Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S05 EP16: Guz Khan

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian and actor - Guz Khan. Catch Guz's new stand-up show live at the Harold Pinter Theatre - Wednesday 21st, Thursday 22nd, and Friday 23rd September 2022.. Thanks, Rob + Josh. BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book!  ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth. ⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents) ⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them...   [e-mail] What's it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)? And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick? Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike. Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here:  https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBook We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will. Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card and he's done it. Oh, clicky clickclick, magic trick!

The click heard around the room. You guys just about finished. Sorry, we got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight-worthy with the BMO Toronto FC Cashback MasterCard. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Elena, can you say Rob? Rob.

Beckett. Beckett. And can you say Josh? Josh. Beckett. Beckett. And can you say Josh? Josh. Widdicombe. Widdicombe. Well done, Milena. Nice work. Failed at Widdicombe again, but fair enough.

It's the equivalent of the Travelator in Gladiators, isn't it? You can do the whole of the Eliminator, but then you fall down on Widdicombe. And I think if you don't go in confident, you're never going to recover. No, exactly. You've exerted yourself early doors. How are you, Josh? I'm good. Do you want to know who that was?

No. Okay. How are you? Obviously. No, I do. Come on. This was my 16-month-old daughter, Milena. We live in Bristol,

although I'm originally from? Russia. Malta. Oh. Listening to your podcast kept me sane during those long hours pushing a pram

round in circles trying to get her to sleep she's early doors with the talking and even sings her own nursery rhymes yes she is early doors with the talking actually

how old is she? 16 months or my son is late doors you so care at the time but after a year,

because it's only, my daughter's four, so it's only a little while ago, like two and a half years. You just forget. Doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter. But at the time,

I remember being like, oh, why is it too late? Just, oh my God. Yeah. But that is, well, yeah, well done. Sorry. No, it's good. Well done, she's talking,

but yeah, you just sort of forget, don't you? Well, don't worry. Jake has done a good paragraph here. She's early doors with the talking. Have you still got yoghurt in your mouth? No. I've got an almond.

Have you got an almond in there? I know I can hear something clinking about. It sounded like a bored sweet. Sorry. So you've got to chew the almond. Was it still in there? My mouth is an empty chamber. So what was the almond it was just an almond i picked up off the bowl unthinkingly you popped in during during talking that i heard clink and

then you chewed it and got it down i don't even i don't even remember the thought process that did that that was on autopilot awful but so you chewed an almond, almond, almond, mid-chat. Like, you know those flaked almonds, not a full almond. Like a flake. I was going to say, you got that down well. Yeah, no, no, not a full almond, like a flaked almond. Oh, I was going to say, I thought you just panicked and choked it down like a goblin in an acorn.

Sorry, go on. She's early dealt doors with the talking and even sings her own nursery rhymes to get herself to sleep but she has still never slept through

the night and is regularly up three to four times a night before starting the day at 5.30am thanks again and looking forward to the book

Jake oh Jake that is brutal yeah I take the mute sleeper thank you very much, Jake. How are you, Josh, all right? Can't smile wide enough, Rob.

I'm good, actually. I'm fine. Can't smile wide enough. Yeah. Oh, good, that's good. What's up? We're just sort of grinding through back to school, getting all the...

I don't know about you, but I always go, I'll get that sorted when the kids are back in school, which then means as soon as they're back in school, I've got loads of horrible stuff to do. Our plan was to tidy the house in september that was our plan what a fucking life that is tidy the house tidy the house for for once and since we've moved in we've always said it's not quite how you want it or not five years in and now we're finally thinking september's the month and what are your thoughts on moving or you're definitely happy there now we're finally thinking september's the month and what are your thoughts

on moving or you're definitely happy there now we're happy here now you're not going anywhere we're not going anywhere for the foreseeable okay talk to me in two years um we might we we still might be moving but we don't know yet yeah well do you know what our daughter keeps asking when we're gonna move but i don't know why she wants to move she's never lived in any other house have you did you say you might be moving then no i don't think so but i maybe have friends moved or something like that my friends have moved house i don't know if it's exciting for a kid or scary to move house because i never moved us we moved when i was three and a half so i didn't really experience it and then i lived in the same house till i was 18 yeah so i i all i lived in the same house till I was 18. Yeah, so I lived in the same house for 18 years before I moved out.

Oh, God. I can't imagine the stress of moving house now. The thrill of moving, but then that six months after when nothing's quite sorted. I think it's good. It's a new start, fresh start. You can go through and sort out all your direct debits and change all your dresses.

