Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S04 EP44: Josh Pugh

Episode Date: July 1, 2022

S04 EP44: Josh Pugh Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Josh Pugh.You can find Josh on instagram: @joshpughcomicAnd his Edinburgh show 'Sausage, Egg, Josh Pugh, Chips & Beans' is on at 14:10 from Wed 3rd August at Monkey Barrel Comedy. Thanks, Rob + Josh.BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book! ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth.⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents)⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them... [e-mail]'s it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)?And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick?Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike.Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here: https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBookWe're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK?Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there...ON SALE NOW 14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena19th April 2023 - Nottingham20th April 2023 - Cardiff 21st April 2023 - London (The O2)23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley)28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Josh, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say... I say Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe.

Josh Widdicombe. There we go. You love her, there we go. I do, don't I? You do, you have a certain little... For somebody who's studied linguistics, you have a certain few little phrases you use a lot. I know, I do fall back on the same kind of tropes, don't I? Hi, sexy Rob, sexy Josh and sexy Michael.

Yes, please. This is my very excited two-year-old, Joshy. We live in Newbury with my seven-year-old Oliver, four-year-old Sophie and husband Steve. I was born in... Oh, am I guessing? I don't know. Essex.

I have an Essex twang, which someone wants confused for being Australian. I absolutely love the podcast and I've got my mum friends to listen to. I was a bit behind in episodes, so to up i would listen at increased speed oh which was entertaining especially when josh had taken the sleeping pills i think you're influenced as well as i bought a puddle jumper for our holidays thank you for being so relatable hayley aged 504 months there we go About 40

I was thinking Everyone keeps asking about them puddle jumper things For the holiday and they are really good But I was thinking well maybe we should bring out our own puddle jumper merch And I thought oh no fuck that Imagine the safety guidelines Of us just knocking it out and the kids fucking struggling in a bowl Oh my god

Imagine having to put out the statement Hello Michael to Parenting Hell, if you have bought a puddle jumper, please do not use it. We will give you your money back. Yeah. Unfortunately, there was a translation error with the Chinese factory, and when we wanted loose neck written on them, they put on a loose strap.

We're very sorry about this, but please dispose of them or send them back to us. But yes, let's leave that. Leave that as merch. Also, we are going up to seven episodes a week in an attempt to make back the money we lost on the Puddle Jumpers. And if you could all please send the link to this podcast to

any family or parenting WhatsApp group to increase numbers, we could do with your support at this difficult time. Because not only have we got no money now, we are having to pay back 300 billion in compensation. How are you, Josh? I'm all right, yeah. It's Friday, Josh.

It's Friday. It's guest day. Thursday, Friday. It's Friday. Do you know that one with the man dancing out the car no how do you not know things what do you fill your day with if you're not scrolling

on Instagram or TikTok well what do I fill my day with yeah do you read coffee do I read think no I parent or you parent or I if parent. You parent. Or I... If I'm looking at my phone,

WhatsApp groups, I'm big on a WhatsApp group. Yeah, you've got a lot of them, haven't you? That's a lot of admin for you. That's your main social media. I like to be a big name on a WhatsApp group. You know, I like to be leading the chat. You are, I'd say,

and all the WhatsApp groups I'm in with you, you're bringing the dinner to share. Yeah. You're bringing the screen grab of Twitter of something weird. And what I like to do, get a screen grab from another WhatsApp group, move it to another WhatsApp group and make myself the central

cog of that WhatsApp group. You're like a drug dealer that's cutting it all up with a pair of set of moles and sending it round. I know what you're up to. Josh, I've got a few boomer stories for us before we bring in our guest. Here we go. Hi. Well, Josh, I've got a few boomer stories. Yes, please. Before we bring in our guests. Go on.

Here we go. Hi, you sexy tarts. Rob and Josh. Yeah, thank you very much. Start being called a tart. Yeah, I don't mind it. That's from Megan. My best friend, born in 1987, was so excited when her first tooth was taken by the tooth fairy that the next time she lost a tooth, she wrote a lovely little note to go under the pillow with it.

The note thanked the tooth fairy for working so hard collecting all the children's teeth. It's very cute, isn't it? And asked her what she looked like. In response, her boomer dad drew a horrifying, scratchy, black barrow sketch of an insect-like creature with bulging eyes.

Oh my god. Bulging eyes like a fly, huge fangs sticking out of its mouth, and big hairy wings. Fuck off. She found it under a pillow the next morning and was obviously completely terrified to ever lose another tooth. Oh, my God. Completely refusing to wobble them when they were wobbling.

She even hid ones that fell out, thinking the creature would return when she was asleep. Oh, my word, that is brutal. Her dad found it hilarious and still laughs about it now when we bring it up. Classic boomers, Megan. That is horrible. Oh, wow, that's is brutal. Her dad found it hilarious and still laughs about it now when we bring it up. Classic boomers, Megan. That is horrible. Oh, wow, that's incredible, isn't it?

I reckon that dad still thinks that's fine. Yeah, I mean, you can't back down. You can't say it was me. There's no way of getting out of her believing that without her finding something else out. Still finding it funny. Or he could have done another one, just saying, only joking, and then a pretty little fairy.

Oh, I've just heard our arcado arrive arrive rob okay well one more and you can unpack it before no no no i was i was gonna say can you spin this out a bit so rose let's do all the unpacking anyway so boomer school in this is called josh yeah back in primary school around nine or ten the whole school gathered in the hall. We had no idea what was happening. As we all sat down, all the teachers gathered at the front of the hall and began to tell us that the world was about to be attacked by aliens. What? And the world was going to end and we would all die. Fuck off.

