Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP22: Bill Bailey

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

S04 EP22: Bill Bailey Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian, presenter, musician, and Strictly Come Dancing champion - Bill Bailey. Tickets for Bill's fantastic new tour 'En Route To Normal' are available now. Thanks - Rob and Josh xxxWe're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK?Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there...ON SALE NOW 14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena19th April 2023 - Nottingham20th April 2023 - Cardiff 21st April 2023 - London (The O2)23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley)28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Rachel, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Okay, and can you say Josh Widdicombe? Widdicombe. Josh Widdicombe. Widdicombe. Widdicombe. Widdicombe Widdicombe

Widdicombe Widdicombe Okay well well done There we go Love the podcast This is my 38 month old Rachel We live in Plymouth with my parents on our 38 months?

What's that? Three On our family farm Cool Quick boomer parenting farm related anecdotes Do you want that? Yeah When I was a child my dad took us out shooting on our family farm. Cool. Quick boomer parenting farm-related anecdotes. Do you want that? Yeah.

When I was a child, my dad took us out shooting. He shot a rabbit and then proceeded to give us a DIY biology lesson. Oh, no. When he cut the rabbit open, oh, my God. It had six or seven babies inside. Fuck. That is so awful. Yeah.

My sister and I were horrified and went asking if the babies would be okay. He said probably not and kicked the rabbit under a bush. What? He also used to get us to test if electric

fences were on by asking us to touch them. Pretty sure he knew they were on. Thank you for the charm, sexiness and wit.

You're not at all funny or relatable. Thanks, Gary. At what point can the police get involved in historic sort of... Historic boom of parenting offenses. This could open up a huge investigation. We get most of our listeners' parents to be put away. Then he just booted the rabbit under a bush.

Oh, my word. What's the point of shooting it, then? That is the countryside for you, Rob. It's absolutely brutal. There are animals out there outside the city walls. Am I a townie? What is a townie? I never understood what a townie was.

Yeah, you are a townie, I think. Yeah, probably. I think the thing is, it's more a state of mind than it is. But I live in Zone 5. Am I a townie? Yeah, because you... I feel so far away. Rob, you don't come alive in the countryside.

Do you know what I mean? No. Are you more comfortable in towns or in the, you know, vast come alive in the countryside do you know what i mean are you more comfortable in towns or in the you know vast expanse of the countryside well i think i'm really tired at the moment because i keep swearing too much on this my mom and dad told me that i'm swearing too much on it so i'm gonna try and stop so i think at the moment i'd get annoyed wherever i was yes i don't think now's a good time to do the test no no of course of course i do do you know what though i do when i drive into the countryside i do feel myself calming down oh yeah oh yeah and getting a bit you don't get that

when you're driving to london but i think it's that thing i think when you're younger you want to be in the city and when you're older you want to be a bit more of a country bumpkin and you're feeling you're feeling the the pull i'm feeling the pull but you know what as soon as i'm there for a bit i'd hate it i'll start getting him like sort of defender fences for deer. You'd get really, really bored. Every time I go to the countryside, I think, this is it, this is what I want. And then I come back and I'm like, oh, I can walk and buy some bread.

It's really useful. I don't have to drive for milk. Anyway, talking about old and young, Rob. Yes. Do you want the oldest and youngest listeners? Yes, please. Well, these are so far, okay? So if you've got a younger or an older um so youngest listener we ask you youngest an honorable mention to this one 12 years old hello i've listened to your latest episode very good always

funny of course and you want to know your youngest listener well i'm 12 and i listen on my own and actually recommended it to my parents oh hello i. I was looking for a comedy podcast and searched for Romesh Ranganathan, and the episode came up. You don't have to search for him. If you just turn the telly on, you'll find him. He hates those kind of jokes. He'll be annoyed with that if he listened. I looked for a comedy podcast.

I searched Romesh Ranganathan. Luckily, he's good. Romesh Ranganathan, and the episode came up with him on your show, and I thought it was great. So I listened to the rest rest of them and i listen every morning when i get ready for school and when i get home always happy when there's a new episode you're great and great tips for the future from emmy isn't emmy well put together for a 12 year old that i would not be what was i doing at 12 i wouldn't like to think um however you have been beaten, Emmy. 11 years old is our current youngest listener. Dear Rob and Josh, I have a contender for your youngest listener.

My son, who's now 13, has been listening to your podcast from the early days when he was 11. He goes to bed earlier on a Tuesday and a Friday so he can listen to it before he goes to sleep. Oh, bless him. We are going to see Josh of the Palladium on Saturday and have tickets for Parents in Hell at the O2 next year. Heart of the pub, Kate in Berkshire. Kate, what's his name? Don't take all the glory, Kate. So 11's winning.

Let us know if there's anyone younger. Yeah, I think 12 because it was written herself. Yes. Do you know what I mean? I wonder whether... Are we allowing people to, for the youngest, I wonder whether we need the person to be... So are you demanding that

children email you direct just the parents copied in on a cc i think that's i think that's problematic um but i'd say emmy's the winner at the moment because we are currently got anon for the 11 year old yes okay but thank to both of them we're yeah and we listen but the youngest needs to be someone who listens on their own without the parents making them. And our oldest, honourable mention, 75 years old. Hello, you two. I'm applying for oldest listener.

I'm 75 from the Isle of Wight, but originally from Bermondsey. Enjoy your kids while you know where they are. Anxiety levels get higher when they start going out as teenagers. Good to know, Sandra and Nikki, mother and daughter there. It's good to know that it's just going to get worse and you're going to worry more and have less control. Yeah, that's the main thing. Basically, you're going to worry more and have less control.

Welcome to parenting. Oh, my God. But my dad's 78 and he listens, so that's already beaten that one. However, I've got another one here. 80 years old, Josh. That's good, isn't it? Come on. 80.

