Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S6 EP9: What's the worst smell you've ever smelt?

Episode Date: February 7, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... available exclusively (for free!) only on Spotify every Tuesday and Friday. In this episode we reflect on the first Parenting Hell warm up show, we get through some of your delightful correspondence, and ponder what's the worst thing you've ever smelt? Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  We're going on tour!! Fancy seeing the podcast live in some of the best venues in the UK? Of course you do, you're not made of stone! Tickets available now on the dates and at the venues below. We can't wait to see you there... ON SALE NOW  14th April 2023 - Manchester AO Arena 19th April 2023 - Nottingham 20th April 2023 - Cardiff  21st April 2023 - London (The O2) 23rd April 2023 - London (Wembley) 28th April 2023 - Birmingham Utilita Arena  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whittacombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or, hopefully, how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be

honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parents in hell with matilda can you say j. Can you say Widdicombe? Kick. Can you say Rob? Kick. Kick. Kick. What do you reckon, Rob?

Look, that kid is obviously cute, but they have not introduced us on the podcast, have they? No, no. Fundamentally, it's pointless. Yes, exactly, exactly. Got the names of them all as well. This is 18-month-old Matilda attempting to say both your names. Huge fan of the podcast and it's gotten me through many sleepless nights

and helped me laugh along with the craziness that is parenting. Gutted to be missing out and seeing you in April, but most likely have a two-week-old baby. So I decided to pass the tickets on to my sister Daisy, who is also a huge fan. That is, thanks for being so sexy and relatable, Molly from Brighton. Molly, I would say, Molly, you didn't attempt to do that. She failed at it.

Yes. Is that too harsh? Well, you can attempt and fail. She tried and failed. Did she try? Was that an attempt? Was that an attempt? That's all I'm saying.

But, you know, I don't want to go in too hard we're josh we are we are tired we are should we explain where we are quickly yeah because we are doing a uh we've got loads of correspondence because we keep asking for correspondence and then we just keep doing episodes where either i talk for an hour and have a breakdown or you talk for an hour and have a breakdown and we don't do any correspondence so this is a correspondence episode but i do think we need to set the scene of where we are we've just done a gig last night in barnard castle yeah well any jokes about that we did not mention dominic cummings for the whole show and we are the first people to do a comedy show there and not mention him and i think that is impressive that that

deserves a kind of you know a round of applause at least we've got a round of applause to be fair not for at least one but at least we did do a little nod to it didn't we where you said you were ill and you had a joke about covid and i said you can't come here with covid which i don't think it's a joke about it fully, is it? No, but it'll do. It'll do. Because I think shit comedians literally go, oh, Dominic Cummings, and then just look at the audience. I would say if I lived in Barnard Castle and I went to a string of gigs, I'd know what

the first 10 minutes was going to be. And rightly so. Yeah. So we came up to Barnard Castle because we're doing a run. This is the maddest bit. This is the maddest bit. Well, the run, let's talk about the run, doing a run. This is the maddest bit. This is the maddest bit. Well, well, the run, let's talk about the run,

which I always, this is what I always, you know, people like Elvis want to go and do like a Vegas residency like Adele's doing now. Or maybe it's the London Palladium or the Hammers of Apollo or, you know, but our, our gigs this week,

Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Barnard Castle, Hexham, North Allerton, the big ones. It's where it all begins. It's where it all begins. And ends. week monday night monday night tuesday night wednesday night barnard castle hexham north allerton the big ones it's where it all begins it's where it all begins and ends and ends you play it twice um it's genuinely mad um we've never heard of two of these three places until

no no sunday when i looked at my diary i've still not been to them because we've only been to the one i've heard of i've only heard of one of them in the last two years. Yeah, well, we had to go to Darlington to get food to take to Barnard Castle. Yeah. Because there's only one pub called The Horseshoe. Do you want to say about me not being recognised in Nando's? I can feel it's your attempt.

Oh, yes. So as we waited outside Nando's to go in, Josh, the tour manager, lovely Ali, went to Josh, do you want me to go in for you so you don't get hassled? And Josh was like, don't worry, Ali, I'm sure I'll be fine. And he was. Not one person even knew who you were, Josh. I had to wait for 10 minutes.

I wasn't even ready. I was on full display on the sofa, Rob. Yeah. You almost sat there like a sort of peacock waiting to be discovered. You were ready for it. You were ready for it. I was ready for it. The theme of not being known or recognised carried on to Barnard Castle. Do you want to tell the listeners what happened?

Yes, this was a mind-blowing moment. Can't believe this happened. How many audience members? 250 people in the room for the Parenting Hell podcast live work in progress gig. Yeah. That's what it's called. Yeah. How many people had heard the podcast?

So how many people had listened to the podcast? I'd say we'd be lucky if it was 10%. Yeah. It was incredible. It was a room full of people that had never heard the podcast going to a live podcast and i tell you what josh they hadn't just never heard our podcast they'd never heard what a podcast was some of them some didn't know what a podcast some of the audience didn't know what a podcast was and we were trying to do a bit about stiff and loose necks that to be honest went to

fuck all deservedly because of course they weren't interested. We did in-jokes. We did podcast in-jokes. We did a bit about Roger Black. They didn't care. I've never experienced an in-joke become an out-joke so quickly. No. Oh, my God.

