Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP43: "We're the bad guys!...."

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

S04 EP43: "We're the bad guys!...."More (mis) adventures in parenting and beyond from Rob and Josh...Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks Rob + JoshBIG NEWS.... we're writing a book! ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth.⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents)⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them... [e-mail]'s it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)?And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick?Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike.Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here: https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBookIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellMAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Introducing Tim's new Savory Pinwheels, the perfect flaky and flavourful snack for those on the go, like me, who's recording this while snacking. Ooh, delicious. Try the roasted red pepper and Swiss or caramelised onion and parmesan pinwheels only at Tim's, at participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of course, tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell isadora can you say rob beckett and can you say josh riddickham

good girl what a name that is isadora isadora yeah it's a great so izzy for short yeah izzy isadora do you like that yeah i like the word dora i like the word izzy there was a thing on Isadora? Yeah. So great. So Izzy for short. Yeah, Izzy. Isadora. Do you like that? Yeah, I like the word Dora. I like the word Izzy. There was a thing on TV when it was a kicker wizard Dora, I think. There's Dora the Explorer. You don't need to tell me there's Dora the Explorer, mate.

I wrote her magazines for a year. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot. My kids don't really watch Dora the Explorer, though. Is she still going? No, I don't. Do you know what? We haven't done it at all, Dora the Explorer.

And to be honest, I don't need that year of my life bringing back to me in vivid technicolour. Do you want her to get into it and then you can whip out the magazines and be like, hey, do you want to bring it up? What, hey, look at the front, go down the credits, look at editorial assistant right at the bottom in Times New Roman six size font.

That's my name, which you can't read yet. What was your, when you when you left you go to uni yeah what did you do linguistics at manchester yeah linguistics right what is linguistics study of language my english language oh so that's why you're so good at podcasts exactly mate words are my tool you've studied them and then what did you want to be a journalist no i didn't know what i wanted to be so i totally drifted did a year at waterstones in manchester piccadilly so stiff um so stiff rigid absolutely absolutely rigid um i've told you about when i did the david beckham book signing i've told you that yeah yeah yeah um and then um did that year yeah was there a dog barking? Yeah, there is a dog barking.

Why have you got a dog? I've got a window open because it's fucking boiling. Do you think if I bought a dog this week, I'd be starting with an anecdote about book signing from 2005? How's your week been as a parent, Rob? How's my week been? Oh, a busy week as a parent, actually. I've been at home more.

I've sort of finished my... Oh, you lucky fucker. My stand-up shows for... I'm back again in November to do Ireland and Northern Ireland and Scotland. A few gigs. You know when it was COVID and Scotland and Northern Ireland... Yeah, I'm aware of it. They had slightly different rules to England.

Yeah, yeah. But which doesn't really affect you unless you're trying to do a show, like trying to do a tour show. Right, right, right. Scotland and Northern Ireland they had slightly different rules to England yeah yeah but which doesn't really affect you unless you're trying to do a show like trying to do a tour show right right right so I've got a few to do in

you're doing the Celtic nations the Celtic tour and then off to Australia so that's I've got no more gigs till then so I've been at home a lot more

so if you're England based and you want to see Rob Beckett you're going to have to travel Carlisle is all you've got left Carlisle is all you've got left. Carlisle is all you've got left, which is basically Scotland. Yeah, OK, don't you dare. OK, you're in trouble. They're not going to like that round the lakes.

Or if you want to see Rob Beckett, obviously, you know, maybe we should plug our tour, Rob, which is in spring. Oh, the Parenting Hell. Yeah, the Parenting Hell tour and the book. Well, let's just get a bit of content out first before you start plugging, John. I've just done half an anecdote about a book for Christmas. Yeah, the Parenting Hell tour and the book. Let's just get a bit of content out first before you start plugging, John. I've just done half an anecdote about a book signing, Rob. Get signed by the fucking book.

Yeah, are we going to do book signings in person? I don't know. I don't know. Okay, fair enough. Right, yeah, a busy week with the kids. My daughter's a thief. Headline news. Oh, is she?

Yep, she's been stealing from preschool. No, what's she been stealing so basically she's your younger daughter youngest daughter so she's like four she's not a proper school yet yeah so they went for a stage if they're allowed to take toys into preschool and then it got out of hand kids were taking in their massive like teddies and all sorts and then the school said look no more teddies coming in like it's too much they get lost and they argue so anyway she's been sneaking in like little tiny teddies in her pocket like or tiny little figures and taking them and i think they'll show each

other them which is fine anyway next to a bed with these two little wooden figures i've never seen them ever before oh okay and i said what are they and she went treasure treasure yeah i was like who's she fucking gollum precious treasure no she went the treasure and i went okay where did you get them she went in the mud in the treasure like and i was then i said you thought this isn't looking good yeah and i went have you taken these from school and she she smiled and said no with the face of someone that meant yes. She is pretty. Do you know what? Because my daughter's four as well. She's not thieving yet?

To be fair, it's in the genes for her. She has to just get away from it. Do you know what we're talking about here, Rob? We're talking about you can already tell at the age of four what a neck is going to be like. I can see her neck already. Yeah, she can barely support her head. Whereas my daughter can't even look left or right at the moment so that's metaphorically that's so true actually like i'd say my eldest is slightly

stiffer in the neck and my youngest is more loose and you really noticed it we did sports day as well this week you really noticed it oh yeah talk to me about sports day was there a father's race there wasn't a father's race because i had to cancel it because it gets too competitive and they had to ring an ambulance once when a man banged his head after falling over. Oh, my God. They're not warmed up. They've stood up for an hour. And then they get forced to run normally in work clothes.

And they injure themselves. So they've cancelled them. Oh, my God. That is awful. Because of injuries. Were you slightly relieved? Well, do you know what? No, I would have done it.

And I probably wouldn't have won because there's a couple of blokes about six foot three. And they run all the time. I see them running past my house, doing runs. I wasn't considering that you'd win. What's the point in running if you don't win? So I just said, did you take her from school? And she said, yeah. And then she put her arms out and went, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

What, like an evil genius? Yeah, an evil villain laugh. Oh, my God. And I was like, what is this? And then I went, no, you mustn't do that. That's naughty. You mustn't. Well, take it back and give it back to the school.