Hi, Rob and Josh. My name is Lucy Hollowayay and i am along with the rest of my family a huge fan of the podcast after hearing you guys wonder who your youngest and oldest listeners are i thought i'd message in i believe my nan to be your oldest listener who started listening after hearing me and my mum rave about your podcast on holiday in mexico you took a nan to mexico 80 year old to mexico-old to Mexico. Absolutely incredible. So she now listens. She's 80. What is she listening on, though? Good on you. Again,

though, with the oldies, we want to hear from them direct. Yeah. I will take a caps lock text message. Thank you for being hilarious as you both blah, blah, blah. Keep on with the podcast, Lucy. So currently 80. To take an 80-year-old to Mexico is incredibly

good because I know when I'm 80 Rob I'm not going to be in the mood to go to Mexico no also as well isn't Mexico a bit known for getting a bit of a runny bottom what that must be difficult when you're 80 if you need to get to the toilet quick no no Rob when you're 80 you're absolutely desperate for movement down there really is that what happens It all gets clogged up. I thought it loosened up. Yeah, you're all about, let's go to Mexico. Give that a try. Give me a clear out. Get me to Mexico.

Yeah. Well, good on you. Have you been to Mexico? No, I really want to go. Oh, it goes to Tulum. It's absolutely incredible. We went there before we had kids. I can't imagine we'll be going there for the next 15 years.

Okay. Let's try and keep morale up okay i'm gonna keep morale up um there's a uh so this is exciting it's quite awkward to work but basically um on the school run there's a very handsome dad oh yeah so anyway yeah i was driving across the mirror it's not me i look disheveled i look i always wear tracksuit and look like i've just woken up because i have um but it's this me i look disheveled i look i always wear tracksuit and look like i've just woken up because i have um but it's this guy and honestly he was crossing the road i was driving and lou was next to me that and it's crossing the road and he's like really handsome man sort of waved at lou and i was like hmm and then lou waved back and was like hi um and look

i i thought she swooned. What she said, she went, no, I didn't. I was just a bit anxious because the road was clogging up. Someone did hit another car. So I thought her reaction was to the handsome guy waving at her. But she said,

no, it was just that I was anxious because of the car. So whether she was or she wasn't, she definitely had a weird reaction. I was like, who? What does he look like, Rob? How handsome is he?

What kind of handsome are we looking at? I went, who was that? She went, it's one of the dads from the schools. And I went, he looks like a man from the adverts. He was one of them. Sort of, you know, like, it's a new car advert.

I'd say tall, dark hair, quite athletic, bit of stubble. That classic handsome man. Absolutely. And then Lou went all red. I was going, no, I wasn't. I was just saying. And then it turns out she had already texted her mates from uni that when they was at one of the parties,

that one of the dads is handsome. And he's a handsome, he's a deal. How did you find that out? Because she told me, because I was going, oh, you think he's handsome. There's nothing wrong with thinking someone's handsome, is there? I mean, you think he's handsome. Don't start with this false narrative. And I was like, it's not a false narrative if you've already texted your mates i've just picked up upon you going waving at this man in the street so does he know do you think i think he knows he's

he's sexy yeah it's not it's not a shot so if he listens to this he'll go that's definitely me do you know what i'd say yes and he is a man. I wouldn't say he's out of this world handsome, but what I would say is, compared to all the other 40-year-old men that sort of frequent the schools, it's not a tough pull. Because I'm the youngest. You're the youngest?

Out of the dads. Are you a young dad? I'm a young dad. How old are you? You're 35? 36. 36? So a lot of the dads are around 40.

Times change, don't they? God, Rob. When we were kids, those school gates, everyone was 26, 27. I know, it's mad, isn't it? It's so mental, isn't it? But no, it was quite funny, though, because Lou was like, oh, hello. But it was when it was really sunny. You know when that week, where it was like summer for a week, wasn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A week or so ago. He literally crossed the road and he turned and like he had sunglasses on looks a bit tan he's like teeth sparkled had a twinkle in his eye and he went and waved i'm like what the fuck is going on um but yeah lou lou was a little bit like a little bit um like i'd caught i felt like i could lose dad and i'd found something you know when like you pick your kid up from school and they they've got a crush yeah well let's see how it plays out and i said to lou you're not into him though she prefers you

know sort of a wide shorter little blonde things exactly exactly but yeah it was quite funny catching up he is a very handsome man on the school run there's always one sort of really good looking one or like scaffolders are always quite a bit sexy aren't they they're the sexiest tradesmen are they yeah big time because they spend their day in the sun and they're... Tops off in the sun. You've got to be strong. You've got to be quite athletic and agile. You've got to be strong.

Oh my God. Talking of strong, Rob. Yeah. Do you want to see a picture of the strongest man that's ever been in my house? To be fair, you hang around with Matt Crosby and Tom Crane, so it could just be a photo of me at this stage.

So, our tumble dryer broke oh right yeah so I got someone to come around to get rid of our tumble dryer I said it's a two man job

I couldn't even move it right do you want to see a picture of him walking out of our house so you couldn't move this tumble dryer so you had to get someone I couldn't move it

it was in the cellar oh right to down the staircase right yeah he turns up I'm like it's a two man job

is there a second bloke and he goes yeah can i see where the tumble dryer is i show him down to the cellar and he just picks it up here's a picture of him i've got the pitch he's carrying it he's just carrying it like he's carrying that effortlessly he's not even even straining there. Also not like at his front, at his side. So he's counterbalancing it. Yeah, because if it was heavy like that, I'd have it on me. Yeah. And I'd be pidge like shuffling my feet along.

Yeah, but he's doing all arm. It's all in his arms. He doesn't even look that big. That's core. It's incredible. Now, before Bill Bailey, Bill Bailey is on tour so are we Rob yes

yes we are on tour correct where are we can you name the six venues yeah Wembley London O2 London Nottingham

Cardiff Birmingham Manchester yes April 2023 get your tickets get your tickets just google it

there you go right and go and see Bill Bailey as well. He's brilliant. Yeah, he's so good. Such a nice man. I absolutely love this interview. Yeah, it was really good, wasn't it?

