Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP10: Harriet Kemsley

Episode Date: February 25, 2022

S04 EP10: Harriet Kemsley Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Harriet Kemsley. Tickets are available for Harriet's tour 'Honeysuckle Island ' now at: harrietkemsley.comAnd yes you heard it right, we are very excited to announce we are doing two HUGE live shows in early 2023 - Manchester Arena (Friday 14th April) and London 02 (Friday 21st April) and tickets are now on general sale but going fast!! Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Introducing Tim's new Savory Pinwheels, the perfect flaky and flavourful snack for those on the go, like me, who's recording this while snacking. Ooh, delicious. Try the roasted red pepper and Swiss or caramelised onion and parmesan pinwheels only at Tim's at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Cassius, say Rob Beckett.

Rob Beckett. And Josh Willicombe. Josh Willicombe. Now, Rob, this is Cassius, and this is from Pavel. Cassius is spelt K-A-S-J-U-S-Z. Oh, okay. And Pavel, is it Czech Republic? Pavel is spelt P-A-W-E-L.

Oh, Polish or Czech? They're Polish, yes. Because I've known Pavel in Czech Republic. It's all based on footballers. It's P-A-V-E-L. Yeah, exactly. So it's, yeah, they're Polish. Where are they living?

I would say 98% of my geography knowledge is basedVEL. Yeah, exactly. So it's, yeah, but they're Polish. Where are they living? I would say 98% of my geography knowledge is based on football. 100%. Some of the pronunciations I can do of football clubs people have never heard of and then I struggle

with things like minutiae, minutiae. It's embarrassing. This is Cassius. And then he's put in brackets, Cassius in your dialect. He is a four-year-old and lives in Exeter.

Big up, Josh. As he grows, he learns two languages at the same time. Add to that regular parenting of two lads, an older one is nine. Both myself and his mother are Polish and live in Devon for over 10 years, hence two languages for the boys. I listened to your mumbo jumbo from the beginning.

Mumbo jumbo. Mumbo jumbo. One of my favourite things is when people that I've learned in a new language pick up on a really funny turn of phrase. Henny Venn does it all the time. With this and that. You know, like, mumbo jumbo is such a funny, weird turn of phrase. Imagine hearing that for the first time when you're learning English.

I listened to your mumbo jumbo from the beginning and have to say that you're the best. The mumbo jumbo boys. The mumbo jumbo boys are in town. Thanks a lot for keeping me sane working nights as a bus driver. Love Josh's appearance on Malcolm Dudgers' St Elwick newsletter podcast

Went to Rob on it. That's Mike Wozniak's podcast which is very good. That's about Exeter. Cheers, Pavel. Last thing is I don't have an opinion on Marmite. Take it or leave it. All the best, Pav. Pav, thanks, Pav. Another great Exeter podcast. I wonder what... Oh, I almost said the most boring thing I've ever said, Rob. Gomite. Take it or leave it. All the best, Pav. Pav, thanks, Pav. Another great exit of the podcast. Oh, I almost said the most boring thing I've ever said.

Go on, mate. I was going to say, I wonder what route he drives. He can't be work nights. There's no bus that goes past about 10 o'clock in Exeter. Yeah, that's an interesting point, actually. He works in later shifts. Come on, Pav, don't talk shit to me. None of that mumbo-jumbo bullshit, yeah?

Another good exit of the podcast is... Oh, my new football club david earl and joe wilkinson who uh they're in afterlife play the postman and the sort of uh old pervy bloke brian gittins they are really good friends really funny comedians and they talk about exeter football club david's moved down to exeter and he started supporting them and it's all about supporting a lower football lower league football club and it's really funny so it's funny anyway for you just like two two people being funny but if you're into football it's amazing hearing someone sort of discover a new football club but yeah give that a listen my new football club really funny um i should add also that um sarah pascoe on the topic of exeter did you see sarah pascoe's had a baby yeah and um i musingly uh commented under her picture,

are you free to record a podcast? And she replied that the one bit of prep she'd done for parenthood was listening to our Tom Parry episode. I don't know if that helps or not. I was thinking that is a big mistake. That is a big mistake. That's always the worst thing you could have listened to. Oh, do you want a little bit of update on my life, Rob?

Yeah, always. You know we're not moving. Oh, you were thinking about moving, but you want a little bit of update on my life, Rob? Yeah, always. You know we're not moving. Oh, you were thinking about moving, but you're definitely not now. Yeah, well, my wife this morning sent me a listing for a house that's just around the corner from us. Okay. I don't like it, but it's interesting to see it. Okay, fair enough.

I think she wants to move, and she's worried that you don't want to. That's the vibe I'm getting from that. I don't like it, but it's interesting to see it. It's fine. Yeah. And then an hour later, she sent me a Google map that has the suggested time that it would take to get from there to my daughter's school next year. Yeah.

And I did think, for someone who doesn't like this house, that is a lot of thought. So are you moving or not? No. We're going to go and look around the house out of interest, Rob. What is that all about? It sounds like you're moving, mate. It doesn't sound like... It really sounds like you're moving.

No, we're not moving. But you're going to look at a house that's closest to the kids' school. We're just going to go and look at a house for something to do because our lives aren't busy enough. Yeah, we hate it. Just have a look. Go look at that house that's got loads more space. Fucking hell, fuck my life

now your kids started crawling you're moving you're moving you're moving you're moving mate absolutely signed

sealed and fucking delivered you'll be moving next year thank you very much I think do you know what I think we need to get on with the interview

you are fucked mate you're going there we need to get on with this interview you thought you was in a nice little house. I don't have to get stressed.

We've just got it done up. You're going to have to learn. We've just got it done up. What a waste of money. Can I make a prediction? No, I think you have. I think you have. You're buying that house.

And for our listeners, here's a little fun game. Spot Josh on shows he wouldn't normally do, but now he's trying to buy a new house and he needs the money coming in. Right, Rob, let's just make it clear. We're all the way. Blankety blank, here he comes. I'm not the most, I am doing blankety blank.

Slavery juice. I've never been voted slavery juice. We're in a fucking jungle by the end of it. That's a beautiful, that is a beautiful, lovely home and I can't wait to visit. No, Rob, We're not moving. Okay, let's clip that up. If Michael can clip that up

and we'll play that on the episode called We're Moving House. Okay, fine. And it starts with, we're not moving and then you move. Fucking hell. Anyway, right,

shall we do the interview? Oh, for God's sake. Who is it this week? Harriet Kemsley? Harriet Kemsley, who is one of my absolute favourite comedians. She's brilliant. She's so funny.

She's got such a kind of, shall we say, individual personality. Yeah, she's one of a kind. You're just like so excited to hear how she's getting on. And I think as well, when you see, because she's with Bobby Mayer, who's sort of a bit of an out there comedian. And when you see that on paper, you go, well, Harriet's with, you see them like pictures together. You think, Harriet's with Bobby.

