Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S05 EP15: The Coolest Nerd And The Nerdiest Lad

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Please rate and leave a review  Thanks Rob + Josh If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book!  ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth. ⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents) ⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them...   [e-mail] What's it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)? And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick? Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike. Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here:  https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBook If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC cashback mastercard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will. Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card and he's done it. Oh, clicky-click magic trick!

The click heard around the room. You guys just about finished. Sorry, we got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight-worthy with the BMO Toronto FC Cashback MasterCard. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Okay, Beckon, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.

And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Good job, Butters. Why do I love that so much? Why do I love hearing the American accent or Canadian accent do it? Oh, mate. You saved yourself, but you were right the first time. You were right the first time,

and, man, have they got some American names kicking around here. I think I was called George there but we'll have to overlook it. Yeah, but they said it in American English. Do they have Josh in America? Yeah, they do. Joshua.

Josh Hartnett. Yeah. You remember Josh... Sorry, I lost my... Pulled your mic out again out again pulled my bloody mic out yeah right little technical nightmares at the know why that's annoying for Michael because it stops the recording yeah so I start a new one so he gets a 45 second part one cool so that's great that's um that's two shows in a row

that's happened if you could see my wires well let's look at this wire situation okay I'm to send you a photo of this wire situation and bear in mind the black wire that goes into the mic is Don't rush mate, it's perilous There you go, I'm just sending it What the fuck is that?

It's panic because I'm always late for podcasts. So every time I don't have time to sort the wires out. And you wonder what? How close? You must be so close to the mic. But look at that black wire that's going into the thing. That is, you can see it's at an angle because it has to be, it's just so to fit properly into this.

We'll stick that on the Instagram. Yeah, we'll stick that on the Instagram. Untangle it. I quite enjoy, though, us having a little fake when I go, well, sort your wife out. Michael says that stressed me out. People hate that on the internet. People will unfollow us if they see that on our Instagram.

We'll put it up. But, oh, no, I was going to say, it's quite funny. I was watching a documentary about two sports radio hosts in Americaica one of those ones on disney plus and it's called mike and mad dog and they're and they're like basically two new yorkers and they went they did a show for 20 years together but went mega they were like the biggest sports sportscasters ever and it's a documentary about their relationship but they hated each other when they started doing it and then it went really successful and then they sort

of loved each other and then they got two and it's so funny they're talking about it like children they got two successful one went on letterman but didn't bring the other one and then when one went on holiday they took his name out of the jingle and then one was friends with the boss of the nfl and the other one was jealous and it was so funny one of them they were flying from new york to indiana it's an hour and 40 minute flight to cover a basketball game. And the two flights got cancelled and they said, oh, Mike, you've got to wait an hour and a half to get the next one. He goes, no, I'm not waiting. And I only fly first class. And went home.

It's great. Oh my word. It's really great. What's it called? Well, they're called Mike and Mad Dog radio hosts. But I don't know what the documentary is. And which one of us is Mike and which is Mad Dog? Mike and the

mad dog um well i'd say mike is the mike was is a sort of the safe pair of hands knows everything really on top of it which is about might be more of you and then mad dogs are sort of the crazy one but then over time it's sort of switched but basically none we're not like either of them yeah yeah okay that's good one slightly louder could be me apart from that that's it um anyway so that just reminded me of me and you doing this just like what could happen in the in the next 20 years oh mate what could fall out whether it could end up in the courts um right hi rob and josh my husband sorry the americans yeah well this segues back into the americans uh and Josh my husband and I have been fans of you both for a couple of years I thought that was going to be longer

whoa whoa whoa did they not see 50 greatest plastic surgery shockers on E4 did they not see Channel 4's 30 greatest comedies have I told you this

in which it was like a talking heads show about comedies like their top 30 comedies and i went on and one of them was desmond's yeah and i was quite you know we all liked desmond's back in the day i watched it and they kept asking me i offered some stuff on desmond's and they seemed quite surprised that because basically no one else had obviously offered anything up on desmond's okay so they kept asking me about desmond's and i kept kind of pontificating about it.

So much content on Desmond's. Yeah, I came to watch the show. I was on basically nothing other bit of it. Then it got to Desmond's and I looked like Britain's number one Desmond's kind of expert. Because no one else had said anything. It was quite a cult show, wasn't it? Sort of like a barber shop in South London or something. Yeah, in Beckham, I think it was. It was a great think it was it was great show but anyway that was my talking head situation hi

rob and josh my husband and i have been fans both of you for a couple of years since you're introduced to taskmaster right before lockdown started this is beck and he is two and a half and it's beckin b-e-k-i-N. Beckin? I think I've got a Beckin television. Yeah, I don't know. I thought she said Beckham. I thought she said Beckham in the thing. And I was like, oh, he's had an impact. He's so close to being kind.

With a D on it, his name's Bekind. Oh, yeah, it is. Oh, I see what you mean. God, that's like one of those people that solves cryptic crosswords. Who, me? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I did that once.

