Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP26: Samuel L. Joshson

Episode Date: April 7, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whittacombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be

honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing right you ready yeah hello you're listening it's not downloading Why didn't you say yes then? Because I clicked on it and it looked like it was downloading and then it just stopped downloading. Okay, fair enough. Oh, for fuck's sake. Michael. I've got it if you need it.

Oh, I've got it, I've got it. It's worked. Right. Has it? Yeah, it is there. Okay. Right, cool. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with...

Charlie, can you say Rob Beckett? I've done it. Well done, that's really good. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? No, I've done it. Well done, Charlie, that was amazing. Good boy. There we go.

I mean, she must work on kids' TV. Yeah. Or a kids' entertain work on kids' TV. Yeah. Or a kids' entertainer. That is... That is April and Charlie from... It's Cardiff. She doesn't sound Welsh. Why have I brought that up?

Charlie Mayo. Say Josh, where to come? Rob Beckett. Good boy. Rob, that is... Is that what you wanted? No, that sounded like a racist accent about someone who comes from the West Indies.

No. That was my Welsh. You sounded like you were trying... Rob Bearkit? That's not... Oh, that's better. Was it? Josh, where'd I come?

I think that sounds Welsh. Why don't we put that little sample on our Instagram with what accent's this? No. Because it'll end up with you being cancelled actually let's leave let's just sort of move on josh maybe yeah okay yeah yeah love the podcast i've been listening since having our little boy in 2021 and it really makes me chuckle the podcast here's my 21 month year old little boy she's written it 20 oh she's written it okay a little boy char Charlie Keep it sexy and relatable Love

April and Charlie From Cardiff Lovely stuff How are you Josh? Good Good You seem

Busy You seem a bit I'm actually alright Okay Tomorrow's quite busy What are you doing? If you consider doing Blankety blank

And going to the gym Busy I'm doing blanky blank the day after are you best gig in telly I love it I absolutely love it Maidstone

so close to my house yeah and that you know no offence to shows but the closer to my house the more likely I'm going to say yes yeah and all you've got to do

is just write a word on a bit of paper I know I'd love to work at BT Sport, Rob. It's eight minutes from my house. And you just get to watch Bradley Walsh be funny. Oh, I love Bradley Walsh. My mum and dad are coming to watch because they love Bradley.

Are they? Yeah. I'd love to get Bradley Walsh on this because he's got a son. Yes. Who's famous. We will definitely be able to get Bradley Walsh. Yeah, I'd love Bradley Walsh. I'll send his number to Michael now.

Oh, my word. Rob, this is what I expect from Rob Beckett. If someone said, name me someone who's got Bradley Walsh's phone number, I'd go Rob Beckett. Great guy. Wonderful man. I don't know when you're going to start presenting family fortunes, Rob, but you are, I'm going to say, you are our generation's Bradley Walsh.

Oh, I take that as a huge compliment. Yeah, I mean it. You are Mr. Entertainer entertainer mr entertainer and that's why it works because i am not mr entertainer that's why what are you i'm there as well well yeah i would i love those shows blankety blank i love blankety Fortunes, all those ones. They're classics, aren't they? If you could host one, which would it be? Do you know what?

I'd love to do Family Fortunes because... Gino De Campo does it at the moment, doesn't he? I don't want to talk him out of a job. But I like doing, like, talking to people and doing crowd work. And if you've got a family up there, it's really good to sort of jump between the mum, the dad, the brothers and sisters and all that dynamic and sort of slightly take the piss out of them what about strike it strike it lucky

strike it lucky no i think if they brought back strike it lucky i've got it josh i've got it yeah and you're gonna love it oh i know what it is you bet oh yes please oh i've been asking to host that for years rob if you host you bet can i be you know, like when they'd have like Lionel Blair? One of them little nerds that remembers stuff on it, of course. You can come and do all the tube stops in order. The great thing about you, Rob, is we've got such different tastes. I'd never be jealous of a job you had until you did You Bet. Green Park, Bond Street, Oxford Circus, Euston, London King's Cross.

He did it! He did it, everyone! Give it up for Josh. Well done, Josh. Oh, man. I'd love to do Celebrity You Bet. I'd love to bring back Celebrity You Bet. I'm the host.

You have a panel of experts normally whoever's in the charts that week and then celebs book me as a fucking expert i want to be an expert you could be an expert on it defo you know you'd be a great tessa sanderson lionel blair you'd be a great john virgo you'd be a great expert because you care about the show and you love it that's what you need enthusiasm then you need to bring on people like Joel Domet can do pie to like 2200 decimal places. Yeah, that would be good. Joel Domet, by the way. Joel Domet can also milk his nipples.

Did you know that? Joel Domet is the weirdest normal bloke you will ever know. I know. He's so much weirder than you think he is. He's so odd. Well, you just think that's Joel Domet. He seems like a normal guy. I imagine he probably does his presenting, goes home,

watches a bit of telly, goes to bed. Nah, he's doing weird stuff in the gym. He's milking his nipples. He's got random tattoos. He can do nunchucks. He was in an emo band. He got into barefoot running when he was a teenager. He's a barefoot runner.

And he used to run around his village barefoot. I love Joel. I love John. I love him. He's a good bloke. He's a great guy. Have a fucking kid, Joel. Have a kid so we can get you on. Come on, mate.

That's an easy fucking. Yeah, we'd love to have you on. It is nice when you have people on that you don't have to panic go on Wikipedia just before you talk to them. Yeah. Just to make sure nothing awful's happened that you don't bring up.

That's my research. Whenever I say, Josh, do you want to do the intro? That's my Google time. That's when I do my research. Awful when we had Alex Jones on. You were like, she said what about the Sandy Hook? Blimey. No wonder she's

doing this. She must be skint. She just paid out 500 million. No wonder she's on telly every day. Grafting away. Oh, dear. Oh, on that, I just got a text from my agent, Rob. Oh, yes. I won't say what show it is.