And then she just went, we're the bad guys. What? You know the film, The Bad Guys? Have you seen it? No. It's a film called The Bad Guys, like a cartoony film about the baddies in the film. Yeah. And they're the bad guys.

And they're like, it's like a wolf and a snake. And that's their thing. They go, we're the bad guys. Oh, wow. So, and a snake. And that's their thing. They go, we're the bad guys. Oh, wow. So, yeah, so she's just naughty now. That's incredible. And I don't think this film's out. Rob, you need to move to Zone 2, mate.

She'd fit in like an absolute glove. No, I'll keep her down near Kent County Lines. County Lines drug deal. That's where the money is. You don't want to be in a city. You want to be bringing it into Zone 2. Oh, OK. That's how you make the big bucks.

But, yeah, so she's been doing that which is worrying so do you have to discipline in that situation no she's so young i just said no you mustn't do that take it back i think you know they've got loads of toys did she take it back well i've not seen it since and i asked her if she's taking it back she said yes but again she had the eyes of someone that looks like it's hidden in her room so i'm gonna have a look in her room later to see if I can find it. But I don't know. But it's sort of like a little bit of a game and she's laughing.

But I'm like, this is bad. This is not allowed. She did something else the other day where she spilled a drink. So we're trying to get them to clean up after themselves. We go and get a cloth from the drawer and clear it up. She only got the cloth from the drawer and cleared up this milk. But instead of putting it in the sink, she's put it back in the drawer. So she's putting dirty cloths back in the drawer after cleaning up after herself.

Oh, no. You've lost it, Rob. She's gone. It's gone. She's gone. Basically, mate, sit back and enjoy. Hope for the best. From the age of 13, mate, she's going to be on the bloody lash.

Oh, no. You've got a tear away on your hands, Rob. Well, yeah, because we had a bit of a party for Lou's birthday on Saturday. It's about 40 or 50 people. Your daughter's still going at 4am. Well, no, exactly that. So from 2 o'clock, people came round, some with kids, some just as adults.

Not as adults, you know, they didn't have kids with them. Some posing as adults, but they were children. Two children in a big long coat, that kind of thing. No, so we had loads of people. It was really busy until, like, you know, but they were children. Two children in a big long coat, that kind of thing. No, so we had loads of people. It was really busy until, like, you know, 11 o'clock. And then, anyway, so it got to about seven or eight, which was a bit tight. They were a bit tired.

But my youngest was still going. We had this, like, slide thing. Still going on the slide, still going on the slide. And then my eldest one, who's a bit quieter and a bit more reserved, come up to me. It was so busy and loud and meows. And she just went, Daddy, I just want to be on my own for a bit oh rob that's heartbreaking i know but you know what i went okay now the door's gonna start drinking before the older door i know as well i'm not so even bad now i can see

it already but then so i said to her yeah of course but i was really proud of her because i think that's quite emotionally intelligent to. She wasn't enjoying it. I haven't even gotten to that point yet. Sometimes in my life, I think I should have just gone to my hotel room on my own. Yes, I was thinking that. Because I'm trying to be sociable. Yeah.

And I'm not in the mental state for this. Yeah, I'm too tired. I'm too like, I've only got so much energy to be sociable. And then I put her upstairs and she watched her iPad for a bit. And then after about half an hour, I came down and was playing again. She just needed a little reset. but I'm glad she said that. She's basically into mindfulness at the age of six.

Well, I'm trying. And also, I think in the past, people are so scared of being polite and their kids being polite, you go, no, we've got friends over, you must stay. Well, no, actually, if she wants to chill out, let her chill out. I could have done with a half hour on my own. Exactly. I'd love that.

That was good, wasn't it? Time out at a party. Yeah, so i just want to be on my own for a bit bless her that'll be me at glastonbury oh have you heard about glastonbury well it's happened uh if you're listening to this it's happened but this is recorded the day before i go to glastonbury because so well have you read the daily star today well obviously that's how i start every day rob well have you read the headline what on the front of the daily star yep so there's a there's a big headline about the rail strikes.

And then at the top, Glasto Beast. Right. And it says, big cat fright for middle classes. Oh, right. So there's a reported sight of a huge puma that they've seen on site. A huge puma they've seen on site? Yeah, like a panther. They've seen it running around the site

we've all hallucinated things on site a glass number this was the people putting it all up setting it all up you know because it's down a beast of bodmin and all that round where you live yeah yeah because the people that posh people used to buy big cats didn't they from arrods yeah yeah the beast of bodmin is a real thing yeah beast of bodmin is a a puma that someone had that then has been released into the wild. Yeah, so he's at Glastonbury, or she. Really? How's he got in? Doing the Sunday night.

But yeah, just so you know, just be careful. Okay, so don't be attacked by pumas. If you see one, try and avoid it. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, but just a heads up. It's not just some kind of reveler dressed up as a puma, it's probably a puma. Yeah, but I think people... If they released a puma into the pyramid field

when Paul McCartney was on, that would be absolutely awful. What, because of Paul McCartney being on, or just in general? Well, he'd be all right, because he'd be up on the stage, wouldn't he? Although he's 80, isn't he? His heart's not going to take it.

I think pumas can climb. But I just enjoyed that headline of, like, for middle class, it's a real dig at the glass dough beef. Yeah. Too right, Rob. Be safe. Oh, other things. I was trying to make dinner for my kids and I said, who wants beans on toast? My youngest went, yes, please. My eldest said, no. And I went

for a laugh. Beans near toast? And she said, yes. That's the problem, Rob. That's the problem with these kids. They feel they need opinions, but they don't actually have anything to base it on. No, I just think she wants the beans being on the toast to be her choice. Yeah, but... So she had beans near toast.

And did it work? Yeah, fucking gobbled it all up. Did she put it on the toast herself? Yeah. But this is the thing, Rob. You've just got to give them the illusion of choice. Yes. So it's like when my daughter says,

every time I put her shoes on, she says they're not tight enough. So now if I say, do you want them tighter? She'll say yes. And then I'll do them exactly the same and she'll be fine with that. Right, yeah. Because basically,

I would have had to go for about four different meals. But if I went, who wants beans on toast? So I said, who wants toast on beans? She weren't interested. Yeah. And then I said, do you want beans near toast? All over that. So are you now going to make that your speciality?

