Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP34: Esther Manito

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

S04 EP34: Esther ManitoJoining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Esther Manito. If you want to find out more about Esther head on over to;www.esthermanito.co.uk/Please rate and review. Thanks, Rob + Josh.BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book! ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth.⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents)⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them... [e-mail]'s it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)?And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick?Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike.Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here: https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBookWe're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK?Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there...ON SALE NOW 14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena19th April 2023 - Nottingham20th April 2023 - Cardiff 21st April 2023 - London (The O2)23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley)28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Right, Caleb, can you say Rob Beckett? Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Good boy, well done. Oh, that's a nice one.

Yeah, Caleb. My son Caleb, who's two and always gave up when asked to say Whitacombe but finally gave it a go I quite like the name Caleb that's the name of the

singer in the Kings of Leon isn't it Lou wanted to call if you had a boy called Caleb yeah it's a good name I was against it but I think I could

accept it now but when it's your first kid and you're from South East London a working class family you can't bowl him for Caleb you can't bowl him it's a tough transition oh you're from South East London, a working class family, you can't bowl in for Caleb.

You can't bowl in for Caleb. It's a tough transition. Oh, you work in the media now, do you, mate? You f***. Here he comes to f***. I remember we used to get grief off our cousins and aunties and uncles. My brother Dan, in like 98, 2000, had sort of slightly longer hair. And they kept going, oh, here he oh here he comes fucking Paul McCartney what a reference

because he had long hair what a reference as well I know and then it was like my hair's a bit longer people have had long hair since the 70s what are you talking about

it's not like it's not 1952 anyway I've got some really good Instagrams before we bring on our guest brilliant guest today as well let's do

we're doing catch up on correspondence this week, aren't we, really? Yeah, because we've been blabbering on. We are so self-obsessed. Hey, Joshua Robb. A quick story I thought you might enjoy. Last weekend, I asked my son if he wanted to go and feed the ducks some bread that I had left over from school lunches. He turned to me with an extremely upset look on his face and said,

Mummy, bread kills ducks. With a look of shock on my face, I mumbled to myself, not knowing that he could hear me. Okay, Mr Killjoy, I'll throw the bread away. Now, not knowing that he heard me, he potted down the stairs as I was about to throw the bread out. He looked at me dead in the eye and said to me, Fine, Mummy, let's go murder some ducks. Whoa! I held in my laughter as difficult as it was.

My son's teacher then does a weekend recap with him on Monday Whoa! Oh, my gosh. That can't be true. That can't be true. can't be true it might be it might be actually because I know at my school one of the mums got taken in

because if a kid says at school my mummy hits me or my mummy hits my brothers you've got to take it seriously

you have to take it yeah you can't go it was banter the Richard Keyes defence doesn't work in these situations it's just a bit of banter.

Like they've got to check those things, haven't they? Because if they overlooked, I went to murder the ducks with my mummy, and then in six months it turned out that that's what they actually had done. It's not a good look. Yeah, so I suppose what it is, is they get you in, and I imagine it's a very quick, look, he said this, I'm sure it's fine, what's the story? And then you explain, I'm sure it's fine, but they've got a lot.

So what's the score with bread and ducks? The RSPB has given a definitive answer on if it is safe to feed ducks, geese and swans bread. This is not my words, the RSPB. Okay. Because this is, according to mylondon.news, a surprisingly divisive debate at the water side. Okay. Yes. So, a spokesperson said,

bread is not a natural source of food for water birds, such as ducks and geese. For this reason, it is suitable for them, but only in very small quantities. Like humans, birds need a variety of food to be healthy, and bread doesn't offer birds the nutrition they need. So, not poisonous, but not exactly a health kick. that last bit is not the words of the rspb but the words of my london.news there you go um also this is a great little thing for our audience to get in contact with

whenever you've been called into the school what's the most ridiculous reason you've been called into the school did your parents ever get called in i once got put on report and got given a detention because i was part of a group of children that stole a bottle of wine from the pta and they were having a little wine and cheese night and it was all the boxes of wine around we snicked a bottle of wine and drank it in the woods and i had one swig and i felt like i was in the wild west i hated it i told my mom immediately felt horrific went all red-faced and panicked and thought i was gonna go to prison i i i do not like breaking the rules. Neither do I.

I'm not a rule-breaker kid. I hated it. I was a very good boy at school. Did you like alcohol when you first tasted it? I didn't like it at all. No, I hated it. I didn't really like it. And then I didn't really drink at all

until I went to university. And I studied tourism, so there's literally nothing to do all day. So I got into drinking then. so i so i got into drinking then but i think i got into drinking more out of nerves yeah and being nervous to meet girls meet new people and do things on nights out and wasn't very confident so i used to drink for confidence and then it become part of a sort of habit and a culture of it but i've not drunk for the whole of may i've not drunk for 25 yeah about 20 25? Yeah, about 20, 25 days. And I feel so much better. And I miss that little buzz and fun of a drink.