You shouldn't be that surprised, really. You're not that busy. She's still got me number, then. It said, would you... Hi, Romesh, would you... Oh, sorry. And that is funny, though. People don't know that,

but obviously in any job, there's a hierarchy of who people want first. So you'll get offers, but if you scroll down the email enough, sometimes the agent forgets to take it out. It will start off... Oh, I love it. I just wondered if

it normally would lee evans be interested in like some mental show and they go how about michael mcintyre no jonathan ross romesh no um kevin bridges no rob would rob yeah rob will do it he's all right he's up for that i got one where i was referred to as greg throughout the pitch document greg which one would it be, Greg? Davis, presumably. It was quite a long time ago. I don't think you two work in the same sphere, do you? It was a long time ago, I think. Well, he didn't, I tell you

that because he said no. Well, a long time ago? What was he, six? This was a funny one. Yeah. I got one where Jack D had turned it down, right? And there was a script, and they'd done find-replace of the word Jack with the word Josh. Yes, okay.

And then halfway through the script, there was a line, and it said, Samuel L. Joshson. that's so good Samuel Joshson oh that's funny yeah sorry what what's your agent said

I won't say what show it is but I've been asked to do can I say this you can say yeah yeah strictly yeah no to be fair that this is the time of year when they're not asked to do it i think it's like would he be interested yeah i've been yeah i've been asked to do strictly i think that's fair you can say that can't you yeah what's the worst case scenario they they ban us from doing it would you do it in i'd do it rob in five to ten years so i just don't want to go out in week one rob i just don't want to go out in week if i could guarantee that i'd got to week four

if i thought i was good but i'm really bad it's every weekend there though just clapping if you go out week one isn't it oh god just watching and clapping everyone i don't want to dance down the stairs that's the other bit i don't want to do the little wave as you come out the top i don't want to have to stand there dancing while everyone else comes out do you know what i mean i hate dancing right yeah so there's a world where if my career goes the way i intend it to i will never do strictly because i'm not a dancer and I don't enjoy it. I think it's a brilliant show. I absolutely love watching it with the girls. It's superb.

If you like dancing, of course it's your dream show to do. It's amazing. But for me, if you see me on there, I am skint. The back's against the wall. Taxman's knocking and I'm there smiling and I'm ready to go to work.

I'm ready to go to town on the Charleston to pay my bills. The reworked you bet didn't really work out. You bet it didn't. Yeah, but I think you'd quite like it. You're a bit of a dancer, aren't you? You like music. I don't think that's how it works. You like music, don't you? I do like works you like music i do like music i don't

like do you know what i would do i'd do the christmas special would you yeah because it's not a big commitment it's like a one-off dance and i'm happy just to be the comedy guy because i think if you go on and do one dance and you're the comedy and i'm i am terrible at dancing so it will be awful as well it's not like I'm like depriving the UK of this great dance. Rob, shall I reply and say I'll do the Christmas special? Yeah.

Is this the thing where you're talking me into it? No, no, no. So when I'm not so busy, the girls are desperate for me to do Strictly. I've said to them, if they'll have me,

I'll do the Christmas special one year when I'm not so busy and they're a bit older. Maybe I'd like to do the Christmas special. But I couldn't commit to doing it for like three months. No. I'm so bad at dancing.

I'd hate dancing. Can you imagine this podcast, Rob, if I was mid-strictly? It's so strange. Busy weeks for you. Your busy day is going to the gym, right, and sitting down and watching Bradley Walsh perform and then occasionally writing down tomato.

That's you huge stress. After a disaster with the car because it had no petrol in. Yeah. You're up. I don't think Strictly is going to fit into your... Look, Josh, you can't... The last leg takes up three days a week.

You're going to do last leg writing, dance, last leg writing, dance, last leg on the telly, next day, live performance all day Saturday. You'll be knackered. We do this on a Monday without talking to a corpse. And the other thing, Rob,

what if the dancer finds me irresistible? Well, that is the danger, isn't it? You get all sweaty and horny. Before you know it, your life's over. And then you've got to do Strictly again to pay off the divorce. That's the problem with Strictly. That's the problem with Strictly.

It resurrects a career, ruins a marriage. It'll make you feel all sexy, Josh. You've never felt sexy really before, but all of a sudden, you'll be that sexy guy doing the Paso Doble. Oh my God,

I'd have to be waxed. Yeah, you're so hairy. Oh no. You're all coarse as well. You're like a sort of, no, you know them like little terrier dogs. You've got them wiry hairs.

My eyebrows are unbelievable, Rob rob they are so wiry they grow by the minute honestly i've got serious eyebrow problems you've got serious i don't think once again i've overstated it i enjoy the intensity into your descriptions and stuff it's great how's his parenting been this week, Rob? Let's move on to that. Well, I wanted to talk to you about yesterday as well. I don't know if you want to get on to that. The Plymouth match.

The Plymouth match, and you wore a cream suit. I wore a Spice Boys. Are you aware of the reference? I'm very aware of the reference. For people that aren't, do you want to explain? When Liverpool got to the FA Cup final in 1996, they all kind of notoriously wore these... I don't know what the make was.

It was very expensive. Armani, I think it was. Armani it was, yeah, it was Armani. And it was kind of seen as the pinnacle of... They were called the Spice Boys because they were all about style over substance. Yes. Arguably.

And so I got asked... Plymouth got to the final of the Papa John's Cup. Yes. At Wembley. At Wembley. A lot of people there, 80,000 people. Plymouth sold out as 38,000. Do you know, Rob, it was the most attended game in Europe this weekend.

And the M5 was a disaster because of it. Yeah. Is that Plymouth, the M5? M4. M4. Shit. Fuck. Shit.

Shit. It's such good stuff, the M5? M4. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Such good stuff, wouldn't it? And so... So you got invited to walk out with the ball and the trophy. With the ball. Vernon Kaye walked out with the trophy because he's a Bolton fan and I walked out... It's so much bigger than you and me, Josh. It's hilarious.

