Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP14: Suzi Ruffell

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

 Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Suzi Ruffell. You can find dates and buy tickets for Suzi's tour 'Snappy' at suziruffell.com You can listen to Suzi's podcasts 'Out with Suzi Ruffell' and 'Like Minded Friends' (with co-host Tom Allen) wherever you get your podcasts. Give them a follow!! Thanks, Rob + Josh. We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with right can you say rob beckett no what's beckett and can you say Rob Beckett? No. What's Beckett? And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe.

There we go. I like the cut of that kid's jib. Yeah. He's got a bit of attitude on him in a good way. Doesn't fuck around. Hi, I'm Rob and Josh. This is my 40-month-year-old boy, Rowan. Oh, you said year old again.

Oh, yeah, sorry. They didn't even put that in. With his attempt at your intro, love listening to the podcast as we too are in the thick of it with a one and three year old. Thanks for keeping us sane following the sleepless nights

and toddler tantrums. Stay sexy and relatable. Tom, Emily, Rowan and Alfie listening up north in Sheffield. Lovely. There we go. How are you, Rob? I'm good.

We've got an email here I want to talk to you about. Oh, go on. We mentioned that you didn't get spotted in Darlington Nando's. Yeah. we mentioned that on the pod yeah um and they said hi guys just listen to the recent podcast about josh not being recognized in nando's darlington me and my boyfriend were tucking into our chicken when i saw josh walk through and i did did a double take i mentioned it to my boyfriend because we both love the podcast too intimidated by star quality my boyfriend said

was adam there adam hills oh unbelievable brutal my boyfriend said there's no way that's josh there's no way that's josh willicam look at how feebly he's walking no he didn't no he didn't no he didn't and josh isn't what it said well that's what the email said. No, it isn't. On my life. Feebly? Well, without my words. Unbelievable. Josh walked past us to the toilet, walking as if he was going to be attacked at any moment.

This isn't true. You're making the whole thing up. And then proceeded to sit in the corner for 10 minutes by himself, looking awfully depressed. So we concluded it can't have been him. Love the podcast ads from Lucy. That is a genuine email. I did sit in the corner on my own.

I do admit that. Looking depressed. I didn't look depressed. I do think though, people think when they see a comedian that they're going to be, well, hey, how's it going? Oop, bleh.

But when you're not working, you are just floating around with a normal face. What would I do? Sit in the corner of an Ando's? If do? Sit in the corner of an Ando's, look, if I sat in the corner of an Ando's looking like I'm having the time of my life,

it would have been insane. Like Ken Dodd, he's there with a little feather duster. Yeah, exactly. I was just looking at my phone. Yeah, I think though,

if you think, that can't be a comedian, look how miserable they are. That's a comedian. Yeah, that's, we do comedy in spite of who we are yeah exactly

not because of who we are yeah exactly well thank you for that feeble I don't even know what a feeble walk is I'd say well get yourself in a hall of mirrors you'll find out I'd say though

you don't stride into Anandos I don't stride into Anandos like an alpha male bombshell love island do you know what i mean you will shuffle in exactly yeah because i'm picking up a halloumi and mushroom pitta i'm not picking up a full chicken but i think up north maybe there i think up north for a little bit more blokey than down south so like blokes walking like big tough guys kind of thing in

darlington it's quite a tough town Darlington um so I think you're maybe you're feeble for Darlington but I tell you what in that gales queue you're a big deal mate get out of the fucking way I want a cheese twist thank you very much big dogs in town for a little veggie pastry oh well that's good that someone spotted me and was rude about me that's good news another little hang up for you to worry about the way you exactly the way i walk feebly um kids saying the wrong funny things hi rob and josh we were talking to my son about his forehead coincidentally he was age four at that time my five-year-old daughter then made the assumption that it was his forehead because he was four and she was a five head

oh that's nice that That's good. Yeah. Lovely stuff. Heather says, on kids mispronouncing things, my son was playing with his toy cars and he thought shortcut was pronounced short. Yeah. It's always good when it's short, isn't it? It's always good.

That's the rule. Hi, guys. I saw you at the work in progress show in Norwich on Wednesday. Bloody hilarious. Sexily and relatable, obviously. When my son was learning to talk, he was obsessed with planes and helicopters. Except he called them hairy doctors for helicopters.

Oh. Hairy doctors. Hairy doctors. That's good. Does he think... Because my daughter will do some where you go, that is logical. I can't think of one off the top of my head.

I think it just... They don't know they're saying it and then it slowly assimilates, doesn't it? My youngest used to say, wild bear wee for raspberry for raspberry was bear we and it's so cute and she still does it now and again but it's and she gets up goes oh no no it's raspberry because she knows how to say it and then she gets embarrassed because they want to be grown up don't they yeah um all right okay right josh you know you asked for the worst thing you've ever smelt yeah okay which i think yeah yeah quite a lot and there's a there's a note here that's written in bold red writing that michael's put in from the correspondence

some of these should come with a content warning there's a few that are quite disgusting and not for those with a delicate disposition oh um should we try this one yeah go on hi rob and josh firstly thank you for the amazing podcast you know how exciting it is when your child finds their giggle? And as a parent, you get so overwhelmed of how adorable it is, you do anything you can to make them giggle. Well, when my daughter found her laugh and laughed for the first time, I obviously loved it and tried to make her do it again. Yeah.

