Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP45: "I've got a greasy tea..."

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

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Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parent in hell with hey roman can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Well done. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe.

Can you say it again? Josh Widdicombe. Yeah, that's really good. Go away, go away. You say go away. Go away. Oh, dear. Yeah, forceful.

You know, because people say, like, oh, kids oh kids are annoying but parents are as well yeah actually i kept on saying say that yeah hi rob josh michael it's my 23 month old roman i wonder if that's named after roman from um succession or it's a time traveler yeah my 23 month old roman um so we have done past lives. So I'm saying your names in the bath, followed by him lovingly telling me to go away. Baby number two is on the way, and Roman is due to be a big brother in November. Also, please could I give a... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are we allowing this, Rob?

Please could I have a quick shout-out? This isn't fucking Steve Wright. Are we going with it? Please could we give a quick shout out to my best friend sarah who's recently welcomed her beautiful second baby ifa and is making having under two under two look easier than it is i'm not sure about that i'm not sure we do that no her husband it goes on it goes on her husband got a shout out on a cricket podcast oh god he sounds bad yeah Imagine not only watching it, but

listening about it. As if cricket hasn't given you enough content. Five days. Surely whatever needs to be said over that five days has been said. You don't need a podcast about it. Well, I'll be honest with you, Rob. I do enjoy cricket.

I've never listened to a cricket podcast. There is one, isn't there? Greg James and James Anderson even cricket fans that's too much for us isn't it yeah people actually I sort of forget

people actually like cricket like you know like but like I like that with everything like if I don't like it I sort of think

do people yes people are different to you Rob you do Rob yeah I've noticed we all do that i know everyone does it slightly i think because all the things you like are also really popular things you can't

believe anyone would like something that isn't really popular yeah because i was like i'm quite like i'm apologetically mainstream and like normal things i can't and i'm don't say normal that's not how it works normal things we can't can you can you call them things normal anymore yeah but i don't think i'm a celebrity get me out of here is any more normal than um portrait artist of the year if anything it's less weird it's more weird also before we carry on this my sounds weird because i'm in my office and I haven't got the sound proof and stuff.

So it's a bit echoey. It doesn't sound normal. No. I like that you've got a sound. Is that shirt that you've got up hung behind you just an attempt to... Michael said if you could put some, like, stuff around the mic, it might help. So what I've managed to do is, see if you can see that, I've just put a coat. Oh, my God.

And I've got a coat there next to some Lego. And another coat there next to the wall. I don't think it's working. Also, I've been outside loads, so my face is really brown, but look at my arms compared to my face. You're not brown, are you? Yeah. Oh, blimey.

So, Josh. Tell me about your time. Well, no, I think we've got too much, literally too much to talk about. I think we've got two episodes worth here, Rob. Right, let's work out how we're going to do this. So, first of all, I don I think we've got two episodes worth here, Rob. Right, let's work out how we're going to do this. So, first of all, I don't think we do shout-outs. If that woman wants a shout-out about her kid Aoife, right, I think

she needs to get her kid to read out our names. Yeah. Then you get a shout-out. You don't just get a fucking shout-out for having two kids. Okay, shout-out withdrawn. Shout-out withdrawn. I mean, oh, well, you've got two under two. Yeah. Loads of people have, right? That doesn't mean you automatically get a shout out, okay? Oh, we've got a shout out here for Sarah.

But now you're taking more time on the shout out. No, here's a shout out for Sarah. She's working nine to five this week. But who fucking cares? Not enough for a shout out, okay? I'm not the sound of one of some stories. I don't want these Britain's Got Talent. No. Anyway, no, I'm a bit on the edge.

You have to have a maximum of six months to live. Is that what you're saying if you want a shout out? Or a nan. Or a nan that's Got Talent. No. Anyway, no, I'm a bit on the edge. You have to have a maximum of six months to live. Is that what you're saying? If you want to shout out. Or a nan. Or a nan that's just died. Nan that's just died. I've got a greasy tea, Rob. What's that mean?

How can a tea be greasy? I looked at my tea when it was coming up. There's grease all on the top. Is it actually grease? Or does that be where it looks a bit shinier than normal? No, it is actual grease because i realized i used the teaspoon that i used to put coconut oil in the um frying pan earlier oh no that is bad yeah because what's that stuff that gets you you're a tea connoisseur

i don't like tea but i have to make it sometimes because i'm still accepting social norms of offering people a tea or coffee when they come into my house well i'm glad you're accepting other people's takes as normal rob not just about that that actually people don't like tea oh you're wrong so i think it's bollocks have we spoke about this before i see coffee people like and need because they're addicted right yeah okay and anyone that goes oh i can't handle the caffeine in tea. You need to fucking grow up. That's pathetic. There's not enough. Can I have a decaf tea?

No, you can't. You can either have tea or not. There's not enough caffeine in tea to do decaf tea. It's pathetic. If you're buzzing off that, then I don't know. I'm not having it.

People drink tea because when they go around your house, you go, do you want a cup of tea? Just because that's what you've always been offered. Yeah. Back in like the olden days. But if someone offered you nice drinks like orange squash or a yazoo. Orange squash!

