Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP26: Mickey Mouse (The Disney World Special)

Episode Date: April 29, 2022

S04 EP26: Mickey Mouse (The Disney World Special) More (mis) adventures in parenting and beyond from Rob and Josh...Enjoy. Rate and Review. BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book! ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth.⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents)⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them... [e-mail]'s it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)?And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick?Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike.Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here: https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBookIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellMAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Say, Josh Whittaker. Josh Whittaker. Say, Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Say, my name is Oliver. My name is Oliver.

And how old are you? Three. Well done. There we go. Well done. Who's that? I think the three-year-old speaks better than the I? There we go. Well done. Who's that? I think the three-year-old speaks better than the mum. This is Oliver.

To us? They are from... Where are they from, Rob? Oh, there was an accent there, but I won't pay attention now. I feel guilty for taking the piss out of the mum. I certainly wouldn't have got it. It's Birmingham. Birmingham.

Me and my husband have loved the podcast since the start, and also your voices are great for getting my son to sleep in the car you work every time who's this who's this chip Oliver doesn't get banter does he doesn't understand the cut and thrust of parenting banter well I find it very difficult to fall asleep when I'm laughing I'm literally lol-ing yeah you can't laugh yourself to sleep can you I'm roll off in When you're rolling on the floor laughing, it's hard to get a kip. I've always said that. Yeah, exactly.

And that's the problem. Presumably, Lou has this problem. You're so funny, she struggles to sleep sometimes, right? Yeah, sure, yeah. She's up all night. All night, before. Just like, Rob, just chill, man. I'm like, I can't.

It's more of a curse than anything. I can't turn off the tap. The tap keeps running. I can't help it. You just either get a cup or don't. The tap will be here. Someone find the bloody stopcock. Sorry, I feel bad.

I think she... Was that lady... I feel like that lady was doing sort of a child voice, wasn't she? Now, say your name to Oliver. I wasn't really listening to her. Sorry. She sounds a bit like Jess Phillips. Jess...

The MP. She's from Birmingham. Yeah. She's got a Jess Phillips accent. Say Josh. Oh, yeah, she does. Say Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett.

There we go. She sounds like a Muppet. Her son delivered Rob Beckett. She went, Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. There we go. She sounds like a Muppet. Her son delivered Rob Beckett. She went, Rob Beckett. She sounds like one of the Muppets. Is this not too harsh? I think she's doing it because she's talking to a child. Yeah, I think she is.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I did something awful earlier. I said, Lou went to the toilet and the dog was whining. And I went, mum's just gone to the toilet. the dog was whining and i went mum's just gone to the toilet went oh my god i've called her mum to a dog oh god yeah that's a moment in your life i've had sorry i've come in charged i've had a stressful morning i've been building a shoe rack

it's a complete piece of shit you've been building what a shoe rack i've got a shoe rack off amazon one of them ones where you literally just type in shoe rack and you buy the first thing because your life's too busy and you don't have time and it looks cheap and it comes the next day. And then in your head, you've just done a to-do list within seconds because you're wading through shoes in the hallway that the dog's trying to chew. And is it like bits of wood

that you have to slot together? Bits of wood, mate? It's paper and plastic. Honestly, it's like loads of plastic. I feel like they had, someone ordered a load of plastic. It's paper and plastic? someone ordered a load of plastic people someone ordered a load of plastic straws and went oh we've got we've gone paper on straws and it's just these straws that clip into these little plastic sort of uh things hinges and then it's like a weird bit of plastic paper that you put it on it's awful and they haven't sent me enough for the

little straw thing so it's half half size but I bet it's one of them things when you, they show you the photo and at the bottom it says, this is a depiction of two sets put together. And you're like, you just give me some plastic straws, you bastard. I once had to put, I once bought a wine rack in a similar situation. And it was, I just had to write it off in the end. A wine rack? You need a sturdy one.

What I'd say of a shoe rack is you can take a lightweight, unsturdy shoe rack because the shoes are quite heavy and if they fall off, it's not the end of the world. But a wine rack, you can't do that shit. There's a lot at stake. There's a lot at stake. How many bottles have you got?

Rob. Yeah? Quite a few. Have you got wine in your cellar? No, we've got them in the shed. But you've got a cellar. We have got a cellar. So if you wanted to, you could have in your cellar? No, we've got it in the shed. But you've got a cellar. We have got a cellar. So if you wanted to, you could have a wine cellar.

We could have a wine cellar. We've got a cellar and we've got wine, but never the twain shall meet, really. Why have you put it in the shed, though? Because there's not as much room in the cellar. How big's your fucking shed? No, there's other stuff in the cellar. There's a washing machine.

There is a tumble dryer, but there isn't any more because um as we discussed it broke and we got rid of it and i still yet to buy the new one that's on my list it's yeah it's always next on my to-do list is get the tumble dryer right okay fair enough well let's not well don't get it off amazon the first option no no i'm built i'm building it out of plastic straws yeah a bit charged go on well i'm glad you're a bit charged because we've promised people this is a big day isn't it oh we're interviewing mickey mouse it's the disney episode we're interviewing this is the disney episode before we do the disney episode rob yeah can i just say the phone lines are open yes the book we're doing the parenting help book and you can now we've got an email address so

any questions that you've got for louise beckett and rose did rose take your surname wow that's up in the air really she kind of did but then she just never got did the paperwork so she's still handsome all right okay so rose anyway just rob lou and rose uh if you want to email any questions for lou and rose put your name and age and where you're from in the email and then that may get into the book and they'll answer those questions and also questions for our parents. Well, if we get some good ones, then we'll read

some out on the podcast to kind of whet people's appetite at the kind of... Oh yeah, get them wet, mate. Come on. Let's wet that appetite. By the way, the book is available for pre-order now. If you want to get signed copies, then the link is in for pre-order now. If you want to get signed copies, then the link is in the show description and the email address is as follows. Why do you think I'm talking so slowly, Rob?

