Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP44: Scott Bennett

Episode Date: June 9, 2023

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Scott Bennett. *TRIGGER WARNING* This episode includes conversations about child illness. You can get tickets for Scott's incredibly funny stand-up tour here And his podcast 'Brew With The Bennett's' is available wherever you get your podcasts. Parenting Hell is available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with okay florence can you say rob beckett what beckett can you say j Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe.

Whose birthday is it today? Whose? What's your name? Josh. Yay! There we go. This is Florence from Middlesbrough. Oh, fuck.

Intrigued to see where Rob recognised the accent from. Well, that's gone forever. Middlesbrough. Yeah, correct. She's gone very cute and a recognised the accent from. Well, that's gone forever. Middlesbrough. Yeah, correct. She's gone very cute and a bit posh for this voice now, I must admit. No kid to myself, but this is my four-year-old niece, Florence. It was her birthday when we recorded this, and I loved the podcast since you started.

Me and my mate Alice listen all the time, and we're hoping to get tickets if you do another tour. Keep being sexy and relatable. Lucy, also from Borough. UTB, up the Borough, maybe? Up the Borough. Yeah, up from Borough. UTB, up the Borough, maybe? Up the Borough. Yeah. Up the Borough.

Middlesbrough fans. If you want to come, we've got one more gig on our world tour. Dubai. Dubai. Yeah. Monday. Oh, no, we're doing Glastonbury. And we're doing Glastonbury.

Yeah. Yes, on Saturday at about one o'clock, is it? Yeah. In the tent. Yeah, in the cabaret tent. Cabaret. Shall we reveal the... I'm a bit worried about... Reveal what? Piece of piss, Rob. No, not about the gig. Yeah, in the cabaret tent. Cabaret. Shall we reveal the... I'm a bit worried about...

Reveal what? Piece of piss, Rob. No, not about the gig. That's fine. About all the people there. Yeah. There is a lot. All the cabaret people.

Oh, Rob, there's a lot of rollies going around backstage. But there's a lot of people in leather waistcoats. Oh, no. People where it's a lifestyle. The people that haven't seen you know like people that don't watch match of the day there's no there's not going to be a lot of match of the day watching going on backstage fair enough but there will be a lot of people will be talking about the glory days of street performance what and they're due to come and they're due to those

i really struggle to get on board with street performance and I don't want to alienate it's not my scene I just feel like if it's entertaining enough you'll have a roof do you know what I mean it's like I feel like if you're on the street you've tried to go inside and no one went in

so you've had to go back out again. Put your hat on the floor. Do you know what I mean? And walk on that baggy tightrope. I don't, you know, each to their own. Each to their own. Not for me though, Josh. Are you looking forward to Glastonbury?

I'm a bit concerned. Are you nervous? We've had to move on. This is the most parenting hell thing ever. Why have we moved our set? We were supposed to be on the Friday lunchtime so then we could enjoy Glastonbury as much as possible. But Josh has very kindly allowed us to move the set

to Saturday lunchtime because I got confused. It's my daughter's sports day on the Friday of Glastonbury. Classic, classic. So I'm going to kids' sports day in the morning, then me and Lou are driving down and we'll get there too late. I don't want it to be stressful. And then we can go and watch Arctic Monkeys and then do our show.

So what are you going to go? Cause guns. Can you talk me through what a day, say talk me through what, if I'm, if we're shadowing you. Wake up, wake up.

What time? 5k run around the site. Really? No, of course. I don't know what you carny folk do. I'm a carny you're a carny um so i go and watch bands normally this is my first sober glastonbury rob right talk to me about this this is interesting yeah it is interesting you're not wrong about that what's the plan well i've been sober now well it's over it's a big word isn't it i'm not drunk sorry in um just

check my uh app 66 days 66 days okay solid yeah normally at glastonbury it's debauchery right okay so it's like so you you and your little gang the culture of that trip to glastonbury is get go mad for it because it's a week one weekend a year where you anything goes and then you spend the week recovering the next week yeah right but I'm not doing that this year okay you know so what's your plan of action just enjoy the music man just enjoy the music man my problem would be though if if I'm doing what you're doing is everyone else around me if they're still doing that type of thing yes I know that is a worry but um i think i'll be fine i think i'll just go to bed after the headline or i don't think i'll go on till i'm definitely doing that go to stay out after the headline it's like that weird spider thing where

there's fire and drunk people fuck off so me and you can go to bed together and everyone else can go and have fun yes well my issue my worry about it is hell is other people there's lots of people it's more mainstream than you think as a group of people yeah no and in a way though that's worse to a point because i i don't it's a lot of people there and it's a lot of people where this is their massive blowout of the year where that's the kind of lifestyle i used to operate where i'd work work work and on a friday get battered or go away for the weekend get battered with mates and go mad yeah i'm trying that until 66 days ago yes well i'm i'm trying to create a new calm and content all the time and it's always it's never snap amazing me And it's always, it's never snap.

Amazing. That's me. Yeah. But it's never living my eight out of 10 life every day rather than tens and ones. That's what I'm looking for. So, but Glastonbury is a, is,

is a, is a field full of people on 10 and that's amazing. Not just on 10, they're on a lot of other things as well. But they're all going to be on one next week. But I would like to be on a at class to be i'd like to on monday be on eight yeah okay so you're just going to go home and you're going rose is rose is rose going to be out drinking but she's got loads of mates anyway so

you want to go and she can stay out exactly it's going to be great i'm going to i'm really excited about loads of the bands i'm going to watch the hives and then i'm going to watch the lightning seeds because i'm 70 years old yes and then by the way the secret band on not before the arctic monkeys but the one before there's a band called the churn ups that no one knows who it is but it's the food fighters who are on at 6 p.m oh really yeah that's exciting there's something fun for you um apparently apparently oh here we go this is. This is classic Glastonbury talk. People chatting shit off their faces behind a toilet. It's going to be interesting. And you turn up, and it's not the churn ups, is it?

It's like Tony Hadley doing an acoustic set, and you're like, what the fuck is this? And they're going, no, she's really good. He's got some great stuff, has he? No offence, Tony. I don't watch Tony Hadley do an acoustic set in a field. I would say if I was at home as a fan of this podcast, I'd be very excited about the post Glastonbury episode to see how Rob reacts

to going to Glastonbury. And I react to going to Glastonbury sober. Well, that's what they say about drinking, isn't it? It's borrowing happiness from tomorrow. Exactly. So what I'd say is the thing to get you through it,

I think will be good is one. I'll tell people to piss off if they start trying to get you through it, I think will be good is one, I'll tell people to piss off if they start trying to get you drinking, because people will. And I can be the enforcer. Thanks, mate. And then because on top of that, I'll also recommend that whenever you have that, oh, shall I, shall I not?

Just think about 10 a.m. Saturday morning. Yeah. When everyone else feels awful. Exactly. And you are gonna you haven't you've got you wind the tape forward mate that's what you have coffee or decaf tea you can have a caffeine tea why not have a caffeine coffee mate because i'm fucking away for the weekend that's your glastonbury why don't you just get why don't you just get have loads of

coffee yeah just get off your face until 3 a.am just get on red bull just get obsessed with that that's always good replacing addiction with an addiction i don't think you had an addiction did you just it affected your mood let's not go into it rob okay no should i tell you a couple of things before we do scott's intro that might be of interest um we got a taxi the other day somewhere um me lou and the kids and the kids were really excited because i was meeting their friends and was going on a day out and they were screaming so much and chianti and we ended up playing the a to z game of animals to try and kill time of like name an animal with an a and they had whatever yeah screaming and joke anyway the they got dropped

off by the taxi and then i text the taxi guy oh sorry the kids were so loud right on the way yeah and he i think what how would you reply to that normally would you don't worry about that um they're very sweet right um yeah very sweet or oh don't worry they weren't that loud yeah you know that i think you have a go oh don't be silly they're really sweet or they weren't that loud or oh really i, really, I didn't notice it, even if you did, right? The reply I got was, don't worry, I'm used to loud kids. Oh! Oh!

