Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP1: Lou breaks her ankle on holiday

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

More misadventures in parenting (and beyond) with Rob and Josh... We're back for series 7 after a very short holiday - which it's safe to say didn't quite go as planned for the Beckett household... Rob also gets a new puppy, practices stoicism, and has his insides decimated by some hot sauce.... Small Business shout outs: Stud Universe (Lego subscription) Greenline ARB (Tree Surgeons) Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] (N) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with lottie can you say rob beckett and can you say joshett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Widdicombe?

Did Rebecca was Widdicombe? Very good. There we go. There we go. Can I let you into something there? I didn't listen to any of that. No, you're in a bad space, aren't you? You're in a bad space. Your hair looks like how I feel.

I'm sorry. It's all right. It's a big old hair. No, sorry. It's all right. It's big old hair. No, sorry. Well, who was that, Josh? It was a nice one, quite quick and efficient. You just stay quiet, Rob. I'll read this out, and then we can get into why you're in a deep, dark hole of the soul.

I'm all right, actually. I'm just tired, Josh. I'm so tired. Well, just have 20 seconds sleep. Right, okay. Rob and Josh and Michael. I've been trying to get my daughter nearly 29 months to say her name. about three or four months and finally think today's the day i've enjoyed endless laughs to the pod from the early days of pram walks car naps to our now listening at the office

we're currently on day three of potty training and as fathers of girls i'm sure you can relate can't wait to hear josh's stories when he begins to potty train his son keep being so gotta look forward to more than that in your life have you said you're not at that stage yet then no it's slow is he i'm joking i don't even know how old he is just trying to get you red that that is when i'm this is romish romish calls me out on this when i'm a bit stressed or aggy i start being a bit snipey do you i'm like i start putting leaving you know like as a footballer would put a bit on them leave a bit on skulls

bit poor skulls yeah um keep being sexy always abby and lottie where in hertfordshire that's the place when i'm not asking you where thank you abby um rob yeah why are you in such a grump no i'm not a grump i'm, I'd say I've just been stretched. And I woke up this morning and I just, I've been looking forward to the school summer holidays for so long. And I've been looking, because I've been working loads. And I stupidly thought, well, that'd be great. If I booked time off for the summer,

I could just spend loads of time with Lou and the kids. And that's the problem. I woke up this morning and thought when's when's the summer holidays end and I as I thought that and said it I just felt like someone without kids that don't listen to this podcast I think oh well it's just them moaning about their kids or yeah yeah that is what it is and I mean it it's not even. I just, I need it to not be the summer holidays anymore. And it's the start. What day are we on? Because it's the start, isn't it? It's Monday. We're recording this.

So we're recording this Monday, the 24th of July. And I might go back first week of September. Yeah. So you've got the whole of August. It's quite a long way to go, I'd say. I haven't broken the back of it. No, I'd say yeah i haven't broken the back of it no i'd i'd say if you were like getting on a treadmill for a workout you've barely got it up to speed and you're thinking when's this going to be over we are not in the fat burning zone no we are not

for context basically the reason why I feel a bit tired and stretched is because I've just come back off holiday with Lou and the kids. However, day one of the holiday, literally 12 p.m., day one, we landed on Monday. This was Tuesday at 12 p.m. Lou went down some steps at the beach. The step was wonky, missed missed the step and she's ripped the ligaments in her ankle fucking Nora so she had to go to hospital Jesus Christ she put up a photo

that is the lump horrible it looks it's I mean it's a cliche it looks like a golf ball bigger than a golf ball so when it first happened she stepped down this step and went rolled it and i went oh you scream she went and you know like because if if i like roll over to learn the night you go you know when people go like they make the noise they think they make when they're hurt yeah but they're not actually hurt and i'm like i didn't hurt you like the girls do it as well if i like brush part they'll be like you know no one says when they're hurt people go it's sort of in it's inward yelping but when people really hurt themselves because i've done this to my ankle what lou's done and as soon as i i sort of saw what happened part of me was like oh poor lou part of me was like this is a this is months of recovery i looked at it like a fantasy

football manager yeah yeah this is concerned she's not making the world cup she stumbled she's done she's had a welcome she stumbled down and i was like you're right you know when you go like i looked in her eyes and she went noise and she went no i heard a clickety clack which oh my word if you've had if you've ripped your ligaments before it makes a weird noise you yeah well i did it playing football and um and that was when lou said to me get better or die do you remember that story yeah so let's come back to bar on the ass these things even themselves out don't they over the course of 20 seasons i think she had the last laugh laying down for 10 days in

greece while i did everything um but she um yeah but but so she went, oh, I know it's not good, Rob. I think it's bad. And I looked at it and her ankle was fine. And I said this sentence. Oh, no, oh, no. Don't worry, Lou. It looks fine. And as I said that sentence from it looks to fine,

the ankle had tripled in size. I've never seen a body part enlarged in front of me like that. Well, I have, but not like me. Come on, bit of fun. Come on. Come on. It's like, we ain't fucking about. It's Funtime Frankie's on the firm.

The ankle blew up. And where are your kids at this point? Well, they were in Kids Club. We were picking them up. Oh, right. Oh, no. And they'd gone in loving Kids Club, right? And I was like, well, do you know what?

