Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP7: The day that goes badly wrong....

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whittacombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be

honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening Rob. Rob. Beckett. Beckett. And Josh. Josh. Whittacombe. Whittacombe. Good job, Orla. Good job, Orla. Oh, my God.

I think they're Americans. They are Americans. And they are from San Diego. Hershey, Pennsylvania. Yeah, yeah. If you're're American would you be called Rab It sounds like you're called Rab over there Rab Beckett Where is Pennsylvania

East Coast Philadelphia I'd struggle to name Where a lot of places are in America Right okay so Pennsylvania is Philadelphia Philadelphia is in Pennsylvania New York and Boston yeah

yeah cool how are you alright yeah I'm alright boring wasn't it I've had a bad let me read this out here's my 21th I think that's the most boring we've ever been yeah fucking hell I caught myself before I um talked about live aid being in Philadelphia as if anyone gives a fuck um oh that would that I reckon that could have saved it from like from

the way QI keeps getting commissioned if it drops off banter wise there is something interesting coming off the back that's why it's not gone on for so long. Exactly. Your back catalogue kept me sane during those middle-of-the-night feeds during the newborn days and have kept me laughing since. We've moved back to the States

after a few years in London when we got pregnant and listening to you all like getting to be with my funniest friends and co-workers from back in the UK. Stay sexy and relatable. Katie and Peter.ie and peter katie and peter lovely yeah they don't sound very american do they katie and peter um you're right

rob um yes not i feel i'm still a bit ill i was ill over christmas um as i told you then i felt a bit better then i feel a bit rough again i don't know what's going on mate i can't get better unbelievable unbelievable life with kids. I've had an absolute shocker, Rob. Yeah, talk me through it. What's been going on with you? Well, partly I've just realised that we're now on camera and I'm wearing my Spotify hoodie, which is a bit of an error.

Oh, that's bad. That is bad, isn't it? It's a warm hoodie they sent us. Shall we sit? There it is, yeah. So for the listener, basically, because we are on Spotify exclusively now, they sent us a little Christmas gift, didn't they? Which was a backpack with Spotify written on it.

If I was wearing that now, that would be... I can't go out in my Spotify backpack, Rob. I simply can't walk down the street with a Spotify backpack on. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it. No, but for me... If you just announce a move to Spotify... Yeah, it's too on the nose. It's like if you saw a footballer and he was wearing his team's shirt,

you'd go, what the fuck is going on here, mate? Well, they sent me a Spotify bottle that's all right. I use that indoors. And the candle. They sent a candle a spotify candle and a spotify jumper but lou stole the jumper it's actually quite a good jumper so lou stole the jumper off me i do regret i do regret wearing it now because if someone clips this up and puts on the internet it looks like i'm now just like a company man but it went

really rob i'm still rock and roll. Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you're rock and roll, mate. My Spotify backpack ended up in my father-in-law's garage to put his fishing bait in. Which I think that's a good journey for the bag. And when he goes fishing with his mates, do you think they'll all have Spotify? No, no, no, rewind that. Just use the first part of that

sentence now he's a lone fisherman old mick he likes a bit of peace and quiet he said and i don't know if it was a joke because he's he's got three daughters married and three daughters and they're very loud and chatty but also quite quiet lou and her sisters because they're quite polite but they all talk at once and they don't let each other finish a sentence before they go on to the next thing. And I find it hard to get a word in. You do? Yes, yes.

Because there's never a gap. They basically talk about something, and the other one jumps on top, and it's like layered. I know how to elbow my way in. Because there's never a gap. So there's never a gap. So he just sort of sits there quietly, Mick, and he's like layered. I know how to elbow my way in. Because there's never a gap. So there's never a gap. So he just sort of sits there quietly, Mick.

And he's quite quiet. And then he likes going fishing. It's a bit of his alone time. And then he said to my mum and dad, because he goes near where my mum and dad live. And they said to him, could you pop in for a cup of tea if you're down that way? He goes, yeah. He went, sometimes I get on the beach. And I just sit there.

And I don't even get the rods out. Oh, my God. He doesn't even go fishing. He just sits on the beach and I just sit there and I don't even get the rods out. Oh, my God. He doesn't even go fishing. He just sits on the beach. He loads it all up. He just tries to add it. But I don't know if it was a joke or that he genuinely does that. That's not a joke. No, no, no.

He's joking. He's joking. I'm like, I don't think he is. You'll have to follow him down one day, Rob. He just loads it all up. Sparfire backpack on. Sits on the beach and has a cup of tea. Still, all good marketing for the streaming platform.

Yeah, I think that's the market they want. Lonely six-year-old men at the beach. Just desperately driving for quiet. Yeah. So he can listen to a Spotify piece. On advert. Anyway. Yeah, go on, sorry. I've had a shocker, Rob. so he can listen to Spotify and peace what an advert anyway I've had a shocker Rob talk me through your week

do you want me to take you through the last not even 24 hours 36 hours yes okay so Rose has gone away from yesterday morning from 8.30 right I thought I can handle this I'll be fine so she's away for the night?

