Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP47: I Love Packing

Episode Date: June 20, 2023

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Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with kieran can you say rob beckett rob beckett and can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe.

Well done, sweetheart. That's quite sweet, actually. That was very efficient, weren't they? They seem nice. Hello. Here's our attempt at the intro. We thought this would be a good one for Rob to guess where we are from. I think she's from Britain, and the daughter, I think they have moved moved to Canada and the child is half English, half Canadian.

When you said Britain, you were correct. But also I got really excited because you were, the first three letters were correct. Correct. Brighton. Oh, Bristol. But why does the daughter sound like that? I now live in sunny Tampa Bay, Florida. Oh, okay.

North America. Kieran, who has a Southern American accent. Thank you for the amazing podcast. Listen to every episode and always helps me feel close to home. Lauren Rosario. Lauren Rosario. I bet Rosario's because she's married to an American.

That's an American name, isn't it? I've got no idea, Josh. But they treated that like homework. Yes. It's time that you let me and the listeners know about your holiday. Oh, yeah. Oh, do you know what? Because I don't want to be a stiff neck, Rob.

Go on. But I thought I'd start. Are you going to do this topless? I just thought I'd start with a reading from a book. Okay. Okay? Is he all right, Michael? Okay.

I'm going to start with a reading from a book. Okay. Yeah? Yeah. I think really sums it up. reading from a book. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think really, um, sums it up the holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Page 191. Okay. Uh, this is from parenting. How okay. Rob Beckett on holidays. Don't bother until your youngest is at least four years old. End of chapter. Yes. That's one of my greatest quotes i stand by that do you know how often i

thought about that quote in the last week rob so um are you saying i was wrong or did you agree oh rob oh rob you know you play the fool but you're not are you a two-year-old and a five-year-old correct yeah okay so we were cocky yeah i would say we said a lot of stuff like god because he watches a lot of tv at home rob i'll admit it and we bought him an ipad as we discussed and we were like god do you remember last year when we had to like keep entertaining entertaining on the plane? This year, just pop the old iPad out. It's going to be a fucking piece of piss, mate.

Nope. Nope. Because the thing is, Rob, and actually, while we're still in Blighty, let me talk to you about the two days leading up to the event. Because I think when Rose comes on here again, she'll want to dispute this she put two days aside for packing Rob

two days two days aside for packing I'd say it's a fair amount when you've got kids on holiday a day to get the stuff you need and then a day to pack it but two entire days is this? well not she just said she didn't want to be rushed on

it so i think that's a good decision though you don't want to do any longer yeah and she kept she repeatedly said to me it's all right for you you don't have to pack for the kids overlooking the fact she's been stressed about packing on every holiday we've gone since we got together 10 years ago you know i mean kids she was without kids yeah what stresses her about it does she ask is she an outfitter every day the fear that she's going to forget the toothpaste

get to Greece and there will just be no toothpaste in Greece because they're known for that it's actually against their culture and religions

who brush their teeth in Greece but it's actually banned if you don't bring a sun hat there's just no way of sourcing one at a resort

and if you forget your swimming trunks, no chance. If you don't pack those biscuits, there will not be biscuits. There won't be biscuits. I did my packing. I don't know if it helped the situation. I packed in 25 minutes. Yeah, but your clothes are quite small, aren't they?

Quite easy to pop them in a bow. So, all you've got to do is get seven of everything. It's a piece of fucking piss. I can count to seven. Seven pants. Seven pairs of socks. Do you only do seven pants? What if you have a sweaty day and you're going out in the evening? Let me tell

you something, Rob. I'm going commando for the day because of the swim shorts. Right. So if anything, those pants aren't getting a full run out. True, correct. And socks. You don't need socks. It's only socks, really, Rob. I came back with two pairs of socks, still in the ball,

straight back in the drawer. I love packing. I love it. And I love fitting all the stuff in and it feels snug. I said to Rose and she said this was weird. You're a strange little man, are you? Yeah, well, wait for this. I said to Rose, I would love to be a pair of socks in a suitcase.