I lifted her above my head to blow raspberries on her tummy. Oh, no. And as she was laughing, on the way back down she was sick it went in my mouth and up my nose oh my god oh my god oh my fucking god i've had to turn away from the mic and i don't even know what i'm doing and i'll fight anyone who says that warm regurgitated baby milk isn't the worst smell in the world oh my god now for those oh my god i think we do one one a show i can't i don't know if we can do two no that's awful oh sick in your mouth oh my god i didn't like that oh i don't like this i don't

like this feature it's amazing how smells live with you i don't like this feature either but i'm almost like addicted to it i can't read anymore right we'll do it some another time okay should we bring our guest on i feel sick now now. Yeah, it's not ideal, is it? Let me finish on something funny. Okay, don't do another one. On the subject of kids saying funny things from Tuesday's podcast, my youngest used to say, for chocolate and sweeties, cock it and feces.

Oh, that's nice. That's good. I can't believe it feels like that's made up, that. It's very neat, but I'm happy with it. Right, Susie Ruffle, great friend of the show. She's got one kid. You'll hear all about it. Love this interview.

Please welcome the wonderful Susie Ruffell. Hello, Susie Ruffell. Hello, Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett. Sorry, did I cough all over that, Josh? You really did, yeah. I thought that was quite bad. Sorry, should we start again? Let's do a proper intro.

OK. Susie's our friend, but let's pretend this is like a Fisher interview. No, yeah, who are you? Who have we got up next? We've got a lovely comedian up next. I've heard they're brilliant.

Lovely. No one's lovely comedian. A funny one. Funny. A lovely... Do you remember when we did that? He's a lovely bloke. He's a lovely girl. No, let's do a proper intro, Josh. Go on. But I know what you're he's a lovely bloke he's a lovely girl

no it's still a proper intro Josh but I know what you're about to say Josh do you remember when we did that gig and the guy couldn't remember my name yeah in Chester yeah in Chester this is like

I love this more than a decade ago more than a decade ago we're in Chester no I remember about a decade ago yeah oh fine a decade and a week ago

who can say did I do that why did I do that why Why did I do that? Why did you do that? That's very you. Can you stop talking over our women guests, Josh? Oh, God. Sorry, Steve. It's like being back on Mock the Week.

About two times I did it. So we were in Chester doing a tour show, and then we were doing, it must have been quite a small gig in Chester because you decided to double it with a weekend gig. then they put me on as an open spot but the guy who i had never seen before and have never seen since couldn't remember my name and he'd written on his hand and he went up next we've got uh we've got someone doing a shorter set and it is and then had to look at his hand but rather than sort of looking at quite casually casually, he went, I've got a real problem with my hands at the moment. Sort of stretched his hand out.

I want to read it. To read my name. And everyone was like, oh, OK. And then he was like, Susie Ruffles. It was so weird. Oh, God. And I could see, the room was small enough that I could see Josh. I was delighted.

Sort of guffawing at the back. Loving it, absolutely loving it. Absolutely dying. Good times, eh? How are you you Susie we've moved on with our lives we have tell us about your set up at home

my set up at home is that I'm currently having double glazing windows put in so I'm at Jen Brister's house alright so you're not actually at home I'm not living here someone's trying to fight

the winter fuel bills going on yeah yeah exactly well we moved into a house and it's really fucking cold. So we've got to get our windows done. So that's happened.

Is it a Victorian build? It is, yeah. They're so pretty, aren't they? But fuckers. So pretty, but it's really cold. Really annoying. Really cold. I think everyone sort of does that, don't they?

When they get out, go, I love a Victorian build. With the high ceilings. Fuckers to heat. Yeah, absolutely. Welcome to my life. Windows need absolutely. Welcome to my life. Windows need doing. Welcome to my life. Yeah, I'm as cold as I am at your house, Josh.

It's terrible. So like any good lesbian, I've popped around to Jim Brister's house because the sound's better here. Of course. There's not a key either. It just scans you and you get let in. Yeah, yeah. Any lesbians within 15 miles are allowed in and out.

They just scan your shoes And they go Oh yeah Oh yeah She's done a bit of walking There you go Yeah yeah yeah Hope she's broke them

Doc Martens in Get in They're comfy I did a gig in flip flops once Did you Oh fuck off Rob Yeah and shorts Are you allowed to swear on this

Yeah do what you want mate Yeah Oh well flip flops on stage There's no rules Was it like someone was clapping Cause you know they sort of Yeah As I walked off Silent clap Slow clapped off this yeah do it yeah oh I flip-flops on stage there's no rules was it like someone was clapping because you know they sort of yeah as I walked off silent clap yeah I don't know what that was sort of ignorance is bliss arrogance really how long ago was this yeah where were you oh this was

when I first started probably the first year of comedy I wouldn't do it now no I'd hope not I've got slightly more respect for the art but But back then, I hated everyone and everything and just thought, fuck you, I'll do what I want. And it was really uncomfortable, actually, and I regretted it immediately. Anyway, how old's your daughter? She's coming up for three. Three.

So we're beyond saying months? Yes. Yes, yes. You know, you've hit that point, don't you? You've stopped fanning about with 22 months, 24 months. I think a two, that should stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyone that's going, like, 28 months, no.'ve stopped fanning about with 22 months, 24 months. I think a two, that should stop. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyone that's going like 28, no, a two, that stops, I think. So nearly three. So she's chatty. She's fun. Her emotions are extreme. Are they? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, you've got another year of that. Because you remember that bit where the joy is just so joyful. Yeah. And the rage is fucking terrifying. Yeah. I think three's worse than two. You know, it's in the terrible twos. I agree.

