Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S05 EP4: Romesh Ranganathan (The Return)

Episode Date: July 29, 2022

S05 EP4: Romesh Ranganathan (The Return) Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Romesh Ranganathan. Romesh's new sitcom 'Avoidance' is available now on BBC iplayer (all episodes) and his very funny podcast with Tom Davis, Wolf & Owl, can be found everywhere you get your podcasts... Thanks, Rob + Josh.BIG NEWS.... we're writing a book! ⭐ All the stories we can’t tell on the podcast – in depth.⭐ What it’s like to raise a stiff neck and a loose neck – straight from the horse’s mouth (our parents)⭐ And.. the BIGGEST REQUEST WE’VE EVER HAD FOR THE PODCAST… Hearing from our wives, Rose & Lou. They’ve got a chapter each and YOU can submit your burning questions to them... [e-mail]'s it really like to be a parent? And how come no one ever warned Rob or Josh of the sheer mind-bending, world-altering, sleep-depriving, sick-covering, tear-inducing, snot-wiping, bore-inspiring, 4am-relationship-straining brutality of it all? And if they did, why can't they remember it (or remember anything else, for that matter)?And just when they thought it couldn't get any harder, why didn't anyone warn them about the slices of unmatched euphoric joy and pride that occasionally come piercing through, drenching you in unbridled happiness in much the same way a badly burped baby drenches you in milk-sick?Join Josh and Rob as they share the challenges and madness of their parenting journeys with lashings of empathy and extra helpings of laughs. Filled with all the things they never tell you at antenatal classes, Parenting Hell is a beguiling mixture of humour, rumination and conversation for prospective parents, new parents, old parents and never-to-be parents alike.Find out everything you need to know, including how you could win a pair of tickets to the Parenting Hell LIVE tour & an overnight stay in London here: https://www.bit.ly/ParentingHellBookWe're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK?Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there...ON SALE NOW 14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena19th April 2023 - Nottingham20th April 2023 - Cardiff 21st April 2023 - London (The O2)23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley)28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @parenting_hellINSTAGRAM: @parentinghellA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice, and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Introducing Tim's new Savory Pinwheels. The perfect flaky and flavourful snack for those on the go. Like me, who's recording this while snacking. Ooh, delicious. Try the roasted red pepper and Swiss or caramelised onion and parmesan pinwheels only at Tim's. At participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time.

Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Grayson, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whitacombe? Josh Whitacombe. Everett, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Whitacombe?

Josh Whitacombe. There we go. I love, I love, Josh. What that is. Can you say Josh with them? Josh with them. There we go. I love, I love, Josh, I don't know what it is, but I've got, I love hearing my name in an American accent. I feel, I just feel so excited. It sort of feels like you're on holiday in America or you're like, you've become a Hollywood star. Yeah.

Rob Beckett. That was Grayson, age eight, and Everett, age six. Everett. Who were both born and raised in England. But, oh, they've already picked up the accent, though, haven't they? We just recently moved to Arkansas. Yes. So I have a feeling they will soon adopt a British Southern US accent.

I reckon, Christine, that horse has already bolted. Well, Christine's definitely from Arkansas, isn't she? Yeah, she's from Arkansas. Thanks for continuing to entertain me across the pond while I can no longer watch all my favourite British panel shows. I'm constantly trying to increase your Arkansas listeners, even though they may not get all the human references. Love the

podcast. Looking forward to the new book. Christine. Well, Christine. Do you know what I tell you when I try to make friends with an American couple when me and Lou are in Paris? No. we were in paris just enjoy your holiday with your wife what is this it's not it's not a networking opportunity but look this is but basically whenever i if i'm not working a lot or so like lou was away with her mom and dad and i was indoors all day on my own i didn't speak to anyone for like 10 hours and i got in a cut like a taxi to go to work and i just didn't stop talking at the driver to the point where he was like trying to shut me

down when did you mind if i put my headphones in yeah he said i'm sorry i've got a podcast listen to um i've got to do a bit of work because i'm driving but uh yeah but we were there and like we're chatting to him i was like you know i sort of rate myself as good laugh on a night out josh do you know i mean i've had a couple laugh on a night out josh do you know i mean i've had a couple of drinks i'm in paris they've met a cool british guy they're from kansas they've met lou lou's a laugh we're a laugh we're all having a bit of a laugh we're trying to chat to him they're just like shutting us down and afterwards i was like what's their problem lou we're good fun we're good people what's what's with them? Have you ever had that?

No, because I don't talk to people on holiday, Rob. You don't talk to anyone. We met one American couple when we were... God, different life, wasn't it? We were in Tulum in Mexico. Tulum? Yeah. What were you doing there?

Mate, we were just having a lovely holiday, which involved, you know, doing nothing really, except, you know, eating and drinking and sitting on a beach. Yeah. Anyway, we met an American couple. They were from New York, and they were very cool indeed. And we had a lovely night, and we went and drank tequila with them. And I threw up in a bush.

You can't hold your drink at all, can you? I think I've got a stomach problem. Before we go on, Michael, could you check how many people in Arkansas listen? So in the last 12 months we've had 2,215 downloads in Arkansas. Not bad at all, actually, is it?

Pretty good, pretty strong. Is it enough for a tour there? No, unless they're all different people. Well, I think you could probably fill a hundred seater, so I'm going to say the costs. Not worth it at all. Yeah, yeah so guys we're coming to arkansas it's three thousand dollars a ticket just to cover costs i didn't realize this can actually then break arkansas down by individual city oh my god i don't even know where is in arkansas why are we a podcast anymore some sort of data harvester?