And as soon as you hear Harriet speak or talk to Harriet, you go, yeah, of course she is. It works perfectly. And they're a lovely couple. They've got a lovely, beautiful baby. She's on tour. She's on tour. He's on tour.

Go and see him live. Listen to the show and enjoy it. She's absolutely brilliant, Harriet. And it'll be a pleasure to talk to her. Welcome, Harriet Kemsley, to the podcast. How are you? Hello. Good.

How are you? Very good, thank you. I'm a big fan of yours, Harriet. How are you? Hello, good. How are you? Very good, thank you. I'm a big fan of yours, Harriet. You make me laugh a lot. I'm a big fan of you guys. That's nice. It helps. I remember the first time I saw you, Harriet, was in like, I was comparing like a new act competition. Oh no. Do you remember this? I don't even know what it was. I think I do. Was it was it um i went through a phase

where i wore a backpack on stage yeah that was it i remember that it doesn't make any sense the problem was i swayed a lot on stage and the thing with the backpack is it made me still because it was quite heavy. Oh, no. It acted as an anchor. Yes, I had to anchor myself. Otherwise, I was too swayey. But then the problem was then I had a backpack, which was just mad.

Kanye West did it, didn't he, for a bit, his first album? I'm a lot like Kanye, yeah. What kind of backpack was it? Oh, we don't need to talk about it, Rob. It was just like a stripy backpack that was kind of backpack was it oh we don't need to talk about it rob um it was just like a stripy backpack that was kind of loaded yeah just loaded down with some weights to try and keep me still and give me some kind of gravity i guess just a few notebooks it wasn't like a brick oh wow um so harry can you let the listeners know what your setup indoors is what's the what's the kid situation i have just had a baby six weeks ago um so soon yeah i'm here for tips um

basically yeah so um a baby and um a dog which you can probably hear i'm really sorry how old's the dog the dog is just over a year. Still sort of semi puppy stage then. It's really difficult. I think the mistake was I treated the dog like a baby. That happens a lot. If you get the dog before the baby. And I carried the dog around like a baby.

And I said, you're my baby. Then the baby came and I was like, see you later. But the dog thinks it's a baby still. And so it's quite intense. We travel everywhere together. When I'm breastfeeding, the dog also sits on my lap.

We travel around. What dog is it? It's a Bernard. It's a Cavapoo. Okay, so at least it's small. At least he's small, yeah. But yeah, it's a lot he hasn't handled it very well um at one point i was breastfeeding and i looked down and he was in

the bedroom and the dog was staring at me and pissing at the same time which felt like a message i have to say fluid everywhere yeah exactly just chaos yeah flow and so have you got boy or girl got a little girl called Mabel yeah so little baby Mabel and who's Mabel at the moment now you're doing this oh she's yeah the dog's with her

so my husband Bobby is with her right now Bobby Mair comedian so you're both comedians yes there's no paternity leave is there or maternity leave Bobby is with her right now. Bobby Mayer, comedian. So you're both comedians. Yes. Well, there's no paternity leave, is there? Or maternity leave? No. I worked with you about a week ago, Harriet.

Yes. Yeah, that was my first thing back. You were on hypothetical. And how was it? Was that the first time you've left the baby to work? Yeah. So it was great. But in the build-up on the day, I was like, I can't do this.

I was sobbing on the toilet. And Bobby was like, oh, come on. Just got to make a choice whether you cry or not. Different approach. Yeah. And then I left and then I was absolutely fine. So I think it was. Yeah, it was good.

And it was I mean, what we do is so silly. You know, it just felt like a break in a way. It was lovely. Yeah. So you haven't done any stand-up gigs? No, I'm doing some at the end of, I don't even know what day it is, the end of this week,

me and Bobby are doing some shows together at Top Secret. Oh, so you shift baby shifts? Bring the baby, yeah. That's a great idea. So I'm going to open and he's going to close. And then, yeah, either I'll leave early with the baby or we'll hang around in the car or in the green room. Oh, that's a really good idea.

That's a good idea. And when's your tour? You're on tour. When's your tour start? So my tour starts, I'm going to do Edinburgh. So I'm going to start previewing and do Edinburgh and then tour after, like from September. So that's August.

And you're going to take Bobby and the baby and you are going to have a flat in Edinburgh? Yeah. And do Edinburgh? Yes. And then you're off on tour. And what's the tour called? It's called Honeysuckle Islanduckle island honeysuckle island okay yeah obviously

yeah so it's based on um just during lockdown i was looking through some stuff i made as a kid and um i made this um you had to like make a brochure when you were like 11 about this dream holiday destination so i made this island called honeysuckle island and it was like perfect had like pools and like um zip lines like everything you want on a perfect island for 11 year old and then in the corner i'd stuck a cellulite machine oh my god it's like looking at how how we kind of get those messages quite a bit too young really i was actually gonna argue a bit late. I mean, about eight or nine, you should be worried about that person.

Okay, that's an interesting perspective, Rob. Yeah, we all have different views. I'll try and argue that as well, yeah. It's good to show a fair, balanced argument, I'd say, Harriet. Got to be balanced these days, Rob, you're right. Brilliant, that sounds amazing. How are you feeling about, like, taking the family to Edinburgh and, like... Because, obviously, a lot of people,

they have a long period where they go I'm not working at all yeah did you consider doing that well I think the thing is we work so harder so long or what we do that it's it's hard to kind of just be like see you guys in a year yeah you lose momentum as well it's horrible to say but it is true in this kind of industry because you only you get you're hot for a bit and you get your chances so if you go missing for a year other people slip in don't they that that's i don't know if that's true stop these people people that aren't having kids from slipping in no so it's partly that where you don't want to kind of lose what you've worked at and also i

mean there's been a lockdown which is another thing where you're just like i just want to do things and go places. And I also I love what I do. So and we're so lucky that it's not like a nine to five where you leave at eight and get back. So let's you miss the baby all day. Like, yeah, often we're just on stage for like 20 minutes, an hour and the whole rest of the time you can write while the baby's asleep. So it is working at the moment. Well, yeah, I do think you're quite lucky in a way. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

How much writing while the baby's asleep have you been doing harry uh three novels so far yeah how's it all going though the baby like you and bobby enjoying it or is it still that mad no sleep stage you know what i actually am enjoying it i am i think i heard so many bad things about it beforehand and i think i take everything quite literally so i was like this is it's just going to be horrific and you just have to get through it and actually it's been a bit of a pleasant surprise which is which is quite nice i think but um it's good i'm definitely very tired and it um so just to confirm you are you're not you're not in the doubt about that you know no i'm very tired and um what's mad is it just you think like being pregnant i was really tired and then you have the baby and there's no break in between and you really think there should be a break but there's

not you just go straight into it i've just given birth minute. Take the baby away for a week. Please, would you just take the baby for a second so I can have a little recoup? Brush my hair or something. Let me, please. But you're straight in. I'm going to clean myself up and have a sit down. Exactly. Exactly. Oh, wow.

