Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S05 EP23: I Don't Want To Be A Diva....

Episode Date: October 11, 2022

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book!  ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth. ⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents) ⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them...   [e-mail] What's it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)? And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick? Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike. Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here:  https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Brodie, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Good boy. There we go.

That was nice. Hi, Rob and Josh, this is my son Brodie. Brodie is three, four in November. He has a bit of a speech delay, but his speech is coming along nicely. We're from Belfast, but live in Welling. I prefer to say we live in Shooter's Hill. Rob, could you probably guess why? Yeah, Welling.

Do you know what? New Ming, Chinese buffet in Welling. Great Chinese buffet. Well, it was when I was 14. I don't know if it was good or if it was just unlimited duck made me feel like unlimited duck

yeah as much as you want mate we used to go there for all if you could get a flip book of my family you could see us all growing up in that buffet yeah but she was here

Welling's not too bad it's coming up I think ish that man says just wanted to say the podcast is excellent and really funny

it's really good to get a dad's perspective on things and my wife, Jen, loves it too. It's much funnier than all of her mummy podcasts. Couldn't agree more. Keep up your good work. Kingsley. You don't know what our mummy podcasts are. I'm across them, Rob.

Josh, I need to address my situation. If the sound's poor, then it's my fault. Basically, I'm very busy this week. Yeah. And I'm doing this recording in offices in London before I do Celebs Go Dating voiceover, and then after Celebs Go Dating, I'm going straight to a gig. They're putting me in a lovely room.

However, the room, the table is actually metal, and I don't know much about sound, but I've always been soft to furnishings. Are you a recording booth? Can't you just go into the recording booth? No, because the Wi-Fi's not just go into the recording booth no because the wifi is not very good in the recording booth

oh for the love of god I've got a beautiful giant window that looks over London that is dreadful for sound yeah a metal table everything's so

listen everything's rock hard what's that that was a glass on a metal table and you normally record in a soft play don't you

there's a slate there's a slate thing to put my drink on. Yeah. Hear that? Yeah. That's slate. Everything's rock hard.

I believe you. And there's people talking in the office next door, but I can't be that guy that goes shut up. Can't they just get a long internet wire and put that into the recording booth rather than you having to do this in a slate room? Yeah, but I don't know. Yeah, but I'm also,

I've also pushed back the record time for that. I don't want to be a diva, Josh. It's too late, Rob. It's too late. Look, Josh, I've had the most mental week since we last... Well, I've been across the news, Rob. So that was on the way to Celebs Go Day. Can I just say,

last week you spent a lot of time in sound booths, haven't you? Yes. My ears are so moist. Headphones all day. All right. I didn't know what the second half of that sentence was going to be. Oh, yeah, people have been fucking my ears, Josh.

Yeah, yeah, of course. I'm in Soho. What do you expect? In many ways, Rob, when we have a good episode, we're fucking people's ears, aren't we? That's how I like to think of the podcast. Is it? Yeah.

Oh, dear. Well, last week, we recorded recorded and you turned up in Crocs and, like, tracksuit trousers as if you were just walking around the house because you thought, well, I'm just going to the recording booth and then coming back, so I might as well wear as comfortable clothes as I can. Yes. And this week it's backfired massively. Well, yeah, so a lot of things have happened this week.

So, first of all, DNA Journey went on the telly, me and Romesh, and I cried on the telly. Oh, yeah. Which isn't great for a comedian, is it? Well, I don't know. It shows you've got a heart. Oh, yeah. And so I did that, and then I took the girls to Strictly. That's not even the main news from the week.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. We'll talk about that. But also, I was trying to go to work, and I got caught up in a Just Stop Oil protest. Yeah. In my Crocs and a tracksuit, and it went all over the news. Did they not just drop you outside? There was a Just Stop Oil stopping the car come up the street. I was in standstill traffic, and then I just said to the bloke,

look, it's a 20-minute walk from here. I'll just walk it because I'm running late. I don't want to, you know. Yeah, yeah. So I get out, and I'm like, God, there's people, and there's police, and I'm like, what's going on here? And then before I know it because i'm running late i don't want to you know yeah so i get out and i'm like god there's people there's police and i'm like what's going on here and before i know it i mean a big load of people i just think it's loads of people just walking because of the crisis but then i realize i'm in the protest then i get to the front and they're all going yes rob becky yeah supporting just support oh wow i wish it had been a more i

wish it had been a worse protest i wish it had been a worse protest. I wish it had been something much more... The ADL. Yeah. No, honestly, no. Loads of people going, oh, I suspected. I'm not surprised. Oh, God.

Oh, I'm actually itchy thinking about that. That would be so bad. Some sort of racist rally. Anyway, so they're all going, yeah, Shroud Beckett's supporting the cause. And I'm like, I've just got to, you know. To be fair, I was in an electric cab, so I felt like I was half on them.

Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. And you were walking the last bit of your journey. Yeah, and I was like, what? What's going on? And then as I'm doing that, loads of, like, people start putting cameras in my face, filming me, and then paparazzi are taking photos of me,

like on Kim Kardashian. Honestly, because there was 20 photographers there because it was outside down in the street because they're always obviously trying to get the prime minister and whatever yeah um she was in bed it was all flashing yeah they had nothing to do so they're just taking photos of me flash flash flash and then people ask me questions that's why i'm the news this bloke goes what are you doing here and i went who are you so i'll start giving it to him but then he's filming me but he goes oh my name's rags martel from the itv news all right it was just so stressful josh and because i didn't know you know what was going on it was great and then they

started they started uh shouting at me on the megaphone what do you mean the oil protesters what as in scab or as in no a bit aggressive because i I went, yeah, supporters, join the march. I went, shouldn't you be doing it on a fucking weekend? Because it was Monday morning, and then they turned. Oh, no, Rob. They turned on me, and they started shouting at me, and then doing like a da-da-da-da-da-da. You know, that's what protesters always do.

It's always like a crack. They need to get some more football fans into protesting to up the level of the song. So did you then think, I've got to put this on social media before it goes on to TV? No, well, I just thought, this is quite funny, that I've got to walk 20 minutes in my Crocs. Yeah. And I just saw the protesters and I just thought, oh, what's going on here? And then I actually tried to film myself in the protest when all this was going on.

And I did film it, but then it didn't upload for some reason and it just disappeared but I was so panicked I was all doing it wrong because everyone was taking photos of me and interviewing me and they was all saying you're in the protest why are you in the protest but I didn't know what the protest was I didn't know what I was leading apparently and then and so I was all stressed and when you watch the video of me on the news I'm bouncing around because I'm in my crock I'm news, I'm bouncing around because I'm in my croc. I'm all nervous. I'm bouncing around. I'm bouncing around. You're like a football hooligan who's ready for a fight.

I'm in that kind of headspace because everyone's sort of attacking me with photos and questions and chants. And I'm just there in the middle like a scared little dog. So I'm bouncing around because, obviously, in crocs, you can really bounce. So I'm bouncing around. I've got my stupid dad backpack on because that's so heavy. Thank God you didn't have Lou's trolley.

stupid dad backpack on because that's so heavy thank god you didn't have Lou's trolley I've had an absolute yeah it was so stressful Josh honestly oh god and then yeah

and then before I know it I'm doing voiceover on Gary Lucy taking a girl from HR out for a burrito do you know what I mean I hope you didn't use a car it's quite a whirlwind day

so the next day did you get out and walk or did you make sure it's quite a whirlwind day so the next day did you get out and walk or did you make sure you stayed in the car no no no the next day

we went a different route we avoided Whitehall and it was fine because they're protesting every day the oil people right so yeah

they're doing it every day but anyway I'm here now I'm at Celeb's Go Dating I'm doing the Parenting Hell podcast and I'm not a protester anymore from a room

in a recording studio that doesn't have its own acoustics. No, it feels like I'm in a fridge. Sorry if this sounds bad, but I've addressed it now, haven't I, Josh? You've addressed it now. What else happened? Well, let's tell me about, because I have seen on Instagram that you've been using Lou's old person's trolley. Right, yes.

Do you want to explain that? Well, a couple of... Yeah. Before that, I said eight-month-year-old again. What? People are telling me off. Whenever I talk about an age

under a year, I say the month, then year. I keep saying eight-month-year-old. And it's still going on, but I think I'm just going to have to own that. Get a life? Maybe that's just my new thing. Like a catchphrase?

Yeah, but if I say it enough, maybe people will just start copying. And that's the new way of saying it. Shakespeare invented words, didn't he? Well, I'll be honest. I hadn't even noticed it when you said it. How angry are people getting? Well, just like, fuck's sake, Rob. It's a free podcast.

But I think I just say it a lot. I do talk too much. Lou told me off for too much how often are you talking about kids that are under a year not that much why you say it sounds like some sort of pedophile hunter i know exactly you just said you say a lot it's like on the on the podcast because we're normally talking about kids in their age aren't we when we interview people so lose trolley lose trolley basically i was going to drop the kids off at school and they both had their backpacks and their big bottles of drink that are really full of water and wellies for like a walk later on in the week and PE kits.

And I literally couldn't carry it all. So I put it in loose trolley and I made a defeat. I'm a trolley guy now. The amount of heckles I got, I got podcast listeners pointing a laugh in, knowing about it, and then just builders go, nice bag, you twat.