Don't worry. I was like, okay, we're just all accepting that they're really loud. Okay, cool. I was in denial. Josh, Scott Bennett, this is a really good interview, isn't it? Really good. Brilliant. We're going to get Scott back on to do more of a general chat about kids

because he's absolutely hilarious, brilliant comic. But this is a long-form anecdote that is unbelievable. Yes, about their daughter that had medical complications at a very young age. So trigger warning to anyone who doesn't really want to listen about young babies with medical issues and problems. at a very young age. So trigger warning to anyone who doesn't really want to listen about young babies with medical issues and problems. There's a happy ending.

It's all very positive, which is very lucky and wonderful. But it's a journey and it's quite a shocking journey. It's quite a shocking journey, but there is a happy ending. Scott tells it brilliantly. Hilariously.

It's very funny. Very funny, man. And we're going to get him back on for more of a general chit-chat because this is such an interesting story but we've got him on for this he's also on tour and he's a really funny comedian um this is scott bennett welcome to the podcast scott bennett thank you very much scott thank you thank you for having me it's an early one isn't it it is I was just saying before we got started, when this came through and it said 9am, I was like, what the fuck is wrong with these guys?

Do you know what? I genuinely thought that you two were in Australia. That was the only thing that made sense to me. I thought, well, they're in Australia. It'll be like 10 o'clock at night there. We're all rock and roll comics. And they were like, no, it's genuinely, we're going out before the end of GB Newsclock at night there we're all rock and roll comics and they were like no it's genuinely we're going out before the end of GB News

that's what we're doing not GB News Adeel Ray is still discussing politics this is a thing for anyone else but for parents 9 o'clock is like no that makes complete sense you've been up well yeah three hours this is how you get to the top of podcasting mate

you start early. We're doing 16 episodes today. Back to back. We will be working till 10pm. Not many people know that me and Rob record all of Parenting Hell for a year in the space of a week. And then we just have 51 weeks off. Well, we have you now. We've just done a few acts in Hong Kong. And then we're going to wait for LA to go live.

And then we'll be doing all the LA guys. It was a 24-hour process. This is a worse contract than working for Amazon. I do sometimes think, you know, Rob, you've got a job that you love and you get to pick your hours. Why the fuck are you doing this at 9am? Well, the mad thing is, is I said to you

that my kids are on holiday. They're in bed. They've just hit full student mode. So they're not even awake, your kids? No. My seven-year-old doesn't surface till 10. No. Yeah, just comes down like a student.

Well, it's been great to have you on, Scott, but I think we're going to have to end it there. I don't think I can handle a full episode of your adult waking up. What time is she going to bed? I don't know. I don't know what time she's going to bed i don't know well i think i don't know what time she's going to bed well every question you're answering then how old or what time she goes to bed he said don't know can i just say it's gone a bit lax this week right right okay we've sort of it's drifted yeah

to be fair it's only thursday it's not like week four of the summer holidays i know well the problem was is that they've started sleeping. My eldest tends to look after the youngest in the morning. So she'll sort of get her breakfast for her because the eldest is 12. And me and Gemma were laid next to each other last week. It was like a Sunday. And I was like, my God, it's like half 10.

And we could hear them downstairs. And she was like, oh, this is brilliant, isn't it? They're looking after each other. I was like, well, it's not. It's neglect, isn't it? It's just after each other. I was like, well, it's not. It's neglect, isn't it? It's just bad parenting. It's just bad parenting, mate. I can hear the eldest boiling pans.

Yeah. Boiling pans at 8am going, for fuck's sake, two more hours until she's down for breakfast. Fully laid out table. Livid. So what time do they go to bed at the moment? Don't panic. I'm not from the council.

The youngest is, I know it does feel like I'm being judged now. I would say 10 for the youngest. Is that too late? Let's reign it back. Half night. What, like when you're filling in how much alcohol units you do with the doctor? Let's go for what's acceptable. Half 13, the truth and acceptable.

What are the units for 15 pints Friday and Saturday? How many units is that, Doc? If you were a doctor, I'd say seven. Seven p.m. No, they're never going to bed at seven. Ten p.m. I think ten p.m. is a bit late, but it's Easter holidays. I think you can be let off.

And also, you've got a 12-year-old, so it's very difficult to get the youngest to do what the eldest was doing when they were seven. Yeah, and they sort of squirrel away. And I put up, I mean, this is my life at the moment. I put up some LED lights in a bedroom the other day, my oldest. Now, this is the thing, apparently. You can control them with a phone. So what I've done is I've combined keeping her awake with a device.

So it's perfect parenting. So she has to turn her lights off with her phone, which is really good. That's excellent. I think they say that, don't they? It's a good way to calm down before bed, to be in charge of a lighting rig from your phone at 12 to be a roadie for pink flies before you nod off that's what i was doing the other day was putting lights up in the bedroom i don't know if you get this scott but i get a slight lockdown flashbacks when the kids are off school definitely you know like when they're off over easter and you're not on holiday or you're not doing anything fun that day you're sort of in the house looking at each other i start getting

panicked i have to go and check the news yeah in case we're not allowed in the nan round i think jemma gets a bit annoyed with me because i'm one of those people that i feel like i need a plan for the day i don't know if you guys are like that but i feel like we have to have you're talking to two guys that have organized the podcast at 9am i think yeah 9am you certainly didn't need a plan when we gave you one did you you're livid but i mean it's just like the idea of like we need to be doing something we've got to get out at some point get on the bikes or just i just had the idea of i can see in the shed these bikes i got i'm just decaying it's like you know you drive a car off the forecourt it's like those bikes are losing value on an hourly rate. I feel like that, but it is hard to try and get them in the park.

It's so wet and cold. Yeah. Even now, it's a bit slippy and it's a bit cold. They don't want to ride a bike in this. We get about two weeks a year where it's bike riding weather for kids, really. Yeah. And I think Gemma always thinks I'm going through this checklist of how to be a perfect parent.

But I'm just like, it's three o'clock and we haven't moved. Yeah. It's not normal. But to be fair, they've only been up for two hours. They've certainly just finished breakfast, Scott. Just like it's three o'clock and we haven't moved. Yeah. It's not normal. But to be fair, they've only been up for two hours. They've certainly just finished breakfast, Scott. Well, breakfast just goes into dinner. That's what we do.

It just, every meal just, you know, can't go out now. It's evening meal time. You do a podcast with your wife, Gemma. Where are you now, though? It looks like you're in a garden shed. Is this your own podcast booth? And you also do a podcast with jemma that's filmed in the house you've got proper stuff up you've got foam on the ceiling yeah so what happened was when i quit my job my proper job jemma said what was that i was

a product designer so i had like a career in everything oh yeah of course yeah and uh i should know that because you told us that when you did the live shows with us, Scott. It's all right. Glad I made an impact. And so when I quit my job, Gemma said, well, you'll need a place to write. So I came home from work the week I'd quit and this was in the garden. She'd had this shed put in. Well, it's like a gift. It's like you've quit your job. Oh, that's nice.

I mean, you say a gift. And now you can't work in the house. Yeah, it's not a gift, is it? It's quite a passive aggressive gift, isn't it? Exactly. She's put me in a kennel, Josh. Literal doghouse. I couldn't get any further away. I'm so far away from the house that the Wi-Fi

cuts out. Oh, no! So I've had the internet put in. I've had it all insulated. Nice. And in lockdown, obviously, this is where I did most of the Zoom gigs that we did. Yeah, of course. What are you doing heating-wise, in the oil oil heaters yeah mate it feels apocalyptic if i'm being honest i feel like one of those people in in america that you know live off

roadkill and stuff like that but yeah we started doing a podcast after the lockdown and then someone said to me the other day which which is interesting and I've never considered, doing a podcast with your wife is great. You know what I mean? You get opposing views. You get the truth regularly. You get honesty. But the problem is now we're sort of in a contract to stay together.

