Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP10: Mike Birbiglia

Episode Date: August 25, 2023

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant American stand-up comedian, actor, storyteller, director, producer and writer - Mike Birbiglia. You can buy tickets to Mike's fantastic new tour show HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parenting Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we'll

be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing so let's be clear when it comes to shipping internationally can i provide trade documents electronically? Mm-hmm. The answer is FedEx. Okay, but what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all the...

Also FedEx. Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. Oh, but let's say that... FedEx. What? FedEx. Thanks. No more questions.

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The happy stack only at conditions apply. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings.

Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe.

Can you say Michael Marden? Michael Marden. Very good. That was solid, that. That was good. Not sure about Michael's name. Very good. That was solid, that. That was good. Not sure about Michael's name being involved. No. A bit odd.

Yeah. Currying favour. Good morning. This is our two-year-old daughter, Freya. I'm presuming it's Freya. F-R-E-J-A? Freya. Fredja?

Fredja? It's got to be Freya, hasn't it? Who knows? Sounds Scandinavian Fredger Yeah Rather brilliantly since learning your name

she now calls the swallows nesting in our street Rob Beckett Swallows nesting Enid Blyton ringing Yeah this is nice isn't it

Oh look they are He sounded very He sounded like he was like a broadcaster the guy Yeah She often calls out to see Rob Beckett

Rob Beckett We Rob Beckett. We live in West Cornwall in the village of Mousel. Mousel is lovely. Don't try and drive there. The streets are too tight in my Humble. Sounds like an old car you've got. Don't drive my old Humble around there. The Humble.

Can't get it scratched to pieces. The old Ford Humble. We've been listening to your podcast since Freya Fredger came along. It's Freya. It's Swedish. It's Freya. It's Swedish. It means lady or noblewoman.

And she's now a big sister to a three-month-old. Aoife. Can you spell Aoife, Rob? Aoife. A-O-E-F-E. Oh, so close. A-O-I-F-E. Fuck.

It's a nightmare Irish names, isn't it? Yeah, that's Irish. So maybe Freya's Irish. Sending love from the West Country. Thank you for the brilliant laughs. Louis and Alisa. Do you want to know the... P.S. All our names are a nightmare.

They are. Oh, they put the pronunciations here. Yeah. Freja, which is pronounced Freya. Yeah. A-O-E-F-E, which is pronounced Aoife. Yeah. Louis, which is pronounced Freya. Yeah. Aoife, which is pronounced Aoife. Yeah. Lewis, which is pronounced Louis.

Alessa. Alessa, which is pronounced Alisa. When I go to Ireland, I'll do a bit of material, but I think it's okay. It's like when the Irish names, it's like they pick a name, like Aoife or Siobhan. And they go, right, how are we spelling it? Scrabblebag.

Boom. That's how we spell it. Do you want me to tell you about going to South East London? Yes. We're in South East London. Yeah, it's okay. To a birth in Crystal Palace Park. I'd say it's more South London Palace. Oh, for fuck's sake.

No, but it's South East. It's more South East than South West. Is this not your neck of the woods? It's sort of, yeah. You know, Mark Steele was there. Joe Brand. These are South East London people. Why did you go and see them You know, Mark Steele was there. Joe Brand. These are South East London people.

Why did you go and see them? It was Izzy Sooty's birthday. Right, okay, yeah, I know Izzy Sooty.

In the park. Yeah. It's a long old drive with two kids. Save my son's nap for the drive. Yeah. He did 20 minutes.

Yeah, because you have to come through the tunnel and then round. Through the tunnel, mate, through the bloody tunnel. Yeah.

Get there. He runs off. It's in a park. Yeah. Don't get to talk to an adult for the whole thing. No, tunnel and then round through the tunnel right through the bloody tunnel yeah um get there he runs off it's in a park yeah don't get to talk to an adult for the whole thing no because you can't go oh no actually the adults are going to this bit of the park yeah you're just on the swings yeah exactly so he just runs off so was it an adult was it a kid's thing as well like everyone adults party with kids there in the daytime yeah picnic picnic I don't like picnics. No? What's your problem? A lot of it. There was no food.

No, it was like afternoons. There was no like sitting down having a sandwich. So what were you doing? Just all stood up? Well, I went to the cafe. Got a tea. Yeah. What was I doing?

What's the hub of the party? A load of adults stood around having Prosecco and cake. Right. Blankets? No, I don't think so. Maybe. Maybe blankets. and cake. Right. Blankets? No, I don't think so. Maybe. Maybe blankets. Maybe blankets.

Yeah. People were sat down. Okay. It's nice for Crystal Palace Park, isn't it? Well, yeah. I explored the whole thing with my son. Yeah. Occasionally, you just kind of...

Basically, what would happen is me or Rose would follow him. Yeah. And then after about 10 minutes the one who's followed him would loudly go no oh don't make me go over there as well and then the other one would feel like oh right that's the signal that I need to take over I don't kind of passive-aggressive way of saying to your partner I'm done with this I want to talk to an adult as an outsider do you think that's the best way to communicate no no

looking back how do you think you'd play it next time exactly the same yeah exactly the same yeah and then just sort of feel and then one will end up doing more and just build up a slight resentment. Yeah. And what's your daughter do at this stage? Oh, she's playing with the other kids of her age. And they're just hanging around that little area. Yeah.