Lose family, I'd say, crosswords when you're on holiday, right? Because they're very different to me. But you're having a good time. And they were doing a cryptic crossword, and it was cross-pollination. And it was about lorries moving fertilizer across a country. And that's basically when a bird eats a bit of berry, it does a shit somewhere and the tree grows yeah that's what it is and i went across pollination i went oh yeah ignore me

and they all carried on having a discussion and i was like no and then i just left them for ages and i was right and um to be fair that is the only one i've ever got right in 10 years but i remember it's like i mean it but it feels good when that happens when you like if ever I don't watch it because I don't enjoy it but if ever

University Challenge is on there will be one question that is about popular music and none of them will get it because they're dweebs and I will always get that one anyway

this is Beck because you're basically the coolest nerd that's your thing isn't it I'm the coolest nerd I'm the nerdiest lad and you're the coolest nerd and That's your thing, isn't it? I'm the coolest nerd. I'm the nerdiest lad and you're the coolest nerd. And that's how we meet in the middle. Oh, that is so accurate.

We meet together ordering a lager top where you're the absolute hero and I'm the little loser with a top in his lager. I think that's better to be the coolest nerd. It's like when I was the best person in the second PE group, and that was brilliant. It's like being top scorer in the championship. Yeah, and then I got promoted to the top PE group the following year, and it was a fucking nightmare.

Oh, yeah. Because it was me and the rugby team. It's like Clinton Morrison at Palace. Absolutely banged them in, just couldn't do it in the top level. No offence, Clinton. Great player, but just couldn't. I was absolutely out of my depth

I much preferred being a big fish right this is Beck and he's two and a half actually I've got more things to say about other stuff

before we get down to the inch so go on he has an older five year old sister and two parents who question their sanity daily

here in do you want to have a guess Nebraska no San Diego oh yeah it definitely was west coast ia it is no pine bluff arkansas but not a bad place to call home the only thing i know about san diego is it's got a zoo where ross geller's monkey went oh oh well that's a long way from new york isn't it? I don't think he drove.

You worried about the monkey's carbon footprint? I'm worried about Marcel's carbon footprint. How many monkeys do you reckon they had being Marcel? How did they get away with that? Having a little performing monkey on the show? It was a different time. It really straddled two eras, friends,

and it felt so modern at the time. It was still a better character than Phoebe, though. Now, Taylor Israel is who it comes from. Taylor Israel. That sounds like some sort of right-wing agenda. We need to Taylor Israel. 470 months old. There we go.

Oh, I did an error in the last episode I said 15 month year old instead of 15 month old talking about my friend's kid

have people picked you up on it yeah someone picked me up on it also as well what's weird because we have a lot of North American

listeners now it's building after the pine bluff stuff I woke up like to a sort of a tweet at 5.20am that said i'd rather suck a cock than

be a nazi and i forgot i'd said it on the podcast michael edited that bit out so i don't know okay people have been people have been hearing my dreams again um so also as well because it was my daughter's first day of primary school, my youngest. Oh, taught me through this. Well, I was panicked. Well, I felt stressed a week. I've got a really busy week, actually, Josh. It's been quite stressful. The kids are going back to school, which is quite stressful.

I had three shits this morning before they went to school. Oh, my word. It's horrible, isn't it? Yeah. I had quite spicy Nando's last night, though. I don't need to hear this. Did you have a Nando's? I had a curry.

Did you? How's your stomach been? Fine. Good? Yeah. No sickness? No, no, no. They were just stress six, weren't they, really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done a few stress six before. Yeah. What are we talking about? Anyway. Sorry. No, so I think, because basically, we're sorting out our mortgage this week, because our mortgage deal's up, so we've got to do that.

And it's just like... What a good time to rejoin the mortgage market, Rob you know what it's not even like obviously it's annoying that it's going up but it's just i'd rather it go up than have to scan pdfs of passports that for me is the bigger having to get like three months of bills that that admin kills me so we're trying to do that i did all of the bills when we moved to this house. Yeah. So now, basically, when they ask for any record that Rose lives here, she might as well be, like... There's just no bills with her name on it. Little tip, if you move into a new house as a couple,

split the bills with your name on it, because my name's on all the bills, and it means that when Rose needs a three-month-old bill... Oh, she can't do any credit report stuff all that stuff is a fucking nightmare anyway

oh god anyway so yeah I'm doing that the kids are all going to school this week new uniforms blah blah blah I've got loads of work

and I've got voice over for two different shows I'm doing some well Steps Go Down is coming back I've got Rob and Romesh coming back I'm doing a show

at the Hackney Empire on Saturday I've got my Radio 2 show on Sunday I'm all over the gaff who's doing the Hackney Empire I'm just I've got my Radio 2 show on Sunday. I'm all over the gaff. Who's doing the Hackney Empire? I'm just down the road, mate. Come in.

What are you doing? My tour show. Oh, nice. At Wallop. Anyway, so he's been really busy and I'm quite stressed. And so he went in this morning to do the school drop-off. So the eldest went in at 8 o'clock, like normal. The youngest went in at 9 o'clock.

And she, oh, God, last night she was killing us. She kept on going, Daddy, i'm scared of going to school i'm like oh no and then but like she's just not she's apprehensive so i was going like i remember when you went on that ride at the theme park you were scared but once you did it you loved it yeah i'm trying to do it that anyway and then she went but what happens at school and i was like and then we took her in and it's weird she was sort of fine but i was like i i think you're gonna cry on the way back you because we're not recording after you do your kids first day because of between tomorrow but i think you need to do a voice note for us okay we'll drop in i'll do it i'll do a voice note so um you tell

your story and then we'll drop it in after. Yeah, but we've had a nightmare with uniforms, Josh, basically. I liked that. You sent a photo. They are cool uniforms. Well, they're too long. Basically, she went in with a friend and I think their parents, because there's two tactics, haven't you, with school uniform. You ride it out for as small as possible or you get the oversized

and then you grow into it. So they're riding out as small as possible. And I think they've got another six months. We're too early on the gone big. So there's like the skirts by the ankle. But big is in at the moment, Rob. Big is in. You've got to remember this.

