Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP3: The One Where Lou Goes to New York...

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

17.01.2023 More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be

honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with okay can you say josh widdicombe? Sarcophagin. And can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Very good. There we go. Did you hear the name? I thought my ears heard Wolfgang. Your ears were correct. Wolfgang.

Hi, it's Josh and Rob. Huge fans of the podcast. This is our three-year-old son, Wolfgang. Open brackets. Welcome thoughts on the name, close brackets. From keep up the good work he's gotta be a tough fucking kid cal and chess cow k-a-l and chess chess like the board game cow chess and wolfgang they are three great names what would you call yourself if you're called Wolfgang? Would you go full or would you call yourself Wolfgang? I'd call myself a fucking victim at school. That's what I'd call myself.

Right, so I'm assuming they're German. Difficult to tell. Well, Kalle could be Kalle, which is a German name. K-A-L-L-E and Kalle for short. I like the name Wolfgang to say out loud. What would you go with? But he said, I just think you are creating

a small talk conversation. Giving your child the name Wolfgang is like going on first dates. It'll always be brought up. You know what I mean? You think every boy should be called Steve and every girl

should be called Jane, don't you? No, I don't mind the name Wolfgang, especially in Germany. I'm saying, if you live in chorley and your name's wolfgang you are having an extra conversation every day whatever you're doing yeah it's almost like being famous okay we're bringing up i'm bringing up british gas you answer the phone as british hello british gas at the moment. Oh, hello there. I need to sort out my account.

Okay, what's wrong? My name's Wolfgang. That's the first problem. You've come in quite early with that. But I am going to pause. Quite a weird way to start. Yeah, my name's Wolfgang. Okay.

Let me put that into my computer. Actually, we've done it the wrong way round, haven't we? The role play. Yeah, yeah. It's wrong because I'm trying to disprove the point. Alright, okay. I'll call up British Gas. I'll call up. Hello, gas company here.

Hello, yes, I'd like to make a complaint. Okay, cool. Can I take your name, please? Yeah, it's Wolfgang Smith. Look, mate, I've got a busy day. I don't need this. Alright, give me your name. This has been recorded for training purposes.

Okay. The Wolfgang on the firm here. Where do you live? In Chorley. Come on. In Chorley. Wolfgang, do me a favour. Yeah, I've just had Pedro on from Norwich, actually.

No, it's Elias' name. I don't want to go in too hard on the name. If they're German and they might be going back to Germany. They said, welcome your views on the name I think they got them yeah I think they got them it's a there are a lot of people

called Wolf I think it's great if you're in Germany so who do you think of you think of Mozart right because would you shorten it to Wolf but then it's like

the gladiator luckily that's not on anymore I know it's coming back they're bringing it back yeah but I don't think Wolf's going to be in it. He's about 80.

Hanging tough on a stairlift. Right. He's probably entitled to some free gas and electric, isn't he? Mate, I'm having an absolute nightmare here. So basically, because we're moving, aren't we? Me and Lou. And the kids. We're not leaving them in.

Not the dog. We're moving at some point this year is that how you get rid of the dog yeah um so but so i've got i've got a little office space to do the podcast from because where we're going to hasn't really got an office yet in the house or in the garden or anything so it'll be too loud yeah and i'll get disturbed i've sorted it all out but i've got the gas and electric it's been put in my name but i need to ring up to sort it out so in the office space can i just ask have you got one of them are you in one of those open plan I've sorted it all out, but I've got the gas and electric. It's been put in my name, but I need to ring up to sort it out. In the office space.

Can I just ask, have you got one of those... Are you in one of those open plan offices where you'll be next to someone who's like a graphic designer? No, no, it's my own little area. I've got my own door, so it's all separate. There's no point in that, is there? I'm next to some bloke trying to set up some sort of vape company. He's selling CBD oil online, and I'm like, welcome to the pod. you're talking about the name

wolf can you keep it down mate all right and then we start kicking off he's like calm down rob have a bit of this and then i'm all chilled out cbd'd off my nut before i know it anyway so also i was thinking about this josh because like i'm like 37 i've got a wife and two children i've got i've got a house i live in i've got a job you saw a career and i'm bored i am boring that but like i've got i've had to i've had to source office space for my job yeah i just i still feel like a 16 year old that like that works in a supermarket yeah and i have to do all this stuff and then i i because i i thought i used to look at people my age and go, oh, they're grown-ups and they know exactly what's going on.

I've got no idea what I'm doing at any point. Of course not. Do you feel like that? Yeah. I feel like I should know what I'm doing, but I still feel like a child that's now a parent. Well, do you feel like that when, say, your dad or your father-in-law comes and helps do something?

And I think I'm never getting to this level. Yeah, true. But then I don't know if he, in his head, is going, I don't really know how to do this either, but he's looking at me like I should. And he's playing a part. And even at 70, you're wandering around going, I don't know what's going on here.

I'm bluffing this. I'm absolutely bluffing. Exactly. The worst is when I do achieve something, it's pathetic how pleased i am yeah well we've all heard about you fixing the boiler by pouring some hot water on a cold pipe exactly though rob so a normal grown-up would just do that and keep it to themselves but to me it's such a step in the right direction i can't shut up about it no do you know what that is we're needy

we've got something missing which makes us a performer because we need that attention and we need to prove ourselves so that's why we say out loud i think most people just keep it to themselves quietly proud you know so i think anyway i'm trying to sort out the gap but basically the gas they're on is called british gas light which i was quite excited about this isn't an advert by the way after you but i was like basically it's all online there's no paper there's no it's all emails and you just speak to people on a web chat yeah i've been trying to talk to someone on a web chat for a week but this doesn't sound like an advert so basically they do nine to five and then you click on the thing and it goes like yep you're positioned 200 in the queue i was like oh my god what am i doing trying to get to glastonbury

and basically i'm on when you take over like gas electric you're on deemed which basically is their worst tariff but you still have heating and electric so that you can work straight away right but so like all i want is just their normal one whatever that is which is still expensive obviously because it's mad at them and so i'm desperately trying to get off deemed and i'm like i just can't but there's no button to change tariff. Surely that should be on the website. So I'm waiting. And I was in queue 200, right?

