Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP4: That's a step up from a bin...

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

S04 EP4: That's a step up from a bin...More (mis) adventures in parenting and beyond from Rob and Josh...Thanks to everyone who bought tickets for the live shows in January - both the Hackney date and the warm up shows sold out in minutes! If you want to be first in line for any potential future live dates, merchandise, and any additional show info then sign up to the mailing list here;parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com Enjoy. Rate and Review. ThanksxIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Introducing Tim's new Savory Pinwheels, the perfect flaky and flavourful snack for those on the go, like me, who's recording this while snacking. Ooh, delicious. Try the roasted red pepper and Swiss or caramelised onion and parmesan pinwheels only at Tim's at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Herbert, can you say Rob Beckett?

Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Very good. There we go. Was that a Herbert? It is. What a fucking brilliant name. Herbert.

Fucking Herbert. I didn't know you was allowed to call your kid Herbert anymore. Is that allowed? Brilliant. That is superb. I wish I'd known that a year ago when I was having a kid. Herbert Beckett. Bertie Beckett.

Herbert. Herb. Herb. Herb's good, isn't it? Yeah. An American lawyer in the deep south. Oh, mate. You're going to love the little sister's name as well.

Oh, what is it? Do you want to guess where they're from or do you want the info first? Is this rubbish, this part of the show? Yeah, well, yeah. Do we know where they're from? Yeah. I'll read you the email because you'll get a second name as well. Okay.

Here's Herbert's. He's two years, 11 months. Submission for your... Just call it three. Submission for your intro. Round it up. That implies he's probably not as forward months, submission for your intro. Just call it three. Submission for your intro. Round it up. That implies he's probably not as forward as they want him to be. He was confident about Rob,

a bit more subdued by the challenge of Mr. Widdicombe. Listening to your podcast with one ear in while waiting to see if Herb's little sister, Huxley, has the ability to self-settle is one of my favourite... Huxley. And Huxley. I thought Huxley was a boy's name. All I remember is Huxley Pig. Do you remember Huxley has the ability to self-settle. He's one of my favourite. Huxley. And Huxley. I thought Huxley was a boy's name. All I remember is Huxley Pig.

Do you remember Huxley Pig? I don't remember. Is Herbert a car? Herbie. Herbie. Herbie's a car, yeah. Herbie the car. No, Huxley.

Oh, Huxley and Herbie. That is Hannah. Huxley and Herbie sound like a little delicatessen near you. Huxley and Herbie does that coriander for about four quid a bunch. Well, area of London she lives in, it's pretty swish. Oh, it's got to be West London. You can't unleash a Herbert and Huxley

on a comprehensive school in South East London. It's Wandsworth, which is very nice. Oh, Wandy. Bit of Wando, South West. The thinking man's Clapham. And that is Hannah, who's solo mum to Herbert and Huxley in Wandsworth. Hannah, Herb and Hux, the Triple H.

Thank God they didn't start with K. How are you, Rob? I'm all good, actually. I'm all right. Yeah, not too bad. We did the live show last night. Didn't we? One of the live shows.

And I had a very depressing journey home. I don't know if you want to hear about this. Yeah, of course I do. I don't know if i'll find out what you've been up to um unless you want to go first no go for it i'm i i can't i can't sit here waiting for the news of a depressing journey home well well it was quite a difficult evening in total um so basically on the journey home um i was hungry so i pulled over in camberwell and ate a kfc on my own in a car oh my god well that's a step up from a bin yes yes it is actually things are looking pretty good you'll be at a table one day and i ate it really fast because sometimes when i eat bad food i eat really fast so then it's over

which i think there's some sort of deep psychological problem there. I don't know about you. Yeah, yeah. That's not good, is it? No. I've got a friend, and when he has a takeaway, the instant he finishes, even if he's got food left, he just takes all of the stuff and just puts it in the bin. I'm a bit like, I'm one of those guys. I've got a remote. I can't have it in front of me.

I can't remember I did it. So, yeah, exactly. So I did that, And it was quite bleak And I did that And it wasn't even very nice And I just wolfed it down And then I got home And then I've had

I've got this bit of a chesty cough Can I just ask I'm just trying to picture this You're just sat in a car on the street Or Yeah And I doubled Yeah in the street

And have you got the radio on Or music Or are you just sitting silently Just silence Because all the podcasts Are like I'd listen to Just silence uh it's quite a scary road actually camberwell road that is quite scary area london um so i just had my like i just kept on checking the doors locked loads yeah you know i've pressed lock but just in case it's changed um lock that

so i was eating that and i was sort of rushing it down it wasn't very nice but i was starving because i'd been busy to get to the live show and then uh so i had that wolf that down then i've had this bit of a chesty cough josh yeah and like it's not covid i've had loads of tests like chesty cough and i can't get it's always like coughing like a little bit and it's a bit not to get disgusting but a bit of a chesty cough bit phlegmy and stuff and then at night i've been coughing at night because i've been laying on my back and it all settles in your chest so i've been coughing and then because i ate the food really quickly and went straight to bed,

