Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP4: Seann Walsh (The Return)

Episode Date: August 4, 2023

Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant comedian - Seann Walsh. We spoke to Seann earlier in the year before the baby was due about his expectations, let's see if the reality has lived up to them... You can get tickets for Seann's new stand-up tour 'Back From The Bed' HERE Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs... xx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell MAILING LIST: parentinghellpodcast.mailchimpsites.com  A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] (N) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing order up for damien hey how did your doctor's appointment go by the way did you ask about rebelsis actually i'm seeing my doctor later today did you say rebelsis my dad's been ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis?

My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah. He says it's a pill that... That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis.

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For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Eva, can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Felix, can you say... Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Widdicombe! Felix, can you say Robeckit? Robeckit. There we go.

That was lovely, wasn't it? Lovely stuff. Rob and Josh, this is my daughter Eva, age 6, and son Felix, age 3, with their well-rehearsed rendition of the intro. They were very excited to have a go and have a chance of being on the radio. Thank you for all the laughs I regularly burst into fits of giggles whilst out running freaking out passes

by keep on keeping it real sexy and relatable best of wishes donna fielder from sunny eastbourne oh lovely stuff i do know eastbourne well i like eastbourne yeah yeah congress yeah lovely lovely old gaff that was my first ever sort of big, big room I did, like moving into like theatre theatres rather than like art centres. And I absolutely shit myself and it was rubbish. Second night was good though, so apologies if you were there the first time.

I was overwhelmed. No, it wasn't that bad, but you know in your head you're like, I did not do that properly. Yeah. I was scared. Eastbourne. Like Eastbourne.

Great place. What's going to say? Oh no, laughing at a podcast. When I listen to a podcast and something's really funny on it Eastbourne like Eastbourne great place what I was going to say well oh no laughing at a podcast when I listen to a podcast and something's really funny on it and it absolutely cracks me up when I'm in public

there is a there's an excitement to that and a feeling of I'm being a bit naughty especially when you're like at like 8am we're walking

through a busy train station yeah and so I make sure like you sort of go cover your mouth and giggle I did one today and i was like this is mental why do i feel so weird so if we can give you that we we're very thankful

that we can yeah yeah yeah my favorite thing that's your favorite thing do you like a funny podcast is that your favorite podcast uh yeah yes funny podcast and i like stuff about sport like getting an insight into why you know to make a sporting events more exciting yes because you go oh i didn't know that about them and this yeah but then i went to the ufc the other week and the fight disciples podcast which i listen to a lot i sent that to my mates to go oh give this a listen because it's telling you about all the fuck because they weren't we're not none of us are ufc experts i was all listen to that and then we'll know exactly what's going on in each fight, and it makes it more enjoyable evening.

And I sent it to them. And then I listened to it after I sent it to them, and they just spoke about badges for 20 minutes. And I was like, I don't think this is a great example. There's people who've been sent this and told this is about parenting, and they've listened to us, and we've just read a copy of Smash Hits magazine, mate. Exactly.

But I don't think you'd come in cold on the second part of the sean walsh episode i'd say if there was one episode yeah no one's ever started with it wouldn't be the return of sean walsh no no even if you love short this is no probably probably wouldn't be the first one yeah but if you if you were if you love sean walsh you'd go for the first part yeah no one's going in the sequel matt hancock's listening to the first sean Walsh episode if he's listening to the podcast Matt Hancock and the Sun journalists will definitely have gone it was good though to catch up with him and he, Sean

he was in a dressing gown and his wife was fully dressed and took the kid, or his partner I don't know if they were married, Grace was fully dressed and left the house and I just looked at him and went I don't know if he's doing anything here well we'll see we'll see in the next hour. Shall we read out a couple of bits of correspondence?

Yes, we've not done that for ages. No, thank you, et cetera. Keep porridge gobbling on. I've just got an email, Rob. How do you feel about your new nickname, by the way? Porridge Gobbler. Yeah. I don't love it.