We were to collect our younger siblings and go straight home where we would be met with our parents to prepare for the worst. No. This is nine or ten. As as you can imagine we were all beside ourselves children were sobbing everywhere kids immediately ran out to find their brothers and sisters some kids ran home immediately it went into bedlam after a few minutes they quieted everyone down and got all the kids back and explained we were only joking what now we want you to all go away and write about how that made you feel. Whoa. Write to who? Childline?

Ofsted? As a primary school teacher, I can only imagine the Daily Mail headlines nowadays. But seriously, what a bonkers way to get children to write. That is incredible. Charlotte, but with an S instead of a C. That is incredible. Keep up the good work. That is incredible. Many thanks. Charlotte, but with an S instead of a C. Oh. That is incredible. That is so terrifying.

That's one of my favourite Boomer stories we've had. It's a good one, isn't it? How would you have reacted in that situation? I'd have been petrified. I'd have burst into tears immediately. Yeah. Probably not written anything and went home. Sad.

Yeah. Like most children would react, I think. Yeah, exactly. Mental thing to do. Got our guest on today, Josh Pugh. Great interview. Great guy. Great guy. Enjoy. Great, yeah. Just, do you know what? yeah exactly mental thing to do got our guest on today Josh Pugh great interview great guy great guy

great yeah just do you know what very funny man what we're gonna do I'm not gonna give it any intro and say what happened during it because between me and you

this was recorded first stop ruining the illusion Josh sorry basically he might he might it might I think it will be funny

yeah we can't tell you if this is it might. I think it will be funny. Yeah. We can't tell you if this is good. It will be though. It will be though. Work it out on the length of the episode. Do your own maths. That's how I work out if our Tuesday ones have been good.

The heartbreak when I see 36 minutes. What Michael's had to do with that turd he's polished um right anyway enjoy josh pew and uh we'll see you on tuesday hello josh pew how are you i'm very well josh widdicombe how are you good it's quite confusing isn't it because i don't often meet other joshes yeah but we should we're two of us. We should know. You know, if I'm addressing you, it's you. I think I'm going to have the bigger problem. Yeah.

Yeah, in many ways. We're fine. Yeah, that's a good point. What's your family set up, Josh? Just to give people a picture at home. So it's at home, it's me, my wife, and my baby boy, who is six months, nearly seven months. Oh. So so i'm fresh you're fresh the opposite of fresh fresh to parenting yeah physically not massively fresh he's um

he's he's stopped sleeping the last two weeks oh so you nailed it and now it's not nailed is is it the regression stage is that it yes they have that regression it's uh it's tricky he's um he's kind of doing maximum 45 minutes ago at the minute oh my god josh and god how are you dealing with that yes it's tricky but then he'll just sleep all day yeah he's um i think your problem is he's sleeping all day there mate with that yeah that's it's kind of causing effect in it I went swimming with him yesterday

he fell asleep in the pool I was like he's got this yeah did he just sink or did he float how does that work at that point yeah the swimming's great. I don't know if yours when they were little, but the swimming, it's magic.

They're just kind of floating about and doing songs. But it's agony on the lower back. As quite a tall guy, you kind of... So have you not got a float for him then, or is you just holding him? So you're just holding him, yeah. It's just about getting the coach ball. You need a float, mate. You need a float. i've got a float for you how are you coping though

that's the issue at the moment for you in it to sleep it's all right mate but i can't i can't moan because my wife's doing more that what what's actually bothering me is not going to have to moan about not sleeping so is she working or not working and looking after what's this how much she's off but he's um he's breastfed so she right so much i can do in the night so she's doing the majority of the night stuff and do you feel do you just because i used to feel like there's only so much i can do but i still feel i should show my face do you know what i mean like i'll kind of sit up what what well i it's kind of in my interest to wake up as well because i kind of she's linked to my amazon

and she's in that she's in that period where, you know, you're just middle of the night just searching for answers. Yeah. And if I'm not there during that, I'll just wake up to emails saying, thanks for your order, and it's just different stuff from ours, and she's tried to solve the situation there. What have you had on the list?

What's been, what's come through as the song? Different, like, swaddle stuff, nasal things, like, plug-ins. Of the thing you blow in their nose to get rid of snot? Just everything. Have you done that one? You suck, don't you? You suck the snot out. Yeah, I did actually try it manually as well.

Yeah, it's horrible. Did you get it out? Tiniest bit, not worth it. So, at night, what are you doing? You're waking up just to kind of make sure she doesn't buy stuff on amazon so he kind of um he kind of goes down second break of love island yeah he gets taken he gets taken up and then the last 30 minutes of love island he's kind of like stirring so we're up and down to him i think he likes the colors and the stings on love island

that all that what time is like sorry to be this guy oh fucking fucking loose in your neck you stiff fucking idiot fuck me you don't watch love island what are you watching no wonder you're miserable what what come on look you gotta watch Island. Watch other people that are having a worse time than you makes you happy. That's how it works. I don't want to watch Michael Daughters, Michael Daughters Owen, Mike Lohan's daughter.