It's horrible. Was it worth it, Rob? Would you do it again? Or is the abuse worth the ease? I'd say at the moment it's 50-50. But she has got the most mental one. She's got one that's got a pink handle, green wheels,

and loads of little weird moon faces on. This is how you start. The next tweet you're going to say, so I've got my own Arsenal one or something like that. Arsenal! That'll look even more mental. Old woman's

Arsenal trolley. I'll get a Louis Vuitton one. Like a footballer. I'll get one of them sort of footballer ones. That'll know when it's taken off. When you see the footballers getting off the coach to go into the dressing room, big headphones and then one of those trolleys. Do you know what?

It would actually be easier to put them in a suitcase and wheel it because when suitcases with the four, you know, the four wheels that sort of go 360. That would probably be the best. But when you get there, you've got to put it on the floor and unzip it. Like you've got a too big, too heavy suitcase. It's more of a discussion piece as well if it's a suitcase, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, are you going somewhere?

Oh, no, I'm not. It's just the easiest way to carry the bags. But the trolley's quite good because the wheels are bigger. It can handle a few bumps in the road. Here we go. Oh, he's a convert. Against my will just because my life's shit and I just have to carry...

I'm like a pack horse going on the school run. It's horrible. Just so much stuff to carry... I'm like a pack horse going on the school run. It's horrible. Just so much stuff to carry, Josh. Have you taken it to pick-up? Like, when you do pick-up... Well, I've not been doing pick-ups that much. I've been doing drop-offs and Lou's been doing pick-ups. I didn't even do drop-off today.

But because I normally leave the house about half-eight, then I can sort of do drop-off at eight and then Lou does the pick-up. So that's how we're working it. So I've not had to do pick up but pick up drop off's easier because there's less people

pick up's that's really when everyone starts having a look at your bag you're stood at a gate with your trolley at that point yeah yeah exactly so

it's not ideal not ideal my daughter's been learning about the great fire of London no idea why I don't know what this seems to be quite a big topic at school does it? but who cares why do we need. No idea why. I don't know what... This seems to be quite a big topic at school.

Does it? But... Well, who cares? Why do we need to know about a fire? You don't even live in London. I do, technically, live in London. You don't live in London. I do live in London.

You don't live in London. She doesn't live in London. But then we used to learn about London when I grew up outside of London. Well, no, exactly. But I still just don't get, like, why is it important, the Great Fire of London, if someone just left some bread rolls in the oven too long? Is it because you hate London because you don't live there? No, it's nothing to do... I don't get like why is it important the Great Fire of London someone just left some bread rolls

in the oven too long is it because you hate London because you don't live there no it's nothing I don't hate London do you know what I do hate London a bit it's so busy Josh the traffic's awful

the ULEZ the congestion oh my god I sound like fucking Jeremy Clarkson Josh what's happened to me this week the congestion charge is an absolute

I can't quite just say this one morning I'm coming across being shouted at by an oil march, and you've turned into Clarkson. I'm trying to do the right thing, Josh. I've got an electric car, right? When you get an electric car...

Were you shouting that when they were shouting, I've got a bloody electric car! If you get an electric car and you drive into London, you will get fined for the congestion charge. Have you not signed up that it pays it automatically? No. So this is the thing. You have to register your car on the website

for £10 a year, OK? And then you have to, for £10, apply for them to double-check to see if your car's electric or not for £10. And then, when they've done that, then you can drive in and out of London without paying the congestion. However...

Oh, can you? Yes. But you have to pay that 20 quid I've got a diesel car that I bought in 2015 right a Nissan Qashqai that I was told to buy diesel because that was the new thing I bought it now if I drive that into London I've got to pay congestion charge and ULEZ right which is 20 quid because it's not low emissions okay however i don't need to register that they just look at the number plate and they already know but they can't do that on my electric car apparently what did james may and the hamster think about it i don't know i'm not on speak in terms of them have you fallen out no i've never met them i love it if you just turned up with a goatee and travel beads out of nowhere. Yeah, so Great Far London, Josh.

Yeah, so I reckon your daughter knows more about the Great Far London than I do. A hundred percent. She knows loads about it. And I got in trouble. Started on Pudding Lane? Yeah, that's the one. But I got in trouble because when she said, when did it start? I told her 1664.

What, the Cronenberg year? Well, exactly. That's how I got it wrong. It was 1666, but I told her 1664, because that was burnt in my head. But that's the Cronenberg year, isn't it? It's the Cronenberg year. Can't believe that Cronenberg's older than the Great Far London. Imagine that. Your bloody bakery's burning down.

You're like, I've only just got into bloody Cronenberg in the last year. This is lovely, this new stuff. Let's forget about the oven and the rolls. Let's get a bit more of this down there. It's much better than Carling. It was Carling.