How was the birth? Oh, God. It was fine. What happened was I did all these like hypnotherapy things and read all these books and everyone was like whatever you do just do it naturally and it'll be fine i watched a video of a woman having a lovely birth and i was like oh that's what i'll try and do and then i they were like oh you have to get induced because the there was a slight problem with the umbilical cord. But everyone had told me in all these things,

don't get induced. It will hurt more. It's worse for the baby, all this stuff. But of course, as soon as there's a problem, you're like, obviously, I'm going to get induced. Also, induced, it sounds like a medical word, but it sort of just, doesn't a midwife just sort of poke about a bit?

Yeah, it's a bit more than that, Rob. What do they do? because i don't know yeah that's fair enough um i've never been induced never been induced and i don't feel right googling it we should give it a go sometime i'll get on youtube i've actually been inducing some women just to find out what it is to be more informed for the pod yeah it's good good good feminist move um it's uh no that was actually the worst bit so they yeah they put this thing and it was actually it was quite lovely to begin with um because it was like it was near christmas we were um at saint thomas's

so you're like me and bobby went for a walk along the south bank it was lovely and then um i went to sleep the midwives were so nice and it was all good and then the next i started to wake up in the night with contract they were like it's going to take And then the next, I started to wake up in the night with contract. They were like, it's going to take three to five days. You're going to be here. I packed for literally a week. And I was like,

I'm moving in. And they were like, it's going to take ages. But then I started to get contractions quite quickly. And the midwife in the, well, like within like 12 hours. And then the midwife in the morning was like,

oh, you're contracting like twice in 10 minutes. Like it looks like it's on its way and then um that midwife disappeared and i think they were quite a puff of smoke yeah she just i don't maybe i was hallucinating i don't know you never saw her again never saw her again so she she disappeared and then i think they were kind of staffed because it was covid and it was all quite stressful so i was like don't worry i've got this and um i was timing myself and then I called Bobby at like 10 30 and I was like because he had to go home and I was like come back it's on I'm in the time frame it's all

good but then there was a new midwife and she turned up and then she wasn't really paying attention I was like I'm really I'm very much in labor now and she was like cool see you later and then she came back she said i really i was i really could do with some kind of pain relief or something she was like i'll go get a paracetamol and then she disappeared for a while so yeah then they were kind of like oh yeah maybe something is but they had i still had the pessary thing and that's the thing with the induction and that was actually the most painful thing it i don't know what happened but really hurt my vagina and um they say that about labor they do yeah they do and so they had to try and get that out first but

i was like i was like it was all really stressful it went mad in there for a bit and then bobby fired the midwives he fired them yeah so it actually was the right choice because it was all getting really intense and they were kind of yelling at me a little bit and um it was really mad and then he was like look you guys just need to step outside for a minute um because i like couldn't speak and so they left but then the problem then we were like yeah this is great we're in control but then the problem was we didn't have a midwife um sorry harry you were trying to get bobby mayor your husband to deliver your and no offense to bobby i don't think i'd let him deliver a letter no no that's very fair yeah that is fair but to be fair they were were all shouting at me and it was really intense.

What were they shouting? They were just like, breathe, breathe. And I was like, I'm trying to breathe. And he was like, he could just tell that I was really upset because they were trying to get this thing out and it really hurt. And he was like, she just needs a minute. Oh, yeah, that's fair enough. And I kept saying, can we have the other midwife back? And they were like, no, she's gone.

And then, so yeah, then we didn't have a midwife for a while. So it was a little bit stressful. And then the head midwife was like, you should have a midwife. And we were like, that's fair. That's a fair comment, head midwife. You would say that, wouldn't you? You and your cronies. It's a racket.

They're running a racket here. Only the midwife deliver the babies around here. What's going on? This other midwife was on her lunch and um when she finished her lunch she came and she realized quite quickly that um i was very much giving birth and so then um i gave birth and um she was brilliant and she was really um on it but like i wanted an epidural i wanted all the pain relief it was too late because no one was paying attention that's exactly what happened to lou the same thing happened where sort of

it came along really quickly and they were like you're fine you're fine it's not going to happen for a bit yeah they didn't but maybe it's because

you're quite chilled Lou's very chilled and downplayed which I think maybe you're a bit like that as well you don't want to make a fuss yeah exactly

but I think you definitely should make a fuss it's not your fault it's their fault because they should be aware of people who don't make a fuss. And that happened to us. And then all of a sudden I was like, I was running around the hospital going,

I need someone to help me get this baby out. And then about three all come in. I think when there's like three midwives, they all sort of argue and it gets a bit loud and shouty. That was it. It was very shouty. With the second one, Lou had an epidural and then we had the same midwife all the way. And then it was longer. So then there was a handover.

You know when someone goes on holiday in an office. So I think you had a bit of a similar experience to what Lou had. And Lou had no pain relief whatsoever. And I don't know how you did that. That was absolutely insane. Did you get to do any of your meditation or any of your... Did you put the playlist on during the firing of the midwife? No.

At the beginning, it was going great. I had this app thing. any of your did you put the palettes on during the firing of the midwife no there was I was at the beginning it was going great I had this app thing I was like Bobby I don't need you I've got this app and then I was like

you just have to press the button to start it but then it'd often be quite slow to start it so I was like I'll just press the button

and so then I was doing the breathing I was really into it it was all really good and then they gave me some morphine which I didn't even know was an option

and that just made me go a then they gave me some morphine, which I didn't even know was an option. And that just made me go a bit mad. Oh, when I had morphine, I'd say it's the best experience of my life. I realised I was in a less stressful situation. I was just having my appendix out. You were in the healing field to Glastonbury, to be fair. Yeah.

When did you have morphine? I had my appendix out. They put me on morphine afterwards. And I was just having the time of my life. Genuinely. I wouldn't say it was the time of my life, Josh. No, I wouldn't. But I'm glad you had the nice time. Yeah.

And I don't think an appendix in a child would be removed. They're the same thing. Also, I shouldn't have got Bobby Mayer to remove my appendix. That was a mistake. That's a mistake. That's a mistake. That's a mistake.