He's such a big man. He's fucking massive. And he was wearing normal clothes. Yeah. And you're wearing a cream suit with a green and white striped tie. Yeah. And a flower. And I was allowed to bring a plus one down to the tunnel.

Yeah. So I brought my brother. Yeah. And Vernon Kaye brought European Cup winner Ivan Campo. Is he mates with Ivan Campo then? Yeah, he was. Yeah, Ivan Campo was in his box. Yeah.

I mean, Vernon Kaye's brother must have been pretty pissed off. I can't imagine Ivan Campo was getting the same buzz of being down near the dugouts

as I was. I bet he didn't get his photo taken with the ball. It's a waste of a plus one, I think. You need a Bolton fan down there.

Yeah. Obviously, Campo had played for Bolton. He'd never played at Wembley. I had that chat with Ivan Campo. I said to him, when I met him, I said,

oh, I saw you once in Bar Bar, which is a cocktail bar, in Manchester in 2004. You were with Yuri Zhorkaev and Dean Holdsworth, the two other footballers, for people who don't know. And he kind of chuckled and went, oh, that wasn't me. I'm a professional, with a kind of wink. Oh, a bit of fun.

Great, great bants. Great bants with Campo. So yeah, I wore a cream suit. You must have looked like a little page boy. me i'm a professional with a kind of wink a bit of fun great great bands great bands with campo so yeah i wore a cream suit you must have looked like a little page boy yeah i did i looked and obviously a page boy is gay uncle's wedding i'll be honest with you rob yeah very few of the footballers were old enough to understand the reference of my cream suit obviously you have to do a lot of explaining about that suit. Yeah, yeah. So the actual Plymouth players were looking at you.

Did you have to explain to them what was going on? They just thought I'd worn a funny suit, I think. Because it is a funny suit in and of itself. Yeah, in itself it was funny. You looked at Josh, you looked fucking hilarious. I spat out my drink when I saw you on Instagram. I couldn't believe you've done it. It's the least Josh Whittakin thing I've ever seen. I know.

It's so out of character to wear a funny suit. It's so, like, attention-seeking as well, in a way. Not in a horrible way, because it's fun. No, no, no, but it is, yeah. It's like, it's a bit stunty, isn't it? Yeah. Which I just don't do. Yeah.

But once I'd joked about the idea, it was in my head all week. Yeah. And then I pulled the trigger on it idea, it was in my head all week. Yeah. And then I pulled the trigger on it on Wednesday. Where'd you get it from? My friend Inca, she does the wardrobe on The Last Leg, and I said, could you source me a suit like this? Perfect. Yeah.

I didn't expect her to do the flower as well. It was perfect. It was perfect. It was so good. It was so funny. Anyway, it just cracked me up. But I'm glad you did it, though. It's funny.

Yeah. Anyway, we lost cracked me up. But I'm glad you did it, though. It's funny. Yeah. Anyway, we lost 4-0. I didn't want to bring that up. I'd say we were lucky. A lucky 4-0 defeat. We're fucking brilliant normally. We're top of the league, right? We're in the same division as Bolton.

We're higher. We beat them this season in the league that's mad and we just absolutely got destroyed i think it was your suit we were two nil down within 10 minutes so i took off the unlucky suit yeah on my other clothes and we were four nil down then it was a quite a depressing defeat as well because you got beaten up you're two nil down straight away we were two nil down then i was like we got to half time and I thought right if we score in the second half

it's totally the pressure's on them yeah and then we let in two goals in the first ten minutes of the second half as well it was unbelievable oh did you stay to the end

yeah I did I got a bit drunk Rob oh and I regretted it because there's free booze because I was in a box yeah and also

you need a bit of Dutch courage to wear that suit on the touchline next to Vernon Kaye. Yeah, well, that's what happened is I had a drink because I was so nervous about wearing the suit. That's what happened to me in the Euros. I was nervous about wearing a bucket hat, so I got shitfaced. Yeah. And then it all went to pot. Yeah, exactly. I got so

pissed by the end. I looked at my phone this morning. Yeah. And there's a photo of me with the Plymouth chairman, and I don't remember meeting him. What was you drinking? Just beer. So how much beer did you have? Well, this was the problem. I had yogurt for breakfast, Rob.

Yeah, of course you did. Yep. And then you get a meal when you're in a box. A three course meal. Do you not want to go with his fans? Well, I wanted to take all my friends. No, I wanted to take all my friends. Yeah, because there's no space in the stands. We we sold it out i thought it would be an event yeah yeah okay so

you took your friend they gave me a box for doing the oh okay fair enough that makes sense yeah yeah so they were like do you want a box i was like yeah yeah fucking hell yeah i didn't pay for it rob whose box was more fun yours or ver Kaye's well he had a European Cup winner in it yeah and Paddy McGuinness and they were 4-0 up yeah I bet Paddy McGuinness was annoyed he didn't

get to take on the trophy yeah but there we go then the breaks I congratulated Vernon about Radio 2 that was nice yeah oh nice

he starts soon didn't he yep he starts in May he's so much energy isn't he oh yeah he's just got a lovely energy about him

I really love life I've not met him before yeah he was really loving life. I think he said, this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I hosted Splash.

Oh, lovely stuff. It was great day. Great day. Did you have to do a bit on the pitch then? Or was that just to you? Yeah. We were interviewed by Sky. So we can watch this?

Yeah. I suppose it'll be on... Can you re-watch a match on Sky? Like, I don't know whether it's... Yes, you can, Nanny. On the mark, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can record it and all. You can pause live telly now.

Do you know about that? I've been doing it for the last... Fucking hell! Only like 17 years, yeah. But I don't have to pay for a colour TV licence with my black and white TV, so that's good.