I had like indigestion and the chesty cough and all that. And I was like, I couldn't get anything down. I needed a Rennie, but I didn't want to go downstairs to wake the dog. And then I woke up and I thought it was the morning

and it was only like 1am. And I was like, fuck, wake the dog. What a life it's come to. You can't even go downstairs. I don't want to wake the dog. I just don't want to deal with the dog, because the dog will think it's morning, and then he'll start crying, because he thinks,

well, we're not getting up. So I'm laying in there, and I need a Rennie. I can't be bothered to get one. I need Gaviscon as well. I probably need a GP's appointment as well. I probably need some antipodes. Anyway, let's not get bogged down by that. And as I'm doing that, and I'm laying there,

and then my daughter keeps coming in crying, saying she's scared, she's scared. So Lou puts the Frozen soundtrack on, and then she keeps coming in, I'm scared, I's scared so lou puts the frozen soundtrack on and then she keeps coming in i'm scared i'm scared i'll just lay over for a bit because it ain't working well for me this coffee i lay next to her in the bed i'm laying there and i'm laying i'm looking at this point we're looking at half one two a.m right and um i'm laying there she's sometimes lou um or me play the like the mamma mia soundtrack or the frozen soundtrack anyway so we've got it on and I'm laying there

and it's just like really, I'm scared as well. You know, like my daughter gets up and goes, I'm scared. And I was like, what are you scared for? And I'm like, I'm scared now. And then I felt weird. Then she looked at me and went, are you scared too? Because she could see I was a bit like, what am I scared of? Were you scared of anything specifically?

No, I can tell you exactly what it was. It was the music. But basically, if you pick the wrong Frozen soundtrack, you don't get Let It Go and all the songs. You get the orchestra doing the scary chase scenes. Oh, God, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, just all like mad percussion music to up the tension in a film.

So I'm laying there, I can feel my heart going, so I turned it off and then we had a lovely sleep till 4am and then i got up and went in my bed and then about an hour and a half later she came back in not scared but awake and then now and now it is today oh my god oh mate so that was a very depressing and that's a tough old night yeah yeah it wasn't great and she's a four-year-old so it's not like it's not what you want really from a four-year-old but we scared her with the with the music yeah did you not consider changing the music yeah obviously i stopped the music when i realized what it was josh i didn't let us batter through 90 minutes of it panic now you've got to learn to feel uncomfortable success comes from being comfortable when you're uncomfortable

um but yeah yeah So that was Not a nice evening Basically So I'm a bit tired today Oh god How about you I mean your day must have been Your night must have been better than that

Top three terrible days Since we started the podcast Hang on Top three One of the top three worst days Since we've started Yeah No way

You can't Why did you make me do my KFC story When you had that in your back pocket Nothing can follow it Well No I just So Rose has got COVID Rob

I thought she's already had it No she was the only one that didn't get it At my super spreader event Just before Christmas that I attended Yeah so you got it And you gave it to your daughter Every other adult got it Every adult except Rose

Did Rose go to the event? Yep Seven adults Yeah Six of which got covid rose didn't get covid right and then she didn't get it off you in the house so you think oh she's had it she's fine didn't get it off me and my daughter in the house no you think she's immune yeah and she had a boost she boosted up or she answered i'm joking she was sharing those articles about the new zealand prime minister so where did she get it well i don't know but she's been ill for the last two days oh no she took a lateral flow this morning

and she's got covid oh no is she ill as well i'm not just saying that like properly yeah she's under the weather not too bad just, just under the weather. No, but also, this was my first day back, day of recording, first day back working on Last Leg. So, found that out. Remember, last day after the last series of Last Leg, the day after the last series of Last Leg was the day I tested positive for COVID.

Now you're back again. It's quite poetic. Yeah, it's really, really neat. That's what I like about it. So obviously I'm going to do Zoom calls. Then we think we should test my son. How old's your son? What is he now?

May. So nine months, something like that. Oh. Eight months. And so we test him at five to ten. Meetings at ten. Then I get a text in the meeting from Rose saying that he's got COVID as well. Oh my God.

Is he all right? Yeah, he's fine. He's been a bit ill. He's been a bit sniffly, but when isn't a baby sniffly? Do you know what I mean? It's actually more likely they're unwell when they're not sniffly.

Exactly. This kid's too dry. This kid's nose is too dry. So my daughter's not allowed to go to nursery because you can't go if you've got someone in your house with COVID. Is that a nursery rule? Yeah, yeah, nursery rule.

Okay, that's not the rule, is it? No, but it's like, fair enough. You don't want people coming in who are living in a house with COVID. So she's at home for the rest of the week. Oh, that's good. That's handy for you too, isn't it? Oh my God, mate. That's the worst thing about COVID is that when you do feel rough,

you all of a sudden have to look after your kids all day and they're not allowed to go to school. And no one's allowed around your house to have them and look after them and help. I know, exactly. So we can't get any help because Rose's mum was... Because obviously on Friday is last leg. So it's quite a difficult one for Rose

because, like, I'm not here all day and evening. So her mum was coming, but she can't come anymore. So suddenly Friday is, like, an absolute shocker for Rose. Stuck home with two kids and with COVID. Sorry. I don't know how to laugh. It's understandable. It's just, you just can't quite believe it, Rob.

I mean, I feel like you've had covid about six times and i think you've had lots of covid scares well like yeah do you know what the weird thing is you tested yourself yeah i'm i'm clear yeah as of today um still might get out the last leg you never know i've got two more tests before last leg if josh isn't on the first episode the last leg back you know why you know why you know why. You know why. You know why. The paedophile allegations have come through from Graham Norton's lawyers. He's gone down. So that's my bloody day.

What an absolute shocker, mate. I thought we were out in the woods with COVID. Do you know what I mean? I think... Yeah. You just thought, well, Christmas was the time everyone was getting COVID. Can you have it three times?

Well, you guys have only had it once. I've had it twice. Rose has never had it before. Oh, you've had it twice. Rose has never had it before. We thought she was just... Yeah, so she's lived in a house with you twice. How far away from each other are you two?

Yeah, our relationship's not as intimate as it once was. So she can't leave the house. When's she allowed out? Well, day five would be Saturday. Saturday. If she gets a negative on Saturday, she's allowed out. Yeah. Okay, so better than it was.

