Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP41: Josh loses his phone...

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... Available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parenting Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hang on he's michael you're cool are you right michael you're recording right could i i'll explain what's just happened me and michael shooting the breeze and um are you talking about arsenal no no we're just talking about um just

how busy we've been oh yeah and actually talking about how the worse our lives are the better this show is yeah i've got good news for you this week rob well i've had a busy time and he said that you have you haven't got a phone at the moment which i'm sure we'll get on to but you just popped up in a full suit and tie at 9am on a monday morning with your glasses on and soaking wet hair yeah too right can we should we do the intro to the show do you want to explain because i haven't got a phone so we'll have to forget it this week okay well we'll do it again next week I'll just say hello and welcome you're listening to

Parenting Hell with Rob and Josh now Josh what can you explain I'm hot in this suit Rob why are you wearing a full suit with wet hair because Rose is off done the school run it's 9am as soon as we finish this

I've got to go to the Chelsea Flower Show Rob right okay there's a few I'm not a semantics guy normally but got to is a strange yeah

for the for the health of my relationship right okay so Rose likes going to the Chelsea Flower Show yeah yeah I like going to the Chelsea Flower Show yeah okay so your hair's soaking wet,

so you've just had a shower, you've put a suit on. Do you need the tie on now? No, it was for a fact, because I thought it'd make you laugh. Good work, well done. Sorry if I was a couple of minutes late, I was putting my tie on for a gag. Obviously, it's too hot as well. I'm going to take it off. Yeah, take the tie off. You can take the jacket off as well if'm gonna take it off yeah take the tie off you take the jacket

off as well if you want no no no there's gonna be a tip over where your hair's wet from the shower but it's gonna start to get wet again from sweat i might have to open my window um so you've had a you look can i say something you look manic your eyes your eyes are darting around like a junkie. It's because I don't feel comfortable. I can see myself in my peripheral vision in a suit. Right. Take the jacket off.

There you go. That's better, isn't it? Tell you what. Tell you what. If you're still feeling uncomfortable, pop your shirt off. Do it topless. Yeah, why not? Skins.

And you've got one airpod in because the other's charging I imagine no the other's still lost hasn't it oh is it last yeah and also you went

down to uh was it down to Cornwall for the weekend well should I take you through what the last 24 hours of my life have been

like yeah yeah I'm pretty sure this isn't how um you know Anton Dubek deals with the 24 hours

before he goes to the Chelsea Flower Show. I was going to say Monty Dom, but we've established before, you don't know who he is. Oh, no, he's a gardener. Ainsley Harriot's sister fell into a pond, didn't she, last year? Is that right? You know that?

No, because... Did you not know that? No. It's a pretty rock and roll kind of do, actually. It is. Oh, some of the people I was there with last time, Rob. And guess who I'm going with, Rob? Our most rock and roll friend.

Tom Allen. Tom Allen, yeah. Tom Allen, he loves it. He loves it. He loves me. You've got very different lives, haven't we? Well, let's see how my last 24 hours hits you as a stiff neck. Talk me through it.

So we went down to Cornwall for a couple of days, right? Yeah. Because we had to do various things in the southwest. And then on Sunday morning, we'd got a rental car, because obviously it's easier to get the train down and then get a rental car for two days than drive the whole way. It's so much fun. It's so far.

It's so pleasant on the train, Rob. Is it, though? But then you've got to get from your house over to the west of london to get the train rob and then you get a train and then you get a rental car sounds like a buddy movie it is a buddy movie we're buddies you're buddies we're buddies so we're coming back i've already got this situation where blur are doing their warm-up shows yeah so cornwall for a couple of days and then you're getting the train back from Cornwall to Eastbourne, correct? Yes, because Blur are doing Colchester on Friday,

which I was heartbroken to miss because we're already doing Cornwall. And then Sunday, they're doing Eastbourne. I don't want to miss this because the following weekend, Wolverhampton and Newcastle are at a wedding. So this is my only chance. Sure, okay. I'll put it in, Rob. It's a train line. hours 11 minutes it's a lovely relaxing is it is that with stopover as well are you waiting

at stations so yeah let's go to Reading change go to Gatwick change go to Eastbourne can't you just fly to Newquay Newquay's on the other side of Cornwall we went to the south side of Cornwall if it's still Cornwall isn't it yeah it's about two hours rob can i say this cornwall stresses me out i'm not even there i know how can that narrow be so far from one point it's too narrow for you now it's too because all the roads are slow i'll just stick a big old fat four lane remote way right down the middle of it get it pumping get the autonomy moving rip down the heart of it i hate chest to it you're not wrong about that because that well you are wrong about that but some people try to do that really well when i was a kid forward thinking legends

the a38 rob yeah which goes down through devon don't google it i can see you googling i'm googling it mate i'm a cool momentling. I'm Googling it, mate. I'm a Cornwall motorway. No, no, that's not what it was. I'm going to start a movement. No, that's not what it was, Rob. Yeah. So during the...

