Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP15: Stiff Neck Tales From The Tour

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be

honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Widdicombe? Rob Beckett. Well done. That was a nice one. That wasn't bad, was it? I like that. I think I've been quite critical recently of some of the voice names,

but I think that's because I'm tired and tetchy. I've been burning the candle at both ends, Josh, and I think... You've been blaming it on two girls. Yeah, I think it ruins my personality. Take it out. I think my face and appearance and my personality, when it's on form, it's absolutely top level. I'm smiley.

I look full of beans. You wear your tiredness. Oh, I wear it on my face and my soul. So when things are good, I'm on fire. When they're bad, I'm a tough guy to be around, Josh. You know that. Yeah, I don't josh you know that yeah i don't know if you're that bad you just go you're just quite quiet maybe it's because i just operate

on such an elite level of happiness when i am happy where it's sort of almost annoying there's highs and lows with rob becker aren't they yeah there's no middle path so apologies if i've been too harsh on your kids like anything the problem the problem's me, not your children. Dear Rob and Josh, this is my two-year-old daughter, Matilda. Listening to you talk about other people's choice of names. I'm joking. I like that name, actually. Just did it for a bit of fun.

Well, interesting. Listening to you talk about other people's choice of names, Davis and Wolfgang, has reminded me of when we called my mother-in-law to tell her she had a new granddaughter you can imagine excitement telling the first person the news when we told her matilda's name she replied you've not oh i like matilda and when we laughed at her response she said oh good you're joking oh no that's bad isn't it because she tells us she has now got used to Matilda's name but frequently said frequently says

there's no accounting for taste in names yeah but you used to is not a nice word I've actually now you know she's been around while I love the name

it's a beautiful name getting used to it it's a bit like someone who's seven years into a 15 year prison sentence where they go I'm used to it now you know

I can't remember what it was like before. Thanks for your podcast. It regularly makes me laugh out loud. Kat, originally from Southampton, currently in Hebden Bridge. Oh, Hebden Bridge. John used to live, didn't he?

Yes. Question, Rob. Yeah, go on. I need to tell you why I was late. Yes, why were you late? Because my son had stolen the mouse and hidden it.

Oh, that's a good one. that is classically on brand for us isn't it so what was he doing in your office i was originally a bit late yeah but then uh then i was on time because i moved the time back sure but then i couldn't log on that's not on time because you know can i stop you if you're late and you go we start at 25 past? I was on time for my late arrival. Yeah, but you're still late. That's still late. We agreed at quarter past 10. Okay, yeah, yeah.

So you're still late. Then when it hit 25 past, I had a bit of an issue because my computer didn't have a mouse. Yeah, that is a big issue, that is. Yeah. So what happened? Bit of cheese?

That's good fun, isn't it? Yeah, bit of fun. Really nice. I had to look for it. it wasn't anywhere to be seen in my office rose helped and rose found it in my daughter's bedroom oh god that that that was lucky that's next door to my office yeah what happens right say we've got a busy schedule we've got like well we have got a busy schedule today we're interviewing to go laptop which hasn't got which hasn't got as good an internet because i can plug my computer into the internet yeah but say no laptop what happens with no mouse on these computers on these desks i don't know it's game over isn't it what's what's go and knock next door and see if they've got a

mouse and try and sink it but i wouldn't be able to sync it because I wouldn't have a mouse to sync it. I just don't get why I'm out. The wireless mouse is the most pointless wireless device. I know. Because it's always going to be near the computer. I'm not checking my emails with a mirror system from the shitter, but I've got the mouse on my lap.

Like wireless headphones I get because the thing it's playing from can be in a pocket. There's not loads of wires, but the wire's straight in and out, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. Exactly wrong. Anyway, Josh.

There we go. How are you? How are you doing? Could I just say that Rose had seen it because I asked her where it was. She said, oh, someone's playing with it. She said it was on the floor. And I was like, I did think,

well, don't leave it on the floor of the room. No. Because it's no longer there that's it let me have that let mommy have that that's daddy daddy needs that for work slash talking to his mate for his work so i've got two anecdotes for you rob about my week go on okay join the one about parenting or the one that's um more funny uh let's do parenting first and lead to the last well also we should explain we spent a lot of time together this week, haven't we? We can, because we were in Canterbury,

Norwich and Edinburgh. The big three. The big three. Yes. So in two weeks, I've done Lapland, Helsinki,

London, Dallas, Arizona, Norwich, Canterbury and Edinburgh. Yes. It's a lot of places.

