Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP31: The Parenting Hell Mixtape

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

A selection of some of our favourite chats about (mostly) parenting misadventures with previous guests... Episode Playlist: S5 EP6 - Sara Pascoe S5 EP27 - Gary Neville  S5 EP20 - Stacey Solomon   S5 EP4 - Romesh Ranganathan  S5 EP26 - Rachel Parris  S6 EP4 - Alesha Dixon S6 EP14 - Suzi Ruffell Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show with any correspondence, kids intro audio clips, small business shout outs, and more.... here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell Join the mailing list to be first to hear about live show dates and tickets, Parenting Hell merch and any other exciting news... MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello i'm rob beckett and i'm josh widdicombe and you're listening to now that's what i call parenting hell sarah pascoe what have you are you

eating something Josh sorry what are you eating I'm eating yogurt because I got home I just got home from nursery drop off four minutes ago I think a yogurt is one of the worst things you can eat for an audio sorry I'll stop but I tell you what this is why we should have put the videos on because it's very funny to watch someone eat yeah let's put your video on it's in a bowl it's in a bowl it's not like it's not like a munch bunch or something but a yogurt i don't know what yogurt i think like a yogurt just sounds like your mouth's so full isn't it it's really also it's really sort of like woman in an office who's starving she just has a yogurt on her desk and she just sort of gulps it down and carries on

with her work. Sorry, I've had a busy morning dropping the kids. Just let me get this yoghurt down. This is my time. This is my time with my activia. Sarah, this is very close to the bone for Josh

because we put a photo up of... Well, yeah, because we put a photo up of me in a vest hoping everyone would take the mickey out of me but then everyone just said that Josh looked like a middle-aged woman having a start breaking down and he did now he's eating yogurts at his desk oh here we go you know i think i look a bit oh my god my glasses are

steaming up now as well the pressure's too much how your glasses how many kids have you got sarah let's move on let's move on okay yes so i have got a baby he's a boy and Let's move on. Yeah, so I have got a baby. He's a boy and he's nearly six months old. And it's my first child and I'm 41. I had him at 40. I'm an old, old mum with a young baby. No, I wouldn't. I'd say these days in our industry, Sarah,

late 30s is about the mean average, I'd say, isn't it? It's true, isn't it? I've been talking on stage about how I really thought you had to choose between a career and a baby and so it was only when I got to about 35 and I got really sort of bored that I was like oh I could do that as well actually. I could also have a family. Well that because that's the thing it's unfair on women have got more of a time pressure on that and also societal pressure of questions all the time where if you're a 35 year old bloke out and about working no one ever mentions it to you but if you're a 35 year old

woman it's like so what's the plan something really passive aggressive yeah absolutely when both of my sisters got married and had children before me and they're both younger than me and at one of my sister's weddings um one of my sister's friends and she was talking to me because she liked date out of 10 cats and she wanted to know if jimmy carr was nice and then the next thing she said was and she just sort of gestured with her arms like the wedding the children running around the sun going down my sister in love with her husband she just just with ramen all this not for you oh my god all this not for you you Oh my God! Or there's not for you.

You've got Jimmy Carr and they add 10 cats on you. That's not this. Solar Studio in Elstree is how you want, is it? A lukewarm Nando's before you're witty. Dictionary Corner and horrible tweets. Is that your life, is it? That's obviously sometimes, I think,

from an internalising thing of someone that that did think like you did you have a pick career or family and they pick family and there's a slight resentment to someone who's very successful in their career i think that's the battleground yeah oh that's what we read into it but we read in that there's some kind of value judgment rather than just oh you focus in on that or is that what makes you really happy you've made all you've made choices it is tricky because um because we tried to have children for a really long time and then to dive the earth i found all of those conversations really difficult because i didn't want to make it really i didn't want to lie but i also didn't want to make it really like a downer so yeah i was quite defensive about the question because it's like if i tell you

the truth then i'm telling you some really heavy stuff straight away. Yeah. And that's not what you mean. You just, you just want like a yes or no answer. What's the plan? Yeah. And you're not sometimes in that situation just because you've both gone

for like a mini burger canapé. And then all of a sudden you're in a deep dive conversation with this cousin that you've never met before. What did you reply to this not for you? I think, I think I said something very non-committal and then I've just been angry about it in my head for five years. You know, I keep reliving it. What should I have said?

Oh, right. Actually, women can have it all now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's it. It's the assumption that, yeah, just that I'm fine. Yeah, just haven't met the right person. Like, yeah, it's odd, isn't it? Gary Neville, welcome to Parenting Hell.

We're both very excited to have you on this, to be honest. We don't, you know, we don't want to big up too much. We're big fans. Starstruck. There aren't many of them. Well, Josh genuinely is. Not just me. My wife is so jealous.

She's the world's biggest Gary Neville fan. Oh, wow. Yeah. Is this from Man United? Like, from the start? No, no, no. No, I'll be honest with you. It's from Monday Night Football.

She's not even that into football, but she absolutely loves you. And to a lesser extent, Jamie Jamie Carragher but mainly you. What did she think of the Scouser? No, she's not that fussed. She's not that fussed. And so, she's not that into football

but I'll put it on. But she also, now I've converted her to Gary Neville's soccer box as well. She loves it. Anything Gary Neville based. She's obsessed.