When it was 10 days. Fucking Nora. And you wouldn't have been able to go to work. You're not going to believe this, Rob. Okay, go on. Do you know what it is in New Zealand? What? 24 days.

You're winding me up. I'm not. Someone told me that today if you get COVID no wonder they're trying to run her off the road so if you get COVID you've got to stay in your house for 24 days yeah Jesus fucking wept that is not that's inhumane three and a half weeks that is longer than like Christmas holidays that is in 20 imagine if you got it also that's longer than the Olympics yeah but imagine if imagine if you're in a house, right? And you know, like, some people got it.

It's happened to my brother where his kid got it and then he got it, like, after a week. So imagine getting it on the 24th day. Oh, God. Oh, my God. 75 days in Quarrow. Fucking hell. It's insane.

They're going for zero COVID, though, aren't they? That's why. Yeah. My house isn't. I'll tell you that for sure. We've got more than the whole fucking New Zealand. Oh my God. At least she's not too unwell.

Yeah. And she's allowed out on Saturday. Yeah. But Jesus Christ. Carnage, isn't it? And so what are you doing with your daughter normally in school every day? Because we're recording this.

In nursery. She wouldn't have been in on Thursday. Oh, God. But she would have been in on Wednesday and Friday. Yeah, so now everything that I'm doing, like going upstairs, I feel a deep, like, you're like, you know, suddenly it's childcare central here. Do you know what I mean?

Yes, yeah, there's kids everywhere. And also the main caregiver, Rose, when you're working, is not well. Yeah, so I had two last leg meetings on the lunch break. I just go downstairs so Rose can go to bed for an hour.

And then it's like, oh, you've got to get up because I've got to go and do another meeting. Poor Rose. Imagine sat there thinking, fingers crossed Alex or Adam haven't got a

new bright idea at the end of this Zoom call. Oh, and another thing. How about not Adam? How about not Alex? How about I get laid down? Surely you can just tap out of a couple of meetings, can't you? Well, they were very quick today because obviously there's a lot to talk about in the news

Rob. Boris Johnson, Adam Hills has got an MBE. It's a big week. It's a big week, isn't it? It's fine. Yeah, fair enough. You'll be all right. Yeah.

But fucking hell, what's the start of the year? Oh, and I cancelled a restaurant reservation. They charged me 40 quid. What bastards? Really? Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, but I think that's really unfair because you're not cancelling because you're being horrible.

It's just unfortunate for you as well, isn't it? Yeah. Name and shame? No, we can't, can we? No, I can't. I don't want people to know quite how high-end my restaurant bookings are. Do you know what, Josh? You could, though. I could, yeah.

But you're not going to. It's KFC. Fuck them guys. They've got enough fucking advertising out of me. Exactly. I cancelled four seats in a car in the street. KFC, if you're listed, if you eat KFC, you feel sad and alone. How's that for your new slogan?

Stick that up your fucking advertising pipe. Watch that be whipped out when I end up doing a fucking KFC advert in about three years' time. Could you go back to that episode? I can't remember which one it was, so you're going to have to check all of them from 2022. I'll read Michael. Go, Michael, please delete that.

Just delete it. Take the episode down, please. The Colonel's called. Oh, my... I just can't believe the days I've got. Oh. You know when you just... The thing about a COVID positive test...

Yeah? ...is the whole perception of what your life is for the next week suddenly changes at the moment. Do you know what I mean? You had zeroed, basically any time for yourself has immediately evaporated. Yeah. We had to delay this because you had to go nip to the shops

to get essentials because you can't even just pop out. We didn't have butter. So Rose can't, you know, have butter or milk. She can't have her normal spoonful of butter at lunchtime. She can't have her normal spoonful of butter. She spoons in the butter, refreshes anti-vax theories, and has a lie down. Because Josh has finished his call about Adam Hills' MBE.

Yeah. I'm so... It was just like, come on. Just butter, just butter, anything else? No, I bought some other stuff also on the way. Because I was out, I was like, I'm going to buy some stuff. But bloody hell, it's just admin. I tell you what, though, I'll be honest with you, Rob.

Go on. You've been really honest today. It would be much better to... It's much better to be the one who's allowed out. That week when I wasn't allowed out and Rose could go for a walk. You are so jealous of the person when they do the essential shop. Yeah. The essential shop is such a fucking win.

What are you doing for childcare? Rosie's just going to have to have them while you're working. Well, tomorrow I'm at home. Okay. So basically, you're either working or you're... Baby. Yeah. So you're in the position where I've learned a lesson after the first last leg

meeting. Okay. Because I did the last leg meeting. You have so many meetings. It's like the fucking cabinet office, you guys. It's a fucking joke. I don't want to start a Sue Gray inquiry about your fucking meetings. What goes on in there? You should see Alex brings a suitcase of wine to each meeting

as well. It's unbelievable. Another work event on Zoom. Party out on Quick Quiz. After the first one, I needed the toilet, but I thought, I'll go downstairs. And then by the time you're downstairs, that's it. You're not going to the toilet. You're on duty.

So basically, when I finish this, I need to check, have I done all the emails I need to do today? Have I done all the toilet I need to do for the next two hours? Yes, you can't leave the room. I need to get everything done before I go downstairs. So what's on your list?

Emails, wee, shit. Anything else? Yeah, like, like just answer a couple of WhatsApps, that kind of, cancel that meeting. Really sit and feel annoyed

about the restaurant. You sound like Alan Partridge giving Lynn instructions. Cancel that meeting. WhatsApp group. Piss, shit, let's go, Lynn. Josh, can I ask you a question? Yeah.

