Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S05 EP30: Simon Gregson

Episode Date: November 4, 2022

 Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the actor and Coronation Street star - Simon Gregson. 'Queens for the Night' - Saturday 5th November at 8:30pm on ITV Thanks, Rob + Josh. We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob? Rob. Beckett. Beckett. And can you say Josh? Josh.

Widdicombe. Widdicombe. Widdicombe. I don't know. Is the child beatboxing I don't know It felt like they were using Anton Dubek's wifi I should say about Anton Dubek's wifi

Last week We try our best to keep the quality as good as we can And it's quite difficult to talk about this Did you get some complaints about Anton Dubek's wifi? No a couple of people moaned But what I would say is When you get anyone that's off the telly and over 50, you're very much dealing with an iPad and hope. Yeah, I mean, he can foxtrot, but he can't use a dongle,

let's be honest. But that's not just Anton. That's fine. In general, when you're on the... People on the telly that are over 50, they're not sort of grassroots like we are with setting up our computers ourselves kind of things. Very much iPad 2. I think it would be off-brand for Anton Dubek to be across modern technology.

Imagine if he had a gaming chair and a big curved screen, like a Twitch streamer. But who was that, Josh, introducing us? Hi, Rob, Joshosh and sexy voice michael this is lyra say your names aged 14 months go uh big fans of you guys i listen weekly to your podcast purchased audio books of both your books bought the parenting hell signed book and the audio book oh wow thank you very much i'm pretty much keeping you guys in business. Although I am unwilling to download a second free app to listen to your podcast. Is that what she said? No, I'm joking, obviously.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot about this. Because we announced that we're moving to Spotify exclusively, which is still free to listen to. It's completely free. When we announced it, obviously, we was expecting people to be a little bit confused, but then we explained that you can still download the podcast for free and download Spotify for free, listen for free. There are adverts on Spotify.

Have you outlawed the free element of that? Well, I understood that people would be confused and we explained it to them and a lot of people were fine. But the ones I couldn't get my head around, the ones going, I just don't want another app on my phone. And I felt like on the list of things i give a fucking shit about how many apps someone has on their phone really isn't one of them no well because you know what no how many apps i've got hundreds of fucking apps and i've never thought about it i've got hundreds of fucking

shit apps on my phone i mean what even is stampy Stampy UK? That's an app I downloaded once to work out stamp duty. I'm just looking at my apps here. I've got Shopkins Run for the kids when their iPads run out of battery. Yeah, what three words? What the fuck is that? I've got Discord, downloaded it, never used it. But fair enough.

Anyway, the next episode will be only available on Spotify. Anyway, let me talk about my day. So I've had a howler of a day. Go on. School run, walking into school. We are literally at the door where they're going, that's sort of the little entrance bit. Massive fox shit on the floor.

I say, don't tread in that. A child could never have stepped in it more squarely or full on. And then she put her foot up, covered oh my god in fox shit so then but then i am thinking oh i had to go to the like the teacher at the gate i was like oh she's trotting fox poo i don't really know what to do obviously i knew what to do it's like you've got to wash it off but i was like i'm not at home and i'm like i can't just bowl into the school. You can't take her all the way home, though. Exactly.

So they were like, OK, well, we'll sort it out. I was like, no, no, no. I'm not expecting you to clean the shoe. I was just basically, it was so British. Basically, I should have just gone, excuse me, can I use your toilet? Because she's got fox poo on her shoe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then gone in. Or just said, can I use the toilet? But so I had to take the shoe off. I carried her in and then I spent 10 minutes cleaning fox poo and I'm going to send you the picture out of the shoe it's fine Rob

I'm happy with that it was grooved in look at the picture I'll put it on Instagram that is a killer right right off the shoe where's your daughter at this point stood in the toilet with you she's waiting in reception with one shoe on talking to the receptionist yeah okay i'm in the toilet and then i'm like right the only thing in there is

toilet tissue but it isn't got no that's not gonna do it exactly hasn't got a sharp enough edge has it to get in the groove unless you're willing to put your nails behind the toilet paper absolutely not no not me that is not me not me sir right so what would you do in that situation um i just think one shoe's fine um what would i do in that situation and at least spat my coffee on the table i think i would i think you have to go to the cafeteria and get a knife no well also now i'm thinking oh god i don't want my daughter to be like getting embarrassed and straight you know it's a fur you know it's like she's his first year she don't want to be named as fox poof foot first day after half term as well fox poof foot and all stuff like that yeah

so um they've come up with something better than that i imagine i went into my pop wallet yeah cut a card no because i didn't want to because i don't want to do it on a bank card because i've got to touch that and use that. I was looking through my card and I needed all them cards. Can I have another guess? Yeah. Fold a receipt twice so you've got a kind of point from the hardness of that receipt. Right, that's what I was after.

