Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP3: Price check on the condoms...

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

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Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast only six dollars at an A&W's in Ontario. Experience

A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC cashback mastercard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will. Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card, and he's done it. Oh, clicky click. Magic trick.

The clicker around the room. You guys just about finished? Sorry. We got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight worthy with the Beemo Toronto FC Cashback MasterCard. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, Toronto FC Cashback MasterCard. APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294.

Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you see Rob? Rob? Beckett. Can you see Josh?

Widdicombe. Not bad. Not bad. Happy with that, Rob? Are you happy with that? What? That was... That's the most you've ever responded to.

Well, it started off Scottish. God knows what happened again. Do it again. Do it again. Okay, media. Media. Can you see Rob? No. Spend it. Spend okay media can you see rob can you see josh

i like it i like it it's so scottish she's got the info on there rob that's the other thing you have to do when you're doing that oh yes of course you're because you're doing this for the first time today because i have struggling with Wi-Fi, because we're recording in person. Yes, we are, which really shows how shoddy this is, that we just hold up my broken phone. I know. Hi Robert Josh, this is our 20-month-year-old Maria. Recorded this clip last night, and now sending it to you from the airport in Rome, where we are on a Maria Free getaway to, I assume that she's been left at home with her parents,

she hasn't been kidnapped. Yep. On the holiday. Maria Free getaway to celebrate our 10th anniversary. Congratulations. Very nice. Obviously spent the entire flight catching up on the podcast. Maria will be well entertained by her gramps,

nanny and auntie Nadine who are also fans of the pod. So big shout out to them. Please, multi-generational now cross gen cross gen and now that's from maya and tom um yes that was little maria the wee rad the wee or the ouija i like that i like i think ragi's offensive i think i don't want to call a baby a ragi what's a ragi i think a ragi's offensive well stop saying it no but like not like um no i think a raji is like a bit of a um ragamuffin a bit of a sort of is that bad as well i don't know i'm out of my depth um raji do you know what's weird about this we can see michael quite panicking yeah i think this is all fine actually okay good well that's good yeah a raji

a violent or aggressive person so a little bit of an oik right okay yeah right now let's just double check and that's good because you you're kind of owning the word yourself as as a ragi yourself oh yeah i'll probably bit of a ragi bit of it but i'm not violent and aggressive no you're not no anymore i just watched that i watched a lot of that yeah you're a voyeur um no ragamuffin is uh yeah you avoid um no ragamuffin is uh ragamuffin is a type of music yeah well raga is a type of music yes but ragamuffin is an old pirate word that means scoundrel thank god thank god for the pirates oh my words good guys oh god i was panicking there when he said a jamaican form of music i was panicking but then i saw the old pirate on her yes just to be fully

clear we meant the pirate of course of course you read the hot i'm hot now quick question oh yeah quick question how are you finding recording in person oh quite stressful actually it's weird isn't it yeah it feels quite intense now especially like when this camera's on you and you just you're not sure about you i knew that ragamuffin meant scoundrel yes of course um well done maria little uh 20 month old glaswegian girl and you've already had problems with the toilets yeah that we're in soho and um the uh you said that like we're in soho well no but like soho you'd probably say in the uk maybe brighton is probably the most sort of like... What would you say? Progressive.

Progressive is a good word. And the toilets are all sort of like anyone you want in there. Yeah. Basically. But the sign on it is the male and female sign, you know, with the circle and the arrow, the circle and the little like cross. Yeah.

But because they've been intertwined to imply... Anyone can use them. Anyone can use them. However, I thought it was a new symbol. I know what they are separately. I've never seen them together before, so I just went in the disabled. You thought it was for Prince?

I thought it was Prince. I thought it was just Prince's toilet. A bit like they've got Elton John's piano at radio too. Yeah, yeah. They've got Prince's toilet at the same time. No, but after going to the disabled toilet, and I googled... So you went to the disabled toilet? I went to the disabled toilet. I googled... So you went to the disabled toilet?

I went to the disabled toilet. Because you thought it was safer? I think I'd rather be told off by someone with a disability than walking on a woman going for a kiss. Yeah, yeah. I think that's the best way to deal with it, isn't it? I once got direct... What would you have done in this situation?

I was doing a corporate and it was, I'd say, five, six years ago maybe. And I said to the woman who was running it that I needed a toilet because she showed me to the toilet. Not show me.

You need to go to the toilet. Yeah, I need to go to the toilet. Not I need toilet. I need toilet. No, I said, where's the toilet? Yeah. She said,

I'll take you there. Yeah. And then she took me to the disabled toilet because she thought i was disabled what would you have done in that situation i'd have just used a disabled toilet yeah and just assumed that was the easiest one for the person that was doing the gig later she definitely took me to the disabled toilet because that's why she helped you in no but

that's why she obviously walked me to the toilet, isn't it? Because normally you just go down the hallway on your left. But she thought you might. So do you think it was some sort of... No, it was because of the last leg. I know that, but you don't walk like there's anything that would impede you. So do you think she thought it was some sort of mental problem that you have? Well, I don't know what she thought, Rob. What I do know... Because it's not physical, is you know you look a bit odd but you're not you

you there's no i don't know what that means but no but you don't you look that when you walk down the street if you weren't famous you go okay would you i think i think people are going to they wouldn't go oh i wonder what disability he's got. They'd be like, oh, look, he's a funny little fella, isn't he? They wouldn't go, he's a funny little fella. They would. I think we would go, he's a funny little fella.

