Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP31: The One Where Josh Wakes The Baby (Whilst Recording The Podcast)

Episode Date: May 17, 2022

S04 EP31: The One Where Josh Wakes The Baby (Whilst Recording The Podcast) More (mis) adventures in parenting and beyond from Rob and Josh...Enjoy. Rate and Review. BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book! ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth.⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents)⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them... [e-mail]'s it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)?And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick?Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike.Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here: https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBookIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellMAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Can you say Rob Beckett? Um, OK. That's terrible. I know they're young, but put some effort in. Sorry. Hi, Josh and Rob. that's terrible i know they're young but put some effort in hi josh and rob my husband and i both listen separately to your podcast and often compare notes it's really one of the few conversation topics we have at the moment we love it and

get annoyed if one of us reveals stuff when the other one hasn't listened yet i've been trying to get our two-year-old nina to say your names for weeks and she finally agreed tonight. Please find attached. Thanks, Sarah. I feel bad now. Two's young though, isn't it still? Yeah. And I would say Rob, two is an age I fucking dream of. Oh yes, because I know what's

happened, dear. You've come back from Greece. Two is the past for you and for me, it is a kind of distant future that I can't even imagine happening. I do feel like, and I know this is going to come back to bite me in the ass, but when you've got a six-year-old and a four-year-old, you are out of the woods of little kids and babies, obviously. You're beyond that.

And they can do things. You're not following them around like that. Yeah, I'm literally following Rob. Yeah, but I'm in the eye of the storm at the moment where it feels peaceful, beyond that and they can you know do things you're not following them around like that however i think i'm literally following rob yeah but i'm in the eye of the storm at the moment where it feels peaceful but i think there's there's teenage daughters on the horizon that is gonna ruin my life here you're in the eye of the storm which is calm whereas i am in a twister being thrown around for every moment. So how old's your youngest? He turned one on holiday.

Yeah, so he went to Greece for a week with a one-year-old. Yeah, but it's not just Greece, it's just generally today. He just wants to go up the stairs the whole time. He just won't stop doing stuff. how was the holiday though because a friend of my kit you know kit kit does your makeup on and she's doing my makeup on this show i'm working on and um i think it was kit or it might be someone else said um or might be nana said uh listening to josh get ready for his holiday was more stressful than me getting ready for my own well it was a stressful few days

beforehand i won't lie because um when when did we record did i tell you that my daughter was off nursery and we were trying to pack because there's a bug and yeah because of the bug so then well just i'll start on the day of the holiday um that do you know what 2 p 2pm flight or something like that Oh it's late Yeah it is late But we're still getting in a cab at 9.30 Are you flying from Edinburgh? What is going on? I don't want to sound like a comedian in the 80s What is the matter with air travel?

What is going on with air travel? Bloody hell what have you got me in a zone wrong for? Have you even tried the food? And then you get on the bus And you get on another bus to the terminal. So where were you flying from? Gatwick. Gatwick, okay. Which is an hour and a half from my house.

Right. So 9.30, get there at 11, three hours before the flight. Okay. And then before you know it, it's 2. So we got in a car at 9 a.m., and we arrive at our hotel at like, well, there's anecdotes in between. Don't worry. But we're still arriving at our hotel at 9 p.m. So it's a 12-hour journey.

I mean, obviously, there's a two-hour time difference as well. But it's... A lot of numbers this week. A lot of numbers in this episode. Yes. Sorry. So we carry the one. Also, it was on a leap year.

So it was a February 29th. Anyway. so... Did you have fun? Yes. Long balls? Long balls, yeah. Do you know what? It was quite a kiddie flight, Rob, on the way out there.

Because everyone was going to the same place, which is very good for kids. But obviously, it's not during school holidays so everyone's kids are under four oh no yep it's because it's cheaper you go on holiday then save a bit of money because you're out of school time but they're all under four and also i imagine under two on the lap so there's just doubling up the passengers rob let me tell you how much how many kids there were you You know the extra seatbelt you get that you attach around your seatbelt? They had to call for reinforcements

more. They'd run out of them. The air steward said to me, they normally have 14. That wasn't enough because there was 18 kids sitting on laps on the flight. Imagine being a big fat bloke though. You know they need the extender. You can't I'm afraid because there's children here.

