Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP35: The Face of Shame

Episode Date: November 21, 2023

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Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with ben c rob beckett Ben, say Rob Beckett. Ben, say Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett.

Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Yeah. Ben, say Josh. Last one. Last one, yeah. Last one. Ben, say Josh Widdicombe.

Josh Widdicombe. Not Josh Widdicombe. Josh Widdicombe. Josh Wittacombe. Not Josh Whittacombe. Josh Whittacombe. Josh Whittacombe. Oh, what? That sounded like they were sort of generic sort of British and then they called Welsh. Yes.

And as they called it, it developed and got to sort of like quite an intense level of Welsh as that went on. Do you reckon that was sort of like a telephone voice to start with? Yeah, you're not going to believe where they live. Where do they live? Tokyo. Flipping Nora. Imagine living in Tokyo.

And they're from Newcastle. Konnichiwa, Rob and Josh. Konnichiwa. I want to go to Japan just so I can say konnichiwa. I'm going to say konnichiwa is the coolest greeting in the world. I'll tell you what's up there. Kop kun ka in Thailand. Where's that?

Korea? Thailand. Thailand. Kop kun ka. And then hands together, a little head bow as well. Comes in with that. Right.

This is Ben who's 32 years old and his little brother, Edward, who's almost 72 months. What? Oh, his little brother too, Edward, who is almost 72 months,

six years. We live in tokyo and a while back i was listening or cycling back from dropping my eldest off at school and i remember rob wondering if anyone was from uh anyone from japan stroke tokyo listened to the podcast so here i am i'm english from newcastle and my husband is from perth australia we met in a pub when we were both living in london in 2011 and moved to toky in 2014. They've got like rom-com lives. Yeah. Keep it sex-inrelatable.

And thank you for getting me through the relentless boxing, unpacking, unpacking, visas, house hunting, admin, crying, laughing, more crying, embassies and everything else. I think cycling in Japan would stress me out. Cycling in London? I can't bear it. The thought, when I see parents turn up. I'd love to see you on a bike.

You should do that for that show you do in Niche where you've got to get a message across London on bikes. I'm not going to get on a bike because I'll die. Like, when I see a parent turn up with a child on like, basically in the front basket like et at school i think if i did that i'd be petrified every morning well there's a dutch bloke um what who's got a daughter in my kid's school he cycles in but he cycled in with his daughter who cycles but she cycled from like reception because they love a bike in yeah so she was cycling at the age of like five

along these roads and i could and he's lovely broke was like yes this way this way and he's all like chilled and dutch i'm like mate i get it but you're not in amsterdam this is probably it's like white van drivers i remember once i hired a line bike you know them line bikes they did them for about a week until they all just got chucked in ponds right and i left alpington station i got on a line bike and i went past the cab rank and these cab drivers went oi beckett you bike wanker because i cycled home and he's just like this way i think this is danger roads this is not the road it's not like london where there's bike lanes probably it's not the place to cycle sweat is anyone? Is anyone thinking about sweat?

I just sort of think how smelly their arseholes are when they arrive to the office when they've cycled all the way there. Oh, my God. It's horrible. And then they queue up for a shower. Like, they've just... You know, like people do when they're on a boat. What?

Yeah, I'm holding a match, yeah. Yeah. Have you lit a candle for this? I always light a candle. My office stinks a bit. Oh, yeah, because you cycle in? Yeah, i've always had a can of my office stinks a bit oh yeah because you cycle in yeah because i cycle in and just let my red hot ass sit on this chair for two hours talking to you no it's just i like it it's a nice smell isn't it candle i mean why am i just fine i can you know why i've lit it yeah candle um because uh because it smells so

good in here this actually smells of human shit i'm just trying to level out the smell i've got a parenting question for you rob yeah go on it's the place for it the rose told me off for right i mean lose out around this morning i can run it through well oh i look forward to that so i had to email my daughter's teacher yeah and i copied rose and i just wrote the email hey babe needs a chat about the girl that stuff it's not far off that this is what rose came down she said josh you can't start an email to the teacher hey mate no you can't i think you can i don't think you should start an email to anyone with hey mate why not anyone that says to me hey mate they ain't my friend i'm heymating all over the shop i don't like how do you greet people all right bro no it's i'll say hello mate in person but not written down what would you say dear

i'll say hi hello or hi mrs or mr whatever their name is well and if they start dropping in their first name at the end of the message, then in future correspondence, I might slip into first name terms. No, she does use her first name. Right. She's already friendly. So, hi, Sarah. Hi, Sarah. Just a quick one.

Hey, mate. I think it's creepy. It's not creepy. What? Alex Scott's replied. You know, you creeped her out after that gig when you messaged her. You didn't creep her out. Why has she replied?