Yeah, they're having a great time. Two is a tough, that is hard. Yeah. And then he's too young for an iPad. And then we got back in the car. Well, you say that, got back in the car. Yeah. Yeah, but you're too young to actively be able to have it properly.

Yeah, so we get back in the car. They've both got their iPads for the way home. Oh, we don't do that. They get car sick. No, they're fine in the car with it. One iPad dead. One on 1%. One charging lead.

And my phone on 3% and needs it for why is everything so low charge because my phone i've got into this thing of in fact i need to charge my phone at this exact moment i was meant i'm not charging my phone over the night at the moment why not because i'm forgetting to because i'm putting well basically I'd say charging your phone at night is the most important thing anyone has to do in life I know I basically I've got a brown noise

machine that's taken the plug of my phone next to the bed right so you need a extension lead? One of those splitters and I just haven't

got round to it. Right. Well, we've got a 20 minute break. Yeah, I need to go to Maplin's. Does that still exist? Probably not.

No. Wilco's gone. You're better off just wandering the streets and looking on the floor. I think you've got more chance to find an extension lead

than a shop in Soho that does extension leads. I could find a copy of Wallpaper magazine. I don't think you could nick one out of here. Yeah, maybe. They wouldn't know. Anyway, it was a perilous journey home. Yeah.

We ended up using Rose's phone to navigate. Yep. Write my phone off. It's going to just die. It's just gone. And then charge my... You haven't got a charger in the car? Yeah, we've got one lead.

One, right. You can get doubles on that. You can get a thing... Yeah, I know, but it's too late by that point. gone and then charged you haven't got a charger in the car yeah we've got one lead one right you can get doubles on that you can get a thing yeah i know but it's too late by that but you can get a thing that goes into the um cigarette holder with like two usb things off oh we've got more the usb we just didn't have the leads oh right so you've got the holes none of the holes not the leads charge one ipad and then they had to try and watch it together which was fucking bad luck. Oh, not at the age gap, they're not watching the same thing. Fucking bad luck. What did you choose?

My daughter didn't want to watch Gabby's Dollhouse even though that was the thing that we... That's what she likes. I know but by that point she was making a point. Oh no, he would watch Gabby's Dollhouse. She wanted to watch Is It Cake? Oh, that's too grown up for a two year old. Exactly, he doesn't know what cake is. Oh, is it cake or is it not? Yeah.

He wanted to watch Sarah and Duck. She wanted to watch Is It Cake? We met at Gabby's doll's house. She was furious about that because she wanted to watch Is It Cake? Then there's the discussion of whose seat is it going to be attached to? And you're driving,

so Rose is in an awful brake-backing turn. Yeah. Round like that. The non-driver, that is a brutal... Whenever I'm driving and I see Lou having to twist round and sort my I'm like I've got the best job here drivers great drivers right as much as you can you just be quiet that I'm concentrating sorry I'm dry yeah yeah actually I'm driving everyone yeah yeah fuck you know it's a piece of quite like as well as

when we get something from the shop it's a sandwich or a bottle of drink, I say, can you open that for me, please? Do you mind opening that for me, please? Because I'm actually driving. Thank you. I'll just give that back to you and put the lid on. For that little king. Do you mind just popping that in my mouth? Here's something.

When Rose is looking at her phone while I'm driving, I do resent it. I don't mind that. What drives me mental, and I say to her, TikTok full volume. She'll be watching TikTok full volume as I'm driving. And I'm driving along and I hear, no, no, no, no. And it just jumps. It's madness. Because if you've had the pictures, it's just mad songs. And I was like, look, do you mind? She went, man, look at my phone. It's madness. Because you've had the pictures, it's just mad songs. And I was like, look, do you mind? She went, I'm only looking at my phone.

It's on loud. Can't we be watching TikTok on loud? This is another passive-aggressive thing I do, Rob. Go on. If I see her just going through Instagram and I'm feeling jealous and I'm just sat there in silence, I'll go, shall we have a conversation? Oh! and I'm just sat there in silence. I'll go, shall we have a conversation? Oh.

Awful. What a twat. What a twat. Because you know, if it was the other way around, you'd be on your phone, honestly. Of course, because it's boring. Yeah.

Your driving's boring. Also, I'll bet you sort of build up to it as well, just a bit like... I always have to find your phone. Just little... I was like, oh, anything going on there? Any emails? Is your message up?

Should we have a conversation? I hate it, though. I feel like I failed when I say it like that. If you say something, then you go, oh, I shouldn't have. Because also the demand for... It's like when my parents, understandably, and I do it, you do it you know they'd go should we turn tv off and have a conversation you know no dad but also you're not as interesting as the wire

well the wire wasn't around though so i was saying you're not as interesting as noel's house party who is who is who is yeah at the, a conversation is called for. I mean, I realise that's what we're... But you just don't have anything to say. No. And you've called it on. Yeah. Shall we have a conversation? Yeah.

Plymouth have started the season well. Yeah, you can't have a conversation if you say, let's have a conversation. No, it's game over. It's game over. Do you think the panel show is dead? I think it's a sleeping giant. Yeah.

Hopefully. Yeah. Hopefully. Yeah. Right. Right. Mike Birbiglia. Yes. He's one of our cool American comedians we get on these days. Yeah.

