Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP42: David Earl

Episode Date: June 24, 2022

S04 EP42: David Earl Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant actor and comedian - David Earl.David's award winning new comedy film 'Brian and Charles' is out in cinemas from the 29th June so make sure you catch it! His podcasts 'Chatabix' and 'My New Football Club' are both highly recommended and available wherever you sup your pod soup...Thanks, Rob + Josh.BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book! ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth.⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents)⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them... [e-mail]'s it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)?And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick?Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike.Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here: https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBookWe're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK?Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there...ON SALE NOW 14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena19th April 2023 - Nottingham20th April 2023 - Cardiff 21st April 2023 - London (The O2)23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley)28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Max, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Thank you. There we go.

That's one of my favourites. Yeah, it was nice, that, wasn't it? Here is my three-year-old son, Max Max I've been waiting to record this for two years but the lazy sod has only just started talking from Craig age 35 and a quarter doesn't say where he's from hello Rob hello

how are you? how are you? feeling a bit better? I'm alright yeah yeah I think I am yeah I didn't tell you about what i did in leeds did i no so when i was away gigging in leeds in leeds have you played the grand theater in leeds i've definitely i must have it's like a beautiful like big dome it's goes back years it's actually

you can't really get comedy gigs in there because it's so packed out with like musicals or actual opera yeah i think i did some kind of city hall or something yeah so leeds city hall yeah varieties is beautiful as well yeah city hall varieties you've done that gig that's that's amazing it's all red velvet chairs that's a beautiful that's the leed city varieties and then there's a city hall and then anyway this is only of interest to people who are across the touring itineraries no i'd say if you go no no if you googled it's not a lincoln drill hall if you googled lincoln if you google leed city varieties that is an amazing oh that is it's not the Lincoln Drill Hall. If you Googled Lincoln, if you Googled Leeds City Varieties, that is an amazing venue. Oh, it's a great venue.

It's a classic. Anyway, so I was in the Grand, which is the sort of bigger opera house room. And anyway, they give you a big book to sign. Have you ever signed this big book? I don't know if you've done this gig anyway. No. Big book comes out. Big old book.

I'd say the biggest book I've ever seen. Yeah. Right? And I know Romesh is on the next. Basically, everyone that's performed there used to just sign. So it biggest book I've ever seen. Yeah. Right? And on it, I know Romesh is on the next. Basically, everyone that's performed there used to just sign, so it's got that, you know. Yeah. I'll sign on it.

The next person to sign this book is a prick, Rob Beckett, because I know Romesh is in the next night. Yeah, yeah. He signs it. The last person to sign this book is a big tooth wanker, Romesh. Yeah, lovely.

Great. What more do you... I'm really normally used to boring message like great place to play anyway all done i find out that book dates back to 1949 what it's been the same book that people have signed since 1949 oh my god no all the people that played over the years charlie chaplin no charlie chaplin signed that book the next person to sign this is a little moustache tosser Yeah, so that is bad And I didn't really realise Yeah, you've ruined history

70 years old, that book How big's the book? So big, mate And it's really falling apart They need to Of course it is They shouldn't use it anymore How are they just adding pages?

They were very confident about how that was was going to go, weren't they? Imagine being the first person to sign that. They're thinking, come on now. You'll forget about this in a week. Well, yeah, because I didn't realise where I did the gig and then Joel Domet messaged me and went, oh, what a great venue that is. And I went, yeah, it's great. He went, yeah, did you sign the Charlie Chaplin book?

And I was like, oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's the book, isn't it? And then I thought, do you know what? Joel Domic signed it

so it's already been damaged enough. Oh, it's a lovely bit of business. Is that good? He won't mind. He doesn't mind. He doesn't listen. He doesn't listen. He does actually.

Yeah, he does actually. His podcast's good, by the way. Yeah. With his wife, Hannah. Yeah. They do things they've never done before. Have a kid so we can get you on for the love of god

yeah they'll have a kid soon I reckon who's your money on is that well Hannah to have it who's your money on do you want to bet I'll have a bet

I've got it in my veins after Ascot I would happily bet on that actually yeah if you want to do that let's get that nailed down I'm not interested in betting on that What's going on What's going on with your summer holidays

And like kids stuff Because we're getting into summer holidays now Have you got stuff planned for the summer Do you have six weeks off No we don't because she's still at nursery We are asked when we wanted our final day of nursery Okay so when are you going for it? The day before she goes to school.

Yeah, we're not idiots. Really? Well, she goes to school on the Wednesday. Oh, so she finishes on a Friday, goes to a new school on the Wednesday. Yeah. What is that again? I know what you mean. Look, I'm totally on your side. This is our last ever summer holiday, Rob.

Ever. Yeah, true. Yeah, true. Yeah, because then you're going... We're going on holiday with her. We've been on holiday with her. Yeah, our last ever summer holiday, Rob. Ever. Yeah, true. Yeah, true. Yeah, because then you're going... We're going on holiday with her. We've been on holiday with her. Yeah, because you've gone out of... We've just been on holiday.

It's your last time to do cheaper. We're going on holiday when it's out of season, mate. Right. Yeah, because that's her break then, and then just keeping school in August, preschool. Yeah, of course. So when can your son go to that preschool? What age?

He's going to the preschool. He's going to nursery the week after she goes to school. We didn't want to do both the same week. So he'll be, what, 18 months? Yeah, a bit less, a bit less maybe. Yeah. So is that five days a week? No.

But I didn't know they could go in that age. Yeah. Well, it's nursery. They take them from six months at nursery Oh it's different it's not preschool is it No We did preschool They're in from six months I think my youngest went in

About two to preschool Yeah It's like the equivalent of having a childminder or... Very exciting. So, in September, you're going to have two days a week where there'll be no children in your house. Are they going nine till six two days a week?