But I am absolutely loving... For nearly a month, I've woken up every morning... You feel... Feeling good. Incredible. The feeling of... Oh, so much better. The feeling of waking up, having not drunk in a few days,

is like nothing else. Yeah. What a couple of old squares. No, but I... Because I had a... I went to the pub with Lou for lunch. And it was red hot. It was one of them really hot days last but i because i had a um i went to the pub with lou for lunch and it was red hot was one of them really hot days last week and we had a little pub lunch kids were in school we went for a dog walk in the countryside and the dog was asleep

next to us and i didn't i got one it was nice actually it was called like erdinger i've never had it before because a lot of the fake beers are rubbish aren't they alcohol free and it tasted like it was so nice it was really cold and it tasted a bit like beer, but not like a proper beer. And what it was, it was the ceremony that I wanted. Yeah. I sat down in the sun. The ritual of the beer. The ritual of it's hot and it's sunny.

Let's have a drink. But my problem is I'll have 15. Yeah. Like I can just drink like a fish. And the first one's always the most the first one's the one you enjoy yeah but then i say to myself yeah but you don't want to get drunk all the time because you won't be productive and you'll be tired but then the other half of my brain goes you've got shit face in the euros and it was the biggest career boost you've had in about five years

but yeah if you are trying to not stop drinking the the best one I've had is Erdinger Alcohol Free. They sell it in Tesco's and stuff, but I just got it in a normal pub. But that was really nice, and it felt really nice, Josh. But I feel so much fresher not drinking. And parenting is easier when you're not hungover. Oh, it's so much easier. Well, Rob, it's a lovely message to our audience.

Shall we meet today's guest? Which is one of my favourite interviews we've done. Absolutely loved it. Oh, she's hilarious. So good. Really, really good. Esther Minito. Great story.

Amazing story. Especially, do you know what's really good? Is that like, like Romesh did it as well. Like he had like young kids when he wanted to change his career and left teaching and stuff. And Esther Minito is a very similar story. She just had young kids but really wanted to do something different and went for it. And it's really inspiring. She's so funny as well. So um yeah it's a really interesting story so if you're into maybe wanting to change up what you're doing you're a little bit nervous and

scared about it listen to Esther because it's a really really really inspiring story she's brilliant here she is Esther Minito you said that like a judge. You were about to sentence me. Esther Minito, we sentence you to 45 minutes of great anecdotes. Am I right, guys? Anyway. Jury's out on that one. Thanks for joining us. How are you, Esther?

I'm all right. Just done the school run, you know. Just done the school run. How old are your kids? Six and eight. But you've got a little one, haven't you? Yeah, so. You're in the eye of the storm have you got two i've got two they are four and zero four and ten months four and zero four and nothing oh god ten months yeah it's a hard age isn't it it's where you've got to walk around with them all the time not for him he's in the lowry in manchester

yeah i mean look at me it's not a hard age at all well this is the thing if you're going to be a parent be a dad that's what I say just be a dad whatever you do you whatever you do you're trying your best but whenever you're a mum it's just not quite good enough I said it to both my kids. I've got a boy and a girl. And they're like, when we have kids, and I was like, just be a dad.

Whatever you do. Just be a dad. My God. So how do you split the childcare then? Because you're a full-time comic as well. What were you doing before comedy? Was you working? I was a teacher.

A teacher? Yeah, I was terrible at that. And then I had kids,, I was terrible at that. And then I had kids and I was terrible at that. And now I do comedy and just slag them all off and that's my therapy. So how's that, guys? You went, because you said to us that you've been doing stand-up for five years.

So you started doing stand-up with a one-year-old and a three-year-old. I had a five-month-old and a two-year-old? I had a five-month-old and a two-year-old. Whoa! If nothing screams cry for help more. And I kept it a secret from my family. Did you? Really?

So what do they think you're doing? I know, my husband was like, are you having an affair? And I was like, I've been doing stand-up comedy. And he was like, are you sure you don't want to just go and have an affair so how did you do that talk us through that transition into five minutes of open spots is basically an affair isn't it i mean you do feel really dirty and humiliated yeah you wake up with the, you do the walk of shame on the way home. Now that I'm getting to know comedians that have children,

I absolutely relish every time they're like, how did you do it, Esther? Like, how did you do it? So was you teaching full-time as well? No, I was, I was on maternity leave. I went back to teaching. So I was teaching, had two babies and I was doing it. But you know what it's like, you're doing the open mic. So you can't just turn up and do your spot and leave.

You've got to stay the whole time. You've got to bring a friend. Oh my God. So I was getting home at like one in the morning and then I was up, you know, still breastfeeding. God knows what. Jesus. Those first secret gigs.

How are you doing that? Like what was your cover story? I used to say that I was meeting my friend in town knows what. Jesus. Those first secret gigs, how were you doing that? Like, what was your cover story? I used to say that I was meeting my friend in town for coffee. At night? At night. I eventually told my husband, but we kept it a secret from the rest of the family because it would not be approved.

