Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP11: Lou Beckett (The Valentine's Day Special)

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

We’ve got a very special Valentine’s Day exclusive episode for you… ❤️💔 Yes, you spoke and we listened, and the guest on the show today is none other than Lou Beckett with a right to reply on some of the things Rob has said on the podcast recently (in particular his time in charge of the kids while she was in New York 🗽 🇺🇸) (And keep an eye out for Rose and her response to Josh’s escapades coming soon) Thanks, Rob + Josh. Parenting Hell is available exclusively (and for free!!) on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday… 📻 📞 🎧 👶 We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whittacombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be

honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with rory can you say rob beckett and can can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Well done. Absolutely fucking perfect. That's what I like to see. I've had too much shit from young kids. You have to pretend it's a great effort. Get a kid on that can speak that's about ten and fucking nail it.

This is Rory, who's 49 months. That's four. Reading out your name to the podcast. This was made all the better when a few minutes later we asked him what his favourite bit of the day was and he replied

saying Rob Beckett and Josh Whittacombe just then. What a shit day. That is a shit day. By the way, the bit where he said what a shit day,

that was me adding that. That wasn't Rory. No, no, Rory's not said that. I like Rory. I like the cut of Rory's jib. Thanks to the podcast. I've been listening since I changed jobs in 2021

and increased my commute a few months before our second boy, Theo, joined us in December 2021. My wife is now hooked as well. Keep it sexy and relatable. Tim Webb, 510 months from? Oh, Lincoln. No. It is East Coast, though.

I'm an instinct player. I just felt Lincoln. Saffron Walden. Saffron Walden in... Not far. Josh, I'm under a bit of pressure here because I need to charge my phone because I've got to travel later

and it's very low. But also, that stupid mouse thing on my Mac. Oh, you've got to plug your mouse in. I've got to plug my mouse in, but you can't use the mouse. You can't use your mouse. What is insane? They've put the hole in the bottom of the fucking mouse.

It's an insane decision. At least a keyboard you can. Yeah, because they don't put the charging hole in every key. There's so much space on this mouse that a hole could be in. Yeah, you could just have the hole in the arse area. And that's the point of it. It looks like a tail. Yeah, exactly.

That's why it's a fucking mouse. So you can't use your mouse? No, but I don't need it now. But I also can't charge my phone. But I never remember need it now but I can't but I also can't charge my phone but I never remember to charge my mouse it's never in my head

it's not orbiting me going oh I must remember to charge my mouse do you know what it is Rob two words mental load yeah my load's fucking mental at the moment

absolutely a mental load happy Valentine's Day Rob oh god and yeah this is a very special episode so obviously because me and Josh

blabber on about our lives and our kids um but rose and lou never get a chance to respond and obviously lou was away for a week in new york and i was complaining and moaning and sort of filling you all in um and she had a few notes so we thought it'd be nice to give her a chance to respond yes um because obviously, as people know, Lou and Rose are the most popular thing in the book and they're far more popular than we are. Yeah, and most popular on the podcast. So we thought it'd be good.

With the ultimate plan, we retire, Lou and Rose just do this every week. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I don't know if Spotify know that yet, do they? We made that clear in the contract that, you know, one Beckett and one Widdicombe would do it. Without the Kardashians and Will the kids in yeah um but it was good this episode you absolutely loved it i felt awkward i've it was an incredible episode the footages uh of rob he looked very very uncomfortable squirming squirming yeah it's just because it's weird isn't it because this is sort

of like i'm very honest on this but i still i'm still in my semi-work mode and then lou will just absolutely rip me apart and pull me back down to earth can i ask a question rob uh michael asked for a short intro as this goes on are you just delaying because you're worried about the episode starting yes let's just let's just um rip the plaster off. Here's Louise. Welcome to the show. For the first time, in a way, but in a way you've always been here, Louise Beckett. How are you? I'm good, thank you. Good. So the reason we brought you here... I'm really... I'm so stressed. Sorry, that's not really the question we're asking. How are you, Rob? You've got a colour I've not seen in a while.

I'm going bright red. asking how are you rob you've got a color i've not seen you in a while i've been bright red what's quite weird is we're in the same house but in different rooms doing this on zoom because it's the easiest way to do it so it feels a bit odd oh i'm not just not just because the spark's gone no no we sleep in separate beds as well don't we do that's something we do do you want to explain what's going on josh yeah like so rob's rubbing his body all different parts of his body and moving i rub my nipples when I get stressed. That little chest scratch is a stress. Is that a stress sign?

Yeah. He does that like... Like you when you clap your hands. Like a little otter or something. Yeah, like an otter. Okay. We felt it'd be right to give Lou a right of reply after the New York episode.