I don't love it. Oh, that has to be said. Michael seems to like it. Yeah gobbler the gobbler more tired than josh story yeah rob and josh loving the podcast have been listening since the beginning and since then have had a baby and another on the way bloody hell it's been going on a long time and what this this show was people having children no just well that's my kids keep asking who was the first child do they and now we've gone on to chicken and egg oh yeah yeah and then because it was young she's

like but what go first chicken or the egg i was like well the chicken lazy egg but then the chicken comes out of the egg she's like yeah i know it's crazy isn't it yeah but there must be a chicken though to have the egg i went yeah but then that chicken came out of an egg and she went yeah so so the egg was first but then the chicken gave birth to eggs it was i went yeah but then that chicken came out an egg yeah so so the egg was first but then the chicken gave birth to eggs it was your chicken for and then she went oh it just goes on and on it's a nightmare it is anyway sorry god what's this more tired than josh my son is at nursery and usually my husband drops him off in the morning and I pick him up for a reason I can't remember. One day I had to do drop-off after

a hellish night of broken sleep. My son has never been a great sleeper and during this time he was a prolific 3am shitter for several months. Whenever I was walking along with him in the pram, I would point out various objects and things and do noises to help him learn what they were. For example, pointing out a car and saying

brum brum. After drop-off, I was walking back home with a pram and through sheer exhaustion, I forgot that my son was now at nursery and that the pram was empty. However, I continued to point out things and objects and do the noises. To passing cars, they may have thought I was on a call hands free maybe unfortunately on my way back i passed several dogs and their owners thinking that my son who wasn't there would

be excited i would over animatedly go look a doggy oh no oh here's a doggy oh here's a lady ringing the police oh here's the police oh here's an ambulance oh here's a hospital it was only after the third confused stare from a dog owner and then keeping a wide distance from me that i remembered that my son wasn't in the pram oh god i was just a tired weirdo talking to our imaginary child thanks for the podcast and please keep it going from live live that also that isn't like you know i could sort of ride out a bit of embarrassment if i trip over the street i don't really give a shit but that you are just going this because if you go, oh, sorry, I thought he was still in there because I forgot. Oh, my God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, oh, my God. The more you speak, the worse it looks. Yeah. I think we need to change the title of that. I think it's a great feature. Yeah. You're not tired anymore.

No. More tired than Rob. But I don't think I'm, who's the most tired profession? Postman? No, Milman tired profession postman no milkman not postman milton yeah postman comes up about 3 p.m i know so what would you what should we if anyone's got a suggestion of what we could more time than who's the most tired person or thing yeah more tired than something we need yeah we need something that's not joshua what's the most tired thing in the world yeah i both i'm currently smashing my 83 year podcast i'm currently up to late 2021 it's keeping me occupied whilst i cook clean and generally slave for my three-year-old and six-year-old listening to the pod has made me wonder what did you guys do for school work

experience good question oh great question that's a good topic my husband didn't get a placement sorted in time. Yeah. So he ended up going to Southwest Water, which was arranged by the school. Oh, my lack of the words. He had to watch conveyor belts of shit go past. My friend had an even worse deal.

What do you think about them printing your DVDs? It'll do. It'll do. It'll do. Having a big interest in zoology, she was delighted to secure a place at Sparkwell Zoo. But then she was less delighted when she was given the task of chopping up a dead horse with an axe.

Oh, my God. Fucking hell no. How big's the horse? How big's the axe? In the first couple of days, it died naturally and had been donated to the zoo for the tigers to eat. Oh, so she just had to butcher a horse. Fucking hell. Sorry to swear. A brutal task for a tigers to eat. Oh, so she just had to butcher a horse. Fucking hell.

Sorry to swear. A brutal task for a 16-year-old, but she cracked on and got the job done, bless her. Oh, God. I look forward to getting the answers sometime next year when I've finally caught up on the podcast. I hope you're having a nice day. Thanks, Katie.

If you had any worse work experiences than that. Mine was cushy. Mine was at the nursery I used to go to when I was a four-year-old. It was at the bottom of my road. I'm talking four-minute walk. Hours were 9.30 to 12.30. Oh, my God.

