Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S05 EP44: Seann Walsh

Episode Date: December 23, 2022

 Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Seann Walsh. Tickets and tour dates for Seann's hilarious new stand-up show are available from www.seannwalsh.com And you can listen to his fantastic podcast 'What's Upset You Now?' wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, Rob + Josh. We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whittaker. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Hey, Bart, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whittacombe? Josh Whittacombe. Yay, good job. Is that you, Rob? Sounded like you.

No, it wasn't me. Was it the child or the dad? The dad. The dad. No, it wasn't me. I'm not sending in my own children to do this. I would say, Rob, if you were to come up with a false name and send it in, you couldn't do much better than what this person's called. What are they called? Robert Bromley.

Robert Bromley. Where's he from? He's from Kent. It is you. It's not me. Play it again. Hey, Barta Can you say Rob Beckett

Rob Beckett And can you say Josh Whittacombe Josh Whittacombe Yeah Good job Yeah Good job

I'm from South London This is my Three year old daughter Pippa Oh my word He's put In brackets In the subject title

Yes that is her real name. Pippa Grace Bublé Bromley. Bublé Bromley. She was unfortunately for her born two weeks earlier on the day I was supposed to go and see a Michael Bublé concert. That's not how names work. That's not how names work. We let Michael Bublé

and his team know and have been lucky enough to receive signed items and free concert tickets. What a guy. My children and my wife and I have just moved from Maidstone in Kent to Cardiff. So having to settle in a new house, new jobs,

a new nursery and a new country. I hope he's not coming to Parenting Hell live. That's going to be a terrible middle name for his next call. Certainly been a challenge

with a one-year-old and a three-year-old. Happy to say that one thing hasn't changed is your podcast keeping me amused on my commute to work. Keep it up, guys. And he's got his other daughter jessica sarah sirk de soleil she is gonna have to do a lot of

explaining at university and any passport application form now rob yes boy can i tell you about my uh plumbing yes you've been doing some plumbing. I'm quite impressed by this. Yeah, so well you decide whether it's plumbing. We were at a wedding on Saturday as I said. You can't wait to tell me this. I can feel the glee that you've done. I was just trying to get the chronology right in my head. Sure. So we're at a wedding. Yeah. The ceremony is about

to start. Yeah. No kids at the wedding. So as the ceremony is about to start, I get a text from Shell as the ceremony is about to start i get a text from shell who's looking after our kids josh can you talk question mark okay would you have sat through the ceremony or not no i got i got up and answered the call yeah i there was a text i got up and i called her because when she said the heating's gone in the house, the relief I felt was huge. Yeah, I don't mind when a kid's cold. I just don't want to be ill.

Yeah, exactly. So the heating was gone. I said, it's going to be frozen pipes. I'm aware of that. It's going to be frozen pipes. Right. This is when it was still minus five. Yeah, yeah. Cold, really cold, yeah.

I got onto NetWest because I've got free home emergency help as part of my bank account. Yeah. Sadly, plumbers wise, they were on a two to three day wait. Because everyone's got a slight problem. Everyone's got a slight problem with the plumbers.

Everyone's pipes are all over the place. So anyway, shell and Rose's mom who were looking after the kids, try, uh, they pour some hot water over the pipes outside. It doesn't make any difference. We get home the next morning

because we were staying in a hotel. So they were freezing all night? Well, they had a fire. And they had electric heaters. You didn't go home! You just left them in a cold house. No, it was a warm house. It's got fire.

You mean some heating went? What the hell would it be me turning up at 1am? Well, to look after your kids cold and let them go home and get warm they were fine

they were wrapped up good and warm so get back at 11 heating's off I phone a plumber he talked me through how

to pour the kettle correctly on the pipes okay and I thought this is never gonna fucking work boil a kettle pour correctly on the pipes. Okay. And I thought, this is never going to fucking work. Boiler kettle, pour it on the pipes. And the fucking thing just started.

I couldn't believe it. I'd done it. I'd started the broken boiler. I thought there was a more technical thing that was going on. I thought, oh yeah, there was. Full kettle of water. You didn't fix a boiler you did i fixed the boiler it was broken and then i fixed it you did the same as getting a lasagna

out the freezer well i'd love to but that's but at least you didn't have to get pay anyone to come out exactly you've got to be slightly impressed did you walk back downstairs and go rose sorted it don't worry about it well it was outside because it was the outside pipes right so did you go in and go don't worry about it sorted there yeah all done i did yeah and did rose was rose impressed not as impressed as she should be oh yeah that's a bit upsetting isn't it would you would you have been impressed yeah i mean like sure when you break it down you've not done much and a bigger boy's told you what to do but ultimately the heating's back on because of josh riddickham yeah exactly believe it believe it um well done josh very impressive cheers um the heating's back on because of Josh Widdicombe. Yeah, exactly. Believe it. Believe it.