So at exit of the motorway stops and then through Devon is just an A road, the A38. That's as good as a motorway, but let's not get into it. Big old fat tractor. RFM. Big old fat tractor. R.F.M.

Trundling along. Why can't we just stop there? Devon and Gorsuch's team, guys. It's as good as a motorway. It's as good as a motorway. Yeah, Gorsuch is, mate. I've travelled, boy. I've been around. I went to Red Roof.

I know what it's like down there. It's long. So they renamed the A38 when I was a kid the Devon Expressway because they feared that the fact it was called the A38 was stopping business coming to Cornwall and Devon. Right, because they thought it's not a proper road. People like you, Rob. People like me.

Bigots like you. If I'm committing eight hours to travel, I'm leaving the UK. You're leaving the UK if you're committing one hour to travel, Rob. I know you. You're leaving the UK if you leave your door. If I'm committing eight hours to travel, I'm skipping. I'm hopping the pond, mate. Whereas I'm going from Penzance to Eastbourne.

We live very different lives, Rob. We live very different lives, Rob. We live very different lives. Penzance to Eastbourne. So I get to Penzance station, 15 minutes to the train. It's where the car drop-off is. I lock up the car, go. It's Sunday, so there's no one in the Europe car. So it's just a dropping keys, dropping a box.

Penzance to Europe car. Penzance to Europe car. That's a stressful one. Yeah, because it's Sunday, so it's a drop box. Just drop in keys, drop in a box. At Penzance, a Europe car. Penzance, Europe car. That's a stressful, that's a stressful one. Yeah, because it's Sunday, so it's a drop box. Just drop your keys.

Oh God, it's so old, isn't it, Cornwall? What do you mean? It's Sunday, no one's there. You're allowed to work on a Sunday.

What is it, the priest running the rental car? It's Sunday. Yeah, it is Sunday, but it's also not 1962. There was a Europe car in 1962, Rob. It was a Britain car. Yeah, it is Sunday, but it's also not 1962. There wasn't Europe car in 1962, Rob.

It was Britain car. Yeah, I'm surprised Europe car is still allowed here, actually, after the decisions we made. After the vote. I know, I'll be honest, Cornwall backed it. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. Exactly. The point is... So why do you like...

For a media elite left-winger, why are you holidaying in the heartland of Leave? It's not the heartland of Leave. I'm not holidaying in the... I'm not holidaying in Accrington. I'm not holidaying in a small town in the Ridge. Like money from the EU for farming or something. or like I'm holidaying in a small town in the red wall. Like money from the EU for farming or something.

And then when they voted, they're like, but we still get that, don't we? And they're like, yeah, well. Rob, you don't need to start me on the idiocy of voting leave. Do you know what I mean? That's not my, you know, let's not get me started on that hobby. Let's not make this a political broadcast. Let's not make this a political broadcast.

I think we can all see how well it's fucking going. Anyway. Not my words. Nigel Farage's words. Brexit didn't work. King Brexit. Anyway. I quite like paying two quid extra for a shit pair.

Rob, this spot is going to make you delighted with your day. So you drop the car, Rob? Drop my keys in the drop box. Yep. As I do it, make a joke to Rose. Oh, no, there was something in the car. We all have a laugh. Walk on.

Tap my pockets. Where's my phone? In the car, keys in the drop box in the car keys in the drop box yeah it's sunday 10 minutes to the train to eastbourne the eight hour train have you got there well the first bit of it's on rose's phone cool so we get so we get on the train i could see it in the car rob also it's been good weather it's gonna be so hot in there yeah phone's gonna get so hot it's been in there this was yesterday and you can't ring them to get it back no i haven't got in touch with them yet get on the train with no phone so what time are you setting off to get it back. No, I haven't got in touch with them yet. Get on the train with no phone. So what time are you setting off to get to the gig? 10.15.

10.15 in the morning to go out for the night? Yeah. For a night out. So you're leaving Penzance at 10.15am to go out for a night out. Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah. So I've just got no phone now. I've just got no phone.