My mother-in-law was like mothers don't do this no no husband would put up with this stop it so how long was it a secret from your husband oh no i kept it a secret from my husband for about three weeks yeah you can't keep that up for longer than that it's weird no i was in bed i just said i was a little i just said it was a course i was doing i said i'm doing a com i I said, I'm doing a writing course just to engage me mentally. And he was like, okay. And then he was like, sorry, what are you doing? And then I was like, oh, I'm just doing this course.

But basically you're hanging around in pubs waiting to do stand-up. No, like a freak. And then the first time I went on stage, I came off and threw up. And I just didn't stop throwing up. I threw up all the way home. And he was like, I don't understand what's going on with you. No, stop it. When I say it out loud, I'm like, oh, my God.

So when you got home, you was being sick as well? I literally threw up about three times on the way home, just the adrenaline, because I'd never done it before. How had it gone? Had it gone well? Yeah, thank God. Yeah, imagine what you'd have done if you went bad had it gone? Had it gone well? Yeah, thank God. Imagine what you'd have done if you went bad.

Just shat myself all the way home. But it happened to me once. I did a TV warm-up that was so stressful. They took me out of the car home, but I was so worked up and stressed and adrenaline. I felt really sick. And I was in a big traffic jam. So I said, it was like a 20-minute walk to my house.

Went to the cab driver and I'll just get out and walk. And he was right so i've got out and walked i really need to be sick and then i walked up to this skip and so i've been sick in the skip but because where the traffic was moving slowly the cab driver pulled up alongside me you're right it's not good for your body is it open mics esther and you've just had a baby only five months earlier and you're being sick in a pub toilet don't i literally yeah i know i'm just there vomiting vagina between my knees just like what am i doing what am i doing honestly i don't know yeah i don't know what possessed me but i'm glad i did it when did you leave your job full-time job just before the pandemics that was really well timed i also had a lot of guilt about being a mum yeah there was a huge amount of guilt because people were

just like what are you doing so I was determined that it wasn't going to impact them yeah so I would literally just have to be awake 24 hours like I was talking to um another comic about this and they were going but when when did you write and I said what I'd do is I'd drop my little girl off at nursery and then I'd just walk my son in the push chair so that when he had his nap that's and I wouldn't write I would record so I'd just be walking around because if if the buggy was being pushed then he would sleep and then I'd just record ideas for stand up and then re-record it and re-record it and that's how I wrote because I couldn't sit down and write because obviously I had a baby so I just used to during his nap time just walk him and but in five years there's been two years of no gigging like because of the pandemic

to go from zero of zero gigs to being on Live at the Apollo which you've done and you smashed it that is that is an impossible time frame without the fact that you had a newborn baby and a toddler it's incredible yeah but i'm not a dad though was your husband working full-time at this point as well yeah i don't understand how that how this works where's the time yeah how many gigs a week were you doing did you take the kids with you i had to take them to edinburgh honestly there were people that didn't know i had children i remember i was doing my first edinburgh and i was walking around with a double buggy in edinburgh with a double buggy and i'm just like walking up the real

mart and cindy v just walked out of a cafe and just went whose babies are those and i was like they're mine and she was like what do you mean like what do you mean you've got babies what are you doing also because I don't look like my children so it did look like I just stole them you don't look like them at all my son looks a little bit more Mediterranean but my daughter is incredibly blonde so people often thought I was just the

childminder and did your husband go up to edinburgh with you oh he did but he hated it i mean it's rubbish bringing your you you stop to speak to people every five minutes they're just lying around the kids hated it yeah i mean you're paying to losing money yeah the amount of rubbish you have to take them to see like i was taking them to see stuff paying like 50 quid for four of us and you're watching some hungover student in the pleasant courtyard with a sock on his hand going hello i'm mr puppet and you're thinking what am i watching this is absolute nonsense what a load of and the kids think it's shit and it's just like oh it's the money you spent you could have gone to disney in florida i know and the kids are like this it's raining it's boring

the kids hate it so what was it how did the conversation go with your partner then going look i'm doing these gigs they're going well and i want to go to edinburgh and then you go to edinburgh and you're like i'm just going to take all our savings um because mum really wants to be a performance artist it's like it's so not okay and also it's like that kind of thing of like when you the baby's only five months old the hormones in your body are still going crazy because you just had a baby so there is an argument to go are you sure you really want to do this or is this sort of like a sort of about you know a kickback to your life changing you've got the two kids now and it's sort of like a semi like early midlife crisis because that is a fair that's a kickback to your life changing. You've got the two kids now and it's sort of like a semi, like early midlife crisis. Because that is a fair, that's a fair point to bring up, isn't it?

To go straight into it. There was a kind of Victorian intervention, like should we just strap her down and inject her with Valium? And I feel like that was the conversation my family were kind of having. It was a little bit like, and also because it's not like you you speak to a lot of comedians and they've come from that kind you know especially when I was when I started like so many people came from performance art backgrounds or they had you know they'd worked in the industry before or they'd been runners or they had an interest but for me it was literally just like I came home one day

and was like I'm gonna be I don know, a tightrope walker. It was like the weirdest thing. So you've not performed before then and stuff? Nothing like that? No, no. And then we've got quite a close-knit family and everyone's just really conventional. And they're just like, what?

