Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP15: This is a sad episode, isn't it?

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

S04 EP15: This is a sad episode, isn't it?More (mis) adventures in parenting and beyond from Rob and Josh...And yes you heard it right, we are very excited to announce even more Parenting Hell Live shows!! On top two the already announced Manchester Arena (Friday 14th April 2023) and London 02 (Friday 21st April 2023)- tickets are now on general sale but going fast!! We're also doing the following shows;19th April 2023 - Nottingham20th April 2023 - Cardiff 23rd April 20223 - Wembley Tickets are available now.To sign up to the mailing list if you haven't already just cut and paste this into your browser:parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellMAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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by MoneySense. Get started today at Questrade.com. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping.

Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with josh where'd it come? Yes, where'd it come? Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. There we go, Rob. There we go. There we go.

No congratulatory message to the child there, just in and out. Job done. Bang. Tell him in the background. That is from, oh no, it's not from Kenneth Flanagan. Oh, do you know what? You're fucked, are you all right? No, I'm very hungover, Rob.

Oh, you've been out, so not parents hired oh you've been out so not parents hired you've been out schmoozing and boozing yeah and i'll tell you what rose is not happy with me i'll say it wasn't with rose no it was but she went to bed and then i stayed up drinking with a couple of friends and then i'm not gonna lie yeah left the boozy stuff out some bottles and stuff and then my daughter came down and had to deal she was like oh daddy's left

all the bottles out I look like I'm a terrible I'm a terrible parent Rob okay so basically you who was you drinking alone again

watching documentaries no I wasn't drinking the use of again is a problem there Rob I know you like a little drink and watch Blur on your own. I wasn't drinking alone again. You sound like you were. No, I was drinking with two other people,

one of which listens to this podcast. So you had friends over and then Rose went to bed early. We had dinner and then Rose went to bed. I went to bed at three, Rob. Fuck off. Get this, get this. Of course I woke up at fucking 6.30. What time did Rose went to bed. I went to bed at three, Rob. Fuck off. Get this, get this. Of course I woke up at fucking 6.30. What time did Rose go to bed?

I don't know, like half one or something like that. What are you doing going to bed at 3am? I don't think I went to bed at 3. I went to bed at 2.30 because I actually saw a text from 3am, which I don't remember receiving. Yeah, because I think I had a message from you quite late at night last night. Yeah, well, we had cocktails that had sugar in, Rob. I had margaritas.

So you had cocktails, margaritas, and you left all the mess out. And then Rose got up with the kids this morning early. Let's not go into the details of it, Rob. And your daughter saw all the empty bottles. Let's not go into the details of it, Rob. So Rose is trying to make breakfast for kids at 6 a.m. on a Sunday. And she's clearing up your mess before she can even get near the Cheerios or other cereal.

Yeah, we don't have Cheerios. We eat a bit, sun the go, drink, refuel, whatever it is. Do you know what? We don't really do cereal in this house. That's an interesting thing I never thought about. We never really do it. Is it that interesting? No.

Well, it is sort of interesting, isn't it? But the conversation stops. We don't really eat cereal. Yeah, we don't really eat cereal. What? What, what? Hang on. Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't... What? What, mate? You don't eat cereal? I'm in a well of shame. Sorry, I feel you're weak. I feel you're weak and I'm taking advantage. I'm like a pack of hyenas here and your weak I feel your weak and I'm taking advantage

I'm like a pack of hyenas here and you're a limping impala so Jeanette Fleming emails this is my granddaughter who was two a few weeks ago I'm impressed

at how good she is she's got a new baby brother five weeks ago eleven pounds two ounces whoa Jesus Christ Wee Wee Kenny

is his name I absolutely love the show and listen whilst working from home Jeanette Fleming from East Kilbride. And obviously she's her granddaughter. And Jeanette Fleming's got that lovely old person thing that her email address is Jeanette Fleming.

But the name of the... You know where you have your name in the email? It's Kenneth Fleming. So she's got the classic old person thing of sharing an email account with her husband. Nice. Jeanette Fleming sounds like an author that like, she was huge in the 70s

and then like, she goes on Celebrity Big Brother and you go, Jeanette Fleming and your mum goes, Jeanette Fleming she was brilliant. I love Jeanette Fleming. She seems nice, doesn't she? With a massive grandchild. Imagine her trying to pick up that grandchild.

£11, two ounces. Woo! Well, that was good. That was a good intro. And so I want to get back to your morning, Josh. We're recording this at 10am on a Sunday. Yeah, I got back to sleep. So why did you get up at 6.30 to clear up?

No. I wake up at 6.30 because my body is... Oh, so Rose was letting you sleep in kind of thing, but you just woke up at 6.30 and went back to sleep for a bit. Oh, God, I'm in a well of shame, Rob. Have you been sick? No, not today. Last night? Yesterday?