Okay, you come round my house. Would you like an orange squash, a ribena, a yazoo or a yop? Or a tea? You're not having a tea, are you? Sorry, am I coming around to play with your daughters? Welcome to my pedo's lair. Who would like a yazoo? Who would like a mbongo?

Mbongo, anyone? Kiora. Kiora. Sorry, I'm a bit of a man on the edge. We had a couple of weeks off because you were on holiday. I was on holiday. Fuck me, these bites. I've got bites all over my fucking legs and it's hurting so much.

Oh, you and Rose had a bit, did you? A bit of hash brown look at these legs come on well i'd argue moving the screens easier in it stand on the chair stand on shot. Stand on the chair. Stand on the chair. Fucking hell. Fucking hell. This is mental.

You look like an orangutan. Your arms are so long. Great legs on you, Josh. Cheers. Here we go. Can you see the bones? Oh, loads of little... Yes, loads. Fucking bites everywhere, mate.

Oh, fuck. This is everywhere mate tell you what michael's been spoiled for reals in the first seven minutes clip it up clip it up let's follow up me laughing at how your granddad died with you standing on a chair um yeah so we've got my holiday, and then you went to... I wasn't working. I went to the Monaco Grand Prix, and then straight to Orton Towers, then moved house. Also, I've just realised I've got a message for you. Oh, yeah. From someone we mentioned before.

Why don't we do that in a 10-minute intro? We'll do that on Friday. We'll do that on Friday's 10-minute intro. And also... Don't let them know. Just call it the intro. Don't let them know that it's supposed to be 10 minutes intro. We'll do that on Friday's 10 minute intro. And also, just call it the intro. Don't let them know that it's supposed to be 10 minutes. Cause if we go over on, also,

these are all just things we've invented. We could just, you know what I mean? We've got, apart from two episodes a week before Spotify get the, we've got, we can do what we want. The 10 minute intro is such a show of how me and you have negotiated with

Michael. We just need to do 10 minutes on a Friday, right? Talking to Spotify now, I've been doing the AI DJ. You know the AI DJ? No. They've got like an artificial intelligence DJ that goes, hey, Rob.

He'd say, Josh, for you. Obviously, he's really intelligent artificially, of course. He goes, hey, Rob, got some new tracks you might like. Here's some normal music for you. It's Oasis again. None of that weird shit that Josh sent to Josh. I've got a problem with Spotify, actually. I don't know whether this is...

Because, you know, it's always good to raise things with companies. I've been listening to Brown Noise, yeah? To get to sleep. Yeah. My fucking Discover Weekly's fucked, mate. Oh, God. I'm the same with Disney songs.

Yeah. I've got, like, my top is something called 432HZ Deep Sleep. So you've discovered that this week? Yeah. And then I've got 528HZ Deep Sleep, River of Dreams, 432HZ Bioral Frequencies, Cosmic Intuition, 528HZ. These are my recommended tracks of the week now. Can I remove that?

I don't know. Is it fucked forever? I've got no idea. Because I'm listening to it for eight hours a night. They must Spotify. They must go, he fucking loves this stuff. Yeah. So what should we do, Josh? What should we do? I've got no idea. My 10-minute intro on Friday. Intro of any length. Miscellaneous length intro. I'll tell you about, I've got this message for you, and I'll also try and tell you about the fact I went to a wedding sober.

This is, we are, this is rampant. This is rampant. We've got so much good stuff coming up. So, Rob. Yes. You went to Alton Towers and moved house. Well, yeah, so I started off at the Monaco Grand Prix. Oh, yeah.

Full of some of the worst people I've ever seen in my entire life. So the actual race, the people, the workflow, the racing companies are nice. It's basically like quick fit in space. Yeah, so are the mechanics in Formula One, are they like just mechanics? Yeah, like proper just geezers. Like, I mean, so many blokes. I've never seen them. It's like, they're talking about you

know like what the week there's women that walk up and down with the numbers held in there isn't there rob mate i've never seen so many white blokes working on cars in my entire life like being in essex it's insane um but yeah just gonna talk about like you know there needs to be more women on what the week you like you know and stuff like that quite rightly but i've probably already one of them formula one garages mate there's absolutely none well there's none on what the week anymore anyway so um yeah so you know so that all the people that work there are lovely there are just loads of geezers like mechanics and stuff and then obviously have the drivers and stuff but the actual people that go monaco oh my god josh they're proper like not just money

people and it's weird and they're not huge fans of tax honestly old men with young 18 19 20 year olds on boats and it looks it's awful so not my cup of tea so not your cup of tea all the formula one stuff is really interesting actually loved Oh, he was on a yacht. A couple of young ones. His new slim body was there, topless, sunbathing, riding the waves. We went to the Grand Prix on the Sunday, and we'd been there all week. Then my flight was 7 a.m. on the Monday morning, and I hadn't seen the kids properly for a couple of weeks.

It was half term. Yeah. So I got the 7 a. from nice airport but um to he throw um by the way british airways again they flew me business class thank you very much robin romesh the tv show i had to queue to put my bags in for half an hour both times and i know that's not a long time. However, shortly, the point of going business class is to not queue. Am I wrong? Am I right, Josh? You've lost our audience, Rob. You've lost our audience.