And you've got to be honest. Yeah. Have you just sort of sat there and, like, read the internet for a bit and not gone down, or are you doing all legitimate work? Well, I've got to be honest. Yeah. You've been so honest, Josh, you couldn't have been more honest today. Yeah, sorry.

I've more or less finished the internet reading during the last leg meeting because I'm paying so little attention okay I think that's okay you're allowed to do that yeah you're allowed to sort of do a little bit of slight admin when there's someone talking about something that doesn't directly involve you that's what Zoom meetings are for isn't it you've got to be across the news so I've got I've got to read all I can during that last leg meeting you've got to read all the news so i've got i've got to read all i can during that last like you've got to read all you can yeah that's your moment yeah um apart from that i had everything else okay apart from the fact you went to the football on saturday oh yeah how was that we didn't i forgot to ask about that it was a lot of fun yeah i mean i wouldn't describe it as top level facilities

they won six nil didn't they did win six n-0, yeah. But he's a bit rough and ready. Yeah. I mean, it was quite fun, though. So, like, the players, at the end of the game, the players go past you and they high-fived. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, I'll send you a little photo. Did the kids like it? Did they play?

I mean, I would say they were basically just in a field. That was the thing. So is it no stands or anything like that? It's like Sunday League. There's one stand. Here's your picture. Oh, that's nice. So they walk around and then they high five the kids and stuff.

Yeah. So that was fun. Oh, that's quite good fun. It's sort of like taking them to the park. It's like taking them to park football, really. And you can have a beer. You can have a beer, yeah. Oh, that's fun, isn't it?

And is it walking distance from your house? No, it's not walking distance. They're currently based in Walthamstow because they're moving grounds. But it's great. I loved it. I had a really nice time. I bought a shirt in Walthamstow because they're moving grounds. But it's great. I loved it. I had a really nice time. I bought a shirt, obviously, that my daughter's never going to wear.

Yeah, I'd highly recommend it. The amount of football shirts I bought my daughter's will never wear. It's just a complete write-off. I've just given up now. Just buy one for me. How interesting football are they out of 10? Do you know what? When I was on holiday, they're like kicking a ball running around the garden but and and stuff but not really when the football's on they'll say which one are we and i'm just like what kind of questions are that which one are we yeah just i don't know

whoever's winning yeah and then because then they get the ump if the other one starts scoring yeah yeah you don't care why are you pretending to care my eldest started taekwondo at school, which is quite funny. Oh, yeah? Yeah, that's quite good. She's got a little uniform. It's hilarious. It's so funny.

She's got a massive big white dressing gown, and it's too stiff. She doesn't like the belt. It's too hard. She keeps making me try and punch her so she can deflect it. It's quite good. My youngest just keeps punching me in the nuts, full pelt and laughing and running away, which isn't exceptional. Yeah, that's not taekwondo, is it?

That's not taekwondo. That's a bit like, that's not cricket, is it? That's not taekwondo, is it? Someone robs your house. That's not taekwondo, is it? Give me a chance here. There's a slight, there's a bit of a drama, though, at the school.

Do you want to hear the school drama? So the school, apparently the school, some of the kids have been taking, I think there's a new caterer at the school and they're doing really nice menus, but they're a little bit like fancy. So it's like rather than fish and chips, it's sort of fish cake with dill mayonnaise.

Yeah, yeah. And your kids don't want dill mayonnaise. No, grown-ups don't want dill. No, so basically, I think some of the older kids have been, like, telling their parents and taking photos of some of the food, like, very, you know, a bit harsh photos, and then putting them online.

Sending them to Sue Gray. Yeah, doing it, but posting them on the internet, like, look at my lunch, or that kind of thing. And it all just kicks off. There's those emails going back and forth and going and it's great they're going we offer this kind of thing but he's got i'm sort of reading all the emails it's quite exciting but i do feel it's a bit our show because if you don't like the food there is like a like a committee that's school lunch committee the way if anyone's got any issues at a school lunch you basically go to the committee or email the committee. And they've basically gone straight online.

It's like Dominic Cummins is in charge of the canteen. So I do think you should go to the school first. But yeah, the food's a bit fancy. So I started asking my daughter what she's been eating. And I've worked out she's had a jack of potato and beans every day for about two months. It's like really fancy food or jack of potato and beans. And I was like, what did you have? She goes, jack of potato and beans. I'm like,, what did you actually call this? Jack of potato and beans?

Fair enough. So yeah, I think the food's decent, but I think it might be a bit fancy. But yeah, it's a bit of drama and stuff and all that. So that's been quite exciting. A bit of chat about that on the dad's WhatsApp groups. What are the dad's WhatsApp groups like? Not bad, actually.

The banter's pretty strong. I play five-a- side football on a sunday have i told you about this no so i've been playing that and um which has been been fun but then i tried to play again on the tuesday and with them again no with the comedians i play comedians tuesday uh school dad sunday ellis james has been playing with the school dads as well yeah just what as a ringer yeah as a ringer we had it as a player down and I tried to play twice in a week and my body cannot play twice

in a week it literally shut down as I was playing the second game on the Tuesday and it was embarrassing they've got to do

squad rotation with Rob Beckett I'm like Ledley King I've got I've got the skills but my knees just keep letting me down I just got

Ledley King such a niche reference isn't it I liked it I was looking in my head for the right reference I couldn't think of someoneikin such a niche reference, didn't it? I liked it. I was looking in my head for the right reference. I couldn't think of someone that was like that.

Well, that was a great reference, but the problem is he's not well-known enough. No, I wouldn't do it at our live show. Your 90s football one? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah.