Oh do you know they need the extender you know you can't i'm afraid because there's children here oh do you know and can i just say this if anyone on a flight full of kids says the phrase to you do you know i feel sorry for the people that don't have kids on this flight no i don't agree with that no i don't of course not it's great that guy that's just reading a john grisham with his headphones in are Are you fucking kidding me? You feel sorry for him? My future self on the plane. Yeah. He's having the time of his life. I'm literally popping his headphones off. You don't even write them anymore. There's a team of writers.

Don't mind, I still love them. Have a good holiday. Headphones back on. He's sat there. He's wearing white trousers because nothing will spill. Yeah, you can't feel sorry for him. He might hear someone else's child cry. And not have to do anything about it. Yeah, he can't feel sorry for him. He might hear someone else's child cry. And not have to do anything about it.

Yeah, exactly. And maybe think to himself, yeah, that used to be me in the 80s. I love it when I'm on a plane and there's another kid crying because if you've got headphones and you can't really hear them, but also if you can,

you are literally in a better place than that person dealing with it. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. There's always someone worse off than you. Can I say something, Josh? That's sort of our catch. Exactly. There's always someone worse off than you. Can I say something, Josh? That's sort of our catchphrase. There's always someone worse off than you.

But for me and you, it often seems to be me and you. Yes. The ones that the audience are laughing at. Well, on the way home. We'll get to that. We'll get to that. Can I just drop in a quick positive? Yeah.

Family boarding is the greatest thing. You know this family boarding where you just get ushered into this secret compartment the family boarding or the family passport control family passport control sorry yeah yeah so you're just walking along mind your own business first time i've done it a few times actually don't be that parent but yeah it's actually family passport control not family yeah of course i was new to it it is incredible good isn't it i think that's just a gap week though oh is it yeah because i was just walking along just some bloke comes out and kind of goes do you want to come this way yeah it's incredible did you think oh hello last egg fan and then you realize it's just because you've got kids

there we go someone likes them sharp sharp witty remarks about the news. That was a positive. Yeah. There was too many kids on the flight. Too many kids on the flight. When they boarded, they said, you know they board in like area one, area two, area three, area four, etc. They said area one and anyone with a kid under four. And it was the whole fucking plane.

Like the queue was insane. The pilot got a last. That's exactly what happened when we were coming back from Florida. It's just all kids. Yeah. The flight back was... So on the flight there,

we'd put the old... The milk... The... What's it called? I'm so tired. What's milk come in? Bottles. Bottle. God. Is it a... Yeah, it's just called i'm so tired what's it what milk come in bottles bottle god is it yeah it's just called a bottle others others so did the milk bottle on the way up yeah he went

out for 45 minutes and then this was an absolute trip absolute win the plane was behind schedule so you know when a plane goes a bit faster? Oh, yeah. Gets there faster. That really helps you when you've got a kid on the flight. So in the end, we only had to do about an hour 45 on the way there. Oh, how long's the flight? Well, it's meant to be three hours, but they brought it in under that time, and we had 45 minutes, Kip. Yeah. So actually, the flight there was great.

Oh, wow. That's pretty good. I can hear you. By the way, Rob, I can hear he's just woken up. Oh, is that my fault? Have I been too loud? No, have I been too loud? Rose?

Yeah? Am I being too loud? You're right underneath. I'm right underneath the mirror, Rob, because I'm doing it on the kitchen table. Rosie's eyes. Yes. She did not sound happy with you, Joe.

No, she... I wouldn't say that that was a reassuring response I'm going to have to move Rob We're doing this on a date Shall I go and do I'll do it in our bedroom Rose Our bed

Oh you're on Rosie's That's what you're talking to me Yeah M4 Junction for a holiday in you Yeah Josh See you there So now I'm walking through the house Okay I'm just going to keep the voice down

We're doing this at 9pm Because Originally you were supposed to be in Dubai But that's been cancelled because There's a period of mourning because the president Passed away and I'm filming In Exeter and this was the only time We could do this but you've actually woken up your child

Your heavy breathing is disgusting You're like breathing into me And that's not what you were do this, but you've actually woken up your child. Your heavy breathing is disgusting. You're like breathing into me. That's not what you were saying when I called you last night. Oh, I love that. Great to see you, M4J4. Oh, God, I've got to stand up. I'm having to stand up like I'm a shock jock. Is Howard Stern here?