This is the kind of thing they'd be expecting from me. This is not the kind of thing they'd be expecting. Look, Josh, it wasn't my money. It was the TV company's money. But what is the point? And what they've done is... People have bought skyboxes so that I don't have to fucking queue. Michael, could you have put some...

If you've gone back and put a minute of sad music over the top of this, that'd be ideal. Look, I'm trying to get back for the Monaco Grand Prix, okay? I'm just a working class, sorely young guy. I just hope your week starts to get much worse, Rob. Well, don't you worry about that it does so anyway the hot queuing to put my bag in was the highlight of the week to be honest yeah also it's difficult when every bag's gucci it's difficult to tell which one it is on the conveyor belt

but josh we don't got to hear through i took you for an hour to check in on business club world whatever they call it euro traveler Traveller Plus or whatever. And they, but there was a, oh yeah, sorry, a bit tart in space today. They've built on their own fucking terminal. It's terminal five. How the fuck can you have an entire terminal and it still be massive queue? Anyway, anyway, that's why I ran over. I've done too much flying.

So fly back, get picked up at basically at 8.30am normally they get from Heathrow from Heathrow we'll meet Lou we drive to Alton Towers did you go home or did you meet them

at Alton Towers at Alton Towers straight to Alton Towers right okay not the end of the world all good have a coffee we plough on

can I ask a question Rob go on did you suggest to Lou why not meet you at Alton Towers at lunchtime I couldn't do that it feels it feels like to Lou, why don't I meet you at Alton Towers at lunchtime? I couldn't do that. It feels like you're going out of your way to meet me at Heathrow.

Because really, you should be going over the M25, not under the M25. Yeah, exactly. It feels like you're going... For me, don't de-route for me. Look, I care about the environment a lot. Sure, I've done 15 flights in about two months. However, I don't want to waste petrol on going under rather than over the m25 when you could be driving

to it's miles away one's house yeah stafford so far away um also have you ever been to one's house uh yes i don't like big scary rides do i no I? No. That is their thing. That is their thing. That is, I'd say, what they're known for. Yes. They've got to see BB's World. I can do roller coasters, Rob. Yeah. Because if you put me in a scary situation

where I just have to be strapped in and it happens to me, I'm fine. Yeah. If you're like... You should go Berlin with Tom Allen. yeah if you're like you should go berlin with tom allen hey you bloody love that look at the bites on him he's always getting bitten on holiday if i have to take the step i can't i can't physically do it right jumping off something like yeah so you know that thing at the start of that normal show i'm a celebrity where they walk on the plank out over the building and back yeah when they fly

celebrities from the uk to australia to stand on a plank on the top of a building on queensland that normal show yeah that normal show i couldn't do that but i could be dropped from a skyscraper okay it's interesting josh but you couldn't do it for yourself so well i but the all the kids absolutely loved orton's house to be honest there's a cbb's world which they liked and then they but but are they ready for the bigger rides so my kids hate simulators because they got really scared on that one lego land you know that one i told you about the mythical one they went on it too young so they hate simulators but they love roller coasters my seven-year-old refused to go on the gangster granny ride she wouldn't go on that but she went on she's seven she went on the wicker man fuck i mean she's not seen it to be fair no but she

loved it she come off it was a proper big what happens on the wicker man it's just a big roller coaster that's got a bit of a scary bit in it. And it's like a big wooden. Is she tall enough? Like she's gone on oblivion. She was just tall enough. There was a couple, no, she couldn't go on some of them. She was just tall enough for that one. But then my five-year-old wasn't. So that involved her getting a teddy.

Right. We went around. So when they were going on Wicker Man, we went around like the aquarium bit, which my five-year-old absolutely loved. There was such a lovely woman that worked there who was letting them hold starfish and stuff and we saw a shrimp come out of its shell and you know like they de-shell they de-shell themselves you know that do they it's like a snake gets rid of its skin yeah so we were sure i shouldn't do that it's quite good but it's nice anyway so so i had to basically there was because we went with another couple there were kids that couldn't go on the

bigger ride so the people that a pair at one adult had to stay off, because we went with another couple, there were kids that couldn't go on the bigger rides. So one adult had to stay off of the smaller ones. They love CBBs. They love this little mine train one where the guy always goes, choo-choo. Did you go on that one when you went to? No. It's so funny. Just choo-choo every time it goes off a little train.