Have you found you've got a new female fan since the after playing career, Gary? Because I never had you down as a heartthrob while you played. No, I don't think many people have ever had me down as a heartthrob. Yeah, I think it's fair to say not many. No, I don't think I've got a few.

I'm not exactly David Beckham. No. She's not into David Beckham, Gary. It's all about you. Oh, I don't think I've got a few. I'm not exactly David Beckham. No. She's not into David Beckham, Gary. It's all about you. Oh, is she not? No. Really? I was thinking then there must be a reason behind her interest in me. It must be access to Becks or something like that.

There's no way it can be genuine. She said, has he got a number for Phil Neville? That's what she said. You must have had that though when you were like playing at may united that did you feel like sometimes you were just people's route to beckham with when you was out and about with david i spent most of my life at united definitely if it was ever even well there was the media days or if there was a team day out i certainly wasn't the point of interest when you got beckham cristiano ronaldo and all the rest of interest when you've got beckham cristiano ronaldo and all the rest of the lads sort of like you know wandering around so gary oh i know this

because i follow you on instagram and i've seen i've seen your family on holiday that was creepy um but um what's your family setup gary married with two children both girls 12 and 13 oh okay so you're going into the the hardcore years, are you nervous or is it going alright? No, do you know something, it actually annoys me a little bit because all the way through the different stages of being a parent, even before children are born they'll say oh your life will change, you'll get no sleep and then you get them to Tuesday so it's the terrible Tuesday and then you get to five is that all they're going to school and that's difficult and you know something I have to say this and maybe it's because of my approach

and maybe to be fair my wife feels slightly different than I do honestly for me my relationship with my girls I always feel like obviously I'm I'm the dad and they're my daughters, but I almost feel like in some ways it's a friendship whereby nothing that they can do really bugs me or annoys me. I don't get angry with them anymore. I don't get angry with them at all, actually. And I don't see them all the time because I'm away quite a bit with obviously doing the football.

When I was with England, obviously, as a coach, I used to go to World Cups for a month. actually appreciate my time with them and I've never found any stage yet so far of their lives where I've thought oh I don't like this and even now I can see the fact that you know I can see there's makeup has started to be introduced and there's an influence of say social media platforms and I'm like you know I want them to get really good at social media. And in terms of sort of the makeup and the changing of appearances and wanting to wear dresses or wanted to wear things that, you know,

you know, teenage girls wear, I'm thinking, well, was this always not going to be the case that they were going to grow up and that they're going to want to go through this phase? So I actually feel, I don't know.

I feel quite good about my relationship with the children. And I don't feel as though I'm daunted by what's coming, to be fair. That is... I'm a naive. Does that sound like a naive thought? No, it doesn't. I like it. It sounds like you've got it together, which might be quite hard going for the next 45 minutes if you've nailed everything there is to do with parenting.

But we'll find a way. Did you... I see you as a kind of authority figure. That's how I'd see you as a parent. Would that be fair to say? Honestly, never in a million. My relationship at home with my children is the one relationship I think probably in my life

with my wife as well, where I'm not the authority figure. I've always felt as though, obviously even on Sky, you speak with authority. You speak with a determination. At home, honestly, I am nothing like that. Absolutely the opposite. on Sky you speak with authority you feel you know you speak with a determination at home honestly I am nothing like that absolutely the opposite I because to be honest when I go home I don't take

my professional life home with me and I never have so there's no football paintings around there's no football shirts there's no reference to you know my career or anything I always wanted to get away from my professional life at home. And so I see it completely differently and I'm not like that at home at all. So for instance, tonight I've been away for a week. I went to Singapore and then I've been in London

and still in London now and I go home tonight and my oldest daughter said that she wanted to go around to my mum's tonight, which I thought was a little bit disrespectful personally because I've been away for a week

and I'm like, well, do you not want to see me? And I think if I was being authoritative, I'd say, I've not seen you for a week. I'm like, well, do you not want to see me? And I think if I was being authoritative, I'd say, I've not seen you for a week. I want you to stay at home with me. But I've said, no, that's what she wants to do. Go on, you're an independent thinking,

you know, young person, go for it. You can spend another night away from me if you want. But the youngest daughter, to stay at home, because she's got a little bit, to be fair, she's a little bit nicer than my older one.

My older one's a bit like me. I love her to death fair, she's a little bit nicer than my older one. My older one's a bit like me. I love her to death, but she's a little bit sort of, she has the sort of blinkers on, quite focused and she knows what she wants and she wants to go to my mum's. So she goes to my mum's.

Oh, so a week away and she's around the nan's house. Yeah, she's around the nan's and she probably likes being with my mum more than she likes being with me because my mum looks after her and, you know, they'll watch netball games together

and she'll give her what she wants food-wise and things like that. And, yeah, just like nans do, really. And with the girls, I've seen it on your Instagram, where you almost feel like the annoying younger brother to them, where you're filming them and winding them up. Is that your sort of role with them? You say you don't take your work home are you not the authority figure no that is what you see to be fair on instagram is pretty much how i am at all with them in terms of just trying to

joke with them laugh with them um you know i suppose yeah it is a little bit like that and i embarrassed them enormously and i always thought that and we all think we're quite cool dads, don't we? And that's the one thing I can't quite work out. Why are they so embarrassed about me? Am I not a cool dad? And I think every dad that I've spoke to feels the same. Welcome to the podcast, Stacey Sullivan. Good morning.