You haven't got it in front of you. Can't find it. What WhatsApp group is it in? Okay, Josh. Have you seen this email address, Rob? Have I? Fuck, mate. Right right so it's in a whatsapp group that you're not in what why am i not in this whatsapp group because flow sorted it out oh she's cutting me out is she okay i see i imagine she's got a similar whatsapp group with

her and romesh about cbb's that got created a few years before your one about cbb's oh this is unacceptable this is i love doing this because you're scared of Flo. And because Flo isn't my manager, I can say this stuff and then you get it in the air. I'm not scared of her. I'm not scared of her. Do you know what, Rob? Do you know what I think about agents?

What? They work for you. Oh, okay. Wow. I sort of see it as a collaboration of two people working hard together to achieve a goal. But sure, if you feel like they're beneath you and they're like servants, that's fine.

I don't feel like they're beneath me. Well, just another member of staff, are they, for you? Do you know what? I see everyone as a member of staff. I wouldn't normally indulge in this banter, but I'm desperately trying to fill the spot while I can't find the email. You're going to really panic after this

when you work out how mean you've been about um flow well i know she listens i've got the email here it is parenting hell book at bonnier books.co.uk b-o-n-n-i-e-r books.co.uk it is in the show description whatever you want to hear about us or about lure and rose or about our parents or about us as children, email in those questions. I look forward. I don't look forward to it, Rob. I'm nervous about it, aren't you?

I think it's going to be great. I think it'll be really good for our relationships. Yeah. Right, so do you want to hear about Disney? Okay, so this is quite difficult. I've got a lot of notes here and some of the stuff I forgot happened, which would be quite interesting. Well, I think the way you. I've, um, I've got a, uh, a lot of notes here and some of the stuff I forgot happened, which would be quite interesting. Well,

I think the way you should do it, Rob is literally read out the headline notes and then tell us the story. Right. Okay. Here I've got, um, ride on or pull along bags for kids. Fuck off in capitals.

I've got written down because basically this happened before for don't get trunkies for kids. They don't use them to scoot along. Don't get wheelie cases for kids. They never wheel them along. All that happens is you are carrying bigger bags. What I would say is if you're allowed hand luggage on the plane, get a wheelie case that fits in.

And what I did, put two little backpacks in there with your kids' stuff. And in that way, you could just wheel it along. Because all that happened was me carrying these fucking wheelie little light-up bags that are too low to pull along. And what happens is you you're carrying them bags and then the kids won't carry them so now you've got two children on you and two bags do you know what rob do you know what you should stop being their prison bitch rob i know exactly i was their prison bitch and i carried their bags i never thought i never thought i'd say that to you rob the tables have turned i was their prison bitch for the whole holiday basically you're like a kind of sherpa aren't you

yeah like yeah i'm one of those guys where everyone goes god it's a lot of walking isn't it around disney go yeah but you're not carrying two kids and all the fucking bags are you you you big sweaty pasty bastards what are the what are the other tourists like rob are they is it people like exasperated like is there a lot of people struggling that so what i'd say is it was like the best holiday ever but it basically i'm going to give you loads of tips or make your time there better right or you know and and learn from my mistakes however what i would say is no matter what you do get your mindset right before you go in because none of these tips will work what you're not invading norm

no that'd be easier you wouldn't have a trunky for a start but like it's so like it's so hot right one of the things is so hot right walking around which instantly makes you stressed i can't deal with it are you good in the heat you don't look like someone who'd be good in the heat, Rob. Well, I'm okay in the heat. I'm not as bad as you. I don't think, I think you'd really struggle. There were, you know, there was some like blonde and ginger kids there

that looked like they just, it was too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just really, you know, them sort of really pale, sort of English rose type complexions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just look, they look so hot. But what is so stressful and hot, and the kids always kick off. But the thing is, the amount of times during a day at Disney,

I would go, I've got to leave. This is, I can't do this anymore. This is too much. But then something would happen, and it would literally be one of the greatest core memories you've ever had. And you think, I can't believe that's happened, considering how I felt about an hour ago. It's like glass debris for kids.

On paper, this can't believe that's happened, considering how I felt about an hour ago. It's like glass debris for kids. On paper, this shouldn't work. But when you get there, it is the most amazing experience ever. But you are tense with your partner because of the jet lag. So what I'd say the first few days, because you want to get in the parks early. Oh, talk me through the jet lag, Rob. Talk me through your sleeping patterns when you arrive in the sunshine state.

Well, basically, you get on the plane about daytime and it's not a bad daytime flight if the kids got ipads just give them ipads i was getting world snappy with lou right this is we landed at orlando airport right and you land at about four about three four o'clock but you think it's like nine ten o'clock it's five hours difference right so um you think it's about 10 p.m so when you you first land, you don't mind. Everyone's a bit G'd up. And then we're waiting for the luggage. And Lou went, I went, I'm trying to get the luggage. I'm already carrying the kids' little bags.

I've got my own massive nerd backpack that's got everyone else's stuff in. I'm being really weighed down in. Oh, how's the nerd? The nerd backpack I wore every day. And it was absolutely first class. Couldn't have recommended it any higher. It is essential. Do you know what, Rob?

Yeah. That's the thing when you totally surrender kind of the looks of an object to make it completely functional it is better oh mate it is a better object my bag was too heavy to hold in one hand like pick off the ground and loads of people go caught steve my mate steve went he's a proper selfies on the geezer literally went out all he had was his phone and notes. No wallet, no bag, just old school. Like a dad from the 70s, just a board of notes, just his phone, right? Never took a bag.