No. So we've got a cool American guy from across the pond. Across the bloody pond, eh? He's very like... And we don't mean the Thames. We don't mean South East London. But he's one of them clever comics, isn't he? He sort of weaves it in.

He weaves it in? Like you? No. You're more like Birbiglia than me. I was thinking this the other day. If I'm with you, I feel like I am basically the world's most alternative comedian. And if I'm with Acaster, I feel like I'm the world's biggest hack. Which am I?

Neither. Yeah. Do you know what you are? That's life. You're nothing. I'm nothing. You're nothing. As soon as we label ourselves, the ego's in control.

Just be. This is my behavior. By the way, I found your podcast through Jimmy Carr, who I'm only assuming you're maybe friends with him. I called him and I said, I'm coming to London and Edinburgh with my Old Man and the Pool show. What should I consider trying to be on?

And he said that your podcast is the best podcast. Oh, that's nice of him. He would be right. How do you know Jimmy? From back in the day on the circuit? Or from him going to America to make it? Jimmy and I have known each other from doing the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival in Montreal for about 15 years.

As a matter of fact, in 2019 or 18, I won Comedian of the Year or whatever the thing is there. And he presented the award to me. Oh, wow. And it was very funny because you know jimmy of course he burns you at every turn yeah and so he said i'm paraphrasing but he goes mike is like a cross between woody allen and bill cosby the worst parts you know what i mean like it's just like that sounds like Jimmy. I did a Netflix special that was a Broadway show called The New One years ago.

I think that's why he thought of this, because it was all about how the new one being the new baby and how I had a child, even though my whole life I swore I would never have a child. Really? So this Netflix special is called The New One. It's all about all the reasons why I'm never going to have a child, and then about how I had a child and why I was right. And then ultimately why I was wrong. And it becomes emotional at the end. And I owe a huge debt to Jimmy because I see him every few years in Montreal Festival and he always gives me notes and thoughts and he always has like 10 tags for jokes and things like that but with that one particularly

he helped me kind of find the emotional center of it which he's not known for no i wouldn't say if you'd given me a hundred guesses at who'd helped you find your emotional center i'd have ever gone with jimmy carr that's why he hasn't found his he's too busy finding other people's he hasn't nailed his one down yet i wasn't putting down the emotions guy no no you'd never guess and uh but he you know there's this part of the show i don't want to spoil it but it's not the ending of the show but it's towards the ending of the show where i'm having like a real kind of dark night of the soul and struggling it's my daughter's was about 13 months old and I had the flu and I was on the road and it was like, everything was so awful, you know? And I had this moment where I thought

again, the darkest moment where I just thought I get why dads leave. I'm comfortable saying it because I'm not going to do it it but i get it yeah and he kind of talked me through if you watch on netflix you'll see like just the ins and outs of talking through that because obviously it's a very fraught discussion point is yeah of course that dominates your life doesn't it if you've got kids or you haven't got kids why haven't you when you're having them it's like you can't go to any family function without someone questioning you when you're about 25, 26. That's when it starts ramping up. And so you've got one daughter.

Is that right, Mike? My daughter's eight years old. Eight years old, yeah. We're bringing her over to Edinburgh and then London. As a matter of fact, last June, I was doing an early version of the show that I'm touring with now, The Old Man in the Pool, at the Leicester Square Theatre. And my wife Jenny and I brought our daughter to Matilda, Tim Minchin's show.

And honestly, one of the greatest days of my life. Really? Oh, it's amazing, isn't it? Especially seeing it in London, I suppose, as well, Matilda. It's such a British thing. Yes. I mean, this is where I have no jokes. It's just sentiment. It's like seeing your daughter experience that much joy for that much time in a row.

You cannot put a price tag on. I mean, we did. It's 200 bucks a ticket. Good stuff. It's a pricey ticket only for the wealthy. I mean, I'll try and think of A more relatable Suggestion but

But if you want to be Happy with your children You need to be rich Basically in the West London 200 bucks a pop a day That's what it is Not including food No

We're going to go again Yeah you should I'm looking at your Runs here So you're doing August the 22nd 27th in Edinburgh Then you're doing

September the 12th To October the 7th in London. Josh, why are you patronising me like this? We've just met. We've just met. Do you know what I'm trying to do? I'm trying to kind of get your tour tickets and dates out in a subtle way as if it's conversation. What are you going to be doing with your days

when you're obviously playing the evenings in the Wyndham's Theatre from September the 12th? Do you get many nights off with that? Like, how does it work? I think I do eight shows a week for four weeks, September through October 7th. Yeah, you don't patronise me. I know that, mate. And then my days are free.

So if you guys needed a babysitter, I'm around. Really? Okay, we could meet up. My daughter's eight, and actually, as a matter of fact, she's going to be there for all of Edinburgh, and then she'll be there for one of the four weeks in London. Any suggestions you have for shows or anything to see? Well, again, we brought her to London last year, and she just loved it.

Like, loved every second of it. Oh, wow. Yeah, and I will send you some suggestions over. So about her school though when she's back at school you home school in september yeah yeah so that's when she goes back what a fun summer though yeah it's funny like i was looking on your instagram at the is it called the pile there's like a video you have like yeah living room yeah that was a bad time in our life. But it's so funny because that's, if you watch my special, the new one, it's just like that. There's a moment where I say, that morning, my wife gave birth to our daughter Una, which means one, as in we're only having one. And then as I say it, there's toys that come down from the ceiling, like toys and clothing and car seats.

