add vegan sausage. Tuna melts, 450. Look at that 45p discount here, guys. Actually, fuck it. If you're listening in, you know, Cumbria, get yourself on a train. Get down there.

It's worth the pennies. Look after the pennies, the pounds to look after themselves. Exactly. Get a cab on the school run. Look after those pennies. It's a long journey. Practice what you preach. It is a bit of a pain of a journey, that, to be fair to you, if you like.

Yeah. You've got to walk it you, if you like. Yeah. You've got to walk it or bus, isn't it? Yeah. You can't drive nowhere to park? Nowhere to park. You've got to zone five it, mate. Your life will be so much easier. What you save in cabs, what you could get, the garden you could get in zone five.

Yeah, but every story you tell about zone five involves men that sound quite scary, Rob. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right, actually. Yeah. It is like that here. scary, Rob. Yeah. Yeah, because, yeah, yeah. You're right, actually, yeah. It is like that here.

But once you live here, they let you in. They look after you, Josh. I'm not joining the mafia, Rob. Not with that voice. I'm not joining the mafia. We'll be back on Friday. Yep, see you on Friday.

Bye.