Saves me a bit of money. Yeah, all good stuff. Keeps the cost down. Snooker's tough, but... Yeah, we just had a great day. Oh, good. Oh, this is why I was drunk. Well, a combination of three booze in the box

and also I had yogurt for breakfast, had my starter, which was asparagus. Yeah. And then I got called down to the pitch, so I missed the rest of the meal. Oh, so you didn't eat? Oh, yeah, that's no good. So I didn't eat.

And then I fell asleep when I got home at 8pm and I slept through. Really? Yeah, although Rose when I got home at 8pm and I slept through really yeah although Rose said I got up in the night and did the longest piss she's ever heard

she said she heard me having a piss she then fell back to sleep woke up and I was still having a piss Lou's mentioned how long I pissed for

before like god that's a long one isn't it that's a long one, isn't it? That's a long piss And you know what? Like, sometimes you get busy with kids and stuff And you don't really sort of focus on your own relationship And give each other compliments

And I actually got a bit of a buzz out of it I was like, yeah, it is actually It is quite a long piss, actually, isn't it? Yeah, you're right Yeah Do you know what? You're a big old bladder Do you know what?

I've got a big old bladder A big old belly, yeah I have a big old piss You know me Just a big old bladder. Do you know what? I've got a big old bladder, a big old belly, I have a big old piss. You know me. Just a big old guy having a piss. Oh, you must have needed to sleep though. What time do you wake up? Seven-ish?

Eight? Yeah, I woke up at five and thought, I bet you I'll wake here. And then I fell back to sleep till 7.30. 7.30? So 11 and a half hours. Oh, good. So you're a bit groggy from drinking,

but you're full of energy. Yeah. A bit sad. Yeah, I'm all right. Yeah, fine. I'm fine. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. A bit sad. Yeah, I'm all right. Yeah, fine. I'm fine. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

What have I been up to? I've been ill, Josh. You know what? Last time we spoke, I went to the doctors, didn't I? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For my toe and sinusitis. Oh, yeah. Which did you lead with in the end?

Well, I got there and I had to wait like 40 minutes because they were busy, which is fine. I understand the NHS is under pressure. Yeah. And then I went in and I said, look, I've got an infected toe toe i've been putting this cream on it lou had this cream from america and antibiotics on it but it was a bit pussy it was horrible i don't want to ruin people's breakfast or whatever yeah okay anyway she went yep that is nasty and then she gave me some antibiotics for it and she sort of said to keep it clean give some antibiotics and then i said oh also as well i've got sinus i can't which was only one thing at appointment. I was like, oh.

And she like laid down the law. I went, yeah, I'm really sorry. And then I basically just kept on talking about it. And then she went, okay then. And then so she's given me this like, it's chronic sinusitis. But antibiotics don't work because it's like a viral thing. It's so horrible. I have to.

She's given me this steroid spray, which I have to use. Yeah. So, but like I have to slowly wean myself off it because it's steroids. I have to wash my nose out, Josh. What? Have you ever washed your nose out? No. How do you do that?

It's so horrible. You get a little bottle, what looks like a drinks bottle. You fill it with water, like bottled water. What? And spray it up your nose? But some saline stuff that you dilute in it. And then you hunch over the sink. Oh, my God. Put the little nozzle over the sink. Oh, my God.

Put the little nozzle up your nose. Oh, my God. And then open your mouth and just squeeze water until it comes out the other nostril. What? No. Yeah. How does that feel?

Horrible. Why do you open your mouth? In case some goes down the back, because it's all connected in it, so that it can fall out your mouth as well. Oh, my God. It is horrible. The first time I did it, Josh, I was like, this can't be my life.

Oh, my God. How long have you got to do it for? Well, so I've been doing that all week, and I'm reducing my sprays now, but I'm a lot clearer. Fucking hell, we are both 200 years old. But it's much better, but my head's still a bit sore. But flying makes it worse, and I've been flying with work, but I'm not flying for a bit now.

But my head is still quite sore and tender and i think it's still doing well rob what's that oh good stuff lovely lovely bit of business it's all good stuff you're on saturday night takeaway well yeah so i'm still under the weather so like i've been going to bed imagine that you're on saturday night takeaway and you're going to spray your nose out as well oh i know celebrity is not what people think exactly so i've been going to bed at like 9 p.m every night i'm exhausted i've got basically like i'm run down yeah it's like a virus basically a virus essentially but it's emanating from my head so my head's really sore i get headaches and loud noises they're really difficult it really like shudders through me so i went to docs on

monday on tuesday i went to a k-pop gig at wemberly i've never heard people scream so loud in my life it was like take that back in the day right yeah so i did that and then i did saturday night that was for work just the k-pop gig right yeah for work with romesh so we were filming there yeah i went to a saturday night takeaway amazing show and and deck two of the loveliest people ever meet and because they're lovely the whole team are. It's like going to this huge, amazing family. Yeah. They're loving life. The crowd, I've never heard a crowd love life more,

more than K-pop. The noise was so loud, I thought my head was going to explode. I stood there with sinusitis doing the intro to the show. Hello! And I'm screaming and my head's... You know when you can hear your head pulsating? Yeah.

I'm like, welcome to Saturday Night Takeaway. And, you know, Apple Watches tell you if you're in a place that's too loud. The producer's watch went off and it said, this room is exceeding those decibel levels. Do not stay in this room for longer than half an hour. And he looked at me straight in the eye and went, I've been doing this for 90 minutes every Saturday for eight years. His ears must be absolutely fucked.

Fuck, yeah, now. And then I'm just sat on a bus with Busted, Ant & Dec, Ryland, Andy Peters, Flurry, Jordan North. On a bus? Yeah, because we were all like, come on. Like music blaring. My head was like. And they was like, do you want to come for a drink? I was like, I'm going to go home.