It feels like a new beginning. Yeah. Oh, I love that bit. The move is fun, right? The move. We like sort out all your direct debits and change all your dresses. It feels like a new beginning. Oh, I love that bit. The move is fun, right? The move is exciting. You have to pay for a removals firm. I always moved myself in the back of my little car.

And then when we moved from our flat to what is our now sort of family home, we got movers and it was the greatest thing I've ever done. You're not going to believe what I've just done. Oh, what? I've just eaten an almond. What's wrong with you? What is wrong with me? How hungry are you? Quite hungry because I brought my breakfast to record

and I didn't eat it because we were recording. Yeah, but we were always going to be recording. I know, but I was late. He was like, okay, fair enough. Why have I just done that? I didn't even think about it. Do you know what? That's how comfortable I am.

It's like we're having a conversation. It's just like we're having breakfast. Yeah, but even if we were having a conversation, like you've brought a bowl of yoghurt from home, I'd be like, it's a bit weird, isn't it? Not from home. Like finger-dabbing almonds and popping them in mid-chat. Is that how you're getting them as well?

You're licking your finger and dabbing them and getting them? No, I'm getting them with a spoon. Like the police in TV shows when they're testing cocaine. When they do a drugs bust. And they get it and rub it on their gun. I always think they've put a bit too much on there. I think they're absolutely flying. I think what you've just done there, mate, is illegal.

Let me just check if this is right. Yeah, that's definitely cocaine. Take them down. Take them down. I'm going up. How also, if you're a policeman you shouldn't know that that shouldn't help well if you're a parent in fail about um getting powders mixed up yeah here we go god this is a good segue a few months ago we went to the coast of our baby um who was

four weeks old we packed some formula and everything was going well until three in one morning my husband told me our baby had been throwing up a fair bit i'd explained a bit of spitted up milk was normal he went back to sleep at five a.m i took over to find millions of ants on one formula bottle and after smelling it i realized why it turned out i'd packed formula in a tupperware box my husband had also packed his own formula cookie protein powder in a similar box oh no we accidentally measured out protein powder instead of formula oh my god the baby only had half a bottle threw it all up he's absolutely fine just looks like he's fucking ripped sorry i think you were going i just realized that i said it no that look that's why you're that's

why you're a comedian because they went for it said he looks like he's just ready for the CrossFit Champions 2023. Which is a great line, but fucking Rick works better. Harriet, who messaged in. Don't say sorry. You made that better. You made that funnier. Shall we move on from this? Shall we have our guest?

Yes, let's have our guest. Oh, we've wanted this guy on for bloody ages. He's absolutely brilliant. He has four kids. Four kids. Four kids. He's so busy filming in America and things like that. guy on for bloody ages he's absolutely brilliant uh he has four kids four kids four kids yeah we've we've um he's been he's so busy filming in america and things like that and he's touring he's in the uk doing london shows and it's a brilliant guz khan here he is hello guz khan how are you he's great at intros it's really he really bigs you up how you doing mate that's the best intro

i ever heard in my life i'm good lads what's going on well we're just uh living living back in back in england while you're in hollywood mate in all those films and netflix shows oh is that what you think my life is okay let me explain to you where i'm right now okay let me tell you where i'm right now. Somebody, and they're supposed to be my friend, yeah? After a production meeting yesterday, booked me a hotel, yeah? This hotel is the shittiest hotel I've ever been in my whole life. Fucking middle of the night,

it's got rolly wheels. One of the rolly wheels came off. My blood pressure went up. This is a horrible hotel. Of the rolly wheels? On the bed? On the bed. Yes, bro.

And one of you came up in the night um so you're away working from home how many kids you got for the listeners guys let's talk us through your setup what's going on they they're you're they all still in coventry while you're out and about working they're all still carved they're all settled and i have a very powerful back four mate i'm talking the kind of back four Circa United when they were doing trebles mate, there's Vidic in there, there's Ferdinand in there, there's all kinds of shit in there mate

so it's a back four, Rob remind me how many little ones you got? I've got two I've got two girls, four and six Josh has got two, little boy who's running around causing dramas one and then a girl who's four oh this is incredible, so between you that's how many children just confirmed for me that's four yeah between yeah you don't know shit you

gotta have four on your own so what ages have you got the individual that changed my life was my daughter sophia khan and she was born 11 years ago um and then nobbed arrived quite quick after that was that was he's nine then the other nobbed came he's seven and then there's a new one he's only two and he was on the cusp of being like his sister but unfortunately he's ended up like his dad and his brothers so that's the third nobbed who's two so three boys nine and below And one incredible young woman who's 11. Do you have a favourite? Do you know what? Here's the thing, okay? I know I've presented that as like,

Sophia is the beacon of everything. But you know, on a day-to-day basis, like somebody, it's like a horse race. Someone becomes a favourite every day by doing something silly or something funny or swearing at a neighbour. And, like, you know what I mean? That's the interchange.