Don't say that. I'm a month out. Don't say that. Yeah, I do. I think physically two's really bad because they're developing. They can run around and grab everything, but they don't really understand the communication of it. To go like stop, no, and all that kind of thing. thing but at three that's when psychologically it starts ramping up and that

only ever gets worse because you mentally get weaker and they get stronger yeah until you're dead i think that's uh something to look forward to soon this has been lovely thanks for having me and yeah great podcast congratulations guys bye Where is she today? Nursery Nursery How's it going at nursery? Loves it Loves it

That's good Loves it Got a couple of mates Got mates Gets the bus Got a vape Stuff like that How do you know about her vape?

You're in South London now They all vape From nursery No mate I'm in Brighton now Oh you've moved to Brighton We're off the vapes Now she's got some wacky backy oh so that is windy with the victorian windows wind yes oh whipping off the sea yeah straight in them little gaps yeah exactly that

exactly that so she's quite into nursery it's quite interesting isn't that point when they've got friends that you haven't introduced them to yes so she'll talk about them but you haven't met them? Yeah. What about a pick-up? I don't go in and introduce myself. You can't turn up at a pick-up with a couple of names and go, bring them out as well. I just want to have a look at them.

Can I have a quick, where would Barnaby be? Yeah, go on, bring Steve and Jessica out and have a look. So, yeah, so she comes home and sort of says, oh, yeah, I was doing this and we hid some dinosaurs and... Yeah, and have you thought to capitalize and text the parents of these kids to set up a play date oh yeah okay and have you done it yeah twice and both of the moms were really nice no one of the moms was like oh i think our daughters are friends and i was like oh yeah they are and she was like do you want to do something

and i was so relieved because we'd like only just moved to the area And I was like, oh, yeah, they are. And she was like, do you want to do something? And I was so relieved because we'd only just moved to the area. And I was like, yes, please, please. Can I come to your house? I think everyone's awkward about it, but everyone's up for it. Yeah, exactly. It's like freshers week. Also as well, when they get to school and nursery and stuff, it's a bit different with nursery because you're not really

laying proper foundations down because you all know they're all going to piss off to a number of different schools. I never bothered with nursery, but I've put a shift in with school. It's very interesting when there's sort of like maybe a kid in the class who's a bit annoying or being a bit naughty, and then you go for a coffee with a parent

and you sort of go, yeah, oh, so, so-and-so. And they go, yeah, yeah. And then everyone's all tiptoed around the fact going, he's a prick, isn't he? And we all think it. How can we extract our child away from that prick? We're in this together, me and you. But it's awkward if the mum of the prick is there.

Yeah. Have you two become friends with anyone from school? Yes. Rob doesn't like the people from school, but I have. No, that's a lie. I'd say, yeah, I'm very matey with them. I go to the pub with them sometimes and I play football with them. Oh, that's quite friendly.

But I'm in the market of losing friends at the moment. Consider it done, Rob. I'll delete your number later. I'm quite up for increasing acquaintances through a promotion and a demotion. Oh, okay. Have you got a one-in-one-out policy, Rob? Yeah, I'm sort of dropping them down, bringing them up to... Is this a transfer window?

Yeah, so I'm like Chelsea, basically. I want a full squad of acquaintances, but I'm too stretched as it is to have someone who's a friend. I think it's quite demanding being a friend, isn't it? How many friends do you think you could have? I think four or five tops. Yeah. Four or five, really?

Good friends. That you can properly keep on top of and help out. And what do you consider a friend? Someone that messages you, that says, I'm going through a bad time, and you have to do more than go, oh, I hope you feel better soon. Oh, God, I've got no friends.

How many friends have you got, Susie? It sounds like I've panicked to your seven. I've got, yeah, like, Rob said, like, a handful, maybe, like, six. I'd say that you're one of them, Josh. Yeah. No offence, yeah, like Rob said, like a handful, maybe like six. I'd say that you're one of them, Josh. Yeah. No offence, Rob, I just never opened for you on the road where we had to really put in the years of friendship. No, no, no, no.

You two have got more history. Is Tom Allen one? Yes, of course. Yeah. Yeah. If you had like a, I'm going to give you three scenarios. I want you to say whether you'd go to me or Tom Allen and then we'll get back to parenting.

All three Tom. Let's carry on agreed so have you met any of the friends do you approve of the friends yes i met a few of the friends which is really nice and then there's obviously friends like jen who's house i'm at today she's got two boys i know that you've had her on the podcast years ago so like then there's the friends that we've sort of forced upon our daughter because we're like, well... Yes. I don't like those kind of friends. What? Do you mean?

I much prefer, and I think Rob disagrees with me on this, I prefer the children to make the decision and we have to deal with the parents than we make the decision and the children have to deal with it. No, I agree with that, Josh. I'm on your side. Oh, OK. No, I agree. No, I want her to choose her friends. It doesn't sound like it.

But also, I want to spend time with my friends. Yeah, yeah. And I can't leave her at home. Yes, but if the kids don't get on with each other, it doesn't even matter if you get on with the parents. Yeah. The day's awful. Oh, no.

If my kids are on holiday and they're getting on with other kids and they're quiet in the pool, I'll happily have a mimosa with Fred and Rose West. Let's not get bogged down by the past. Let's just focus on the moment. God, how terrible for them to have that name. That must have been heartbreaking. I'm surprised they didn't change it.

You've got to split up in that situation. Well, imagine, because there's lots of Wests. Imagine if you are a Rose and you like a guy called West. You're like, I can't marry you. Would you change your first name or your second name? No, you just keep your own. Yeah. Just keep Shipman, can't marry you. Would you change your first name or your second name? No, you just keep your own. Yeah.

Just keep Shipman, whatever it is you've got. Anyway, back to your children or child, Susie. Child? I don't think I've got two. No, no. I was going to ask,

is your partner working? Yes, we both work. Working full time. Yes. And you're going on tour. Your tour's coming up. So how are you? So Alice works four days a week.