Anything to avoid being in zone five. So, I had a bit of a nightmare with the uh play scheme uh the play scheme is the thing at school where the kids can go and do stuff during the holidays yeah so they've all got when i was a kid it was called like buzz camps right where you go and then you're there when so you're not home during the holidays if your parents send you for a couple of days yeah exactly so uh we get sent the kind of the menu of the five days of activities we choose wednesday and thursday right so you're just doing two out of five nice

with a mate with a mate perfect yeah so it's fine tuesday evening i get back from norwich i think uh or no canterbury canterbury. Canterbury, yeah. About midnight. Sure. And I think, do you know what? I haven't really received much, any update or confirmation on that science museum trip she's going on tomorrow. I then check my emails,

and it's, you know, there's an outbox on your iPhone emails. The outbox, yes. Yeah, I don't know why you need an outbox, but there's an outbox. The email had been sat in the outbox for two weeks, not flying to the people, to the school. So you didn't press send, you pressed go to the outbox? No, I did press send.

I pressed send. I pressed send. I can't remember. I'm with Steve Jobs, calm down. I must have been underground or something when I pressed send and then it went in the outbox and they never sent. So you never signed her up to the trip? I never signed her up.

I got back at midnight, Rob, and I was panicking at this point. A bit of panic. I think panicking Josh is my favourite. There's two types. There's panic Josh where you go quiet and you click your hands and get all itchy. And then there's also excited Josh where you speak really loud. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I was in that cafe in Edinburgh working on the show and we was getting excited because the show was coming together. He's going, yeah,

and then that bit will show photos. And then like, there's people trying to eat egg and sausage going, what the fuck's that bloke doing in the corner?

I'm sorry if I'm excited about pleasing thousands of people in a theatre. Well, 800 in Edinburgh. But, and theatre's a big word. Hundreds,

tens. Tens of people left happy. theatre. Well, 800 in Edinburgh. But, and theatre's a big word. Hundreds, tens. Tens of people left happy. Yeah. So, I got in. Yeah. I was like, this is too,

I can't keep this kind of stress to myself. What, did you do Instagram Live? I woke up Rose to tell. Why? I don't know why. That is such a stupid,

there's nothing she can do. You're in charge of it, you fucked up stupid there's nothing she can do you're in charge of it you fucked up there's nothing i can do except well yeah you're not waking up your wife don't share the pain at midnight she's not there's nothing she's just just you're adding to your problems i didn't so i walked into the room and she did wake so i thought i might as well tell i didn't specifically go in yeah i didn't like on it yeah how do you go in in the night when because i have to sneak in a lot in the night when i don't want i don't want to know about this rob she listens to the podcast be careful no so how do you how do you do it so it's dark right are you flashlight on or the screen light on? No, I'm not a miner. No, but on your phone, not an actual helmet.

Oh, right. Canary. Up the stairs. I do. So also I've got a pint of water, which obviously isn't helpful. No. I go in in the dark. Yeah.

And we've got an ensuite. Nice. So I attempt, I just hope there's nothing on the floor and i go get the light to turn on the light in the ensuite bathroom like nighttime nightmare yeah yeah exactly so i go around the chest of drawers to the bathroom turn that on and then i then i'm in the clear but you shut the door turn the light on and do what you need to do no i don't shut the door and turn the light on the light switch is outside the bathroom so you have to turn it on and quickly shut the door so it don't feel the room we're like okay well no i don't really do that but yeah i should do that about

emails chat to her about my email outbox situation and what did she say fuck off she wasn't happy no of course she would understandably so so then the then the next morning... I bet... Just go and bed Josh. We'll ring in the morning. Is that what she said? Uh, yeah. Well, no, I said that. Because I'd already come up with that solution, so I don't even know why.

I don't know why I'd woken her. I'll just have to ring them in the morning. So I rang them in the morning. Yep. They'd already bought the Science Museum tickets. No. No go. Yeah, as we know about that,

always a sellout every day of the year exactly no chance to buy one on the door standing room only maybe there's a

towel outside ticket buying selling tickets science museum 20th of Feb science museum I said I'll offer

twice face value for one of them he's on star pub 500 quid like a Newcastle fan trying to get to Wembley. So we told our daughter. She won't go in.

She didn't give a shit. Oh, that's good. To be honest, we were more concerned than she was. Yep, all ways the way. Yeah. Now I've got to go and drop my son at nursery, which is next to the school. Drop him at nursery.

And then we get a text from our friends whose daughter was going to the science museum with our daughter. Yep. And they say, our son, who was also on the trip, is ill. There's a space going.

Now, do you think he was ill or their daughter kicked off and said, I don't want to go without my friend and then they just went, buddy, you're taking one for the team? No, I do think he was ill. No, no, because I know what want to go without my friend. And then they just went, buddy, you're taking one for the team. No, I do think he was. No, no, because I know what happened.

She got to school. She was quite nervous about going to the science museum because her brother wasn't going. When they arrived at school, her mum said, don't worry. Your best friend's going. They got there. The school said, she's not going either. And so she burst into tears.

She's not going either. And so she burst into tears. And so at that point, I had a real moral disaster on my hands. Because your daughter didn't want to go. No, my daughter was fine to go or not go. Your daughter is one of the most chilled people I've ever met. She's not. Her energy, isn't she? Not last night.

She was in a mood for two hours. What about? Because her tooth came out. Yeah. Her first tooth came out when she was staying at Rose's mum's. Yeah. Which was very exciting. They lost it.