And I literally just sort of played with kids for a bit. Oh, my word. That was it. Oh, that is good. I was back home with a BLT baguette from the sandwich shop by, oh, once I've ordered it, once I made it, I reckon 12.38.

I booked two weeks at Virgin Megastore in Exeter. That's good. That's not a proper job. The first week fell through. Right. Because they double booked me. So I did my uncle's fruit and veg shop in Cornwall. Cornwall?

How far is that? You had to go and live with my... Because two days before, Virgin Megastore dropped out. Just have a week off. They insisted. Rob. Well, you fucking... They insisted.

You can't fucking live in Cornwall. Rob, Rob, Rob. If you didn't get a workplace, some people, they had to work in the office at the school. Okay. Fuck that. Fair enough. Fuck that.

And you would not want an empty sleeve of your record of achievement, which I have... My NRA. And your national record of achievement, which I have. My NRA. And your national record of achievement, Leatherbound. Oh, too right, mate. No, so there were some losers, didn't get their work experience organised. They still have to get the school bus, but then they're in the office. Oh, no, you don't want that.

So, Uncle's Fruit and Veg Shop, loved it. Yeah, and then Virgin Megastore. Great week, and then Virgin Megastore, brilliant. But you still didn't get to do much. So we want your best and worst work experience then Virgin Megastore brilliant just but you didn't really get to do much didn't get to do much in Virgin Megastore it was the week

Because We Want To by Billy Piper came out I don't know what you want me to do that information I just I'm just telling you because I remember because obviously

it was played on loop at the Virgin Megastore at the Virgin Megastore that's a good one we were lucky well I'd love to know what Sean Moore

did for work experience but we didn't ask him what we did ask him about though was parenting exactly enjoy we had him beforehand go back and listen to that one if you haven't if you're coming in hot we had one about his expectations of parenthood before the baby arrived and now the baby's here we've got him back on here what we are to call us milky mckay twice What we ought to call is milking the cow twice. Sean. Fucking hell. Are you going on, Sean?

I didn't know you were doing video. Oh, no, you don't have to do video if you don't want. No, we do. Rob, on this occasion, we do. Yeah, I want to keep no we do Rob on this occasion we do I thought I turned it off I mean also I mean it couldn't it's like if someone said can you just set up Sean's thing I'd go

it's a bit much the way you've got the baby grow hanging on the clothesline literally in shot to the right he's got a sleeping mask with fuck off written on it and a green on the clothesline, literally in shock, to the right as their back is. He's got a sleeping mask with fuck off written on it and a green dressing gown. That's so fluffy. It looks like you've got...

It looks like you're about to film a sitcom taster. The props team have gone mad. I think it's actually a bit too Sean Walsh at the moment. We need to dial it back. Can you tone at the moment it's a bit obvious i know sorry look i'm i apologize i've i've not made the effort but i i really am happy to be here sorry i'm very grateful thank you sean welcome back to the show we spoke to you before before you had a child yes you now have the child yes before we go through some of the things we spoke about last time how how how is it now how old's your baby what uh baby is uh 12 weeks no oh fuck sorry

sorry so great so this is what's happened um i'm just gonna be honest the top is grace has left me I've not seen Grace or the baby for 12 weeks That's where I got messed up So Grace is here Hello Grace I'm about to Say hello I'm about to be very seen Because

Yeah I mean Grace has really taken You know The lead on all of this stuff. So she's here to help with any answers that I get wrong. So not only are you not doing any childcare, she's now doing your Zooms. So 13 weeks. 13 weeks, that's fine.

The last time I asked, it was 12 weeks. So we should say, for people that don't know you, it's not that you're not doing it, it's that you're so scatty that you're just being ordered into what to do. Is that correct? Well, it's a combination of incapable and busy, Sean. Right. Yes.

So that's a good... I was trying to give you an out there, Sean, but you weren't. No, but I... Yes, so, I mean, I'm here. I'm here. Yeah. That's it. That's what we've got.