Well done, Josh. Very impressive. Cheers. Should we bring on our guest? Yes. Fresh from the jungle. Fresh from the bloody jungle. And he's got a tour on sale as well.

If you want to go and see Sean Walsh live. Yes. I'd say he's a better comedian than Camp Mate. I'd say he's one of the best stand-up comedians in the UK. Yeah, he's brilliant. He's an unbelievable comic. And he's got a baby due in Februarybruary time so we're trying a new thing we're talking about people that um are expecting a baby and then we're going to catch up with them once

they've had the baby to see the two sides of it exciting exciting what a great idea for the show to move forward yeah how's that taking us three years to do that good thing has come to those who wait you can't rush stuff. No, exactly. Time is a healer. Let's bring him on. Let's bring him on. Here's Sean Walsh.

Enjoy. Welcome to the podcast, Sean Walsh. How's it going, Sean? Thank you for having me. It's going well. Well, we're quite excited about this, aren't we, Josh? Yeah, this is a first. We're trying to change up the podcast.

We're not just speaking to parents now we're talking about parents to be and you are a parent to be correct i am correct but just making sure no i just want to get on the get on the show sure people make stuff up well i've got a dog does that count i kind of thought maybe no yes it's there is a baby coming. February 11th. February 11th? Yes. Oh, that's a good point to have a baby in the year, Rob, do you think? Yeah, well, he's better in January.

About May time's a nice bit of summer baby. But what's good is when the baby arrives, you'll sort of be indoors doing all the sort of early stuff when it's still a bit cold and miserable. But as you get more confident and explore, it'll be lovely spring and summer. I think it's great. Well, I wasn't expecting such solid advice. Yeah, well, there you go.

Mate, you've come to the right place. We're all over it. Someone's never listened to the podcast. I have, I have. I have, actually. But can I just... So I want to get this off my chest right before. Okay.

It's not your baby. Okay. Who is it? Matt Hancock? Oh, but yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. I just want to come here and say Matt Hancock is having my baby.

That's what I've come to announce. Sure. You know, I've been telling people that we're having a baby for some months now and what I've noticed the pattern and I'm sure you'll be able to relate to this pattern what this pattern is is people say congratulations right and then there might be a bit of a bit of kind of uh congratulatory chat around that. Congratulations. Oh, that's wonderful news. This will last for less than 10 seconds, right? Yep.

Before you are then barraged with kind of 10 minutes of people just going, get your sleep now! Sleep now! And it's so... This is terrifying! I thought this was meant to be a good thing

and people just tell you and shout at you and scream at you about how terrifying and difficult the encounter that you're about to have is. But the good news is, Sean, if the pressure is on you to get your sleep now, don't worry about that because that won't help.

Yes. Is this helping you making it more depressing for you? No. There's going to be no point when you've had it in March where you think, thank God I slept in December. Yes. Yeah, yeah. It's pointless.

It's pointless. No one's ever been able to store sleep. That's not fair. The advice is mental. Yeah, it's pointless. It's pointless. No one's ever been able to store sleep. That is just not... That's not... The advice is mental. It's like me going, oh, like, if you're single, going, I want to meet somebody.

Have you tried being six foot three and muscly? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's a good point, actually. Yeah, I might do that. I've not slept in four days. Oh, my God, are you okay? Yeah, no, no, I've got loads in the bag. Yeah, I know.

Absolutely fine. I put a real shift in bag. Come on, mate. Absolutely fine. I put a real shift in last March. You're not a hedgehog, right? What you should do also, by the way, around bonfire night, is check if Sean Walsh is hiding in your sticks. Yeah. Right, so I am not a morning person person i'm sure that's not a surprise

yeah to you the other day i was extremely tired it takes me kind of out i basically wake up in the afternoon it takes me a few hours okay okay to really come to yeah do you know what i mean is that yeah can we relate to that or i'm just no i'm the same lose luckily lose a bit more of a morning person what about grace is grace a morning person grace is morning person grace that's fine mornings covered yeah i'm all right with mornings so i think embrace those roles embrace those roles you do a bit more late night stuff well that's fine rob to say because you're not the morning person. But I'm embracing that role, but I'm the morning person. Okay.

And how's it for you? Being the morning person, you're being punished for being the morning person because you're having to do the morning person things. Yes. Yeah, but then if you're a morning person, you like going to bed early and then you don't have to stay up late. And then you'd be being punished for staying up late. No, roses are going to bed early and then you don't have to stay up late and then you'd be being punished for staying up late. No, roses are going to bed early as well.

We both go to bed early. Get ready, Sean. You go to bed early? Sean, get ready. Your mind is going to be blown by the times you go to bed. What time do you go to bed? 9.30. You don't?

Sean, Sean. That's the most... That's the most I'm sorry, that is the most squared thing I've ever heard. Sean,

give it six months, mate. No, no, bollocks. Sean, he's talking shit. That's just because

he's a nerd. That's not normal. You basically go to bed at normal time and you just be tired. You can't get ahead of it. I'm not going to bed at 9.30.