She'll be in nine till 3.30, but she'll probably do an after-school thing on the days he's there, because he'll be doing the longer day, won't he? So maybe, yeah. Well, that's the thing, actually, because when they're in school, they're going to be in school less

than they would be at the nursery.'t pull that out on me well look this is about being parents and as a parent you will start to have your own life again yeah and it's not really your own life because you're still a parent having that life yeah so it's how you get back into being a parent get back into it what is what you have to get it's what what are you it's all right for you because you're going to Glastonbury with Rose so I'm I know I'm going on this holiday this stag do

and I'm going to have to there's going to be some payback yeah because whatever happens it's a little bit like we're using Ibiza

for three nights so she's going to have to have either what I think is best is booking a break for her so that you can then throw it back in her face

because well that's why I'm going to Glastonbury with Rose that's the thing absolutely I cannot take my wife What I think is best is booking a break for her so that you can then fright back in her face. Yeah. Well, that's where I'm going to class to be with Rose. That's the thing. It's absolute. I cannot take my wife to a stag do. No, that would be weird. That would be odd. Right.

Well, should we bring on our guest? Here's our guest. David Earl, welcome to the podcast. We're very excited to have you on. We're big fans. Thanks for having me. We are. Big fans of your podcast.

Big fan of your film that we won't... We haven't seen it. But we won't come to it. No, no, no. You might hate it. I love the trailer. You might hate it. I like all your other work and your podcasting.

But for the listeners who don't know, can you let us know what your set-up at home with kids is? How many kids have you got, David? You don't know q let us know what uh what your setup at home with kids is how many kids you got david you don't talk about your family that much do you so this is gonna be this is gonna be good okay this is gonna be tough i do i do yeah but you gotta film to vlog it's how that works mate i've got three boys boy a is 20 yeah boy b is seven nearly seven boy c is nearly five right okay do you do you name your well i know you name your kids but do you mention their names no no we don't we just say it by that we just say it by their ages and actually i think that's better from a podcast point of view because then you can if you go oh you know so and so started shitting on the floor

if you say the 20 year old that's a much more interesting story yeah yeah yeah right so he got he got quite a big gap then he had a big old gap didn't i what's it like having a 20 year old then is that i'll tell you what it's like when they get older you think what's my role yeah well what's my purpose now yeah now he's advising me and i feel like a complete prat when i'm at a room because he's quite mature and confident and so i'm like all right what's my role so yeah i don't know what my role is and what is your role you still don't know i don't know i don't know I try and be wise but I have no wisdom

I try and do you because I no well no I've got young kids so I don't need to be wise but

we're not we're not at the wise stage yet but I'm a big fan of your podcast you do with Joe Wilkinson Chatterbix and it's on Patreon and you do you do a show

you do an episode near enough every day when you're on the series with that which is quite full on but like it's weird I like because when I listen to it you always sound like you're really honest on it which i really like you always sound a bit like panicked about something i'm not sure what you should be doing and so i don't know how much of that is really you just isn't that everyone i mean well yeah no but no but not everyone lets it out kind of thing do you know what i mean

maybe i shouldn't have done that. No, but I think he's really good. And I think, you know, because that's what we talk about and it's not knowing what we're doing and stuff. But yeah, it must be weird that you've got 20 wrong. I mean, I feel like everyone knows what they're doing. They've all got their direction.

They know exactly where they're heading to. And I don't know what I'm doing and flailing around every day. Do you try and give your kids the illusion of knowing what you're doing daddy's going down to the office to record chazabix yeah yeah um yeah i mean they're too young although they started to ask questions now about what i do what do i do i don't know what i do but also as well like you're like you're younger kids

or your older kid might have seen it but your young kids you can't show him what you do on like you know Afterlife or Derek oh no

do you know what I mean it's so full on so like are they aware of those sort of characters because you know that's very so my eldest

so he's obviously 20 now when he was 7 we did this gig it was at a festival I did this gig down at some festival in cornwall yeah i brought him on stage with me i put a latex mask on his head he's seven years old and we were dancing together in front of like 300 people and at the time i was like oh she's

great i'm being a great dad and it's never spoken of yeah-one speaks about that at the moment. Is that a bad thing to do as a dad? He's never mentioned it since. No, we don't talk about that. Yeah, so he's just like this little man next to me. He's got this latex mask, this little bloke's head. So he was about three foot tall and he sort of danced with me i thought it was a good fun yeah he's no interest in showbiz

really no yeah does he does he like what you do he does now he used to hate it yeah he's yeah he had a real problem with what i did yeah well that's because you're that character though that you did is like that you know it's a full-on character. In the Cinderella film, I played a pervert in it, which is not ideal when you've got two kids. I know. So if you're playing that, it's sort of like a bit creepy, isn't it? I mean, it's like a kid's film, so it wasn't as full-on as the stuff you did,

but, yeah, it must be funny when you're 15 and your dad's doing that. Because I did a character called Steve Cumberland, who's kind of like a... Combo, yeah. I loved Combo. Well, he didn't. The problem with Combo was, because you did it on YouTube,

and he looked a lot like you. It looked like that just could be who you are, but obviously he's a comedy character, but because it looked so much like you, and you were so good at playing it, it looked real. Well, that was the problem. So I put it on...

I just didn't think ahead. I didn't think about the repercussions of him being at school secondary school his mates my dad had done that can you imagine your dad doing that

I know but it's so funny the weird thing is it's so funny and it's such a good character and it's really good it's not like something you did

that was crap but yeah even if it is really good if your dad's comedy character is playing a bit of a prat well I deleted all the videos from YouTube.

