Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP28: Tom Skinner

Episode Date: October 27, 2023

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the businessman and TV personality - Tom Skinner. Tom's new book 'Graft: How To Smash Life' is available now. Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willickham. Welcome to Parenting Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern-day parenting each week we'll

be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with you say rob beckett can you say josh widdicombe Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh

Beckett. Well done. I like that, Josh. Very happy, very cute. One of the daughters, obviously, is the happiest time. Summer, aged 28 months. Is it the happiest time? And Harper, nine months, introducing the show. Mum Amy is originally from

Warrington, but we now all reside in Dad James' hometown of Maidenhead. Maidenhead the show mum amy is originally from warrington but we now all reside in dad james's hometown of maidenhead maidenhead has a tour venue i'm sure yeah and warrington sure you've done maidenhead northern farm in maidenhead back in the day rob our kids are just 18 months apart and it's been hard work and we're so looking forward to the golden age when we can enjoy our holidays again when they are six as rob always says no four i've just took two years off for that josh it's four i think from four is when holidays you enjoy them and get a bit of rest and it's not so much graft so it's not six don't panic you're not far off

thanks for the laughs and relatability you once got us through a road trip to switzerland when our oldest was four months old what a mistake that was that would have been covid yeah that is brutal isn't it do you like summer Rob rank the seasons please for me spring top one right in there right up your ass spring and autumn are my favorite because they're the transitional ones they're full of excitement yes. So for me, it goes Autumn, Spring, Winter, Summer. Really? Winter over Summer? That's... No, no. Oh, because of Christmas.

I love Christmas, Rob. Autumn's the best because the nights are drawing in and then Christmas is coming. Wait, sorry, are we watching Strictly? Christmas must be coming. Oh, I'm a celebrity. Get magic Christmas on. Here we go. Lovely. lovely you know what i think you

might maybe switch summer and winter around josh well you're right yeah rose has just spoken to some bt engineers in the street and they've said it's their fault the internet is down and they're sorting it oh okay yes you've had issues for a week now. Luckily, they're getting sorted, Josh. Exactly. Have I won you round to autumn then? No, actually, no, you haven't. Because winter isn't I'm a Celebrity in Christmas. That's autumn still. Winter's January. Do you know what? There's something about January I do like, Rob, which is I like that feeling of, oh, God, I'm going to eat a vegetable and I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to start that project

that I want. I like the feeling of renewal in January. No, I hate that. I hate that. I hate that the most. I hate New Year's resolutions. Little rats like you. Oh, from the first.

Tell you what, give your own arse a slap and do it now. It's November. fucking crack on with it do that project now what's the number if you have to wait till then it'll never get done if you really want to do it you start today that's what i say josh okay so winter's fucked off winter's gone it goes spring autumn summer winter january bleh i think summer's too hot these days yeah yeah i don't about that as much i wouldn't say the british summer's too hot these days. Yeah. I doubt about that as much. I wouldn't say the British summer's too hot for me.

It's too hot for me. Everything's too hot for you. Even ear covering headphones are too hot for you. I know. That's why I've gone winter over summer. I'm not made for heat. I've never seen you in a big jumper. You are t-shirt and thin jacket or t-shirt and big coat. I've never seen you in a jumper.

No, or I'd wear a sweatshirt. Yeah, even that is a thinner one. I'd never seen you in a thick knitted jumper like a fisherman. I cannot wear a knit. Eczema. What? I don't have eczema. Don't you?

You sure? Oh, asthma. You've got asthma. That's the one. Yeah, yeah, asthma. You've got asthma. That's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew Adam Ma. I can't wear a knit. It just makes me too hot. It just makes me too hot.

We're just a couple of hot, bloodied young guys, mate, out on the prowl. Yeah. I can only go clothes shopping in the summer when I'm wearing a shorts and T-shirt and swimming.

I can't bear it all the jumpers all the layers i get oh it's horrible not a fan of it going into a shop in a coat fucking going into a shop with a coat that is such a simple thing but it's horror over your arm then your forearm sweaty oh my god awful awful stuff and then you're forearm sweaty. Oh, my God. Awful, awful stuff. And then you're carrying stuff. And then all of a sudden, you're dripping with sweat because it's all lot inside. And you've got your big coat on, but you're trying to do a shop. Oh, it's horrible.

Oh, fuck that. I do think the chiller aisles have got colder, though, in supermarkets since I used to work in them. Do you? Yeah. I get cold in them now. I never used to. When I worked in Safeway, which supermarket did you work in? I did Sainsbury's and Marks and Spencer. Oh, but slightly more upmarket than Safeway. never used to when i worked in safeway which supermarket did you work in i did sange breeze and marx and spencer oh it's slightly more upmarket than safeway yeah i'll just start the

greasy pole up to the top of the old m&s because is this just a safeway terminology so they'd have freezer section fridge section and then they have fruit and veg which is like fresh and then you could always do the mushroom joke. Not mushroom for these on the shelf. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I once saw a stand-up do that to very little. What, in a gear? That's a dad joke at work.

You'd have to do it at work. I once saw a stand-up. He brought me on, Rob. He did 10 minutes of puns about meeting his wife in the vegetable aisle, which was, I thought, there's not mushroom here. I don't know what the other ones were. She was the apple of my eye. She was apple of my eye.

Oh, that's a lot nicer. Yeah, yeah. She had a lovely pear. Yeah, oh, bit blue. She shoved a courgette up my arse, stuff like that. Exactly. He walked on. You know what con pairs men do? Crowd work.

He walked on and walked straight to the mic, just did 10 minutes of these puns and brought me on and I didn't know what to do with myself I got brought on a corporate and it was for like

a lot of old geezers that love rugby and there was a rugby player a really tall one oh I followed him I followed him oh he's so good

he's impossible the bloke that's in Harry Potter he's impossible to follow yeah he's fucking massive what's his name is he called Martin Bayfield? Martin Bayfield.

That's it. Big up, Bayfield. Great. If you want an ex-rugby pro as an after-dinner speaker, he's great. I'd say a bit blue. Does a lot of stuff about cocks in the changing room. All good stuff. But he's so big.

He's so alpha. Does really sort of blue stuff and stories from rugby days. And he's quite laddy. Yeah. And also, he's been an Harry Potter, so he sprinkles down. He brought me on and I died hard. I died hard. He's unfollowable because he shakes your hand.

It looks like he's introduced a child. He's six foot ten. He's a foot and a half taller than you. I know. And he's done all those jokes. Oh, man, I died. And do you know what? Darren Goff, the England bowler, was in the second row

and I could see him willing me on desperately hoping it would get better for me but in reality we both knew where it was going yeah

two people I've died after the worst at a corporate Martin Bayfield and William Hague fucking unfollowable William Hague well that's difficult because you

impossible to follow Bayfield because you're so different to him but with William Hague. Well, that's difficult because it's impossible to follow Bayfield because you're so different to him. But with William Hague, you're so similar to him. Again, it's almost impossible to follow in a different way. Bayfield. Oh, we should have a Bayfield survivors group. All the other comedians that have died that thought they were good at comedy until Bayfield rocks up with his sports stories.