And they all fall from the ceiling of the theater. And so I'm surrounded by just crap, right? And it's just like that pile in your video on your Instagram where it's like all of a sudden your life is inhabited by, it's no longer your apartment. It's no longer your flat, your house. It's like Japanese knotweed. How long did it take you to make peace with that?

Like as someone who didn't, in their head, was ever going to have kids, suddenly... I think like next year. About nine years in, you sort of give in. You tap out. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda.

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it's something late-night you and daytime you can agree on. Hit up your local Taco Bell restaurant or TacoBell.ca today and try our new cantina chicken menu. Taco Bell, not just late-night. Offer available at participating Taco Bell locations or TacoBell.ca. When did you make your pizza with it, Rob? Was it soon? I think it's a couple of years in where you basically go look i'm not going to be able to keep these relationships up

with my friends i'll just have no mates now and then wait out until my kid can talk and then that'll be my friend yeah and i'm definitely having eight years old is the best right like it's just great yeah i'm really enjoying. And I have this thing sometimes where I, one of my Achilles heels is that I can't live in the present. And so my brain goes to when she's 16 and she's going to be like, my dad is garbage. You know what I mean? And when I was a kid in the 80s, no one listened to children. Like, we said that, but nobody, my dad would be like, is someone talking?

You know what I mean? But now everyone listens to children. So she's going to be like, my dad is garbage. And I'm going to be like, she is so right. She's so brave and fierce. How can I amplify her voice? Well, yeah, that is a totally different way of bringing them up now.

And so how old were you when you decided you wanted kids then? And was there a moment not to ruin if it's in the show? My late 30s. Yeah, I'm 45 now and she's eight. So, yeah, it was around that time. So what would the 28-year-old Michael Biglia be saying about kids? Oh, my God. Like, literally, my first joke that worked, you know, was in my early 20s.

I said, I don't want to have kids until I'm sure that nothing else good can happen in my life. And it was one of those jokes where it wasn't even a joke. It was just something I said to my friend in conversation. They're like, you should do that as a joke. And I would do it. And people would light up because young, you know, in your 20s, you're just like, no, I'm not doing this. It's inconceivable. And then I don't know, I turned at a certain point when it was just something that was just really important to Jenny. And there's just a thing that happens where it's in a I'm sure you deal with this on this podcast all the time, which is, it's hard

to not sound like a cliche. When you say that there's a certain thing that happens when you have a child where your aperture opens, and you just go, oh, there's this much stuff in life. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that's my experience of it. And then you just go, it's inconceivable that you could ever not have a child. I think it's almost like you spend so long, you're sort of so self-obsessed when you're younger. It's like you're just staring in the mirror the whole time. And it's like when the kids come along, they like literally pull you around and turn you around to face the other way and you're like oh fucking hell there's a lot on here now why are you taking everything

no it's absolutely true what are you like as a parent are you i'd see you not as a stern kind of disciplinarian but someone who wants to have fun with the kid a lot yeah i think that's pretty accurate i think i definitely get charged with being the parent who gets the fun version of everything, but not the challenging part of everything. Yeah, I'm a fun parent. I play guitar, play music. I bring Una to the shows. She loves coming to the shows and being backstage and everything.

Like, we did the show at Lincoln Center, which was kind of crazy. Oh, crazy. And then like, while the show was going on, Jen took her to the Nutcracker, which is at Lincoln Center. And it was just like, I mean, the truth is like, Jenny is just the most amazing mother. And I try so hard to just be anything at all. Like I have this joke in the new one where I say,

and this is, of course, I wrote this, Una was like a year old but i go my wife and daughter love each other so much and i'm there too being a dad is just being like this pudgy milkless vice president of the family just huge title no power also oversees congress so you travel a lot it works so does jenny sort of take the sort of lead with the child care then in that regard because you're away a lot or you balance it so it's only over a couple of weeks i would say like i would describe it as i'm very very present when i'm here and then when i'm not i feel terrible you You know, I'm in Oklahoma and my wife and daughter are here.

I mean, that honestly is one of the reticence I had when I was having a child in the first place was always like, I perform in every city. You know, sometimes I perform in 115 cities in a year. And some of them aren't even cities. They're just an Applebee's with a dream. You know what I mean? I tried to curb that quite a bit. Like I really, like even with London, for example, it's like I'm going to Edinburgh for 10 days

and I'm bringing the family. Yeah, that'll be a fun family trip though. There's loads for her to do there. That'll be fun. But Oklahoma for a Friday night. Yes, exactly. Not as much going on. Come on, everyone get in the car.

So I've been trying to do that. Even like last year, I did Berkeley, California for a month. And I've just tried to have longer runs, places where they can come and spend time. Do you do a lot of FaceTiming and all that kind of thing? A lot of FaceTiming, yeah. So what's your rule on FaceTiming? Because I've got a specific rule when I'm away. And I was away in Australia for like five weeks.