Is Russell Brand on Radio 2? Oh, God. What's happened now? He's not happy I'll tell you that for free Oh Rose must hate us Yeah Well generally

Yeah Get out Anyway Yeah So then we We're on the flight Yeah The flight back Let's just jump to the flight. Yeah. The flight back.

Let's just jump to the flight back, in which he didn't sleep for the whole fucking thing. What time was it? 8 p.m. Greek time. Oh, that is brutal. Yeah. It's a long day. So, he went up, you go up,

you do the milk bottle on the ascent. You go up? What, off the runway, yeah? Off the runway. You go up off the runway. You've been on one ascent. You go up? Off the runway, yeah? Off the runway. You go up off the runway. You've been on one. Wow. Milk bottle on the ascent,

which is basically you going, I'm playing all of my big cards. Yeah, that's your big one. I'm going all in. So when that fails within five minutes, you've got nothing. They just drink it and look at you. Yeah. And you go, what now, big boy? Oh, fuck.

And so it's so slow, Rob. There was a point, an hour in, having spent the whole holiday saying we need to rebook this as soon as possible for next year, Rose turned to me and seriously went, we are not going on holiday until he's four. So what is your four-year-old doing at this point? She's listening, iPad, listening to Fyme.

Was she fine on the way out as well? Yeah, yeah. Four is the golden age. Yeah, because she's too young to be scared about it or realise any of those things. Scared about what? Well, like plane travel. You know, like with plane travel.

Some people aren't good with plane travel or turbulent, any of that stuff. Are you good with plane travel? I used to be bad. So I've never thought about my kids being scared on the plane because it's a plane. Yeah. That's never occurred to me that they may be. But is that because you're projecting it because you were, do you reckon?

No, well, I used to be bad, but then Rose was bad, so I had to up my game, basically. So I kind of... I'm fine now. A nervous Neris pair. Yeah, no, I'm fine now. The kid trying to go to sleep, you both, like, panicking and doing Valium.

Breathing into a bag. You kids, the one-year-olds, like, what's going on with them? The four-year-old's got horse blinkers on it, iPad down, like a nose bag. Oh, dear. So, way home. He's up the whole time, Rob.

Yeah. Three hours 20. Just the slowest time can ever go. Is he crying or just sat there playing? Not pissed off, no, just loud, wanting to move around. Walk up and down the plane holding his hands? No, he's not walking, so he just wanted to... So I realised that I could calm him by walking him up and down the aisle, Rob.

I then worked out that the aisle was 15 seconds. I could do the aisle in. One five. Go. And then I thought... I worked it out and I was like like i need to do four times a minute and there's um 90 minutes left so it's like all i need to do at this stage is 90 times four is i just need to walk up and down 360 times that's all i need to do that's good math you

might do that in your head holding it well i had a lot of time, Rob. I had nothing else to occupy my mind. Did you just do that? No, after about 10 minutes, I started to get... The bottom of my back was going, you can't do this for 90 minutes, mate. The old brain's got some ideas, hasn't he? But he's not checked out the chassis. Yeah, exactly.

Then he fell asleep 10 minutes from landing. What a fucking waste of time that is. Then did he wake up when you were getting your bags? Yep. Which meant that he wasn't tired for the taxi home. So he was awake on the taxi, an hour and a half awake? No, fell asleep 10 minutes from the end of the taxi. So what time are you getting in?

About 11pm, which point he obviously wakes up. So we have to get him to sleep for a third time holiday that's probably cost you thousands of pounds four of you to go away oh my god what a life has it affected his sleep no he's clicked back in quite comfortably actually

would you keep it on English time out there then? No, we'd just gone rogue, really. Because if we'd kept it on English time, I suppose we were to, not consciously, but I suppose we did keep it on English time. Because we normally start bedtime at 6.30, but you're like, over there, like i can't i want to go out and have dinner with and it's 35 degrees yeah so we went out to dinner at about six most nights

which isn't a time you should be eating on holiday but you know so what time's that in english 4 p.m no no no 8 p.m no 4 p.m 4 ppm. So he was going to bed at about 8 Greek time, which is about 6 UK time, but that was kind of... Yeah, so it was a happy accident. Yeah, happy accident. 4pm! Here we go. You're having a massacre again at 4pm.

I fancy at 4pm some more dick. Do you know what, Rob? Yeah? Do you know what a good bit of the holiday was? What's that? He's two and a half hour nap in the middle of the day. Oh, my God, yeah. When someone had to take the hit of sitting on the balcony on their own.

