Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP17: THE MOST CRAZY EPISODE EVER?!?!

Episode Date: March 22, 2022

S04 EP17: THE MOST CRAZY EPISODE EVER?!?!More (mis) adventures in parenting and beyond from Rob and Josh...And yes you heard it right, we are very excited to announce even more Parenting Hell Live shows!! On top two the already announced Manchester Arena (Friday 14th April 2023) and London 02 (Friday 21st April 2023)- tickets are now on general sale but going fast!! We're also doing the following shows;19th April 2023 - Nottingham20th April 2023 - Cardiff 23rd April 20223 - Wembley Tickets are available now.To sign up to the mailing list if you haven't already just cut and paste this into your browser:parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellMAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Edith. Can you say Josh Whittacombe? Josh Whittacombe. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Whittacombe?

Josh Whittacombe. Two goes. Not quite there, though. Oh, perfect for me. That was very cute. Who was it? Let me guess. Swansea and Sarah and Jill.

No, she's called Lou, actually, Rob. Oh, fuck. Love the poddy podcast. Do you know, my mate took me down the other day. So I'm doing, what's that thing we did together, Rob? With Bradley Walsh. Oh, blankety blank, blankety blank. Blankety blank, blankety blank.

Yep, your new house fund. Yeah, that gig. No. I'm not moving house. But my friend's producing it. She sent me the list of people I was on with. And I said, very excited about Dion Dublin. Oh, so you're doing it again?

Yeah. Nice. Who are you on with, Dion Dublin? excited about Dion Dublin oh so you're doing it again yeah nice who you on with Dion Dublin Trisha oh Trisha okay mid-morning tv presenter Ed Gamble Ed Gamble Chunks oh you can't call him that anymore he's skinny now it's his it's his name on the call sheet mate I thought he was talking about Ed Gamble oh lovely bit of business really good name on the call sheet I know who Chunks is, mate. I'm not you. Chunks and Philly. I know that. When you said you can't call him that anymore,

I thought as far as I know, you can't call him that anymore. To be fair, Chunks has lost weight as well. And Gamble. Maybe they could bond over that. Or you look on. That's a funny line-up, that. That's a good line-up. And Stacey Dooley.

Oh, that's a great line-up. Yeah, so anyway. The reason I brought it up is I said to my friend, excited about Dion Dublin, I'm going to try and tap him up for both my pods. And she said, pods? Who do you think you are, calling them pods? Yeah, that is a bit much.

She said the O2 has gone to your head. My pods? Oh, God, are you a mogul? Are you Kevin Hart? Josh sat there in his big fucking big cheese chair. My bloody pods. All his businesses sat there like Jack Dean, Griff Rees-Jones. Don't see them on telly anymore because they're fucking wading, mate.

They got into production companies early. They fucked it off. Oh, too right, mate. Griff Rees-Jones is loaded. He is, isn't he? I think he did a thing the other day, travelling around Australia, I think, with a big old musketeer, Batash. Do you know what I heard about Griff Rhys-Jones?

What's that? He lives in Zone 1. No. No one lives in Zone 1. He lives in Zone 1, Rob. That's why. How much money? Zone 1.

How much are you living in Zone 1? Would you enjoy living in Zone 1? I find it horrible. I think the only thing... You couldn't live in... That's a big roundabout. Do you know they got rid of that old top shop? He's bought that.

He's living in that. He's Arcadia now. No, he does live in Zone 1, I've heard. He lives in Nighttown. He lives in the Trocadero. Does he live in Ripley's Believe It or Not? Right, so what are we talking about? How did we talk about that?

Oh, you started talking about... She said potty. Potty, yeah, okay, cool. We you started talking about that. She said potty. Potty, potty, yeah. Okay, cool. We're content machines. Three minutes out of potty. Three minutes out of potty. Fuck, we're good.

This is free? Come on, people. It's unbelievable. Come on, treat yourselves to a HelloFresh. Why not? Come on. Loving the potty podcast. It got me through a many fuzzy-headed nap with my daughter, Edith, good name, who

was born at the start of the very first lockdown. She's almost two now. Here's a clip of her saying her first words, Josh Widdabum. All the best, Lou. Lou. Thanks, Lou. She's put Lou, kiss, and I think this might be a typo. She's put Lou, kiss, and then the word you.

Lou you. Just be a typo. She's put Lou, kiss, and then the word you. Lou you. Well, it's either Lou, kiss, you, or like, you know, when like two brands have done a kind of, what's that thing called? Collab. Yeah, collab.

Such a granddad. You know, like when Gola did a collab with Woolworths, that kind of thing. Yeah, all that kind of stuff. I don't, Lou is a weird name. When you, the Lou is a weird, it's a weird name. When you're married to someone called Lou, it's a weird thing, especially when I worked in an office. I don't know if I've said this before, when people used to go, yeah, I've got time off in Lou.

And I go, are you going to have sex with Lou? Is that what you're doing? Have you got time off in Lou, my wife? Do you ever think, I mean, it is also, it is a word for toilet, Rob. Lou, yeah, yeah, and in lieu of something. Does that ever come into your head? Losing the lieu, not really.