I got down to one. It took two and a half hours, but it was in the background when I was doing admin. And he went, oh yeah, sorry, no one was available. What? Refresh. I went back to like 301. Oh my God.

Oh my God. So this has been going on all week. And then what happens is, because it's like, if I sit down and do admin, normally I've got like an hour to do it. Yeah, yeah, of course. But yeah, I've basically got a factory

in about two hours and a half. And then, so I did it one day and then I was in the middle of a meeting and I literally couldn't get out of the meeting. So I missed my chance. And then the other day, Lou's not been well all week. So I went to get the kids from school,

went, Lou, I've been on this for an hour and 45 now. I'm 20th in the queue. Basically what happens is, when I get down to one, I tell someone I need to get the kids from school I went Lou I've been on this for an hour and 45 now I'm 20th in the queue basically what happens is when I get down to one I tell someone I need to change my tariff and they'll put me in another queue right to do

sales for my tariff so when I get down to one it'll go to zero can't you just phone someone no there's no number it's all online these days

it's literally all online okay so then I said to Lou all you've got to do is you're on the web page like it's all open you've just got to give all you got to do is you're on the web page like it's all open you've just got to give them that number my name and you could you could be me okay

anyway i'll go to i'll go and get the kids come back she's forgot to look at the website oh no i see a little man hi john here how can i help and i and i see it i'm like and then i'm right hello hello? And it goes, sorry, no one answered. We terminated the web chat. Refresh it, 217.

And then that was at four o'clock. I got down to 30, got to five o'clock. It just stopped because it was five o'clock. Oh my God. Why does it need to be nine to five? Nine to five? Surely they could pay some people

to just slightly, slightly lengthen the day. In the flexi-modern model world nine to five what is he a fucking 45 year old man in 1972 who's doing nine to five anyway so ends up we're recording this is five to nine at nine o'clock i'm getting in the queue and if someone answers me earlier i'm quite looking no i'm quite looking forward to getting in the queue live i'm getting in the queue live in five minutes, all right, to just let you know that if I go quiet,

I'm chatting to someone about my tariff. Oh, yeah, we'll cover that live. I'm looking forward to covering this live. Because on the website, it's got, like, all your... You can add a user, you can put a meter reader in, you can look at your bills, view your documents and contracts, but you can't do tariff in a strong web chat. So, anyway, that's my life at the moment.

It's a stressful week. But you might just be the first person that goes online at nine o'clock i'm gonna set my alarm for 8 59 and you know what else has been going on josh i've been eating really healthy this week yeah good right it's getting shredded yeah this is i've been bulking for 37 years called i'm exercising i'm eating well i'm broccoli kale cabbage all that right my shits stink to the point where i might go to the doctors can we go back to the british gas stuff well i was almost to say like honestly mate it's awful i'm scared to go to the toilet i did one at radio 2 and it got into the hallway oh my god the newsreader said

is there something up with the drains do you know what there's so many old people at radio 2 you're not gonna get the blame for that every other dj is 80 years old rob they're all good yeah i just rolled my eyes i went more whispering barbaruses in so keep it between me and you yeah tony blackburn just dropped an absolute rosser there um no so it is me apologies anyway josh sorry for that that is a bit disgusting i've set my alarm for 8 59 so so we'll try and get you in the queue at exactly nine o'clock. Yes, that's what we'll do. And we'll do that live.

But there's no chance of me speaking to someone before the end of this record. We record for about 50 minutes. Yeah. There's no chance. But potentially the Friday intro. Believe in it, Rob. Believe in it. Potentially the Friday intro.

I know. A little peek behind the curtain there. How has parenting been Rob? Parenting It's not been too bad actually It's It's been pretty good Lou's not been well

So I've been picking up the slack a little bit Which is Which you're happy about A lot of the school runs No it's fine actually To be fair It's good It's big

Big time parenting this week though Because Lou's away in New York This was her little Sort of friends trip away because I did Australia. Friends as in with her friends, not as in. No, no, no. She's gone on her own to visit all the sites of friends. Right.

She's going to do Central Park. Yeah. She's just. Well, I've actually hired a Gunther impersonator to take her around. Yeah. In character. Yeah. No, she's going with her with her friend

yeah to uh new york for six nights so she's six nights oh yes she deserves this so monday morning she's left and then she's coming back sunday morning oh my word but you know what she did was helpful but a bit bit patronizing yeah she's laid out all of the girls uniforms for the next five days in order which is phenomenal but yeah i feel a bit like yeah the thing is i'm not proud enough she doesn't trust you she doesn't trust you she doesn't trust me however it is very helpful so i'm not proud enough to sort of mess it up yeah to prove a point she's got a lot of time in that um in that airport lounge isn't she should she get on the british gas website there do you think she can't be trusted and do you know what i could tell she would because i've been trying all week and i've had a nightmare with it and then like to

be fair i've been i've tried like four times yeah and she knew that it was bad because she was just in the house on her own oh my god and i and i i get the girl. I mean, the hairdresser came around, so she had to let her in, but the hairdresser's not like a plumber coming in. You don't need to show them the boy. They know where the hair is. It's on your head. What, her hairdresser?