Yeah, that's the nice part. Yeah, you're like, yeah, I'm happy to go and sit up on the balcony from one till half to while he sleeps because someone's got to be up there. Yeah. So what I do now with my kids, we go out early, obviously, obviously because i wake up so early then we come back on a holiday for a little we have a family nap time where you can have a little nap or watch the ipad we normally do a nap if it's jet lag if we're further afield but just let them have our path for an hour and i've got him out the sun in the middle of the day and you can have a sleep or just scroll on tiktok

until your eyes hurt yeah exactly um it was a good holiday i've got a complaint but you complained oh yeah yeah but i've no i did complain actually but i've got a complaint about it was incredible i had a lovely resort had a lovely time but they have to they have to stop building fucking play parks in holiday destinations it's just not fair on the parents. What do you mean by play park? Like swings and carnival? Yeah. Once your child has spotted it, I get it.

It's a good fallback. But once your child knows it's there, they want to go to the park. And you're like, are you effing kidding me? I've not flown this far to go to the effing park. So rather than going to the beach or the pool, your kid just wants to go and play on the swings? Yeah. And you're like, no, I just can't believe this is happening.

Yeah, but it's a new park, isn't it? Yeah, but it's shit. Yeah, but if they're happy, isn't that the main thing? No. The parks do my absolute nut. Yeah, but you can just sit there in the sun and watch them play on it, can't you? Well, no, because it's like,

she's like, can you push me on the swing? Or all of that kind of stuff. It's just... Yeah, I don't... Just say, no, go and climb on that for a bit. No, I don't think that... No, I don't... No, I think you'd better just climb over that for a bit. No, no, I don't think that. No, I don't. No, I think you better just climb over there for a bit

or swing yourself. Teach her to swing yourself, to do it yourself. Legs out, legs in. Yeah, I know. But then you're spending your time teaching someone how to swing themselves. It's not someone, it's your daughter, Josh. I want her to have the best time possible.

But for the love of God, can you do it on the beach or in the pool? Yeah, true. Well, I don't mind the play park if there's a bench that's fairly comfortable, indirect sun, and I can take alcohol in there. Right, okay. So as long as you can get pissed in the play park, that's the main thing. Basically, what I've worked out, kids on holiday, if it is getting too much,

if you do have a cocktail, everything will be a bit easier from that point. Yeah, fair enough. But no part did you complain oh you complained about the complaint was about the park oh no no so i also had to complain rob at one point what like a like to the manager did you ask for the hotel manager i just complained to the duty i did ask for the hotel manager actually which i've never done before So what happened at the hotel? So the service was absolutely incredible, except for a thing where they use WhatsApp to try and book stuff and someone will try and book it for you. Like a concierge, but on WhatsApp.

Yeah, like a WhatsApp concierge. And I just don't think the world needs that. They basically failed to book us dinner for the last two nights. So I basically complained rob yeah what happened i said i want to speak to the manager who complains at you and rose is it you normally no not really we're in the very rarely in the position where we complain i don't like to complain at all because i don't like confrontation i mean you know how much i don't like confrontation you hate confrontation i hate confrontation. I hate confrontation.

I'd do anything to avoid confrontation. You're a big fan of small talk, I hear. I don't think you like anything too deep, do you? No, I don't want anyone to understand who I really am. I want to tell you a story. Do a few references to the 90s. We all laugh, and then I don't see you again for a week. Yeah, we can all go home, and we can all pretend that we don't know anything about each other fine so i got the manager and i i just i do you know what i did i stayed calm but my

my words had strength oh what was you wearing at this point because on holidays i find it difficult to complain if i'm just in my trunks no i wasn't just in my trunks because i was dressed for dinner because they'd fucked up organising a dinner. Dressed for dinner? What, like, sort of, like, down to it? I had a napkin tucked into my shirt. I had a spoon and my own fork ready because it was spaghetti night. Oh, no, I had, like, a shirt and some trousers on.

Trousers? Do you have to wear trousers for dinner? No, but I mean rather than just Bermuda shorts. Okay. Combats. Yeah, it wasn't like quite warm enough in the evenings to go shorts. So it was like... So you went to go for dinner, but you got there and it hadn't been booked.