Oh yeah, I specialise in beans near toast. The worst thing was your younger daughter stole the meal off her, didn't she? So she never got to eat any of it. It was quite near, it was in my youngest daughter's pocket,

the beans. Oh, this is quite funny. I was on stage gigging and someone in the audience's phone rang and it was their 10 year old daughter what so i went you've got to answer it she's a 10 year old daughter she was with a babysitter anyway yeah i said can i answer it so i answered it and there's this girl and then i had the phone up on the mic and she was like hello i went hello you're on stage your mom's here and she was like a bit shy obviously going oh you're right and it was quite

funny and then i went oh what did you want to ask your mum and she went something happened at swimming and i need to tell her i have never hung up a phone call quicker oh my you just hung up no i didn't i gave it to her mum and her mum went out to speak to her oh my god and was it all right oh well not the five minutes of waiting for an answer wasn't oh my god rob you're your own worst enemy there really so now you've set yourself up there yeah so now it's just me and a thousand people so what are you doing with the with the five minutes with a thousand people that all think that you've ruined a night by making fun of a you know a girl's had a harrowing incident at a swimming club. So it's quite awkward for a bit. I sort of make a joke about it being awkward, but there's nothing I can do until that woman comes back with hopefully good news.

Or if it's bad news, we end the gig. If she doesn't come back within 10 minutes, game over. So I sort of carried on a little bit and did a couple of little jokes about my kids. And then the mum come back in and I went, what was it? She went, oh, a swimming hat had a rip in it. And I went, oh, for fuck's sake. She rung for that. Unbelievable.

Then I had to go up to the mum and that made it funny. Yeah, that's good. But it was that moment though. That's the main thing. Yeah, as long as someone's been humiliated for my own sort of ego and financial gain, that's showbiz. That's life.

So what's it been like being back at home after this long period of working? No, it's good. It's life. So what's it been like being back at home after this long period of working? No, it's good. It's nice. It's only sort of just started, but it's nice to sort of like not... I like getting up with the kids in the morning, but when you get home late from a gig at like midnight

and then you can't sleep till two and then you're up at like... Lou lets me lie in a bit because the kids get up at six and I get up about half seven, but it's still only five hours sleep a night. You know what I mean? The pressure.

I got home last night at 11. 30 and i wasn't ready for bed but in my head i'm already doing the countdown do you know i mean you're already doing the maths so what was your gigging last night working was working came back but so i was filming for four days came back right and got home late and i knew i had to be up. And you just can't. We've discussed this before, Rob. You can't say, I need a lion in that situation. You simply can't say it. Think about a sleeping tablet.

Maybe a couple of sleeping tablets. Do you know what, Rob? My sleeping tablet days are done. Are you feeling all right now? Yeah, I'm still not very good at sleeping in a hotel room. Yeah, but you're not clinically depressed. Well, I've had my moments. Oh, no. But I'm coming through it. Yeah, well i've had my moments oh no but i'm coming through it yeah it is a bit like long covid but i'm coming through it i'm having more good days than bad now oh mate when did you have first these tablets

would you know what's happened three weeks ago because i was in a hotel i had you know the problem here is, hotels? Yeah, I know. Do you know what? I like my life at home, Rob. Yeah. And I don't like being in a hotel on my own. What's happening in there? Well, I've got a rope in my swimming hat, Rob.

What's happening in there? So let's boil down. What are you thinking when you're there? Are you feeling guilty you're not at home? Or you miss home, the bed, the pillow? Yeah, all of that in one big package, articulated as insomnia. And so did you like sleeping away from home when you were little? Did you go to sleepovers?

Yeah, I was fine with that. I think, genuinely, since I've had children, I've not been able to sleep very well in hotel rooms. Really? It's weird that, isn't it? Yeah, that is odd. But maybe it's something you need to speak to someone about, to get mentally rather than medically, to sort it out yeah because sleeping tablets are just short term

aren't they well not for you there's quite a long term actually yeah to be honest there's still an effect the audio is on the side effects of the sleeping tablets i've downloaded the calm app and that has been absolute game changer if you're feeling really anxious, I highly recommend the Calm app, which is lots of meditations and lots of kind of nice sleep meditations, normal meditations, and it's really helped. So that's turned me around.

What I listen to a lot is, Michael Seeley does these hypnosis things. Oh, yeah. And they do different ones where it's like, they're about 45 minutes and you pick it either if it's like anxiety or if it's overthinking or busy brain and that and he sort of talks really slowly and gently and also alan watts on youtube it's got loads of interesting talks about like being calm and not taking things too seriously it's so much more effective than you

think it's going to be to do stuff like that well yeah because i think actually life is really hard right there's no getting around that it's difficult like for everyone obviously um but life is overall life's tough and there's varying degrees of tough for different people but i think actually the truth of it is we are way better at dealing at it as people and individuals than our brain lets us think we are so it is tough but it's not insurmountable we can totally deal with it and there's plenty of time to do everything we need to do but your brain is because he's trying to make you survive he's trying to keep you going and he wants you to keep moving and we've got to do that now you've got to do this now and it's like a big sort of ball of anxiety and energy but if you take a moment to sort of calm

down and breathe and using whatever it is if it's the calm app or those alan watts things that help me you realize actually you've got plenty of time and it is all doable and we're way better at doing it if we just get left alone without the brain sort of cracking the whip on us, as it were. Totally. Well, I'm glad the Calm app works. Yeah, I'm feeling all right, but my daughter's at home today because there's been an outbreak of scarlet fever at nursery.

Oh, really? Scarlet fever? What's that? Just like there's a new girl called Scarlet and they'll love her? Yeah. It's just like the Beatles. Oh, my God, have you seen Scarlet Fever at nursery. Oh, really? Scarlet Fever? What's that? Just like this new girl called Scarlet and they'll love her? Yeah. It's just like the Beatles. Oh my God, have you seen Scarlet's hair? Look at those shoes. So what is Scarlet Fever?