But I'm very honest with them. I always sit them down regularly and say, look, man, some days your dad loves you more than others and today it's you. And I think it's very important for character building that they know that. There's four kids there. Do they interact well?

Are they... I don't even know where I'd start with, like, just the day. Like, talk me through getting up. So, you're up in the morning. You're up quite early. So, Sophia is now... It's the best part of parenting.

She's self-sufficient, isn't it? Yeah. She knows what she's doing, bro. She goes, be brushing her own teeth. It doesn't fall in the toilet there's none of that drama about finding a spare toothbrush like we get with the younger lot so she's very self-sufficient breakfast sorts herself out yeah it's good vibes she's got music on she's doing her thing she's basically just like a so she's like a flat share she's just like a

lodger she's like a she's like a very mature lodger, yeah? She needs to get reminded to change her socks and actually a bit of a tramp when it comes to that. But apart from that, she's Sam. So the other three, two of them share a bedroom. And then you know they're up because things start, like loud bangs on the floor. So that's Ye and Wiggy.

Ye and Wiggy are on a mad one. The littlest one he's still between me and his mom in the bed right so he refuses to leave but to be honest with you me and my missus talked about this every day we're now used to that setup pretty much since sofia so we've always had one little weirdo stuck between us like 11 years 11 years, yeah. Yeah, 11 years on the bounce, bro. Even when you try and shift a kid out in between those periods, there's always one little pervert

that opens your door in the night, like, oh, Dad, what's going on, Dad? Can't sleep, man. So you can't be getting up to nothing anyway, so, you know what I mean? Well, you've had a good go at it. You've got four. You must have found some time.

Yeah, fuck, you've just got to get it in, and I'm going to be able to see have found some time. Yeah, fuck. You've just got to get it in, haven't you? Not me behind a chair or whatever. Just go like... What's that? What are you doing, bro? Here come the carrots making their way upfield, followed by the whole wheat bread, over to the two dozen eggs.

Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry, I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard. Oh, and the broccoli boots are over the line. What a goal! How would you like to pay, sir? Credit, please. Make every purchase a win with the BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard

with up to 5% cashback on your purchases in your first three months. Terms and conditions apply. When the kids, when you look at all four of them, the run of it, what it's like on a daily basis, our lives do revolve around them. But I want to say in a positive way here, it's really fun for us. It's a mission. It's a mission

every day. But me and her sometimes get a bit of quiet time. It's like, she'll look at me and she'll be like, you're fucking weird. And I'm like, yeah, you're right. Thank you. Let's get back to the kids. So they're good for us. They're a great balance for us. What do you think it's she'll be like you're fucking weird and i'm like yeah you're right thank you let's get back to the kids so they're good they're a great balance for us what do you think it's going to be like when you like can you remember what it was like when you were a couple just the two of you was that how long ago does that feel long time different life joshy different life i was up to all kinds of different things i think for her she was kind of like uh he's my mate it

was never a lovey-dovey between me and her so we were always mates which was really important so she was like uh my mate might go to prison for a while so she was used to that and instead she ended up in prison with her mate and just banged out four kids so you know we're kind we're kind of in a version of prison because yeah we i go to work she goes out and sees family and mates and stuff for a bit, but then both of us are quite intensely back with the kids. Yeah. But what life was like before that, I don't know.

To be honest with you, I suppose why it's not that much of a change is my family set up since I was a kid is our houses have always been busy, haven't they? Yeah. When I go back to Cov now and i crack the front door in my house will be like three nieces and nephews of mine who are very close to me like super close my sister will be floating about uh you know one of her mates will be floating about the house so for us kind of like we're always used to like go go go and i'm really bad at being like oh i twiddling

my thumbs on my own like what, what shall I do here? I always need, like, somebody about to have a laugh and I'll feel happy. So I suppose in that sense, she's from a big family, I'm from a really big family. It's just like, it's all we've ever known, do you know what I mean? Yeah, is her family in Coventry as well?

Her family's in Cobb as well, yeah, yeah. Because that's the thing, like, you used to be a teacher, didn't you? And then you sort of broke through, but your rise to sort of success and being, you know, so busy with comedy and acting was quite quick. So you've gone from that set up with you probably had a two year old daughter. You're a teacher. You're doing a few videos online. And, you know, your day is probably quite regimented, you know, when you are when you're on summer holidays.