So he's on at nine, right? So he's going down about half nine. So weirdly, actually, he goes down at the same time

as the contestants go to bed because that's kind of halfway through the episode. So he's like in bed, infrared watching him on infrared they were watching like the contestants on infrared having chats but then he's up by the end of it and we kind of yeah it's hard we've literally tried everything and it's kind of so hard not to have him i'll just put him in the bed yeah that's tough are you tempted yeah well i think after we've done it like 10 times in the night by the 11th time i'm thinking if he's not just having me in with us generally he's not

done it the first 10 times what is it about this time which is going to make him yeah it's it's hard it's really hard have you tried Have you had a sleep trainer come in? No. Why is that? You say you tried everything. This is the key. You've not even tried Love Island, Josh. Come on. You're all learning. So this is the key, Josh.

They can give you advice on what you should be doing. Because this is how I learned that I shouldn't be getting up at 4.30 with my son to watch the Paralympics. That was an error. She was like, you can't be doing. Because this is how I learnt that I shouldn't be getting up at 4.30 with my son to watch the Paralympics. That was an error. She was like, you can't be doing that. And I've been doing it. Watch the main one. Don't watch that. She's really sort of

a big gammon woman on the phone. Don't be watching that. Can you ring her? Is she like a 24-7 thing where you can ring her in the morning and be like, what the... What the fuck was that? You speak to him. You tell him to go down because he ain't listening to me.

I mean, I'm not saying it's a foolproof idea. I'm just saying... It worked for you. You said you've tried everything. You've tried sucking on his nose, but you haven't tried getting advice from someone who knows about child sleep is it very much the actions of a sleep deprived man josh we've got this we've got this owl it's called it's like um it's like a sensor so if he if he stirs it sets

off white noise which is right next to him. And that's supposed to settle him again. But what keeps happening, I keep, a couple of times I've farted, it's set the hour off and then that's woke him up. Yeah. So is he still in the cot in your room at this stage? Because it's about six, seven months you move him into another room, isn't it? Yeah. But he was in his own room, which my wife insisted on, that needed to be finished and decorated before he was so he was in his own room which my wife insisted on that needed to be finished and

decorated before he was born yeah so he was in there for about a week and now he's back in the next week just because it's easy to keep getting up and trying to settle him again so it's one week in his own room and is that do you think it's that that it i don't know so it what worked was he used to be swaddled which he he really liked. He slept fantastic with that. But now he can roll and you can't swaddle him. So he's kind of like, it's like his arms are waking him up. He's kind of, it's a really, yeah. I shouldn't be laughing, but it is an awful time in your life.

This is the first time you've been smug on a record for ages, Josh, because you've got a one-year-old. It's just taken me back. Because I'll be honest with you, this was my life. And now I've just realised that I'm kind of through this bit and I'm the kind of idiot that's giving advice to people who are within this bit. It's like Josh Mark Pugh.

Do you like that pun? Yeah, that's really good. You know what, that's really nice. But he wants to be asleep. He's not waking up, you know, like you're saying, getting up at half four with him.

Yeah. He wants to be asleep. He doesn't want to get up. Yeah. He just wants to be held and... Have you considered just holding him all night? Well,

my wife has pretty much done that a couple of times yeah it's like oh my god so how how are you like you're not up in the night as much but like this is quite a a tough time for you in your career at this stage because you're i think you're probably own kid about the same time as i had my kid and you're you're really coming through at the moment and like you know you're destined to be you know a household name it feels like from you notice it when you talk to people everyone goes oh yeah josh pew's really good or you hear like before i've never seen you live yet but you hear people talking about you so you're at that point now you're getting a thousand different offers to

do these different things but you can't really say no to anything yet because you're established you're establishing yourself and you've got to make sure you've got your foot kept in the circuit so you don't look like you've gone too big time you've got to make sure you've got your foot kept in the circuit so you don't look like you've gone too big time. You've got to make sure your Edinburgh show is really good, but also these TV jobs keep coming in, either writing or appearing on it. So you're doing about 15 different jobs at once and you've got to say yes to everything. How are you coping to squeeze all that in and still be there to do the baby stuff? I think I'm having an anxiety attack.

Yeah, that is how my brain is going. I think I'm having an anxiety attack. Yeah. Sorry to make that worse. Yeah. Yeah. That is like how my brain is going. Yeah. And then on top of that, you've got to also like be creative and funny. It's one thing,

one thing doing the jobs, you know? Yeah. But it's, it's just, yeah. But you know, it's at the same time,

it's a blessing to everyone's stuff. But at the same time. We read it that bit out Josh. No, we know that. We take that as read, you know, at the same time, it's a blessing to have him and stuff. But at the same time... Oh, we read it that bit out, Josh. No, we know that. We take that as read. But, yeah, it's a difficult time for you from a career point of view because this is sort of the busiest you'll ever be kind of thing as you're on the way up. But, yeah, it's busy, man.

It's busy. But what can you do? I'm up for just letting him cry a bit, but my wife's not into trying that. Well, we had to do Cry It Out in the end. We didn't want to do cry out at all it's quite against it we had to in the end because nothing else worked yeah and and and it worked yeah and it was horrible for like a week or so but then afterwards it was nice it actually the long term is your child sleeps longer and better because they just get used to it. And they're not, because he's not having a great time.

If he's falling asleep in the swimming pool, he's not having a relaxed night as it is. So it's not like he's waking up loving life after all this being awake all night. So it might be worth a go. But we were like, you know, that was one thing that me and Lou said we'd never do. And then obviously, before you know it, you're in there.