It's so weird. If you'd driven to Cornwall, if you'd driven to Cornwall, you would have saved money on train tickets, car rental, you wouldn't have lost your phone, and you could have... I wouldn't have had a nice train journey. Oh, it was lovely, wasn't it? It was actually.

Oh, you're all zen now. Actually, I've realised I don't need a phone. Fuck off. I found some things out about myself. I found some things out about what makes me, me. Eczema? Asthma.

For fuck's sake, we've been doing this three years. You must have eczema as well. No, I haven't got eczema, thank you very much. Are you sure? What do you mean by that? I just thought you'd be a bit of an eczema guy. Fucking hell. It's the knife while I haven't even got a phone.

So, no, I just, you know, you know, you must think I've probably got things. Yeah.

Chip on your shoulder with a cornwall. I get really itchy arse if that helps. Yeah. That might be excellent. Might be. Have a look.

I'll show you next time. You can tell me. That's an expert. Do you know what? We'll clip it up for Instagram. People will like that. Anyway,

so I've basically got to go to Eastbourne with no phone yeah it's really it's really like i mean it was a really retro day going to see blur with no phone it couldn't have been more 1995 if i've tried it was wonderful also everything's on your phone like all your tickets communications everyone exactly you can't really exist without a phone in the world now even if you don't want one. So I had a pen and paper, and I had to write down the phone numbers of the people I was meeting. I had to write down the train times. I had to write down the PIN number for Rose's debit card.

Because Rose wasn't coming to the gig then? No. So in Reading, Rose is going back to London to take over on the kids. Yeah. I have to fly solo. No train ticket. I have to get on the train,

tell them what's happened, buy a new ticket. With cash? You got your cards? I've got Rose's card. Yeah. So where's your wallet? Because it's on my phone, isn't it? So you've got Rose's card,

you've got your wife's card and a pen and paper. You sound like my dad. That's how he goes out. I think what was mad was, you really notice the ticks of when you just automatically reach for your phone. Yeah. Like every time I'd get up to walk to the toilet or something,

I'd go to take my phone out to cover the walk in case I got bored on the walk. Oh God, yeah. Yeah, or any of these things. I think as well, that's a way to not have to talk to strangers in pubs that i realized i used yeah yeah because it gets a bit awkward after a while doesn't it yeah especially if they're around and so then um i managed to meet the people went to watch blur had a lovely time saw christian guru murphy oh this was weird what was he doing there on base i don't know he's just i mean alex j is an interesting name.

So he, you're there with all the celebs, you Christian Guru Murphy, Gloria Honeyford later on 1962. You sure you're not like Nicholas Lindhurst? Good night, sweetheart. He just floated through time.

I wish I fucking was, mate. Straight back to 1985. Happily. You know me. Was Christian Guru Murphy wearing and acting like a blur gig? Because I can't imagine him in anything other than a suit looking stern with a politician.

Yeah, he was still quite smart. I think he was in a polo shirt. Classic, classic dad. So something weird happened to me. I was watching the gig. So they play Part Life and phil daniels comes on yeah you know oh i'm a he's in his cultural appropriation i'd rather if you didn't well i would you have done that if he was a jamaican man

so um phil daniels comes on and then they play Sunday Sunday, which is a song. It's one of the few Blur songs I'm not really fond of. So I think I'm going to go for a piss. Yeah. This is directly after part life. So walk out of the kind of the Eastbourne Winter Gardens to go down to the toilet.

And as I walk down the hallway to go to the toilet, Phil Daniels walks in front of me. He's going to the normal public toilet as well literally just walk straight off stage okay wow that's exciting it was quite weird picture of daniels well i'm following him down and i go i don't know what i say all right phil because i think i'm gonna get a selfie and then i realize i haven't got a fucking phone and then he walks into the toilet right he ignores me walks into the toilet and he's looking for his kid i can't remember what his kid's called but say it's called

he's called something like finley i can't remember what it is and he's like finley finley and there's like a 10 year old kid at the urinals he's like what dad and i'm just walking in and there's cubicles on the right and as he Daniels goes, where's your mum? And as he says that in the gents, I push open the cubicle door and there's a woman having a piss. And she goes, I'm in here, Phil. And I'm like looking at Phil Daniels' wife having a piss. Is this in the men's?

In the men's? After he's come off stage, I'm like, what the fuck is going on here? Part life. a minute after he's come off stage I'm like what the fuck is going on here part life it was so weird did you apologise or was it just I apologised because I kind of walked in on her having a piss and then so what I just kind of I just got out of there

didn't even have my piss he just left just, I just got out of there. Didn't even have my piss. He just left. Just left. I panicked. You went and just watched Phil Daniels' wife pissing and left. Yeah. That's weirder than having a piss after.