Well, because she seems to like me. Where has she replied to? You. I DM'd her. You know you DM'd her out after that gig when you messaged her didn't creep her out why she replied well because she seems to like me where's she replied to you i dm'd her you know you dm'd her and she ignored you and i said oh no hi alex was you at madonna with josh willikin a few weeks ago she went hello ha ha ha i sure was laughy face it was a good concert no mention me no and i said i do a podcast with him he said he saw you there but didn't say hello. He then felt bad for not saying hello. Then he messaged, apologised. I told him it was a weird thing to do. You didn't write that, did you?

And she said, I agree. No, she didn't. No, she didn't. I wrote that, but she has not replied to that one. Oh! So I don't think she wants to confirm the weirdness, but yeah. You can see that there. Right, so you've said to the teacher, hey, mate, a bit weird. I'm totally... I don't think she wants to confirm the weirdness, but yeah. You can see that there. Right.

So you've said to the teacher, hey, mate, bit weird. I'm totally. I don't think that is weird. I couldn't be more in agreement with Rose. But I think it's totally fine. Hey, buddy. No, I didn't say that. Hey, chief.

Hey, pal. I hate it when people used to call me. People don't call me it as much now, but people used to call me Big Guy, and I'm 5'8", which is a bit fat. I don't know. Who called you Big Guy? Just some people, and I don't like it. I think you've got to be over 6'2", to be called Big Guy.

Yeah. I did a corporate last week, Josh, the Northampton Share Business Excellence Awards, and it was at Northampton Cricket Ground, and they had an award for Courtney Laws, you know, the rugby player? No. He's six foot seven, right? Big rugby guy.

And the guy's organising it, both like six foot two or six foot three. And they kept on telling me, of course, he's six foot seven, Courtney Laws. I was like, all right, yeah. And I was like, well, I don't know what you're getting me prepared for, mate. He'll be as tall as he is. I'm not giving him a medal. I'm just saying you've won an award and bringing him up that's my involvement if it's easier it's not cutting his hair and um and i was like why and then it catches out and i was like why why why i went you have mentioned his height a few times when you keep saying well we're both

six three we never look up to anyone oh so because they found it as a it's like oh like they just they're used to just looking down yes so it's shaken them yeah and shaken there yeah and i was like i thought that was like you know they're sort of like a small man syndrome yeah but maybe there's a tall man syndrome where you're so used to being tall that when someone's tall it really gets in your head i mean if there's any tall like tall man like tall kings out there that are worried about when they meet someone bigger, let us know what's going through your head. And do you think you acknowledge it? Do you think, you know the first time Greg Davis met Richard Osman

or Stephen Merchant? Oh, we've got a big one here. How quickly in the conversation do you go, well, me and you, eh? Yeah, because I genuinely don't think about height at all i never think about it i never think i know and people mention it sometimes what i've done gigs we go oh you're people will make jokes about me being short and i i it's the only time i think about it yeah or after a gig i've had people go to me oh i thought you know oh you're a bit you're not short in real life yeah yeah, yeah. I'm like, well, okay.

And I don't know what else to say. I'm not sat behind a desk on what the week. Or the worst is when I have photos and then women sometimes crouch down. And I'm like, are you trying to make me feel better? Or do you not want to look massive? I don't know who you're doing this for. Like Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman when she had to always wear flats. Some women, more women than men, have the side of their face that they like to be photographed.

Right. So that they'll have a picture. They'll say, can I have a picture? But they want to stand with the left side, because that's their best side. But then sometimes, if you get two girls at the best side to the left side, you have to have two photos, because they both have to swap. And then there's photos that neither of them will ever use. But the other one they use all the time because it's them on the left.

What? Is that a real thing? Yeah. I didn't realise. Have I got a better sign? I've only learned that you're supposed to suck in for a photo, like, recently. But maybe that's my charm, that I'm completely oblivious. I think I'm best straight on.

Shall I show you something? I mean, it's a terrible podcast. Yeah, I think you're better. I'm the same. I'm quite chimpy on the side. I'm better straight down the barrel but is it this Rob that you're used to straight on because you've looked yourself

in the mirror straight on for 40 years yes so I always find it weird when I see myself from the side I always think God I've got a really protruding nose do you ever feel like

it's weird that I'll never see my own eyes what? you'll never see your own eyes can you? You'll never see your own eyes. Sorry, was it a candle or was it a joint that you lit? No, because obviously you see your own hands, but in mirrors, not real. You know what I mean?

That's nonsense. But you can actually see your own hands. That kid has been absolutely stoning his way through the morning. No, you never see your own eyes, do you? Your eyes are being used to see. Or your mouth. Yeah. Yeah, true.

There's loads of bits. That front bit. This is... The lowest moment of our podcast is someone listening to Rob just trying to look at his tongue. Right, okay, yeah. Let's move on from that.