He's so funny. So funny. And it was good to finally talk to him about the riders at the Royal Variety Performance. Oh, that was great. That is good. That is good gossip. Yeah, this Bill Bailey, brilliant guy, brilliant comedian, lovely bloke. Enjoy. it's good gossip um yeah this bill brady brilliant guy um brilliant comedian lovely bloke enjoy

can i ask a quick question comedy question before we do parenting stuff bill um how much do you hate sort of traditional stand-up comedians that then on tour to fill five minutes whip out a guitar or ukulele like as an afterthought does that annoy you or do you not care like i'll just fuck off and get on with your stories? Yeah, yeah. You know, I always remember when I started out and I was playing the guitar or when I was in the double act and I had a guitar,

some stand-ups would get quite sort of resentful of it, you know, because, and they'd go, oh yeah, it's easier, isn't it? It's easy with a bloody guitar, isn't it? It's all that, it's easy, that, you know. And then you go, well, you do it then. And I think it has got a bad rep over the years, I think, because it was always seen as a sort of like a,

just a kind of an easy adjunct to a song. But I don't, yeah, I mean, sometimes it seems a little bit gratuitous. Whereas I think what I, I think where I like to see it is where it is sort of the music is itself a comedy rather than just kind of an add-on. I went to see Frank Skinner a few years ago, and at the back of the stage he had a guitar, like, in a stand, and then he does the whole show and then he came on the encore and he looked at the guitar and he goes, I'm not going to play that. But I've got it there just in case you're not enjoying the show.

You can look at the guitar and go, it could be worse. Amazing. That's good. Yeah. It's so funny. Because I think, though, musical comedy is a bit like sketch comedy. When it's done well, it's unbelievably good, but it's quite easy to do it averagely to badly because you've got that sort

of like sketch. You've got the energy of the instrument and stuff, but like you and Tim Minchin and Bo Burnham, it's like an incredible experience. But then you on the open mic circuit, the amount of shit people with a shit guitar and just did a crap song. Yeah. I'm papering over the cracks of this material with my song yeah exactly and it's always oh it's always so quite base it's like a

hack joke but then strung over three minutes and in sketch groups it's like oh what was that and because it's five of them oh we don't know what's going on no you haven't fucking written a joke that's why oh my god here comes King Kong oh oh oh

oh fuck off that's a joke Kong you what's King Kong doing hopefully he's being fucking funny

you piece of shit hopefully he's written five minutes anyway anyway so how many kids you got just one anyway anyway so how many kids you got uh just the one uh he's how old he is now he's 18 18 and uh he's uh yeah he turned 18 in december

and uh what was that like what was oh it was uh do you know what? It was, and I'm sure this is very true of parents of all ages, but it was far more emotionally affecting to us than it was to him. It was like, we were thinking, 18, oh God, you know, the taking on the mantle of adulthood and the passing of youth and our influence is waning and you're a man and he's just like yeah just shut up you know and um yeah it was quite difficult for that because you know it's very much the sense of letting go and that's the hard bit yeah all right god i i know i'm going to really struggle with that kind of distance. Like, even when she plays, she's four, my daughter,

and when she plays on her own, I do feel like, oh, my God. Even though that's what I've wanted for four years, I'm like, give me a fucking break. The moment she plays on her own, I'm like, oh, God, this is it. This is it. She doesn't need me anymore. She's four, really? Yeah.

Can she order Deliveroo yet, though? That's the thing. Oh, really? And then that's it. It's all over. And does he still live with yet, though? That's the thing. Oh, really? And then that's it. It's all over. Does he still live with you, Bill? He does. And, you know, we've arranged it because we've got two sort of,

we've got a sort of weird two flats that are joined on the ground level. So he's sort of occupied the bit of one. So he has actually got a separate entrance and his own sort of so he kind of is almost like he can kind of come and go and be quite independent and which is good actually it's worked out very well oh that's good because it sort of helped that there's a kind of transition period between now living at home and living, you know, living in the leaves. So it's sort of not quite so, I don't think it will be quite so traumatic,

but yeah, it is, I think the thing is, the hardest thing is, is because, you know, technically, legally as an adult, and it's like, well, you can do what you want now, you know, you can actually go through those things, but you're still part of the family. You're still, you're always going to be our son, our kid. So it's, that's the hard bit.

That's the sort of, the letting go. But, you know, I mean, I won't miss the delivery bills. Oh, really? Have you had to tell him off? I was like, what the fun? You know, like, really? You know, when he discovered that, I just thought, like, well, that's it. We have no function.

You know, if you can order a taxi and order some food, you know, that's all we were before, you know. You've been replaced by an app. And now those have been replaced. Well, that's it. We're redundant. So is he working or is he studying? What's the setup?

Because I don't know. If they're not working, do you just give him an allowance or does he just rinse your card? Basically, yeah, it's rinsing. Yeah, there's a lot of that going on, but he's still studying. He's only in his last year. So he's doing his mock A-levels at the moment. Oh, God.

year uh so he's doing his mock a levels at the moment oh god and um and uh hopefully it won't be the sort of the debacle of the gcses because that was that was just a shocking was that was he doing gcses during covid yeah yeah oh god so he was he was sort of in the middle of that kind of total disaster that happened where there was this, I don't know if you remember, in the few days where it was still in play, what happened was loads of people lost their university place because they hadn't got the grades. And then those university places were then taken by the time the algorithm was fixed. Oh, man.

Chaos. It was a total disaster. And it sort of kiboshed all people's education for years to come. So, and in fact, it was actually quite an interesting insight into his own thoughts about school and education. Because, you know, he spent pretty much the whole of school, like since he was seven, it's, you know, you're sort of pushed, you're kind of nudged towards these exams

basically yeah you know in in prep you know from the age of seven to eleven it's you know it's a lot of fun and there's lots of fun and games and all that but you know it starts to really ramp up once you get to um into upper school anyway you know he said to me i've been working about like literally for years and years get aiming towards these exams and then and then the teachers went now you don't have to do them now well you know and initially you know like i mean you know like we would all be like that we would all be like yeah no exams yay but then immediately after that where there was a sort of you know like a huge climax like what was the point of all that you know and luckily he he studied very he did his mocks were very good so

they the scores for he got from his mocks were then counted towards his um gcses which was great but it it sort of do you know what it did it It really completely undermined his motivation. And then after that, it was very difficult to get motivated again after that. Yeah. Well, what's going to happen with these exams? Are they going to be cancelled as well? Yeah. What's the point of doing them if you're going to be allowed in anyway?

Yeah. Yeah. So you say, yeah, we're going to do, yeah, right. Oh, yeah, levels. Oh, yeah, like the GCSEs, you know. So it's been hard. And he wants to go, is it the plan uni then, basically, after that? Yeah, basically, yeah.