Well, they didn't lose it. They didn't find it. It's just gone. Yeah. She swallowed it. She swallowed it, probably. I didn't want to say that to her. It's probably in your stomach right now, actually.

Yeah, I didn't. I didn't bring that up. So just sleep with your mouth open. Tooth Fairy can climb in. She's writing a letter to the Tooth Fairy. But, so she wanted to tell us, but then Rose's mum came in and said, oh, she's got a secret to tell you,

and she got all nervous about it, and it all went wrong. Because it was too much pressure. And she got embarrassed. Yeah, exactly. Okay, true. So she was, she was quite chill. Well, she prefers school to home.

She said this to us. It's nice to hear, isn't it? She said that it's fun at home, but it's more fun at school. That is fair, though. That's what you want, though, isn't it? Yeah, exactly. You'd take that, wouldn't you? Some people are having to make their kids go to school.

I'll be honest with you. I'm already going through the teenage years now already where she's kind of, she's putting a bit of distance in already. A confident kid that sort of fucks you off. Cause if you don't, you're lumbered with them till about 36 and they're like, Oh no,

I always have to go to my mum's for Sunday lunch. Fuck off. You loser. Make your own, grow up, stand on your own two feet. Cause your mum and dad ain't going to be around forever. Now fucking deal with it now or deal with it then. So yeah. So that's so that's what yeah i don't think we're looking at that i don't think

we're looking at that maybe with our son but not with her yeah okay so anyway it's at this point it's 9 25 when we get the text then we're gonna arrive at 9 30 oh yeah she's already because she's at home for the day yeah because of Because of the outbox. But I phone the school, they say, the bus sets off at 10. So if you can make it before 10. Yeah. So is your son still in nursery? Like, he doesn't have half terms, does he? He just emerged.

He doesn't have half terms, yeah, yeah. I tell you what, that's what me and Lou found hard. When the second one starts school, your life admin doubles. There's so many things going on. Taekwondo, school trips, packed lunch, well-booked day, stripy tights, the lot. Exactly, mate. At least you've got that bit of chill for the moment.

It doesn't feel like that because it was one of those... It was 25 past nine. And how fast to school, mate? 20 minutes. Of course you do. Can't make a decision on your own. So she's at home with our daughter. Oh, where are you?

I'm at the school, aren't I? Because I've just dropped my son at nursery. So they've told you and said, hey, there's actually a space now and you're at the school. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm basically at the school. See Ringrose.

Ringrose, can you get her here in time? No, is the answer. It's 20 minutes away. Well, my daughter can't decide. My daughter, absolutely petrified by this huge decision, I think, doesn't want to tell us that she'd rather go to school than spend the day with us so really okay eventually i make the call myself i say she's coming get her in it's worrying if you're the strong decision maker in the group

what do you mean by that because you're a bit flip-flappy aren't you sometimes oh my god i think that's unfair i think that's very unfair you You didn't like that, did you? Well, I think I made up. Look, Josh, can I just say, look, I don't want to upset you, but considering that your email's in an outbox and you thought you'd wake someone up from sleep to try and sort out what was going on. Exactly, I'm a strong decision maker. Not many people would have the guts to wake someone up from sleep.

Yeah, you're like Liz Truss in Quasi Quater. You'll make the tough calls. If you think it's right, you will do it. Exactly, exactly. I was doing it for the country. You'll make the tough calls If you think it's right You will do it Exactly Exactly I was doing it for the country And it would have worked If it wasn't for the

Left wing establishment Those bastards At the science museum Selling out Yeah exactly I'm dispatched To the local Tesco To create a

Pat lunch Yeah And is Rose getting her ready then Or getting her to the school Rose is bringing her in yeah So you're going to meet her At the school with a pat lunch Meet her at the school With a pat lunch Okay and he's rose getting her ready they're not getting her to the school bring her in yeah so you're gonna meet her at the school the pat lunch at the school the pat lunch okay right oh god it is this is stressful it feels like a proper challenge so what time's the school what time they depart him for the 10 10 right you have got a bit of time but it's tight

yeah it's about by the time decisions made as well it's 11 it's 9 35 so you've got 25 minutes to get the kid dressed coat on shoes on in the car or bus or wherever you get in their taxi to the school you're getting the packed lunch have you got a bag to put it in a packed lunch box uh no they're gonna provide one so i get our gingerbread man yep obviously i'm in tesco it's impossible to buy single single hula hoop bags so i have to buy a pack of six so you've got six packs of hula hoops yep sure yeah four yogurts and luckily they've got those you know when you think who the who the fuck's buying a plain cheese sandwich tell you who it is me yeah no mayo no

butter just cheese and bread exactly job done bang. Job done. Bang. Get to the school. Say to the woman on reception, do you want five packs of hula hoops and three yogurts? Surely you've got something to do with them. Did she want them? Yeah, she took them. Did she? And there we go.