It's at the end of the world. Kids Club is three hours every morning. They love it in there. They loved it last year. You know, at least every morning. Yeah. Anyway, so I get Lou to the doctor's place where they're looking at it. They strap it up, put ice on it, tell them to keep it up, ice it,

and she doesn't think it's broken. Anyway, later on, she went to the doctors to get it checked it wasn't broken there's no fracture she had a scan and then she came back to a nice juicy taxi fare that was where's where's the hospital at the airport brilliant 50 minutes not a problem okay we'll go there and back again 50 minutes away is it formally go no no she went on her own too fast lou though i think lou needs to be tested on to be some sort of X-Men or X-Women. Lou did this to her ankle,

and she has not had any pain relief for it. What? She put ice on it at the beginning. It's a bit better now. It's been a couple of weeks now. But I was like, do you want any pain? She was like, no, I'd rather feel it so I know that I'm not hurting it more.

She had no pain relief. Wow. I'd rather feel it. I know that I'm not hurting it more. She had no pain relief. Wow. I'd rather feel it. I just want to feel something in this relationship. I just want to feel something. I dropped her off at the hospital place where they wrapped it up and gave her some ice, gave her crutches and a wheelchair. While she's there, I went and got the kids from Kids Club.

They come out. First thing they say is, we hate Kids Club. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I was just like, but you liked it last year and i went we don't like it this year oh my god it'd be very helpful for daddy if you if you didn't mind it could be like negotiating if they say they don't want to go they don't know whether your mom's got a bad uncle or not so they didn't go there was a moment there rob yeah you had your hand head in

your hands which it just felt sad there was a moment there, Rob, where you had your head in your hands, which it just felt sad. There was a moment there where you were just back in Greece. Yeah, well, do you know what? I did feel sad, but actually it panned out all right in the end. What's the fucking point of this podcast then? Well, no, no, no. Let me leave it out.

So don't worry. I'll get it back. But ultimately, I was reading a book about stoicism which couldn't have been bought better timed yeah but the problem trying to be stoic is when you are being stoic and you've like taken a bit from that book and you're going actually i'm employing these this philosophy on my own life now even though i'm not living in ancient rome you know yeah where they didn't have twitter do you know what i mean so it's quite easy, Marcus Aurelius, to be fucking chilled out when someone's not calling you a pompous twat every 10 minutes.

And I was reading this book, but the problem with being stoic is if you are being stoic and you are quite happy with yourself that you've done well, you can't tell anyone because stoic, if no one tells anyone they're being quite, I don't know if you've noticed, I've been quite stoic actually. When were you getting a chance to read this book while you were looking after a woman who couldn't walk and two children? Well, so this is what happened. I'd got that two hours of it in, in the first morning before pre-ankle, as we'll call it.

And luckily there was a girl that's in year at her school. Yeah. Who was there? The hotel that they were playing with for a bit and then i'd go occasionally do you mind watching them while i do stuff because the problem about being stoic so i just need to be a bit more stoic but if lou needed to go to the toilet i had to wheelchair her there because it's all quite far in a hotel obviously and then i had to get the kids out the pool and then make them come with me or leave them on the sun lounge but then you can't

really leave a five-year-old on a sun lounge into a pool with no one's so luckily that if if two things if they weren't there um amy and stewart big up amy and stewart for helping me out if they weren't there i would have gone home or flown out lose mum or dad yeah that they were the two options if my children and this is where i let lou off when she said to me get better or die we had a four-month-old and a two-year-old if i had a four-month-old and two-year-old i would have just flown home immediately with everyone yeah and just gone holidays over this this no this isn't i'll this is not gonna die so let's just go home the good thing was because she didn't break her ankle lou could get in the pool and the pool was actually quite good for it because

she'd float around and use one leg to pop around and then she could watch the kids a bit later on in the holiday so it got a bit easier however the the main issue for me was logistics and i didn't lose my temper with lou once because I was like, I wanted to not because then I could have it hanging over her that she told me to get better or die and I never did. But that is what was paramount. I think that is stoicism revenge, isn't it? I think that's page one of the book, isn't it?

Yeah, get one over on your enemy. How do you use stoicism to get one over on your partner? I think that's basically, I mean, I sort of skim read it, read it but basically sort of petty revenge is what's the book is really good it's that ryan halliday book about stoicism what it is is a quote first read one page per day i was zooming through it on time six trying to get some stoicism but you read one page a day and it has a quote from some sort of stoic philosopher but then underneath he relates that to modern day yeah so i was just in pure logistics there's only one time i got a bit angry lou was because because lou wasn't really doing much because she couldn't her foot was so painful

i was having to sort of do everything but then luce i started forgetting to do the things that she could do even though she only had one ankle so she needs to go to the toilet and. And I was like, okay, I'll take you to the toilet. I went and I got the kids out, get on their iPads and I'm back and forth, back and forth from the room and getting stuff, getting them sorted. Boom, boom, boom. I'll leave you there for a bit, Lou. I'll take the kids there.