Yeah, it is actually. Fucking hell. Was it a good gig though? You had a good time? Yeah, I had an amazing time. I had an amazing time. Have you done any parenting? I'd been, I'd got a few things that I've written down on my my phone but i can't know what they are because i haven't got my phone so what's the plan getting the phone back i'm gonna

phone europe car on the way to the chelsea flower show on rose's phone rose is having to do a lot of admin now isn't she is's interesting is what's quite nice is I've just got her to text a few people who I worry just need to know I haven't got a phone yeah well no one's messaged me I messaged Michael and I said if you need me for the pod

I'll see you guys at 9am if you need anything just text right no one messaged me because I wanted the story to be fresh for the podcast if you need anything. Just text right. Oh, you know, no one messaged me. Just to let you know. Well, do you know why, Rob? Because I wanted the story to be fresh for the podcast. Good decision, actually. Yeah. All done on that.

Rob, please take this off my life and talk about parenting. Sorry. I mean, I haven't got much parenting either, to be honest, because I've been working. Sorry. I didn't see my kids for five days. No, but you have been parenting. You just lost your phone.

So you couldn't. So it's been, I had, well, I had, well, I went to Italy to film the Grand Prix, but there was flooding and it got cancelled. Did you tell Lou or did you and Romesh just stay in Italy for a few days? We couldn't get back because we had to go to Venice to film something else. If it's flooded, don't go to Venice. Well, that's what we thought, but Venice was fine.

They're just used to it. It rained all week in Italy. I don't know, it was really bleak in certain parts of Italy, so I can't complain, but it wasn't the nicest of weeks. However, because one of the days filming got cancelled, I slept for 10 hours, Josh. Fuck off! It's the longest I've ever slept in my life.

I slept for 10 hours. You could have gone from Eastbourne to Pentance in that time. Exactly. And lost my phone. And I was asleep. And I slept for so long, Josh, that I got backache. You got bed sores. Basically.

I was in bed for so long. And I basically, I was just so tired. Just like passed out. And I was just like, it's been such a busy week with the traveling and stuff. And then I didn't move all the whole night. My shoulder's still sore. Oh, Rob, I feel for you, mate. I feel for you.

I can't, no, I don't need sympathy for having long sleep and hurting my arm. Did you tell Lou? I told her that I was chilling out in Bologna, but then I had the most stressful Saturday and Sunday day. That was a very chill day where we weren't filming much. My day, let me try and find this. In Venice on the Saturday, I got opera lessons and then rehearsed the opera, then performed an opera in Venice.

Fucking hell, Rob. On Saturday night, okay. Was that part of the TV show or just killing time? That was my night off. Me and Romesh thought, nah, let's not go for dinner and have a drink. Let's go and perform opera. And it's always awful as well when you do them sort of things

because obviously people watch that show on the telly. You'll go out there and be full of Italians, but there'll be a couple of British people in the middle going, is that Robyn? Robyn, is that Robin? If I've learned anything about traveling around the world doing this show, there's always a British person there. There's always an English,

if you go into, within a mile of you, there'll always be an English person, wherever you are in the world. It's insane. Anyway, so we finished doing the opera and then I'm on the 8 o'clock flight back from Venice to London, and it's a Sunday, and I had to go to Radio 2 to do my Radio 2 show, okay?

But to get from my hotel to the airport, got to get on a gondola, got to get on a boat, then I get to the sort of mainland-y bit, get in a taxi, the mini-bus thing with the crew to the airport, get on an airplane. You know everything about me, Penzance to Eastport. Oh, mate, my carbon footprint is a disgrace at the moment, but people need to be entertained, get on an airplane. You're everything but me. Penzance to Eastport. Oh, mate, my carbon footprint is a disgrace at the moment, but people need to be entertained, Josh. If Rishi Sunak can go to Blackpool in a private jet to talk shit,

I should be allowed to get on a gondola. Oh, what's that, a gondola? Is that carbon footprint? It's just a bloke pushing it. No, he's just pushing it along with a stick, isn't he? Yeah. It's basically punting. Deep, deep, deep sea punting.

Deep sea punting. So we get to, to anyway so we fly home land at british british airways they don't they do make it hard to enjoy yourself on those planes don't they anyway they land about five miles away from terminal five they've had a whole terminal built from they still can't land near it so it landed we got on a bus have you ever done this with you land at heathrow you get on a bus. Yeah, you get on a bus. It goes underground in a tunnel on a dual carriageway for about 10 minutes. Yeah, not the Devon Expressway.