Yep. And then I try and have Wednesday where I'm not working. Yep. But I get a day with her by myself going on tour your tour's coming up so how are you so alice works four days a week yeah and then i try and have wednesday where i'm not working yeah but i get a day with her by myself and then alice gets a day with her by herself on friday and then we sort of juggle it you know my mom comes and helps alice's mom comes and helps she does a bit of nursery as well so it's all very up in the air is your nursery you can just turn up when you like, kind of thing? What do you mean? Midnight. Have her, will you? Oh, the big one.

She won't go to sleep, fucking hell. It's not a 24-hour petrol station, Josh. Have you got set days at nursery? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Right, yeah. Yeah, so she's at nursery Monday, Tuesday, Thursday. Yeah. It's Mama Day on Wednesdays, and it's mummy day on Fridays. So you mama and Alice is mummy.

I'm mama and Alice is mummy, yeah. How did you decide? I don't actually remember the conversation that we had. That's where you and Alice called each other anyway, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it just worked. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

You know Alice. You call her mummy weirdly as well, don't you? It's quite a weird dynamic with my friendship group. It's a bit weird. Josh calls all women that are older than him Mummy. It's just so he's working through it in therapy, but they haven't cracked it yet. And it really pissed off Lorraine Kelly, didn't it?

Worst thing is Rose is a month older than me. So you've had lockdown. Yes. And then you've obviously been working and you're busy. You've got your podcast. You've been doing TV and live gigs and stuff. But now you're doing your big tour. And this is quite a big tour, a lot of dates.

Is that correct? Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is quite a lot of dates. And when do you start? So I did an autumn leg of it and now it restarts in March. Yeah. So how is it being away from home? I find it quite hard being away.

Snappy is a great title for a tour by the way yeah it's good for a tour that you had to name six months before starting the writing on it oh yeah oh mate we've all been there wallop so i obviously for no gay couple was one of us having a baby an accident but i think you know because it was a very planned thing for us to become mums and it was something both of us had really really wanted for a really long time i knew once she came along my work would sort of begin to take a back seat and so with the tour and with everything that i do now really it's like what's the easiest way to do this as a family so i only do a couple of days a week so the tour is running on and on and on right because i only want to do a couple of days a week. So the tour is running on and on and on.

Right. Because I only want to do a couple of days a week. Yeah. And I don't want to be away too much. You know, a time will come when she's less interested in me and I'll still be a stand-up then, you know, and I'll be going out on the road. So I think it was quite a long journey to us becoming mums.

Are you coming home every night? Are you... No. So I don't do more than two nights away. So if I do... I can do... I'll do as many as three nights, but then I i don't do more than two nights away so if i do i can do i'll do as many as three nights but then i probably won't do any more that week unless it's there and back

and then i'll be home late on that night yeah but i just feel like at the moment she's so little yeah that she gets quite upset yeah yeah and then i can't bear it and i'm leaving and she sort of goes no work no work oh and it just breaks your heart. No work, no nursery, no dinner, no holidays. See you in two nights. You've moved away from London, right? Yeah. Was that a parenting decision, to spend more time with her and stuff like that?

Yeah, do you know what? Part of it was because I was ready to leave London, and it was really expensive. We wanted to have a house, and we could get not loads more in Brighton I wanted to be closer to mum and dad they're in Portsmouth yeah they're an hour down the road now which is lovely and I really wanted her to have friends who had two mums or two dads there's just more gay people here that have kids and I just don't want her to ever feel you know I don't want

to get out my tiny violin but I know that when I was growing up, I found it really hard feeling different. I felt really isolated. I felt really alone for my sort of teen years. And so I just never want her to feel like that. I never want her, not that I'm saying she'll be gay, you know, 100% of the friends I've got that are gay have straight parents. If anything, you lot are doing it.

But I just never want her to feel like a massive outsider. I wanted her to know people that were like us. Yeah. Because it is a new thing, really, isn't it? For our generation, it's happening a lot. Yeah, totally. But when we were kids, which was only sort of 15, 20 years ago, no one, not even on the news, like in LA,

like, you know, these famous actors are doing it. Yeah, exactly. It was nowhere. And like you say, because it was South London, was it Sydenham Way? Yeah, yeah, that's right. And like you say, because it was South London, was it Sydenham way? Yeah, yeah, that's right. Where like, even like where I'm in Bromley, and I know Josh laughs, but that's sort of London.

It's not in the middle of nowhere. But the gender roles are really still quite stuck on round where we live. It's like, I'll have mates who are in their 50s, like, or friends of friends or people I've met, they'll go like, oh, don't your wife cook then? And I'm like, well, no, I do the cooking more in our family he's like really I'm like sorry are you an alien yeah yes I do cook more in our house because I enjoy it more and Lou doesn't really like cooking and we're both two

adults that like do things we like you know and and so I do think if you went to a school in southeast London and both your parents were the same sex it would be more problematic than it would be in Brighton yeah I think you're right and I think like exactly what you're saying because of growing up when we all grew up you know we're a similar age I never thought that I could be a mum yeah it's actually why I always put so much into like my career and like oh I need to achieve I need to succeed in some way almost in a a way like, oh, I need to give something for my mum and dad to be proud of because I don't think I'm going to make them grandparents. Oh, that's a big pressure.