Yeah, she was getting her hair done. So she could, so the laptop, just what your point is that she could have had the laptop in front of her. It's the clues in the name, mate. It's on your lap. Do you know what I mean? You can look at that.

And she knew it was bad because I come home and was like you're right and then i and it went all wrong because the guy said something and then like he said hello and i didn't get to him time and then she started when i was waiting there trying to do it she did this thing where she went she's always crawling a bit she's in the wrong she's like massaging my shoulders as i was in like 193 in the queue oh how's it going but how's it going, babe? I was like, you know what you've done. With your trendy haircut. Your trendy haircut. With your Rachel, because you're doing the Friends tour.

Hey, yo, you got there just before me, you bastard. I was going to do that joke. A little Rachel hair for a triple A. Yeah, a few things have gone a bit wrong this week, Josh, though. I've got a parking ticket. Oh. So I've got a little Honda electric car, right? Yeah.

A little Honda E, right? A little electric car to get in and out of. We've got one minute, Rob. Oh, shit. Right. Web chat. And we parked it at the station, only car in the car park. Lou put the digits in, one of them like app ones,

and put in grey, Hondury and the and the and the registration came back ticket got a ticket yeah right well they must be wrong we complain about we she put a three in instead of a four in the number plate he gave us he gave us a ticket he knew he or she knew it was the only car in the car park. Honda E. The only car in the car park. They're not a common car. A grey Honda E. Exactly the same reg, but a three instead of a four. Or a four instead of a three.

Gave us a fucking ticket, Josh. 40 quid. Oh, my word. Can't help but feel it's another story about Lou getting something wrong here, Rob. Are you sure you're happy about her going to New York? Do you know what? No, no, no. I love her to pieces.

But this guy, I think they're giving him the best. It's nine o'clock. It's nine o'clock. Web chat, web chat. I'm in. On the web chat. Web chat. It's nine o'clock.

Don't tell me it opens at nine. It's nine. You fuckers. Right. Here we go. Anyway. What number are you? It's not letting me log in yet.

It still says refresh. If you're seeing this, refresh. Web chat. They're seeing this refresh web chat they've not opened it yet they've not opened it yet it's nine it's nine o'clock if you're going to close at five you've got to open at nine how light is light british gas um anyway because i think they get a bad rep i'm going to keep refreshing i think they get a bad rep old um traffic yeah because the bottom line is you're parking a yellow line you're not allowed to, you get a ticket. That's the deal, right? Yeah. The one he knew. They knew. Yeah. They knew, Josh.

Yeah, that is cheeky. That is very... It's not let me join web chat. Fuck my life. It's not let you join the web chat. Why not? Why is it not let me join the web chat? What's happening?

No, no, no. It just says, web chat opening now. 0900 to 1700. It is not 0900 on my computer. It's 0901. It's 0901 now. If you're seeing this message during web chat opening hours, please refresh your web page and try again.

I have done that. Oh, my God. Oh, fuck me. Anyway, yeah. I'm keep refreshing it. Yeah, that's annoying. Did you pay the 40 quid or are you gonna fight it you haven't got no you haven't got a leg to stand on it was a three and seven four it was absolute absolute joke come on so annoying though isn't it yeah um so that's annoying try doing ice

baths josh as well it's another thing i'll get onto kids in a minute ice baths for my recovery because i'm getting treaded and i'm so after cardio yeah you're kids in a minute ice baths for my recovery because I'm getting treaded so after cardio yeah you're supposed to do an ice bath where you get like a little thing in the garden or whatever it is to stop the

what's it called the SAMs or whatever it's called or the lactic acid it's good for your body it's got a phrase hasn't it but I can't remember it

yeah it's supposed to be good for your mental health and it's supposed to be good for like like that blood flow yeah

and you're like you're breathing and like actually sometimes it's good to do things you don't like because you yeah and you're like you're breathing and like actually sometimes it's good to do things you don't like because you know psychologically you feel like the cheese so yes i'm here right i'm in the i'm in the i'm in the web chat boy i'm in the web chat tariff i've said just tariff what do you want out with tariff i want to get off deemed here we go where am i in the queue here we go here we go right i'll let you know what it says right tariff i've just said tariff 902 i've got

him um anyway i tried to do an ice bath i haven't got an ice bath so how are you doing your ice bath how much ice have you got we're always we've never got any ice in the house so basically i'm just running the cold tap in the bath yeah because it's not as cold as it should be but i'm like it's a good entry level yeah right so i got in there right sat in my waist i reckon i was in there for 30 seconds i couldn't feel my toes i screamed and then immediately got in the shower oh rob yeah oh rob oh my god i'm straight in i'm straight in no no way no fucking way i've got to concentrate recording a podcast this is really bad news for the podcast this is terrible for the podcast i've just got let me just give them that details no no no rob rob i think you need to leave that

chat and carry on with the podcast there's no you fucking you sack me i don't sack me rob the part of the spotify contract is you have to be concentrating at all times during the podcast that's what they say okay cool brilliant well let's um why don't you tell me about your week no way am i telling you about your week I'm not telling you about my week when you carry on. I've spoken for absolutely ages, mate. No, Rob, you won't be able to give me anything. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Vicky's here.

Vicky's got me at two minutes. This is unheard of. I don't know what was going on at those offices last week. Right, carry on. What are you writing? What are you writing to Vicky? I need a new tariff, Vicky. Please help me.