How are you? Oh, my gosh.. Good morning. How are you? Oh my gosh, I'm tired. How are you? All right. So have you got a kid there then, Stacey? Yeah, I've got a few of those. No, my son Rex is here and my daughter Rose is here. I luckily managed to tie Rose's nap to a tee, so she's asleep. But Rex is running around playing Hot Wheels. So you might hear some door sl asleep but Rex is running around playing Hot Wheels so you might

hear some uh oh yeah just some door slams and some some feet running around I'm sorry goes away at the moment so I've literally it's just us we usually try and do our work oh that was nice Rex thank you and we usually try and do our work like alternatively but it just hasn't happened in the last three weeks because he's been away. Oh, fair enough. He's been away filming. Stacey, for the uninitiated, please can you run us through how many children you have and their ages, if possible? I don't know if I can remember myself. I've got four children.

Together we've got five children. Joe's eldest son, Harry, he's 15. My eldest is 14. Then there's Leight layton who's 10 oh my gosh how bad is it that i have to sit and think i'll forget their names sometimes i'm like pio tell your peanut which are the dog's names until i finally reach my children's place and then we've got rex who is free and rose who is about to be one and you've got a load of dogs as well. Just the two dogs. Just the two dogs.

Yeah. Do you know what? Four kids isn't enough. Shall we get two dogs as well? Amazing. Well, I met one of your dogs, Peanut, at the wedding, and he's very well behaved. Oh, my gosh.

Peanut is the most friendly dog ever. He loves people. And when you were at the wedding, when we got our photos back from that little photo booth, Peanut was in nearly every single one. We must have just stopped in the taxi getting pictures of everyone. Well, no, Peanut was asleep in the taxi. And then everyone went in and just sort of picked him up. And he stayed asleep or half woke up for a photo.

And then they left him in the cab. So he was always in the cab. He loves to cuddle so much was always in the cab he loves the cuddle so much he had the time of his life that day there were so many people giving him attention oh it was it was amazing i'll just say because we were so um me and lou were so honestly invited with the girls and it was such a lovely day i'd say i've been to a load of weddings you know you go to some weddings they're nice or there's some you go he did that and she don't know all those sort of things but it was a proper let's hear more about those ones just a bit more details on those ones

would be ideal you know the weddings i'm talking about and um honestly i've never been to a wedding full of so much love and the speeches nearly absolutely killed me stacy because all your boys are a bit older now they're like teenagers they did speeches about you and joe and what you all you meant to each other and joe's mum did one because joe's dad's not around and oh my god it was no more it was so funny because the boys did it we didn't say to him we have to do a speech or anything like that so we didn't know if they were going to do anything or not we just said you know on the day if you fancy it go for it and joe was an emotional mess the whole day weren't he yeah so before i even walked down the aisle why people come up coming up to me like my mum and my mother-in-law

saying don't worry joe's a bit of a like a bit of a mess down there but don't worry he's happy i was like what the heck is going on so like as i walked down the aisle he was already sobbing and i just i'm not very cryy i i. And I just, I'm not very cryy. I don't know why. I'm just not very cryy. And I thought, I'll be fine the whole day. It'll be absolutely fine. And then as soon as the boys were like, oh, yeah, we want to say something,

we want to say something, I just could not hold it in. Because they never say anything, especially teenage boys. They basically don't ever tell you how they feel or what they think of anything. So it was really emotional emotional to hear like what they had to say and they were actually really nice i was so surprised you know you go through that moment where you're like oh what they're gonna say what they're gonna reveal yeah i've never seen teenage boys be so sort of emotional because i was expecting them to go yeah and dad you're a bit of a dick or like what teenage boys thinks funny but don't realize it's a wedding they were so like it must have been so lovely to hear especially with a i think the words blended family now like you're always

worried if they're not going to get on and things like that but that must have been lovely for you it really was so nice and i think as well because joe did joe's joe's very um open at home and and he really like talks about his dad a lot and what how much it affected him losing his dad I think the boys because we are a blended family and their their lives necessarily and their parents haven't been everything that you see in the films yeah I think they really appreciate where like what Joe's been through and you know he's an amazing dad and an amazing father figure in our lives. And it was just so like, I think it was just really, yeah, really shocking to see that we're doing all right. They're actually quite happy.

It was just like, phew. What's going on in the background, Stacey? We need an update. You know what? My baby has woken up. Oh, no. Rex thought I'd left him because I went to check on the baby. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. It's all right. I think when we interviewed Joe, for some reason, he ended up recording it in the toilet. I don't even remember why. Oh, my God. Because he loves being on the toilet. That's his alone time.

I'm not joking. Sometimes he'll go, I'm just going to toilet, babe. Watch the kids. I go, all right, then. Two hours later, I'm like, you still on that toilet, yeah? I ring him. I FaceTime him to see if he's actually sitting down he'll fully strip get naked pretend he's down the toilet just so he can spend a couple of hours on his own is he a fully stripper for the toilet then fully naked he's so weird yeah i remember him fully stripping off in

the jungle we used to share a dressing room and he'd leave all his clothes outside the toilet to go to the toilet some people do that some people are full strippers i mean i wish i had the time to fully toilet to go to the toilet. Some people do that. Some people are full strippers for the toilet. It's so bizarre. I mean, I wish I had the time to fully strip to go to the toilet. Hello, Gus Khan. How are you? He's great at intros. He really bigs you up.