No receipts. Do you know what I had in there? Not one of our condoms. I had my ticket to the ufc oh oh no and that was i love keeping my tickets when i've gone to an event yeah and then never look at them ever again but you do put them in a box and then think one day i'll go through and imagine one day i'll remember my children will launch them in a skip when i'm dead um anyway, I thought, I know, I don't want, I want to keep the UFC ticket.

So I used what else I had in there. And I'm a bit ashamed of this, Josh. No. It was a stamp. A stamp? Not with, not with the face of our dead monarch. Yeah. Oh, Rob.

I know. Oh, no. Oh, no. It was their face. Wait, but Rob. What? Was the stamp mounted on a piece of card, right? So the stamp was mounted on a piece of card.

Couldn't you just take the stamp off and stick it to the UFC ticket? I should have done that. Oh, no, Rob. Rob, you could be hung for treason for this. I used a queen's head. Okay, well, let's not go too graphic. Let's not go too graphic because the Daily Mail will jump on this. Sky TV comic in Queen Fox shit.

No, it'll be Radio 2 host. Radio 2 host smears shit on dead monarch face. All publicity is good publicity. Yeah, but is it, though? I had to do it,, that's all I had. But what I should have done is peeled Lizzie off and stuck it to something else and then used the mounted bit of card.

Yeah, you should have done that. But instead you just folded the card in two to get a tight corner. Good edge. Good edge. And I sort of zoomed it round and got it out and then flushed the tissue paper and then put the shoe underneath the tap.

Great work. How about you, Josh? Yeah, it was, well um i think it's time for our guest rob i've got anecdotes but i'm gonna save them for tuesday do you want me to redo them on my phone as a kind of little taster okay cool yeah go and then give me the headlines uh two rices end of play date pack lunch and top knot. So that's something to look forward to. Four anecdotes for Tuesday. Wow.

Joe, I literally didn't care about any of them. But no, Joe, two rices got me. Yeah, excited about two rices. Two rices and top knot, end of play date and pack lunch. I think there needs to be another thing in there. Okay. Surprise end to play date. i like it yeah and worrying success of packed lunch oh that's better yeah now i'm teased yeah and i'm going to change the others to the top knot debate like it yep and two rice humiliation oh that's isn't that better we're learning to be broadcasters

live this is exciting isn't it yeah this is it rob well it's something to look forward to on tuesday and people are enjoying our creative process i'm buzzing yeah we're both so excited with that we're really we're really chuffed with ourselves. Basically, you said four things and I thought that sounded shit. And then now you've sexed it up. Right, our guest this week, Simon Gregson. He's got three children. Yeah.

And he has been Steve McDonald for 20-odd years, hasn't he? Yeah, I mean, probably more. And also, his first ever thing he's done outside of Coronation Street is Queens for the Night, where he does drag, a show I'm a judge on. So we'll talk to him about that, because that's quite a departure, isn't it, to go from Corrie for 25 years, then drag? Yes, of course. Right, here's Simon Gregson.

Please welcome to the podcast, Simon Gregson. That is the introduction. Is that right, Simon? That was perfect. Because it was correct, wasn't it? It was very correct, yeah. I can't say nothing about it. You can't leave this with the ump after that. No, there'll be other reasons, but not that. You set me up for the day.

Where are you today? Oh, yeah, where are you, at home? I'm at home, yeah. I've been up quite early helping my wife bake. She's just started doing a cafe up the road. Doing a cafe? Running a cafe? Yeah, yeah, she's taking over a cafe at Garden Centre. So I'm making scones this morning for the first time ever in my life.

Oh, right, OK. Well, good luck to the people eating those scones. Exactly, yeah. We'll be sued by Wednesday. Now, Simon, we've met before because you were on Queen's for the Night, which is on ITV this Saturday, in your first sort of performative role outside of Steve Macdonald on Corrie. Absolutely right, yeah. And so how long have you been Steve Macdonaldald on Corrie. Absolutely right, yeah.

And so how long have you been Steve Macdonald for on Corrie? 33 years. Wow. 33 years. And then you've done like a lot of the celebrity shows, like Catchphrase and Family Fortunes and those sort of things. Yeah. But after 33 years, you've taken on the role as a drag queen.

So before we get on to the kids that i just was so shocked well it's a natural transition how was that the first thing you did outside of steve o'donnell it was it was really fun you know i mean my agent you know gave me um it asked me whether i wanted to do it or not and i was like well yeah why, yeah, why wouldn't I? You've got to show you've got range, Rob. This is the opposite of what you've been doing. Now he's making scones. He's a changed man. It's it, yeah.