That's earlier than the fucking last night, Josh. Josh, you're practically dead. You just don't live. You get to bed at 9.30. What do you do in the day? Do you just kind of wake up, make a cup of tea and go back to bed?

Sean, are you not aware I also host Heart Breakfast these days? No wonder we struggle to get record time. You're only awake about three fucking hours, John. It's like doing a podcast with a cat. By the time, so we probably...

9.30. Right. I don't think this is that weird as well. No, people do do it, though. We had friends, right? We went to Centre Park to some friends

and a lovely couple, Nick and Duncan, great guys, moved down, they've moved down to the coast now, but... By the way, of course you have a friend called Duncan.

Just in case anyone was doubting whether Rob was in fact working class, he's got a friend called Duncan. Duncan and Duncan. Duncan and Duncan. So, Duncan, anyway, they used to go to bed at Centre Parcs. We went to Centre Parcs with them, sharing a chalet, about 9am. The kids used to go... 9pm, sorry. I was going to say, I felt quite good now.

Really early. They used to go to bed at 9pm every night, and then me and Lou would be a bit like, well, what were you going to do now for the rest of the evening? Yes. Sort of just looking at each other. Absolutely. So, let me justify 9.30pm.

By the time you've kind of tidied up downstairs, done the surfaces... Yeah. The surfaces? Fucking hell, where do you live? The Titanic? The surfaces! I don't think I've ever heard anyone use that word.

We're not talking about the petrol station on the motorway. Not the services. The surfaces. Oh, the surfaces! the services the surfaces the surfaces the kitchen sides yeah like stuff like the sides the side yeah give them a wipe yeah give them a wipe so you're looking at getting into the bedroom at 9 45 9 50 right yeah and then uh you're having sex for what, two, three hours? Yeah, exactly. Most nights. In the kitchen as well.

Yeah. What do you think I mean by doing the surfaces? So then, wash your face, brush your teeth, you're looking at 10. And time's ticking at this point.

You think, fucking hell, i need to get my head down and then read four pages of my book 10 past 10 go to sleep oh you're a slow reader two and a half minutes for a page i am quite a slow reader and it really does my head in do you really um do you the bit about the book before sleep, is that true? Do you really do a few pages before sleep? Yeah, I do.

Yeah, Rose looks at her phone, and I... The way you've described your life... It's like you're retired. It is. And do you know what, Robbie? It sounds like, Josh, the way you picture it, you've described it so I'm picturing you and Rose in separate single beds.

Yeah. With a lamp in the middle. With four pyjamas. Four pyjamas. You've described it so I'm picturing you and Rose in separate single beds. Yeah. With a lamp in the middle. With full pyjamas. Full pyjamas. Totally. Lauren Hardy in bed. I can't wear full pyjamas because they make me too hot.

You just wear tops. Just the top. Oh my God. No, just pants. Just the top, my little bum hanging out. Crosby just wears top. No! No way. Just wear tops. What about the Crosby?

No, your penis is too loose like that. You can't. What do you mean? What do you mean? He just wears a T-shirt in bed. No pants. No pants. No pants.

That is odd. That is odd. That is un-HB cancelled. That is un-HB cancelled. There you go. Suddenly the hunted has become the hunter. I want to put 10 quid on me for the jungle in three years, though. Just your pants.

No pants. No. That's unacceptable. Could I just add a detail to our bedtime routine to make it sound even sadder? Oh, my God. We've got into hot water bottles. Oh, Josh.

Josh, what is going on? What do you mean? Sean, get back to me in a year, mate. Do you know what? I don't want this to sound sexist, but I don't think men should have water bottles. What? I think it's okay for a woman.

I think it's okay for a lady. But I've got no respect for a man calling himself a man with a fucking hot water bottle. Sue me, cancel me, shut me in the box, put me on GB News. I'll die by that get me out with clarkson get me out with piers morgan but i don't think you should have a hot

water bottle josh not as a bloke on your feet your body's warm enough have you got like a fluffy cover yeah you've got to have a cover because otherwise it's too hot of course what else you do in your bed what do you mean what do you mean i don't know what you mean you keep adding details not us do you wear a hat you know them little sleeping hands like scrooge yeah getting stuff in the light with his candle what's on your bedside table josh? About 10 books I'm never going to read. Sure. But I haven't made my peace with putting on the bookshelf yet. And this does annoy Rose, and understandably so.

Up to four pints of water. 100%. 100%. 100%. Why is it so many? Hang on, can I just add to that? Sorry, because now I'm relating to Josh. So my side, four pints of water,

different varying degrees of water. Yeah, different varying heights. And then I'm going to go one worse than Josh, one on the floor. No, no, no. I'm not having that. Well, then, will you just get to the table and go, I can't be bothered to take it back.