They're on trend. She's on trend. So is it on trend that you can't see your hands because of your jumpers going over it? Look at people's T-shirts, Rob. People are wearing big T-shirts again. People are wearing big baggy trousers. The 90s are back in. The 90s are back in.

She's just leading the charge. I'll tell you what's not. Yeah, but shoes shouldn't be too big, should they, Josh? My youngest, her shoe nearly flew off this morning. Yeah, that's genuinely a problem. Yeah, she went, my shoes are slippy. Me and Lou looked at each other going, oh, no. I think we bought these at the start of summer. We're hoping for a growth spurt. off this yeah that's that's genuinely a problem yeah she went my shoes are slippy me and lou looks each other going oh no i think we bought these at the start of summer we're hoping for a growth

spurt and then at one point her shoe slipped off so i like i had to tighten it so tight to keep it on her foot so she's got him with like big clown trotters on and what lou did and i don't want to throw under the bus here or throw her under the shoe she's stuck you have to put the up the names you know name tags we're doing that today we're doing that today i've got them here yeah so lou does a thing where she gets some scent from you put them on the internet and they send loads of stickers and you can just stick them in and you're doing that yeah i don't know where she does it we're on that so but she's stuck them to the soul of the show is she an idiot rob i think so yeah i've got i would say Lou is one of the most organised

logical and together people. Attractive, sexy charismatic bad judge of character, all these things settle too early in a relationship doesn't know her own self worth, that kind of thing but that is that soul of the shoe thing that is out of

character that is that is the act of a person who is having some kind of you know a mental moment but yeah because i said they're on the soldier and oh did i i thought i put them inside that normally she puts them inside of the shoe um and stuff so she had they had like a couple of wally stickers um and then um but there was loads of stickers like strewn along the floor where kids have taken them off on the route oh really of loads of like sort of like um price stickers and barcodes all on the floor um yeah so that was all good the what happened last night was problematic though because she was nervous about going in the youngest we were we got the oldest in to come in and go because they've got the she's having the same teacher that my eldest had yeah because it's the same school and we said tell him tell her how nice she is and she started

saying she's so nice she's such a lovely teacher she does this she does i loved having her she was the best blah blah blah and then the youngest is loving life going oh this sounds great the eldest starts crying because she wants her old teacher back oh no oh god so i've just switched the problem she's also got a massive she's got a massive cut under her eye from the magic oh yeah magic instance how did it go did you cry well no joe what we went in and when we did it last time it was locked there was covid so we just sort of stood at the gate and they just wandered in and in like a little single file line which was sort of quite sad but it was sort of like yeah they just went in quite easily because they sort of just momentum took them in but this time we all got invited into the classroom we saw

the classroom and then just it wasn't her it was like seeing her name and putting a little like bag next to a peg and a little water bottle in the drawer and then just wandering about and then me and lou like let her play and she was playing we stood back a bit and then she was playing but then i saw a look up and her eyes darted around to find us and then she sort of you saw her shoulders relax and then we said goodbye she gave us this hug that was such she hugged me for so long and i was like bye and then she sort of waved but i knew she'd be fun because it was it they it looked amazing in there there were so many toys out and they were ready to play. Here come the carrots making their way upfield,

followed by the whole wheat bread, over to the two dozen eggs. Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry, I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard. Oh, and the broccoli boots it over the line. What a goal! How would you like to pay, sir?

Credit, please. make every purchase a win with the bmo toronto fc cashback mastercard with up to five percent cash back on your purchases in your first three months terms and conditions apply it's not even proper like when i was thinking about my daughter going to school tomorrow and she was like is there going to be play time i just thought actually most of its play time at your age, mate, to an extent. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

There is toy. It's not like you're going in and you're sitting at your desk and getting out your quill and you're going, now we're doing six hours of reading and writing, is it? No, because that's what she kept on going about. I don't know how to read or write. I was like, you're going to find out. But what we were doing,

and she's quite good at telling you to shut up, my youngest, where my eldest would sometimes go quiet. We were going, but don't good at telling you to shut up my youngest where where my eldest would sometimes go quiet we were going but don't worry because you know the teacher and there's another girl from her old preschool that's going there and we was like oh you know someone so she's going there and she was like i know i know the teacher i know because but we'd obviously been overdoing it and she was getting frustrated where the reality is you just need to shut up yeah because nothing said's gonna solve being there you've just got to be there and do it and also you're saying it you're almost saying it to reassure yourself exactly well imagine if

he's going for a new job and i kept on going to you josh but you know you do know tom crane there don't you yeah you know tom don't you like i know tom i'm just i'm allowed to be i'm allowed to be scared so so we had a little bit of a yeah so i had a little bit of a wobble quick sort of um adult man cry where i got a mo i got really emotional and just put a lid on it yeah yeah one of them was and then like no and then but i didn't want to cry in the classroom in front of people do you know what i mean no you've got a hard man image exactly i'm the you know i'm the nerdiest lad i've got to keep that up do you know what i mean um so yeah so it was it was good it could it couldn't have gone better really but it is more of a problem for the adult than the kid i think and then you put your own worries on them but it does feel weird coming home they're just

in that's they're just in school now. That's it? Five days a week. Well, Rob, shall we drop in how mine went? Yes. And then maybe you could have a right to reply. Yeah, so Josh is going to take a few months off now after what he's just said on that WhatsApp note. I'm joking. We think for the good of him and his family and the podcast, he has a break.