How you doing, mate? That's the best intro I ever heard in my life. I'm good, lads. What's going on? Well, we're just living back england while you're in hollywood mate in all those films and netflix shows oh is that what you think my life is okay let me explain to you where i'm right now welcome romeo schrodingerathan, to the Parenting Hill podcast. I've got my mic in front of me, sorry.

I'm so excited because of something that's happened. Okay, well, first of all, Romesh, lovely to meet you. You're a comedian, right? You're a comedian, yeah? Have you got kids? Right. How many kids you got? No, let's move on to the main story.

I thought cameras would be off. kids you got? No, let's move on to the main story. What the names? I thought cameras would be off. You're going to take a photo of this. So for listeners... Describe this for us, Josh. Well, Rob thought there'd be no cameras on. We leave it to the guest's discretion and Rob chose to have the cameras on. And Rob's wearing a vest.

And like... Is it like aerated? Is that a bat? Rob looks like he's just been looking for catfish in the deep south. He looks like he's been fishing in Tennessee. Right, so what's happened is, right, Lou's away with the kids and I'm at home. And everything's gone wrong over the last 12 hours in your life.

No, basically... Oh, God, it's horrible, isn't it? I'm going to pin one of you so I don't have to look at it. Basically, I've been doing exercise and I didn't think the cameras would be on so I thought I could just wear the vest. However, I am starting to wear vests more. I wore this vest on a dog walk

and I didn't realise I was wearing it until halfway through the dog walk. Because you're so comfy in a vest. I was wearing the vest at home, I did some exercise and I thought, oh, the dog needs a walk, so I in a vest i was wearing the vest at home i did some exercise and i thought oh the dog needs to walk so i went out in it and i i was like i'm a man in the street of a vest on yeah yeah i i had this where i but during the first during the first lockdown lockdown one i bought a pair of yoga pants yeah and i really liked them really enjoyed them found them comfortable and then i thought i wanted to wear these out so i started but i knew that lisa

would object so i started wearing them round the house to get her used to the silhouette. What is a yoga pant? Is that big at the top and then comes in at the bottom? They're sort of like, I would describe, the closest thing is MC Hammer trousers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So proper drop crotch.

The drop crotch is around the shin somewhere. So I'd worn them around the house and Lisa had stopped sort of commenting on them. And I thought, okay, we're ready now. And then one day, one day we're about to go on the school run and I came down the stairs in the yoga pants and she just stopped what she was,

she's in the middle of getting the kids ready. Right, three boys getting them ready, right? She stopped. So you've got three children, is that correct? Yeah, three children. Just sort of pretend it's a podcast about kids. Let's tie it to the podcast a little bit. And she just looked at me and she just went,

what the fuck are you doing? In front of the kids. Yeah. Because I think the need to not swear in front of the children is overridden by the need to stop your husband. Yeah, that's more of a pressing... If they're crossing a road of eight, it's, fucking stop!

You're allowed to swear at your kids then. And then suddenly, oh, Dad's doing hammer time across the zebra crossing there. This may be a bit gratuitous, but what was the penis on show? Do you know sometimes when you have a plasterer that comes around in a pair of lightweight,

light grey jogging bottoms and it's basically they walk in the room helmet first and then the rest of their body follows what's what was that what does that happen with the yoga pant because they're very thin i would describe my look as actually eunuch but where they're so they're so baggy it looks like i'm just smooth down were you doing yoga or did you just like the style no it's just that you know like when when you were when we weren't going out and so you started just experimenting with things that are more comfortable because jeans became difficult to put back on, didn't they?

I'm still struggling with jeans. Yeah, so I sort of got into joggers and then I was like, I got into joggers, edgy. Josh never had a pair. Josh never had a pair until we started doing this podcast. Yeah, I didn't have a pair. I just couldn't deal with it. It feels like admitting defeat.

He used to sit downstairs at night in jeans, Romesh. I mean, that is... Sad, isn't it? No wonder your stress levels are through the roof. I wonder why he's got gut rot. No, it's because I'm going straight out after this. I had to dress to go out after this. We're all busy, Josh.

Well, no, Romesh. Look at him. He's sat in a fucking vest on his own in his house. I'm tarmacking. I'm tarmacking at 12. But anyway, I was wearing joggers, and I found them really comfortable, and I thought, hold on, I've moved from jeans to these,

and that's been a real revelation. What if there's a level beyond this? Do you know what I mean? And so I was looking up, like, I don't know why i went for yoga pants yeah so anyway look long story short they're very comfortable and i love wearing them and every now and again i go out well i nearly went to the school run in this vest and then you stopped me like that as well but i i knew that was bad i wouldn't go out for the day in it i'd

wear it like to and from the pool on holiday yeah i think that's okay that's fine but the school run i know is not okay and also i haven't really got the arms for it which Yeah, I think that's acceptable. Is that okay? That's fine. But the school run, I know is not okay. And also, I haven't really got the arms for it, which is quite... I think you have, actually. No, I haven't got arms that look like muscly arms

that everyone look at my arm. They just don't look bad. No, but what's good about your arms is it doesn't look like you're wearing a vest to show off your arms. But what are you saying? You're saying that I'm not

showing off my arms, Josh. Well, what I'm saying is no one's going, oh, Rob's got ripped and now he's wearing a vest to show off. Sorry, so... They're not saying that i'm not showing off my arms josh well i'm what i'm saying is like no one's going oh rob's got ripped and now he's wearing a vest to show off so they're not saying that they're not saying that okay right just going to double check in case they were if you if you logged on here and said to me oh uh guys uh i've got i've got a halloween party after this i'm going as early m&m i would believe but yeah so i yeah so that's the vest um so yeah i don't and i know i

can't wear this on a school run but i just forget i've got it on sometimes it's just so comfy it feels so free i like the wind in my armpits i'm really do you worry about lifting your arms up and people seeing your armpits no why would i do that it's not got a swastika tattoo or something weird isn't it like yeah but i wouldn't go hi how's it going and lift them up yeah how often are you lifting your arms on a daily basis me