She's away till Friday. Sorry, what was that noise? Me coughing. I thought you were like that. Not all of us are coughing up phlegm every left, right and centre all the time, mate. Some of us are coughing dry. So she's got away overnight. Talk us through the days, because it's tuesday now they're listening

to this but it's um last week oh yeah it's thursday as we record so she left wednesday morning she she left wednesday morning she's due to be back thursday friday afternoon friday afternoon yeah right so you're right in the middle of it and it's gone wrong already okay oh it's gone badly wrong yeah it's gone really badly wrong. So she left Wednesday morning what time? She left Wednesday morning at 8.30. Okay, cool. So talk me through it. So we wake up at about 7 on Wednesday.

Yep. Rose needs a shower, which is fine, but she is the worst of us at getting up. She will admit that. She's worse than me at getting up. Rose needs a shower, which is fine. Again, good that that was clear. Yeah, which is fine.

So she has to kind of get in the shower. So I do the breakfast and stuff. Rose comes down. I'm like, before you go, we get the kid. The kids need to leave the house about 8.45, right? Yeah. So I'm like, could you just help me get them ready till 8.30? Yeah, I think that's fair.

Yeah. Yeah. So we do. They're more or less ready at 8.30. Oh, I've got to admit this yeah. Yeah, so we do. They're more or less ready at 8.30. Oh, I've got to admit this, Rob. Yeah. I've got to admit this. The week's already gone badly. Do you remember last week when I said we've got friends at school

who always forget stuff and I don't remind them? Yeah, and you sort of revel in them not getting it right. Yeah. Yeah. My daughter had a trip on Tuesday and we forgot to give her a snack box that their school had asked us to give them. Oh, no.

And our friends remembered with their kid who shared his oat cakes. See? And this really paints you in a bad light. So the people that you try and stitch up got it right for once. No, I didn't try and stitch. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

But you pull the legs from under them. I didn't pull the legs from under them. You, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, is coming to get you joshua it does feel like karma's coming to get me yeah so i managed to get the kids out of the house it's difficult talk me through yeah talk me through your school run are you carring it are you in a bus you're driving it okay cool yeah in my panic get out of the house there's so many things that they need my son's got a bag of plastic bottles that are plastic um milk bottles washed out because they're building an igloo and they want plastic milk bottles it's annoying that this was the day of the month when rose remembered that they needed to be taken to school but that is by the by right yeah that's the mental load for you yeah sure yeah absolutely full of empty milk cartons and so get them in the car yeah uh forget my c because it's too it's cold and then i get in the

car driving to school drop off's fine that's the easy bit of the day gone yeah get back in the car to go home the teacher comments that why am i not wearing a coat fair enough it is freezing yeah why are you using plastic milk bottles that's what i'd say to her. Why are you using plastic milk bottles for an igloo that no one fucking needs? We actually use cardboard oat milk cartons. Well, we do use cardboard oat milk, but we have plastic milk bottles for my son's milk. Right, okay. I'll let you off. Car home.

Yeah. That is my 20 minutes that day of respite. Yeah, sure. Get home. 10 to 10. It's a long school drop, that, isn't it? Yeah, well, you leave at 8.45, it's an hour round trip. Make my breakfast, make a cup of tea, go into the last leg meeting, 10 o'clock.

Last leg Zoom meeting, first of the year, so it lasts longer than you'd expect. Gets me to 12 o'clock. Okay. Yeah, 12 o'clock, Okay. Yeah. 12 o'clock. I think I've got to use, I've got this hour before the second last leg meeting at 1pm. Right.

So I've got to go out, buy them dinner, go and buy them salmon. Guy pushes in front of me in the fucking. So buy them salmon. They've got salmon for dinner. Yeah. She wanted salmon for dinner.

Fucking hell. Guy pushes in front of me Audrey Hepburn Demanding salmon Debby getting Microwave What would you most want What would you most want

She said salmon With mash Right okay fair enough A bit from both sides Of the fence Class wise Yeah Guy pushes in front of me

At the fish shop Mate Unbelievable Really Just walked in Yeah just walked right up to the cat i was so angry and then he left yeah no i didn't he said excuse me i'm next no i didn't rob because i couldn't believe it was happening because when he did it when he walked in front

no when he walked in front of two of us yeah including the woman in front of me he was about 70 right yeah that's difficult i just presumed he was casing the fish, right? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, of course. Oh, he's just casing. And then the fishmonger turns around and he starts fucking talking. Oh, now you've got to step up there if it's an old woman in front of you, Josh. Because it's difficult.