Well, I went to come down to check how the booking that they promised to do was coming on and it had failed. So then I got the manager and I was like I'm very angry about this. But I said it in a very calm manner. And suddenly everything got sorted. And I got given the phone number

of the manager and then I was allowed to text him any time I wanted with any requests. And I was like... Did you say Freebird, Linn and Skinner? 10pm balcony? I thought, oh my God, there's a whole other world available for people that complain that I didn't know existed.

Yeah, they do. So did they get you the restaurant booking? Yep. Yep. And now you you the restaurant booking? Yep. And now you can text him now? Thanos? Yeah, I could text Thanos now. It'd be a bit weird. It's only seven o'clock in Greece.

I don't think he could put me in... I couldn't say, could you put me into Franco Manker tomorrow night in Shoreditch? Yeah. Yeah, but Thanos is quite powerful. From what I've seen and heard. Actually, what happens if you kid gets it? Would you get Doctor Strange's number as well?

I don't understand these references. I don't like Marvel. But anyway, we digress. Do we? Do we? It's all right, guys. So Thanos sorted it all out. You've got the hotel manager showed me there's a different world for people that aren't as polite as I am yeah you know I mean if you complain you get stuff yeah do you complain um not really no I got but I

did with BA because I would um but you don, yeah. But you don't complain? No, I don't really complain, really. No. Not really. But overall, I'd say holiday good. Holiday good. I feel a bit refreshed. You sound absolutely fucked. I had such a long day.

I did Lorraine this morning and I'm still going now and it's 9pm. You're still with her? They played a clip of this show on Lorraine. Did they? What bit? A bit I don't remember us doing About how many topics you cover in eight minutes on Lorraine We talked about how basically you cover your whole life story in eight minutes When she interviews you

Because you're so quick and then they've got something And then it's all, here's our autumn looks Yeah And they played that out And then she basically did exactly what we described I saw Jon Hamm Because he was on as well Yeah. And they played that out, and then she basically did exactly what we described. I saw Jon Hamm, because he was on as well, which was quite a big booking for Lorraine. So take what you think of this.

I saw him, and I said, oh, nice to meet you. And he said, oh, I'm a big fan. And I thought... Of you? Sorry, I'd soon... Sorry. I was surprised. Don't you think Jon Hamm's your demographic.

And then he said, I watch you on the shows. And I thought, I'm not sure he's a big fan. That's the kind of... It feels like a networky LA thing, that. I'm a big fan of you on the shows. You should have gone, what shows, Hamm? Yeah. Do you think he's streaming Cats Does Countdown back in Hollywood?

Los Angeles. He's staying up late. He's staying up. He's getting up early for it, mate. This will make you feel better. Shall I text you my diary for the last two weeks? Because I want to talk about... Has he got your face?

This is a podcast about talking about parenting, but I've seen my children for about seven hours in two weeks because of this schedule. Oh, God. And then also there was another bit of drama, which I'll tell you about. This is what I've been doing for the last minute. This is mental.

I'm working every day in May, basically. Oh, my God. Sunday, you started in Inverness. You flew to Gatwick. That's the Saturday, the 7th. Yeah. I flew from Bristol to Inverness, you flew to Gatwick. That's the Saturday, the 7th. Yeah. I flew from Bristol to Inverness on the Saturday. Yeah, did the gig.

Did the gig. And then the next morning, that was a 7am flight, next morning 7am from Inverness to Gatwick. Got home and I was supposed to be at home for like six hours and then go and do the Radio 2 show. But poor Lou, her colitis flared up again. She had to go to hospital. Oh my God.

So I got in at 9, as I got in at 9am, Lou wentitis flared up again. She had to go to hospital. Oh, my God. So I got in at 9. As I got in at 9am, Lou went out the door to hospital. So I had the kids all day and I had to cancel my Radio 2 show because I couldn't get any childcare. Oh, my God. But then Lou came home from hospital and her mum was then around and she stayed with her. And then I had to get this 8 o'clock train from Paddington to Exeter.

Oh, my God. And then filming in Exeter Monday, filming in Exeter Tuesday, filming in Exeter Wednesday with a comedy night in Manchester. Yeah, and then guess what happened the next day? How did you get from Exeter to Manchester? Fly again. Drove. Drove!

Then look what happens the next day. 1pm collection from... That's the hotel, isn't it? Yeah. Swansea Arena. 1pm collection from... That's the hotel, isn't it? Yeah. Swansea Arena. 10pm collection. Oh, my God. Swansea to Exeter.