Oh, my God. And just for the Hague one, Rob. Yeah, go on. The audience of the financial industry were far more in up with his sports stories. Oh, my God. And just for the Hague one, Rob. Yeah, go on. The audience of the financial industry were far more in line with his views than they were with mine. Let's put it that way. I can imagine. He was an excellent booking for the audience,

and I was probably a misbooking. That's the way I'd view it. I need to find what Martin Bayfield finishes on. I think it's about another rugby player's penis or something. It's got to be about Will Carling's dick or something isn't it but he's an excellent ad at bayfield yeah you can see there's a little clip of him on prime performers look if you want to book him he's good anyway the episode today we have got tom skinner on the show today he's from the apprentice he's from the internet famous for his inspirational speeches from dino's calf at 4 a.m he's released his new

book called graft all about his life and he's a very interesting character larger than life very funny man also he's got two baby twins and like a three or four year old boy which we discuss so he's up early he's busy and we chat about life and kids enjoy our loyal listeners what we haven't got a name for the parent in hell listeners have we no we haven't got a name for the parenting hell listeners have we no we haven't have we like the lids the lids so yeah have a word podcast call their listeners the lid the off-menu people i don't know what they call this the hungry bastards right well send in suggestions of what we can call our listeners you guys right this is tom skinner enjoy tom skinner welcome toing Health very excited to have you

I'm buzzing to be here thanks for having me It's exciting Josh have you met Tom? No but obviously I'm a fan from the moment I saw him and thought he's like you We get a lot of people saying that we're the same You made your name on The Apprentice nationally locally for other means It was The Apprentice and then obviously, for other means. It was The Apprentice. And then, obviously, you got more famous, I think, through your breakfasts. Just going Dino's Cash.

Talk me through your breakfast, Tom. Yeah, so talk us through how you got so big on TikTok, because that sort of pushed you on into getting a book deal, really, hasn't it, as well? So, basically, like numerous different things. Markets still sell furniture. I've got a boxing gym. But we always start work at, like, 3, 4 in the morning, whether we're going down to Warehouse, whether we're going to a market gym but we always start work at like three four in the

morning if we're going down the warehouse we're going to a market we're going to load up and there's a calf called dino's calf right in the new spitalfield market in leighton in east london and we go in there with the boys and we get a nice big bit of breakfast and it just sort of happened last year i've always given a little motivational, come on, let's watch. We're going to go out and give it under the 10%. We're not messing about. We ain't going home until we're proud. We're going to earn loads of reddies. And then my mate was like, we should film this.

And we just filmed it as a laugh. Yeah. Stuck it on. And by the way, we always have like lasagna. It's not egg and bacon. It's a main meal. Roast dinners. Roast dinner was a proper bit of grub.

And we just filmed it stuck it on the internet because it's like my people might like to listen to this and i've done it and it sort of went viral straight away and then i thought i'd do it again and i think because i'm in there every day she didn't really make no odds to me people just like this guy's just waking up at four o'clock he's like spreading positivity and smashing down like 17 roast potatoes at 4 30 in the morning morning. That's inspiring, Tom. I think that's your charm and what sort of one you so many fans on The Apprentices. Like your book's called Graft, you work really hard and you've got a busy home life now.

So you've got three kids. Three kids, mate. Nightmare. And what ages? So Henry is coming up to three in November, start of November, and the twins are four months old. Oh, my word. They're twin girls. What was the moment like when they said at the scan, this is twins?

Mate, do you know what happened? You couldn't make this up. So I've got a third sense. I'm not like Mystic Meg, but I was like, imagine it's twins. Anyway, going to the hospital. Do you mean a sixth sense? No, fifth sense. No, no, you said you've got third.

Most people have got five. Oh, oh well i've only got three you've got an extra sense is what you said i'm gonna cut the behind and one of them is you can tell the twins are coming that's it yeah i'm saving up for the rest so we've gone to the hospital and shenad is laying on this big sort of like chair thing and the nurse has started rubbing jelly into her belly and all of a sudden there's a big screen in front of her. So I can see clear as day, there are two babies on that screen. I can see it.

Oh my God. Tiny little babies. The nurse goes to my wife and she goes, oh my God, we've got one healthy heartbeat and we've got two healthy heartbeats. And my wife, she named bless her, went, is it normal for the baby to have two heartbeats? I've looked at her and I've gone, you what?

You're having twins, babe. I imagine you've always wanted quite a big family, Tom. Honestly, it's the best thing that's ever happened. I love my kids. It's great. I love getting home from work and little Emery just showing me his poo in the potty. It's fantastic. What a welcome home.

Yeah. Daddy, look, I've done poo-poo present. No. What time do you get up normally anyway? If I ain't working about five or six, I don't really sleep that well. Like last night, I've basically, I called, been to work a week,

had to get my little boy from nursery on Friday because he had a little tummy bug and he was being sick. And I called it yesterday. So yesterday I was all night being sick. Both ends, basically. So I've had not a great night's sleep today, but it's good because I've got a day off, so I'm doing these bits and pieces with you.

Right, so this is a day off to you. I'd say, Tom, you do better with less sleep than Josh. Yeah, I'm not ideal for it. So what time do you go to bed? Probably about 10, 10 o'clock-ish, 10, 11. Then get up at 3. 3.30. Fuck it, Al.

So having kids didn't affect you in terms of a sleep thing at all mate i'll be fair i've always been a really light sleeper like i mean last night obviously it was terrible i've hardly any sleep but it doesn't really affect me like the babies wake up if everybody wakes up i'm sort of awake anyway so and how hands-on are you because obviously you're working at the markets and up early and out the door you came on eight out of ten cats the other day up in manchester you're doing this you'll do a big book promo tour i imagine stuff like that so you are super busy because you almost still got your day job and then also this sort of like tv internet personality job yeah i'm just really greedy just extremely greedy i want everything

so how do you fit that in with parenting then what's your shanae doing the majority of it and you're doing bits when you can or do you try and do more when you're at home do you split it so Sinead is the governor mate honestly like let's be honest like if it's like a nappy changing ratio she's on like 98% like she's like she's my wife's amazing and yeah she's a legend but when I've got a day off I'll take Henry out I'll take the twins out I'm hands-on when I'm indoors but nappies and that, I'm not the best at, you know what I mean? I do bottle time, I might be doing that, yeah, I do feeding time, I do all the other bits and pieces.