Because it just didn't feel like it was something that was possible for me. And like, however you do it as a queer person, whether you do, you know, surrogacy, IVF, adoption, whichever route you go down, it is like an emotional and quite often financial huge expense and do you find that you now is there like any questions from her or does there any like not yet not yet we've got lots of books that are like to dad you've got alfred and albert is that the penguin

one no uh it's too odd box oh no then no I haven't oh I'd highly recommend it it's great oh send me a copy it's about two aardvarks that fall in love oh love it yeah

yeah anyway sorry no I enjoyed that what a strange distraction from me I just can't believe there's just so many animals in it

aardvarks and penguins is that the penguin one no have you got the giraffe one yeah what about the hippo one well I think it came because there were penguins

in London Zoo that were gay. Right. And I think that's, I don't know whether, no, that might not be right that that's where that came from, but there was like a big story in the news. And did they adopt or do surrogacy at London Zoo? They looked after an egg together. Oh, so it was sort of like a casual penguin adoption. That's sort of how it happened, yeah.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know whether it's like, you know, I don't know if they've got to do a lot of forms. I feel like that probably wouldn't be in their reading. I don't know i don't know whether it's like you know i don't know if they've got to do a lot of forms i feel like i probably wouldn't be in there i don't know how they did the legal i don't know if they wanted to take the penguin on holiday i don't know how the paperwork would work and so what's it like at your nursery is it there's no other gay parents of course it's like where's the quiz so there are no other gay parents at the school? No, no, but we've got lots of friends that are gay parents.

And, you know, there's lots of people in her life. You know, there's lots of different kinds of families in our life. More than anything, we just want to be like, look, there's lots of options. And then, obviously, we've got lots of friends that are gay. She knows Tom really well. She calls him Pom Pom, which I think suits him even more. What's Tom Allen like as a fun uncle?

He's really good with her. Is uncle? He's really good with her. Is he? He's really good with her. Yeah, he's really, really sweet. Although she went to a pride party at his house. I was away working and she went into the garden and Tom had like done it all up with like rainbows and flags and loads of stuff. And she ran into the garden and at the top of her lungs at a pride party was when we

we found out in real time that she can't say flag so she just ran into tom's garden and went fags fags so many fags i, absolute nightmare. I'll tell you what. Flags! She's saying flags. She's saying flags, guys. It's lucky she's your daughter there because they're not going to blame the parents. If it was yours. Yeah.

Oh, my word. What would they say behind closed doors? Oh, it's funny. But, yes, so I think that was definitely part of the moving here. And I think it's a nice place to grow up. I grew up by the seaside. Yeah. It sort of felt like a decision for us as well.

Like, I think when you do a job like ours it can be all-encompassing and i think it's different for different people but i think for me when it is completely all-encompassing is actually at the time when i'm at my least funny and at my most anxious yeah yeah it sort of defines you as you are the comedian not suzy the mom or the wife or the friend or like yeah exactly all they ask you about is what's so-and-so like off the telly or why aren't you on the telly all those things yeah if you say you're a comedian it's either why haven't i seen you on the telly or it's what are they like off the telly yeah or i don't like this person yeah yeah whatever it is and it's sort

of like you have to start going well comedy's about opinion and everyone's sort of good in their own way and you have to and that sort of triggers your ego to be like oh i'm more than that although actually it's quite difficult to book there's not as many panel shows anymore than there was 10 years ago you know you can be totally defined and and just obsessed with a job like this because there's not a point where you go oh you've reached the next you're at where you wanted, oh, you've reached the next, you're at manager level. Or you're at, you know, oh, you're now a partner. Or you've got a team that can take some of the workload. You can't send off a little Susie Ruffell disciple to Bradford.

I'd love to. To go, yeah, do the show for me tonight. I've got things to mop up with the New York office. But it's all those things. And then I think that moving out of london and it being a choice for our family rather than and you know alice's has the patience of a fucking saint you know for the first five years of our relationship it was about my job yeah or four years of our relationship was about my job was about her being available when i wasn't working yeah yeah and i think when we decided we wanted to become mums and we started the journey of parenthood and getting there and working out how we were going to get there, we sort of had to have a conversation where she had to be like, OK, so it's not all about your career anymore.

Yeah. Which is really good. And how did you feel at that point? I'm out. Does Alice work from home then? Alice works from home and then she goes into London sort of once a week. That's handy. Yeah.

You know, she's very much the... She keeps us alive She makes sure there's everything She's doing all the mental load, Susie Do you know what the mental load is? Is it what I used to do when we were on tour for you? No, it's not Oh my God, how's this background on me?

I'm joking Come on, Josh Talk to me about the mental load, Josh It's stuff like remembering when a friend's birthday is. Or what the kids need at school that week. Yes, I think so. I'm trying to do more of that. But Alice is sort of the lead on that issue in your relationship.

She's definitely the lead. Who does the bins? I do the bins. Yep, okay, cool. Do you like the bins? I think it's a good job, the bins. I like doing the recycling. Do you?

I don't mind breaking down a box. Oh, that's a big job in brighton isn't it how many bins you got i've got three it's all separate three on the go okay oh you know it we've got a green mp mate oh you've got a green mp the bins is a huge job you have to recycle it yourself it's on a rotating system everyone gets a go what was it like with josh on tour do you think he'd be a good parent when you used to see him sort of uh living his life oh yeah i mean we had such a good time on tour we're really good mates and josh was always enormously supportive of me and my stand-up but did you see him as a

parent yeah because you know what there were times when i had that terrible breakup oh yeah you were very loving and very like warm and sort of paternal yeah but also didn't you all stay in a spooky hotel and he asked to get in your bed no no it wasn't quite like that no no no no she i had a second bed in my room and i asked her to get in did you okay so okay we're in you've done the theater in buxton yes yes lovely theater yeah okay so we were staying opposite and it did look like the hotel from The Shining and it had been snowing. Okay.