And then we thought it would certainly be popular with our listeners because as we know luan rose are more popular than us so we've got luan to bring you up on a few things that maybe she disagrees with because there was in many ways this is a one-sided podcast isn't it so yes it's very much our version of events but obviously in any any life there's one person's version of events another person's version of events and then the truth is somewhere in the middle so i thought it'd be good to get both sides and i'm sure we'll get rosen at some point as well yes so so louise welcome welcome to the show louise hello how are you uh have you got a few things that you'd like to correct rob on there There was a few things that, as I was listening to the New York episode,

I started a little notes on my phone. Oh, well, that's good to know. That's good to know. Not necessarily massive issues, but just a couple of little... Okay, good. A couple of little clarifications i'd like to i'd like to make you know i'll be a bit worried if it was massive issues like we should say um if you want to list go back and listen to the new york episode that might be worth doing as

preparation for this and see if you can spot the lies before lou flags them up okay so what what cropped up on the episodes that you sort of had issues with Lou so when you said that you struggled in the mornings yes I struggled to get up in the mornings yeah I just I want to say like you sometimes you tell me off rightly so sometimes for shouting that like I shout the girls shout I I shout oi a lot in the mornings because they're not listening and sometimes you need to cut through. So give me a context when you shout oi. So I've gone like, girls, can you go upstairs and brush your teeth?

Girls, can you go upstairs and brush your teeth? And it gets louder each time and it gets more into that, like, annoying teacher voice. Yeah. It starts off in my normal voice and it gets more, like, cut through. Girls, girls. Sorry, that was quite loud. We are agreeing on something. We cut through. Girls, sorry, that's quite loud. We are agreeing on something.

We are agreeing. Yep, correct. This is all correct. And then at the end of it, if they're still not listening, I just do a massive oi because it cuts through the way they look at me. Yeah, like oi. And then they look at me and I say, go upstairs and brush your teeth. And Rob's always like, yeah, like you're shouting.

Don't shout at them. You don't need to shout. It just adds to the chaos or the stress and i'm like you need to cut through and they're listening to me like oh i just can't cope in the morning so just they're asking me questions it's kind of a bagel because i have my shoes where i'm like yeah sometimes you need an oi don't you it's not like i've gone do you know what will really help everyone have a nice Zen start to a morning? If I stand at the bottom of the stairs and screech oi at the top of my voice, and I go full Bromley as well for the oi. There's a reason.

There's a theory. It's a process. It's taken a while to get there that he doesn't see because he gets up so much later. Yeah, but you are better than me in the morning. I am. So much later. I'm conscious in the morning. 7 am. So much. So much later. I'm conscious in the morning. 7.30 I get up.

So much later. 7.30 I get up. And sometimes I've got in at midnight 1am. Oh, poor Robert. This is one of the things I kind of identify with you, Lou. You're like me. You're one of those people that is told because they're good in the mornings, their punishment is they're the one that has to get up it feels unfair to me well lou is more than welcome to stay up as

late as she wants hosting an award ceremony for car dealers if she wants yes but no one would pay me to do that rob so you know you pick your lane no no i don't mind getting up in the morning because i am generally up and i get up earlier than rob and i and i am just more conscious it was the being told off for shouting yeah when i said that that is i think now maybe having done it for like a full week you understand rob that there needs to be some shouting sometimes because otherwise it's a constant barrage of questions requests they're running around on their jiggly bugs. They're trying to run over the dog.

Like, sometimes you just need an oi. I would argue, though, the point of this episode was pulling me up on things that I said on the show, not using it as a jumping off point to air grievances over an eight-year period. I think that it's a very dangerous route for us to take. I've got specific. She's going to bring up an ex-girlfriend in a minute.

Well, Rob's gone in with specific. Rob wants a specific. Okay. You want a specific. Yeah, okay. 12 minutes and eight seconds. Fucking hell. Who are you?

Spooks. What's this? You said that you were reactive rather than proactive, which I'd say is your entire ethos to your entire life, as opposed to just specifically school. Again, again, again. It was a bit like a character assassination. Yeah.

Well, like about the black eye thing, when you said I should email them to tell her she's got a black eye. Yeah, and just... Rather than just let it happen. And I think with the black eye thing, when you said I should email them to tell her she's got a black eye. Yeah, and just... Rather than just let it happen. And I think with the black eye, if you're sending a kid into a school with a full-on shiner, and it was awful, it looked awful. It was bad. Bad one, yeah.

Especially because the teacher doesn't know what a jiggly bug is, because that's not the name of it. And if she says, oh, I hit myself in the face with a jiggly bug, they don't know what that is. Yeah. Because that's definitely been written down at school. Well, let them write it down. Just because they've written it down doesn't mean that it's bad.

I just think contextualise it for the teachers. I think that's a waste of time. But then if they're bothered, they'll ask. Yeah, well, they'll ask at one point, won't they, when she's been written down a few times. If the rule was, right, that you go in with a kid with a black eye. I'm absolutely loving this. If the rule was you go into a school and you go, oh, yeah,

both my children have got black eyes, but don't worry, it was an accident. Oh, I won't bother asking the kid or looking into that then because the parents said it. There's an email. No, they'll still do it. They still do their due diligence on a child with a black eye and they know that i'm not that kind of guy they've seen me they've seen me on the telly i mean what i really want that email to say is mummy's not here so it wasn't her fault

but don't worry we're across it i just I just needed them to know that it wasn't me. I think you worry too much about what people think, but that's where me and you are different as people, aren't we? Yes, very different. When Blue was very jet-lagged in New York, Josh, about the vast result. Oh, I lost my head. I read an email at five in the morning and I lost my head.