When the nappy comes, no thank you. Really? What's your problem with nappies? I think I made it clear from the start when we had Henry, the first nappy I changed, I was sick over the baby. So she's... You're sick on the baby? Well, I mean I aimed but

yeah are you not very good with that kind of that poo and wee and stuff I mean wee's aren't the deal it's the poos like

I mean we're potty training at the minute and what I've had to do is buy a little tube of Hot Wheels cars you get 10 cars in a tube and I've said every time

you go in that potty and do a poo you can take out a little car and play with it yeah so obviously now I've got about 400 Hot Wheels cars around here yeah he's regular Every time you go in that potty and do a poo, you can take out a little car and play with it, yeah? Yeah. So obviously now I've got about 400 Opel cars around here. Yeah, he's regular.

But now he's just making them up. He's like, Daddy, look, poo. I'm like, there's nothing in there. Car, please? So do you do the wee nappies, but the poo ones, Sinead? The wee's are all right. It's the poo. I'll get the gag and I'll... Really?

So have you always had a problem with poo? You should work on Newsnight. Has it always been a problem with poo you should work on news night has it always been a bit of any of that kind of stuff makes you a bit gagged mate you know what it's like

especially when they come out like runny or grainy and they're all up their back and they stink it's the worst thing ever they are brutal to be fair are your kids already

can you see that they've got your kind of big personality is Henry is he your little shit yes yeah a chip off the old block he's already trying to do a deal on hot wheels cars that feels he's on the driveway now flagging down cars so you've got some bits for sale i mean the twins are just babies still but they're just starting to laugh which is beautiful

see him laugh and all that i'm loving that and they're just starting to rock a little bit now and henry's just a little character like he's just he just makes me die like the things he comes out of gist he was going daddy daddy there's this toy the dog goes like this and i was going oh yeah he's going you do this i was going all right i'll do this like i don't know why my son's got a strange accent but It sounds like he's just learning English. Yeah. So with your work and stuff now then, do you think you'll always work on the markets and stuff like that? Or would you ever hand it over to anyone and do other stuff? Because I can't believe how much you're still sort of doing long, like 12 hour shifts, or is it all nonsense on social media? Or are you actually out doing that? Honestly, it really is. I just love grafting, always have done from a young kid.

The markets I've done since I was 14, 15 years old, and I don't do them anywhere near what I used to do 10 years ago. I used to do them every single day, but we do the odd one or two here and there, and it's great to go out there, see what the market's like. It's great to support local businesses. It's great to give people a deal, because obviously I still get things cheaper than everyone else.

Do you know what I mean? The markets have sort of not become about the money for me now. It's great to give people a deal because obviously I still get things cheaper than everyone else, do you know what I mean? But the markets have sort of not become about the money for me now. It's more because I love them. And obviously when we've got a quiet day with our businesses, it keeps me staff in work. It's another day's wages, do you know what I mean? It's another thing to do.

So if we've got a dead week and we've got a bit of stock down, I say, come, let's go and do a market on Thursday. We'll go and make a few hundred quid each, bit of beer money, we have a laugh and I just love doing them. What's the secret of being a good salesman on on the market because i did a jumble sale yesterday and i was really struggling to shift my copy of prince harry's spare it was a fucking nightmare

should you leave people or should you be approaching them do you know what i mean like if i go up to someone's stall and they're all over me it puts me off i've always been a great believer of make people like you make people laugh and then they'll buy from you know like people don't like a pushy sales person when they're on you and i make one book like stick it up you look at that i think let people crack on make them smile make them trust you make them laugh and once someone likes you you make them fall in love with you you can sell them anything you sound like a cult leader now you know like a lot of netflix yeah so we're from like similar backgrounds like you're essex i'm southeast london what did you learn growing up of things that you want to instill in your kids from like

your parents generation and what things you think now do you know what actually that was a little bit too old school a little bit too full-on i want to go down a bit more of a more gentler route what's your sort of plan because you've got got, they're young still. You've got sort of like... Yeah, exactly for me. But I remember like things I used to love doing was when I was like 14 or 15, that sounds terrible, but I used to love going to the pub with me dad. They'd go, oh yeah, go over to Cost Cutters

and get us a box of fags. About them fags were like four quid. And they'd go, give me a tenner then. They'd go, get them, but I've got to keep the change. And then we'd walk over and I'd know the geezer in the Cost Cutters and he'd like sell me a box of fags and I'd like pocket six quid. Obviously that's not going to happen with my boy, do you know what I mean?

I just want to teach him the good value manners, obviously very important, being polite and hard work. Look, hard work has made me successful just from working hard and getting on with it. So I'd just like to instil that into them. Look, my mum and dad always made me graft like paper rounds at 12.30. You just got to get out there and give it a go and I think that's what I want to push into them.

Take him and your daughters to work on the market when they're older? Yeah, definitely. There's no better school than the school of reality, is there, really? Like, if you push someone in there, out there in the big, bad world, like, if I hadn't have done the markets from a young age, I wouldn't be doing things that I'm doing now, standing in front of hundreds of people talking, because I wouldn't have the confidence.

And it's built me up to be like that. And what was it like that first day when you had to do a market were you nervous i don't even remember doing my first i remember setting up stalls always hard when i was a kid you set up stalls especially in the winter and your hands were like these were these metal setups and your hands are freezing you know i mean your fingerless gloves try and get them in and i remember they go like do you want to come back put it down later on and you go yeah go on i'll do it for another five or a tenner. I remember like, sometimes I go, we're busy on Saturday. Do you want to earn 40 quid or 30 quid? And you think, yeah.

Like when you're a kid, that's loads of money. You know what I mean? Yeah. I remember when I was about 18 and I was doing them on my own. My dad was selling like a load of handbags. So was he a market trader as well? Yeah, but he stopped doing the markets like probably 20 years ago. Yeah.

Right. And he had like a women's like little boutique. He shopped like cylinders, crap, you know, like, you know, like, he was just like purses and handbags and like pashminas

and like two for a fiver and things like that. But he was just off the market and he went, I've got a few hundred bags here, all the zips are broke, do you want them

for a pound each? I mean, you're going in, but it's all broken bags. And I remember going and dagging the market, putting them all in, I was sitting there all the night before

fixing them up and all that. I was sort of always buying and selling and giving it a go and i just remember enjoying doing that you've got to love it to do it yeah you did some store stuff didn't you rob i used to work at a columbia road flower market yeah brilliant market yeah my brother's mate had a shop there but then i was selling compost at the front of it on a little stall and were you good at it i was all right at it but it was i was so tired i was only 14 so i wasn't as confident as i am now kind of thing and i remember getting picked up at like 3 4 a.m on a sunday all i can remember is how easy it is to drive through london you just zoom yeah no traffic

no traffic that was the best part and it's like 28 days later in the morning tom were you there for the births how were the births of Henry and then the twins do you know the story about the twins no I don't I wonder now though I will start with the twins because it's epic so I'm sweating a little because I'm a bit

under the weather sorry if you need to go and be sick or shit yourself I've got a bucket here don't worry or have a shit and then be sick

because you've seen some shit but that's another option I'll send a little hot wheel to you for doing a good job thank you so when the twins were born, so basically I got offered probably one of the best jobs I've ever been in my life, and that was to manage West Ham

in America. Right, okay. Essentially it happened, so it was like five, six days before Prague, yeah? Was that when West Ham went and won the Europa Conference? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this had been booked up since January, so we didn't know if we were going to get that far, but the plan was if West Ham were going to go to America

and manage the team, then fly to Prague. What do you mean by manage the team? So I was managing the West Ham Legends team. So it was like all our best players from like 10, 15 years ago. You had Matty Jarvis, Marlon Harewood, Anton Ferdinand, Elliot Wald, like some brilliant, brilliant players. You had Jimmy Walker. And it was fucking sick.