I'm not Ronnie Corbett. There is a bit of Corbett about you. Same with me, though. I'm like, oh, he's got a funny little face, isn't he? I don't know about that. If I was down the street and I weren't famous,

people would still go, oh, he's got a funny little mouth, isn't he? A funny big mouth. A funny big mouth, yeah. I can see your point. But I wouldn't assume you're disabled as such no anyway are you kidding no no i was gonna say actually that um i heard this i've told you about this that stuart lee was doing a routine about me was he apparently but it was really

funny what i heard that he'd said that i uh he said um he's on that show with the disabled show. And he's like, I don't know what his disability is. All I know is the other two, they talk about their disabilities. He doesn't. So it must be really, really bad. That's a funny joke. Anyway, how are my kids? I think he choked on my coffee there.

How are your kids? Yeah, good. Good. I've got notes. on my coffee there. How are your kids? Yeah, good. Good. I've got notes. You've got notes? You've got kids' updates? I've got stuff I didn't say in the last podcast. Can I just do my catch-up stories?

Well, yeah. You do your kids and then I'll do my catch-up stories. No, you do your catch-up. Because mine are sort of catch-ups as well, really. Okay, cool. I didn't finish my League of Their Own story. Okay, go on. So, to recap.

Yeah. Freddie Flintoff smashed an egg on my ear and then smashed an egg in my hair. Yeah. I forgot that it was the last scene we were filming before we had to go to the airport. Okay. One of my lowest moments.

So there was nowhere to have a shower? Yeah, there was a shower because we were filming at a house. Right, okay. But they didn't have hot running water. shower because we were filming at our house right okay but they didn't have hot running water and i was showering in cold water trying to get egg out of my hair and the producer knocked on the door and said he didn't know that i had egg i'd been egged the producer didn't he'd been doing one of the other interviews because you know yeah and he was like josh you haven't got time for a shower

we've got to go and get the plane and i would say that was one of the lowest moments and then so you could i i lost my call again i lost my call again for a second time go on well i can't remember exactly what i said would you use in sure the uh body? Because it used to be sponsored by Shaw. It did use to be sponsored by Shaw. No, Rye Guard, wasn't it? Rye Guard. There was always loads of Rye Guard in your dressing room. Every flavour.

Another thing about League of Their Own. Yeah. Which is a very pleasant... It's just a League of Their Own song. People love the behind the scenes. You'd get there, right, when you did the show. Yeah. And they had a great range of what you're allowed for dinner.

Yes. I'd say they look after you very well. They look after you very well. One of the things was a full Indian takeaway. I'm about to get in a fucking inflatable ball and roll down some massive 10-pin bowling pins that were manned by Freddie Flintoff. And you want me to have a fucking...

Fucking gel phrasey. I was strapped to a ball thing, like table football, but real life size. And he just spanned me around on it in circles. Imagine if I'm not back at Colmar. Anyway, that's the end of that. I forgot one of my stories from Ibiza.

Okay. So Rose got me a nice watch for my 40th. Okay, nice. So it's old. Yeah, it's an antique watch. An antique watch? Well, you know, like, so it's old. Yeah, okay.

So I... Secondhand. Secondhand. She got you a secondhand watch. People say that about you. They go, oh, you never get... I bought myself an antique car. What's antique? It's just second hand.

One lady driver. So I don't know how many lady drivers there's been on this one. That's sort of quite like casual, positive sexism, isn't it? One little sensible lady driver. I know, it is weird, isn't it? It's like Victorian. One lady driver. On auto trading, we'll say one lady driver one lady driver

lady hasn't got about 15. yeah exactly um i reckon i'd qualify the way i drive i reckon i'd qualify as one lady driver in auto yeah i think there's a new word for it yeah sensible sensible drive so this watch yeah you want to leave it on the beach. Okay, yeah. Because it's expensive. And it probably can't go in the water. You know our ivory tower complaints or whatever it is. Yeah.

So. Well, this is because I've got a smartwatch, but I don't know. It can go in the. That can go in the sea, right? It can go in the shower. I don't know if it can go in the sea. So I went in the sea, Rob, in Ibiza. Yeah.

And there was 10 of us in the sea just stood around kind of chatting in the lovely sea and i was stood with my arm out like i was doing i had to stand with my left arm up because it up because i i couldn't take my watch off i couldn't leave it well you need to leave it now in the villa because it was too late by that point i was at the beach villa because it was too late by that point i was at the beach so i was sure no right rob my insurance is invalidated if i take it off i know but who's going through your shoes for your watch oh come on rob it's ibiza yeah it's full of wrong hands i've been to ibiza and no offense it's a nice watch but you you don't look like jay-z all. First, I'm too funny to walk along the street without people commenting. No, I don't look like Jay-Z.

No, but you know when footballers and rappers get their houses stole because they've got these... It's a nice watch, but it's not like a flashy, over-the-top expensive one that people are going to... I'm not saying... No one's following you around to get your second-hand watch. No, I'm not saying... People are going to find footballers

and take their 50 grand or 200 grand Richard Miller Rolex. I'm not saying that it's a specific targeting. Or that they understand the value of what they've got when they get it. No offence about you, but if I look at you,

you do not look like a man that's got anything expensive on you. I am not going to your shoes to root around. There'll be other people on that beach. They might have'll go that guy was on league of their own he got an egg in his ear he might have a he might have a semi-pricey antique watch did you see the uh the the stainless steel glint off that leather strap leather's not cheap guys all right sell that burn it down melt it it down. Maybe. Cash for leather. I wouldn't have been able to relax in the sea.

Okay, you're right. But you could relax arm up. I was arm up for the whole, for 20 minutes in the sea. Yeah. It was... Like them laughing cats in Chinese restaurants. Like a laughing cat in a Chinese restaurant, but I was never...