That would have just blown the roof off. Yeah, they'd have absolutely loved it. They might have considered the reference a bit mainstream. Fair enough. I'll take that.

They preferred like an Abu Diaby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. Okay. He played too I'll take that. What, they preferred like an Abu Diaby? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He played too many games for England, they're not interested. They want squad players from Coventry in the 90s. Fair enough, OK, that's what they're into. Oh, we should say thank you

for people coming to the live show as well. Yes, thank you. I think the slight tweaking we're going to do going forward, Josh, is ask for questions directly off Twitter rather than people putting their hand up in the room. Because sometimes it's all right in the room but sometimes as the evening goes on and i think we've got a very loyal uh fan base and i'd say slightly intense when it comes to drinking but it's a it's a quite strong hen do vibe yes what did you think uh quite

an interesting turn of events that someone someone there and their two-month-old was being looked after in Pizza Express around the corner. That was an astonishing decision. Yeah, it was. The audience remembered a two-month-old baby we found out who had the youngest child so we could praise or judge them. They had a two-month-old around the corner

in Pizza Express with the brother not of the baby, the two-year-old the brother of the mother the baby not too old yeah no the brother the brother of the mother and um he was looking after it while it was asleep and then they had to leave it after time because she woke the baby woke up i mean that's a gamble isn't it you think the baby's gonna sleep for a whole show not a fucking chance no no way um and but they they went but some of the the questions towards the end i wouldn't say it was a sort of civilized q a whereas we lost control we lost control where at one point a woman was a sort of civilised Q&A. We lost control. We lost control, where at one point,

a woman finished a glass of Prosecco and shouted, as your dog! Which is, you know, as Q&As go, that's quite a dead-end question there. Yeah. You know, because my experiences with dogs, either there's no news or there's the worst news. As your dog, nothing to report or they're ill, is basically. How's your dog?

Nothing to report or they're ill. It's not like, oh, just gone to uni. There's no away travelling. There's no other news after my dog's existing. And then if I have got news, it's probably going to be quite morbid. So I'd say that is never a good question. No. How's your dog for anyone ever?

But the good news is she was so hammered you won't remember asking it oh no it's a better issue we'll have the horrendous you know the sort of on morning after drinking anxiety oh i wonder if i said that oh yeah i did and they mentioned it on the podcast yeah um but uh thanks for coming though it's been it's been good fun that it's been really enjoying it we're doing uh i will have done by the time this is out we'll have done hackney empire yes and um yeah well if you sign up to the main list i'm, we'll have done Hackney Empire. Yes. And yeah, well, if you sign up to the mailing list, I'm sure we'll do some more. Yeah. We'll see how Hackney goes first though, Josh.

How do you sign up to the mailing list? Go, just type in themailinglist.com or something. If you want it enough, you'll find it. It's in our Instagram bio maybe. Should I say that?

Yeah, but I'm sure it's, if it's not, if like, you know, if you want it enough, you'll find it. That's what I always say.

Yeah. All right. Field of dreams. Calm down. Oh, hang on. This is exciting, Josh. Yeah. Keep this anonymous anonymous this is a i was doing some instagram messages unless you've got anything else to report no i thought you i thought you're gonna have breaking news then well no but this is exciting this this one is crazy right me and

josh this is this is fucking we heard anything from because that can i just say yeah the jamaica story yeah uh from the last podcast i've had a lot of reaction to that yep lots of people are very excited about this jamaica story have we heard we haven't heard from the uh people mentioned in it yet have we michael are you suggesting your friend that left his dog at your house has made this up no i'm not i'm suggesting these people get in touch because i know they've got an airbnb in jamaica yeah but yeah okay so they've got an airbnb in jamaica they live in canada right america yeah america same thing isn't it yeah watch that guys north

america i'm coming for you will they get the umpire out they won't will they no well no that only came out what is it wednesday that only came out yesterday oh yeah so time difference yeah they might not listen to it yet, Josh. So, old rules. We're doing this in advance because we've got tour shows. This one's crazy, Josh. This is madness. You've got tour shows. I'm locked in a fucking house. I'm done with doing this. This is mad, Josh.

Hold on to your plonker, okay? Okay. We were mentioned in Parliament. What? On Tuesday. Fuck off. On my life. God. Who mentioned us? They said, keep anonymous.

Okay, I don't know why. Hi, I just wanted to make you both aware. It's a public record, right? I said I might pop up and see what gets redacted in the Sue Gray inquiry. Yeah. Keep me anonymous. I was at a party at Downing Street and I... No, this is what they said.

Hello, I just want to make you both aware that you were mentioned in parliament today in a debate about early years services the tory mp who was recommending your podcast actually mispronounced josh's name oh come on there's a bloody if you can't get my surname you're a tory mp that widdicombe's a fucking legend of the Tory party, surely. Legend of the Tory... Legend of the dance floor, mate. Anyway, listen to this, though. So, basically, they mispronounced your name. It was Tory MP, was it?

You'll now be immortalised in the official report of Parliament. Hansard. Hansard. That's what it's called. Hansard? They call it Hansard. Hansard is where they've got everything that's ever said in Parliament written down. So everything that's ever been mentioned in Parliament goes down into... All of Parliament's written down in a thing called Hansard.

Everything that's ever been said. That's a tough gig, isn't it? When they're all shouting at each other. Do they have to spell the groans? They have to spell that out. Oh, so many R's. The R's worn out. The R's worn out.

Is that why they say the I's to the left? Just because they've run out of the keys of the other letters? Oh, lovely. Better business, Rob. Really good. So, yeah, Hansard, that's right. So you can actually find it. If you type Widoka in Hansard, yeah, there it is.