I'd absolutely love it. Do you put them in the shoes, the socks? No, I tuck them into the little hole. I do the big items and I tuck the whole socks in the little holes and they're so snug it looks like i i said to rose when we got there first night and i was like do you know what i'm going to think about while we go to sleep i'm going to imagine that i'm a pair of socks in a suitcase and i was out like a bloody light that your dirty talk dirty socks um i think though in lou and roses and most other people's

defense yeah one packing the kids is a nightmare but also on top of that we travel so much so we are used to packing an overnight bag or four or five nights away where most people don't go away that much so we've become like george clooney and up in the air have you seen that film yeah i love that film you love the suitcase packing that's what you loved yeah yeah yeah exactly cozy as hell so cozy little a pair of socks so did you actually think about being socks in a suitcase when you went to sleep for about the 30 seconds before i was out like a light mate try it great technique try it i'm sleeping on my back now are yeah because we moved and apologies it's still a bit echo in my office the soundproofing stuff's coming I've had to take down the you know my

coat I put on a light I've had to take that down because um I turned the lights on and after 10 minutes I could smell burning I'm gonna turn around and my coat was on fire because you shouldn't put coats on why why didn't that happen mid podcast that is the greatest regret i've always i have you can see that burn there oh my word oh no you didn't still wear it what's that oh yeah it didn't go through also if it did go through what a lovely little story at the pub if it's not kicking on maybe we're there we're not drinking we've just had a coffee like i say what this is that coat that bird look at the back nearly went through oh that's nice so why are you sleeping on your back so because i'm so tired because you're pregnant no because right so i'm

doing at the moment i'm doing because i've got a lot of office space work i'm doing the school run so i leave the house take the kids to school it takes half an hour me and lou are quite chilled about that lou had been lou has been worried about it for about a year it's absolutely fine as anything anticipation worse than participation and then i've been going straight to the office and then get him home and then when i get home there's normally something to build or unpack so i did a sofa bed last night with lou oh yeah um really does test the relationship doesn't it building a sofa bed for my parents to come and stay. So there's not even anything for Lou at the end of it that she wants. It's like when a prisoner's made to dig their own grave.

That's a similar situation. No, because when my parents come and stay, it's normally for babysitting. So it's a very useful service they provide. And I bought them a brand new sofa bed that they can use. And it's also a nice room for the kids to spend time in because the key with the spare room in your house is make it nice but not too nice because you don't want them there forever i would say our spare room rose's mom sam uh who i'm not saying that that that has happened but it's now called sam's room yeah the girls call it nanny and granddad's room yeah even though they've not even stayed in it yet but um but i've been so tired because i've sort of

been up early doing the school run and then out all day then come home and do something till about 10 or 11 i've just been lying down like that and just on my back just shut my eyes and then just then i shut my eyes and i wake up and it's 6 30 a.m again and i'm up oh i think i just get up at 6 30 a.m now i've given up on having a lion. Well, do you know what? Because we've had a bedtime, wake-up time thing because obviously we've come back from Greece and it's two hours difference. Yes.

So Rose's friend was out there, coincidentally, with her husband and he was, still is, I imagine, it's only five days ago, ripped. He looked fucking incredible fucking incredible oh that's horrible isn't it when your wife's friend's husband's ripped no it was very it was a very nice man but yeah it did make me hate you know i know it made me hate my own body hate my own body and you said oh just fucking hell mate give me a chance yeah he was incredibly ripped yeah and uh it turned out he was getting up at 6 a.m every morning

to do um what's that thing joel domit does oh crossfit crossfit so he does he got up at 6 a.m every morning to do crossfit and it pays off it pays off and so we were like when we get home we can just do because we each go to the gym once a week yep rose goes twice to personal trainer i go once all i need to do is get up two mornings a week and do the gym yeah at 6 a.m that's all i need to do then i'm going three times a week and that's a mate that's that's great gym guy now yeah you don't go once a week you are in the gym i'm in the gym three times a week i'm a gym guy so rose says day one and bear in mind we're on greek time here so our 6am is 8am. Why are you talking about me?

She said she can hear me talking about her. Hello? Shouldn't she be unpacking? I'm tired. She was very tired, she wants to say. She's going to the gym later today. She said she was getting up for the gym at 6am, which was 8am Greek time, which was the time we were living on.

6am comes. Rose doesn't get up. Fair enough. Fair enough.m greek time which was the time we were living on 6 a.m comes rose and get up fair enough fair enough yeah the kids get up yeah i get up yeah rose gets up at 7 30. so it was roses rose was supposed to be going to the gym at 6 a.m with the really fit guy no not with the really fit guy so so was it is this back home back home back home right and so the first day of the 6 a.m gym club yeah you get with the kids and roast six to half seven yeah yeah okay now but you know there's more opportunities do you know what rob because i'm so zen these days yeah i'm incredibly zen i found it funny whereas previously i'd have been fucking

livid but why would you have been livid? Because I was angry at the world, Rob. No, no, but like, okay. Yeah, that's... Because I blamed everyone else for my own issues. That'll be it. That'll be it. And I had no inner peace. Those are some of the reasons. Yeah.