Well, Lieu's name before we got married was Watts. Yeah. So she used to get a lot of stick for Watts. Did she? Like Charlie Watts? Like Watts, what's in the bag, Watts. Oh, I see, yeah. Shit stuff.

Do you ever call her Louise when you're angry? Never call her Louise. I call her Lou or she's, when you're angry? Never call Louise. I call her Lou or Wheezy. Wheezy? Yeah. Is she got asthma? No, just Wheezy.

It's a bit like a rap name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Wheezy. The Wheezy. Lou Wheezy.

Having met Lou, if she started a hip hop career, I think it would, I think you'd be embarrassed, Rob. It'd be more Honey G, wouldn't it? Yeah.

Than, sort of. Than Warren G. Warren G. more honey G, wouldn't it? Yeah. Than Warren G. Warren G. Ah, fuck, that's what I wanted. That's where I was going. I couldn't remember it. All I could remember was regulate.

Fuck! I'm losing it. I'm fucking losing it. I knew it'd happen. It's got to go at some point, hasn't it? It has. You've got another 10 years. You've got another 10 years.

You remember the word collab. That's the problem with this game. When you're a comedian, you just think, and luckily stuff comes out and you get away with it. But after every time I'm funny, my brain goes, that was close. Just then, it wasn't close. It didn't happen.

You saved me with Warren G. Do you know what? Also, Warren G's too old, but it had a G on the end. I needed a new one. There's no other rapper had a G on the end I needed a new one there's no other rapper with a G on the end it's not like Kenny G

is there no Kenny G Honey G more like Warren G but Warren G is not cool enough now isn't it well he's cool

but he's old is he alive Warren G must be so old I think Warren G died didn't he I think it was Nate Dogg

Warren G looks quite young actually I think he's still going here he is age 51 Warren DeMonte Griffin III Jesus Christ Warren G is better isn't it yeah what a song um anyway

let's get back on track how are you josh you're good you sound full of beans because when you're hung over you are pathetic yes i know but i'm feeling in a much better place actually rob have you said thank you to michael for that edit uh well i haven't listened to it well well you recorded for an hour for 40 minutes went out so you do the math do you know what that's more than i expected i hope there's a lot of adverts in there um how are you though you i reckon i would listen to every single episode before i listen to that one rob yeah no i think it's for the best i don't think you need that don't the worst thing is if you were hung over again and then listened back to it oh you said to remind you about something you forgot to say about that night oh yes here we go so for about two weeks i've had a list i've got too much on and one of my tasks was i've got to put the rain cover back on the garden chairs and table because

it blew off in the store oh mate it's summer it's summer now, leave it. Yeah. And then, the other morning, I was like, to Rose, I was like, oh, did you or your mum put the rain cover back on the chair and table? She was like, no. And then I remembered, when I was hammered at 2am, I thought, this is the time to do it. Really? You went out and did it? Well, I went to the shed to get some alcohol out the shed,

because that's where we keep our shed. That's where you keep your shed. Keep our alcohol. Oh, my God shed that's where we keep our shed that's where you keep your shed oh my god that's where we keep our shed that's a low moment oh so you have booze in your shed and so do you keep it out there so you don't want to go out in the rain to stop you drinking is that is that what you do to help with your problem no i haven't got a problem um that's the first part of the problem oh come on now no you haven. I am winding you up because I think you was a bit worried that people thought you haven't. You just basically don't drink at all. And then when you do drink, you're a lightweight these days

and can't deal with it. Yeah, in many ways, that's the problem. Yeah, but it's not a big problem like the real one. Like a big problem. It's a slight problem, but not a problem. You've got a problem, but not a problem. No, exactly. I was almost about to make a reference to 99 Problems,

and I thought, could we look any squarer with our hip-hop references? It's too hip-hop. It's too hip-hop heavy already. This is the problem. It's the problem. People will be listening going, is this Romesh's podcast? No, he has got a problem. He hasn't either.

Now he has got a problem He hasn't, he's alright Go on, so you put the stuff on the chairs Yeah, and I didn't really remember doing it But I managed to, in my drunkenness Tick off one of my tasks I do, sometimes When you are a bit drunk, you do get quite efficient Yes, exactly

Exactly I do the dishwasher a lot, Pist Do you? Yeah, like if I get in late Yeah, that's good Rather than do it in the dishwasher a lot pissed do you yeah like if i get in late rather than do it in the morning get it done when you're drunk get it done while you're drunk there we go um and do you know what i haven't done what it's a third attempt but i do think people will be interested in what the experience of doing the cb which bedtime story. It's like... I thought you said, so yeah, go on, tell us it's sober. So, Rob, it's great. Yeah.

It's a thrill. How long does it take to do it? I just don't like reading out loud. It's just the autocue. I thought you were holding the book. You don't even know. So you just sit there. So basically you turn up.

They do it in a hotel room. So they booked a hotel room in the Langham. Have you ever been in the Langham? Oh, that is a beautiful hotel. It's a lovely hotel in central London. I think Neigh neighbors with griff reese jones i think it's that kind of hotel yeah i got put up in there once for a tv show and it is opulent it is nice um i found it very confronting because you've got to do your speaking to children voice i don't have that voice you don't have that voice i You don't have that voice. I realise.