What are you doing? No, stop it. So it wasn't like this big, like, oh, she's always dreamed of this. She just popped up. No, no. We were, like, oh, she's always dreamed of this. She just popped up. No. You were just like, are you sure? But deep down, did you want to not say it out loud? Or was it a bit of an awakening for you as well, like, at that stage?

I never thought in a million years I could do this. Not in a million, million years I could do it. So it was a real bolt from the blue it really was it's been a really bizarre chain of events so what's it like now though because you've obviously proved that you were right you know you've been on the biggest you know there's a lot of the apollo is the biggest show in the country to go on and do comedy and is it a bit more like to the mother-in-law ha see i told you mother-in-law ain't just the mother-in-law ha see i told you mother-in-law ain't just the mother-in-law it's all of them i mean afterwards after i did live with the apollo

you did you kind of expect like everyone to be like oh my god but the family were like are you done now is that it now got it out your system so i feel like there is nothing I can do to win them over. So you said, like, you weren't sleeping. So there was a period where... I had nausea for a year and I kept going to the doctor going, this nausea is just not stopping. And eventually the doctor was like, I think it's exhaustion. I was like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, because I just didn't sleep. So talk me through like your average day if you're teaching gigging and parenting i did a gig once on four four pro pluses and a red bull just to stay awake and then what's it like when you got back from the gig at like 11. yeah you get back from a gig at 11 and then you would be up obviously in the night. Yeah. Like maybe a couple of times. So I'd probably get like four, five hours a night and then I'd get up, go to work.

So obviously you'd get up and then get the kids ready and then drop kids at Childminders and God knows what. And then you go to work. Sometimes my in-laws would stay here. They did that for a little while. And then they'd look after the kids in the day. So that would be a lot of help. I mean, bless them. I mean, I wouldn't be able to do it with any of them.

Because they're not even at school at that age, are they? No, my daughter was at pre-school. And then I worked for a little while at University of East London. And they had a nursery there. So I could take my son in with me. And with me and then he would go to the to the daycare center there and then yeah and then you'd come back and then get the kids ready for for you know feed them and all the rest of it and then you'd be out the door but there was a couple of times when my kids would like have that post in a meltdown yeah and i'd have to go to a gig and then i'd be like you like have them

pulled out your arms and i'd run off to a gig and then i'd feel really guilty because it's not like now i imagine it's different and like you know when you're more established you and you're getting paid work it's like okay you're on at nine o'clock get there at 8 30 and then at 20 past nine you can go home so you're only literally popping out for an hour especially if you're doing london stuff but back then it's like you arrive at 6 p.m you have to put your name down on a list sometimes you have to bring two people with you and then they pull like some gigs i used to do let's pull a name out of a hat so you could be going on an afternoon at night so you're there for six hours to do five minutes five minutes of stand-up and you've spent five hours waiting

you would have to be there for seven hours yeah so oh my god it makes it almost impossible to to do really i know it was it was yeah it was really intense and when did you quit being a teacher then and did it make it all a lot easier oh god yeah i became the world's worst teacher like i'd walk into the classroom the kids are like what we're doing today and i'm like just shut up and don't talk to me. I became terrible. We did a lot of, a lot of essay writing in silence while I would write my set and write essays. But it was getting to a point, I remember doing like gigs abroad and I'd like fly in, in the morning to like city airport and then go straight to work or do like Cardiff Glee and then get a train at 4am and go straight to school.

Oh my God. Yeah. Wow. What an... Do you look back and go, what was that period of my life? Because you must have all these photos of you with your kids at that point. And you must just have been like a zombie at this point. Did, behind the eyes.

No, I think it made me a better parent, I'll be honest with you. Do you? Yeah. In what sense? Yeah. I feel like it just made me more animated. I just felt a lot more in touch with my kids. I think it's made me a lot closer to my children.

It's made me a much better parent. Which is enjoying yourself more and stuff. You feel a bit more alive. Yeah, when you're enjoying yourself more, the tiredness doesn't matter because you're doing it. And it just made me a lot more patient with my children because I didn't have, I believe a lot of frustration comes from, you know, things that you're not even conscious of. So you might feel frustrated because of all sorts of external reasons. It's not just the tiredness or that, you know, kids are doing your head in.

But when you're actually fulfilled mentally, it makes it a lot easier to be a lot more tolerant i mean i say that i shout all the time still but it's just like white noise to them now they're just barking in a corner it doesn't matter like just ignore it but i used to actually feel quite frustrated when i was just with the children i mean my son was only five months I say that as if I was doing it for years I was like literally two weeks into it going now not for me well it's quite it's quite good that you did it then though because as they get older they have their own social life when they're five months they've got nowhere to be but now like with kids school parties and gymnastics or swimming club or whatever it is when did that happen I don't know we didn't

have that as kids like when did when did we got to do all this stuff like i feel like i'm a pa human beings but i've got a pa to a tiny kardashian like we've got to get back she's got that in i know and the amount of stuff they do and it's really interesting like my daughter will be like oh my god can i do mandarin dance uh gymnastics and i'm like what where is that who doing that? Why is that a thing? It's not even just normal stuff. They're like, oh my God, I really want to do, I don't know, wellbeing and, you know, mindfulness, Tai Chi. And I'm like, no.