In the last 12 months, there's a lot of places in Arkansas that have only had one single download in the entire 12 months. Maybe it's a travelling salesperson. Yeah. So if you're from Pine Bluff, Arkansas, or if you listened in Pine Bluff, Arkansas. Pine Bluff. Pine Bluff sounds like a game that people from the countryside play because they're so bored they have a pine cone in one hand and nothing in the other let's have

a quick go of a pine bluff you've played pine bluff in your job yeah i'll wait all the time mate you know what he's playing pine bluff pine bluff here we go let's have a look at it 10 reasons not to move to pine bluff is the first thing pine Pine Bluff looks like there'd be a HBO documentary about it. I don't know if I want to go to Pine Bluff, the most dangerous little town in America, the Independent. Fucking hell. Bloody hell. Pine Bluff, Arkansas, this was in 2013,

is an unremarkable place in all but one aspect. Only Detroit has more crime per head of population. Bloody hell. Well, the person that listened to us once is now in prison, so they can't listen anymore. They were driving through really fast as it downloaded. Anyway, big up Pine Bluff. Imagine that, driving through the most dangerous town in America,

listening to us interview Harriet Kemsley. This is good. people or things you didn't know were real or fake we asked this ages ago hello i listened to your podcast religiously from a little place called pine bluff i don't have kids i made that up i don't have kids so i can't relate to most of the stories not sure if that sounds like i don't have six guns i haven't got kids it's too dangerous to have them here. But I have a reverse for people that you didn't think were real. I thought Claire Voyant was a person.

What? No, Claire Voyant. They thought that was a person called Claire. I genuinely thought she was a famous ghost whisperer or something until literally last month when someone mentioned that name and I responded with, have you ever watched her stuff on TV oh no like sally phillips sally phillips sally phillips is a like a not sally phillips what's this shit no sally phillips is the actress isn't she yeah who's the woman that um

does that crossing over psychic sally psychicic Sally yeah Sally Phillips Sally Phillips Psychic Sally yeah she's yeah she does that doesn't she pretends to well she does

talk to other she talks to dead people what Psychic Sally or Sally Phillips that's what Psychic Sally does she crosses over and talks to people

that have passed yeah apparently apparently what are we doing right should we bring Romesh on? Yeah, I think it's for the best.

We'll do a proper correspondence episode soon to catch up. We've been sloppy. Here's Romesh Ranganathan. Welcome, Romesh Ranganathan, to the Parenting Health Podcast. Oh, thanks for having my mic in front of me. Sorry.

I'm so excited because of something that's happened. Okay, well, first of all, Romesh, lovely to meet you what you're a comedian right you're a comedian yeah have you got kids right how many kids you got no let's let's move on to the main story i thought cameras would be off you're gonna take a photo of this so for listeners yeah describe this for us, Josh. Well, Rob thought there'd be no cameras on. We leave it to the guest's discretion, and Rob most chose to have the cameras on.

And Rob's wearing a vest. And, like, is it, like, aerated? Is that right? Rob looks like he's just been looking for catfish in the deep south. He looks like he's been fishing in Tennessee. Right, so what's happened is, right, Lou's away with the kids and I'm at home. And everything's gone wrong over the last 12 hours in your life.

No, basically, oh God, it's horrible, isn't it? I'm going to pin one of you so I don't have to look at it. Basically, I've been doing exercise and I didn't think the cameras would be on so I thought I could just wear the vest. However, I am starting to wear vests more. I wore this vest on a dog walk and I didn't realise I was wearing it until halfway through the dog walk.

Because you're so comfy in a vest. I was wearing the vest at home, I did some exercise, and I thought, oh, the dog needs a walk, so I went out in it. And I was like, I'm a man in the street with a vest on. Yeah. I had this where I bought, during the first lockdown, lockdown one, I bought a pair of yoga pants. Yeah.

And I really liked them, really enjoyed them, found them comfortable. And then I thought I wanted to wear these out. But I knew that Lisa would object. So I started wearing them around the house to get her used to the silhouette. What is a yoga pant? Is that big at the top and then comes in at the bottom

they're sort of like i would describe the closest thing is mc hammer trousers yeah yeah right so so proper drop crotch do you mean the drop crotch is around the shin somewhere so i'd worn them around the house and lisa stopped sort of commenting on them and i thought okay we're ready now and then one day one day we're about to go on the school run and i came down the stairs in the yoga pants and she just stopped what she was... She's in the middle of getting the kids ready. Right, three boys, getting them ready, right? She stopped.

So you've got three children, is that correct? Yeah, three children. Just sort of pretend it's a podcast about kids. Let's tie it to the podcast a little bit. And she just looked at me and she just went, what the fuck are you doing? In front of the kids. Yeah.

Because I think the need to not swear in front of the children is overridden by the need to stop your husband. Yeah, that's more of a pressing... If they're crossing a road of, hey, it's fucking stop, you're allowed to swear at your kids then. And then suddenly, oh, dad's doing hammer time across the zebra crossing there. This may be a bit gratuitous, but what was the penis on show?

You know, sometimes when you have a plasterer that comes around in a pair of lightweight, light grey jogging bottoms, and it's basically they walk in the room helmet first, and then the rest of their body follows. What does that happen with a yoga pant? Because they're very thin. I would describe my look as actually eunuch,

where they're so baggy. It looks like I'm just smooth down there. Were you doing yoga or did you just like the style? No, it's just that, you know, like when we weren't going out and so you started just experimenting with things that are more comfortable because jeans became difficult to put back on, didn't they? I'm still struggling with jeans. Yeah, so I sort of got into joggers,

and then I was like, I got into joggers, edgy. Josh never had a pair. Josh never had a pair until we started doing this podcast. Yeah, I didn't have a pair. I just couldn't deal with it. It feels like admitting defeat. He used to sit downstairs at night in jeans, Romesh. I mean, that is...