But they did have the buggy, so they did use the undercarriage of the buggy. I do find it quite annoying with people with buggies being a bit snobby towards people with backpacks. You go, yeah, that's fine. You don't realise how much you're putting underneath that buggy. You're going to need a bag one day. that's the best thing about having a buggy exactly carriage so there's the undercarriage there the backpack though when you're all strapped up properly you can carry loads it's great oh i bet it's sweaty under that backpack my back was a war

zone the the first right so the first day it was so hot and sweaty that i had a rash over my entire face that got to a point that was so bad. I thought I might go and see a doctor, but he just sort of calmed down a bit after a couple of days because of the heat. A Disney doctor? No, I didn't see the doctor, but I felt I might need to find, Doc McStuffins was knocking about Hollywood studios.

I thought I might check in with her. So anyway, so this is, we're at the wet luggage, pick up the luggage bit. And Lou goes to me, our bags are the one with the Mickey Mouse luggage tag on it. i went oh yeah that'll fucking help wouldn't it orlando every other fucker is every bag's got a mickey mouse on it or at disney that has not helped at all but i

apologize because you just you do just get very snappy of each other and lou is very is very bad at jet lag like she cannot deal with it when we came home she was being really snappy of each other and Lou is very is very bad at jet lag like she cannot deal with it when we came home she was being really snappy to me and I went oh I forgot this was in the passport queue when we landed I went oh sorry I forgot I get a new wife when we come back from America like that a bit of fun and then people in the queue heard and laughed oh no oh no who did not like that and Lou turned to me and she looked at me dead in the eyes. She went, I am not jet lagged. I do not get jet lag. Like that.

And then she turned around to the passport control bloke and he went, where have you come from today? And she went to him, I don't know. It was all, she was so stressed. Which way is the jet lag worse um it's worse on the way back i think because what happens is you're really tired and then you knackered all day and then you get this weird surge of energy around nine ten o'clock because you think it's like five o'clock in the evening so that's i think it's worse on the way back what i'd say jet lag going out there you just

need to try and keep them up as late as possible and then make it take advantage of it because you're going to wake up about five in the morning right so don't stress yourself just get up get ready and then the parks in the peak season sometimes open like really early if you because we stayed at disney hotel we had like early access to a park what time are you in the in the park well yeah some of the parks are opening like seven in the morning which things are mad but if you're already up at five it's brilliant yeah so what i'd do is i'd book some park days to go in early so when you first arrive like the next day because you can be there in like seven in the morning you're up dressed everyone's

ready you've eaten breakfast you're in the park and the rides are really quiet and it's not so hot so even if you get knackered by the afternoon what we were doing is going in the parks early doing loads and then coming back at about three o'clock and having a family nap for a couple of hours and going out in the evening lovely a siesta a siesta that's the way to do it i've got to ask how much park are you doing rob are you doing every day and no you can't do you can't do every day mate two weeks is a long time to be at disney isn't it uh not really because like we did so we did we did one park day then we did three park days on the spin we went in so we did about five or six park days right in 14 days oh okay and what are you doing on the other days just recovering like we've run a marathon i had blisters on my feet oh my god one day i walked 23 000 steps rob i don't know it feels like you've done a charity

walk yeah no no it's basically what it is is this fun is this fun between me and you between me and you rob yeah was there points when you thought i could be on a sun lounger yeah but there was the next day oh so that's what you're so you do, but there was the next day. Oh, okay. So that's what you're... So you do your park, and then the next day, it is literally, we do nothing now. And because you did so much the day before, you can really literally just do nothing

and not feel bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because two weeks by a pool's boring, isn't it? I haven't experienced that in five years. So two weeks by the pool is all I'm dreaming of at the moment. Do you know what I mean? In my life.

I imagine it would get... Right, fair enough. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but at the moment, yeah, but that's because you've got a baby but you can't do nothing you're better off going somewhere like disney with a little baby just goes in the buggy to push around yeah yeah because your your your boy's gonna start walking soon and that's a nightmare by paul oh mate he's moments away from it we'll come to that we'll come to that but so so so you're at

disney talk me through so we're at disney let me try and work out. So Brett, food, food's a bit of a nightmare. It's basically chicken tenders, pizza or Caesar salad. I think you might have to go. I don't think you'd survive it. I don't think your tummy would take it. You would have to have a cheese pizza every day. Fucking hell. And that's not me joking.

No, no, no. I know it's not. That's actually what you'd have. Can you have a, can you have a veggie version of the Caesar salad? Would they do it with halloumi? No, absolutely not. They'll take the chicken out, but I don't know what's in that sauce. No, fucking hell.

So is it all that food? That is the options? Yeah, in the park, but then it's like, yeah, pretty much. So what were you eating? The chicken? Oh, so, yeah. The healthy option of the Caesar salad. I was eating chicken tenders, basically, exclusively with Caesar salad

until my stomach started hurting. I thought, you know what, I'm going to have to give it something else. So then I started eating pizza, but I can't, I'm wheat intolerant. So then I just had the worst stomach ever for about a week. Oh, my God. And then my daughter, she doesn't eat the cheese off a pizza. So I was I just had the worst stomach ever for about a week. Oh, my God. And then my daughter, she doesn't eat the cheese off a pizza, so I was literally just picking the cheese off a pizza. So one day, I just ate the top of pizza.

Oh, my word, Rob. And is this combined with, like, huge sodas? Yeah, so that's quite good. You can buy, like, a Disney, like, cup that you can basically fill up as many times as you want over, like, a two-week period for period for like $20 in all those different... So when you go to like... But what's weird is it's so massive, Josh.