Early years educators. And it's a massive... Yeah. If anyone has a chance to listen to the podcast Parenting Hell... This is amazing. This is what she's saying in Parliament. If anyone has a chance, I encourage them to listen to the podcast Parenting Hell But this is amazing This is what she's saying In Parliament If anyone has a chance

I encourage them to listen To the podcast Parenting Hell By the comedians and dads Josh Whittacombe I can't say his name Get kids to try and say Josh Whittacombe And they say it better than I can

I think she mispronounced it In Parliament So she got your name wrong Josh The Parenting Hell By the comedians and dads Josh Whittacombe I can't say his name Yeah

Get kids to try and say Josh Whittacombe And they can say it better you get kids to try and say Josh Widdicombe and they can say it better than I can and Rob Beckett why can't she say my fucking name well let's not get

bogged down by that she can say mine that's the key thing also I'm quite annoyed that she said Josh Widdicombe first if anything she probably was panicked

about getting it right and she practiced it it's a brilliant look an entertaining version of all the chaos that comes from real life parenting it's a nice bit

of my week to know that I'm part of a big club that is very dysfunctional. She's already in the conservative party. Yeah, fuck! Great business. What I love about that most, you both did the same joke, but ruined it by shouting over each other.

Yeah, that's exciting, isn't it? That's good. We know that a transition to parenthood is one of the greatest pressures on a relationship or a marriage so you have to do better at stopping these sudden shocks and problems oh she's moved on by this point yeah yeah i don't think she's done a full speech about i think she's just suggesting that she's she's acknowledging so who's who's siobhan bailey siobhan in it sure well don't know how to pronounce her name, mate. Oh, you catty bitch.

Yeah. She's the MP for Stroud. Oh. Oh. Well, hello, Siobhan. Thank you for listening. Tory scum. No, no, she's probably quite nice.

She looks a bit like Sally Phillips. Well, do you know what? Don't get too bogged down in politics here, Josh. But my thing is, right, with a democracy, yeah, Tories get in, get in or whatever that's normally how it works right and you vote for whoever you vote and then when the other people are in you sort of just accept that's whatever I'm voted with and I just assume that they'll be competent competent enough to get on with it whether or not you agree with the policies or not

the problem at the moment is no one's got any faith in them doing it have they no that's my problem not the Tory is the fact that the people doing it are just incompetent yeah is that fair well yeah I think they're absolutely awful at their job and I think they're corrupt but anyway Not the Tory. It's the fact that the people doing it are just incompetent. Is that fair? Well, yeah. I think they're absolutely awful at their job, and I think they're corrupt. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. And I disagree with all their policies.

All I'm saying is I like corporate work, and I have a lot of parties. I'm not talking myself out of a gig. Oh, this is from the parents of a two-month-old last night. You know, we said that we had a two-month-old. Yeah. Amazing night. Thanks so much for our first date night as parents of two from the parents of the two-month-old in Pizza Express.

Wish we could have seen the second half, but little one got grumpy. Must have been all the jazz. We suggested they were listening to jazz in the Pizza Express solo. It is the Pizza Express jazz bar, isn't it? It is a jazz bar. It is literally a jazz bar isn't it it is a jazz but it is literally a jazz bar okay um do you want some instagrams messages yes please on that yeah can you confirm there's been a lot of talk as to whether you are the traffic cone on um the master singer oh yeah um no i'm not it's a massive wind-up right however you would say that wouldn't

you well that's that i, that is a good argument. But what has happened... You can believe me or not. Basically, I did that. But to be fair, I did it so much, I convinced myself I was traffic code. And at one point, I had a panic attack that ITV were angry.

And that I wasn't going to get paid, even though I didn't do it and it wasn't me. But I did get a message off the traffic code telling me to stop doing it because he was getting the ump. Did you? Yeah. So who is it?

I can't tell you. Oh, my God. Why the ump. Did you? Yeah. So who is it? I can't tell you. Oh my God. Why do people think it was you? Is there any evidence? I haven't seen the Masked Singer. No one has. That's the point.

Is there any evidence that it's you beyond you saying it's you? No, people said it was me and then I just jumped on it and then went for it and then did a fake tweet going, oh, once I'm revealed. And then Joel Domet actually messaged me going like, because he knows who they are. Does he? And then I just jumped on it and then went for it and then did a fake tweet going, oh, once I'm revealed. And then Joel Domet actually messaged me going like, because he knows who they are.

Does he? And then he went, did Traffic Code message you? Because actually that is quite problematic, I think, for Traffic Code. Yeah, yeah, of course. Because she shouldn't be doing that. Or she, oh God. Oh God, oh God. Yeah, so I'm not Traffic Code.

No, okay, good. Any more Instagrams? Yes, here we go. Here we go. Oh, this bit of advice for you, but I don't know if you need it anymore. This is from Sydney, Australia. My husband and I are both big fans of the podcast and have been listening since day one.

In that time, we went through the process of deciding to try for a baby, falling pregnant and having our firstborn, Amy, Joel and Lewis. Now six months old, not named after Louis Theroux, but it's our reference point for when someone can't understand his name. Like I did. I got it wrong. It's old, not named after Louis Theroux, but it's a reference point for me when someone can't understand his name. Like I did. I got it wrong. It's Louis, not Louis. Yeah.