Boom, boom, boom. By the way, the buffet, the buffet, have you ever taken two children and a woman in a wheelchair to a buffet? I can honestly say I haven't. I was fucking exhausted. I didn't want to eat by the end of it. I'd been around 15 times.

So could she not wheel? And this isn't a criticism, I'm just interested. Could she not wheel herself in her wheelchair? Right. So she could, however, and this is the point I'm going to get to. I'll tell you this and I'll tell you the point. I lost my marbles a little bit at one point. Right.

In a sort of coastal resort it's quite hilly steep you know yeah so my step so i've got that watch ever now that smart watch it does my steps because i'm trying to get fit okay so over a two-week period which is what it's been since she's done her ankling i was on holiday for 10 days of that okay and on holiday don't move much. Do you sort of go to your room to the pool that we didn't leave the resort. We were just in a hotel in the same building and didn't even walk to the beach because it was too much hassle.

Just over 10, two weeks, my average daily step count, 13,000. Oh my God. Right. 13,000 per day. Average someday.

One day was 18,000. Then I went God. Right, 13,000 per day, average. One day it was 18,000. I don't know what happened that day. Bloody hell. And it breaks it down on running, walking on flat, incline. Yeah. Running was 0%. Walking was 35% on flat. Yeah. Incline, 65%.

Oh, my God. Because of the ramps. Oh, my God. And I don't know if you've read the news there was a heat wave in Greece yeah yeah I'm across it

yeah yeah quite warm I went up hill more than I went down that's not possible I should still be up there shouldn't I how can the incline

how can the incline be higher than you should incline should be at maximum 50% shouldn't it and then so at one point

I'm pushing up a ramp and the ramps are steep I do feel like I think in this country I don't feel I feel like there's work to be done but I do feel like we do sort of when we build a building think how will a disabled person or someone in a wheelchair get up get up here sometimes abroad on holiday it is just like well it's flat in it off you go you're like mate it's just like tour de france couldn't get up here mate so i was pushing up this hill and i said to her i've basically was in the pool with the girls got them out the pool found stewart and amy said can you watch them a second and i'm like in my trunks dripping wet and

i've got all right okay let's go to room like that i'm up halfway up the ramp and i go you got the door key you went no i said give me half a fucking chance, Lou. I don't mind being physically dominated, but at least give my brain a rest. Just be in charge of the key. Where do you normally keep the key? In your ankle. What's going on? Just have the key. You're allowed pockets even if you've got a bad leg.

You've got more storage in a wheelchair. If anything, just wrap a fucking body bag on you. But, you know, to anyone out there that is a full-time carer, I know that's a bit extreme because it wasn't needing caring, but anyone that is dealing with someone in wheelchair care, you're fucking unbelievable because you don't realise how much it affects your day and how much you take for granted. You can just wander about.

But the only other thing, because I was chilled about everything, the worst part of the holiday for me were the evenings, right? Right. Talk me through it. So the days make sense. Days are fine. You sort of get up and Lou creamed the kids, which was a godsend for me. She sat on the edge of bed.

She creamed the kids. But I was doing all the, Dad, I want this. Dad, I want that. Boom, boom, boom. Getting ice cream and all the logistic stuff, as my step count shows. Anyway, so the day was fine because then I will loop by the pool, and I don't really like sunbathing anyway. So I was just in the pool with the kids, and I really enjoyed it, and it was they was fine because then i will loop by the pool and i don't really like sunbathing anyway so i was just in the pool with the kids and i really enjoyed it and it was fine

the problem was me then when we got back to the room i'm knackered now because i've been on the go since they woke up i was i kept the same sleep in ours as my children by the way what do you mean you're in bed by well yeah are you staying up late or are you going to bed early we were going to bed about 9 p.m every day every night i'd get back from dinner and immediately fall asleep yeah because it was air conned and it was dark i was like this is unbelievable right and um i also as well it was quite where we were but it was like they were saying it's going to be 40 degrees at one point it was 40 degrees i didn't even notice i didn't know i was in a heat wave till i saw it on the news why not because you were so concentrated on i don't know i just it just felt hot it didn't feel like bad hot it just felt hot but then

the evenings when it got really hot that's when you can feel the heat wave yeah so the evening because in the day you're in the pool anyway aren't you you're just yeah you're cooling down evenings josh so we'd get back to the room and then that's when my day started so i'm having to shower and wash both kids i'm getting him to shower and then it's the floor slippy it's so slippy so i'm on top of that i'm washing and bathing both kids then lou needs help to get in and out the shower because she can't really walk yeah so i'm having to hold her up get her down in the end the hotel gave us a little step thing but she said you have to sit on the floor and at a shower. Oh, my word. She's just kind of broken up with someone in a TV drama and she's just kind of laughing in the shower and crying.

Was it Demi Moore in St. Elmo's Fire, just in the floor when the wind was coming through? Anyway, so that's quite labour intensive because it's like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and all that. And then we get out and then I'm dressed for the evening and I've got a bit of moisturiser on, a bit of after sun know what i mean i've had a shower i'm quite hot because i've had a shower and i'm running around in the room getting them ready and i get out and i start having to push lou to the restaurant and then that's uphill and then where they've got like

little golf buggies because it's it's quite far and quite awkward so you're waiting for golf but i've got a load of wheelchair in the back get it off kids are arguing who sits here who sits there and then we get off then we sit and have dinner and it's red hot. And then they want to go to the park after dinner. You know that, but you've been to the park. With the swing, you have to swing around. And there was mosquitoes and then I'd push them back and then sometimes you couldn't get a golf buggy.