I talk to them like grown-ups. I've not watched it yet. I thought, do you want me to play out my intro so you can judge my speaking to children voice? Go on. I'm watching it with my daughter tonight, but I can get it on my iPlayer. It was on last night time of recording. Yes.

CBeebies bedtime Yes. Hello there. My name's Josh. I'm here celebrating comic relief with a funny story for this year's Red Nose Day. Did you know that the loudest, the bravest, or even the scariest people can sometimes feel a bit embarrassed? Like Alan.

You might have to have a think about that one, Rob. It sounds like an advert, because tax rules are changing. You know when they get like, we need friendly celeb. Someone who's not money hungry, someone who's quite relatable, to come out and just be honest and straight with the viewer.

I'm Josh Whittakin, and you may not know it, but tax is going digital. You need to make sure that all your accounts are up to date and you've got your login, because by April 2023, things are going to change for the better. It's a nice voice, though, Josh. Yeah, do you want to hear some of the story?

Not really, but go on. The parents screech in terrible terror. Oh, was that you or sound effects? I love being scary, laughed Alan. After a long day... There you go, I'm quite pleased with that. That's nice, it's very gentle. I think I'd oversell it.

Do you? Give me how you'd open it. Right, I need a kid's book, don't I, really? But do the, hello, I'm Rob. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett, and welcome to CBeebies Bedtime Story. This week, we're going to read Angela's Ashes. It's a long episode, isn't it?

I've been there fucking weeks! Rob's had a panic attack on chapter three. We're're gonna have to we're gonna have to book him in yeah how much is it to book out the land for three months nine million pounds

okay who's producing this Griff Rees-Jones not a problem yeah no that was good I think Josh it was nice I think it was gentle

for bedtime I'm I think I'd be too animated I think they'll tell me to pipe I think I'd be too animated. I think they'd tell me to pipe down. Come on, let's read a bloody story. Let's do it. Get to bed, you little c***s.

Sorry. There's a builder perilously sat on a roof outside my window. Look at this. I'll take a photo. I mean, okay, yeah, we can share that. I mean, it's not the greatest podcast fodder. No, but you've got to remember, we riffed for five minutes on the word poddy, so you know. We've got it if we need it.

We are stealing a living, really, when it comes to it. You know this phrase, like phoning it in for a living? Like, oh, he's phoning it in now. Well, we've always done that from the start, so it's not a bad thing. No, it's exactly... This can never fail, because we've always phoned it in we've never put in any effort in the first place

the standards really dropped how we've never put any if anything i care more now than i did at the beginning do you know what that bloody lockdown parenting's got shit. They've started to do different features. They know what they're doing. They've got topics they cover. They talk about the news. Rob speaks properly now. There's a couple of sketches at the end.

They finish on a song. That builder looks like he's having a shit down a chimney. That's a great picture, that. Yeah. That's beautiful. One for the Instagram. Do you know what? It's a beautifully taken picture, isn't it?

That could be in an exhibit about that sort of like, you know, I don't know, roofs. Oh, dear. So, yeah, so that was good to enjoy doing CBeebies, but let us know how it goes with your daughter If she likes it or not My kids don't really watch Bedtime stories and CBeebies

No I'll be honest Mine haven't really watched it But she's quite excited I don't think she realises What a coup it is That I'm doing it That's the problem

Yeah she doesn't realise You know You've waited for months for that She doesn't know That I started open mic comedy In 2008 She doesn't understand that She can't understand that.

She can't comprehend. Even within your own agency, you were down the list to be on there. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Oh, Josh, I've been sleeping a bit better. Oh, two things. Two things I need to talk about sleep-wise. One, worst parent in the world.

My six-year-old's tooth fell out. Put it under a pillow. And now this is anyone that's listening with kids. This is a tooth fairy story. Yeah, stop listening. Stop listening. Go and watch CBeebies Bedtime Story for the next six minutes.

Yeah, this is a tooth fairy story. The tooth fairy didn't visit. No. Yeah. The tooth fairy forgot. Oh, my God. Was the tooth fairy forgot. Oh, my God. What? Was the tooth fairy drunk?

No. Or just... Unfortunately, the child whose tooth it was was up in the night, upset with sort of something. She was moaning about something that she... Yeah, in fact, she didn't have a tooth. My tooth?

I've got no teeth. She was quite funny, though, when we said, brush your teeth. She went, I don't have to do it for as long today because I've got less. And, yeah, but basically... that's like a harry hill joke when he says to a bald man in the front row did you find like me it just took longer and longer to wash your face that's really funny anyway sorry carry on um no so basically um the tooth came out we put it under a pillow and then she she was complaining about being a bit itchy and a bit uncomfortable

and like going to bed and then i laid with her for a, and then she was complaining about being a bit itchy and a bit uncomfortable and, like, going to bed, and then I laid with her for a bit, and then she woke up at about 10 o'clock, and then she went to sleep, and then she went to sleep all night till the morning. However, because it happened about 10.30 at night and she was up for about an hour, we went to bed knackered and, like, so much...