I was in my pinny this morning. I've not stopped. So, Steve, anyway, you was brilliant on that. We can talk about that a bit more later on. It's on, I think, Saturday night on ITV. But point of the episode, let's talk about your kids. How many kids you got? What are their ages? I've got three boys. I've got Alf on ITV. But point of the episode, let's talk about your kids. How many kids you got? What are their ages?

I've got three boys. I've got Alfie who's 15. I've got Harry who is 13. And I've got Henry who is six. They're the most amazing boys. We're so very, very lucky with them. Most of the time. Most of the time.

They get on really well. There is a lot of testosterone there. So there is a lot of fighting. Not to the point where there's blood drawn or, you know, they get out swords or anything. But typical brothers just rolling around and winding each other up. But apart from that, they're great. They're really great.

We are blessed with them. They're very good boys. And you said you're not very good at computers when we were setting up this Zoom. And I can see on your Zoom it says Alffie so you were on your son's laptop yeah well it was originally my laptop but now it's ended up as alfie's like most of the things in the house he's got a very small bedroom with all of our stuff in it and how old's alfie 15 15 yeah and what's it what's it like with teenage is it Have they hit that sort of teenage angst yet?

Do they sort of hate you now, or is it a bit not as bad as the people make it out? You know what? It's not as bad as people make out with us. I think, because I have a friend who had a teenage daughter, who obviously she's not a teenager anymore, but when she was, she was not impressed with her dad at all. I think boys are a lot easier as teenagers.

You still get that kind of, oh, do I really have to? And they do walk into things a lot. He's very gangly. He's forever stubbing his toe. For real? Yeah. Because they're sort of not grown into their bodies yet?

Yeah, absolutely, yeah. He's got no... He doesn't realise that the toes have got bigger the arms have got longer and he's finding it hard to navigate you know so it's a lot of that and you say that they're it's not that they're not impressed are they impressed by steve mcdonald no no no they're not interested in it at all. It annoys them, actually. When we go out, it annoys them. Me and Harry, my middle boy, we went out to supermarket the other day. And, of course, people stop and they stare.

And, you know, the usual one is they kind of double take and they're wondering whether it's you or not. And they go, it's it, isn't it, it's it, isn't it? They even say it out loud sometimes. No, it isn't. Yes, it is. No, it isn't. I can hear you.

I'm not dead. I mean, you guys must get this all done. But Harry finds it fascinating and starts to copy them and like walking around after them doing what they were doing.

What, at them? Well, yeah, so they can see. He's like, why do they do this, Dad? And then walk around and look at you like this. Why do they do that? So they can hear and they and look at you like this. Why do they do that?

So they can hear and they're all terribly embarrassed and walk away. He's being defensive. He's a bit protective of you. They are very protective of it, yeah. Yeah, they kind of don't, it doesn't compute for them. Like, it doesn't compute for me, even after all these years. I kind of get it, you know, on a kind of logical level. But I really don't understand it somehow. There is a level of fame, I think, of being on a logical level, but I really don't understand it somehow.

There is a level of fame, I think, of being on a soap like Coronation Street for that long is that everybody knows who you are. It's sort of like, you know, a few people will say hello to me and Josh if they watch odd programmes and stuff, but everyone knows who's on Corrie. It's crazy. It's almost a bit like being a prime minister. If you're in one of the prime ministers or one of the cabinet offices,

everyone sort of knows you because they're always there on the telly every night kind of thing. A mate of mine who joined the show had done a lot of films, really big films, and he'd done a lot of drama. He was a very well-known actor,

and he said, God, when you get recognised all the time in Manchester, you must do your editing. You must come to London. It's not as bad there. I don't get any either. So I said, London's just as bad.

I said, listen, wait until your character's on TV, sure enough. He was getting hassled everywhere. I said, that's so, you know, you're in people's front rooms all the time. And so your sons would never watch, would they ever watch Corrie? I mean, I suppose it'd be weird for you. Do you ever sit down and watch it? That'd be weird. You know what, I don't. I used ever sit down and watch it? That'd be weird. You know what? I don't.

I used to a long time ago because a friend of mine, or a couple of friends of mine in the sound department used to set challenges for me, saying, I bet you can't do this. And I'd say, well, I bet I can. And then I'd see if it's past the edit and gone out. And it always did. Like what?

Well, for some reason, I started going, ah, before every sentence. Just for some reason, because after 30 or 30 years, you get really bored. So I was like, ah, I think I'll have a part-time. You know, it's just the simplest thing to do. So we made a coin and we made etch. God rest his soul.