This is mental. Friday filming Exeter. Saturday filming Exeter. Car home after filming. Bet you were a good chat in that car. Early asleep immediately. Sunday. Good morning off Sunday.

Morning off Sunday. Two o'clock collection, though, in the afternoon. Radio 2. Radio 2, train to Exeter. Monday, is that today? That's today. Yeah. Oh, my God.

And then tomorrow? Tomorrow, Exeter. Then it gets worse. Oh, God, I've got read more. Always bad when I watch that message that has read more. Yeah. Usually means someone's breaking up with you. I think Lou might be

when she sees his schedule. Wednesday, Southend. Thursday, Southend. Friday, Southend. Car to Exeter. Southend to Exeter. Rob, that is not... What time do you start filming

on a Saturday morning? About, I don't know, about 8am. But then look what I've got. Oh, yeah. So I basically do Southend, go from Southend to Exeter. Look what's happening the next day. Train to Paddington. Because I'm filming know, about 8am. But then look what I've got. Oh, yeah. Look what's happening. I basically do Southend, go from Southend to Exeter. Look what's happening the next day.

Train to Paddington. Because I'm filming in Exeter. Yeah. Limo bike. I've got a story to tell you about the limo bike. Junction 29, M25, meet Martin, Southend Cliffs Pavilion, and car to Exeter. Car to Exeter after the show?

Yeah, two nights running. Oh, my word, Rob. This is mad. August is quite word, Rob. This is mad. August is quite quiet, so it's all right. I've got time off, so please don't feel sorry for me. It's feast and famine, my job. But it is particularly mental. That's why I sound a bit all over the place.

The limo bike, just so you know. For people that don't know, they're sort of like you get on the back of a motorbike and it's huge. You get on the back of a motorbike and they drive you there to places because you haven't got time to get a car, basically. The first time I got one, I was

very tentative. It's not like you. And when Nish Kumar got one, they actually told him that I was the most nervous person they'd ever taken. Really? Yeah. And I told him to go slow and he couldn't go any slower, apparently. But it's not as

bad as what I heard happen to Ramesh. Have you heard this? What happened? The guy had to tell Ramesh that he was squeezing him too hard with his legs and he needed to... It is weird because you don't really... You come off stage Or come out of a show

And it's just a man With a helmet on He goes Here's your helmet Here's your jacket Get on And Romesh just Squeezed his teeth

I had a nightmare I got one once It was on the motorway And I said to him Because I was a bit nervous, because they properly zoom you through town. It's horrible. When you go over the flyover, like, you know that,

when you're on a raise, it's so windy. It's so weird being on the back of a motorbike of a man. I'm like his little prison bitch. And you can talk, so there's like a radio, so you can talk to him both ways. Oh, my word. And when I was on it, he was on the motorway, and I was a bit nervous because on the motorway,

going like 70-odd on the back of a motorbike on a motorway, it was a bit rainy, and I was like, oh, God, it's all slippy. And I sort of said, well, you know, the thing is, I've never really been bothered by speed, as in I've never wanted a fast car. I'm not into going fast. But he took that for, he loves speed. Oh, no. You know, obviously obviously he stuck to the speed limit completely the whole time

but um it was uh we didn't it went quite fast but um it was absolutely petrifying but i got there in about three minutes but they are they are fun to do but they are quite scary um i did a bit of a nightmare on the train from london to exeter josh yeah lovely train and. And football fans got on. Oh, no. For Exeter. Yeah, and I was just in the middle of a YouTube binge.

Because when you're away working, do you get into weird YouTube binges? Yeah, maybe. What kind of YouTube binge? Well, I've managed to get into the world of the feral hog problem in Texas. No, I don't have this situation, no. the um feral hog problem in texas no i don't have this situation no basically because there were loads of like big loads of pigs released by europeans in texas and there's no natural predators they've got this feral hog problem and they can't get rid of them because they keep breeding and so now in texas you can get in a helicopter and hunt hogs and shoot them from a helicopter. Bloody hell. So what are you watching?

That. What I've just said. What, people in helicopters shooting hogs? Yeah, well, I saw it on a 4U page TikTok of Joe Rogan talking about it, and I Googled it, and there's documentaries about what they're doing to try and stop the hogs, and there's helicopters shooting hogs. Bloody hell. So I was watching that, and anyway, train for football fans.