My head hurts. It's so loud. It's a want to come for a drink? I was like, I'm going to go home. My head hurts. It's so loud. It's a great show. It was fun, though, to do. I was almost on that via FaceTime, Rob. Oh, was you? Yeah, I got a text from my agent. It said, would you be willing to FaceTime Rob for 15 seconds on Saturday night

when he's on Saturday Night Takeaway? And then six hours later you don't need to do that anymore the item's been dropped right okay yeah that happens a lot on the show yeah

because it's live and then like I had a line to do but you have to do sort of like the jokes are all because they're like all family friendly jokes

it's quite good ones actually but they were like oh Andy Peters was on I was like it's great to see Andy Peters he reminds me of my childhood and they go

oh what from kids TV I go no he's played darts with me dad yeah nice but I was was doing it going oh it's good stuff isn't it right it's still to come and stuff like that but no it's good fun but um but yeah it's very loud when you're not well but i'm getting better oh right so kids stuff here we go so you know my brother had a baby i've got another niece my daughters are obsessed with her and they did the cutest things it's quite a cute story. Yeah. Because they can notice black and white, can't they, kids?

So Lou was buying them black and white books when they're really young, like a few weeks old. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's only sort of black and white shapes they can see. Yeah, yeah. So my daughters went upstairs, and they found black and white outfits so the baby could see them. Oh, my God.

That is nice. That is cute, isn't it? Yeah. However, on the other side, I found out that they're bullying Alexa. Oh, no. The shit girl at school? No, on the other side, I found out that they're bullying Alexa. Oh, no. Is she a girl at school? No, the speaker. No, I know.

Bit of fun. Bit of fun. It's good family-friendly stuff. No, it's not the girl at school. It's the girls from their gymnastics class. It's like, you know, the government when they do prime minister's questions and they agree, they go... It's all good stuff.

Yeah, so they go like, Alexa, shut up. And I'm like, you can't say that, that's rude. They go, but she's not real. And I'm like, but they're lovely to everyone else, but they're being a... But part of me is like, look, girls, we don't know how good ai is gonna be yeah yeah yeah and if i know anything about ai they'll remember that

they're first up against the wall when the robots rise to take on the alexas they're the ones they'll get you first and they'll remember that made a bad enemy there yeah exactly they're already harvesting that data they'll remember you said that to them but i I don't know how hard to... Because if they said what they say to Alexa to a child at school, they are, no, you're in trouble. They are getting a severe telling off the way they're talking. But it's hard when they're talking to a computer. It's hard to know the line, isn't it? I want Alexa to give some back.

Just go, oh, fuck off. Just fuck off. Just fuck off, you. All night I play Mamma Mia while you groan and turn and whinge for an adult. You pathetic little runt. Grow up. Fucking twat. Mamma Mia, here I go.

Oh, man. You should take your daughters to ABBA. The Voyage. Voyage. It's so good. Really? It's so good. I want to take them to Abba... The Voyage. Voyage. It's so good. Really? It's so good. I want to take them to that Mamma Mia Experience restaurant, though,

but I think it's for adults. Have you seen that? Yeah, that's all right, isn't it? Well, no, but there's all just, like, Hindus getting shit-faced. Do you know what I mean? Because it's from the film. Oh, my God.

Rose went to Magic Mike this week. Did she? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Who with? With Ellis and Mike Bobbins. Two fellas.

Just two blokes. No, she went with three of her girlfriends. Yeah. And they went for dinner and then they went to Magic Mike. And she said, I'm not going to enjoy it. Loved it. And I thought, yeah. I knew she'd love it.

She absolutely loved it. Did she? Did they get her on stage? And one of her friends, Sophie, high-fived all the dancers as they came off stage. Really? Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. So I was thinking about this. What's the male equivalent that we could get away with? What, going to? If we just went to a strip club, that's not allowed. Yeah, I don't think that would be allowed. No, absolutely not. And I sort of agree with that. Have you been to Magic Mike?

Haven't you been with Romesh? No, we were going to do it, but in the end we got Lion King for the West End episode, which I think suits it more, as much as the producers wanted us to do that. Yeah. Is there a storyline? I don't understand.

I don't know. I've got no idea. You've got to watch the Chippendales documentary if you haven't watched it. Really? It's fucking brilliant. But how is it okay women go and watch Magic Mike and that's not just strippers?

Because it is just men stripping. I don't know, know rob i feel like men need an entry level to strip clubs isn't strip clubs magic mary well i don't want to go to magic mary though rob i do do you know but i think it's weird isn't it because imagine a site of magic mary with a load of blokes going bleh. It's a different atmosphere, isn't it? Yeah. It's not right. I just thought about the mechanics of it. What do you think would happen if we went to Magic Mike? Do you think... We would be up on stage immediately. Yeah, like, do you think it would make the papers

if just me and you went out for the evening to go to Magic Mike? I think that's fine. No, I know it's fine. I know it's fine, Rob. Are you suggesting that the story would be that we're gay? No, I just think it would be an odd thing for us to do. Yeah, that's fine. No, I know it's fine. I know it's fine, Rob. Are you suggesting that the story would be that we're gay? No, I just think it would be an odd thing for us to do. Yeah, that would be really weird, yeah. It would be a weird thing for us to do. Why would we just go, oh, fancy a night out, let's go and watch Magic Mike?

Let's just go and watch Magic Mike. Because we want to see what the fuss is about. What? Men's bodies? No, just... What fuss? It's a big show. The fuss about Magic Mike is not the show. It's a big show. The fuss about Magic Mike is not the show. It's a big show. It must be a good show.

Yeah, but it's not because of the show. It's not the choreography. Shall we go? It'd be a good episode, wouldn't it? What of this? If we went to Magic Mike. Well, I'm worried that we're getting cancelled for suggesting Magic Mary. Yeah, I also think there's got to be a sexier name than Mary, Rob.

Well, I don't think it's a name, is it? I mean, I've met a lot... I suppose Mike's not sexy. No offence, Michael. Mike, yeah, so... Actually, we went and it was Michael. I mean, it would be very surreal. Oh, I need to talk to you about something about this podcast. Have you heard of...

Is it called Tattoo Life, this website? No, I'll put it in it is awful right it's basically it's for people that think that you know twitter's not toxic enough right there's not enough hate and anger on there so basically i'm on tattle life it's a commentary website on public business social media accounts without commentary critiques of people that choose to monetize their personal life as a business and release it into the public domain. So it's all just like slagging off.