He said, I bet you can't do a, er, from the door all the way to the other side of the robin's bar. And I did. And it went out. Stuff like scratching my bum and sniffing my fingers, that's gone out as well. Really? Amazing.

Just sneak through the edit. Yeah, it's great. And so when you do the, er, from the door to the bar, did the director not go, what are you doing? Well, more than often, I'm going back quite a few years, more than often we've kind of been out

with the director the night before, so we'd all had such a good laugh, nobody really cared. It was like, yeah, we're going to do it. But people seem to like that anyway, so. Yeah, I know. I think your character sort of gets away with that a little bit, doesn't he, yeah, we're going to do it. But people seem to like that anyway, so... Yeah, I know. I think your character sort of gets away with that a little bit, doesn't he, though, because he's a bit more, you know...

If he was just scary, you know, there's always, like, a scary one who's going to be, like, end up killing someone or attacking someone. If they start going, like, into the bar, it would be... Yeah, I seem to really get away, especially when Anchorman came out and I was, like, religiously watching The Simpsons. I was introducing those. I just got away get away, especially when Anchorman came out and I was like religiously watching The Simpsons. I was introducing those.

I just got away with murder, yeah. And it's just made life very, very easy for me at work. But I suppose your kids aren't going to watch it. Not many teenage boys sit down and watch Corrie every night, do they? How dare you, Rob? Did you when you were young? I used to love EastEnders when I was a teenager. It was the biggest thing with teenagers at my school was Corey.

Are you joking? Really? Yeah, of course not, no. I was getting into that. That was really... He's like, I'm going to go down to Devon, do some PAs. It wasn't about blurby erasers, mate. It was about Corey V. Emmerdale in my school.

That was the big rivalry. So, your boys aren't into it, but we will obviously come to real life parenting but on the cory thing what's it like acting with the young kids on cory well you know what when i was at tim with ellie ellie mulvaney who plays my daughter amy she was about eight when she started and uh very very sweet, very lovely girl. But would bully me kind of into playing with her all the time. So it's like, right, we're going to do this with a doll or coloring in or whatever it was. And I'm like, well, I'm just going to. No, you know. So we do this, do that anyway. But she made me want to have a daughter.

Oh, really? Yeah, because obviously. So when a little girl like that plays your daughter for Oh, really? Yeah, because obviously, so when a little girl like that plays your daughter for so long and you watch them grow up, you become very protected of them. You know, I've known her all my life. I'm like, you know, her older brother, I guess. But in the early, because I've always wanted a kid since I was about 18, really. I always wanted like a mini me.

And now you've got three of them. Now I've got three of them. What have I created? I've created three of them what have i created i've created created things that should not have not have been created well yeah she she made me what i'll have a little girl because she's such a gorgeous cute little thing you know and i was like i want one of those at home you know so but you're not going you're not going again are you done that you're six year olds youngest i've got the doctors to get his scissors out. Yeah, three is enough.

Did you? Oh, yeah. Talk us through that. Well, not two. Actually, go for it, yeah. It was absolutely painless. Was it? Apart from the big needle that goes in your plum, so to speak.

Right. That was a bit of a sting. Dave, basically, a big needle in the balls. Big needle in the balls. In the sack or the actual ball? In the sack or the testicleicle in the actual i don't know because they won't let you look you know all right so i've got this you're awake for the whole thing yeah you're awake for the whole thing yeah but you you know whatever they put in there it's it's

it's so numb you can't feel a thing and then they actually make the incisions and they kind of cut the tube and then they cauterise it and tie them together and then they sew you all up but at the head end there's a nurse holding my hand and she's like talking to me about the Lake District for some strange reason to try and keep my mind off things but she kept

looking down the business end and pulling this face as like disgusting I'm going you are not business end and pulling this face is like disgusting. I'm going, you are not helping. Stop pulling that face. Well, yeah, I was fine. I was in a jockstrap for a week and then I was all right. It's fine.

So is there a six-year, seven-year gap between your middle and youngest? The richer. Yes. How was that? Because you've basically got all the nappies out the way, all the baby stuff. You've got proper children that are at school and then the little one comes along. Was it a bit of a shock to the system or did you have like did you enjoy it more because you was experienced with the kids? Well, I think we enjoyed it more, much more. And of course, we were a lot older, a bit more sensible. Because, of course, when Alfie was born, it was a bit of an inconvenience to the social life.

So we didn't really like him for a while. How old was he when he was born? Oh, crikey. What will I have been? Early 30s. Early 30s, yeah. So we were like, oh, this is like, we have to take care of it and stuff. This is annoying.

And then, of course, then you get used to it and you have another one because obviously we wanted him to have, you know, a sibling. And, of course, we adored him so much. We were like, we need more. I mean, my wife would have about 7,000 children. It's like Mother Manchester, you know. But we missed Alfie.