Never laughing. Never laughing. So I just wanted to ask what you'd have done, but you've said you would have left the watch. I would have put the watch in the bottom of my shoe. Imagine what, rat yell periconverse, was it? No, it was sandals. So there's no cover.

Okay, but I would have hidden it in something around where all the stuff was. But my rule is don't go up either. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't do it in any sea. This watch, I put in a crock on the beach and went in. luck mate good luck good luck telling that to happen i am also i need to give crocs some respect the croc is the

greatest shoe for a dad or a mum on a family holiday why because it's so easy to put on yeah and it's waterproof essentially because as soon as the sweat is dry, you can go and sand. In the sea, pebbles, no problem. You walk on top of it. You're going in the sea in your Crocs? Yeah. Blimey, O'Reilly. You've got no self-respect. If it's rocky, straight on, in the pool.

You're swimming in your Crocs? No, but you could. I'm not swimming in my Crocs. But it was just, and they're comfy to walk around with. In the park, sand. Boom, boom, boom. I never thought about in the crop. But it was just, and they're comfy to walk around all day. In the park, sand, boom, boom, boom. I never thought about my feet once. I don't. And you were thinking about your feet on holiday, didn't you?

Oh, do you know what happened, Rob? Do you want to know? Actually, on my way into the sea, this was awful. This was, I'd say, one of the lowest moments of a holiday with Lowe's. So everyone went in the sea. Yeah. And I thought I should put some sun cream on that's i know why is that funny it's funny that they they ever haven't done it or they've done it earlier they've done it earlier

because they'd gone in the sea earlier on so you've just got t-shirt on on the beach i was i was in the shade in the shade topless t-shirt a t-shirt t-shirt on on the beach? I was in the shade. Topless t-shirt? T-shirt on in the shade. Really? Alright Crocs in the sea! I'm just saying I don't feel like you're getting the most out of going to a Balearic Island. You might as well have sat at a bus stop. Honestly mate, I think we can confirm I didn't get the most out of going to Balearic Island. I'm not, I'm f**king out.

You've got one end, you've got Pete Tong, the other you've got me. Arm in the sea. Arm in the sea. Don't let people see the buckle on that watch. If anything I was advertising the watch to passers-by. Showing them the goods that they could... Okay so guys, Jack Grealish is in Ocean Beach off his face with a 200 grand watch. Also, Josh Renham's got to have someone in the sea. Where should we go? Where should we go to rob him? So you're putting cream on.

And then everyone... But you use it on your back. Yeah, I just spray it. I don't know why I needed to do that. Is that a spray what was that noise? Why did you have to do that? Is that a spray? Is that spraying? Yeah.

Is that what the noise was? Yeah. I wasn't telling you to be quiet. Because you didn't know what that word was until you did the... Oh, I've got an expensive wash. Shh. That's what I was saying. I've got to put some cream on. That was just quick.

It's not a spray. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, put my cream on. But at that point, everyone had gone down already. What? God blimey, it was rock and roll. Oh, they'd gone in the sea? Yeah, they'd gone in the sea.

Further enhancing my outside of the group status. Yes, because you arrive late, you're not drinking, you're putting cream on alone. Yeah. And then, I didn't realise everyone had gone to the sea. Yeah. You're going to enjoy this. Yeah. And then I didn't realise everyone had gone to the sea. Yeah. You're going to enjoy this.

So where do you think they'd gone? No, I didn't finish my sentence. I didn't realise everyone had gone to the sea in their sandals. Right, okay. And then deposit them at the side of the sea. Also known as the beach. The beach, yeah. But we were far further back. So down at the shoreline.

Okay, cool. So I start going down barefoot. It was so hot. And they're big old trotters. They're big old trotters. It's a big service area. I was having to run down. Between people's shades.

Yeah, between people's shades. So, like, running to basically stand next to each person as they were lying between people's shades and then before the sea there was a big distance with no shade. So I thought I've just got to get to the sea and everyone could see me coming my group. Yeah. And i got halfway and it was too painful and i just collapsed and my bottom of my feet couldn't take it so i fell to my knees like i've been shot in vietnam i think your knees get hot yeah but i needed something they were at zero so i needed to like just transfer it to a different bit that wasn't already boiling okay so i basically fell to my knees yeah and everyone in the sea just laughed at me rob oh josh did you crawl to the sea i then well no

my knees were by this point hot so i then had to get back up onto my feet i just needed my feet way to do it next time yeah is you bury your feet so if it's getting too hot just wiggle them down and then you get underneath the stuff that's hit. And then it's cooler under there. And then you don't have to... And then shuffle underneath? Well, no, not all the way, but that'll give you a moment's respite. Oh, give you a moment.

Oh, that's good. I was awful. When I was running from shadow to shadow, I just... The shadow look. It looked so creepy. Did you talk 21? Or were they Spanish or English? I don't know. Is there a moment where it's like... The shows looked so creepy. Did you talk to anyone? Were they in Spanish or English?

I don't know. I just leap up behind and then leap to the next one and then leap to the next shadow. You needed that woman from the corporate to walk you to the beach. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, so they're my updates. They're your updates. I forgot to tell you last time. Here come the carrots making their way upfield,

followed by the whole wheat bread, over to the you last time. Here come the carrots making their way upfield, followed by the whole wheat bread, over to the two dozen eggs. Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry, I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard. Oh, and the broccoli boots it over the line. What a goal! How would you like to pay, sir?

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The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Happy Stack, only at Coodle. Conditions apply. The one thing I forgot to tell last time was my daughter was wanted in the toy shop. Well, in the hotel, they have like a shop with overpriced pre-priced things in it. And there was some toys which are just terrible, awful toys, really overpriced. They saw, have you ever seen them call it rainbow unicorns things?