Josh does a school run as a hostage yeah just once in huzzah it's time for school I'm sorry I forgot that you went around your day

never lifting your arms above 90 degrees doing the big shop and refusing to get anything off above the third shelf have you seen Josh have you seen Josh

he absolutely lifted his arms all over the place what a maverick car washes Doing the big shop and refusing to get anything off the third shelf. Have you seen Joshy? Have you seen Joshy? Absolute lunacy. Lifting his arms all over the place. What a maverick. Car washes, like that big inflatable thing. Rachel Parris, welcome to the show. Hello. How are you? I'm fine, thank you.

Yeah. Good. For a show called Parenting Hell, I am child-free today. Ooh. I thought you were going to say completely. I was going to go, this is going to be a long interview. Yeah, we've put the child up for adoption, actually. It's really quite a lot of hassle, we found out.

We've just changed our minds. We were just tired in the morning, so it was not worth it. And we're not tired now. So it actually has worked out really well. Still got the photos. Rachel, how old is your baby? He is 14 months, 15 months. Is that still a baby?

Is that a toddler? Well, he's walking now so I think officially it's a toddler. Yes. Officially a toddler. But I think it's perfectly normal that I still try and hold him horizontally and sway him and sing to him a song that goes,

you're still my baby, you're still my baby. Yeah. That's normal, isn't it? I think that's absolutely fine, not problematic at all. I think once he's talking, maybe you need to knock that on the head. My mum still does that with my youngest brother when he's 34. And Rachel, for people that don't know, you're married to Marcus Brigstock, a comedian that we all know as well.

That's correct. And just to clarify, our baby is with him, not just away. Yeah, so that's your baby together. And he's got children from a previous relationship. So are you stepmum? Is that a thing? I am, yeah. I'm stepmum to two teenagers.

Well, I say teenagers. One of them's 20. So the other one's about to turn 18. So let's start with the baby first. The toddler. The toddler, sorry. He's still my baby. I mean, how involved are you, I suppose,

as the stepmum role? Because it's sort of a weird sort of thing to be when they're so old now. Yeah, well, so I came into their lives when they were 13 and 15. Oh, perfect age. I bet they love that. I bet you love that.

Just staring at each other all awkward. Yeah, I'm sure they were absolutely over the moon. Do you know what? Like, they were really good. I think it was hard for them and hard for all of us because blended families are hard. But actually, you know, you read about teenage kids and especially stepkids who have every reason to act out, actually. And, you know, they've just been pretty amazing, to be honest. And I mean, it's different because I was never able to truly mother them, if you know what I mean. You know, they've got a fantastic mum and that was never my job. You came in early doors, put in some really harsh rules, showed them who's boss.

Yeah, exactly. Things are going to change around here. It's a new set of rules. Welcome to Paris town. But I think they get a bit of a bad rep teenagers. I don't feel like they're as bad as what everyone's anxiety tells you they're going to be. Because I think that's the big worry, isn't it? Everyone goes, oh, you wait.

You wait till they're teenagers. But I think a lot of teenagers are just quite quiet and polite. A hundred percent. Like, I think teenagers, I think the one thing with teenagers is no matter how kind of socially aware and politically interested they are and all that kind of thing, I think teenagers are quite inward looking. And I think that is from that comes a lot of the things that people moan about, which is being sort of tormented souls. GCSE drama and their drama pieces and all of their friends throughout the schools drama pieces were about you know murder suicide like huge topics for yeah it's changed a lot since I was a teenager it would have been panini sticker albums and breasts do you want to know what my GCSE drama was my GCSE drama piece was set in a I was a blinded soldier in a World War I hospital.

Really? And then we came up with this ourselves. And the guy next to me would tell me stories about this woman that walked past the window. Where's this going, Josh? I'm just telling you what my GCSE drama piece was. At the moment, you've spoken more about this than Rachel has spoken about her kid

No I need more context Did you write this? Was it devised? Oh my gosh tell us about your drama GCSE Well I We wrote it as a group but it was mainly written by Harry Long Who went on to have a small part in Doc Martin Oh okay So anyway

I was blinded and there was a woman that walked Past the window that the other soldier would tell me about and she was kind of my hope. You know, I'm a fancy woman. And then at the end, the other soldier died. A new soldier goes into the bed and I ask him whether the woman's walking past the window. And he says, there is no window. Wow, that's good. Hairs on the back seat.

Oh my God, I thought you were going to say there's no woman. No, there's no window. That's even deeper. I think the line was, it's a brick wall. Oh, right. That's not as gently done. I think you've got better delivery now. It's a lot to do with the structural integrity of the building than I thought.