Yeah, my daughter's doing Taekwondo. I can't even spell Taekwondo. Nevermind, do a class of it. My son won't do anything. He's just like, no, I'm not doing it. He won't even have friends over. Really? He's livid. Yeah. So what does he do with his day?

I said, like, tonight, she's got a friend coming over after school. He went, oh, God, I don't like a house full of women. And I'm like, oh. And so I was like, do you want to have a mate over? And he just looked at me absolutely furious. And he went, you know I like my wind down time. I was like, okay. At eight?

He's livid. How old is he? Is he the eight-year-old or the six-year-old? No, he's six. This is a boy who likes to have a bath bomb and listen to a bit of Frank Sinatra. Honestly, he's the funniest kid. It's like a granddad. Six.

Six. He has a bath bomb and listens to Frank Sinatra. It's wind down timeatra It's my downtime It's like an old cockney Cut the jelly deals It really is I know He's like a cockney

He is like a cockney Whenever he hears the siren He's like It's the coppers So are you still Are you in East London then? Do you live in East London? Woodford's

Essex, East London Yeah Oh Essexie way Okay And is your husband Essexie way? No He's from Hemel Hempstead. So he's working full-time and you're working full-time as a comic now. So how are you splitting the

workload with the kids? I do all the day and then he does the evening, but then everyone just goes on about how lucky I am that he's prepared to look after his own children. I'm very aware of that. He does a lot of babysitting, apparently.

He does a lot of babysitting for you, yeah. So is that coming from him or more family and friends? Oh, not from him, not at all, no. It was when I started stand-up, people were just like, you're lucky you've got a husband like that. You're really lucky. And I'm like why is he not lucky yeah I mean we split it you know now it's a lot more uh balanced 50 50 but

when I first started I did feel like I was doing like most of it and then he would do the evening stuff but like little things like if i went away to gig psychologically he still saw it as almost like well that's for you that's you enjoying yourself so even when i started it as a job do you know that's the thing about this job though that is difficult i i'll throw around the words go to work a lot because i feel it paints it as like as like it makes it look a lot more more of a job but it's difficult to argue that it's a do you know what i mean there's an it's a gray area when it comes to its job but i would come home and like literally i'd come home from a gig and literally they'd just be like the

clothes going up the stairs leading to the bathroom then the bath still filled with the bath water and the toys there and then like nappies leading to the beds where the kids were sleeping and the kids are asleep in like Halloween costumes. And my husband would be like, you're welcome. And I'm just like, I've now got to essentially do a day's work of clearing up. Whereas now, honestly, like we've really worked it out. So now it's pretty much when i'm in charge i'm completely in charge when he's in charge he's completely in charge and we answer out all 50 50 so it's a really it's a really good um i'm very fortunate you've got more control now though of

your diary where back in the day when you do first start you everything's dictated by someone else so you know he'll be going well when are you going to be home you're like i don't know it depends when i get on the gig i might not get on the gig. It could be seven days. It could be a week. I'm going to take a sleeping bag and hopefully I'll get five minutes at the cab. Yeah. Well, yeah, because Lou's like that with me when I say I'm going to work. And like sometimes, you know, I'm going to work and like, you know,

I went to Jamaica with Romesh to interview Usain Bolt. And like, so far. Come on, love. But then I'm like, if I go up to Middlesbrough on a Tuesday, I'm like, come on. That's work. and like so fuck off fuck off and then but then I'm like if I go up to Middlesbrough on a Tuesday

I'm like come on now that's work now that's work the gig will be fine but it's a long way I'm driving from Cheltenham to Lowestoft

okay that is work that is not that is not my time and what's what are you like what's your different parenting style then? Because you say, well, when I'm in charge, when he's in charge, do you have a different approach in that sense? Yeah, so what happens is when I'm in charge, I tell the kids off. And then when he's in charge, he screams,

you wait till your mum's here and you're going to be in trouble. And that's how that works. Like literally the moment I walk through the door, it's like,'s back now you're in for it now it's like the oldest sibling but i've got my um my dad with me as well oh he lives in the house it's a lot of mental energy in this house there's a lot of craziness yeah so my dad is a 76 year old middle eastern man who just screams at the children all the time that's again like white noise to them and then my husband's just this long-suffering you know very kind of conventional very calm but my dad will just constantly threaten the children which really winds them up as well right so does your dad

clash with your husband about it then yeah my husband's a bit like sorry when did it become that i was going to be married to your dad like i didn't especially when you're out a lot it's just them two in the house it was my husband's oh no this is honestly this is how long-suffering my husband is it was my husband's birthday and on his birthday he had to take my dad to hospital to have a prostate. Was you with the kids or were you working? I was working, so my in-laws were with the children. My husband was texting me going, I just want to say I'm having a really nice time.