Carling was 1663, actually. Yeah. So, Great Fire of London, didn't it? Wasn't that what basically ended the plague? Am I right in saying i've got literally no idea whatsoever josh but she's obsessed with it and i just don't get

why they need to know about it why do you need to know about there was a fire what what what how does that help you at all going i know history i think the point of history is not just to know stuff is to know the what the implications were but then stuff must maybe she's learned about fire safety maybe that's what she's learned about fire safety. Maybe that's what she's learning. Or maybe it led to, like, the Industrial Revolution because there was space to build. Why don't you tell her that and see how that goes down with her teacher?

Yeah, but I don't think a good way of teaching your children is to sort of guess and tell your child as fact before they start quoting the Kronenberg, the star of Kronenberg. Yeah, yeah. I just think, do you really need to learn this at school when it's already on Wikipedia? Let's move on for the great Friday night.

Okay, sorry. Well, no, no, I just, I don't think anyone cares, do they? No. This is just me and you reading Wikipedia. Your daughter's finally got into the podcast. Okay, so tell me about Strictly. Terms and Conditions is the hardest, easiest job in telly. Have you done it? No. It's so overwhelming because you're at Strictly. Terms and Conditions is the hardest, easiest job in telly. Have you done it?

No. It's so overwhelming because you're at Strictly. I've watched people do it and you don't get a huge amount of screen time. So there's a lot of pressure on you not to F it up, presumably. Yeah, and I nearly said the C word instead of count. Did you? Yeah, by accident. You're basically in a black corner of a studio.

Yeah. And they go, yeah, wait there, Rob. It'll all be an autocue for you. You go, okay, I'll wait there. So they haven't even given you your script. You've just got to read it. I've sort of half looked at it, and they've given me the script,

but it's the driest, most BBC official. It has to be like that, because it's about how much you're paying. It's like going on QI. Yeah, there's no banter in it whatsoever. You're stood in the dark corner of a studio, and your eyes are getting all dark and cosy like it's bedtime before you know it you are literally pushed

through this glitter curtain like you've been born into a sweet shop and it's so bright everyone's got about six inches of makeup on you like you can see like will meller's nipples and you're just like it's so overwhelming claudia wincombe was there everyone's screaming and before you know you go phone calls on the long number cost 15p and you're trying to choke it out but it's so you don't like reading out loud at the best of times not really not if there's no punchline at the end and then i'm just sort of doing it and then you're there for seconds and then you're and then you're out again did you get to do any promo well claudia wincombe and said make sure you watch unbreakable rob be Beckett's new show on BBC Thursday night.

And that was it? Yeah. So you don't get paid to do it, though. It's like, you go there for a bit of promo. And also, I thought the kids would love it. Because I had the day off, and I was like, I don't really want to work. But it's not really working, is it, that?

No. So the kids loved it? Oh, yeah. So we got a car up there, and they sent us a nice sort of van thing where you sort of, you know, like the kind of van that One Direction would have? Yeah. Like four seats facing each other. Anyway, so we went up there, and they sent us a nice sort of van thing where you sort of you know like the kind of van that One Direction would have like four seats facing each other. Anyway so we went up there and they loved it and then they got to meet

all the different dancers and stuff but they met Motzi Anton Debeck Anton Debeck is such a lovely guy He's on this soon? Oh he's so lovely he just comes in like hey girls let's have a photo you stand there you look great but I was like you're so slick he loves it he's great um anton um yes but uh lou to be fair it was mainly

lou was more excited than the girls she met johannes who she loves yeah yeah and giovanni who she i went do you fancy him giovanni was he the one that was with um he won last year didn't he the fit one wow narrow it down rob if on Lou's Instagram, you'll see him. Yeah, he's the one that was with Rose Ayling Ellis last year, I think. I don't know. Rose and Giovanni. I don't know.

But yeah, I think so, yeah, Rose and Giovanni. But yeah, so she, Lou, really fancies him. So she had a photo of him. Right, yeah. They had loads of photos. They were really nice to him. They gave him like Strictly lanyards and a bottle with Strictly written on it.

The good news for you, Rob, is there's absolutely no precedent of someone running off with a Strictly answer. Like that's never happened. So you've got nothing to worry about. Do you know what? If Lou started shagging Giovanni, I'd say good luck to you.

Would you? Yeah, I'd respect that to a point. I think if Lou's going to cheat on me with anyone, if you're going to go on like the sexiest man on telly, you've already got the second, you might as well get the top one. Would you, when you moved out of the house, when you moved out, because you and Lou, she'd moved Giovanni in,

would you take your stuff in the old woman's trolley? Is that how you'd leave the house? No, so do you know what I'd do? I'd try and be, I'd go, I want nothing. I don't need anything. And then just go to like a bachelor flat on my own. Oh, God, that's actually breaking my heart a bit. I'd just go, I don't need anything.

Yeah. I think the rule is, whoever's shagging has to move out. That's got to be the rule, hasn't it? That's got to be the rule for an affair, isn't it? That's got to be the rule for an affair. No matter how much the other one's working or not working, you did the shagging, off you go. Get bagging.