Sad, isn't it? Crazy. No wonder your stress levels are through the roof. I wonder why he's got gut rot. No, it's because I'm going straight out after this. I had to dress to go out after this. We're all busy, Josh. Well, no, Romesh, look at him.

He's sat in a fucking vest on his own in his house. I'm tarmacking. I'm tarmacking at 12. But anyway, I was wearing joggers, and I found them really comfortable and I thought, hold on, I've moved from jeans to these and that's been a real revelation. What if there's a level beyond this?

Do you know what I mean? So I was looking up, I don't know why I went for yoga pants. Yeah, so anyway, long story short, they're very comfortable and I love wearing them. And every now and again, I go out in them. I nearly went to the school run in this vest and then Lou stopped me like that as well.

But I knew that was bad. I wouldn't go out for the day in it. I'd wear it like to and from the pool on holiday. Yeah, I think that's acceptable. Is that okay? That's fine. But the school run, I know is not okay. And also, I haven't really got the arms for it, which is quite...

I think you have, actually. No, I haven't got arms that look like muscly arms. Everyone look at my arms. They just don't look bad. No, I haven't got arms that look like muscly arms. Everyone look at my arms. They just don't look bad. No, but what's good about your arms is it doesn't look like you're wearing a vest to show off your arms. What are you saying?

You're saying that I'm not showing off my arms, Josh. Well, what I'm saying is no one's going, oh, Rob's got ripped and now he's wearing a vest to show off. They're not saying that. They're not saying that. Okay, right. Just wanted to double check. In case they were.

If you logged on here and said to me, oh, guys, I've got a Halloween party after this. I'm going as early Eminem. I would believe you. But yeah, so that's the vest. So yeah, and I know I can't wear this on a school run, but I just forget I've got it on sometimes. It's just so comfy.

It feels so free. I like the wind in my armpits I've realised do you worry about lifting your arms up when people see your armpits no why would I do that it's not got a swastika

tattoo or something what do you mean it's just a bit weird isn't it like yeah but I wouldn't go hi how's it going and lift them up yeah how often are you

lifting your arms on a daily basis me Josh does a school run as a hostage I just wish huzzah It's time for school.

Sorry, I forgot that you went around your day never lifting your arms above 90 degrees. Doing the big shop and refusing to get anything off. Have you seen Josh? He absolutely lifted his arms all over the place. What a maverick. Car wash is like that big inflatable thing.

Just off the armpit thing, I was in a meeting yesterday and the person I was having a meeting with... We're all busy, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're both busier than me. But I'm the chilled vest guy now. Yeah, yeah. That's what's happened.

He's had a couple of days off and now he's wearing a vest. In a vest surrounded by a nest of crispy socks. Well, that's the danger of working from home. You can just become an animal. It's like Lisa will come home when she's been away for a day, but you're away with the kids. She'll come back and she'll go, what have you eaten today? And I'll say 12 sausage rolls.

With what? Nothing. You don't need an accompaniment when you've got that many. Surely some sauce, not just sausage. Yeah, I go in Kona West Indian hot pepper sauce is my sort of go-to. Or with a bit of mayo. Yeah, I do like a bit of mayo. To calm it down.

But I think sometimes you use the mayo to calm it down, but then you get sort of overconfident, and then you're just adding more hot sauce, but then you're adding more mayo to counteract it, so you think're having more hot sauce but you're not really why don't you just buy some spicy mayo it's a really good oh yeah it's not the same in is it that's not the real deal that's for honkies like you josh not like me yeah this is quite challenging for the palate you know what you always you know what like it's vanilla ice cream. Mate, I like a hot.

It's a surprising quirk in my personality. I go extra hot in Nando's. Do you go extra hot? I go extra hot. And then I get the XX black sauce and pour that on. No. Yeah. Isn't that so?

You don't say you don't. Are you part Sri Lankan? I don't know any white people that do that. Yeah, I know. It's a weird quirk of my personality. And for years, I didn't even realise I liked hot because I presumed I could... I just presumed I couldn't. I was like, I can't like hot.

I'll just get a korma. That's what I would get. Because you assumed you'd like a korma because you're Josh. But you like hot. So what else do you have hot? Do you have like... If I went to a curry house, I'd have the hottest thing on the menu.

No. On the menu, but you wouldn't ask for a file, would you? I've had a file before to see whether I could deal with it, and I was fine. What? Do you know what? That's crazy. You're the last person I thought could deal with that.

I know, it's weird, isn't it? That is amazing. That is genuinely amazing. And if I had a pizza, so say I went to Franco Manco, I'd have chillies on it and then I'd also order the hot sauce. Oh my God.

You don't give a shit, do you? It's unbelievable, Josh. I'm really impressed. Thanks, mate. Stiff neck, loose lips. He loves it. It's pretty impressive, isn't it? It is.

Well done, Josh. I take that back then that you're a vanilla guy. Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah. Fair enough. so you've got kids still yeah rob yeah yeah sorry no yeah three boys three boys how's it all going do they like do they like hot yeah they like well no they don't actually the youngest one does that weirdly our youngest son is the the most adventurous sort of spice wise is it um i think he's got the most sort of asian in him they have different mixes don't they so like that well yeah yeah well yeah

so watch it because it's not 50 50 down the line of you and lisa so what's your what's your well they've got they've got the asian mix you've got yeah i just think i would say the eldest is kind of, I would say 60-40 Ponky. I would say Alex is, our middle one is like 60-40 Asian. And then I would say Charlie's probably 65-35. So you're winning the battle overall? Yeah, I mean, if we had a fourth one, it might be one I'm actually proud of. Do you know what I mean?