But it's like your dream as a West Ham fan to all these people yeah so it was like these are like the players that I've watched growing up and I absolutely love

where in America was you? North Carolina oh so what a gig you're getting paid to go over there all social media stuff with a club it's insane

Dortmund was out there Wolves was out there insane it was a seven-a-side tournament and they've asked me to manage them so basically I've gone to Sinead the babies weren't due he's putting his hands up Wolves was out there. Insane. It was a seven-a-side tournament and they've asked me to manage them. So basically, I've gone to Sinead. The babies weren't due.

He's putting his hands up. Here we go. The babies weren't due until the start of July. Okay. And when's this? When are you out there? Well, it's the 1st of June,

basically. It's right at the start of June. Yeah. Like a month before the babies are due. A month before. And obviously Prague was on the, what was it? 6th, 7th?

Anyway, it was five days out there. One day was travelling. I've gone to her, look baby, if you don't want me to go, I will stay home. But,

it's West Ham, managing the team, like I can't turn this down. And also, it is a month until they're due. So I'm all happy. I've rung Sinead's sister,

she's moved in around my house. I'm going for five days. Now, I've never been to America before in my life. I've never been there. You know what's happening, don't you? I've

got on the plane and because it was all booked in a bit last minute, all the players had thought it all over the plane. I've ended up sitting next to these two Americans, lovely couple, proper Americans, like legends. They was cracking me up. We had the best flight ever. They was talking about they'd been over to London.

They tried fish and chips. And I was like, I've never been to America before. They must have thought you was some sort of caricature version of a Londoner, a paid character. Yeah. Like we were talking about cockney rhyming slang and all sorts. Like, brilliant. But we got there.

As we've got to the gate, everyone's gone through. And there's just literally the biggest security guard and he's two coppers with guns just picked me up took me into a room and I was like oh no

and then I sat there and all the team obviously couldn't wait they'd gone back to the hotel I was in there for a couple of hours basically I didn't declare that from many years ago

I had a couple of little criminal records nothing bad yeah a couple of little criminal records. Nothing bad, yeah. A couple of little criminal records. As many criminal records as senses. Just a couple of little petty stuff.

Petty stuff that I'd done when I was a child. Yeah. Anyway, so because I didn't declare it, they was like, we're going to send you back. And I literally sat there pleading with these American police officers and these border control people, talking. I was like, I'm managing West Ham. I was like, shut up. I'm literally managing West Ham, yeah?

Elliot Ward. You must have heard of Elliot Ward. Come on. He's the hotel now. Anton Ferdinand, Rio's brother. On Airwards. The guy had pulled up, like, all bits about me on Google. Yeah, yeah.

And he was like, I'm reading your social media, boy. Do you like drugs? I was like, I'm here man in West Ham, mate. He's like, okay. You sure you don't like drugs? Because sometimes I like to party a little bit, have a few drinks, things get passed around. Do you like drugs?

I was like, mate, I swear to you, I don't like drugs. What from someone eating a lasagna at 3am makes you think, well, that would make you think we're on drugs, actually. But anyway, finally, we've got into the country. They've let me in. West Ham have spoke to them. Basically, I was told I can't go to America until I do a proper visa in the future.

But this time, he's let me off because he's bringing people to the town of Raleigh, and it's going to be good for the community. So I was like, happy days. So I've now somehow got into America, got to the hotel. Then we've had a bit of dinner. Next day, we're doing a training day so I'm walking about

a big American flag I'm on ESPN I'm the governor out there I'm giving it boss to everyone Tom Skinner in America taking over it's the best day of my life

because I've never been to America so I want to go to a diner I want to do this you might not be invited back yeah anyway the third day this is the day of our first game

we've got two games lined up now I've put my manager's kit on like I am ready what's your manager's kit just to well it's like the West Ham one all the zip up

the bet where he's just the governor what all the players are wearing yeah yeah basically full kit in my element like couldn't sleep I'm writing all things down

but inside my belly I had this weird little feeling that something went wrong. I don't know what it was. So I've rung Sinead. Now you guys was, in London, was five hours in front

or six hours in front. It's about one o'clock and it's nice and early in the morning in America. You know, once you're playing on stage,

you've got to go to the hospital about lunchtime or whenever it was because we've got to just check up and they've got to book in the date for the Zazarian

because their twins have to come out to the Zazarian. Yeah. So I've gone, oh, fantastic. Got ready, gone downstairs, thought nothing of it,

had a bit of breakfast, chatted with Savon Hines, had a bacon roll with Savon Hines. Oh, no. No, he said, anyway, don't worry. I thought it was a sauce.

Legend. Legend. Another legend. Had a bacon roll with Anton Ferdinand. Oh, yes, you did. Gone upstairs to grab me trainers and everything in my bag. Sinead's rung me crying It's a sauce. Legend. Legend. Another legend. Had a bacon roll on Thursday night. Holy shit, dude. Gone upstairs to grab my trainers and everything

and my bag. Sinead's rung me crying. Couldn't breathe. I said, well, what's the matter? Are you okay? I said, well, calm down. Calm down.

She went, where are you? She went, I'm in the hospital with a doctor. I said, put the doctor on. She's passed the phone to the doctor and the doctor said, look, basically, Tom,

it's not great news. Twin B, the smaller of the two, is basically in a bad way. Her heart rate's really dropped. And if we don't get her out straight away, we've got a very, very high risk of going to lose her. Potentially, if it goes wrong, lose your wife. Oh, my fucking God.