Your dad's gown has opened three times. People are really confused as to what my relationship is with this man could he could he do child care is he helpful in that way your dad or is he sort of yeah he is meant like he yeah no he is he's brilliant he's been with the kids all the grandparents are actually i'm really fortunate and i've got to say like i go on about how hard it was and stuff there are people that don't have grandparents helping and i i like hats off to them or single parents how do they do it because i've had like my in-laws my parents they're really involved and that's the only way i could do it yeah that's the only way i could do it and my dad will like overlap if i've got to go to a gig and my husband's not finished work yet my dad can sit with them for

an hour or whatever. And as they get older, it gets easier because they can sort themselves out a little bit as long as you're just an adult in the house. And what are their parenting techniques like? How much does your parenting overlap with your 76-year-old Middle Eastern dad? Yeah, has he got old school ways of parenting?

Yeah, I took a photo the other day because we were walking. He walks to school with us every single day yeah which essentially is really stressful for me because my dad will just march into traffic like my dad just rants so he doesn't have like that thing of internal dialogue everything's just external so we'll just be walking to school while he's and he swears all the time and the kids are now aware that they can't swear but he just swears so he'll rant to school and you're like there are other parents walking their kids to school can you just stop swearing and he'll just be screaming about russia or whatever on the way to school and just marching into traffic and then you've got two kids on

scooters who are just like so it's like herding geese all the way to school you're like like grabbing one and grabbing the other and just like right can we all just try and stay in one unit it's a very bizarre combination of people uh walking to school morning. Can he not take them in without you then? That's a little job done then. Or can't he be trusted to take them both in? I get nervous about him just marching them into traffic. But also I kind of feel a little bit like I should do it. Yeah, yeah.

You know, like sometimes if I'm, you know, I just feel like I should do it. I should kind of take them in. So, yeah. Because at my school, some grandparents would bring me in every day because they live near to the to the kids and stuff sometimes at the end of a term they look fucked like little eight-year-old there were some parents that went away on holiday i think they went away for a week and then their grandparents came in and lived with the kids for a week and looked them off by the friday he looks so now my mum and dad always mum and dad are like corpses. When they come, like, if we go away for two nights,

they're like... And even the teacher once we've called, your mum looked tired the other week when she dropped them off. My mum and dad get up at 11am if they're left on their own. So they're up at six in mine. It is a lot for grandparents. You forget how hard little ones are. Like, it is like you've just got to wrestle them.

It's like having chimpanzees on acid, isn't it? I'm dreading being a grandparent in that sense. The thought of, like, me at 70 having to deal with what I'm dealing with now, even for two days. My dad has got to a point now where he can't even be bothered to, like, he'll just be like, I can't be bothered, I'm not going to get up and smack you because I can't be bothered. I mean, I don't do smacking, and obviously that's a very old school thing. So he just says to my kids, he just goes, I'm just going to put up and smack you because i can't be bothered i mean i don't do smacking and obviously that's a very old school thing so he just says to my kids he just goes i'm just going to put my fist

out you just got to run towards it and they think it's really good fun so were you born here or born in the middle east esther no i was born in essex he moved here yeah yeah and so did you have a different upbringing though was his parent indifferent then to like your schoolmates in Essex or was he as the same as all the other dads it was really embarrassing yeah oh my god yeah he'd be really he'd be really militant I remember he would stand god love him but he would just do things like to me I was just so used to it but my friends would just be like like he sometimes if I was doing my homework, he'd stand over me with a crowbar, just like that. That's in a jokey way though.

Kind of in a jokey way. Kind of. I was talking about the fact that my husband's really good at like waking up the children. He's really, he does it. He's got this little song

and he wakes them up and he's so sweet the way he wakes them up. And he was like, oh, I got it from my mum because that's how she used to wake us up. My dad used to wake me up in the morning. I kid you not, he just used to walk into our room and throw a cup of water in our face. Oh my God. It was like the army.

You had one morning. Imagine doing that now. That is not allowed, is it? Boomer, that is classic boomer parenting. I know. He just used to get one warning. He'd be like, Esther, and if I didn't get up. The weird thing I've took away from that, though,

is that I can't believe some people have to wake up their kids. I've never woke mine up. They've always woke us up. I've never woken my child up. I'm telling you, for school, I have to drag him. I have to drag my son out of bed by his feet, and he crawls back in, and I wrestle him. The younger one, this is the one who likes his me time.

Oh, no. Ours are up at six latest every day. No, but the moment it's not school, if it was half term or something, boom, they're up. What time are you waking them up for school? They have to get up at seven. I've never, except holidays, I've never had to wake my child. Really?

No. Well, occasionally when, you know, you go through those periods where it's like, oh, they're napping for too long, is that going to have an impact in the evening? That kind of situation. But all that crap. But like, never in the morning have I thought, occasionally you'd wake them by mistake when you were worried they were dead because they were still asleep do you know that situation because they'd slept till 6 30 instead of yeah exactly that when they're babies yeah but isn't sleep deprivation the worst i can

handle anything but it's the sleep is so hard that is the hardest thing were they good or bad sleepers when they were babies like my son was good but I think that's probably because he was the second one. You just forgot about him quite a lot. Because I already had a baby, so I was just like, oh, there's another one now. So he'll just have to sort himself out. Did your husband do a creative job or anything like that? No, he works in IT.