And so we were winding each other up on the way back being like, oh, I hope it's not haunted. Oh, you know, that sort of thing. And anyway, then I get into bed and I'm a real wimp. Right, okay. And I'm quite frightened.

And then my phone rings. For some reason, I think you did the... He rang the room phone rather than my mobile. The room phone, which is more spooky. Oh, that's terrifying. Which is really weird.

So I'm in bed, the room phone rings. Oh my God. And it's him going, all right, Rafa, I know this isn't on your job, but do you fancy sharing a room with me tonight?

I'm fucking terrified. And I assumed that he would be like, never tell anyone that but the next day he was on the phone to our agent flow going it was really haunted where we stayed i didn't like it can we make sure that we're in chains from now on chain hotels not in chains um so suzy are you a you're the disciplinarian i feel like that's alice and you're trying to be liked and fun is that fair yeah i'd say so yeah i'd say that's bang and you're trying to be liked and fun. Is that fair? Yeah. I'd say so. Yeah, I'd say that's bang on the

money. Are you good at discipline? Yes, I mean, I try to be. It's quite hard, isn't it? I don't think I've ever seen you not smiling. Well, I can get cross. You just watch it, Rob. Okay. But, no, I think I do this thing where I count backwards, where I go five, four,

three, two. I mean, you know how it goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the way to zero, yeah? And for a little while, she was like, oh, no. Yeah, right, yeah. I better do whatever she's asked me to do. Anyway, eventually, she one day let me get to one. Nothing happened. And then she was like, oh, nothing's happened.

So now, I was like, hey, I'm back with you. She looks at me like, what are you doing? This is really embarrassing. And so what do you do? I just say things like, well, this is very disappointing. Oh. I know what a good girl you are. I know you can be a good girl.

But the other day, she walked past the cat on the radiator and went, don't do that again. I know you're a good girl. And carried on walking. She went to the cat. Yeah. Amazing. And then you really see your parenting reflected back at you.

You're like, oh, God. Don't know how to feel about that. You do hear them saying things in your tone of voice and the things you've said and it is hilarious don't do that that is actually dangerous things like that you were big on the cat weren't you i was big on the cat you love the cat really lean into my own cliches go on so how's the cat adapted to a child being in the house absolutely livid really really angry about it so i think when was the cat in the bed at night she was in the bed in the night before alice came on the scene so the cat predates the wife oh the cat's an absolute nightmare cats don't die either they fucking drag it out don't they it's like oh it's like game of thrones fucking wrap it up

you're 17 mate you can't. You fall off a chair. Fucking hell. So the cat predates everyone. Even you? Even me, yeah. You moved in with the cat? Yeah. It used to sit on the top of Stonehenge when it was being built, this cat. It's a sphinx.

I saw an ad in Spare Room. Must like cats. I thought, yeah, that's for me. So I've had the cat for about nine years. And there was a time when the cat was in bed with me and it was just me and the cat. And then Alice moved in. The cat was like, who is this bitch?

And then Alice was like, I think the cat needs to sleep in the lounge. Oh, Alice, I don't think you've got the decision. I love how in charge Alice is. You are whipped and I love it. You are Alice fucking ruling the roost. Fuck off, cat. Get out. She had a point.

To move in and then move the cat out. Well, the cat was very loving to me, but she used to bite Alice. Oh, yeah. When Alice was asleep, she'd bite her toes. Really? Yeah. Our cat comes in at night now and sleeps on our bed, which I like. But from about 5.30am,

she paws at our faces. Nah. That cat's got to go. The cat's waking you up before the kids. You want Alice round. She's like super nanny, but with cats. Right, so how did you get rid of the cat from the bedroom, Susie?

Oh, we've got doors. You've got doors, okay. Just no windows. No, we've got windows. They're just fucking cold. So does the cat like Alice now? The cat likes Alice now, but the cat now... But doesn't the cat scratch on the bedroom door?

No. Right. The cat now, she will take any kind of love from anyone. Yeah, because it's been cut off from you. Because I think that she thought we were doing up the spare room for her. I think she was, like, brilliant. They finally got me a massive bed yeah and like we were putting the cot up and stuff and she was getting in the cot and we were getting her out the car and i

think she was like why are they playing hard to get my new bed and then of course we brought home a baby yeah and she was like what the fuck is this what's this keep crying shouting trying to grab my did you just go out and get out the way the cat Has he got an outdoor cat or just a house cat? No, it's an indoor one. Oh, the worst kind. Fucking chuck it out. Let it live its life. If you don't come back, that's on the cat.

That's the way I think of cats. Fucking let them go. Open the door. If they go, they go. What's Alan? Is he an outdoor or an indoor, Rob? He's outdoor. And where does he sleep?

Is Alan a cat? I thought you had a dog. Got a cat and a dog, mate. Both hate each other. The cat basically lives in a utility room now. And haven't you got like a little whippet? And a whippet, yeah. The worst kind of dog for a cat friend.

But we've got like a kid gate on the utility room. So the dog can see the cat, the cat can see the dog. But the dog could jump the gate, but just doesn't. He's like, he doesn't believe in himself enough. It feels like a sort of a feel good film that like, if he got his confidence up, he'd jump the gate. But he can't't and the cat is on the other side got a cat flap comes in and out when it wants nice warm utility room it's under floor heating part of the kitchen it's going all right he's having a good life but will occasionally when the dog's asleep will jump over the little

fence and go somewhere for a warm sleep upstairs because the dog's not allowed upstairs how does the dog know it's not allowed upstairs have you got another gate yeah another kid gate at the bottom fucking hell yeah your house sounds like a prison yeah it is really but the cat can go out How does the dog know it's not allowed upstairs? Have you got another gate? Yeah, another kid gate at the bottom. Fucking hell. Your house sounds like a prison. Yeah, it is really. But the cat can go out and the cat does go out quite a lot. I feel like an indoor cat's got a sort of like segregation prison vibe. It'd feel like it could flip.

