Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S05 EP25: Brown Noise And Temperature Guns

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Ellie, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Well done! That is a great one.

She's 226 months. 20. Is 18. Ish, yeah. 18. 18. 20, yeah. 18. 18. 20 or so. We're both listening to your podcast,

and you're pleased to know we've both pre-ordered the book. Yes. Hashtag not beaten by Peter Crouch. At this stage, we don't know where we are in the charts, but I reckon we're going to be beaten by Davina McCall's Menopause book.

Okay. And do you know what? What a book to be beaten by. Exactly. Word held it against her. If when I was watching Street, mate, 20 years ago, if you'd said, I'd have said, happy to be beaten by her in the book charts. Happy, you know, good luck to her.

I wouldn't hold it against her if she won. How are you, Josh? I'm good. Yes? I'm good. You're not wearing headphones. We're doing it in face-to-face again. Because it heats up my ears and makes me tired, so I'm less funny.

Really? And is that a medical thing? Have you been tired? No, it's not a medical. I haven't been to a doctor about it. Is that why you have the one ear in at home? No, that's because I'm cheap. The headphones, it's the same reason I can't wear woolly hats. If I wear a woolly hat,

your ears get too hot and I fall asleep on public transport if I wear woolly hats. So you get groggy if you wear headphones. I get groggy if I wear headphones. You're like half man, half little woodland animal. You're like, you are a furry...

I've got a pair of headphones for three months and hibernate from November to January. You're like a little furry woodland man. Yeah. Well, it's because I sleep I think it's because I sleep with the duvet over my head. You are so mental. What do you mean about that? You get so hot. No. Why does

that make you get any hotter? I have my nose and my mouth facing out. This is weird. And what's Rose doing at this point? Do you have your own duvet? What's Rose doing at this point? She's asleep. Yeah, but are you sharing a duvet doing that? Yeah, of course. You must be gobbling up. I don't have the whole duvet over my head. No, but you must be gobbling up a lot of the duvet,

or do you just slide down? I slide down quite short. You're like navel level of Rose. I'm not navel level. You only need a little bit to go over your bonce. So where are you, sort of eyes to shoulders on Rose? No, I... So if she rolls over to look at the pillow, you're not there?

No, I am. Maybe I've just got the duvet up a little bit. So you just hook it over the top of your head. You little submarine. I hook it over the top of my head like that with just my nose and my mouth painting out but that means if everyone wear a woolly hat or headphones i feel tired what in bed no just generally i'm not going to bed like i'm dick hensley i'm not a scrooge you know like badly drawn boys just passed out after a long recording session no so um's weird. Why do you do that over your head?

I don't know. I've always... Because I like cosy. I like it cosy to bed sleep. He likes it cosy. I've got some sleep update, actually. Oh, yeah? So, you know I was struggling with my sleep.

Yep. So, it's on the road to recovery. I've had one bad sleep in 15 nights. Yeah, because you missed an episode when you did the... What's that noise? We never really discussed this in person. That's when you did the temperature of your child and went to the hospital and then the temperature was normal when you got there we'll come to that we'll come to that we'll come to that because it

feeds into this weekend's story okay yeah but um i've got a good tip for you yeah for uh sleep okay which i found which is uh brown noise. Are you aware of brown noise? Brown noise. What's brown noise compared to white noise? Brown noise is a lower frequency, right? Right. And I read an article. It's been used recently.

People with ADHD use it. Oh, okay. Yeah, so now you're on board. Yeah. People with ADHD will listen to brown noise, and it stops you thinking, stops all those thoughts coming. Right. Should I try and find a bit of brown noise? Yeah. Have you been listening to brown noise? I've calm it stops you thinking stops all those thoughts coming right should I try and find a bit of brown noise

yeah have you been listening to brown noise I've been listening to it on YouTube a 12 hour brown noise thing the problem with the 12 hour brown noise

is there's an advert six hours in a YouTube advert oh what's it for I don't know but it wakes you up obviously because you're deep in

anyway you've got a YouTube one I haven't got ADHD but it's apparently really good for stopping your thoughts before going to sleep so it's apparently really good for stopping your thoughts before going to sleep. So it makes you block...

It stops your... Oh, it is lower, isn't it? Yeah. It feels like you're on an aeroplane. Yeah. I sleep really well on aeroplanes. Maybe it's the brown noise. But it's good if you are struggling to sleep

because your thoughts are running away. So I put it on because my thoughts. But then Rose was having a thing where she was going on holiday the next day. She said it knocked her out as well. Oh, really? So I think it is genuinely a good tip. Because that, for me, sounded like aeroplane noise, brown noise. And when I'm on aeroplanes, I love it.

I stop thinking. Yeah. And what happens is when I watch things, because I'm not thinking, I open up and I cry. I always cry. Do you know what? When film's on an aeroplane, I'm quite a crier. Yeah, but I think that's because

all the noise has gone from the brown noise. I'm not thinking and I'm just really opening up my heart. Oh, mate. It's amazing for you to stop thinking as well, like, because your head's going

and going and going. But yeah. Brown noise. Brown noise. Try it. I'm not saying it's going to be a solution next week i'll be going i wish i said that thing about brown noise it's fucking bullshit but i was surprised that it worked for me i'm gonna give brown noise a go yeah and duvet over the top of your head because when i listen to them like white noise or it's like a thunderstorm sometimes i'm a bit like oh is that lightning getting nearer it's not like it's not real it's not real it's not a real storm rob

yeah okay and so that's what I've been doing for sleep oh that's good yeah and then and I've also still

doing my sleep restriction yes you're doing that and then so what so what happened with the temperature right so on Wednesday we

my son has was woke up very not well. We did the temperature gun. Have you got one of those? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 36 point, 34.6 or whatever it was.