Yes. Oh, no, I don't know. I think people would listen more if you were going through a messy divorce and you met up every week to have a chat. Yeah, I think so. On Patreon. I wouldn't be surprised if someone does that. They do a fake divorce for listens. Yeah, do you imagine that week one, who gets

the kids little teaser trailer? Oh, God. Oh, my word. Actually, it sounds quite bleak. And if it was a popular one, you know, people would probably go to... Can you go to divorces? Is that, like, one of the core things that you're allowed to go to? Really? What, sitting and watching it? I don't know. That can't be true, can it? That's sick, Josh.

You sick fuck. Josh, you're just shuffling in. Rob. I'd judge you, Josh, and then I'd be texting you every five minutes going, what's happened? What does he want? What's she getting? How's it going?

So, yeah, we do that. But we found, actually, it sounds weird to say this, but it does give us chance to chat properly it might only be like two hours a week but the kids are at school and you feel like you actually reconnect as a couple it's really weird it is weird and it's quite nice actually so what about holidays when you go on holiday do you still do the podcast or is that a break well we try and record in advance actually but we have it's really weird because I sort of said to Gemma, our time together is really bizarre.

Like, the other day, we went mattress shopping. Right. And we'd made a point... Have you ever bought a new mattress recently? Not... No, I don't think I've ever bought a mattress. What are you sleeping on? Have you never...

Do you know what? I've never bought a mattress. What are you talking about? I've never bought a mattress. You must have. No, I haven't. Well, what are you sleeping on? Well, I used to be in rented accommodation.

Right. Oh. So that would be furnished when I was in my 20s and my late teens. And then my first house. Thinking about that, that is sleeping on a mattress that's been through numbers of people. I did it as well. But looking back now, I know needs must. I mean, imagine what's happening in a hotel every

night oh don't i'm in hotels lots don't talk about that yeah i think worse things have happened on hotel beds than on student mattresses maybe not but can i just say the reason i've never bought a mattress i don't believe rob's ever bought a mattress either oh yeah me and lou me because the first place i bought yeah was with. And so Rose ordered a mattress. No, but me and Lou have been to a shop to try mattresses, to buy one together. Oh, you pervs. That's what you do.

Guess what's happened on those mattresses before, Rob? What I would say is don't get memory foam. You lose purchase. Well, so you've done the thing of laying. That's the weird thing when you see other couples laying with their shoes on on beds. Two in the afternoon. Yeah. Have you never done that, Josh,. That's the weird thing when you see other couples laying with their shoes on, on beds, two in the afternoon. Yeah.

Have you never done that, Josh, then, actually? No. Rose just picks it. No wonder you're not sleeping. You're sleeping really well. We've got a mattress. I should say you should get a mattress topper. That is an absolute game changer.

Have you got one of them? Yes, we've got one. It's good stuff. Sorry, Scott. We were getting bad backs, so we just thought we need to sort the mattress out. But, yeah, it was that weird moment, sort of 2 o'clock in the afternoon. stuff sorry scott we were getting bad backs so we just thought we need to sort the mattress out but um but yeah it was that weird moment sort of two o'clock in the afternoon they say never go shopping when you're hungry i think never do mattress shopping when you're tired

i will lay next to jemma and we thought we're going like i could go now two o'clock in the afternoon in dreams just go yeah i think being a parent with young kids every mattress is fine it's hard to judge it yeah this is the thing she was like what do you think of this one i was like they're all great we're laying down we're on our own it's all great can you just leave us i just want 20 minutes in dreams on a sunday afternoon well i think this is my one of my business plans that I'm never going to do, is I don't want a hotel room, but sometimes I just want a bed for an hour. You can find them in town. I'm so with you on that.

It's when they kick you out of a hotel at like midday, and you're just wandering like a zombie. I just want to lay down. I think that's a comedian problem. I don't know. Most other people aren't killing five hours in norwich to do a gig for 20 minutes at nine o'clock but don't say you're meeting your friends for dinner say you finish work at five and you meet your friends for dinner

at seven and you think i might just go for a lie down at josh's mattress emporium i do you know rather because what happens if you end up having three pints on your own yeah exactly do you know, because what happens if you end up having three pints on your own? Yeah, exactly. Do you know once, this was a low moment, I was hungover and I was going to a Plymouth match and I misjudged how long it would take to get to Paddington and I was brutally hungover and I had an hour to kill at Paddington at 9am on a Saturday morning and I paid £5 for the shower so that I could just lie on the floor for 45 minutes.

The shower? What shower? That sounds like the bleakest that you in the fetal position. You know you can pay a fiver for a shower at Paddington. They've got showers. I didn't know that. Yeah, you can pay a fiver. And I was just like, I could just lie on the floor in private here. That is amazing.

I can imagine you just curled up with a little bottle of Radox you have to bring in to put up the illusion that you needed a shower. Well, I've often thought there should be a cinema for tired parents where there's... That's just called the cinema.

Yeah, exactly. But there's no film. The music starts. The lights go down. Everyone just puts eye masks on, sleeps for three hours, comes out. I'm thinking about

taking earbuds next time, but I think then it does become, again, a neglect thing where if you're asleep with earbuds in and your kids are in the cinema with you, you're not really looking after them, are you? Yeah. Yeah, no. You wake up and they've gone and they've just like,

and they're just eating pick and mix outside. Or you could handcuff yourself to them and then you're just there. What, like? And then they can't go. Like it's the fugitive. Yeah, I think that wouldn't do any long-lasting damage, would it? No, no.

Anyway, I'm going to handcuff myself to you, put my earphones in, and I'll see you in two hours. Like when your gran used to give you that sweater at Christmas that had the mittens sewn to the sleeves. They'd just be dragging their dad through the fire. That is quite good, though, for kids. Lou's done that before, where you don't tie it to the actual sleeve. You put it on a big bit of string that goes through the sleeves through the fire. That is quite good though for kids. Lou's done that before where you don't tie it to the actual sleeve. You put it on a big bit of string

that goes through the sleeves in the back. That's quite good. Oh, like this? Yeah, like sort of a drawstring with mittens on the end. Yeah, brilliant. I was going to say, Scott, obviously you came and helped us

get in the live show together. So thank you very much for that. It was very funny on that. But you told me the story about your daughter when she was born with a rare condition. Yeah. drove i think it was from hexham back to sort of somewhere in the middle of nowhere where you told me the story for about 50 minutes non-stop and it was i couldn't believe it was like it was like a sort of netflix drama but i wasn't in the car so i'm looking forward to this yeah yeah josh isn't aware of what what went down so do you mind telling us that story of course yeah there was a point i think where rob's just gonna put

his earbuds in and go to sleep there was a point where i think rob looked out at the side of the road and said whether he could roll out and get on the reservation i think he was considering just opening the door and just roll it out can you just slow down to a walking pace mate well no i was i was mesmerised by it. It's an amazing story. But yeah, Josh hasn't heard. He wasn't in the car. He was getting chauffeured driven by someone else.

Oh, come on now. I thought I'd jump in with Scott. You know what I mean? Like Axl Rose, separate transport. But yeah, I mean, I'll keep it light. It was interesting. I mean, the thing is, I think, obviously, we're all parents and no one really talks about when the kid is ill

or something happens. It seems to be like one area of parenting that I think people sort of skirt around. So when Olivia was born, I think it was it was about 10 weeks in. Like she had like a fit. Gemma was with her at her mum's house and she had like a fit and her lips went blue and she went limp and everything. She's obviously terrifying. And Gemma rang an ambulance and they came and they did a blood sugar, give us some adrenaline. So it was like, you know,

Pulp Fiction. It was literally adrenaline and blood sugar was like 0.7 or something, which is ridiculously low. What should it be? It should be like three, three to four. Cause I'll be honest when you said 0.7, both me and Rob were thinking,

I've got literally nothing to compare this to. I don't know what the scale is, Scott. Yeah. But it's amazing how you are now like a blood sugar level expert because of what your daughter went through. Not 0.7. Bloody hell. A few years ago, I'd have been like, oh, bloody nightmare, mate.