Well, say we missed Alfie. We haven't thrown him out just yet. But because he was getting older, Emma was like oh my god he's getting so old my baby's going I'm like he's like nine so we we had another one and um she you know and and he was what what a joy absolute joy is yeah it's great when When you had Alfie, your eldest, how busy was the schedule with, like, your filming and stuff? And, like, how much were you involved? Or did you get paternity leave on Corrie?

How does it work? You get a couple of weeks. But you had to choose that couple of weeks. And I'm like, well, I don't know when he's going to be born. Yeah. So I was like, well, and Alfie was two weeks late. So I think I got a week with him. Oh, so you just had a week off waiting?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but I was working a lot then when Alfie was born. They were 11-, 12-hour days every day, and for months and months and years even, I guess. And then the same with Harry. But with Henry, work had kind of peaked down a bit. Well, I wasn't heavily storylined as much. I got to spend a lot more time

with Henry. But also, when Henry was born, Emma was quite ill. Afterwards, she lost a couple of pints of blood. Oh, no. So I had Henry from the offset, and Henry kind of... We had one of those cots that attach to your bed. Yeah, yeah.

So he was with us then and he's been in our bed ever since. So is he still in bed with you now? He always comes in, always. Yeah, and he comes in and he goes, can I get in here? And we're like, no, Henry. And if it's like very late, we're like, it's easier just to let him in. Plus we love having him in. Yeah.

And is he the youngest, did you say? He's the youngest, yeah. But Alfie still gets in. like very late but like it's easier just to let him in plus we love having him in yeah yeah and is he the youngest did you say he's the youngest yeah but alfie still gets in and he's like my size now he's just a bloke yeah he just gets in and he gets in for a cuddle and then all three of them then the two dogs get in we actually had to buy a bigger bed we were like we need a bigger bed but like jaws of the bedroom because that's the thing is like you have this thing where it's like don't have your children in your bed but the fact is most parents like if i quite like having them in the bed a bit do you know what i mean i yeah totally i love and i did a bit of research on it not for i want what somebody had mentioned it and i followed up on what they'd said and apparently it's really good for them to be in the bed some people say

you know it has that bond like you know when you go back to be in the bed, some people say. You know, it has that bond, like, you know, when you go back to being in caves or, you know, when we were at trees or whatever. You know, everyone's all huddled together. So it's kind of normal and natural. You tell yourself that. I tell myself that all the time when I'm looking at my wife going, why is there a child in between us?

It's been a week. Yeah, there was a bump between us. Now there's an actual thing here. And what are you like as a parent? You seem quite like the way you talk about them. I can imagine you're quite kind of pally and not... I can't imagine you as a strong figure

of authority, a distant figure of authority. Is that fair? I do lay down the law. We are kind of best friends and everything but there is a line that I won't allow to be crossed, you know, because they do test your boundaries, and I have to pull them up and say, look, I'm your dad, I'm not your mate, you know, so don't talk to me like that and this, that and the other.

You know, they have to do us the talk. But for most times, we do just laugh a lot. You know, we're a very cuddly uh we are we do just laugh a lot and you know we're a very cuddly house so we do cuddle a lot what are their sort of hobbies because when they get to that teenage age they sort of find their group whether they're football or they're gaming or right off to rugby have they got things that they do and you have to become a fan of it yeah the football mad and i'm not a fan of football at all and never have been oh that's difficult yeah so all three of them play all right and you live in the main city for football yeah the football mad i mean we went we got a takeout from a local um italian uh last night

and alfie went mad about an hour later, you've got to take me back because Ronaldo had walked in. I said, what do you want me to do? He said, well, I want you to drop me off. I'm going to go in and get a picture. I went, no, you're not. The guy's having his dinner, A, and B, you'll probably find there's a load of retired SAS sat around

people like you. Don't go over. I said, no, it's not happening. So have you had to get into football then? Yes, but you know what? Because they're your kids, you know, it's very easy to do. And they are very, very good. And, yeah, I mean, when it's raining and it's cold, I kind of fake an injury.

I've got a bone in my leg, I can't go. But most of the time I'm there, mummy is very, very, very much a touchline parent. Does she shout out stuff? No, no, that's the one thing we've never done. We do witness all that. And I'm like, well, that's not helping, is it? Yeah.

Concentrating for one and two, just shut up. Have you ever had to say anything, you know, to another parent if they've had a go at your kid or their kid's been a bit aggressive to your kid? Have you ever had to step in? Because it must be weird now they're getting, like, to 15 because the kids could beat you up, essentially. Well, they're massive now, aren't they?