It was the Heathrow Expressway. And then it got us through to – anyway, so we get to the airport. And then I've got to go and do radio too, but also I've not seen my kids for five days. They're at a birthday party. They're at Ninja Warrior Guildford. So I land at 10.15. AM?

Yep. After all that? Yeah. Yeah, I've been on all those transports before 11 AM. What time did you get up? Six Italian time, but five English time. So I've been up since five. Anyway, I've got got back

to the uk in a taxi now off to guildford ninja warrior and i'm just like trying to dress a bit smarter josh not because i'm turning 40 here we go welcome to the bloody party mate welcome to the bloody team welcome to the midlife crisis not no but not not smart not well when i say smarter i'm not dressing like in hush puppies in a smoking jacket like you. I'm not wearing it. I'm not. I just can't keep going out like a road man.

I dress now like I'm a 17-year-old kid dealing drugs from a council estate. Yeah, you do. And I've got to stop doing that. So I just thought I'd be a bit smarter. Just jeans, nice trainers, a T-shirt and a jacket, right? Almost like what I'd wear on the telly kind of stuff, right? Yeah, yeah. When I get to Ninja Warrior, I've got to to do ninja warrior it's a kid's birthday party

i thought i was watching i thought that point in your career would come rob but i didn't think it would be this soon so i'm now i'm in jeans and a t-shirt trying to do ninja warrior and i get there and i'm so like i feel like i'm gonna collapse i feel like i'm gonna die right and um i'm trying and i was like a week ago I was hosting the BAFTAs. Now I'm a ninja warrior gilford after flying back from Italy. And so I'm trying to do it and I'll beat the wall and all that. And then a lot of people are recognising me. And then when there's like the teenage boys there,

so it's a weird thing that dads do. They get the teenage boys to come up to me and go, because it's obviously them doing it, not the kids, and it's just a good pick-up line and it's just sort of a cheesy joke but so i've got like teenage boys asking if it's a good pickup line oh are you from um are you from america because you're the only 10 i see oh no you should have said no it's not yeah but you can't say that to a 10 11 year old no that's shit. Yeah, that's shit. Now, fuck off on that wall.

Get off my ring. So I'm doing it. And it's basically, there's an actual, like, ring thing you climb along. And then there's, like, inflatable stuff for the younger kids. Inflatable, like, assault courses. I don't know how everybody there's not spraining their ankles. It's absolutely, you're bouncing around. Oh, my granddad. You're bouncing about all over the place.

And so I'm trying to do that, and I'm sort of struggling on it. We have the party, and then it's happy birthday, blah, blah, blah. I've seen the kids. And then now it's 1.45. I'm on air at 5 p.m. So Lou, by the way, went out with some friends on Saturday night. Guess what time she came in, Josh? 2.

3 a.m. Whoa. I didn't know you were married to Pete Docherty. Well, it looks like I am. I'm married to Pete Docherty. And, yeah, so she was out. So she came in at 3 a.m.? She reckoned she weren't that drunk.

And she was doing Ninja Warrior as well. Why stay out? They were sharing a car back, and it was up in London. So I don't know if she wanted to sort of go in a night bus or a late cab. So she got in a free, so she was tired. So I said, what I'll do is 1.45, I'll drive you and the kids in, because I got dropped off in a taxi with a suitcase at Ninja Warrior. I don't think anyone's ever turned out of a full suitcase to Ninja Warrior before.

Like this guy's taking it serious. He's got chalk in there. The parents running to me. And then that's why I drive them back and i'm so i've not i've not slept much i've driven them back from uh gilford to uh to bromley um to my house i drop them off then lou drops me off at the train station because this is now 3 p.m i'm on there at five and i'll get the train up so three half three i get a train so i haven't eaten since i've been eating since the night before there's not not been a chance so i get to the train station

there's a kebab shop there i've only got 10 minutes the only thing that they can do in 10 minutes is don a meat and chips so now i'm eating i'm sat at a train station eating Donner meat and chips. And I've never eaten Donner meat and chips before I've gone out before. You've never said Donner meat and chips so many times in this race for a minute. Oh, it's lovely sober. Yeah. It's lovely sober.

So I'm eating Donner meat and chips, get on the train, get out there, running late, so I jump in the taxi, right? Yeah. My dad was a black cab driver. The stereotype's a reason they do not stop talking. Nice enough guy. I'm empty. The tank is, I was in an opera lesson 12 hours ago.