0.7. Frantically Googling what it should or shouldn't be. Yeah. I'm glad you weren't the doctors. You'd have been like, yeah, 0.7, normal. I'll see you next week. It's better than 0.6. That's what I've always said.

Yeah. You don't want to hit one. That's when it gets problematic. Do you want it too high? Is that too high? Can it go too high? Well, the weird thing was, she'd been sleeping really well. So everyone was like, oh, you've got an amazing baby there.

She sleeps through the night. And we're like, yeah. She's got no sugar in her brain, mate. That's what we're like. Oh, my. So then the picture starts to come in and you're like, right. So they took her to hospital

and they basically put us on a ward and no one really knew what was going on. So we were sort of sat there just going, I don't know what this is. Both of us just really confused, sort of sitting there but she she'd got a bit better scared at this point we were shitting ourselves yeah i was working in the day job so i came home jemma was in hospital but it's like it's not fear as much it's like confusion because you're like you've had your baby and you know what it's like everyone's around they're giving you presents we've got

the bedroom done and they're all like this is an amazing moment and then this sort of bomb goes off and you're like you didn't realize you're going to give your baby a crunchy every day did you well if i'd have known i'd have had a selection box all year round just sort of i'd have been whisking up crunchies rubbing her in her gums and how old was she at this point of the score at 10 weeks 10 weeks and then obviously the paramedics came and gave her the insulin, and then she was stable and fine, but you was at the hospital for checks. Yeah, so we went into the hospital,

and then they sort of kept us in overnight and sent her back home. They said, oh, it's just temporary hypoglycemia. This happens with children as their bodies grow, that it's just that their bodies adjust in, and it's just something we see it quite often. And so we were like, okay, right, well, we've shit ourselves, but it's just that their bodies adjust in and it's just something we see it quite often. And so we were like, okay, right, well, we've shit ourselves, but let's just go home.

So we went home and about three, four days later, it happened again. So I remember I was at work and it was at this moment where you're like, you know, sometimes there's a weird thing with parents, and I think even with other people, is you know something's wrong, but you don't want to go to hospital because you don't want to have it confirmed do you get what i mean yeah yeah you'd rather live in the denial of it than the reality yeah it's like when you're googling for the illness and basically you just find the one that's the good news and then you go that's the right one yeah that's the right one i'll ignore all the others that tell me yeah that

lump might be muscle definition actually yeah probably yeah i've been at the gym a lot yeah you're praying that it's a knot in your sweater that's what it is just a knot in my sweater that's all that is so they took us into hospital and they stuck us on this ward sent us home and then it happened again and like me and jemma were like right we took her in this time and basically they said there's something really wrong here so they put us on the ward and they put an ng tube down her throat so there's this thing and they put an ng tube down her throat so there's this thing where they put like a tube in have you seen it when it goes up through the nose and into there right and so then is she conscious at this point so yeah she's conscious

they did so they did a load of tests on her so i remember them taking her away to do this spinal test and i was like i don't know what they're doing this is just awful this is awful awful and they still didn't know what it was so. This is just awful. This is awful, awful. And they still didn't know what it was. So their idea to keep her blood sugar up was to basically force feed her. So Gemma was about to breastfeed, but she never got a chance with Olivia because they'd put this NG tube in and were just feeding her high calorific feed to try and keep her sugar up. And what would happen is they'd feed her until she puked, basically.

But it was awful. And then they kept testing her sugar. They kept pricking her heel. So the poor kid was being force-fed and having her heel stabbed every fifth. It was like some sort of evil spa weekend. Do you know what I mean? It was like a bizarre purging,

like being overfed and having your heel pricked. How often were they pricking her heel then? I think it was like every hour at one point. So she had little holes in her heel. So then they said, we don't really know what it is. So they would keep feeding it. And we were in there for like a week, two weeks. This was August 2020.

Yeah. Well, they were trying to establish and do tests. So this was August 2020? 2010. 2010. Oh, sorry. So yeah, 2010. So it's your oldish. Yeah, yeah. So 2010. And then they were Sorry, yeah, 2010. So it's your eldest.

Yeah, yeah, so 2010. And then they were like, we don't really know what it is. And so they kept us in. And then they brought in like a specialist. Because I think what happened was, that was it. I'm not very confrontational at all. And you sort of trust in the doctors that are going to do it. But there was a point where I was like,

they tried sending us home again with a machine to feed us. We had this like machine set up in a bedroom that was feeding her and all this sort of stuff. And they were sort of letting us deal with it. And I remember going into the doctor and I even put on a really shit cheap suit from Burton's menswear to be like, this will make the difference. They'll treat me differently if I wear a suit. You know what I mean?

I remember that's come through from my dad that if you want anything doing wear a tie do you know what i mean going into curry's trying to get a discount because he's got a tie on wearing the tie mate so i went in there and i says look this needs to you know we can't be sent home again i don't know what you're doing but i but I just feel like you're putting my daughter's life at risk here with low blood sugar. There could be all sorts of complications we don't even know about that have already happened because she keeps trying to send us home. And they brought in this specialist woman who was a dietician,

and she said, I think I know what this is. This is like a rare genetic disorder called hyperinsulinism. And we never heard of this, but it's basically the opposite of diabetes. Right. So with diabetes, obviously, the sugars just rocket and they have to have insulin. What Olivia had was sugars would plummet. So she had too much insulin.

So her pancreas was just pumping insulin constantly into her body. Right. So no matter what they did with the feeding, because it was so funny when the expert came in, they were like, none of this will make any difference. Oh, really?

Yeah, we were like, oh my God, because they thought it was transient and it might change because we were looking at these figures every time her sugar went to two, we were like, oh yes,

this is how obsessed we got with it. Oh, it was like Edinburgh reviews. Do you know what I mean? I'm reading and going, she's got a 2.3. Come on. We've got The Guardian in on Wednesday. We're going for a four.

And you've been doing that for like two, three weeks and it was pointless, essentially. Three weeks, yeah, because it was something that was chronically wrong in her genes. Yeah, yeah. And what's it called? Hyperinsulinism, CHI it is. And then they said, oh, it's one in like 300,000, this is.

This is really rare. Fucking hell. There's a spike in Nottingham. I don't know why this is. There seems to be a lot of children in our area who've got it. Have you been shagging around, Scott? I'd love to say so. I mean, Josh, you have asked me that question

and you're looking at a man in a shed. So I would say, I would hazard a guess that probably not. It might be Gemma. It's not on my side of the genes, that's for sure. But so they said, oh yeah, it's a rare genetic disorder. And so basically they brought this expert in and what happened was, I didn't even know this, I've been carrying it all my life, this gene.

Yeah, so, and what should normally happen? So suddenly my joke's looking a bit more accurate, Scott, if this came from you. Well, it's gone through the generations. So they were like, over the years, they were saying like, it might be like, you know, cot death was a bit like when children wouldn't wake up. Looking back through my family history,

there may have been instances of that that were related not to cot death, but to low blood sugar. Right. And it just got written off as cot death. And it got written off. And they said, oh, what should normally happen is your gene should override Gemma's genes. It should be dominant. And it should have, sorry, what should happen?

It should have been cancelled out for whatever reason in the genetics. It should be just still dormant. It should have been dormant. That's it. But for some reason, Gemma's genes didn't silence it and it became prevalent in Olivia and so it's really so it's Gemma's fault

is that what you're saying I think it is you know what I mean I don't take the bin out once and she gives me a child with low blood sugar brutal isn't it you know what I mean just because I can't stack a dishwasher seriously me a child with low blood sugar. Brutal, isn't it?