If there's someone your age in front of you, that's their battle. But if the person there's older, you've got to step up. I was just stunned also he had the worst bleached denim jeans on i've ever seen in my fucking life so is this like a east end fishmongers or a fancy east london one uh i'd say i think it's been there for years but i'd say it's closer to fancy so it's a bit more hipster now but there will be people that walk in that could beat you up in the street yes right and is that that kind of guy no he wasn't but he was about six foot four he was like six foot three yeah okay anyway yeah i get over that in 20 to 30

minutes of walking around the streets being annoyed yeah okay yeah go and buy all the food get back to the house somehow um try and make myself some lunch, just have time to make myself some lunch, and then I have to do two phone calls, do the two phone calls, then it's another last leg meeting. Yeah. That should go on till 1.30.

It overruns till 2. I've got another meeting at 2, finish at 3. Oh, get this. Go on. The first last leg meeting is disrupted because the door goes. And it is a man delivering a large mirror. And he goes, I'm going to need you to help me carry it. And I had to do a full Chuckle Brothers carry of the mirror through the house.

Is this your mirror or has Rose ordered it? Rose has ordered it. She's ordered it. This is the day for it to come. Okay. That's cheeky. Well, I don't want to say that, Rob. If you want to say that, you can say that.

I'd say if you're ordering a large mirror and someone's solo parenting and working. So when you're carrying it, it's proper Chuckle Brothers piece of glass being carried through the house. And where is it? Has it been put up or is it just in the hallway? I put it in the shed.

No, no, it's in the shed. Oh, right. Okay, cool. Okay. Yeah, so then I go back to the last leg meeting the next last leg meeting starts there's a ring at the doorbell i go down yeah it's a cardo okay didn't need to go to the fish shop didn't need to go to the fish shop rob cardo oh that's good though so has rose done a food shop order for you to be delivered on the day when i'm at home on my own as well yeah yeah of course yeah so could have come the night before but let's not worry about that yeah so all the cardo bags have to come in i'm like i can't put the stuff in the freezer now i've got to go

back to do the last leg meeting okay i go back to the last leg meeting i then it finishes at two i have another meeting two till three do that meeting gets till three i'm like i've got to leave the house at 3 30 i've got my only half hour now to myself. Yeah. And I've got to do Peston tonight. Peston. Okay, right. So you've got half an hour to get the food in the fridge?

Got a half an hour to get the food in the fridge. Yep. And I've also got half an hour. I've got to have a shower and I've got to have a shave and I've got to get changed because I can't go to Peston looking like this. Right yeah you've got so you you haven't got time once you get back and doing their dinner and stuff you've got to go straight off no because they're there so i can't go i'm gonna jump in the shower oh yeah i forget he's too young isn't he

yeah because i could have a show yeah oh god i forgot i forgot about you can't have a shower you're right exactly so i'm like right i've got a shower gotta have a shower. You're right. Yeah, exactly. So I'm like, right, I've got to have a shower, got to have a shave, jump in the car. Right. In my jumper and trousers, in the car, it starts fucking sleeting while I'm in the car. Yeah, yeah.

Get out of school, the same teacher's there, sees me in a jumper in the fucking sleet this time. I look an absolute mess. And is it hard to park near the school? Is it a bit of a walk? Well, the school and the nursery are on the same road, but they're kind of different ends

of the same road, so I park kind of equidistant between them. Yeah, you do need a coat. Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. Then, go and pick up my daughter. I've forgotten to bring her a snack,

obviously, even though there's... Again. The Ocado's fucking around. Oh, by the way, I haven't put the Ocado away by this point. It's just sitting on the kitchen. It's still defrosting. I didn't have haven't put the Ocado away by this point it's just sitting on the

I didn't have time to put the Ocado away it's just all sitting there on the kitchen floor actually no I did do something I moved it to the kitchen table because I thought

if it's on the floor the kids will go mental for it but I put it on the kitchen table yeah yeah by the way there's one item that's not even we don't have

all the cereal really no we're not like my daughter's not that into it we're not that into it for some reason one of the things is a kilo of rice krispies do you know how light rice krispies are and watch how big that fucking box is it didn't even come it's bigger than you in? You have to get the mirror man back. You can have that for years. A key line of Rice Krispies.

Right? So, by this point, I'm quite stressed. Because I'm thinking, I've got to get the kids home. I've got to feed them. I've got to put away the Ocado. Yeah. I've got to get the kids home. I've got to feed them. I've got to put away the Ocado. I've got to bath my son. I've got to get him to bed and my daughter. I've got to get her in her pyjamas.

I've then got to get my son in bed before the babysitter arrives at seven. And then I've got to get straight in a car to go to Peston, which I haven't even thought about. And I'm very worried I'm out of my depth on. But yes, so Peston's a late night political show filmed as live and then goes out about half an hour later. And I've got form on being bad on those. Yes, we've spoke about you on this week, haven't we? Where you accused Michael Portillo.