No one knew what we were talking about. Oh, my God. It was very pleasant. Rob Rouse was incredibly good as the guest. They loved Rob Rouse. We were going to get him on the show. He was brilliant. No, it was a good gig, and everyone laughed,

but they all laughed. What was quite encouraging was all the stuff I thought they'd definitely laugh at, no one laughed. At all. But then the other stuff, which I thought was know maybe not in jokey it's because i was like you don't want the tour to be too in jokey because it comes a bit of a nostalgia fest of what's happened but obviously we're doing new stuff for the show that they were already laughing at so i thought actually this is quite good because it proves that yeah it sort of works

on its own because these people don't even know what a podcast is and the most humiliating part is if you do throw up roger black's wikipedia photo because it looks like a tennis ball has been fired at his head but it's actually a microphone if you do that to people that don't know the backstory there's a lot of exposition yeah there was one bit when because i was tentatively tiptoeing around before showing the photo because I didn't have full confidence in it. When I tried to tentatively explain, we spent half an episode talking about Roger Black. And I think if anything, that made the situation more confusing as to what was going on. And then for one part, we flashed up a picture of Rick Waller.

And I just thought to myself, I can't even be bothered to explain. I'm just going to just let them think, oh, there's a picture of Rick Waller. And I just thought to myself, I can't even be bothered to explain. I'm just going to just let them think, oh, there's a picture of Rick Waller there for no reason. Oh, man alive. I did lose my temper slightly though at one point when I'd gone through the front row of about eight people and then the eighth person said, no, I've never listened to it either.

And I did shout out and then, well, what the fuck are you doing here? Which that was the only time I sort of got because I was just a bit rattled Josh it was the first night we've got 10 warm up dates before we play

arenas and the first one was to people who've never heard the podcast I've lost faith that the people of Hexham and North Allerton will be diehard fans if one is with you either. I feel like we should have stuck to the big cities where they have podcasts.

Shall we leave ten minutes at the end of this podcast and tack on a bit we record tomorrow after North Allerton to report whether... I can't have that hanging over me on stage. But the thing is, if you are trying to put a show together about a podcast, you assume the people coming have seen it. Do you know what I mean? It's like doing a Q&A

with the stars of Deadpool. Ryan Reynolds is there. And they go, right, alright, who's he then? Pardon? Is that... Who's that bloke's that there and the guy that you're supposed to be the q a as well because when we've done it in london the q a was a disaster the q a was an absolute debacle when we've done it in london before we've done it at the up the creek comedy club we've done it hackneyney Empire. People had listened to the podcast and had questions.

Gone really deep. Really deep questions about the podcast. That's why we sort of, when we were writing it, we were like, okay, they're really diehard fans of people that are coming, as you would expect. You know, the people that buy tickets to the podcast tour, you expect to be, like, into it. We thought, okay, we'll give them what they want.

But I just think these people. One woman, I said said what are you doing here She said If I come here I don't have to put the heating on at home And she did not laugh For the rest of the night She

Had a face like thunder It was incredible As I would If I'd gone to a podcast show About a podcast I've never listened to Imagine if you turned up to a show Thinking it was going to be A stand up show

Right From two people on TV. Yeah. And they walked on stage. Yeah. And they said, this isn't a stand-up show. This is a show about, and then they said, a medium you'd never even heard of. This is a show about hieroglyphics.

Yeah. And you're like, what? And they were like, are you not a fan of that side of a career? And then I just scream, look at the size of Roger Black's microphone. Isn't it big? And they go, yes. And I'm like, well, fucking laugh, man. Shall we read out the one question we got to the Q&A that was usable?

This sums up. I don't think. Look, also, for the Q&A, we put up a WhatsApp number. I've had a look around Barnard Castle. I don't think a lot of people are using WhatsApp. No, no, no. I'd say that's fair fair i'd say that's very fair and they're really old and then they didn't like it when i made jokes about being old yeah they didn't like that yeah when we did the bit about boomer parents they're all boomers they're all going yeah that's a good

bit of parenting that they were agreeing uh this is a question i don't listen to the podcast that's how it starts. Fucking unbelievable. But I do watch you on 8 Out of 10 Cats. Does Rachel Riley really work out the maths herself in the same time as you're allowed? Yes, she does. And that was the end of the Q&A.

15 minutes we had penned out for that. Jesus Christ. Do you know what, though? It's a good test of the format. Oh, I've never been more confident in the show in my life. You know when an athlete does high altitude training? Yes. That's what we've done. I was up in

Big Bear. I've gone to train in Chile on the top of a mountain so that when we come down to the O2 Oh when we swat into the O2 at Manchester Arena it's going to be fine. It's like a middleweight spar in a heavyweight just to get used to the bigger punches when they're in the ring for the big one but no that was good test of the format because if because it was a good night everyone stayed and laughed everyone

loved it incredibly apart from that one woman in the front row who fucking hated it no she did laugh at some stuff you never know what's going on with people but yeah it's quite there is no matter how well it's going you always do sort of lock eyes with the person that's not enjoying it the most but um you know i i think for the first one back with a room full of people that never listened and they still laughed and enjoyed it i think this is this is good i think we'll be the first people in the history to go on tour of a podcast store and it actually increases podcast listeners through a weird bit of face-to-face marketing oh jesus anyway well anyway um we thoroughly enjoyed it despite the slighter it was great and it went well but i was for the first 10 minutes i was so confused

yeah it was mad it was so mad um why are you here i've one person I've come for an hour for this. I was like, I've come for five hours. Our train was cancelled. Our train was cancelled twice. We were on the hottest, busiest train ever. And I don't sweat, Josh. I stunk on that train. You dropped a bag on someone's head.