You hated yourself, but you blamed everyone else for it. I hated myself, but I blamed everyone else. Yeah, that was the reason. It was just moving targets of people to blame and that day didn't go to the gym had no impact on you unfortunately for rose she was in the crosshairs quite a lot because i live with her look unfortunately she was not in the crossfit gym at 6am just in the crosshairs anyway we digress we digress so we get the flight he does not want to sit down for the flight my two-year-old he doesn't want to sit down for the flight. My two-year-old.

He doesn't want to sit down for that. I've written notes here because I thought rather than give you the whole holiday, I'll just give you the first day. Okay. I think that's an easier way. I got some quite panicked texts off you. You got one from Rose saying the holiday was ruined, I seem to remember. Yeah, that was on day one.

Yeah. It did pick up. So I won't tell you about when it picked up i'll just tell you about the first day he doesn't want to watch an ipad they want to walk up and down the plane and grab totally rob did he have his own seat or now or is he still on your lap yes which he didn't want to sit in so oh yeah and let's add this to the plane journey rob our plane got moved to an earlier time right meaning we had to get up to get the plane at 3 a.m so what what time was the flight before like a couple of hours later we were getting a taxi from home at 3 30 who did you fly with uh your friends ba absolutely fucking classic

who to be fair were very nice to me but well i fucking moved your flight out forward yeah yeah uh on the plane he just i've just written the next note is plain he just wouldn't stop moving around rob he was just too excited and so and this was to become my kind of basically my holiday particularly during meal times meal times is the key one and that's probably the best bit of the holiday in a way isn't it that relax no it's not but that was the worst bit though yeah for a good holiday for a holiday people enjoy yeah and it's not his fault because he doesn't want to sit there for a fucking two course or three course meal why would he your daughter is she on the ipad yeah so she'd sit there for a bit

but obviously when he's getting up and running around it's difficult for her not to want to join him yeah also she's old enough she can wander around and play on the sand exactly he's just off and this is the same with the plane you don't watch succession do you but there's a there's a character in succession that's um who's like the the kind of the minder of logan and then latterly kendall roy and he's just always walking three or four yards behind them and that's basically the role i had with my son he wherever he went i'm just three or four yards behind him watching him do you know what i mean because he just wants to go and then throughout the holiday he just got faster and

faster and so he's just running everywhere and people commenting on how fast he's fast and he's just running and running and running like forrest gump it was unbelievable the moment he finished his food when we're at home he'll finish his food and then he'll go off right but it doesn't matter because he's in our house you just go into the other room and play with something or watch something and you know he's safe but here suddenly you're you wild. There's danger everywhere. It's sharp corners. There's danger everywhere. The sea, swimming pools, playgrounds. And he became obsessed with the shop.

He just wanted to go to the shop all the time. And he seemed to, wherever we were, he seemed to know the route to the shop. Also, hotel shops are so expensive. Hotel shops are like the cost of living crisis all the time. You know, it's like all the time that price, even when inflation goes down. We had to buy, my daughter wanted to buy presents for 12 friends. Okay.

I spent over a hundred euros. What? No, you have to say no. Yes, I know. That's too much. Or buy a bag of sweets and give her a lolly each from holiday. But Rob, the thing with it was the other option was she wanted to collect specific shells and stones on the beach with them.

It was my last day. I just wanted some time to myself, Rob. So you said, let's not collect shells for your friends and go to the shop. She's collected some shells. There wasn't enough shell. It was,

it was going to be a day long project. Right. Let's just get them those things where they snap on the wrist when you whack them on five euros a pop you got a lot of wrist slappers for the kids got a load of wrist slappers job done just some landfill just some plastic landfill plastic landfill now let me sit oh by the way this is embarrassing i took five books who the fuck do i think i am did you read any of them two i read two in the they were short i i started with the short ones two books that's impressive away for a week well he was in crash 10 till 1 oh so you got three hours a day in the kids club yeah well he's in crash and then

so he was in 10 to 1 my daughter wasn't that into it but then you've basically you've got me rose and her mum and my daughter yeah and that she can just play on the beach that's what i'm saying over five it's you can read and relax yeah then also, this is some good reading time. He'd go for his nap and we had like a sun lounger out the front of our room. So someone could, yeah. How long was he napping for?