We don't need to go into it. We don't need to go into it. No, no, no. Who was your one? Michael Portillo and who was the other person? No, that was just Michael Portillo. Michael Portillo and Andrew Neil. And you were talking about school and you said

to them well let's let everyone know because then it makes them understand why you're nervous um so yeah if you got it's called this week the andrew o'neill this week show josh would have come on that try and find it online if you can andrew o'neill is a anarchist stand-up oh yeah not yet Andrew Neil when he was on the BBC had a show called This Week and Josh Whitaker

was on it to promote a book with Michael Portillo it wasn't even promoting a book I wasn't even promoting anything in those days Rob

what was you just doing just a bit of profile I don't know I was really new Rob I was really quite new yes and you accused Andrew Neil and Michael Portillo

of going to private schools and gave them a bit of like like, comprehensive boy shtick, and then they informed you that they both went to comprehensive schools. Is that right? So, all in all, I'm nervous for Peston. Yeah, okay, yeah. And are you across the politics of that? Because it was quite a big day yesterday.

No, because I'm going on. There was the Prime Minister's questions. And the Deans of Harley thing's been kicking off and yeah well obviously i'm across that because i had three hours of last leg meetings about it so i'm pretty good oh you love news i'm going on to promote my show on sky max which we will come back to why i've said that right hold the front page on sky max because that's an interesting thing that i've just done there which will pay off later in the show okay in the episode okay so then picked up my daughter from school yeah the cardo's on the kitchen table at home yeah i go so i'm like i've got to go we'll go to the shop before we pick up my son because he's

obviously gonna stay later at nursery and we'll get you a snack she wants custard creams fine right good we haggle and we agree it's a two custard cream max because she's got her dinner on the way yeah she's like a six-year-old woman with a little salmon mash and custard creams and she's got the taste of an old east ender a maximum of three welks before bedtime i'll say yeah no more welks for you do you know what's funny like my kids i know like my kids like i'm quite fussy but they're also quite fussy with stuff they should like i told you i don't like chips didn't i think i've told you that yeah and um i got given a little bottle of maple syrup when i was in australia doing just for laughs which is

a canadian comedy festival of course they give everyone this like proper and it's absolutely delicious it's like proper canadian maple syrup and i said try a bit they went uh disgusting i was like what do you like i do you know what i've got the same with my daughter she tried cheerios i'm like this is gonna be fucking like amazing she was like they're too sweet you're like what too sweet you're a child. So we have a long debate that settles on two biscuits max, two custard creams max. I didn't think during the debate that the words biscuit and custard cream and the difference between them would come back to bite me.

Right, okay. You wouldn't think that. No, no, no. You'd just think they were, all right, two biscuits, two custard creams max. We then walk to the nursery. As we walk to the nursery, we go past the car of a friend who's picking up their child. She leans out the window and offers my child a Jaffa cake. Okay, now.

And obviously. Biscuits right out the window. That is outside the custard cream biscuit chat. She's been offered a Jaffa cake. I'm like, I'm fucked here. I'm not going to be able to say, no, you're down to one custard cream. chat. She's been offered a jaffa cake. I'm like, I'm fucked here. I'm not going to be able to say, now you're down to one custard cream. Through the window.

By the way, Josh, I just Googled one kilogram of Rice Krispies. That box is like a fucking fridge. Oh, Rob, I've taken a photo of it. I'll send it to you in a minute. But the photo is another bit of the story. But it's got mega one kilogram written about it. As if to go, look look guys we're selling it

but we recommend you don't buy it this is too much the kind of thing you'd buy if you were running like a calf on a building site where there's 200 builders do you know i mean if it was cocaine you're going down for a long stretch this isn't for personal use one key one key yeah they also do a mega 1.1 kilogram as well, if you want to go up. Oh, really? 1.1. Yeah, no, one's enough. One's enough. So then I'm...

She's got a Jaffa cake, yeah? She's offered her a Jaffa cake. I'm like, fine. Three biscuits, it's fine. She loves the Jaffa cake. We walk into the nursery, pick up my son, and his carer goes, oh, guess what? We did today.

We cooked, and he made shortbread. And he's made one for him and one for his sister. I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. So she has a shortbread. Can't believe this is happening to me. Yeah, OK. Get him in the car eventually. She has her two custard creams.

So she's had her four biscuits. Yeah. And a jaffa. And he has his one custard cream. Yeah, I know. And then we drive home, get in the house. Can I stop you there quickly, Josh? I'm cooking for them.

If you think that's bad, when the younger one gets older, he'll start to argue that he's owed two custard creams and a Jaffa cake. And she will taunt him. Well, he got one custard cream, I'll be honest with you. She will taunt him and go, I've had... Right, OK, fair enough. OK, cool. Yeah, we make her at the moment. Does any other parent do this? It's really bad.

We'll say, you can have an ice cream, but you've got to go in the other room and I'll bring it to you and he can't see it. It's sort of bad, but I understand why you've done it. Yeah. Yeah, I respect it, but no, it's not right. You can just go and have a covert ice cream on your own. Yeah.