But it's really funny. And so I didn't want to go any of the big rides because they scare me too much yeah yeah which is fine and it worked out quite well because there was two children that were too small for the big big ones so it was a lot of me just stood with children yeah the whole day you know so after a while you're a bit like okay i'm just stood here watching watching you you know watching people do rides but the kids absolutely loved it and if you've got really young kids the cbb world's great if you've got you think i would be a fool to go yet with a two and a

five-year-old i'd say no you'd probably be all right with the cbb's world because i'd love that would he get would he be able to go on things yes some of the smaller stuff but if you so basically it's good if you've got older kids that love big scary rides yeah and it's good if you've got really little ones that like cbb's however if you've got like seven eight nine year olds you're probably better off going somewhere else for that age group but if you like the big scary ones go there but um but yeah that was good we stayed over and did you stay in the rooms that were did you stay in cbb's hotel no we didn't stay in the cbb's hotel they're quite intense i love mr tumble as much as an ex-parent i could not have him looming over me on a mural not when they were attempting even if you were strapped in

even if i was strapped in and he just went at me, I'm going to do it. No, we were in a treehouse, which is good, because you can share it with another couple. Oh, nice. This is having a go at all theme parks. I'm talking Disney, Legoland. Is their food fucking awful on purpose or a happy it's so bad it's so bad we

ordered my lou ordered gammon steaks right a gammon steak it said gammon steak for dinner what came was three super thick rushes of bacon and what's terrible is the waitress was absolutely lovely as amy was the waitress she was so lovely and and i feel sorry for her because they can't that she's not she's like 18 and works in the restaurant she's not ordering the gammon no no and then she has to give people three rashes of bacon it's unbelievable i'd say you know football grounds have a bad reputation i'd say theme parks are worse oh for food i think there's no way worse and also i'd say i'm are worse. Oh, for food, I think there's nowhere worse than the Fulham Zoo. Also, I'd say, and I'm a huge fan of this place. As you know, I'm a gold member.

Even London Zoo falls under this. Even London Zoo. Even the untouchable brilliance of London Zoo falls under the, come on, guys, up your fucking game on the food. It's almost like, wow, what can we get away with here? It's like they expect you to be the pissed or hungover that's the what the food is it's gonna get to the point where the only way they can increase it is if they bring you a burger and then just before you they put it down they spit on top of it and look at you in the eye and go 18 quid yeah because

also i don't i wouldn't mind if it was shit and if it was cheap because i don't mind you know like a greasy spoon cat for it's like you can get a breakfast for four quid or something and the sausages and then they look like fake sausages all right we know you went to the monaco grand prix don't try and win us back now rob no but i don't mind that because you go this isn't the greatest sausage in the world but it's four five but it's expensive anyway apart from that it was good the only other issue i had the journey to salt not sulfur what's it called? Stafford and back. Yeah, it was fine. It's just long, isn't it?

It's just quite far. And because it's so far, I tried to get a Just Eat or Deliveroo because the food was so bad, but you just can't. No. There's nothing there. You just can't. There's nothing there. Something that did happen to me, though, in the showers,

we went to the swimming pool. They've got quite a cool swimming pool place in the one's hours. So I was in there doing the slides with the kids, blah blah all good no problem and then oh my daughter though my five-year-old went down the slide head first with her arm out like a superhero she can't swim well she can swim but not but she doesn't give a five-year-old is fucking she's unbelievable she just doesn't give a fuck she's brilliant it's insane and like she's rock, your five-year-old. She's like... Dangerous.

It's worrying. Because all I see is just her and an 18-year-old. Imagine when she's 15, Rob. God. Yeah, anyway, so she was... And they wanted bikinis, though. They were obsessed with crop tops, my daughters, and I don't know why.

Why are they watching crop tops? First series of TOWIE. I mean, who's got crop tops on? They're obsessed with crop tops my daughters and I don't know why why are they watching crop tops first series of TOWIE I mean who's got crop tops on is there a sister's crop top well it's awful for kids

because like my son was out in the I mean I don't want to this isn't I won't go too far into the holiday

fucking hell that's a big cup I won't go too far into the holiday yes it is quite a big cup you're right it's a Super Bowl one

oh you've been to the fucking Super Bowl as well fuck it now it's a year for old Bobby D the problem is I do all these things

through work I just don't feel anymore nothing's normal no when we we walked on the Grand Prix track like where all the all the drivers are and chris rock was there tom holland spider-man and all these mad celebrities and then romesh came off because

romesh if you think i'm busy romesh's schedule he's in you he's in africa for three weeks now filming misadventures yeah and he came off the gridwalk thing with all those celebrities and all the loud cars and it was monaco's do you went oh my god and he went i the grid walk thing with all those celebrities and all the loud cars and it was Monaco and he went oh my god and he went I went what

he went I think I've just felt something for the first time in about five years he needs to put a stop to that oh my chair's gone down I'm just getting used to the new surroundings on that sports event thing

I could play your message now actually Rob it'll fit in so someone got in touch with me someone I know and he said I know someone, I work with someone that you've mentioned on the podcast and I said could you get a message from him and the guy recorded a message and did you ever used to watch this is your life

where they record like the voice so they go do you recognize this voice yeah he's delivered it exactly like that do you remember this person it's a different chair that I'm in. Everything in my life is different now. Sorry, Josh. No, it's all right. So, this is Rob Beckett. Do you remember meeting this man? Rob, it's Pink Jacket Man here from Whisper.

I've just about finished celebrating with Hatch Browning after the BAFTAs. I appreciate it went a bit Wilson Raider on you on stage, but watching it back, see Romesh didn't have your back. Spent the whole night on the dance floor

waiting for you. Where were you? He goes on. Yep. I bet he does. I saw him because he's set to his award. He doesn't,

he's not quick. Yeah, that's the guy that I took the piss out of at the BAFTAs. Yeah. And he tried to startle me. He's, but anyway,

the reason I bring it up is... Fancy working with us. We've got the British Grand Prix, Wimbledon, and the Ashes coming up. Take your pick. There you go, Rob.