I dropped a bag on an old man's head. It was such a heavy bag. It was such a heavy bag. He had such a heavy bag. I had such a heavy bag. He had such a weak old neck. He took it in good spirits. Oh, fucking hell. Anyway, yeah, so onwards and upwards. I'm enjoying it now.

Onwards and upwards is always the bleakest thing to say. Right, guys, onwards and upwards. Let's not worry too much. Let's go. Let's go. Let's keep going. Keep plowing on. Let's get to Hexham. Let's go. Let's go. Let's keep going. Keep ploughing on. Hexham. Let's get to Hexham.

Let's go. Let's get to North Allerton. I've never heard of these places. North Allerton. We would have done them anyway by the time you listen to this, but no one from North Allerton is probably listening anyway. No, I've never felt so free to slag off the audience of a gig on a podcast knowing they won't be listening.

I always double check. Oh, there's a Pizza Express in North Allerton. Oh, yes, please. Hello. There isn't in Darlington. I always double check. Oh, there's a Pizza Express in North Allerton. Oh, yes, please. Hello, there isn't in Darlington. It's shut down. Rob, this isn't the time to check what we're going to have for dinner tomorrow. Absolutely, it's time to check.

What are you going to have for dinner tomorrow night? Tomorrow night. What did you make of being away in a hotel, away from the kids? Do you know what? It's a massive old stately home hotel and it's quite spooky. But it's so quiet because we're in the countryside. And it's the best sleep I've had in ages.

Sorry, Lou. It was so quiet. Yeah, I didn't realise how quiet the countryside is. Yeah. Because we did, yesterday we did, I probably did about seven, eight hours of travelling just to do like a 90-minute show. To people who never heard of you.

Well, they had heard of you. They just didn't know you worked in podcasting. Yeah, I think they would have preferred it if you spoke about Adam Hills and I spoke about Romesh, really. Rather than our kids. Right, do you want to do some correspondence? Yeah, why not?

Right, here we go. Funny things kids say. We've had a few of these coming in. Okay, happy new year, you cool sexy guys. Just listening to the episode and the chat around kids saying words wrong. A personal favourite of mine, three-year-old is calling toothpaste poo taste. Oh, that is good. That's strong, isn't it?

It's a bit of fun, isn't it? Well, strong's the wrong word, but that is good. To change both words so they're perfect is a real achievement of the child. Good taste. Much love, Natalie, husband Tom, three-year-old Heather and 34-week bump. So we had a bit of a nightmare with the teeth brushing thing. Our kids were just going, we'll brush our teeth ourselves. I was like, aren't they grown up?

Aren't they doing it well? But the youngest has got like a less powerful toothpaste because she hasn't got a proper teeth yet i mean the older one it's sort of like it doesn't feel like she's doing them properly i was like i don't think she's doing it properly because they're getting a bit like not bad but it's like didn't look like as clean as they could be so then i went let me do them i'll do them properly so let's start doing them properly at least once a day like before bed so i started doing it and i was using her like grown-up toothpaste as it were and she went mental what's that it's burning burning! It's burning! I was like, she's obviously never used it before, has she?

She's been using her sister's. That's why they're not cleaning their teeth properly. She's like, ah! Ah! It's burning! It's fire! Ah! I was like, you've never brushed... You've just been rubbing your teeth with water, haven't you? Oh, my God. Right, more kids saying the funny things. Oh, here we go.

This is a new one from Sophie. I thought you'd know about my son, Louis, age three. He calls trousers, what he calls trousers and shorts. Shorts are now known in our house as open trousers. And pants slash trousers are called closed trousers. I think that's good. I think that is kind of logical. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Open trousers. Open trousers. Been listening since the beginning. I hope you never not make this podcast, Sophie. Oh, thank you. Go to Barnard Castle and it won't exist. But thanks for coming, guys.

I want to say, I don't want to say I don't want to be ungrateful But it was just a bit of a shock It was a good fun gig Right here we go What have we got here Here we go I've got a boomer story for you Josh

Oh yeah well that wouldn't Have gone down well last night Hi Rob and Josh Big fan of the podcast I wanted to share an incident That happened to me When I was younger I was approximately

Seven or eight years old This would have been In the 90s My mum brought me To Marks and Spencer's at Christmas time to do some shopping. My mum had gone to the till to pay and I spotted the little card wallets

that you would have placed a gift card in. As they were on display with no price, I assumed they were free and helped myself to quite a handful to write my Christmas cards. Fast forward to several weeks later. I can imagine my kids doing that, just sort of a little creepy little,

I'll just take them. Fast forward to several weeks later, went to my kids doing that just sort of a little creepy little just take them fast forward to several weeks later went to my horror i received a letter from the store detective what saying i've been caught on cctv stealing the gift card wallets and then i had to attend the store for a meeting otherwise i'd be banned from all marks and spencer's stores i was devastated to be at seven, I would have taken that. Imagine that. Sorry, Mum. I don't think I cared. I don't really know how... If I was banned from all M&S stores now, it would be annoying at stations.