The tank is empty. I've not had a day off in May. I've come off an arena tour straight into a classical music episode of Romesh. I did a performance at the Royal Festival Hall of Classical Music. Done the BAFTAs. I've been in Italy all week. done an opera, done Ninja Warrior. Now I'm in a taxi where he's talking me through electric vehicles and Uber. And I'm like, I don't want to be involved in this conversation.

I'm trying to be polite. Does he know who you are? Is he like doing it because he's aware of you? I get in the car. Hello, Rob. I'm like, oh, no, I'm going to have to talk. Normally I'm a talker, Josh, you know me, but the tank is a – I feel like there should be a word you say to people where you go,

it's not about you. It's all me. I am – I've got nothing left in the tank. I'm empty. I just can't formulate a sentence. Yes, I'm going to go doing two hours of live radio in a minute. You only need to talk for 30 seconds and you can pop on Bananarama formulate a sentence. Yes, I'm going to go doing two hours of live radio in a minute. I'm trying to move. You only need to talk

for 30 seconds and you can pop on Bananarama and Rick Astley so it's fine. You can't do that with a cabbie. Sorry, mate. You're right to shut up.

I'm just going to play Adele instead. I'm going to put on the nine minute version of Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd just to get through things. Anyway, so he's chatting to me and he's a nice bloke

and it was 15 minutes I was in the cab for. I counted because I was answering, but like quite politely, like, yeah, yeah, I'm not, yeah, a bit busy, mate, yeah. Oh, yeah, doing that, you know, just polite, sort of trying to, and then back on my phone. I counted 37 questions, 15 minutes. Fucking hell. It's a lot of questions, isn't it, Josh?

Yeah. To ask and answer. Anyway, nice enough bloke. And then when I get to Radio 2, I't it, Josh? Yeah. To ask and answer. Anyway, nice enough, bloke. And then when I get to Radio 2, I'm like, right, I'm in now. Right, just got to do two more hours before I can get back home and have a rest, right? Because it's been nonstop since I got on an aeroplane this morning. Well, no, since I got on the fucking gondola this morning.

And then I tried to beat the wall. I think the wall won, three mil. And I get out of the car. He goes, you don't mind it. I always do this. I'm like, all right. He went, whenever I meet anyone off the telly, I always make them sit in the cab and I take a photo.

So then he gets out of the front, then I get and sit in the cab, then I'm just sat in the cab. What, in the driving seat? Yes. Are you fucking kidding, man? I'm in a rush. And I've told him I'm on air in like 20 minutes.

Oh, now I'm sad. Oh, my God. He's got radio two on. This is like the kind of thing that happens to me. 20 minutes. He's got radio two on. And then like, this is like the kind of thing that happens to me. The tank was empty, Josh. And he was a nice guy.

And I was like, so I'm sat there and I'm sat there in the cab. Roger radio twos. I hear Johnny Walker go, Rob Beckett will be up in a minute. I went, no, he won't be.

And then I got in, did the show and I come home and i was broken last night i was so tired yeah and and this is what i've noticed when when lou's looking after kids on her own so poor lou's been doing the kids all week when lou's because lou gets in her own sort of she goes into sort of like hyper focus mode where she's got to do everything she's got to do in the week and look after the kids without me and then when the kids are in bed and they don't stop asking questions like you your youngest hasn't really started that yet but when it's like a it's like a concoff a cacophony of noise of questions and

yeah questions and it's really tiring so lou like lou gets all lou wants to do is get him in bed land the sofa and watch at the moment she's watching the vander pumps the vander pumps rose watch the vander pumps yeah so lou's just got into that 10 series of it she's watching the Vanderpumps. Have you heard of the Vanderpumps? Yeah, yeah. Rose watched the Vanderpumps. Yeah, so Lou's just got into that. Ten series of it. She's three series in. She's pumped. She's loving life. She's Vanderpump in life, okay?

Yeah, yeah. And then I sort of sit there and like, do you want to watch? But I've just been reintroduced to a new system of how the house works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, Lou doesn't really want to talk to me. Lou wants to just sit and watch the Vanderpumps. And it's like, Lou doesn't really want to talk to me. Lou wants to just sit and watch the Vanderpumps.