Right. That seems like the first idea the toy rainbow corn will that do right rainbow unicorn and it's basically big eggs and then so they do different size eggs they've got a little thing on it and then you get a teddy in it and some stickers and stuff like that i don't know anyway the big golden one because like we want the big gold in it because i said they could get a toy and i was like well it's bigger so if you share it anyway so i went to ask how much it was yeah all these things rainbow o'corn rainbow o'corn yeah right and it's one of them people right and this annoys me right where they go 25 toys inside 25 items inside and 10 of them are stickers but they've counted the individual stickers you know they see it on sticker books because 20,000 and there's loads of and it's just like that's his bollocks yeah that's his bollocks because it's

some tiny little ones um and it was one of these ones where it was like um i don't know if you've seen these before but that one those things in shops oh right yeah right that's hat absolutely plastic awful right um and over 25 golden surprises inside. Oh, jeez. So I'd say it's probably about as big as... A head. A big head. A big head. Greg Davies' head.

Right, Greg Davies' head. Right, so not bigger than your normal head. So how much do you reckon that was in the shop? Well, it should be 25 euros. 25 euros. 80 euros. 80 euros! Yeah.

Fucking nori. Exactly. Exactly. 25 euros 80 euros 80 euros yeah fucking nor exactly well i said blimey and my daughters didn't know what that word was yeah um so anyway googled it argos 28 pound oh my god so i was right with 25 euros more or less pretty much so what how did you what did you say so you have got holiday money girls but you haven't really got 80 quids worth yeah that's insane i was sort of thinking 20 quid each or something yeah to spend on the holiday um so that's way too much but we want it how about this i've just found out on the internet at home and it is 28 pounds so you can get one each for less money. But then that one in there, but at home. What do you want to do?

My God. Can you wait? Was this the last day? Like middle of the trip. And like I was too fed just letting them do whatever they wanted because it's easier than actually parenting. And I'll tell you about this. You can get a little, there's like 10 euro teddy. You can get a 10 euro teddy.

So you've got to think on the holiday. And we can get one of these each when we get home. Yeah. Right. But you can get the little there's like 10 euro teddy you get a 10 euro teddy so you've got to think on the holiday and we can get get one of these each when we get home yeah right um but you can get the teddy now get the teddy now however the golden egg is at the shop and i'll get it but if you don't behave on the holiday and you don't do good listening and you get and you're naughty you won't have the golden egg so for a golden egg we need golden behavior oh so the golden egg classic the golden egg just became this carrot for the rest of the holiday like golden egg another yes daddy and it was on it anyway got it from absolutely loved it but they are like even for 25 quid it's like don't say this so were they waiting there when you got home i had to go and get them from the shop to click and collect from our guys

and brought them back but um yeah they loved it but they got they do have a big teddy in it to be fair so you get a big massive teddy and then have a bit so just say it's a massive teddy and some things don't say there's 25 items 25 my ass but yeah so i use that so if so if you are on holiday this summer that is a good because there will be something in that shop that's way overpriced because you're on holiday find it online order it and then use it as a bit of a and I tell you what

the thing if it's a shop in a resort I tell you what's easy just signing signing off at the shop the room

on the room number and then that yeah but the prices were so high I started thinking about just lying what room number you at

74 surname sorry I'm a. surname sorry but the uh the pringles like this killed me in this shop the pringle tall pinicles right the regular size and i've been thinking about this because i'm a big fan of what's upset you now sean walsh and paul mccaffrey's yeah podcast which is hilarious if you like two blokes moaning about life that's a great place to go but they've been talking about overpriced pringles because they were 3.99 for some in wh smiths at the airport for just that for the small the long tube of the long tube but yeah it should be really one to two quid yeah um in the hotel shop five euros ten

fucking norwich i bought two tubes and it'll be fine at the desk but there's nothing else otherwise you have to get them like Greek digestive biscuits you go the kids are going to eat them I know they're not digestives but they're not going to eat

these fucking Greek ones they taste exactly the same because it's not the same package and then we eat them have you reached the point in your life where you could justify to yourself

the minibar I can only do it if it's like last port of call so for example i said to the kids they could have an ice cream after dinner but the shopper chart yeah nowhere to buy anything right i probably spent four to five euros on a bar of dairy milk yeah it's heartbreaking yeah and i just i may as well if it's having a nice time and i'm on the balcony and i can't bother to go anywhere i'll have a beer out of it i've never touched a spirit in a minibar i i wonder what who on earth has got to the level

where they can guilt-free minibar well that's not even it begs to thought but the second thought of just yeah what's the perception is mark zuckerberg still checking himself at the minibar going, I just, it just feels sour. It feels, it's too expensive. I did treat myself to a little Kinder Hippo and had one of them in there. Did you?

And I'm partial to a Kinder Hippo. Blimey. Do you like Kinder Hippos? What is a Kinder Hippo? It's like a, it's like just a little hippo shape that's basically like

the sort of crunchy bit with Kinder chocolate inside. Yeah, like a kind of small bueno. Yes. That's exactly what it is, isn't it? I've just realised. Without the chocolate on the outside, just a bit of hippo paint.