But, you know, well, we haven't had that yet. But, yeah, we'll drop how it went for you in now and you can have a listen. I mean, I don't know. That's one of the, you know, like the big things in your life when you bring up a kid and never the ones that really affect you the most. Either that or I'm emotionally dead. I'm pretty confident I'm not emotionally dead. But I...

Yeah, that was all right. Enjoyed it. Insanely, that was the easiest drop-off we've had in months. She was so excited to be going to school rather than nursery. She just went straight in. Loved it. Maybe the day will be a disaster who knows but um yeah took the old photo in front of the door with the school uniform on etc

i've never done a voicemail that has less to report uh 1pm update i feel feel absolutely exhausted. Just absolutely drained. Um, there's a chance, not all of it at all, but quite a bit of tension I've been carrying around in the last couple of weeks has been because of this, and I just hadn't been engaging with it. Who knew? On the surface, cool as a bloody cucumber. Below the surface, it's been absolute turmoil. God, I'm tired. Oh, there we go. Oh, dog.

I'm getting on with the dog now. Are you? That's good. We took him down to Whitstable and he behaved. And I think he's got out of his teenager-y annoying stage. Because they have regression where they just do whatever they want. So he's listening and yeah and he's been sitting on my lap and stuff

oh nice that's nice yeah and he likes it he comes to me yeah we're getting on you're like Mike and the mega guy or whatever they're called

Mike and Mad Dog I've stopped giving him thumbs up you've stopped giving him thumbs up my daughter's just got into thumbs up she does it all the time

you're better than animals no I know but it's just not as cool as she thinks it is the time animals no i know but it's just not as cool as she thinks it is thumbs up yeah i know it's paul mccartney's ruined it really do you know what an angled thumbs up is cooler than a straight up thumbs up yeah yeah yeah do you know what i mean like if you do like sort of almost like a just a fist in the air but with thumb out but just like well done it's yeah yeah not for not for me. Straight up. Thumbs up. No,

exactly. Um, I should say before we get onto the correspondence, thank you to everyone that, uh, wrote in and, uh, to both of us to say,

um, that they'd got a lot out of the episode where, um, I, uh, talked about anxiety and Rob talked about, uh, anxiety.

Thank you to everyone. genuinely so many nice messages. And very much also a reflection on how difficult it can be. Do you know what I mean? And how many people are going through stuff. So thank you. I hope everyone's okay. I hope everyone got stuff out of it.

We're not going to go on about it every week. We're not going to have an update every week because I actually think that might be counterproductive to my recovery. Yes, I don't think you need to keep going over it if it's not helpful. Suffice to say, yesterday was a shocker. Today is much better.

Yes. Is that the thing? It's always interchangeable, isn't it? It's always changing. And whatever you feel today, this too shall pass whether it's good or bad. Exactly. It's not linear life, is it? But thank you changing. And whatever you feel today, you feel this too shall pass whether it's good or bad. Exactly. It's not linear life,

is it? Um, but, uh, thank you so much for all the messages except one. Oh, right. Oh no.

What's that? Reading through all of them. You're going, this is lovely. What a lovely community we've created. Um, genuinely Rob. So there was so nice.

I was reading them in the back of a car driving back from filming. And, um, I started, I was, I was like, um, tears like, tears were coming down my face reading some of them. That's called crying? That's called crying, yeah. I was crying in the back of a car. I was leaking out of my eyes.

Yeah, something went wrong with my eyes. It's been happening a lot in the last couple of weeks, I tell you that. I can't turn it off. I went to the doctor's, turns out I'm a pussy. And I was thinking, this fucking driver. I really hope he can't see me, because I'm currently sat and I was thinking this fucking driver I really hope he can't see me because I'm currently sat in the back of his car crying headphones in

so I don't know if he asked whether I was alright or not yeah but did he just ignore it well I don't know I had my headphones in I used to cry on the way to Mont the Week sometimes out of stress but that was for a different reason that wasn't due to you know adulation and love and support that was due a different reason that wasn't due to

you know adulation and love and support that was due to oh my god what am I going to say he's so I don't have any scenes

I'd like to see oh because I did a gig on Saturday I did a gig on Sunday first one back in ages and the first the first one it was at Top Secret

the first one was alright but I was so rusty and then you do one straight after. And I ended up, I was doing it, and it's going quite well. And I went, you know what, though? Stand-up's really hard. You've just got to be so funny, like, all the whole time. Like, it's non-stop.

Like, in a pub, if you're funny to your mate, look at your watch. You've done 10 seconds. Imagine that for 20 minutes, one after the other. This is why you get into podcasting, Rob. You can have lulls. It's fine in a podcast. If I've got nothing so funny to say, I had to say, Josh, how you been this week?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So one message. It wasn't as reassuring as I thought it was. I think he thought it was. Where he said, hi, Josh. I always saw Rob as the star of Parenting Hell.