Do you know what I mean? Just because I can't stack a dishwasher. Seriously, did you feel any guilt, even though you had no control over it? But if you've been told that, I'd feel like, oh, it's my fault. Oh, mate, honestly, there was moments when I was just like... Which is ridiculous, because you can't help it. It's the genes of your genes. Well, yeah, they gave us gene therapy. We had, as part of the thing, we had this gene therapy, and they were like...

Because we were like, this affects everything going forward more children do you know i mean i had to ring my brother and say you need to go for a blood test mate oh god oh my god even his girlfriend we're considering like you know having family well you need to know what this is because this is a nightmare you could be opening yourself up i'm having a bloody nightmare my child's been in hospital for two weeks so when you're finding this how long have you been in the hospital we was in the hospital for three weeks at that point right 24 hours a day are you in there yeah so what happened was we were trying to feed and so so they brought in this expert and she was

like this is genetic this so they basically brought in someone contacted manchester children's hospital i didn't know this at all is a specialist center in chi so they'd put money into rare genetic disorders and this was one of them and we didn't realize what we were getting into because it's one of the highest risk ones like literally kids can drop dead they can have brain damage they can be blind so how come manchester have done that i think it was a government initiative when they were like this is becoming a like there was lots of children presenting with this like from mid-90s to mid-2000s and no one knew what it was so they brought in this expert and she was like yeah it's congenital and what we need to do is we need to

get olivia scanned to find out. So there was two types. And by this time, by the way, we'd been in QMC for about six, seven weeks on this holding pattern. Just feeding, pricking her heel, feeding, pricking her heel. And we were having to give her medication because she was getting reflux, the poor kid. So she was getting all this reflux.

She was like a dad, like, I can't survive without a Rennie now. So that's hereditary. And are you picking her up at this point, or was she just in the bed the whole time, in the car? She's in the bed all the time. And they were telling us, they were like, we'll look after her. You and Gemma just get on with what you're doing. And me and Gemma looked at each other and were like,

there's no way we're leaving this hospital. One of us is going to be here all the time. So the whole day was basically, I'd go to work, Gemma would sit by her bed, holding her hand through the bars, and we'd put like a mobile above a cot and stuff. And then I would come back in

after a full day's work and grab a ready meal. We'd swap, and then I'd sit on the Z bed, watch I'm a celebrity, have a little ready meal, and then hold her hand for the car. And we slept there like for seven weeks, eight weeks in the hospital.

Listening to like the beeps and the machines that was like sending you to sleep on a night. Cause they were like, go home. And I don't think people get, it was our first kid. And I'm like, I'm not going over. If it was your second, fuck it. Yeah, if it was your second. Third, ring me in two mums. If it was your second, mate,

I'd have left him in the reception at A&E, mate. I'd have gone. I wouldn't even have stopped the car. But it's like that moment where you go like, you know, I'm going to stay with this kid. And so we sort of, we slept there pretty much. We lived in the hospital. And it got to the point where we were doing the heel pricks

and all that. Fucking hell. We had a machine that we were doing the heel pricks and all that fucking hell we were at a machine that we were doing all and i was writing him in a book and then we were giving her a reflux meds and all this lot it was really surreal that we actually became institutionalized and and i remember arriving after work and from the road in nottingham you can see qmc and you can see the kids children's ward and jemma's mom hadham, you can see QMC and you can see the kids' children's ward. And Gemma's mum had bought her, you know, one of those boo-boo seats they can sit up in, babies.

Yeah, sure. You know, those moulded seats, spongy seats. And I remember I knew because I could see her in the window. So it was like a weird advent calendar. So as I came into the car park, she was in the window waiting for me, just sat there like that. Just looking out the window in a boo-boo seat. Just like a little Yoda.

Just our little Buddha. And yeah, we did seven. And one day I remember they said, you've got to get out of the hospital. And me and Gemma walked to a Nando's,

which was like on a retail park. It was the saddest thing ever. And walked to this Nando's and we sort of sat there and eating chicken and we couldn't and we sort of sat there and eating chicken and we couldn't we had to go out we were like nah this is not normal can't just sit here what we're going to talk about do you know what i mean it's yeah it's oh yeah what should we do you know i mean you can't so in the end they said right you're gonna have to go for this scan because

there's two types and i'll try and not bore you with this. There's like two versions of this disease. It's in the pancreas, but one which is diffuse, which means the whole pancreas is defective, right? So the whole pancreas is pumping out insulin. That one is incurable, right? And what would that mean? That would mean a lifetime of medication for your kid, or it would mean that she'd have to have a pancreatomy.

So we'd have to have it removed and she'd be diabetic for the rest of her life. So that one is a pretty much like the worst case scenario. The other one is focal, which means it's like a little lesion in the pancreas, like a little tumor, basically. And they said, depending on where that is, they can operate, right? Depending on where it is. And, oh, I've just remembered something I remember telling you as well is when we were about to go to Manchester, they were having to give her this medication

because it was affecting her kidney function, these drugs she was on. And I remember the doctor sat us down one day and he says, oh, we're going to have to give you this extra medication because it's affecting her kidney function. And he was like, there is a few side effects. And I remember we sat in this office. I was like, oh God, what's it going to be? I was like there is a few side effects and i remember we sat in this office i was like oh god what's it gonna be i was like you know is it gonna affect her heart he says the thing is she will put on more weight we were like okay that's yeah fine he says she will be a bit dehydrated we're like fine and he went yeah

and she's gonna get hairy when a doctor says your kid's gonna to get hairy, and she was like a little Ewok, mate. It was like a little fur baby. I didn't know where the front was. Like having a coconut in her mouth. Where's her mouth gone? And it went from her hair all the way into her eyebrows. It was just everywhere. She had hair on her cheeks and everything, mate. Really? Yeah, I remember because we couldn't go anywhere. Like, it was just everywhere. She had hair on her cheeks and everything, mate. Really?

Yeah, I remember, because we couldn't go anywhere. Sorry to jump back and forth. You can't shave a baby, can you? You can't shave a baby, not in public. So, basically, all our day, because we couldn't go out either, we were just in this hospital, and she had one of those little things she could sit in, you know, those, like, bumble things you pull your kid around in.

And all I did was just pull around a wall. This my life seven weeks dragging a hairy baby around a ward it was amazing you don't expect the doctor to say hairy you don't and when they say hairy it was just like wow she won best in show at crofts though that year though didn't she perfectly groomed also as well like the first question is how hairy are Are we going to have to plait it? Or is it just a covering? Also, I think you've got those in the wrong order. I think the priority-wise, dehydrated isn't the headline. Do you know what I mean?

You've got to lead with hairy. You know, where are we talking on the scale? I mean, are we going from me at 14 with a little top lip? Are we going Bill Oddie? Where are we? Where are we on the hair scale so they said right you're gonna have to go for this scap because we're in this holding pattern we were putting pressure on just to recap we were putting pressure on we were getting pissed off because it's not doing anything it's just keeping just keeping we're pricking this kid's heel

every single day we're not sleeping we were both falling apart. Gemma drove the car into a wall. I remembered that. By accident? Yeah, yeah. Oh, good. Because we were both just a shell. Yeah. And we both lost loads of weight.

I tell you, that's one good thing. Childhood illness. God, you look good by the end, mate. Honestly. I had my cheekbones back. I looked beautiful. I was a shell of a man and broken, but I was a 32 waist.

Who's that fit guy with the hairy child walking past me in the park? Who's the fit guy with the dark eyes, the hairy child and the thousand yard stare? He was gorgeous. And the other thing as well is, because, yeah, we were like, this is, something's got to be done here

so we put pressure on them and they contacted manchester and manchester was like right we've got a bed for you at manchester children's hospital we're going to get you scanned we're going to find out what is this is diffused or focal and then was the next big moment that when the scan is in berlin what yeah who's doing it david bowie what's going on there it's just an eccentric guy in a shed called klaus though they said we're going to do this scan in berlin there's only two machines in the world right blimey and they said berlin or philadelphia and i was like like, Philadelphia would be great. Yeah. I love Rocky.