What's your rule? My rule is I don't facetime them unless they ask to see me oh and they can facetime me whenever they want but i find if i just ring up and i can cut through basically whatever loose set up with the girls and the kids and they might ignorance is bliss not be thinking of me and stuff like that and it cuts through and i find it upsets what's happening at home where if it's up to, then they call me and then I speak to them. But like, I feel like if I ring home, it's quite selfish on my behalf because they're just getting on with it. But they can ring me anytime.

But then I don't want them to feel like I never ring home. I wonder if that's a younger kid thing. Like, I wonder if as your kids grow older, it's less that they'll be thrown by you FaceTiming. Yeah, I know. I don't know. Maybe it's I'm being too strict with it. But I find when I do ring, they kick off a little bit because it's like, oh, that's it.

And it gives them like more sway in an argument with Lou going, I want that, where they don't actually want me. They just know that it will... Before you know it, you're having to hang up and you're thinking, of course, absolutely. Yeah. I've absolutely destroyed it. My recent crisis in parenting has to do with

that when your child is eight, they're more like a person. I also destroyed it. My recent crisis in parenting has to do with that. When your child is eight, they're more like a person like early on. It's like, they're just like a animated bag of rice. And then at a certain point, they're like a talking bird and you go, Oh, I have to teach them something.

And then you're like, Oh, I don't know anything. I could do a 10 minute monologue. I could teach her how to do a 10-minute monologue about her life. Some great callbacks and really both hate spirits. Maybe some props that fall from the sky as you finish. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, no, I've had some questions. I go, like, Dad, why is there the stars? Don't know. You could just read or find someone who knows YouTube. No, I don't know what this does. Don't know. You can just read or find someone who knows YouTube. I don't know what this does.

The other one this winter was I realized that I don't know how heating works. And I realized because over Christmas, the heat went off in our building and no one else was around. And I was like, oh, I don't even know how heating works. Is that your show, the post-its behind you, Mike? Yeah, this is my podcast is called Working It Out. And I had folks like Jimmy Carr on and Aisling B and Nish Kumar and a handful of folks who you might know. And we work out jokes in real time.

And so these are like cards behind me that each have the name of a joke. So one of them says, Keeping Up With The Dead Joneses. One of them is called Death by Coconut. What's Death by Coconut? I read about a woman who died from a coconut falling on her head, which is the ultimate example of she did not see that one coming.

But it's like, honestly, it's like a run of jokes about just all these different perverse ways where people die in these freakish accidents and ways because the show is all about death and life and mortality and all the ways in which basically it can all go in a moment honestly the old man in the pool is like 90 jokes about death that make people laugh and then hopefully feel something at the end like that's the goal of the show do Do you talk to your daughter about death? My daughter's five and we're entering that stage.

So you must be quite heavily in that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's fascinating because she read Harry Potter this week for the first time. And then we watched the first Harry Potter. And a year or two ago, we tried watching the first Harry Potter and it was too scary. And now it's interesting,

like darker, scarier things we find are easier and more palatable from books than they are from movies because they're a little bit more of conversation starters in the sense that i think movies can be kind of sensory overload yeah and so I think like that's actually led into a lot of like conversations about, yeah, about death and the challenging stuff. I had a joke I wrote the other day about how Jenny said to me, she goes, at some point we're going to have to talk to Una about sex. And I go, yeah, I said, I thought maybe you and I could have sex with each other and then we could do a Q a because i have a lot of questions for the working it out show it's a good one thanks i find that with the scary stuff that

sometimes my daughter doesn't give a shit about death so there'll be things where you think she'll watch david attenborough or something and she'll go yeah that's just an animal that eats another animal that's fine and you're like i find that really upsetting myself and then we try to read james and the giant peach have you read james the giant peach royal doll of course first page james's parents are eaten by an escaped hippo oh my god fairy tales are very dark and i laughed and my daughter's like, that's awful. Why is that funny? And I'm like, I can't really explain why it's funny that his parents are eaten by hippos. It's not funny.

It's awful, isn't it? It's terrible. It is a tricky, I mean, there's so many things with children where, first of all, I don't know when to bring up things. Like when Jen said we should consider talking to her about sex, I was like, when in five years you know what i mean like i didn't like i seems young about sex what would you say that it doesn't it doesn't though because i feel like it also comes up at school in like 10 different ways you know what i mean and so then it's like well who do you want her to find out from you or some stranger or some other kid? I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. I found out what a 69er was at school when I was about 13,

and that was really embarrassing. Tell me what that is. I haven't heard. Well, basically, the person had to draw it down, and it's basically when someone sucks someone off whilst they're getting sucked off or dealing with whatever else is down there. Tell me more about that.

Yeah. So that's the numbers on the flight like it's on the bed and that got drawn out for me and everyone laughed at me but then i don't know if i would want my dad telling me about 69ers at the age of eight either so i'm not sure where for me the perfect ages i remember knowing that because i had older half brother i remember knowing about 69ers when i was 10 because i remember getting told off at primary school for explaining a 69er to another 10 year old first of all it's astonishing that in uh in your uh parlance is 69er with an er at the end we do not have that we do not have that what do you call it it's just the number so it's the number on its own a 69 that's correct yeah i've never heard it

it's only just now i've never asked for it i've been asked for it that many times to get on top of the but you know i mean it's not like i get it offered a lot i think this is my favorite parenting podcast yeah this is my favourite parenting podcast. Yeah. This is where I understand the most about parenting from. So do you not call it a 69er? Just 69? Am I the only one who does that wrong? No, the ER is a British thing. Maybe that's why Lou keeps saying no.