I thought Scarlet Fever was like, it feels like something from medieval ages, doesn't it? Okay, it's a bacterial illness. I'll take that back. It's a bacterial illness. Oh, yeah, yeah. Strep throat.

But we've kept her at home because we don't want her to get scarlet fever the day before we go to glastonbury yeah so who's got the kids is it rose's mum got the kids for the weekend rose's mum and we've got child care as well right okay so what's that for how long are you going for i'm going tomorrow which is thursday back on sunday afternoon back on sunday yes leave sunday morning oh that's yeah i think you're better off leaving Sunday. Yeah. Yeah, totally. So three nights. Oh, that'll be nice.

It'll be nice, Rob. When you come back from Glastonbury, are you just exhausted or is it like... I probably need the car map again. Okay. I think you need to be careful this weekend. I'm going to be fine. Rob, I've bought some colourful sunglasses. No, but you don't want to come back from injury too soon.

I look like I'm in the Ting Tings. The Ting Tings. Ting Tings. I remember that. That's not my name. That's not my name. Oh, yeah. Are they still going?

Well, get ready. I'll send you a picture of me in my colourful sunglasses. Festival ready. Yeah, but what I'm saying is, Josh, I think psychologically, I wouldn't say you're 100%. It's like when a footballer tries to rush back for a World Cup. You've got to make sure. Yeah, he's a bit like Wayne Rooney in 2006.

Oh, look at you. You're trendy. Those little green ones. Yeah, I've got to make it. Yeah, he's a bit like Wayne Rooney in 2006. Oh, look at you. You're trendy. Those little green ones. I've got luminous green sunglasses, Rob. So, yeah, I am a bit like Wayne Rooney in 2006.

Josh, do you know what you look like in that? And please don't take offence. A hot piece of ass? No, it looks like Tom Cruise is taking Rain Man to the beach. After a successful

bit of gambling. But I think that... I mean, it's because you wouldn't wear those sunglasses with the rest of the outfit, would you? No, I was just wearing the shorts because I just pop them on in the morning. Yeah, exactly. And what are they? They're swimming shorts with pictures of luminous lobsters on.

Yes, of course, yeah. And then you've got your stripy top on, as per... Yeah, I just shoved that on. But they're cool glasses, mate. Yeah, well, they were like a fiver from Amazon. Or other, you know, somewhere more ethical. Do you know what it is today, Rob? What is it?

It's my 10-year anniversary with Rose. Is it? As a couple, not married. As a couple, yes. I don't think it counts, but seemingly it does. We're going out for dinner. I can't remember. I don't know how long I've been with Lou.

30 years, I think. You can do it. You can do this 30 years 13 oh 13 years fuck me rob how old are you i'm 36 36 the 23 we started seeing each other god she's seen a transformation hasn't she one of our first dates when she came back from glastonbury and i cooked her dinner oh that's nice isn't it she was all tired and sad so it's more or less your anniversary Rob at the moment well this was what happened yes our first ever date was around this time in June but Lou tried to claim it wasn't because before we got an anniversary for our wedding which is in October she claimed it was too close to her birthday so basically it was her birthday's the 18th and then glastonbury's obviously the week after because then i would do our anniversary and her birthday at once so she got the um so she started going oh no actually our first date was like and then like invented a date it was absolutely

bollocks oh my god but that's good for you because you don't want anniversary and birthday too close exactly and then that anniversary disappears when you get married so how come you're still remembering this one because it's the big one oh. Yeah, but then that gets reset from wedding. Why did I remember it? Why did I remember it, Rob? Why? Because I was thinking about... About sad things at night again.

No, I was actually thinking about Euro 2012, which is when we got together, during the Euros. Okay. And then I thought, wait, that's 10 years ago. So, through the back door. Yeah, exactly. Fair enough.

We didn't do through the back door on our first date I'll be very clear about that Rob was it on the cards or not just completely ruled out no completely no do you know what still not anyway sports day. Do you do anything for your 10-year anniversary or not? We're going out for dinner. Yeah, but surely that should be reset now that you're married. Yeah, I know, but we're not going to do it for the 11th. Do you know, it's also because I can't tell you how excited I am about going to Glastonbury. Right, okay.

So it's like Glastonbury starts tonight. Oh, that's nice because you sort of met, did you go Glastonbury together that year no no no but okay but i'm just using it as a way to extend my holiday if that makes sense okay let's go out for dinner for our anniversary before we go glastonbury i'm really excited to hear what goes on in this glastonbury trip to be honest josh i'm not okay fair enough but um when are we recording when you get back from glastonbury uh tuesday maybe tuesday okay you should be all right by then uh right you hear about sports day yes more than anything hottest i've ever been hottest it was about 28 degrees at 10 a.m this is awful what are you wearing um shorts t-shirt trainers a couple of business guys people came in between work calls in like Oxford shirts and trousers that looked like they were going to die.

Oh my God. Oh my God. One of the dads, full white tracksuit, quite bold. What? Who's he, Jimmy Savile? He looked like Richard Williams. You know, the Williams sisters' dad. Yeah, yeah.

But I think he just wore that because it would be cool because it was wide but then he'd just wear shorts anyway they listen to this I'm going to have to talk to them about that in about two days how much did you care

about how your daughters did I imagine your younger daughter false started didn't give a shit she's been boosting for months in an attempt to steal it she's having a blood transfusion at the moment

no the youngest daughter hers is on Friday so I've not seen that yet but she came home she's really fast actually she's as fast as my oldest one yeah she's really sporty and she's come home when we did sports day practice i won every race and i was like okay did you and then i spoke to the teacher i went did she's like really excited she went oh god yeah she loves sports she's really excited i mean she told me she's won every race but you know as we know she

is a liar and a thief um so is that true and then the teacher went yeah pretty much she loves sports. She's really excited. I mean, she told me she's won every race, but, you know, as we know, she is a liar and a thief. So is that true? And the teacher went, yeah, pretty much. She loves it. She's really quick. But on the sack race, she sometimes goes fast. She keeps falling out of it because she's so erratic like me. She's not very logical.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's 100 miles. Yeah, pure instinct, 100 miles an hour. Let's get, come on, like that. So hers is on Friday, where my eldest, sorry, is way more composed and logical. So they did loads of weird little competitions. Basically, all the classes, it was reception.