Exactly, mate. Oh, I need to talk about the dog. We've got a cocky. The new member of the family. We've got this puppy, and I said, oh, it's absolutely fine, just copies what the older dog does. Right, yeah. Right, so a couple of issues. He will copy the other dog dog but that also means when the other dog's being a dick he's

a dick yeah and this happened so he's been going to sleep downstairs basically I've got two crates downstairs yeah the ultimate plan our oldest dog now could sleep out of the crate we basically put the dog in his crate but leave the door open and he can sleep in the crate or he can sleep on the sofa and he can mooch about and he's fine till morning um but if we shut the crate door we don't really care either so the ultimate plan is both of them downstairs no crate just on the sofas at night yeah however the puppy's too young to do that and can't be trusted and we'll wee and poo everywhere because if they're in their crate they won't wee or poo yeah we're trying to get them to go through the night to it but and actually it's doing really well with the puppy it's not we're not having to

get up in the middle of the night to take it for a wee he's holding it how so he's holding it for the night good on him how and we try and take him in the garden to do away absolutely not so he won't wee or poo in the crate but we'll absolutely shit in our kitchen at any moment oh no at all times right which is that's part and parcel of it that's life so anyway but the good thing is at night not been crying because if you get a puppy and you leave them downstairs, most people at night, they really cry. Most people end up sleeping down with them or letting them in the bed or whatever. We're quite good. We had to let our dog...

You're dead inside. No, but we had to let our child cry out after trying every option. We didn't want to. We were dead against it. But nothing else worked. We did cry it out. It worked. Yeah.

So once you let a kid cry out, a dog can go fuck itself. So maybe I'm dead inside who knows right but luckily with the second one there's an odd it sounds like you were cried out by it sounds like you were cried out for weeks on end rob judging by your emotional didn't do me any harm, I was crying out. Didn't do me no harm. Absolutely fine. But luckily there's been no crying. We put both dogs in the crate. There's a bit of crate between them so they're not on top of each other. So they've got company but the older one's not getting annoyed by the little one. Because the little one is annoying, the older one a little bit.

And he does that sort of telling off bargain. How does it work with the dogs? Because dogs, when you see a stranger dog in a park yeah they go for each other so how do you make no they don't really go for each other no they sometimes do sometimes do um so basically just make sure that the older one's got a bit of space so if they're playing the older one will like that but when it gets later the older one just wants to go to sleep but the younger one will keep just like biting at him so what it does is the older one will like bark at him and tell him off and maybe give him a little bit of a, not a nip,

but, like, will try and dominate him by pinning him down. It's just pecking order. But what we're doing is, when they're playing, it's fun, but if the older one does, like Fred does go for Georgie a little bit, we've got a little pen for Georgie to play in that we can go in and play with him so that the older dog's got somewhere to go. What do you do with the third one? No.

Well, let's find out if we want one's on first we can't go free dogs it's insane it's absolutely mental i just feel like my life's turning to jonathan ross's house yeah you're turning into like alex james you're living in the countryside we're getting a pizza oven are you gosney gosney we've got a gos on the way. I tell you now, my outdoor pizza album is the least cost effective investment I've ever made. Is it credit crushing £400 a pizza? I reckon I'm on £200 a pizza at the moment. Right, okay. What have you got though? Wood or gas? Wood. See, I think that might be the problem. Yeah, because... You haven't got a joke this gosney one apparently it's dual yeah yeah it's too late now right okay so i can put gas if i want a pizza

yeah you're going to talk me through five hours earlier think i need to start a fire so you start a wood fire Five hours before And you have to keep going back in that five hours To add, add, add Because it's not just getting a fire going You've got to get the actual dome hot That's the problem If you're on a hot pizza

Is your one a company It must be a company It was an actual rock formation It was an actual rock formation Anyway, I'm getting a Gosney dome must be accompanied yeah it's definitely I didn't make it it was an actual rock formation anyway I'm getting a Gosney dome I'll let you know

how it goes anyway so I think it would be a lovely thing to have my pizza oven oh my kids

would love pizza if I wasn't doodling with a two and a five year old do you know what I mean but yeah mine are older now

mine are seven and five so they'll they'll happily help make the pizzas and then anyway that's the plan for the summer it's like my garden is a is basically a graveyard of kind of hopes and dreams of just of other commitments do you know what i mean that i've just got to admit to myself well you're a skeleton it's not very crowded um but um so what's what's in there what's your favorite just plants that aren't growing growing um things that haven't been cleared up just all the stuff that i've just not got time for is in the garden

it's in the garden pizza oven how big's your pizza oven um probably that okay two pizzas in there at once i've never made managed that but yeah it's feasible usually there's so many ashes in there by the time i'm anyway i'll let you know how i'll get on with yeah yeah look forward to that look forward to that i've got one more thing i wanted to do with you oh no i need to talk about the dog so um so we thought they're in the crates fine you know at night they both go in the crate and they've not been crying at all even right um anyway we knew alone in bed and he like a lot of it's being a bit loud tonight it's a bit odd a bit of yelping as well like i was gone oh we got cocky blah blah blah then i like so knock it i thought someone's like trying to break in or something.

So I had a bang, bang. I was like, oh, God, is he just going mental in his crate and running against the ears? You know when you sort of have mad cow disease? Just imagine cows with head-butting walls and stuff all over the town. And I was like, that's a bit weird. Then I hear like, skurrying. I thought, have we got a mouse or rats or something like that?

What's going on? Anyway, I turn around around i absolutely shit myself from through the darkness a puppy jumps onto the bed i've never i felt a fucking battle because when you know it's a dog because there's so little you can barely hear them and with that i was like what is that i swiped i was probably and i was like i was so cozy i was thinking of you being a sock in a suitcase oh yeah being a sock in a suitcase right i myself that was good anyway i'm like lou was like oh god i must have not locked the crate i was like lou what are you doing like this is but that anyway so she took him down put him in the crate and the girls have been playing with the dog crates and left all the doors open at the back because there's doors on the front and back and the side we just open one and

shut one anyway so anyway so now so now though i wish you had video well not in your bedroom that's a weird thing to say well you wouldn't see much last last three week live stream if you want Last three week live stream, if you want. Like Big Brother. If you want two people sleeping facing opposite directions, be my guest. Less action than Makosi. Makosi!