And then all of a sudden now you're flying around the world filming stuff. Your life's changed quite a lot do you feel that's impacted on you as a dad and the kids because you're physically not there enough luckily she's got support around her your partner but how's it for you not being there as regularly as you were in such a short amount of time so it's kind of mad bro when i really think about it we, we just had our third when I first ever tried like a funny video or whatever. So we were already quite into the pairing.

And I remember like thinking when I was teaching, like I love the fundamentals of being a teacher interacting with the kids. And, you know, they weren't really used to having a teacher

who was from their background. Like in coffee, it was quite a fairy. So all of that stuff was going on, but I was thinking, shit, man, if I keep teaching, this is going to kill me because it's quite a fairy so all of that stuff was going on but i was thinking shit man if i keep teaching this is gonna kill me because it's so intense it's like you finish work but you know i'm 330 or whatever but now you're marking books till 2 a.m it was killing me but i always tried to like maintain this family balance and so when this stuff kicked off and things

started coming in i was just i think i was quite aware that I wanted to grab them when I could and take them with me. So, if it was like, oh, you're filming in Europe for three months on a bounce, I'd just generally speak to the school and be like, look, you know what my organisation is like, it's shit. You've seen me coming through the school gates in the morning.

I've got this new job, I've got this new life. Do you reckon you could let the kids come with me for a bit? And they'll be like, they were really good. The schools were good. They were like, you know what? We will, but if it goes beyond this, we'll have to fine you. So I always took a bit of a fine in terms of them not being able to... For weeks I did.

And then it became a thing because it's like, you know what I mean? It's like, I've got child trafficking on my mind. They're just with their dad. It's just not building in an extra tax. Yeah, exactly, bro. Exactly. So I've always kind of been like, get up and go. And Dino, my missus, that's a nickname.

Last summer when we were in LA, they stayed with me nearly the whole time. When we were in Prague, they were out for about six weeks. Oh, wow. I try and build it in wherever I go, bro, for a bigger project that they come along with me. Do they enjoy it? Like, that must be amazing as a kid to suddenly be in Prague or LA. That's, like, I found that experience incredible when I was a kid. I mean, yeah.

Like, you know, there's a bit of a discrepancy between the kids. The first two, obviously, they're born on the same street that I grew up in they're very used to like being a bit rowdy sophia and yay then the other guy came and he's a bit of a pokemon he's an anomaly yeah i love him for what he is but he's like we take him kickboxing that sophia and yay are like swinging lefts and rights and that and he's in the corner twirling doing like pokemon powers and stuff so i'm like oh this kid he's guys he's a separate guy he's got his own thing going on i love him for it so like between them like the first two they're quite like a bit of rough stuff so you know when things are like oh history shall we go to this nice restaurant

or whatever them two are like yeah he's a bit lesbian he's like oh dad this is shit man so we just go dixie or whatever so he's still on that and I look at him and I'm in love with him, innit? Because I'm like, yes, bro, this is where we came from. And then the other one's like, oh,

dad, do you think we could try Wagyu? I'm like, how the fuck do you even know what Wagyu is? How do you even know what that is?

Because we've been on YouTube watching Google Foods. So like, when we go away, we have to try and fit in like quite normal, rowdy stuff versus let's try this

experience. But genuinely, when we go away, as long as we're together and we're in a nice gaff, like we can, it's, it's so much fun being with each other that we kind of just get on with it. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. And your life's changed quite a lot. You know, you still, you know, in cove with all your friends and family and stuff, and you try and keep as normal as possible, even though you are like in la filming all this stuff but do you find that it's going to be harder and harder

do kids get older and they're just experienced different different things to you know their peers you know it's my idea like and i genuinely i genuinely check in with them a lot because to me it's like sometimes i get a bit weird with it you know it's it they're just kids, chill out but it does mean a lot to me that they remember where we're from and that's partly in like where we spend time so like this place in Hillfield

where all my cousins and us used to get in mad trouble but was conversely still the most fun part of my life growing up, we go back there regularly once or twice a week and you know hillies is a hillies is a rough place but i tend to do that in and you know as they get older i never want to take them somewhere or show them something that they're like oh dad i'm not really into that but they they really enjoy it they enjoy me talking to aunties and

uncles that i grew up with do you know i mean? They always put a hand on their shoulder and my shoulder and just give us a reminder, like good advice or have a little laugh and a joke. So, so for me, bro, kind of being on this journey, it's like all this new stuff is cool,

but then also I'm open with, with them and everybody's like, Oh, this might go away tomorrow. That's like the mentality. It's like, it's all good. Now we're in LA doing this and HBO Studios

and got my own show on TV. I goes, in two years time, if I'm doing Night Shift at Asda, here's what it is. And I genuinely try and put that into them. And they're not weirded out by it. They're like, yeah, man, we'll roll our sleeves up and do whatever we've got to do as well.