Oh, did you? Because I was trying to find them recently to show someone. No, I burned them. No, I'm not having that hour in the world. Oh, I thought they were pretty good. Yeah, one of the reasons, yeah. And because I was embarrassed. They're great, I love it. I tend to make stuff and then destroy it and move on. So does that not exist on any hard drive anywhere

yo you've got it no I don't yeah but yeah but that's strange then because that's like you just get rid of it

but then I suppose if he's unhappy you've got to yeah I didn't want that pushed down his throat I didn't want his I put one video up it was so funny I fucking love gumbo and someone said oh i know his son and uh they wrote a comment i was like oh no this is horrible god yeah yeah that's so i haven't got to that point

of worrying about i'm panicked now i'm telling you i'm telling you now, how old are yours? Six and four. Oh, okay. But I've been filmed getting a colonic. Have you? Yeah, with Romesh. What's that like? I've had a... Horrible. Is it? Yeah.

I thought the tube going up... Is there no pleasure at all? No, because the tube... You've got to be a tiny... You've got to be tiny to get a pleasure. No. Well, I thought the tube going up your arse would be the problem. It isn't.

It's the amount of water in your belly. What do you mean? Because they just fill you up with water. And then basically they fill you up. And so it fills you up with one tube and it flushes out with the other. But then you're left with gallons of water in your belly. And they go, sit on that toilet. And I was sat on the toilet.

And I was like, I'm fine. I don't need to sit on the toilet. It's not a problem. And they were like, sit on the toilet. And I sat in the toilet and i was like i'm fine i don't need to sit on the toilet it's not a problem and they were like sit in the toilet and i went to get up when i'm fine and sit i went everything's out and then literally a second later it was like this fucking like amazonian rainfall coming out my ass and how does it how does it feel after that well i think it's fully recovered now but there was a good couple of months where you could still feel the breeze. A couple of months? Yeah, it was... When I was in the shower. When I shower,

I could feel things down there like it weren't right. What do you mean? What do you mean? It was just still... Feel things? Like you were in a dark akora? I'd had two tubes up my arse

and it wasn't used to that. Wow. And you had a cameraman pointing it at your ears. No, the cameraman didn't go in. It wasn't in a space. No, but where was he in the room? So they were filming our faces.

It was tastefully angled. Yeah, it was tastefully angled. See, now that, how do you say, yeah, I'm doing that when that comes through? Well, no, so basically it was my idea because the show... Oh, OK, fair enough. OK. The other ideas I come up with were...

No, basically, we were doing a show where we went to find out about basketball we got to go on the court of the staples center and i used to hate watching those shows where comedians travel the world and do amazing things i just sit in my shit flat with the ump so i said whenever we do this we need to do something that would make me go you know what i don't fancy that trip on every show, we do something that the audience wouldn't want to do because it makes it easier to swallow seeing us do amazing stuff. Okay, okay.

Because I'd go, do you know what? I'd rather just save up and go LA than have to have a tube up my arse on national telly. Yeah, yeah, okay. That's my idea. Romesh doesn't really like that. He'd prefer it the other way.

And do you worry about your kids seeing that, Rob? No. Not now. Well, I didn't until I spoke to, you know, David about Combo. I'm telling you, the worst time, the hardest time for me is, someone said to me, when they hit secondary school, within two weeks, everything changes. And it really does.

Really? Within a month, you go you go oh could you just no well this sort of worked yesterday could you just no so you have to find a new way

of parenting it's really hard oh man also as well now do you reckon could he beat you up in a fight oh yeah

he's got a fantastic body in fact i whatsapped him yesterday and he had his top off and i was just like he's got a great set of pegs on him big strong boy yeah yeah so does it does he work out like because obviously like when we were young i don't know but like it was like you it was but you'd be boozing and you'd be doing what you never go to the gym well but did you have you found that different generation they talk about the kids that are into yeah they look after themselves i think they definitely uh he definitely does i feel like they look after their bodies yeah and i And I mean, he came out of the sea. We went down to the beach last year.

He came out of the sea. Like Daniel Craig. I was like, get me the camera, love. It's fantastic. Genetics. Proud of yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I could have been. What you could have won. I went where my dad really looked after himself. So what happened with you? Hang on a minute. Fit as a flea he was. And we went walking in Norway. And I was like 23 and he was, I don't know, late 15s.

We stopped to have this picnic and he took his top off. We both went to take our tops off at the same time. And I looked at him and went, ah, fuck it, let's keep going on. I'm surrounded by lovely bodies. You? No, I'm not surrounded by... I don't know if this is a long shot, if you follow Cristiano Ronaldo on Instagram.

Oh, yeah. His son is fucking ripped. Oh, I didn't say his son. No fucking ripped. Oh, I don't think so. No, no, Josh, I don't think you should be talking about children's bodies. No, it's weird. He's got like this ripped 10-year-old son. It's weird looking at children's bodies.

It is weird, you pervert. Yeah. You're a fucking nonce. Yeah, it's weird. I'm not saying I follow him for his son. I'm saying his son occasionally pops up on his Instagram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's too ripped to be 10.

It's weird. Yeah, he's weird. Moving on. From bodies. Yeah. You moved to Devon. So you're bringing your two kids up in Devon. Yeah, so Naomi introduced me to Devon.

Where were you? Where did you live? I'm from very near. So where do you live? I'm sort of near Totnes. Yeah, so I grew up in Haytor Vale near Bovey Tracy. Did you? Where did you live? I'm from very near. So where do you live? I'm sort of near Totnes. Yeah. So I grew up in Haytor Vale near Bovey Tracy. Did you?

Yeah, really near. Oh, right. Okay. So what were those words, Josh? Haytor. Can you say that again? Like, you know, that's weird sort of gibberish. Yeah.