He wants to, he's gone very science-y based, maths and biology and physics. And I think the aim is to go somewhere like Imperial College or LSE, somewhere not too far away. Yeah. And pursue some sort of uh science or maybe economics I don't know I feel so quick because he's at you know only 12 years older than my daughter and like you know and you would have been having these conversations with him you know maybe a few years

ago four years ago and he's 13 14 about picking his GCSE subjects his A-level so it's like you know it's not long before they start to plan what they're going to be and become like 13 or 14, about picking his GCSE subjects, his A-level. So it's like, you know, it's not long before they start to plan what they're going to be and become like 13 or 14, which is like six years or seven years away for me and Josh. It's so short, isn't it? It's such a short amount of time. It is. And it goes by in a flash like that.

As you know, as parents, you're with your kids all the time. You don't tend to notice sometimes how they're growing and developing. It's only when, you know, people haven't seen them for like a while or something, wow, they've changed or they're different people or they've, you know, they've changed in so many ways. But this was one of the rare occasions where I'd actually genuinely noticed the change.

It happened so quickly from being this kind of almost gangly sort of preteen to suddenly being quite focused and quite different you know almost like a different phase of his life and um and certainly he's become you know now he's just he's transformed again he's he's gone into he's got into like he's got into that brazilian jiu-jitsu and uh and uhitsu and he was training with this Russian wrestler for a while which was

like she was just terrifying you know it was like borderline MMA cage fighting and because my wife's freaking out she's going oh my god he's gonna get in a cage fight and he's becoming a bodyguard what's gonna happen and I'm like no he's just like you know he's gonna get in a cage fight and he's becoming a bodyguard what's gonna happen

no he's just like you know he's a teenage boy who's got a surge of growth and testosterone and he's got some sort of you know outlet for all of that and um so now he's he's completely he's like built you know he's like he's tall and muscular and he's completely transformed for this this gangly sort of feckless youth that he was could he take you in a fight bill do you reckon he could take you there oh god he's terrified i wouldn't even i wouldn't even i wouldn't even you know like as a father sometimes you want to go you know give him a kick around i wouldn't even give him a kick around the ear now i just i would just back away just try try to your room, all right? Okay? Let's cower.

And I'm not going to do it. All right, that's fine. Are you quick, mate? What are you like as a parent, Bill? Because from people who know you from TV and from my experiences of, like, working with you and stuff, you're a chilled out, really friendly, are you a are you a figure of authority are you how do you yeah it's like a Jekyll and Hyde right uh yeah no uh actually I'm very sort of yeah very relaxed and

my parenting style if if you can call it that, really, is I try more for the sort of, you know, negotiation, the kind of quiet, you know what I mean, suggesting things and, like, sort of, you know, I try and persuade rather than impose. And I think probably that's, you think probably that's probably in terms it has effectiveness. Sometimes it isn't. I think everyone has their own style. You can be very draconian with kids and you can say, right,

and you impose all kinds of laws and restrictions. And I think that's, you know, it's good to have those boundaries. But also I think you have, i think probably we gave quite a lot of latitude to him because of covid because of the fact they were you know he at a time when he was going through adolescence you know like the time when we all we all went a bit nuts and we're all exploring and you know going out and going a bit mad and maybe messing up here and there and just but like all of that time was just, was so weird. It was so constrained.

And I felt, I really felt for him. I really felt for him and his friends because I thought this is a time when you should be going out and maybe getting drunk and, you know, and meeting girls and just doing daft stuff and all that kind of crazy stuff that we did. And none of that was an an option and uh so i

think probably i may have backed off quite a lot maybe too much um in terms of that and just allowed him to sort of do his own thing my wife is probably a bit more strict and she sort of imposes things and she just says right that's it you know we know we're turning off the router and that's it no more internet you know and then that's the, you know, we're turning off the router and that's it, no more internet, you know. That's the biggest threat. The biggest threat is the router. When our internet went down, he actually left home. We had a problem with the internet and he went to school early

because the school internet was better than ours. It was the only time he got up early. And he was at school an hour before it started. What's it like as a teenager at 16 when your dad, who's a very respected comedian, becomes one of Britain's foremost dancers? That's right, yeah. One of the foremost dancers of Britain. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, Janet Jackson's backup dancer. I think it was difficult, actually. Did you tell him? Did he have a say? I did. I said, I might be doing this. And, you know, typical teenagers, you know, like, I think he was a little bit nervous because I think he,

what he didn't realise quite was that the amount that it was going to impinge on our lives, you know, like, you know, it's not just the fact that I'm, you know, dancing the Paso Doble in front of 12 million people it's the fact that you know it's not the mere fact it's the fact that it's the fact that you know he's going to be interviewed the family's going to be you know and he's going to be on the tv you know like and that that was what was freaking him out he's like what am i going to say? And so I think in the end what happened was

they interviewed him because they, and strictly they love him. What are the family thinking? They've got to dig up all your relatives. What do they think of that? What about your uncle? Your dad? Whatever, you know, it's like the whole your whole life is invaded. And so they interviewed him and he said something like, yeah, well, good luck

dad, you know, I know you're a bit clumsy, but you'll probably be all right. And can you pick us something from the garage on the way home? You know, and that was it. And, you know, I mean, kind of managed to style it out in his own sort of 16 year old way. And I think he secretly quite liked it in a way. It was it was a mad time. You were good, though. You were so good, which helps.

You were, like, impressive. Well, it's good. It's better, obviously, if you're quite good at it. Rather than some kind of hapless... Like, I imagine, you know, if it had been... It could have gone another way, where I'm just a joke character, where I'm just dressed as a vole and they fire me out of a cannon or something. What are we going to do with him? He can't dance.

Dress him up as a woodland creature or something, you know. Did he come down to the show? Well, he did. Well, they were only allowed to at the beginning because then after the first two shows, it was all like COVID, COVID, no one's allowed in. There was no audience. Because the thing is is it such a

it's just to show that so many people all the school watch all the teachers are watching it and in fact you know you get like messages from even say oh yeah mrs so-and-so wants to know if you can uh come into school and take a picture you know and mr so-and-so you know like the teachers are saying you know can you uh come in and do a talk or something, you know? Yeah, it's weird. At certain schools, at certain shows, they really care about, like, you know, no one cared at all until I did Bake Off. And then the teacher was like, oh, you did Bake Off.