Imagine how many things Giovanni would be able to carry at once when he's moving all loose stuff out of your house, Rob. It would be like that sitcom character. You'd just be topless, just sweat, carrying stuff. Meanwhile, you've got your sweaty ears. Yeah, and my kids wouldn't really understand what was going on and just love him because he's on Strictly, and I'd just be sat there, livid.

Doing some of your colouring. go and then that clip resurfaces of me pushing ellie simmons over on eight out of ten cats and my kids see that and go you're evil and then it's just me on my own with the trolley bag but um oh dear it's good though and then they we we got to go on the strictly set right this is quite funny so my youngest was like loving it she was running up the stairs that they walked down she was sat on the judge's seat and stuff because the audience was in so it's a bit weird because there was like 500 people in there but my youngest was loving it and running around having photos and my eldest was like no i don't want to yeah oh god i was like because she's a bit more nervous once she's comfortable she's fine but she's a bit more nervous. Once she's comfortable, she's fine. But she's a little bit more apprehensive.

She's older as well. And I was like, no, come on, sit on the... Because they wanted to take a photo of us at the top of the stairs and in the judges' seats with a paddle. And I was like, look, just sit. Come and sit in the seat. Come and sit in the... And I don't want to be that parent that's overwhelming and forceful.

Sit in the fucking judges' seat and hold a panel. Do you know how many kids want to fucking do this? Get in there. Hold that paddle. Right? Stop crying. I just see an older panel. Do you know how many kids want to fucking do this? Get in there. Hold that paddle. Right? Stop crying. You will thank me one day.

So it was very difficult because I was like, I know she wants to and I know she'll love the photo and I know that if she's not, she'll be really upset when we get home with herself and the fact that why has she got a photo and I haven't got a photo? Yeah, yeah. And you can't go, well, you didn't, you know. So I was like, so in the end, mate, I went full panic mode. I went, if you sit on that chair and hold that paddle,

I'll take you to the shop and buy you a Barbie. Oh, my God. And you can have sweets. Rob. Yeah. Is that bad? You're not enticing her. Well, it's just, she's played you so insanely there.

Because you're enticing her to do something that is is the reward you're saying if you want this reward you can have another reward I know I don't

I think I did it wrong well but I didn't know what else to do because there's loads of people watching it was a bit overwhelming and I got her to go up the stairs as well eventually but she was happy

and loved it and then I of course she was fucking happy mate she's made a barbie out of it I didn't know what else to do Josh because I was like does the younger

daughter get a Barbie or not because she's got the confidence to get one anyway and they had loads of sweets

but yeah exactly so like no I did say well done you both did well there it wasn't like one was getting praise because it was

a bit overwhelming and you did really well there because there was a lot of people and you went and did it but you can't just have one kid photographed as Strictly and then the other one was just in of people and you went and did it but you can't just have one kid photographed as Strictly

and then the other one was just in the corner and I know she would love it and you know it's not it's so hard isn't it you don't know what's doing

part of me is just going get in that fucking seat because there's a lot of pressure because there's 500 people watching you at that point that's stressful and I was like get in the seat

but I didn't do that but my head inside I was like just get on that fucking seat and hold that paddle so yeah that was great. And then they were all lovely with the kids and stuff. They all saw, you know, all the dancers were really nice and things.

Nice, nice. Did you see the curse striking anyone, Rob? No, no one was getting off of each other. It was all fine. Oh, that's a shame. But what was weird was, because it's only just started, this series, they're not really that into the celebs yet because they're all quite new to the kids.

Oh, right, yeah, yeah. So they love Giovannianni you had all the dancers and you know stuff like that but when it was like they weren't that like because i was like oh do you want a photo of will and they were like no no i was like oh this is awkward do you not remember two points long on a packet of crisps exactly it was going on i don't care about come on holly oaks original cast and then tony adams was just sat there in his flat cap you You must have been quite excited about Tony Adams. I was, I was. Tony Adams. And then, but my kids didn't care less. Were you not tempted to get a photo of Tony Adams?

I've met him before, and I didn't really want a photo of him in the chimney sweep outfit. It's not how I want to remember it. No. It's rare that you and Tony Adams are wearing the same outfit, isn't it? Well, no, I saw, I met him on a show before, the Peter Crouch show, but it was really good fun, and the girls all had pictures and stuff,

and they've got their bottles of Strictly Come Dancing written on it, which they absolutely love. And I was just like... But I just... Because they get to do these amazing things, because they're very lucky, because of what my job is, I do just feel like you don't want to be that person going, you don't realise how lucky.