That is going on the floor. Now you you say it you two both look thirsty you've both got a thirsty face but you know what i haven't got to yet pissing in the night just don't do it really oh that's very lucky i am doing a bit of pissing in the night i I sit down for it, little treat. Do you? Yeah. Just so it stops spillage. Right, yeah, yeah. I'm a big sitter downer, and I will go one further as well. If I'm doing a number two, this is awful, actually. I'm a bit... Handstand.

No, I will... What would you say? I will relieve myself, and then I will just would you say I will relieve myself and then I will just I'll just sit there I won't I'm going to admit this on the podcast

is this the middle of the night no no no no I'm just going because I just I'm a big sit down I love it's a little

it's a break for me to just sit down relax and sometimes I'll go and I'll just there'll be a bit of a gap between the kind of event itself

and then and then the wiping. Well, get ready, Sean, because that is a key thing that you do as a parent, which is go into the toilet because it's like you've timed yourself. I do that at kind of gatherings. Right, you're well-practiced.

This is great. Yeah, you know, like it's a little party or a dinner party or something. You're well practiced. This is great. Yeah. You know, like it's a little party or a dinner party or something. You're meeting friends at dinner. I'll always just say, oh, sorry, I've just got to use the toilet. And I will go and just hide in the toilet for a minute. I'd even suggest getting a fake diagnosis for some sort of tummy trouble.

But then you can, when you've got friends and family around or your partner, you go, I'll go to the toilet. You know what my stomach's like. But you just sit there on your phone. But do you know what? Because Sean hasn't got that diagnosis. Currently, amongst friends and family, he's got the reputation of the man that always goes for a shit

whenever he's in a gallows. He's a long shitter, which you'll get banter for. But if you've got a medical diagnosis, they'll ease it off. Yeah. Yes. Oh, here he comes, old Captain Longshit. What's going on there? Oh, have you heard?

He's got something going on in there. He's been to the doctor. Okay, fair enough. I'll leave it. That's a sort of good way to sort of get the heat off at a stag deal

or something like that. Yes. Sean, how are you feeling about parenthood? So I was thinking before I came on, I was like, how honest do I really be?

Because I'm quite self-conscious that I'm... You've already lied about your bedtime to impress people. To cool. Yes, to cool in front of Rob. And I thought, no, I'm just going to be completely honest with you. I kind of, because I've not done this before, and also I'm not particularly, I don't have close friends about kind of where I live that have kids.

There's no real reference point. I know I was one. I know that's quite a big reference point. I was a child at one point. It's good to accept that to move forward. Yes. But I don't feel anything. Yeah, that's fine.

There's excitement. There's excitement. There's an excitement that, oh, this thing is... But it doesn't feel real. Like, you're not engaging with it. No, not really. I don't know what's... I don't know what's coming.

And sometimes I... Obviously, I've got my dog, Mildred Barrett, and when I'm giving her the, the rubby bellies, which is kind of what it sounds like, rubbing her belly. And I'm enjoying that. I think,

oh, maybe this is what it will, having the baby stage will be like, this will be nice. Except, except, and then I thought, well,

there's less fur. It won't be as good. But they're more squidgy, which is better than dogs. Yeah but they're more squidgy which is better than dogs are they yeah they're really squidgy that sounds amazing no one's ever said that

the squid that's the thing I miss the most about the baby stage but are you aware about the top of their head Sean I really don't know

what that means no yeah the top of the head is soft so you have to be very careful oh thank you but the squid is amazing and I was going to say to be very careful oh thank you the squidge is amazing and i was gonna say sean because like when you said you was expecting a kick so i was

listening to your brilliant what's up set you now podcast and there was two things that cropped up one one one was you've booked tickets to go and see blink 182 in america you've booked a ticket for grace right when's that gig okay right okay So the baby is due on February 11th. Yeah. And that gig is in Washington, D.C. on May the 23rd. Yeah, you're not going. Yeah, you won't be going then. So hang on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So everyone has said that. Yeah. But Grace has actually stepped in. Yeah. And said that I can go. And I've not begged. I've not asked.

No. That's how amazing she is because she knows, you know, you guys won't know this, but Tom will not stay in that band for the whole of that tour. Right. Too busy chasing UFOs. Exactly, precisely. And so I have to see them. It's very important.

What threw me was that you'd bought two sets of tickets you took back the podcast you said that you and your mate are going to go into like the front standing bit you bought two tickets and grace was going to go with a newborn baby and and so and i was like there's no way grace is going to sit at a blip 182 concert in washington with a two-month-old it's just mental i think that's good but i think that's good though because i think then when you've done that you've had a brilliant time then you can say to grace you go off with your friends i'll look after the baby and then i i think that's a very healthy way to do it because everyone gets their own time there's things to look forward to rather than both

stuck at home looking at a baby kind of things and it makes everyone feel more confident with the baby if they've had the baby on their own. And she can go to Chicago to watch No Doubt. It's fine. Well, I don't want to resent... I will resent my child if I don't get to see Link 182 once. I agree. I think it's a good thing. I think it's a good thing.