Is this okay? Can I do this? I'm so sorry about this. I think this is all about this we've got a bit of time i think this is all right right okay so i should say to listeners don't panic if this gets boring we'll just edit it out so michael is across this you're not about to listen to a 10 minute conversation unless it goes really badly so what you've been up to no rob you can't do that i think she's gonna put i'm itching my head i think she's gonna put me in a queue has she replied to you yet agent is typing guys i feel like i'm in the fbi imagine being an agent an agent for gas um she's typing sorry this isn't he's very unprofessional no it's fine um but um yeah what else have i been up to this week loo away ice bath hair the hair's gonna be a problem i can't do the girl's hair like i'm really bad at it

i'm on the french i'm bringing you back the french crop did i tell you no what's going on with your hair i'm doing i'm having i've got a french crop now and i'm bringing you back the French crop, did I tell you? No. What's going on with your hair? I've got a French crop now and I'm bringing it back. Let's have a look. You've sort of seen it, haven't you? You saw it the other day. Sort of all forward like that. Why don't you have it flick up at the front like kids used to at school when I was... What's that?

Yeah, a bit down like that. Oh, sorry. She can help me with it, Josh. I've got to do this. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Set up my direct... Oh, my God.

Set up a fucking direct debit oh no this is a disaster for the podcast can we should we take a five minute break is that okay i'm so sorry five minute break from the podcast yes and let me do this and then come back because why do you go to adverts michael michael do you think that's the right idea we go to adverts? I'm not going to let you know what tariff I've got. I'm so sorry. Rob. Yes. How was it? I am no longer deemed.

I'm on a fix. Oh, yes. That was good. Basically, I've selected it now, but it's still saying I'm on deemed. I've selected the fixed offers, but it still says I'm on deemed.

When will this update, Victoria? Anyway, I think I'm done now. Yeah, well done. I'll sort this out another time. Oh, my God. Off. Where's my to-do list? Let me put a big thick.

Oh, that is so good to get something like that off your to-do list. Fuck you. Fuck, seven days I've been staring at that on my little bit of paper next to my desk. Here we go. We're back in the game.

I'm back in the game, Josh. Great news. I feel so good now. Great. How has parenting been? Parenting, I'll say it's been pretty good.

I mean, I'm all right. I'm looking forward to having a bit of alone time with the girls, which is good. Yeah. And I tell you what made me laugh though alone time with the girls, which is good. Yeah. And I tell you what made me laugh though.

My brother is expecting a baby in the next month. Yeah. And we was chatting about, I said to him like, who's like, I was talking about his first, his first. But obviously he's got nieces and nephews and stuff.

And I said, also who out of you and your partner is like the best at like getting up in the morning? Like he's one a morning, one a late. Cause I think that's quite helpful with new parents. Cause if someone is a morning parent, if they like, like Izzy and Ellis, if someone is at like getting up in the morning like he's one a morning one a late because i think that's quite helpful with new parents because if someone is a morning parent if they like like izzy and ellis if someone is terrible at getting up let them do the late ones and then you do the like me and rose yeah me and lou as well i'd stay up late all night it's fine for me she's up at

six anyway whatever's going on i'm up early i'm a hero absolute legend and uh he said to me and this quote and i it really made me laugh he went well yeah neither of us are that good at getting up early to be honest we're both sort of night birds and I was like okay oh yeah yeah good luck with that

yeah yeah and I really don't want to be that annoying parent that's like laughs because it's so frustrating I remember when I was expecting a baby I had a young one

and I go oh yeah but yeah let's see how that works out but it's very hard not to and I didn't sort of to his face kind of thing sort of just doing it behind his back on here yeah well yeah yeah does he listen to the broadcast i don't know probably will soon he'll have plenty of time in the night to do that no but he just said this which really cracked me up he would well you know i suppose when it all calms down in a like two months we'll probably that's not the end of it by the way that's not even the good bit when it all calms down

in like two months right we'll all probably get up at about eight o'clock what I know oh my god I was like

oh yeah maybe yeah if you have a good sleep you might but what after two months oh my god I didn't know I did

oh my contract will start tomorrow one more day of deemed. Right. I'm closing down the website. Thank you. Victoria. I'll tell you what. If you go to British Gaslight,

he said a fucking seesaw of emotions, that place. Anyway, he went, yeah, it all comes down in two months. We wake up at eight. I was like, okay, fair enough. But then I was speaking to one of our friends we work with. We had a meeting last week, didn't we, Josh, about the arena shows and stuff. And he's got sort of grown-up-ish children, a 15-year-old and a 17-year-old. He said, I had my first lie-in on Saturday.

I was like, what? He had my first lie-in. I went, what, since when? He went, since I had kids. What are you talking about, Dan? You've got a 17-year-old. Yeah, I know. My first lie-in. when it's inside kids what are you talking about dan you've got a 17 year old yeah i know my first lie in what but they've both had saturday they've both had saturday and sunday jobs since they were like teenagers so i used to drive her and drop her off at work so she's given up that job i had my first lie in 17 years well it all calms down in two months. That's what they say, the old two-month calm down with kids. Oh, my word.

So I'll keep you updated on his... He'll probably have a sleeper and be, like, lying in till nine, and then I'll have egg on my face. Oh, my God. Well, there we go. That's good. I've had a up-and-down week parenting. Oh.

What happened? What did you go? Bungee jumping? Oh, really nice. Guess how many times I've been to the park. How many times did you go to the park? Five times. Zero.

No, really? Didn't go. What did you do? I went to, well, actually, my daughter went to two separate clubs this week, but she's not interested in the park as it is. What's she doing? She did karate.

Yep. Yep. And then we went to gymnastics club on Sunday morning, Rob. Yeah. I'm in the gymnastics crew. Got there early. You got a medal yet? No, it's very, it's much more lax than that.