Yeah. Now I just feel like, why are you putting wounded soldiers in rooms with no windows? It doesn't need a window. Oh, he is blind. Yeah, but it's better to breathe. Oh, I hear what you're saying, Josh. Blind people don't need windows. You've made that very clear.

Lock them up. Oh, God. Oh, God. Let's go back to your toddler baby. No, no, go back to... Sorry, you were talking about your stepkids' drama clock. They're there. Oh, yeah, so I just think that there's a weird mixture, which is this generation, to be fair,

have had to put up with a hell of a lot already. You know, they've been brought up in a big recession. They've had COVID, NHS not at all equipped to cope with their mental health struggles. So I do feel... And they have to have social media. Yeah, social media. Yeah have to have social media yeah social media so and bully you know bullying online and some of them haven't got pubes yet and that's

really going to be getting in their head oh yeah the old the old pubes are you going back to your your teenage i was desperate for pubes that's another story rachel i've been shaving my armpits but that's have you yeah yeah what are you doing swimming what am i doing i just don't know i have an area adam pt what's well no i just think why do i need long airy bits out my arms just get all sweaty and horrible i might as well keep them short how long is it well i'd say you there when they're when they're unleashed are you looking at three to four inches that is very long and they're all blonde so it looks like i've got a tiny woman in my in my arm and it's just their hair coming out sorry so you're you're what i just

my favorite bit of the interview is the shock in rachel's voice when she how long is it i think that well i was about to i was about to dig in deep about pubic hair but i think you know there's a happy medium isn't there well you want to i think it should be gender neutral that you just keep it trim yeah like the thing is i think you don't want it completely bald because a man's penis looks like a mole rat. So what you want is just a nice splatter in a pubic hair, but not a big bush that's overwhelming for everyone involved. There we go. And I will not be moved on that. You know, and women's bits don't look like a mole rat.

But I sort of think you still want to look like a human, don't you? Yeah. Mincepits don't look like a mole rat, but I sort of think you still want to look like a human, don't you? Yeah. So what was their drama pieces? This is the most digressing we've ever done in my life. Navigating. I just can't be clear enough. There wasn't a window. Picture that, Rob. There was no window in this

war veteran's hospital. I'm absolutely blown away by that. I'm not going to sleep tonight. So, that is a good question. Are you sleeping tonight? How's your child this war veteran I'm absolutely blown away by that I'm not going to sleep tonight so that is a good question are you sleeping tonight how's your child sleeping we have some finished a story

about the drama GCSE that your step kids did oh no that was it just that they just that I think that was probably the most sort of cliche teenage thing

of every everyone in their school did these incredibly profound incredibly serious depressing topics which i think mostly their lives hadn't been touched by but also that kind of inward looking can extend to just you know

not being great at washing up and stuff like that which is the more traditional thing you know like but no that i'm very lucky that they're both they're both brilliant and they really so marcus um before he asked me to marry him, he obviously didn't ask my dad because I'd have hated that and told him off for being patriarchal. He asked his kids for permission. He asked his kids for permission? Oh, did he?

Yeah. Oh, that's nice. And, you know, they said they're really funny kids. And they said, yes, crucially. But they said, like, I think Alfie said something like, oh you didn't need to worry, we're far too naive to realise how this will

impact us in the future and Em said, oh my dad's all grown up Oh bless, that's nice So he didn't ask your dad Did your dad walk you down the aisle, Rachel? Yeah, he did, actually. Which was quite a traditional gesture. Because when you look at that,

they've literally given you away. It feels sort of like taking the daughter to a market, don't they? Because that's what Lou was saying there about it. Because it's sort of a weird tradition, isn't it, that you're giving away. But it is nice. That's it, isn't it?

It's a nice tradition. But it is actually, if you look at at it like the same with asking for permission it is a bit like can i have a cheers mate you're gonna pass her on yeah drop her off for you down the aisle about sunday about 11 knock a tenner off exactly oh but let's nicely ask the kids because you want everyone's got to be on board haven't they especially when yeah it's a new sort of um marriage on the cards you don't want that drama at a wedding well that's it yeah yeah exactly with the step family like it's it it's been really good for me i was the youngest child yet and i think that i kind of got my own way a fair bit when i was growing up um and i think being part of a blended family is

very much kind of realizing it's it's and they hate I really hate to even say these words but it's not all about me um also two comedians Marion as well there's a lot of who's it about it's that's been really hard to take um so still learning still learning that hello Alicia Dixon welcome to the podcast we're very excited to have you on alicia hello how are you we're good aren't we josh you're right yeah very excited we should always start with what is your situation alicia at home what's the kids situation well i've got a nine-year-old who's downstairs on the sofa poorly right now and a three-year-old who is uh at nursery okay that took a bit too long and i have a lovely partner called azuka nine and three that's quite a difficult gap isn't it a

little because my brother was six years older than me that the nine-year-old will want to be doing like almost nearly teenager things and then the three-year-olds a bit younger how's that playing out do they play well well i thought that leaving the gap was smart right because my in my mind i thought okay if by the time i have the second child the first one will be able to assist me she can fetch the nappies she can do all of you know i'll give her a job but my nine-year-old likes to be pampered, so that kind of backfired. And also, I thought, oh, the nine-year-old will be more motherly and, you know, big sister, look after her younger sister. They argue a lot. Do they?