I've never seen one cold before. No, and here's what you don't want to do. Google it. Fucking hell, mate. The word death is very high up on the Google. Okay. So you're like, well, we've got to go to a and e now go to a and e 36.5 fine so so what has happened we didn't even get past the first person

you know the you know the initial nurse before the doctor yeah she was like because i wouldn't bother with the doctor here mate you've got blood's fine um heartbeats fine everything's fine so what how come you got it so low on your one well we bought a new one because we were like we tried it on ourselves and it was fine yeah we were like maybe it's the thing bought a new one off amazon um anyway this weekend rose goes away and i'm one on two okay so Rose goes away 5 a.m. on the Saturday morning yep which is good cuz I'm doing sleep restriction so I get up at 5 a.m. anyway it's great brilliant time on my own sounds absolutely brilliant yeah that's my hour to myself yeah I'm able to 6 a.m.

treat myself what you think we do in that hour Josh I did meditation for 20 minutes and then I made a cup of tea and read a book in bed right okay cool. Were you making a joke about me wanking then? No no it sounds quite nice. The nice life of a 60 year old of all two. Between 5 and 6 that was me time. Yeah yeah. What book are you

reading? I'm reading Parenting Hell the book. Oh yeah it's really good. You've got to read it. It's so good. Do you know what it's better than? What? That book about the menopause davina mccall's written don't start beef with the menopause book no because also love davina mccall yeah you do a bit too much you're really on you found she was incredible on stream she was i think that was that was that was like just amazing how good she was at that because that would be my worst nightmare would you enjoy I think you'd enjoy that

yeah I'd quite like that I think that'd be fun but she was brilliant on that and obviously the early series of Big Brother yeah I wanted to do

Million Pound Drop did you? yeah me and Alex Brooker did Million Pound Drop how much did you win? directly after the Paralympics the first time so we were really new

yeah and we won 25 grand oh 75 grand we got to the end oh yeah We were really new. Yeah. And we won 25 grand. Oh. 75 grand. We got to the end. Oh, yeah.

One of them was... But you had a million. Yeah, but you do a lot of drops. Got a question right about what was the Premier League... First ever goal in the Premier League was it scored with left foot, right foot or head? That is a tough question. Left foot, top corner. Michael knows. Brian Dean Hedder, he knows.

That's your thing though, isn't it, 90s football? But anyway, so I'm a big fan of Davina. Yeah. What was I talking about, the weekend? Yeah, 5am, you're reading your book, you're meditating. Two on one. Yeah. Quite intense, isn't it?

He's four and a one year old. That is hard. It's fucking intense. Because you're just never with either of them. Yeah. And there's not really something they can both do

at the same time. No. Apart from parks. We went to the park. Yeah. Which one's that? You've been to the park near you? Victoria Park.

Yeah. Sounds great. Two and a half hours we did on Saturday. Really? Yes. Really spun it out. God. Your downtime with your kids

is a bit like a homeless man. What would you do in that situation? It's so much easier with a one-year-old in the park because he's not about to break things. Yeah, I mean, yeah, true. If they were four and six, I wouldn't be going to the fucking park. But also, he's got a nap at midday. So my friend was like, do you want to come to the zoo?

And we couldn't. That is the killer, yeah. You're just chained to the house between 1 and 2.30. Sorry, 12 and 2.30. It must be a nightmare having a child that sleeps the most of the day. Oh, come on now. Come on. I'm just saying.

Is it hard? What's the hard bit about having a child being asleep? The hard bit? I can't leave a three mile radius. Yeah, I know what you mean, though. You can't do anything in the middle. You can't do anything. That means you're away from your house for more than three hours.

Yes. So if we were to go to the zoo, we'd be there for about an hour. Yeah. So what happened with the thermometer? Oh, anyway. So afternoon, we go to friends, get them down to sleep. 8pm. I'm fucking knackered.

Yeah. But pleased with how it's gone. House is tidy. I tidy as I go. Does Rose not then? Let's not get into that. Well, no, I think it'd be good. It'd be worth knowing,

just so me and the listeners have got a point of reference. Rose does tidy as she goes, but not with the ruthless psychopathic efficiency of me. Right, okay. It's actually unpleasant to live around. But seeing as there's no other adult there, I could concentrate on doing it. Okay, but when there's someone else okay it's actually unpleasant to live around but seeing as there's no other adult there i could concentrate on doing it okay but when there's someone else it's quite it ruins it ruins the atmosphere yeah it's suffocating have you done with that knife let's

get that in the dishwasher that's lou lou so i'm literally i'll get out butter yeah to have a bit of toast yeah and as i turn around to put the toast in the toast and the butter's been put back yeah that's me that's me. That's me. I was like, I can't butter the bread if you keep putting it away. Yeah. So I have to rein that in when Rose isn't here.

But when Rose is away, everything is like, bang, bang, bang. It's unpleasant. It's an unpleasant character trait. You know it's bad as well. Yeah, I know it's bad. I know it's... But, anyway. It's, I know it's bad. I know it's...

But, anyway. Just let me have some toast. Yeah. 8pm. And you sort of wiping up the crumbs underneath people

while they're eating. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 8pm. They're down. Yeah. That's good. Finally, some time to myself.

So is this Saturday night? Saturday night. A bit of Strictly, what you watching? I watched a documentary. I was planning on watching the rest of the day, but before that,

I watched this thing about Jim Carrey. When he played... Have you watched a documentary. I was planning on watching the rest of the day, but before that, I watched this thing about Jim Carrey. When he played... Have you watched this documentary? Michael will have watched this, will you? When he did Man on the Moon and played Andy Kaufman.