What was the tent like? You're like, it's just a tent. It's a tent with some ovens in. I was going to ask you advice, Bill. I don't know if you've done a school trip did you ever go on a school trip as a parent helper yes um because i've got one coming up how was that yeah um yeah no that was um i went on a few of those and uh i i yeah you know chaperoning they called it in it and um honestly it was great i really enjoyed it and um but there is that added extra element of slight worry that you are responsible for a bunch of kids as well trying to herd them on the public

transport and getting them across town and getting to see things and then suddenly you're like oh this is a little bit harder than i thought and um it was uh it was good fun I really I did enjoy it and uh we went on we went on a school trip went to Windsor Castle we went to a we went to some video game museum which was pretty cool and and you get an insight a little bit into sort of like the the whole the life of a teacher I think you know yeah and you know what that entails and um i think it was uh it was a it was a good experience do you get an insight into your child like because obviously i like drop my daughter at nursery and you don't really know what she's up to in the day i suppose it's quite fun to see your child interacting with their friends in a school setting which you'd never get to see normally

that's right yeah absolutely yeah and you know you you you sort of see them how they are in their little social group you know like whether they're the ones who are sort of like on the periphery you know hanging out there's one kid who's like the kind of you know he's the slightly sort of kind of crazy one that all the other kids like i'd like to hang out with. And he, and I realized he was, it was one of those kind of quite heartwarming things where you think, wow, you know, he's popular, like kids really like him, you know, they want to sit, they want to hang out with him. And well, Dax, what do you think? And he was, he was a kind of character, you know,

and I think was, that was quite interesting to seeing that, as you say, like, you know, out of the home situation, you're seeing that in school. But I think it's, you know, it's certainly when that was in the lower school. And kids then at that age, from seven to 11, they're a really sweet age, you know, it's a really sort of a lovely time where they all kind of, there's a great camaraderie and they're still quite innocent, you know, it's a really sort of a lovely time where they all kind of there's a great camaraderie and they and they're still they're still quite innocent, you know, in many ways. And it's it's brilliant to see that they've they've grown up a bit, but not too much.

You know, they're still kids. Yeah. And, you know, you can you still have some authority. Did they call you Mr. Bailey? Yeah, they did. Yeah. So I like that very much. Did you have to call the teachers Miss and Sir? Is that what? And so it's fun, isn't it? Yeah, no, no, it wasn't fun. No, it wasn't.

I think it feels so like, you know, people really like when we talk to people with older kids, they're 18 and stuff. But like for me, I was like, oh, it feels so far away. But it's so soon. It sort of does rush past. And you must have been really busy. You're busy now.

You're back on tour. We'll talk about your tour in a minute. But you must have, back when your son was born, must have been really busy with the Buzzcock stuff and things like that. Was it about that time? Were you madly busy when he was born? That's right, yes. I mean, I was in the middle of recording Buzzcock shows.

He was literally weeks old. And, you know, he came to a couple of recordings in his little carry cot. And he would come to subsequent recordings as he got a bit older, when he was a toddler. One of the rooms, you know, one of the writing rooms, where, and they used to hang out. And there was a VHS, God, that's, you know,

going back there, there was a VHS recorder to show the clips. So when you're watching the clips for the show, you'd sit down and somebody would get a VHS, put the VHS in. And then I always remember once when they were always trying to, they were trying to watch these clips. They're going, oh, there's something wrong with this. Oh, there's something wrong with the bloody V8. Oh, God, how can we get out of here?

And what it was was my son had stuffed all his toy cars into the V8 Tesla machine. And it was never going to work again, you know. And yeah, I mean, he was hanging out with Paul Weller and like Jimmy Cliff he didn't know anything he was a toddler but he had this

amazing sort of time there do you try and take him around and show like do you try and keep him as part of your life like does he come on tour and stuff or when he was younger and stuff he used to yeah very much so yes I mean when he was still very young I come on tour and stuff or when he was younger and stuff? He used to, yeah, very much so, yes. I mean, when he was still very young, I was on tour and his life was sort of hanging out in dressing rooms and backstage.

And then laterally, when he got a bit older, he loved to come on stage at the end of the show and take a bow with me when he was two or three. And what happened was it was so sweet that we got him a suit that matched my suit. So he came on as a little mini me. He took this bow at the end of the show. And people, the crowd, you can imagine the crowd just go crazy, you know.

And then he got so used to that and he was just not phased by the crowds at all. And he would come on and I'd get him to honk a horn or something or ring a bell and he'd take a bow and he'd go off. And he did that for years. Actually, one of the first times when he was very young, he was in the stroller and he came,

and it was at the Lowry in Manchester. And I came on stage and I just, I don't know what it is. When you're a new dad, I think you get quite emotional about, you know what I mean, that you feel this immense love and an emotional bond. And I just got carried away. And I picked him up and I took him back on stage and I sort of held him up like the Lion King, like...

LAUGHTER So, circle of King, like... And then my wife's going, what the fuck are you doing? You've lost your mind. And then, anyway, so afterwards in the lobby, she was there with him and some fan came over

and he went, he said, is that Bill Bailey's son? And then my wife goes, yeah. And then he goes, oh, he goes, can I shake his hand? And then he realised how absurdly preposterous that was. Actually, no, that's just too weird. Oh, he's his son. He's a baby, for God's sake.

What's the matter with you? But yeah, he definitely, his life was backstage, on tour, travelling around, being put in little bassinets on planes, putting, you know, he would sleep anywhere. That was one of the great things about that.

He would just fall asleep anywhere at all. Do you think that's because you kind of just took him out and about and stuff, so he was just so used to it? Yeah, very much so. And I genuinely do think that, you know, and this is my advice to all parents of young kids as well. When he was very young, a lot of parents would say to us, oh, well, because we'd travel a lot, me and my wife,

we'd travel a lot before that. We'd go on great trips and treks and hiking treks all around the world. And then they say, oh, well, now you see, now that's all over. You can forget kishkabai, all of that, forget all of that. And we just sort of went, no, we're not going to do that. We're just going to, he's just going to come with us. However we do it, however we figure it out, he's going to come along and then we'll make it work.