Do they still do, like, egg and spoon and all that kind of stuff? Yeah, so basically, the way they did it, it was reception, year one, year two, like, all did theirs, and then three, four, and five did theirs. What year is your daughter in? Year one, so she was amongst those three years. And then what they do is they all go around and do these, like, throwing a ball in a hoop stuff.

But the thing is, they're all in little form groups. So there's blue, red, yellow, and green. And she's in the blues. And basically, in her class, there were three blues, three greens, four reds, and six yellows. So it was a bit lopsided, the numbers, which is fine. But then there's a game where they have cones down so one team so the blue team have to make the cones down and this sounds

can i just say like the most complicated sports day that's ever oh yeah it's quite because basically i'm really struggling to keep a handle on what's going on here the three years are all split in into houses yeah into like little form groups and houses okay so there's four teams going against each other and there's three age groups. Reception, year one and year two. And they all get split up into those groups, right? But then the receptions race the receptions and the year ones race the year ones.

So it's a game where you turn the cones up and down. So one team have to turn the cones so they're facing down and the other team have to turn them up. And it's basically who can do it the quickest. But blues versus yellows was six versus three. Oh, mate. This is not fair. Can't three of them just be subs?

Well, exactly. And I was like, this is an absolute scat. Like, I don't want to be a competitive dad. You stormed out of sports day. It's fundamentally not. It's not even like one extra. It's three. It's double the amount of players.

It's like on blockbusters when they used to do two people versus one and you go, what the fuck? Why have they done this? You wouldn't do five-a-side football. Okay, you've got ten on your side. We've got five. Oh, we've lost again. I wonder how that happened.

So they were getting hammered. And then anyway, they did a few other ones. And it was carnage. I felt sorry for the teachers because it was so hot. And the kids don't know what's going on. No, yeah. But then they did all those little games. They went around doing little games like that.

And there was cones that had to knock over throwing a ball. And then they had running races. So they did a a sprint and then they did like a sort of egg and spoon thing but it wasn't it was a racket of a beanbag on right yeah okay so then my daughter they're not old enough for egg and spoon no no exactly and then uh so my daughter ran and she was about sort of mid was it about eight kids ran and she came about fifth i think in the hundred meters so about mid-average. And do you know what? At that age, it wasn't really embarrassing at all, really.

It was more like it weren't the kids are either fast or not. A lot of it is concentration and stuff. So everyone was really cheering. There were a group of people, I think for the parents of the older year, because I didn't even know that there were all these different colours. They were all red and had red pom-poms. Oh, my God. And they were chanting the name,

Go Reds, Go Reds. And I could only see the back of their heads, and I thought, I don't like them. They are, and I mean this, fucking pathetic. Yeah, big time. Grow up. If your parents turned up... Yeah, keep going.

...dressed in red with red pom-poms, then I would leave home. That's what I would do. Oh, yeah. Who do you think you are? Yeah. I know, and it was like, girl, and you're screaming right at the front,

all wearing red. I can only see the back of their heads. And I thought, do you know what? I fucking hate you. Oh, God, I've said it now, and I've got to go to school later. Come on, see them. Bring your own pom-pom.

Come on, now. Too much time on their hands. That's what they've got, Rob. But then I weren't bothered until the announcement. I was like, fucking come on, Blue. Fucking come on, Blue. How did Blue do? I had Blue on by accident as well,

and I hope they didn't think I was a prick, but I weren't. Blue's won, actually. So her form group won. And did you go up to the Reds in their faces and go, ah, that. I went, you're shit. Absolutely have it.

And you know you are. You're shit. You're not singing anymore. Mug, mug. And I was doing cutthroat to him like that. I was like, fuck you, mug. Wanker, wanker, wanker. It was good because you knew the police would hold you back.

So you could do whatever you wanted, but they couldn't get you. I'm going to request segregation next time between the different colours of the teams. So this is what I was talking about. My daughter, because she's a bit more like composed rather than bull in a china shop she did really well in the uh beanbag on the racket because so she she was running she was about fifth again because she's about that speed in her class but then as it got towards the end a couple of them were a bit erratic and dropped the beanbag and she finished third which she was really happy with like one of those horses in the grand national that's just there or thereabouts keeps on going tortoise and the hare so she was really happy she came third and um she didn't drop her

beam she was more excited that she didn't drop a beanbag than finishing third or being quite higher up the finishing which i thought was quite interesting where like the youngest one you've got two very different daughters there but you know what's really interesting i think there's a bit of a metaphor from life about this all the kids were running all that's doing just run forward or run and holding the beanbag so it didn't matter it weren't like a game of rugby where you're marking someone or a game of football where you've got to get tight on them and if you don't they'll pass and get through so it's you're totally on your own but every kid without fail was running really well but then halfway down they looked either side of them to see where they were.

And as soon as they did that, they slowed down and didn't do as well. And it didn't matter if they were slow kids, fast kids or whatever. Every single child that looked at another person did shitter because they got so consumed by how am I doing, what everyone else is doing. But actually, if they just didn't and just ran,

they would have done so much better. But that's life, isn't it? And we do that as adults. Exactly, Rob. But it's so interesting seeing children do it. Do you know what? And you should have taken the microphone where they announced and said,

we're all learning a lesson about life here today, children. What are we learning? Focus on yourselves. Don't worry about other people's unless they've got red pom-poms like a pair of pricks. Yeah, exactly. Well, maybe that wasn't a good example because I'm not sort of showing how that is. I should ignore them.

But it happens in top-level athletics as well. Yes. So the people that look left and right during the 100 metres, it always does them in as well. Yeah, and it was so interesting because without foul, every kid that did that went slower. And it doesn't help you by seeing where anyone else is because it's not going to make you faster if you see them, is it? No, exactly. Anyway, but yeah, it was really good. I really enjoyed it.

They did it really well. The kids loved it. They did winners as well, which I thought was good. They said like that form one, where some sports days are doing this where everybody's won. Well, no, not. That's not how sport works, is it? You've got to have winners.