Yeah, forgot to tell this tooth fairy. And I think because we were all awake, the tooth fairy couldn't get in the door. Oh, God. So, basically, and then this morning she was so upset and I felt terrible. And I think because we were all awake, the tooth fairy couldn't get in the door. So basically, and then this morning she was so upset. I felt terrible. But it was just because so much had happened between the tooth coming out. How did you turn it around?

Well, we just said, obviously, she didn't come because we were awake. And she only comes when we were asleep. And because you're awake, she didn't have time to come. So if we sleep tonight nicely, she'll come. But she can't and because you're awake she didn't have time to come so if we sleep tonight nicely she'll come but she can't come when you're awake so that that sort of come but she was so she was absolutely distraught first thing in the morning but that that come down but but we also said in panic well the thing is with the two ferry if you are up and she forgets to come or can't come because you're awake you do get extra money the next day oh interest yeah which we thought what a great idea like we were high-fiving then she said oh okay then well i'll just keep hiding it every day till the money goes up she's got you mate she knows

that a tooth is better currency than money i know it's like having cryptocurrency having a tooth yeah she's got bitcoin under a pillow for the next eight years so now i'm facing a big money rollover each each night oh no there's so many more teeth to come as well she knows they're in her mouth i know and the worst part is well no the best part was make me feel better was we've we told lou's mum and it turned out that um the tooth fairy when um lou was little forgot to come three nights in a row. Oof. Is it the same tooth fairy that's working the southeast of England? Yeah, the Bromley-based tooth fairy. I think they've got a problem, Rob.

They're not a big problem, but if they're... Lou's mum was saying that it was like a self-fulfilling prophecy. She was so anxious about forgetting that she'd forgot. It was one of them things like, you must not forget. But then she did,

so that made us feel a bit better. But yeah, so that was a bit tense this morning. Yeah, oh, so that was this morning? That was this morning. So do you think the Tooth Fairy, to avoid costing the Tooth Fairy too much money, is going to sneak into night and give the money for the tooth come what may?

Yes, I really think there's nothing going to get in the way of the Tooth Fairy tonight. Okay, good. There can't be there's no way and yeah as your daughter sits up with a baseball bat just staring get the interest um but my six-year-old had show and tell the other day as well this is quite funny and um she took in like pictures of fred the dog and speaking about the dog and then my youngest went oh it's show and tell today for

me like tomorrow is my show and tell can i take those pictures in it was like yeah of course and she went and can i take a teddy and went you're right anyway we give all this stuff we go in and i said to the lady at nursery oh he's show and tell today isn't it she went no the four-year-old just invented it lied and then on the way in as well there was another kid coming up the road and she went oh they're in my class. And I went, oh, right. Yeah. And then they got closer.

I went, oh, look, is he your friend? She went, no, I don't like him. He's horrible to me in front of the parent. Oh, my word. So awkward. And then we both just awkwardly went, huh? And then took the kids in. Oh, God.

It's awkward, isn't it? When there's a nice parent and the kids don't get on. I tend to project onto the parents my feelings towards the kid, if you know what I mean. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, like,

I think, like, is that the long-held grudges thing? Like, any kid that's been a bit horrible to your kid when they're little, you're just sort of done. Even when they're, like, 23.

Totally. Not having it. Totally. I'm going to tell all this about my sleep, Josh. Right? Oh, yeah. So, this is the new way

of going to sleep. I listen to a podcast now, but I try and listen to a podcast I've already listened to that's very, like, one level. So, like, for example, the Johnny Wilkinson one, which is called I Am, which I'm really getting into. It's quite deep. You have to really concentrate. It's all about...

Yeah. I'm getting into spirituality, Josh, which I don't know if is the stiffest neck thing or the loosest neck thing. Yeah. No, I think that's the loosest neck. I think spirituality is a very good thing to get into, Rob. Yeah, really getting into that and about, you know, all joy and happiness comes from within.

There is no big enlightenment to search for. It's sort of, you just basically have to calm everything down so that you just are one. The realisation, Rob, that happiness does not lie in appearing on Nevermind the Buzzcocks is a huge moment in your life. Do you know what I mean? A hundred percent. I pick that out as a random thing.

Whatever is your thing. For you, that's what it would have been. Or for some people, it will be running, you know, being the manager of a shop or getting that promotion or achieving an award or something. But yeah, I do think, you you know as you get a bit older that the when you're a bit young you think well once i get that it'll all be sorted but it isn't it really isn't really important to know that all i need all i need is a podcast that is as good as off menu and i'll be happy look at me rob give us a few months we'll get i'm all over the shop yeah you are all over the fucking shop it do it. All over the fucking shop.

It didn't work. The stuff you've achieved and what you've done in your life, and you're still a fucking mess, Josh. More of that's not going to help. But I'm getting there. I understand the theory, Rob. I'm just struggling to put it into practice. Exactly.