Some more fucking sports coverage for you. Right. So I can go... Yeah, but I think this is a honey trap. Yeah, I do as well. I think he's going to lure me in

and bash me up wearing his pink jacket. Do I want to go to the British Grand Prix? Probably not this year you've already slagged off the ashes yeah probably leave that as well uh and we will learn um no how was moving house rob how was moving no i've not talked about me in the showers have i sorry so i was in the shower sharing the girls

um obviously i'm in trunks they're in their? Orton Towers. Sorry. So I was in the shower, sharing the girls. Obviously I'm in trunks, they're in their bikini outfits, whatever. And we're in there. And obviously a few people have recognized me at Orton Towers. All of a sudden I'm in there and a woman starts taking a photo of me.

What? Starts taking a photo of me and my children in the shower. Cause it's like the communal shower section. And I'm like, is she taking a photo? But I'm trying to be a bit more like children's then about that. And then I'm like, I couldn't really work it out,

but there was a lot of people in there. I didn't want to sort of have a go. And then Lou just went to her, I don't think you should be taking photos in here. Good work, Lou. Which is quite good because it's not like. Yeah, yeah. It's not like, are you taking a photo of me because I'm famous?

Yeah. And then because they immediately go, no, I don't even know who you are which is a fair response and they probably don't they might not know who i am but it's sort of just an awkward thing to do and then she was like oh no sorry i'm just um um i was just taking photos of my daughters i was like so now you're taking photos of your teenage daughters in the shower i mean that's that's worse in a way isn't it at least I've been on play to the whistle. Come on, there's got to be a reason. And then she was like, oh, no, sorry. And then Lou was like, well, I don't think you should be taking pictures in a shower.

There's children in here and stuff like that. And I went, okay, sorry. And Lou said, I think you should probably delete it. And she went, okay, I'll sort of delete it. And then later on she came up to Lou and went, I'm so sorry about that. I didn't think I was just, you know, because I used to get really angry and triggered by that, as would if you're if you're someone's taking photos of your children in a shower yes that's that's almost like most people's red flag to attack yeah is it and if

you got arrested and said why did you beat that person to a pulp and you said they're taking photos of my children in the shower it's like yeah off you go mate absolutely fine no problem um but i think she was just um obviously just didn't think it through did she but no that was quite stressful, being photographed. Yeah, but do you know what, Rob? Yeah. I'm on your side in that situation. And I think it is weird when I see people photographing me.

Yeah. However, I should, I need to admit something, Rob. Go on. So I'll come to the holiday in the next episode as we've discussed there's quite a lot of footballers in the resort I was in oh

oh yeah they just finished the season they just finished the season right apparently the Leeds players had flown out at 8am on the Monday

after getting relegated on the Sunday but anyway that's not for me all these footballers turned up I didn't know who they were yeah so I was told Arteta was there obviously that's exciting for me. All these footballers turned up, Bob. I didn't know who they were. So I was told Arteta was there.

Obviously, that's exciting. Landon Arsenal. Jungberg, former Arsenal legend. Yeah. Eddie Howe, manager of Newcastle. Yeah. I'd have recognised all of them. Didn't see any of them.

No. Rafa Nadal. He was there. Apparently. Didn't see him. No. But all these people I'm talking to at the pool and at the beach are like naming footballers mid-level premier league footballers that i don't know what they look like oh i'd know

all of them i know i don't know because i'm not that fast about it anymore i'm just not normal anymore rob so then we go to dinner yeah on the last night and it's full of men that look like footballers. With women that look like footballers' wives. Sort of sad but rich. But enough about Rose. But women that look like footballers' wives. And men that look like footballers. But I don't know who any of them are. So I'm searching pictures of Leeds players to try and match them.

Okay. At dinner. At dinner. I've got to admit it, Rob. I took a few sneaky photos to send to my friends that know about football to say, do you know who these people are? Josh, but you'd hate that if someone did that to you. I know.

I was once in a nightclub in ibiza rob and i saw someone looking at their phone and looking at me and looking at their phone and then i went around and saw they were looking at the google search ginger comedian and trying to check load of pictures of andrew lawrence trying to cross-reference them with me that's why i don't get too angry at people now where the way we do it me and louis when it's just me i just ignore it and i just accept it that's just what my life is now and that's yeah you accept that it's the price you pay for paying playing for leads yes it's the price you pay for going on mock the week well the price you pay for going on Mock the Week.

Well, the price you pay for going on Mock the Week is more money on writers than you get for the fee, but let's not go into that, Rob. It's so mad. We could talk about that. That TV show was so poorly paid, it cost you money to appear. Because she needed to have rights.

You probably didn't really need to have rights, but the thing was that everyone had rights. It was like an arms race. It was like a sports race. The first time you've ever gone on it, and Frankie Ball's there, and he's got two writers, and you think, what, am I just going to go at Frankie Ball without any backup?