So yeah, that's important to me. Am I right in saying that there was a point when also you were living next door to your, either parents or your in-laws uh at one point is that right it's my mom so technically yeah technically that's technically that still happens there'll be a few nights a week when the kids we've got like this new gaff and like, they'll be scratching their head. I'll be like, you good?

And they'll be like, yeah, shall we just go back to the old place for a bit? And I'm like, if you want. So like, they'll grab their,

they'll grab their school stuff. They'll grab like switches or whatever. A few fundamentals, Pokemon cards, that guy. And then we'll, we'll jump in the car

and we'll go back to the house and say, let's go to my old day just because they like, they enjoy that as well. And my mom, my mom's a, it sounds weird, but genuinely, it's a

South Asian thing, isn't it? It's like a Caribbean thing. And in the area we grew up in, white working class Irish families, their mum and dad's were always floating about. It's just something that we're so used to that if they're not there, even my miss, you know, you get this old school like archetypal or like you know wives and mother-in-laws and what's

the relationship like of course it can get a bit intense sometimes but even she's like shit man where is she the funny dad because my mom is my mom is my mom is a funny like my geezer so we we always we always kind of like float between the two places and that's that genuinely that's huge for the kids as well yeah also it's great for child care isn't it no bro of of course of course they'll be coming back saying some weird things in punjabi and that that's gonna get me cancelled but it's worth it do you do you offload all four at any point like do you do will your mom look after all four and then you go this is a this is a date night just for us generally with my mom because like she's blessed she's in her mid-70s now she's slowing down if i leave her with more than one a phone

call will come quite quickly saying come and get the like that is one at a time they're all one at a time it's just about magical my sisters are wicked so like both my sisters are in the city as well so the kids go there and they have sleepovers and like i said my nieces and nephews are now at an age where you know they're to me you they're always like kids in it in your head yeah you know they're 17 18 a couple of them are 20 now so they're also really good with the kids um but i like i said at the beginning like i genuinely can't remember when me and dino have been able to say uh shall we go out and explore what this relationship's all about let's talk let's talk buddy come on what's what's really going on here i think if we did i'd be fucked we'd probably be divorced next week so i'm quite happy to have one to four kids still

floating about yeah i mean so i think papering over the cracks is underrated yeah oh yeah why do people try and investigate the mold just repaint it. It'll be fine. I don't know. Are you done at four, though? Are you having more, or is four enough? Yeah, I don't want her to die. So I think four is definitely a lot. And after the last one, she's like, I've nearly died there. Oh, is it bad?

Like, I think every time, it's a wondrous forward slash horrifying thing, isn't it? Like, when you really think about it, it's fucking mad, bro. There's another person coming out of a person, bro. It's just mad shit. It's just fucking mad. Even the first time I was like, it's a bit much, that. Like, do you know what I mean? Yeah, if you saw it on Game of Thrones and you didn't know about childbirth,

you'd go, I think he's gone too far this show. That's mental. Bro, 100%, bro. Just like, you know what? The main thing that stressed me out when the nurse said it, when the nurse said it, it was just a little thing. And she's gone to me, oh, it's going to be a lot of mucus. I was going, oh, I've got a lot of mucus like that.

It's just coming out of your lungs You're getting antibiotics You're going on the ventilator You might have told me That all bare mucus Just flooding the floor up It's very stressful to me So I have to bless her

She needs to hold off How are you in the lay with him? Because you're full of beans Very laughy and jokey But it is serious, isn't it? Did you struggle with that? When we was in LA It was like a semi-lockdown still, isn't it? Did you struggle with that? When we was in LA, it was like a semi-lockdown still, isn't it?

So everyone, I think, as a parent, and whether you're a carer or whatever it is, I've been quite used to people are under your feet all the time, isn't it? Like, you know, that's just something. Even people who are like, yeah, parent, I've got mates who are like, yeah, parenting's okay, but I like my alone time.

Even they were like, look, we've got to get on with it. Kids are here. It's going to kill the pandemic. Fucking hell. But I better be nice to them. So when we were in LA, for a little bit, we kind of felt isolated because for the first time, we were away from like this big my mates, her mates,

sisters, social circle. But we stayed in this quite like, oh, it's archetypal thing they do. They you in like well this is like hollywood and this is where this guy lives and that guy lives and we're like i don't even know what you're saying like so we've when we got there we stayed in that area didn't like it it was you felt kind of isolated and when you start getting to know the city a bit you realize that the areas that are like affluent where they want you to stay that they think are cool you're physically looking down on all of the poverty in LA oh it's mad the homelessness is crazy isn't it and Rob it's horrible isn't it because when you're standing on the top of one of these like

swanky places where people live and you are physically looking down on some of the poorest people on planet earth, it was horrible. And like the kids were like, we don't really like this. So we moved to another part of LA where there was a big Latino community. And yo, we felt fully at home.