He fired the surgeon. That was a huge error. Can't wait to get Bobby on to get his version of events of fire in the midwife. When you say fired, did he use the word fired at any point? No, he said,

you've all got to get out. So, yeah, and so they left. I would listen. He's quite authoritative when he wants to be, isn't he? Yeah, and he was, because he'd gone to all these classes and they were like,

you have to advocate for her. You have to be her voice. he? Yeah, and he was, because he'd gone to all these classes and they were like, you have to advocate for her. You have to be her voice. And I literally, I couldn't speak. And it was what I would have wanted him to say. So he did. But then, yeah, he was so sweet. Then I was like properly like in the zone with the morphine. And I was like, and he kept trying to give me water.

And I was like, and he was like, your lips are really dry. And I was like, that's not my priority right now. Like I'm not worried. And then the baby started to come out. Andby kept trying to go down to that end and i was like stay up here apparently at one point i like grabbed him by the shirt and was like stay at this end um and then um but then the baby started to come out and um i was like what does it look like and then he was like oh uh what had happened is it came out and because I didn't have time for my waters to break. And so she came out in the sack.

And so we didn't know that it was in a sack. And so he was like, oh, let's just wait and see what happens. That's not what you want, is it? Yeah, exactly. I was like, what? He was like, I don't know. We'll just wait a minute. She's all out.

Oh, I'm fucking kidding. Let me have a look at the full thing before I give you an appraisal. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Just give me a minute. So what happens when it comes out in the sack? Do they have to pop it as it's coming out or they do it when it's out? Yeah.

Is it an option to keep it in the sack forever? Apparently it used to be lucky. Like you could buy the sacks and stuff. But yeah, we didn't sell it what like as a kind of bag for life yeah yeah just to just to carry your nappies in and stuff you could wear it on stage harry as a rucksack there we go yeah that would be nice is there an option to keep it in the sack well let it out at the age of 18 i guess there is that option yeah yeah like an egg.

Oh God, I've just Googled it. It's quite the sight in the sack, isn't it? Yeah. If you don't know what's going on, poor thing. He didn't know it was in the sack. He was just like, oh no. What phrase did you Google, Rob? I Googled baby born in sack.

Oh God. There's a couple of really weird things that have come up that I don't think are related to it. Oh dear. Yeah, so yeah. I wouldn't say that's a go-to weird things that have come up that I don't think are related to it. Oh, dear. Yeah, so, yeah. I wouldn't say that's a go-to. A pop-in induced. Let's do that instead. How was it when you got home, like, that first night?

Because, like, that first night is such a big thing and it feels so kind of different to everything that's gone before. Yeah, it was mad. It was kind of wonderful. It felt like we didn't know what we were doing like at the hospital the next day at like 11 o'clock they were like okay we're gonna give like um a talk about like how to give the baby alive and so me and bobby went in and they were like oh um no men just the women and then i was like i feel like

this is something that he could really um learn from it might be a good thing for the men to have as well. But they were like, no, men, because some of the women might breastfeed. And so then they just told you all this information. And then I left and Bobby was like, so what do you do? And I was like, I don't know. I'm still so tired from the morphine. Yeah, you need someone who's awake,

but not on drugs to listen. Yeah, exactly. Also as well, like, if women are breastfeeding all the time, is that because the women might be uncomfortable doing it? I think so i do get it but it's like i just feel like it sets you up early on that the women know stuff but then we went home and then it was nice but it felt like oh no i really should have paid more attention to the talk and then we're at home and then it was all good but then i think i wasn't breastfeeding properly but they told me i was

kind of doing it all right but I think nothing was really coming out and then the midwife came to visit the next day and um she was like how's it going I was like it's okay but I don't really know if she's feeding and then she was like oh my god so then she came which is never a good sign exactly I know and then I started crying so I was like oh no what have I done wrong and um then she came and she was like oh I think she's a bit jaundiced um so then we had to go back to the hospital so I was like oh no what have I done wrong and then she came and she was like oh I think she's a bit jaundiced so then we had to go back to the hospital

so that was really stressful but then she was oh it's horrible yeah it just felt so stressful but then it was fine but then we came back and then that night she just wouldn't feed

and then she'd lost weight because of the jaundice so we were just so worried oh god it's so hard I'm getting flashbacks of hours of struggle with breastfeeding and we were wondering if she'd had enough and then we was checking the nappy just to see if she had any wee because if she's dehydrated it's horrible isn't it and you're

trying the bed and then the pressure on the mum is so awful because they're so like you've got breasts you got and you know and you're trying your best but some people just can't or it's just not working and then you get more ill and stressed because you're worrying about it it's so brutal that stage it's hard and then then the midwife called back the next day because what had happened is she hadn't fed for hours and so we were like we've got to feed her something so we gave her some formula and then the midwife called she was really nice but she called the next day and then she was like so what happened i was like we gave a bit of formula and she was like oh god and then she came round again. Oh, fuck off. Has she got a catch? Has she got a catch, Price?

That's unbelievable. But it annoys me. It's like a fucking some sort of cult. The midwives and the brides. I know it's good for a breast milk. I'm not,

but you've got to, if your kid's not eating nothing and it's not coming out, fucking he's got to have some ink. It was the longest night and it was like seven in the morning. We were like, I don't think she's eating anything.

We've got to give her something. And so then, yeah, then she was, and then, then Bobby got cross with her about the breastfeeding thing because it makes you feel bad yeah and he was like you've got to stop pushing this breastfeeding like she's trying and she was like yeah but you just gotta you know just feed her every three hours and i was like that's not happening um but then she was really good she was very patient and like we got there in the end but yeah it was it was just, yeah, it just feels horrible.

So are you breastfeeding now? We're breastfeeding. But why do I say we? I guess me and her. We're breastfeeding together. And the dog. Yeah, and the dog as well, wherever we go. But yeah, and then I'm pumping a bit.

And Bobby's doing some of the night feeds. Yeah, I think that's really important. That makes it a lot easier. Because then the dad feels like they can help and they can and you can get some sleep and then it's rather than it all being on you so i think that's a good way to do it so it's really good but um then so then he's we've been sleeping in different beds but then it doesn't always work because like last night he would sleep next to her but um she was crying and he didn't even wake up so i woke up in the other room and i took her out of the crib

and then took her into the other room and fed her. So it's not 100% foolproof, I'd say. Yeah, that happened. We are in a very similar experience to what me and Lou had. And Lou still gives me shit for that now. I just do not hear the kids crying. And I'm not actively not, even when Lou used to go away and I had the kids, I'd have to just stay awake all night because if I fell asleep and they needed me,

I wouldn't get up. I used to set alarms every hour or so. Oh, that's horrible. So what is it that would mean you just sleep through it, Rob? I don't quite... Like, you just are such a heavy sleeper. But you're waking up for the alarms. Yeah, but that's right next to my head on full blast

and it's like a nuclear fallout, you know, that alarm on your phone. But no, when I'm with Lou, Lou will always hear them cry before me so she'll be laying there and then she'd have to wake me and by the time i've stirred and gone what who's crying where so what do they need and she's she would have just done it but then um but yeah but um yeah i just i'm just a massively deep sleeper but i think i grew up in a busier house than her um with people coming in and going all the time working shifts and stuff where her house was a bit more of a nine to five house and bigger and quieter but i lived in a little out little house that had loads of people

coming late from work and she don't mean my brothers used to come in for like working in a restaurant at like midnight and i'd be we shared a room and he'd come in and turn the light and get changed and i'd just sleep through it because you just sort of get used to it so that's my excuse i don't know if it's true or not. Or I just don't love my kids. Yeah, either that or you're just ignoring them, yeah. We'll go with the first one just for the reputation of the podcast, I think.