Exeter fans? No, it's weird. On Sundays from London to Exeter, there's loads of Chelsea fans and people that have moved away or they've just picked a team. There's no offence, but there's no big teams down there, is there? Well, there is Plymouth Argyle, obviously. Well, it didn't get promoted.

You've got the big Exeter derby coming up. I can't wait. Gets a bit tasty tasty I've heard uh plus I mean if you've been told that by Plymouth or an Exeter fan it doesn't get tasty compared to like Rangers and Celtic it's true because I've been going in about eight in the morning from this hotel in Exeter it's like yeah it gets a bit busy at rush hour I saw three cars yeah yeah I mean it's all relative you've got to remember that Exeter and Plymouth are 50 miles apart anyway so I was got on it and then they this bloke come over and i can have a picture i was like yeah of course no worries i'm picturing him and then he was like he's

drunk dad and then a few other lads were there and he went he's not he's really drunk he ain't even funny and then i was a bit tired and i thought i'm not having this shit i went i'm about as funny as you are drunk like that straight off the bat boom down his throat and he went where are you going I went in another carriage

if you keep fucking talking ripped the carriage laughed absolutely ripped the carriage and then and it worked I think you've got to be like that with football fans

or they just don't leave you alone or you just put your head down and he went so I did that but then he wanted a photo and then he put his arm around me and he started ruffling my hair oh god and i just went i just went leave it out mate will you and then i got really scared because i got five blokes and i

thought i'm gonna get this shit kicked because i'm not hard the absolute shit kicked out of me and but luckily they got off at reading I don't know where they were going. I was just reading base Chelsea fans. God, I just hate it. I mean, we talked about when all those Welsh rugby fans got on. The change in dynamic on a train. It's brutal, isn't it? They just totally dominate. And I've been that drunk football fan.

I've never been that bad. I've distanced myself from them sort of groups of lads that properly go for it. But it does change. It happened at Bristol Airport. Oh my God, Bristol Airport was horrific when I flew to Inverness at 7am

on what I would call a very empty flight. It's not a very busy route. There were so many stag dudes. In Bristol, it was 5am. I reckon I saw about a thousand people

drinking pints of snakebite. It was like a student union. Oh, my God. Why are they still drinking snakebite in Bristol? I mean, there is a lot of students in Bristol, isn't there? You weren't students. Oh, no, but it's cider, isn't it? Cider's big in Bristol.

So it's cider and lager with a blackcurrant topping it. Yeah, but they're still, they're so big on cider that they're still standing by the snakebites. I got chased through the airport by a stag do, right? They wanted a photo. And I had a photo of them, but then they kept on trying to get me to have a pint of cider. Right?

And then I went, no, no, no. And then I tried to find a little lounge. There's a little lounge at Bristol. You pay 20 quid to go in. I thought, I'll just pay 20 quid and I can go in there and it'll be quieter. And I got to the front and I went, hello, mate, can I pay to get in? He went, no. I went, what?

He went, we're fully booked. And then I literally went, you have to let me in you know what i went please can i come in and he was like no i'm sorry sir it's full i was like please come in and then luckily this big welsh bloke come over there and he's he recognized me and let me in i paid to get in but he let me in um but But I was like, I can't. I would have ended up just doing the snake bite if I couldn't go in there. Oh, my God. It would have been easier. What a life.

What a life. I feel like I'm moaning too much today, sorry. No, you're not. You're not at all. I've got something to moan about, though. Go on. I was all the time from DPD, right? Yeah.

And they went, oh, we've missed you. We've dropped you off at your nearby shop. Yeah. I was like, fair enough. They've dropped you off at a spa a 12 minute driveway from my house that's not acceptable is it no that's not acceptable you're never getting that item by the way you're just never getting it i'm not gonna have half an hour round trip time to go and pick up you've got a morning off actually i can see before when you're south end gigs

you've got a morning off where you can nip and get your dpd well yeah i'll do that then got loads of time well it was it was just a fancy coffee cup like a little espresso cup that was reduced You've got a morning off where you can nip and get your DPD. Yeah, I'll do that then. I've got loads of time. What it was, it was just a fancy coffee cup, like a little espresso cup that was reduced. I sort of saw it on my emails and I was bored and I bought it. It was like eight quid. And I don't know why I sent a DPD. Because I'm the only one that has little espresso coffees. I've got one little espresso, tiny little box, 15-minute drive away.