I'm in fucking America, and I'm thinking, what? I could potentially lose everyone. Yeah. I'm going to come back, and it's going to be me and Emory. It's just going through my head. Burst that climb. I've jumped in the lift, gone downstairs. what I could potentially lose everyone yeah I'm going to come back and it's going to be me and Emory just going through my head burst out crying I've jumped in the lift gone downstairs

all the players we're queuing to go on the coach yeah I've got to go home they're like you what yeah told them the story

and because it was being documented yeah he just stuck a camera straight in my face and I was like oh no oh my god

he was like can you just explain to the whole team on the bus what's happening and the last thing I wanted to do was this I'm like look you just explain to the whole team on the bus what's happening and the last thing I wanted to do was this

I'm like look guys I need to go my wife might die my baby's in trouble I'm really sure I can't be here with you yeah did you win the game

also we're playing 3-5-2 yeah we've got the coach in the stadium I'm running about looking for a fucking cab I can't find a cab anywhere

to get to the airport I've gone back on the bus I said mate take me to the airport he I'm running back looking for a fucking cab. I can't find a cab anywhere to get to the airport. I've gone back on the bus. I said, mate, take me to the airport. He's bus driver. He's gone. Family brother.

No problem. He's like saying out of a film. So I'm straight to the airport. I've jumped out. I've run. There's a massive queue. I'm all upset. I went,

man, I need to get in front of you. I've got to the front of the queue. This woman's sitting there. I've gone, listen, I need the next flight back to London. I don't care what it costs,

where I've got to go. I need it. Yeah. She's gone. Sorry, sir. There's listen, I need the next flight back to London, I don't care what it costs, where I've got to go, I'll need it, yeah? She's gone, sorry, sir, there's nothing. I don't like you doing these American accents. I like it, it's good. And now I'm having a panic, I'm thinking, what can we do, what can we do? Well, the only flight there is

is in a few hours, it's from Philadelphia, so you have to come back here in a few hours, fly from here, go to Philadelphia, wait at Philadelphia, then fly to Heathrow. Right. I said, I don't care what it is I'll have it boss job done now

I've rung her up she's calmed down she's with her sister she's in the wall they're prepping all to have an operation told her the plan but I've now got four hours to kill so I've run back outside

yeah this is all true by the way I've seen the bus driver like wiggling out I've run out the thing jumped back on the bus and said take me back to the stadium

yeah I thought well fuck it I've got four hours to kill you I have not missed managing West Ham I've gone back to the stadium

the kick off like so it was 11 o'clock and it is like 5 to 11 I've pulled in I've run I've jumped over the gate

I'm running down I've gone through the seats done a roll onto the pitch they're in over the gate I'm running down I've gone through the seats done a roll onto the pitch they're in a circle just before the kick off they've gone Tom what are you doing here

and I was like well listen got the plane sorted had a few hours to kill there's no way I'm not managing West Ham so now I've stood in the circle I have given

the best motivational speech of my life I've stood there listen we're going to do this for my daughters my wife Anton Ferdinand he was the best defender I've ever seen in my what I'm going to do this for my daughters my wife Anton Ferdinand he was the best defender

I've ever seen in my time and I was just going off and on and on so you're lying as well these players were so buzzed I was buzzed everyone's crying boom

we got battered 3-1 after that I've run off I've gone guys good luck for the next game. I'm going to have to go straight back to the airport. Now, as we've gone through security, Sinead's sister Siobhan has rung me crying. What's the matter?

Tom, it's not good. It's not good. She said, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm going for security. She had the result. 3-1. You had a good few chances, though. Possession, 80%. Sorry, what else? Oh, sorry, yes, Sinead. three one you're kidding you had a good few chances though possession 80% sorry what else

oh sorry yes Sinead so she's got Sinead's like in the operating room there's about 10 doctors in there there's been a problem I don't know what's going on

she's crying but then I said well let me go for security I said listen sort yourself out I said you're with your sister go in there because I'm not there

and be there for her now yeah like come on let's be strong here yeah I've got through security she's running again we're going to lose her we're going to lose her I said I've just gone listen I'm not having that I've got be strong here yeah I've got through security she's running again we're gonna lose her we're gonna lose her

I said I've just gone listen I'm not having that I've got the ump now I've gone this is nonsense go in there be there for her

hold her hand she's gone alright Tom alright Tom alright Tom boarded the plane and obviously as you know Americans are larger than life people

literally so I'm stuck on the edge of this aisle seat I'm not a small guy either I'm 6'1 like 18 stone and I'm small yeah and I'm stuck in this aisle seat. I'm not a small guy either. I'm 6'1", like 18 stone, and I'm small, yeah? And I'm stuck in this aisle seat,

and I literally got a text from Siobhan saying, two daughters of Bond. Picture, they're on these little inkibags, they're chewed everywhere. Three pound each, they're Bond. Three pounds? Well, they're so early. The planes took off.

I've texted back, how's Sinead? Lost signal. You can't make this up, right? Oh, God. So now I'm on a 45-minute flight to Philadelphia. Oh, my God. Not knowing if my wife's alive. And I'm just like, what do I do?

What do I do? I'm trying to buy the Wi-Fi so I can text. $25, like, it didn't even work. Then as we're coming into land, we are 100 foot from the runway. Cabin crew, everyone's sitting down. There's nothing. All of a sudden, the captains give a little brace from the runway. Cabin crew, everyone's sitting down. There's nothing. All of a sudden, the captains give a little brace on the speakers. I've gone, fucking what?

I've undone my belt and I've stood up to look around. Everyone's screaming. The plane is pulled up and banked right. Like, I've never seen before. It's done a last second go around because another plane had been told to go onto the runway and it was like going to be a collision oh my god so but now I'm thinking

you thought you was about to get a signal yeah I thought I was about to die yeah and die but now I'm thinking I'm going to miss my connecting flight to Heathrow

oh yeah so anyway we've come back around landed I've rung her she's in recovery she's out of cold but she's fine pressure off

I know it's going to sound really stereotypically British here yeah but I got to like the terminal the big british airway sign and i got on the plane the captain was like ladies and gentlemen like i was like thank fuck we're on the way we're safe like we're getting there i was like listen i had a nice glass of wine i had a bit of steak and chips everything was good and we flew back and i got wi-fi and everything was all alright and I was relaxed and I landed my mate Cole, who's a black cab driver, who's now a full-time driver in the Bosch cab,

waited for me outside, took me straight to the hospital and I sat there with my wife and she was in recovery, bless her legend, yeah. And the two twins were tiny little things, tubes everywhere, but in these little plastic ovens, incubators. You're not ovens. And as I've got there, now I've not slept for two days because of everything ovens. And as I've got there,

now I've not slept for two days because of everything that's come there. I've got there and I'm sitting with my wife, sitting with the babies and someone said Tommy you need to go home, you're looking exhausted, just go home. I went home and I remember coming back to my house and that sofa over there and two of our sisters were around and I said I feel really bad I've only been up the hospital for half hour. They were like Tom what are you talking about

you've been sitting there for eight hours. Whereas in such a days, I sat there with the twins, just looking at them for hours. Oh, my God. And then a few weeks later, they all come out of hospital. Everyone's all healthy and everyone's doing well. The twins are not doing well, you know what I mean? Everyone's good.