So Frankie Ball's the best on it, and he's been on it 10 years, and he's got two writers. Now, I'll probably be on my own. Don't worry about me. so Frankie Ball's the best on it and he's been on it 10 years and he's got two writers now I've already got on my own I've just sent you a couple of photos Rob okay cool so this is what I want to say I accept it with when it's me because that's just what I've signed up yeah but when your kids are involved in it if my kids are involved what we do is I get Lou to go can you stop taking photos of my children and they'll go sometimes go we're not taking photos of kids

we're taking a photo of him and go well I don't care about him but my kids are in that picture so stop doing it which is so lou did that so well done lou thank you for that all right so for right okay let's see this is so this is so weird josh i don't recognize him is he a footballer the first one i don't know oh don't know oh no Rose and Rose is that Rose's mum on the holiday it's absolutely livid that you're doing this

he's walked past the guy stood behind Rose walking past he signed a signature for a child so he must be a footballer I don't recognise any of them

oh I think I think it might be some Newcastle players I think there's the bloke behind you in the pink might be

the assistant at Newcastle oh he gets think the bloke behind you in the pink might be the assistant at Newcastle. Oh. He gets loads of banter because he's quite attention-seeking. So he always tries to shake the other manager's

hands before... Well, I fed some ducks with him later in the evening. Did you? Yeah. I think his name's Jason Tindall. Jason Tindall?

Google Jason Tindall. Is that him? I don't know if it is, actually. No, no, no. It's not him. It's not the duck feeder. There we go. What a weird thing for me to do.

I do apologise to them. I know. But if I knew who they were, I'd just go and show them. I don't know. They're up. I was sneaking photos of them. Right. Yeah.

So we come back from Orton Towers on Wednesday. We're moving house on Saturday. And then on the Sunday before we went to Orton Towers, someone crashed into Lou's car. Oh, no. They're reversing to the front of it and it's got a light on it well she was in it yeah with it oh fucking this chair well she was in it with the kids and it was in a car park they reversed into it anyway he got she got the number and um his his name and he's just not answering the phone oh that's bad we've got his number plate f-ing p i know f-ing i know you f-ing c yeah yeah you complete c however we've rung the insurance

and given him his name is car reg car make and phone number and i think they're trying to contact his insurance but he might just go no it wasn't my fault if he's listening yeah if he's listening fess up if you reverse into a honda electric car park in bromley you know what you've done and you know and you know what and you know what do what you want to do i'm not going to push you in that but i will sleep peacefully at night and you know what is what it is maybe i'll have to cough up maybe i'll lose my no claims no maybe i'll have to pay extra 500 whatever my ex says oh and i'll tell you what i'll pay it and i'll pay it with a smile on my face because i'm a good person but you you dirty

to be fair i'll take that back because he might he might be compliant just for his insurance he might not want to take a call off someone which is fair enough as well yes so he might be compliant so i don't know um what what's going on there but i'll report back but so that car is out of action yeah we're moving house the only weekend we could move house because lou's going to see is this weekend and lou was in center parks with the girls because it got delayed for numerous reasons i'm not going into yeah so this was the only weekend we could do it i was off work lou had already had center parks but with the kids and i was excited so lou went to center parks in the big family you moved house on your own

i had removal men yeah yeah of course i was the only person there in the end lou's dad popped around to help me clear the garage out of the new place because the builders had left some stuff in there but i was moving on my own, and the only car I had to get to and from was a Nissan Figaro. If you Google a Nissan Figaro, it's the world's smallest car without a boot. No boot. It just hasn't got a boot. Google a Nissan Figaro, Josh.

Yeah, I knew it was the one you bought, Lou. It couldn't even fit the broom in it. A dream car. Yeah, a dream car. It's the kind of thing a sylvanian family would drive right however there isn't a sylvanian family in it just one man it has never felt more like lou had left me but i was still keeping the family home and she was at her mom's i was and they were they were like, where's your wife? I'm like, yeah, yeah, she'll be there. Don't worry. She'll be coming back.

Do you want to see all the kids' stuff? I'm like, yeah, don't worry about that now. Just put it all in there. So please tell me you paid the extra for them to box it up. A hundred percent. There's no way I could do that. That is the best money I've ever spent in my life. Yeah.

I don't mean that. Like more than when i buy my inhalers it was about they they racks they they individually wrapped the eggs yeah they moved just like eggs i was unboxing i was like this is an exit they're a good company though but um but but they're what so we had them before right and they're called m25 movers and they were really good really good company yeah however because we used them before, right? And they're called M25 Movers and they were really good, really good company. Because we used them before and then we looked on the website and I was like, oh, we'll book them again.

They were really good, really polite, really efficient, took stuff down, put it back up. I literally couldn't fault them for what they did. Anyway, I went on the website and the website's a little bit like Brexit-y because it was like, oh, we've been working for 20-odd years and even despite the influx of cheaper foreign labour, we've maintained the business. And I was like, oh, we've been working for 20-odd years and even despite the influx of cheaper foreign labour, we've maintained the business. And I was like, oh, God.