Well, day one, he napped for two and a half hours. I shouldn't have done that because then he didn't get to sleep till 11pm. So basically, you're not actually looking after him

for five hours a day. Well, I was, because then he was up till five, really late. So he wasn't doing two and a half hours after that i'll tell you that for free that was what you would describe as a huge mistake actually the daytimes were the best part because you got the morning where he's in the crash and

then you get a little bit of the nap but then it was the evening meal was just a bit of a write-off every meal lunchtime and evening breakfast lunchtime and evening, breakfast, lunchtime and evening. I would genuinely, there was meals where I think I sat down for between 10 and 15 minutes max for the whole meal. Yeah, because they just want to eat. As soon as they've eaten, they just want to walk or wander around. And it's fine if they're just going for a walk. The first day, it was very frustrating because your whole perception of what's going to happen is collapsing.

frustrating because your whole perception of what's going to happen is collapsing that honestly is every that's the one thing i try and tell everyone with kids is like i know it sounds mental that you're not allowed to have a holiday until your youngest is four years old you're better off saving your money do i'm not saying you can't go anywhere or do anything, but go maybe for a cheaper like, you know, like a caravan, static caravans are really good down in like Hampshire and stuff like that or something that's on the beach in the UK for a couple of nights here and there and treat it like, oh, do something fun with the kids. And you're better off if you do have anyone to look after them, let them look after them for a couple of nights

and get in a quick mini break abroad or something where you'll have more relaxing time in two days than you will in a week with kids yeah well exactly but my daughter had a lovely time she was perfect age for it he to be fair he had a lovely time he had a fucking brilliant time he loved the crash he loved running around he loved the beach he had a fucking brilliant time but as i said to rose it's a shame that he's having such a good time and he's the only one who's not going to remember it yes this is wasted on him so who's doing the main leg work of you just spitting it with i suppose her mum's there as well could she help a bit as well for the meal when he's just running around it's just relay do you know what i mean yeah that's day one you're

disappointed day two and three it's fine because you're just like you've been to the resort i went to you know the like that harbor area yeah you're just running around it's a very nice area yeah so you're just going well this is all right i'm just walking around of a nice evening around a harbour chasing up two-year-old hold a little drink you're not drinking anyway i wasn't drinking anyway so i didn't was a holiday at all either no no it's impressive because the holiday beer is my probably favorite beer is it yeah when you first get there and sit down at like a little cafe or bar yeah but yeah it's good if you're still not you know yeah not doing it so that was tough yeah that was tough there was a point and i'd say rose spoke for the whole

holiday where on the first meal she said the words this is a living hell it's because the truth is because of the expectation exactly what i was going to say it's like because what you do is you work your nuts off. And I think this bleeds into a bigger point where it's like all year you go, it'll be fine though because I'm going to Greece for two weeks or a week or Spain for a week in August. It doesn't matter that I'm exhausted and fed up and stressed now because I'll be going there.

And people pin too much hope on this holiday. Totally. And holidays are relaxing and fun because you're not in your house you you're not reminded you need to find a balance in your life so rose constantly points this out to me that i'll go don't worry i've got two weeks off and then when something happens like you get covid at christmas yeah you're like but i've been three months staking my time on this. Yeah, exactly. And then it builds up to too much and there's too much pressure on it. You need an eight all the time rather than tens and ones. Because the way I used to work was be it like one or two of sort of enjoyment

and happiness going, but don't worry because I'm doing that and I'm going to get that money in and then we can go there. And then when I go there, it'll be 10. And it's too much. It's too much and you feel too sad at the end of it. Yeah, it's because I'm here

because I'm your best friend. Like, the hot bod couple. Yeah. Have they both got hot bods? Uh, he's got, this is a tough question

for you, isn't it? There's no way of answering that so I'm going to not get involved. You can't comment on your wife even if it's good or there's no yeah yeah no you there is no winners here you just have to say

no comment no comment so because you go no she's like oh yeah really good body yeah there's nothing there's nothing her body's great actually Her body's great, actually, yeah. For me to tell Rose how great her body is. Let's not go into it. I want to go into it, but obviously... How about this? Yeah, she's beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful as Rose. Oh, I don't know.