I'm going up and running. Honestly, I run out of clothes. I never run out of clothes on a holiday, you know, because you wear a T-shirt or a shorts, dripping with sweat every night. Anyway, actually, I think it's quite good for my kids' independence because after two days of that, in the mornings, I just went to get what you want. So they just went to the buffet on their own.

Yeah. And they loved it. Some of the stuff they brought back. My five-year-old brought back the serving spoon for the spaghetti. And I turned around, she was eating it with that. I was like, that is not okay. It was absolute carnage with them doing that. And in the end, I just said to Lou, I can't do it anymore.

Well, I didn't break up with her, but I was just like, I can't do the park. So in the end, I convinced them to go to the park at half five, where it was shady. And then when we got really hot, we could just jump in the pool again. But basically, I banned the park at dark. Yeah. So you just have to. It was just too hot, and I just couldn't deal with it anymore.

And then you went to bed at 9 p.m. Yeah, and Lou went to me one dinner. She went, I tell you what, Rob, you've washed the hair beautifully. It's so beautifully conditioned. It's like, that's the best you've done it so far. Because some of the other times, I was leaving it in too long and then dad had all this clumpy hair and all that. And then she was like towards the end of the holiday,

she went, you've done, this is the best hair wash you've done. I went, can I let you into a little secret? She went, what? I went, didn't wash her hair. She went, what? I said, I made them put their hands out, squeezed it in their hand and let them get on with it. But now they wash their own hair and they serve their own dinner now.

So I think in a way I've sort of had a positive impact. And how's Lou? I don't know. I've not asked. I tell you what, I think she enjoyed it more when she was in Greece on a lounge gel with her foot up than she is now when I've got to go back to work and do stuff because she's in the house. Yeah, so what's she doing?

Is she able to move around? Yeah, so she can put weight on it and walk on it now, but limp, and she's going to see a specialist tonight. But she can get around. She can't drive yet, which is problematic, and she can't walk. She couldn't go for a walk, but she can move around the house. But also, you know, we've got a puppy today yesterday as well so now she's now we've got a puppy in the house that she's following around and so now i've realized i've got three animals

alan fred and george they sound like a pedophile room it's not no but actually i should change it he's actually called georgie so it's fred and georgie the girls will call him georgie not george so you know weird harry potter wankers can fuck off keep telling me my dogs are harry potter whatever that means oh um oh yeah before i crack on i'll give there's more stuff happened on the holiday do you want to hear about that? Oh, yeah, yeah. I do need to ask more about the puppy. Yeah, we can do puppy later.

Because you've crossed over the fact that you've done something that we all know that you didn't want to do. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But what I would say with the puppy is it's a bit like your second born. You sort of care slightly less. So when we first had Fred, he'd be in the garden chewing on something like a leaf i'd text my mate who knows about dogs and be like oh um he's chewing a leaf is that

all right now i'm just like we'll find out if it ain't when we picked him up as well right i was like you know what this is gonna be lovely because losing the house anyway she can't go anywhere real good entertainment for the kids you picked up puppy cute little thing lovely little georgie lou's got him in a um his little bed thing on her lap as we drive home and he's trying to jump out and get out obviously because the girls are in the back squealing and giggling with excitement anyway so we keep giving these little treats those little food treats to sort of keep him busy anyway but like when they're young i don't you can't have too much and that you have to introduce food slowly because they're babies you know it's the same as like feeding

like weaning a kid we gave him loads of these treats just to shut him up and stop him jumping uh three minutes from home he was sick on loo and on his bed oh my god he was just holding his dog up and in sick and i just burst out laughing do you you know why? Because I'm bloody stoic. I think that book is going to lead to you being stoic for two years and then committing some kind of horrible murder. You're just going to blow like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. I don't know. I feel like I've turned a corner because a year ago, I think I would have really panicked and it would have really got in my head.

But I was like, well, you can't change the situation. This is what has happened to Lou now. What are the positives from this? And the positive was, because Lou's been so stressed and overworked and stuff, she needed to just not move. Yeah. Well, she's certainly achieved that. You've got to be all spiritual wanker, mate.

The universe was telling her to sit down, baby. See, when I say stuff like this to Lou, she hates me. However, it helps me. So I'll just keep it to myself now. I'll tell you on here. Yeah. Because I used to feel such panic and rage. I would go, oh, my God, this is ruining the whole day.