But since you started talking about your mental health, I think you've been just as good. Absolutely. Absolutely brilliant. Couldn't believe it. It's really helped you on the podcast, being a bit sad at times. Yeah.

It spins what he wants out of it, doesn't it? I know. What's he looking for? Watch your game. I've got less funny in the last few weeks. I don't know about that. Because the issue is, it's good,

we need to talk about serious topics, right? And everyone's understanding. And we will. And we're not like going, we're never talking about that again at all. We'll come back to it

at points. No, no, but what I'm saying is, a man crying in the back of the car is funny yeah reading his Instagram with headphones in but that's a funny image

but we're here to support you Josh but um what music was I listening to Rob what did I put into into Spotify oh I don't know what did you put into Spotify

sad classical why did is this is this a thing where you sort of go like right I feel sad let's embrace it and really get into this

yeah a really wallow I like a wallow and also I don't know if you I mean when you've had anxiety

when you then get that sad period it's so nice because it's so much it feels like a draining of the anxiety for me so I really wallow it's a release

isn't it it's a release yeah it's sort of you're accepting it rather than sort of fighting against it yeah exactly a good old cry it it's a release yeah it's sort of um you're accepting it rather than sort of fighting it's fighting against it yeah exactly a good old cry there's nothing wrong with it rob there's nothing wrong get it out mate good old cry then you go unlikely things to hear on a

podcast unlikely unlikely things a weatherman would say oh oh man i was so bad at the scenes i was so bad i hated the scenes it's so hard bad at the scenes. I hated the scenes. It was so hard to do the scenes. If Mott the Weak had been just the bit of the desk... The stand-up bit was alright. That's just stand-up. Oh yeah. If you got lucky and your topic came up. Do you know what?

I don't know what it was, but every time I'd sum it on it. Yeah, you would. It never spun round to me to sort of mythic Greek myths. Luckily for me. Yeah. Although if you'd done Greek myths, you could have turned it round to holidays. Like, do you know what I mean? You've got that ability. Luckily for me. Yeah. Although if you'd done Greek myths, you could have turned it around to holidays.

Like, do you know what I mean? You've got that ability. All inclusive. Yeah, fucking right. That's a bloody myth. 20 quid to go on that jet ski. Any more Greek myths? I'll give you one.

Right. Correspondence. Genuinely good bit of stuff, Rob. That's that work. Give that a workout for next tour Well that's the problem with podcasts I draw a line through that Rather than do the hard yards on stage Writing some new stuff

I went on a rant about old people at the gig I'm really enjoying gigging at the moment Josh I love it so much Just say whatever you want I'm enjoying my break Well I'm not am I? Have you seen me? It's the worst period of my life.

Maybe I miss it without realising. Maybe keep working. Stop thinking. Stop having time to think. Right, okay. Let's do this correspondence because we've been threatening it for weeks, haven't we? Yeah, yeah.

Should I do it? I'll do some. I've got some here. Okay, here we go. More tired than Josh. You want one of these yeah here we go a few years ago we booked a family holiday to myoka myself husband and two kids the day before i'd been to get toiletries like toothpaste and deodorant and left the bag in the kitchen ready to pack in the cases that evening i cooked a big chili for the family before finishing the packing i shouted down to my husband to remember to pack the shopping bag of toiletries, and he said he'd done it.

The next day, we flew to Mallorca and checked into the hotel. The luggage was brought to our room, and I unlocked them as the kids were keen to get out to the pool. Upon unzipping the case, before even lifting the top part, I had an overwhelming smell of chilli con carne. What? To my horror, when i fully opened the suitcase last night's dinner was all over the contents of the case what in error my husband had packed up

the bag of leftover chili con carne including rice and guacamole that was supposed to be going into the freezer the whole top layer of clothes were covered in mince, rice, sauce, combo everything else smelling of it oh no I had to do whisper swearing under my breath at my husband whilst the children dug around their chilly scented clothes

to find their swimmers to this day we laugh about it every holiday and I have flashbacks every time I open a suitcase. I thought she was going to say every time I smell chilli. That's from atthescanlon on Instagram. Dear Josh and Rob. Yes. This is things you won as a kid.

Oh, nice. When I was in my early teens and won probably the best prize I've ever had the luck to win. Oh, go on. Our local radio station, Southern FM, now Hart, was running a competition to win VIP tickets to the Mobos. The line-up at the time was incredible. Craig David, Artful Dodger, Lisa Left Eye Lopez. Oh, that's a big name.

To name a few. All you had to do was call in and name the one second clip they were playing. As soon as I heard it, I recognised it and rushed to the phone to enter the competition. I was beyond amazed that I'd got through and was told that I was third in the queue to give my answer. With this, I thought I had no chance, but held on just in case.

Lo and behold, the first two people got it wrong, so they came to me. I managed to nervously give the right answer to the question. What happened next was all the days, as I was in euphoria of winning one of the best prizes known to man, two VIP tickets to the Mobos. I gave them my details, and they were calling the next day to make all the arrangements.