Yeah, like there's a lot of clashing between them. But when they're great, you know, they are amazing. But they have those moments where they go at it and I just have to leave the room and let them figure it out between them. Just walk away and let them. Someone said to me, because I'm always trying to, you know, I used to intervene quite a lot. And then when we were away at Christmas, someone said to me, you know, their kids had grown up and they said, you know what, when they argue, just let them get on with it.

Just let them figure it out between them. So that's what I've started doing. That's good. Yeah. Well, if it turns physical, though, surely the nine've started doing that's good away yeah well if it turns a physical though surely the nine-year-old's got the upper hand which with my three-year-old it does sometimes come in the three-year-olds holding down the nine-year-old even turns on me so yeah you have to the younger one rules the house period really okay yeah she is the boss

don't mess with her yeah do you feel like because you've had a big distance do you feel like you're a different person like yes i've got more gray hairs and i'm exhausted i look different i've had to practice the art of patience and it's a daily practice but my goodness going from one to two was a massive shock to the system so mad isn't it yeah because when I was pregnant with my first daughter you know towards the end I'd lie around watching box sets you know chill out but you can't do that can you obviously with a second because you're running around after your other child yeah you're looking after a six-year-old that's quite an intense kind of experience was your was your six-year-old excited by the idea of becoming an older sister he was because she came home one day and asked for a sibling

and you got to it got to it on her in our firstborn so cute actually the first time we told her that we were having a baby and she didn't believe us. She did not believe us. She kept saying, what? There's a baby in there. Are you sure it's not just food, mummy? Really excited.

Always wanted a sister. She got her sister. And then when, you know, her father and I said to her about a year ago or so, how would you feel about having another sibling? She's like, no. She's over it. She is over it.

Did you, was it nice though? Because she was in school, your eldest, wasn't she then? I imagine when you had your baby, was she still in? Yeah, she was in, she would have been six. So she was in yeah she was she would have been six so she was in school so did you have a bit more time in the day to sort of like one-on-one with a baby where we found because we only got a two-year age gap the elders were still at home when we had the baby not even sort of properly a nursery so it was a bit like you was a bit split down the middle that's full-on but when i had the second baby i have to be honest it was a bit of a whirlwind because I was working right up until

my waters broke yeah sure um whilst I was working really is that why Simon Cowell looks so shocked all the time um and I I honestly yeah towards the end I was quite stressed and I ended up having four weeks earlier than she was supposed to be. Oh, wow. And then I had to fly to America to film America's Got Talent after five weeks of having her. Oh, my God. Oh, my word. It was a bit mental the first couple of months. Fortunately, I've got a very supportive mom, amazing partner. And we just all, you know, we just got on with it and just made it

work so we were in America for the first couple of months of her life and then yeah when we came back um I had the Christmas period to kind of relax Azura was at school and then it was straight back into BGT in the January so it was quite full on with it now and then was that Covid well actually yeah we came back from doing the promo trip in the jan and then i think we went into lockdown in the march and actually that period of time when we had that amazing summer that beautiful weather and we spent a lot of time together quality time as a family and that's when you know that's the test isn't it when you feel forced to be with with each other if you can still like each other at the end of it and we we had a very, dare I say, successful lockdown.

Like, yeah, the fact we just got on with it and it was great. But I have to say my eldest daughter, even though she, you know, doesn't want us to have any more children, she loves her sister. She's very protective. She, you know, she's been super helpful. She's proud of her. She loves showing her off. You know, it's that typical thing.

Are you panicking now because you said that she didn't want any more siblings you don't want us to listen back in case in a few years time and accuse you of uh being mean about her is that was that a safety sentence there at least but she's you know what she's she changes every week i mean even the other day she said to us oh i think we should have 10 siblings. And you just go, huh? Do you know what? I prefer the first answer of none. I was like, last month you said no, absolutely no way. I think it's because of the fear of having a little brother.

So she's like, I'd rather not, you know, chance. Yes. You can split, yeah, you can get a couple more girls to back her up in case there's a little boy running about. Yeah. But honestly, I think we're okay actually with two. I think, you know, I'd take my hat off to anyone with more than two. Well, yeah, because you had quite a lot of half siblings, I think. I don't know what the correct term is anymore

because I've got like half brothers as it were. Was there a lot of kids around when you was growing up or did you not see them all or how was that? Because I find that because there was a lot of us, I quite like it just having two kids where Josh was sort of, you had half siblings, but you was almost the only child. You quite like it being having two kids where Josh was sort of, you had half siblings, but you was almost the only child. You quite like it being busy

and lots of people around. Yeah, I love life being busy. Do you quite like it a bit quieter, Alicia? Yeah, like I've got five brothers, one sister, you know, grew up with a lot of noise. So yeah, I'm probably more leaning towards the quieter side.

Yeah, I've had enough of people being in the house. Fuck off and leave me alone. I've had enough of people being in the house. Fuck off and leave me alone. Rob's had enough people before the age of 20. He's done with people. There were so many people in my house. I remember once my auntie come to stay and my mum went, oh, I was about 14

and she went, can you find somewhere to stay this weekend around your mates or something because she's coming down. So I got shipped out to my mate's house for two nights. around your mates or something because she's coming down. So I got shipped out to my mate's house for two nights. Hello, Susie Ruffle. Hello, Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett.