And I'm another person that's coming, talking and saying things. And it takes a few days for us. It's almost like coming back from conflict. You know, like when people come back from time on the front line, they go to Cyprus for a couple of weeks just to calm down a bit. So we both need, we both, it's got to the point where we both sort of respect that. We go like, she just needs one more night at the Vanderanderpump's with me in the house and then we can start communicating again and being a couple but at the moment that's good i feel very much i felt what are you doing today are you are you seeing i'm seeing so we're doing this and then um we're

both doing a bit of exercising together and then we're gonna go out for a bit alone i know what you mean hash brown at the drive-thru, my man. You know what I'm saying? They're exercising together. That man's doing some squats in there. I don't want to keep you, Rob. We're doing pad work, which actually sounds more sick. I don't want to know what you're doing, Rob.

That is... Doing a bit of pad work together, and then she's going to peg me. Oh, sorry. Suggestive references, Wayne. But yeah, so it's been a mad day. Just dropped the kids off at school. And then we got...

This is half term. We've got a lot of good family stuff planned for half term, going to Alton Towers. So I think when you're hearing this, you'll probably be in Alton Towers. We're doing this a little bit before. So we, going to Alton Towers. So I think when you're hearing this, you'll probably be in Alton Towers. We're doing this a little bit before. So we're going to Alton Towers in half term. Oh, exciting.

And I've got the summer off. Yes, it's going to be a half term. Is it a half term next week for your kids? It's all different all over the country. Yes, we're going to Greece. Oh, yes. So that's why we're doing this one now, because you'll be in Greece and I'll be in Alton Towers.

Then we can report back with some more parenting stuff. It's been a bit non-fair. Very exciting. I've got some time off coming up, so I will be looking after my children, Josh. Yeah, that's good. And then we can talk about that. And I did do parenting, but I wrote it all down on my phone. I thought, that is good stuff.

And then... You can get a double whammy of it next time. Yeah, I just can't remember, Rob. Before we go... Can I just say, I've just got an email from Rose... Yeah. ...saying that... Have you not got an iPad you could take out with you,

like, when they're sort of, like, business men? No. And she... Would she need to get a parking permit for someone that's just popped round? I can't do that because it's on my phone. Everything is on my phone. Oh, no.

Life is on my fucking phone. You don't need a parking permit. Zone 5. No, of course not. Lovely life. Of course you bloody don't. Do you know what? You don't even need to park on my phone. Everything is on my phone. Life is on my fucking phone. You don't need a parking permit. Zone five. No, of course not. Lovely life. Of course you bloody don't. You know what?

You don't even need to park on my drive. Space for a guest. Space for a guest. Bloody hell, Rob. I'm going to have to try and do the parking permit on the Hackney website. Council websites are the worst design thing. What the fuck's going on?

Yeah. What's the budget on the website? Just like, does someone just get their niece to do it? Yeah, I don't know how to do this. Josh, you're trying to do it now whilst we're recording the podcast? Well, I've got ten minutes, otherwise the person's parking illegally. Oh, no. What?

Oh, God. Quitting from the SWAT team. Do you want me to help? What have I got on Google? Victoria Park parking before it's illegal. So, we've got to log in. I mean, there's worse illegal activity going on. So when you just bump in their number plate

and then they can park. Oh yeah, I haven't got the fucking number plate. But I'll do it when we finish recording this, Rob. Oh, thanks. Oh, thanks, mate. Appreciate that. Good point. Before we wrap up in here,

we do a small business shower. Well, how does a Chelsea flower show work? And what's going, why are you there? What's going on? How can people normally go? Is it just a celebrity thing? Do you know who else is there?

The bloody King. The King's going to be there. And the Queen. Yeah. In consoles. No, she's the Queen. I think that's out of order.

Philip didn't get King. I just think, have a bit of respect, will you Camilla? Come on. Do you know what I mean? Like, you're already in through the back door.

Let's not fucking start taking pictures. Come on, mate. Just go. Yeah. Right, let's do small business chat. How does it work then? Chelsea Flash, you just get invited.

Yeah, I want you to go because I want you to bristle. Yeah. business show how does it work then chelsea you just get invited so there's yeah i want to get you to go because i want you to bristle yeah i will go who wants to go this this year's too busy but we've got we're gonna go next year next year well you can come with us and tom allen and uh gloria hannaford yeah lovely lovely day i'll just i'll just avoid the ponds yeah right okay let's do a small business shout out then but can people buy tickets to walk around then is how it works um can people buy tickets to walk around yes yeah that's how it works okay yeah and this is and this is they invite celebs on the monday to sort of as a promo so there's yeah i said they can put pictures to get in the paper what am i gonna do that's why i haven't even got a fucking phone maybe just go up because i think if you can you can you do this for the

listers right when they're taking photos and you're just walking around and you sort of just You haven't even got a fucking phone. Maybe just go up, because I think, can you do this for the listeners? No. When they're taking photos and you're just walking around and you sort of just do normal poses, Rose, can you just do one of like, like throw up the horns and stick your tongue out with a paparazzi? I wouldn't do that, Rob. Why not? Because I think they'll get in a paper.