He's a normal person. He's a normal person. Poor bloke. Just a normal bloke. Just wanted to go to his nine to five. Yay. He's like, why didn't I marry someone called Becky

who just is normal just wants to go to a bottomless brunch once every three months and that's it I know he's like

what am I doing I've got this old Arab man who's just wandering around in his pants screaming at me I've got to take him for prostate checkups

I've got this wife who's slagging me off on stage this is not what i signed up for i've got a son who's listening to frank sinatra i think it's easier being a mum i've gone full circle can we dig down into this this son that's the son that listens to frank sinatra and has a bath bomb and likes to unwind what point did that begin like what's the how when did you go this is a different personality type to my daughter like what how early was that I don't know when he said he but he's he's a really quirky little lad yeah he's really and he's really funny he really makes me laugh they had world book day didn't they recently which we all remembered 45 minutes before

world book day and it was just like um and i was thinking like what am i and i said to my son you've got to just wear something from fancy dress box and he was like i ain't doing it i'm not wearing it he was going i'm going to school with my school clothes i'm not dressing up in fancy dress and i was like no don't do that because it makes me look like i'm the one that forgot it was world book day yeah and it makes me look bad I'm the one that forgot it was World Book Day. And it makes me look bad. So then he went, I'm just going to wear normal clothes. And then if people ask me what I am, I'll just say I'm an author. And I was like, no, no, just be something.

And then he'd seen a book on the bookshelf and he went, I'll just, and he looked at the bookshelf and he went, I'll just say I'm Jeffrey Archer. I was like, you're not going at six. It's Jeffrey Archer. Prison scrubsubs great joggers what did your daughter go as matilda oh that's a good one but she takes school really seriously and she doesn't like to let anyone down she's really honest she's just like really gotta commit 100 to this they're very different they're such different it's funny though, isn't it? Do they get on?

They either really, really get on to the point that they're hysterical and laughing and crying and you cannot get involved whatsoever and they don't listen to you because they're in this frenzy of absolute euphoria or they're absolutely kicking the shit out of each other. And there is no in between. Actual fighting? Yeah.

Who's getting the better of it she'll run a book live stream it 10 quid on the on the girl oh my god she just let like he'll really lay into her and she'll just kind of be like oh no you know i was so happy one time when he came storming to the kitchen he was like she has just punched me so hard and i was like oh thank god you're like we can't smack our kids yeah no so you know when you're like sometimes they do and i'm like he needs a slap and i'm glad she's done it because i can't do it i can only intervene so often but she turned around and she was like enough and clumped him and i was like good good you deserved it amazing did your dad did your dad say that then like you're too soft on him no that's what annoys me is if i lose my temper he'll step in and be like you know come on you

need to calm down i'm like where was that attitude when i was growing up did you think they get softer as they get older or do you think that they when I was growing up. Was that when you had the crowbar? Yeah, when you had the crowbar. Did you think they'd get softer as they got older or do you think that they were basically in a high level of stress with work and look back and probably think, yeah, I was too harsh on them? Yeah, that's the joy of being a grandparent.

Yeah. You can just go and make up for all the... And also because you've got more time. Yeah. But grandparents are so soft on them. And they'll always be like oh that's really harsh or you know they they think that you should kind of devote all your time to them but when they were you know when they had kids and they were working and stuff

you got by didn't you know it didn't affect you did it you just sort of had an extreme uh breakdown after the birth of your second child and threw yourself into the world of comedy to force yourself to be physically sick yeah get emotionally and stressed and exhausted and uh and then that's all right there you got microphones i got woken up by you know ice bucket challenge most mornings i don't know if your parents do this you know it's like it doesn't matter how much you establish yourself the moment you're back with your parents you just completely revert to being seen as 14 still yeah so my dad still will like slap me around the head in public which really annoys me I can imagine it annoys you I think you're right to be annoyed um he'll do it actually even if

there's another like he's so oblivious as well so a friend of mine was around my house he didn't even clock that that wasn't me so he walks into the house slaps around the head and goes what's for dinner and my friend just turned around and was like i I don't know. And that's not okay. And I was like, Dad, you can't just slap women. I just walk into the house in your pants and slap a woman around the head and go, what's for dinner? They had it easy in the 70s, didn't they, men? What a life.