It's like, it's as big as a city. So like, we were at a Disney hotel, but that was still like a 10, 15-minute bus ride to a park. So Glastonbury is quite a good kind of comparison. Oh, yeah. Because I've never experienced anything like this. Yeah, neither have I. It's so massive.

But there's free buses that go around and then there's like um skyliner sort of like um cable cars yeah there's a monorail there's boats it's just it's quite an assault on the senses to be honest it's like was it more was it more impressive than you thought oh yeah in that sense it really is you know it's it's like and we we went to a lot of parks and we... So when we did the parks, we paid extra for these Genie Plus things, which means in the morning from seven, you can pick a ride which gives you Lightning Lane,

which is basically a fast pass. So you don't have to queue up because the queues are long. I like the way you've used the words Genie Plus and Lightning Lane because you're so familiar with Disney now. You're using them like their normal terminology. We've got Genie Plus, which gives a slight lightning lane which is obviously uh very beneficial so there so that because there was a lot of waiting in the queues i'd take a maybe an ipad or a game to play in the queues but um what we did was we went in early and then we just

basically did stuff that was on the lightning lane thing and then jumped around doing that and then every once so basically book it a book of time, and it says, okay, nine o'clock, you can go on Aladdin magic carpet on Lightning Lane. This is extra, it's about six or seven quid extra, I think,

per person, or maybe $10 per person. And then once you've got on that ride, you're allowed to book another one in like an hour or so's time and it's all on the app. And that's quite helpful because you can sort of plan your day

and get around. The big, really like, the queues for like the big rides everyone wants to go on a massive like we went up to universal and like no we couldn't get on loads of rides what length of time are you looking at sometimes two two i didn't see anything longer than two hours oh my god two hours and did you do any of the two hour ones no we sort of tapped out of those so what we did we did loads of um lightning lane things and then there was lots of ones we didn't go on but what you can do is if you really like it you can do the single

rider lane so if you're going with young kids what i'd do is at lunch go and have lunch sit down and have your tenders or pizza which either or and then one of the parents run off you do single rider because you get right to the front and then come back watch the kids the other one runs off do single rider because lots of rides the kids won't then come back, watch the kids. The other one runs off, do single rider because lots of rides, the kids won't go on. Do you know what I mean? So that's quite good. But it is,

um, yeah, it's a bit of queuing, but if you plan it right, you can get on stuff. And if you get in there early, that's why it's good to make good advantage of the jet lag. This is,

I mean, it is like, it's like a military operation. What's quite difficult is though, the food because of the kids, my kids just like plain pasta as we've discussed but you won't put butter on anything they'll put butter on your seat before you sit down they they love butter so like the plain pasta had like butter on

it and like cheese sauce out of like ranch dressing and um but in the morning for breakfast there's obviously bacon and my daughter loves bacon and she got so excited there's loads of bacon she ate loads of bacon and then i think just because she'd ate too much bacon drunk too much water and was a bit jet lagged she was sick in the toilet right oh my god and then uh now i refuse to eat bacon because i think it tasted of bacon oh god yeah the classic i had that with sugar puffs when i was a kid i haven't touched them since yeah i was on holiday and we were in a tent and i'd had sugar puffs before bed yeah odd decision and it was you know those tents where there's like a there's two compartments and then a foyer in the tent like i mean like a and so i

was in one of the compartments and i thought i'm gonna be sick here in the middle of the night and my brother was there and he's like, don't be sick in the tent. And the sugar puffs came up into my mouth and I had to hold it in my mouth while I unzipped that compartment, went through the main section, unzipped the front of the tent and was sick out the front. And my brother said it's the most heroic thing he's ever seen in his life. Good for you. Yeah. Thanks, mate. That's good. I haven't touched sugar puffs since. Well, that's the most heroic thing he's ever seen in his life. Good well done. Good for you. Yeah. Thanks, mate.

That's good. You've done well. I haven't touched sugar puffs since. Well, that's the thing. I can't even look the honey monster in the eye, mate. In defence of the food, you mean, I did, you know, as well as there being a lot of fried food and butter and stuff, I was also having cinnamon rolls for breakfast, ice creams all the time.

So I wasn't really helping the situation, but I had so much sugar and all that wheat I was having. My blow-offs were so bad, Josh. I did a blow-off and my daughter was nearly sick. And I've never had, they weren't like for attention. She genuinely, she went, oh my God, what's happened? Oh my God. When we was out there, my daughter's tooth came out oh no forgot the tooth fairy again oh no tooth fairy forgot to turn up i imagine it's because we were abroad and she um didn't know where we were and she was quite jet lagged and didn't have any cash

so we forgot again but then she got double the next night yeah she's got a lot of issues with the tooth fairy i imagine because the tooth fairy's been pretty unreliable for her whole life We forgot again, but then she got double the next night. Yeah. She's got a lot of issues with the Tooth Fairy, I imagine, because the Tooth Fairy's been pretty unreliable for her whole life so far. Not as big a player as Santa or the Easter Bunny in her views, presumably. Yeah, I think she's got quite low respect for the Tooth Fairy. Almost like, you know, Southern Rail, the passengers of Southern Rail, they just accept that it's just a poor service. And then she's going into school and she's making a lot of jokes about the tooth fairy

and all her friends are going, what are you talking about? Yes. I find the tooth fairy to be very reliable. Exactly. But then that's just everyone's different experiences of the tooth fairy, isn't it? But the thing is, you can tell kids a lot of lies. That's what I'd say, is lie to them a lot at Disney. Because if there's a big queue to go and meet someone, you're like, oh, yeah, no,

they're not there because they're tired. They're having a nap now. But so make the most of that while they're young give me some more headlines rob i tell you what um uh april start shagging again i remember to remind the audience oh yeah yeah of course you know you so um you're not allowed to uh shag in march because you have a december baby april you can start shagging again i'd wait for may um just so you get feb baby january's still bad but yeah what's this got to do with disneyland rob no that's just in my notes i just remembered that oh okay right cool fine here we go um t-rex restaurant at disney springs okay this restaurant

had absolutely no reason to be selling good food but it does so the t-rex restaurant at disney springs it's mad it's a bit like the rainforest cafe what am i getting for my veggie options burger and chips, mate. Take the patty out. It's not the place for vegetarian, is it? No, I was actually thinking about you and Romesh when I was there. I was like, oh, I don't know what they'd do. Because you could have a cheese pizza.