Like me at Osher Beach last week. Refused to ever go back there. I was in there a day later. So what I've learned about life is it's quite good to not have opinions or principles and just sort of accept your fate. But it's mad how you hold these. I know we'll have the same thing with like tablets and iPads. Like at the minute we're dead against it, but I know when they get to a certain age,

we'll just die. We could be able to get on this. Get on this. It's absolutely coming. Do you, and you've been on holiday with him, haven't you? Yeah,

we have. Yeah, we went to Tenerife a couple of weeks ago. That was, that was good. He's at an age where you can just park him in the sun. Not in the sun. That's the opposite of what you do.

I wonder if he's not sleeping, poor fuck. He's still Little red bastard. Burnt arms. Just stick him in the shade and you can... I mean, I got through three books, which tells you how much pain I was doing. Honestly, me and Lou did that.

We went to Copenhagen with a six-month-old and it was brilliant because they're just in a buggy. They can't walk. You just push them around and then you sit in the sun, sit on the beach, sit by the pool, and they're happy in the buggy being fed and sleeping yeah it's great so it's it's a good time to go i'd say six months and you kind of when you've got a young but you kind of the let people let you in front of them in the queues it's quite um and i'm all up for exploiting that as much as possible do you know

i mean it's yeah it's a good age to go away with them yeah and i think what I would say is though Josh you probably won't be able to enjoy a holiday until they're four now yeah so you've had that but just remember that next time you try and go away that four years of age is probably the next point that you'll be able to enjoy it but I don't want to bring you down anymore no did anything surely something bad happened on the holiday didn't it come on tell me this because I was I was i was enjoying you know your bad sleep but now after quite an intense holiday i'm feeling like i don't need this thrown in my face no it's all it's all good you know what gets me and this is i hate carrying stuff i hate i hate holding things and when you when you've got a baby you constantly

you you've constantly got your hands full. Or it's, and I struggle with that a little bit, which is such a... Are you normally just a phone and wallet and keys guy out the door? Yeah, totally. That's it. I never used to have a school bag.

I didn't take a bag to school. You didn't take a bag to school? I used to put my books in other people's bags. That's why you're so quick at reading. Fuck carrying them, eh? Yeah. I was just, yeah, taking real liberties, actually. But just kind of, I don't want to carry stuff. books in other people's bags. That's why you're so quick at reading. Fuck carrying them, eh? Yeah. I was just,

yeah, taking real liberties actually, but just kind of, I don't want to carry stuff. So wait, you didn't have a school bag. You just, deposit your books in other people's bags.

Who, what, what, going to be in that? Yeah, I used to have a pen in my pocket. Yeah. I'd have the odd booklet I'd just roll up and put in my pocket.

But then most of them would just be in other people's bags and just give them away when we get in there. What was your issue with school bags? I just didn't want to carry anything Josh. You didn't want to... Josh loved a f***ing bag didn't you? Little protractor in there, not even got matched that day. Yeah I had a bag with a file of f***ing, f*** it why not, let's enjoy ourselves. Well then pull along ones on there like they've become The Apprentice. Little wheelie laptop case. There was nothing bad happened on the holiday at all, Josh. It was all fine. The flight, okay.

Four-hour flight, it's hard work, Tenerife. Yeah, I underestimated the flight. It was okay. We were delayed on the way back, but he just, he didn't poo. Actually, this was probably, he didn't poo for a week leading up to it. Oh, no. It was a flight. Yeah, I don't think he was nervous about the flight i think it was a coincidence and then we got on the outbound flight and he just he just loosened right up

oh really yeah and he was a massive awful one yeah he was cutting loose i think that's a good thing though because i found when i was taking my son to Greece, that taking them to change them gave me something to do with him on the flight. Do you know what I mean? Because you're desperate for activities. Yeah, exactly. That is a low moment in your life, isn't it, when you're considering... I mean, I'm a man that's got kids. A childless person listening to this must think you're fucking insane.

Isn't it good when the little gremlin you're holding shits itself because clearing its shit out of its arse on a plane gives me something to do? And that's under the banner of activities. Wouldn't want to be able to stag do your leading, Josh. Okay, so we're going to go to the local old people's home and wipe some arses for an hour. And then off we go for a drink. It doesn't need to be the old people's home, Rob.

That's made the whole thing too graphic. Well, I suppose it's better than going to random children's and wiping their arses. Yeah, I suppose it is. I suppose. Also, the changing table in the plane is so small. It's incredibly difficult as well. It's an untenable situation, but I enjoyed the challenge.

It's five minutes when they're shouting at you, and you can't see people pissed off because you're on your own. Yeah, you're kind of like a a mr and mrs kind of like sound proof exactly i get a bit worried though that that there's going to be turbulence at the point where i'm not holding the baby and the baby fucking launches in the air and you have to try and catch it like a falling from a building how's the relationship not i mean not to go too deep but has it affected your relationship with your wife like because you're both very tired

how are you dealing with it we're good I think what what the struggle is is kind of he'll really be into her for a bit

and then she then he'll really be into me for a bit and it's about the other one dealing with with that a little bit do you know what I mean when he only

like it's quite I'm actually quite relieved when he only wants Lucinda oh yeah it's only you can settle him today so i can't really get involved yeah oh yeah there's nothing but nothing nothing better than that is that and you can they'll get to the age i know this is bad where they'll wake up in the night and they'll call for one of you oh it's not you you have to just go it's not i'm sorry about this but it's really it's not my priority if i go in if anything it'll make things worse yeah and is she due to go back to work josh or is she off now or is she on maternity so she works in a school she's

a teacher assistant she's going back in december right you can't imagine going back to work as he is now but obviously he'll be another six months older so you can't really imagine what it'd be and that'll be a different challenge so I had to go I had to go on a hen do the other week you were? sorry so because he's breastfed right he won't have he won't drink

out of a bottle yet so she went on this hen do I had to go kind of adjacent to the hen do you know what you know that when somebody swims the channel and have that support boat So she went on this hen do. I had to go kind of adjacent to the hen do. You know when somebody swims a channel and have that support boat next to them? Yeah. I was kind of one cafe behind where this hen do were going. And she kept having to nip back.