I like it. You wait, mate. You'll be medalled out your face by next week. She'll get a medal for roly-poly, mate. Well, she should have got three. She did three in a row. I couldn't believe it. Do you know what I was doing within two minutes, mate?

What? Helping set up a massive trampoline because I was early. Really? We just drop them off at the door and they run in. No, no, no. Well, because it was her first one. I was early. Also, all the parents hang out in the corner. So it's kind. I forgot you

hate other parents. I sit in my car and watch TikTok in the wall. Do you chat to the other parents? Yeah, they're my friends. I think you've got too many mates. They're the parents. Their kids are already there. That's why she's going there.

East London. You all know each other. It's why she's going there. East London. You all know each other. It's like M. Night Shyamalan, the village thing. You know, you're in the little village together. But it's all the parents from nursery. All their kids go to the same gymnastics. I'm like, well, I'll send her there. Right, fair enough.

Yeah. Sheep. Well, no, that's nice if you like people. If you like people. If you like people, you want to stand in a corner of a gym talking. I wasn't stood, Rob. There was a bench. Oh, you sat on a little bench like a little reserve.

Watching children roll. You pedo. Yeah, well, fair enough. Did she like gymnastics? She did enjoy it, yeah. Did she? Yeah, but I can't get my eldest into any clubs. The only way we do it is She's got no interest

Unless her mates are going So it's essentially for her You get her into it off the back of it being a social Yeah See my eldest likes chatting and talking And socialising I think the school's so structured She doesn't want something else structured after school

She quite likes going to late rooms So there's a late room where if you're running a bit late, there's a room. What's that? A late room? Who the fuck is she? River Phoenix? What's going on?

Yeah, it's our club. They're all in there smoking, doing meth. No, it's basically there's a finish time. And if you're not at the gate running late from work or whatever, they can go back into this late room for half an hour. Oh, I see. And it's at finish time. And if you're not at the gate, you know, running late from work or whatever, they can like go back into this late room for half an hour. And it's at no cost. It's sort of just a bit of flexibility where there is like an afterschool club, but they can stay till five if you need them to,

which we occasionally put them in. If one of us, we're not back in time, but the late room, they sort of go there. So she quite likes that. She gets, just gets to do what she wants and colour in and chat to people.

She said she'd do an art. She loves art. She'd do an art club yeah if there was art but my my youngest loves it she's doing um taekwondo i told her she calls she calls it kaiwondo it's quite cute and um you know i bought that taekwondo outfit for my oldest refused to wear it youngest one loves it she's loving it so um that's good that's the beauty of it yeah we've got to buy karate outfit or is it karate i think if i kept saying karate i just can't can i can't say karate that no just do you watch the podcast if i if i don't watch the karate you're not allowed to because it's a school club yes which is normal yeah which is normal parents i think let them go in on their own let them do their own

thing they don't need any parents get involved in sport it's never a good thing they always get over involved and shout yeah yeah you're not screaming at her about a former are you at gymnastics no i'm not screaming now i don't give it i know i'm landing land it tuck in tuck in tuck in on the rock tuck in on the forward roll land Land it. Composure, hold. Now move on. Thank you. Yeah, so that's what we've been doing. That was very good, actually, Rob. I really believed that.

Well, that's how I would aggressively be a gymnastic dad. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I've just got my weekly screen report coming. Yeah. Oh, dear. I haven't been well, though. What was it 5 hours 28 a day

mate mine's been creeping up actually I try and tell myself it's work it's not work but my computer for some reason

always tells me 2 hours so I believe that one yeah I don't know why my computer goes it's only 2 hours this week I'm like yeah I'll take that I forget

the old 7 hours that popped up on my phone the other day when I was obviously looking at it you know you do too much screen time when you always see the screen time notification there'll be people listening to this going what are they talking about i've not seen that because they've got lives they live yeah i think the danger is when you're self-employed and you don't

really have a desk you work at the phone you sort of lie to yourself and go like oh it's work i'm doing work but you're not really just sort of googling aaron ramsdale celebration exactly exactly oh how you feel let's not talk about football um i built i've built a flat pack yesterday rob yeah as part of parenting do you want me to send you a picture of it and you can yes and you can try and guess what it is so lou does all the flat packing in our house because of feminism and I love it I love doing a flat pack though it's my thing I'm not an instructions guy

which is weird because I do Lego oh right, what is it? so we've had a bit of an issue with my son in the last week Rob he's got a new hobby which is dragging the chair to the sink he's upset, he has no interest no interest in toys

no forget how awful this age is for just constantly having to watch the child so so his thing is 18 months to do yeah 20 months yeah he wants to do everything that we do so he wants to make a cup of tea he wants to to do the washing up. He's watching Blur alone, drunk. So he does all the stuff. He wants to do all the stuff in the kitchen, which is fine when it's... You say to him, get the milk, and he'll go to the fridge and he'll get you the milk

and bring it to you. That's useful. Yes. But he will want to cut a bagel and put it in the toaster. He will want to do the wasn't. He's a bit busy, isn't he, this kid? He is. Do you remember what Roy Keane described the Neville brothers as in his autobiography?

No, I don't. Please refresh my mind. I'm sure your son's read it, though, if he's doing all the things you want to do. A couple of busy c***s. I love the way they're still like... Imagine that he's written that in his autobiography and still works with them. Imagine that. Yeah, Josh Whitaker would have been complete ****.