What did the teacher reply to, hey, mate, and what did Rose say? Let's get back to that. She was fine it she was fine with it she didn't reply could you stop calling me mate well i think it's weird to call someone mate when you know their name i don't think mate's a bigger problem but hey i should have said hey jane or whatever her name is yeah just to be clear for listeners i changed her name there that wasn't me not knowing what the teacher's name was oh yeah no we saw through your sneaky little ways there. That's what he was up to.

So what did Rose say? Was she embarrassed and ashamed? She just said it was inappropriate. Inappropriate, I think it's a bit odd. Yeah, I think maybe I've used the word inappropriate myself. Yeah, I think it's a bit odd. If you know someone's name, you wouldn't say to me, hey, mate, in an email, would you?

I'm just in a bad run correspondence-wise. After Alex Scott, I know this. Don't get in your own head about it. After Alex Scott, I know this. I've lost all my confidence. You're all over the place. Yeah. How's life going?

How are the kids? We should catch up on that, really, and then do some correspondence. The kids are very good. Rose is away. Rose is away? Yeah. So I've been... Raw dogging it and doing Last Leg. No is away. Rose is away? Yeah. So I've been... Raw dogging it and doing last leg.

No, no. Rose went away yesterday. All right. So I find the mornings actually easier. Without Rose. You know? Well, no. This isn't a reflection on Rose.

This is a reflection on me, just to be very clear. Okay. Of course. Because I can see a sneaky little smile. But fundamentally, if she's not there it's better no i'm not saying if you strip back you know forget you know no no what i'm saying is i quite like the and and the bedtimes is the same i like the feeling that you're just doing this and you can't get out of it when rose is there there. And also you can do it in your own way,

where sometimes when I'm helping Lou, or if she's doing the main lot of it and I go, what can I do? Or even if I say, I'll do it tonight, Lou will be sometimes going, well, that's not the way we do it.

And I want to go, well, I'm fucking doing it now. That's your problem Rob, I don't know anything about that. That's your problem. We're actually fine with that kind of stuff. Oh,

are you? Oh, are you? Okay, Josh, interesting. I see you've done it. You old snake. snake if that's your issue then that's your issue we're very much divide and conquer family yeah no but that is the same like in the morning you're like i've just got

to do all these things yes and it almost takes the pressure off rather than thinking could i fit in a shower here yeah i i know that's not going to happen the shower's totally off the menu so it's easier in a way okay and uh have you told rose that no she knows now i'd say yep she doesn't feel the same when i go away well the argument would be though rose and i've been away for the last 12 years and lou and and Rose do way more. So we go away more and Lou and Rose do it on their own more. So it's a bit more novelty for us because we work more than they do. It is a bit weird, isn't it? It's a bit of a holiday where it's a bit like,

oh, I'm going to watch a sports documentary. So pairing it aside when Rose isn't in the house, like at night. It's an interesting one, isn't it? Do you know what it is? Just at the moment, you're just saying you prefer your life when Rose isn't in the house, like at night. It's an interesting one, isn't it? Do you know what it is? Just at the moment, you're just saying you prefer your life when Rose isn't in it. No, no. I actually think. Parenting and just social.

So it's all the opposite, actually, Rob. Okay, sorry. Actually, Rob. All right, mate. In a weird way, you'd think parenting would be more tough because you've got more to do. Yeah. But I find that it's slightly liberating. Right.

Whereas sitting in front of the TV you'd think would be easier because you haven't got to please two people. Do you know what it's a bit like, to use a cricket analogy, Rob? When the whole team has collapsed and Ben Stokes has to do it all on his own. Right. And there's a freedom to his play. Yeah. Yeah.

Cause it's, it's just him on his own with the crowd on you. So there's no one on him and he plays better than if he's like, Oh, do I go for it here? Or, you know, do you know what I mean?

He's like, I've just got to fucking do this. Right. So let's dive into this. So that is basically that there's a freedom in, you have to do it. And there's not like a sort of wiggle room away out you need to sort of yeah there's not a and you'll grind down and get on with it but if there's a chink

of light to get out of it and not having to do it no no it's not get out of it okay all right okay it's not get out of it that's a that's a very that's a misrepresentation yeah yeah okay cool yeah no no i'm just just trying to think it through yeah, yeah. So you're basically saying that all single parents, it's easier for them because they've got a Ben Stokes sense of freedom. No, I'm not saying that. No, you're not. No, I'm not. But on the other side, you'd think that the evening would be a moment of glory

because you've got the TV to yourself. But I find it that the options are so great that I find it all too intimidating. Exactly. Whereas if you had three channels and it was just a movie on one, you'd like that. Yes, exactly.

Or if I had Rose and there's only a small Venn diagram of things that we both like. Yeah, that narrows it down. We can go, we'll just watch the Robbie Williams documentary. That's exactly what we did. And it was great.