Haytor Vale, which near near Bovey Tracy so Naomi introduced me to this part of the world and I I loved it yeah and we took the boys down to

Bantham Beach yeah yeah and um I was like I just want to give them this childhood you know

weekends down at the beach yeah yeah and uh I never thought he would. And then within, I think lockdown hit, we were like, fuck it, let's get out. Not that we were in the city. Where were you before?

We were just in Sussex, but it was busy enough for me. Yeah. Have you been having to make new friends then? I haven't made any friends, apart from Phil, my neighbour, who helped me. What's his body like? What's that? What's his body like? Good, actually, for a late 60-year-old.

Yeah. Not half bad. Do you know what I've settled with my body, right, because I always put on weight easy, is I've settled on, I'm not getting rid of my tits, I just want them hard. Yeah, how old are you? 36.

Yeah, so you're in your prime. Oh, no. I was the right thing. I'm telling you, when you hit 40-odd, terrible. I mean, what I find hard, which I was going to ask you, is life, sort of the work-life balance with children and being self-employed. Do you struggle with that yeah badly

same here one of the biggest difficulties of which you know especially the way we work where it's a feast or famine and you know you just have to like for example your film has done really well it won uh was it the um all viewers choice order sundance london what was it the yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so it's won that award which now you've got way more interest in the film and it's like you had to go to

you was in America for the premiere in LA and you've been taken off to all these places and you can't really plan for that sometimes can you no and that

they obviously get upset when I leave and and then so you spend so we spent a few days out there getting wined and dined

and then you come back yeah to like a few days out there getting wined and dined and then you come back yeah like the bed sheets being pissed on and stuff and and it's a tricky uh it's tricky adapting for you know 48 hours but i really find that i find that work life balance really hard just yeah how much to work each day yeah i i think it's also when you work from home you feel like every time you go upstairs or wherever you work you feel like you're making a almost conscious decision to choose work over your family yeah even though you're not you've got to work you know but that can play into your mind if that makes sense yeah yeah, absolutely. When do you start in the morning? When do you start work? Oh, no. No, I need to get this off my chest.

Okay. Talk us through your day. Talk us through your day. It's a Monday. Kids are in school. Talk us through your day with you and Naomi. So do you do the school run? Well, not now.

We've started doing Kinshasa next. I need to have a word with you about this. You cannot do an episode every day. You're not Zoe Ball. No, but I wanted to be zoe ball that was the whole point i wanted to do like a video a vlog version yeah video diary like podcast version so that you just saw all the nuts and bolts yeah yeah but zoe ball has a producer that helps yeah okay so yeah so talk me through your day talk me through your day so it's Monday morning what time you get up at half-six yeah yeah same with you yeah yeah it's about time they got gigging Lou let me lie in okay so today I put Half six comes in. Will you lick me in the ear? Yeah, sure.

Genuinely. Yeah. So we do a bit of ear licking. That's just my wife, for God's sake. There you go. And then would you make an animation with me? Yeah, I'd love to. I'd love to do the animation with you.

Would you draw a stormtrooper? I was like, fucking hell. It's mad, isn't it? Yeah. It's only 20 to 7. Yeah, it is. And then I have this thing where I, so I might come down here about half 8,

but I have this thing where I go, well, you know, if I was working inondon if i'd get in the train to london i'll be leaving at seven so i have this thing yeah do you do the school run or does naomi do you help them get basically you get up and help them get out of the house you do make breakfast um and do a bit of that and then but naomi normally takes them to school i went last week but yeah now chatterbix is still calming down i can do something like that yeah and you're basically straight on the podcast recorder half eight aren't you god i'm putting chatterbix ahead of my children that's terrible still no you're not because you've got to do it, because, you know, it's your job.

Is it? Yeah, it is. It is. It's always part of my, yeah. Yeah. But I have this guilt about being a real, do you not have the guilt of being a really good parent? It's partly because your job is something that you nominally enjoy and is fun to do, that I think, think if you were an accountant you wouldn't be going

i'm putting account not that there's you know maybe that there might be a fun job but if you were doing a job which you weren't a fan of yeah i think it'd almost be easier for you to justify it to yourself because you've got to do this for the for the family yeah but the way i deal with it is i totally shut off so when i'm working i'm not a good dad or a bad dad i'm not even a dad at that point i'm literally this is all i'm doing i just do this now and then flip that over when i'm with the kids i'm not thinking just have to just basically go like when i go away for work i'm like well i'm in work mode now and that's just it and it's like then you could you have you have to do it and then it's sort of feast

or feast or famine is self-employed i find is where you're either away loads and then you have like three weeks off out of nowhere and so just it but what you're doing is you're getting more quality time with them than if you was getting every evening for a couple of hours but when i'm working i'm like i don't care like it's almost like that i just remove them from my brain and focus on the work and then i do that the opposite way when i'm with the kids and I just take the work out. But I have those famine moments. I have, well, what am I doing next year? Well, I've got to work harder. I have that as well.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, of course. But you worrying about it when you're sat there on the beach isn't going to change it, is it? Yeah. I mean, I'm not quite as bad as I'm making out, but I'm pretty bad.

Yeah, but that is hard because there is no security. There's no security of when you work self-employed. I mean, is that why you got the... I was a big fan of your My New Football Club podcast where you moved to Devon, obviously, and you got season tickets to Exeter and you got two for you and your boy. Was that a way of sort of trying to bond with them as younger kids, like having a thing that you do every week yeah that way it's in the diary you know that you work your schedule around exit

when exit a play at home that's when you and your boy go to football and you yeah and that lasted 35 minutes because by half time it was like i don't want to come again i just bought your ticket my son for a year. Yeah. And you don't like it. Yeah. And then you had to start going on your own. I started going on my own and I feel comfortable with that now. I didn't in the early days.