So did she nip to you or did you go to the hen? So I went in once during the brunch. And I thought, this is too much. Excuse me, getting out of the way of inflatable cocks. Can we have a bit of milk for this one, please? Milk isn't the buff out of the way, lads. I'm trying to get through it.

Was you tempted to put a little cock straw on her nipple? So that, yeah, that was his first hang. Is that too laddy? Was that too much? I didn't know where the line is. I think that's fine. So it's kind of just like in cafes.

But obviously cafes shut quite early. So I'm like in a restaurant now. It's just, oh. So how many visits, how many breastfeeding visits were there in total? So this was the thing. It was actually fine. We actually could have stayed at home. But it was more for Therese or her.

Yeah. I'm making it sound like I'm mad anxious. No, no. But with your first kid and it's a hen do you want to that you'd rather sit you know you'd rather be you know essentially be homeless for the day with a child um wandering around leicester and then to put your wife's mind at rest the only other time she'd left him we got tickets to see um to see bastille in birmingham. We didn't even get into the gig because we had a call from the in-laws. He was wailing and

wasn't stepping in. We'd argued before we got out. We were both stressed about going. I was like, let's leave it. Come on, let me get there. Yeah, it was just... Then you remember you've got to watch Bastille. Yeah.

There was quite a relief when you left, in a way. Didn't even make it. We're literally queuing up to be, like, searched. And the phone went, and it was like at the last... Saved at the last minute. Are you touring or are you going to Edinburgh? What's your year looking like? Yeah, so I'm going to Edinburgh in August, which will be another thing.

I think they're going to come for a couple of days. So you're there for a month? During the month. You didn't consider the Take the Family for the month? I looked at it and to be honest, they don't like it. I don't really like them being there. It's a weird energy in it when you're kind of... Yeah.

I'm not a massive fan. No. Yeah. than being there. It's a weird energy, isn't it, when you're kind of putting up with yourself. I'm not a massive fan. No. Yeah. I've got a mate who just gave me first weekend and I'm like,

I'm not really, just do your own thing a bit. Yeah. But I'm also going to go home in the middle. I've got two days off in the middle. I'm going to come back.

Oh, nice. It's like two weeks, two days at home, two weeks again, basically. Yeah, that's it. That's it. So what's going to happen in December? Have you got childcare? Are your in-laws or going to go to

a nursery or what's what's your plan so we've got two so her family very helpful not that my family aren't but they're very they're like uber you're making it sound worse now josh they're like super helpful really helpful yeah that almost to the point it's intrusive helpful oh okay so now you've pissed them both off fair enough so your family don't do anything uh family does too much okay so yeah after this i think i'll be having him so yeah he'll go he'll kind of work it out between us. And also my granddad's dead good with kids. He's like, I got it.

Tell you what, that sentence cheered up halfway through. I was thinking, I don't know if we need this detail. My granddad's dead, so my nan will have a lot of spare time on her own. But he'll like, he'll're like taking my walks and that. Yeah. That's the real key. If you've got family and friends around you, it massively helps. Especially, you know, that's how me and Lou did it.

I was away so much. And I don't think I've really realised how much sort of pressure I put Lou under, really. But if you've got family and friends around that help, it makes a huge difference. And I think you've got to use them like a manager uses their players. Yeah. Squad rotation. Yeah. Don't exhaust your staff.

You know, save them for a big midweek. You've got a big Saturday fixture coming up in Leicester. And then get in the sort of, yeah, the slightly less ones for the Carabao Cup. You know, the sort of league cup. If it's not a big one, it's good. Yeah. You can chuck them to your arse every yeah midweek do you know what i mean for the big ones

barcelona away champions league semi-final yeah we're gonna need this so yeah that'll help out and stuff and um yeah it's great how was the uh pregnancy and the and the birth for you. Yeah, annoyingly... So she was annoyingly fit and active all the way through the pregnancy to the point where the gym said to her, like, stop coming now to the classes. You're too far gone.

Which then makes... You know, if I'm a bit lazy or slobby one day, it kind of reflected awfully on me. It's kind of... Imagine the gym saying you stop coming you're too fit rob you're rob you're too ripped just stay out of it you're making everyone feel bad your body's so great we're gonna have to buy bigger machines rob if you keep if you keep that humble brag on instagram well i'm absolutely livid i pay good money to come here and now

apparently my body's too good and i shouldn't be here anymore because i'm so physically fit it makes me feel sick but i'm not gonna be sick because i'm so physically fit so she was like she was really good and then kind of the birth she was um i was basically just massaging her for like six hours straight just massage like that yeah just like my fist in at the small of a back just like grinding like trying to it was it's graft and the room is so hot josh you can't say you can't say it's you can't say it's graft but i've got a slight i've got a slight disc issue which none of the midwives seem to take into... Look, I get, like, short term, she's in agony short term. If you put a disc out, you're talking years of rehab there. And you won't be able to help with the baby down the line. This is what I was saying.