Can I just ask why... It's 10.20. You're still in your dressing gown and eye mask. Yeah, and Grace seems fully dressed holding the baby. Yes. She's dressed for the day. Can you talk me through what's happened since you went to bed last night at whatever time well actually funny funnily enough grace got some uh video footage of me without my knowing uh this morning

where um i put on cbb's for wilder her name's wild Yeah. Wilder. And I didn't realise that Grace had then removed Wilder from the bed and put her elsewhere in the cot or took her somewhere. And then it just turned out I'd been watching CBeebies on my own. What were you watching? The Baby Club? No, I don't know the Baby Club. It was Mr. Tumble. Do you know what?

This is the thing. It feels like we're in a time in the world where... Sorry, that's... Grace, keep it down, will you? Oh, good stuff. Come on. Come on. We're rocking.

I'm coming out with this gold. It's only 20 past 10. Come on, people. So what time did Wilder wake up this morning?. So what time did Wilder wake up this morning? Right. What time did Wilder wake up this morning? Half eight. Blimey.

This is how useless I've been. Someone asked me, oh, God, yeah, getting kept up all night, are you? No sleep, but you're knackered. And I went, no, no no no actually it's all right Waldo Waldo sleeps through the night and we're really lucky and everyone's been really confused until Grace overheard me say this to someone and she went what and I was like yeah she doesn't wake up does she she goes I'm up like five times a night breastfeeding. I have no idea. No, sure. I know. It's awful. It's awful.

I'm so grateful. I know. Genuinely, though, if a baby is mainly breastfed or exclusively breastfed, there is not much to do in the night for the person that's not breastfeeding. You can wake up and give moral support. However, it's better that you get your sleep and then you can take over in the day that's what we

i think the main thing that i think the bare minimum is you should know it's happening yes i i do agree on that i think you should be aware it exists and you should say do you want me to get up with you hoping that your partner say no and then you're livid when they're like you couldn't go downstairs and get me a um a mus and then you're livid when they're like you couldn't go downstairs and get me a um a muslin and you're like for fuck's sake well well my wife my do you know what i remember that i remember when i lost butcher you told me about the muslin and you said how the muslin is is you know is going to be a big part of my life now it's not been so much the muslin but you guys might not have this,

but there was a kind of, during the birth, there was a kind of, there was a bit of, it was a difficult birth. And so there was a bit of trouble with- You didn't realize though. He slept through.

I was at the cinema. We didn't have a birth. Yeah. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching. It takes skill. Speed.

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Was he useless? I don't think I was useless. I fainted. I wouldn't say a man that's just fainted is helpful. I wouldn't say useless, but I wouldn't say you were really invited. I don't think it helped. So what was so... Why did you faint?

What point? So this is... Well, this actually wasn't the actual birth itself. It was just before that when Grace was, you were kind of getting into bed, weren't you? When I fainted. When I fainted. I was just going, when you fainted.

No, it was when I was bent over like that. And then you put me in the bedroom. It's a PG podcast. Come on. Do you want to give us the PG version of it, Sean? What happened? Yeah, no. No, she was getting, oh, what's that injection called?

Epidural. Epidural. How do I know more about this than you and it was three months ago? I know, I know. The epidural. Oh, so the needle in the base of the spine is quite, and that. Yeah, it's not a laugh. No, but here's the thing. No, it's not. No, it's not a laugh no but here's the thing no it's not no it's not but no but this is this is the thing i wasn't

picking you up on that i wasn't guys yeah not a laugh so yeah no i was more saying okay sorry josh actually i think we're all taking this not seriously yeah if we're taking this academic please everyone yeah no, no. But what was strange is I felt... OK, so I'll build up to me passing out. But basically, there was a bit of trouble because me and Grace had been into the hospital a couple of times because Grace thought that she was going into labour,

but they disagreed. And we were sent home. And then actually we, we went there the third time. You were so surprised they agreed that you fainted. And they were saying, no, you're fine. And Grace had to kind of explain to them that she has a high pain threshold. Yeah. Because the way that she was

reacting to you know it wasn't the kind of you get you know in the films the scream all of that lou has to do that but lou's got colitis which is sort of chronic stomach pain so she's had to deal with lots of pain so when she was going into labor that was the same which gone i'm going into labor and they went no you're not you won't it won't be yet because exactly the same thing we had grace has a high pain threshold because she lives with me. Yeah, I could see that. She enjoys the feeling of pain. She's like a boxer.