The other thing I was going to say, because I wanted to get that cleared up, was how much I was thinking, like, Sean with a baby and stuff like that but the amount of love you got for your dog yes shows me that i think you're gonna be an amazing dad yeah like obviously i think you when when the baby arrives you're gonna love the baby so much be so into it you're i think you get very obsessed by stuff and into stuff and i think you will be with your baby and i think you'll be a great dad but it was only when I saw how much you love that dog that I was like, oh yeah, he's going to be a great dad.

Well, the thing about the dog lovings is that I'm a bit concerned because I have a dog voice. Rob, you have a dog. How many dogs do you have? I've got one dog, but I've still got a dog voice. You have to have a dog voice. Rob doesn't really like his dog. I don't like the dog the same way as you like your dog rob's indifferent to his dog

no you're not you're just you're you're just trying to be cool now come on sean let me tell you this right and this is why the opinions on dogs if you get a dog before a kid you love the dog you love the dog when you get a dog after you've got two kids you don't it's not you don't love the dog your the love is stretched yeah you're at full capacity it is that you don't have responsibilities i love having i love the dog but i'm like when the dogs are better i'm not like i mean i'm into the kids before the dog obviously kind of thing and like i and i like having the dog and he's fun, but I don't, I'm not got that connection to the dog that some people have to the dog,

which is fair enough. I'm not judging anyone for it, but I think if you get a dog after a kid, you're more tired and you haven't got the, it doesn't sound like you like your dog. I like having a dog the same way as like having a fridge in a car. It makes my life better, but if either of them went,

I'd find a way. What would you do without a fridge? Just growing vegetables from in his garden. Okay, you take the dog on a fridge. Dog first. I'll keep the fridge. Here's my concern. Go on.

That I have, as you just said, you have a dog voice. I have a dog voice. What's your dog voice? It's more just like, hi have a dog voice, I have a dog voice. What's your dog voice? It's more just like higher, Fred, Freddy, Freddy, come, Freddy, Freddy. Like a bit higher because it cuts through. Cause they go by tone. So if you go deeper, they think they're being told off.

Oh, oh, Sean's gone big. Cause Sean can do impressions. So you've got such range. Your dog voice is probably going to be really good. No, it's, my doggy voice is like this, my little man. Come here, I'll give you the squeezes. Oh, no, I don't do that. No, my dog voice is strictly to call it back from fighting another dog.

I did want to say on your dog voice, Sean, it creeps me out. Yes, that's fair enough. No, I understand that. I won't talk to you like that when I see you, don't worry. Come here, give me another squeezes. you won't give me it's your belly you had that last week with hand foot and mouth i did but i think you do have a baby voice though but like i don't do the baby i didn't do the baby voice all the time but when i'm with them trying to make them laugh you'd be like could you could

you could you and that kind of stuff so yeah when you're trying to make them laugh, people are like, could you, could you, could you? And that kind of stuff. So yeah, when you're trying to make them laugh. But this is my concern, and it's a genuine concern. How much can you use the baby voice? Because I'm worried that I will find the baby so cute and the child so cute that it will grow up to talk a lot. That's my concern, because it will be, that's what it is. All the time. Yeah, no, what a sweetie.

I'm not going to go to school. Where's my teacher? Where's my favourite teacher? It's Mr. Allen. Oh, I love you, Mr. Allen. Oh, my, my, my, my, my. This is my dad, Sean. He's a comedian.

That just doesn't... Are you telling me that just doesn't happen for some reason? No, they'll be able to speak. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Because also, you're doing that for the first year. They're not learning language at that point. And they're going to be around you while you're talking to other people.

And as long as you don't talk to the emergency plumber like that, you'll be fine. So, have you got any stuff? Well, do you... Have we started buying stuff for baby yet? Is that what you mean? Yeah. And do you know what, is it boy or girl? Do you know any of that? We don't know.

No. And are you not going to find out? Presumably you would have by now if you wanted to, right? We're not going to find out. What I'd say is as well, like, you're going to have to get used to not being funny anymore at home. Oh, yeah. We haven't, we haven't had a laugh since 2017.

Lewis and audience for me has really dropped off since we've had kids. Just not, not interested in me as a, as even just an assemblance of a performer. And not just around the house, Sean, but you, Grace is never going to want to ever watch anything you do ever again.

Not interested. Well, that's fantastic. That's fantastic. Here's one thing, by the way, that I thought. I don't know if you've touched on this, but one absolutely ginormous pro about having a baby is you now have the golden excuse of getting out of everything yes yes yes oh yeah yeah i never have to do anything ever again and that to me is so exciting i can't

sorry the kid sorry the baby i can't that i cannot wait to say that two i've got two things i can't wait i can't wait to say that because it's true yeah and and even more i can't wait to say that two i've got two things i can't wait i can't wait to say that because it's true yeah and and even more i can't wait to say that and i'm lying yeah that's great i cannot wait i cannot i can't the kids i'm so sorry i'd love to reply to someone in washington dc just about to watch blink 182, the kid actually can't do it. If you are not into socialising, it is incredible. Yeah. Oh, I'm so excited about that. I mean, that's the main

reason we had one. And you're saying you've got no family of such around you where you are. You're in West London, aren't you? So has Grace got any family that way? Grace has got, yes. Grace's parents live nearby. Oh, that's brilliant.