Yeah, yeah. Fucking madness. Absolutely. In character the whole time. Yeah, in character the whole time. But, so I started watching that. 8.50, my son wakes up. Oh, no.

So I have 50 minutes to myself, plus the hour in the morning. Yeah, so he's up now. He is in a catastrophically bad mood. Right. Inconsolable. Get out the new temp gun. Yeah. 34.4.

Just double check it's not the old temp gun. No. Same reading. Okay. So now, part of you is like, there must be a problem with the temp gun or what I'm doing, but also hospital. Hospital.

I can't not. Because this has happened twice this week. Yeah. Maybe he came back round. He drops and goes up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So did you go to hospital again? Well, I had to phone Tom Crane and go,

could you come and sit in my house? Because my daughter's asleep. I can't take both of them to the hospital. That would be a nightmare. So he comes round. What time is this? This is probably half nine by the time he gets there. I have to get...

Nice and tidy, though. The taxi he's come round in is the one I used to go to the hospital. He waited. That's clever. That's clever. That's good. I want to say is you're a lot more composed now in times of crisis than you have been in the past. Do you know what?

I'm all right with those children's medical crises. I feel like I have to kind of... Well, you're there once a week. You get used to it. Exactly, mate. I got a season ticket. I've actually got a free coffee this time because it's a reward. Get there.

Go in. 36.5. How is this happening? Is your temperature gun getting really cold? There's two different temperature guns. Yeah, I know, but are they left somewhere by the window? She said, the ear temperature guns

are not great on small ears. Baby ears. Can't get in far enough, I imagine. She said, when you get, her words, low temperature, nine times out of ten, temperature gun issue. And you need to get an under the arm temperature thing. Okay, that's a good tip. Because I suppose, like, it's not going...

His ears must be just the right level now like it's not going his ears must be just the right level now that is causing some kind of issue well i imagine because the outside of your ears get really cold at night even if they're wrapped up your head's out yeah not you yeah of course my head's never hit 34 i'll tell you that for free 47 these bad boys yeah so so under the arm they said yes i'm gonna buy one of them 47, these bad boys. Mouth out like a whale's blowhole. Yeah, so under the arm, they said. Yeah, so I'm going to buy one of them. Yeah.

So you went there 36.5, back home again. But no, they were like, probably best to see the doctor, get everything checked up, just in case. And did they check it all? Yeah, everything fine. No rash, no issue. You know, all the ears, throat, heartbeat, all that crap. All fine. All that crap.

All that crap. Get home half eleven. Mismatch of the day. Yeah. Did you record it? Tom's asleep on the sofa. I go straight to bed. Yeah.

Tom go home? Yeah. I wake up. Kids wake up. So my time to myself at the weekend was one hour fifty. So what time did you get up the next day? Half six. Back to the park.

Really? Yeah. I just don't know what else to do. It's like you're still in lockdown. I know, but when there's two of them, it's impossible to do it's like you're still in lockdown I know but when there's two of them it's impossible to do anything else because they

what am I going to do I can't take him what can I do in the three like soft play would be an option you've got the car you can always stick him

in the car but even for him a soft play you're in there with him the whole time yeah it is hard what I would do

is stick him in the car and drive him to someone else for kids or... Yeah, but that's what we did Saturday afternoon. We went to someone else's house. Fair enough. So that was fine.

Pre-hospital? Pre-hospital. Post-park. And when did Rose get back? Sunday lunchtime. So did you just... Did you dump the kids and her and leave?

No, because I'm going on a stag during two weekends and I don't want that to be paid back on me in two weeks. Ah, very clever. Yeah. Good thinking.

Okay. There's nothing worse than getting back from something and getting thrown straight in. Yeah, I agree. So I don't want to set that precedent. Where's the stag do? Is it a big one? I can't say, because it's a surprise for the stag.

Right, okay. Yeah. And they'll find out. Yeah. Can you tell me? Yeah, because Michael can beep it. Yeah. Because I'm organising it. Oh, you're organising it. Who's And they'll find out. Yeah. Can you tell me? Yeah, because Michael can beep it. Yeah. Because I'm organising it.

Oh, you're organising it? Who's it for? Crane. Oh, it's Tom Crane's? Yeah. Okay, cool. As the person organising it, who's the wild card? Who's the worry?

Me. You're the wild card. I'm just worried about keeping on top of the admin, because I'm going to have to slightly stay... Do you know what I mean? I can't let Rick... Okay, so you need to team up with an older member of the party.

Is Tom's dad going or... No, no, no. There's another stag. Yeah. It's Henry Packer, who's a real liar. So double stag. No, double.

Another, sorry, best man. Oh, he's another best man? Yeah. Yeah, no, he's gone. He's gone. That's going to get out of hand and you're going to... I'm looking forward to hearing about this.

Yeah, yeah. But that's why... So we went to Epping Forest Sunday afternoon lovely lovely wasn't that nice that was lovely any other news from your week

that was my main thing was the weekend yeah oh and I've joined TikTok oh you have joined TikTok there should be a TikTok out now there's a TikTok out today to help promote.

So follow me on TikTok, at Josh Willicombe. At Josh Willicombe. So what do I do? Just put these on TikTok? Yeah, and then just see how it goes. And how do I get more people to look at them? Should I put it also on my Instagram and say I'm now on TikTok? Yeah, that's a good idea.