Even more time away from the kids. Well, that's the thing now. So Saturday afternoons, I'm like, oh, I'm fucking off again. Go drink to the City on my own. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. Naomi, my wife's like... And you can't stop

it now because it's your job with the podcast. Exactly. You're in the right old pickle, aren't you? Now it's hard work. See, I just feel like everyone's got it sorted out. No way. No one's got it sorted out. No one has got it sorted out.

Everyone would look at you and think you've got it sorted out. You've been on, like, mega shows. Everyone knows you. Everyone loves your character. You've been on one of the biggest sitcoms ever, I think. Afterlife's got, like, millions of views. You're on that. You've got your films won that Sundance Award in London.

You're in L.A. at the premiere. Yeah, but these things last. These things, like, you know, you film it for seven days or you film it for four weeks and then, you know, forget about it and then you go, I can only see Chazabix. So it all comes out. What I'm saying is everyone is looking at you

As the person who's got it nailed Well don't That's what I'm trying to say No one's looking at me saying he's got it nailed They are Fucking hell You've got the idyllic lifestyle You're down in Devon

You go to the beach every weekend Do you know what, when we moved down here I said to Naomi How about we move down to Dev said i said to know me i was like right we're gonna move down to how about we move down to devon i'll do some writing in the morning i'll do a bit of twitch and then we'll go down the beach in the afternoon fantastic yeah okay and now it's just not happened it's not because you're working too much i'm working to it and so when you did the film how much how did that work then were you away for a long time

brian and charles the film we should say which work then? Were you away for a long time? Brian and Charles, the film, we should say, which is released. Where can people see it? What's the score? It's released in the UK on July. Oh, it's on in Bromley on Wednesday. It's in the big cinemas. It's in the big ones, in the views. Not just in the art.

No, it's in the big ones. That's good, isn't it? You have got it nailed. Look at you, you big fucking film director, film star down in the art. No, it's in the big ones. That's good, isn't it? You have got it nailed. Look at you, you big fucking film director, film star. We went to me and Rupert. You know Rupert? You know Rupert. Yes.

We went to... He's the producer, I should say. Yeah, he's the producer. We went to the opening in LA on... I don't know what day it was, but last week. And we thought, oh, let's just go and watch it. Let's just go and sit in the cinema. So we went at 4.40 in the afternoon.

And massive great cinema with about 100 screens. We found our screen went in there. And they're about, with about six or seven people. I was like, why are they watching this? So we sat at the back. Who are you? Why are you here? So they sat down. I really wanted to just go up to him go that's me that is that's me that was a hell of a day that film

yeah i mean weird wouldn't it you're watching uh yeah you just pop up yeah yeah yeah but uh it's a weird experience give us us the premise of the film. It's a lonely man who's an inventor. Tough stretch, was it, the acting for that? Do you know what? It's so me. Just want to watch it now. Go, oh, right, that's just you.

That's just you. Everything he makes doesn't quite work yeah that's you as well david um and then one day he invents this robot and it comes to life and jackpot you got yourself the film boys it must be pretty exciting because brian is the character that I saw you doing stand-up with when I first met you in 2008, right? And it's now like a huge film. That is exciting. It is really exciting. It's really exciting.

It doesn't have to be. You don't have to say it's exciting. Yeah, you can say it's not. You can say it's the worst thing that ever happened to you, if you want. It's like a fucking nightmare, mate. Yeah, it's really super exciting. It's super exciting. No, it is exciting.

I mean, you are going, well, how long is this going to last and what's next? I think that might be the end of it. We found the problem. Have you written the sequel? How's that going I mean I was saying to know me

can you imagine if this if this film just blew up if it did really that would be stressful careful what you wish for like that would do my head in

like literally any situation would be bad for you yeah I mean you know... So you don't want a flop, you don't want a huge mega hit. I don't want a flop. No, I'd like a mega hit, but I'd like to keep the distance

and remain detached from it. Yeah. It's quite hard when you're starring it and you wrote it. You just make these things to have a bit of fun and pay your mortgage, don't you? And then there are sort of repercussions if they do all right. Has your son seen the film? My eldest has...

Yeah, he came to the premiere in London last week because I based a lot of Charles on him. Oh, right. And sort of parenting him and him kind of like the teenage years. And, yeah, I i mean he wouldn't have come five years ago no way would he watch that film that must be lovely though that that you've come full circle from deleting videos on youtube and then now he's at the premiere of your film because there must be a point where you thought well what if my career and i have to do

it now because this is what i do it's going to just completely drive me away from him and then that didn't happen obviously because he's at the premiere must be a good do, it's going to just completely drive me away from him. And then that didn't happen, obviously, because he's at the premiere. It must be a good feeling. Oh, it's such a nice feeling. Because he, like, during the film, he sort of leant into me and said, that's me and you.

We did that. I was like, yeah, I know, yeah. That must have been amazing. Yeah. Teenage years are hard. Did you cry when he said that? Oh, I cry loads about shit like that, yeah. I can imagine you're a crier. Me? Yeah like that, yeah. I would have burned it too.

I can imagine you're a crier. Me? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm a big crier. Yeah. Do you know, I remember him just sleeping when he was about three or four and just staring at me and just crying my eyes out. Just...

Do you get that? Yeah, no, I know exactly what you mean. But he said to me because teenage the teenage years are hard and he said if you haven't shown me so much love christ knows what would happen to me so my advice to you boys is just keep loving them and admiring their bodies well that's a i've got two daughters That's enough for dads of daughters. I'll take half of that advice. Yeah, but it's a tricky time because they really push away from you

and you've just got to keep hanging on. And how do you deal with that? I tell you, there's a book that really helped called... Fuck, what was it called? Wait, my daughter's just shouting out the window. Here we go. Hello. That's nice. You all right? Yeah, my daughter's just shouting out the window. Here we go. Hello. That's nice.