You want to tip 80% really on the fourth don't you just for your mum not for you just for your mum you need more and more of an asian grandchild yeah yeah how much do you how much sri lankan culture are you putting into their lives he's got to find out what it is first yeah Yeah. First of all, I've got to do some reading. Dummy's Guide to the Middle of Sri Lanka. He's got the Lonely Planet book. Okay, Jaffna. You know, when a teacher's like one page ahead of the class, that's what I'm like with regards to cultural instruction. Although we did have a bit of an awkward situation recently.

I basically had an argument with my mum because she came... Lisa's an atheist, right? I was brought up Hindu, and my mum and dad used to take me to temple and stuff like that. And then the other day, my mum was round, and then I said, so Alex, he was doing RE at school, and he found out about Hinduism, and he knew that I was brought up Hindu,

and so he came out of school, and the first thing he said to me was, oh, hello, you Hindu. It sort of made it sound like a racial slur. I mean, I thought it was quite fun. And how much Asian is he? Was that okay for him to say that? If he's 65?

Do you know what? If that was Theo, I'd say, listen, man, we need to chat about racial equality and cultural appreciation. But Alex is just... Alex is 10. Alex could get away with doing the accent. It'd be absolutely fine. It was Theo.

He'd do the accent. Right. At least you get away with doing the accent. It'd be absolutely fine. Or his feet, though. You do the accent. Right? At least you're allowed to do the accent. No, but I'm constantly encouraging. I sort of say to her, you do have a bit of a card. Yeah. I just say, look, take advantage of this. There's no other advantages.

So then mum was round for one of her Sunday afternoon coffees that you get anxious about it coming to an end. And she said, I told her the story about Alex. I said, oh, Alex came out of school the other day and said, oh, hello, you Hindu. And then mum went, what do you mean, hello, you Hindu? You're Hindu. And Alex went, no, I'm not.

I sort of, I don't know what I am really she goes what do you mean what are you talking about and I said um well we said to the boys just you know make up their own mind or whatever we're not you know they can learn about whatever religion they want she goes oh my god oh my god tell me you're joking tell me please tell me you're joking I said no no and then she goes she goes well your your your mother's religious. And then Lisa goes, no, I'm not. She goes, what? And Lisa goes, no, I'm an atheist. She goes, you're an atheist.

And she goes, yes. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. It's just really freaking out, right? And then she goes, and then my mum. I've heard a lot of arguments. So did she think Lisa was a Hindu? No, no, no, no.

I hadn't done the thing of saying to her, no, she's converted. Don't worry about it, mum. She's in the firm. She's all good. And then my mum said, so Lisa, you don't believe in God? And then Lisa went, no, I don't. But the boys, you know, if the boys decide to be religious,

it's absolutely fine. But they're learning about all religions and it's up to them. And she goes, so tell me this. If you don't believe in God, before the baby is born where is it where does it come from i'm just like mum as convincing arguments go for the existence of god so was this was this in front of the kids as well yeah oh god so you got and your youngest is what? So he's a bit young for sort of mummy and daddy making baby chat. He left. He left.

But yeah, and then basically, my mum walked out. Are you going to have to talk to your mum about the birds and the bees? Doesn't she know yet? Is this like a reversal? Well, I think what she was trying to get at is that birth is a miracle and pregnancy is a miracle. And so she was saying that the fact that a woman can become pregnant

and give birth to a kid is an act of God, basically. Which, you know, depending on your perspective, it is. I suppose, yeah, that's the kind of thing you don't think about that is still quite a big deal to your parents. It's a difficult one because my mum and dad were so obsessed with me being westernised and they're worried about me and my brother fitting in in this country you know whatever getting jobs westernized yeah they they were really nervous about anything that marked us out as different from most of the kids

because they moved here and you were born here for people that don't know basically yeah so my so my mum and dad came over here and then um had here and I think they were always planning on staying here. And so they just became really nervous that, you know, like my mum came over here when she was 20 from Sri Lanka. She's got, you know, she's completely immersed in a new culture. She's scared that her kids are going to look out of the order or they're not going to fit in or whatever. So, like, you know, they didn't speak Tamil to us,

which is our mother tongue, because they're worried that it would give us an accent or you know they wanted us to speak english so i spoke english in the house and all that which is all fine you know i mean whatever you can say what you want about those decisions but the problem is now my mom's just really angry that i don't know tamil and i don't know enough about shlankan culture well you had a part to play in this do you know what i mean it's not like it's not like you were encouraging me the whole time and I just sort of protested about it. You didn't tell me any of it.

You basically wanted people to think I was a white guy. And now... There you are. And now I've blossomed into full coconut. You regretting your decision. Have you taken your kids to Sri Lanka? No, but when I went and did asian provocateur like that was a few years ago now yeah um i did think i did want to take but the thing is is i wanted

to take him at an age because you can go to sri lanka and then have a nice holiday but you're staying in an all-inclusive and the only sri lankans i meet in a serving staff i didn't really i didn't really have done that mate one of the best 10 days of my life yeah but you're smashing away all the hot curries aren't you you absolute legend bring in more

chillies mate bring me the bring me the stuff you give to the Sri Lankans don't give me any of this white person stuff

what are you having for lunch give me that is that the back of the kitchen yeah josh needs to be having the staff meals every day um but um but i wanted to i want to take them when i'll take them to the like my pet my family from like small villages do you know what i mean So I want to take them when they're all right to go to little villages and be all right and stuff like that.