Oh no, have they gone for us? No, they don't really go for anyone, but it's like Reddit where there's threads, but it is very negative. And then there was that Instagrammer who went under a pseudonym and started slagging off. Oh, is this what Mum of Daughters went on? They talk about Mrs Hinch, Stacey solomon stacy solomon puts a new

post up it'll be on tattle life straight away and everyone will go what they think of that but we're there by proxy really because we're on there well yeah because we're not really under rob are we under families gurus instagrammers bloggers influencers or traditional celebs don't don't look oh no don't i not going to look it's really toxic it's not great is it have you looked don't get involved

if Twitter does your editing don't look at that oh yeah I'm not going to it's basically a place for people to really express their opinions but with a bit of anonymity yeah

because that's what the internet needs more dark corners for people to shout out yeah so if I was to read I'll just click on a random one don't you look at it mate that will bring no good

to anyone that reads it I feel like I'm talking about the Indiana Jones thing yeah there's people just slagging everyone off basically on a random one don't you look at it mate that will bring no good to anyone that reads it i feel like i'm talking about an indiana jones thing yeah there's people just slagging everyone off basically yeah they're not happy about nick knolls but we're sort of there by proxy because we sort of we're not really social media accounts i'm not going to click on us but i'd love to know which we're under i don't know anyway but um i think we come under the sort of parenting people right wow so why did you bring this up just so that i know it exists but i don't don't know. But I think we come under the sort of parenting people. Wow. So why did you bring this up? Just so that I know it exists, but I don't.

Don't go there. But yeah, I probably should have brought it up. I don't know why I brought it up. Be honest. Have you been on ours? Yes. Because Lou's aware of it and she told me about it. So I looked at it and I was like, this is awful.

Oh. It's not good. Oh my God. Yeah. But not just about us, about everything. It's sort of a negative view of everything. I don't know whether to put this in because we've given it press, but anyway. God, it's a weird place.

Very bleak, the internet. Yeah. Anyway, oh no, what was I talking about? They're not happy about Mrs. Hinch. What's that? Fucking hell, these people are really angry, aren't they? Oh, it's horrible. It's really horrible.

It's not good for anyone. Oh, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. So we got absolutely screwed over by our kids because they're getting quite clever now and they're ganging up on us josh yeah because they're seven and five and they weren't allowed their ipads yeah because they'd been on too long and then we were on our phones and they went because you have your phones can we have ipads what do you say and i had to put my phone down yeah because it is just you can't say you're not allowed on it and then be on it all day no exactly, exactly. How bad do you feel when you're on your phone with your kids? I feel awful, but I still do it.

But that's my new thing to stop doing it as much. Because before, when you've got younger kids, you do need it. Because you're just feeding them a bottle and you're just sat there. And you don't just stare at the wall. You're on it like that. But then actually what happens is, they're not as demanding, but you're just hooked. But then you've got to try and come off it to do more things with your actual kids. And play with them and do puzzles and stuff like that but then actually what happens is they're not as demanding but you're just hooked yeah but then you've got to try and come off it to do more things with your actual kids and play with them and do puzzles and stuff like that and it's something that i don't do very well but it's

something that that is the new the new plan yeah oh recorder progress you want some recorder progress yeah hit me so for people that are just listening my daughter wasn't doing any clubs and then the school encouraged her to go to recorder club she was very nervous didn't want to go in the end she did she felt very good about it and was pumped full of beans and then she'd been going a few weeks

and then in the class she wasn't very confident about doing it the teacher said oh who's been going to recorder club and then they'll put their hand up

and then my daughter said I've been going do you want me to show you what we've learned and then she played a song to the class oh my word Rob so that's good isn't it

what a turnaround yeah that is great and then she had to play in assembly with the other kids to the other school and did all that so but we me and lou could have pulled the trigger on it and said no don't send her in because she got very anxious and upset and didn't want to go and every part of me wanted to go don't let my child cry solve the problem don't make her go recorder club however yeah the little bit of tears short-term pain long-term gain she's flying now full of confidence so right at that point though we nearly pulled the plug on it but we were right not to yeah yeah force your kids to do stuff that's the moral of the story yeah if they're crying just say stuff up get on with it yeah no in a way, that is slightly true.

You can't be too soft with them. Yeah, you can't. And I think sometimes if your parents were harder with you, not saying mine were, but you can go too far the other way. Yeah. Can't you? So I think it was good to sort of allow them to do things that are scary with your support

rather than trying to solve the problem for them. Yeah. It's the way I'm trying to do it anyway. Yes. I think that's a good tip. I'd like your advice on this bit of parenting, Rob. Yeah, go on. So my son now has a permanent man bun.

Okay. Not out of my choice. Right, okay, yep. Rose refuses to get his hair cut. Yep. And it's a difficult one to push through. Yep. Do I just own it that i've got a son with a man bum well or do i as i'm currently doing keep making excuses for it whenever i bump

into someone while i've got my son with me okay let's talk through the excuses all right josh how's it going i haven't seen you for ages this must be your new little boy yes but i don't like his man bun and it's my wife's decision cool okay he's like you're that on top of it just straight off the bat yeah yeah straight in the back straight down the lens i don't like this yeah so what's the plan though well it's not that i don't like it i've actually got used to it now yeah so it's not i don't like it i'm embarrassed to be that dad yeah but your dad had a ponytail i think it's bringing back past trauma yeah do you think yeah yeah but does he like it well he doesn't have a view on it does he because he's a child yeah sure okay he's not going this is a bit east london for my tastes

do you know what if he lived anywhere else other than victoria park i think it'd be all right that's the issue yeah i think there's such a like a man bun works in a coffee shop barista skateboard zone kind of vibe yeah that that's difficult yes but what's the plan he's never he's never had a haircut has he no and he's what two nearly yeah he looks like pebbles from the simpsons of the flintstones really pebbles i don't know that reference i'm gonna have a little look pe Pebbles. I thought it was Bam Bam but it's Pebbles. Cool. Okay.