It's cost this money. But rather than go, oh, no, actually, Lu's just sat down in the lounge and reading her book. If you forget the fact she's at her ankle in this moment right now, nothing's changed. And doing that, it always comes down to that boring, zen, wanky shit of, if you just focus on the moment, it's fine. However, the other flip of that is when you are stood in a park at 9.30 p.m.,

sweat dripping off your nose, and someone comes up to you and says, where's Ramesh? You just go, you know what? In this moment, it isn't good. Because that's the thing. We've been zen, and in the moment, right, you've got to really zone in on how you feel okay yeah normally you feel fine however if you do zone in and go i hate this i'm in the moment and this moment is shit you need to change what you're doing so if you've got a job you hate and you

go no just focus on the moment man the truth is the moment is shit probably because you hate it so move on so it's just it's much about being aware of how you feel as opposed to yeah not not going oh i'm in the moment it's everything's fine now anyway um i had diarrhea for two days do you hear about that no on the holiday i not only have i got to try and get lude to go to the toilet i now all of a sudden are in the pool with the kids and i need to shit immediately oh my god which didn't help i don't know what it was i had i i think it might have been some chili oil i had josh i we went to this pizza place you can't have two days what is wrong with you this chili oil was fucking bananas i said can i have some chili oil right and it's an it was an italian restaurant

and the chili oil that came out they brought to me right was asian oh right so i wouldn't expect an italian restaurant in greece like really strong yeah yeah um the name of it lee kumki lee kumki ripped my fucking ass out i got absolutely lee kumki from hong kong i've never seen this before. I know me way around a bit. I like spicy stuff, Josh. Do you know what I mean? I've never dabbled in Lee Kum Kee. This geezer's been going since 1888. After Cronenberg. Destroying holidays.

Destroying holidays. Destroying arseholes since 1888. It put me in a whole world of pain. And I think that was maybe the problem with how hot I was at the park that I'd been Lee Kum Kee and it was a heat wave

it was like a double bubble that's why you didn't feel the heat upstairs you'd been Lee Kum Kee'd I've been Lee Kum Kee'd I mean I pop up Lee Kum Kee on the Instagram the other thing as well Josh I've got a confession I've got a confession

oh no so on the holiday my daughters are in the pool. I never asked if they needed to go for a wee. Yeah, yeah. I knew this was going. They never asked me to take them. Oh, no.

Ask me no questions. Tell me no lies. I am an anti-pool pisser. Never pissed in the pool on holiday. In the sea, immediately. Love it. It's fair game. It's fair game.

Lovely little treat, isn't it, in the sea? In the pool on holiday in the sea immediately love it lovely little tree isn't it in the sea in the pool never been dirty i just sort of feel like if we all don't do it it's much nicer isn't it because if we all do do it there's potentially 100 pisses today in this pool yeah and chlorine ain't that good you've already got diarrhea i've already got that i've already been lee comkied but i was like i can't i ain't got the minerals to get because then if one needs to go and the other one don't i gotta get got to get them and got to get them out. So you just didn't mention it? I just didn't mention it. I think they just pissed at the pool.

And have you mentioned it since? No. So, so you could convince yourself that maybe. I think, do you know what they did? They probably held it in until the evening. Yeah, that's probably what happened. And then when we were back in the room, they probably went. So I don't know.

I'm just sort of assuming. Um, I was quite weak. Go on. Did you yourself pee in the pool? Yeah. So as well as all those. Oh, no. Oh, no.

I can't remember, actually. Probably not. Okay. Okay. Probably not. Probably not. Yeah. Okay.

What I probably did was instead of just quickly having a piss in the pool, I probably got both my kids out, dried them, gave them some iPads, made sure they were sat next to the bed or in the room, and then went to the toilet and came back and made sure like obviously because i couldn't leave her with lou because yeah they weren't running the pool she couldn't get up and stop them and things like that but yeah they probably didn't actually went to toilet every time yeah um which is good yeah uh there was a power cut one night that was nice oh my word do you know there's a power cut on holiday oh aircon stops yeah you wake up at 2 a.m absolutely dripping with sweat lou i think was quite

anxious and stressed and fed up about her ankle what was awake all night thinking it was a terror attack which i think when you ask how's lou i'd say that physically she had a slight rest there mentally uh not ideal also another thing happened the night she did break her ankle i was on holiday and we'd accepted that she was going to have a different holiday than she planned, and so was I, so were the kids. But let's enjoy it. We're at dinner now. It's been a moment.

Just having a drink. It doesn't matter if you've got a bad ankle. You sat down. You wouldn't be moving anyway, would you? I'm bloody stoic. Get an email. Hi, Rob. These are people who live near my office.

There's a leak coming out of your office. Oh, my God. I was like, all right. Is it coming from the drainpipe, or is it sort of like an internal yeah it's internally it's gushing outside and in that moment i was like this is not fair from me oh my god and i was like why me and then you know what i said why not me anyway um i uh yeah so stressed about that for two days turned out it was next door wasn't my office so So that was a nice little panic pang. Have you had a time to relax since you got home?

You feel, to me, more stressed than before the holiday. Holiday was fine, getting back. We had to have special assistants on the way back. Yeah. The special assistants. There was a nice geezer on the buggy called Franz. Or Franz. Franz.