So, the problem was, though, now he knows where we are. And then he's upstairs in a big closed bed. And then he started yelping. And then it was so funny, though, because when you've got... If the started yelping like that and then it was so funny though because like when you've got oh you can sort of you can if the dog gets him you can sort of like sell them off and then like sort of like a low no or whatever kind of thing i was like oh i can't tell him off you feel bad me and telling them off because they're just babies anyway the other dog parked him shut him up no amazing like in um like in prison so when they're like

but yeah so they are they are they do seem to be getting on so that's good yeah so that's good but that was like i was like this and the kids because the kids are just gone they're just so energetic my kids it's like they get up so early just so so, and it like. I do, I do, I was thinking this in the last episode when you got up at five with your kids. Yeah. It does feel like all that laughing at me

about two years ago has really come back to haunt me. I was thinking about that. I was like, I just. Our roles really switched on this. I just,

but I feel like it's just what they do now. Yeah. They're older. It's not like. Are they not old enough to just go downstairs on their own? Because my daughter will go downstairs on her own.

Yes, but if you go downstairs, you've got to let the dogs out to go for a wee. But at the moment, you can't really do that with the little one because they can't look... With the older dog, they just open the door and he'll run out and then he'll wait at the door to come back in.

Yeah. They do that with the little one. We've got one dog again. Which is happened right i got home from work right and then we was there was someone doing the garage was open the door there's a door to the garage and i went out of it shut the door behind me and then also like shut the other door so like the the dog can't really get out of the sort of kitchen sort of area the puppy that's where we're keeping him at the moment and um uh with with us there's a sofa in there we don't leave him in the kitchen and go and sit in the other room anyway um but i'm in and out and there's someone fixing something um

some builder people fixing something out the front and um i go out the door show it all behind me and then go and get out the car come back and i hear the builders go what is that and there's literally like like they turn around the puppies on top of a pneumatic drill and i'm like what it's and you it's so funny though because puppies are so small yeah but when they're yours they sort of go oh he's getting big down all that but when you see him next to a man and in the back drew it looked like the the punk himself was his tiny little skinny whippet so he looked like little grey kangaroos anyway so I was like what the fuck

what's going on but he did sort of react quite I was like it's obviously a dog come on mate I get the initial shot but you can't follow it up

with a second what the fuck is that come on seriously guys I was like alright you're getting a bit offensive about my dog now actually anyway so I picked him up and I was like

how has he got through two shut doors through the garage and out onto the street? Could have used him in your magic show. Anyway, I go back in. My five-year-old is stood with the door to the garage wide open with binoculars going,

I'm spying on you, daddy. So as she's had her binoculars watching me, the dogs run through. Oh, man. So it's all funny. But what I thought would be amazing about having the puppy off in the summer holidays the girls have got something to play with it's like they're all what the kids are always there so the dog never rests the dog's always being played with yeah they're amped up because it's a puppy all day it's just like if

it feels like a nightclub oh god i can't go on like this it's too much everyone's mental everyone's insane I don't know what to do because it's obviously me it's my fault because the characteristics in the kids that make them like that are all mine yeah but you can't vet your sperm

I've tried you can't you can't go your sperm i've tried you can't i know you can't you can't go like i want these characteristics of course of course but i should not be surprised you were in the future yeah but i consider how busy i am weekly and you like you are how much we do and how much energy i've still got yeah these kids are doing nothing nothing and they're kids and they're kids so kids is double the energy double the energy anyway but on top of whatever they've got from me yeah and they're kids and they're kids so kids is double the energy double the energy anyway but on top of whatever they've got from me yeah and they're hyped up because they've got a

puppy on on way too much sugar because we've got to get your energy from your parents energetic i don't know my dad my dad doesn't sit still at all my mum's quite chilled i'd say she's a bit more like what about your brothers yeah so my brother one of them yeah my brother russ's a bit more like... What about your brothers? Yeah, so my brother, one of them, yeah, my brother Russ is a bit more like me. He's really sort of like, he used to work at a flower market at like five, four in the morning and get up and go and stuff like that. Columbia Road.

Columbia Road, yeah, but I have got something a bit more than my brothers that relentlessly non-stop. I mean, I've literally spoke at you. You're in the corner of a room like I've kidnapped you now. I know, I do feel a bit pinned. You do feel pinned in.

But yeah, it's just like it is less stressful by zoom i'll be honest oh god anyway but yeah they're um yeah so they're all they're all good this episode is brought to you by secret secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection free of aluminum parabens dyes dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't.

Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Find secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. And they were two for one. Yeah. Okay. And I was like, fucking, this is, you know, made my week. And two, like, actual single ones or two packs? Two boxes. So how many, how many are you looking at? What's in a box? I haven't bought condoms in fucking years, mate. Bareback legend. No.

I don't know. How many are in a box of condoms? 18? Maybe, say, 10? 10. 10, so you got 20 condoms? 18? Maybe, say, 10? 10. 10, so you got 20 condoms. Yeah. Took the two boxes up.

Yeah. And it didn't ring through as two for one. Oh. You've got to say something. Yeah, I said something. I don't know about you, mate, but I'm planning on having sex 20 times. I was like, excuse me, there's a two for one sign on these. All right.

Which took a lot of guts for me. Yeah, I bet. Because when you're buying condoms, you don't want to draw attention. No, no, absolutely not. And I'll tell you what you don't want. What? Is the person to ring through

on the tannoy price check. Because they can't leave their station. No course so she rang whatever gavin could you double could you price check the two for one on durex durex extra small ribs turn to michael for a kind of virtual high five. Come on now. Come on. We're better than that. Oh dear.