Anyway, get home. I'm trying to cook for them. I'm trying to look after him because obviously he's 20 months or whatever he is. Yeah. He's going mental because all he wants to do is do stuff on the kitchen side. Yeah. He's like, and then also the Ocado is staring me in the eyes yeah is there frozen in there yes there is frozen in there rob and did you put it in the freezer and just pretend it hadn't been sat

there for two hours or did you throw away i didn't i didn't even get to that point rob because i then make them dinner yeah i then start unpacking thecado, which my children help me with, which obviously makes it three times more difficult. Yeah. Of course. And I'm doing this. He's got to go up at quarter past six. By this point, it's five to six. I'm thinking the time is running out here.

And then I basically get start putting stuff in the freezer and I realize there's too much stuff for the freezer. Okay. I'm by because we've had a load of those cook ready meals delivered recently, which are very nice ready meals. Yeah. Rose has basically got a freezer full of them. Yeah. And then we've had the Ocado delivered.

So I'll just pop this on the group, Rob, so you can see. This is the amount of over I had that can't go into the freezer. That is a lot of food, isn't it? It's like, that's a lot of food. So some of that doesn't need to be frozen, but was that what was already in there? No, but you're not going to consume it this week because she's bought two of those loaves of bread,

those white loaves, because that's what we always do. That's the right thing to do. Then one goes in the freezer. One goes in the freezer. Same with the muffins. But none of it fits in the freezer. We've never ordered vegetable spring rolls before in my life.

I don't know why that's there. Mints. There's some chicken pies. I thought you were vegan. Veggie. No, I am. Rose isn't. Fucking hell, she likes a chicken pie, doesn't she?

Well, they're for the freezer, Rob. But they're not now, are they? There's so many of them. I've never seen them. So I text her. I'm like, what am I going to do? do she says just put it in the fridge so basically please don't tell me you text her a photo of food on a table and ask what you should no i didn't text her the photo i just said there's a lot of stuff that can't go in the freezer yeah and she's

like well you'll just have to put it in the fridge so now yeah but what did you why did you ask her why did you tell her that because i just needed needed an outlet. I just needed some kind of someone who isn't 18 months old or on a Zoom call to talk to me that day. Yeah, yeah. But, like, what did you, like, what else were you expecting from her? Like, oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you there's another freezer in the house. She'd asked me how it's going, so it was a kind of... Oh, OK, fair enough. Yeah, OK, that that makes sense you haven't just gone rose i need your help

and a guidance i might have i've actually just ripped that she asked me out if you've left the house for two nights away for the kids you are not texting home you could give a shit i'm just going back through all right uh yeah big news yeah i did text her the picture i knew you did and i knew you'd go to her first. She has not asked you what's happening. With the caption, slight freezer issue. It's like capacity. Needy face.

She's put, oh shit, can you throw anything away in there? It's not the time for me to be going through the freezer. I mean... It's five to six. The baby needs to go down because the babysitter's coming. It's five to six. I'm leaving for Peston in less than two hours. Why are you doing Peston?

Well, because, we'll come to that, right? We'll come to that. Sure. Right. Okay. So then I'm like, I've got to do the milk for my son. Get everything ready. I'm like, to my daughter, she's very helpful to be fair.

I'm like, could you get in the bath with him? All that kind of stuff. Will you yeah okay yes by the way I haven't mentioned since leaving the house to go to pick them up I have needed really badly needed a shit and I simply haven't got the opportunity to do this probably until i'm at bbc studios about 9 p.m and what you're there for peston sorry it's just why you keep saying pester makes me laugh okay yeah it's yeah cool okay so so this is really building up as an extra stress in my life oh absolutely by the way it's got to five to six i've already already gone, well, I'm not having dinner. I've missed out on the chance for dinner.

It's over. And the food's just sat, the excess food's sat on the table until this space trip. No, I've put it in the fridge by this point. I've put it in the fridge. Okay, cool. You just eat that when you get home. So then I go take him up to his bath.

I fill his milk. I walk back. It's all like, get the stuff. I then think there's something drop, there's something,. There's something. I've got a wet foot. Why? And I look down and I haven't left his milk lid on properly.

Yeah. Yeah. So this is the kitchen floor, Rob. Okay. You got another picture for me? Yeah. The kitchen floor. Oh, there's a trail of milk.

Like from a fucking cartoon. It looks, it looks, if you did that it looks like you tried to stage it what's that red ball bouncing along that's my son throwing a bouncy ball across as I'm filming because while I was halfway up to get the bath I then come back down

and while I'm filming the milk he's then um started playing with a bouncy ball sorry i'm like pestered i was filming milk yeah i was filming milk so then i get upstairs yeah get them in the bath i'm thinking i just don't think it's appropriate i'm literally next to the toilet at this point but i'm like i can't just sit you can't shit while they're in the bath i can't shit while they're in the bath you attempting it is so i hold on uh by this point we're running out of time i'm behind by about 15 minutes i can feel it the babysitter come in uh seven okay but i've got to leave at 7 30 but in that time so normally he goes we take him up

at 6 15 yeah and he's done by seven that's normally what we're looking so the babysitter's arriving under the guidance that the baby will be asleep and then the older kid will sort of be in bed getting ready for bed and she can sort of hurry well she'll be ready for bed though and down on the sofa watching tv and then they can go to bed yeah okay cool my daughter loves. My daughter loves The Babysitter, so it's all good. The Babysitter, total legend. The most kind of cockney woman you've ever met in your life, in her 40s.