Sorry, did I cough all over that, Josh? You really did, yeah. I thought that was quite bad. Sorry, should we start again? Let's do a proper intro. OK. Susie's our friend, but let's pretend this is like... Let's pretend she's not. ...an official interview.

No, yeah, who are you? Who have we got up next? We've got a lovely comedian up next. I've heard they're brilliant. Lovely. No one's lovely comedian. A funny one. Funny.

No, lovely. Do you remember when we did that? He's a lovely bloke. He's a lovely girl. No, it's still a proper intro, Josh. Go on. But I know what you're about to say, Josh. Do you remember when we did that gig and the guy couldn't remember

my name? Yeah, in Chester. In Chester. This is like more than a decade ago. More than a decade ago. We're in Chester. No, I remember about a decade ago, yeah. Oh, fine. A decade and a week ago. Who can say, did I do that? Why did I do that? That's very you.

Can you stop talking over our women guests, Josh? Oh, God. Sorry, Suze. It's like being back on Mock the Week. About two times I did it. So we were in Chester doing a tour show, and then we were doing, it must have been quite a small gig in Chester because you decided to double it with a weekend gig.

And then they put me on as an open spot. But the guy who I had never seen before and have never seen since couldn't remember my name and he'd written on his hand and he went up next we've got uh we've got someone doing a shorter set and it is and then had to look at his hand but rather than sort of looking at quite casually he went got no problem with my hands at the moment sort of stretched his hand out to read it to read my name and everyone was like oh okay and then it was like Susie Ruff it was so weird and I could see the room was small enough that I could see Josh delighted sort of guffawing at the back absolutely absolutely dying

good times though how are you Susie we've moved on with our lives we have tell us about your setup at home my setup at home is that I'm currently having double glazing windows put in. So I'm at Jen Brister's house. So you're not actually at home. I'm not living here. Someone's trying to fight the winter fuel bills going up. Yeah, exactly. We moved into a house and

it's really fucking cold. So we've got to get our windows done. So that's happened. Is it a Victorian build? It is, yeah. They're so pretty't they but fuckers so pretty but it's really cold really annoying i think everyone sort of does that don't they when they get out i love it like a victorian build with like the high ceilings fuckers to heat yeah absolutely windows need doing welcome to my life yeah i'm as cold as I am at your house, Josh. It's terrible. So, like any good lesbian, I've popped around to Jim Brister's house

because the sound's better here. Of course. There's not a key either. It just scans you and you get let in. Yeah, yeah. Any lesbians within 15 miles are allowed in and out. They just scan your shoes. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. She's done a bit of walking. There you go. Hope she's broke them dock markings in in get in they're comfy i did a gig in flip-flops once did you oh fuck off yeah and shorts are you allowed to swear on this yeah do it yeah mate yeah oh well flip-flops on stage there's no rules was it like someone was clapping because you know they sort of yeah as i walked off silent clap yeah I don't know what that was sort of ignorance is bliss

arrogance really how long ago was this? yeah where were you? oh this was when I first started probably the first year of comedy I wouldn't do it now no I'd hope not

I've got slightly more respect for the art but back then I hated everyone and everything and just thought fuck you I'll do what I want and it was really uncomfortable actually and I regretted it immediately

yeah anyway how old's your daughter? She's coming up for three. Three. So we're beyond saying months. Yes. Yes, yes. You know, you've hit that point, don't you?

You've stopped fanning about with 22 months, 24 months. I think a two, that should stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyone that's going, like, 28 months, no. No, no, no. A two, that stops, I think. So nearly three. So she's chatty, she, yeah. Anyone that's going like 28, no, a two that stops, I think. So nearly three. So she's chatty, she's fun, her emotions are extreme.

Are they? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you've got another year of that. Because you remember that bit where the joy is just so joyful. Yeah. And the rage is fucking terrifying. Yeah.

I think three's worse than two. You know, it's in the terrible twos. I agree. Don't say that. I'm a month out. Don't say that. I do. I think physically two's really bad because they're developing.

They can run around and grab everything. They don't really understand the communication of it to go like stop, no, and all that kind of thing. But at three, that's when psychologically it starts ramping up. And that only ever gets worse because you mentally get weaker and they get stronger. Yeah. Until you're dead.

I think that's something to look forward to, Suze. This has been lovely. Thanks for having me. Yeah, great podcast. Congratulations, guys. Bye. That's it for this special Best Of episode. Hello, my name's Joe Wilkinson,

and I do a podcast with David Earl. It's called Chatterpix. Chatterpix is a podcast magazine and chat show, isn't it? Yeah. We're on three times a week. We have loads of guests, special guests, surprise guests. Can I read some of the highlights? Yeah.

Interviewing a Red Arrow pilot. Visiting a haunted house. Chatting with Ricky Gervais, Harry Hill, James Acaster and Catherine Ryan, amongst others. Backstage at the Blur concert at Wembley. And I met my hero, Angie Roachford, and I cried. So that's Chattervix. C-H-A-T-A-B-I-X. Chattervix.

Can I take your name please? It's me, Michael McIntyre. Hello. I'm back. Look at me now. With my brand new tour, Magnificent. Yeehaw. This is the guy.

Where am I going? Coming to a place near you. What am I? Get set, go! And many other places... Nowhere near you. Come on darling, let's go. No, no, no! For the last time...

My name... Is Akin Kaka! Go to michaelmcintyre.co.uk for tickets.