I think you should have said no comment, actually. All right, I'll go with no comment. I'll go with no comment. That was mental, that one. That was the worst thing you could have that wasn't the thing for everyone involved it's just a no comment it's best way isn't it um anyway we were there on their final night oh they passed away they went home before you then yeah and you know like the last day of holiday you could feel it in

the air do you know i mean i felt sad for them and so that's why you can't stake too much on holiday i lived when i was when i moved to london i lived with a couple and they were into doing a big holiday a year but they just started jobs so basically for 50 weeks a year they were drinking tap water every night they were batch cooking they were not going out yeah you're only living for two weeks a year yeah you can't consolidate all of your happiness into two weeks a year do you know what i mean i know that's easy for me to say also because i love my job do you know what i mean so that's an easy thing so do you love it all of it so anyway the holiday but i when i used, I used to do a job I really didn't like.

And I remember once coming home from a holiday and I was so sad because it was basically you go on holiday and you sort of block it all out. Don't you? Like, yeah, I don't, that's not my job anymore. And you're like, oh, this time. And people say, oh, this time, what would you be doing now? I'd be doing, and you have to highlight, because I'll be doing that because I hate that. And you sort of get a bit of like a buzz off saying how much you hate it. And then I remember landing and I was, I can't remember what job it was, but I really didn't like it. Literally, I can still close my eyes and remember,

the wheels touched the ground on the plane. I looked out the door and I was just like, fuck this. And I went immediately to like one out of 10 happiness. Oh God, yeah. Oh man, it's the worst. I remember when I had a job that I really immediately to like one out of ten happiness oh god yeah oh man it's the worst I remember when I had a job that I didn't really didn't like and I remember vividly knowing that I had like 17 days off at Christmas and then I just remember I couldn't believe it when I was going back into work and I was like but that was all that was driving me on yeah that was all I had

now that's gone. If you want, if you enjoy it, because if you enjoy what you do, you never work a day in your life. Exactly. And the problem is I love what I do. So I put too much in because I want to do so much of it. And then I don't enjoy any of it. Yeah.

I think you're the kind of person that will always tie yourself up in a knot where you're not enjoying it again somehow. But then you have to draw yourself out of it. I'm enjoying it at the moment, Rob it i'm enjoying it at the moment rob i'm enjoying life at the moment and it's making bad podcasts but who cares i'm happy i think i think it's pretty solid i'm enjoying the holiday i wouldn't i wouldn't my takeaway wouldn't be from this josh is in total bliss all the time it moves down flight 3 at 3.30am. He won't sit in his seat. But yeah, I don't think you need to worry about that, Josh.

So ahead of the success of the crash was day one. So my daughter was going into kids club. My son was going into the crash. We dropped him off at 10. They said, we'll text you if there's, you know, any issue. Sure. Aside, if I had to say the job I'd'd like the least at a resort it would be in that crash room it looked like a living hell the kind of the music you'd associate with two-year-olds played so loudly do you know what's worse than a two-year-old is somebody else's two-year-old

yeah and just loads of them and all of them are like what the fuck am i doing in there where is my mum i don't know who you are why why have you got a straight why is your voice strange to what i'm used to your yeah i can't speak greek what's going on anyway my daughter then hurt her toe so we couldn't drop her into the kids' club until she'd sorted that out. We took her up, got a plaster on her toe, dropped her in at 10 past 11. I turn to Rose and I say, we've got an hour 50 now until one o'clock. Just enjoy it.

Sit on the sun lounger, 11.15, text from the crash, you need to come and pick him up. We'd had five minutes of kid-free morning. 11.15, text from the crash, you need to come and pick him up. We'd had five minutes of kid-free morning. He just wasn't having it. Yeah, but then he had it for the rest of the days. So that was when Roy sent me a text saying he enjoyed it. Yeah, he loved it, to be honest.

To be honest, I'm not saying that it was better than the rest of the holiday, but a few days in, in the evening, he tried to break into the crash to get back into the crash. Right, okay. Yeah, because I think people go on. How do you know they're actually enjoying it? But like... I fucking love the crash, mate. But your daughter didn't go to kids club after that?