Yes. What, before bed? Yeah. Did you do that thing where you drink a bit and then you were sick and then carry on drinking? I might have done that, yeah. Josh, you're a fucking monster, mate. This is old school Josh.

I love it. This is Josh version 1.0 rather than the new Josh version 2.0, who's a great guy. I thought time was... Was it a tactical one? Well, do you know what? I don't think I was well,

and then I pushed through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You weren't well, were you? You're just getting old, mate. You weren't well, were you? You're just getting old, mate. I did a gig on Thursday in Birmingham and I had to stay over because for the next day I had to be up there. And I had, I finished my gig at 10 o'clock

and Richard, who does tour managing for me sometimes, went, do you want a beer? And he's younger. He hasn't got kids, just got married. Hasn't got kids. He went, do you want a beer? I went, yeah, I'll have like one or two. And then there are two. And then he went to go and get a third i went a third he went

yeah and i was like yeah yeah cool whatever yeah fine i had the third one then i woke up in the morning and i just i just thought i can't go on oh i just can't cope like that was three pints what's happening to me i'm in a bad way and yeah i know exactly how you feel so how much do you have to drink josh oh i don't know lots lots how many margaritas uh much did you have to drink, Josh? Oh, I don't know. Lots. Lots? How many margaritas? Four. Were you doing all your anecdotes? Did you start reading out of your book? You need to stop. You need to stop making me feel worse about my life.

I'm not making you feel worse. I just know sometimes when you get drunk, you do like to read excerpts from your book to friends. I didn't do any excerpts from my book or any of my anecdotes. But you had a great time. Did they have kids, the other couple?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they left at three as well, two as well. Well, no, it was one of a couple and someone who doesn't have kids. Right, okay, fair enough. Shout out to Charlie Crosby. Matthew Crosby was at Home with the Children. Right, okay, so fair enough. So she's having a light yet. I think that's the best way really, isn't it? But anyway, it was good though out to Charlie Crosby. Matthew Crosby was at Home with the Children. Right, okay, so fair enough. So she's having a light yet.

I think that's the best way, really, isn't it? But anyway, well, it's good, though. You had a good time. So is it good to let your hair down? I had to go on a vape, Rob. I had to go on a vape. You had to go on a vape. What flavour?

I don't know. Smoke. Smoke. Smoke flavour. I don't, I've never really smoked. I don't really get the vibe. No. One lean for a ride.

I just don't want something else to charge. Between the iPads, my phone, laptops, my car. It's the never ending plug socket. Especially with energy prices. How's the rest of the week been? Has it been good week then? Did you get a bit cocky? I find I do this.

If I'm in a good week, rather than sort of resting when I can, you know, because I'll get a bit overexcited and then it all falls apart. I knew at this at 10am I thought I've got some anecdotes. I'm ready. I've got some of my anecdotes. I'm ready to go. And this morning, you got the text saying, can we do 10.30? That was a pathetic moment in my life.

Well, the thing is Sunday so I basically on a Sunday I do my Radio 2 show at 5 o'clock and also so I try and take

the girls for lunch and that's my little Sunday thing with the girls on a Sunday so I've seen them on Radio 2 yeah yeah

not like there's like the five of them all 40 you know Debbie Carol the girls

yeah we go we go Marbella every summer for three nights. Get away from it. Get away from it all. Champlies or something. No, my daughters. And then, yeah, you messaged me at 8am.

Would 10.30 be okay? And I was like, well, I've got to be finished at 11.30. You was like, no, it's okay. It's fine. Because I think you knew that your reason wasn't good enough. Oh, there was no reason. To push it back, really. There was no reason.

It was pathetic. So you're just struggling. Do you want to do any do any anecdotes but they're now all just feeling through they're now through through a filter of self oh god um yeah i think the problem is you've got this you've got this big sort of weight on your shoulders of shame yeah and then also as well that the hangover is going to affect the delivery so you're not going to be doing these justice like you normally would and that's it you know what and there's such wholesome anecdotes really and that's the problem do you want to know the first anecdote rob well can i can i can i predict what they're going to sound like where if you've done this sober like you'd be like oh this is a lovely

thing happened but now it just feels like the nostalgic nostalgic ramblings of a drunk in a pub. He talks about his kids, but actually you realise they've all grown up and they're 43. Exactly. But he's still talking about them like they're young. Exactly. So fire away if you want, mate, with your wholesome week. But the anecdote I was going to tell, which now seems just so wrong, is about doing a CBeebies Bedtime Story.

Oh, yes, you did, didn't you? You did CBeebies Bedtime Story. CBeebies Bedtime Story. I did it a few weeks ago, but I wasn't allowed to tell anyone. So it's now been announced. Right. So you didn't even tell me. Well, I thought it would be better to tell you on the pod.