You've got to have losers. Yeah, I mean, when I was at primary school, Rob, there was only four kids in my year, so everyone was a winner. Yeah, how did you get on in sports day? Do you know what? I was very good at the dressing up race. Did you do the dressing up race? school, Rob. There was only four kids in my year, so everyone was a winner. Yeah. How did you get on in sports day? Do you know what? I was very good at the dressing up race. Did you do the dressing up race?

No, no. So you'd run, and then you'd have to put on a load of clothes, like wellies, a coat, a hat. Right, okay. And then you'd run a bit, run back, take it all off and run back. I won it two years in a row. Well done. And then I went on to secondary school, so I basically retired undefeated.

Well done, and there were more people there. Yeah, well well there was no dressing up race no dressing up race we were doing pop sports by that point I used to hate sports day really

oh I hated it oh I couldn't stand it the triple jump god I do think as you get into secondary school the javelin I had to do shot put

just because I was fat you do shot put why because I'm fat yes alright so I did it yeah in my brother's year

the bloke who won javelin because they didn't taught him how to do javel. All right. So I did it, yeah. In my brother's year, the bloke who won javelin, because they didn't taught him how to do javelin properly. Everyone fought it and did it wrong. He just walked up to it and just stabbed it in the ground half a foot. This happened at our school as well. And the guy got disqualified for not playing to the spirit of the game. Fuck the spirit of the game.

It's not how it works. Yeah, I think you've seen a loophole and you've gone for it. Exactly. And also there was a little bit of thumb on beanbag action on this sports day. I noticed a few kids thumb on the beanbag. Don't like to see it, Josh. Oh, they do. That is a shame.

It is a real shame. That is not what makes Britain great, is it? Do you know what the problem is, though? That's definitely going to be my youngest when she does it. Oh, mate, your youngest could have tethered the beanbag to the tennis racket. She'd be knocking it out of the other kids' hands, headbutting them and running off.

Yeah, tying their shoelaces together like she's in the Beano, that kind of thing. Oh, yeah, so I picked her up from school yesterday, right, at preschool. Yeah. Because she's quite tall for her age. She's about the same height as my eldest. She came out in a dress that was way too short. It looked like an 18-year-old going to a school.

Oh, my granddad? No, but, no, but, Josh. You're not going out in that. No, because it was for a younger girl. It was for, like, she's tall, and it was for, like, a three-year-old, and that's the only one there in the spare uniform. But it looked like an 18-year-old going to, like, a school disco nightclub. It was so short.

And her arms are all short up there. And the teacher went, yeah, she had a water fight, and she got completely soaked, so we had to put that on her. And she's refusing to put her shoes on the right feet because she likes it this way. She walks around with her shoes on the wrong feet. She's out of control, Rob. She is. You've lost the dressing room.

She's very much her own person at four. She is. At four. Meanwhile, your other daughter's upstairs just having some chill time oh she's chill out she's good as she goes

it was a heat wave when it was 34 last week she went in and she went I need to wear my cardigan in and he was like

no you don't have to it's too hot she went no but it says in the rules I've got to wear my cardigan so she wore her

cardigan in and then took it off she loves the rules she's so is it fair to say that one of your daughters is Lou and the other one

is Rob is that fair to say yeah I think that is fair to say yeah one's Lou one's Rob so we other one is Rob? Is that fair to say? Yeah, I think that is fair to say. Yeah. One's Lou, one's Rob, so we've got a pair, but it's nice. It's good, actually, because I think they play better because they're different. If they were both trying to do the same thing, then they're, you know...

Mate, if your older daughter was like your younger daughter, it'd be like the craze. It'd be like... Oh, God, no. I think she'll be... Once she gets to score, I think it'll calm her down. Yeah, that'll work. That'll definitely happen. Yeah, her parents never said that before, have they?

That was one of the most desperate things I've ever heard. As opposed to the sort of preschool she's already in. Yeah, yeah, but a different school. Yeah, yeah. And the rules. What she needs is more rules to break. Once she's got that cardigan on, that'll keep her in line. That'll be fine.

Yeah, but she's got such a cheeky little face when she's doing it though it's really hard to keep a straight face you know i mean yeah yeah oh god yeah um right yeah to me anyway right do you want some instagram messages josh yeah we haven't discussed father's day rob oh yes father's day um i i don't a bit of an anti-climax i don't really do father's day well this is my father's day my daughter did a card for me from school which which was nice. Yeah. The other one, we paid like a quid or something. She came home with some sweets that were supposed to be for me. She ate them before I saw her. Oh, yeah.

Was that the younger daughter? Yeah. You guessed it. Lou got me some socks from the girls. And I had a lie-in. We had a bit of breakfast and I went to work um oh mate i did such a funny show it's coming out in a few weeks so i was a judge on a drag show it's called a queen for the night yeah and it's famous people doing drag and doing drag performances wow and

you what you're a guest judge yeah because part of it is they all do different genres so someone's singing and dancing so mel c from the spice Spice Girls was there. Courtney Act, a drag queen. And then Leighton Williams, who was in There's Something About Jamie. Right. So they're doing all that feedback on that. But then there also was a comedy and impressions. So I was sort of drafted in for doing that. And it was so funny.

So can you tell me who's doing the drag act? I can tell you. Lorraine Kelly's the host. Right. And then basically there's all these celebs. And then they've got drag queen mentors that are good at that

specialism so there was magic impressions comedy lip syncing singing dancing all sorts right so the people on it

you're going to absolutely love this line up okay it had George Shelley from Union J Chris Hughes from Love Island right yeah

is that why we were discussing Union J the other week? I must have been in my subconscious. Simon Gregson from Coronation Street. Steve McDonald. Steve McDonald. Big time.

Steve McDonald. Oh, wow. What was he like? Oh, you can't say, sorry. Yeah, I can't tell you how he went, but he was on it. And then England rugby player, Joe Marla. Right, yeah. He's an absolute beast of a man.