Huge Arsenal fan every time I come back. That's not funny. You can say huge arse on her. Huge Arsenal fan. Yeah. So you'll come back. She'll be watching Premier League years. I'll have a good chat about Arsenal. What a woman. Always a good chat about Arsenal always a pleasure

anyway so I get them up to the room get him in start to get him changed and then my daughter hasn't got her pyjamas I can't find them anywhere I literally go up to her room I have to just put my son in his cot just to stand there

with my daughter to entertain him. She's just stood there naked entertaining him. Go up to her room. Can't find any. Go down to the basement. There isn't any in the washing machine. Go back up to her room. Because the cleaner's been, the cleaner is incredible.

But also she's somehow disposed of these pyjamas somewhere where I don't know at this stage. I don't know what's happened to the pyjamas that were left on the kitchen floor this morning that was where they were left so that i could pick them up this evening anyway you really like the naked use of that kitchen floor don't you whether it's shopping clothing yes mate it's our main storage area it's our main storage and it's heated which is not good if you've got a cardo with freezer items, I've just realised. So you've got a naked daughter at this point. Go. Yeah.

You're really earning your money on this episode, mate, haven't you? Oh, mate, that's so... It's a fucking... We've never gone to Peston yet. Yeah, I know. That's what I was thinking at this point. So then, I get her a mismatched pyjamas, but before that i get i go i've just

got to go to the toilet and i said i've got to go to the toilet it's three minutes to seven the baby sits almost here i sit down on the toilet yeah i've got a stomach bug i didn't realize i've got a stomach bug so i then i've got the full shivers i was not expecting it's not an m. night shabalam film there's twist there's a sickness so i'm then watching the clock tick thank god uh the babysitter texts me and she says i'm gonna be a bit late and i'm like thank god because I can't get off the toilet at this point I'm literally on the toilet for 10 to 15 minutes at this point watching time tick away so your son's in the cot but your daughter just sat there while my daughter's next to him naked yeah okay I'm like if the babysitter turns up now I'm in serious trouble yeah finally get off the

toilet get my daughter in their pajamas get her downstairs get my son to bed about three minutes before the babysitter turns up yeah allowing me 10 minutes to do the things i need to do before i get in the car which is feed the cats which i do yeah get changed i just put a shirt in the in the bag and i'm like i'll just iron it when i get there yeah and leave my jumper on and then my daughter wants to sleep on our floor. She likes to sleep on our floor when one of us is away. Right. Okay.

That's fine. Yeah. The bed was out this morning, but the cleaner, the cleaners tidied the bed away into the loft. Unbelievable. Into the fucking loft. It's a used loft,

but it's still a loft to go up two floors to get to the loft to bring... A bed? It's like four trips to bring the bed down. Eventually, see the babysitter for about two seconds, say I'll order her a pizza, get in the car. Yeah. At this point, I realise I'm about to do Peston. I haven't even

really engaged with that. No, you haven't. I can't wait to watch Peston, by by the way i've got it recorded by the way so at this point to give you an idea how quickly i went out yeah because we have the baby she's quite a regular babysitter so you don't really have to give her any instructions yeah of course i thought so when i got home that night she was sat there and she had the baby monitor with her yeah and she was like until and she had the baby monitor with her. Yeah.

And she was like, until I went into the kitchen with my pizza and saw the baby monitor, I didn't realise you'd left the baby here because you hadn't told me there was two children. Because I got him to sleep and just shoved the baby monitor on the kitchen table. I'd forgotten to tell her

there was a second child in the house. Yeah, I think... It was a really sound sleeper so he didn't make a peep. So for the first hour she didn't realise she was babysitting. Until she saw him

on the monitor. She saw him on the monitor and she was like... I think that's okay. I think there's a monitor. And also as well, I think like, the baby was obviously sleeping soundly, but if he'd cried, she would have heard

because he was on the monitor. But also as well... What a thing to forget. I just forgot. I didn't realise I'd need to say there's two children because that's always the case. I presume Rose was away with the son. And she thought, he's a bit stressed.

He's only looking after a five-year-old. What's all the complaining about? What's all this stress about? Milk everywhere. Oh, by the way, I've forgotten a detail, Rob. So, you know, I spilled the milk. Yeah. And then, you know, I put my son in the car with my daughter

and then I was running around the house looking for our pyjamas. Yeah. When I was running around the house looking for our pyjamas. When I was running around the house, I noticed in the hallway the large box of Kellogg's Rice Krispies. And I thought, I need to stop and take a photo of that for the podcast. Here's the photo. And as I was taking a photo, there was a mug of tea next to it. And incredibly, in the middle of all this, I went to take the photo and I moved the angle

of the Rice Krispies and knocked over the fucking tea and spilled tea all over the hallway. You're spilling the milk and the tea. That is a serious wedge

that Rice Krispies. It's fucking mental, that Rice Krispies. It's absolute whopper. Yeah. Right. Oh my God. I'm so tired.