But yeah, podcast is going well, so why rock the boat? So he's busy. No, but he is so busy, right? He just wants, but that's fine because you can go, oh oh you want to brush your teeth like your sister in the sink fine but the problem is he drags the chair from the table loudly across the room yeah and then once he's on the chair you have to stand next to him for fear he'll fall off

the chair yeah okay so basically you're marked out the game if he's doing anything because you can't move away from him right so what you've got here is like a it's like it looks like a chair but it's like fenced off like a high a high chair you can stand in yeah it's like a high it's a platform it's like a kind of platform that someone on scaffolding would go on i suppose it'd be like what you'd build on the edge of glastonbury to do a big song from yeah exactly yeah exactly it's Kanye when he was hovering. Yeah, exactly. It's like a fenced... It's like being on a cherry picker, but it's a bit...

So is that what that's for, or have you repurposed it? Yeah, this is a thing. Right, okay. What are they called? I don't know. Rose bought it. Ikea Child Cage. Raised Child Cage.

Raised Child Cage. Raised child cage. Yeah, that's good, though. Because then he can't really fall off. Because it's been absolute hell, Rob. But the things he wants to do are so dangerous. And I don't know whether we should be... He goes mental if we don't let him do them. What are you letting him do?

Well, in the end, I'm just unplugging the toaster and turning it off so that he can put some crumpets in and pretend to toast them. Because... Because he would do it and burn them and it would get hot. Yeah.

Yeah. But the other option is trying to stop him doing everything that we do. The danger is though, if you forget to turn it off and he's in the kitchen and he goes...

I know, Rob. I know. So he's toasting crumpets. What else is he doing? Doing the kettle. The kettle. They're all quite dangerous. They're very dangerous things.

You don't realise how dangerous the kitchen is until a 20-month-old is desperate to make a cup of tea. 20-month-old. Oh, no. I've done it again. Oh, God. It's so easy to fall into. The buzzer.

X-Factor buzzer. Yeah, that is... When does it get easier? You've got another year and a half, haven't you, really? Yeah, it's just... Because he's a really nice little guy. Well, so, Josh,

this is what I was dealing with during lockdown. Yeah. When I was just in the kitchen all the time with no... The fact you put up with me complaining... You had a three-year-old... You deserve some George Cross. A three-year-old. You deserve some George Cross. A three-year-old that slept for two hours in a day.

Yeah. And you moaned. I did. Unbelievable. I didn't know I was fucking born, mate. I didn't know I was fucking born. Two months in, though, it all calms down, doesn't it? Two months in, it all calms down, of course.

There you are about that. Do you want to hear about mine and lose uh date night oh we had a date night yeah i bet yours was better than ours we were back by 9 30 well i could beat that oh no back by 7 45 what that's like hot for the second half of corrie so right this is what happened we um we had sort of a surprise date night because i've lou's mum was looking after um lou's sister's uh daughter or other grandchild and uh she's um so she's only they've only got one at the moment only got one kid so lou's mum tries to get a over there sometimes because then they can all play together and she sort of likes having all

three of them there for a nice sleepover so it's nice yeah nice thing that they do now and again and then i didn't realize so basically um my sister-in-law was going out that night with her husband which meant that like oh we'll take the kids i was like oh we've got a surprise night off here lou from the kids we i didn't realize so i took them out on the day on the saturday we went around the park on their little they've got these little little swa we've got no better ideas to be fair I've been to the park quite a lot Josh

maybe I'm getting it off you he's catching and they've got them little they're called like jiggly bugs the swayers oh my god they love them

oh what the chicken on a spring thing no they're called like jiggly I don't know what they're called jiggity bugs basically they sit on them and they've got a little handle and they put their feet on the handle and then

they wiggle their bum and wiggle their legs they move forward they absolutely love them i don't know what they're called though let me try text lou oh for god's sake i'm gonna ring lou live is she where is she at this moment? Airport. Probably about nine hours early. They probably won't even let her. She gets so early to places. Answer the phone for fuck's sake, Lu.

Don't get this wrong as well this week. Fuck's sake. On top of the parking ticket. Hello. Hello, baby. You all right? Yeah, fine. I'm here so early.

Oh, I thought you would. You can't check in your bags. I'm here so early. Oh, I thought you would. You can't check in your bags. You're on the podcast, by the way. Do you know what I mean? All right. Hi. What are those bike things that the girls have, the Jiggity Bugs Swayers?

What are they called? They're called JD Swayers. JD. Why do we call them Jiggity Bugs? I don't know. The girls just call them that. The girls. Well, I think I started't know. The girls just call them that. The girls... Well, I know.

I think I started it because it's a JD Swayer. It's such a shit name. I was like, yeah, it's like a Jiggly Bug. Oh, they're called JD Bug Kids Swayer. JD Bug. Yeah, okay, so I haven't made up... No, you haven't. Anyway, right.

I'll see you later. Love you. Oh, by the way, I sorted the gas out. Oh, well done. Got straight through. Spoke to a girl called you later. Love you. Oh, by the way, I sorted the gas out. Oh, well done. Got straight through. Spoke to a girl called Vicky. Straight through. Yeah.

Straight through. Yeah, straight through. Anyway, have fun. Love you, bye. All right, love you too, bye. I think she didn't need that call. No, she was busy. She didn't need that call, did she?

JD Swayers, Rob. There you go. Look, they sit on them and wiggle their bums around. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's good fun. Future. JD Swayers sounds like some kind of reality TV star you tell me we should get on the show

and I've never heard of him. Oh, JD Swayers is great. Basically, divorced five times, turned his life around, now he's adopting kids. Welcome, JD Swayers. Jesus, that was hard work, wasn't it? Anyway.