Yes, they'll get in a paper. I'll look like a fucking twat. It'll be funny. You're a comedian. I'm not on jackass. Yeah. Jackass. They don't just fall funny photos.

Chelsea flower. No, maybe not. But do something a bit like maybe hug Tom or something. I'll do something that'll get you in the pain. Okay. I'll give Tom a kiss on the cheek. Yeah. That might be good. Or lips. give Tom a kiss on the cheek. Yeah, that might be good.

Or lips. No, just kiss on the cheek. Okay. Yeah, so I think if you do that, you'll go, or just say something like, yeah, you're auditioning for the new host of This Morning, and then that will get you in the paper because it will be like, Willicam slams This Morning.

Oh, so they wouldn't take it that I could be auditioning for it. They'd presume it was a joke. They'd go, well, that's... I think you'd find it very stressful jumping between the serious and fun topics. Yeah, I was thinking about how difficult that job is. Yeah, it's a tough job. It's a tough fucking...

I don't know which bit I'm meant to enjoy. I don't want to talk about soaps. I don't want to cook with gino da campo oh why not that'd be the best bit i don't want to sit i don't want to pretend i'm interested in high street fashions i don't want to pretend i'm interested in some fucking former coronation street actor who's got a new series on itv1 i don't want to you're not doing the show calm down no i know i'm just saying know. I'm just saying. I know.

I'm just saying. I feel like I've gone on to be interviewed by you and you're letting Rip in the advert break. I just didn't know it'd be like this, Rob. I've signed up for four years. My car is at 6am every morning. My car is at 6am every morning. I've spoken to Saran Jones 16 times this year about new projects. Michelle Keegan's back on again.

Ron Kwan's got some fashion tips for me. I don't care what's happening in Emmerdale. Because if you were the host of this morning even if you like 60 percent of things you have to be into a hundred percent of things yeah no one is no one can possibly care about a new serious drama on bbc one then emmerdale then carbonara then the new tequila craze oh how do you do it then and then you're interviewing someone who's like, child's got anorexia. Oh, no, we've got very different. Yeah.

Different worries. Different worries. But you're interviewing a really serious, awful kind of story. And then you're meant to go, anyway, here's andy peter's walking down a beach you know fucking hell right um should we do a small business shout out josh yeah here we go this would be a good one actually for our listeners josh hello josh and rosh i'm a

little behind on my podcast josh and rosh josh and rosh josh and rob i'm a little behind on my podcasting but i've recently heard josh is trying to stop drinking alcohol so I thought my friend Jessie's new small business JYFL which is pronounced joyful but spelled JYFL might be of interest to him and also all the listeners who are sober or pregnant after trying to get sober herself last year Jess still wanted to join the fun at social events but found the choice between water or soft drink a bit boring and not in the party spirit so she's created joyful joyful is an online shop selling hampers packed with delicious and luxurious non-alcoholic beverages and very good bring you joy about the repercussions they're a perfect gift to celebrate the big milestones the little wins and everything in between the business just launched

in feb 2023 selling locally sourced products from around the uk and use sustainably sourced and recycled packaging they ship all over the uk and can be purchased from jyfl.co.uk thanks boys rosemary that is lovely i'm on the website it looks very good premium alcohol free hampers there we go hi Rob and Josh. Thanks for being so sexy and relatable. I know how you love visiting Whitstable. Yes. I love Whitstable, yeah. Would like to promote my friend's new business.

Please, can you do a small business shout-out for the sneaker house in Whitstable? My friends Ben and Diana have set up a shop in December selling rare and one-of-a-kind sneakers. Sneakers that you cannot find anywhere else. That is trainers, though, right? They are the only specialist trainer shops in Kent. Avoid the queues in London or risking the online auction

and come down to the Sneaker House. Instagram at the Sneaker House shop. Thanks, Nina Phoenix, 36 years old, from Canterbury. Nina Phoenix. There we go. That's a good name, isn't it? Trainers, right? Trainers, right, yeah.

Josh, I'll see you next time. Enjoy the Chelsea Flower Show. Yes, and I'll have news, fingers crossed, about life savings. Now, don't forget to do the parking. You've got two minutes until it's illegal. Shit, shit, shit. Bye.