Five in the morning, your New York time. New York time. Yeah, 5am New York time, afternoon. All the teacher said was, oh, this was our eldest child. I was a little bit surprised by her maths result this week. I've had a word with her and we're going to sort of try and improve on it next week. It's a very low level whatever. And we were both a bit like, oh, it's a very like yeah very like low level whatever and i was we were both a bit

like oh it's not very much detail i don't really know what yeah what is not not very like a different surprise what does that mean surprised by the score whatever and then like so we replied okay no it's what what surprised you what needs to be worked on kind of thing and between us getting the email and sending that lou was on the phone to be, saying that she was like a bad mum, should do more maths with my kid, I shouldn't be in New York, I'm a failure. Shouldn't be in New York, oh Lord. I'm kind of like crying. I was a little bit jet lagged.

I was quite jet lagged. And I'd woken up really early and had done that thing for about two hours where I knew I needed to go back to sleep, but my body thought it was one in the afternoon. But it wasn't. It was like half three in the morning and I needed to sleep and i couldn't sleep so by the time i read the email and in my head when they said surprised i was like well she's got two out of 40 hasn't she she sat there for half an hour while everyone else scribbles on their bit of paper and she sat there

crying in the corner of the classroom by herself because mommy didn't practice it with her and she's got two out of 40 and then when i spoke to the teacher she was like oh no she got 28 it's fine it's just that they can't progress until they get, like, 30 or something. I was like, oh, well, that's fine. That was on the second email about half an hour later after Lou's had a bit of a cry on the phone. Oh, God, Lou. Poor Lou.

Oh, God, we're so similar. Well, I think I'd argue I'm too reactive, where Lou may be too proactive and over-organised, might be under-organised, but we sort of meet in the middle. Don't you think, Lou? Yeah. I mean, I would say I do accept that. Why do your yes always sound like no's?

Because I'm thinking as I say it. I think I'm very good at solving a problem, but I also think I'm quite good at identifying a problem that maybe isn't a problem yet and then going full circle to to here's a problem that I've mostly created in my head. And then here's a solution. Here's the person I found. Here's what we're going to do. And so I come to you with like a full blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you go, I didn't even realise it was a problem. It's good to be prepared, but I'd argue maybe over preparing for situations that aren't happening.

Yeah, it's good to be prepared. Can I ask a New York question? Because one complaint that stuck with me from Rob was that he texted you and you replied saying you didn't have time to WhatsApp because you were walking up the street. No, he hadn't. I've written this one down as well.

Yes, Josh. Yes, Josh. Yes, that's right. He phoned me. It wasn't a WhatsApp conversation. He phoned me. So he was on the phone to me. It wasn't a WhatsApp conversation. He phoned me. So he's on the phone to me. Yeah.

What was it about? I can't remember what it was about. It was about getting the baby stuff back off our friends to give to his brother Joe. Oh, yeah. And like, all of us are friends. So we've got one group WhatsApp.

I'm not in the country at this point. I'm in a different country on a different time zone. Oh, fuck off. It's not 1973. You've got to go to a pay phone you've got whatsapp and data so have you mate you're on the phone what's the country got to do with it but the time but the time he's phoned me i was being the class rep in sydney

australia were you being the class rep in sydney australia or were you asking me whether christmas presents for the teacher were an actual thing and then i did them so i've written that down as well let's get back to New York get back to New York what have you got someone else class repping for you Rob someone doing your homework yeah well I've got I've got a lot on the class rep I've got a lot on the class rep thing because I said meanwhile you're getting pissed with Alan Carr yeah um so the New York when he said it was on like I it was on whatsapp and it's like well if she's already whatsapping me she could whatsapp our friends it was a phone conversation and i was walking in it like it's i mean it's a very first world problem i'm aware but i was walking on the

high line it was very windy i was walking with my friends so like i i was just saying i was like well could you could you text them now because we were on the phone i was like well could you text them now because we're adding layers into an admin thing here that doesn't so if i text and then they reply to me then i have to tell rob because i don't know when he's in but wouldn't it be easier for rob to just that's a good point why why am i being a kind of transatlantic middleman yes i would argue though luke could have just popped it in the group hey guys, guys, when can you... A transatlantic middleman. Why can't you pop it in the group? Why? Because I was trying to sort the kids out.

Joe had come to babysat. There was already on three nights a piece of express who was looking down the barrel of a fourth. And I had to get up to Westminster to give out some awards to new build homes. I had to give out some awards to new build homes. So someone else is doing your child care and you haven't done any cooking it's what i heard there just a quick question about those awards

they bring you in quite early don't they and then you have quite a lot of downtime before the awards oh you prick you fucking prick quite a lot of sitting in a room while you wait for the all time to go on stage time someone else is looking after your children someone else is cooking and delivering the food so okay so i arrived at six did a rehearsal 6 30 i sat in my hotel room till 10 30 and had room service a couple of hours have you got got to do a little bit of admin rob well josh just the worst part of this is your face and how much you're loving this. And I cannot wait to get Rose on it and be on the other side of this.