Well, you can't really go at the moment either. It's a bit of a nightmare over there, so... Yes, it is a bit of a nightmare, so let's see. This has got quite heavy for the Parenting Hell podcast, hasn't it? We should get you out of heavy by... I always feel like when we do the promo towards the end, less people are probably listening by that. Yeah.

It feels like avoidance in the episode not doing it it does but if we do it now my man really good yes Rob thank you

yeah nice nice really good stuff I texted Ramesh last night because I'd watched the first two episodes of avoidance

I only planned on watching one but I genuinely I absolutely loved it and I found it very touching which I hate to say because I don't believe you have those depths

we didn't know you have those depths. We didn't know you could do curry, Josh. People are learning. I can wear a vest. But yeah, is it available on iPlayer now, Rom? All episodes are available on iPlayer, yeah. And it's about the relationship between a dad and his son. Yeah, it's based on a character

flaw that I've got. Which one? Thank you. Very nice. nice it's about my episodes but you know what when the bbc heard about it they thought character flaws ramesh this is going to run and run um no basically i i just um i i just am a people a bit of a people pleaser avoid a scared of confrontation a bit of a beta male and it's quite annoying. Like you think you're being nice, but actually you're being quite aggravating.

Do you know what I mean? And so we just thought it's a funny thing to give a person. And then we thought, what would make that person feel like they have to change? Because one of the things about people pleasers is they think like, I'm doing the right thing here. Why are people getting annoyed? Like, you know, I don't need to, I'm being nice.

Why are people getting angry with me for being a nice guy so for what could force him to change and then we thought if he split up with his other half right at the we just we decided that really early on that at the very beginning of the first episode he would split up with his other half and be forced to change for the sake of his son because one of the things that i think about and i don't know if you guys you guys uh i don't know if you have this issue but i get very nervous that my kids are going to turn out like me or that they're going to pick up certain things that i've got do you know what i mean and so i'm worried that they won't turn out like me that's my greatest worry i know you're saying that as a joke but i do believe you you presented truth as a joke there. Sorry.

You do that quite a lot, Rob. You say something quite cocky, and you do have a little smile on your face so that people think you're joking, but I know you well enough to know it means nothing. I think what happens is at the start of it is a joke, but as I say it, I go, yeah, it wouldn't be too bad, would it? So, yeah, anyway, so it's sort of like um it is a bit sad in parts do you mean because it's like this guy trying to get to good so we wanted

it to be relatable but one of the one of the things that people said was that they relate to my character in ways that they don't want to be shown that they relate do you know what i mean you're sort of seeing seeing the negative traits in yourself are being shown on screen, and it's a bit horrible. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, rather like, he's just like me. Oh, no, he's just like me. Yeah, exactly.

But I think that's why it's so brilliant and so good is because it's truthful. You are a people pleaser. That is real, and the character in it, so it feels like it's really coming through. Because all the time, you always tell, I say, I want you doing this week, and you're doing something. I'm like, why the fuck are you doing that?

Why didn't you tell him to do one? You're also very bad at saying no to, like, cancelling something. Yeah. Do you remember when we were going to go to Cologne, Romesh? I think he does. No? What are you talking about so after the first series of Taskmaster

Tim Key for one of the prizes had booked booked everyone tickets to Cologne yeah and then slowly

as it went on everyone dropped out and except Romesh hadn't dropped out but he was quietly not responding to the emails so who was who was in that series so it's Tim Key yourself and Romesh hadn't dropped out but he was quietly not responding to the emails

so who was in that series? so it was Tim Key, yourself and Romesh Frank Skinner, Mo Sheen Alex and Greg as well I would say my night in Cologne with Tim Key and Frank Skinner was a strange evening you went!

for one night! for one night! For one night. I think I dropped out when they're on their way to the airport. Yeah, you did. That might have been when I actually... You dropped out when we were on the way to the airport, and then you didn't say why, and I asked Flo what you're up to,

and she said, he's had chatty manning for months. So you actually had a decent excuse yeah i don't i don't i don't know i don't know part of me thinking oh it's really bad they've got should i i don't know i don't know what i thought i can't explain him it's avoidance isn't it that's why it's called that you just avoid the situation yeah it's bad all of those all of those interactions with... He's great, that kid. He's great. He's amazing. But we are based on things that happened with me and Theo.

Oh, really? So when Theo... Theo was in the... He was a little bit in this show I did in the States and he was just quite funny in his interactions with me. He was sort of a bit he can be a bit adult to me he's very grown up for his age yeah he is yeah he picks me up on stuff or he'll sort of call me out for being embarrassing or like you know he'll he'll sort

of say um dad uh just so you know mum's completely in the right there so i think you need to drop that argument so and so we just kind of like um plundered all of those things for the interactions with spencer in it and and then we also we've in the writer's room we just started there's loads of everybody's got loads of i mean you've based a podcast on it and a and a tour but like but basically and a book sorry and a book yeah i forgot about that um but um everybody's got like little stories of like where they've got things wrong or anxieties they've got over because my kids my kids are really into theater right and theo in particular is really theater and like it's that it's that um that knife edge between wanting your kids to be whatever they want to be into but also being terrified of them being

bullied for doing something different yeah and that's why like one of the episodes we have like his son wants to audition for cats and he wants to be supportive and encourage him to do that but he's also utterly terrified that he's going to get beaten up basically do you know what i mean and that is like that was sort of that was sort of based on something i had with theo where like he was like doing musical theater and stuff like that and he's going dad do you think i should do that go yeah mate you definitely should but don't tell anyone like there is a thing isn't there that you want your kid yeah to be like you always want them to be a kind of little eccentric that's like really plowing their own furrow but also the fear that they won't fit in is well because because i think yeah it's

crippling because like you look back on your childhood and and I was a bit of a social chameleon, do you know what I mean? And you'd say whatever... You wouldn't express an opinion unless you were absolutely certain that the majority also had that opinion, do you know what I mean? The respect I have for, like, 14-year-old goths, you're like, I've never fucking done that. There was no way I was sticking my head above the parapet to say I liked anything that wasn't agreed by 80% of my school year.