Get on that judge's seat. That is Motsi Mabusi. You don't... But you can't do that. It's not fair because, you know, I'm sure my parents felt like that

about the things I did when I was a kid, but it's so hard not to... But they don't know any difference. How would you have felt, Rob, when you were six, if you were taken

to Noel's house party? Do you know what? When I was six, for me me it probably would have been like Art Attack or Fun House yeah yeah exactly I wasn't watching

if I met the twins and Pat Sharp oh my word yeah and I had a Fun House bought water bottle to take to school oh you'd be king of the hill

wouldn't you oh yeah oh yeah you'd have had your photo taken in one of those very slow go karts before you knew it, wouldn't you? Yeah, sat there, pretending to drive it, crying in the corner.

She didn't cry on my daughter, but I probably would have cried. I wouldn't have had the guts for that. I wouldn't have enjoyed it as an adult. No, exactly. In front of 500 people. But my youngest loved it. She was all over it. I think she's built a bit different.

I don't think she's... She's going to be interesting for me, I think, growing up. It's an amazing, fun thing to do, though, right? Yeah, it was brilliant. If they ask you to do Terms and Conditions, you should definitely go and do it. Your daughter would love it. Rose will love it as well.

Oh, Rose. Yeah, that's my worry. Rose loves Strictly. Yeah, that'd be great. She'd love a photo with Giovanni. Also, said about Lou Ragnar for Giovanni, talking about heights and Anton, he's a bit of a short king Giovanni is he not much

taller than me sure sure from head to toe the package is different but you know same wingspan he's still taller than you though Rob so you're having a go at him for being short even though he's taller than you yeah slightly slightly taller than me but not low so you're having a go at him by going

you're only slightly taller than him you're getting one up on him even though he's one up on me? Yeah. You're not to help him when he's clearing the stuff off the top shelves in your house when he's moving Lou out. I think that's the thing with, like, being tall. I'm not massively tall, but I struggle to be the guy that can't reach the back of the cupboard. Yeah.

My dad can't reach the back of the cupboards. So when my brother goes round his house, who's's really tall they've got really tall cupboards he keeps finding stuff that's like five years out of date because that's where my dad could reach it because he's shrinking oh yeah the other thing that's so funny at school i dropped i dropped my youngest off at school because she's over that excited to start school phase she's a bit like she keeps waking up going when can we have a day off right and then i dropped her at the school gates on like wednesday last week and she turned to me i went daddy i went yeah she went when is it over oh my god and i went never

at least 18 years of this for you probably did you like school hated it every second did you did you complain about going yeah i always i used to try i used to get out of going by pretending to be ill quite a lot oh yeah i used to put my head i used to put my head on the radiator right yeah and then my mom i'd go i don't feel well and my mom would always check my head see if i had a temperature because before the ear the ear checker the ear temperature checker that you get now, it used to just be, my mum would just put her hand on my head and go, oh, ears are hot.

But it wasn't, it was radiator. I had a friend who used to drink shampoo, so he'd throw up, which now looking back is fucking mental. That is really bad. That's bad, isn't it? I mean, she found out eventually when I had Honeywell written backwards on my forehead.

Lovely bit of business. So I'm doing the one show. I would have done it last week, last Thursday when this goes out. I'm doing the one show. And the rumour is I'm blacklisted. Me and Romesh are blacklisted for the one show. I'm livid about this. No, but I'll tell you what I've heard about it, Rob.

Because me and you were going to do the one show. Then we got turned down because they didn't have room. Come on now, you're on every night. I've seen how you book. But that was because me and Romesh were... I know. Because of you and Romesh messing around. And now they've rebooked you because you're promoting a BBC One show.

I've taken the bloody hit for you not paying attention on the one show. So me and Romesh messing around got you blacklisted from the one show. Yeah, exactly. Amazing. And then you're going to go and Graham Norton probably be called a pedo. Yes, I imagine that's what's going to happen to me. Here he is, the old pedo promoting his book about children. Oh, God.

Parenting hell. What's the worst thing about parenting, Josh? You can't fuck them. You dirty bastard. Oh, dear. Yeah, book's out Thursday. How's your week been, Josh? It's been all right.

It's been all right, Rob. Is your daughter still enjoying school? She loves it, Rob. Did I tell you she said that she wasn't looking forward to the weekend? She prefers school to us. What, because you're there? Yeah, because she just prefers school. Really?

What a nerd. She loves it. But then do you not feel, like like self-conscious that you're not bringing the banter i'm not bringing the van you're not just you're not bringing it i'm the teacher's bringing more banter than me yeah that is yeah well i'm just no i'm not i don't want to get in your head but you know sometimes if she's not up for it maybe then you're not providing the lols i i provide lols 24 7 okay give me some of the lols you've provided in the last 24 hours okay this morning yeah i told her that was gonna hibernate that's funny that's good banter you're gonna hibernate yeah now that's good fun did she believe you no she actually didn't didn't find it that funny i was a bit annoyed

right she didn't go with it she didn't go go. She didn't. She's not aware. She didn't commit. She's not aware in improv. You've got to yes and these things. Do you know what I mean? That's the whole rule of improv. You've got to go with what people say. But I didn't explain it to her.