No. Why are you talking to me? We're both doing the same thing in the same industry. You're talking to me like... Yeah, but I don't use TikTok, and you do. You've got millions of followers. Oh, yeah, I know, but that's only because I've been doing it a bit longer. You'll get there. Oh same industry. You're talking to me like... Yeah, but I don't use TikTok, and you do. You've got millions of followers. Oh, yeah, I know, but that's only because I've been doing it a bit longer. You'll get there.

Oh, sorry. You'll get there. Yeah? So just embrace TikTok. Just embrace it, mate. Just live it. What I'd say is, mate... Should I do a dance?

What I'd say is... You can do a dance. What I'd say about... It is good, the first two videos I've done. Yeah, so what I'd say is about TikTok is that you get the people you're following paid and the For You page, which is an algorithm. You're such a slurper. Sorry.

That drives people mad, Josh. I need to rehydrate. I know, but you don't need to fucking jacuzzi in your mouth. Michael can edit that out. What you do is you get the ones you're following and then you get the for you page, which is an algorithm. It sounds like I'm on a bomb. It sounds like we're doing the Joe Rogan podcast.

You love tea, so when you drink it, you sort of get it in you. You sort of suck it down. I ingest. You ingest it rather than letting it just slide down your throat. Oh, I know. Sorry. No, so what I'll tell you about TikTok, be careful, okay? I'm not going to get catfished. Well, no, okay? I'm not going to get catfished.

Well, no, no, you're not going to get catfished, but you have your following page and your For You page, which is an algorithm based on stuff you like. So it will know from your age what you look at on other social media sites. There might be some football clips. Yeah, like there's a For You on Instagram. Yeah, and then if you see a goal that a Plymouth player scored and you press the Like button, it'll give you more of those. Right.

However, what you need to be aware of, if they do show you a woman in a bikini dancing, and even if you don't press, I like this, they'll know you've watched it. Oh, they know you've watched the full thing. But then can you click, I didn't like that? You can, but you're lying to yourself. Because you really liked it. You watched all of it. So they'll give you more but if you put that on the videos

they can be up to 10 minutes I'd say. So if I just got out at 9 minute 50 would it still know? It does. Oh my God. And it also knows

where your eyes have been. No it doesn't. It does because there's a camera on it. No it doesn't Rob. It doesn't. It does. What do you mean? Like which bit of the screen?

No, I'm not... There's a camera on your phone... I know. ...watching you, watching the screen, and it knows where you're looking on the screen. No. It is. It's a targeted marketing thing,

so it knows where you're looking at stuff. I don't believe it. Do you know what they do on adverts? You know, like, Sky Plus or Virgin Plus, whatever it's called, where you can fast-forward the adverts? They now do adverts where the logo of the thing... So there's one from a drink.

The advert will be them holding this bottle of booze that stays still for the whole video and all the stuff moves around it. So it's an advert if you watch it fully. But if you're fast forwarding it, you just see the name of the brand all the way through. Oh my God. So it knows what your eyes are doing.

So I'm just saying, be careful. And don't say to people, I don't like TikTok. It's just loads of videos of girls, fit girls dancing because everyone will go, that's yours. Why do I keep getting these bloody TED Talks? Yeah.

Why do I keep getting these adverts for penis... Penis shrinking. Penis shrinking. I forgot what the word was to have it... You don't get your penis shrinked. Reduction. Penis reduction. Yeah, because it's a boob reduction,

not a boob shrinker. No. Just going to go to the doctor to get my boobs shrunk. Tell you what to... Tell you it was a penis shrinker. Penis reduction. Yeah, because it's a boob reduction, not a boob shrinker. No. Just going to go to the doctor to get my boobs shrunk. Tell you what, it was a penis shrinker. A penis shrinker. Going to the hospital for two days and out at four, mate. You're lying there. You've done your mantra.

You've done your meditation. You've got nothing left in the tank. Well, your agent, but a guy that... We've got different main agents, but they work at the same agency. But he was on our WhatsApp group. He wants to know your mantra. You can't tell anyone your mantra. Someone gives you the mantra. Yeah. I was like, how did you get a mantra?

You get given a mantra. I'm not going to Millwall, Danny. I'll tell you that's why. It's transcendental meditation. There's other meditation you can do that doesn't have a mantra. It's the Jerry Seinfeld one. Classic you doing that. Classic me. Yeah, I do that doesn't have a mantra. It's the Jerry Seinfeld one. Classic you doing that. Do you want to know what happened to my week? Classic me.

Yeah, I do, yeah. My daughter is a Christian. No. Yeah? She's converted. Well, look. Which one? The eldest.

No, I mean Catholicism. Hey! Oh, the eldest. Yeah, of course she is. So I think they're banging on about religion at school. Is it a C of E school? No, it's not. I think, I don't, it's not a C of E or Catholic one,

but I think they do some God stuff. They talk about it, yeah, yeah. But it's not really like, you know, Catholic schools are like Catholic schools kind of thing. Yeah. So I think they've been talking about it. Because I went to a C of E school when I was a kid, but it was like pretty light touch. Yeah, but I don't think, at no point have I known or does it look like some sort of religious school,

but I think they're just talking about God and whatever and stuff. And so she said she's a Christian. I was like, okay, that's fine. Which you're fine with? Yeah, I don't give a shit. And she went, what are we? Did she just come home and go, I'm a Christian? She was like, so what are we?

Are we religious? And I said, well, no, not really. Me and your mum don't really believe in any religion. We're not, we're not like anti-religion. We just don't, it's not.

Agnostic. I don't even know what that is. That means I haven't got a view on it. Yeah, I've got a view. I don't give a shit either way. yeah, yeah,

yeah, fine. If someone wants to do it, they can do it, but I'm not religious. And then she went, well, I'm a Christian.