But she was, yeah, the birth was... It's actually an amazing experience. I kind of, I was like a corner man for a boxer, between contractions, I was kind of like giving her a drink, kind of mopping her brow, giving her a bit of pep talk and sending her back out there. Do you know what I mean? To be absolutely pummeled. Yeah. You're blowing it, kid. We had a trainee midwife in with us as well. Always suspicious of that.

Give me a proper one. Don't use my kid for the learning. But she was just like a photographer because she was so new. We had one of them. We had some, and she just got given my phone, and she just took loads and loads of photos that, to be honest, were too graphic.

Oh, God. Yeah. Some of the memories have been popping up on my widgets. Not me. Yeah. And some of them are live. If you back the pictures are you know those live pictures oh my god yeah it's it's my but it was it was a great experience and we had um but then the doctor comes in so the midwife said kind of all about the mom and what the mom wants and a big part is that the man you're kind of like him or what the birth and partner you're

kind of advocating you know what the good person giving birth wants she'll advocate a bit then the doctor just comes in and they're like just medical like no do this now and it's kind of like it's a strange i can't i'm negotiating with this doctor he wanted to um do an episiotomy. What's that? So that's when you cut, you kind of cut the vagina. Sorry. That's a vagina. Yeah. Somebody laughing at that. That's bad.

You just said vagina. Sorry. How did you negotiate with it, John? What were you saying at this stage? Surely that's not Josh's decision, though, is it? Yeah. It's not my decision. though is it yeah it's not it's not my decision why is he asking you

so they're in a they're in the throes of battle aren't they they're kind of like and I know she didn't want that

at this point so I've got to say to this doctor no no I don't think anyone wants it leave it out do you know what I mean

leave it out did he leave it out he left it out from it yeah and then they did it out did he leave it out he left it out from it yeah and then they did after he wasn't he did no better

in the end but it would have been good on her she had her say you made her point and was ignored by the medical

professional yeah and then it's just kind of there and it's just like oh it's mad and then what i kind of i wasn't that emotional at the time i was obviously but i was emotional i wasn't kind of crying yeah and then what but then we kind of got in the lift to go back up to the ward and i was like he's just been in his first lift and for some reason that really kind of

ticked me over the head. It ticked me like, oh God, he thought the world was that one room and now he's coming to this and there's another floor to it. It just must be like...

Yeah. And if he enjoyed lifts, there's going to be Dan Lester in about six months where he's going to absolutely love it, mate. I just remember that being like a bit of a,

oh, this is all we knew was this little room. Yeah. Were you stoned at this point? And it was one of them lifts, you know where you go in on one side, but then it opens up the other side? Yeah.

And I was like, wow, this is... Even I get a bit impressed by them, and I've been in a couple. That's class, isn't it, when that happens? But in many ways, that's wasted on him, because he's not been given the original normal lifts to make that kind of lift excited. He's the only person that thinks that's what a lift is.

This next generation's had it too easy. Double lift door. On a plane. Even as an adult, you go, oh, we're turning around, I think. Oh, here we go. And then you're just on the ward then and it's just like, yes. But then I remember, you know, they come on doing the tests. The tests, the hearing and all

that the hearing one yeah just being like dead proudly past the done these tests and you know i mean i remember picking oh he's done his little because on that you're you've played 50 times for england in the partially sighted football team is that right yeah that's right you're an international footballer how so how partially sighted are you how what percentage of sight have you got so now I think I've got about 15% to say I've got now

which doesn't feel that low to me because I've lived it with it for you know so you've got only 15% sight yeah

so like so if if I'm having an eye test what's that 15% top bins oh yeah is that okay is that allowed, Josh?

Yeah, yeah. Well, they're 85% wide. So only 15%, that's... But yeah, you've always had that. It hasn't deteriorated over time. It's been solid. I've kind of had it as a kid and it's kind of got worse

as kind of early 20s. Right. And like, we had a really nice moment, actually, when he was first born. I was kind of taking him to his nursery and kind of, I was like holding him

and like the moon was coming onto his face and I was like, oh, this is amazing. I can't even feel it at one with kind of the earth and all this stuff. And I was telling my wife

the next thing, the next day it happened again. And I was like, oh, come in and see what I mean. And it turned out that it wasn't the moon. It was actually

the neighbour's security light shining on it's coming right on and she's like oh you know that's the light from next door I was like ah

it's still nice it's still nice you've ruined that for me and so does it affect parenting much so not

I can do it's really nice actually talking about the swimming so there's something he can see better than me already which is mad really wow

he can do stuff better so like throw like a blue toy in and you have to go and swim and find the toy and bring it back to the side and he'll chuck it in and I'm thinking where the fuck's that gone and he'll spot it and kind of reach. And I'll kind of take it.

And if my wife holds him and I'm walking towards him, he can obviously see me before I can see him. And he kind of gets excited and starts kicking. Oh, that's nice. It's quite nice, really, yeah. And I've been obviously reading books to him in a couple of years. I might just have to kind of just add a little bit. Wiping his, when I'm doing his bum, I kind of get so close.