If they had, you know, on Sky, when they used to have player cam, if you had a player cam just on me for this, it would be... I know! OK. OK. Have you got any more, Lou? Oh, this one wasn't really a right to play. It was... Sorry about my character? No, this one wasn't really a right to play. It was... Something about my character?

No, it was about the cheater. About how helpful we found it, but that's not very funny. Say it. It's all content. Not only is I think the cheater good, because fundamentally both of us are not very good at maths. I wasn't as bad as Robert Maths. They moved me constantly between the middle sets and the higher set. And if you did the middle set, you did the middle paper,

where you couldn't get more than a B. But if you did the higher paper, if you didn't get a B, you got nothing. Yeah. It was all or nothing, that higher paper. I went between those two sets. And the last time they put me in the higher set, every week we did a maths test, and our teacher would make a little graph of where everyone came because not until I ended the class it kind of changed every week so it was a bit of nice

competition and by week four where I was always the smallest bar on the bar he stopped putting it up but did you learn about bar charts yes I was always the small bar before they put me back down and and i think before homeschooling and before the girls started school i naively thought that because i was a teacher there'd be kind of transferable skills and i would be able to help them quite a lot and yeah and primary is so wildly different to secondary yeah that actually by and large they could read when they by the time they got to me and i wasn't trying to teach anyone maths and it was a school in thames me though so that wasn't a given was it no not always but you know most of them most of them could read by the time they but like it's really surprised me how little help i am for them in primary school

yeah it's a difficult skill though isn't it yeah because you're trying to teach someone something that they almost can't comprehend sometimes and I think you can't you can't remember learning because I've grown up I can't remember learning to read I can just read I can just do the maths that I can do like I made her maths worse she got 100% on a maths test last year and I sat and did her my maths with her and i told her that she'd got one of them wrong so i was like no this is the answer and then she got 74 and it was my one that was wrong i've made her worse i've made her 26 worse like i mean i logged back in and i redid it because i felt so bad no because she's got it right.

And I went, no, no, no, I think you'll find it, blah, blah, blah. No, but then you got it wrong. We've done panel shows. It's a team decides, a team decides. I looked back in and I did it right for her. So no, that was it. I just think that the tutor is also really helping conserve our relationship

because she doesn't get crossed with her the same way she does with me yeah she thinks it's really fun it's a real treat also the children knows what she's talking about my daughter hates doing her um speech therapy exercises with me she can't she finds it boring yes but every week she loves going to drive yeah your dad teaching you to drive? Yeah. Oh, my God. Imagine that. Yeah. Like, they love another grown-up. Yeah, totally. Just any other grown-up. Yeah.

And if I say homework or anything else or reading or it's just, no, no, don't, I can't. Yeah, exactly. And they're absolutely jumping, like, jumping beans at the door. Yeah. Which he gets here. What else you got, Lou, on your list? How long's this list, by the way?

There's a few. Oh, one of them. Oh, this was quite nice at 20 minutes i've said thank you for the acknowledgement that it's hard to keep all the trains running on the right track at the right time because it is constant when they're all talking at you and there's different things from school and like and to be fair to rob on the week that i was away but three days before the school announced they were gonna have famous person day on the wednesday when i had to go in dressed as a famous person for the last 140 years and you're like sorry what so i shrunk all my clothes beth mead and uh matilda we had going in which was quite good fun i enjoyed that didn't they

yeah i did i did try and i queried matilda because i was like it's not a real person and i'm a i'm a stickler for the rules you know like world book day should be a book character not a princess i'm a bit of a nerd um yeah nerd but apparently the teacher had suggested matilda so like half of our older ones class when it's matilda six of themilda it's an easier outfit it's just a blue dress with some tights and a red hairband it's not like you know yeah it's an easy way to send them in oh I did say and I'm aware that I am really picking holes here because I am like I want to preface this with I'm very very grateful not that you should have to be grateful that your partner looks after

the children because they're their children too yeah but I think that I I do acknowledge that Rob is working as well as looking after the children if I'm not there whereas when he's not there I I don't work I do work because looking after children is a job, but you know what I mean? I'm doing one thing rather than two. But? But even that all being said, I know he's got work as well. Yes. Just snip that bit out, Michael. Just snip that bit out.

If you don't do any washing and they take away for four meals of the week and they have tea one night a week at school. His head's gone up. And I've laid out all the uniform in piles for them each day. Didn't ask you to do that. No, you did ask me to do it, but I can't imagine you trying to find the right bits of uniform in the morning.

Oh, can't you? Comatose. No, I can't because I don't think I've ever seen you do it. Can't imagine it. Okay. A lot's being done, yes. Yeah. It's not all being done.