Oh, brilliant. Bloody hell. What a story. A round of applause there on the podcast. Are they on weight now and stuff, the twins? They're still small. They're only 10 pounds each and they're four months old. Because they're only three months old, really, aren't they? Because a month twins. They're still small. They're only £10 each. Yeah. And they're four months old. Because they're only three months old, really, aren't they?

Because a month early. They were so small, like £3. I found it really difficult doing, like, the babies when they were little, even when they were, like, £7, £8. But it's a £3 baby and you're a big guy, a big hand. Just pick up one hand. Yeah. Got two of them, yeah.

I don't know if we need the first birth story. I think you've done the big one there. I mean, the first one, he got strangulated, bless him, but he was all right. But I remember just sitting there eating Percy pigs. Was you nervous? Because you're sort of super confident and happy-go-lucky and positive, but when she was getting the contractions and she went in,

was you getting nervous and worried? Yeah, of course. I mean, even Henry's birth wasn't just like easy because he was strangulated what with the umbilical cord yeah

so they had to get him out in a certain amount of time and she didn't know what was going on I remember she was talking to the doctor and the doctor she was like an angel

she went to me like Tom like we've only got literally a minute to do this like when it happens so we need to get everything right

so she went to me do you want to tell your wife I went no don't tell her I'll go in there I'll go around and literally I sat there eating Percy Pigs.

Mate, it's actually in my book, the picture of the Percy Pigs. Oh, I bet the photos are good in the book. But there's the Percy Pigs. How much food there is? Have you seen that, Josh? No, show us the photo of the food and we read out what he took.

Because Sinead's not eating, is she? She's giving birth. No. That's just for you, isn't it? Fuck it, Al. So there's three sandwiches two chocolate bars Percy Pigs

and pineapple four bottles of water two tubs of chocolates and then some fruit what are those cups they're tubs they're millionaire shortbreads

from Spencer's oh fucking hell so tell us about the book Tom so the book is the maddest thing I've ever done in my life I've never thought in a million years

I'd be writing a book well I didn't a ghost writer helped me but The book is the maddest thing I've ever done in my life. I've never thought in a million years I'd be writing a book. Yeah. Well, I didn't. A ghostwriter helped me, but... Refreshing honesty. That's what we're looking for. Mate, I worked with a guy called Nick Arden. He was an absolute legend.

He followed me about in my van for a few weeks, yeah, and he literally thought I was insane. He's like, when do you sleep and why do you eat so much? You do eat a lot, but you train a lot and you're on the go, which burns calories, but you do pack it away, don't you? Do you know what? I reckon I eat probably 5,000, maybe more, 6,000 calories a day. It ain't mega, mega, but it's like a lot.

But I do train, but I look like a fat geezer. Sometimes I see you on Instagram and you look rock solid, athletic and muscly. And no offence, Tom, some days I sort of feel like, is that his brother that I've not met yet? Because he looked like a completely different person. It depends if I've been on the beers all weekend or not. If he's cut down to just 4,000 calories,

then he's looking really good by that point. So what's your 6,000 cows? Talk me through them. Every morning I'll have dinner for breakfast, regardless of what day of the week it is. Whether it be lasagna, chili con carne, jacket potato, baked beans, cheese. And that's about 4am, is that? Early, yeah, early.

Then if we're in a market, I will end up having something else around 8 or 9. Yeah. But it'll be like a bacon rawa, a little hot dog or something like that. Yeah. Then I'll have a bit of lunch. It's going to sound so bad.

What would you have for lunch? Would you come home or is that out at a cafe? No, normally Sinead does me a packed lunch, which would be like a couple of little sandwiches, maybe like some chilli from last night, a couple of boiled eggs, you know, the usual few bags of crisps. Few bags of crisps? How many bags?

Not that many, two or three. Some Dairy Dunkers and them little snack attacks that are for Henry. And then dinner is at a home you do a lot of cooking don't you yeah I normally cook for dinner right

if it's quite good I'd film it and put it on Instagram yeah I've seen that as well yeah big portions as well of course because my house is so open

there's always family and friends in and out like I will cook for 10 people every night of the week and my mate will pop in from the gym like my other friend will come inus my mom my pop right so we're very family orientated the doors are always open like so probably the only time you'll be in my house and no one's in it just me do you find it weird being in the house on your own i find that weird

yeah i get scared no i just i don't like being indoors on my own do you like being alone at all if you say for example shanaad was taking all the kids away with her family or something for the weekend and you weren't allowed to socialise with people, how would you struggle with that weekend? What do you mean I wasn't allowed to socialise with people? Well, if you could, you'd just sit in... She just locks me in the house, bye.

But I think you love being around people, don't you? You feed off it. If she'd done that, I'd be like, touch, straight down the pub with my pals. Right, OK. You know exactly what's happening, I'm having a party. I thought that would be the way, yeah. So that, I'd be like, touch, straight down the pub with my pals. Right, okay. You know exactly what's happening. I'm having a party. I thought that would be the way, yeah.

So you, because when we had our second, I'd normally leave Lou with the baby and then take the toddler out for the day because really with the twins, it's hard on your own with the twins, but it's a lot calmer if there's not a kid trying to do a poo in a pot and throw a car at the kids. So you'd find that you're spending a lot more time

with Henry at weekends and stuff. Yeah, I mean, when I can, I bring Henry with me places, take him out. We would be doing lovely little day skis, like a town down the park. I've got him a season ticket at West Ham. Oh, really? At three? Not even three yet. His first game was at home against Chelsea,

and he was just standing in the chair going, Irons, Irons, all game. He didn't have a clue what was going on, but he loved it. We had a really good day. I took him on a train the other week went to london history museum i'll just try and do things that i think little memories he'll remember when he gets older i don't know just try to do the right thing didn't you do you want him to go down the own business grafting do your own thing route or 100 no would you like to see him at uni and being more academic and going down that route?

Yeah, I mean, I left school early, went straight to work. I got expelled from school for selling pornos. Is that why you weren't allowed into America? Selling pornos at school? One of the reasons. I've always worked, and listen, I've been up and down so many times in my life. Like, one minute I'd have a few quid, nice van, nice flat.

Next minute I'd be skint, back of my mum's ass. My mum's got a two-up, two-down ass. There'd be no room for me, so I'd have a few quid nice van nice flat next minute I'd be skint back of my mum's house my mum's got a two up two down house there'd be no room for me so I'd be laying on a little pulled out futon in the front room like what's the front door

what's he doing there you know what I mean so like I think I would like my kids to get a proper like proper job yeah

and not have that worry of where's your next pound come from touch wood I mean I'm lucky now I'm in a very fortunate situation where I could take a couple of months off and I'm fortunate.