What is it? What is it with this generation of kids that they're all massive? It's like Land of the of the giants now isn't it they're huge i don't get it at all and they're all working out as well yeah alfie's ripped and it really does my head in even the six-year-old's ripped he says he's got a two-pack i've got a two-pack daddy like that. I've got a two-pack, Daddy. I'm like that, OK?

It does fill me with hope. Like, you're like, oh, God, I might not have to deal with my daughter's drinking or something because they'll be too busy, you know, being ripped. That's it, totally, yeah. Just don't calm down on the protein shakes, love. It's just too much. Just stay with two scoops only tonight. Only two scoops of fuel.

How many apples have you had? He's mental. That's nearly cider now. That's eight boiled eggs. Only two scoops of fuel. How many apples have you had? In that song? That's nearly cider now. That's eight bald eggs. You won't shit for a week. But that's one of the benefits because smoking, drinking, it's the furthest thing from there.

What about vaping? Vaping's quite popular, teenagers. That's not enough. Massively against it, yeah. It's very, very much about fitness and football and, you know, really lucky. Really. I try and I want to try and be like a sort of,

you know, like a bit like your parents, Josh, quite relaxed and like, yeah, we'll find your own way. But if my kids came over with a vape, I'd launch it.

I just pick, I'll grab it off and throw it and go and just go mental. But things a bit of an archaic approach. Would you prefer a cigarette, Rob, to a vape? I think I'd respect that more. I mean, I used to smoke. I used to smoke.

I haven't smoked for, like, four months and I haven't drank for longer. And I used to sit there, you know, with a glass of wine and a fag and be like that, saying, don't ever drink and smoke. You know, so it's like, I'm going to have to lead by example here. Yeah, exactly. Especially if they're all ripped,

they're going to start beating you up soon. I think they already can. They jump out at me and scare me all the time. They hide in cupboards and like the washbasket and stuff. Yeah, we used to bully our dad a little bit. I think when there's three boys, we used to like jump out at him and jump on him. And like, because after a while,

you do get bigger in him and stronger in him. Oh, yeah. So that's what's happening to you. I'm just on the cusp at the moment of losing so is it just constantly jumping out on you and things like that yeah and they sneak in they sneak in on the hands and knees into the bedroom and then they wait for a while they just jump out from the side of the bed you're like because my daughter does that and she's tiny, she's three, but a 15-year-old bloke going... It's awful. It's horrible. And if I come out the bathroom, they're there like...

I have to go back to the bathroom. For God's sake. That's what I was going to ask. So, you know, your kids are teenage boys, they're not really watching you on Corrie. How do they feel about you going in full drag for the show, Queens for the Night? They've not thanked me for it.

We're getting a load of grief because I'd come second on I'm a Celebrity, so I was the country's second best celebrity. All right, so they were getting hammered for that. They were getting hammered for that. Who was it who won? I'm going to be dressed as a woman. Who won? It was Danny Miller.

Danny Miller won, yeah. Also, as well, you don't want to lose to another soap person, do you, really? Exactly, yeah. So they were like, your dad's shit.

So what the hell's going to happen this time around? I've no idea. I've got a pair of boobs on and a short skirt, you know? Will you watch it together, do you reckon, or will it just be you and your wife and then the kids will watch it?

I'll be watching it. But with it, of course, it's Bonfire Night, isn't it? So they'll be out. I mean, I was going to go with them, but I broke my leg, you see. Oh, you broke your leg? Yeah, man, yeah. How? Literally, I just went over and it's rolled my ankle

outside the back of the house. No. You in a cast? I have. No, I was in a cast. It was done in six places, can you believe? the house. No. You're in a cast. I have. No, I was in a cast. It was done in six places, can you believe? Jesus Christ. Yeah.

When you was on, was she doing most of the sort of childcare then, if your days are that long? Did you feel a bit guilty at points sometimes? Yeah, well, Emma had her own company at first. She folded that when Alfie was born. And so she's only just started this cafe. Yes, so 15 years.

She's been housewife, you know, mum. Yeah. And, yeah, I did feel a bit guilty because she's, you know, it's a long time to be at home. And she was going a bit mad with it. So were you working literally like 11, 12-hour days, five days a week on camera? No, I mean, I was for a while. mad with it so were you working literally like 11 12 hour days five days a week on yeah i mean it's

i was for a while um it depends on how many episodes you're in and how many scenes per episode you're in so basically if you're in a big storyline you're going to be busy yeah it just so happened that around that time i was in big storylines there was a michelle uh with kim marsh was playing my wife at the time. And then Kate Kelly was playing my girlfriend, which she cheated on. And, you know, all this kind of stuff. So there was a lot of big storylines going on around that time. But, you know, I've gone a lot older now and a bit plumper.