Grandma's granddad's packing out the yard, eight people in the house. Like, and when we moved in there, we've got a little house in between this community. That's when like our LA thing really took off. My kids would run next door, play with their kids. It was, it was, that just felt so much more comfortable for us.

Do you find that with four, I can't imagine you as a kind of, as a disciplinarian. That you don't strike me as someone. I mean, are you, are you measured? Have you got rules or you just, how does it work? Joshie, this is something I thought as well. Try to sometimes you got coming up this lady. I suppose you're a teacher as well.

So you're used to it, right? If it's always like more positive vibes and everyone's laughing and joking and stuff. Yeah. Like when that tone shift comes there's a real feeling of like oh fuck yeah oh my god yeah and if the end of current is oh look at your dad this fat little like he's always laughing all the time and now fucking look he's fucking there in the kitchen depressed and that it's like oh shit i better

change my ways look i really fucked up the whole context with my daddy well and you know for their mom as well yeah yeah even including you guys how do the rest of the family obviously you're super proud of it but are you like when your kid can do something much better than you it's a bit stressful isn't it i've got that with with drawing and my daughter. She'll ask me to draw stuff because she's really into drawing. And she draws with her... Rose can draw and Rose's mum's an artist. So they can, like, draw stuff with her and show her how to draw stuff. I'm so shit at drawing.

To the point where we'll draw on the same piece of paper. And then normally when she's drawing with, like, Rose or whatever, you can tell which is which. But we're literally, and this is as much a reflection on me. It's over level. And so Rose will come in and she can't tell the difference between what my daughter is for is drawn and I've drawn. It's fucking pathetic.

I think it's a good thing when you're young to work out what you're not naturally really good at and just bin it off and something you've got an inclination to and just hammer that. Cause you only need one or two things you can do no one wants you know no one's a jack of all trades but she's not gone to school yet and she's already worked out that her dad isn't you know isn't infinitely perfect and good at stuff which it should take kids longer than that than four i think my new early doors to be honest. Do your kids watch the stuff you do, guys? Yeah, like a little bit.

I think the one they enjoy most is quite Man Like Moby and stuff. But apart from that, whether it be my missing, they're obviously, and they say, like, look, mate, we're proud of what you're doing,

where we've all come thus far. But it's really, like, quite normal at home. And there's always, like, a million other things to chat about. You know what I mean? Like, there's always something going off at school or with their cousins or with their mates. Like, recently, I'm late to the party, but, like, I got involved in Fortnite with them towards the end of summer holiday.

And they're all too young to be playing it technically, but I quite like Wiggy, the one doing all the coming, coming, hard moves in the corner. It's the first time I've ever really seen him aggressive. So I quite like it. I quite like the fact that he's on the computer too young and blood pressure going up going up couple of swears

slip out i don't even mind because you know i mean i do yeah i do love seeing them like competitive or passionate about something you know when they're really into something yeah it's quite nice to see they've got a bit of fire in their belly 100 bro and so like i kind of got into i kind of got into to that with them but when it comes to like stuff that I do as a career, I actually find it really comforting that everyone's like, all good. I'm like, yeah, all good. Sound, let's get on with life. Yeah.

That's really what it's like. Would you let them watch you stand up? You're going to the Harold Pinter Theatre in September 21st to the 23rd. You can get your tickets now. Doing your, well, it's a brand new live stand-up show. It's your first one in three years yeah i don't know why i'm doing that i'll be honest it's soon it's a couple of weeks oh fucking no mate i know i'm like have you done warm-up gigs i haven't done nothing mate i haven't done nothing i've been listen i just told the truth i've been playing fortnight last

five weeks with the kids till like 2 a.m that's what i've been Listen I just told the truth I've been playing Fortnite last five weeks With the kids Till like 2am That's what I've been doing So if the material Is around like Aim bots And people who cheat

For V-books It'll be a banger Of a show mate If it If it ain't about that Then good luck Oh guys I've just I've just google imaged it mate

It's absolutely beautiful It's an hour and 20 minutes long Do you know that? Fucking hell. 20 quid a ticket, though. Pretty good value. I think that'll be a great show. In the West End, that is absolutely excellent value. That's 21st, 22nd, 23rd of September.