It's like somebody inspecting diamonds. I'm getting so close to it. Well, you must have worried a little bit, Josh, then about like, you know, say if it's got slightly worse in your 20s, that like, you know, if I have a kid, if I don't have a kid soon, like, you know, you've got to see your 20s that like you know if i have a kid if i don't have a kid soon like you know you've got to see your child and stuff like that you must have been at the back of your mind that kind of worry so i knew that the point is that now it won't get any worse like the bit the bit of my eye that's going to deteriorate has deteriorated and this is what i've got so

but it was more it was more than it so he won't have it either it kind of passes to the girls who can then so the girls carry and the boys have it. So there's a couple of dads in England. So our captain is retiring now. He's got two kids and they're just used to like walking places with him, something he can't drive on or they're just used to, they just fill in the blanks for you. And if you watch it, same as you, you know,

my wife does if we're watching TV, she'll like, she'll fill something in or she'll like, she'll, she'll fill something in or she'll read a subtitle. Yeah. But sometimes she gets it, gets, she'll get it wrong. And it just throw the whole context out of the whole film.

I'm like, tell me exactly, don't like abbreviate anything or summarize anything. Read what is exactly on there. Yeah. I can't move on to read the full subtitle. She just like shorthand it. And I'm like, has he definitely said that?

Because it doesn't feel like something that character would say, actually. We watched something and it was set in, she read it as Northumberland, but it was set in North Hungary. The whole series, I'm like, none of this makes sense. No one's got a Geordie accent. Yeah, it was. I can't assist that what you've done. I was like, I think I'm switching up.

Do you know what I mean? Come on, give me a chance, man. So, do you watch a thing that was all subtitles and she's doing the whole thing? No, so this is like- Oh, when it flashes up at the start, Northumberland 1847 or whatever. She wouldn't do that. She wouldn't do like a whole subtitle at the start she might have done yeah yeah but now she's like nah get the audio book mate yeah i've learned

a language i'll stick with english films mate yeah that's it no chance she's doing city of god all of it unless she gets fluent in portuguese just read it out. That's it. Is there anything you're like, feel like, you worry that you won't be able to do or it would affect or anything or?

I can find a way with most things. Sometimes like, so when we went on holiday actually, like pushing him in the pram, somewhere I'm not

familiar with, I was a bit like, whoa. There will be, I'm sure there'll be things I haven't even thought of, which were good.

His clothes are well hard for me. Oh are they white and neutral or so is it i can't see the size of my clothes i kind of as best i kind of put them in order in the but also my wife isn't massively tidy so that will get messed up when it's like ah but um yeah you just have to get stuck in and eventually then he'll be able to talk and do it. Help me. You've just got to do a lot of that, I suppose. And I've got to ask, have you ever used it just to get out of something with the baby? Do you know what?

The clothes are very difficult. Yeah, the clothes I've done are like, you know, if there's like a button on something, you just can't get the button. Like a fucking button. For some reason, you just get like a press stud, which for some reason just doesn't want to do it. Yeah. I'll go off then.

But the worst thing I've ever done with my eyes, I was speaking like this earlier. I was about 11. It was just, I just started to become aware that there was something going on with me and the teachers kind of knew. And we had like this outside sports people coming in. So we had like a little football tournament

and it was kind of, I kind of had somebody coming in. So we had like a little football tournament. And it was kind of, I kind of had to be coming in and looking at my eyes and all this stuff. We're 1-0 down on my team. And I just go into the penalty area and I just drop to the floor holding both eyes. I get a penalty. Get up, take the penalty, score 1-1. Just run off. And that was the first time I realised, you can actually use this.

I could not believe they'd went for it. You just went, oh, they hurt my hand. I just got away down holding both eyes. Because if you've got a kid in your class at school playing football who's got, you know, an eyesight issue and he just goes down holding, you're going to give a pen, aren't you? No question.

Because these kind of people come in and they're kind of like, oh, Josh is, you know, he's a big way, you know, if you talk to him, you might need to get his attention, because you won't know if you're looking at him,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So if I then go down, hands over both eyes, riding, you're going to give it, aren't you? Yeah, and especially when you score the penalty,

you'll be like, that's quite a swift recovery, actually. I think by the third and fourth time, you'll be like, OK, now that's... Yeah, he's got his hat trick. Let's stop calling for a pen. Yeah. Did you find...

So you've been doing that for 10 years, the partially started football team, played for England and World Championships. Did that help? Because obviously it's a tough thing to go through with your eyesight because especially when you're young, as a teenager, everything's an issue, isn't it? What you're wearing, what you look like, whatever.

But then if you've got something else on top of that, did you find it helped playing with other people going through the same thing? Yeah, you kind of go on a real journey, actually. So like when you're a kid, you just kind of, like I did everything. I did like boxing, rugby, football. I just kind of like I did everything I did like boxing rugby, football I just kind of it didn't occur to me

that I wouldn't be able to do that stuff but then as you get older you're like oh this is actually I'm actually at a real real disadvantage here yeah

especially in boxing yeah but I was like it didn't because I kind of was so used to it and was quite a sporty kid