Can I suggest something here? Scrapping the episode. I wanted to try and get the washing done. However, my schedule that week was mental. So if I put the washing in, I'll forget that it's gone in and then there's no time to get it out to dry it because I've gone out by the time it's gone on and coming back and forward.

I wasn't in long enough to do the washing as such, like in for a day to get it done is my argument. Would you have known how to do it if you were in longer? This fucks me off. This fucks me off. I know. I'm not that kind of person that doesn't know how to use a washing machine. Okay.

I can do washing. I just didn't have the time to do washing. All right. I'd argue as well if you want it back at you. That might be agree to disagree, but okay. I think you wash stuff too quickly. And you wash a jumper the girls have worn to school once that hasn't got a stain on and spend most of the time just in their bag.

They've all got food on. Look, I ordered a pair of football shorts, right, and I got them out of the packet, put them on the side. You'd put them in the wash before I could even have a chance to put them upstairs. No, no, don't fib. Don't fib. I'm not fibbing. Those football shorts you'd put in a bag that you went to like a sleepover with,

not a sleepover, not 12. When you stayed at our mates. Yeah. And so I assumed they came out of the bag with all the other dirty stuff that you'd worn over it. So I put them in the wash. That's what I'm saying. Too proactive.

I wasn't smelling them. That was the clean bag. Well, I wasn't smelling them. That was the clean bag. Well, I wasn't smelling them. That was the clean bag. I have this argument with my, I have a similar argument with my mother-in-law that I will stack the dishwasher as we go throughout the day. And she will continually accuse me of putting her water glass, her empty water glass in the dishwasher during the day.

Right. Yes. And I'm like, come on. But then don't leave it on the side. Yeah, you're water glass in the dishwasher during the day. Right, yes. And I'm like, come on. Don't leave it on the side. Yeah, you're leaving it on the side. I don't want it on the side. You don't want a dirty cup out all day, do you? Just change your glass.

It's not the end of the world. But I can't really slag you off because you do lots of childcare. Exactly. But just fucking stop whinging. Okay. Yes, I probably could have done some more more washing but i was a little bit busy that week i think if you weren't if i wasn't going to the bank twice that week and doing all that that would have freed up time but okay in future when's your next trip away um not sure we did say

we should make it an annual thing so i think we next january earliest i mean i know i know they're for work well but when's the next time you're away out of interest you just want to share share with the listeners when you're next away for multiple nights at a time um so it's looking like i'll be going to um well newcastle with josh for three nights yeah then week after that, I'm going to be in Finland for five nights. Yeah. Then around March time, I might quite likely be in India for six nights. Yeah.

And then in May, it's quite likely I'll be in Monaco for five nights. Oh. Oh, dear. Just to contextualise, I'll wait for a few nights once a year in January. Yeah, I agree. You can go away more than that. Don't be in January. Yeah, I agree. You can go away more than that.

Don't be stupid. I know, I know. Of course you can. Josh, you keep leaving silence like Louis Theroux. Sorry, I'm just enjoying the silence. What's your next quibble? Quibble?

Quibble's a good name for it. My next quibble was, oh, so when Rob was talking about how... So they stayed at our friends the night before we got home because Hayley and I arrived at, like, 6 in the morning to Heathrow. The sleep situation that Rob was talking about with all four girls, a bit overtired, they were up too late, they were overexcited.

We're getting, like, live updates of this situation. So messages, we had facetimes i've just we'd like a facetime then they pan around the room and so like we're at the airport waiting to get on the plane going i don't know what we're going back to but i don't know what we're meant to do about this situation we're getting facetimes of just like children screaming in the background boxing's on there's beer in the afternoon we got there at 4 30 in the afternoon me and me and andy are both absolutely we're dead we're dying we're like dragging it's like you know like the brownlee brothers at the end of that triathlon when he dragged his brother along the finish line we're like that He immediately offers me a beer. I obviously have it.

The kids have got their food sorted. They're playing from 4.30. Anyway, the 5.30 game's on. Then that slips into the boxing. Before I know it, it's 10 o'clock. Yeah. And I'm half cut, and the kids are still playing in the other room. And then they come bursting into the room,

like, we want to speak to mummy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So then we just start FaceTiming. It's only now, looking back on those videos me and andy are pissed and the kids are getting whatever they want because we're like you could just see them in the background like cupboards open getting stuff they're climbing over the back of the sofa they're watching the boxing we're sat in the airport just looking at our phones going I don't I don't know what I don't know what

they want from us here oh that is a brilliant image they've taken over but they get so what's difficult is they gang up on you so it was two against one

but then it was four against two and they're so intelligent and our friends have got an older daughter as well who's like you know with each six months

they're like they get an extra level of negotiating skills and they just dominate and it's very hard not just to be their prison bitch yeah because she's only she's only eight but so switched on it's amazing how how much difference there is between like six and eight oh so cute as well so they just get away and murder it's terrible yeah oh speaking of teaming up, I do think, you know when you said, like, ours act as a team

and they're like a proper little gang? They absolutely do team up on you, but what I do quite enjoy is that the girls will team up with each other against us, but 99% of the time I can get them to team up with me against Rob. Oh, Every time. We can definitely do a little girls. It's actually. If I'm ever feeling really weak and picked on,

I can make them turn on Rob as a three. Not even if you're feeling picked on, just for no reason. But, yeah, so they do gang up on me and all jump on me and beat me up. Feminism. Feminism, yeah. Modern feminism. Next one, Lou. Oh, this is going back to the class rep thing.