And that's very important because it's easy to say, oh, I should do my breathing and meditation and should be calm and take time for myself. And meditation, I think people get confused. Meditation isn't just like, oh, I sit there and breathe in with fucking smoke and crystals and all that shit. Crystals can fuck off personally,

but each to their own. But I think- You are very zen actually, Rob. Do you know what? That's what I like about you. You're very laid back. I think that can fuck off. No, but what it is is it's like it

being mindful it's not sort of clearing your mind it is actually focusing on the thing that's worrying you or scaring you because what we do is distract from it so um you if you sit with something that causes you pain it's quite uncomfortable but that is basically what meditation is you're holding in on the thing that's stressing you out but then you ignore your brain telling you about it because anyway anyway since i'm talking around in circles now it's johnny wilkinson explains it a lot better in i am i've been listening to that because it was all quite serious it's quite monotone what's he up to now well basically it's quite funny actually because he became the greatest rugby player of all time but then he realized that didn't bring him happiness he's now looking at

spirituality and trying to find that sort of balance. He's like taking a rugby league. Yeah. But now he's basically trying to become the best at being a Buddhist. And when you listen to him, he's so intense and passionate. Well, he's trying to become Buddha. There is already a number one, Johnny. There's a ballet of Buddhism and that's Buddha, surely. But yeah, but that's the thing, though. Like, even if you do become Zen, you still have your character of who you are.

It's all quite complicated. But anyway, I've been listening to that because it is serious. So it's, there's no big laughs or big things in it that sort of make you wake up. So anyway, I was listening to it last night and I got to sleep really nicely because it was like a good subconscious message. I find it very calming and I was listening to it. Anyway, I go to sleep, the best I've gone to sleep really nicely because it was like a good subconscious message. I find it very calming and I was listening to it. Anyway, I go to sleep the best I've gone to sleep in years. Then I wake up absolutely petrified, like actually like dripping with sweat, anxious, having a nightmare.

Right. OK. And I genuinely thought there was a burglary or I was being attacked or something. I woke up in horrible shock and I was like, I've never had that sort of feeling. And I thought, what the fuck? And then i looked at my phone and johnny wilkinson had finished and what started was my uk true crime podcast oh no yeah that happened okay they walk among us excellent podcast yeah yeah right so and not only has it come on right and i quite like i normally if i pick one out i'll go for one that's not near me this one i mean i don't know how much we should say about this because it is a real person but it was basically it was about a man that did awful awful things to people in south london right that entered the homes of them oh my god by prying the

windows open in the early hours oh my word no thank you very much he actually he actually like he got arrested for crimes he did in Bromley nah and that's being pumped

into my ears oh my god that is not what you need places I know streets I live on oh my god I'm like what the fuck and I woke up

like and I'm like and it's like the worst possible crime that you could be listening to. Is this booming around your room or have you got headphones in? Headphones in booming around the room.

No, so I mean, so Lou's not having to deal with it either. No, just me on my own, in my ears, in my own head. It's not trying to have a kip in an East End alley listening to a Jack the Ripper podcast. I can't believe it there's never been to stop it playing on that's what mine does the worst thing i'm gonna unsubscribe from our podcast now because i keep falling asleep and waking up listening to ourselves and i find that bad enough i know it was hot honestly mate i couldn't i was so stressed and i was like but it was so close to home literally I couldn't believe it what are the chances

and did you did you want to listen to the rest of it no I think I might need to listen to it awake as a kind of to kind of

clear yourself of it I don't think I'd ever listen to that one you don't hear about someone breaking into your house when it's in your own own area innit no

Jesus Christ what are the chances of all the ones it's a very it's a very crimey area, Rob. It is a crimey area, but there's lots of crime everywhere. Why do I have to listen to this? Some of the other ones weren't, like, miles away.

Anyway, but yeah, that's what happened to me. So be careful. If anyone else has had a... What podcast do you listen to, or have you woken up listening to, to get to sleep? I was listening to one this morning. I went back to bed for a half-hour nap because we got up so early, right? What time was you up six oh yeah it's not too bad but i swapped rose having

half an hour for me having half an hour right okay classic move this is such a me podcast rob you're gonna love this go on it's called the rock on tours so partridge I know. And it's hosted by Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet. And he interviews other musicians. And I found it too interesting. I couldn't sleep. Really? Isn't that the lowest moment? That is bad.

What a boring man I am. I was too stimulated by Gary Kemp from Spandau Ballet. If it makes you feel any better about being boring, I got really stressed trying to do some writing. And i couldn't do it and i thought what i've learned is like rather than just sitting there and getting yourself worked up just have a break and then come back to it when you're in the mood and you'll do twice the amount of work and it'll be twice as good there's no point dragging yourself through it yeah because you know that that's that is a little bit of a working class mindset where like work has to be hard and difficult but when

you are writing something it doesn't need to be it just needs to become when it comes right and then um so i drove to croydon costco for a slice of pizza and bought a soundbar for my telly what i was sound i thought that was like a chocolate bar that i hadn't heard of they run out of crunchies bought a packet of Cracker Nacks. You know, a bit of nostalgia. We've needed a soundbar for ages. Right. Because our kitchen... Permission to sound like I'm 600 years old. Yeah, go on, mate. What's a soundbar?

Right, so tellies are flat screen tellies now, a lot of them, aren't they? Which means the speakers are quite crap on them because speakers need a bit of mass in order to be decent. And in our kitchen, you've been in our house, there's a lot of like... We've got like them bifold windows. There's a lot of mass in order to be decent. And in our kitchen, you've been in our house, there's a lot of like, we've got like them bifold windows.