Maybe Lou doesn't know what I'm talking about. That's right. Well, we have a 99 in England, which is an ice cream with a flake in it. I don't follow that at all. So it's called a 99er. It's not called a 99er. What is it? It's have a 99 in England, which is an ice cream with a flake in it. I don't follow that at all. So it's called a 99er. It's not called a 99er. What is it?

It's called a 99. Oh, I'm getting it all wrong here. It's just an ice cream. It's an ice cream. From the ice cream van. This is not a sexual innuendo. This is actual ice cream. No, no, it's just straight up ice cream.

This is straight up ice cream. So you know the Mr. Whippies? Do you have Mr. Whippies? Ice cream? No. I don't have the Mr. Whippies ice cream? No, I don't have Mr. Whippy's ice cream. God, I tell you what, if I gig in America, I've got a lot of explaining to do at every turn of my turn of phrase.

So you know the ice cream, so you pull the handle down, it's white and it comes out curly like that to a little point, like a gelato, Italian style, but not scooped. So this is an odd turn for the conversation because we went from talking about a sexual position to talking about an ice cream yeah ice cream that's what the ice cream looks like that's a very british seaside ice cream why is that funny i just think it's funny that you even have a photo of that and i don't even even know. I googled it. It's not in my camera roll.

Okay. So, and that's called a 99? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And 159 is, you do a 69 and shove one of them up your ass. Sorry.

Oh, Mabel's pointing out that in America it's called Mr. Softy. Okay, now Mabel's made it even ruder. Okay. They're called Mr. Softy. Okay, that made it even ruder. They're called Mr. Softies. Here's a bit of trivia about it from the UK. One of the people that invented that type of ice cream was Margaret Thatcher. She invented ice cream? She invented the Mr. Whippy.

That can't be true. That's true. That's genuinely true. She was a chemist and she was part of the team that invented the Mr. Whippy. Wait can't be true. That's true. That's genuinely true. She was a chemist and she was part of the team that invented the Mr. Whippy. Wait, let's get us back on track. Go on. So with the 69er. I'm just kidding. Sure.

My question is, do you both live in London? Yeah. Well, Josh does. I've just moved out to sort of like the edge of London. So it's sort of technically London, but not. Shall I send you an invitation to opening night at the Wyndhams? Is that the kind of thing you enjoy? Oh, yeah, absolutely.

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you're starved for moments that bring you back to who you really are and what you really love that's when it's gotta be kd when you gotta do you it's gotta be kd shop now we'll do that can i ask you about sleep i'm desperate to talk to you about sleep because normally we talk to people about their children's sleep problems but you you've got your own big sleep problem. Yeah, I talked about this years ago. My first solo show in 2008 was called Sleepwalk With Me. And I wrote a book that was loosely based on it. I wrote a feature film.

This American Life, wasn't it? Yeah, it was This American Life Story. And because I have a serious sleepwalking disorder that was undiagnosed called REM sleep behavior disorder that was since diagnosed, I jumped through a second story window of a La Quinta Inn in Walla Walla, Washington on tour. There's so many words I don't understand, Mike,

of this story so far. Yeah. When I say, okay, Walla Walla, Washington is a town. Let me just go back to what the sleep thing is first the right REM sleep behavior disorder which is a sleepwalking a very rare sleep disorder it's it's just a random thing right people have a dopamine deficiency which is the chemical that's released from your brain into your body when you fall asleep that paralyzes your body so that you don't do what's in your brain while

you're sleeping okay so people who have this sometimes act out their dreams turns out i had a dream that there was a guided missile headed towards my motel room and that there's this military personnel in the room with me and i jump out of bed this is 20 years ago i go what's the plan and they say the missile coordinates are set on you i decide in the dream and then it turns out it was in my life to jump out my window so as to detonate outside the window for the sake of the platoon with me so i'm sorry i'm laughing no no it's a joke no there's a lot of laughter when I tell this story. It's absurd.

It's just an outrageous thing. It's like one of those rare moments in your life where in retrospect, you're like, what the hell? At the time, you're like- Do you vividly remember this dream? Like, is it a really- Yeah, so it's funny.

I actually just announced yesterday that I'm going back to Walla Walla, Washington in January to do a show there. Because I have not been back since. It's a very small town in Washington State in the Pacific Northwest of the United States. So I jumped through the window and it threw like the Incredible Hulk. Oh, my gosh. And I say that because that's how I described it at the emergency room.

I had to basically say, you know, the Incredible Hulk, how he jumps through windows and walls? That's like me. And I had to explain it three times. The receptionist, the nurse, the doctor. I'm the Hulk. I'm the Hulk. I'm the Hulk. And one of the guys goes, no, you're Bruce Banner.

And I was like, point taken, nerd. So they put 33 stitches in my legs. And at one point, the doctor said, you know, you should be dead. And I said, no, you should. I zinged him because I'm a comedian. And then I flew back to New York and I did what I should have done when I had had these sleepwalking incidents. I went to the hospital and then I did what I should have done in the first place. I flew back to New York and I went to a doctor who specializes in sleepwalking disorders.