Yeah. Absolutely great. But I'm like, I need to be watching something rose wouldn't like yes because of yeah i yeah this is my opportunity and i just go i'm just hours yeah and i fall to pieces in front of the tv so no i know what you mean about that sense of freedom josh playing but what i'd say about that is that sense of freedom has been stoked when you're parenting alone is because you know it's for a finite amount of time and then when rose or lou gets back we can just go right

brilliant i'm off i'm out i don't know how and maybe you haven't had many single parents we need to get more single parents i think on to chat how single parents do it and if that you can do it on your own or if you do need a support network of family or child care or friends because that's the other thing rob yeah is that i'm suspending other things to do this and then that builds up and you have to do it when the roses i'm not having to do the big shop or do the one do you know everything's in place i've just got to do the parenting if that makes sense and then and then that all gets pushed to the side. However, if this was a full-time thing... Because we'll go, well, I'll deal with getting the car cleaned when Rose is back. Yes, and then it all gets pushed back, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, will I deal with getting the car cleaned, Rob? It's in the worst state than that time I put it on Instagram. No, well, can you film it again, please? I'll go and film it. I'll go and film it for you. It's fucking awful. I still can't deal with the mornings, Josh. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I just can't. You're just a morning person. I know. I'm really not. I'll get up and do it, but I just can't. I'll just fall apart. And the kids are just the backtrack. This is the argument we had this morning, right?

So Lou, again, before she has a coffee, can – this is difficult. Lou can occasionally have – can wake up. Right. This is an open space to say exactly what happened. There's nothing difficult about it. Just give your exact interpretation of events as if Lou isn't listening. Okay.

So occasionally, Lou – at zero weight, zero thought about, shall I say this or not? Straight in, wasn't it? So occasionally, for whatever reason, sometimes Lou can wake up and there's a look in her eye and that look tells me that she hates me. Every part of her being despises me and anything I do or say makes her feel sick and skin crawl.

Does she work for the Guardian? Yeah, she's a Guardian reviewer now. And there's nothing I can really do. So I just sort of, I used to get a bit frustrated or I used to go over the top of being nice and polite. Now I just sort of leave her to it and just go look this the the my soulmate hates me i don't say anything i just shut up and get on with my day so you know it from the moment she opens her eyes immediately from the eyes right i can just do you have to have done anything no not not really actually because if i actually do anything if we actually do have an argument

over anything or she's annoyed me or i'm annoyed we will mention it almost immediately have a little round if we do have a little round we'll make up that day we're very yeah yeah like that's annoyed me that's annoying and we we're quick and straight to the point of it passionate makeup sex not really i'd say we just sort of go sorry about earlier and roll over and go to sleep. We will pull each other up on it quite early and deal with it. But this is not, it's, it's what's the right word for it.

It's totally out of the blue. And I'm like, she just, give me an example. Talk me through this morning's conversation. This morning, Lou had that look in her eye and she walked past me and sort of like hit me by accident so and she was like oh just try to get through my coffee and i was like i and i was i wasn't moving i was

stationary and i know from the road so if you're in the right lane and you're stationary. Yeah. He ain't your insurance is going through. So I'm stationary. I've got, we both got up. She kind of knocked you like, like a footballer giving her off to us. No, no, no.

She walked past me and sort of clipped me cause we were close. And, um, and like we both, Lou had got up about, we both got up, Lou had got up at half six. I'd woke up at half six,

but I got up about 20 minutes later and I had a shower because I was going to work. Lou was doing the school run. Do you know what would make this more easy? What's that? If it was just one of you, the whole morning would have been simple. Yes, but I didn't feel like that was a good time to bring up that. You're braver than me.

Hey, Rose, Josh here. Easier to live and parent without you. It's actually a bit hard, though, when I watch your doc because I don't know what to watch. Because your demands are narrowing the search for me tonight. No, no. Yeah, well, actually, fair. I try to deny that.

The only time it's easier when you're here is when we're trying to watch a program and I can't choose. Okay? I'm choking. Can we do a, because after the success of our holiday vote, we should do a vote. Is it easier when your partner goes away for a couple of days? It's definitely not easy for me when I come back after being away for a couple of days.

Well, there you go. There's your answer. There's your answer. That's going to be on our Instagram. Right, so she sort of knocked into me a little bit. I was like, oh, I'm just trying to have my coffee here. I was like, okay. Just didn't say anything. Then she she because I think she was a bit wired

then she like kicked the chair before she sat down oh I've hurt my toe and I was like well I'm over here so it's definitely not me and then she's like just looking right and then she was saying something to my daughter and my daughter sort of rolled her eyes slightly which she shouldn't have done and Lou was right to tell her off and say you're being rude but as lou was telling her off because she was already egged up with the hatred towards me i would say it was she needed a level five out of ten reaction for what my daughter did but she went in under 8.5 and sometimes when the escalation's that big and no one's done anything really wrong the kids are a bit like well i've just sort of like not taken my plate up. Yeah, yeah, we've all been there.