And so so of course you know cut to we're in the jungle in sumatra and we've got the four-wheel drive buggy we're going going through the jungle and he's sleeping the night under a mosquito net and playing with the local kids and like running in and out of the river and just going feral and uh and you know that i think had a huge effect on his on his development he was he's very confident very happy little kid you know for years because he was you know he came with us and he just mucked in was there anything on those trips where like you know we are going to do this but you just thought now this is one step too far

you cannot do this with a kid this was a bad decision the rest is fine i've done yeah yeah we'll go no yeah there was there was a trip when um i was going to we were going to go to brazil and um i was filming there uh about we were filming jaguars and it was um we were he was going to come but he was two and and there was an out there was like the wet season and there's malaria and there's a lot of disease around and anacondas, you know. So we thought, yeah, maybe not. And the other time when I thought this is probably a bad idea

was in Komodo in Indonesia. And we went to Komodo Island to see the Komodo dragons. And I don't know if you've met a Komodo dragon, right? No, no. Only in passing, not formally introduced. They're at a party. No, you just nod to them. Nod in turn.

Nod in turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're the most unpleasantly vile creatures on the planet. They're just horrible. And they run as fast as a dog and they'll bite you and they got poison in their mouths. So we thought, when we got there,

we thought, this is what we're doing. This is a terrible idea. Because he was little and then the guides are going, yeah, you see, keep him behind you because he's the same size

as a goat, which is what they eat, right? We were basically, we were basically, it was basically bait. It was like, we were carrying it around and these dragons were like, keep looking at us. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, keep him back, keep him back,

keep him back. You know, that was quite unnecessarily stressful, I've got to say. Yeah, I mean, yeah, taking a toddler to see the Komodo dragons. There was no need for that, no. You can just Google them. You never look at them on your mind, you know. What happened was he got exposure to a lot of different cultures

and different, the ways that people live in the world that's so different to ours. And I think that's, that has had a lasting effect, I think. You know, when you sort of see people who haven't got tuppence to rub together and there's 10 of them living in a little shack and they're, you know, they're surviving hand to mouth and they're fishermen. And he stayed with them. We actually, this family of fishermen in Indonesia, and they're fishermen. And he stayed with them. We, we actually, he, this family of fishermen in Indonesia,

and they're a very sweet couple. And they said, would your son like to come and stay with us on our Island? And we said, yeah, or if you want to go. And so he did. And he had a sleepover in this island with these fishermen and, you know, and it was like, and they were so sweet with him. And then he came back and they combed his hair And, you know, and it was like, and they were so sweet with him. And then he came back and they combed his hair. And, you know, he looked way smarter. How old was he at this point?

He was three. Well, they've got other kids there with their kids. Oh, there was. I was going to say, they weren't just fishermen because that sounded fucking mental. We'd send him out on a trawler. We wanted a lie-in anyway. The things you'll do for a good night's sleep.

And with this tour now, so you're back out on tour. Yeah. Do you think he'll come and see it? Does he like coming to watch you, stuff like that? Yeah, I mean, I think that the general day-to-day, you know, as you know, as you know, the grind of getting from A to B and hotels and getting out of hotels and going into hotels and packing bags and all that,

it won't do any of that. But it might come to some of the gigs. Maybe you'll come to the London gig or something, you know, or maybe a couple of those. And maybe if I'm doing some gigs, I'm actually doing some, I've got some European dates that I'm doing doing and you'll come to them i think i'm doing a gig in some munich and oh yeah munich athens utrecht the hague utrecht it sounds like some sort of a minister's tour of europe like you lose trust us. That's our week. Oh, yeah. I'm part of the trade delegation. Sort of sorting Brexit out.

You've been to Australia for quite a long time. You're there for like two, three months. So will you not see him at all?

Will that be totally on your own? No, they'll come out. I think Chris and Dax will come out for that towards

the end. And we'll sort of hang out in the last bit of that. Yeah. So things like that, yeah, they'll come out too, certainly. God, yeah. It's out in the last bit of that. So things like that they'll come out to certainly.

God yeah it's a hell of a tour of Australia. That's fun isn't it? I know all those lots of places. I just keep putting places in that I haven't been to yet. To Wumba? To Wumba yeah. Sounds like a PJ and Duncan lyric.

And Wollongong. Lovely. And Wollongong, lovely. Wollongong, yeah. We should probably plug the UK ones for our listeners, to be fair. You're also doing the East of England Arena in Peterborough. Yes, come on. What, is that an arena? I didn't know Peterborough had an arena, Bill.

All right, OK. I think the word arena is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. Somewhere where you'd auction cattle is another way of describing it. Have you done that in Skipton? That is actually a gig, Skipton. Have you done that? I've done that. It's a cattle market, Bill.

It's like a little 200-seater. There's a cattle market in a day and then a gig in the evening. Yeah. And you're kind of in the bit. They put a little kind of temporary stage where they would bring the cows in. And then the people are sat on the...

They're sat in the kind of raked seating. This is true. That's fantastic. The Skipton... I can't even remember what it's called. Skipton Mart or something like that it's called. Oh, that's a classic gig. Do you know what? I'm just going to do a... I'll do a Steve Wright for you. When you go on Steve Wright, he reads out all the tour dates.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Dublin, Belfast, Brighton, London, Peterborough, Liverpool, Cardiff, Aberdeen, Glasgow, Sheffield, Brighton, Utrecht, The Hague, Munich, Athens, et cetera, et cetera. Loads of dates in Australia. And are you enjoying being back out on tour? Yeah, I mean, I've got to say that, et cetera, loads of dates in Australia. And are you enjoying being back out on tour? Yeah, I mean, I've got to say that, I mean, I'm sure you've done the Zoom gigs and the online streaming stuff,

and it's just not quite the same. It doesn't quite have the same immediacy. People coughing and hoovering and, oh, God, you know. Bing bong, that was the middle of the gig. Ding dong, that, you know. Bing bong, that was the middle of the gig. Ding dong, the show's getting on. Liveroo turning up and, oh, God. I did one where someone was watching The Chase and I could just hear Bradley Walsh asking questions.

Hey, do you know what I found out? Bradley Walsh is massive in New Zealand. They love him over there. I was doing a show in New Zealand and then they were going, oh, yeah, we're going to watch the chase later on. Oh, Bradley, do you know him? Do you like Bradley? Do you know him?

Yeah. Do you know Bradley Walsh? Do you know him? Really? You're on a Kardashian level of fame. Paul Sinner went over to do it. Paul Sinner's like a god, because he's on the chase. He's like a god in New Zealand, Paul Sinner.