Yeah, I don't think I'd get another indoor cat. It's not an indoor cat. You've made it an indoor cat. No, no, no. It's like a breed that doesn't really go outside that much because she's really small. What breed is it? It's called a Cornish Rex. A Cornish Rex? That sounds like a cheese that costs 15 quid.

I haven't done the genealogy of her. Cornish Rex. Cornish Rex. Oh, yeah, yeah, it is a Cornish Rex. Oh, my fucking God. What is that? That's a cat. That's a Cornish Rex.

Jeez, I've never seen that. Those ears are big, aren't they? You could eat cereal with them. They have got big ears. Wow. They have got big ears. They're thin as well. Nice guys, though. I didn't cereal with them. They have got big ears. Wow. They've got big ears. They're thin as well. Nice guys, though.

I didn't know these existed. Well, there you go. Wow. It's a beautiful-looking cat. Thank you. So what's the cat's situation now? The cat's situation now is that the baby... Yeah.

By the way, everyone in my family calls her the baby, and that's sort of very, like, geezery. Yeah. So the baby loves the cat. Oh, that's nice. But the cat hates the baby The cat's called Velma She can't say Velma

She calls him Elma Her Elma The cat's a girl Nice And gets really close To her face And is like My cat

My cat My cat Borderline too close Yeah I think it's too close Yeah Because they do that With our dog And I'm like

The dog will bite your face Not even a bad dog Will do that But if a dog's asleep And you get right in his face It'll wake up Panic and bite your face Because that's how dogs live will do that. But if a dog's asleep and you get right in its face, it'll wake up, panic and bite your face because that's how dogs live. I think you've always got to be careful with any kind of pet. Even a human.

I wouldn't put my face that near Lou's when she's asleep. What, in case she wakes up and bites you? Yeah. Yeah, the cat is putting up with the baby and the baby is in love with the cat. Do you think, because Rose will say this, like, about when our son gets too close to the cat. She'll often say, like, when he's going for the cat, she's got the attitude that if he were to swipe our son once,

it would sort the whole situation out a bit, if you know what I mean. So, like, it would teach him. It would teach him. Everyone would be happy. We could move on. I don't think he'd be happy. I think he'd be absolutely traumatised.

No, he wouldn't, but in the long run. Yeah. everyone will be happy we can move on I don't think he'd be happy I think he'd be absolutely traumatised no he wouldn't but in the long run yeah I got bitten by a dog on the back of the leg when I was a kid and I can still

vividly remember it as quite an intense experience I don't feel like you're confident with dogs whoa whoa whoa are you confident with dogs I can imagine you being scared of a dog

I don't like a big dog I hate big dogs yeah I think Josh's life as a kid feels a bit like a book. You know, like little Josh from Devon got bit by a dog, lured it to chlorine, goes to school with three kids.

It all feels a bit like a little Enid Blythe. Yeah. It does. Yeah, and I think that's fair. Or like the beginning of one of those murder podcasts. It's like he didn't have any friends. Josh would have come from Dartmoor. He was a loner at school.

Of course he wasn't a loner. But he loved gladiators. I was very popular actually. I was the lead in the school play in the final year. What was the school play? Robin Hood. Jeremy Maguire, he played the kid. You were Robin Hood in Robin Hood? Yeah. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, thank you very much. And, get this. Who was Maid Marian?

Can't remember who Maid Marian was. Hush. That's bad. That's very Matt Smith, Claire Foy pay gap. Yeah, that's a brutal... She's probably listening right now, thinking, I've been waiting for this to come up. There was no pay gap. There was no pay gap. There was no pay.

But do you want to be impressed? Can't wait to be. Do you know how the role was assigned? Anyone that wanted to play Robin Hood had to audition in front of the class, and there was a class vote. Oh. So no one else auditioned?

That's high pressure, Josh. High stakes. Turned it on, mate. What did you do? Monologue? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah, well done. Good for you, mate.

Well done, though, Josh. That's very impressive. Thanks, guys. Oh, I'll ask you one more thing before we do the final question. You said that, like, you've always felt like you needed to impress your parents because you never thought you'd be able to sort of have children. Yes.

And you're sort of from a very working class background where having a grandson is sort of like a big family event. And it's, you know. Yeah, yeah. It's sort of what I was created to do. What you're born to do in that family kind of thing. So how does it feel now that you've sort of, you know, had this amazing career that you put everything into,

but also you've got this beautiful daughter. Like like was it a lovely moment for the family yeah it has been actually it's been lovely watching my mum and dad become grandparents because my brother doesn't have any children and so it's just her at the minute and it might end up just being her we're at that stage now where everyone's constantly asking us if we're having another and i mean the honest response is a lot of my friends have had another and it looks really fucking hard work and we're just about managing we've got our head above the water did you consciously try for two rob uh yes we definitely wanted to yeah but were you like let's check where lou is on the cycle and get shagging kind of thing i'll be honest with you we got pregnant quite quick both times all right legend. Legend. Legend. To the point which, yeah, but I never really got that fucking weeks of shagging.

I feel like I got missold that. It was like. Lou must have been relieved though. We were lucky and also had a way we weren't lucky. So you never know whether that news is good news or bad news. Good news, pregnant, bad news, no sex. For seven to six years. So if anything, it really got spun on its head.