The next morning, the radio station called, and I was brought down to the ground with a thud. It was only at this stage did they tell me that I had to be 18 or older to win the competition. Oh, no. So they would give me an alternate prize, a £60 Or worse voucher

I don't think That's a fair one That's not good enough When was this The 90s I was actually Craig David Probably about

The early 2000s That was when DVDs Were like £23 Yeah That's like Three DVDs Or four CDs I remember my mate

Bought a Will Ferrell DVD It was like Funny things he did On Saturday night Probably like Cash in the door DVD From Asda And it was 42rell DVD it was like funny things he did on Saturday night probably like cash in the door DVD from Asda and it was 42 minutes and it was £18

do you want to know what this person bought? what did he get? he bought his first mobile phone oh that's nice isn't it? it's not bad is it? can you remember your first mobile phone? yeah I bought it the week to go to university I bought a Nokia 3310 so that would be um that was september 2001 so i had a flip phone i bought

off my mate out of his boot because i'm from south london oh yeah of course you bloody did it was a motorola and i remember the main selling point was WAP enabled. Oh, wow. So that was later than mine then, right? If it was WAP enabled. Yeah, I know. I'm a bit younger than you. I don't want to show off. No, no, no, no, of course.

But it was WAP enabled. WAP enabled. I don't know what that meant. What was WAP? Was that early internet on your phone thing? It was more like a teletext than like a proper internet. And it was WAP enabled. But it was pay-as-you- you go but if you didn't top it up

it wouldn't receive calls oh that is bad that's terrible isn't it that is bad um I was on orange and you it was pay as you go because you were you were mad you no one had a contract at that age did they no no and it was 10p a text but if you topped out 50 quid, you'd get everything half price. So 5p a text. Not bad. But like, I had a friend who was on contract and he'd just text you loads and you'd be like, I can't.

I've just spent a quid, mate, replying to you. I had one that cost me 10p to get a message. No. Honestly, early days. Early days of phones was savage. It was awful. Do you remember? Massive camera phone, Nokia camera phone.

Remember that? You had a camera phone? No, I didn't. I remember a kid at school. I had one at school. Actually, let's not say the names. I don't know where they're up to. It's very difficult for me.

For you, when you say people's names from school, they're normally just in a cottage in Devon, having a lovely life. Yeah, yeah. Where the people I went to school with... Have they murdered someone? Yeah. yeah. Where the people I went to school with... Have they murdered someone? Yeah. Yeah.

There's at least three I can think of that have. That's genuine. Do you know what, Rob? You've done very well for yourself. Well, this actually is... This correspondence is someone that I work with in Chisler, Sainsbury's. Go on, then.

Hi, Rob and Josh. My husband and I both worked in Sainsbury's in Chisler 20 years ago. Oh, my God, I'm old. Whoa. I, Rob and Josh. My husband and I both worked in Sangeries in Chisler 20 years ago. Oh, my God, I'm old. Whoa. I was there at 16. I was on £3.61 an hour doing yoghurts. Friday night, 2pm till 10pm.

That's not bad. That's not bad for £3.61. Saturday, 2pm till 10pm. The real social life killer shift. Oh, that is horrible, yeah. Awful. For £3.61 an hour. Anyway, you want to start something? life killer shift that was that is horrible yeah awful for three pounds 61 an hour um anyway

i worked on the local um i worked at the local safeway for summer and my job was to get the stuff from the supermarket and put it in a big cage on wheels and take it to the garage up the road right okay so it's almost like you're not not onlleys, but they're level up from trolleys. So the garage would give you a list of everything they needed to fill the garage, and you'd have to go and fill it from the supermarket. But the people in the supermarket didn't like you to take it. So basically, you had to kind of covertly steal this stuff from the supermarket and then take it up the road.

It was quite the summer. Yeah, that sounds fun. It was fun, though. Working in a light market is a fun job i did i did fuck all i i did no i just wandered about chatting honestly yeah i just was so couldn't be bothered it was nice i used to get to clean the jet wash with the jet wash that was fucking brilliant that's like trying to take a photo of your phone it's impossible oh mate i've been playing so much that jet wash game i when i know that's your life i did that for real mate that was my summer all i can see now

is dirty walls that need work it's like coloring in like but the reverse right it's just so mind my brain's constantly going and it's so mind i mean i'm normally i'm listening to a podcast doing that because i can't lay and just listen to a podcast normally i'm listening to a podcast doing that because i can't lay and just listen to a podcast if i'm listening to podcasts i'm walking i'm tidying playing computer games driving i need to be doing something so it just gives me something to do i'm basically playing it until fifa comes out is anyone listening to this now just staring ahead is anyone sat down on the sofa with a cup of tea and then not even a cup of tea no drink no drink in a chair staring at the wall staring at the wall yeah i am

apart from michael apart from michael he's definitely picking his fantasy football team yeah he will definitely listen to this three more times before he edits it together um here we go oh hi robert josh my husband and i worked with rob in sains in chis 20 years ago we got together whilst working there at my first shift walking back from a pub someone had been stabbed whoa so uh my mum picked me up that night didn't get that in totnes safeway on that hill as well i got beaten up and someone did my chips oh mate we we got also around that i got my first car nicked from round the back of the house yeah great you've stoned in the area Rob

no I'm in the nicer bit now don't you worry about me when I was in between Mottenham and Chislehurst and Mottenham was a bit rougher than Chislehurst but Chislehurst was a bit posher but there was a lot of it was like where gangsters moved to basically when they got a bit of money anyway so enough of that we have had our third son four weeks ago so who's this