I mean, I've got loads of secrets in my life, Rob. Oh, have you? What else have you been doing? Oh, you know. Oh, I'd love it if you had another kid somewhere.. Oh, have you? What else have you been doing? Oh, you know. Oh, I'd love it if you had another kid somewhere. You know, like them sort of celebs that have a secret love child, like Boris. Do you know, I'm one of those people that's playing two families off against each other. And the reason I'm doing it is I don't have enough anecdotes for the podcast in one family.

So I'm doubling down. You're doubling down. Fair enough. Yeah, so CBeebies. So you filmed that up in Manchester and you read a book. No, no, no, no. They come down. They do it in a hotel room, Rob.

They do it down in a... Like a seedy little afternoon in a hotel room. So you go to a hotel and read a book to loads of children? Yeah. I've read two. One is a generic CBeebies bedtime story and I've done one for Comic Relief. Yeah.

And so that's going out on Wednesday. Tomorrow, as when this goes out, it was a thrilling experience. Was it? Yeah, I loved it. I loved it. Shout out to my agent who got me overexcited when she phoned me up to tell me I was doing it. She said, I've got some amazing news. Right.

And the problem is, once she said that, it's actually quite disappointing that it's CBeebies Bedtime Story. Do you know what I mean? If my agent rings me and tells me that, I'm thinking pound notes. I'm like, yes, the advert's finally come in. Colgate, let's go. I wasn't thinking unpaid afternoon's work. They should go, it's some amazing non-profitable news. Yeah, some amazing news, which I'm seeing 15% of zero for.

They're charging you 15. So that's exciting. When can we watch it, Josh? It's on Wednesday. And then the other one is, yeah, the other one's another point. So tomorrow, if you're listening to this, it'll be on tomorrow. About what, six o'clockish or something? Yeah. Just before the kids go to listening to this, it'll be on tomorrow about what, six o'clockish or something? Yeah,

just before the kids go to bed. Oh, that's exciting. But now you're just going to look at us, think of you as a sad old drunk bloke reading it. Oh God, Rob. But this is good. You know,

maybe it's good for you. It gave my career a boost when I got drunk at the Euros. Rob, this has not given my career a boost. It's put my marriage on the edge. So talk me through that. That's what I really care about.

I don't want to talk you through that. Have you spoke to Rose this morning? Because you've basically slept in. I only had two minutes before this podcast. I'll be honest with you. Yeah. In a way, the podcast is a blessing because it got me out of the kitchen. But yes, obviously.

But you've got to go back in there. And it's just, I think all that's happened now is Rose is going to be getting angrier with you are you are you doing much what's happening this afternoon we're going to see uh my daughter's three friends and their parents could you just say hey rose why don't i take both kids and you have the afternoon to yourself i know i physically couldn't do that rob so you don't think you could have the two kids and let her have like the afternoon to herself i think i'm more likely to go downstairs and say rose i'm going to walk into the sea can i tell can i say what i'll do i'd go i'll go back in after this i'm so sorry about that blah blah let me do this let me do that you know and sort of like try and do loads in the house to try and get some points back up transparent rob everyone knows what you're up to there yeah no

but at least you're doing it you can't just go over there oh i feel right no i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that it's the psychology of the hangover that I struggle with, Rob. Yeah, it does get you, doesn't it? You can't plough through. How's your week been, Rob? I've been good. It's been a good week. It's been a busy week.

I was absolutely cream-crackered between parenting and work and stuff. But Lou let me have a little lie-in this morning on Sunday. Because I got in late from Margate on Saturday. I did a gig in Margate. Oh, yeah, yeah. My parents' gate. It's always gig in Margate. Oh, yeah, yeah. My parents go. It's always awkward, Margate. Winter Gardens.

My mum came with her mates. I always say, come at the end of the show and I'll say hello to everyone, blah, blah, blah. She just walked into my dressing room at halftime. Don't know how she got backstage

and said, have you got an antihistamine? What? I was like, what? Went, have you got antihistamine? And she was like, oh, my friend's son Billy's got swollen lips. I was like, what is, how is have you got antihistamine? And she was like, oh, my friend's son Billy's got swollen lips.

I was like, what is, how is this my problem? What is going on here? I think he ate something and he had a bit of a reaction. So she was in my little wash bag trying to find antihistamines and then just walked off. That is incredible. How did she get backstage? Just wandering backstage.

What's she doing to prove to them that she's Rob Beckett's mum? She's got the gift of the gab. Right, yeah. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, all that kind of thing. Also, this week, Lou's had a bit of a... Because Lou doesn't really talk on the podcast, but I've got to give her a bit of a right to reply. Because I was talking about...