So anyway, that would be my tip. I don't know what that, that's a digression. That is a digression. I wanted to play, I've set up another game of, I always like it when we play normal or not normal.

Okay. Do email in your normals or not normals. Yes, to check with me. But I've based them around myself, Rob. OK. Yeah, we haven't done these already. Pulp.

No, I'd say they're normal. Yeah? Yeah. I'd say Pulp normal. No, I think him mooning at Michael Jackson got him a normal. Right, yeah. We should say this is a game where Rob decides

whether things are normal or not normal to be into. Gardener's World? Not normal, depending on age, really to be into. Gardener's World? Not normal. Depends on age, really. The problem with Gardener's World or gardening programmes in the UK is if you're working class, you don't give a shit because your garden's probably not big enough or got any space for anything.

So I didn't know Monty Don was in a meeting with the BBC. And they looked at me like, what? I'd say Gardener's World, it depends on age. I think it's not normal if you're not old or rich. Yeah, OK. That's a problem. Sherlock Holmes. I should say.

Film normal, book not normal. Come on. That's the opposite way to the way I'm playing it. I don't like the film. I love the books. Would it help if I said I visited 221 Baker Street, 221B Baker Street twice? What's that?

It's where he lives. He's not real? No, it's right... That was his address in the books. Who lives there, then? It's a museum of Sherlock Holmes. But who was there before? What? I mean, he must have had a lot of confidence in the books. Who lives there, then? It's a museum of Sherlock Holmes. But who was there before? What?

I mean, he must have had a lot of confidence in the book to do the museum first. I don't know. I don't know whether it is 221. Maybe there isn't a 221. Maybe they've just built it there. But you went somewhere there isn't. Well, I went on to Baker Street.

You could go to the Sherlock Holmes. And you stood around between 220 and 223. No, no, it's there. Yeah, and it's a museum. It's a museum of Sherlock Holmes. Did you just stood around between 20 and 20 220. yeah and it's a museum it's a museum did you go in twice yeah was it good yeah i loved it what was so good to get a return visit i just love sherlock holmes the films are much better no they're not you've not read the books yeah you've watched the films have you little shit. Don't give me that. They're great. The way they break down fight sequences is amazing.

I don't want fight sequences. I want deducing. I've got Jonathan Creek then. I love Jonathan Creek. I like Jonathan Creek. Normal. Normal. I love Johnny Creek. I thought I'll ask you the book I'm reading at the moment.

Is this normal or not normal? I was reading this on the tube. Okay, go on. Michael Craig, Reach for the Stars, 1996-2006, Fame, Fallout and Pop's Final Path. I'd say that's not normal. It's just too intense, mate. Look at it.

It's so big. Yeah, it's about... I'm reading about S Club 7 at the moment. I don't think that's normal for a 40-year-old man to read about S Club 7. Why not? Well, what is it? What are you finding out? Well, it's just interesting, their stories. I've done Billy, Blue, Five, The Spice Girls.

Rest my case. Oh, normal. That's mean I'd say pop music's normal but reading a hardback book about pop music in your 40s not normal okay

well that brings me on to the final thing you don't think my outfit's normal today no I think your outfit's too normal I think you need some self respect because it might be filmed because we might be filmed today i know i think your outfit's too normal i think you need some self-respect because he might be filmed because we might be filled collecting things normal or not normal depends what you're collecting this is what i've started buying on ebay we were discussing this we never got to it did we i think it's well wrapped up in it yeah oh i love opening stuff yeah it's good isn't it it's exciting i bet they're excited. I unboxed Romesh's book the other day.

I really enjoyed it. Yeah, it was good. What, the book? The unboxing. I haven't read the book. I'm not a 10-year-old. You've got... Thank you so much for purchasing this item.

If you have any issues or problems, please don't hesitate to get in touch. We'll resolve the issue as soon as possible. Yeah, I've got a 40-year-old man who's ordering Smash Hit magazine. Is there anything you can suggest? You don't mind me opening it do you no so i started collecting smash hits magazine but old magazines i i've got some football ones too but smash can i give you a little tip yeah don't buy old ones it's too expensive just start buying them now and look at them in 20 years i mean it's in perfect condition look at that that is a thing of beauty that is a thing of beauty

don't you want that but you know what i've got this is so funny i i want to do a youtube series where i'll go through old magazines yeah but it was weird doing it on your own so you've got those smash hits ones guess what ones i i spent 50 quid on getting about 100 old magazines what is that what's it no no what is the most apart from boxing weekly apart from sport what is the most rob beckett magazine you could buy it to flip through from the 90s from the 90s? Yeah. Computer games? No. Lego? No. South East London magazine? FHM loaded medicine. Rob. Look at this.

Wet, wet, wet. Look at that. So how much was this? Eight pounds. Not bad. Not bad? See? Here I'm in.

I'm in. I mean, yeah. Oh, these are amazing. See, there we go. I'm in. I'm in. You love in. You love it. You love it. Look at Jason Orange there. Jason Orange.

Green and groovy. How eco-friendly are you? Here we go. This is good. Green and groovy. Green and groovy. It was before their time. This was July 92. Yeah. And it was 65p. 65p. So it's gone up in value. Yeah. right.

Tick the boxes if you... Okay, tick the boxes beside the things you already do and don't and resolve to tick four more by the end of next week. Okay. So this is Steve. If you do four or more, you're eco-friendly. Okay. Do you try to walk or bicycle whenever you can?

No. No, okay. Do you stick your empty glass bottles in a bottle bag? Well, I don't, but I've got a home bottle bag. No, you haven't. Power your... We used to go to the bottle bag. Techno subwoofer mega brain rock galactoblaster from the mains instead of using batteries.