Oh, well, well done. For such a stressful start, Harry, it sounds like you're absolutely smashing it. So well done, because that's not an easy beginning. You're very cheery about your stressful start. Yeah, well, now it does feel like we're quite lucky in a way like she is pretty good and so it was stressed it was stressful and then four days later was christmas and we um god we went down we went back to kent for christmas which was insane that's where you're from right yeah yeah that's where i'm from yeah whereabouts in

kent are you from harriet near canterbury like, like Favisham. Oh, yeah, I know Favisham. So, yeah, we went down, and I don't really know how we did that. That is an amazing decision to make. Yeah. Four days in. How was family Christmas? I don't remember.

I don't know. I don't know how it was. I don't know. Yeah, I think it was... It was lovely. And what was so nice is that she was so young and she got to be with all my family and that was so lovely. But I was, I'd say, at my wits' end.

That's a really stressful time. Sorry to carry it, to have the baby, because that was the week before Christmas when we didn't know that Omicron was a bit more milder. We didn't know that it was going to peak and tail off and people would get it, but it'd sort of be okay to a point. You know what I mean? With cases, that must have been a really anxiety-ridden time

because just trying to get to someone's house for Christmas at all was hard work, never mind with a newborn, like three days old. Yeah, it was in the build-up it was mad because I would have kept geeking a bit longer, but then kind of in early December, like, you were like, it just felt really dangerous and everyone around us felt like they were getting COVID. And then I was doing gigs and everyone just gets drunker in December.

And like a woman came up and like kissed me on the head. And I'm like so like visibly pregnant. A pregnant woman. I know. You're just like, I don't know if I can keep gigging. This is mad. When do you think you got it? Probably when the drunk woman kissed my face after work.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. How was it gigging pregnant? It was actually great. I i think that did it anchor you to the spot was that one of the advantages i couldn't sway i was very still i had a front backpack it was great you had to have a backpack on to kind of counterbalance didn't you exactly um so yeah it was good it felt weird at the beginning when i wasn't kind of talking about it i didn't talk about it until like over halfway through and so that you sometimes feel like you're being a bit fake or things would stand up like

it's kind of it felt like I was not being completely honest on stage and so that was a bit weird but then when I could talk about it it was um it was so fun it just felt like a lot like with Covid and then being pregnant it just it all felt like quite stressful it was also really fun I think people don't necessarily expect to see a pregnant woman on stage so it's quite fun yeah well it's hard in comedy because basically a lot of your set is the preconceptions of the audience of what you sound and look like you know you walk on stage and they make a judgment and then normally you look and sound like what your persona is but then quite wrongly being pregnant sort of becomes like oh that's her thing and you go well no she's not Harriet's lacked

and she's got a whole routine and sets of jokes imagine the frustration if you'd written your best ever routine about being pregnant and you know I've only got this

for three more months I saw Dara O'Brien and he wasn't pregnant but he had a bad knee and he had a walking stick and he had loads of material about his walking stick and I went

how's it going and he went well the knee's getting better but annoyingly I literally can't do the jokes about the walking stick anymore so i'm logging it out a bit so he had all these routines about it yeah so yeah i just have to get pregnant again i guess if i want to use those jokes and how's the sleeping going at this moment then are you tired because you're generally tired of having a baby by having a baby or are you not getting much sleep we i think we are managing to get some sit

because we're doing these shifts and so if bobby wakes up then it's great but um i think what's so tiring i think is just the relentlessness of it it's like and it's like the constant anxiety that if you're not staring at her and you can see that she's breathing that something could have happened yeah yeah totally yes that's amazing it's mad i remember it you just have to even when they're asleep just keep looking at their chest just in case it's awful yeah exactly when they sleep for longer than normal you can't enjoy it because you you're so paranoid so say you're like oh god i wish she'd just do another hour of nap and then the day she does the last hour is absolute oh it's just the worst hour ever just keep checking is she right keep checking and you eventually wake her up to check she's alive and then you're like why have i done

that it's exactly yeah that's exactly it it's just it's just the fear that's the um that's the worst bit and just being on high alert and sometimes you're just like i just don't just getting up is tiring you know i mean you're just like i just want to sit and stay sitting for a bit yeah there's constant things well i've got i've got a six-year-old and a four-year-old harriet and i wake up every morning going fucking hell that's sort of how it starts fucking hell like fucking hell the stuff that I've got to get to school I fucking hell that just feels like my immediate thought

is there's something happening here what are we going to do you don't do your morning meditation no your morning pages no I fucking hell and then

choke down a coffee be shit at Wordle and then do the school run with shit air that's basically my life at the moment it's actually all about your attitude Rob you've got to work on your attitude I know

start the day being grateful yeah morning to yourself Rob can you imagine like so imagine in 15 years you're going to wake up

and you're not going to have anything you need to do in the first hour and a half of your day oh my god and the same applies

to you Harriet but probably in about 18 years it's got to be longer than 15 i'll still have stuff to do but my recycling if i started breaking it down now where it's basically turning into a fly tip down my side of my house i reckon that's a that's a three-month non-stop job just got to raise the kids and then you can deal with the recycling it's like it's like lou's trolling me She's ordering stuff just to throw the box out.

And she just launches it out. Like, still fully built. Like, not even attempting to sort of rip a few. Like, fully built. So it's like a big, massive square. Sat out there and I just,

oh, this never ends. No. Sorry, I'm really bringing the mood down, guys. Do you know what the mad thing is? Rob's the positive one on this podcast. He's got a joyful energy

To talking about how intense And sad it is Yeah the restart That's sort of an internal issue between me and Lou That does need to be resolved But I've not had the confidence to bring it up So I just sort of vent on here And hope she sort of may or may not hear this bit

But she has been starting to listen to the podcast again So it is a bit stressful Because you know other people moan about their other halves at work. But then if your work is being broadcast to her phone and her friend's phones, it does raise the stakes. It's just quite a passive aggressive way to start an argument, isn't it? Yeah, it's like the old fashioned. It's like a kind of modern version of like writing a note on the fridge.