Oh, yeah. You know, we were talking about World Book Day. Yeah. World Book Day and about the outfits. Lou had a bit of a response to me talking about us getting them in their outfits. I'm just listening to the bit of the podcast where you're talking about the girls' World Book Day outfits.

The word we there is taking a lot of weight in that conversation I feel. That's a very royal we, isn't it? We found a log cushion. We found a we? We? Wow, wow, wow. We wow we oh she's still going yeah i'm child robert i need credit yeah so lou needs some credit basically but we i'll be honest with you rob yeah when you were saying we there was no point where i thought you were actually involved no obviously not well

no i tell you what i was involved lou was a way of a mate when we found out they had to do the outfits and then lou was desperate for them to be Matilda. But I thought that's a lot of ass all that. So I just asked the girls and they came back with Frog on a Log and Millie's Marvellous Hat. So I actually got the information. Yes. So, yeah, I would say we, yes, she did source all the clothes and sew things together and dress the kids and take photos and make sure she bought the books to go with it. But I'd say from start to finish we we sorted that out so you're not apologizing so what

you're doing is you're playing her message and then you're saying this is bullshit no lou did do it all to be fair i just can't um i can't i can't i don't want the row when i get in but you know she did it all it's fair enough fucking hell under the cosh here today oh this is funny what i said i called my daughters my daughters are messing about this week, being a bit like cheeky. And you know, you instinctively go, oh, you little shits or something like that. But you can't say you little shits. Yeah, yeah, of course. So I went to call them little, oh, you little rug rats.

I went, oh, you little pair of rug munchers. Oh, my God. You can't call them rug munchers in public. You can't call them rug munchers now. How did that go down, Rob? They had no idea what I was talking about. Did they say you can't say that in 2022? They didn't say that, but my brain did.

I felt like I was in year six of school. I've not heard rug muncher. No. Which is a horrible term for a lesbian, basically, isn't it? Yeah. It's offensive. It is offensive. You all right, Rob?

I'm coughing. Too much rug this morning. No, it's like Yeah so I Because I was trying to Say rugrats And I said rugmunch That's so bad isn't it

Oh Rob But it was all Because I was in front of people But no one says rugrats either They're little rugrats I know but I think I was trying to find a word That wasn't your little shits

And it just went really bad Right But yeah you can't say that word But yeah I said that By accident in public And I was trying to find a word that wasn't your little shit, and it just went really bad. But yeah, you can't say that word. But yeah, I said that by accident in public, and I was so embarrassed. It was awful. I thought I was going to get cancelled in the street. It was horrible. Oh, I've got other beef.

You know we had beef for gymnastics last week? Oh, God, no. They're charging you three pounds to buy a kick out or something. I've got taekwondo beef now. I've got taekwondo beef. So my kids have been invited to a championship. My daughter's six. She's done five sessions.

Yeah. She's natural. Yeah, she's absolutely natural. She's... Anyway, right. So it's a competition. And a... Sorry.

Keep coughing. This is not good enough, this episode. Shit, we're all over the place. This is not... I don't think Sunday's our day for this show. Fucking hell. Rob, as if I didn't hate myself enough, I'm now delivering an underpowered episode of Parent the place. This is not... I don't think Sunday's our day for this show. Fucking hell. Oh, but as if I didn't hate myself enough, I'm now delivering an underpowered episode of Parenting Hell.

This is not what I need. Well, I'll pump up the power. Taekwondo, right? To do this championship, I thought... I just clicked my fingers as if to get myself going. Let's go, let's go. Give yourself a slap around the face. Anyway, it's 25 quid to pay for this Taekwondo championship, yeah?

The cost is £25, power-buying cash in a sealed and named envelope. What? Why is this some sort of laundering scam? Why is it all cash? Gymnastics was cash as well the other day. No, we've been paying in cash since 2020. What's the taxman seeing of this Taekwondo club?

Because who's guessing the numbers? If you're the HMRC and you're stood at the gates of these clubs, you don't know who's coming or going. There's parents everywhere, there's kids in and out. You don't know who's coming or going. There's parents everywhere. There's kids in and out. You don't know how many kids are paying to do this. Why is it cash? Why can't you pay by card?

Buskers have card machines these days. I know. Everyone's got a card machine, Rob. Everyone's gone cash free. It's mental. We've had loads of people talking about it. But, yes, in cash, that's the thing that got me. Why in cash?

Yeah, I went into a cafe the other day that was cash only and i thought what the hell is going on here what are you guys up to here they're all in white sort of suits with belts on is it taekwondo taekwondo on toast all around do you know what it was rob it was in edinburgh this was this was a low moment in my life yeah it was a place called red box noodle inodle in Edinburgh that I'd always remembered as one of the few highlights of me doing the Edinburgh Festival, the worst months of my life, when I'd always struggled psychologically quite badly. And then I went there.