You all right? Yeah, but we're all quite busy. You've got a mega hit on your hands. Yeah. It's got fucking... We've got Dermot O'Leary after this. Have you? No.

That's like you. Can't bloody book him, mate. That's why you're here. Yeah. We got him. Just like that. You've had him on Chatterbix, and you've had Ricky Gervais on Chatterbix. Yeah, yeah. Big dogs. him, mate. That's why you're here. Yeah. We got him. Just like that. You've had him on Chatterbix and you've had Ricky Gervais on Chatterbix.

Yeah, yeah. Big dogs. Yeah, yeah. So what's the book called, David, that helped you? Oh, it's something like... So I thought... I forgot what we were talking about. I thought Rob had just gone into promo mode again.

What's the book you're promoting called? No, the book that helped. It's the book something like Get Out of My Life, but before you do that, can you take me into town? That's the name of the book? I mean, it's a book something like get out of my life but before you do that can you take me into town that's the name of the book I mean it's a long title sounds like an old school chat up line

here's 10p ring your mum is that a ladder in your tights get out my life I'm going to try and find it yeah that is

a difficult google get out of my life what was the other one get out of my life but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall a parent's guide to the new teenager is that it is that it we found it google yeah yeah what was that one get out of my life but first could you drive me and cheryl to the mall yeah it's going to the new teenager is that it is that it yeah you found it but oh no

no wait that's the american version the british version is get out of my life but first take me and alex into town there you go by tony wolf and susan franks i mean it might be shit but at the time i needed support and that that was my support does um your child have to be called alex yeah yeah yeah it's yeah okay you're just it won't work otherwise all right no no could i not just drop the name over in my own head yeah that's a bit messy too difficult um okay so that helped you did it like dealing with teenagers yeah it's it's the hardest time well i had a really tricky time and uh i mean you're smiling now you think you know it all with your young your young kids

but come back to me in seven years what's the name of that book David oh for you you take the piss out of me nah nah

I actually want to fucking do it man are you worried about your younger kids becoming teenagers are you trying to really enjoy this young period now

oh I know that time when the magic goes that'll hurt that'll hurt you Younger kids becoming teenagers. Are you trying to really enjoy this young period now? Oh, I know that time when the magic goes, that will hurt. That will hurt, yeah. When's the magic going? What age are you looking at? I would say around... Yeah, it's when they go to secondary school. Right.

So around about 12. I found the years 12 to 14 the hardest, I think, because they're just babies, and yet they will want to start hanging up the yeah the hormones are going all over the place as well and it's yeah yeah yeah yeah it's funny four-year-old daughter who's already a tear away so that's going to come earlier i think she'll be about eight when she yes yeah oh god because they wake up obviously the kids wake up really early you know fucking hell get out my room and you feel like that and

then at 14 they're going dad get out of my room yeah and that's when you go oh it's nine o'clock yeah yeah yeah fuck off dad yeah yeah it's hard so is he where's he now is he working is he studying or he's working devon or no he's in No, he's in Sussex. He's working. I wanted to give you a bit of advice, some more advice. Yeah, go on. Yeah, please. Because it's all been really upbeat so far. How are your bedtimes?

They're all right. They're quite slow. Quite slow? They last a long time. We start at 6.15 and we finish at about 8. Yes. like they last a long time we start at 6 15 and we finish at about eight yes so we i do a thing called crazy times and it really works go on so obviously they don't want to go to bed yeah i've now turned going to bed into like a bit of fun for half an hour so they're always like can we do crazy times yeah i'll do crazy times jesus so i'm making these little games uh and they're so

one game's called red and black and one game's called the iron fist the iron fist the iron claw okay that's better one game's called uh bumum Cake. So blah, blah, blah. So we play these games. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You just... Bum Cake? Guys give over Bum Cake after iron claw. They're a shopkeeper.

They're a shopkeeper. I go into their shop and I'm looking for food. I go, have you got a pump Bum Cake? And they go, no, no, no, I've got Bum Cake. I go, what's that behind the counter? And they go, oh, yeah, I've got Bum Cake. Why don't you give me your Bum Cake? And then I sort of squeeze their bum and stuff

this is a right spot it's the 20 20 20 year old the big guy so anyway we do these craies after 20, 25 minutes. I go, that's in the crate. And they go, sure. Right. So you just go mad with them for a bit. You just go for it.

Yeah. And they might get out of bed and go, more crate. More crazy. And we won't have it tomorrow night. Right. Okay. And they back off. So create that bum cake one.

It's a squeeze your bum where the bum cakes. What's the iron claw? You put your claw above their stomach and you just, as soon as they make a noise, you just drop it and squeeze them. Nice. Ticklish, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A red ant, black ant, you do an ant going up there. And that's just with your hand, not like a fake Abu Hamza claw.

No, no, that's not a hand. Red ant, black ant is just crawling up their arm and i'll go i say like what ants is crawling up your arm and they go black cat red it's good yeah so you basically just embrace the crazy unadulterated kind of play. Yeah, because before we were like, oh, no, no, no, calm down. Fuck it. Let them play in bed and then get out of their system. So you're doing it with them after the bath, after

pyjamas and in bed. After bath, after book, in bed. Together or separate? Nomi's in one bed, I'm in the other. Right. And you're both doing that? Yeah. Well, I'm sort of doing it more. But once it's over,'m telling you really and how how much is naomi into crazy times she doesn't like it so much she sort of goes with it if i'm not if i'm away working she's gotta bring out the red and black and game yeah do you two ever do that do you ever do that to Nami to get her to sleep? Bit of red ant, black ant?