Thank you. This is the angle we're going with. You see, this is the reason why I chose to do these shows, because we're doing tickets at the most competitive rate, the most affordable rate with what's coming in at the moment. And the people that I represent, lads, okay, I'm giving them an opportunity to feel a little slice of the West End, a little slice of it, but at an incredibly competitive rate,

despite the fact that I'm going to be talking shit about Fortnite and that for an hour and 20. Yeah, it doesn't matter we're there exactly and if you're not and if you're not like you know from cove or repping where you're from and you're sort of a bit of a posh show in central london you can come and support uh you know a new up-and-coming act from coventry taking over the west end wow yes god where are you guys at? You on the PR. My God. Exactly. My God.

Well, what's your homecoming gig? Because whenever I do Coventry, it's always at the universities, the main gig. Oh, yeah. The Warwick. The Warwick. That's the main one they send it to. What's your big theatre there in Coventry? The Wicca Arena.

Yeah, they're nice people at the Warwick Arts and that, but it ain't Warwick. That's a different place exactly it's in the middle isn't it yeah it's a bit weird like you've got like Belgrade

you've got this place called it really pops it ain't a massive room it's like 600 or whatever but it's called a Rialto and that's like proper in the end

so you get all of the mad lads you get all of the crazy biscuits and everyone comes together and that's a brilliant room to do if you can next time you're in car do the rialto oh that looks amazing as well i've just looked at that what a venue yeah it's like it's like you know some legends have gone through there oh you should film me a special in there yeah i'd love that

you know it's got like a creaky vibe like they've put like the stuff all over this but that looks nicer than har Pinter's theatre. Does it really? Not from the outside, though. It looks rough as shit, but inside looks nice. Actually, sorry, I'm looking at the... I'm looking at the one in... Hang on. I'm looking at the one in California.

I'm sorry. Oh, God. I was going to say... I was going to say, yeah. I was going to say, like... It's not that nice, yeah? I've just looked at it, and it ain't as nice. I like it. Look at the California say, yeah. I was going to say, like, go on. It's not that nice. I've just looked at it and it ain't as nice. I like it.

Look at the California one, though. The California one's unbelievable. The Coventry one's all right. It's decent. But, yeah, did you think I was going a bit over the top? Yeah, I was. It's your podcast. I wasn't going to start casting you out, but I was like,

fuck you now. He looks real, doesn't he? The California one is unbelievable though, Gus. He's unbelievable. I can't even find a picture of it.

Where's the picture of it? What, the Rialto Coventry? No, I've seen the Coventry one. That came up when I googled Rialto Coventry.

Rialto South Pasadena. How the hell did you think that was in Coventry, Rob? Look, I'm looking at pictures of this. It's in America. It's in America, yeah.

I mean, that's as simple as I can say. That is a theatre that is in America. Sorry, I got it wrong. Oh, dear. Do your kids have any sort of aspiration to theatre or performing? Or is it all fighting? Not that they've really... I'll tell you what they've all told me, which is weird, isn't it?

Because the more visual stuff is like the acting and stuff. But they've all told me, the older three, that they want to try stand-up. And that makes you a little bit proud, doesn't it? It's like, oh, that they want to try it. So maybe they are watching it on YouTube when I do it or whatever or maybe to be honest with you because it's the one that is still like quite pure when i come home and i'm like oh that was sick like that gig in this place maybe they see oh shit that's the one he's really into and so

they're kind of like yeah we want to catch those vibes so yeah they've all said they want to try standing would you go and watch would you find that stressful i'll be heckling this out then bro are you vocal when you watch them do sport and stuff do you get involved uh a little bit the dino is that their mom their mum is probably way more than me even on sports on sports day and stuff like she'll always be the one like

well you know they still do like dad's race she'll jump into like mum's doing it and dad's she's like a bit of a I don't know mate

she's releasing some kind of endorphins that we don't even know they're after time so she really she takes all that stuff kind of seriously

I'm just happy to see them do them do you know what i mean so it's good did you do the dad's race no no no dino does that my missus does that oh fair enough no because they're his bro look i tell you the truth i tell you the truth is the same for all three of us yeah because if you do get caved in it and you get beat then then on the WhatsApp group, the family WhatsApp group, they'll be like, oh, funny, but you fucking can't run. And I'm like, what? How involved are you with the school, Dad? Do you go for drinks and stuff or you swerve it?

No, I mean, a little bit, but like, yeah, not too much. I'll say hi to everybody. You know what it is? I'm a bit of an old soul. So whenever someone's granddad comes and picks them up, I'll spend loads of time chatting to the granddad. I chat to the granddad. There's a granddad who drops off his kid at the same school.