Yeah, there we go. And she made it just in time. Good work. That's some excellent parenting, Josh. Yeah, although if only the email had sent. If only the email had sent or I'd noticed six hours earlier. High five, little high five with Rose? Was it like a bit of celebration?

We were quite pleased with ourselves, yeah. Yeah, oh, well done. Shall I tell you my absolute disaster? What was that? It happened when I left you yesterday, Rob. So I had to get an earlier plane home, didn't I? Yeah, so we were in Edinburgh. Can I tell you something that happened in Edinburgh before?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we met a couple of my friends from Newcastle came up, Mike and Elise. How late did you stay up? So after you, about another 20 minutes. So I had two pints of lager, but I've not really been drinking much recently because apart from eating badly when I was away last week, I'm sort of trying to still get on the gary barlow get ripped which is sort

of really kicking off this week um and uh and uh i had two pints of lager and it was quite confusing was in that hotel the devere one where they don't have room numbers yeah the van sorry they don't have room numbers they have wine names is that what those are so it's like polrugger cristal sauvignon blanc all these different names of wine but then it's impossible because how do you know what what floor you're on yeah of course or what six to what because it's not alphabetical either it's an absolute so we struggled to find it when we checked in i had two pints and i think they went straight to my head because i didn't eat dinner and i was the most pissed i've ever been for about 90 seconds and i got lost in the hotel to the point where i was stumbling against

the walls at one point i stumbled and hit two points yeah but then but like it was sort of like really pissed for 90 seconds and i got myself together and i was stumbling through the corridor to the point where i fell on someone's wall twice and they went fuck off through the wall yeah and then i was like no don't and i was slowly getting back and there was a really good boxing on that night lee wood versus maritza lara and i thought this is brilliant i've not found out the score the score the result result i'll go up to the room i can watch that now pissed and probably eat crisps from the minibar because that's what gary barlow does i imagine when he's in his fitness regime yeah and um as i and actually

as he told me to fuck off i went on my instagram out of addiction and um just came up the knockout came up leeward lost seventh round knockout that ruined it for me but yeah i was absolutely battered and i got lost for ages in the hotel it's weird isn't it but like but then i was like oh i'm all right now but it was fine when i left you yeah with your pint i mean if you want to feel less of a lightweight i had one non-alcoholic beer and i didn't even finish it didn't i i know you was excited about how many low calories it was 12 calories 12 calories for low-cal lager um sorry so go on so you left me you left the hotel at 6 a.m didn't you i had to go for half five half getting the car at six fuck you know let's get

this early playing because the trains weren't working. Yeah. I got into the airport fine. Yep. Yeah. Then I was walking along, walked into the lounge, Rob. Yeah. And I was like, something's going on here.

I can't pull my suitcase along. Yeah. My suitcase seems to be stuck. And I look down and I send you a photo. Have you ever had... I don't know anyone who's had this happen. Okay. I'm sure someone has.

Oh, I farted. Oh, I farted. So basically, let me explain, because this is annoying for the listener. So there's a photo of Josh's wheelie, you know, hand luggage suitcase with a classic pair of white Converse. And where he's not tied his shoelace up, the shoelace has got wrapped around. It's fed in. It's fed into the wheel and to a point it looks like it looks like a knot on a yacht you know like them sort of sailors so far rob and so my suitcase was stuck to my foot as i was walking along

and i was quite a long way from a seat at this point yeah and so i couldn't pull my suitcase that's such a funny photo josh yeah i had to take it off the ground yeah and i had to like swing my suitcase in time with my foot as i walked that's a bloke from last leg yeah so I was having to tie my suitcase to go along with my leg because it was about, it could only go about two inches from my foot at all times. Yeah.

And I sit down and I take my shoe off and honestly, it was totally stuck. I didn't know what to do. Did you cut it off? No, it took me ages. And then I basically realised I just had to wheel it the other way.

Oh, to unfeed it. To unfeed it. So I had to basically wheel my shoe out of my suitcase. So did you go backwards all the way through security into the checking desk? Yeah, I missed my flight. You ended back in your hotel room. But yeah, but with my shoe on oh that is did have you ever heard about have i told you what happened to romesh when he got really pissed once after a gig

he got really pissed um and he went and he went back to the hotel room and he sat there and he had a subway he was trying to eat his subway and then he couldn't get his shoes off because his shoelace was so tight yeah he was so drunk he couldn't do it so the end he just got his key you can cut the lace and just sat there on the end of a bed at the subway cutting his legs oh that's a great that's a great one josh yeah i'm big fan of that picture yeah so there we go stick that on instagram we'll stick that on instagram um how's your week been more well uh yeah busy so when we was away on Friday So we went up to Edinburgh Saturday But on Friday, it was half term

And my daughter had her first ever sleepover Oh So it was a bit like She was just going on a playdate around her friends And then It was her first ever sleepover out Rather than having people over Oh yeah, out

So she was out as well. She was having a play date at her friend's. And then our friend said, oh, would you like to stay over tonight? So it was an impromptu sleepover. Impromptu, right? And they said, we haven't asked her yet. Just wanted to see if you were happy with it, okay, if you feel she'd be okay. And me and Lou were like, oh, God, well, we knew she'd have to have it at some point.