Yeah, I do that. You do plug into the mains. I do plug into the mains. Reuse your carrier bags. Yeah, do that. They into the line i do plug into the mains reuse your carrier bags yeah do that they're very funny too uh look for symbols indicating products are recycled ozone friendly i remember the ozone hell what happened to the ozone there's a whole season that's what it was it was hair so is the whole gone no it's repaired itself hasn't it that's it hasn't it i don't know

is the ozone all right now that gives us hope um recycle household paper or contact your local council to find out where it can be recycled yeah do that you do that did you used to go to the bottle bank yes that was fun fucking brilliant smashing the bottles into the bottle bank uh did it put a brick in the cistern of your loo. It will save you the amount of water which your toilet flushes. Leave it out, stinky arse. I can't do that. You won't get rid of the shit stains. I thought you were going to hate smashing.

You've got a lot in it. Don't leave lights on necessarily. Fill the bath right up. Even better, take a shower. It saves water. Take a shower. Don't fill the bath right up. Don't chuck out old out old tin cans stomping them violently and take them to a recycling plant yeah no not tick that's dangerous hands a drink but not yeah beans

imagine stamping on that vinyl you lose your foot don't boil a full kettle don't become a chairman of a horrible multinational company corporation which chops us down 10 000 ounces of precious rainforest every day just so you can graze cattle in the land and make burgers out of them. It's just not on. Bloody hell, smash hits is very political,

isn't it? I know. There you go. But do put 16-year-old boys on your cover. Oh, there you go. So is that normal

or not normal? I think it's normal to have a hobby like that. I think that's fine. I want to see you react to this page. And then we'll turn the page around towards Theo. The unofficial Philips Gofield story. Part two.

Part two? Wait till part three, smash it. Jesus. That's him at 30 wow wow that is normal and I'm in for it yeah

that is normal the hobby's normal oh that was great fun oh I enjoyed that do you want to do a small business shout out yeah do you want to do

some correspondence also on correspondence. We need some more stuff that isn't boomer stories. Yeah, thank you for your great boomer stories. We are drowning in boomers. Just parenting fails, parenting hacks. Parenting hacks. As long as they're quick and not too long,

we won't read them out. What do you collect? What other things have we covered today? Yes, what collections? Yes, dad hobbies. Dad hobbies. Mum and dad hobbies. Normal or not normal. Normal collection? Yes, dad hobbies. Dad hobbies. Mum and dad hobbies. Normal or not normal.

Normal or not normal. We need more mum hobbies. Yeah. I feel like dads get hobbies. Yeah. You're allowed a train set in a attic because it's dad's hobby. What about mum? Are there mum hobbies that aren't in the spotlight?

Or are there secret mum hobbies? Yeah. Because I think Lou's hobby is the Vanderpumps. Oh, Rose loves the Vanderpumps. I know, they're obsessed by it. Lou's watched all of it. Has she? She started in March.

It's 186 episodes. Fucking Nora. I know. Or past life babies. I'll bring in a loaded magazine next time. Hi, we listen to your podcast every week while we're packaging orders. I would love a small business shout out.

We have two children, Harry five and Ava four. You give us such a giggle every week while we're packaging orders i would love a small business shout out we have two children harry five and ava or ava four you give us such giggle every week and make us less efficient uh than we could be on our packing nights we sell eco-friendly paydoh specifically designed for little hands don't i thought you're gonna make a joke about little hands no it's much softer than the playdoh you've probably got a home i mean smaller children can be imaginative and creative independently it smells delicious too and is ukca safety tested giving parents a chance to grab a sacred warm cup of tea while the little one is busy playing and learning our website is www.curiositycorner.co.uk or on social media we are at curiosity corner sensory dough thanks alexandria there we go also hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk is the email if you want to send in

parenting fails hacks hobbies normals not normals there we go here's another small business shout out hi rob and josh I'm a speech and language therapist working with children with communication needs. Please can you give a small business shout out to my wonderful colleague, Rachel, who has developed Little Fox Interaction Box. Her gift boxes contain... Can you stop putting that in your bag, please, Josh?

Sorry, it's got my address on it, so I didn't want to leave it. OK. Is it in the line of the camera? Well, I just thought it would be a one-off cutaway-off cutaway to you yes of course um but yeah anyway i'll do this sorry i could just i just could just hear you yeah in paper josh actually it's quite disrespectful to children that have speech needs yeah and also as a child that needed speech therapy now talking over me and making now picking your up, it's actually quite offensive.

Sorry, I was picking my keys up because I was worried they'd be loud. I'm a speech and language therapist, work with children with communication needs. Please can you give a small business shout-out to our wonderful colleague, Rachel, who has developed Little Fox Interaction Box. Josh is now silently picking things up. What are you really making me laugh?

I'm not saying that towards the end i'm slightly signed out back it up to lee um her gift boxes contain items to support early communication and interaction there's also top tips to support parents with communicating with their babies which is so important for language development they make the perfect gifts for newborns mums and dads parents to be baby shells and first or first birthdays instagram at little fox interaction box facebook little fox interaction box etsy little fox gift from sam in york thanks everyone and i'll see you on friday for a guest interview josh we've got sean walsh coming back yes Yes, part two. And it is an absolute. The child's not on the... Well, the child is on the podcast.

Yeah, he is an absolute cracker. It's just as you'd imagined him to be. Yeah. As a parent. See you then. Bye. Bye. Hello, I'm Gem Brister.

And I'm Kerry Godliman. And we host the brand new podcast series, Memory Lane. Each week, we'll be taking a trip down Memory Lane with our very special guests, as they bring in four photos from their past to talk about. And Jen and I will be doing new episodes every week. Come on, we can all be nosy together. Memory Lane podcast, available now.