She loves it. So eventually they double checked and they go, oh, oh, God. All right. Yeah, right. Yeah. Right. So, so come in. And, and we had to, we had to, what's it when the baby's the wrong way around? Breach. I've forgotten all of the terms. I've not thought about this. Sorry. So it's a breach birth that went unnoticed for all of the scans. It went unnoticed. So suddenly we were in this really incredibly

intense situation where we had to decide in the moment by the way the doctor said look I'm going to step outside you have to make a choice when I you know you have to have an answer when I get back in and we had to decide whether it was going to be a um like a breech birth where they they try and do it in in the moment during the birth can i just say with the baby being walked around by grace in the background this is like we already said it was two on the nose the way the shot was set up it's insane now she's putting the baby down for a nap and grace looks beautiful by the way like she's going to a wedding or a party. Oh, thank you. And Sean, you look a mess. You don't look like you live together.

You look like she's found you. Oh, no. I know. I know all of this. I know. If it was a sitcom, there'd be no way those two are together. This doesn't work. We need to recast this.

These are the notes that I genuinely get this is what I've got going what is what is Grace doing now Grace is taking Wilder out

right right and I'm looking after the I'm looking after Mildred our dog so me and I've become I would say Sean

just say I'm not taking her out don't try and like go yeah I know what dogs are like. We split the duties and I've said, Grace, you do the easy bit.

Go for a bit of a bloody walk and I'll look after the dog. Yeah, I'll take the hit. I will look after this dog that's asleep again. Yeah. No, it has, but we have, it has that. I've kind of becomes Mildred's mother, haven't I? Have I? Okay, maybe I haven't. Right, this I haven't can you just go on your walk

can you just go on your walk sure I worry when Grace goes on her walk because you're not going to have any of the facts at your fingertips I know so we decide we had the most amazing goodbye

goodbye sorry we had the most amazing... Goodbye! Goodbye! Sorry. We had the most... We had the most amazing... Now Mildred's out. Sorry. That's your job! Right, sorry. Let me get my bearings. Are you going to be alright

to do this podcast now that you're looking after a dog on your own? I can see the dog just staring at the door does the dog like you it looks sad that grace has gone she always said that grace has gone but she she comes around every shot is like you can't illustrate anything in this podcast without how small is your flat because everything appears to be in shot all the time nothing you talk about that isn't in shot that's what i i've angled it all so i just look like the everyman that's what it is it's what ceos had to do when they were on Zoom meetings in the pandemic, like find the corner of their mansion.

So, right, here we go. So, sorry. Grace is back, Sean. Grace is back. How is that in shot? How is that in shot? She's grabbed her card, got a bit nippier out there than we thought a bit colder maybe the dressing gown was the right option for today thank you very much see

it's not as stupid as it looks no you couldn't be that's impossible that is actually impossible oh god right do you sleep with an eye mask on? I do, yeah. And then you take it off your head. How long have you been up? I've actually left the house with it on my head a couple of times, not realising. It says F off on it. Oh, that's something I've been doing.

Have you done this? Cut down the swearing? No, I didn't, not with a baby. But well done. Yeah. Bad men, the two of you. Yeah, like, get out of my fucking chair, yeah? Man wants to rest his feet. No, I've really tried to cut... I use F off now and...

Oh, that's nice. I can't effing believe it. Yeah. Can't you effing breastfeed in peace? I'm trying to effing sleep. Really modern. Very modern man. Right.