This is a really tough morning for you. Do you know what? It didn't help that I was drinking for 25 nights. Who knew that that was what was making me depressed? I can see that now, clear as bloody daylight, mate. This is bloody festival on his 10th pint of the evening at 5am. So I went to Redbox Noodle, one of my few good memories, and I was like, this isn't any good anymore.

The only positive memory I've got of Edinburgh. And then they charged me cash, and I was like, what's going on here? This is a really sad episode, isn't it? Oh, Rob, there's the title? This is a really sad episode, isn't it? Oh, Rob, there's the title. This is a really sad episode. God, you're bringing me down. People like to hear us suffer, Rob. You're a real mood hoover when you're hungover, aren't you?

I don't think I'm fun to be around when I'm hungover, Rob. I'm trying. Let's pump it up. Let's click again. Come on. Do you know what Rose was doing when I went downstairs? She was making mushrooms and garlic. Packing a suitcase.

I don't know what that was all about. We're not going on holiday. Oh, God. What was she doing? She was making garlic mushrooms on toast. I'm like, how different is my life from hers? Have you eaten anything this morning? No, Rob. No, what's your hangover plan?

Finish the podcast. Yep. Put my head in my hands. And just kind of think. Right, do you want some Instagrams, Josh? Is there anything else from your week you want to chat about? We're still having this cat flap problem. What's the cat flap problem? All the other cats keep coming the cat flaps broken a

cat pissed in the kitchen yesterday rob no but not your cat not our cat we've bought a new cat flap we've yeah you've got to get a bloody builder to put in your cat flap what's going on in my life well no if you can't you just take the one out that's already there no because it's glass isn't it it's in a glass door so I haven't got the skills. No, what else have I got up to? I did write down other things that I've got up to, Rob. Go on. We went out on Thursday for Rosie's birthday.

Yeah. Absolute classic. Went to a restaurant. So tired that at 9pm we both said, let's go home now because we're too tired to carry on the evening. Okay. But without her, you drank till 2am. How did I do that, Rob?

You've done this on Rose's birthday weekend. Yeah, I have. That is not okay. You should have gone to bed earlier and said, babe, have a drink. I'll deal with the kids. I would never say babe. That is only going to make matters worse.

Okay. Do you know the last text Rose sent me? Yeah At 2.39 She says that's enough now This is keeping me up and it's my birthday Fuck off Josh That's enough now You're down there page six of your book

Ripping it in front of the guest Come on Rose I'm only on the introduction That's enough now It's my birthday Page six of your book, ripping it in front of the guest. Come on, Rose, I'm only on the introduction. That's enough now. It's my birthday. Josh, you're fucked. You're off. You're right in a doghouse here.

This podcast is at least your problems. Rob, I've got a feeling, like, do you know that feeling in the pit of your stomach? Like, what have I done? You're bad. Do you know what, though? It makes me feel great. I bet it fucking does, Rob. I done? You're bad. Do you know what, though? It makes me feel great. I bet it fucking does, Rob. I feel unbelievable. I bet you haven't felt this good since my son was waking up at 4.30.

I'm going to skip through the day now, just knowing whatever happens in my day, you're going to be sat in your office, too scared to go downstairs. Do you know when I went too near the mic, Rob, then? You might have heard I got louder. That's because I literally put my head in my hands. Yeah, well, you got a bit carried away. It's not your fault.

But yeah, I think. Didn't she want to stay up and you go to bed? It is my fault, Rob. It's nice of you to say it's not my fault, but it is my fault. Yeah, it is your fault. I'm trying to not be too mean. But didn't she want to stay up and you go to bed? No, she wanted everyone to go to bed.

And you stayed up for another two hours. Not another two hours. I don't think another hour. That's enough now. Please don't. That's enough now. It's my birthday. And I've given birth to two children.

Oh, she didn't know that. I'm taking the brunt of the childcare while you're out working, which I know you have to do. But it was my birthday. One day. One day of the year. For me. And you made it about you again. No, but it was my birthday, one day, one day of the year, for me, and you made it about you again. No, no, Rob, don't, don't do this to me.