Right, OK. Let me pretend I'm your daughter and I'll yes and it. OK? You start. Tell me how you feel. I can't really remember the context. I think I was lying on it. Now come on, you're lolz, mate.

24-7. I'm not going to read it. 24-7. Come on. I've turned it on on it. I'm not going to read it. 24-7. Come on. I've turned it on for the last 38 minutes, Rob. Well, we'll see if it's 38 minutes. A bit of trivia

for those listening. Look at how long you've had the podcast and you can work out exactly how much Michael's edited out of that. Because we've recorded 38 minutes,

37 seconds at this moment. Carry on. Me bringing the lols. I don't know. What are the other lols that I bring? Chasing around. Josh Mused. Spinning a...

I put her on the side in the kitchen yesterday. She loved that. She sat on the side of the kitchen? Put her on the kitchen workspace, pushed her around that. Oh, wow. It is thrilling for a child to go on the kitchen workspace because they know it's wrong. Well, it depends, isn't it?

It's thrilling compared to what's happening in school. Oh because they know it's wrong well it depends isn't it it's thrilling compared to what's happening in school oh so is it against the rules if Rose is there it's not against the rules but I'm going to tell you this Rose would never put her on the fucking workspace

she is you're saying that Rose isn't lols 24 7 I'm so she's a problem on weekends no I'm not saying that at all I'm not saying that

I'm not saying that at all I'm not saying that at all those are your words I get it your wife's not as fun as you. Is that what you're saying? Oh, is this because of Giovanni, Rob? Well, I'd like to see you get wrapped up in an oil protest

and go to Strictly and talk about the Great Fire of London and not be a little bit unhinged after that week. Yeah? So, Rob, do you know what today is also? Go on. Because of the book's launching on Thursday, it's Tuesday, and I'm on TikTok now, Rob. You're on TikTok?

I'm on TikTok. Yes! So, this is amazing. We not spoke about this. After the audiobook, we recorded two TikToks for you, didn't we? My opening TikToks. Yeah. And, so we did the sprites challenge

yeah you fouled out miserably you'll see that yeah which i found out miserably and you got heartburn yeah um so rock and roll so young so rock and roll but you were in a lot of pain so it's worth watching horrible and the other thing we did was this hot chip thing do you know what the band the hot doritos we sang over and over 28 year old guy what's he talking about hot chip the band um no you did the one chip challenge and you know what josh i kept on mentioning it as a thing of there's no way he'll do this because the videos are horrific and he's actually starting getting into the news now but people have been taken to hospital for eating what you didn't tell me that i exactly. That's why I kept on mentioning it.

I kept on saying, yeah, we should do this, but maybe we should watch some videos first. On the day of doing it, you hadn't watched a video. None of the book people had watched a video. I was the only one. And I was like, if he dies here,

this is going to be terrible from a, you know, mainly financial point of view. It's going to be superb from a sales perspective. Oh, from a sale! Yeah. Do I get your money if you die? Or does that go straight to Rose? I think it goes to Rose, I'm afraid. Yeah afraid yeah which is annoying she's just not a lot she's just not putting the children

on the sideboard enough for my tastes if i die those children never going on the sideboard again mate um but yeah so i was a bit worried about this but you you did honestly really well with the one chip challenge i was very impressed and then on then on the way, I did, I did much better than I thought I was going to do. You had half of the chip, which is amazing because it's not going to ruin the, you can watch it yourself, but I had a little taste of it. I was in trouble.

I was in trouble. I had a little taste of the dust and I was in trouble and you ate half of it and you, you, you didn't look like you was enjoying yourself. No. And then in the taxi home, I did out of nowhere go bright red and start getting heart palpitations. But that point we stopped filming that's normal for you though isn't it yeah it's um yeah so that's that really rob yeah so yeah get on tiktok and see josh's tiktok um and if you

don't know what i'm talking about the all protesters it's on my instagram and tiktok as well um right do you want to do a small business shout out or should we do a bit of correspondence one of the corresponders correspond i's do some correspond-i. OK, correspond-i. Here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh. I have a story on when I won something. When I was around 13 or 14, there was a big lottery rollover,

and I asked my mum and dad to put on a lucky dip for me with one pound of my pocket money. Oh, my God. It was back in the days when it was televised. This is massive if they win the lottery. Well, my ticket ended up winning 80 quid. Oh, that's a shame. Come on, Josh.