But it's like, and I was very nervous. And Lou was as well, like, staying overnight at other places right and i think you think oh i hope she's not like me but i'm like no just be separate this has nothing to do with you disengage that ego she's a totally different independent person that's had a different upbringing and lifestyle she might be fine let her live it before you say are you sure you're gonna be okay don't yeah put those insecurities of your own onto them. Yeah, totally. So how did it go? So she said, will it be okay?

And I said, basically, I was back home because I had a great day. Basically, the skip was supposed to be delivered. I'm getting a skip, right, Josh? Yeah. To clear out the garage and stuff. It was supposed to be delivered on Friday. My daughter was at a play date and the youngest one was on a play date with Lou. Lou had gone because she went to this play date.

And I was supposed to be doing the skip. I drop them all off about 10, 11, get home, get a message from the skip company. It's not coming today. It's coming Saturday. Oh my God. What went? I just went to bed. What went back to bed? I just got into bed at 11am for two hours. Oh my God. And it was, I felt

like I was committing a crime. And I just lay there. Oh yeah, because it's half term, so they've just both gone out to play. They've just gone out to play. Did you look at your phone or are you just staring into the abyss? A lot of abyss. Yeah.

And then I thought, no, I should get some sleep. Stop thinking. Yeah. Anyway, so I got some sleep and I woke up to that message and I was like, okay, cool.

Yeah, let me double check with Lou that they're not going anywhere tomorrow morning because I know I'm up and out. Sorry, what time did they ask you? 1.40 in the afternoon. Oh, right. Okay okay because I presumed it was later in the afternoon you still had a good old sleep there though lovely little snooze me catching right up um and um I've just been burning the candle at both ends this yeah too much work too much fun um and anyway so I was like let me double check with Lou in case Lou is going anywhere or doing anything first thing tomorrow.

Like, you know. And she went, okay, cool, let us know. Anyway, I can't get through to Lou. The play date she's at, there is no signal. Okay. What are they doing, caving? Well, no, it's just I think someone's house. Some places around here haven't got very good signal.

Anyway, no, zero signal, nothing. And then all of a sudden I get a message. Hi, Rob, it's Lou. Can you ask the parent of where my daughter is at what time she wants to be picked up? I've got no signal here. I'm stood on a bench with my arm in the air. Well, that never works. And I'm just thinking, you're at someone's house.

Get on the Wi-Fi, you fucking moron. Did you reply that? No. I was livid. I was like, how can a grown adult be in someone's home? But the thing is, it's not because there's a moron. Was it not because she's too polite yes to say yes that's exactly what it is and i just because i'm a becky i don't compute that yeah i just think but i thought no she obviously has thought that because i'm trying to be more grown up in her being i'd say though i'd say yeah there's got to come a point when it's easier to

ask for the wi-fi than stand in someone's garden on a bench with your arm in the air exactly but lou wouldn't lose like oh okay i'll do that then rather than go actually can i get your wi-fi then i could just whatsapp call him yeah and then we get this get this solved um anyway so i couldn't hear from her so i was like oh i don't know what so anyway i didn't hear from lou at all i had to ring about three parents to get the number of the person's house she was at and then in the end i went you know what i'm just gonna take this decision i said yeah yeah she'll love the sleepover thank you very much let me know what i need to bring and then she went cool we'll do i know i said let me know if there's anything that she wants because i thought yeah she might

want a teddy if she you know what i mean or whatever and then the the mum of the other daughter said uh the other child said can she go swimming my kids have got a lesson we can go in it with her for half an hour while the others are having their lesson and they can all swim together i was like yeah of course no worries so now i've got to try and find the swimming stuff that's why i need to ring lose i don't know where the swimming stuff is our house is a state because we're in the middle of moving and packing yeah anyway this is get so four things my daughter asked for this was a rider for the sleepover she's's seven years of age. What do you think she asked for? Hairbrush.

No. No, nothing practical either. Nothing practical. Nothing practical. This is difficult. This is not your child. Barbie Dreamhouse. No, it wasn't Barbie Dreamhouse.

She wanted a... I'll give you one though. Her cheetah teddy. It's one of her teddies. That's a good one, yeah. So you got that a toy. That was a toy. Pyjamas. No, nothing practical at all.

Oh, sorry. Apart from her unicorn sleeping bag. Oh, that's not unpractical. No. And then the other ones were her iPad. It's fair. Her iPad, yeah. And then a book about hamsters.

What? What? That we don't even own. That you don't own? Just a general book about hamsters? I was going to go shopping for it. Amazing. Did the other people have a hamster?