I was like, okay, that's fine. And I was like, oh, okay, why are you a Christian she was like yeah

she doesn't really got a reason Jesus died for our sins yeah she didn't really go down that route and then she I said well if you're a Christian you have to go you know you have to go to church and read the Bible

and you know sometimes there's Sunday school but we have to go you have to go to church every Sunday and she was like well I don't really want to do that and then and then I went okay well that's fine and then my youngest was like I'm not a Christian she went i don't want to be anything i was like okay do what

you want and then we were um we went i was out i was walking past the church was on a walk and i went oh should we go to church she went no i was like come on you're a christian let's get involved i've never been in one i've never been with a Christian before. Let's go in. And then we went in and she was like, oh, I don't like it. I went, she went, oh, I hate churches. I was like, you're going to find it very hard to be a Christian. And then we left because she doesn't like churches. But she's a Christian, but she doesn't like churches and doesn't want to read the Bible.

Yeah, she doesn't seem. But good to her. Yeah, good to her. I think she's just quite a size for the heaven kind of thing. I don't know if they're talking to her about that. Yeah, I mean, it's a big cell, isn't it, heaven? to her. Yeah, good to her. I think she's just quite a sense of the heaven kind of thing. I don't know if they're talking to her about that. Yeah, I mean, it's a big sell, isn't it?

Heaven. Yeah, I mean, yeah. She doesn't seem that intent on getting into it. And also, I don't feel like there's a lot expected of a Christian. No.

You can be a Christian quite easily. See you be. Walk in the park, isn't it? Yeah, turn up for midnight mass and that's it. You're done for the year, really, isn't it?

I don't know how much of a Christian you need to be to get into heaven. No, I don't know. Is it like... I'm not getting in, I tell you that. Why? What have you been doing?

No, well, just look at my TikTok for you. No. TikTok for you. Now that I know that they can see where you're looking on your phone. The For You page, it's called. FYP, For You page. For You page. Not TikTok for you, like.

I saw that Simon Jordan, I'm talking about phones for you. for you page not TikTok for you like I saw that Simon Jordan talking about phones for you oh yeah I saw him on the plane the other day anyway

where did you go well you were going to Spain oh you went to Spain oh you went to Spain didn't you you went away for a couple of days yeah we didn't speak about that how was that

no kids no kids for two days how was it it was boozy it was boozy actually yeah yeah it was boozy actually, yeah. Yeah, it was

boozy. But then Rose got ill and we had to watch Up In The Air in our hotel bed the second night. She wasn't well. Have you seen it? Yeah. It's quite good actually. You'd think it's going to be quite a boring rom-com and then the end, well I don't want to ruin it. What happens? Well no, it's a more surprising end than you'd think. Right, fair enough. Would you agree? I can't remember. Did you enjoy it, Michael? You keep asking Michael questions. Well, that's because

he's into films and 90s football. He hasn't got a mic. No. There's other people in these studios doing podcasts. There are other people doing podcasts. Bloody fuck off, mate mate get your own band it's not Chris and Rosie no

they're up north aren't they yeah oh the other thing we went to go on so we me and Lou went out

on Friday night got a bit drunk oh yeah which was nice you texted us to say that you were up for Glastonbury and I thought

he's hammered yeah I know we'll lose I will go Lou's well up for Glastonbury she was on my case again so I was like let me get it sorted.

Are we going to perform there, Rob? A live podcast, okay, yeah. We'll get photographed. Do you remember when Pete Docterty and Kate Moss went? We'll be in tiny, tiny little pair of denim shorts. We can go in our matching outfits. We should definitely go in matching outfits. I've left my tea bag in.

Oh, sorry. Is that another innuendo? No, that wasn't it. I wasn't continuing the riff put it in there if you want oh you make so many disgusting sounds i didn't make a sound then did you drop your bag you went oh you made a sex sound and then you've tried to blame it on me this sound that's horrible that is a horrible sound the drop of your bag on my the drinks so you went out and got hammered.

Yes, we got drunk and then the next day we went, load book tickets. Oh, you sloppy, dirty bitch. Can you hear that? Sorry, was that...

I'll do an impression of you. This is how I drink, okay? Yeah, you go. I heard it. Yeah, you go. Exactly. Why do you think I get so much ad? Look how much Michael's arping. Why do you think I get so much advert work? Look how much Michael's laughing.

He knows. Why do you think I get so much advert work? For PG Tips. You were the monkey with Johnny Vegas. So, I'm hungover, right? Both hungover, but we've got a drive to Lose Book Tickets, 2.30pm, ABBA for kids. ABBA Tribute Plan. Oh, so it wasn't

the hologram Abba? No, it was Duggan Hall in Sloane Square. Oh, yeah. Right? So we basically accidentally went stiff neck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Lou booked this. He's up in London somewhere. Look at it. Sloane Square, right? Sloane Square. Drive up there. Takes about an hour, right?

You drove to Sloane Square? Yeah. It was a train strike. But it's quick from our house. No, no, no, I meant more. It only took about 50 minutes. How long is it from your house? Where are you parking? Do you know where I parked?

So lucky. Pulled up outside the stage door. No! Who do you think you are? What? What is this, 1960? Yeah, it was that one. We pulled up.