There's a lot of glass. So the sound rattles around the extension. So if you've got a soundbar, it's much easier to hear. Sometimes we can't hear dialogue on telly and then all of a sudden

there's a car crash and it's the loudest thing ever and wakes the whole house up. So it's like great speakers for your phone, for your TV. Yeah, but it's like one and looks one,

but also it's one that you can play other stuff from and it's a sort of got a Sonos one. So it doubles as great speakers for your phone. For your TV. For your telly. Yeah, but it's like one, it looks one, but also it's one that you can play other stuff from. And it's a sort of got a Sonos one. So it doubles as a Sonos. Yeah, so I've got a Sonos and then now I've got that so that if we have a party, we can have it all playing at the same speakers. Yeah.

Right? Come the World Cup. Yeah, and I went to Costco and got one and I just got there and sat and ate my pizza in a fucking fleece. And my shoes were wearing the garden and I thought what the fuck am I

a fleece they're so soft what are you a kind of they're so comfy a kind of farmer's wife what's going on a little country bumpkin

in zone 5 I mean I've got like a little country partner Griffith Jones doesn't wear a fleece mate oh no gold just a gold suit like he's in Johnny English

we should say that Griffith Jones owned what was it Talkback that was made like most of the big comedy shows in the 90s that's what we're talking about like he's in Johnny English. We should say that Griffith Jones owned, what was it, Talkback, that was made like most of the big comedy shows in the 90s. That's what we're talking about. Yeah, didn't Talkback, and they got bought out, didn't they? Yeah, they got bought out.

How much did they get sold for? Oh, I don't know. It got sold in 2000. Oh. Oh, my God. In 2000, it was bought for 62 million. Whoa, mama! Jesus fucking wet.

Wow! We're in the wrong game here, Rob. Do you know what? Maybe we are phoning it in a bit. Maybe we could put in a bit more effort after all. Mel Smith and Grace Reef-Jones, both founders of TalkBank. And Peter Fincham, wasn't it? And Peter Fincham, yeah.

Jesus Christ. Bloody hell. It's all right for some, isn't it? 22 years ago, that was. I bet he's got soundbars coming out of his bloody ears

62 million in 2000 do you reckon he's got a garden in zone 1 I bet he's got a bloody garden mate I bet he's got a

garden right do you want some instagrams yes okay here we go oh so this is just listening to the Harriet Kemsley

episode this is Anon what a Harriet Kemsley episode. This is Anon. What a great guest. Because she was talking about growing a new tooth. Remember that? Yeah. So this lady here, I too grew a new tooth around the time my daughter was born.

It definitely wasn't there before. And I had to go to have an emergency extraction when my daughter was about four weeks old because the new tooth crushed my back tooth making it crack and break oh my word the new tooth is still there and it's grown at a funny angle sort of sideways not upwards so yes it does happen she's not mental she's hang on i love the way someone couldn't feel they could give their name for that yeah i can't i can't i can't possibly reveal i've got an extra tooth this one's even more mental and jane don't give a shit about people knowing it's jane on harriet's new tooth mental. And Jane, don't give a shit about people knowing it's Jane. On Harriet's new tooth, the same thing happened to me. I grew a new wisdom tooth,

which emerged after giving birth to my son nine years ago. It pushed all my other teeth out the way. And now I have crooked teeth. Oh, no. This is the killer. My feet also grew a size. No. It wasn't just retaining water.

They actually grew. Well, yeah. Nothing similar happened when I had twins last May. So maybe it wasn't just retaining water. They actually grew. That is incredible. Nothing similar happened when I had twins last May so maybe it's a first pregnancy thing. If anyone else has got bigger feet from kids. Also the way Jane is just like, nothing similar happened when I had twins last May. Your feet have

grown a size. She needs all new shoes. That is incredible. I didn't know that could happen. Your feet, they stop. Do you know, isn't the only thing that's meant to keep growing? Don't you get bigger ears? Your ears and your nose, innit? Your ears and your nose, bloody hell.

Is it your nose? It's definitely your ears, I think. Yeah. I thought about nose. Do you want another anonymous one, Rob? Oh, yeah. Morning, gents. Me and my wife have been listening to your podcast from the very beginning. I've been trying to start a family for the same length of time.

Just when we were starting to lose faith, a a few days ago a pregnancy test came back positive congratulations we're both chuffed a bit and understand it's exceptionally early days but we still can't help but look at all the stuff we'll hopefully need to buy some of which is very costly my question is are there any items you suggest spending extra money on and any items you'd buy cheap or even not buy at all cheers and then they've put the emoji with the two beers clinking together i'd say don't buy anything until you actually really need it kind of thing where we bought the cot way to it we bought the cot before the baby was born but you don't need it you don't need six months no so stuff like that and then it sort of helps a little bit with cash flow

because yeah what's the point of spending like money on that cot and never using it so i'll say wait until you need it and then some things you know like we put a little tummy time thing where you know you're supposed to go on their belly for a bit to get their neck up and stuff yeah thing that you'd put them on and they'll spin themselves around on you don't need that like there's lots of things you don't really need but the most useful thing definitely have it i found is the ear temperature check yes that is absolutely worth its weight in gold a hundred percent because it can put your mind at rest so quickly yeah i definitely recommend that and i what i'd say as well i don't think you need to spend a lot of money on a high chair. I think they're a little bit,

you can spend like hundreds of pounds on these mad little high chairs. I think ultimately you can get like cheap ones that just do the job, like that little Ikea one. Yeah. Does the job. And you want something that's easy to clean, white clean, doesn't have to be all soft and cushioned for them.