All about you, I'm up there in bed, trying to get some sleep, and I can hear you, watching Neighbours twice a day. Bob, shut up. By Josh Whittacombe, read by Josh Whittacombe. Oh, God. Even if guests didn't want to stay, you just locked them down, kept them there on her birthday.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm sure she'll love it down there. Right, well, let's not dwell on this. You've got a lot of sorting out to do. How about some Instagram messages? God. I'll tell you what, this feels like

what the podcast would become if one of us went for a divorce. Like a messy divorce. Because it would just be like, hey, how's your week? Well, let's not rule it out

at this stage, love. One of us is like, how's your week? And the other one's like, yeah, yeah, just come back from solicitors and yeah, you know. And I'm like,

okay, you just wanted some light-hearted banter, but let's do this stuff. I've got an idea why don't you do this so the friends she probably have certain members of that group like is there one sort of whose friends are they like you're both friends or is it her friends yeah they're all it's all it's all one group all in okay how about this i've got an idea hey rose it's your birthday weekend i was drunk last night i'll take the kids around to the friends and why don't you and the mum or the dad whoever sort of her friend why don't you guys go to the pub without the kids for a couple of hours and have a few drinks while we look after the kids i think you have to do this

i think i'm in the doghouse for the next 10 years yeah but this is your way out i'm showing you the light you just go you go look why don't you guys go down to the pub we'll go out for a bit of lunch together because it's rose's birthday and we'll have the kids and then we'll meet up after because if you're just like moping about behind rose and she and then the the narrative of the day is oh god josh is hung over you've got to step up mate take those kids tell you what double down take the other couple's kids as well four kids to the park let them three go for a drink become a hero i don't think i've got it in me right okay you've got you've got it in me. Right, okay.

That's the only way out of this for you, Josh. I think you should go down and tell Rose and suggest it to her and see what she thinks. I think you want me to do it on mic and I'm not going to do that. I think, or you could do it off mic and report back. I've not felt this bad, Rob, since that time. You saved me from throwing up in public you was nearly sick on andrew lloyd weber's head i know and this was

before cats the movie had even come out anyway right well let's do some instagrams but i i think that's that's what i i think you should do is go look and just be hung over with the kids and do something really easy with them rob is this our best or worst episode ever i can't even i don't know but let's see what michael can do with it right instagrams right let's give you something else to put in the edit though right here we go do you want some instagrams josh yeah take your mind away from your life so what do you want okay i'll give you we've got long-standing grudge um parenting fail or boom love long-standing grudge okay here's some got longstanding grudge, parenting fail, or boomer parenting. Longstanding grudge. Love longstanding grudge. Okay, here's some longstanding grudge.

Rose has got longstanding grudge. I'll tell you that for free. Yeah. Okay. This is from Holly. Hi, so my longstanding grudge is a football one and now a celebrity one. So I'm from Ipswich and our rivals are Norwich. Yes.

I have never and will never go to Norwich. I know where this is going. Delia Smith. Okay, hang on. Here we go. I have never and will never go to Norwich. Not know where this is going, Delia Smith. Hang on, here we go. I have never and will never go to Norwich. Not even to watch Ipswich play away there. I won't pay them for a ticket.

Also, this means I can't stand Delia Smith. Any adverts or TV shows of her on get switched off. I even hide her cookbooks in shops so they don't sell well. I think the horse has bolted there, yeah. Yeah, so she owns Norwich. She owns Norwich City, yeah, yeah. Only money gets pumped into Norwich City Football Club. Now, I was so upset the other day,

as one of my favourite comedians, apart from you and Josh, Tom Allen posted a picture with Delia calling her his hero. Oh, no. I don't know what to do. I love Tom, but I just don't think I can anymore. Jesus.

Tom is on the shit list. He's on the shit list because of his love for Delia. Do you have strong football feel? Like, would you... I'm obviously very into football, but it doesn't emotionally impact on what I do. Do you know what I mean? I follow Arsenal, but I never really went as a kid,

so I wouldn't really call myself a proper Arsenal fan. Like, the people that went when they were seven, you know, through all their childhood, loved it. I used to watch it on telly, but I loved Ian Wright. So I used to sort of support Crystal Palace. And then when Ian Wright went to Arsenal, I followed Ian Wright to Arsenal. And then I got a season ticket and stuff.

Didn't follow him to West Ham though. No, no, I was already at Arsenal then and they had on Reece. I sort of just sort of hang around. But yeah, so I, you know, I follow Arsenal. But yeah, I always like watching Tottenham lose and Chelsea lose but I don't really care too much

it's not like I ain't having a Tottenham shirt in my house kind of thing you know like when a builder if a builder like hides a Tottenham shirt

in the cement I'm like I couldn't give a shit to be honest as long as it's structurally sound couldn't care less right I got a parenting foul

that might make you feel better about your current situation okay after Rob's watch went off on a recent episode it reminded me of this story my husband treated himself to a fancy casio edifice watch just after our son was born seven years ago um so as a joke i bought him an old school five pound casio watch from argos to give him from our son he loved it fast forward seven years and we now also have a two-year-old both of our boys still love the old casio watch and frequently take turns wearing it anyway my two-year-old recently got into the habit of waking up at the same time each morning 4 20 a.m i started to feel

like josh however i didn't have the excuse my boy's still young enough for the usual issues teething regression etc so one morning i woke up about 4 15 a.m thinking that my body was now starting to get used to the early mornings and accepting that this was my life now i lay and waited for the toddler to wake up and either shout out for me or come toddling in my room when beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep a very high pitched loud alarm started going up at 4 20 a.m followed by a very awake toddler. What the fuck? Turns out that when innocently and sweetly playing with the old school watch,

my son had managed to set an early morning alarm. Oh, my God. Fuming, I managed to switch the alarm off, and we spent the next week, ten days, getting him out of the 4.20am wake-up routine. Oh, my God. That is brutal. So, lesson learned.