Straight away. I'm not really, it's just a bit, I'm not really done anything. And then when someone's like got angry eyes, I find that quite funny and so do children. Right. So then there was a little laugh from my daughter and then I laughed a little bit because when Lou is in this state, it is quite I it's

you'll have a laugh or you cry well does it does that turn it around do you know what I'd say 100% did not turn it around all that could cement in a grovelly apology for me later on and potentially some flowers because I undermined her because she was telling off the kid I was totally the wrong and I laughed I shouldn't have. But if something's funny, it's funny. But there's still no excuse. I was wrong to laugh. I undermined her.

And it wasn't helpful when she had a stressful early morning school run. And I was going off to work. So I was totally wrong. However, I shouldn't have laughed. But it was. The problem is, when you get older. Is your laugh worse than what I do? What do you do?

Which I found myself doing on Saturday and I thought that is the wrong thing to do. Which was a similar situation. Rose was on her phone struggling. So, so there was a, Rose was in a bad mood, but there was a reason, which was. She needed to find. That's fine, we're all out of bad moods. That's fine, isn't she needed to find an email receipt for um something she'd ordered but she couldn't find any trace of the email you know

when you're in that situation yeah yeah incredibly frustrating and then i can't remember what it was but one of our children did something minorly wrong and she she got as you say overly hyped in yeah because you're already annoyed and then i and we never use each other's names really except when we're annoyed with each other so what do you call it just my hey mate no yes hey mate do you say, whenever I say Rose, I feel like, oh, it's like when your parent tells you off or uses your full name. Well, I say, I call her. Yeah, well, so what would you say if you're not annoyed? Say you want to say Rose and pop into the shop. You just don't really use names.

I just say I'm just popping to the shop. What if you're trying to call her in the house? Then I'd say Rose. Yeah, but you went Rose. But in chat. You know those people that use names too much in chat we'd never use each other's name in a chat i don't go rob i've got a point to make do you know what i mean oh okay i get yeah i get what you mean josh yeah we wouldn't do that yeah okay

yeah that makes sense yeah so you never really use a name unless you're popping out and you've gone rose she was she was hyped up Because of the email thing Yeah Understandably And you've done a teacher Telling off her voice And I've gone Rose, Rose, Rose Oh Oh no

And at the moment I did it I thought that's out of order That is incredibly Out of order Yeah Because that's so undermining Yeah

As Neil And while she might have Gone in Harder than It's so patronising Yeah it's so patronising Rose Yeah, it's so patronising. Wait, wait, wait, let me deal with this. Come here, baby girl.

Oh, God. But then it's a bit like being a football manager, isn't it? You can sort of go, look, I don't think that was right, but you don't do it in front of the press. Exactly, yes. And the crowd and the press, you do it in the locker room. Exactly. By which you mean the bedroom yeah and

then you resolve it with some red hot sex red hot that's too hot i don't want my sex red hot i don't want it red and hot and burning that's when you've got you've done too much i've never gone argument into sex have you um no i don't think so it happens i think maybe probably when i was younger with like relationships that you you're not really properly into but never with someone i really care about because it's sort of that's very toxic i think yeah yeah it is toxic what's happening here talking a toxic rob god i basically all i'm doing at the moment is listening to Britney Spears book oh but yeah Lou read that one

she said it was good she's a bit they treat you quite badly oh my word yeah however bad you think I was a parent Jamie Spears

he is a piece of work mate isn't Jamie Spears her sister no her sister's Jamie Lynn Spears but the dad's called Jamie and the mum's called Jamie. And the mum's called Lynn.

That's really, that is red flag central. I bet they do angry sex. Well, they've split up. Classic. Yeah. Yeah, the daughter's named after both parents, Jamie Lynn Spears. That's so weird, isn't it? Yeah.

Imagine if you had a third kid and they were called louise robert beckett well i find it i don't mind the dad's or mum's name as middle names we do that because it's a nice gesture especially if you've taken the surname yeah people still taking surnames because that feels a bit old school now doesn't it in. Because me and Lou had this conversation. Well, I mean, I don't want to... Do you want to know how ours was resolved? Go on. Rose, we didn't really discuss it.

And then Rose just kind of never did the paperwork. So she's still Rose Hanson. I think Hanson... The issue is, Hanson's a better surname than Widdicombe. What? You know that, though, don't you? No.

It's not a better surname. It is. It's not. It's cleaner. It sounds a bit more... Widdicombe sounds like a type of, like, bog. As in toilet? No, like in the countryside.