what's the name char and james she's having a lot of finishing a word does she imagine that's charlotte there was a charlotte there oh charlie is charlotte yeah um so so we're at the prue okay they've had a baby we're at the prue having given birth in had the baby we're at the Prue having given birth in the pool on the Prudential no so the Prue is a hospital in the local area sorry I should explain this is very south east London

does she finish any fucking words it's she went to school with me Josh no so

we're at the Prue which is the Princess Royal University Hospital that's like a locks bottom way having given birth in the pool in the Oasis Ward so we're at the prune which is the princess royal university hospital oh that's like a lock spot on way i haven't given birth in the pool um in the oasis ward i'd asked my husband to take photos and vids of the birth as i regretted not taking many of the other two

when i got back on the bed having been stitched up i asked him to send the pics over to me suddenly the midwives and i hear fuck from my husband. Oh my God. His WhatsApp has defaulted to the last chat. Obviously he did not know that this happens. He'd sent 48 pics and videos of the birth to a group called lads, lads, lads. I mean, that is a bit on the nose,

isn't it? Come on, come on. Give it another minute. Mate, they're all like that round here. That's why I'm the nerd lad. I've got,

I'm the, I'm the thespian of this area. I'm the art, I'm the arts guy. I'm an art, I'm the art, I'm the arty farty one. Okay.

So lads, lads, lads, 30 lads on a group. We're talking pics of me naked in the pool, me being stitched up, the placenta in a bowl in a scene that wouldn't look out of place in a horror movie, videos of me naked with blood

gushing into the pool after he was born. He even moves the camera angle around for a full frontal vaginal view, just in case there's any doubt that I'm definitely naked in a scene of blood. Oh my god. Before he had a chance to delete the

messages, he had replies saying congrats as if that's how we'd announced the birth he had a chance to delete the messages, he had replies saying, congrats, as if that's how we'd announced the birth. He then managed to delete for everyone and sent a posed pic of us with the baby, only for someone to say, oh, it's not another one of her in the pool, is it? For fuck's sake. I just hope no one has auto-save to camera roll enabled,

so that'll be a shocker when they show up in a phone montage. Why would you have that enabled? That is the worst feature in the history of phones. Some people don't know how to turn that off, Josh. I did it for ages. It's mad. Who wants every photo sent to a WhatsApp group? Because that's going to be in a memory for someone in a few months.

Some builder's going to be on site. Oh, here we go. Lads, lads, lads memories. What is it? Oh, yeah yeah it's that bloke i met in a stag do five years ago's wife naked in a pool of blood what a lovely memory um love the podcast and sending love to josh during what sounds like a shitty stressful time char and james oh thank you there we go char and james from southeast london you want a boomer parenting story always high parenting hell i have some boomer parenting for you even though my dad is not quite a boomer but i feel this counts oh and i should say as a warning uh this uh story is about the tooth fairy when i lost my second tooth

as a child my dad photoshopped a picture of a cartoon fairy sitting on my bed next to me while i was sleeping and hid it under my pillow with some money that's a nice thing to do right as my dad is very good with photoshop this picture looked quite believable so the next day i took the picture into school to show all my classmates and my skeptical teacher who the previous day had told me the tooth fairy wasn't real that is incredible decision by the teacher teachers oh we've got good gossip about a teacher

in a school near me. I'll tell you in a minute. Do this and I'll tell you after. Yeah, to prove that not only was the tooth fairy real but she had taken the picture she had taken a picture with me while I was sleeping.

This is definitely not one of the worst boomer parenting stories but I feel it needs to be shared. I think that's a nice thing for the dad to do. I think that's a fun thing to do and I think it's the teacher's

that's the teacher's problem. Yeah, I think it's the teacher's problem. Maybe a new one. Bad teachers's the teachers problem Yeah, I think it's the teachers but maybe a new one bad teachers bad teachers I don't be giving ever some sort of evidence and inquiry in a few years time give me some teacher goss So there's a new head teacher at a school near me I won't say which school and they haven't passed their probation because the school of governors decided they weren't suitable Because of some of the weird stuff that was going on haven't passed their probation because the school of governors decided they weren't suitable because of some of the weird stuff that was going on so one of the things turned up to like one pta meeting

and left after half an hour haven't been back yeah which is not good is it um so when they had sports day no one could win what no winners isn't it meant to be the other way no losers rather than everyone won everyone won the classic the daily mail classic rob that's what the daily mail thinks is going on at every school but it is at this one and that so a kid crossing the line wait a second wait wait come on yep everybody won well done so obviously other people people did win yeah and they still have to time it and because they have like schools have like records and you know they need to know what time you've done yeah so what they would do in private was a prize giving so they take the kid out of class

give them the medal and certificate and then have the photo taken and they sent to like the parent and put on the website or whatever but then they had to give back the trophy and they weren't allowed to tell the other kids that they'd had that in the class. Unbelievable. Love it. Absolutely love it. And they could take the medals home, but weren't allowed to have them in the class.