Being 13... The rollover doesn't make any difference to that price. For normal children, being 13 and winning 80 quid when it's televised is a big deal. That's huge. I ended up winning 80 quid. Being 13, I was over the moon until my parents said they were keeping it in their words to teach me a lesson on underage gambling that is that is not on did I ever tell you I told you obviously about when we won at Plymouth Argyle but um when my uh great-grandma passed away when I was 10 yeah she

left all of her she she left all of her great-grandkids 800 quid each and i and i got it what did you spend it on i bought a well i kind of dragged it out over my teenage years whenever i wanted something so i bought a stack stereo do you remember those stack stereos oh yes cd tape yeah double tape, even, radio, and then a record player. Yeah, I had a Sony, mate, 350 quid. Best money I've ever spent. Took it all the way to uni. Huge amount. I was splashing the cash in those days. That was the one time I've just thought, this is living.

This is life. This is life. This is how it works. So should we do some small business shout-outs, Josh? Yes. This one here. At build underscore AA underscore box. I was wondering if you'd do a small business shout out for me.

I sell plaster moulds to paint for the kids. Something fun to do and gives you a couple of minutes peace. I've only just started out, but I love what I do and would like to branch out a little bit. So you can go on the instagram build underscore aa underscore box and there's some lovely they come really nicely packaged different colors and pasta molds of different characters you do christmas ones there's some uh cartoony ones but um yeah looks lovely nice little christmas present be quite a good thing to get for him to do on christmas day well rob yeah talking of christmas yeah hello you, unrelatable bastards.

Yes. My wife has just started a small business during her maternity leave, making amazing personalised Santa sacks, which are perfect for kids on Christmas morning, and personalised tote bags. More coming soon. We've talked about our love of tote bags before, Rob. Yeah, I'm not a massive fan, but you and Lou like them.

They're just useful. Please shout her out so that she doesn't have to go back to work and will save me an absolute fortune in childcare fees. Her page is... Very honest from Tom. At Bramble and Twig, double G. Bramble, B-R-A-M-B-L-E-A-N-D-T-W-I-G-G. Bramble and Twig. Nice.

Oh, do you know what I take that back the tote bags they're like massive beach bags yeah I don't like them skinny little ones

they give away for free they break but these are proper ones you can get it personalised and the Christmas sacks look amazing so I'm a fan of that they do look good

don't they there we go that looks really nice like a Hessian bag is it Hessian there is a Hessian one there yes oh it's Hessian and you can get itian? There is a Hessian one there, yes. Oh, it's Hessian.

And you can get it... And there's an un-Hessian as well. I don't know what that's called. I mean, personalised. Personalised. You can get it circumcised. Yeah, just cut the top off. Cut the top off.

It's fine. Open sack. Yeah, so that's Bramble and Twig. Well done. I apologise if the sound's not been perfect, but... Rob, some of our interviewees' sound has been much worse than this. But what I'm going to say is, Josh, the reason why is because we started this in lockdown when it was all we did, but now we're busy again. It's hard to sort of fit it in.

But next year, we're making it more of a priority, aren't we, Josh? It's going to be our number one priority. A few announcements coming up that it's going to be our main priority going forward so you won't have this going forward but it's been we've been having to work out how to manage it now that we're back to work full time yeah with the kids and still doing this but um we want to continue offering this for free but we are trying to find a way to fit into our diary so it's a bit more efficient but going forward it's what we're on it Rob will never sound like this again that is our promise

we'll only sound sexier and more unrelatable Josh it's been an absolute pleasure I'll see you on Friday it's been a joy so see you on Friday for another top interview Josh top interview do you know who it is Rob? it's *** or ***

I'm going to keep it as a surprise okay well bleep that out okay bleep that out michael bye see you then bye hello tom allen here and suzy ruffle we have a podcast called like-minded friends it's very much a celebration of i don't know what would you say suze being queer being queer but also chit chat there's loads of straight people that love it So I think that you should come along and listen to it. There's something for everybody. It's been described as white noise for gays.

But also, we had a lovely section about Glade plugins. So why don't you listen to it? Search Like-Minded Friends wherever you get your podcasts. That sounded quite professional, didn't it? Josh, you fancy going for a beer? Maybe like the 14th of April? I can't do the 14th of April, Rob. How come?

We're doing the Parenting Hell Arena Tour at Manchester Arena. Oh, okay. How about the 19th of April? Oh, no, I can't do that. I'll be doing the Parenting Hell Live Tour in Nottingham. What about the 20th of April? Cardiff Arena. Parenting Hell Live, Cardiff Arena.

21st? 21st of April? No, I can't do that either london oh two twenty twenty twenty third of april i can do the 22nd we've got a day off uh 23rd yes yes wembley what about the 28th of april i'm in birmingham do you know what rob parenting hell live yeah but we'll just have a drink afterwards yeah should we do that yeah that'd be nice we need to plug the live tour by the way oh yeah yeah there's a live tour of Parenting Hell, and I cannot wait.

It's genuinely going to be an absolute thrill to do. And do you know what it would make? A perfect Christmas present. Two of those tickets. Oh, great Christmas present. Or Father's Day present, or Mother's Day present. Exactly. See you there.