I'm like, oh, it sounds a bit Brexit-y, but they are cheaper. How much do my morals stretch for an extra grand? I've already got a car crash to deal with it. I'm paying, is it a grand less than the other people? So I was like, oh, God. Anyway, so I thought, oh, I'll just book them because they were good. Like, you know, let's, you know, let's, let's I always say meet the man not the website exactly yes you've always said that um you've always said that turned up ever since I first met you on Facebook yeah

everyone a mixture of Italian and Polish um lovely guys and I don't know it feels like they're sort of like I don't know what that website's getting at but they're just all foreign, I was chatting to the bloke's Italian who was talking about Gerventis, he wants Inter Milan to lose because he hates really good cars, I was like what a weird I was expecting

Union Jack, if you get him again could you check if he recognises any of those footballers yeah I'll send him to him now, see what he says. But yeah, so I was dealing with the move. And so Lou went on the Friday morning. They were coming to pack the boxes up on Friday. We got back from Horton Towers Wednesday. Thursday, I had to go into London to do some work and filming.

And I was running around between, because I had to have four or five days off to do the move i was doing everything in one day and it was too much and then i got a phone call i got loads of our testimony the most stressed i've been in ages because i've got in quite a good place now where day-to-day stuff doesn't really stress me i'm calm with the kids i'm calm with my work and i can do some really big like the baftas i was doing lots of meditating lots of breathing and that is a big stressful gig and I managed to enjoy it and be present and very chilled but what happens is when you do stuff like that either at work or whatever it gives you a full sense of security be like I'm better now I don't get anxious or stressed I just I've cracked this and then your ego comes out you start getting a bit cocked up but i went on a proper like spiral

where i was like on the phone wandering around the street trying to find my next like vo session and i had like a cap on i looked like all my clothes were packed up i had no clothes i didn't have any and i'm shuffling around and then i got a phone call saying now that's moved and i got a phone call from my and nothing big like my accountant said oh we need to have a catch-up next week and because of like my poverty mindset thing which is where if you've never had any money and you sort of, every time you get any money or anything, you feel like you're going to ruin it or do it all wrong and all that, that flares up because it, no, it almost like,

it can see a gap for your anxiety to creep in and it starts coming out. And then I had a phone call from someone else and other business stuff. And it was all coming in. And, and even though I'm sort of, you know, on paper, you put me down as like a happily married successful person I still feel like that scared 16 year old going for his first day of work at Sainsbury's yeah I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing I just turn up and hope for the you know even though I do the truth of it is I do know what I'm doing and I'm sensible and stuff like that but it was all too much and. And I was like that. And then the traffic was busy. I was in London. It was like, oh.

And I've never done this before in my life. I grabbed my baseball cap and I grabbed it, squeezed it, and threw it on the floor. What? Like in a film. Like you'd lost a bet at the bookies in a movie. Yes. And I sort of did that and it made me laugh.

But it made me go, right this you're not all right here rob no but i but i sort of was easier myself to go yeah but moving house is stressful it's and it's one of the top it's the isn't it the worst stressful thing you can do isn't that what people say yeah one of the most stressful things and i'd come off the back i worked every day in may every single day i worked so i'm coming back off the back of i know i know it was a fun nice things but you are monica grand prix and stuff like that you are working there's a pressure and it's stressful i'm very lucky to do what i do but when you don't have a break from anything yeah it gets too much and i was like and then on the move day it was the move that you know

i was lucky enough to have the movers and stuff like that and tell him where to put it all but um we got we all got in eventually so that was fine enough to have the movers and stuff like that and tell him where to put it all. But, um, we got, we all got in eventually. So that was fine. And if you are moving house and you find it very stressful, I would recommend that John Robbins and Ellis James, new, new episode of their,

how do you cope podcast? Yeah. Really interesting episode. Cause Ellis talks about being quite stressed from family pressure and moving house, which really made me laugh. Cause I was in the middle of it as I listened, surrounded by boxes. And then John, who um it's brilliant four or five months sober now is he or is it more sober he talks about his journey with his alcohol problems and stuff

when it's really enlightening and and impressive so that that is a good listen if you are a bit stressed and struggling but yeah i think in trying to be open and honest on this podcast is always best to be true but i felt so stressed and when you've got you stressed and struggling. But yeah, I think in trying to be open and honest on this podcast, it's always best to be truthful. I felt so stressed. And when you've got, you know, the kids have got to move in. Are you through the stress now? Yeah. So that was like the Thursday.

And then the Friday, I was sort of a mess, just like watching them pack it. I couldn't even watch them pack it up. I was sort of just like all quite stressed with it all. Because also as well, I work from home a lot of the time. So you've got to get all your stuff in there and set up. And then when we got to the house and there's no, there was no internet obviously. Cause there's no wifi when you get some.

So I've gone to the countryside now, Josh. Oh no. There is no phone single. Zero. Of course. Just no, you cannot phone someone or get a text message.

Zero 4G. Fucking hell. So we've got Wi-Fi now. I was there for four days on my own with no phone signal or 4G or Wi-Fi. I was like, you know what? I think it's been quite good for me. Like spiritually, just having time totally alone. Wait for it.

Do you know what? I love the internet. I fucking love it. I love Instagram. Oh, it love the internet. I fucking love it. I love Instagram. Oh, it's toxic. It's bad for you, is it? No. Do you know what's worse?