That'd be priceless. Yeah. I'm really relieved for you there. They're very helpful. Oh, that's good. Yes. And they're very good.

And Grace's dad is like an actual, you know, compared to me as an actual man. Yeah. That can kind of, you know, put things up. Oh,

perfect. So this is, this is, it's just like Josh. No, this is, put things up. Oh, perfect. He's like me. He's just like Josh. Sean, this is exactly my... So basically, my mum and dad are about an hour and a half away. And then Lou's mum and dad are around the corner. And Lou's dad, Mick, can just do everything.

And the amount of times I've stood at the bottom of a ladder passing him screwdrivers. Amazing. It's so good because he feels great i feel pathetic but i already felt pathetic before i don't care but the only issue is what i do is just because i think you're like me you're not very good at those sort of diy things just get just wikipedia the names of screwdrivers because there's one thing standing there as they do it but when they ask for the phillips and you're sort of going i've got yeah i don't know who that is i've not been introduced to him by name my yeah my my move is so i've not

done the lap when we're on a we're uh ground floor so we don't have a ladder situation but my move that i do every time is at the end of uh he's doing, at the end of Steve's shift, you know they've got those toolboxes? Steve's shift! Don't tell him I said that. Don't tell him I said that. Don't tell him I said that. But you know, like, the toolbox? Yeah.

I go, oh, let me grab that for you. And I take it out to the car. That's my move. Lovely. Good stuff. You can have that. So you say your ground floor. Yes.

What's the setup going to be for the baby? Have they got a room? They've got... We've just... Well, that's what we've been doing. That's the refurb. Where do you think that jungle dollar's gone, mate? Those dingo dollars.

I've got on there. I presume night's out with Boy George and Matt Hancock. That's what I presume. Refurbing the flat and kind of turning it round so that there's a nursery now. Nice. And it's a strange colour. Grace kind of thinks it's lavender, but I think it's grey.

That's quite a calming colour, the grey, isn't it? With a hint of lavender. Oh, that's nice. Yes, that's what she's trying to That's quite a calming colour, the grey, isn't it? With a hint of lavender. Oh, that's nice. Yes, that's what she's trying to do, is make a very calming hue. And has Grace enjoyed her pregnancy, or has it been hard work? I suppose she was in a jungle for most of it.

She was in Australia, but she loves that. You know, they fly them out and have the business class and the five-star hotel and all of that. Oh, you've played a blinder. You'd be like, well, when you were pregnant, you did have a month-long holiday at the Versace Hotel, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whilst I worked, OK?

While I was a mole. Exactly. No, so she... No, I think she's been absolutely fantastic. I have no complaints. I just have the observation, and it's the standard just the the kind of uh the pang for food the shopping bill has gone up the the supermarket that's a very delicate way of putting it are you a bit hungrier then sean since you got back from the jungle kangaroo dicks are expensive, to be fair. Sorry.

I'll shut up. Grace is buying snacks, sweet snacks, where I don't recognise the label. What do you mean? You know where the taste is apparently slightly strange when you're pregnant? It's like there's... Yeah. Like, she's buying things that I've not heard of.

So it's not like Kit Kats and Galaxy Chocolate. It's brands that I don't know. So it's like I live in Lidl now. All of these brands of sweets that I've never seen before. I'll tell you what it's like. You know, you see those videos on the internet of cats getting closer and closer and closer to the lens. Have you ever seen that?

But it's like that, except when i look at a pack of donuts and one's gone and another one's gone and another one's gone and another one's gone it's it's incredible but i mean that's you know you deserve enjoy yourself yeah well yeah eating for two you're eating in those first few months is your diet will go quite weird, I think. Like yours and Grace's, because you're just kind of existing hand to mouth. Do you know what I mean? Yes.

So am I going to also be doing this? You'll come for eat probably, but at weird times. So like you'll be up for three hours in the night. You'll eat so much toast and stuff. All right. I already, all right. I already eat a lot of toast. Because you're up at weird times and you just be like, oh, fuck right. I already eat a lot of toast.

Because you're up at weird times and you just be like, oh, fuck it, I'll have a bowl of cereal. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You're never eating a meal. Well, I was so out of it once. Normally, I'd have a nice glass of wine when the baby was down. I remember getting up and I was so confused with the time. It was 8 a.m. and I poured a glass of wine.

I was like, no, you've got it wrong. This is bad. The time's all wrong. You've got it wrong. This is bad. The time's all wrong. Sean, so you said you've done the nursery. Have you done, like, the big John Lewis shop yet?