I think it was Franz. Nice guy. I'd say that system needs France, France. I think it was France. Nice guy. I'd say that system needs work, Josh. We landed at 2.45. We were still waiting to get on a buggy at 3.45. Got on the buggy. Got on the buggy. It was a, I'd say, 30-second walk,

and there was a wheelchair that I could just push Lou in, but he wouldn't let me take it. Oh, my God. So we waited an walk, and there was a wheelchair that I could just push Lou in, but he wouldn't let me take it. Oh, my God. So we waited an hour, and then that wasn't ideal. So we got home about 5 p.m. on the Thursday, and then I was doing the voiceover of Slabs Go Dating by 9 a.m. the next day, then I was on the one show. Oh, my God.

So that was quite a busy day, but actually it was quite nice to sort of, I love my kids. You're over your one show ban. I'm over the one show ban, yeah. So I'm the back in the game um so yeah i did the one show and then i had a nice weekend no i think the ban to get i can't go in anyone with someone yeah yeah they very much put me with safe pairs of hands yeah so the weekend was busy because we had the puppy and then i was rushing around doing bits and bobs, but I do, but I feel better about getting it out my mouth. So this is how hot it was in the evenings, Josh. One of the toilets that didn't have air con by the restaurants.

I stood in there watching my daughter needs to go to number two, which took a long time. And it took so long that my daughter said to me, daddy, why are you turning red? Because my face was getting so hot um i'm gonna i'm gonna send you a photo of my face in the toilet i didn't realize i looked like this until my daughter said to me daddy why are you turning red and this is what my face looked like do you know what it does to you what when you go that red your eyebrows go really blonde because they stand out i know well in the sun i go really

blonde in the sun yeah oh that's my belly rumbling you look a bit like the honey monster oh thanks that's what i needed oh i've got a video i've got some the girls had my ipad in the room and basically when i just sort of let them do what they want really on the other day there was one bit where i drew the line but they were doing slow-mo videos and dancing in the room after they got the shower there is a slow-mo video that's so graphic I can't even send to you never mind I don't think I'd show you off my phone it's so graphic what do you mean they're dancing and in the background they're all going you see me in slow-mo wiping my own ass it's a side of my body i'd never thought i'd see the slow-mo it looks like a horror film it's so awful why what so you're just the door is ajar there's a weird window in the room there's

a weird window where you can see in the toilet from the room, but there's like blinds that you can pull up or down. But you haven't put the blinds down. The blinds went down. I didn't know at that point. I just lost any, I just didn't care what people thought of me anymore. I nearly hunted down a woman and told her off in the buffet. Oh my God, why?

My daughter would come back. She was a bit upset. I was like seven years old. This wasn't, she was like, I was like, you't she was like you're right yeah a woman was mean to me i was like what'd she say well she went i was getting honey for my crepes and uh she said don't take too much honey like that little girl whoa bad in it yeah he's bad and i was like what does she look like what dress has she got on but i couldn't get a good enough description to go up to someone and i don't think i was in the right state of mind to get my point across i don't know because i don't know what your point would be as well without it just being you're a yeah oh are you she'd go what i went keep your views about honey to your

fucking self or i'll pour honey all over your fucking head. And then you'll know what too much honey is. Get your dirty paws off that last pan of chocolate. I've got a woman with one ankle there, gagging for it. She's been on watermelon for eight days. She needs some sugar. But that's what I'm saying. i'm trying to be stoic by my brain now not because i'm not mentally chilled really let's face it i'm always gonna be i'm not but what my brain now does i can see both ways yeah of how i want to react, but how I should.

And the way to react is breathe, be calm and go, ignore them. Some people, it's rude to comment on what you're doing, but life is all about that. There will be people like that. You just have to ignore them because it's their problem,

not yours. Yeah. It's their own internal issue that's doing that. Nothing external can affect you. Only the internal can affect you. You just need to zone out because people will will always be like that but you ignore them maybe she's got some kind of honey related trauma from her past exactly but what i want to do is go right let's go and fuck her up my dad would have had a fight with the woman's husband if that happened

to me as a child my dad would have gone my dad would have marched me around and i don't think this is a good way to do it but you would have also you it's it feels like love as well where he would have held my hand and gone find me them is he liam neeson in taken well not far off he would find me them and then he'd go to the dad me and you outside we have to have a fight now did i tell you about the time i snapped when i was filming robin rummage time? We've done a Formula One episode, and I was trying to change a tyre, and it's quite laddy in Formula One garages. It's like a lot of men, and it's quite alpha, and all car stuff's alpha. And he went to me, oh, how are you getting on with that?

Oh, yeah, oh, bloody hell, you're not very good at that, like that. And I went, I'd say you do five minutes at a fucking comedy store. And I was like, that is not stoic, Rob. That is, you've gone down the bad path again there. The old Dad Beckett rage there came out. You know what? I lost my cool on a legal road trip. Oh, yes, please.

Give me. I actually, because I was, you were doing, you did more of those episodes. You were on that with me. Because I broke my ankle. Yeah. I was trying to get my ankle better so I could take a pen with it to San Siro, but I didn't get to do it.

I missed. Jerry Halliwell scored. That's all you need to know. So I was really tired, Rob. Full disclosure, I was hungover. Also, League of Their Own is very,

that's the closest TV you get to like a locker room. A changing room is quite laddy. Yeah. Lovely people. It's TV's building room. It's quite laddy. Yeah. Lovely people. It's TV's building site. It's TV's building site. It was.