Sorry, I deviated somewhat then so your parents are yeah they are thrilled they love her she loves them she's the only grandchild at the moment like my mum will say things like she's brought more joy to my life than you'll ever know like they're my parents are sort of both quite emotional people oh yeah so they're not like putting too much pressure on you about it no No, no, no, not at all. You were nothing to me until this moment. She's the sunshine of my life, things like that. She throws in.

It's really good for your brother to hear that as well, probably. But yeah, they adore her and she just adores them. And yeah, it's lovely to see my mum and dad becoming grandparents. And it takes a lot of pressure off of my career now. We kind of buried it, but, you know, you said, obviously, I really want her to be around other same-sex couples that have got kids. Also, it's only an hour from my parents,

so that's quite good for childcare. Also, it's good for childcare, and also because they've only got one grandchild. Yeah, you can rinse them. It's like... And they're fairly young, aren't they? Yeah, they're, like, in their 60s, so I'm like, oh, we were thinking about going out for dinner on Friday.

Mum's like, yeah, I'll be there. That's normally the best thing about working-class parents is when you have a grandkid, they're like in their 60s, so I'm like, oh, we were thinking about going out for dinner on Friday. Mum's like, yeah, I'll be there. That's normally the best thing about working class parents is when you have a grandkid, they're about 42. And they are fucking flying. Leave them for three weeks. They'll be fine. Well, my mum's still got such a brilliant social life that she's like, remember, I can't have her in August. I'm going to bed at home. That's the only other problem.

They're too popular still. My mum and dad social. They're great with the kids, but they are very popular. They're always doing something. Yeah still my mum and dad social they're great with the kids but they are very popular they're always doing something yeah my mum and dad are both really social people they've always got bits on they're going places they're doing things i'm like take her with you she wants an holiday take her to benidorm she'll love it suzy our last final question what's the annoying thing alice does as a parent and what is the thing you do you go oh my god i'm so happy that we've got a daughter together she's amazing as a parent so i think that i'm very very too strong but i'm quite disorganized yeah but i'm always on time and i'm quite good with like work stuff of like getting places and

not you know getting on the wrong train or anything like that but when it comes to like paying a bill yeah or something i'm dog shit like sometimes i'll just put letters in drawers because i think oh i do that later and then I never do. And Alice is, she's quite on at me all the time for like not being on top of my shit. Mental load. She does the mental load. Yeah, she's sort of a double-edged sword because when she gets me to do stuff,

it inevitably makes my life better. So she is right. Yeah, yeah. But that's annoying. Do you know what? I'll pay her fucking fine. I'll pay her fine because I'm late. Maybe I want to pay her fine.

All right, so I think this is the good one. This is the bad one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the bad one. She's very organised and on it and we need to do the thing and everything needs to be done and we've just moved into the house

and this has got to be done and that's got to be done. And so it's all quite, things have to be like exactly so. And I think that's quite hard. And I think she's really good at like the discipline stuff. She's really good at the nuts and bolts stuff.

But that sometimes it makes me a bit like, oh God, am I rubbish at everything? Right, because she's too on it. Because she's so on it. And the good one? It's a good one that she's on it. I think partly it's a good one that she's on it. But I think, I just, I think that both of us grew up

thinking that we weren't going to be mums. Yeah. And when we first moved to Brighton, like we went and had ice cream on the beach the three of us and it was kind of like fucking hell we've done this oh like she's ours and we're hers and it's us three and it didn't there was a long time where it didn't feel like long before i met alice where i didn't think that being a mum and being gay, and there were people listening going, well, loads of people are gay,

people have kids, totally. But when I was 15, it just didn't seem possible. And it sort of felt like when I came out, it sort of felt like I'd said goodbye to that. And so to now be a mum, but also be a mum with someone that's so good at being a mum,

feels really special. That's the best end we've ever had. That's amazing. No, that's brilliant, Susie. Is it? I don't know. I don't want to be too... But it's slightly ruined by, do you know what?

I'm just picturing there's a cat back at the house. Sharpening its nails. What the fuck is happening to my life? Where's my fucking ice cream? Where's my fucking ice cream? It used to just be me and Susie. And Susie, that was absolutely amazing. It's very funny and also very important to talk about a lot of those things.

There'll be a lot of young people and older people listening that that's really helped and is great to hear about. So well done, Susie. Thanks, mate. And good luck with your tour, Snappy. Cheers. Shall I just quickly Steve Wright it? Edinburgh, Glasgow, Brighton, Norwich, London, Leicester, Bradford,

Salford, Liverpool, Loughborough, Oxford, Swindon, Hereford, Bristol, Portsmouth, Colchester, Cardiff, Newcastle. Yes, and there's a load of solo theatre dates in London. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're about to book an extra week there. Brilliant. If they're all sold out, keep an eye on it because we're booking more. Oh, so happy for you, Suze.

Well done. Thanks. Cheers, guys. Thanks for having me. Brilliant. Thanks, Suze. Bye. Suze Ruffle.

I love that one because it was very funny. I love Susie. And I think it's good, actually, because we're sort of all friends and known each other years. And I think that helps to have slightly more earnest and deeper conversations about, you know, what it's like being a mum and having a daughter and then in a same-sex marriage and stuff.

So it's good to have all the different angles. What it's like absolutely ruining a cat's life because you've moved on. Anyway, go and see Susie Ruffell on tour. And also she's got a brilliant podcast with Tom Allen. Yes. Which you should listen to. Like-minded friends.

Like-minded friends. Yeah, where they chat about what they've been up to. And her own podcast that's brilliant called Out. Yes. Where she interviews other people from the LGBTQ plus community. Right. Susie Ruffell. Go and see her tour.

Snappy. Bye. Right. Susie Ruff, we'll go and see her tour, Snappy. Bye. Bye.