Oh, yeah. I'm still the class rep until May, aren't I? When's school finished? July? I keep that as football season, mate. school finish July I keep that's football season mate so towards towards the end of the episode I think I can't remember who said it one of you said it's not my job to do your mental load when you were talking about like not messaging your friends to let them know when when there's a special day on or whatever oh yeah yeah yeah at the school and Rob was like it's not my job to do

your mental load and I was like you cheeky forget because you've made me do exactly that you've made me do your mental load so in the summer but with your class rep bullshit so like in the summer before they started this year at school all the parents we kind of most of us were at the pub having lunch and it was a discussion about who was going to be class rep. There's this one mum who's done it for the last two years. She's been incredible at it. But, like, both of her husband are doctors. They worked all through COVID. And I think, like, she was ready to not be rep anymore.

I'm glad you've said that. I was worried that Robin had overthrown her and done a kind of coup. So she was kind of like, oh. I stepped up. They were front line. No, right. You're rewriting stuff again now. And I went, oh, I'll do it.

I offered. And then Rob was going, no, I'll do it. I'll be class rep. I think it'll be funny. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. This is like Blair and Brown. Did you promise Lou that she'd be the next class rep, that you'd step aside?

I was like, so I offered to do it. And then we had one of those little hist, polite in front of people arguments where he was like, no, we offered to do it. And then we had one of those little hist, polite, in front of people arguments where he was like, no, we've got a lot on this year, Lou. We're moving house. Our youngest is starting reception. We're moving.

We've got a lot to sort out. It'll be too much. I'll do it. And I was like, oh, because you've got less on. You've got less on, have you? No, but I'm happy to do loads badly. Whereas I'm not happy to do it badly. I want to do it and do it properly.

So then I was like, I know I haven't done it for a little while, but I used to teach a full timetable. I can keep a few WhatsApp threads in line. I can pass on some messages. Can I speak yet? I used to teach a full flipping timetable of like 30 kids and whatever. Can I speak yet? No, not yet.

So then we have one of those little hissed little hist i think i concocted i was like okay fine you do it but you have to do it properly you can't take the piss because it's not like other people will be relying on you and other people take it seriously so you can't take the piss because then you'll look like a dickhead and then i'll look like a dickhead and so then after all of that after all of that and that like oh you're making other people take on your mental load he fucks off to australia and then when the lady who used to be class rep goes oh yeah i wonder what we're doing like i don't want to be that person but have we thought about christmas presents yet he asks me is christmas presents for the teacher an actual thing or is it something they've made up and i'm like that is

80 of your job as a class rep the rest of it is presents isn't it it's getting the money off everyone buying a present that is 80 of the job and now he's the other side of the world going i don't think we need to do that i seemed unnecessary i'd rather just buy him a present and say it's from the class and i was like you you like, so I ended up doing it. So you've made me do your mental load. You insisted on taking that on. And then you're not doing it. Am I allowed to talk?

Yes. Now. Now, please. So basically, in the pub, Lou was already going to be doing class rep for the reception class and wanted to do it for year two. And I went, that is too much. It's too confusing to do both. That's's what it was and then we had an argument i think i think i could have coped yeah of course you're gonna cope but of course you could have done it lou i'm not

trying to belittle you you could have easily have done it but i'm like what's the point lot of right and i was like and then we had a little hissy argument, and then I was pissed, and then I started... Could you give me an impression of the level of speaking when you two had your hissy argument? Right, OK. No, I'll be like, no, Lou, you don't want to be doing that, you don't want to be doing it to you like that, and then Lou'll go, yes, I can do that.

No, I mean, OK, what's happened there? No, Lou, you can do that. Don't be, oh, I can't do that. You're holding in a change then. You went from, like, shoulders back, open, smiling, to like hunched over, grunting into the microphone. No, yeah, but a comic effect. So what happened was though, Lou was going to end up doing both.

And I went, you don't have to be doing both. That is a lot of hard work doing both, especially in the reception class, because everyone's a bit more like newer parents are a bit more busy with it all. And then we were all laughing in the pub and joking. And then they were laughing at us, even though we were having a semi-argument.

But then I basically, for effect, was like, I'll do it, I'll do it. And then I was showing off, really. You had a couple of pints in the sun, didn't you? Yeah, I had a couple of pints in the sun. And I thought it would be quite funny content for the show. And actually, I quite enjoyed it because I am getting all the emails from the teacher

and passing it on and all that kind of stuff. I'm doing that job properly. But I didn't realise the rep would have to buy Christmas presents or end of school presents. I just assumed that each parent would buy something for the teacher if they wanted to. I didn't realise it was some sort of massive group UN, European Union decision where 30 people would decide.