The kids are now not allowed to play with anything they could potentially set an alarm on. Gemma I haven't got a watch Rob. I was in a cafe yesterday. Yep and with my daughter we went went to the park and then we went for lunch and my phone died. That's not like you What?

That's not like you with your daughter. You went to the park again It was um yeah it was an exciting trip to That's not like you. What? That's not like you. With your daughter, you went to the park again. It was, yeah, it was an exciting trip to the park. The park, yeah. Which one, Victoria? Yeah, of course. Got a season ticket. You love that fucking park.

Love that park. So we were out for lunch. My phone died. Yeah. I didn't know the time, which started to panic me. And then I couldn't even pay because I've got apple pay on my phone my whole life collapsed oh you didn't have your wallet with you didn't have a wallet mate it's apple pay it's 2022 don't need my wallet ever again okay so you what you're trying to buy lunch couldn't pay for my lunch you know what i did this is pathetic i said i can't pay

for my lunch yeah and then i said i'll go home'll go home and I'll get my wallet and I'll come back. And I held out my hand and I said, do you want my AirPods as a kind of deposit on my lunch? What did they say? She said, no, I trust you. All right, okay. And you went back and paid? No. Anyway.

Fucking idiots. They should have taken the AirPods. I've got some boomer parenting. Boomer parenting has gone off the chart here. Oh, it's always my favourite. Hi, Rob and Josh. When I was about seven, my parents bought me an adorable rabbit for my birthday.

After months of the usual begging, it turned out that said rabbit was the spawn of Satan, and I became terrified of it. So after a couple of months, I hadn't played with it in a while, but one day a friend come over for tea, and I took her to see the rabbit. I opened the hatch and found a cuddly toy rabbit in its place what satan rabbit had gone turns out my mum had taken it back to the pet shop a few weeks before and never told

me to see how long it was until i checked on it we never got another one oh my god savage victoria absolutely brutal at least she hated it though you can't take a rabbit back to the pet shop as well they've they've that's not what's happened there they've just let it loose let it loose how do you get rid of a rabbit what's the best way you can't let it loose

can you aren't they like institutionalised what rabbits yeah like some sort of reintroduction I'm not saying

that's what you should do I'm just saying you can't go back to a pet shop and go I'd like to return this rabbit and get store credit, can you? I don't know.

I mean, I don't think so. I think they've probably just... Do you re-own a rabbit? How do you re-own a rabbit? Oh, Rob, how do you feel when you're hungover? Not great, but I think the issue here isn't the hangover, it's the fact that you shouldn't have carried on drinking when Rose went to bed.

The difference is, when you get drunk, you kind of become a national hero. Yeah, but you are doing it all wrong this morning. You are feeling sorry for yourself. It's actually quite pathetic, personally. You've got to take the ball by the horns. After that Euros thing, when I got absolutely shit-faced at Euros,

and I did Radio 2 still drunk at 7am, and then I took the kids on the school run. It's 10.30, 10.50, you're nowhere near that yet. You save this by having the kids all day and letting Rose go for lunch with her friends. That's how you save this. But if you don't want to save it, you don't want to save it. Oh, don't talk to me like that.

Look, some people are an arm around the shoulder player. You need a fucking rocket up the arse, mate. You need the hairdryer. You need Alex Ferguson to give you some shit. That's what you need, mate. And then what you do is, you do that and then you get them to bed you do all bedtime yourself and you still feel rough and then when they're in bed asleep you run down the stairs and you do ronaldo shoo and an order of pizza you will have won today you've got to attack the day josh you're

just letting it trample all over you you've got it it's a rocky story you can come back from this okay well next week i'll let you know how that went sure okay here's another story um boomer parenting here hey guys i love the show don't have kids but i'm a teacher so understand how annoying kids are um i'm born in 1989 and when my brother and i were younger around five and nine we would always go to grandma's house on the weekends while my parents would go and get lashed up was that a yawn yeah okay my grandma had a big thing i thought i thought i'd got away with it it's like a band i feel like i mean like rolling stones i'm the only one who didn't do loads of heroin the night before going come on guys we've got to rehearse okay i'm still going with this

don't worry um anyway so my grandma had a big deep freezer in a pantry i think i should be paid for this week's episode i think she took both fees i don't worry anyway so my grandma had a big deep freezer in a pantry I don't think I should be paid for this week's episode I think we should take both fees I don't know not only should you be paid you should be fined it's going to take

this will go out in three weeks by the time Michael does something with it here we go I mean I don't mind you not normally I'll text Michael

afterwards and go was that bit alright do you think we should take that bit out right look John I don't mind you not contributing, but at least let me get out some of the stories. I've said the word I hate myself about 16 times.