I think they're focusing on the good-looking lads more than me. So things have beaten down a bit. But I think I was kind of destined to be an actor because everything I watched on TV, I'd be that person as soon as the programme had finished. So if Tarzan was on, I was running around in underpants and my dad's scout knife tucked in it. I wouldn't cut myself to pieces, I don't know.

If the A-team was on, I'd leave batteries with strings on on the stairs, going, like, don't step on that stair, it's a bomb. So all this stuff. But I was always playing army. I was always outside me. I was completely camoed up, you know, in the camouflage gear, doing garden hopping with a wooden gun. Really?

That's what I did every night, yeah. I'm desperate to be a soldier. Oh, really? Yeah, that's what I wanted to be. Do you think you'd have been a good soldier? I think I'd have been, I had a lot of practice. On this show, Josh, Queen's for a Night, each celebrity is given a category within drag.

So some are doing lip syncing, some are singing, some are doing magic. You did a comedy set and it was really good. I don want to give away too much but it was really good and really accomplished for someone that was their first ever gig is there is there a comedy career in the pipeline as the second part of simon gregson's career in entertainment well we were thinking about it quite a while ago um i'm very good friends i've been for a while with a guy called john maloney yeah I know John Maloney me and him were thinking of doing

writing some comedy for me and then me doing all the comedy clubs in the UK for charity so I was like well that's a nice thing to fall back on because I'm like it's for charity so people might laugh oh no don't do it for charity

do it for you fuck Do it for you. Fuck them, and then you'll find out. Do the charity gig once you've got your gear together. Yeah, but I've always been very interested in it because I just love comedy, you know, and I'm a big fan of you guys and watch all your stuff and everybody else, and, you know, I just find it, I just think it's a brilliant, you know, skill, you know? I just think, but I can imagine it can be very hard.

I was going to ask as well, what's holidays like now with teenage boys? Are they bored? They don't want to go away with you or are they still loving it? No, they love it. We have kind of two separate holidays. So Emma takes the boys on like, because they love like you know benidorm and parts of spain what i can't go to because it would just be like a pa yeah you just have a phone shoved in your face every two seconds which has happened so emma takes the boys alone on like for a week

on one of those and then we go for like 10 days two weeks to somewhere nice you know yeah a bit more a bit quieter well yeah money doesn't buy your friends but it buys you a better class of enemy kind of thing you couldn't survive in benedorm or like a brits abroad place like that no yeah we'll get a villa basically yeah but then that is a bit boring for they like the hotels and the other kids and all that kind of stuff in the pool but as long as they've got a pool and as long as they've got a ball, they're fine. I mean, when Emma took them last time.

Like a seal. A pool and a ball. Very much like seals, yeah. But yeah, when Emma took them, they found like a local five-a-side pitch and she had to take them every day. In fact, she had to buy them football boots because that's the one thing you don't take on holidays. Oh, really really you should have just gone to goals for a week the uh by the side place yeah they'd love it so where have they got this from is you're not

interested in football at all i'm not interested in football and emma was emma used to play football when she was a kid and emma's dad's massive into football right yeah so they may have picked it up that way and of course all the mates at school play football and I guess if you start you become good at something you become a bit more popular within your kind of and it's your friendship groups all involved doesn't even catch up with them yeah so what how you if you're all playing football on a Sunday how you get into them to all the games is Is it logistics or nightmare? It depends where they go. We're very, very lucky with them as mum and dad and their grandparents. When they were a lot younger,

they used to kind of fight over who would look after them at the weekend. So we did have our weekend. We're so blessed with it all. It's so important to be near people that will help. Oh, absolutely. It's no prizes for being so like, I can do it on my own. You do need help. And if you can be near people that can help. Oh, yeah. I can do it on my own and also you know that you do need help and if you can be near people that can help oh yeah i mean you need a night off you know and

you know you need to recharge the batteries you know and uh you know sometimes not get up as early but yeah emma's dad will come and pick them up um i'm able to drive now anyway so i'll drop them off but walking across the wet fields is there no no for me because if i slip i'll go back to square one oh god did they have to write that into coronation street that you broke your leg yeah they're putting it in yeah and did you have to film a scene where you broke your leg when you've already got a broken leg or did you just kind of spoke about it you know it's kind of like when bobby ewing woke up in the shower no one cares after five minutes yeah there'd just be one line going,

oh, you heard Steve's broke his leg, blah, blah, blah. Anyway. And then you wheel in. Hi, guys. Yeah, it is busy. You know, I think it's only Tuesday we've got where we're not taking them to training. Really?