Romesh wouldn't be able to. It's just about chips. But then they do loaded chips with chili con carne on it. So that was good, actually. That was actually really nice food at the T-Rex place. I'll tell you one thing you should avoid. We went on the, this was at Universal, went on a Spider-Man ride. And it absolutely scared the shit out of my kids.

Did it? It was horrific. It was like a simulator. My kids don't like simulators. They like the roller coasters. So we went to Universal. Universal was brilliant for older people, but Disney. Hollywood Studios, Epcot, and the Magical Kingdom

were so much better for young kids. They've got like a Toy Story Land, which is amazing. The Toy Story Land at Hollywood Studios, basically, it's all big. So you go down to toy size. Oh, that's fun. That's fun. So everything's massive.'s the slinky rides

amazing they've got it's a bit that's a really big queue i'd say if you want to go on the slinky ride just get there go there first and then you can do the other ones after that that was amazing the if you're into star wars mate it's an absolute jizz your pants fest no the star i'm not in star wars because i'm not a dweeb no okay well if. Well, if you are, it's the place to be. So Hollywood Studios was good. There's a new Mickey and Minnie ride there that was good. I'm trying to think of other things that were good. The parades.

They love the parades, the kids. Oh, yeah. Tell me about these parades then. How do they work? So they're just like timed and they just kind of go down the middle of the... Yeah. So it's like three o'clock, I think, at the Magical Kingdom. And they just sort of go down the sort of middle of the main street or whatever it's called.

And yeah, the kids just love it. Because you queue up to see a lot of the characters, but then you see them all on the parade. Because I think it's sort of, because we couldn't go and meet characters and like hug them and stuff like that. But I was like, oh, is this going to be awkward? Are we going to like kill the kids' dreams? But actually they did it really well. So it was like, it was in places where like the donald duck was there but it was on like this sort of balcony of a hotel waving and it felt like oh look donald's come out to wave

rather than like the royal family yeah but rather than being behind like a fence yeah they did it really well because i was a bit worried about that but it was yeah they did that did that really well um the heat the heat you've got the heat is it's so hot i'd recommend clothing wise completely naked and factor 50 there's there's no item of clothing that will stop you sweating imagine being in the donald duck outfit whoa what do you mean what do you mean outfit? Do you mean Donald Duck's blue top? Yeah, I mean his blue top. Yeah, his blue top and his little blue hat.

That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I just got a bit confused. I didn't really know what you were saying. No, no, of course. Yeah. The beer's not very good in America. I'd say that.

I can't imagine a worse thing than going around Disneyland on a hangover. No, I didn't really drink you can't you can't do that you can't you can't do that i mean it's it's too much really but then you don't want you having so much fun what i'd say though is like you've got to you've got to rest after a big day because so much high is like that's the weird thing you go from like being so exhausted and real loads to all of a sudden like we were just knackered i was like should we just go back should we just go back and have so exhausted and real loads to all of a sudden, like we were just knackered. I was like, should we just go back? Should we just go back and have a nap and then go to the pool and all that.

And there's so many other things to go and see, because even though the rides take ages, there is still loads of other stuff going on that you could, you could do. And then I know you turn a corner and there's like a big fan that's spraying water and the kids run in it and get wet and you stand underneath it. And I was like, this is one of the happiest I've ever been.

It seems like you've had, it's a very emotional journey rob really there's so many highs and lows but like what i'd say is i've never seen the kids sort of happy in this way where like you go to the pool they enjoy themselves on a holiday and that was great they are so pumped for rides and they're like oh and then you turn a corner and there's like you know like uh you see like buzz like buzz lightyear on a parade or something or there's like a big thing from a film they love we just turned a corner right honestly and was on our way out and there was hardly any queue and they met pluto dot mcstuffins vampirina and fancy nancy within about six minutes and their heads

nearly exploded with excitement of just like oh my my, because they look like a bit of Disney Junior. The Disney Junior show at Hollywood Studios is really good because it's sort of a little bit of a disco and they get loads of people in there and it's air conditioned and it's cool and they bring out loads of people. Oh, here we go. Now we're cutting to the reason you liked it. Well, yeah, what I would say is plan a lot around.

Middle of the day, you want to be in somewhere air-conditioned the frozen show's brilliant it's about half an hour long and it's a sing-along they come out and sing that and it's really funny as well the muppets at hollywood studios that's good that's air-conditioned and and some places look like i've got a massive queue but they can get in about 500 people the muppet show is in like a proper purpose-built theater and it's like a 3d show that's air-conditioned uh but the key thing is the mindset you that none of these tips will matter unless you're chilled in the head unless you're chilled in the head you've got to get your head

right before you go in did you see people losing their shit oh yeah like there was like there was this like little funfair game as you walk around the park this was like on the boardwalk which is sort of near one of the hotels and it was like a throw it was like shoot a uh a target of a water pistol and whoever wins gets a toy and they're like so i'm there with my mate steve and he's got his kid and i've got my two kids and it's like it's about five dollars i'm like i don't need to be paying for this but they really want to do it and then so like the lady went oh um normally everyone can sort of play all at once. So she went, look,

if you all play together as one, you'll definitely win a prize. So like, if you do win the prize, you can get like the big teddy or you can get like five little teddies. I was like, perfect.