Oh, that is heartbreak. I'm never going to get it, am I? No, I remember once going to pick something up, and it was Uncle Buck on DVD, and I didn't even need it. I didn't... I got all that way, and it was Uncle Buck on DVD. Who was this? About 10 years ago.

It was when DVDs were still a thing. I know. I can't believe it's still Uncle Buck on DVD. I'll tell you another one. I had to get the little red bit of the raw male thing yeah went all the way to um post office which was miles away when i lived in islington yeah and um it was a parcel i was like this is exciting i took it home and i opened it and there was like some fur and I was like, what the hell is this? And Rose had subscribed to one of those, you know, like those adverts in the afternoon, like sponsor an animal with WWF or WWE or whatever.

They're still called WWF, aren't they? It's the other ones that have changed. Yeah. WWE pandas. Yeah. And it was a free soft toy that you get when you subscribe to Sponsor Snack Leopard

that happened to me and Lou right I did the exact same thing I lived in Lewisham I had to go all the way down to New Cross because I had one of them

stupid Royal Mail things I brought my ID and all that do you know what it was a compare the meerkat meerkat oh absolutely I was fucking

livid oh oh my god she was like what was it I was like the meerkat when did you order the meerkat I don't know when I was doing the free meerkat I tell you what them adverts have tapped out

haven't they Alexander's not worth as much as you thought it was going to be he'll pop up in the jungle later this year he's had no work sorry if we're a bit quiet I'm in a hotel room and josh has woken up his kid and i've not seen my children for two weeks so i'll have more kid stories next week but uh let me i've got this good

i've got a good uh celebrities in random places thing oh yeah that's what we've been doing in it i was going to find some questions for lou and Rose. This is what we need to do. We've got loads of questions for Lou and Rose. Don't do that anymore. But we need more questions for our parents. Yes. If you think you want to ask our parents for the book, let us know and email us in. What's the best email, Josh?

We've got so many emails with the questions for Lou and Rose. We've got 570 different questions, Rob. Yes, I think that's covered, guys. If there's any questions for... They might have their own book out next year. Oh, they've done them by topic. Do you want to... You choose a topic and I'll give you a question.

Best and worst habits, fame, humour, pregnancy, holidays, stroke events, expectations and personal. Do personal. Okay. Number from one to six. Six. Can you tell us one thing that Rob and Josh do that makes you feel truly loved and

cared for no matter how trivial or mundane such as my husband doesn't drink hot drinks but always makes me one in the morning I've got a terrible feeling that's gonna rose my struggle with that one do you know what it's going to be really telling When the book comes out and that's not been answered

Oh god Give me another, do you want another personal Number one to five No go for the other one Expectations Expectations Give me a number Three

Do you secretly think that in an ironic twist, the reason Rob and Josh started the Lockdown Parenting podcast was an opportunity to actually get away from actual parenting? I think we've had that one. 100% true as well. 100% true. Not secretly at all. Give me another number.

Pregnancy? One to six. Four. Four. What personality trait were you most worried that your unborn child would inherit from their father? Jesus Christ, these fucking animals. This is a bad idea, John.

This is genuinely... Fucking hell, I don't think we'll get out of this, all right? When and how did you realise that this prenatal worry was a reality? Bloody hell. Fucking stiff necks on parade here. I suppose loose necks aren't sending them in. Basically, let's say we've got enough for Lou and Rose. Any questions for our parents?

If you've got any questions for our parents, do send them to the address that's in the show description. Please email them to parentinghellbook at bonnierbooks.co.uk. And Bonnier is B-O-N-N-I-R. Bonnierbooks.co.uk, parentinghellbook at bonnierbooks.com. Any questions, put your name, age, and location, and we'll feature that in the book as well. So you could be in the book if we pick your question.

I've got some listener stuff we could do quickly, Josh, before we go. We'll do some more listener stuff for Friday, but I've got this one. Remember the cum woman, Emma Clark, the woman that saw cum written on a tree and her kids read it out she's she messaged on instagram saying she's been called the cum woman by her friends because we refer to as the cum woman her name's emma um just listening to your podcast but this is about celebs in places i saw nicholas cage in a burger king in blackpool i also served david guest in Waterstones in Bolton when I was a student, and he was looking for his own book, which we didn't have in stock,

and I had to pretend it had sold out, even though we'd never stocked it. Brilliant. Absolutely love it. Right, well, we'll go now so Michael can edit this, and then we'll see you guys on Friday. See you then. Cheers, guys. Cheers, bye.