I think they've been talking about hamsters at school. They're quite excited about hamsters. And she used to have a hamster. She wanted a book about hamsters. So I got the other three for her. So you got three out of four? Yeah. And then I couldn't find any goggles,

but then the other parent had the goggles. So it's fine. So I went there to go like and drop all the stuff off. And then I got there and the door opened. I went, oh, hello. She literally grabbed the iPad out my bag that I had and ran away. And then I just handed and the door opened. I went, oh, hello. She literally grabbed the iPad out my bag that I had and ran away. And then I just handed the sleeping bag on. See you tomorrow.

So she absolutely loved it. And then your evening, you just had one child there. One child. But she found it a little bit like she missed her sister. That was more of the thing I didn't think about. We had to lay with her upstairs a little bit because she's so used to two people being upstairs when she goes to bed. Oh, I tell you what, Rob. That's a future that I hadn't really thought about,

is that when your slightly older daughter starts socialising more, your slightly younger daughter's going to struggle with that, isn't she? Or she's going to be going to the pub at 14 while the other's 16 all right well she's quite tall my youngest so i think she'll be able to get in on her id i think that's what's gonna happen yeah because she's quite pally of her the older friends as well already so we'll see we'll see that's a success though and which did she enjoy it absolutely loved it really loved it um really enjoyed it so that was all good um it's quite fun as well i took him on a little uh i don't know if i mentioned it on the podcast i'm on a daddy's day because i've been away a lot so i just took him out for the day and then she woke

me up at six in the morning and she stood in front of me did that thing well you know like in films where you sort of put your finger interlock your fingers and bend them back like you can lift some weights you know that sort of stretch it out she did she did that clapped her hands together and go right dad, dad, daddy day today. You better be on your A game because you've been away at work. Where has she got that from? I don't know. It's mental, isn't it?

It's funny. But then I took them to the park on the daddy day. And I did bike riding with them. But it was a nightmare. Okay, so this is a problem, Josh, that you're going to face. Teaching them to ride a bike. The seven-year-, but it was a nightmare. Okay, so this is a problem, Josh, that you're going to face. Teaching them to ride a bike. The seven-year-old now can ride a bike. She can start herself, stop herself.

If I put her in the park on the bike, she will just go around the park, okay, at quite a speed. The five-year-old, good, but she needs a push to get going, and she won't go super far. Whenever she gets a bit near another person or a wobbly bit of ground, she'll stop and then i'll need to go to her to start her again which is you know great she's only five she's doing really well but the problem there is i've got one one side of the park stopping every

20 yards and another one about a mile away yeah that's not ideal and i was like this is actually quite dangerous like i don't want to be like that sort of this morning when we were walking down to school yeah to the two sisters of one of my daughter's friends appeared round the corner on their bikes and biked past. And I was like, where's the third sister? And then a good 30 seconds later, the third sister, who's much younger,

comes round with her stabilisers on with the mum. And you're like... This is like... Like, the kids that can just ride off. So can I tell you what I'm thinking about doing about teaching my daughter to ride a bike? Go on. Because she's learning...

You need to teach her around now, really, don't you? Yeah, I haven't really... She's coming into spring, summer. She's just not that fast. But this is what I'm thinking of doing. My friend did this. I can't believe this is true. But I thought it's quite a good challenge to set myself for the podcast.

Yeah. There's a YouTube video that my friend watched, which is in real time, you can teach your child to ride a bike in 12 minutes. Depends on the child, mate. And the bike. So it's a different technique to... What's the technique?

I think it's something about... My technique was push them open for the best. Yeah, so it's not that. I would suggest start them on a slight downward slope. Well, I'm going to watch the YouTube video, but I'm going to try and teach my daughter to learn the bike in 12 minutes. Just to see what it's like, whether I can do it.

Has anyone else tried this? Is it complete bullshit? Cause my friend said it worked for her. It just did the technique. Absolutely. They were riding within 12 minutes. 12 minutes. What I would suggest,

I don't know if it's part of the 12 minute technique, but get, they're called hand sonic bike training handle thing. So what you do is you, you bolt it into the back wheel. I haven't got time for that. That's, that's already six minutes gone.

But cause what my main problem was my back. If you're hunched low, holding them or holding their seat, but this thing clicks onto the back wheel and then you can, it's almost pushing it like a buggy and you're just holding it to let them get going. And then you can let go and eventually you'll take it off but i would recommend that once my 12 minute thing has failed sure but my back's not gonna even my back can last 12 minutes but if anyone all right player only problem is your neck only lasts five minutes yeah

should we talk about how on rock and roll the tour is probably oh my god it's embarrassing it's absolutely hilarious so we've stayed away so we did three nights away and then can't agree in norwich we came back the same night and then we stayed over in edinburgh so four nights away so far on the preview show on the work in progress tours also thank you so much for coming to the work in progress they've been brilliant castle thank you so much for coming um it's really helped and i hope you've enjoyed yourself and the show's really coming together now and the show's really fun and good we're really happy with it yeah um there's a few things we need to cover that it's exposed about us number one i'm gonna go through them go on We're not rock and roll at all. No. So we've stayed in four hotels, four nights in four hotels.