Yeah, and then I was like, fuck emailing people and asking for like three quid each i'd rather just buy something and give it to them and say i've sorted it but lou was like no you can't do that so then lou did it there we go and did a brilliant job yeah yeah but yeah but yeah that's the only thing you've had to do class rep wise though isn't it the christmas presents and i was in australia you know what it's like transatlatlantic, when you're abroad, it's tough to WhatsApp. Oh, God. You can see Luke's face.

Oh, God. But that's it. That is the only thing you've done, though. I appreciate that. I did say thank you for doing that. Come back to me at the end of the summer term. Do you want to get him an end of summer present as well? You have to get the ending year present. Fucking hell.

I'm not a class rep. I'm just a fucking gift purchaser. Fuck that. I don't realise this is a thing. The ending year present. Josh, you knew about the ending year present. Yeah, but it was individually. Growing up, it was individually.

My mum would give me a box of chocolates to give to the teacher. No, no, I think people can, people send in the individual stuff as well if they want to, but this way. What on top of the group present? Well, I don as well if they want to, but this way... What, on top of the group present? Well, I mean, any if you want to.

Fucking hell, what is this? A wedding? I always think that's an unfair move when you go, yeah, I'm in for the... And I've done this myself. I'm in for the main... Main present, but also... Also, you know all the other people that have just done the main present?

I've got an extra present because I'm a really I want the newer reading books next year I want first dibs on them I can't be bothered with the admin of checking if 30 people have put in it's like organising a stag do it's like how am I going to know who's paid in

am I going to comb my account for how much people have put in and you know these people in this class are right fucking snidey bastards, all the parents, aren't they, Lou? You're always slagging them off. Stop it. Stop it. I like all of them.

I like all of them. For the record, that is a joke Lou likes, and I like all the parents, but I just said that because I knew she could stress her out. Like a social pariah in the playground. What have we got what have we got next Louise I think that might be

I think that might be it oh well it was I think yes Rob what would you feel oh sorry I've got I've got one thing

that isn't New York sorry brilliant what's that best moment in the history of the podcast I've got a couple of things that aren't New York, but the main one is, and I was trying to be kind

because Rob wasn't very well, but watching him be totally, totally asleep on the sofa as I quite loudly banged doors, carried through the box, set up that Barbie dream house. Almost, almost, I could have lost it Christmas Eve. I did it. I was ill. You were so asleep on the sofa.

I was like going to and from the shed in the garden to bring like the girls presents in because we can't keep it indoors because they'll find it. The door was swinging. The wind was blowing. I left the door open to try and make it cold so he'd wake up.

Were you trying to wake me up? Nothing. Were you trying to wake me up on purpose? Well, I wouldn't have minded a little bit of help Bringing the presents in in the rain Or building the dream house And he's giving it the big and honest scrub Like this is the face of a man who's going to have to build

A Barbie dream house Yes, but that was my face But that was my face And then I fell asleep, and then you did it. Feminism, though, isn't it? You don't need a man to build a house for you. No, feminism.

My favourite bit of feminism is Lou does all the IKEA flat pack stuff. I love that. It's my favourite bit. It's because I'd say Rob is reactive, not proactive, to the instructions of an IKEA flat pack. So he will only look at those instructions once it demonstrably does not look like a chair. Right.

Yeah, I can see that that plays with the character type. He doesn't like lay it all out and find the bits. Yeah. I'm just sort of a freewheeling creative, you know what I mean? A nice way to finish would be, what one thing about Rob's parenting do you really like? Yeah, just that.

We won't have the negative. We don't need the negative. Let's do the negative as well. It's only fair. No, because I think we've covered about 16 of the things. What's the one thing that makes you wish, thank you, lucky stars that you bred with me and you just look at me and our children and go,

gosh, I'm so lucky that we had intercourse and made these children. Two things. One big, one little, little thing. We're not asking about how we had the kids. Little thing is I think you're much sillier with them than I am,

which they love and they really enjoy. And I think it makes me much sillier with them. Yeah. And it makes me be less serious about it, which is good because I can get into my own head and create problems and solve them. And, you know,

that kind of makes me worry a bit less. I don't think you worry enough, but it does make me worry a bit less. And I think somewhere in the middle. So I think my silliness makes Rose worry more. When I'm spinning my children around, Rose's face isn't God, I wish I was this silly. It's you're going to hit their head.