No, don't know. No. We do other stuff. Pumpcake. Yeah, we do way more pumpcake. How old are the young ones again how old are the young ones yeah

six and yeah nearly seven nearly five nearly seven nearly five oh yeah that's the same as mine it's such a fun age they properly play do yours play together nicely

yeah yeah yeah yeah makes such a difference honestly I really I constantly thinking about that moment where they go from childhood into sort of teen. That's a strange story. You're really worrying about it, aren't you?

It's because the magic goes. And you'll be craving it. You'll be wanting it back. And did you properly appreciate it all this time then? No. Okay. I tried to. I tried to.

I really tried to. But life gets in the way. I tried to capture those try to. I really try to. But life gets in the way. I try to capture those little moments. Yeah. But maybe it's because if you had a difficult time before, you're sort of anxious about it happening again. But I don't think you will. You're way more experienced and you know what you're doing a bit more now.

Yeah. Plus, there's nothing in Devon. People grow up slower in Devon. That's the thing. Do they? At what point were you like, I want out of here and I want London? Well, I moved to Manchester to go to uni. I went to Exeter to go to sixth form,

which was a hell of a journey, but I smelt the big city of Exeter. Did you? Did you? Yeah. Shit. I think it's nice to grow up in the countryside sort of thing, but they will want to explore to the

city you're gonna be doing a lot of ferrying around yeah i thought we spoke about that a couple days ago i was like okay there's gonna be a lot of taxi work but i'm i'm willing to i'll be about fucking 60 then fuck's sake do you know i've written that down as well stuff to talk about my death carry on yeah yeah let's go for that then well they just they Stuff to talk about my death. Carry on. Yeah, yeah. Let's go for that then. Well, they just constantly remind me of my death, my children. Do they? Yeah.

I've got the opposite. I was terrified of my own death. But you were in your 30s. Yeah, so how old were you when you had your youngest? 43. Yeah, so my dad is 78. So he was 43 when he had me. So I was a little bit, when when i was a kid a little bit like

oh why is my dad older than all the other dads yeah so that's a little bit of a thing so i don't want to drop that on you but uh yeah but i i mean how many people get to foot 78 i don't know i kind of helped me on that one well well not that many you get to 78 you've done well you've got 30 years till you're 78. Yeah, but how old are they going to be? Early 30s, their dad's dead. Brilliant. That's it, though, isn't it?

Yeah, but you're worried a lot about something you have no control over. Well, no. No. Yeah, but you can't just spend the rest of your life hoping you're not going to die that day. What's that going to achieve? I just don't like... You've not lived, you've waited.

I don't like them. I don't like the idea of them in their 20s going, oh, my dad's dead. Yeah, I don't think anyone does. I don't think that's a you thing. I can handle it if they're in their 40s. That's fine. You can't give a shit if they're in their 40s.

I know what you mean, but yeah, I think, yeah. How much does this consume you then? Oh, I mean, I'm not constantly pondering, but every day I'll go, okay, okay. It's not consumed, but every single day it haunts you. Yeah, I can't help with it. I think it's just getting old and going, oh, right, I'm 48 now.

Okay, not long to go. The seesaw's tipped. Are you in good health? Yeah, I am. I've got a dicky Achilles heel, apart from that. That's not going to kill you. That's good. Only Achilles that fucked up. Everyone else is all right.

You guys are in your 30s. I'm 39. I'm only nine years younger. Yeah, I'm only nine years younger than you. I don't want to start worrying about this as well, do I? No. Yeah, but you can worry about it, but then what difference is it going to make?

Yeah, well, if anything, it could bring death nearer because the anxieties. Yeah. Yeah. Have you had your child go to school saying, oh, my dad's got a hairy willy? No. Not at school, but they laugh at my willy and say,

look, you've got a hairy willy it's like a slug yeah oh because i haven't i've never had that okay yeah no there's a lot of that going on yeah what else you got i've got love messy house tired constantly tired yeah magic I quite like love

let's let's hear love well everything's fine you know although there's a lot of mess and tiredness it's all sprinkled with love and people forget that that's nice

that's nice we should have ended on that one yeah you played that card too early it's nice for you to drop in something that bears no relation to everything you've just said work balance tired crazy times and pissing in a mug oh you've been pissing in a mug yeah so my little boy went into school about a month ago and said oh daddy pissed in the mug so he didn't have to wake mummy up

anyway what do you mean so you didn't have to wake mummy up i don was like, what the fuck? You know? Anyway. What do you mean so you didn't have to wake mummy up? I don't know. I don't know. But did you piss in a mug? Yeah, probably.

I don't know why he's brought it up but yeah, I do. I don't know. I think, have you ever pissed in a, you know when you piss

into a receptacle? Like, for instance, you're at a, I mean, I would never do this now but when I was younger you'd be at a festival

and you'd piss in a cup, yeah? Yeah. You're definitely going to piss in a cup at Glastonbury. I'm not going to piss in a cup at Glastonbury. I'm 39. Great. Yeah. And so you can't believe how much you piss until you piss...

Like a mug. You're pissing way more than a mug there, aren't you? Or you need to drink some more water. Yeah. Like, that's coming straight out of the top of the mug there.'t you or you need to drink some more water yeah like that's that's coming straight out the top of the mug there is it yeah it pisses a lot how much you pissing dave what pissing a day yeah no in one go a lot of piss is it um i don't know if you do a pint like it depends what pint glass i'm doing a pint glass i'm doing a pint glass. I'm doing a pint glass easily. Really? Every time? Yeah. Yeah.

A couple of big, young, strong boys, David. And your little granddad trickle. Yeah. Do you know what happens? The closer you get to dad. Big old slug pumping out the urine. The old slug master. Now, fill it up, Willie.