But yeah, it's quite cute but so what do you when you say I don't really like the man bun what are we doing Rose? What's her? We just can't cut his hair. She likes it too much

she'll say. So are you styling it or is it all just Well it's styled into a man bun. It's never been cut. So what kind of man bun? Like a proper like a footballer one

all at the back? Yeah. Like yeah it looked like andy carroll he looks like andy carroll well let me see if i can find a picture no he looks exactly like me rob but with a man bum yeah but she wants to keep it well i'd say it doesn't really matter if it depends how much she loves it to much how much you hate it yes mean, I just can't push it through. Do you think I should just own it, Rob? I'd argue that brushing hair is quite hard work. There you go. I've sent it.

There we go. Oh, he sent me the picture. Yeah, but if she loves it, really, just sort of. I don't think it's long enough for the bun. Do you not? I think it could just be down. He's got lovely hair. No, because it's all over his eyes.

It's all over his eyes. A clip? A clip. Oh, I don't know, Rob. I don't know anymore. down he's got lovely hair no because it's all over his eyes it's all over his eyes a clip a clip oh i don't know rob i don't know anymore yeah and i feel like it's not long enough for the man bun do you i feel like just clip it to the side if she wants it long yeah i don't know i don't know rob a clip or an alice band an alice band yeah bandana get him a bandana what like ed burn ed burn would wear a bandana when he, like Ed Byrne? Did he used to wear a bandana? Ed Byrne would wear a bandana when he wasn't... You know, during the rehearsal bit.

Well, it's not rehearsal. When you do Mock the Week, you'd, like, come down at about 2pm to the studio. Because he's got long hair, isn't he? We used to do that. We'd just come down to the studio and we'd sit around and they'd just tell you where to go and stand, basically, wouldn't they?

Yeah, and you'd uh i googled ed burn bandana nothing come up but the next one is ed burn shirt he's had some lively shirts in his time oh yeah oh yeah the flowery shirt on mott the week was almost like a first covid it's sort of like hugh dennis put one on it just caught on oh yeah manford did it as well yeah it's not spoken enough about the flowery shirt on TV comedians is it? No and you'd go down to the wardrobe bit of Mott the Week and there'd just be flowery shirts

everywhere. That was like ground zero. That was the Wuhan lab. Hugh Dennis would wear a flowery shirt under a jacket as well. Yeah. Just to go I'm a bit of fun. Parsons. You get fooled by this double breasted suit. I like a laugh as much as a net flowery shirted man. Oh, I loved Hugh Dennis.

God, yeah. That was a real contagious thing in the mid-naughties, wasn't it? Anyway. And each week, Hugh Dennis would do a thing where he'd voice over a clip, like of Prince Charles. Yeah, I remember that. And it would never make the edit why did he do that and he'd then just do the same thing the following week it was so bizarre and then you'd

come out and you'd get a massive cheer from the crowd and then he'd do an impression of a dinosaur that dinosaur rips it and i don't know if it's from an old bit he used to do he's the fucking rip yeah dara used to go it was a great line this is all behind the scenes of Mock the Week Dara would introduce him by saying a man of a thousand voices

all of them posh which was a lovely line big laugh great joke and then Hugh Dennis would come out and pretend to be a dinosaur and then

he'd do a thing where he goes it's TV it's all nonsense and he'd go this mic doesn't even work and he'd hold a mic away from his mouth

and still talk. And they could hear. Yeah. Because it was a mic on the lapel. The other joke they used to do is when they used to move all the cameras for the stand-up bit. Oh, yeah. They'd go, they've got to move cameras because you can't see a camera in shot. Because they wouldn't want anyone to know we filmed it.

Yeah. Good stuff. Lovely. Lovely. Every week. I loved it. I absolutely loved it. I liked the bit where I sat at the tables.

And I hated the bit where you had to walk down to the microphone. Oh, that bit on the edge and do your lines. That was hard. I was so bad loved it. I liked the bit where I sat at the tables and I hated the bit where you had to walk down to the microphone. Oh, that bit on the edge and do your lines. That was hard. I was so bad at it. The act out ones, especially when you start an act out and you know it's not working. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Oh, God. I remember once you were on it. I'm getting panicky thinking about it. And it was like things you wouldn't see in small ads. Yeah. And I had one about like a Rolf Harris joke. And I thought, I don't know why, but I thought, I've just got to get this in first because someone else is going to do it.

It's that good. Yeah. And I, unlike me, I pegged it down, first down. And I said the Rolf Harris joke and it was met with complete silence. Shuffle back up the steps. Shuffle back up the steps. Shuffle back up the steps. Tail between my legs. The only time I'd ever been confident going to the mic.

Also, if you say anything funny anywhere, in a pub or a restaurant or whatever, wherever you are, do you go, everyone stop, walk five paces forward to a microphone and go, it's time. And then do the joke. It puts so much pressure. So much pressure on each joke.

I was so bad at that bit. I was awful. I was so much better at the desk. And I can't do any voices, so I could never. People were like, inhabiting the characters. That was just me. before like inhabiting the characters. That was just me.

You just want Hugh Dennis to do like a one-man sketch for two minutes that absolutely rips it. And you go out and go, things a weatherman wouldn't say. Oh, a bit cold, isn't it? Oh God, kill me. I'd always try and follow someone who'd done a shit one. Yes. When someone did a shit one

It was like Greyhounds out the traps Quick Quicky shit I don't even know If I've got a joke Just stand and They'll be better

At that piece of shit And they also Rolled their way To such long legs Chris Addison Hugh Dennis That was like Three stripes

For me and you Shuffling on Oh my god Yeah I tell you what Nothing worse You do a bad one That was like three stripes for me and you. Shuffling on. Oh my God, yeah. I tell you what, nothing worse. You do a bad one. As you turn around, you see everyone pegging it down to confirm your suspicions. You're getting bundled out of the way,

like you're getting off the tube. Oh dear. Oh my God, I loved it. Great times. Great times. Oh, Jesus Christ. Right. it. Great times. Great times. Oh, Jesus Christ. Right. What else happened on What The Week?