And they were like, this is the NHS, mate. You're going Berlin. Berlin. I mean, I've been to Berlin. I had a fantastic time, Scott, but I imagine we had very different experiences. Well, here's the really weird thing, though,

is that Gemma's fluent in German. She's a language teacher. So I felt we had an in in berlin yeah that's good treated differently because jemma just went in just like spoke to him right yeah chattered and i was confused i look german but i can't oh god you must have felt so now i'm panicking about my daughter and there's a language barrier nice one plus it was before the fall of the wall wasn't it so we actually had to get into East Germany just to... We had to get David Hasselhoff to smuggle this hairy baby

in his leather jacket. How quickly, after they told you Berlin, did you Google the German word for focal and diffuse? Yeah, well, the really weird thing was, is they said to us, right, we're going to fly you out. It's on a private jet. Oh! This is the thing that blew my mind on a lear like a little

propeller jet so we went to manchester and i didn't know this in the airport there's a separate bit and it's like a private airport manchester airport there's like a bit i've never got a private jet but i've heard that it's like a shakes fly from there and as we pulled in on the tarmac was the wwe plane because there was a big thing at the arena that weekend so we're sat in this lounge and Triple H

just walks past who's the hairy baby bring her along do you know what I mean it was like Triple H walked past and everything and I was like

this is surreal so we're sat there in this lounge this sky lounge and at this point are you still really worried? Of course, yeah. Or are you reassured?

No, no, he's loving it. He's seen Triple H. He's buzzing. No, no, no, but I mean, is there like a reassurance by this point that they're on top of it? Well, what this was, was I think we were, in August we went in, if I can get these dates right, sort of October that was. So August, September, October, three months down the line.

And we were like we knew me and Gemma knew this was the moment when we come back from Berlin we were either one of us is going to give up our job to be a full-time carer

right oh my god so this is like the moment where we're like when we come back our lives are either going to continue or they're going to change forever yeah

and that is a weird moment when you're sat there trying to enjoy champagne getting a selfie with the rock but why was it a private jet? because of the equipment forever. And that is a weird moment when you sat there trying to enjoy champagne. Getting a selfie with the rock. But why was it a private jet? Because of the equipment you needed to transport her? Because you had to have a,

you had a doctor with you. You had the medical stuff. You had the, she was on a drip. She had the cannula in. We had all this stuff with us. And is this on the NHS? This is on the NHS,

which is. No wonder they're in fucking financial trouble they're flying you out on a private jet Scott Josh I feel guilt about that mate every minute of the day junior doctors aren't being paid enough

and you're sipping champagne with a fucking WWE the mad thing was as I looked out the window I thought there's some pensioner down there

who can't have a hip because of me as I was flying over England the pilot handed us like a platter that had been in there. And it was like fruit, croissants. So we were like, in one respect. So basically we were sat there and it's a real juxtaposition

because I'm sat in a private jet eating a croissant and then your kid's next to you on a machine with a dog and you're going like, this is such a confusing thing and remember we got there and um they said right you're going to this hospital and it is the bit that i didn't i quite realize is in germany the hospitals are it's a different game it's far more strict in terms of like in the uk families around bedsides they let like 50 people go around your bed so you sat there you're having a barbecue. You're bringing booze in. I mean, when we were in hospital for a long time, my mum used to bring in those little boxes of red wine. We used to put them

in, you know, they were meant for medication. And on a night I'd be on the wine watching I'm a celeb. I mean, little sneaky wine in the disabled toilet. But yeah. So they said to us, right, you can come in. They said to Gemma, you can be in the hospital. At first, they didn't want any of us in. They were like, you go. You go to the hotel and we'll look after it. And Gemma sort of persuaded this nurse,

because she could speak German, and just sort of said, I can't leave. I can't leave. And so they let Gemma stay. But then I had to go. And here's the really weird thing, was they put me up in something called the Ronald McDonald House. Are you aware of this?

No. Right. Yeah, it sounds, man. It's connected to McDonald's. So McDonald's... So McDonald's financed a kind of thing for parents. It's a thing for parents whose children are ill. And I never knew this existed.

Yeah, my sister... Wow. My nephew had leukemia and my sister got put up in one of them in Bristol. But it wasn't called the Ronald McDonald House. Yeah, I think it was the foundation,

but it was, because when they said to us, I got there, they went, you staying in the Ronald McDonald House. I was like, you're having a laugh here, mate. A private jet and now I'm meeting Ronald McDonald. This is like Disneyland on a budget. I love it. like you're having a last year mate a private jet and now i'm meeting ronald mcdonald this is

this is like disneyland on a budget this i love it but this is the ironic thing considering that my child had the opposite of diabetes who would have thought mcdonald's have stepped in that's a weird twist so yeah so i stayed in this house it was all bright red and yellow as you would expect it was really bizarre in this weird room and then jemma was in the hospital and jemma said to me it was so funny because jemma at the time she needed some painkillers did olivia i think she'd you could tell that all this heel pricking and stuff after a while it was just she was anxious like and then she says can she have some painkiller and i didn't realize in Germany, it all goes up the bottom, doesn't it? It's all... That's it.

Yeah, it's all suppository. They don't do all sort of oral medication. I thought they'd just give her like a little string of Calpol. And they were like, nope, that goes up the bum. I think you went to the wrong bit of Berlin. I mean... Or the right bit, depending on what you're into. I've never seen a leather hospital, but...

So then I remember going back there and we had like one day where we were sort of just waiting and then they were trying to get us amongst all this they threw this one in and said oh your daughter might struggle with speech oh this is what they tell you at the hospital because she's had no oral stimulation because she's not been breastfed she hasn't used a bottle she's not been breastfed. She hasn't used a bottle. She's not been speaking. And we were like, right, okay. So we went out for a meal and we were sort of sat her next to us with this NG tube in her nose and stuff. And everyone, like someone asked us what was wrong, which I think is a weird question, isn't it? Stranger, like what's wrong? So Gemma was like giving her gravy off her finger and stuff. she was starting to eat it and we were like well maybe it's not going to be as problematic as we think so the day after we went for this scan

and i'll uh we're near the end of it you'll be pleased to know this is amazing story scott keep going it's astonishing yeah we went to for this scan and that was the moment i think both of us i think a lot of emotion come out because they were like they took her off us and we hadn't really been apart from her and they took us off and they put this

dopamine into a system and we saw her go into this machine and I think that was the point where we were like oh

this is the worst part and then we had to just wait and we weren't meant to get the results for two weeks which would have been agony. But the guy who was scanning her, the doctor,

I think he took a bit of a shine to us. I think it was, again, the language barrier. Because Gemma could speak German, I think there's a little bit of a, where they're not just shouting at us in loud English. There's actually a, What is the result? Diffuse or vocal, tell me now. Is the result diffuse or focal?

Tell me now. And what happened was we were sort of sitting there and we sort of thanked the doctor and he had like the folder and he sort of opened the side of the folder. Instantly? He had the printout and he sort of slid it towards us and he went, it's focal. And then he said, it's in the tail which means it's you can operate oh my god and like we were just sort of sat there just going

holy shit so we know now this can end yeah yeah and it was like a moment where we were like oh my god this is unbelievable and we were were like, are you 100% sure? Is that her scam? Yeah, yeah. So did you jump in with English before Gemma couldn't say that in German? She was translating. Don't fuck me about, mate. I had him up by the collar, mate.