I was diagnosed with, again, a rare thing called REM sleep behavior disorder. So now when I go to bed at night, I take medication. I sleep in a sleeping bag up to my neck and I zip it up and I wear mittens. So I can't open the sleeping bag. And it's a, it's a true story. It's one of these things that I, I mentioned it in all all my specials because it's one of those things you can't get around. You just go like, well. And had anything happened before? Like that was such a big event, like you jumped out the window. But had you had little mishaps like before that?

So I had, it started out years before when I started having this recurring dream that there was like a hovering insect, like jackal in my bedroom. And I would jump on the bed and I would say to my girlfriend at the time, there's a jackal in the room. And then eventually she would say, there's no jackal go to bed. And I would say, okay. And I would go to bed knowing there was a jackal. And, uh, and then one time it actually got worse. had a dream that i was in the olympics for some kind of arbitrary event like dust bustering and they told me i got a third place and i stood up on the third place podium at the olympics and i move over to second place they say actually we

reconsidered you got second place i moved to the second place podium i'm feeling good i'm new to the sport and they say and and the and then the podium is wobbling. And as it's wobbling, I realized I'm falling off the top of a bookshelf in our living room. I was living with my girlfriend. I land on top of our DVR, like our TV recording device. And it breaks into pieces. And I, and I wake up in the morning and my girl, my girlfriend at the time said Abby says Michael what happened to the DVR and I said I got second place and it's a long story and at that time I remember thinking like maybe I should see a doctor and then I thought maybe I'll eat dinner and I just went with dinner for years until honestly I jumped through this second

story window and that and it was a very seminal life experience. And so how did that affect when you have a kid and your sleep's completely messed up and stuff? Yeah, it's funny. Like I, that was actually one of, one of the reasons why I never wanted a child. I always thought like, well, I'm not going to be able to be up

all the way through the night. Cause I take medication. I'm in the sleeping bag and all this stuff and it was definitely like it was I would say it was really really challenging and it was really challenging on on Jenny my wife like and I you know I sympathize with her a lot that I've that I was I was not able to do the things that most parents and dads are able to do in the you know that first year yeah also as well because like and it's not even because you like i'll just get on with it kind of thing she'd be worried going well if it kicks off again and you've got the baby it's dangerous isn't it really it's not

about like oh you do your turn it's like if you're left alone and it's not fair on you or the baby not on jenny either but it's safer if jen Jenny's there rather than you. They must've been terrified. I'd be so worried about what I'd do. No, unfortunately I've been, I haven't had a sleepwalking incident in about six years. And I'm trying to wean myself off the drug, you know, the medication, the medication. Yeah.

Or is it? Cause I wish I were not on this medication. I mean, I really desperately wish, but it was, it's one of those things where it's like, you know, I have a bad case of the jumping out the windows. Like, I have to take it. And is there any chance, like, is it a genetic or anything? Are you watching to make sure your daughter's sleeping all right and stuff? Or do you not know?

Yeah, we're hyper aware of her sleep. And I'm just hoping it's like an anomaly and this thing that i that is just a one-off thing i i honestly it's a it's one of those things where recently my doctor said to me my sleep doctor who's like one of the top people in this field said i don't even know if what you have is rem sleep behavior disorder because it's such a it's such a new field of study sleep medicine that things that these different diagnoses are changing all the time and people don't even the doctors don't know for sure what some of these things are i do think you have more exciting dreams when you're younger as well

though now i feel like that's i think that's probably true yeah yeah like now i'm like oh it seems like a lot of effort to think of a missile on it when you're having a dream my dreams are sort of fell over last night and you shagged the next door you get up and go to work yeah i recently i've had to take the medication and so i i never looked at the side effects until like a week ago. And I looked at the side effects and it was like depression, like poor motor skills and loss of memory. And I thought, oh, I just thought that was my personality. It's like that moment in your life where you realize that your personality is side effects.

So obviously you tour a lot. So in your bag, you have to put your sleeping bag in your mitt where you realize that your personality is side effects so obviously you tour a lot so in your bag you have to put your sleeping bag in your mittens every time you travel absolutely true and not only that i have to often explain at hotels why i need to stay on the first floor oh wow oh so you always got a shit view wherever you go. Yeah, it's so funny because a lot of times they'll be like, we put you in the presidential suite. And I'm like, no, no, no, put me in the shittiest room you have. Last thing you want is the presidential suite.

That's going to be the main aim, isn't it, of it in itself? Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. The mittens, like, what happens when you wake up in the morning? So you can get your mittens off awake, but you're not dexterous enough when you're asleep to take off your mittens. Precisely that. So a lot of times, like one way to think about all this stuff, it's kind of a condom on top of a birth control pill. You know what I mean? Like it's like the mittens are in case the drugs don't work. It's all these different safeguards so that you don't get pregnant.