I bet he is. He had Adam Woodjatt, Ian Beale. Ian Beale? Adam Woodjatt? He Ian Beale Adam Woodjack he's finally got another gig yeah and Mr Motivator oh

this is my scene it was so Steve McDonald Ian Beale and Mr Motivator doing drag when's it on ITV presumably

yeah in a couple of months I think November time maybe I'm not sure they've got an edit but it was so good because basically but there's a bit I don't want to spoil it but basically like maybe. I'm not sure. They've got to edit it, but it was so good. Because basically... But there's a bit. I don't want to spoil it, but basically,

when they introduce the drag queen, and they've got their new name, they come up on this sort of thing that lifts them up from underneath with smoke, and you just see them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mate, it's like sort of Yo Sushi, but for celebs in drag.

I could watch celebrities come up on this lift forever until I died. It's amazing. the feeling of waiting to see what ian bill slash adam woodjet will look like in drag my word the buzz was unbelievable and because it had loads of good drag queens on it it was good did he have an ian bill based drag name i can't tell you anymore oh okay what they did and how it went but it's definitely amazing i was there obviously for the whole thing and it's going to get edited down but i enjoyed all of it well you know what like sometimes tv records drag it was fucking mental mate i loved it that is brilliant oh my god i can't wait for that yeah

that'll be good enough few instagrams before we head yes i've got loads of instagrams for you some really good ones a good one here to make tom Crane feel better. Oh, my word. You know his WhatsApp mishap last week. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sending this in just to make Tom Crane feel a lot better. He seems a lovely chap. My son attended a very fancy prep school in the RBOKC. Is that the Royal Borough of... Of Kensington and Chelsea.

Robocock. Robocock. Yeah. So, yeah, Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea. Allocock. Robocock. Yeah. So, yeah, Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea. All very fancy. Yeah, very nice. The parents introduced themselves on the class WhatsApp group. All very nice.

My sister asked via WhatsApp, what do they seem like? And I jokingly said, cunts. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah, you know where it's going. Yeah. I thought it was strange she hadn't responded. And the blood drained from my face when i checked my

phone i sent the message to the class group i obviously deleted it but let's it's fair to say oh yeah after 30 minutes everyone had seen it oh you could check the blue you could have checked the blue ticks to see who had actually seen him it wasn't mentioned until i became good friends with a few parents and they all said they peed themselves reading it i hope this makes tom feel better so maybe tom you'll be all right it just takes a little bit of time you'll laugh about it one day whatsapp mishaps ideal we're looking for whatsapp mishaps yep perfect yeah kid related or non-kid related it's absolutely fine um reasons for getting called into school do you want a couple of these? Yeah. There we go.

Hi, guys. Was listening to your podcast regarding reasons parents were called into school and sparked a memory of when my late uncle, Dave, was asked to go for a meeting with the head teacher. Dave had brought his son, Greg, aged six at the time, a game for his Xbox. As it was a surprise and he had nowhere to put it, he hid it down his trousers and took it out to give it to him son, saying, surprise, I've got you this game greg was made up greg went into school the next day and told the class daddy pulled out a special surprise from his trousers but omitted to say what it was

when questioned he said it was a massive magic surprise oh my word dave then received a call from the school to summon him for a meeting as a school were quite concerned about the whole trouser surprise no he obviously explained the situation and they saw the funny side absolutely love listening to podcast kind wishes jamie but j-a-i-m-e jame j-a-i-m-e jame or jane jane j-a-i-m-E. Jame? Or Jame? Jame. Jame. Yeah, J-A-I-M-E. Well, apologies if we got that wrong. Jame. Jame. Jame. Jame.

Jame. Yeah, that's not ideal, is it? The old trouser surprise. No, but also, if the school's thinking this is big enough of a deal that we're going to have to investigate, you could easily improvise that cover story. Do you know what I mean? Also, like, put the game behind your back in your pocket.

What was the game? An Xbox game. So it's only like as big as a DVD box. Yeah. What, down his trousers? I do think it, I think that is weird.

That is weird, yeah. I just don't think, when you're surprising a child, nothing should be whipped out of your pants. Whatever it is. Is he, he's putting it between

his pants and trousers, I'd hope. He's not putting it... Yeah, I don't think it's on peanut, no, yeah. There's not like a pube caught in Grand Theft not putting it... Yeah, I don't think it's on peanut. No, yeah. There's not, like, a pube caught in Grand Theft Auto. No, no, I don't think there is for great reference. It took a lot of bad driving to get the police on you,

I always felt, in Grand Theft Auto. Yeah, yeah. Like, even a small traffic offence and the police should be after you, really. Well, yeah, I know, but it would make it a harder game to play. What, if they just did you for not indicating? Yeah, or they clamped your car.

Yeah, you actually parked it in the wrong place. And you've gone to shoot some people in a building. It gets quite boring if you just go into the yard to pay the release fee of your car that's been towed. Yeah, fair enough, fair enough. Anyway, here we go. So we've got another one here. Morning, fellas.

Long-time listener, first-time caller. You asked for examples as to why you have been called into school. So I thought I'd write in with my story. During the third lockdown, makes you feel sick, in March 2021, it was my birthday. As we couldn't go anywhere or do anything, we decided to go for a long walk along the seafront. We live in Portsmouth.

We got a coffee and decided to stop to throw stones into the sea. My wife and I were sat at the top of the beach watching my then nine-year-old son and seven-year-old daughter throw stones into the sea my wife and i were sat at the top of the beach watching my then nine-year-old son and seven-year-old daughter throw stones into the water my son came up and laid down in front of me whilst my daughter stayed down by the sea throwing the stones i was playfully dropping the pebbles on his legs and he was dropping them on my feet we're quite a sarcastic family and my son was jokingly saying it was unfair that he was getting stones thrown on him and that i obviously love my daughter more because I'm not throwing them at her.

In a sort of fun, I'm-a-cool-dad-jokey way to prove him wrong, I pretended to throw a stone at my daughter, who was easily 50 metres away by the sea. And as I threw it, I said, See, I love you both equally. As with no aim whatsoever, I pretended to launch a pebble at my daughter. However, I did actually release the pebble.

Yeah. And it was thrown in a general direction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As I threw it, it took off and headed straight to Walter. As it was getting closer to her, she turned around and then suddenly hit her square on the forehead just above the eyebrow. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is it?