I can't remember. Do write in if you want more of us talking about what it was like on a panel show, as we used to do. Andy Parsons used to eat a chocolate bar. Oh, yeah. After the first round every time. Always ate a chocolate bar, didn't he? Always ate a chocolate bar. Andy Pars he? Always ate a chocolate bar.

Andy Parsons had two drinks. Two drinks? Did he have two drinks? Yeah. Me and you used to have to sit on a cushion because we were too short. Yeah. That was my version of Hugh's dinosaur. I'd always come out and talk about the cushion.

Yeah. As if I was annoyed every time. Yeah, good stuff. I wonder when the dinosaurs... I'm going to text Dara now and say, just talking to Rob, why did Hugh Dennis pretend to be a dinosaur? Was it a reference to a bit he'd done before?

Yeah. I'm going to Google Hugh Dennis dinosaur, then we'll do small business shout outs. Yeah, okay. The beauty of this podcast is, if me and you had to talk for an hour, this is what we'd be talking about anyway. Hopefully people like it.

I just couldn't believe how much it ripped. Oh, he can see it online. He can see it online. If you Google Hugh Dennis walks like a dinosaur. It's such a good impression. He does it all the time. It's one from him years ago, live. If you go on YouTube.

Is that? Hang on, let's find this. I've got an advert for pain. I don't want an advert for pain. I want to see Hugh Dennis walking like a raptor. They say raptor. I didn't want an advert for pain I want to see Hugh Dennis walking like a raptor they say raptor I didn't know we did different dinosaurs

yeah Hugh Dennis' legendary raptor impression recorded at the warm up for the Now Show did he do it on that as well? yeah every warm up

where's it come from? right well I'll let you know let you know next week if you want to know what we're talking about you can literally it's on YouTube

he does it at Mott the Weekend just before the Now Show it's hilarious yeah he's doing it at Mott the Weekend just before the now. There we go. It's hilarious. Yeah, he's doing it with Russell Howard years ago. He's been going for about 20 years. Oh, yeah, I'm watching that, yeah. The Russell Howard meme.

Russell Howard don't know what to do. He's really walking like a dinosaur. Russell Howard stood there talking. What if Russell Howard stood up in the wrong bit? Oh, look, Russell Howard stood up in the wrong bit. He'll never have a career. Yeah. Just doing arenas around. Oh, Russell Howard's just pretending to catch bit. He'll never have a career. Yeah. Just doing arenas around.

Oh, Russell Howard's just pretend to catch him. All right. All right, very good. Good stuff. It's all good stuff. Anyway. Oh, look, he did it in outnumbered. No way.

Oh, this is hurting me. When did he do it in outnumbered? Oh, God. I fucking loved Outnumbered. That'll be like, it'll be on set again. So we're just sort of playing with kids and they've got dinosaurs. Do you know what? I've got them to leave here.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, dear. Good man, Hugh Dennis. Yeah, he is. Funny boy. Oh, dear. Very attractive in real life as well.

Very athletic body. Such a long leg. He'd run 10K every day, wouldn't he? Yeah. Very confident son. His son was incredibly confident. His son, when we met, was more confident than me and you

when we'd just been on the telly. He'd go, hi, Rob, Josh. I was like, who's this guy? He must be the boss of the production company. Oh no, he's... Hugh Dennis' 17-year-old son. He once said to A-Caster, Hugh Dennis' son. He once said to Acasta, Hugh Dennis' son. He once said to her in the green room,

are you really getting the hang of this show now? It's like... Very confident lad. Good on him. That's what you need, rather than shuffling in like little rats like me and you. I wonder if his sons can do the dinosaur. Anyway.

I don't know if it's genetic. Right, okay, let's do small business shout out. Okay. Right. Oh, Jesus. God, that's made me feel sick of excitement. Here we go. Go on.

Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm sure you get inundated, but I'm a little business. Just me. I do children's parties, entertain children with games and discos. I also face paint and do pamper parties, craft parties, and bear building parties, and even do and discos i also face paint and do pamper parties craft parties and bear building parties and even do school discos i'm so lucky i love what i do my business is called nicky's fancy faces parties and i cover northamptonshire warwickshire and parts of leicestershire and buckinghamshire thank you and you can find her on instagram at nickys, N-I-C-K-Y-S.

Fancy Face Parties. Parties, P-A-R-T-I-E-S. There we go. There we go. Hi, Rob and Josh. Love the podcast and listen to it weekly. Although I'm, get this, 28 and I live in Columbia. Ooh.

Childless. I'd like to give a small business shout out to my amazing mum who has just opened an independent Thai restaurant on Northcott Road in Columbia. Childless. I'd like to give a small business shout out to my amazing mum who has just opened an independent Thai restaurant on North Cot Road in London. I know North Cot Road. Used to live very near that. It's called Soy Thai. S-O-I Thai.

And they serve amazing authentic Thai food at amazing prices with a great kids menu. She opened the restaurant at the fine age of 58. And we are very proud of her go and check it out all the best rachel lovely stuff my kids don't eat thai they don't eat anything josh yeah they just my son will eat anything and my daughter's nightmare more picky i didn't achieve because they sent us a breville didn't they i did them a cheese toast he didn't like cheese

toast what kind of kid don't like a cheese toast oh my god it's my God. It's insane. Nicky's Fancy Faces Parties isn't on Instagram for some reason. What she said just doesn't exist anymore. But she's on Facebook. She's on Facebook. She's on Facebook. Nicky's Fancy Face Parties.

Children's Parties, Northampton. Get involved. Right, Josh. I'll see you next week. See you next week. Pleasure. Bye.

Bye.