But apart from that, I think I could... No, no, no, I'd be upset now. Would you? It's so good for your basics and a little bit of a full treat. Oh, mate, if you need a pair of socks, do you know what I mean? Because if you go in Primark,

by the time you've put them on your foot, they've already perished. I think there's a happy treat. Oh, mate, if you need a pair of socks, do you know what I mean? Because if you go in Primark, they don't, by the time you've put them on your foot, they've already perished. I think there's a good, happy medium. You don't want to be caught out at a Calvin Klein at the station

and pay like 20 quid for a pair of socks if you haven't got socks. Why are you buying socks at a station? Because I hadn't got, right, because I had to buy socks

at the station to come up here because I didn't do any washing when Lou came back from New York and then Lou didn't do any for a week because she was busy and there was no clothes. Oh no, so you had to buy new socks

to come to Barnard Castle. I had white socks. I couldn't wear white socks with black trainers and black jeans. To be fair, I would have got a five minute so I should have done that. Anyway, so she was absolutely devastated, this girl, about this letter. However, what I didn't realise

until many years later, talking about approximately 15, was the letter was signed by a Mrs Diane Tective. Oh, nice. Nice. Otherwise known as Mrs Detective. Detective. Yeah. And it was actually my mum who had written me the letter

to scare me into not stealing. All those years, I never foot-setting Marks and Spencers again. Oh, my God, no. I would have been arrested on sight. Oh, no. Imagine that. That's awful. Also, surely by the time you've hit about 13,

they wouldn't recognise you anyway. No. Because the last time they've seen you is when you were seven. Oh, no, I get sad now. Adding to the increased anxiety I'd built up over the past few weeks since the letter, that night, I didn't go to the meeting. I cried myself to sleep believing

i was the worst criminal for innocently taking the items oh my god leaving this anonymous though just in case they're searching for me keep up the work the reformed gift card wallet thief oh my god if your kid has actually stolen something right on purpose and they've nicked it i think that's a semi acceptableacceptable thing to scare them, maybe. You know what I mean? I think you should maybe play it straight rather than play a prank on them to show them. Yeah, maybe just go,

you shouldn't be doing this and tell them off. But you shouldn't do it to a seven-year-old that did it out of just being a bit, like just being seven. Just being seven. Just being seven. Just being bloody seven, mate. Oh, yeah, here we go.

I'm going to put him in a fizzy bottle of water. Sorry, this is going to make a sound. Josh, you drink so much go. I've got to open a fizzy bottle of water. Sorry, this is going to make a sound. Josh, you drink so much liquid. I love liquid. I saw you on the train. I reckon you had five cups of tea? No, I didn't. I had three.

Three? You had one in the station before we left? Oh, no, no. I had two on the train and one in the station. Come on now. And I had four bottles of water. It's a lot on a three-hour journey. Yeah, I like to be hydrated.

I'm going to have some water now as well. You've influenced me. Here we go. Hello, you slags. As an avid listener from episode one, I couldn't resist writing in for your Injured by Kids piece. Oh, I like it. It's a piece.

It feels like I'm like a classical composer. Yeah. But it's actually me just reading out the times children have hurt adults. My dad in the early 90s was lying at the bottom of the stairs having just walked in from work at bedtime and that needs a bit more yeah you know the classic situation you walk in and you lie at the bottom of the stairs oh no so i think what he's done is the kid the kids were upstairs so he walked in and laid on the floor of like at the bottom of the stairs with his arms out for a cuddle. As if to go come down and give me a cuddle on the floor kind of thing.

Because I think normally what I'm getting now, now the kids are a bit older. If I, I used to crouch like a sort of a squat for a toilet. Okay. And I'd stand like that. But now they run into me with such force. It's like an NFL player. I go backwards. Oh, really?

So now I actually just sort of sit. So you need to brace. I position, I just sit on my bum now and let them run at me with such force it's like an nfl player i go backwards oh really so now i actually just need to brace i position i just sit on my bum now and let him run at me and hug him right because otherwise we all go over and i'll twist my ankle okay so he's sort of laying on his back waiting for his kids anyway so four-year-old me knew the drill run down the stairs and bundle dad that was that was the game toddler sister, saw the open arms and cannonballed. I'm talking knees tucked tight to the chest, arms wrapped around the knees. Basically, a solid little unit landed squarely on dad's chest. Oh, my God. That could kill him.

Several broken ribs, some naughty words from dad and time off work as his job at the time was climbing the electricity pylons to fix the lines and refit the Mexico film. That is incredible. Several broken ribs. Oh, my God. Imagine just seeing your child descend at you like that. I fell down the stairs yesterday, on Sunday, for the first time in two decades. Talk me through it.

A full, like, Frank Spencer tumble or a slip onto your bum. I, so, forwards. You just got walking up the stairs? No, I was going down the stairs. You fell forwards? Last stair. So it was just the three stairs, but it didn't really matter because I was on the last stair. And I put my foot on the final stair, but I misjudged it somehow.