If my mum bought me a Yand Sport backpack, I think I would have been physically sick. Like, it needs to be a sports brand, mum, or just a JD Sports string bag. I know, it's so mad. I mean, like, and so when I look back on my school days, I think I wish I'd been a bit more individual. I wish I'd sort of been a bit more honest.

And so you want that for your kids. But then what you remember when they start going to school is the reason you did that is fear for your life. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, of course. Do you know what I mean? So it's like, it's a survival thing. It's survival versus them being who they want to be.

And sometimes it's just too dangerous, guys. Well, that's the problem. Other people, though, are dickheads in the majority. Yes. Do you know what I mean? But when you get older, then you can choose who you're surrounded by with what you work in or what you do. You find your little clique or industry that everyone gets on with you.

But at school, you're just forced to be near these people that you may not necessarily like or have anything in common, and you expect it just to get on and it's impossible yeah and i think like um you just kind of move towards the average or do you know i mean you just don't want to you don't want to out yourself as being anything different i mean it's um these uh katherine ryan's got a great line on it from her mum where katherine ryan was obviously she's a complete extrovert and totally a different that she used to say to my mum i just want to be normal like the other girls.

And she used to go, honey, they're not normal. They're ordinary. You don't want to be ordinary. That is amazing. It's a great line. I was so fucking ordinary. Until it came to lunchtime, he's eating peppers. Just a bag full of bird's eye peppers.

Stinking out the cafeteria. Rob, you strike me as somebody that wouldn't have cared, though. Did you properly want to fit in? I was massively, massively cared. But I was very good at being able to move in the different groups but not stick my head above the parapet. But I absolutely love football. And if you love football, that helps.

If you can play football and you like football, if you can talk about football and play football you can survive every situation yeah essentially and that's what i sort of did but i was like i just didn't do anything out of the ordinary in case you got beaten up or someone said you're different and it was you know problematic i sort of pretended to like garage music because everyone liked it you just had to you had to like dj like an mc neat or you were just like fucking weirdo you nutter and stuff so i sort of i felt like i was trying to be like everyone and then whenever i was going out and stuff i felt really odd and out of the not not part of it all and then as i got older and i started you know actually i went to when i went to university and i was terrible at studying, but it was when anyone could go.

It was about 20 quid. And it was great because I could just basically meet new people rather than the same little echo chamber of football and designer clothes of South East London. Is there any comedians that were a big deal at secondary school? There's not, is there? I can't imagine it. I just can't.

How could that be you have to observe even someone like mickey flanagan who looks like this i imagine he was the one in the corner of the pub cracking little jokes in his mate's ear rather than being the sort of cockney geezer in the middle of it all you know yeah i genuinely i genuinely i've said this with like and i genuinely mean it i don't think if i didn't have a lazy eye i would have been a comedian because like i got the piss taken out of me so much for like how i looked or like you know because i look stoned all the time or whatever i mean like what happens is you end up kind of sort of coming up with this defense mechanism do you mean you start like giving

it back and then like it's like a training ground you mean and also it sort of why is he differently he just makes you an outsider a little bit i mean you know what I mean? I mean, I don't want to over-exaggerate. I wasn't like sat in the corner crying on my own, but like it does push. You're just looking at it. Yeah.

Sorry. Echoes of year nine, that was. I wouldn't have been that quick in year nine, though, would it? That was speedy. But yeah, so, but yeah, so I, like, it just rewires you.

Do you know what I mean? I think, like, all comedians have had some, not that, but, like, you have something that knocks you off kilter a little bit. Well, I was fat and I had these massive teeth from the age of about five. So it was always bad. And huge nipples as well. Yeah, and big puffy nipples. Yep, hundreds of that as well.

And you just, I feel like you do. You feel like you do you feel like you're on the back foot so you've always got a funny line lined up to deal with it and deflect from it how much do you worry about your kids then at school rob do you like about them like i panic about my when my daughter said she didn't like she'd gone to ballet and no one had talked to her i just couldn't deal and she said it in such an like a normal way do you know what i mean and i wanted to go mate this is a far bigger deal than you realize that's a really great way that's a really great way that's the way i'll deal with that

no but i didn't say that but you do i like it affects she'll say like oh someone didn't talk to me in a really matter-of-fact way because she's four. And in my head, I'm like, fucking hell, I can't deal with that. Yeah, but I think you can't help your kid. You just have to set it all up for them and then hope that they're all right in that situation and trust that they'll learn and work around it. But also, sometimes I walk into a room and I really don't want anyone in that room to talk to me.

Yeah. You know what I mean so it's I think I think it's it's difficult because you have no control really but what your kids are older now Rom like and how has it been for you especially like you know we do tell you as well and you're you're you're so on the telly and also your kids are so much older is it come up a lot or that their friends talk to you about it is it is it one of the things that happened recently was so basically the boys it's like you know theo's 12 now and like he's um he's like he's 12 going on 17 or whatever like he's a proper like he behaves like and he doesn't care about me you know he's grown up with me being a comedian and so he doesn't care about me. You know, he's grown up with me being a comedian. And so he doesn't care about it. He just doesn't care. It's like not unusual to him.