Listen, mate, I have been on a private jet. I'm staying at Ronald McDonald House. I've had a microwave meal from the co-op for seven weeks. If you have shit in me, here we are. You know what I mean? And Gemma was like, no, I genuinely it is. So we're going to send these results back to Manchester. And so we got back

to Manchester and we thought, right, we're going to be in another holding pattern. They did not piss about. They were like, this was November. And they said, right, December the 14th she's been operated on. going to be in another holding pattern they did not piss about they were like this was november and they said right december the 14th she's been operated on wow brilliant then we were like wow so we were like this is bonkers so basically private jet you back yeah oh yeah they didn't go it's only focal get on a fucking ryanair now get on a ferry mate you know like when you go into jd sports and they bring you up on an elevator but you've got to go out on the ferry mate you know like when you go into JD sports and they bring you up on an elevator

but you've got to go out on the stairs but you've bought your trainers piss off now mate then this was the mad thing they introduced us to this surgeon and these surgeons mate I met this guy they're special

they're not human beings. I don't understand how they, I think they're on the psychopathy spectrum, these people, because you have to be. You can't have the emotion. You can't go into an operating theatre going, oh my God, this is someone's child. They were so like, the guy we met was like,

yeah, this is really easy. That's what he said. He was like, this is really routine. It's in the tail. We'll take the tail off. We'll seal the end, seal the end with a cable tie or something.

I don't know. Just to be clear, the tail is of the pancreas. It's not, it's not another bit of the hairy thing. She doesn't got a tail. It's not the witches. Yeah.

Well, the mad thing is as well is, as soon as we do this op, she come off all the meds. It'll all come off. Wow. She won't need anything. The hair will fall off.

She'll molt. She's going to molt. How quickly did you ask about the hair? Straight away. Will I need a decent Dyson? That's what I said. And so basically, he said, it's one of the few operations that's curative. Wow. So basically he said it's one of the few operations that's curative, which is, and we were like, because we'd been,

we'd been to like this gathering in the hospital of people with CHI. There's a whole family and it freaked us out. We used to keep in touch with them. I still do charity stuff for them, give them money, but I couldn't, we were in one room and me and Gemma was like, this is too hard because there was people, there was kids there with epilepsy, learning difficulties.

It was like, we realized in that moment, we were definitely the luckiest. Cause like Olivia was showing no signs of anything. And we were like, Jesus, we've really got away with this. And like some of these kids have been left for like a year without anything. Just never,

you know, some of these kids are presented when there were seven, which is insane. Imagine that seven years old, you start fainting and you go like, it's, it's unbelievable. So,

so yeah, they said to us, right, we're going to do the op. And I remember December the 14th, we went down for the op and this surgeon was so cool. I think Gemma fell in love with him a bit. I think there's like a,

of course, there's like a God complex in there. He was like Scottish. Yeah. I remember standing in the lift with him there. He was like Scottish. Yeah. I remember standing in the lift with him afterwards, and he was like in Kashmir, and I was sort of like stood there. And what do you say to a bloke who saved your kid's life? I was like, like your coat.

Thanks, mate. Nice one. Because it's a miracle, isn't it, that they, you know, inside the body discovered this and can do that and everything's back to normal and then the mad thing was they said to us when they operated because there was some dark periods i won't lie when when they'd done the operation we were on intensive care and that is not to bring the mood down but that is a game changer that's a world you don't see i think And we were on intensive care.

She had all tubes in her everywhere. And she'd had this really serious op. They'd had to go in through her tummy. So they'd had to slice her tummy open and go in. And I remember him saying like, well, it's just behind the spleen. I was like, oh, mate, don't say things like that. Because that's making it sound like we're off to the butchers or something. I'm just going to move the spleen, move the spleen to the left, and then I'll deal with that. You're making it sound like we're off to the butchers or something. I'm just going to move the spleen,

move the spleen to the left. And then I'll deal with that. And I remember him, I remember him saying, now we've done the operation. He said, do you watch her? They had a machine to take a blood sugar this time.

She had a cannula in. And so we weren't pricking a heel because she's in intensive care. And he was saying, I was sat on a chair, no bed. So I was sleeping in this chair. Was you watching the operation? No, after the the op when she was recovering yeah they said you just watch now as her sugar increases and i was like this this won't be that quick and he was like watch and the first reading

came in and it was like free and then it was like 3.1 3.. And it's like a pancreas is starting to work properly. Alive, like in front of you. And you're like, this is mental. And then he said. Like Soccer Saturday. The score's coming. They've gone 5-1 up. Wickham at home.

Do you know what I mean? And then he said to me, this bent my head. He says, here's what's going to be weird. We're going to give her insulin in a minute. It's like, you are joking me. And he was like... Here's what's weird. Here's what's weird.

He didn't say it like that. What about the hair? That's quite weird. Here's what's weird. That's it, everybody. It's a medical training. Here's what's weird, mate. No, he said, so she got to like 15, 16, sugar.

Making up for lost time. Making up for lost time. So then they gave her insulin and it brought it down. And basically the next week was just letting her pancreas settle and take over. But there were some moments in there where you sort of realise as well what you're actually amongst. Because I remember we were in that hospital and here's a really weird thing. We had such surreal experiences because there was days where you'd be in that hospital and is a really weird thing we had such surreal experiences because there was

days where you'd be in that hospital it's just children's hospital on the ward and like a family would come in and they'd draw the curtains round and then the family would slowly walk out and you realize what had happened that the kid had passed away you sort of you realise how close you are do you know what I mean and then the bed's empty and like there's moments like and staying amongst that sometimes in your head you're like oh my god this is, we all look out the window and everyone's getting on with

their lives do you know what I mean there's buses going past people are going to work and you go but in here it's everything's a mess you know it's all all everything can change in minutes and i i think you forget how close you are to that sometimes of course but then is one thing i forgot to mention because we spent christmas in there after the op we were in there for christmas day on boxing day this was so surreal we're in the hospital we're back on the ward both recovering

my mum and dad had been and brought us like a buffet in tu hospital. We're back on the ward. Both recovering. My mum and dad had been and brought us like a buffet in Tupperware. We're still on the wine. I had a drink problem by that point. Putting the white straight back on. Oh no. And yet I was looking good still. But a bit red. I had a lot of Christmas waiting.

We couldn't do any Christmas shopping. We had to do presents from like B&M in Rusholme in Manchester. That's where the hospital is. Oh yeah, Corrie Myles. Yeah, good old Rusholme. And we sat there and then the nurse said, oh, today the Manchester United team are coming round. No.

And we were like, really? They're like, yeah, yeah. So would you like to meet Wayne Rooney and like the other team? We were like not really yeah alright yeah are you a Man United fan no don't really like football

but you know it's Wayne Rooney innit and when when your days are spent waiting for toast and watching CBeebies Wayne Rooney nice change

also when you're hammered why not yeah yeah I just said just keep him away from the you know geriatric ward that's what I said so who did you away from the you know geriatric ward

that's what I said so who did you meet who did you meet did they come round yeah so they came round so it was Wayne Rooney it was

oh god I've got a picture of it I should have brought the book in but who else were they oh there was Darren Fletcher Fletcher I think Darren Fletcher

yeah he had Crohn's as well he had a chronic Crohn's and still played football. This was before that. Yeah. I didn't say to him, you'll be in here in six months.

There was a goalkeeper. I was a goalkeeper. Did Gander Saar. Gander Saar. Gander Saar. So like four of them came round and we were sort of sat there and it was just so surreal. We sort of sat in bed and Wayne Rooney and that. They brought a toy with

a Manchester United t-shirt on and then he sort of like, Gemma was like, she didn't know what to say. Neither of us really liked football and she went, does your kid like Christmas? And I was like, oh come on Gem, that's a terrible question. I remember he went, yeah he likes the lights. And that was it. oh, come on, Gem. That's a terrible question. And he went, I remember he went, yeah, he likes the lights.

And that was it. That was the whole interaction. He likes the lights. Such a kid like Christmas. And yeah, so they sign stuff. So we've got the book. Can I just ask a quick question on that? Yeah.

When Wayne met your daughter, was that pre or post his hair transplant? Did he steal some of her medication? Yeah, no, that was before the transplant. I bagged it up for him. I goes, here you go, mate. Get a bit of prick stick on there, mate. That's proper. That's 10 week old child's soft hair.