Oh, that's a Widdicombe. Be careful, that's a Widdicombe. Don't take the dogs around there. They'll get stuck in the widdicum. You know what I mean? Like a weird country term or something. Or a Hanson sort of feels like it's quite... Yeah.

The only problem is the band, Hanson. Yeah. I'm fully in favour of her not taking widdicum. So what are the kids doing? They've got both. Double-barrelled? Yeah. Little posh double-barrelled boy.

Why it's not posh, is it, these days? It is double-barrelled posh. Everyone's fucking got it. Because I think the surname, do what you want. I don't know if you've mentioned this before. Little posh double barrel boy. Why it's not posh, is it, these days? Everyone's fucking got it. Because I think the surname, do what you want. I don't know if I mentioned this before. Something got in my head, Josh. Someone's talking to me. I think my brother said, oh, he listens to podcasts.

He loves it when we say the same stories we've already said before and you've both forgotten you've said it. Oh, no. I'm panicking now. Oh, God. I'm worried about that. I think Michael needs to keep a log of it. I think he's got enough on his plate, mate.

Maybe he already knows. Maybe he has got the log, but we've got nothing else. When Rose used to work on a panel show, I'll cover this. Did people know she was a TV producer before? She was a TV producer, yeah. How did you meet? You met at work? We met at work.

That's fine, isn't it? Yeah. Did you ever get off you meet? You met at work? We met at work. That's exciting, isn't it? Yeah. Did you ever get off of each other before it was, like, official, like, secret from everyone at work? Because that's quite exciting, isn't it? Just a bit. For those listening, Josh moved his glasses a bit too. Yeah.

Yeah. Because it was not allowed, Rob. It was taboo. It was taboo. It was taboo. Because if she was, well, she was. Well, it is allowed. That's the problem. It is allowed.

It was the same age, though, which always helps, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I remember, actually, Rob, this is. Was she older than you? Is she older than you? No, she is older by a month. So she's a cougar.

She's a cougar. I bet that she'd hate that. By a month. That's got to hurt, isn't it? Well, you know, it's better that way because once you've done her birthday, everyone's burned out for mine. But anyway, she...

I remember organising. I thought, this is taboo. This is wrong. I need to tell my agent because she's going to be so angry. So was she working on the show you was working on directly then? Yeah. And so was you scared telling your agent? Yeah, I organised a meeting with her.

Right. Organised a meeting, Rob. Face to face? Yeah, face to face. It's so unnecessary. I know. And I told her, and I've never seen someone more underwhelmed in my life by what she...

It felt like I was going to say, look, I'm quitting comedy. We'll have to quit the job. I love her so much. I'll just quit. I'll go back to working at the Safeway. It was like total non-news. Yeah. They're probably new anyway from the start.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. So there we go. Oh, bless you. And then that was it. So short meeting. Oh, short meeting. Anyway, about getting on more of the week.

Any hot chicks work on that show? Yeah, yeah. I've got myself a bit of a rep, actually. Yeah, so I basically got on TV, did one production, got with one of the producers, didn't I? Been with her for 15 years, so pretty... Pretty bit of a sex guy, actually, me. Back in the TV days.

Yeah, I've got with some producers, don't worry about me. Just the one, forever. Right, I've got with some producers. Don't worry about it. It's just the one forever. Right, should we do some correspondence? We've fucking badgered. I feel like we talk about everything and nothing. I know. Let's do some correspondence. Is this a fucking podcast?

What's going on? What has happened? Let's do a couple of correspondence. We've had a very controversial chat about people being a white, which I think will be very useful to people. Yeah, that's interesting, isn't it? And Lou, I love you to pieces, and I still love you, and if you hate me, my baby girl.

And Rose, I miss you, and I can't wait for you to come back. Because when you're at home, I find it easier to pick something to watch. Oh, can I say one more thing about Rose being away? Go on. And then we'll get on with the correspondence. Sure. So we FaceTimed her because my daughter was missing her. And you know when you FaceTime the partner,

and obviously your daughter, and this happens the other way, your daughter doesn't care where they are. Yeah. But you can see they're in a restaurant having a lovely time. Is she on her own then working or is she with Chris? No, she's away with her mum. She's gone down to Cornwall to sort out a load of stuff for the house. Right.

And her mum's doing a picture because her mum's an artist. Oh, lovely. So her mum's gone down to look at the space which she's got filled with a picture. Oh, that's a nice little trip, isn't it? Very wholesome. I could see her eyes darting away from the screen to the other people at the table as if to go, I'm not,

you know, sorry about this guys. Yes, of course. She's having a lovely dinner in Cornwall. Um, was you, you're,

you were jealous or was she trying to get the phone call? I was jealous. I was jealous. That was the one time I was jealous. Yeah, but you can get delivery. Yeah. Is it hard to pick because Rose isn't choosing what you're watching,

are you? Oh, dear. Right, let's see some Correspondi. Right. Correspondent. Here we go. Recently we spoke about getting stage fright whilst using a public toilet. This is you, Josh, yeah?