Like Josh, our baby would happily sit in his cot for a while in the morning, but would get bored. So I brought a cheap night sky projector that I can control completely through an app so I don't have to get out of bed. Usually it buys an extra 30 minutes. So once they wake up, stick that on and they're like, older, what's going on? Oh, that is good good it gets you half an hour night sky projector via app yes i'm on it this is a good one hi rob and josh of the podcast this is from gkb92 um sounds a bit sounds like some sort

of far right group that um i have a four-year-old and a baby who is 12 weeks i breastfed and rather than buying breast pads i have breast cups that collect any milk that leaks the other day i took one out to feed the baby the cat then jumped up and started to drink from the cup oh my god oh my god interspecies i quickly got him to stop and since then the cat has not left my side probably waiting for his next opportunity oh my word god um that was interesting at the podcast last night carl donnelly's was saying his wife still breastfeeds and the baby's 19 months and there was a lady in the audience who said she breastfed the baby was two years old we'd love to hear the oldest breastfed kid yes because i think we're

getting to the end of breastfeeding rob really okay Really? Okay, what's that, nine months? Nine months. It's a good old stint. We're coming to the end of it. I think I've got three and a half minutes off my arm. Busy house. Busy house. Ain't done me no arm.

He says, but I've been eating chicken. Right, I've got another one for you. What have we got here? Oh, here we go. I just listened to the latest episode where Josh's daughter made friends with a butternut squash and thought I'd send a message about my daughter and her potato friends. This is when you had a butternut squash that rotted and she was using it as a teddy, basically, wasn't it?

Yeah. From the moment she could walk around nine months. Nine months. My other kids were nine months. Is yours any close to walking at nine? Nine months? No. That is the earliest they can walk and it's awful.

Is it? Yeah. No, he's very close to crawling. Okay. The moment she could walk from around nine months, my daughter was obsessed with our veg rack, but specifically the potatoes. She would carry them around and play with them.

From this moment, we couldn't get her to eat any form of potato. Chips, mash, roasties. She wouldn't eat any of them as if the potatoes had feelings. Oh, God. And what a vegetable to lose from the rotation. Do you know what I mean? No, it's tough. I mean, it's great if you're trying to shed some weight,

but at nine months, you shouldn't be worrying about that. Basically, it wouldn't eat any of that because the potatoes had feelings. This month, aged two and two months, she has finally decided that chips are okay. Oh, that's good. Because I don't know why she's decided in her head. Can I just say, when you said obsessed with our veg rack, it did sound like a euphemism.

Yeah, it sounded like a knob, didn't it? A big fucking turnip cock. Sorry. Do you know what? When we went for my walk just to get supplies, my daughter saw a turnip for the first time and burst out laughing. She couldn't believe it existed. What, a turnip?

Yeah, she was like, what's this? Oh, God, they are mad. I said, it's a turnip. And she was just... She absolutely pissed herself at the existence of a turnip. A turnip, isn't a turnip like a mad bastard parsnip? Yeah, it's crap. It's like purple and white.

It's so shit. I hate root vegetables. There there you go i've said it really okay i like tatos there's my exception that's not root though is it yeah it's in the ground but what i'm talking about is your parsnips your swedes your turnips but with a bit of onion on there right you're cooked carrots not for me not for you not for me not for me oh i've got a good um thing i don't care about that someone sent oh I've got a good thing I don't care about that someone sent me oh go on

the thing I don't care about my friend who's obsessed with things that people don't care about he sent me a oh let me just find it why you find that can I tell you about

Philadelphia you know the sports stadiums we spoke about yeah where they had like a big bar in the middle where everyone got pissed and then they had like

basketball American football ice hockey all around it they also had a building which I couldn't where everyone got pissed. And then they had like basketball, American football, ice hockey all around it. They also had a building, which I couldn't work out what it was. And then someone's emailed in. I can't find the email. But basically, it was a courtroom and prison for unruly fans. No.

So they'd get them, chuck them in there and immediately give them like community service or whatever. Oh, my God. You come home from the match with a prison sentence. You hadn't even. It's like 6pm. It's just expedited to get it done quick. So basically they just nick them, and while they're there...

Process them. While the game's on, they just process them. My friend said, things I don't have an opinion on. He sent me this, Rob. If you have a look at that, it's a screen grab, and it says,

how was your booking experience? And he said, things I don't have an opinion on, the online booking experience of the vet. Oh, yeah. Or when you go through security at the airport, how was your experience? I don't care and I don't want to tell you.

Yeah, totally. Or the worst, rate this WhatsApp call. Couldn't give a fuck, mate. Do you know the thing that annoys me is when your computer or your PlayStation goes, this system was unexpectedly turned off. I was like, no, it weren't. I knew what I was doing.

What, do I have to have a fucking briefing call you before I turn this fucking machine off? It's not unexpectedly. I knew what I was doing. And then you do it again and again. It slowly makes your computer as slow as this piece of shit that I'm recording on today. Have you got your new one yet?

Well, that's the thing, Rob. It arrived today. The chances of me setting that up in the next week are a million to one. There it is in the hallway. Pristine. Absolutely no chance of that box being opened. Absolutely pristine.

A Rolls Royce of computers. You do everything you need to do. Ironically, you would make everything you've done in the day quicker, but that hour of setting it up cannot be found. No. Imagine that. Rose, you're out with the girls.

Sorry, you're out with the kids. I'm just going to go upstairs and set up my new computer. See you later, babes. I'm just going to download all the things I need to the cloud and get rid of a few apps so I don't put too much on there, and then I'll be down for dinner. Josh, this is... We'll do this one, then small business shout-outs.

I've got a great one here this is gonna make reading with your kids much more fun so i was talking about the biff chip and kipper books yep this is from jody in jersey um just listen to your latest podcast as always i was laughing like a mad woman whilst walking the dog rob mentioned the awful biff chip and kipper books cool brutal from jody in jersey um biff chip and kipper books and i remember having to read them with my kids when they were younger. To make this tedious task a bit more bearable, I used to look for the peeping Tom in each book.