I'm always chatting to him. I think, do you know what it is? I think when you're a comedian and you're self-employed, your day's a bit floatier because you sort of choose what you do. And sometimes you're really busy, sometimes you're not. And I feel like I've got more in common with retired people than people that are working a nine to five. It's one of the saddest things I've ever heard, Rob.

The 35-year-old man or whatever you are, hanging out on park benches, sharing a packet of Fox's Glacier Mints with an 80-year-old, talking about when the world was a better place. Retired people have got less to prove, haven't they? They're just sort of chilled. You brought, I've genuinely found that, and like, people who are your age are always like, what's going on at work?

But the granddad, the few that I talk to, it's always about like, oh, fucking, what PSI shall I put in my tyre? And it's like, oh, I know know i know that or they're quite happy to slag people off because they don't care they haven't got full skin in the game you know i mean if you're the grandparent dropping off at school you're not fully involved

so you can slag everyone off yes yes listen we've unlocked a magical part of the school room mate neglect yeah which is i think as well they're just so happy to have woken up that day full of beans and um yeah the the last question what's the uh one thing that annoys you about the way your partner parents and what's the best thing about they the way they parent is there one thing that just gets on your nerves that you don't really bring up anymore to stop arguments now she's dino is just a good lad you know like there's nothing that she's really good there's nothing there's nothing i can really say like she's she's just all i say is this in this combination of two

fairly young people having four kids my days if she weren't about we'd be in trouble that's what i'll say yeah yeah and what's the best thing what about her the way she parents yeah what's the best thing about her as a mom um oh i'll tell you what it's funny i do like if one of the kids pisses or pisses her off their lunchbox will be shit that's funny. And she'll take all of the mini rolls out. So they're like, yes, mini rolls. And when they get to school, they'll be like,

Dad, there was a piece of bread and lettuce. I'll be like, yes, you're a bad man, Dino. You're a bad man. Great one to keep them on their toes. Absolutely perfect. That was brilliant. Thanks so much. Yo, lads, absolutely. It's been long overdue. So sorry that we didn't do it earlier. But thank thanks so much yo lads absolutely it's been long

overdue so sorry that we didn't do it earlier but thank you we wanted you from the start but and we

finally snared you we finally got you and if you go and see guys at the harold pinter

theatre 21st to 23rd of september tickets on sale now www.atgtickets.com cheers mate

that was great okay let's see you soon man that was guz khan one of the Now, www.atgtickets.com. Cheers, mate. That was great. Okay, lads. See you soon, man. That was Guz Khan, one of the most naturally funny people you will ever meet. He properly... He's just funny, and he's just a funny bloke. Have you ever done a West End run like that?

I did the Palladium, but that doesn't count, does it? And that's not a run. No, I was filming your special. That was a bit different, but... Yeah. It appeals to me in that sense it'd be nice

wouldn't it just to go feel like you're going to work and like show off yeah but you could do that just work in Subway

the thing with theatres though is like they're really pretty and beautiful but I think sometimes comedy audiences you like they feel a bit like

scared to laugh because it's so fancy but then what I hate is when you're in the same theatre and it's in a shit it's a shit play and they do one little crap pun

and everyone goes ha ha ha ha because it's been so boring I'm like that is not worthy of that laugh you're just bored people who laugh

people who laugh at plays they're not funny well people who describe books as hilarious I've never read a hilarious book I've read books where I've laughed I've never read a hilarious book I've read books

where I've laughed I've never cried with laughter at a book don't forget to buy a parenting hell the book don't forget apparently that is

a funny book now that is and that's why we've written yeah the first ever funny book yeah

so books can be funny but when they're like tears rolling down my face fuck off yeah I know I don't know some people do laugh easy Yeah So The roots can be funny But when they're like Tears rolling down my face Fuck off Yeah I know Fuck off I don't know

Some people do laugh easy Yeah Have you ever met someone Like at a wedding Where you say anything And they're like Ha ha ha And like

But they mean it You know This guy's a fucking I'm just going to put him on a chain And bring him with me Everywhere I go This guy's unbelievable Um

Yeah I have met people like that I've been that at a wedding when I'm struggling for conversation with someone. Oh, I really do laugh off shit banter just to try and slap on the shoulder and walk away. Oh, my God. Good one.

Is there a more stressful moment than approaching the seating plan at a wedding? Fuck it, Al. Oh, you've got to go in there first and move it. Anyway, go to the Harold Pinter Theatre on the 21st to the 23rd of September. And we'll see you

Tuesday. Tuesday's more top-level bands. See you then.