Because one of us will win. Then we will walk away with a teddy. Because that's the problem. If you don't walk away with a teddy, as we've heard with the basketball game, it's a nightmare. So we're doing it. And then,

and then obviously we win. And then someone else this other lady went can't my daughter play and then the other the lady in charge of it went oh no i'm just doing these first but well that's ridiculous and i was like so you're not letting my daughter play with you and i just said to her i was like i'm really sorry but i've got no idea what's going on here i've just come over i don't want to be here either but i've come over here because the kids want to play this game and the lady said do you lot want to go together because there's five of us there's only eight people can play and then one of your party would have prize and uh and oh this is ridiculous what's going on it and i was just like

she was so angry at me and i was just like i just i just don't this is a bit like you at the gym this isn't about the game is it you're hot and you're tired and you're a jet lag. She'll probably let you play after and you can win anyway. But it was just like a few people losing their head, but no different to anything else. So would you go back? Yes. We want to go back.

We're looking to go back. Maybe in a couple of years' time. I keep thinking, because it's expensive, but also you run the risk of, when they get too old for it, you don't want to be going there, and they're like, teenagers,

yeah, whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. Of course. So when I go back, I think I would do a villa and a car, because we were in the hotel, and I loved the hotel.

It was great, because you're close to everything, but you can't get about and go and do other things, because it does get a bit Disney after a while. Do you know what I mean? It does sound like it might get a bit Disney. If you're not that into Disney, it's not the place, right? Yeah, but I can't get about and go and do other things because it does get a bit Disney after a while. Do you know what I mean? It does sound like it might get a bit Disney. If you're not that into Disney, it's not the place, right?

Yeah, but I'm into it. Lou loves Disney. I love Disney. But it's like you ring up for some towels and you're like, sorry, all our cast members are busy sprinkling pixie dust to make your stay better. I'm like, well, fuck the pixie dust. I want a towel.

I don't want magic. I want to be dry. And are you in like a Disney themed room? So no, we went to a place called the Yacht. Are you in like a Disney themed room? So no, we went to a place called the, like the yacht club, which is sort of like themed of like new England, which is a bit boring.

But then after two weeks, that's quite nice because it's a bit very clean. And they're amazing. They had a big pool. That was amazing. The little pool around the quarter where some of them are like the Polynesian or like, they're like madly themed. So you can get the mad themed one,

but I thought two weeks, but also two weeks in one room with two double beds in it's intense it gets so dirty so that is intense that's why I was surprised when you said that April's the time to start shagging again I was like this seems like a very weird thing to pop into your head there was no chance of any shagging on that holiday just Just from energy levels, opportunity, the room. Heat. The room as well, because we basically, one of us slept with a kid each. We just alternated with the kids.

But people that sleep in beds with their kids, I don't know how you do that. They just go sideways. How did it work? They just go sideways. They go sideways and start kicking you. Then I'm like elbowing them. And then in one of the nights, basically they were so tired and jet lagged and they drank so much water because they were hot it was like 4 a.m and then they pissed the bed and i was like what is this oh my god rob this

is what we're here for keep kick give me this so i'm just laying there and then i was like oh that's a bit wet and a bit warm and i just realized it's piss and it's 4 a.m and i and then i get her up and i take her pajamas off give her a wipe put their new ones on and then she just she stood and she was stood up asleep like a fucking horse and i'm trying to get all the bedding off and then i just slept on like because there's no other bedding is there in a hotel till the morning and then i'm just like oh this is not how i dreamt it but that that's life, isn't it? It's the highs and the lows, Josh. Exactly. It feels like, I mean, no pun intended, it is a roller coaster. It is a roller coaster.

It feels like you've been through something that you'll never forget, Rob. Well, I know. And that's the thing, though. Those moments of, like, the girls seeing things and the parade. Like, if you go to the parade, where's something from people in that parade? So my daughter had an Incredibles top on. And then, like like one of the Incredibles walk past and they go up,

they point in and thumbs up. It's done so well when they see like Mickey or something going past the face, just done so well that the kids believe it's Mickey. They're like, they're in a film. It's like, yeah.

And like, yeah, everything's all the scenery and stuff like that. Like you say, when you're at Hollywood studios, honestly, I'm not into Star Wars, but when you walk through the Star Wars bit, it was so excited. I was like, I'm in Star Wars here. This is actual like that. Like you say, when you're in a Hollywood studio, honestly, I'm not into Star Wars, but when you're walking through the Star Wars bit,

it was so exciting. I was like, I'm in Star Wars here. This is actual Star Wars. And all the drinks are Star Wars themed and the same as when you're in the Toy Story land and all stuff like that. You properly feel. And like Epcot's fun as well.

Epcot's quite good for a walk around. Epcot's like the older one and it's got some really cool rides in it, but it's also like, it has different worlds. So you go through like England and then Japan. Talk to me about the uh the depiction of england so the depiction of england is pretty good right it looks a lot like england but everything's a little bit smaller got mary poppins there and then they've got like the food for england wasn't very they did snake bite what a pint of snake bite but then no we've not drunk snake bite for years is that

what we're known for we're known for snake bite in epcot no but the snake bite is different they've got lager and then they've got like black currant flavored cider rather than cider with a bit of cordial so it didn't really taste like snake bite that's what i would say is after a day when you're feeling it i would recommend a couple of cocktails or a couple of beers would you wouldn't that just destroy you no no so you know what beers destroy you? No, no. So you know what? Beers destroy you. Don't have the beer, but have a cocktail at Live and Shop

because they do like cold, like crushed cocktails. So it takes a long time to drink, but it does help the afternoon. Yeah. So like the beer as well. You've got the best pint. Do you know what the best pint of beer I had out there? A pint of Duff. What, from The Simpsons?