Absolutely no chance of a 69er in those mittens, mate. Oh, imagine that. Do you fancy it? No, no. That's Mr. Softy all day. Mr. Softy in his sack going to bed. Well, Josh, you sleep with the duvet overosh josh you sleep with the duvet over your head i sleep with the duvet over my head but i just that's that's just how you feel about your life

he's got you worked out quick josh absolutely hit the nail on the head there oh yeah no that is just our is it not so i know i'm going into the wrong thing here but are the mittens inside the sleeping bag? Yeah, that's the idea. The idea is that you're zipped up, and so if you have mittens on inside, you can't really unzip until you wake up properly in the morning

and then you take them off and all that kind of stuff. Oh, God. So if you need a drink of water or anything, it's an absolute faff. Yes. I wouldn't recommend having this serious disorder yeah yeah it's like you're criticizing him for having a lot of i'm just interested it is a good point actually yeah i know i know what josh is going to be writing on his yelp review of this disorder yeah it's like also you do a show about disability as

well on channel four it's like i know i know i'm just interested i'm just interested in a way different people sleep there we go what it has brought us to the end of what i would describe as a uh a broad conversation covering a variety of topics many of them not parenting um but i've enjoyed it though yeah i thought it's i think it's been lovely and wide-ranging now one of the topics i covered was um that you are playing edinburgh the 22nd 27th of august oh wow london the 12th to the 7th 12th of september the 7th of october and then you're doing america we've got we've got american listeners port Portland, Walla Walla, Seattle, Vancouver, Boston. Walla Walla does feel, so is that Walla Walla, that feels like the odd one out there.

Is that just as a kind of, I've got to get this out of my system kind of situation? Yeah, you can see, you can see in my Instagram tiles, there's that artwork in Walla Walla, because I was staying at La Quinta Inn. And so we created artwork that says la berbiglia inn and then it's it's all enshrouded in a broken window broken glass window amazing oh lovely i haven't been back since i jumped through the window i i'm actually very curious to see if i have ptsd from it oh god well keep us posted the portland gig might not happen.

Are you staying in the place? I'm not. No, I can't. I couldn't possibly. Although there is a plaque there next to the room. Is there? Yeah, there's a plaque that says, 20 years ago, Mike Birbiglia, comedian Mike Birbiglia, jumped through the second screen of this room

sleepwalking, and then it says, like story google it and uh and i i were glass made it i were guys hosts of this american life made it and sent it there and they have it up and people send me photos and instagram me all the time with it amazing amazing yeah but i have to say there's two things i want to just say about the shows in Edinburgh and as well as London. It is all ages in the sense of like age. I mean, not kids, but like age 12 to under 12. Like I really I write these shows so that anyone really over 12 would enjoy it.

And older, a lot of older folks really enjoy these shows. And I take a lot of pride in that. And then the other thing is that, uh, I've never been to Edinburgh. I'm very excited because people have always said, they basically say you write what you're doing is an Edinburgh show. And I always say, I've heard that, but I've never even been there. And so people want to know the type of show it is. It's a, you know, it's a, it's a series of stories that add up to a single story.

It has a ton of jokes, and I think people will dig it. And what's the one about you deciding to have a child that's on Netflix? Because I'm sure I listened to some. Yeah, that one's called The New One. The New One, yeah. Mike Birbiglia, The New One. And it's, yeah, that one is very, very, very, very kid-centric. And actually, Old Man in the Pool is too,

in the sense that a lot of it has to do with mortality and realizing, recognizing my own mortality and realizing that a lot of what I'm trying to live for is to raise my daughter. Oh, lovely stuff. One final question we ask everyone before you go to sleep. What's the one thing about the way Jenny parents, obviously we don't ask everyone this about Jenny specifically.

It's about their own partner. But the one thing Jenny does as a parent that really frustrates you, but you don't really say it because it'll cause an argument. But if she were to listen, she'd pick up on it. And then also what's the one thing she does that just amazes you and you feel lucky to be able to have a child with her. Well, I, I i i said the other day i said sometimes i go i go we're definitely both helicopter parents uh which i'm guessing is the

term that you use as well yes yeah helicopter niner we call it helicopter niner yeah of course always another at the end i think that that often we think that we're helicopter parenting but in fact we're the entire air force you know i mean like we're just we're we're tired we're on speed on speed so that's i think that's that's definitely the thing we grapple with um and then the thing that i'm in awe of is uh you know pretty much everything i mean i think jen's a poet She's a wonderful poet. She writes under the, she wrote under a pseudonym. It's, it's, it's Alan Ginsberg and she, no, it's J. Hope Stein. And she, we actually, the book that we wrote, we wrote a book called The New One and it's, and it's stories by Mike

Birbiglia and then poetry by j-hope stein about having a child and she she wrote this beautiful book about parenting called called little astronaut and i think the thing that i feel so lucky about is that is that una has this wonderful role model um who is just so true to herself and and um i think that that's really important as a parent that you're not pretending to be something else i think that that's really important as a parent that you're not pretending to be something else i think that that's the kind of thing that children see through oh brilliant mike it's been an absolute pleasure thank you so much for coming on well i hope to see you there and uh thanks for having me on thanks so much thanks so much mike

mike babiglia what a lovely bloke what a lovely bloke. What a lovely bloke. I really liked it. And we'll do a vote on our Instagram. Is it 69 or is it a 69er? I think it is a 69, but I always call it a 69er. I think it's a childish thing because I call it a 69er, but that's because I haven't really... I think I spoke more about 69ers before I'd kissed a girl than in the rest of my life put together.

I thought it was going to be a bigger part of my life. I did a 69 once and I found it horrible. It's too much. I didn't know what was going on and he was big and he was airy. I'm bit of fun. Right, Josh, I'll see you next time. See you next time. Bye.