And apart from Edinburgh, because we had friends, every single night we've got back to reception and gone, see you, and just walked immediately to our room separately. Like, not even a sniff of, fancy a quick drink? Or shall we have a drink? Like, and even... Two dads, desperate, desperate to be on their own in a bed. even a sniff of fancy quick drink or shall we have a drink like and even and even two dads desperate desperate to be on their own and even in edinburgh like i wanted to catch up my friends but you were

only being polite really really deep they're very nice lovely people but you wanted to go you had half a sip of your drink and then you fucked off to bed quite rightly i've done the same match the day you had on lovely time but yeah there's no part of us imagine going for a drink that wasn't in the hotel that was directly

below our bedrooms oh my god I just can't even comprehend there's a comedian I know he'll like to go in the busiest bar

in the town and sit at the bar and talk to the locals yes I know this that is literally I just I'm so far from that I want to go and talk to the locals. Yes. I know this. That is literally, I just,

I'm so far from that. I want to go, I just want to be on my own, read my book in bed and watch Match of the Day. Is there anything wrong with that? I'm not Keith Richards. I've made my peace with it. Yeah, but there are some,

some comedians do that. I've heard that from some, that they'll go, right, where's the busy bar? And they'll go to the big centre of town, night spot, stand at the bar, get a drink and just chat to everyone that comes. I'm too tired. Yeah, I'm knackered, mate. I'm absolutely knackered.

And those people that do like two and a half hour shows, I'm like, what? That's too long. Nice 90 minutes, job done, see you later. Yeah, we're having a lovely time. My friend said, what's it like? Do you enjoy touring with Rob? And I said, oh great he's so professional am i professional that's what i like about it rob i do the job and we go to bed i'm very professional when it comes to gigging it is like that i have to give properly i will never be drunk or if the show's tonight because the way i

look at it is people have spent the hard-earned money exactly i've got a babysitter it's a ball it's a ball late going out especially now i've got kids and how much fucking effort it takes to leave my house so if i want someone who's just pissing about and not put the effort in it drives me fucking loopy but yeah you're very professional as well because i think that's when it could crumble if like one of us weren't putting the effort in but it'll drive me mad the thing i'm learning from you is about talking to people rob so the first time so i'm trying to talk to people less to conserve my energy for the show yes so yeah so i see the first time was when we were coming back from uh canterbury yeah so because we live in different parts of london you had one guy

driving you had a different guy driving me big up allen and alley big up allen and alley and you were like sit you just sit in the back chill out because i always sit in the front and feel i need to make conversation because that's who i am yeah yeah so i was like i used to do that and then but it's too tiring if you're chatting to someone for two hours on a drive and then you've got to do a two-hour show you need to conserve your energy so this was after the show i get in i sit in the back and i'm like this is the new me i'm gonna sit in the back i'll make five minutes polite conversation headphones in audio book lovely sit in the back i'm going this is brilliant and i'm like so uh ali what's the what other what other other people have you worked with on tour?

And he said, well, the first people I worked with, I worked with Blur from their first tour up to 1997. And I was like, oh, for fuck's sake. Climbing into the front seat. What does Damon eat before the show? Exactly. I had to spend the whole fucking journey shouting from the back to get every anecdote I possibly could about Blur.

Also, he's in a big people carrier thing. I was fucking miles away. It's like trying to talk to a bus driver. But it would have been so rude if he'd said Blur and I'd gone, pull over, and then I just got in the front. Tell me everything you know.

Tell me everything you know. Or just go home, record it, and I'll listen to it as a podcast on my time exactly but that is true because i used to think oh i was so obsessed with looking rude and being rude and stuff but then also you've got to balance it out where you need to do what's best for you to be good at what what you do do you know what i mean so yeah like i talk to people all the time that's my natural thing but when i'm tired and stretched i have to have i have to have enforced quiet this is part of my recovery from breakdown 2022 yeah classic uh that classic year is talk just spend much more time on my own in my own head and then we got on the

plane rob to edinburgh and you went to sleep yeah immediately in, hood up, off. Obviously, I have a chat the whole way to the woman who sits next to me. She's a nice lady. Lovely. Do you know what? The problem is, I'm interested in people, Rob. I'm the same, though, but you have to hold it back or you run out of steam for the show. Because she worked in fashion and I was like, I've got so many questions.

Also, you were talking about East London And then the bit where I just put the headphones on loud Was when you went Do they have a Gales there? And I thought I'm fucking tapping out of this I'm tapping out of this fucking East End shit But it was like

What's Stella McCartney like? What do you think of Victoria Beckham? Have you met Anna Wintour? Will Kangol make a comeback? Exactly Exactly This is I'm always really What I'm really interested in Have you met Anna Wintour? Will Kangol make a comeback? Exactly. Exactly. This is... I'm always really...