I'll be like, you need to do this for you to sing on a podcast. What's up with you? I tell you what, why don't you have a little listen to the harriet kemsley episode for 28 minutes you'll find out what's up with me queen of boxes and how's it how's is bobby enjoying it then yeah i think so the thing is bobby is just so calm which is great but then it feels like you have to become the opposite. Do you know what I mean? It feels like there's a balance, which is that if he's going to be calm, then I have to be the really paranoid, stressed one. Yeah, he's too relaxed about it.

Someone needs to be overcautious to balance it out. Yeah, so I kind of want to... Yeah, he needs to become a bit more highly strong and I need to relax a little bit and we'll make a middle ground and that'll be great. Have you had any illnesses yet? Like, has the baby got ill at all? I'll bring the mood down, mate.

I'm just talking about my own experience, Rob. I am the positive one. I'm only about recycling. But no, the first delivery of cowpoles was always quite an intense moment. We haven't had that yet. She did vomit all over me and the bed last night. But I think that's just...

That's just, yeah. That's just babies, isn't it? Regular Tuesday. I'll tell you what's good. I don't know if you've got a temperature reader they put in their ear. Have you got one of those? Is it meant to go in the ear? That's interesting.

Oh, no kidding. Where have you been putting it doesn't matter um i uh no we had we had a thermometer but but will you be buying a new one before you put it in our ear because it feels like if you've been putting it no i put it in the mouth but because i googled it but i didn't know but i think it's yeah i think it's definitely yeah oh i've only done it once sorry i don't mean them annoying people who've got older kids but that is funny sorry the problem is you google things to get all the information but they tell you the wrong information i went for the six week check yesterday and i googled it and i was like do you need to have

like a vagina like exam or um do they just check like just ask you how you are for you not the baby yeah for me for me and then i was like because i can't be bothered to have a shower and so everyone on the internet said don't worry about it you're fine and i went in and she was like okay take your pants off and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i haven't had a shower and she was like don't worry i used to work in the std clinic i've seen all sorts um so but the worrying thing is if she says that to you and then when you do sit on the chair she goes oh my god exactly here we go oh harry to be fair there are some thermometers that are in the mouth the little okay and there are ones that are here so i don't know what when you've got

but there are inner ear ones digital i'd recommend a digital inner ear one it is digital which would suggest it doesn't go in the mouth i think it's probably ear because well no digit yeah so like it beeps out yeah but there are mouth ones i think have the little plastic hats that you put on the end is that the one you're talking about or is it a little pokey like a pen nib or is it thicker yeah it's more it's pokey i think you've got a mouth one but i'd recommend the ear one because it's easier and you can do it when they're sleeping and stuff and um and it just puts your mind at rest if with their temperature and stuff okay great but yeah they're about 20 quid i think like on amazon or super drug or wherever you want to go i just got a pack of things to keep a baby alive basically and it just had like all the stuff but then it

doesn't have no i would invest in a 20 quid. It's about 20. They're about 20 quid. You can get more expensive ones, but they're a bit unnecessarily precise. You don't need them ones. But they're about 20, 30 quid, but they're really handy.

Amazing. You can do it on yourself as well. Oh, fun. Yeah, you can take the temperature. I do it with my steaks. Just in the ear of the cow. What else is in the keep the baby alive pack harriet i don't know we haven't got that far yet we just um she had a little bit of a rash so i was a little bit panicked and so then i was like thermometer but um and then i'm stuck in her mouth so we've only

that's all we've got but i think there might be some scissors maybe i'm not sure well what do you do with the nails because my right my mum told, and I don't know if this is just... I'm now really worried it's just a Kemsley thing that we've just done for generations. Do you, like, bite off the fingernails? It's not unheard of. Okay. Yeah.

But it's a little bit weird. We can get little nail scissors. Yeah. Yeah, that makes more sense, doesn't it? But I think what it is is their fingers are so little, you're not going to, like... I think basically you're just sort of gnawing them down a little bit rather than, like, clipping't it? But I think what it is, their fingers are so little, you're not going to like... I think basically you're just sort of gnawing them down a little bit

rather than like clipping them off. But we use clippers. I couldn't chew with mine. It's far too big. It's like Stonehenge going at it. It can't use these two. Ridiculous. Have you got any other questions like that, Harriet,

that you're like pondering on as a new mum that you think, oh, I almost feel like I should know this, but I don't. Do you know what I mean? And if we don't know, we can put it out to the listeners. Anything you would like to know

as a new mum of a six week old? Well, one thing that has happened, so this was so exciting, but she slept for like five hours in a row a couple of nights ago. And then I told the doctor and she was like, oh no, you need to wake her up

after every three hours. Oh, come on now. And I was like, I don't want to do that. No. But I was just like, oh, no, you need to wake her up after every three hours. Oh, come on now. And I was like, I don't want to do that. No. But I was just like, oh, yeah, sure. And then I was like, but she eats so much in the day that you're like, surely it's fine. They say it's healthy to fast a bit.

I think five hours is all right, to be fair, if they've had a massive feed. Anything up to about 16 hours, I think you should be waking her up. Well, no, but I think, to be fair, though, I think with kids, it's like there is a, you should do i think you should be working well i think to be fair though i think with kids it's like yeah there is a you should do this you should do that but kids are just humans like adults there's plans for certain adults that just don't work so you do have to be a bit you move it around this is like my brother joe is massive like it's just he's like six foot four and when he was little he's so hungry my mom used to make the milk weren't enough she used to mash

up biscuits in the milk and all stuff like that to like feed him up so he would sleep because he'd just wake up hungry all the time he wasn't six foot four at that point was he no he wasn't he looked like he'd been my mum been pregnant for about two years and then when they went i think i've mentioned this before but they went you know they measure them didn't they and it's all like 80th percentile 40 all the percentiles i don't know you know and at the time it feels like it's a big thing but who gives who cares but they went oh i'm just trying to measure his head. And they said, oh, his head's beyond the 100th percentile. His head's so big.

He's the biggest head they've ever had. Basically. And then my mum went, okay. She went, yeah, so I don't know what to put down because his head's off the percentile. And she was like, well, I think you might need to invent a new number because I can't make his head smaller to fit in with your chart. So maybe just put like bigger than what we've seen. Like some sort of like... So how big was his head big compared to his body?

Like kind of one of those little Corinthian figures? He's just, Joe's just really big. So he's like, he's six foot four, but he's like, like Peter Crouch is six foot seven, but he's all quite limby. Joe's got big shoulders, big hands, big arms, big hair. He's just a big, like a massive bloke. He's big. He's big.