I kind of want my daughter to learn to bike. If we do that. Yeah, it's still a bit of fun. Yeah, no fun in my eyes. My kids kids do both it's not like snowboarding and skiing nah mate i'm a bug i'm a i'm a bug swagger me i'm a jiggly bugger what are you on the bike oh you old nerd so the date night that's what i was talking about weren't we yeah okay so anyway we realized it was a surprise one lou's been a bit ill you can see she's got a little bit of a cough still but she's getting better she had that horrible flu thing i had over christmas everyone's got it um anyway so uh i said well why don't we go

out for a bit of dinner let's not do anything like crazy because you're a bit unwell why don't i book a curry for seven o'clock and then we're not going to be out late oh the most romantic of all the meals right you sure know how to wine and dine a woman before she goes away from you're going away lou we've got the house to ourselves let's go for a curry so we went for a curry at seven right booked it got there about five to seven it was like five minutes from our house yeah got there feeling sexy oh yeah we knew what we want we always order the same thing with this curry i'm so boring aren't i oh it Oh, it's the place we get the takeaway from. Talk me through your order.

Sorry, I thought I was on a different podcast. So, poppadoms. We sit down and he goes, what can I get you? Can I get you a drink? And obviously, a pint of Cobra. Yeah, of course, Rob. Ordered a pint of Cobra.

Lou had a pint of Cobra. A couple of lads on a night out. Yeah. And anyway, so we had two poppadoms each. Staring at each other's eyes across the poppadoms. No, she's up to my side. It's sort of like, you know, when they don't... Are you sitting next to each other? No, like it's a little four person table,

but she's not in front of me. She's to my left. Oh, lovely. For some reason, don't know why. So we're just sat like that. She's coughing nonstop. Actually quite excited for her to go to New York. She's a bit asleep.

Anyway, she's got a pint of Cobra. I've got a pint of Cobra. Four poppadoms. I eat three. She has one. They come over. What do you want? We order our curries.

She has chicken saag. I have lambuna. One rice to share. They bring it over. I'd say within about three minutes, we eat half of that. That's the problem. That's the problem. They can't bring these.

They don't bring it so quickly. So quick. They bring it over so quickly. I eat half my curry she eats half her curry we asked for it all to get boxed up 740 we're finished i've paid i've had two photos with other patrons back in the car 745 i'm for 8 p.m she watched three episodes of happy valley i watched some youtuber boxing in my pants in the other room that's her life that's your last... That is bleak, Rob. When did the spark go?

Three episodes of Happy Valley. The bleakest of all the shows. I gave up on that first episode. One bloke wants his kid to go private school, so he starts trying to kidnap people. Do me a favour, fuck off. Look, I've been to Halifax. There's no way you're getting three series out of that.

No offence. Do you know what's funny about the YouTuber boxing? Basically, I'm a big boxing fan. There's been no boxing on for ages. So you're watching that on your phone? Or are you watching YouTube on your TV? On my iPad. I've got my iPad in another room watching that. She's got the telly.

Happy Valley. Were you not even tempted to put your headphones in so you could be in the same room together? Nah. the lights really bright i hate it gives me an headache i like really low lighting all the time quite moved like you know very atmospheric and chilled i'll even pop a candle on she she's in there like it's an operating theater you could take her appendix out whilst she watched happy valley there's enough light it's awful and uh anyway what was funny about this was youtuber boxing and i'm sort of watching out of like intrigue and i'm sort of enjoying it it's not really boxing it's almost like wwe it's a bit it's quite good fun and i'm just sort of

watching that and um then i see front row louis theroux holly willoughby. What? Together? No, separately with their respective partners. And more importantly, teenage boys. Oh. So YouTuber boxing is basically a teenage boy. Because I've said this. So what is YouTuber boxing? It's YouTubers boxing. KSI is the main guy.

Oh, there we go. Jake Paul in America. They weren't fighting each other, but it's all KSI. And then loads of other people from the internet that are fighting each other. Right? It's quite low it's like white collar boxing but the crowd are going mad for it and where is it somewhere massive wembley arena right yeah of course yeah yeah um and uh holly willoughby's there and it's

absolutely hilarious she's there with her husband and a teenage boy we know her husband is a tv producer was she far right rob they were up well second or third but like the promoter's a front row i've never seen i was just saying did she go straight to the front or did she um oh good stuff good stuff straight to the front lovely that will follow her forever won't it yeah that will yeah yeah poor holly poor holly anyway so she's at the front obviously obviously, Holly. Do you reckon Willoughby and Theroux look like they're enjoying it? No, I'd say they're absolutely perplexed. I think what's happened is they've arrived, they've sorted them out some tickets,

and their son's obviously gone, oh, mum, I'd really like to go to this. Do you reckon you can get us some tickets? Okay, well, let's have a look. So they've probably contacted the promoter, PR department, said, oh, my son would love to come to this. you sort of like a yeah not a problem holly don't worry they've slapped her straight in the middle of the front row camera straight on her the whole fight she's trending on twitter louis ferrou pops up and then they obviously collar them for an interview

and then holly willoughby's ringside being interviewed oh my god and the funny thing is obviously they're trying to move it away that this youtuber boxing's for everyone not just teenage boys what brings you to what you know like oh holly are you a big youtuber fan and she's like no obviously not no you know you wouldn't get a pair in a peppa Pig world going, oh, what, you just love Peppa Pig, do you? No. I'm here with my kids. So she's like, no, my teenage son's here. And they're going, Holly, would you get in the ring?