I just got caught my heel on the stair Rather than my full foot Right Slipped off Smacked my foot on the floor below And I fell forwards Didn't have time to put my hands out Hit my shin on the floor Full splat

It was You know when you're like I can't believe that just happened It was like I hit my chin on the fucking floor. Were you alright? Yeah, the biggest pain was my foot

because I'd whacked the front of my foot when it spung off the stairs. Shall I tell you the worst time, the most embarrassing fall I've ever had, but luckily it was in private. Yeah. I was in my old flat and it was like all on the ground floor and we had like slippy laminate flooring all the way from the kitchen and then

into a hallway and into like the front room area yeah anyway so um I forgot I was I think I was like oh it was like I was um grilling some saurine you know the malt loaf yeah I love a saurine ah but the saurine a bit of butter on it. Grilled. Oh, that is absolute luxury. I think it's the crispiest and chewiest thing we could ever have at once. I might have that soon, actually. Yeah, so you can get it nice and crispy, a bit of butter, and it melts on it. It's nice, a little treat, you know. Anyway, but if you're not careful with it, you're in Browntown, aren't you?

It's burning quick. Yeah, of course. Because it's already dark, so it's hard to spot the burn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I'm in the front room watching Premier League years or whatever. And I can... Oh, he's burning. So I can smell it's burning.

Right, so you're time pressured. Yeah. So I ran from there. And then as I got to the kitchen, I slipped. Right? I slipped. And as I slipped I I

a full pelt went down and then cut my head on the grill door that was open oh no like like

it just like scraped down it like Harry Potter oh my god and cut my head open like that like not not enough to go to hospital

but like do you think I need to stitch one of them ones oh my god it was oh my god it was on my own so weird when something like that happens on your own it's so bad but normally But like, do you think I need to stitch one of them vines? Oh my God. I was on my own. So weird when something like that happens on your own.

It's so bad. But normally people are like, are you all right? I just want to lay there in silence. Oh my God. And did you, how quickly did you think I need to sort the sawing? Immediately. I did that before I cleared up the blood. I was like, I'll get that out, put it on the side,

and then I'll tend to the blood. But I had like slippy socks on and I just went down. And it was so, I was like, I'll get that out, put it on the side, and then I'll tend to the blood. But I had, like, slippy socks on, and I just went down. And I was like, honestly, I reckon if it was a bit, you know, like, two foot forward, I would have just smashed my head, like, on the whole of it. Oh, it would be awful. Oh, God. I didn't. And I'm here to tell the tale, Josh.

I'd love to see the CCTV of that. I know. I think that's some of the things I've done. Yeah. If you call it on CCTV. I trip over my feet quite a lot walking in the street. Right. see the cctv of that i know i think that's some of the things i've done yeah on cctv then i i trip over my feet quite a lot walking in the street right do you want another one hi there i was listening to an old episode recently where you asked us to let you know what to do with all the terrible amazing pictures the kids bring home okay you know like because i've got a big collection of

art in in brackets in inverted commas yeah i have a friend who used to put the truly bad ones those ones are just little scribbles of paper straight into the recycling bin however one day one of the children was helping daddy put out the recycling bin and the window blew the top open loads of beloved pictures were blown all over the draft i'm a scribble one into the recycling but if it's half decent and they've colored it improperly i'll keep that that's what i'm doing when the mummy was asked why so many beautiful pieces of artwork had been thrown away like a piece of rubbish, my friend had to think fast.

Well, she said, the thing is, the people who collect the recycling don't have any children. So I like to give them some of yours to put on their walls. That is brilliant thinking. That is superb thinking off the cuff. that is that is brilliant thinking that is superb thinking off the cuff i love that i love that what a genius my friend was that went down so well the kids started doing drawings especially for the recycling bin and the recycling amazing oh wow superb that's great my suggestion for the good drawings the lovely ones we want to keep is to take a photo

of them and turn them into a picture book. Great for Father's Day presents and gifts to grandparents at Christmas. That's a great idea. Yes. Take a photo of it and then you can send it off to make it into a book. Really good. Really strong. Good work. Do you know what? I'd say pound for pound, that's one of the best emails we've had. Yeah. Great parenting

on every level. Yeah, but great parenting, funny story, then a little bit of advice. Yeah. That's the full funny story, then a little bit of advice. Yeah. That's the full package. The holy trinity. The holy trinity. The holy trinity.

We've got a good one here, Josh. Hello. After listening to Tuesday's episode, I had to send you these pictures. I don't have a load of pesto in my fridge. This is when you had six pestos, Josh? Oh, yeah. This is Mel in Devon. Right.

Get ready for this, okay? Yeah. I don't have. We've got pictures. We is Mel in Devon. Right, get ready for this, okay? Yeah. I don't have... We've got pictures. We'll put them on Instagram. I don't have a load of pesto in my fridge, but I do have 10 pots of bistro. What?

And get this, 14 bottles of Frylite. What a Frylite? Wait, what are Frylites? Frylite is like a little spray oil. So rather than putting like olive oil, it's supposed to be like low calorie because you're just spraying it rather than pouring it. This is coming out.

But yeah, we used to use fry light. We've not had fry light for ages. That is incredible. She's bought it all. 10 bistos. But a lot of the time, if you're ordering online, stuff gets left in there from last time.