But back then I couldn't. It was like, you need to go work every day. Hand to mouth. You know what I mean? Yeah. And it was just hard because if it rained all week, you weren't going to work on the market. So you had no readies.

Yeah. And then buying stock, buying the right stock. I think I would like them to get a proper job where they can progress and do well. And they haven't got to go through the struggles and all the mad stuff that I've done, the strokes I've pulled. Do you know what I mean?

The fights I've had. What about if they said they wanted to go on The Apprentice? Yeah, I'd definitely do that. That's really good fun. Yeah, you enjoyed that, I think. Do you like Sugar? Mate, he's actually all right. He's actually all right.

I mean, I didn't realise how short he was. Bless him, he's tiny. But he's a nice guy. I mean't realise how short he was until I found that thing bless him he's tiny but he's a nice guy I mean I got on well with him but when you go on that show the first thing everyone says is how good they are in business

and I'm thinking you can't be that good because you're really trying to get a quarter million quid like if you was good you'd have a quarter million quid wouldn't you let's be honest

it's a good point but I took it for what it was I had a laugh on it I just enjoyed it and took it as experience look where I'm now from the back of it so yeah one of the best

things I've ever done you all live in a house together don't you yeah it's like being in jail mate right so you turn up they go phone money

keys strip you of all your stuff you get chucked in the house you get your little cell your little room there's like three to a room and literally you're told when to eat

told when to go to bed you can't watch telly you can't speak to your family. And I was there for seven weeks. So it was hard. It was hard. You do miss your friends and family. I mean,

I did sneak out once, but. Were you able to source your lasagna at 4am? What was going on? The house we stayed in was in Finchley. Now,

my wife and my family are from Finchley Park, North London, literally around the corner. There's a pub I know. So I literally one night jumped out of the window. Went to the pub, had no money. I was like, can I have two pints? I was like, of course you can. Told. So I literally one night jumped out the window. Went to the pub,

had no money. I was like, can I have two pints? I was like, of course you can. Told them what I was doing and didn't believe me. Come back,

jumped back through the window because it was this big old manor house off of, I can't think what it's called. Anyway, it's where all the big guys are. Right,

okay, it's one of the big ones. I'm surprised you've got to get all the candidates in there. There's like 18 people in there. It's like a big brother house, just bigger. Oh,

so you didn't have kids then? That was just you and Sinead? No, it didn't, just me and Sinead. How would you feel if you did something like The Jungle? I've been the bookie's favourite to do that for three years in a row, yeah. Are you doing it? Well, I don't know at the minute. Oh, really?

But listen, I mean, it'd probably be the wrong time at the minute with the babies. But I would love to do it. I mean, I don't think, apart from the high hats, there wouldn't be a challenge I wouldn't do. You'd eat everything. Changing a nappy? Changing a nappy. Dex nappy. Whose nappy do you change? Ant and Dex.

Ant and Dex nappy, yeah. Give Ant a break. Everyone in real life is smaller than what they appear on the telly, yeah? Fact, right? Apart from me, yeah? I don't know why this is, because they say the camera adds £10, right? But it must be minus four cameras on me, because people go,

Cor, you look a lot better on a telly. We didn't actually get to, what's the book about? Is it your life story? So the book is about graft, how to smash bosh bosh it's not an autobiography it's more life lessons and stories that happen to me so it's like it's a funny book basically like a few people read it and said it's absolutely hilarious like there's stories now when i've been abroad and i nearly got shot and killed and there's also stories in there like when i'm in a market stall.

Anything I thought could give someone a lesson in life, I've put in that book. I've read an advanced copy of it, one of the only ones we've read, because we've got the same publisher, Kelly. Yeah, I love Kelly. She's so lovely. She's really, really good.

Obviously, as well, you've got dyslexia to quite a high degree, which you might find it really difficult. And Kelly was really helpful with me doing all that kind of stuff. But she sent me a copy, and it's really funny. It's a proper, like, authentic. and I think that's why you're so popular is what you see is what you get really with you and I think it comes across in the book so you're not putting any punches in it thanks mate there's a few stars I couldn't put in there

because I thought I'd go oh no no I think my management would stab me fair enough if you've got management are you not across the deals though because you're like the ultimate deal maker right it must be difficult for you to go i reckon you could get me a better deal than that right well classic example we've done a brand deal with mcdonald's yeah and i was like can i come to the meeting please and i was like no and i was like please please like let me come to the meeting i was like all right got to the meeting i've got the money strap i was like listen mate i'm i just ran with them in the meeting it was all looking like tom we do this mcdonald's i was like, listen, mate, I just ran with them in the meeting. They was all looking at me like, Tom, what are you doing? It's McDonald's. I was like, listen, we're getting money out of these.

Did it work? Of course it did, yeah. And is Henry at nursery yet or anything like that? Yeah, he's at nursery. How was that dropping him off? Do you know what? The first one, we went together and it was like, how's he going to be? But he loves it. He's got his little mate called Lenny and he goes, Daddy, nursery with Lenny. And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah, he loves it. But he loves it. He's got his little mate called Lenny, and he goes,

Daddy, nursery with Lenny. And I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves it, and he enjoys nursery. He's good in there. Since going to nursery, you've obviously seen this, how fast they progress. Oh, it's mad. And how runny does their nose get?

Yeah. Their vocabulary increases, and they have to make space in their head for it, so it just comes out of their nose. Constant stream of snot. Always ill. They're always bringing back it. That's probably what you got. I know. I had to go and pick him up Friday last week.

And I was like, yeah, he's fine, but he's just been sick. And I was like, oh, no problem. Then I went to a boxing event on Saturday. I was boxing this big London team with Ricky Hatton and Johnny Nelson and all that. So I got a few put-arounds with my wife. She was in bed with it all day. And then yesterday, I didn't get the second half of the day. So hopefully it's all gone now.

With the twins, have you had the twins on your own overnight yet or anything like that or just day times? No. I'm not allowed. What, to have the twins on your own? No, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Listen, it's going to sound terrible, yeah?

Okay. I'm still struggling to tell them apart. Oh, what, the twins? So you don't know what's at what Because they are identical And the weight is identical Everything's identical yeah The only thing you can tell is Roma

She's got like a little bit of a Bump on her head But when you put them together like that It's like looking at two identical things They're so alike Well my friends had to do that. They had twins and they ended up painting the nail varnishes on. So one had a red nail varnish, one had a blue nail varnish,

just to tell them apart, especially in the middle of the night. Because you don't want to feed them twice. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, just to stop you feeding them. I got a marker pen and put A and B on their heads, which made them mental. I think nail varnish might be easier. Sharpie on the head.

Josh, anything else before we do the final question? I've got 600 questions about how The Apprentice works, Rob, but I don't know whether this is the podcast. Oh, you can do some more Apprentice questions if you want. How set up is it? Oh, massively. But it's brilliant. Thank you very much.