We've got some tips here. Big time. on tip release okay hi lads a helpful hack for josh perhaps was it you that struggle you get do you still get stage fright i do i've just given up now you massive bladder no no i've just i've given up on urinals unless they're completely empty i prefer a cubicle to be fair i'm not having a go yet i don't want to get my dick out in a row and then rob sometimes people will cut i'll have a totally empty cubicle and then i'll be stood there about to start thinking i'm about to do this because no one's there yeah and then someone will walk in and it'll go right back up and i think fuck now I've just got to pretend

I'm just finishing off and just walk out. Do you know what I do, Josh, sometimes when it's empty, urinals, I try and piss in every urinal. What? So if it's empty... You run along? Yeah. Like you're on a kind of game show with gunge.

Yeah, and hold it and then do an each run and I've pissed in each run. Fucking hell. It's quite a good challenge. It quite good fun that is do you used to do piss the highest up the wall as well at school yeah i remember that yeah yeah um but yeah i've done i think about four or five the longest i've never done more than that i think that's my record if anyone can beat five urinal pisses in a row let me know you've got to go to a long urinal. Do you go back and forth to get the number up, or do they all have to be separately different?

No, it needs to be one go. So the thing is, the only places that have got loads like that, like football stadiums, but then they're always busy. They're always busy. I've been getting in two hours early. You do the Wembley tour, don't you? There's no one there. Quick, Piers.

Right, anyway, this is some tips if you are getting a bit of stage fright. Okay, well, this is from Simon K., 437 months old. A helpful hack for Josh. To combat stage fright, your honour, I was once told to imagine yourself doing something incredibly embarrassing. My go-to is picture myself performing a spectacular windmill for the other bathroom occupant. So a feeling of embarrassment or shame

could help. What? How's that going to help? Isn't that what I'm experiencing anyway? Okay, well try that one and let us know you get on. I've got one more here. Hi, Rob and Josh. I hugely relate to your chat and stage fright and lack of ability to use a U-pred. Oh, great. Here we go. You're one of the poolier nerds. Anyway, having

previously suffered from this for years, including all the mentioned examples, faking a pee, et cetera, I have an excellent tip. Now, this is anonymous, says, someone once told me if you can't pee in that situation, hold your breath. Don't know why, but it works every time. Hold your breath, start peeing. Thank me later.

Wow, I'll try that. So just hold your breath. I feel like this could change your life. It could be huge. Otherwise, you'd rather do that than just queue like you're waiting for a poo. What if I'm stood there and I pass out? I mean, it's all good content for a tour, isn't it? Yeah, okay.

Okay, so I'll try that. I'll try that next time I'm in a pub at your Arnold. I feel like there's a whole class of people that are ashamed and that I feel like this is it we're all going to come together you're you could become the face of shame oh yeah i don't really want i don't want to be doing a channel four documentary called my stage fright hell well and yet they go cut to whereas my friend and podcaster rob is way more relaxed than urinal me jumping along pissing in seven bang bang bang have that have that right on the fucking soap whatever it is um right do you want a parenting fail well i tell you what i've got a tip as well so we do you want to do the fail do the fail and

then i'll end on the tip and then we'll do some okay small parenting tips and hacks oh sorry parenting fail fucking hell cool clear got it let's go dear rob and josh we recently went to the isle of wight on a holiday highly recommend lovely three and a half hour drive towards would be excellent opportunity to catch up with some old ebbs sure our four-year-old twins were safely in the back and occupied with their rare activities game boys switch coloring and of, a couple of movies downloaded onto their tablets. Game Boys Switch, is that what you called it? No, Game Boys, comma, Switch. Game Boys?

They've got portable consoles from across the generations. I know, these guys, a little retro game on the way to Pompeo. Yeah, we settled into the journey in a smash for a couple of episodes. We were a few minutes into the third one when it suddenly stopped playing through the car speakers. After a bit of fiddling, it wouldn't play. So I put it down to a Bluetooth issue and put the radio on. About 20 minutes later, our son piped up.