Here we go. So my grandma had a big, deep freeze from the pantry. We go to the pantry as normal grandma to get lunch. After a few minutes, she would come out with a weird look on her face and say in a really scary voice, I'm not your grandma. Your grandma's in the freezer. Then she would proceed to slowly approach one of us with her arms out while we were screaming

and begging her to stop until she got close enough to pretend to strangle us. This would often end in one of us in tears and grandma laughing while she lit a Rothmans original in the kitchen. Great times, Caitlin. Jesus. That is incredible.

Oh, I've got more tired than josh here that might help you i don't think that's possible today okay this is from olga i'm a mom of three and a stepmom to a nearly adult teenage son when my eldest was two she caught chicken pox my middle daughter was seven days old at the time we have been treating her chicken box with um calamine lotion and antihistamine one night my daughter awoke itchy, cracky, tired and fed up. Only having recently given birth to my middle child, I was exhausted. I went into the bathroom,

grabbed the lotion and applied. She proceeded to scream, Mummy, it really hurts and feels hot. She was pretty hysterical. I managed to calm her down. She spent most of the night unsettled in our bed. It was only a few days later when I was in her room.

I found my piles cream and wondered, why is that in here? I've been trying to find them. Then it dawned on me, I'd smothered my daughter in anusol. Oh, no. I was so tired, I'd grabbed the first cream and found and applied. She's now nine, so the experience didn't kill her, thankfully, from Olga. That is bad. That is incredible.

My mate once, he had a beard. That is bad. That is incredible. My mate once, he had a beard. He was so drunk, he started cleaning his teeth after a night out. He got in, he was so drunk, he didn't know what he was doing. And he actually picked up his girlfriend's hair removal cream and he brushed his teeth with it and went, oh, that all tastes weird, and sort of washed his mouth out. Woke up in the morning, completely bald mouth. No!

The moustache and the chin bit of hair had all gone. Oh, my God god that is incredible it's just you know be careful what creams you're applying guys here we go oh this is another more tired than josh this is a good one this will make you feel better hi guys love the podcast i have a story about being tired our second child was a terrible sleeper and i was always exhausted one night he woke me as usual crying for a bottle i went downstairs fired up the prep machine and made the bottle and gave it extra 10 seconds in the microwave

because he was really fussy about the temperature. As the microwave pinged, I found myself standing at the bottom of the stairs and suddenly realised I'd fallen asleep standing there and making a bottle was just a dream. I then had to go and make a bottle all over again. When I got back upstairs, my wife told me I'd be gone 25 minutes. That's Kieran. Poor old Kieran.

Right, guys, should we do a small business shout out? Yeah. Well, Rose has given me a small business shout out she wants me to do and I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to overrule her

at this point. Oh, really? Is it her? Her business? There's a single mum of two in East London looking for a new guy. I'm a watercolour artist based in the Cotswolds.

Years ago, I was a graphic designer, but gave it all up when my children were young. I started by painting wedding invites, but when my first grandchild was born, I started doing paintings for children's nurseries and rooms, and my business properly started in lockdown. Each painting is bespoke and none are the same for that individual touch and all are painted by me. I also have a range of greetings cards. We've listened to the podcast from the very start,

listening to episodes more than once. And it's really made me laugh often listening while I paint. My Instagram is at Sue Garwart, S U E G A W art, Sue Gar art. i'm on etsy su gawart originals um i've got a good one here but this you won't want to hear this one josh it's actually a beer a beer company this is um doc's beer in grimsby i was up in grimsby and um they're um they're a local um beer brewery and they're really good like local company that's opened up up there. And they do loads of stuff in the community and stuff.

But it's Doc's Beer. They do lovely beer. They've got a gig venue as well. We go and see comedy and music. But the beer is amazing. I was drinking lots of it. But they also have given us a little discount code to help. So if you go to DocsBeer.com, they've got loads of different mad beers.

And they've got nice normal lager as well as all the sort of crafty shit that people like there's mango and peach knocking about not for me but each to their own but if you put

Rob10 in the checkout and the coupon you get 10% off all their stuff oh 10% worth having 10% off

there you go look you get a little toolbox of beer enjoy Rob10 for the discount right see you on Friday guys

sorry about josh bye