If you saw him, you'd go, he's a massive bloke. When he goes to Japan with his girlfriend, he looks absolutely mental. Because he's so massive and European, like a massive Viking, just stomping around Tokyo like Godzilla. Have you got any other questions that came up, Harriet? I don't know.

I guess one thing is like burping. Like I'm not, like she doesn't always burp. Like do you need them, like do you keep going for like an hour or? I was so bad at burping. I'm bad at it.

I just couldn't do it. Some people are burpers and some people aren't. So babies will be the same. You know, like one of my kids always got hiccups. One did so it's not really it's i think you just have to sort of like you just work out and it's hard because your baby's so young still you haven't been with her for so long you sort of do work out what works for them you know i mean they give you little tells and things like that so i think a lot of it is trusting your own judgment a little bit like you say if you've had a bit maybe he's had a big feed and sleeps for five

hours i'm sure i mean look yeah tell us if we're wrong i don't know we're not actually experts but i feel like that's fine like you don't long as you're leaving like 15 hours you know going to the shops they'll be all right you know i think she is a bit of a burp though because i didn't usually burp very much but when i was pregnant i would burp i think it was like her burping through me um okay i I don't think that's a thing, is it? I don't know. Because I never burped before. And then I did.

Also, I had a tooth grow during labour. What? That's mad as well. What? Where? In your mouth? I didn't have a tooth. What?

You've got a baby growing on your belly. I don't know. You're technically growing another arm in your stomach. With another arm, a couple of legs. So where was the tooth? It's in the mouth. It's in the... I think it's like a wisdom tooth,

but I didn't have it before labour. And then now I have it. It popped up during labour? Yeah. In labour? How long were you on the morphine? No, it was like... I noticed it like a couple of weeks after giving

birth i was like i have i have a new tooth it's just like i don't have like the pressure of giving birth like pop the tooth out i don't know what is happening i mean i'm gonna be honest i'm googling this and nothing is coming up which i've never seen before it's like a google yeah yeah we're like google things they're like there's not no one's ever Googled this before. It must have just been a wisdom tooth. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be a coincidence, hasn't it? But particularly labour,

because I didn't have it before, and then... It can't just have been in eight hours. No one's grown a tooth in eight hours. There's some mad fertiliser in your mouth. Yeah, did they put some of the inducing stuff in your mouth by mistake? Maybe, maybe that's what it was. Induced a tooth.

Maybe the tooth induced as well. Now, what did that first one lift? Oh, my God, I just induced someone's mouth. Oh, God, yeah. Wow. It's not coming up. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if anyone...

Yeah, that is a question for anybody that knows. If anyone out there has grey teeth during labour, let us know. Yeah. Imagine that. No wonder the midwives are shouting at you to breathe. Your mouth's exploding with teeth. That's why I was giving you morphine. Try and lose a couple.

Give them some skag. Light up the spoon. Let's lose some teeth. With, like, the medical thing, Harriet, because you've got loads of things that you can't eat, haven't you? Yes, very awkward. And it's not even just pregnant. This is like you in general.

You've got a lot of allergies. So just for our listeners, what is it that you can't eat? So I'm allergic to raw fruit, raw vegetables and nuts. So it's fine if it's cooked, but it's if it's not cooked. And I'm vegetarian, which makes it all the more stupid. So you kind of... If it's cooked, it's fine. What is it? Is it oral allergies? Is that oral allergy syndrome? That's of just, if it's cooked, it's fine. What is it?

Is it oral allergies? Is that oral allergy syndrome? That's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I had that for a bit and it went. Really? Yeah. How did it go?

Well, I had it, I ate a bag of cherries once and I was like, oh, I don't feel well. And I run downstairs to my mum and I don't feel well, mum. She went, oh, just go to bed. You're trying to get out of going to bed. But then I looked in the mirror and I rung my dad in the end. He was at work.

And then she was like, give me the phone. Why have you rung dad? And then I walked in and she literally hung up on my dad and rung an ambulance. My head like basically got really swollen. Was the size of your brother's? Yeah, as big as my brother's.

She went, Joe, go to bed. Oh, it's wrong. Basically, I looked like Miss Piggy. I went bright red. My throat was swelling, so I couldn't breathe. But I had's wrong. Basically, I look like Miss Piggy. I went bright red and my throat was swelling. So I couldn't breathe. But I had a big red puffy head and just, yeah, and I had to go to hospital. They gave me that big antihistamine shock thing. And I basically thought I couldn't eat any raw fruit.

And certain things like kiwis and pineapples set me off. And apples were really bad. Apples are really bad. Yeah. And I couldn't get away with a pink lady now. But, Braben, I can't. So now I basically eat certain fruits, some stuff still sends me.

But you'd be like Ross in Friends with Kiwi, isn't it? I like that you just risk it. You're like, I'm not going to let it stop my life. I just thought about getting a fruit basket and sitting in A&E and work it out. Exactly. I think there are some you might be able to get away with,

but obviously if you've got it more extreme, is it quite extreme? What happens to you? No, it's getting better. It was, yeah, I had a similar thing with like blackberries and stuff and then some things with nuts, but some they're like, they just don't seem to know. Basically, I went to the hospital and then they're like,

you have to bring a bag of fruit and then they cut it up and they put it on your arm and they're like, oh, that one makes a big hive and that one makes a small hive and if it's the big hive then you're more allergic so i can't believe you've got to bring your own fruit i was bad as a teenager but it got better as i've got older that's really yeah that's really interesting i still um there's definitely things i've realized that i can have but um but yeah some things you could i have a little bit just to test them like oh no i still can't have that we i can't have wheat and my body wheat's bad as well of what happens with wheat i got i get massive belly like i'm pregnant

and then the next morning i have one of the worst shits i've ever had in my life oh god sorry is that too much do you still eat it though yeah Yeah, sometimes. It's worth the pain. So no, I don't really eat it, but I will have beer, which then makes that happen. But then all sorts is going on when you're hungover anyway, so who cares? You know what I mean?

That's difficult. Yeah, wheat is difficult. So I avoid it as much as I can, but then occasionally, I have a little, you know, it's sort of worth it to a point. Gotta treat yourself. Sorry, I think I really brought the tone down there.

Talking about the way I do poos. I'd say, in general, this interview, Rob, it's not been one of our most highbrow. I can't believe my good-natured question about fruit allergies has led to this. Sorry, sorry, yeah. So how are you getting over the allergies? Are you trying it with your kid?