One of the biggest things I'll tell you about The Apprentice that no one knows is if you're doing a task and you've got something to do and it's not filmed, it's not filmed on a camera, it doesn't count. Really? What do you mean?

So they'll send you out and go, right, you've got to sell the tickets. You could go and sell every single ticket, but if you didn't have a camera watching it, it doesn't count for the show.

No. Anyone who's watched this, watching this podcast who wants to go on The Apprentice, make friends with the camera guys. Because if they don't follow you and they don't track it, can they show in a show i always think like it must be really annoying when you're desperately trying to sell a load of stuff and then they pull you aside for an interview and you're like i really could do without this because i'm trying to sell some scarves on a market stall what i'll do like i

make in a minute kind of i ain't doing one now i'm just carrying doing something but when you do a task it's three days long as well right what yeah so one task is three days and what goes into it is insane because you actually are running about all day getting in cabs going here going there it's very very long and the boardroom takes three to four hours to film oh my god that must be exhausting lord Lord Sugar, I love him. Lovely bloke. But he's getting a little bit now and he forgets his lines. And he'll just randomly start screaming at someone and get their name wrong.

And then they'll go, Lord Sugar, you got his name wrong. And they'll go, oh. And he'll do it again and just scream at the same person again. You're sacked. Oh, shit. What is it? Fine. Hard to remember your lines.

It's been a pleasure to talk to you, Tom. Josh, I feel like there's another apprentice question. You've got more... What's that cafe like? Shit. Oh, so bad. You know that one in cash that just has, like, a couple of cakes with silitheme over it

and some Mars bars? Yeah. A couple of, like, Rios. It ain't a great cafe. No, fair. You know when you win the task, I always think those things look so fucking shit when you go to a cocktail-making class.

Well, obviously, I only won one task, yeah, and this is right. This is how I was fuming, yeah? So everyone got, like, oh, lunch at the Shard, like, these things ain't good. What did I get? Fucking rowing lesson, right? It was like, oh, yeah, so I had to sit in a pool

with, like, the other six guys in my team in a canoe and just row against a thing while someone's going, row, row. And I was like, this is a joke, isn't it? Like, this is not funny. That is awful.

Terrible. That's not going to incentivise you to do well, is it? That's why I lost the rest of them. On purpose. And what's it like to be fired? Is that a relief in the end? No,

because you obviously want the money, don't you? Right, yeah. obviously want the money, don't you? Right, yeah. I want them readies. Final question, Tom, but it's about Sinead. We don't ask everyone about Sinead, just for you, obviously, it's about Sinead. What's the one thing she does parenting-wise that makes you go, oh, she's amazing, I'm so lucky to have her as my partner and mother of my kids?

And then what's the one thing she does that sort of frustrates you a little bit with the kids that if she was listening she might go yeah he's got a fair point so i think that the way she's just so honest she knows what the baby's one knows which one's which yeah she knows what baby's what if you know like when the baby starts crying i sometimes don't hear it she'll just sit up get up bang she's on it or if henry's upset she knows what he wants like she's so good at being a mum and like she'll sit there and she'll be i don't know doing a coloring book with emory yeah she's on it or if Henry's upset she knows what he wants like she's so good at being a mum and like she'll sit there and she'll be I don't know

doing a coloring book with Henry yeah she's got one twin there she's just multitasking which I'm like oh I've dropped the baby again like obviously I'm not like yeah to clear up

you're not actually dropping the babies it's just a bit of fun yeah but I mean almost one thing that she does to annoy me are probably

when Henry wakes up at night sometimes yeah because obviously his bedroom's next to our bedroom and he's got a little gate on there yeah and

I'll sometimes open it in the middle of the night so he can come in and get a little cuddle yeah because I just like have a little cuddle with him because remember

I wake up 3-4 in the morning so like if he wakes up I have a little cuddle and I get in the shower and I go to work she'll like hear me go dink and she'll like wake up when I'm asleep like when she's doing the twins and then lock the little gate so he wakes up, I have a little cuddle when I get in the shower and I go to work. She'll like hear me go, dink, and she'll like wake up

when I'm asleep, like when she's doing the twins and then lock the little gate so he can't come in for a little cuddle in the morning. That annoys you a little bit, but you can see

why she's doing it. Yeah, she's like, he shouldn't be leaving his bed. Well, that's because you piss off at three and she's got to sleep with a toddler for four hours.

As she said, she's like, now I've got three kids wide awake, three in the morning and I've had no sleep. And you're in the cafe going, good morning, you lovely people.

Tom, thanks so much, mate. And good luck with the book and everything else. What's the name of the book one more time? It's called Graft, How to Smash Life. Abash. Cheers, Tom. Have a good one, mate. Have a good day, guys.

See you later. Tom Skinner, Abash. What a lovely bloke. Full of beans yeah he's just so animated didn't he when he first appeared on the apprentice how many tweets did you get rob yeah a lot of people saying it's but we're actually very different in real life like i've got a beard now so he's much bigger than me he's like six foot one i'm five for eight yeah you're not i'm a lasagna at four foot four four foot four footm. Four foot. Four foot a.m. Fucking hell. He sounds like you need a fucking lasagna at four foot a.m., mate.

I should have asked him about lasagna at Christmas, what his view was. Fuck. Oh, God, yes. Maybe next time. But, yeah, buy his book, Tom Skinner. Good luck with a graft. Right, see you next week. See you Tuesday.

See you Tuesday. Bye. Bye. Bye. Hi, guys. Fatia El Gori here. Bye. Hi, guys. Fatia El Gori here. Quick question, bruv. Do you like to laugh?

Do you like to give money to good causes? Course you do, bruv. Course you do. Well, listen, on Thursday, the 2nd of November, Hackney Empire, I'm hosting a comedy night with a star-studded line-up. Heard of Rob Beckett, Jack D, Kerry Godleman, Axel Blake, Joanne McNally, Harry Hill.

Well, yeah, I pulled some strings, didn't I? They're all going to be joining me to raise money for the British Red Cross, Morocco earthquake, and Libya floods appeal. It's a win for your dopamine levels and your morals. So get your tickets at Hackney Empire or Ticketmaster. See you there, innit? Hello, I'm Jen Brister.

And I'm Kerry Godliman. And we host the brand new podcast series, Memory Lane. Each week, we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guests, as they bring in full photos from their past to talk about. And Jen and i will be doing new episodes every week come on we can all be nosy together memory lane podcast available now hello i'm charles brandreth what's the very first thing you remember that's the question i'll be asking my famous and fascinating guests in

Rosebud, my new podcast about first memories and first experiences. My first memory is handing my Auntie Muriel a piece of turd. Other guests include Dame Judi Dench, Alison Hammond and Rory Stewart. Download and listen wherever you get your podcasts.