Not done the big John Lewis shop. The only thing we've got is Mark Lamar. Yeah. Yesterday bought us, what did he buy us? A little bike thing. Right. A bike. Sorry about the descriptions.

Grace is not interested in this discussion at all. Wait, a bike though? The baby's not going to go on a bike for ages. I know, I didn't want to say that. To Mark Lamar. Do you think it was new or do you think it was a hand-me-down? I think it was a hand-me-down. You think he's trying to get rid of a bike from his house?

Definitely. And you've got a bike now for a baby that's not been born that won't be able to go in it until they're about three hundred percent so you've got to store a bike for four years that no no i'm gonna call it there's no way that bike's gonna make it do you need to buy do you need to buy a pram sean we do need to buy a pram, Sean? We do need to buy a pram. We've got a yo-yo, which is the one that you will want, but only about 18 months in. I'll have it, yes. Get it here. Yeah, you'll have to come and get it.

It's all right. I'll get Steve to build a special shed for it. Is this product placement? What's going on? No, we're not getting paid by yo-yo. Basically, if you live in London, yo-yos are great because they're really small. They fold up.

You can get them on the tube. And also, if you fly, they can come on the plane with you as hand luggage rather than going in the hold, which makes your life a thousand times better. And they're narrow. They get on a train. My tip on buggies, don't get one with fucking massive wheels. No. You'll regret it when you get to a coffee shop.

Why? What's going on? The way you're talking about buggies and prams is like the way someone talks about cars. I know. Get ready, Sean. This is your life. It's something you'll use every day.

Yeah. You're going to become obsessed with prams. What about the shelf underneath where you get to put stuff? Yeah, that's really useful. You miss that when you haven't got a pram. You'll never carry a bag. You are not wearing a backpack for, I say two three years amazing yeah yeah i think the rucksack is a very unattractive item i don't think anyone's no no i love it i might go wear one when

we have sex i absolutely love it front and back i love it i'll put snacks in there i agree with you it's very difficult as a man of around 40 to know what bag I should be taking my stuff in. I know! You don't want to be that little liver-holder wanker, do you? And it's really hurt your hands. I don't think there's a right answer. I don't know what the problem with the man bag was.

I liked the man bag. It was perfect. Yeah. And it got a bad rep for some reason. Are you worried you're going to need to kind of stop being so hapless? Oh, he's gone in. No, no, no. I accept this. And it is a concern of mine.

Can I tell you, actually, I went to, and I'm sure he's been a guest. He must have been. I went to John Richardson for some advice. Yeah. Right. He's our second ever guest. Yes.

No surprise there. Legend. And I went to him, because I know what John does. John is someone that if he's going to kind of venture into something, he'll get a book on it. Yeah. He got a dog. Can I get a book on it yeah yeah he got it he he got a dog so he got i recommend a book on parenting sean oh for god i've already got it he recommended me a book called scattered mind right right yeah and and this was about uh trying

to make sure that your child doesn't have the scattered mind that you have. So I'm not saying I'm going to fix my mind. It's too late for me. Yeah. It is. We're way past that point. That's not getting fixed. But I might be able to save my child.

I'm trying to save my child before it's born. Sean, we'll probably have to wrap up in a minute because it's a little bit scratchy on the headphones you've got on. Will you come back on about a month in, Sean? Yes. So in preparation for that, I'm going to ask you a few questions and I want you to answer honestly and then we'll play them back to you a month in.

Oh, my God. Okay, come on okay honestly how do you think you're going to deal with the long nights and lack of sleep i think i'm going to find that the hardest bit yeah excluding the sleep what do you think will be the hardest thing? I will not, at this point of recording, I do not know how I will cope when the baby starts to cry in public. Oh, okay. That's a good one. Yeah, that is interesting.

Yeah. I've got a question, Sean. What are you looking forward to the most about the baby arriving? Well, I've already said this, but basically having an excuse to not go out is one of them. Yes. But I think snuggling, snuggling. Snuggling. Snuggling up.

You know, the telly's on, a nice kind of children's programme or something, a nice children's film,ney film and just snuggling up in bed oh yeah oh that's nice and i've got another one josh is that right and then you can finish with your one um how do you think you'll cope um during the labor oh that's a good one oh my god what will you be able to support grace with? What do you think you're going to bring to the room? That is such a good question. Grace thinks I'm going to be absolutely useless. I know that.

Can I tell you? Okay, this is the truth. I will be completely mortified. I'm going to be absolutely horrified by the whole experience. completely mortified i'm going to be absolutely horrified by the whole experience but i'm going to try and internalize that and not show it yeah that's that's good advice bury your feelings on that like i found what happened is we focused so much on the birth in our minds that we were then quite surprised that we had a kid if that makes sense the first time out did you have that rob or yeah it's sort of like you go all right we've got the

babies out but then you realize oh we've got the baby now you're so worked up on how the process of getting the baby out as it were yeah here's my question sean what do you think the most useful three items for a parent of a baby are to own so you don't mean nappies no oh i know one of those things that um that the middle class men have where the baby is like it's like a kangaroo yeah yeah okay yeah one of those that looks handy um. Oh, yeah, a pram. Yeah. What do you call it? A buggy.