No, she wasn't that fussed about it. And we liked hanging out. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you don't need it for that age. We don't need it for that age. So it's much nicer to just hang out on the beach with her to be honest we were like if you don't want to go don't go because i want to enjoy the holiday with you do you know what i mean that's nice isn't it yeah because there's plenty of people on a holiday that don't want to spend time with their children yes there are that drop-off's awkward in it because i feel like i'm a bit dubious

about kids club for me it's like if they want to go in it and enjoy it, fine. Yeah. But as soon as my kids say, I don't like it in there, they're not going in. Whereas some people are like, I'm having that conversation. And there's another parent going, yeah, you are going in. Because I've got tennis in a minute. Get in there. Who wants to play fucking tennis on holiday?

Just sit down. 35 degree heat. I quit gaming of tennis really oh my god um any other tales from the uh the holiday you want to share paid 35 euros for inflatable whale that was quite expensive they they do blow it up there at that place they've got blow up they blow it up so you can't take it home obviously no one's no one's buying an inflatable whale at the hotel shop to take home and put up in their local swimming pool. No, I know. I just gave it to another couple who'd just arrived.

I quite like that. If you do buy this, passing it on. You pass it on. I said, keep passing it on. And imagine if we get it next year. I'm going in July, so I'll try and grab it then. Are you? If it's here, where? You've got to go in half term next year because it's when in july so i'll try and grab it there are you if you see a way you've

got to go in half term next year because it's when all the footballers are there you'll fucking love it well i don't know i don't know i i feel like they'll love you all the footballers love you do they yeah you're the guy from robin romesh league of their own but they're all so young footballers all right 22 it's awkward i'm nearly 40 it is weird and they've they've all got kids they're encouraged to settle down aren't they are they very busy lives they're playing football they've got a wife they've got kids they've got mistresses it's non-stop i don't know how they have the energy they've got to be fit those guys up at six um so all in all it was a it was a semi-successful holiday in the and do you know

what you instantly only remember the good bits that's the the fact of the matter yes are you glad you've gone or would you yes yeah i am if crash hadn't worked out it would have been a non-starter that's the thing you are you are taking a risk because your son could have quite easy have just gone nap and cried every day he's he had a fucking brilliant time and it was really nice when it wasn't during a meal it's just the meals were the speed he ran away from the table was unbelievable so afternoons so basically you'd go into the creche have some lunch with him and then someone would take him back for a nap yeah and then basically you'd go into the creche, have some lunch with him, and then someone would take him back for a nap. Yeah.

And then basically you can sit around the pool or whatever. But when he was around the pool, around the beach, is he just running? Yeah, he's trying to get to the shop. But it's quite nice because you're just walking along the beach following him. Do you know what I mean? You're like, you relax into that. Yeah. My step count must have been fucking incredible.

Well, I'm glad you seem more relaxed. So maybe I was wrong in that book, but I definitely think four is the magic age. No, no, no, no, no. It was a living hell within a day. And I totally get that if you can hit, once we hit four, it's going to be a different game. I just think holidays at the moment are so expensive as well.

Like flights are insane. It's ridiculous. I just sort of feel like if you've got a two-year-old and you're like, oh, just sort of feel like if you've got a two-year-old and you're like oh just sort of feel like just say what the money you would spend save it and then you can have like you can go proper hardcore when they're four and enjoy it you know i mean yeah uh one final thing go on uh we got there and rose had forgotten about four different things from the packing and it was a glorious moment for me what did you forgotten uh waterproof nappies yeah crocs and what about for the kids hey this is good stuff

yeah um waterproof nappy and crocs quite key elements i'd say as well but do you know what rob they're available to buy so it's fine it's absolutely fine you know say what you want about greece they do have waterproof nappies i've got a terrible feeling when this episode goes out that i'm gonna have to do the packing for the next holiday and it's gonna be a fun do you know what i should do it as a test for the podcast but you know what there's no win there because if you pack for the holiday and you do it really well she'll be even more livid yeah and if you don't pack well she'll be livid because there's not the right stuff also when i do my own packing i do ask her if there's anything i've forgotten about 16 times yeah i imagine i think you're quite a heavy

communicator when they're packing for holidays you get quite excited about packing and then i go this is i don't know if this is an annoying habit i do my packing i'll finish and then i'll go name some things that you think i've forgotten. Yeah, that is annoying. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, because it's sort of, she's sort of doing the packing for you then. Yeah. No, no, I've broken the back of it. And what does she say?