Yeah, I had a pint of Duff beer as best one. What do you mean? That's a fictional beer, isn't it? Is there a Simpsons bit? Well, in the i had a pint of duff beer as best one what do you mean that's a fictional beer isn't it is there a simpsons bit well in the in the show it's called duff beer right it was the best one we had because it was like a proper beer like rather than like light uber light beer i went to the barman what's that beer he went it's duff beer oh yeah yeah but what is it he went duff oh yeah no it must be something he went ah they've made it it's stuff oh wow it's actually duff beer i tried to buy a can but you can't i can't find it anywhere to buy of course not because it's a fictional beer well was there a point when you went completely mad yeah but it's

not now it's not now they've made it because they make because they in that they've also in the harry potter land they've made um butter beer oh i don't know about harry potter i don't but that but people are really excited about it and did you did you get on with the people you were holidaying with like did you holiday in with the people you were holidaying with? Like, did you holiday in exactly the same way as them? Was there any issues surrounding that? Do you know what? It was absolutely fine.

There was no arguments whatsoever. We all got on really well. The jet lag at the beginning was difficult with the kids because they sort of argued a little bit, but that was just jet lag. It was more like, because there was three of them, and then the baby, it was a bit like, I want to sit next because it was um one of them bought it so i want to sit next to him so it was a bit fighting over one of them because mcmighty was sort of fighting over being next to him or they wanted to be next to the baby so a bit of that at the start but then

that sort of calmed down but that was that was good but yeah two weeks is a long time but then what i tell you is if you've got a car if you get a hire car you can nip out to different places because like when you're in disney you are in properly in disney so everything's quite themed so it was all lovely but sometimes like you want to go target lou went to target twice for target's good fun it's like a massive shop that's got um i've got a really funny photo actually of me we went to target it just does like food i mean it also does clothes and toy toys stuff. We went and bought like loads of bottled water for the room, some crisps, some snacks, stuff that they'd eat because they're not really, if they're not into chicken tenders or pizza,

you're struggling with the kids. I genuinely cannot eat another chicken tender. What? I've got to ask, what is a chicken tender? It's like a long nugget. Right, a long nugget. It looks a bit like a, you know a kfc chicken strip right okay yeah yeah yeah yeah let me try and send you this photo over where in florida is it like you're in orlando

right so do you get to enjoy orlando is orlando good yeah so like i say that that's why because we that's the first time we've ever been so we were like right and we hammered the parks right absolutely nailed it but when we went back i don't think we'd go to the parks as much because we did quite a lot of the parks. But you can get down to like the Everglades and go and see like alligators and go on like the Everglades. You can go to outlets

where you can get like loads of cheap designer clothes. Ralph Lauren. I bought loads of Ralph Lauren tracksuits because the Ralph Lauren tracksuits out there, yeah, are the same price in dollars as pounds so that you're already getting a bit of an exchange rate. And on top of that, because it's out there, get like 40 off you're wearing ralph lauren tracksuits yeah who are you that's who i am now is this who you are now well i've always worn them

but they've never been real they've always been fake ones this is this is our haul that we got from uh from from target right look at this i'll put it on instagram but i'll block the girls faces out look at that right so i've got some like french stick a buggy so those buggies at the disney resort are 40 if you go to target they're 20 look what's in that bag look what magazine i bought a magazine about murderers. Yeah. America's most terrifying killers. Yeah. It looks so it looks so dodgy just sticking through that plastic bag

doesn't it? Did you feel I really want to eat a vegetable when you got home? Oh yes. I made a roast dinner as soon as I got back

because they do salad but they don't really do veg. And if they do veg it's got cheese sauce on it normally. Right, yeah, yeah. What is Orlando like as a city? It's mental. It's busy. So I went to watch basketball when I was there.

Yeah. You can do that. That's good. There's also Orlando Football Club. That's about half an hour from Disney. And there's loads of beautiful coast as well, if you want to. You can go and see NASA as well, if you want a bit of a drive. Well, I'll tell you what is quite awkward about Disney

is when you're famous in Britain, but not famous in america and you're in america near loads of british tourists oh yeah how did that work out well you do a lot of photos of british tourists which is absolutely fine i would say my face from the beginning of the holiday to the end a very different selfie so i'd apologize to anyone that asked for a selfie on the last day when i was at the outlet in 35 degrees because i just i wasn't angry with you i was just angry at life yeah um and um what happens is you do the photo of the british person and then you have about 15 americans going who are you and then you have to awkwardly try and explain who you are which actually takes longer than the photo i was once in barcelona and um someone got a selfie with me the waiter came over and asked who the other person was

because they presumed they must be the famous person and that I'd asked for the selfie. What did you say? Did you just make up a name? Yeah, I said that's the guitarist from Maximo Park. No, I don't know. I can't remember what I said. I just kind of bashfully explained. He wasn't aware of M the week rob and quite frankly that's a shame oh i'll tell you my low

my lowest point if you want um this was on the way it was actually the day we was coming back i don't know if i mentioned well the check-in was a nightmare we spoke about ba but basically i have no check-in staff at orlando airport so if you get there four hours before you just have to queue up but i would recommend that because it takes ages to get through so anyway we got there it's like ages so we arrived four hours before the flight okay and we stood up queuing and that took about an hour and then it took about an hour to get through security i'm stood up and then the lou and the kids went off and sat down and then so i went and got tried to get a burger king and this hot dog or a hot dog there's this nathan's hot dog right which i love, really nice. Good to broaden your palate,

isn't it? After, after. Yeah. Just different shape meat. Anyway, so I was queuing up at Burger King to try and get some nuggets for the kids. It took ages.