It's whatever. And the problem he's got is at secondary school now and his mates think it's a huge deal and he doesn't, right? So what happened was a couple of weeks ago, we were like in town with Theo and like a group of his mates from school just turned up like just by coincidence and just lost their mind that I was with. They just started freaking out.

Like this guy, Oh my, you're Romesh, Romesh Ranganathan, Romesh Ranganathan. And just start like losing it. And Theo, I felt so,

he looked like he wanted to evaporate. It was just like, it was so horrible. And like, you have to do selfies with them. Yeah. I actually milked it a bit. Cause I just wanted him to respect me. Do you know what I mean? I was like, yeah, so horrible. Did you have to do selfies with them? Yeah, I actually milked it a bit because I just wanted him to respect me. I pushed him out of the way. Yeah, let's do a little bit of a meet and greet.

I mean, let's hang out for a bit. We're actually going to the park. Do you want to come? Romesh just tweeted his location 20 minutes earlier. Yeah. Guy's going to be in the town centre in 20. But the thing is, it think that he sort of wants it to not be a big deal at all. He just wants to...

Whereas our second son, he'll go, I've heard him say, have you heard of Romesh Ranganathan? Yeah, that's my dad. Just so you know. He's completely the opposite way. Just so you know, you know the comedian Romesh Ranganathan? Yeah, that's actually my dad. Just so you know. He's completely the opposite way. Just so you know, you know the comedian, Romesh Ranganathan? Yeah, that's actually my dad.

Yeah, that's my dad. It's not a big deal. Yeah. To be fair, in a classroom in Crawley, and your name's Alex Ranganathan, I think they're there already. Yeah. I mean, what I would say, Rob,

is the level of class he's in, they wouldn't figure it out that quickly. Okay. No, I'm joking. What's it like at the school gates then? Do you do much of the school drop-offs and pick-ups? Because I think you spoke about it before. You're not a chatty person in the mornings, never mind with strangers.

No, I've tried to be. It's not all about... Because people think I'm not chatty because I hate people. That's only partly true. I don't hate people. That's only partly true. I don't hate people. People are great. I just find small talk really, really difficult.

And I find it awkward and embarrassing. And also what often happens is I'll say something to somebody at the school gates and then that's my day ruined where I pour over that for the rest of the day, what I've said to this person or whatever. And I've tried to be more sociable. One of the things that happened recently that really was a horrible shock to me was um so these tickets went up on sale for the for the wharf like the local theatre's a wharf right so every now and again I put a show on there so the tickets went on sale and the wharf posted it on their Facebook group and it always gets loads of comments our Romesh is like doing crawly blah blah this woman put up um i will never buy tickets to see this man he's so bloody miserable on the

school run and then and then a couple of other people replied going yeah what is up with him he just doesn't yeah no yeah honestly did you recognize her name no i don't talk to these people no i don't know who they were but i um but then i said to lisa am i miserable on the school run and she goes yeah but you know no more miserable than when you leave the house and when you return afterwards like it's like just at that time at that time of the morning i'm just not in the zone do you know what i mean but um and then but then it did make me think i need to sort of put on a bit even put even nodding and saying hello to people is yeah i need to make that concession at least yeah the best way

with small talk is i go in hard with a strong opinion early doors to make them back down because when it's like oh yeah how's it going yes yeah a little bit a bit like um bit oh it's a bit late today and then they're not coming out Yeah, oh, sports day next week. Yeah, oh, yeah. And all that stuff. And I was like, yeah, hopefully my daughter's not shit. Just really wanted to win the race. And it just really puts it up them. And then they've got to come back.

And then it's like, oh, and then it puts them on the back foot is what I've done. That kind of thing like that. I had a horrible thing like that happen when I was a teacher where like we were doing like year nine reports and those year nine reports, you pull comments together. So they'll have a bank of like a thousand comments and you just piece them together, right?

And my year nines were like, year nines are a difficult year group to teach, right? Year nine is when you know what your kid's going to be like. Are they going to be like on the straight and narrow or are going to start kicking off right so my year nine class were terrible like like terribly behaved they were nice kids but they were really difficult and then i was sat i was down the pub after he'd finished the reports and they were going oh you know one of the team i just forgot the company i was in i mean like i just totally forgot i was with teachers and then somebody said uh this is really i'm about to use a really bad word by the way just so um they go i'll tell you some

of the words i'd like to um i'd like to have in the comments for my year nines and then i just went um yeah i'll tell you what i just need one word and then and then and this the whole table went silent oh god right and it just was like really awkward like where i'd obviously just fucking dropped like i just done it i've got i've gone way too heavy on the level of banter actually because they're going to say something like you know tricky little rascal inattentive little scallywag and i've just i've just dropped the c-bomb yeah and then basically i had to finish my drink and leave because my my continued presence here is ruining the evening i had enough self-awareness to realize that so but then it stops it stops small talk or lie when like

sometimes with your school gates and i know some people get really worked up about whatever the teacher said about their kid and then so i was just like just making stuff up and i'll be like oh yeah he's got a report back and it said that like you know she's doing really well and just like something like oh her art is unbelievable apparently it's been picked to go in a gallery which just made that up that's not and they're like really well yeah yeah it was the van gogh thing they did yeah for the starry sky her version of that apparently is amazing and then i just made it up. But it's just something to talk about. And then they get well stressed. And one thing we do need to cover, Rom,

is I heard you were quite angry with Tom Davis because he revealed his story about his child on here rather than on your podcast, Wolf for Now. Well, listen, you know, the truth is, you know, this podcast that we're on now is an absolute monster. And the Wolf and Owl is like, you know, we're a minnow. It's not a minnow. It's a very successful and popular podcast.