Yeah, it just gets shunted to the back. It just all gets moved back. If I've got people coming round and I'm like, oh, I'm doing a roast, I'll get some gravy. But I never check if I've got the gravy. No, of course. What really should happen, right, is the best way to do it. This is my invention, Rob. Yeah.

You shouldn't have a back on the fridge. So, it should just go straight into the recycling so whenever you put new stuff in the stuff that's old just falls off the back into the recycling so you don't get the pesto situation it's just a renewing fridge so it falls off like those 2p machines in the arcade okay so there's also you know like in big supermarkets sometimes they have a little an aisle behind the fridge where they put new stock at the back so that the old stock gets pushed to the front yeah it's like an inverse one of those yeah it's like a lot of room in your kitchen yeah it's not ideal it's not ideal okay so it's like you know what i love you know

when you go away on holiday and you just go well that'll be out of date when we get back give it a good old clear out yeah it's quite refreshing isn't it to have an empty fridge do you i don't know if i've raised this with rose on the podcast before but i'd say it'd be it might be my answer to the thing that annoys you most about your partner okay um i've got two things one is leaving a teaspoon on the side when it's been in a cup of tea also as as well, you've got so many little knick-knack cups. You could definitely put that in like a little, you could definitely have a tea bag spoon.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. The second one is going to get something out of the fridge and Rose going, oh, that hummus is off. And you're like, well, if you know it's off, why is it still in the fridge? Oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah, that cabbage at the bottom, that's ined it's off, why is it still in the fridge? Oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah, that cabbage at the bottom, that's inedible. Well, why is it still there?

Yeah, because if I look at something that's off, that's straight in the... It's not a hard procedure, is it? Just saying it. Do you know what it is? She's a wonderful woman, but just saying this is my issue. Yeah, that's fair. But do you know what it is?

In her defence, I think it might be a slight psychological thing where people don't like waste, so they've brought up in her house. Yeah, totally. Some people are quite, parents were quite, I'm not saying that hers were, but like, can be quite militant. If we don't have waste, blah, blah, blah, it's bad to have waste. You need to manage your fridge properly and make sure that you're eating it. It's difficult to throw stuff away, totally.

If she, and I think it may be in her head, if she's not the one throwing it away, then it's almost like absolves her as a responsibility. Rob, her mum, wonderful woman, is the ultimate fridge hoarder. Really? The things we find in Tupperware when she's gone home are fucking incredible. I took a photo of one the other day to send to Rose, luckily, so I can use it on here. Yeah.

I was like, what's taking up? Why is there no room? This was when I'm doing the big clear out in the fridge. I was like what's taking Why is there no room in it This was when I was doing the big clear out In the fridge That's such a big Tupperware For one sausage It looks like human shit It does look like a shit in a Tupperware

It looks like something you've got to take to the doctors I hope that's ok I hope that's okay I hope there's enough Yeah Oh my god So that Yeah that I

For me I'm wrapping that In tin foil Well for me I'm throwing it in the bin Because I'm either Throwing it in the bin now Or I'm throwing it in the bin And basically what happens

Is Rose's mum Puts stuff in the fridge So that we can Throw it away in a week That's what happens Yeah but But if you have Cooked sausages You're not going to throw away sausage i know i know yeah but that's fine but that was at the back of the fridge it'd been forgot it's always forgotten it's

it's like half an onion in a tu cupboard at his place at uni place yeah it had been there i think for for months we opened it and the smell i've never smelled anything so bad it was so bad that we had to leave the building oh my god and then we just went to the pub and then we can't have a still smell And then the week later when they got an inspection, they got charged for like a cleaning service to get the smell out. And all we did was lift the lid on the onion. Oh my God. Do you want to know the worst smell I've ever smelled? Here we go.

Is that an email in? Email in what's the worst smell you've ever smelled? What's the worst smell you've ever smelled? I'm actually quite excited about the emails. I am quite excited. Honestly, if I should close my eyes, I can smell that onion. I think this is worse. Go on.

So, because we grew up in Devon. I grew up in Devon, right? Yeah. And we had, obviously we had normal house with indoor toilets, but there was still an outdoor toilet from back in the day right in it like in a shed in the garden and occasionally during summer this would get used because you'd be out playing in the garden you just go into the outdoor toilet have a piss it had plastered walls that we had pens in so it had loads of graffiti on the walls so i'd written i remember there was like plymouth argyle one million man united nil that kind of stuff right okay and it flushed and worked and stuff flushed and worked it was quite pleasant in the summer

because it was like going you know like yeah yeah like outdoor at a pub or something do you know what i mean i think these people moan about outdoor toilets but we have outdoor toilets yeah sure it's rough in the winter but in the summer in the summer enjoy it right going up the stairs you're in the garden having a barbecue sinking the beers you're pissing every 20 minutes just pop over there and piss in that shed exactly so then for some reason i think like it was winter it was it was the ice cold middle of winter and like the the bathroom was taken up okay and so i thought i'll just go to the outdoor toilet yeah and it was i remember it was dark it must have been it was the evening it was freezing and i went in and it was frozen but it was also frozen someone at the end of the summer had done

a piss and shit and not flushed it so so there was a floater in there that is now frozen. Frozen in time. And so it's been there for six months. In yellow ice. Yeah. In frozen piss and shit. Yeah. And for some reason, I thought, yeah, I'll just piss on this.