I don't know if it is still now. So we're filming with a famous Italian chef. I don't know who he is. He's teaching us to cook like that stuffed pasta. I'm tired. It's day four. And Freddie Flintoff hits me at full pelt with an egg in my ear mate he can throw a ball

he threw a cricket ball at me that i had to catch to get someone out in a game of cricket i dropped it and hurt my hand had to go off and get it checked all i did was catch it yeah it's fucking mental. He threw it so hard. Did he throw it full belt as well? Yeah. Point blank range. Like I had ringing in my ear.

And an omelette. Good to get some protein. Anyway, I managed to, I got through that because the cameras were on. But I was in a bad space. And then you have to film those little interviews at the end yes so i'm stood there in the middle of an italian field and they're not even they're not filming yet and then whack

flint off has crept up behind me and whacked an egg on top of my head he's a big man to creep as well you must have known you couldn't hear him I suppose and I just lost it and I was like oh well done mate we're not even filming so what's the point what did he say and he was like yeah we are filming and I turned around and I looked at the cameraman

and they were like yeah he asked us to film did that come to tell it I don't know I didn't watch it and they were like, yeah, he asked us to film. Did that come to tell you? I don't know. I didn't watch it. You didn't want to watch you, Freddie Flint, Orphan Jerry Hallowell making pasta?

It's not wrong of you, mate. How are you feeling there's an there's an energy to you that i'd say is an energy i've brought to this podcast for quite a lot of time recently and i've got to say it's nice to be the other one you know what it's just great to have a holiday have you got anything coming up where you can take a breather um i've got a driving lesson later because i'm doing it with i've got a driving lesson with damon hill because i'm doing my driving test on Thursday on a manual for Rub and Romesh. That'll be a nice chill week. Of course, yeah. Yeah.

No, no, I've got a bit of time off next week. No, I haven't actually, Josh. I've got some loads of stuff to do actually. Oh no. I just want to, Lou's going to see the doctor tonight

so hopefully she can drive soon because that will really help. Yeah. Also, by the way, Josh, I've got loads more to talk about from this holiday. Go on. Do you know what?

Actually, looking back, the holiday was sort of doomed from the start. I bought a 442 magazine at Gatwick Airport. But we're calling this holidays now. They open up – How much of that have you read? How much of that have you read? Well, let me tell you. All of it, cover to cover.

Why? Because it was the WH Smith that I think had just opened for the holiday season in one of them weird terminals at Gatwick that you only ever go on on holiday if you're flying for business you never see it it's never open you don't even see those date numbers i bought a 442 magazine season preview from last year that might have been quite nice school they got us at the same hotel 12 months ago oh no oh no that's how i'd read it cover to cover. I sat down and I thought it was in a time machine. Oh, no. Heartbreak.

Oh, this is funny as well. My daughter fell over in the sand, right, playing and got dragged in it and her mouth was full of sand. And she came over and she was like, oh, oh, oh. And then Lou went, just spit it out, just spit it out. But she didn't turn to spit because she was in a hurry. She spat all over Lou's face, sand and spit. And then, you know when someone does it,

but as soon as my daughter did it, she knew it was wrong and not what she meant to do. She was so apologetic, but Lou was just covered in spit and sand. Oh, my God. Oh, Rob. We went on Titan Airways. We went with Tui, right? What's Titan Airways airways well this is quite

funny so titan airways turns out it's like a private charter plane but a big one so what like football teams would hire to go to european game right yeah but but obviously people have booked it just twoy had just booked it maybe they haven't got enough planes or i think they use them if they haven't got enough planes or because then they use them if they haven't got enough planes or because then they can still make a profit on it whatever i'm sure so they just hire out but everyone was getting on and it was you tell the nerve i don't give a shit but nervous flies like what is titan because it was it did look like odd it's like you just invented it and then it was so funny it was like titan airways and then they got on the mic and they went hello welcome to titan

airways titan airways has been flying for 25 years. We are a private. And just basically give their Wikipedia to stop people panicking about to fly at their own. They were quality. They had loads of leg room. It was great. It was better than the Tully plane.

Yeah. If you're on a Titan, have a great time. I've got a BA story for you on Friday, Rob. Oh, you've got a BA story. Love to hear it, positive or negative. I don't come out of it brilliantly, but neither do they. Okay. Well, I'll tell you what. I'll give you the last few bits i've got of this and then we'll do yours on friday because i've not spoken to you for ages i'm just feeling really chilled um i don't want to hear about it um what else happened yeah so my daughter was playing a

game where she was i was pushing around on this float and she was dropping these little sinky things and then jumping off to get it but every time she wanted to get off she'd scream stop the boat stop the boats but it sounded like you know the conservatives have got their little slogan little suella braven and just screaming stop the boat stop the boat um oh dear do you know what josh i think i think that's i think that's all the update from my holiday. I think that's it. I think that's, you know. I'm glad that you had a good time.