Who do you want to fight? Holly Williams is like, I'm just trying to make my son like me. I thought I was just bringing him out. I didn't realise I'd be on the telly. And then she's like, oh, yeah. And then she calls out Emma Bunton in like, sort of like oh emma bunton i want to take you know obviously it's her mate and all like that yeah and there's people like then on twitter going oh do you reckon holly will beat emma i'm like it's not real she doesn't want to fight her she's trying to keep her son

happy and then louis ferroux's there uh louis ferroux a little bit further back than holly will be just saying there are levels this game and he's he must be pleased to be further back right well until they call collar him and start interviewing him and he's a hello everyone and they're all singing my money don't jiggle jiggle it because you know he's right because that's how they know in this audience right anyway so he's sort of doing the interview and then in this in like the internet world there's all clout chasers where people all like try and do something to ksi like start on him in the street or do something really weird in front of him because they know because he's so powerful online that it will go viral and everyone will talk about it so lou through his interview and then this is like

this is like internet like only fans slash porn star slash boxer who rocks up who's like stood next to lou through like trying to get into the thing and he's like what's going on she's like oh yeah we can fight each other if you want what is going on I know it's so funny what what what has happened to the world oh it's it's mental and then she oh it's so funny so then I was just watching it and I was like that's gonna be us in a few years that's what I was about to ask you at the end of that I was gonna say because you're not be us in a few years. Yeah, well, that's what I was about to ask you. At the end of that, I was going to say, because you're not willing to sit in while your children do gymnastics. Oh, not yet. That's different. Let's tie up this whole episode with that thought and this thought and go,

are you going to be one of those dads? Say, hypothetically, we've still got celebrity clout in, say, 10 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Are you going to be one of those dads that is going to all these things are you going to be backstage at the equivalent of a one direction concert are you going to be you know in the front row of youtuber boxing well that probably i can't imagine your daughter's going to be into youtuber boxing but who knows who knows i think i'll be i do you know what? I'm very curious and intrigued by new things. So, like, I think I'll...

You are. You're still... You're one of the most interested in things that are still relevant of anyone I know. Everyone else I know has given up. Everyone else I'm friends with has given up. You're the only person I know who's still trying to find new things and be on it. Well, no, but I'm not trying to be like culturally relevant or like cool on trend.

No, no, no, you're not trying. I just mean you are interested. Yeah, I'm just nosy. It's impossible to fake. Do you know what I mean? That kind of thing. Yeah, well, I think that's why the Robin Romes show works because I'm like, oh, what is it?

Even if it's something like classical music, like some people just write off. I will try and go like, what is going on here then? I can watch a documentary about someone being the best in the world at anything if someone's like the best chess player or snowball i i'm more intrigued about the person doing it and the sport sometimes i would i wouldn't be that dad of his headphones on watching something on his ipad at a harry styles concert no i want to engage with it do that when lou's watching something that's different fucking happy valley but i think i'll get into it but i don't want to be too into it which is embarrassing for the kid You only do that when Lou's watching something. That's different fucking Happy Valley.

But I think I'll get into it, but I don't want to be too into it, which is embarrassing for the kid. But I want to sit next to him and go, okay, like Holly Willoughby did and Louis Farouk did, I think they're really good parents for it because that is an awful night out for someone like Louis Farouk or Holly Willoughby. It's photos nonstop.

They know they're going to be chucked on the telly. They know it'll probably trend on Twitter and all that stuff, but they're still prepared to go and sort of put a shift in with their kids. And I think I'll sit there going, well, what is it? Let's try and find what it is they like. Because I imagine I've dragged my parents to crap. Maybe that's a good topic.

If you've ever, what have your kids dragged you to, to watch? My friend was at Monster Trucks the other week. Yes, that's a great topic. So let us know what weird stuff or odd things that your kids have dragged you to. My mate got dragged to a social media TikTok meetup where you just meet up at Hyde Park and he said there were just like thousands of kids running. Or when you was a kid, what weird stuff did you take your parents to? Well, on Friday's intro episode, Rob, I'll talk you through some things I took my parents to when I was a kid.

Perfect. And they were the opposite of cool. Okay, all right. Well, should we do a small business shout out and then we'll do that on Friday? Yeah. Here we go. Look forward to that. Hello.

I'm a single mum and I'm desperately trying to get this little business of mine up and running, but I'm not present enough. On Instagram, I sell hand-painted personal personalized skateboards as art for kids' rooms. All grown-ups. I've just added prints to the website too. www.mazelboards.com. This sounds like what I was trying to think what JD Bugs were. Yeah, mazelboards, yeah.

www.mazelboards.com. M-A-Z-Z-L-E boards, B-O-A-R-D-S.com. Anything you can do to help would be amazing. Mazelboards. Let m-a-z-z-l-e boards b-o-a-r-d-s.com anything you can do to help would be amazing mazzle boards let's have a look at them oh they're good you can get their names on them as well yeah they're good oh they're really cool they look nice on the on the walls yes and they do prints as well lovely hi rob and josh my name is liz and i have a baby playmat business called gus and beau we make foam playmats in simple patterns and beautiful colours to fit into the home. I launched my business whilst on maternity leave with Gus. It's named after him and my first son, Bo, who was sadly stillborn in 2016.

I get to say Bo's name every day and he gave me the motivation to start my own business. day and he gave me the motivation to start my own business website is gus and bow b-e-a-u.com instagram at gus and bow underscore and then she's put very annoying underscore at the end as gus and bow's already taken by rabbit and hamster account oh imagine being beat beaten to it by a pet oh BS, Rob, I'm from South East London, so we are basically related. That's Gus and Bo, B-E-A-U, Gus is one S, dot com. Get yourself a skateboard and some foam play mats, Gus and Bo, and mazzle boards.

Right, Josh, I'll see you Friday. See you Friday, look forward to it. Cheers, mate, bye. Bye.