And then I was trying to get his hot dog. So I ordered them both on my, you can do on an app, ordering. So I ordered them both on the app. Now I'm waiting with two ticket numbers for these two food outlets. I waited for about an hour. It was so busy. Right. And then I i get back i've basically been stood up for three

and a half hours since arriving at the airport i've been stood up with a backpack three and a half that's the whole of titanic seven episodes of east enders stood up so and i'm hot and i'm sweating we're running out of time now so i just get the food and i grab the drinks they don't make the drinks you grab them from the side so i'll grab two bottles of water for me and Lou and then two apple juices for the kids, right? And I storm back, right? And I'm sweating and we find a seat. There's no seats left.

So I'm sort of perched on this little edge of a table like that. Throw my bags down, give all the nuggets out, give Lou a chicken sandwich meal or whatever it is. And I sit down like that, give them the drinks. I haven't picked up apple juices. I've picked up tea, iced tea. It's the same colour. And there wasn't any other drinks that colour.

And I do that anyway. I sit down, I give them all their nuggets, and I get my hot dog. I've been looking forward to this Nathan's hot dog because they're world famous Nathan hot dog. They have them up in New York. I sit down, I go to buy it, and my daughter goes, I don't want nuggets, I want hot dog.

So she had my hot dog, and I sat there. And I felt like shit. Oh, mate. You are the prison bitch. Prison bitch from start to finish. If you're going to Disney, you will be a prison bitch at Disney, but the kids will love it. So I would heartily recommend it.

I'm going to say it now. I don't think I'm psychologically strong enough. I don't think you are either. No. What's good is I know Rose will listen to this podcast, this episode, and she will say to me we are never going to disneyland it would end our relationship i think you'll be fine at the moment in time don't go i'd say when your kids are five and seven you go you'll be recharged there's be there's loads

room to do they'll absolutely love it i would say as well though take a double buggy if you can get a cheap double buggy in this country and chuck it in like the under carriage of the plane do it because it's expensive to hire double buggies there and you will get nothing done if you expect a six-year-old to walk because they won't even if your kids 10 and 12 stick them in a buggy there's no shame there rob have you heard of thought park it's just down the road honestly that I've never seen joy in my kids' eyes like I did at Disney. It's just a different level and it's hard to explain.

What I would say is whatever you plan to spend, quadruple it. It is not cheap. Honestly, I've never... It was like Brewster's Millions. It couldn't believe the way it was going for me. I've never spent so much in such a short amount of time. Your mate who brought it in cash, that's even worse, isn't it?

Lou puts it on the card and I was dealing with the cash we had because they like a lot of cash in America. But what I'd say was, when you get cash from the exchange, if you get quite a lot of it done, it's always fresh notes. So they're really thin, their notes. They're way thinner than British notes. So be careful because a couple of times I gave someone like a 20, but I actually gave them 40 because they were stuck together.

So you've got to be careful. Anyway, right, that's Disney done. If you have any other questions. I feel exhausted having discussed it with you. I don't feel like I've done very well explaining that because so much went on. It was all over the shop and that's exactly what it was like. And it was highs and it was lows.

If anything, you've captured it perfectly, Rob. all over the shop and that's exactly what it was like and it was highs and it was lows if anything you've captured it perfectly rob this is it's a perfect snapshot of the holiday from both heaven and hell at the same time oh when you if you go to universal when you come out universal make sure you've pre-booked somewhere for dinner after because it is literally like the end of take that concert at wembley it is so busy but there's so much. If you have, I will, we'll maybe do a little feature. If you have any questions about going and you want advice, email them in

and I'll do it like that because I feel like I've just sort of purged at you. But hopefully that was quite a good update. But any other questions, send them in and we can help. There we go. Rob,

you've done a service for the nation. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I genuinely feel a bit drained. Yeah, that's how I felt when I come home. home how did when you got home to the uk did you feel refreshed absolutely not i'd felt like i'd been on a journey i'd felt like i felt like i've just i felt like i'd won big brother i'd won the jungle but what i'd say main tips i would go straight to one of the Disney hotels and stay on Disney for about three or four days.

It's pricey, but you'll love it, and it'll feel like the most Disney thing ever. Hammer the parks as fast as you can. I'd even suggest three days on the spin, and then just absolutely hammer it, and then maybe rent a villa somewhere with a car and explore. And you can still go back to the parks. You just have to drive and park there, and you can still go back to the parks you just have

to drive and park there but you can have a rest as well then and then you feel like you've done it have you heard of pembrokeshire in southwest wales rob uh no what happened is that cheddar gorge no that's that's unbelievable um yeah so that was disney josh what a what a place i'm fucking knackered talking about it. Well, I look forward to your feedback on those tips. Now, if you want to email Rob his question, Rob questions about Disneyland, for instance, when will you be honest about how much you enjoyed it?

Because there's people at home, Rob, who think, he's putting on a brave face here. No, it's hard, but I've got some of the best memories ever. Hard but rewarding it's parenthood in a nutshell yeah and what lou did which was good she ordered she took loads of photos but then sent them all off to be printed got them delivered to the house and she's made a little florida like memory book and the kids love honestly the kids loved it more than anything so it is worth it but what i'd recommend is go hard and then draw a line under it don't go there

half-hearted because you'll get stressed just go there knowing it's going to be expensive but you're going to do it once and you do it properly that's my advice there we go we'll see you on tuesday when we'll be back to domestic matters yes back to normality and i want to hear about what happened to you over easter in your week josh it's been too much more mundane it's a bit more mundane it's fun isn't it It's a good balance. Yeah, it's like anecdotes about Easter egg hunts and stuff. I love it. Easter's going to seem so far away.