Oh, you've only packed four books. You need another one. No, no, she won't go into it. She can't go into the snug suitcase. So I'll just say name some items, basically. So Rose does her and the kids and you just totally your own world? Kind of, yeah. Some, like my dad and that generation,

my mum would pack his clothes and also buy his clothes. That's mad, isn't it? Like my dad's mum would buy my... How did you get in there? And you've had your stuff packed for you. And you don't even know what it is. Yeah. Because mum's been holiday shopping for dad

and he gets it, just pulls out some shorts and a t-shirt, puts them on and walks out. And then he'd moan going, oh, it's a bit tight, isn't it? Well, go down to the fucking shop and try it on. She can't. How does she,

I buy stuff for myself and I don't know if it fits or not. How are you supposed to know for someone else? It's a mad mad generation leap yeah there was quite a few parenting hell fans there i should say i was there any troublemakers uh no one person came up to me and talked to me and then said um i wouldn't have come up to rob because um i know he doesn't like people coming up to him but i thought it was safe with you that's nice rob's got it fucking made it well he's got a reputation as no i just i don't mind people come and say hello but not when i'm with my kids on holiday really like not in a shower

well no i don't mind like if it's a normal chat but what i would say is like i am a friendly person i make friends on holiday and chat but if if anyone comes up to me and goes, oh, I really like the podcast, that bit with Ed and Josh, can I have a photo? I'm like, yeah, of course. And I'll do that. But I find it very difficult to make a friend with that person after that encounter.

Yes. Whereas if someone else is just like, oh, right, you know, having a good day or whatever. Oh, is that your kid? Or like playing, just how you'd normally have a chat. I still don't know how you make holiday friends. I don know how you do that rob no but if it's just a normal conversation then you can have an all but if someone has a photo then it makes it weird it's hard to start off you know it's you start you come at it from a weird point it's why

people that you know like single people that end up meeting their partners after gigs oh my god that's a weird that's a weird dynamic to start life off. That is strange. We met because they were a fan of me. Where did you meet? Well, basically she followed me on Instagram for six months and then found out where I used to go shopping and then she popped in and said hello.

We had a couple of photos and then it just blossomed from there. The main thing we had in common is we both love me. So that. We really bonded over that, actually. Yeah. We're both huge fans of me. It's just my narcissism needed some backup. Bob.

Yeah. Shall we finish off with some emails? Or have you got anything to tell me about your life? Not really, I don't think. It's sort of like all the house move stuff is sort of a bit like, you know when it's like nothing's funny when you're in it? Yeah. It's like a funny, it's like, it's just like boxes

and there's just stuff everywhere. And then I just cut like, and then you just find stuff and there's just shit everywhere. We're still not done and we're five years in. There's still boxes you haven't unpacked? No, but there's still stuff where we're like, oh, we should five years in well there's still boxes you haven't unpacked no but there's still stuff where we're like oh we should do that do you know what i mean oh yeah so i was getting a bit down about it where i was like oh that needs to be looked at or we need to do that we need to do that and i think sometimes you get so obsessed about what

you need to do you forget what you've done because you've like ticked it off in your head so trying to be a calmer but um yeah not really the The kids are all good. They're just in school, really, busy with birthday parties. We've got a holiday coming up in July. Yeah, just sort of ticking along, really, no major. Oh, very nice, very nice. Oh, no, this happened. I don't know if I told you this. The teacher's gone off on maternity leave,

so there's a new teacher in for the last term. She came out and said to Lou, oh, um i believe uh you're the class rep i need to let all the parents know something or other um lou no no that's my husband robert yeah i've been told that as well but everyone just said it's basically you that's not okay is it no that's bang out of order yeah so do you think do you agree with that that analysis no lou lou organized a christmas present for the teachers that i didn't do when i was because i was working but apart from that i've been forwarding on all the whatsapp messages yeah just because the job isn't that demanding apart from i don't know do you know what's happened i feel a bit like donald trump you

know when he got in there's certain things I think I should be doing but the other parents have sort of gone he probably won't be able to do that or won't do it or forget so let's just take that away from him and we'll just get on with it yeah so I feel like I'm a bit like I'm there in as the as the figurehead but I'm not actually doing anything and they go just tell him just tell him yeah Boris Donald Trump type just tell him that he has to forward on the whatsapps and he'll do that and he'll feel like he's doing a job. But I'm quite happy with that, actually. You know, I'm happy to accept that as my fate.