I'll still go. I was like eight or whatever. And then quite warm piss. The smell of the warm piss. Yeah, melted the ice. It was all released. And the smell was like nothing I've ever experienced in my life. Oh my God. And it was bad was it it was awful it's just the worst thing i've ever experienced me tim and jack we were on it we were traveling around europe we were going from

lake bled in slovenia back to libyana before we went to bratislava okay and when i was on this coach and we got really drunk the night before i'm on this coach and i remember going i just said to jack and tim we'll stop it was an hour before our stop i said i've got to get off i'm gonna be sick so i ran off the bus and then they both got off and grabbed all our bags it was at this basically like service station in the middle of the slovenian countryside anyway so there's just a bench for the bus stop and then like a shack i went in this shack and i was sick right i was sick in this toilet it was horrible proper like hung over oh i come out and then my brother my mate tim went my mate jack went in and did a hungover shit right he's like literally one after the other okay yeah and then my mate Jack went in and did a hungover shit. Right. He's like literally one after the other.

Okay. Yeah. And then my mate Tim went in for a piss. The smell was so bad. He was violently sick. Just from smelling what had happened in there. God. And then we all just sat on the bench and waited for another bus.

Oh my God. I can't believe I've got another story I don't know if I've told this on the podcast before But it's a related story Michael if I've told it I'm sorry My friends are coming back from a stag do And they're on the motorway in a car Four of them

And the guy in the passenger's front seat Was so hungover He thought I'm going to be sick He was like I can't be sick in the car So they're travelling along the motorway. So he opens the window, sticks his head out to be sick. Obviously the wind blows the

sick back into the face of the guy behind him. He then starts being sick as well. Oh dear. Before we do the perspective I do have another one I don't want this to feel like The people of Barnard Castle Are going

What is this? First episode So This is what I make Jack as well I was driving home from Canterbury He was so hungover Like really hungover Just like

And he fell asleep The whole journey Right And I was like Fair enough He's asleep He's hungover So driving back I pull up outside His mum and like, fair enough, he's asleep, he's hungover. So we're driving back.

I pull up outside his mum and dad's house, because he's still living at home. And he woke up like that, and he was immediately sick on his own lap. He just stopped. He couldn't get out of the car, because he was just immediately sick on his lap. And he just turned around and went, sorry,

and then got out and walked to his house, covered in sick. Oh, God. Oh god. Oh, alcohol is just the fucking worst. It's fucking awful. Yeah, I'm not drinking that much now. I can't. It's shit. It's the things I used to get myself into.

It's not good. It's not worth it. It's not worth it, is it? I think you'd better off just working out what your problems are. Spend that money on a therapist and then once you work that out, you won't want to drink away the pain. Anyway. Vasectomy. Talking pain.

Hi, Rob and Josh. I've just listened to your podcast about vasectomy questions and think this story will make you laugh. My hubby had his done three years ago. I went with him to support like a good wife. He didn't want me to hold his hand though through the procedure so i waited outside quite a while later he emerged red-faced and sweating trying to limply run out of the surgery when i asked him how it went well the nurse kindly cleans the area after the procedure the minute she started cleaning his balls with a soapy warm oh no no no no no

Soapy, warm... Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no. I'm going to give this to Jim. The nurse kindly cleans the area after the procedure. Yeah, kindly. Kindly. The minute she started cleaning his balls with warm, soapy water, he got a hard-on. Oh, no.

He was mortified. The nurse and the doctor exchanged glances. I've never laughed so much all the way Oh my god Do you know what though Respect that Do you know what I respect the hustle on the guy

Imagine he's been under the knife And he's still getting a lob on Fucking hell that was funny Oh my god Oh wow Hello guys love the show and have listened to every single episode Although I have fallen a tiny bit behind Oh, fucking hell, that was funny. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus. Oh, wow. Hello, guys. Love the show and have listened to every single episode,

although I have fallen a tiny bit behind after having my first child in August. Congratulations. I've just listened to the return of Tom Parry and the story Rob told before the interview about the grandparents who took their child for his first haircut, thereby completely robbing the parents of the experience. Oh, yeah. Made me realise that I have to tell you what happened to my niece's first birthday as you all know you start to wean babies onto solids around six months and you always start with let's be honest the boring bits vegetables fruit etc my brother and his wife had been looking

forward to my niece's first birthday as i had decided that the first taste of sugar she would get would be her birthday cake they had been talking about the moment for months. So the candle was lit, happy birthday was sung, and my niece's candles were blown out. My brother and his wife excitedly went to the kitchen to cut my niece her first ever slice of cake. However, they returned to find her face covered in chocolate. One of my sister-in-law's friends, who had literally only arrived at the party five minutes earlier, had seen my niece reaching for the buffet table, so she mindlessly retrieved her a marshmallow top hat and handed it over to her and let her devour it.

One of my sister-in-law's friends, who had literally only arrived at the party five minutes earlier, had seen my niece reaching for the buffet table, so she mindlessly retrieved her a marshmallow covered in chocolate, which is probably the most sugary of them all and handed it to her let her devour it all the while this was completely missed by the parents my brother and sister-in-law came back in excitedly only to find the moment had taken place without them in fact the only person who saw it happen was this random friend who also left two minutes later keep up up the good work, Kerry.