That's soft hair. Very soft. Very soft hair. And we kept a journal of it all because like. I definitely think you need to write a book about this or. Yeah drama or something scott yeah it needs to go somewhere yeah and uh she switched on the christmas lights did uh the little one when we were at uh manchester with a load of other little kids it was really weird and then yeah we get to january we have christmas in the hospital which was really surreal. And then they get to January and they go, I remember January the 1st,

they just went, right, you can go. And she was all just, everything back to normal. Back to normal. And then by that point, she was drinking out of a Tommy Tippy cup. So straight away she was on it. So those fears were going. She was babbling. She was starting to talk.

Do you know what I mean? A scar was there and we we sort of left the hospital and i remember i remember just sort of driving back and it was that really cold winter do you know when it was like minus 13 do you remember that when it was that beast from the east it was everything froze yeah and like we got home and jemma's dad had said to us oh i didn't tell you this but while you were, I went in the house and your boiler had packed up. Oh no. He said it had frozen and like there was ice

on the inside of the windows, but he'd had a boiler put in for us. Oh. A new boiler. So we got home and it was all done and like they'd put like

a tree in the house. Oh. And like we had like a late Christmas for the first week of January. Oh my. And it was just like, I remember just sitting there

just like shell shocked, you know, like going holy shit this is what the fuck was that what was that because that was six months was it six months it was august through to january basically august september january february yeah it was five six months and then was everything normal yeah so this was a really weird thing is that we had like these follow-up appointments where they were doing all sorts of stuff and we were really nervy parents understandably for the like first six three months every time she coughed or shit herself we were in a and e i'm like that i didn't even have your excuse yeah we we were neurotic mate we were

oh no every time she had like a thing we were like straight down to the walking centre and we used it as a pass

we were like we went to Berlin she was on a private jet she's a high risk you know what I mean we were straight in suit on tie on

by then the weight was coming back cheekbones had gone just a fat man in a suit crying what was really interesting though is both of us didn't really come away unscathed because this is a

mad thing it's like i had i had eczema as a kid really bad and it was dormant for years well end of january boom it was all the adrenaline and all the stress i had to myself have treatment i was put on medic strong medication because my skin just went so your body the adrenaline and then your reaction straight away and then i jemma had to have a few you know tablets and help and and i think we'd been like this uh existing yes and like it was it's amazing what adrenaline can do like how it gets you through yeah and how long it can last and how long it can last yeah and and we sort of came back, but now I look at her, so she's 12 years old.

She's doing brilliant at school. She's had no problems whatsoever. The only thing she's ever mentioned about it is she's got a scar. So she's conscious that she's got a scar. Yeah. You know. And she speaks in a German accent, that's the other thing. She'll only go anywhere by a Learjet now.

Like a little Kardashian. Yeah, so she's got like a scar, and she had like a little, they call it a peg, where she was fed into a stomach. So it was like a little dint. But other than that, she's completely unscathed, and now it feels

like a different life. Yeah, I bet. Here's the amazing, close to the story i think i said to you we got rid of everything didn't we we sold the cot we sold everything we didn't want any reminder of it so we got rid of it and we said we're only gonna have a one child i was booked in for the snip and everything and then being flown out to munich for it weren't you yeah it was a high end snip I was a the pilot got me out there as a priority

but we sort of said look I don't think we could make the decision now and then five years later we had Sophia went for it again and so

there was that moment when they kept us in hospital for a week and she had to have the heel pricked oh my fucking lord oh god

just in case just in case but completely fine. Really? She had a genetic test. It's not there. My brother's had two children.

Both fine. And would your daughters have this potential to pass this on? Yeah, Olivia definitely is. Right. Because she's carrying. So if she has children, she's a high risk. Yeah, of course. So I think she's like a 30% chance.

Right, yeah. Whereas Sophia's nothing. Right. Because she's not in her system. Right. But think she's like a 30% chance right yeah whereas Sophia's nothing right because she's not in her system right but you're carrying as well I'm carrying so I've lived with it

yeah and I've had no you know other than being a comedian which is obviously a problem there's been no sort of but it was yeah we look back now

and just go whenever I see parents who've been through stuff now I always think god this is you forget that's one part of parenting that no one talks about i think exactly and thank you so much for sharing it scott it's hilarious and also really important and just an amazing story and i think we'll definitely get you back on for what i'd say more of a normal just to talk about like the washing up and shit like. Just all the days and times you've fallen over and something

and they've put on a laugh. You know, that kind of stuff. Or your daughter said shit once in front of someone in Portland. Yeah, it's a real shame because I had a cracking story about my daughter pissing herself near the deli counter, which... Oh, well, that's something to look forward to next time. Which would have been much better, much lighter, much lighter. Is it the same length?

I'll tell you what. Is it the same length of story or is it? Oh, yeah, they're all an hour, Josh. We'll get you on for that one when you announce a new tour so you can sell some tickets, yeah? Thank you, mate. Are you still touring at the moment? I am, yeah.

I'm touring again. We're the Greatest Hits tour and we're going all the way to the end of the year. We've just got the Greatest Hit. That was it. That was the Greatest Hit. Oh, there's plenty in the locker, baby. I have got, you know.

I'd say as well, your stand-up isn't that in-depth or sort of, you know, deep about childhood illness. I'd say you don't really touch on that on stage and it's just a very funny hour. No, I tend to swerve that. I think if you've got a babysitter, the last thing you need is to be sitting there going, this is traumatic. We've just been to Nando's, we've got a babysitter and now we're watching this.

This is not stand up. This is a crap show. So it's called Great Scott, my tour. If you go to scottbennettcomedy.co.uk forward slash live and it's my favourite bits. It's a lot about families

and family holidays and things like that and stuff that, you know, parents will relate to. But if you're not a parent as well, there's loads of stuff in there about life. And also our podcast is called brew with the bennetts bw brew with the bennetts if you listen to the podcast bw tb pod and that's us thank you so much

for having me on today no thanks for doing it no you're a good man it's got a brilliant comedian and they should definitely get most of all thank you for starting before your kids have even got up and they won't have got up yet. 10, 12. I think one of them will be coming down now in a dressing gown, like Lou style, just wandering about like Ophelia. Well, you've definitely earned a lie in after six months in hospital. I know, yeah. And they've got a new mattress coming soon.

Oh, what a life. Yeah, it's a dream, yeah. Too expensive though, I think, in the back of my mind. She said to us, do you want to do it in installments? And I was like, the last thing you need

when you're trying to sleep is to worry about paying off the thing you sleep in. Scott, thanks so much, mate. That was absolutely brilliant. Thank you so much, guys. Scott Bennett.

What a story, Josh. Amazing. Incredible. I mean, that was the second time I've heard it but I was still enthralled. Yeah, it's incredible. What a story, Josh. Amazing. Incredible. I mean, that was the second time I've heard it, but I was still enthralled. Yeah, it's incredible. Just for listeners, he looks a lot like Keir Starmer, doesn't he?

Yeah, a little bit, actually. Yeah. Yeah, I think that'd be your takeaway from this. Sorry, that wasn't my take-home. Well, I thought early on, I thought I should mention this Keir Starmer thing. As the story went on, I thought I'm getting less and less chance here

to drop the Keir Starmer thing. Yeah, I'd love it if you panicked and put it in like yeah yeah and you look a bit like kirstarma so yeah what is icu like um go and see scott bennett on tour listen to his podcast he's absolutely brilliant as you can hear i mean if you can make that funny honestly his stand-up is absolutely brilliant it's proper laugh out loud funny and that's why i think that was so good and a good place for Scott to do it because he doesn't

really talk about that kind of stuff in his stand-up because he's just going for laughs the whole time and stuff so yeah

no he's brilliant brilliant act and a good man shall I see you on Tuesday Rob? yes you will bye bye