Oh, yeah, that was – they needed class helpers, parent volunteers to go on a school trip to, like, Drusilla's Park or something like that, which is – that is a serious, like, long day at a zoo. Yeah. And they needed two. And then I sent it on the parents group no replies absolutely nothing right and then the uh text went out to see what dad's

wanted to play football on the sunday loads of replies all from dads and then i went back onto parent group i went uh lads uh not getting much uh much much traffic on the parent group about the uh school trip but you want to play football just saying that and then they're all right yeah nothing major to report from that we've got i'm solo parenting for three or four days when lou goes to watch beyonce in amsterdam so i'm sure plenty to report there and then next week we'll have come back from glastonbury so that's something to look forward to yes we. Is that the one after we'll have recorded that? God knows. Who knows any more? What's that noise?

The police. Oh, don't get that round my way. Now I'm in the countryside. Now it's very calm. No, exactly. I'll tell you what I'm doing a lot of though. Pulling over. Pulling over in the little lanes.

Oh, yeah. You must have been. Did you miss that from the countryside? Pulling over? Not hugely. Pulling in. Yeah, yeah. Where are you going? You want to get really close to the bush, but not touch it. Oh, well, I don not touch it oh well i don't want to get in the car and start driving really good actually i really

enjoyed that it's really good fun um all right let's do a quick correspondence and small business and then okay you do a correspondence then i'll get my small business ready okay here we go burnt genitalia fail yeah that is a fail hi guys i just had to reach out and tell you this story i was trying to burn my genitalia but failed you should come around and pop it on my light i had to reach out to this story after something you mentioned on the podcast it was a story about a woman touching her husband's penis with oven gloves after getting something out of the oven. So here's my tale for you.

Years ago, my cousin put something in the oven. I remember that when she grabbed his knuckle. Years ago, my cousin put something in the oven. It's worth pointing out the oven door opened from the top and then jumped in the shower. When he got out, he put on his dressing gown and went to check his dinner as he's squatting down to check the food his balls stuck to the hot glass oh my god oh my god this is this is yeah i get it top down so it's like a bake-off oven on the floor yeah yeah oh my god how low are his balls oh my word so he's he's straddled he's basically squatted over the the door of the

oven and his pendulous testicles have landed wobbly low nuts as he squatted down to check the food his ball stuck to the hot glass he had to peel them off and go to hospital with them in a pint in a pint glass of ice oh my god red balls and red face thanks for the laughs ellie and cornwall they're fucking weird it's Cornwall for you isn't it oh don't it's a lovely place

you down there with old red nuts Jamie Red Nuts Jamie Red Nuts in his sketches and a dressing gown oh my god that is awful

we've had loads of correspondence so we'll do we'll do some correspondence episodes some more of them coming up small business what you got Josh hi hi robin josh long-term listener here i

listened since day one even though i had no kids i have one kid now a four-month-old so i'm in the trenches as you would say i want to see if you give a shout out to my best friend small business she's a photographer who takes photos of babies and kids of all ages she started her business in lockdown whilst on maternity leave and works like a powerhouse whilst raising two beautiful boys. Her style is beautiful and she has so many returning customers because she gives so much time and works so hard. She's based in Essex, Billericay to be exact.

Has a studio at the end of her garden. She spends all her time taking and editing her photos that wanted to try and help her with some exposure her instagram is at lick little pickles plural photo little pickles photo thanks sam lovely stuff i've got this one here um this is hannah in surrey near dorking hi josh and rob i would really appreciate a small business shout out for my mother-in-law's dyslexia testing center she bit the bullet and quit her job and set it up recently if youin-law's dyslexia testing center she bit the bullet and quit her job and set it up recently if you're looking for a dyslexia assessment for children or adults then check out her website dyslexiatestcenter.co.uk um dyslexia d-y-s-l-e-x-i-a which is an absolute

joke of a spelling for people with dyslexia i've got to change that it's an old cliched observational comedy joke but it's fucking joke of a word dyslexia test center.co.uk i know that your podcast reach is far and wide and all the assessments are run online so it can be accessed anywhere in the world can't wait to see you sexy beasts at the o2 and this is an old message especially as i get the night off from my three-year-old and six-month-old twins that's's Hannah in Surrey-Nidorking, dyslexiatestcentre.co.uk. Thank you very much for listening. There we go.

I'll see you next time, Josh. Morning, sorry. It's too chilled now, aren't you? Just too chilled. See you tomorrow. Tomorrow? All right, Friday. Bye.