Could have done with that when we were in Edinburgh, couldn't we, Rob? Everyone won. I used to really care about awards, but it's absolute bullshit. It's total bullshit. The Jim Carrey speech is the best. Have you heard the Jim Carrey speech? Shall I play it to to you it's brilliant yeah it's when he um he's given out an emmy and he's so funny it's on youtube but um i'll play it anyway is it golden no golden globes he's given out um let me play this for you i think you'll appreciate it

from the upcoming film true crimes please welcome two-time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey. Thank you. I am two-time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey. You know, when I go to sleep at night, I'm not just a guy going to sleep. I'm two-time Golden Globe winner Jim Carrey going to get some well-needed shut-eye. And when I dream, I don't just dream any old dream. No, sir. I dream about being three-time Golden Globe winning actor Jim Carrey. Because then I would be enough.

It would finally be true. And I could stop this terrible search. What I know ultimately won't fulfill me. But these are important, these awards. important these awards. I don't want you to think that just because if you blew up our solar system alone, you wouldn't be able

to find us or any of human history with the naked eye. But from our perspective, this is huge. He's good at it. One more time, here are the nominees

he just does the nominees he just does the nominees that is so good right one more correspondence and then we'll do you know when you're like I'm going to share that clip

I'm going to play that clip to so many people yeah it's a great clip because it does I sort of noticed that when I went to the BAFTAs there are some

pathetic people in this world Josh oh no there are some pathetic people in this world josh and you know the worst ones the ones that have won it loads of times already because they still care because it isn't filling that hole i i work with someone wrong someone behind the camera so there's no one i'm not um no one's it's not someone anyone has heard of i love hearing you panic when you say something that you think might be slightly controversial. I work with someone,

and they are obsessed with winning a BAFTA. You'd have a good show, and you'd be like, oh, that was good. And they go, I think that might be the one that wins the BAFTA. You're like, fucking get up.

Mate, leave it. Just enjoy it. Just enjoy the fact that you did a good show that other people will enjoy do not measure your self worth by that

each show oh my god that'll be one it wasn't each show I'll tell you that for free that'll be one and then my wife and kids will love me

if I win that and my dad might hug me my dad will kiss me on the cheek if I win that. Oh, my God. It's a doom, I don't know. Right, one more email,

and then we'll do small business, yeah? Okay, yeah. So, hi, Rob and Josh. You recently talked about toddlers climbing out of the cot. Back when my 18-year-old was about two, he was asleep in the cot. My in-laws live next door. I know, in brackets.

So, we went out leaving him asleep, but with a baby monitor with grandad. When Joshua woke up, grandad heard and rushed over. However, he slipped, fell over and knocked himself out. What, the grandad? Yeah. Oh, my word. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. By the time he came round and went inside, Joshua had climbed out of the car and was wandering around the house causing so much mischief. Oh, my God. We have no idea how long my wife's dad was out cold for. From Gary Block. Gary with two R's.

You don't see it often. Gary Block. That's amazing. I know. I love that I know. My Gary Block. That's amazing. I know. I love that I know. My in-laws live next door. I know. I know.

I know. I know. Right, should we do a small business shout-out? Here we go. Hello, boys. Love the podcast. Nearly half the bread made in the UK never gets eaten. So my wife and I set up a business that takes unsold loaves from our local bakery

and uses them to brew beer it tastes great and does good it tastes great but also it does good for the world do you know what I mean

oh right ok ok I've got you we offer free delivery nationwide and people can find us at crumbsbrewing.co.uk listeners can use the code

LOOSNEC10 in capitals yes and that's a 1 and a 0 for 10% discount. Cheers. Keep up the good work. Cheers. Keep up the good work. Keep up the good work. Oh my god. Keep up the good work. Looking forward to the

live show in April. Morgan and Elaine. Crumbsbrewing.co.uk Crumbsbrewing.co.uk All the online. Are you over 18 years of age? Yeah. 36, mate. I can have a load. Yeah, they've got loads of different beer.

Rye, Ruby Ale, Sourdough Pale Ale. Oh, so they used a different bread for the different beers. Bloomer and Belaga. That's clever. Hi, guys. Loving the podcast. I've listened to them all twice. As a parent of two very active girls, my wife and I can relate to everything.

Hoping you'll give my amazing wife, Jess, a shout out on your show. As I know, party crappy kids' bags have come up numerous times. Jess creates children's personal sustainable party bags inspired by Montesquieu and Forest School learnings. In it is...

Oh, this is stiff neck central, Rob. You are going to sell zero of these in South East London. What is it? I'm going to tell you now now I'm going to go home with one of these bags every week for the whole of the year giant sunflower seeds make your own potion I like make your own potion seed stick twine biodegradable

pot veggie sweets a notebook crayons easy website and social names too www.botanyclub.co.uk appreciate it loving father and husband. If you're saying that, Jonathan, you're struggling. If you're saying you're loving father and husband,

don't label yourself that. I think that's a given. That's a given, Jonathan. That you're a loving father. Ambivalent father, Jonathan. Loving husband. Meh. Still working out where the fatherhood suits me.

Competent lover. Great at risk. Oh, I hate risk. I've obviously never played it. It's shit, Rob. It's dog shit and it lasts six days. Thank you for listening. Sounds like Glastonbury.

Oh, it's not as much fun as Glastonbury. We're back on Friday with someone else, aren't we? I don't know who it's going to be. Another guest, I imagine. Another guest. Another parent. Cool. See you then, Joshua.

Bye. Bye.