I could kind of get by a bit and then you're kind of early 20s you kind of learn actually girls might not be into you if they know about this or employers might look at you differently so you get so used to hiding it and then you get to

my age now and you're thinking well this is what I've got do you know what I mean? You've got to put it out now and you're thinking, well, this fuck is what I've got. Do you know what I mean? You've got to, you've got to put it out there and you've got to be, and just people are so helpful actually. And you've just got to start presenting it in the right way. But when you grow up on like a bloody council state with such a big disadvantage,

you kind of have to be a bit careful, you know, you have to have something about you to know when to use it. Yeah. So you, are you talking to girls going can i cover this up for the first couple of months of the relationship yeah yeah totally i'd be like oh you ignored me you were normally were dying and i was like yeah so i was drunk or you know just kind

of oh they just think i was like a player i mean like i'd speak to them one day and then i've just walked past them the next day yeah But that's definitely a thing. You know, they're really attractive. Or they'd be like, no, that's like a really old woman. I used to have a problem with like, you know, there was like bleach blonde bobs was a thing, like a fashion thing. And I'd be thinking, oh, you know, but it was all right. It turned out it was like an old woman.

It's Peggy Mitchell. Yeah. Does it affect you when you're doing stand-up, Josh? Can you see the crowd or is it just so bright and light because of the stage lights? Can you talk to the audience in that way? A little bit. I had a couple of things where I've kind of chatted.

I thought you were a couple and it's just like one overweight person. Oh, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I never like, I would never attempt someone's gender or anything like that. I mean, I just kind of, I can get chatting to somebody or somebody's chatting to me previously

and I kind of can suss out where that person is. Yeah. But, you know, you know yourself beyond the first row or so. You can't, yeah. It's just the lights are so bright anyway Josh I think

and also I think this is so important you talking about this kind of thing because there'll be other kids growing up in you know similar backgrounds

and areas that think oh fucking hell this is going to be hard work but you can really show that you can like you know follow your dream

in two ways you've played for England at a World Cup but also now you're one of the best new comics on the scene and you're smashing it you've got a lovely little a World Cup but also now you're one of the best new comics on the scene and you're smashing it

and you've got a lovely little baby so it's really impressive it's a gift in some ways it is bet you didn't think that when you were walking around hour 8 of Leicester

I'm smashing life a fourth journey in the lift from the bottom of the car parking to the top floor of the mezzanine you know when vision's a bit of an issue, up and down's fine, isn't it, in a box?

You can't get in trouble in a lift. Yeah, that's it. You don't want to be going escalator, do you, with a buggy? But that's the other thing, I'm just bashing buttons in there as well. Who knows? Doors opening and closing. Exactly. Well, that's life, isn't it? Who knows where you're going to end up?

You're smashing it, Josh. One last question, though, Josh, is what is the one thing that annoys you about your partner parenting wise? That's what we always ask. Is there one thing she does with a baby that does your head in a bit? So she keeps, she's got a very particular dress sense for a six month old baby. It's kind of a frilly outfit with knee-high socks, which is, you know, it's nice, but he does look like some kind of, like a Swedish schoolgirl on some of them. These can't be all the pictures he's got to look back on.

One or two, yeah. So why has she done that? It's just obviously just what she likes. It's just like a, he really looks lovely, do you know what I mean? But it's kind of like, let's mix it up a bit. Let's put her in a, put her in a tracksuit now and again

or something like that. Marble stuff on it. Not everything's got to be adored with some press studs. Josh, you've been absolutely amazing. Thank you so much, mate. Thanks so much, mate.

What's the Edinburgh show called? Yeah, what's your show? It's called Sausage, Egg, Josh, Pew, Chips and Beans. On what time? 10 past two at Monkey Barrel. Oh, lovely? 10 past two at Monkey Barrel.

Oh, lovely. 10 past two, Monkey Barrel. So what's it called? Sausage, egg, Josh Pugh, chips and beans. Like it. Brilliant. And hopefully touring it after Edinburgh, things go well.

Yeah, that's the plan, mate. Yeah. Well, yeah, follow Josh Pugh. What's your Instagram, Josh? Give it a shout out. At Josh Pugh comic. Perfect. All right, wicked.

Well, yeah, give Josh a follow go and see him live and you can thank us when you saw him in Monkey Barrel at ten past two and you're not paying 25 quid to go and see him

at you know the Hackney Empire or the Birmingham Hippodrome and places like that cheers mate bye yeah Wicked cheers both bye bye

thanks Josh Pew there we are love Josh Pew I've never met him properly but everyone's spoken so highly of him he's a really nice bloke

he's really funny you know he's good yeah go and see him at Edinburgh 10 past 2 at the Monkey Barrel bless him six-month-old baby

off to Edinburgh I remember those days it's tough he's brilliant and he's going to have a great career and stuff going on but at the moment

for him he must be absolutely hammered he did that in his lunch break from a writing job so he's really grafted so go and support him give him a follow if everyone that listens to this gives him a follow on instagram that'll give him a massive boost and he can sell loads of tickets chat a bit because it's gone to number one after david earl was on it yeah are we claiming that we claiming that yeah well we can claim that but it's quite, their whole thing, because they're so like, it's quite a ramshackle show that's on every day.

Their whole thing was one day we'll be number one, and then they got to number one in the charts. I don't know where they go from here. No, that's it. They should just quit, shouldn't they? They should quit now, just mic drop and out. Anyway, that was Josh Pugh. We'll be back on Tuesday with another chat episode.

Oh, the chat episode will be the Ibiza and Glaston roundup. Oh, yeah. And we recorded it and it is worth listening to. Yeah, what a sell. Thanks, Josh. It's worth listening to. Right, see you on Tuesday. Bye.

Bye.