So then I'm in the car to Peston. Yeah. When I have to do all of my admin from the day. Yeah, all your emails. I've just got texts and emails and everything from the day. Go through that. Get to Peston. And I'm like, right, I'm on this for promo.

So I've got to, you know, engage with that. And whatever else happens, happens. So hold the front page, you know, engage with that or whatever else happens, happens. So hold the front page, which I do with Nish, which is on Sky is us going to work at different local papers. So I've been told the angle Peston's got on it is basically, um,

they want to talk to me about the low, all the local journalists losing their jobs and local papers dying and stuff. That's why I'm not only there. I thought it'd just be a bit of a laugh about being a journalist. That's what I thought, Rob. Yes. So, I'm following. The first guest, right, is...

Do you know on election night, that guy John Curtis, the really old kind of guy that does all the stats? Josh, do you think I watch election night? All right. I'll be aware of who's won, but I'm not staying up for it. Right. He's an academic,

and he looks like an academic, and I'm the next guest. He's just spent 10 minutes dissecting the polls and what's going to happen with the world and blah, blah, blah. Yeah, okay. I get put into this seat that he just sat in yeah david davis the tory mp and jess phillips are also there so yeah so she's quite a laugh so thank god for that and then peston just he interviews me yeah about local newspapers and i think i've done quite a good job here yeah i've

sounded pretty intelligent i've told a couple of anecdotes i've got away with this yeah and then he goes back to them because suddenly the dominic raab story of 24 people have now complained about him breaks in the middle of my interview so my interview is kind of cut short in the middle of the interview a news story's broke a guardian story has been put out that dominic Raab is now facing 24 people who complained about him being a bully. Right. Okay. So it's quite a big,

it's escalated that story about him being a bully. Yeah. So they go back to David Davis and Jess Phillips. Yeah. And I think I've done the whole interview and I've gotten away with it. And then he goes to the end of the show and he goes, Oh Josh, it was nice to see you.

And then the credits roll. And I think I fucking got away with that. Yeah. The first success of my day. And then I think he didn't mention the name of the show or the channel it was on.

And neither did I. I've gone through the whole interview without mentioning the name of the show or the channel it was on. So you just supposedly got on to talk about local journalists?

I've just gone on and talked about local papers. He hasn't said on the front page once. Or Sky or Now TV. Sky or Now TV or anything. So when do you realise that? He hasn't even come close to saying it's all available as a box set. I tell you that for free, Rob.

When do you realise that? When the credits are rolling. I've got the show up here, actually. I might watch your face at the end. Your body language is very nervous. You're sort of leaning away from everyone. Your body screams, I want to be at home. Can I just play this?

I want to hear it. By the way, Rob, notice I'm in my jumper because I didn't have time to change into my shirt. Yes, you are. Because I was too late. Lovely to see you.

And actually, when he goes, lovely to see you, your eyes go, is that it? We haven't done it. And then he looks so shocked. I go,

I can't believe that honestly if you get a chance people listening go it's on ITVX or whatever they call it now at the end 20 minutes put it on a

I can't do the because it's from my oh you need another phone to film your phone or something yeah exactly I can't do it I'll get it up

I'll film it I'll film it later but it's quite funny you look so shocked I thought that was a successful interview and then I was like fuck I haven't mentioned all the front page. Oh, Josh.

No one's ever done promo for something before in their life and forgotten to mention the show. Surely. Yeah, I think some people have maybe said the show name, but not the channel. Yeah. Or they said, yeah, my new show on Sky, but not said the show name but not the channel yeah or they said yeah my new show on sky but not said the name of it i don't think anyone's ever gone on peston and not actually mentioned the

show they're promoting or the or the channel so what's your views what you know i don't watch the whole show so what are your views on local journalists do you know what they're a lot funnier than they sounded on peston i'd say it was the most serious interview because they were all quite concerned about the kind of all the local papers closing. So I had to pitch it like that. You need to stop doing political shows, Josh. Yeah, I don't think it's for me.

Anyway, got home at 11pm. Martine was watching some tennis, maybe? Okay. Dispatched her home. Found out that she didn't realise that my son was at home for the first hour. Okay. Dispatched her home. Found out that she didn't realise that my son was at home for the first hour. Yep. All was fine.

And then I just felt really sad and went to bed. You'd done nothing well, had you? No, I just felt really, really sad. You tried so hard. You tried to keep it all going and you did it all wrong. Just slightly as well. Not massively wrong. Everything I could do wrong, I did do wrong.

Nothing in itself was an anecdote, but everything together was an anecdote. Everything you tried to do, you did it slightly wrong. Oh, Josh. But you were there. You got it. Can we start at five past 11? But I won't tell you why because it's something I mentioned in the story.