Genuinely, because I was like we'll get there early we drove up to the theatre got out like you missed the bean we pulled up I couldn't believe

we parked and also what we nailed it was we could only park there for three hours so we just sat in it until ten past one and then paid for the

three hours because the show finished at four oh my god it was unbelievable, right? But I was driving up and I had a banging headache. By the end of that,

it was gone about two o'clock, I still had a banging headache, right? And I'm driving and Lou and the girls are playing Venga Boys. Boom, boom, boom, boom. And is Lou not hungover? A little bit,

but not as much as me. And also I'm having to drive and she's cranked it up full belt. And I think that is the worst song to listen to hungover because i actually realized at one point my head was pulsating with pain at the same tempo as the boom boom boom oh my god yeah that's awful boom boom boom but you must know that song yeah i do i do this one yeah oh that that beat Wait for Oh Oh it's awful

And then I just said to Lou It's quite sexual isn't it It didn't feel sexual Okay When I was driving to Sloane Square So that was pumping in my ears Anyway we got there Didn't take that long

About 45-50 minutes actually From Bromley I don't know how long Did it take you to get there To Sloane Square. So that was pumping in my ears. Anyway, we got there. It didn't take that long, about 45, 50 minutes actually from Bromley. I don't know how long did it take you to get there from... To Sloane Square? Yeah. It would take me longer to drive than you, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good to be in Zone 2, isn't it? And...

It's good to pay the extra just to be in no garden near everything. I know, but for less commute to Sloane Square. Anyway, we were lucky pulled up at the front absolutely buzzing and then we went in and it was accidental stiff neck

because I wasn't really paying attention Lou booked it I thought the kids would love that they love Mamma Mia looked at the ticket it was 30 quid a ticket it was a lot for an ABBA

and I was like what? like an ABBA tribute concert yeah they're really good they play all their live instruments and they sing really well. They're really good, ABBA. Do you want to hear something embarrassing?

Go on. Because Lou put that on her Instagram. Yeah. And I saw it and I was like, fucking hell, those holograms are good. Fair play to them. I was like, that looks so real. I've got to get tickets for this

this is unbelievable the future's here yeah but also what we did it was in Cadogan Hall which is that really fancy venue

yeah right and it wasn't just the ABBA there was just 25 Mozart symphony orchestra wow

and it was all the orchestra. Yeah, I thought they were real. Yeah, they were. So it was them and then the ABBA people. And then the girls were loving it. But then it was like just the orchestra for a bit. Oh. And I was like, oh, come on.

Come on now. And it was good musically, but the kids just want to sing along. And then we were sat there and we had, and they were all sort of like church pew seats. And there was a kid behind. There was two women behind with two boys, probably between like four and six, maybe five and six,

but definitely at least four or five. Yeah. So naughty. The naughtiest child. And if you were sat there and you can hear this, I don't need to feel bad, but you do need to know your child is so badly behaved. Kicking the chair the whole time. She went, stop kicking the chair ignored him and it's like a wooden chair

and then like my daughter's like he's kicking the chair like that yeah i'm like well let her i'm not jumping in straight away it's a child a boy or a girl so a boy but the mom you're talking the mom yeah so yeah so i don't yeah and then i was it kept on kicking i thought look i'll just let it give it five minutes let him calm him him down or whatever. He literally, she was just, stop it. He went, I hate you. Back to her. I was just like, I hate you. You don't like me.

Yeah, and I was like, oh my God, what is this? And they're all really quite weird, posh people in the venue because it's Cadogan Hall. No, I didn't get asked for one selfie. Honestly, if I'm going to another concert in Bromley, that is nonstop. That's, you know. So, and I, it was kicking a, and then she completely just ignored me.

It was annoying. It was like a concert, bang, bang, bang, bang, like the whole time. So, when I turned around, I said, if you kick that chair, we can feel it on our backs, but directly at the kid. Oh, my God. Not even at the mum. Yeah. And then he stopped for a bit, and then once the gig started,

it was all right, because all the kids were up and dancing and moving about. So, we eventually just slid over to the right because it wasn't sold out i thought we'll just i'm just going to get away from it because i don't keep having to tell his kids just not good so we sit away from it then he's running up and down the pew i'm like i've slid over here now you'll be on the over it and then they were singing and obviously everyone's singing the kids are singing the adults are singing yeah And my daughters are sort of like, dancing, queer, and I'm like, fine.

He's just going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, doing that. And they're just letting him do that, but like,

ah, and then my four... To disrupt it. Yeah, but sort of sing along a bit. And then my daughter was like, why is he just growling? That's a four-year-old.

Like that. And I was like, this kid. Did he have siblings? No, I don't know if they were brothers and sisters or just two kids with separate mums, that kind of thing. They're just awful, like totally had no control.

And then I was like, and it was just like everyone near by was sort of like, what is this kid doing? And I was like, oh, I don't want to be mean. I think he just was a prick there was nothing obvious how did you leave it at the end no no no no no but i mean was he did you just get out you didn't no so we moved i moved along oh yeah so we moved along so basically he was away from by then but he was out of control and then she was at one point holding him and he was kicking and running around but he didn't seem like there was anything going wrong

other than he just didn't want to be there and was kicking off and some of the kids you know my youngest loved the show but I find it

when you've got two my youngest loved it and was dancing and singing when my eldest because she enjoyed it but because she didn't love it as much

as the other one they sort of have to try and pick a different lane so she was like oh I don't want to stay I want to sit in the car for the second half. And I was like,

oh no, you're just saying that. Read my Bible. But anyway, we got out the theatre, got straight in the car, back to Bromley, 45 minutes. And as we were at the traffic lights

waiting to go through, we saw the boy outside, again, having another strop, kicked a bin, run off from his mum. Kicked a bin! Kicked a bin and run off from his mum. Oh my God. But I just felt sorry for the mum, but I don't know, he was just... But then he like, again having another strop kicked a bin run off from his mum kicked a bin kicked a bin and run off from his mum oh my god

but I just felt sorry for the mum but I don't know he was just but then he like he should have just been taken out but 30 quid

sniper but it was amazing and it was nice for the kids to see an orchestra I'd never seen an orchestra before really no

yeah I don't know maybe like when we've done Sunday Night at the Playroom but you're only focused on your own show but it was because I was like

oh look at those they do loads you saw an orchestra last week Rob did I yeah when don't they have an orchestra

on Strictly oh yeah what's that bloke called the big famous bloke that runs the orchestra Anton de Beek no they're like you know the guy

who conducts the Strictly he's a bit of a celeb in his own right yeah as you know the conductors how much are Strictly? He's a bit of a celeb in his own right. Conductors, swagger. How much are they doing? It's fucking bullshit. I'm sure there's a thing to it.