Yeah. They absolutely love him. I missed two dates, Bill. because he's on the chase. He's like a god in New Zealand, Paul Sinner. Yeah. They absolutely love him. I missed two dates, Bill. I've missed two dates and I can't believe I've missed the Dudley. But also, who knew Walsall in the Midlands has an arena? It's got an arena. Yeah, I know.

But again, I'm not entirely sure what that is. Walsall. Walsall Arena. I don't know what that is. Wow. Walsall Arena. I mean, it definitely that is. Wow, Walsall Arena. I mean, it definitely looks like a theatre to me. People are playing fast and loose with this arena. I think they're sort of in the more generic sense

of like the performance and stuff like that. Yeah. I did miss it. No, I mean, I think going back to the tour last year was fantastic. If you're trying out new stuff or you're going out on tour, you want to run it in to a lot of places. You want to go to a little venue, a little arena, a mini arena.

You want to go somewhere. That was the thing I noticed that was missing because, you know, there were no venues open. There was nothing. You couldn't try out and stuff anywhere so i found myself uh going out in front of quite a large crowd with i'm i'm trying this thing out i think i've probably done it once you know like you think i'm really having to trust my instincts here yeah and and rely on you know years of experience like you have to draw on every ounce of experience because you've got draw on every ounce of experience because

you've got to try and sell because that's the big thing a lot of you know when you're trying new stuff you want to you want to set you know you're going well i've got this sort of half-baked idea about saying all right and then you don't want to do that in front of thousands of people it has to be you know front and center so there was a lot of leaps of faith in those first few gigs yeah that was quite new experience i think have you got a have you got a strictly audience now as well do you have like people who a few yeah i don't think it i don't think it's like i don't think i walk out there and it's like oh he's not, he's not dancing. You know, I don't know. The music's good, but what's that? He's just talking.

He's just talking. He's playing the guitar now. No, I mean, my audience is quite a broad demographic anyway. So I think there's been quite a lot of crossover between the two anyway. So I haven't noticed a significant number of people turning up in sequence going uh but i think that i think the thing is that comedy audiences tend to sort of not they were perhaps not mainstream tv audiences but i think there's probably quite a lot of those there's a lot of crossover so um certainly when i do a bit i've incorporated a bit of dance into the show, obviously.

A little bit. I think, Bill, what Josh is trying to say is, have sales increased because of Strictly? Strictly, yes. I imagine he's been offered it and he's thinking, I'm not saying that at all. What kind of percentage? I'm not saying that at all. What kind of numbers are you looking at, Bill?

What percentage? Cut the shit, Josh. Let's cut the shit. What's the jump up? What's the jump? It worked for Ram shit. What's the jump up? What's the jump? It worked for Ramsey. What's the jump up, Bill? Listen, I'm playing a lot more arenas these days.

I've definitely noticed that. I've never asked you about this, but it only happened two months ago. So we did Royal Variety Performance together. Oh, yes, yes. Yeah. So I turned up up i didn't i rob you've done the raw variety performance as well the yes the food i got i didn't realize you

could request bill so i um i took we were in the adjoining dressing rooms yes i turn up i got a pie in a cardboard box and then i looked across at your dressing room bill i'm going to send you and rob a photo now of of our of our different riders for the royal variety performance because it was one of the highlights of my year let me just find it um i should have really got this ready shouldn't i i only just thought of it do you you remember your rider for the Royal Variety Performance, Bill? I remember vaguely, yes. Are you suggesting that there was some sort of, it was like a fancy rider? Is that your general tone of what you're saying?

I'm not saying it's a fancy rider. I'm saying there was a stark difference between the riders. So this is a view. I'm going to text it stark difference between the riders. So this is a view. I'm going to text it to you and Rob now. Yeah, but Bill's a legend of comedy. I know, Rob. I'm not... Have a chat on a Friday night kind of guy.

I'm having a chat on a Friday night kind of guy. I've got to find this. Sorry, sorry. I realise I've derailed the interview. This is when time stands still, when somebody goes, yeah, no, just watch it. No, I've got a photo. Hang on. Oh, yeah, sorry. I realise I've derailed the interview. This is when time stands still, when somebody goes, yeah, no, just watch it. No, I've got a photo.

Hang on. Oh, yeah. Somewhere on here. Now, hold on, hold on. It's brilliant. You don't need the CERN. You don't need the Hadron Collider to stop time. You just get everyone to do what you're doing now.

Oh, God, this is so much pressure. Do you know what else stops much pressure this is when someone loses a contact lens that's like the whole world you know that i've lost everyone's thing whoa no one moves glued to the spot and then everyone gets on their knees and does that on the floor it's the only time a whole room can stop oh i'm having an absolute nightmare here guys oh he's panicking look how ready i'm panicking i've've lost it. Can we imagine? This is Bailey. What are you saying? Like a swan carved out of ice? Do you know what, Bill?

It isn't a million miles. I'm going to... Do you know what? I don't remember it being that fancy. I just remember it being a bit of cheese. A bit of cheese? A bit of cheese. A cheese board. A bottle of wine, a cheese board, some pickle, maybe some cold cuts. I mean, it wasn't... You know. A cheese board. A bottle of wine, a cheese board, some pickle,

maybe some cold cuts. I mean, it wasn't, you know. Here you go, here you go. Have you got your phone with you? It's come through now, guys. It's come through. Here we go. So in the foreground is my food.

You've not sent me anything. Oh, it's not sending now. This is the worst day of my life. This is genuinely the worst day of my life. This is genuinely the worst day of my life. Fucking hell, Josh. This just never happened on Parkinson. This never happened. This is the worst we've interviewed.

Well, no, because nobody went, here, have a look at this on Parkinson. Never showed their photos off their phone. I'm going to say it now. This photo is not worth it. This photo is not worth it. I'm logging in. I've logged into the Wi-Fi now. It's never going to say it now. This photo is not worth it. This photo is not worth it. I'm logging in. I've logged into the Wi-Fi now.

It's never going to be as fancy. You built it up into some ludicrous thing, like it's a sort of turkey with a chicken inside. I know. It's not a good enough photo, Bill. I've had a disaster, Bill. Well, okay. I'm sorry.

If this was a court, then it would be... What a terrible way to end. Admissible It's a shit We're going to have to ask you to get the didgeridoo back out In a minute if this goes on any longer I nearly got the African log drum out then Get the African log drum out

Fuck it come on might as well Get the African log drum out We can play something while we're here I can't even pace the attachment now Fuck off Josh I'm just going to play the log drum Because. We can play something while we wait. Oh God, I can't even paste the attachment now. Fuck off, Josh. I'm just going to play the log drum because I love this.