She may need to get silly. She needs to get sillier. Coming from the parent that child had a black eye last week. They'll be alright. Picky poison. What was the bigger one? Oh, yeah. Not like belabor the point and it and it shouldn't be a thing it should be a thing that is this still

good or bad good good it should be a thing that not just dads actually parents whoever isn't the default parent it it shouldn't be a big deal that like the other parent will look after their kid for a few days so someone else can have a break it shouldn't be daddy daycare or their babysitting but it is like that for a lot of for in a lot of situations it isn't usual that someone can just go off for a few days and someone else will do it and so I am I'm very grateful that we've got the kind of set up and give and take with it that Rob can go off to work and he knows that I'm not sitting at home seething with resentment most of the time and that the other way that I can go and I know that Rob isn't at home kind of compiling a list of things that he's going to

tell me about and how I'm so great I should be so grateful and all of this when I get back it's it's a nice I think it keeps everyone a bit saner if you both get your time away without it feeling like it's a massive burden on the other person or something you should be eternally grateful for and kind of bowing and scraping and bending the knee and be like, oh, thank you, thank you so much. Because, like, they're both of our kids. So I look after them when you're away and you look after them when I'm away

and it should be much more normal than it is. Well, yeah, from my side of it, I love having them, like, I'm not doing it for you as such. I'm doing it for, like, me and the kids. I enjoy doing this and Lou can go as much much she wants yeah it was only difficult last week because my work schedule got a bit out of hand which was out of our control it just sort of happened that week which it was fine and we got through it it was just a slightly busier week than it would have been but oh i love having them and because i've got some mates that remain nameless and

people from this area as well especially southeast South East London, where it's like, fucking hell, she's gone out and I'm trying to watch a football and I've got the kids in the house for the afternoon. People go like, oh, isn't he good? I'm like, they are his. They're not like two little goblins I found on the street and chucked in the house and said, look after them for a while. They are yours. Yeah, yeah.

Because there are some blokes like some of the blokes i went to school with were like they just there is zero thought about their kids where it's literally like right i've got to work i've come back weekend down the pub with the mates and like their wife might go oh i'm taking the kids to like um this part if you want to come no no just go pub and then back to work on monday kind of thing so um i'm glad we've got that relationship i think also those love you babe all that all that was a very healthy discussion and yes i suppose the question is you're feeling nervous how is the itching of the um chest how are you feeling i feel like anything it's never as bad as your brain wants

to tell you yeah and i think it was good good communication and it's never as bad as your brain wants to tell you. Yeah. And I think it was good, good communication. Do you know what was as bad as my brain was telling me? You know, it's never as bad as you think your brain is going to tell you? The washing. The washing pile was as bad as my brain was telling me. So it was all going to land on a lovely note. It was all going to land on a lovely note.

Let's go back to being lovely. I've definitely taken the hint on the washing. Hint received and loved for next time. Can you go out in summer though? There's so many clothes in winter. The friend that I went away with left a full video. Like she videoed herself putting a wash on and how to do it. And I was like, maybe I should. She was taking no chances.

I know how to do it. I didn't have time, Louise. Sorry. If I could have taken a load of washing... The drachma is back to a negative place. You are drachma. I was just trying to be positive. But yes, I think it's good.

And I think maybe... How about you keep notes in future and then when you've got enough to come on to quibble. To quibble. The door is always open for you to quibble. Okay. I think it's fair. That's been a joy, Louise. Did you enjoy it? I did, yeah. Thank you for having me.

You were excellent. We didn't get the worst thing about me as a parent, though. It did be from Lou. We just got the two positive ones. But I think we sort of know that already done the washing and reactive rather than proactive. Is that what you say? I think it's the silliness. Again, it's

absolute refusal to worry about things that sometimes do need worrying about. That'll be alright. That'll be alright. That'll be alright. Is it? Will it? I think you have so many worries

it starts blocking out new ones. I haven't got the space for new ones. I've always got space for new ones. I've always got the space for new worries. I've always got space for new ones. I've always got the space for new ones. Thanks, Lou. It's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you very much, Lou. Call Trancy a coffee in the kitchen in about 30 seconds.

Yeah, go on then. OK, cool. It's time for the diary. Thank you. You didn't do any promo. Normally we have to talk about some kind of thing we don't care about for 10 minutes in the middle. Oh, anything you've got coming up?

Anything I've got coming up? You're writing that. You're doing some writing, aren't you? Have you written anything yet? Oh, I was thinking, I really enjoyed writing my chapter in the book. Yeah, it was brilliant. And so many people messaged specifically about breastfeeding. Yeah. I wrote a much longer thing on breastfeeding.

I just am a bit technologically behind the uh the times and can't work out how to make that a blog if blogs are what the kind of youth are still doing really got my finger on the cultural pulse of the country it just feels like it i mean i know people know breastfeeding is an issue but like yeah it seems to have really messed a lot of people up the same way that it really yeah the same way that it did me for a while. So, yeah, I've written a little bit on that, but I don't know. I couldn't work out how to use Squarespace. Well, you're brilliant writer, Lou, and I'm sure it'll help a lot of people

because I've had a lot of people asking the same things, weren't they, or talking about the same things from that thing, and it's quite a big issue that me and Josh can't really answer or talk about. No, it's not really our area, is it? I think it's probably best you stay clear of. But right, thanks, Lou. And I'll see you in the kitchen in a minute. Thank you, Lou.

It's been a pleasure. Thank you. Love you. Bye. Bye.