That was okay then. Oh, my word. Not now. Quite rightly. Quite rightly not now. So it's quite hard when you're trying to do, like, your feminist stuff on it. You know, my show, like, my stuff on stage is all kind of very,

like, feminist and all the rest of it. And then I come home and just get slapped around the head, what's for dinner? And you're like, oh, things are toast. I know. And my son's like dinner and you're like oh my son's like and i'll be taking my dinner upstairs in my drawing room after my bath which you will draw for me mother um yeah i think my my relationship now with my kids yeah it's definitely a lot a lot calmer yeah now especially with stand-up being as you say a bit easier because you can just go out and do

your gig and then come home again. I know you're in a hotel room, Josh, but I hate it. I hate staying away. Yeah, I don't like it. You know when you do a weekend at the Glee? Yeah. And then you get a hotel. I'd go up, do my gig at the Glee, and then come back

and then go back again the next night as to not stay in a hotel. Really? What is it? You don't like being away from your kids or you just don't like hotels i don't like being away from but also i feel like i'm missing out on that day of just getting stuff done yes and you know and it's like one's got ballet one's got this i just want to be involved that i've done a day of stuff otherwise you just sit around the hotel room no i use the hotel room i get all of my work stuff done. That's because I find it so difficult to work at home. So when people are like, oh, do you want to do that?

Like this, for instance, it's like, oh, perfect time is when I'm in a hotel room because then I've got that exact downtime. Yeah. Well, maybe you could just tour Monday to Friday when they're in school and then you don't have to come back and do stuff. Maybe I could just tour like Monday to Friday, 11am. That's the dream. Whenever I go to comedy, it's the dream job.

It would be if every gig was at the end of my road at 11am. I know, don't you want Friday and a Saturday off? That's what I want. Oh, yeah. I tell you, if I could choose a tour of matinees, it'd be incredible. Get there at two, knock off at four. People are working, Esther. That's why we can't do it. They've got normal four. People are working, Esther.

That's why we can't do it. They've got normal jobs. People have got normal jobs. Becky. Becky in the IT department. Well, that brings us on to our last question, Esther. If there's one thing that your husband does that annoys you with his parenting and frustrates you,

and if you listen back, he could act upon it and stop those ways. Is there anything, Esther Esther that he does he so when I do go away and gig he the kids ask him to pretend to be me okay and I feel like this is really creepy but he does this impression of me for the children which they now love and they're like can you pretend to be mum and he's like okay which honestly makes me out to be like one of the don mio puppets and it really does my head in because when i was like what does it consist of like essentially this woman just like coming and being like oh your mama and i'm like i don't not really sure. Because I do speak a little bit in Arabic and English with my kids. But he does this, because obviously he doesn't know Arabic. So he just puts on this like foreign accent and does this impression of me to the kids.

And it does just make me out to be like, yeah, this kind of caricature of an old Italian lady. So I'd like him to stop doing that. So you'd quite like, so ideally you want your dad to stop hitting you'd like him to stop doing that. So you'd quite like, so ideally you want your dad to stop hitting you and your husband to stop doing racist impressions. If all the men in my house could stop being really misogynistic and racist, that would be amazing. It's nice to have a dream, isn't it?

But like a pipe dream of a utopia, but you know. Oh, Esther, this has been absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much. It's so good. Thanks so much. Oh, thank you for having thank you so much it's so good thanks so much oh thank you for having me i think it's really inspiring as well to so any mums and dads listening that are like you know if you lose your personality and identity a little bit

sometimes when you first have a kid and you feel a bit lost and to have an example of what you've done is amazing so i think you should be really proud of that yeah whatever it is you want to do if you're drawing singing gigging starting a company or whatever just go for it because for yourself yeah definitely and then you become a better parent for it don't you because i think that's the thing you think if i do that i'll be a bad parent but actually it gives you that fulfillment which then you know spreads your energy in a positive way to your kids rather than being frustrated i mean i'm still a terrible parent but yeah we've got that we've got that that's not as bad as your dad that, yeah. Just not as bad as your dad. That's the main thing.

Not as bad as your dad. No, exactly. Yeah, it takes a few generations to get it right, doesn't it? But anyway. They're going to be great. Esther, thank you so much. Thank you, Esther. It's been brilliant.

Thank you. Esther Monito. That one, I'm going to say it, Josh, was one of my favourite episodes. Straight into the Hall of Fame? Straight into the Tom Parry realms of Hall of Fame, that one, isn't it? Funny, which is always the main thing, and interesting story.

Sometimes you don't always get both. Sometimes you get neither. How amazing is Esther Monito? Her rise to the live with Apollo is absolutely astronomical. She's hilarious. What an interesting thing. And she's just going to get better and better. She's a real star in the making, I think, Esther Monito.

Yeah, so good. I think if that was the first time you've listened to it i don't think it'll be the last she's um she's brilliant really follow on social media is that what we say at this point rob yeah she's on instagram let's let's do the power of the pod let's let's send everyone over there all you everyone go and follow her on instagram and uh she's a watcher live at the apollo but yeah brilliant estaminito very inspiring as well. If you're listening to this and you feel a bit down in the dumps and you're losing yourself, you're losing your way,

just go out and do something for you. And I think you become a better parent. It won't make you less caring or a worse parent. I think it can only, the happier you are, the happier your kids are in my experience. So put the oxygen mask on first, on the plane and in your life,

and then the kids will be happier. Oh, a lovely ending, Rob. Oh, that was nice, wasn't it? It was nice. See you on Tuesday? See you on Tuesday. Bye.