I'm not sure if it was intentional, but there was always a creepy looking guy popping his head over a wall at the children. And in one case, threw a little peephole in the fence. It used to freak me out. And I've just looked at this. She's told me to do it. If you Google Biff, Chip and K kipper hidden messages there are some hilarious examples like a priest with a pervy grin in the changing

rooms building blocks that spell out hepatitis and a woman selling ease on a market stall hitler walking his dog what on my life so i've googled it i found it i've seen it here hepatitis spell out in a in a school ground, this one. There's a pervy priest looking at the thing. A woman is literally selling E's at a market. That's incredible. That sort of hippie-looking lady. We'll put them on our Instagram, won't we, Rob?

David Cameron's in one of them. Is he? It's like a knock-off version of The Simpsons. Probably listens to this podcast with the audience we've got. Oh, yes. Have you seen David Cameron this week, Rob? Have you seen that photo of David Cameron? Yeah, he looks like a pig farmer. And they've got a Margaret Thatcher in it as well.

They've got a Margaret Thatcher in it? Bloody hell. Jeremy Beadle's in one. Oh, wow. Here we go. Anyway, it's brilliant. So if you put it into there, there's loads of funny stuff on there. But we can share some.

The toothpaste smells like anal. What? They're mad bastards. Anyway, that'll kill 20 minutes when you're waiting for the school kids to come out of the gates. Right, small business shout-outs. I've got one, Rob. I've got one. SBS? Yes, I've got it here

because they got in touch with Rose, which I always say is a good way of getting in. Oh, yeah. If you want to get to me, go through Lou. I don't reply to anything. I'm terrible. No, exactly.

Hi, lads. We're big fans of the podcast. We've been listening since the beginning. Hearing about the hell you both regularly go through really does make us very happy indeed. Is there any chance of a small business shout out? We started the Handprint Carving Company after the birth of our first child, Gabriel.

We wanted something special to remind us of what he was like when he was brand new the handprint carving company takes clay impression of your child's hands and feet and carves them in solid oak this means that their hands come out of the oak so you can actually feel the contours and the details it's beautiful oh that's quite nice actually i was suspicious i thought i'll be honest i thought it sounds like a load of shit but actually i've seen it looks good yeah because that is quite sometimes it's hard to please this is going to be a load of shit and before you know it as soon as you started i went i'll let him do this stiff neck one but actually some of them i don't like the ones where it comes out the car

but the one that goes in is nice because it looks i quite like it i think it's quite nice actually and i'm not into like lou did a professional photo shoot with the girls, and I said, you can do it. I'm having no input whatsoever. And they looked... The girls looked disgusting in it. They were like little gremlins. You'll only do a professional photo shoot with Romesh.

That's the only... The only one who's doing a professional photo shoot in this house is me, OK? No, he looks really good, actually. He's quite a cute thing to have. And it doesn't look... What I find is anything that's like a nice memento of your kid normally either looks creepy or cringe. This actually looks like quite a nice thing to have in the house. There we go.

www.handprintcarving.com And type the code PARENTINGHELL10 at the checkout. Listeners get 10% discount on all purchases until Mother's Day. Look at that. They've got it in their head. They've assumed we're reading this out. Do you know what? Admire their hustle.

Thanks, guys, and keep up the good work. Much love, Holly and Pete. Well, they're certainly carving out a niche for themselves. Good luck to them. Is that a nice bit of business? That was very Richard Mayley, that, wasn't it? Yes, really, really nice. Also, I did a hair flick.

My hair's not long enough for a hair flick, but I did a Richard Mayley quite pleasing himself hair flick head nod. That's what he does. This is an interesting, interesting extra detail. Go on. You might be interested to know that before she worked in the local hospital as an assistant physio, Holly, from the handprint carving company,

played Tombly Boo Ooh in the original TV series In the Night Garden. Ooh. Ooh is the brown and pink one. There we go. Here we go. This is a good small business shout out. Hello, Rob and Josh. Who is the brown and pink one? There we go. Here we go. This is a good small business shout out. Hello, Rob and Josh.

Thanks for the podcast. We have been listening since the beginning and it really helped us cope having a newborn just before the first lockdown. We wanted to ask if you could give a small business shout out to mine and my husband's new website,

www.meetupmums.com. It's been created to help mums find each other in their local areas. Lovely. Don't get us confused with hot milfs in your local area. This is very much a friend to dirty old pervert men listening, going, oh, meet up mums. It's been created to help mums find each other in their local areas

so they can get out and have a coffee, a natter, to form friendships and get support. This was born, pun intended, as a result of me feeling lonely and isolated with a newborn baby during lockdown and have not had the chance to meet up with other mums naturally during play groups etc we realized there was a need to help mums connect keep up the great work you keep us going during the dark times many thanks katie hopefully um dad's concerned as well i don't know what the

vibe is but um whatever parents are home but uh yeah but meet up mums anyway maybe there's another website for dads and stuff at meetupmums anyway maybe there's another website for dads and stuff but meetupmums.com yeah that'd be nice actually because I think that you find that when you're on your own a bit with the kids

it's nice to have other ones who are the same age yeah that's great that's really good because when you're kids at that age you don't even have to actually like the other person

but if they've both got the ump in the same way you can connect that way exactly and then once your kid's a bit older you never speak again but it helps each other out for a couple of months

great work thank you for listening we'll be back next week yes um next tuesday and then february we'll be back with the interviews but um another chat episode on tuesday cheers guys bye