Yeah, a lot of training, all separate days. Because they play for a Saturday and a Sunday team, the two older boys. Oh, my God. Yeah, a lot of training, all separate days. Because they play for a Saturday and a Sunday team, the two older boys. Oh, my God. Yeah. God. So that is their life, basically. Yeah.

Well, not only that. Yeah, what am I talking about? They play a Saturday team and a Sunday team. And they play for the school team, both of them. You know when, like, Klopp moans about them having to play, you know, three games in two weeks? And you're like, mate, these kids are playing three times a week and going to school and having to do homework.

Exactly, yeah. And how about in academic stuff? Are they sort of still focusing on that as well as the football? Yeah, Alfie was kind of going a bit by the wayside because he got it in his head he will be a footballer one day. Maybe that was my fault saying, if you think it and dream it big enough, it will happen, yeah. that was my fault saying if you if you think it and dream it big enough it will happen yeah but then i realized so i said to him look you know um the better you are at school the more

they'll like that as well because it shows you're dedicated especially in something you're not really bothered you can't be bothered to do it if you show dedication towards it they'll like that his homework's improved massively since oh really good technique yeah and harry's good in school anyway so yes um josh we do the final question for simon it's a classic final question that we always do um so uh it's very simple uh what one thing uh does your wife do parenting that um annoys you but you haven't said it to her but were she to listen to this podcast that's a way to communicate it

and also as a kind of because we felt that was too negative we realised that two and a half years into the podcast what one thing does she do how would you phrase this bit Rob? Well one thing she does that's amazing and that you absolutely love but you don't always tell her how good that is

But we're really focusing on the first one Yeah absolutely love but you don't always tell her how good that is but we're really focusing on the first one yeah i think uh the first one yeah is um if if i get a bit too shouty with them uh lose my temper too much i'm told you know like you know just calm down a bit and i'm like but when you lose your temper there are people on the space station that can hear it yeah it's like hang on a minute um so there is that um but the one thing she does which is amazing is that she never lets them sit still or be bored you know she'll take them here there and everywhere you know if it's the school holidays it's like they have to be doing something every day um and you know she she regardless of how tired she is or anything she'll always make time and do something

with them you know oh that's nice yeah it's good not with me she hates me she's like you're making the scones that's the main thing this is it yeah i'm just the guy with the flower do you want to give the do you want to give the cafe a shout out so the listeners can come and buy a scone oh yeah go on then morley tea rooms in winslow morley tea rooms in winslow nice. Homemade cakes, but the scones are the best. Thank you. Morley's Tea Rooms. Brilliant. Cheers.

Thanks, Simon. That's amazing. It's been an absolute pleasure to talk to you. You too, Josh. You too, Rob. I can't wait to see the show on Saturday. Saturday night, ITV, we get to see Simon Gregson as... What's your drag name?

Bday Bardo. Bday Bardo. B-Day Bardo. Obviously. Cheers, Simon. That was amazing. Thanks, mate. Cheers, guys. Simon Gregson.

Do you know what, Josh? What a lovely bloke. I never, obviously I knew who he was, but I never met him until that drag show that we did. He's such a nice guy. He's so funny, so nice. He was brilliant on the show as well. And he's such a nice guy he's so funny so nice he's brilliant on the show as well and um yeah just a really good really good person and for someone who's been on telly for 33 years and so famous he's so level level-headed would you how would you feel if your

daughters were playing football six nights a week rob would you find it thrilling or stressful or both as long as they're enjoying it and they're focused and sort of engage with it then i don't mind because you've got to do something with your time it i mean i was gigging that much when i was becoming a comedian so if you've got a passion for it i'd much rather my kids have a passion for something and we're out every night of the week doing it than then just sit at home going i don't know what i want to do yeah yeah and also i love it depends though like i love football if it was rugby I think I'd be livid oh my god

the thought of six nights of rugby a week luckily my genes have made sure that that's not going to happen with my children my daughters are quite good at swimming

so I'm a bit worried about that swimming's a boring one because you've got to sit in a fucking boiling room for all oh god because I don't mind

the outside watching the football when it's like bad weather because you just I get quite excited about buying the right clothes for it. Yeah, yeah, that's nice. A nice bit of fresh air.

I'm always excited I see some park football if I'm running past or something. Oh, I love it. I slow down when I'm driving. I do an extra loop when I'm walking the dog if I see some park football. I love it. I always dream of driving past a Sunday league game and seeing a goal going. Oh, yeah. What a thrill that is.

Never happened. Never happened. league game and seeing a goal going oh yeah what a thrill that is never happened it's never happened um but uh yeah

i i've rugby would do my fucking nutting um right we'll see you on tuesday see you on tuesday bye