Buggy. Yeah. And then... Can I say a word to you, Sean? Muslin. What's that mean? Perfect. I'll ask you again in about two, three months. Oh, no, I don't like Josh's little laugh there in the background.

They're very useful. The word muslin will dominate your life for the first year of your child's life and then you'll never use that word ever again. I already look forward to not using it. Basically, it's just a little cloth thing that you use to mop up milk and where's the muslin? Where's the muslin? It will be shouted at all times.

You just get loads of muslins. And then you just never use a muslin ever again. Understood. Thank you. Get yourself some muslins. One last thing is, can Sean of December 2022, what message do you have for Sean of March 2023? Okay. If it's easier, we can send Sean walsh of uh december 2019 um a message

oh god that message is just a man try it uh be be brave be brave be brave i like it. Very positive. Be brave. Positive. Okay. Nice. It's been so nice talking to you. You seem in a really good place to do it, Sean. I'm confident in you.

Yes. Thank you very much. I think Mildred Barrett has been good practice. Are you worried that Mildred is going to feel left out? No, not at all. I'm not. Grace has brought that up. No. Okay. Where does Mildred is going to feel left out? No, not at all. I'm not. Grace has brought that up. No. Okay. Where does Mildred

sleep at the moment? In between me and Grace. Yeah, okay. That's another one. Just chop that bit up, Michael, and we'll come back on that one as well. But anyway, good luck with it, Sean. Good luck with it, Sean. Say that love to Grace grace as well and we'll speak to you soon so excited for you thank you very much guys sorry about the tech issues

it was a bit scratchy but yeah we'll get a laptop sorted for next time yes we'll do thank you for your by the way thank you for your great help and great advice and i just to all the listeners i I cannot wait to get cracking on with that fantastic book you've sent me. Also, we are, Sean, we are just always on a WhatsApp message, normally awake if you need any help or advice or to vent. Don't text me after 9.30, though. Yeah, text me, I'll still be awake.

When you were texting me last night, Sean, I couldn't believe you. What time were you texting me last night I was like what the fuck's going on here I'm not friends with Pete Doherty but you can text me Sean I'll be up cheers mate bye lots of love ta-da

Sean Walsh there I very much enjoyed doing that talking to someone with a baby on the way oh i loved that i've never looked forward to an episode as much as the march bring on march but he is on tour as well also you can see his show kiss on youtube his stand-up show if you want to watch that and he is got a great boy he's got a great podcast um what's upset you now you can listen to and he is on tour look at these dates he's in edinburgh glasgow warrenton salford leeds uh birmingham london london all in 2023 you can get it on his website seanwalsh.com more dates to be added as well so sign up to the mailing list yes sean

will say we'll get back in touch with him in march well i'll probably speak to him before then but yeah so will i um, see you next time. Bye. If you are not in the queue and you are waiting, then step to the side. He got in touch and said, yeah, sorry, mate, you didn't seem like yourself the other day. You've only met me three times. The self-service checkout.

I don't care what you're called. I'm not getting tricked into working here. People at festivals in those stupid jester hats. I glanced at a tampon. £2.69 for a bottle of water. Why is your Wi-Fi code 10 characters long? The blog starts guiding you. I don't care if you're watching. Boots cut jeans.

What's upset you now? I'm Sean Walsh. And I'm Paul McCaffrey. We are the hosts of What's Upset You Now? The UK's angriest podcast. And we are back for Series 5. Booyah! We all love a good moan, don't we?

And Sean and I, well, Sean mostly, are two of the best in the absolute business. And every Tuesday and Thursday, we moan about all those little things that really get our goat. We also have guests. What guests have we had, Sean? We have had Romesh Ranganathan, Rob Beckett, Mark Lamar, Joe Brand, Catherine Ryan, Tom Allen. 15-minute episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. Brand new What's Up Set You Now Series 5 out now.

Oh, for God's sake. Soap from the Box is the TV podcast that goes behind the scenes of the nation's favourite shows, including Coronation Street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks and EastEnders. You know, it was literally, we couldn't sort of go anywhere without being recognised. I'm Lee Salisbury and I directed the shows and the stars in them. On this podcast, I delve where no one else has been.

You can listen to over 70 episodes right now with stars including Sue Johnston, Glynis Barber, Denise Welsh, Sid Owen, Sally Dynevor and Danny Minogue. No more, no more. In this week's episode I chat to the star of one of the biggest Christmas films of all time. Hi I'm Martine McCutcheon. Yes love actually and EastEnders actress Martine McCutcheon goes behind the scenes with me, especially for you. It's such a beautiful thing, like, to be part of your legacy, to leave behind. Soap from the Box, the TV podcast you don't want to miss.