Have you got anything else on the list? Cinema. Cinema night. Oh, in your house, cinema night? Yeah, so we get the till out. Most weekends, we get the till out. We put them in the bedroom for 10 minutes, get the till out, put a little bowl of treats.

You've got a till? Like a fake till? Well, they're their till. Oh, the kids do. Yeah, make cinema tickets. Oh, this is nice. It's great. They love it.

But I'm quite strict. Would you please queue outside the living room door? No noise. Okay, yeah. Anyway, so they come in. They love cinema night. I recommend cinema night. That's a good one. How do you do discipline?

Because, like, obviously you're very silly with them, play these silly games, and can they tell when you're annoyed? Oh, yeah. Yeah. What's your stern voice? Because everything you say I find funny. Well, that, yeah.

Would you mind, would you not do that? Thank you. What's yours like? What's mine? I'll say, no. No. No. Okay, you, no. No. Okay, you're like, yeah.

Put that down. I said no, now go to bed. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Blimey, you've escalated the situation fast. I haven't picked up a pen, now that I've been sent to bed. I can't imagine what Josh's is.

Mine's just like, I can't deal with this. Actually says it out loud to the child. Rose, please help. I'm in trouble here. Do your telling off voice, Josh. What's the situation? Okay, so it's basically they've got, they said no sweets.

How about like, no, they said no sweets. How about like, no, I said one episode. Matt! You're waving in a jumbo jet. They've just been doing that. Yeah, yeah. Fuck off, Dan. Yeah, yeah, Daddy. Go on, Josh.

Yeah, go away, Daddy boy. I said one episode and you've started a second episode so I'm just going to turn it off now. Oh, really, are you? Oh, she bit.

How are you? She bit. She don't like that. Look at her. Look at her go. Oh, dear. It's genuinely been an absolute pleasure, David. Have you got anything else on your list?

No, I've covered it all. That's good. OK, well, let's get the final... I've got one more question for you and then we'll get the final plugs in. So, Brian and Charles, is it cinemas near you at the moment? Are you going to do it at a cinema night?

Going to let the kids watch it? It is. It's a PG. It's a PG. Yeah, there's a little bit that concerns me that a little boy might... But it's a PG. It's for the kids. It's fun. With parental guidance. Yeah. It's already taken a quarter of a million dollars, David.

Are you aware of this? Fucking hell. He's weighed in. Yeah quarter of a million dollars, David. Are you aware of this? Fucking hell. He's weighed in him. Yeah, but I want more money. That's quite good. That sounds pretty good, that. Is that good? $254,180

on the box office according to Wikipedia. Top ten US box office. Top ten. What is it? Fucking hell. Just behind Sonic the Hedgehog. Just behind Sonic the Hedgehog. Just behind Sonic the Hedgehog.

Just behind Sonic the Hedgehog. Behind that little bugger. He's just too fast. You can't keep up with him. Yeah, no, no. Fast little bugger. It's all good. I'm so pleased.

I'm looking forward to watching it. The film's out, and my new football podcast, I think, is absolutely brilliant. I loved it. Even that support Plymouth Argyle. Oh, yeah. they're in our league I need to come on and discuss with you

that I basically grew up in exactly the same place you are now and I chose Plymouth over Exeter why? you never went to Plymouth to watch though

David because they're a bigger club David you've got to go next season no you've got to go to Plymouth to see

what it's like no I've been told I'm not allowed who by? just Exeter fans we'll go to Plymouth to see what it's like I've been told I'm not allowed just Exeter fans we'll go to Plymouth for Exeter together I'd love you to come I hadn't been to a stadium properly

I'd gone to Old Trafford two or three times but I went into Exeter and I was like this is beautiful I'm just not used to being in a crowd of, well, say 3,000. But because that was the first stadium I went to,

I was like, this is my home. And then I went down the road to Plymouth, I went, oh, that's quite big. I love the look of that. Yeah.

It's too late, mate. It's a sleeping giant. Well, yeah, listen to Mind of Football Club and Chattabix is really good as well. It's really funny. It's a sleeping giant. Well, yeah, listen to Mind of the Football Club and Chattabix is really good as well. It's really funny.

It's absolutely mental. I say you get the real authentic David Earl and Joe Wilkinson on that. That's what you want. That's your cup of tea. No, thanks for having me. You want to see the inside of two men's minds. Yeah.

It's been brilliant. Thank you. Oh, the last question is, is there one thing um your partner does parenting wise that annoys you but you don't bring it up because it always turns into a row i think she's so good at sort of creating magical moments because she had an amazing that's a cop out of a okay um well because she creates magic magical moments she doesn't actually see real life

that's in front of her fucking eyes sometimes. Love you, baby. A bit more bum cake later. Let's do some bum cake. You're not going to have any bum cake for you. It's just iron claw for you. The only iron claw in the shed

thanks so much David good luck with the film that was brilliant thank you guys see you later David Earl oh that was great he's so funny

I love their podcast so funny I'm really excited about that film my new football club podcast is really really good they talk about

the game that's just happened and he's a bit nervous about going to the stadium and he don't know anyone but their Chatterbix one is absolutely

mental it's so funny but it's so chaotic they do it every day and it's always like a bum rush they do it every day give it a listen there's some really

good episodes on there so him and Joe Wilkinson we'll get Joe Wilkinson on I think he's got a stepson isn't he Joe Wilkinson

so we'll get that on and it'll be a good angle that was really good go and see Brian and Charles it's in cinemas

well it says July the 8th July the 8th July the 8th I thought it was out now it's out in the States now

oh right okay I don't know just have a look just have a look just google it I think it is July the 8th yeah sorry

right well we'll be back on Tuesday with us just us chatting see back on Tuesday with us. Just us chatting. See you on Tuesday. Bye.