She screamed a blood-curdling scream I'll never forget. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She screamed. What is it? She screamed a blood-curdling scream I'll never forget. Oh my God. My wife looked at me like I was a dick and darted down. Yeah, understandably. But what an arm on him. And I darted down to see if she was okay. As I got to her, just above her eyebrow, it had immediately swelled up to the size of a tennis ball,

and she was in such a state, she was struggling to catch her breath through shock. my god she's seven years old i carried her back she sat with my wife so she could console her as she calmed down she looked at me in the eyes and said i'm so sorry i cried and ruined your birthday daddy oh my god oh that's that's awful oh my god no no no no no which is obviously he'd thrown is obviously... Did she know he'd thrown it? Yeah, well, I don't know. I think she's a bit dazed at this point. Which is obviously the worst thing you can hear from your daughter.

Oh, my God. That accident cost me a complete revamp of her bedroom, including new bed, wardrobe and telly in her room. All in all, spending about... She's absolutely played him. All in all, spending about 900 quid. Worst decision ever made and idiot tax of the highest order. Oh, my word.

Anyway, school reopened at the start of March, and my daughter went in... We're still going. This story's still going. Yeah, it gets worse. My daughter went in with a pretty noticeable green bruise and lump on her head. When the teacher asked how she had done it, her response was, Daddy threw a stone at my head to show my brother how much he loved him. Oh, my God. Followed by, was daddy threw a stone at my head to show my brother how much he loved him oh my god followed

by it's okay though because he brought me loads of stuff to make up for it oh my god which makes it sounds like i'd beaten her and then brought her nice things to keep her quiet that is incredible school called my wife and asked if everyone was safe and and if they needed to intervene my wife explained the situation and thankfully they understood it was an accident luke from portsmouth incredible unbelievable poor old luke well poor girl absolutely astonishing yeah poor girl well do you want to do a small business yeah that is absolutely strong stuff isn't it really strong stuff if you've got anything on being called into school or parents whats WhatsApp groups, do send them in.

Send them in. Also, I've got this one as well. Celebs in weird places. I served Mike Tyson in Blockbuster, Gorton, Manchester in 2006. He was in Manchester to referee some kind of charity fight from Steve Holden. There's a curry house on the curry mile called Lal Keeler, which has got a picture of Mike Tyson having a curry in it in Manchester.

I wonder if it was on the same trip. Oh, what a night Tyson had. Curry and blockbuster. Curry and a blockbuster. Why not? Good on him. It just shows even the rich can enjoy a blockbuster and a curry. Multi-millionaire Tyson.

Right, we need small business shout-outs. Right, how about this one? I just heard that Josh enjoyed, despite poor sleep, his stay in Whitstable, so thought it might be a good moment to request a small business shout-out for my husband's business in Whitstable. His name is John Hogbin. What a name. The Hogbin.

Go on, Hogger. Hoggy, Hoggy, Hoggy. The Hogbin. The Hogbin. And he makes coastal-inspired lino prints and paintings. He started selling his artwork in a fisherman's hut in the harbour in 2016, about six months after we had our son his website is www.forshorearts now i'll spell that four as in f-o-r-e shore

s-h-o-r-e arts a-r-t-s.com i know you'd appreciate a shout out and we'd love to see you when you come to whitstable again thank you so much all the best Reshenda Hogbin there we go Reshenda Hogbin Vincenda and John Hogbin Vincenda and John Hogbin what some actually unbelievable names

like poems Vincenda Hogbin the VH I've got this one here here we go hi a while back you talked about

trying to give more geographically diverse small business shout outs how about one all the way across the pond well this was basically wichita ball was a bit of a push well no we've had a lot in the southeast of london so we're trying to do some more up north but this one my father and stepmother own an organic cafe in austin texas oh wow yes please it's been a bit of a struggle and they've managed to survive through the pandemic and in fact recently moved to a slightly large location.

Oh, good work. They have great coffee and tea as well as pastry, sandwiches and entrees. The pancakes, what are entrees? Like main meals? Like sides? Don't know. Don't know. The pancakes are a particular highlight and everything is made with 90% organic ingredients.

I mean, that's 90%. 90? Come on. Go all in. What's the 10? What the fuck's the 10 haribo just some haribo in each thing and everything's made of 90 organic ingredients including many from partnerships with local farmers the address is 2915 guadalupe street or you can check them out out at pasha cafe p-a-c-h-a cafe c-a-f-e.com or pasha underscore cafe on instagram they do dining delivery that's good for anyone in the uk i don't know if they deliver that far and pick up thanks very much rosie right i'll tell you what if anyone is listening near austin texas or he's going you've

got to go to pasha cafe and take a photo and send it to us, and we'll put it on our Instagram. Yes, please. Let's see how far this podcast spreads. Imagine getting a photo from Pasha Cafe. I love that they've struggled, but they've still moved to a bigger location. That's the kind of can-do attitude you only get in the States. Eight to eight. Oh, it looks great.

They've got massive eggs. I wonder if they're the organic bit. All I keep doing, though, is looking at their dinners and go, what 10% of that? What's the 10%? What's the 10% that's not organic? Where's the 10% on that? Looks nice, though, is looking at their dinners and go, what 10% of that? What's the 10%? What's the 10% that's not organic? Where's the 10% on that? Looks nice, though, the cafe.

Well, there we go. I'll never go to it. Let's be honest. It's no fault of the cafe. There's no point in me looking at the menu. It's in Austin, Texas. I live in London. I'd get you there.

100% organic? Yeah, I'd fly out's in Austin, Texas. I live in London. I'd get in there, 100% organic. Yeah, I'd fly out 100%. Yeah, sure. No. Okay, we should do a live episode from the Pasha Cafe. Yeah, we should. I'm more than happy to. Actually, I'm not going to do that.

No. It's a lot of hassle, isn't it, just to go and sit in a cafe for an hour and fly back? We can say we're there. It's easier. I don't even come to yours in East London. Exactly. We're not flying to Austin to do a live episode.

I tell you what, shove your cafe out of your fucking arse, Rosie. There's a middle ground, Rob. Okay, sorry. Now, see you on Friday. See you on Friday with another episode of Interviewing Parents. Bye. Bye.