It's because I've got the shits. Is that why we had to start late? Yeah. How was this morning? Is today going to be easy? Because you've got another night of you of the kids haven't you what are you doing today and tonight after this yeah today's easier so you just got a couple of podcasts today because my son's not a nursery so we've got uh

the nanny is looking after him today right okay that makes it easier doing this and last leg and stuff so that's fine and my daughter's going to karate and stuff. And I can't tell you how much less pressure there'll be on bedtime when I know that I haven't got to get to Peston. You've got to stop going to Peston. I've got to stop. You've got to stop ordering jars of pesto and appearing on Peston.

Do you know what the problem is? How many times have I mentioned his show? He didn't mention my show once. You've done the greatest bit of pr for fucking pester many times i mentioned pester on my own fucking podcast can all the parenting help people please on sky max to help josh out can you all message peston on instagram or twitter no no no no no no Or watch his show as well. But message Peston on Twitter because he's very active on Twitter. Go, hi, Peston.

Love Josh Whittaker on your show. Please can you remind me what his new show is where he's a journalist? Yeah, do that. Everyone do that, please. Just a really annoying Peston. I'd quite like to have Peston on here. He'd be quite a good guest for this. I think you've had enough Peston for one week.

Yeah, what am I doing? I'm like a... Stockholm Syndrome. You've fallen in love with your kidnapper. Oh my God. Lovely blow though. That really good guy loves sort of the earth. Do you know what was annoying also? I got to finish Peston

I was like, bloody hell I'd love a drink. Just to relax. And I got down into the green room and they were like, oh, we all stay around and have a glass of wine. And who's going to the green room after Peston? Well, I was like, and they were just starting to talk about like,

they're being, you know, when politicians, you know when anyone who works in industries together, they're just talking like, I would to you about comedians we hate. Gossiping, right. Yeah, they're gossiping. I'm like, about comedians we hate but gossiping right yeah they're gossiping I'm like I've had to go back

and relieve the nanny who thought she only had one kid for one hour oh god oh Josh well so today's a bit easy

you've just got a bit of this and then you're and Rose is back Friday yeah Rose is back Friday yeah so I think you're doing well though mate you're trying

that is that was a tough shift I'm trying I'm trying sorry I've taken up the whole episode but I did tell you it'll be an easy one you're doing well though, mate. You try. That is, that was a tough shift yesterday. I'm trying. I'm trying. Sorry, I've taken up that whole episode. But I did tell you it'd be an easy one for you today.

Right, well, let's do a small busy shout out. Oh my God, is that it? Sorry. Right. Oh God, I felt so sad when I got home.

I can't tell you. Well, did you go straight to bed or what did you do? A bit of TikTok? No, I sat up and just looked at my phone and just felt... I tried to watch TV, but there was... I don't watch Sky Sports and, you know, when you're just like,

I don't want to watch anything and engage with anything. And then guess what came on ITV, Rob? No, Peston. Yeah, because it's recording an hour and a half in advance. Fucking Peston was on. Did you watch it back? I actually... this is mental. This is, who am I?

So, you know, John Curtis, the guy that does all the stats and figures. I was quite interested in what he was saying, but I had to keep leaving the room. So I watched his bit again. But I turned off before I turned up to not plug my show. Yeah, no, you don't want that.

You don't want that. Right, let's do a small bit to shout out and wrap this up so you can have some rest and have another shit hi i'm a 480 month old long time listener hoping for a small business shout out i create tons of free silly food content for parents and carers as well as producing fun food ideas for favorite food brands such as war buttons and babybel so if you need inspiration for a party or if you want to create a breakfast to make your little one smile then take a look at at the kids food edit so i think it's like a content creator with ideas josh so have a look at this so it's kids the kids food edit see what you

can do with one kg of rice krispies they've had a good shout out as well don't they on this episode oh my god bloody rice Rice Krispies. There we go. Oh yeah. So, oh, that's pretty cool actually. Oh,

so this guy's got basically, he's got a, I think a, yeah, an Instagram page where he creates dinners for kids, but like in a fun way. So a bagel cut up so that he looks like Rudolph at Christmas. Oh, that's nice.

That's nice. And then a guitar made out of like oat crackers, hummus and breadsticks and cucumber that they might eat. Yeah, so that's the kids food edit on Instagram. Have a look at that if you want some inspiration. Very nice. Hi, Rob and Josh. I wanted to give a shout out to our small biz in your small business slot.

We're at the Savannah's bike project and are just starting up. Teenagers were a neglected bunch in lockdown and many have suffered with mental health issues, struggle with loneliness or antisocial behaviour. The Bike Project is a practical community where the kids can sign up for free and get a bike to fix. They will fix and respray it and then keep it at the end whilst working alongside adults and other young people. We hope to encourage practical skills, build community

and be a safe place for our young local people. Search Barnab bike project that's a great idea well done guys good work right well i'll see you on friday friday josh look forward to it see you on friday