Mum, my tablet's being weird. I'm watching Hotel Transvania, but the voices aren't the right ones. It was then I realised that when my son had switched on his headphones, they automatically connected to the phone and he'd been listening to a particularly episode sweary episode of parenting keep up the good work from sharon is roth oh god that can't be good for a young mind can it no um dear rob and josh quick parenting hack that i found works every time and is a great

way to stop tantrum being built into a crescendo crescendo crescendo um now when you see a couple of signs that your child is heading in that direction ask them a question it involves them having to use their memory can you remember what you had for breakfast etc if they aren't playing ball follow up with something incorrect they get to correct you i think you had toast and no i didn't mom i had porridge etc apparently the part of the brain that deals with tantrums also deals with memory, and they can't do both at once. Oh, my word. That's an incredible joke. They also love being in a position of correcting you

and getting a little boost from being right slash superior. Maybe that's why my kids like me so much, because I'm always wrong. They're always telling me off. Rob, I've got good news. Yeah? I think if I'm going to try that holding breath thing, I think you should try this on Lou next time she's in a mood with you just correct her well if i start saying to her she had toast for breakfast and she didn't that will be a straight route to gaslighting so what you

should have done when lou pushed past you lou pushes past you and she says i'm just trying to get past with my coffee. You go, I think it's tea. That's all you've got to do. And it'll defuse the situation. That'll really calm her down. That'll really help the situation. I think that'd probably calm her down. She'd go, I love it.

That's a great technique there. So this is from Emma in Cowbridge. So basically what you do is go to memory because that deals with the same thing for tantrums as part of the brain. And I'll try the breath thing and you try that with Lou this week. Okay. Yeah.

I'll tell Lou that she had toast for breakfast every morning and see how long until she kills me. Now, so this is Emma. I'm leaving this bit to you. I know you won't read it out, but like many others, you have really helped me. I'm going to read it out, Emma. You have really helped me get through the last couple of years and I'm a much nicer wife slash parent after listening to you two for 40 minutes.

Or so my husband says, sending thanks. Thank you very much, Emma, from Cowbridge, posh bit near Cardiff. No, honestly, we love hearing your feedback and we're so lucky. We love doing it and it's great that you guys can enjoy it as well. I didn't love it today, the way some of the conversations have gone. It's a bit blue today, isn't it? I should just add uh on that which i thought was really nice was i met a uh social worker yeah who said whenever she's goes

to see a new parent that's struggling she recommends our podcast i think that's that's great but this society's fucked shouldn't be top of the list on the midwife tips oh this is another good idea, Josh. So Lou got me onto this. I think she saw it on Instagram somewhere, but I don't know if I mentioned it before. If you want to get information out of your kids at school, like when they come home from school but they don't tell you anything,

and you go, how was school? They'll go, fine. Right? Now, the best way to get it out of them is ask them specific questions. So this goes back to a bit like what Emma said about the memory. If you go, did anything crazy happen at school today? Or anything silly? Did anything make you laugh?

Did anything make you confused? Then you get the stories out of them. And it's been so funny. Some of the stories we've heard from school. And nothing juicy. It's just their day. I do a similar thing. I ask about her friends.

Yeah. So she'll go, I'll go, did anything happen at school? Yeah. She'll go, not really. And then I'll go, how was, and I can use her friends now,

how was Claire? Right? Yeah. And then she'll go, ah, yeah, we did this together. And it does,

it prompts something. Yeah, no, exactly. So we've, it's been a much better way rather than, oh, he's got,

how was school? They go, fine. You know, okay. Right. Let's do a small business shout out because we're over running that was lou as well yeah yeah i'll do that with lou yeah anything annoy you today hello rob josh and michael another small business shout out for my fiancee and her business dreams come true events based in huddersfield but covering all of Yorkshire and beyond she decorates for all occasions including weddings parties christenings and even funerals she has light up letters numbers flower walls bouncy castles I don't think she does the bouncy castle for the funeral does she um I'd love a bouncy castle at my funeral would you I don't know I mean I don't care I'm not there as long as you don't get my ashes onto it no just bounce

them about. Oh, she does balloons, welcome signs, and much more. This was a business that started during lockdown in our spare room and now keeps growing and growing, meaning the whole family, including our two-year-old son, has to help out. Instagram and Facebook is DCTEvents. Keep up the brilliant work. That's Dreams Come True Events.

Keep up the brilliant podcast and entertaining me on my dog walkers. I ignore other dog walkers trying to talk to me. Thanks from Andrew. Keep up the brilliant podcast and entertaining me on my dog walkers. I ignore other dog walkers trying to talk to me. Thanks from Andrew. Big up, Andrew. Good luck with the business. Hi, Rob and Josh. My name is Lisa, a long-time listener who would love a small business.

Shout out, please. I'm a self-employed kitchen cabinet furniture painter based in Somerset. I cover this county as well as Bristol and Devon. My business, a twist of Somerset, has been running since 2016 and offers bespoke painting service so if you're looking for an affordable personalized and sustainable way to give a tired kitchen or piece of furniture a new and beautiful look i'm your girl for more information or to view my portfolio visit my website www.twistofsomerset.co.uk you can also find me on all social media channels under the handle at twist of Somerset. Thanks guys.

Love the pod. Lisa White. Lisa White. There we go. That is us done for the week. Thank you very much. Bye. Oh,

by the way, it's not us done for the week. We're back on Friday.