They're quite hardy. Yeah. So I'd say that um and i would say as well if you live in london or you do a lot of traveling on trains or planes those baby yo-yo buggies are good the yo-yo buggy is incredible so we so we have the um and if you live in a flat as well it's so small to fold up so and it just it just flips open that's what we're using at the moment is the yoyo it flips open and you feel like a god when it flips open yeah like the thrill when you've got it just and there it is yeah like a kind of pop-out tent absolutely love that and it's the only well maybe more now because i'm sure other people have caught up but it's the only one when we got it that can fold down to the size that you can take it on as hand luggage on a flight.

Yes, yes. Yeah, that's really good. Then you've got it all the way after checking. You've got the baby in the buggy, and then you've got it as soon as the plane lands rather than having to wait or carry the kid through the airport. I don't know whether there's a bassinet on it. I've got no idea that.

You can't. A bassinet is that when they're little babies and they're on their back. Like the bed, the bed on the pram. Yeah, there are, but they're really small, and I think a lot of first-time parents will be like, oh, it's a bit too unsafe for my baby, but it's probably fine. But yeah, it's not the best for long walks though.

My tip with prams, if you live in a city, Griff, if you're listening, is big wheels are a fucking write-off. When you see someone approach a cafe with big wheels and you think, you fucking regret that, Pram. Yeah. And that little yo-yo,

you can get in the little gaps when you're going for a restaurant. If you live in the countryside, I'd say big wheels and going for long walks. Yeah. Maybe bigger wheels and stuff. But yeah,

that little baby yo-yo. Big wheels in Victoria Park, you're making a fool of yourself. Yeah, exactly. But you can't get in anywhere. And I'd say just a cheap little Ikea high chair, it doesn't have to be Ikea, but a cheap high chair, rather than spending

hundreds of pounds on something that does all these magical things. It's basically just somewhere to strap them down and feed them, isn't it? Exactly, exactly. Also, your friends will be trying to offload stuff, you know, find your friend that's got a two-year-old, they'll have loads of stuff they want to get rid of. Yes, exactly. Make friends with nct group where their kids are a year older

than yours yeah yeah same age start going to nct two years before you conceive okay right um do you want um boomer parenting yes this is beyond that was quite um well that was one of our most serious and useful five minutes we've ever done on the podcast i I thought. I would say as well as a caveat, like, because there's something here someone's took our advice. All of this is just anecdotal story. Don't take any of this like we're experts, please. Yeah, I think we should. You said this to me the other day, Rob,

and I think we should record it now and then put it at the start of every podcast that follows this. Yes. That we need to put a disclaimer at the start. Okay. I'll say it again. This is a disclaimer. Anything we say is our opinion and things that have worked for us.

Please do not take it as expert advice. Yeah. Sometimes it's not even our opinion. We're just trying to fill the time. Yeah. So just basically, good luck on your own. We can't be sued. This is from someone.

Mark has messaged in, Josh. I'll do this and then boom a parenting. Hi, I took on Rob's tactic of giving my eight-year-old one swear word naughty word a day, so as long as she says it only in front of me and mummy and not at school or strangers. It has been working very well, except for the fact that most days she chooses to use her swear word by going right up to her two-year-old sister's face and

saying you are a dumb fucking bitch i mean that is awful that's two swear words in one sentence the two-year-old just smiles and usually responds with yeah she does get on well with her really i think that but i've got a lot of questions here mark like i they my kids say piss because they saw it written in a book where have they seen dumb fucking bitch or heard it what is going on in that relationship mark that is incredible isn't it um dumb fucking bitch dumb fucking bitch spruital spruital spruital it's brutal oh i thought that's a pokemon isn't it a sprutal yeah um just to say oh this is the boom of parenting josh yeah just to say as a 62 year old grandma i love your

podcast and find your tips very helpful um sometimes when i'm looking after my four-year-old granddaughter delilah alice can we also i think we should have can we have oldest and youngest listener please if you think you're the youngest listener let us know if you think you're the oldest please let us know and when I say youngest you are listening out of your own volition on your device yeah not just in the car and oldest um if you can find someone young enough to send an email on your behalf that'd be great um but the oldest person listening would be quite nice to know because at the moment Marion Whitehead at 62 years of age is our oldest listener if you can beat that let us know do bad in 62 i'm sure anyway so this is going back to boomer parenting when my husband was about seven so i don't know if what is beyond boomer parenting because this might be older than boomer parenting

victorian victorian i don't know what the parenting is like post-war parenting i suppose it'd be called like what our parents experienced so if you-war parenting I suppose it would be called Like what our parents experienced So if you're 62 So yeah mate Maybe it'll be like in the 50s Yeah so 50s and 60s yeah

Post-war parenting So post-war, post-war parenting Going back to boomer parenting When my husband Geoff was about 7 years old The TV aerial became dislodged on the roof of the terraced house Oh no His dad did no more than tie a rope around Geoff's waist And pushed him out the attic window onto the roof And then proceeded to shout out instructions Oh, no.