But whenever I see a conductor, I just think, what would actually happen? They've got the music. They've got the music. They've got the instrument. What are you doing? Yeah. So how does that work?

Is it just people just sit there with all that waiting for someone to point at them rob you'll soon find out it's got rob and romesh written all over it's got absolute rob and romesh written all over they actually do want to do one of those yeah that would be funny leading an orchestra yeah i'll let you know when i find out um and when we were killing time before the show start the show is how long did you kill How long did you have to sit in your car to get the free parking? So we arrived at 20 to 1. Yeah, a half an hour.

So yeah, so Lou sat in the car for half an hour so I took the kids for a walk around the block. Oh, Lou's had a win there, hasn't she? I know.

And I'd driven up. And you were more hungover than she was. And we're walking along and then we went into Ralph Lauren's shop because it's posh up there, isn't it?

You know, that was the most kid-friendly one because they had teddies on jumpers compared to like Smythson's paper and all that. Oh, Smythson's, yeah. I don't even know what... You know when it's posh

when I don't even understand... Because I know posh things. Smythson's like the kind of thing that makes moleskins look for like cheap, right? Yeah. It's like buy a notebook for 200 quid.

Yeah, but I sort of have heard of them. And obviously, I've heard of Ralph Lauren. But then there's stuff that's called Victoria Dietschy. And it's like four things in the window. I'm like, who is that? But you know when you do it around Mayfair, it's just like mental shops. I don't even know their names. Walking around Mayfair is weird.

Yeah, because I get Rolex, Cartier, these expensive brand names, but around there, there's stuff I've never owned. And it's mental. Who's that for? Yeah. Anyway. Oligarchs. So we went to Ralph Lauren,

and there was like a home section. I'm trying to find the kids' section to see if there was dresses or whatever, just for a browse. And then there was like a home section, and it was one of them, do not touch anything. Everything was all glass and metal.

So we went there and then we ended up going to Hugo Boss just to kill time. There's another shop. And then really nice sales attendant in there went, oh, there you go, girls, here's a little present.

And they gave us these little gold key rings with like a bull on with horns and a little thing that said Hugo Boss on it and in a little bag. It was really nice of them. And I was like, oh, thank you very much and the girl said thank you and it was you know small business shout out hugo boss little boutique in sloan square and then um was walking past and i know and then but but they went

oh we love it can we put it on our school bags and it's it's a nice key ring, but I'm not sure about a big sort of... Hugo Boss key ring on the school bag. Oh, that's a situation. I know. So what's the score? We've agreed to take the Hugo Boss logo off it, so it's just like a gold ball thing that looks quite nice. And then we went past the...

Have you ever heard about mine and Lou's first date? No. Well, basically, the truth of it is our first date was we got off with each other on a night bus after a work night. Big star. Big star. Upstairs?

Oh, yeah. Or downstairs. A bit of both. A bit of both. Yeah. Hey. Nice. Couple of stops.

Couple of stops. Yeah. Don't know how to do it. Press the button. Or our replacement. I don't know. Just press the ding the bell. Thank the driver.

Tap the oyster no don't panic nobody changed that it's all online it's so laddy in this box it's so hot it's also hot in here it's so hot in here now um so that we sort of got off of each other after work basically so then we did i said why don why don't we do a proper first date? Yeah. So, because obviously Lou's a bit posher, meaning a little bit more bookish, I nailed it with, I got tickets to a play. Oh, mate.

Right? At the Royal Court Theatre in Sloane Square. So I took the girls in to see it, to see where we went on a killing time and showed them the theatre. And I went to see Sucker Punch, it was called. And it was a play about young black teenagers that get into boxing to try and get off the streets.

So I was like, this is quite good. Play for Lou, boxing for you. Yes. So basically, it was also quite interesting because it was done in the round. So the stage was the ring. And then we all sat around the edge. We were ringside at the boxing. So it looked amazing. And starring a young stage was the ring. Oh, nice. And then we all sat round the edge like we were ringside at the boxing.

Nice. So it looked amazing. And starring a young Daniel Kaluuya. Oh, whoa. As first dates go, isn't that pretty good? Yeah, really good. Forgetting about all the stuff on the bus. As second dates go.

Yeah, as official first dates go. So I sort of showed Matt Buffall, isn't that, that's quite a good first date there, isn't it? Yeah, really good. Really strong. What was your first date with Rose? At a pub. Just meeting at a pub? Yeah.

With friends? Solo? Solo. Did you meet at work then? Yeah. So how did you ask her out? So did you go, I like you, let's go out, or did you sort of? No, strings of texts.

Strings of texts? Lots of texts. Of like, but was you still working on the same show? Yeah. Oh. Big star. Okay. Was you worried about a bit of Me Too?

No, I wasn't because it didn't exist then and I wasn't doing anything wrong. You started it. Interesting. The OG. No, but you were about the same age. Yeah, by a month. By a month? Who's older?

She's older by a month. Oh, cougar. Snapping up a youngster. Who's older? She's older by a month. Oh, cougar. Snapping up a youngster. Who's older out of you and Lou? Me by six months or so. Six months. And then you just were texted in and then you went to, yeah, pretty much. Oh, and then you just went for a pub.