Louie's all right, though, to be fair. She hates the attention that I've been in like a wheelchair. Did Lou worry about you doing this podcast? Not really. I don't think that's the least of her worries at home with a puppy and two kids. But she hated it. I tell you what, mate. If you're on the telly, you're trying to get a little bit of you know get a bit of peace and quiet and not be noticed you know don't make sure your wife don't break her ankle because you are absolute oh what happened here then what's your

fucking thing mate fucking all right or can't wait to bloody hear about this on the podcast which basically implies i bet it's going shit i'm having a great time and i'm going to hear about it next week and have a better time jesus um yeah anyway so that was that that was a holiday in a nutshell but actually on the actual holiday i felt really relaxed and loads of sleep it's just coming back because we got into a rhythm and routine of what we're doing it's just a bit more difficult but hopefully she'll be on the mend and she doesn't need any surgery do you know what actually made me feel better and i realized why this podcast works is I was a bit stressed about my day and getting out, getting in. And then I went into the petrol station to get a bottle of water.

And there was a man who had a six-month-old sat up in a buggy staring around and a 18-month, two-year-old on a scooter. And he was coming out of the petrol station at 7 a.m. And he looked like he'd been petrol station at 7am and he looked like he'd been up for five hours and he went hello mate you're right i went yeah better for seeing you good luck actually made me feel better about my day that all i've got to do is sit here and chat shit while that poor bastard is trying to keep two alive as they run into the road and do all sorts oh well it's a pleasure to talk to you rob i. I'm glad that you're in such a good place. I've just spoken at you for an hour.

Sorry. I've enjoyed it. I'll be honest with you. Yeah. It's the easiest money I've ever earned. I'll tell you what, Lee, come keys down, all right, as well. Right, should we do some small business shout-outs? Yeah.

I've got this one here. Hi, Rob and Josh. We run a small chili oil company. Me and Lee and come and key have produced i'm not joking go on you go first and i'll do one after okay dear robin josh thank you for the podcast i'm a step-mom of an amazing five-year-old boy and listening to the experiences of lots of different setups has really helped me over the years so thank you for what you are doing i was hoping we could give a small business shout out my partner and i are tree tree surgeons. I would argue this is rather a sexy trade.

I'd say it possibly is. And we have created a platform, connect members of the public with their local land-based workers who are looking to get rid of waste materials they generate every day so they can be put to good use, like wood chip and logs. That's a good idea. People can sign up on our online portal and choose what they want to receive

and when they're available to receive it. this portal puts a point on an industry app so local tree surgeons and landscapers know this location and can repurpose their materials this feels like something that needs to go on dragon's den everyone's a winner it's totally free to sign up and you can that's why it's not on dragon's den and you can manage your drop point all online we hope to connect immunities encourage creative ways to recycle our earth's resources you can find us online at www.greenlinearb.com or on instagram stroke facebook etc at greenline arb thank you so much all right i've got one here horrible josh thanks for being so sexy and relatable my friend has set up a new company called stud universe and it would be amazing if you could give him a small business shout out stud universe have you checked what stud universe is rob before

you read down this could be um it could be um it could be quite crazy yeah yeah uh but you know i mean small business if there's a demand who are we to judge exactly but it's not no stud universe is a you'll never guess what it is a lego set subscription service oh you can borrow sets from shouldn't it be like brick universe stud seems a strange it does sound like a brothel yes but it's not going to stud universe stud universe i don't really want to google it well i did and i panicked stud universe is a... I don't really want to Google it. Well, I did, and I panicked. Stud Universe is a... Normally, I just search for hot young singles in my area.

But you know the thing about Stud Universe, Rob, is if you do name your company then, we will say the name 16 times while we try and get our head around it, so no one's going to forget it. Exactly. Stud Universe and Lee Kum Kee should do a collaboration. You don't want to go to Cum Universe.

Stud Cum, the new company set up. Stud Universe is a Lego set subscription service. You can borrow sets from as little as £20 a month. Compared to the cost to buy new sets, to be fair, I love Lego, but it is pricey. It's a great way to have the fun of building Lego sets every month, but without the price tag. Simply select the sets you want to borrow from the website that month, build them, and send them back.

There are loads of sets to choose from. Subscriptions have no minimum contract and delivery included. You can find them at studuniverse.com, instagramstud.universe, Facebook Stud Universe. Love the podcast. Please don't stop. Louisa from norwich there you go that's a good idea there we go there we go thank you very much see you on friday when

i'll update you on what i've done in my break it is i would say more chilled what you've done there is not um make people yeah i say oh yeah, should I give you some headlines? Some of my classic headlines. Go. Yep. Blur. Ibiza. Ooh. BA.

Picnic. Summer holiday. Car. Oh, okay. Yeah, I like that. That sounds worse. No, I think I would have ended with, like, Ibiza and Blur. But anyway, see you then.

See you on Friday or not, if that sounds shit it'll be good bye what a time to be alive and not in a good way, Pringles are £3.99, you have to scan a barcode to see the menu at a restaurant

why are there so many parking apps why are there so many apps why is everyone filming everything? You've now got to pay £5 just to drop someone off at the airport. Piers Morgan. I drive home in a car, I can't afford to rum. To cook food, I can't afford to eat.

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See you there, my loves.