Is that the question? Did that affect anything, like, in pregnancy? Or, like, is that going to... Is it hereditary I think it's all no because no one else in my family has it and I grew up on a farm so it doesn't make any sense so no I think it's um unrelated that one problem I had in pregnancy was um I got this um really bad cough and then because I was pregnant whenever I coughed sometimes I'd vomit so it was like it was a really fun um

really fun game but then one time I coughed and then like something in my ribs like popped like a muscle or something and then Bobby was away filming so um I was on my own so I was like oh god so I was like I couldn't move I said I'm gonna have to call an ambulance or something and so um I called an ambulance but then I called I think maybe i had baby brain or i'd really like to blame it on that because i called 9-1-1 and um what happened was but do you know that somebody answers and they go did you mean to call 999 and then i was so embarrassed but i hung up but then i was like somebody just sits on the phone at 9-1-1 and waits for idiots to call that's just their home number but they're so pissed off with people calling they're like

oh i bet it's another person who had to call 9-9-9 it's never for me if i was in charge of the 9-1-1 number i'd definitely put an american accent yeah it's definitely why don't they just reroute 9-1-1 to 9-9-9 in the. Why is it in use anyway? It should just go to dead. Yeah, that's what didn't make any sense. It didn't make any sense. Did you ring back the proper number? Yeah, then I was so embarrassed.

Then I called back the proper number and then it was fine. But they're hiring people to sit at the phone and wait for idiots to call. Yeah, I don't know. Do write in if you know what's going on with 911 in the UK because we'd love to know did you get an ambulance

or didn't it 101 for like a muscle or something yeah so then they were like yeah you don't need 999 you need 101

so then I called 101 but then they said I did need 999 and so oh my god it went back and forth for a bit

but anyway it was fine I just couldn't move I ended up in a hospital in New Jersey. Yeah, exactly. I got airlifted, yeah. But Harriet, with the fruit and veg stuff, I think I found it was the stuff they were spraying on them.

So I started buying organic fruit and then I could eat it more. Because when it's cooked, it's not on it. So maybe it might be the stuff they were spraying on it back in the 90s when we were kids. That might be, yeah, because they say it's like the outside of it. Yes. And often what's worse for me is like the skin and sometimes the insides can be okay on certain things. Exactly the same.

Peel an apple, you're all right. I think it's the stuff they used to spray on it in the 90s. I think it was just like Sunny Delight and petrol or something. But now, if you go organic fruit, then I've not had any trouble going organic. Really? Yeah, a bit trendy. My mum and dad sort of sneer at me a bit, but it's just the way I live my life these days.

I eat organic apples. Pink ladies in the fridge exclusively. Shove your Granny Smith up your Granny Smith. No thank you. I love Granny Smith. God, it's a good apple. No, Pink Lady all the way. Crisp, light, delicate.

Granny Smith's like chewing through a fucking bush. I'm going to try an apple now. No, not live on air. I'm going to try an apple and then have 911 on standby if it goes badly. Harry, we always end on the same question, which is, is there anything that you have an issue with about your partner's parenting,

but you haven't got the guts to say it to their face because you don't want to start an argument. But if you were to say it on here and they were to hear it, it would really help you out. I think the problem is I do say it to his face and then we do have an argument. What have you said to his face? Well, he just moves the baby very quickly.

And so, like, he just moves the baby. That's half the parcel. Yeah, exactly exactly he's like and i'm like no you've got to do it so and i'm dyspraxic so i'm quite clumsy so like i have to do it i just do everything very slowly and like kevin he's like i'm not dyspraxic it's fine like where's he moving it from and to when he's moving it at pace well the other day we were have we went for lunch and then my mom was there and he was like, take the baby. It's so quick.

And she was like startled. He's got to slow down. But I have told him that and didn't react well. He's got things about me as well. So it's, you know, it's the fun. I've never heard moves the baby too quickly. That is a good one. I want to know how fast it's going. In my mind, it's like a rugby ball going through the air.

Yeah, that's what it feels like, yeah. I can't wait to get Bobby on the phone and he goes, yeah, basically what I know about Harry is that she moves the baby too slowly. I do move the baby really slowly, to be fair. I'm like inching through the house, clinging onto the walls. Like a sinking ship. Yeah, exactly. Oh, Harriet, thank you so much for coming on the show.

Oh, it's such a pleasure to talk to you. Thank you so much. Yeah, and good luck with the tour. Where are you playing? What is it called? The Honeysuckle Island show. Is that the right? Honeysuckle Island, yeah.

It's all on my website, harrietkemsley.com. Lovely. Thank you so much. This has been so fun and very educational as well. Let's not pretend it's been educational, Harriet. Don't patronise us. That's one thing I'll take away.

Brilliant. All over the place, Brighton, Aberdeen, Leeds, Stockton, Edinburgh, all over the gaff, Alddeen Leeds Stockton Edinburgh all over the gaff Aldershot Leicester Cambridge Birmingham Portsmouth good luck with it Harriet oh look at this it's like being on Steve Wright when they read out your event oh yeah Manchester Corsham New Milton Forest Art Centre then he just talks to the sort of miscellaneous lady that does the traffic right here's Neil Young one of the only places you can hear him I'm Steve Wright um thank you Harriet so much and good luck with the baby and the tour cheers bye

Harriet Kemsley I love Harriet she's so good isn't she yeah she is one of my favorite acts she's so funny yeah she's just naturally Yeah, she is one of my favourite acts. She's so funny. Yeah, she's just naturally, you know, someone who's just naturally funny. Because there's certain people, like comedians, that are a bit boring, don't say much, but then their show is really good and they put it all together. But Harriet is just constantly funny all the time. If you're just sat with her having a coffee, she just cracks you up. You're excited about what she's going to say whenever you ask her something. A hundred percent.

You know, she'll go, I went to the doctor's doctors the other day and then basically everyone around the table goes okay this would be good but yeah you should definitely go and see her show as well um she's all over the place she's really funny she's been on eight out of ten cats with me and stuff she's done hypothetical on your show josh but yeah we're big harriet kemsey fans and we'll try and get bobby on to hear the other side. Exactly. We've got quite a few questions for him. Number one, did you sack the midwives? Number two, do you move the baby too quickly?

Some great ammo there to throw at Bobby Mair. But anyway, yeah, go and see Harriet on tour or give her a follow on Instagram and Twitter and support all our guests. We really appreciate it. You know, getting some support from the Lockdown Parenting Hell fans. Like the comedians ones so we like the big famous ones you don't need to support them they're doing oh yeah yeah fuck robbie williams yeah nice geezer and all that but you know go and see eric kemsley it'd be patronizing for us to go uh give robbie williams

a follow on instagram he needs it yeah he bought a mansion for 10 million sold it for 9.5 so it's a bit tough this year for him. So yeah, give him a follow and a like. Anyway, thanks for listening. And you're off to Grimsby, aren't you, Josh? Yeah, I'm leaving two minutes ago and I still haven't packed my bag. I will let you know how it goes. See you on Tuesday, Robert.

See you on Tuesday. Bye-bye.