Yeah. Interestingly. Go on. Always helps on this. Yeah. If we could start with that as a minimum. The teacher at school said that one of the boys has got a crush on my daughter.

They're four. Really? That is, yeah. Does that happen? That happens. A friend of ours, they were saying that there's a, you know, a four-year-old, they've got crushes on each other. I had an absolute word in his ear.

Did you? You're about the same height. Go look at me yeah down here look at me don't you dare I'm so excited did you you haven't had a word

in his ear have you no I don't know what he looks like I've got this talking of school this how mental is this week right because it's

I don't know what this is going out but this is sort of the last half term's coming half term so this is this is the last

week before half term. This is what was going on, right? So we wear, our kids wear like normal uniform in, but if it's a PE day, a hangover from COVID, they wear their PE kit in. Yeah. And they wear that all day. Yeah, fine.

So they don't go in in normal and change, right? Anyway, so next week, they're going in Monday. Well, this week, Monday, normal uniform. Yeah. Tuesday, they need their uniform for a school photo. However, it is also PE day. So they need to go in full uniform

and then have their PE kits to change into, right? And then the next day... Someone's bringing out his old woman shopping trolley. The next day, there's a normal uniform, but also there's a charity color run where if you get

you basically i don't know what it's for some sort of charity we've got that today it's yellow day powder paint oh no it's different no it's basically there's powder paint so you run through a thing and people throw powder paint at you but you need to give them clothes you're happy to get dirty so they've got to have uniform and clothes to get dirty um and then it's, again, uniform, but I think they've got some sort of school dog or something. Some dogs are coming in. So you can wear a PE kit if you don't want the dog to get... Because it'll be outside.

What? What's the dog going to do? Savage them? God knows. It's police dog training. You've all got your phone on your arms. Off you go. Running shoes, please.

And then on the Friday, it's an own clothes day for something. Might be a colour day or whatever for some sort of charity. It's own clothes days. But they also do still need their PE kit for PE later in the day. And also bringing stuff for Harvest Festival. Oh, my word. It's too much, isn't it? So this was all going back and forth as I was working out.

Do you know what? That's easier than a one-off day like a Thursday. This way, you know, every morning I've got to concentrate. Yeah, yeah. You can't let it sleep. You're not going to

mess any of them up because you know every morning's an important... It's the one where it takes you by surprise. Yeah. If it was just Thursday is powder paint day,

you'd mess that up. Yes. But you will nail this. Well, I think losing charge alright of this one because it's going back and forth from the group quite a lot everyone's gone

so I thought you need to take control of this yeah well I have this is your job I said as a class rep I'd like to say that I have no fucking idea

what's happening you're on your own with this one see you after half term love it I imagine that Boris sent a few of them during the pandemic yeah yeah yeah

look guys did you get did you get that Boris sent a few of them during the pandemic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, guys. Did you get any response? Got a few. A couple of thumbs up and laughy cry. Some people laugh so much they cried. Yeah. And they've shown me.

Four people, that was. They've actually laughed so much they've cried. So it's good that I can bring that. Yeah, and that's four people out of, you know, there's 80 people in that group. So just good to know that 0.5 are enjoying my that's tickets sold my my small business shout out oh yeah so we've rabbited on a bit today that's all right here we go right i've got one here josh yeah hi rob and josh love the podcast even though i don't have kids myself thought i'd send you some details for a small business shout-out.

My friend Emma started out with stalls at markets doing deliveries and special orders whilst working full-time, but has graduated to opening her own cake shop in Bexley Heath. Oh, that's near you. Yeah, not too far from me. The name of the business gives you a pretty big clue to the USP. The Tipsy Bakery. Oh, nice. Yes, they sell alcohol-infused cupcakes.

They include Pornstar Martini. It's very Bexley-y, that is. Biscoff Spiced Rum. Oh, that sounds good. Ferrero and Hazelnut Vodka. Pina Colada. Tequila Rose, Bailey's and many others. I wonder if you have to be 18.

They do non-alcoholic cakes. Don't panic. And bakesakes too, all kinds of unusual stuff, like Freddo cookies, Malteser brownies, Oreo rocky roads, plus big cakes for weddings,

birthdays, and other occasions. Also doing some specials, Halloween, and they are thetipsybakery.co.uk Rent, RR Rent?

No, that's not, I think that's a, so yeah, www.thetipsybakery.co.uk and at the full stop tipsy full stop bakery on instagram there we go very nice hi rob and josh if you're looking for a non-london small business shout out no thanks um look no further chester wizard school oh we are a chester-based alternative Halloween event for families running from the 22nd to the 25th of October.

That's half term. Yep. Budding young witches and wizards get to meet some magical creatures, make potions, learn spells, and look into the future to mention just a few of the activities. This sounds great.

You can take a look at our Instagram, at Chester Wizard School, to see pictures of previous events. Lovely. I'm sure they'll have other stuff for summer holidays. Yes, exactly. Things like that. Insta School.

I'll see you on Friday. Can't wait. For another interview. Good guest. Strong guest coming on Friday. As ever. See you later, Josh. We're in an absolute sweet spot for guests.

Oh, you're loving life. Loving life. You feel good. What a turnaround from a few weeks ago. Brown noise, mate. Brown noise. Who knew it? Get the brown noise in your ears. Should we do our own? Release weeks ago brown noise mate brown noise who knew it get the brown noise in your ears

shall we do our own release our own brown noise what occasionally me slurping my tea yeah put that on repeat for 12 hours yeah

alright bye bye