Peter, thanks Bill for saving this bit. Right, there you go. I'll turn it down so there you go. You can see it working. There we go. There we go.

Give it a free bird. Look at that. You see, the thing is, right, that if it was a long drum on the rider, then I would say, well, OK, I've got it Charlie Big Potatoes. But it wasn't. It was cheese and ham. I've said, do you know what? It isn't as good.

I've sent the picture now and it's a disappointment. I haven't got it yet. No, I know. I've had to say that. Bill, how much is an African log drum setting you back these days?

Well. That's one. Sorry, that's one catchphrase. I don't know if you knew. It's sort of like the costumes have been embarrassing. Not like,

what a beautiful sound you've made. Anyway. Cross. I'm ready to go. Can you get a cheap one? Yeah. I'm trying to make myself feel better about my Lego collection. Anyway, here's the picture.

That is a funny photo. So in the foreground, Bill, have you got my WhatsApp? I've sent you a WhatsApp. Okay, I've got it right. That is a funny picture. It was worth it. All right, well, it is worth it for the exact position of the of the poultry nature of your that is so good oh wow i like that it says cheese salad and then cheese and onion crisps. And then there's this bounty in the background.

Just out of reach. Two bottles of champagne and loads of meat and veggies. But Bill, you've got, I'd say, a jar of pickled onions there with, I'd say, 40 pickled onions in. You can't be eating that and then performing for royalty, can you? I bloody love a pickled onion. Your arse must be in bits, Bill. You can't have 40 pickled onions every gig. You don't want to be breathing all over Royals after that.

God, that Bill Bailey's going to sink some fucking onions. How does he do that? He's been at the onions again. Fucking hell, Bailey's been at the onions. It's that rider. We should stop giving him that rider. Who's giving him those onions? Stop giving him those onions.

That is impressive. That's way more impressive than i thought it was gonna be actually yeah that's a great it was worth the 15 minute build up yeah bloody hell that was i'm sweating i'm sweating from that experience it was the most stressed i've ever been on this podcast um it's fun watching you get stressed you clap your hands together you rub your temples there we go um right uh bill thank you so much we got one one question we always finish on um is there one thing about the way your wife parents that um frustrates you a little bit i imagine now after 18 years you've mentioned it to her but if you haven't mentioned it to her and you'd like to now

in case you listen back is there one thing that you sort of clash over with her parenting? Yeah. You know, I think it was very much like the allowing him a bit more latitude to cook in our kitchen, you know, because that's her domain. You know, I mean, it seems quite sort of traditional, old fashioned, but she's a brilliant cook. And so she she loves, you know, cooking. And I used to cook a lot more than when I was, you know, a single man. And I encourage him. I said, look, you know, these are life skills, you know. Yeah. You know, it's like, it's quite useful. You're going to create a habit in here, which of course he does.

But I'm sort of, I'm kind of batting for it in his corner I'm going well no you know let him I mean you know he's got if he's going to be sharing a house with people

and you know being able to cook that's a that's a great it's quite handy yeah quite handy so I sort of

we're working that one out you know is he allowed on instruments is he allowed on instruments yeah well no no no no absolutely not Is he allowed on the instruments? Is he allowed on the instruments? Yeah, well, no, no.

No. Absolutely not, no. He's not having to go on the log drum or the didgeridoo or, in fact, any of these instruments at all. He's got his own guitar and his own amplifier and his own room and then he can stick with that. But he's not touching any of this stuff because it's my livelihood. It's my livelihood. Fair enough.

Bill, it's been amazing. It's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much. Walsall Arena, etc. From when does the tour start? Kicks off in the UK in April, May. Brilliant. Thanks so much, Bill.

Cheers, Bill. Good luck with the tour. See you later. Thanks, Ed. See you later. Bill Bailey, that was embarrassing for you. Oh, God, that was stressful. You got really stressed there.

That was stressful, mate. Oh, God. Luckily, the photo was great. Yeah, if that photo hadn't paid out, it will be on our Instagram, won't it? Rob, I've got an agent. Look at my rider. Look at my fucking rider there.

They need to sort that he needs to sort himself out but I suppose you didn't answer anything did you what did you ask for no I didn't know you could I didn't know you were allowed

I was too nervous when you when you did Royal Variety what did you have nothing no I think someone went out and got me a Nando's

oh bloody hell here he is bloody Prince Charming over here no actually that was when I was hosting it I got a N here. No, actually, that was when I was hosting it, I got a Nando's. I didn't have that when I was hosting it with Romesh. But they did get me a hotel next to the venue, though, because he has to do rehearsals the day before.

It's quite stressful, the Royal Variety. There's a lot going on. Oh, it's a stressful old day, isn't it? It is a long day. Not as stressful as finding a photo in front of Bill Bailey. Yeah, no, no. Nothing is ever as stressful as that. I found that quite difficult because he's like a bit of a hero of mine

growing up, Bill Bailey, like a proper comedy god. And I used to watch him when I was a kid and then I didn't want to tell him that because I worry it makes people feel old. I used to watch you when I was a kid. So I was a bit like,

and I wanted to sort of like, you know, I felt like half fan, half comedian peer of like trying to like have a laugh and do banter and then go, oh my God, I'm trying to do banter with Bill. I'm trying to improvise with Bill Bailey. And I kept on asking him how much his instruments were. He didn't like that.

I don't think he liked that. How much are your instruments, Bill? How much are your instruments? How much is all that stuff you've got in your house? I would have no idea how much a didgeridoo is or an African log drum. Do you know what I mean? That was a nice bit of African log drum.

I enjoyed it. Do you know what? You know when we put out those pictures of the three of us on a Zoom? It's going to be the best one ever, that. Picture of him on a didgeridoo. I've got a good photo of him on the didgeridoo. He's great. And then we've got that great photo.

Oh, my God. We're like a multimedia company. We're like bloody the Archbishop of Banterbury. Get out the bloody Instagram. This is a multi-media experience. Bloody, we'll be like Dave Portnoy at Barstool Sport. You know Dave Portnoy,

the pizza reviewer guy? No, of course not. No, something else you don't know about. Anyway, right. See you on Tuesday. See you, bye.