No. Oh, my God. That is incredible. Seven-year-old. Oh, my God. also fixed a gas pipe with chewing gum after poking a hole in it with a drawing pin at Christmas. As far as we know, the chewing gum is still there 50 years on. Keep up the good work. Love, Marion. Whitehead.

Eastwood. Nottinghamshire. That is incredible. My dad, this is my, I don't know if he still does it, but he used to do it as kids. Whenever he did anything electrical, right, like the washing machine was broke and he had to fix it, he'd leave the power on to see if he'd fixed it. No. So he's been electrocuted. Well, he wouldn't turn it off.

So if he was changing a light bulb, he'd leave it on so it lit up when he was putting it in. Yep. And he's been electrocuted a number of times. Yeah, he's electrocuted. Like, is that like a dangerous thing? Like, do you know what I mean? If it isn't, it's a strange way to kill someone in a prison, isn't it?

What are you doing with this one? I'm just blowing on him to death. Does it work? Who knows? you know what i mean rob i just i just presumed that your dad wouldn't survive that well i think it's electric shock rather than electric huge i think it trips out when it i don't know he's a strange man my dad do you know what he did i did a gig at the weekend and he came backstage after in margate where it was him and my mum and about eight or ten of their friends and we're all chatting

and I'm quite tired from the gig I had a busy week and I was chatting to everyone and trying to be polite but it's hard when you've done a gig because you're a bit exhausted and I'm sort of stood there

and everyone's sort of chatting and I'm like a bit like tired and then he goes to me did I leave my lace up shoes at your house I just went I don't know

lace up confused me what does he mean by lace up is he still doing Velcros he loves slip-ons slip-on loafers he's from south east London he loves it

yeah yeah of course and I just said dad I don't know or care which I thought was harsh but also I thought like come on mate yeah fair enough

how do I know also it's not like I've got a quiet house. There's a dog could have had them, a kid. Who knows? No, exactly. A tooth fairy. A tooth fairy, you know, if she turns up.

Right, do you want to do a small business shout-out, Joshua? Yes. Do you want to do some emails or anything? Small business? Let's do small business shout-out. I mean, they're all good. I feel bad when I go past them. I've been ruined by choice here, Rob.

Give me a number from one to six. Six. One, two, three, four, five, six. GB News are looking for some... No, hi, guys. I'm a huge fan of the podcast, which is odd, as I... Oh, we'll start with this. 23-year-old guy with no kids.

So we'll start that as our lowest age at the moment, Rob, whose mother has threatened to turn his testicles into a pair of earrings if he has one any time soon I was hoping you guys could give a shout out to Ezio Rescue which is a charity which rehomes stray and abused dogs and cats from Bosnia

giving them a new lease of life here in the UK they have a very small following at the moment so any help will mean a lot that is a great charity they can be found on Facebook here in the UK. They have a very small following at the moment, so any help will mean a lot. That is a great charity. They can be found on Facebook, EZIO, one word, E-Z-I-O,

space, rescue. Instagram, EZIO Rescue, or www.eziorescue.webs.com. That webs is a bit of a shame, isn't it? It is a shame. Thank you, guys, and keep up the great work. Peace and love, Owen. Not enough people he must have heard

our meditation chat yeah we're so fucking zen right now apart from the fucking crystals you fucking mugs have some fucking self belief

don't just fucking hold on to a crystal and I hope you fucking losers but ultimately I'm a Buddhist now ultimately you are a Buddhist I've got a small business shout out here

this one is from absolute underscore bubble underscore football. Hi, Rob and Josh. I've listened to the barrage of abuse from Mr. Beckett regarding the city of Plymouth. City. I would invite, I'd like to invite you both to Plymouth for an afternoon of bubble football. I'm sure there are folk who would like to ram the aforementioned Mr. Beckett. We are based in plymouth so if you are in plymouth or you're down there for some sort of a stockbroker meeting um some big city watching our girl biggest club in the southwest no no it's a business you're not

going there for sport mate you're going there strictly for business deals so you're striking a big deal down in plymouth griff reeseJones buying some sort of, you know, shipping company or something. Absolute underscore bubble underscore football is a bubble football company where you can go and look at kids' parties, stag doos, things like that. It looks great. And they do inflatable table football stuff. Oh, that'll be fun.

Go on their Instagram. Absolute underscore bubble underscore football. Based in Plymouth, but I'm sure they travel. There we go. I really enjoyed this episode Rob it's been fun back on form

after what was a very sad week for you very sad week but do you know what our biggest week ever numbers wise what do the people

bloody want from us you sickos only because it said the sad episode all you want is our pain you sick fucks let's call this episode you sick fucks

is this what you want oh no let's call this one the most crazy episode, you sick fucks, is this what you want? Oh, no, let's call this one the most crazy episode ever. You will not believe the wacky hijinks that happen in this episode. Exclusive Elton John interview. Barack and Michelle Obama spesh. Right, see you on Friday, Josh.

See you on Friday. Bye. Cheers, bye.