Don't play that card, you little sucker. I'm sorry you're not getting enough bloody listeners to your podcast that's always in the top ten, Romesh. Yeah, we're having to exploit our children for this shit. You just fucking babble on about anything that's happened that day. Puppy piss and ruin drugs? Grow up, what are you, a student?

Fucking puppy piss and ruin drugs. That's a panic episode. Oh, God. We're recording. My rug's dirty. Fuck off, Romesh. No, but listen. Rob, you say panic. There is no panic because there's zero preparation that goes into it so we literally click record and start talking and i listen to tom and tom's brilliant on the podcast but he'll talk about ass pebbles he'll talk about you know

uh his order at mcdonald's and stuff like that and like you know it's all fine but it's all very trivial which is fine right and then i i see i see i see i get loads of emails into the wolf and i'll going really uh found out about the podcast from tom's appearance on but by the way that's a kick in the teeth didn't know that the wolf and i'll even existed until they heard tom on your podcast right and then they go um i've listened to or they'll go, have listened to Tom on the wall for now, but never heard him talk so powerfully as when describing his journey to parenthood on the Parenting Help podcast.

I just thought, you finally got an inspiring story that you could have shared and you give it to that fucking monster. But they don't need it. They're doing arenas. They're doing arenas. Why are you giving

it to them? Go on and babble on about how annoying nappy changing is. Don't tell them your magic story. Don't give them something inspirational that people have put on on their commute and start crying. Do you know what I mean? What the hell are you doing? It was an amazing podcast. And then log on to me and then talk about what the

curry you had last night. To be fair, we've covered that on there. That is true. And now you've come on and you'll never be able to beat that episode. Yeah, I know. Because he's come on. What a wonderful story. Because I've kept my powder dry.

Okay, well, let's get it a bit wet. Get a bit of water on your powder. Come on. Tell us your story. I've not felt anything for 12 years, mate. I've got nothing to give you. What drives you? Why do you work so much?

Come on, let it out. What's the reason, Rom? Why are you doing more? Less is more. Take a breath. What's the reason? It can't be status. It can't be money anymore.

What's driving you, Rom? What's in there? No, but in all seriousness, I know you're joking a point there is a point i do need to address it that i haven't really talked about publicly but um so like so like obviously i i have been working quite a bit and then i've sort of been scaling it back i've started to come to the realization that maybe me scaling it back isn't good for the household i don't think i've come to the slow realization that i'm not a help if anything i'm a hindrance well how's that how has that manifested because i imagine lisa when you are working like lisa's got a system she's running the house running the kids and then you come in and you're basically disrupting the production

line uh i'm it's things like disrupting the production line doing things slightly wrong you know messing up like doing bedtimes the way i want to do them which is essentially keeping the kids up as long as possible because i want to hang out with them do you mean and then and then lisa goes and then you what will you do you'll pop off to league of their own tomorrow and i'll have three tired pricks for the whole day is that is that good for you you've got six tired pricks on the show um yeah and then and also expressing my opinions i i've i've i've um i've stopped expressing my opinions about how lisa's handling stuff yeah like for example i came back i came back i don't know if i talked to i came back from a travel show and um lisa dealt with one of the kids and i thought she'd been a bit harsh

and i said i didn't obviously united front i'm not a lunatic do you mean so i didn't say anything at the time and then if she went off i went do you think like maybe you overstepped it? And she went, do you think like maybe you haven't seen him do it every day for the last two weeks and that's the first time you're seeing it ever? And that's why you're reacting how you're reacting. And I went, okay, cool. I'm going to file that.

Do you know what? You're absolutely right. I should have spoken out loud. Anyway, thanks very much for having me, guys. It's been really great. And for the Dunson iPlayer, and there's also the Wolf and Owl podcast that you listen to if you if you want content that's not as good as when they're both on our show thanks so much that's great thank you because he was such a great guest

rom yeah yeah send our love to tom yeah because i opened up genuinely and it meant a lot to genuinely banter aside what he did was so important and we've had so many messages about his appearance on this show meaning so much to so many people. But also, thanks for coming on as well, Rom. It's been fun, hasn't it? Okay, well it's very difficult for you to comment how I'd like to because you've sort of set it up to make me look

like a prick there. That's great. I'm glad Tom, it's such a magical story on your podcast. And if you guys want to have another child, I look forward to hearing about it on the next episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the future,

any sort of heartwarming stories you'd like to monetise it on your platform? Yeah, basically. Do you know what I mean? He's already booked in. He's doing a gender reveal on our podcast.

So I'm quite looking forward to it. Oh, gender reveals would be good as mini episodes if there's any celebs out there. Romesh, thank you very much, mate. Thank you so much, guys. Cheers, mate. See you later.

Bye. Romesh Ranganathan there. That was good, wasn't it, Josh? Oh, OK, no reply, because Josh has immediately left. We're recording this on a Thursday. It goes out tomorrow, on Friday. But Josh, dressed in his jeans, his stripy blue and white Peter Express t-shirt and his

blue jacket that he's owned probably now for 23 years. He's scurrying off for another engagement leaving poor old Bobby B sat here with his vest on and his tits out doing the outro. Well I thought that was great. I hope you did too. See you Tuesday.