My brain. That's what's worse. Being alone. That's what it is. I need the internet to you because the internet is good if you use the right useful tools on it because when I've got the internet, I can find a meditation. I can find some brown noise. You can find all that kind of stuff so that was just

absolute carnage that first three days of just that also i was just sitting just sitting when i was unpacking boxes but i was like i had one album downloaded because you don't download no one downloads it anymore do they right no i'd one day so i had a few podcasts downloaded at one point i just drove for 20 minutes until i got 4g to download some more podcasts in my figure i'm looking like a man on the edge still with no family in his massive house in the countryside just alone big family home no one in it and then um but for the first day before i was doing that because i was unpacking boxes um i just only had a kanye west album and i thought but he's

i'm not allowed to listen to him. That's all I had, Josh. I don't know if that's allowed. So anyway, so we're sort of, we're moved in now. There's about a million different. What's your percentage box wise? Well, we had 112 boxes, but they do crates now not boxes so you have to give the crates back it's not cardboard anymore to save the planet right these guys they're really good company so i think

don't ignore their website because i think it might be a bit of a mistranslation that i read but they're good company um so i got i i did 45 crates on my own saturday and sunday out of 112 but they're coming to get them tomorrow and I think we've only got like four or five but we're just going to pour them on the floor

that's what we're doing at the moment yeah so yeah we've worked our way through the boxes the pile's back the pile is back the pile is big

the biggest pile you've ever seen in your life and stuff but yeah so we I'll give you an update of how we're going but I would say

Sky John Sky I want a big shout out at Alton Towers Amy and stuff but yeah so we um i'll give you an update of how we're going but i would say sky john at sky on a big shout out at orton towers amy nick dave lovely people um suddenly we're doing shout out um yeah but there were nice people on tails and i want to say big up to john at sky because it because where i am is a bit of the middle of nowhere john i spoke to john at sky about 15 times right over the last few months genuinely touinely, to the point now, if I'm up in Scotland, that's where he is, that's where he's based, I would think, oh, I've got to get in Glasgow. Is he based in Sky, on the Isle of Skye?

Yeah, that's where they started. Do you not know? I reckon if I was up in Scotland doing a gig and I would think, who's up here? Oh, yeah, Kevin Bridges is up here. Get me out of here. Oh, yeah, John, John from Sky. And I think I'm two more phone calls away

from just ringing up the help desk number and saying, hello, is John there? And he goes, hello. And he does my account name, my number and all that. And then I go, fancy a drink after my gig, John? We've built up such a rapport. Thanks, John. And I'd like to do a big shout out to all my friend footballers

that I've been hanging out with yeah what their names again the left back the right back the midfielder we've had a great

bounce and thanks for doing the photos with me they're with you great guys great guys cool anyway

yeah so that's we'll do your holiday next week and then we'll just have I've got some other little bits and bobs we can

chat about on Friday we've got a 10 minute start on Friday maximum 10 minutes before our guests for everyone to look forward to um yeah sorry if i've blabbered on there but um no i loved it but we've been we've been apart for a bit so we're it's good to catch up it was a lovely roller coaster no pun intended oh yeah um that definitely not intended thank Thank you. Small business? Yeah, let's go. Love listening to your podcast,

which entertains us regularly on our commutes and travels. Would love you to give my sister, Hannah, a small business shout out. She runs an osteopathy clinic in South Hampshire and Dorset, specializing in deflating windy babies. That's very useful. We had a problem. Osteopathy for babies. I don't think it's just that. Oh, they do other osteopathy. Yeah, they do other osteopathy, but

she's very good at that. And she calls that osteopathy for babies is what she calls it, but her sister calls it deflating windy babies. Breastfeeding support as well as pre and post natal treatments to help mums adapt to pregnancy she can offer treatments for dads who have hurt themselves showing off or lifting babies out the cribs that's me the website is abshot a b s h o t osteos.co.uk a b s h o t osteos.co.uk instagram Instagram, AbShot Osteopathy. Facebook, AbShot Osteopathy.

There's a lot of shit in that, and that's not very good for you, is it? No. AbShot. AbShot. That's where your accent kicks. You know, people's impressions of you. It's just... Yeah, I know.

Josh. Watercom. It's a place. It's a place. It's a hamlet in Hampshire. Hamlet in Hampshire. Yeah. Roll.

Okay. Okay. You're closing in on... You're closing in on Sean Walsh there. Okay. Right, here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh. Not quite a small business, but more like a small local hygiene bank in desperate need of funds. I volunteered with the Care Bank in Southend over the last year,

an amazing community-built hygiene bank providing things like nappies and period products to those in need. Recently, they've had to cut down how often they open from fortnightly to monthly due to major issues getting funded we are desperately trying to fundraise we love it if you could give us a small business shout out instagram is southend care bank thank you keep being sexy relatable amy there we go if you need to use it or if you want to donate, go to Southend Care Bank on Instagram. Josh, I'll see you there. Thank you for listening.

See you for 10 minutes on Friday. Yeah, absolutely. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing more, nothing less. See you then. Bye. Bye.