Oh, dear. But that's the thing. You should never rely on big moments to be big moments because they won't be. No. It's just... The big moments come when you least expect it. Exactly.

If you're thinking this is it, the first day they play in snow and then they're just fucking freezing or whatever. And have an argument. Or they get wet and cry. Just get a photo of them next to a snowman get them back inside yeah exactly but yeah i think i think it's like new year's eve there's too much pressure on the big ones yeah exactly too much pressure on the big ones god i'm turning 40 this year oh excited isn't it

no well do you know what i'm not worried about it actually it's not hitting me in the way that i'm like i'm gonna argue that you are because you've just Brought that up at no point would I thought you'd Worry about it. It's the big ones where you said New Year's Eve and there's too much pressure on the big ones No I It's the round number Exactly on Friday I got caught

In a conversation with two men In their 60s Who were both showing me their oyster Cards their free oyster cards, and telling me that when you hit 60, you start to really wonder whether you've used your life for the right reasons. Right. Okay.

That seems quite heavy. I don't think you should hang around with it. It was quite intense. No, I know. It was quite a weird evening, actually. Well, I'd argue, Josh, you're in a much better place physically and mentally than you were at 25. So why worry about that?

Yes. Hi, guys. I'm messaging you to give my amazing wife, Becky, a small business shout out. She runs a small business called Woofs and Weddings in Essex, which is a wedding chaperone service for your dog. Fucking hell. She will care for your dog throughout the wedding day, making dreams of having your best pal by your side on a day a reality. She'll even stay with your pet overnight in the comfort of their own home. She's a full member of the Association of Pet Dog Trainers,

only achieved through using kind, fair and effective training methods. She's fully insured for pet sitting, walking, taxi services and training. She also holds a human and pet first aid certificate. She came up with the idea during our own wedding last year. She wanted our dogs at the wedding, year she wanted our dogs at the wedding but we wanted our dogs at the wedding but had no one to look after them during the day and to care for them overnight i'd really appreciate a shout out she's worked so hard and it's such a lovely little business find her on instagram at woofs.and.weddings and online at woofsandweddings.co.uk bloody hell that is uh i reckon definitely a market i think that is something

i thought i can't believe that that exists followed by one of the things that will get the most take up we've ever read out in terms of people yeah i agree personally straight in the fucking kennel each their own but i reckon there's a lot of dogs out there that will go that is a great idea. I do love my dogs, to be fair, but, you know. Well, you don't have to. You don't have to say that. Oh, thanks for being so sexy and relatable.

Keep up the good work. Cheers, Greg. Kata lives in Sybil, Heddingham, Essex. I've got one here. Here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh. Thanks for the amazing podcast. It's got me through my first few years of parenting,

and I can't thank you enough i have a small business shout out request for you dad sabbath dad sabbath our all dad black sabbath tribute band love it being young dad me and my friends were looking for more reasons to hang out together once lockdown was over and seeing as we all used to playing bands we thought what better way than to get back together and rock out to some Sabbath? We started it as an excuse to see one another, and we have turned it into a business. So if anyone needs a Black Sabbath tribute band for whatever reason, we actually have a wedding book next year. You can find us on Instagram, Dad Sabbath Band, and Facebook at facebook.com forward slash dad Sabbath band. Thank you for doing the podcast while being sexually relatable.

Mark Docher. Go on, Mark. That's a good one, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to hear a fact about dad Sabbath? About black Sabbath? Yeah, go on.

So you know your thing about you don't know if something's good or bad when it happens to you because you don't know how it'll play out. Yes. If you want to just give a 10 second description of what I mean by that. Yes, I think. So basically we don't know enough about the world and how it's going to work in order to know if the news we're receiving is good or bad news.

It's our own narrative that we put on it, if it's good or bad, but we don't know how things will play out. So for example, the whole world's stopping. I couldn't do my tour, the theatres, and then me and you ended up starting this podcast, which has been brilliant and I love doing it. But on paper, that was bad news, but actually it was good news in a way so that's that's the way to

look at the world and it's a lot easier i think that way yeah tony iomi the guitarist in black sabbath yeah uh worked they're from birmingham aren't they uh they he worked in like a steel works yeah uh and they work and he was like going there as a musician and he uh at when he was going nowhere as a musician. And when he was at the factory, maybe it was a factory, whatever he worked in, he lost two fingers on his hand in a machine. And then when he started playing guitar again, he had a unique sound because of his hand. And that is what created the sound that made Black Sabbath

one of the kind of innovators of heavy rock in the 70s. Exactly. And made him a superstar. There you go. Exactly. So you never know. So don't put too much pressure on what's happening because we don't know what's going to happen. Right.

Well done, Josh. I enjoyed that. Loads of sick and shit. Apologies if you're listening to that. Do email in with the title, The Worst Thing I've Ever Smelled. Yes. Please do. I want. Yes. Please do. I want to know.

Please do. And give us a bit of backstory as well. Don't just like write a shit once. Right, I'll see you on Friday, Josh. See you on Friday. Bye. Bye.