What I'm really interested in is how other people's jobs work. What happened to Von Dutch? Exactly. The worst, I was at a wedding. And I sat next to a woman I didn't know. She said... I said, what are you doing? She said, I work for Tea Pigs.

You know, the tea company. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, that's an interesting job. So how does it work? And I started asking her all these really deepapigs, you know, the tea company. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, that's an interesting job. So how does it work? And I started asking her all these really deep, so where are you getting the tea? What are your big competitors? What's your biggest selling?

And I was really genuinely interested. Yeah. And after a while, she stopped and said, are you taking the piss? Are you like, are you taking the piss out of me? Because why are you so interested in this i was like i'm just interested in the tea industry no but i think we but that's what i think that's what make that's why we are comedians we have that sort of energy to be interested about things and go oh that's

strange and then be funny about it and just we've got quite a thirst of knowledge where ali who does the poor tour manager does loads of running and he's really good at it but we asked him so many questions about running his personal best what shoes he wears and he was exhausted by at the end of the chat he was like fucking hell shut up he ran he told me I went he ran from Birmingham to London. Really? Yeah. An ultra marathon. On the run or run? 120 miles.

Yeah, yeah. Did a bank job. He went off blur for 200 grand. He ran from Birmingham to London, 120 miles. Stopped every 10 miles to refuel. Right. Biggest mistake he made. He's driving a bloody electric car.

Am I right? Oh, really nice. A bit topical. He stopped at 4am, had a pizza, that was a mistake. His stomach was in bits for the next 10 miles.

Eating a pizza at 4am and it's not been a mistake. Yeah, exactly. Fucking pizza go-go. So where's he sourced that? Yeah. One, two, three chicken pizza. One of them ones.

Those basic, those drug dealers that pretend to have a chicken shop. Yeah. He had a pizza at 4am. Yeah. It's a refuel. We used to laugh about that. You know that Mars drink? Mars milk?

No, Mars, like, chocolate milkshake. Yeah, yeah. They had, like, refuel on it. Because I think it was, like think it was so calorific. It was like, we can't even pretend it's okay. Let's just pretend like, you've been exercising. Restock those sugar levels. I loved

a Mars milk. Loved a Mars chocolate milk. Does anyone look better physically than before they had a kid? Let's not bring the mood down. There's people listening to this. Sorry, sorry. I just can't shift it, Rob.

I just can't shift it. Also, we didn't even have to grow a baby. Imagine how hard it is to shift it. I've got these bits. It's like the bottom of my back. Bottom flank. It's like the flanks of my back. Yeah.

And they just... Over the top of the trousers. However big I buy the trousers. Yeah. You know, you should get some braces, little clown trousers. Yeah, but you look great, Josh. We're both being too harsh on ourselves. Obviously, we can get a bit fitter and lose a bit of weight or whatever,

but I think we're doing pretty well, so don't beat yourself up too much. You can't. Their abs won't make you happy, will they? But they but you know having a 4am pizza won't either so it's about exactly somewhere in the middle rip though in the alley anyway he's so ripped all his cheekbones um right let's do small business shout outs yes hello slags i was listening to a correspondence section the other day about a mum throwing her kids artwork away one of the things you mentioned would be a good idea is something my lovely wife actually started in lockdown. Oh, really good. This was about taking photos of them or digitally doing them and putting them in a book.

So this is it. It's called Easel Bear Books. Easel, E-A-S-E-L. The idea is that you post my wife your kid's non-shit artwork and she photographs them properly and gets them made into a lovely book to keep forever. She can also make books of birthday cards, school certificates, etc. Anything a parent. Oh, that's good. The birthday cards is nice.

Anything a parent wants to keep without filling the house with tons of paper. Your kids artwork is safely posted back to you with your book just in case you do want to keep it. Many customers also buy them as presents for relatives, and they always go down well that's a great business because i might do that because i've got loads now that i'm sort of just storing at my office um it's instagram easel underscore bear underscore books really good really good good stuff on the art world hi rob and josh we love the show so much we wanted to share with you our mission to make nursery photos better getting our kids to sit still smile for the camera in front of a small backdrop can make nursery photos rather stressful

and a pretty naff experience so many nurseries have wonderful staff and setups including outdoor spaces outdoor play photography encourages children to do what they do best, play. When children play they become more relaxed and more themselves around the camera so natural and authentic moments of joy are captured beautifully. The little smiles and facial expressions known to you that just warm your heart as a parent are always noticed when they play and just simply do their thing. As a photography business we massive believe it in the ethos of outdoor play for children's wellbeing and development, as well as candid photos for parents. We're on a mission to change nursery photo shoots.

If you're listening, please get in touch. Head to our website, outdoorplayphotography.com. Outdoorplayphotography.com for further information. Thank you so much, you sexy, beautiful beasts. Eileen. Beasts, I'm happy with that take it owner of outdoor play photography a mum to a 15 month year old nutter month thanks for listening two two quid in the in the swear jar um right okay that's uh that's good isn't it i'll see you uh next time

see you friday for a guest a guest lovely bye bye