Sorry. Let me get to this. I'm a breached doctor. It's quite a serious point. Yeah, well, I don't know if you guys experienced a kind of, a really amazing moment where it was. So what was the options he gave you?'s what we're up to so c c section or breach but but the thing is they wouldn't any questions that me and grace had the doctor

was hesitant to yeah they don't want their words to be taken against them when something different happens understandably yeah precisely right and i totally sympathize with that but it may it you know it made mine and grace's yeah decision and situation it was very difficult and it was very scary and i had to completely remain calm and cool-headed if you can believe it but for grace because really when you're going through when you know when it's the actual birth yes you're going through, when, you know, when it's the actual birth, yes, you're there for support and all of that. But and it's the biggest day in your life as well, et cetera, et cetera. But really, grace is going through this. Grace is about to have birth. The baby has been inside grace for the past nine months.

It's as much as you want it to be both of your day, when it comes to something serious like that, I really think that it's not, I just felt like it wasn't about me. Not at all, yeah. No, exactly. And the biggest day of your life is when you met Matt Hancock in the jungle. Oh, for fuck's sake.

Don't Hancock him off. We're talking about the birth of his child that's breached. Can't this man just talk without Matt Hancock him off. We're talking about the birth of his child that's breached. Can't this man just talk without Hancock being brought up? At least he didn't say strictly. At least you're one along now. Oh, God. The next time I have the next kid, I'll be dancing on ice. Just going through them all.

In regards to Hancock, one of the most bizarre things about doing the jungle is coming out of the jungle and having people come up to you. You think that, well, I've been on quite a big programme. People have come up to me and, you know, they'll say, oh, I really enjoyed the show. I really enjoyed you on the show. All that you actually get is people coming up to you and going, what's Matt Hancock like in real life?

That is literally all you get. And then you get other people that come up to you and go, tell you what, mate, all right, the thing is about, oh, mate, yeah, you know, I don't like the way he handled the pandemic. Do you know what I mean? I don't like the way, what he'd do. He'd send off all the things to his mates, all the PPE, all that stuff. Do you know what I mean?

Tell the people they've got to stay in their houses whilst he was breaking the rules himself. But he got the stars. He did do the trial. he did do the trial he did do the trial do you know what I mean because I ate snakes but

right back to birth back to birth yeah back to birth so this so we're you know I can see Grace

is terrified and trying to remain strong and then the most amazing midwife came in that was specialised with breech births. And she was just, it was like it gave you faith in humankind. She was just absolute, like what we would have done without her. And she came in and she calmed us down. And she was, you felt like she was in charge, and you felt like on a human level you could trust this human being.

And for all of that to happen in a few seconds was just amazing. And it made me really emotional. And so we went with Breach Burr, and we went with her because we just, we believed in this this person it was absolutely amazing that this thing that is to you so gigantic and one of the biggest moments of your life if not the biggest moment of your life and this woman is dealing with that just on a day-to-day basis and helping people oh it's just absolutely amazing. Right. So we go, so we go with her. So we go, right. No, we trust you. You're amazing. You're going to do this. This is going to happen.

And we go with her. So the breech birth is going to happen. This now means that Grace has to have the epidural. And the strange thing is she sat on the end of the bed, a doctor's doing the epidural, the midwife is there and we stood there and this is the strange thing i fainted a couple of times in my life now normally that comes out of panic right yeah and what happens is you're so panicked you know you're hyperventilating all of that you pass out yeah but what was so strange about this is i know you're gonna find this difficult to believe but i really was i felt like my job here was to remain solidly calm i have to be calm grace here so you just fell asleep so so i put my eye mask on and then fainted for six hours and no one noticed

so what happened was i'm stood there and suddenly, so suddenly I thought, well, that's weird. I feel like I'm going to, this is honestly my inner monologue, pretty much word for word. That's weird. I feel like I'm going to faint. But I'm obviously not going to faint. I'm fine.

So just kind of, you know, concentrate. And I was like, that really does feel like i'm gonna and then i said to the um there was a young man next to me another you know guy helping out big team come in i said sorry sorry do you mind if i i just um i think i might i might and then that was it bang straight down what like a fucking timber like in the films yeah but luckily landed on a kind of beanbag bed type thing that happens to be there right yeah but but open opened my eyes so are you in a cartoon yeah well this is the thing sadly then you rolled onto 20 mousetraps i open my eyes but i open my eyes and there was a nurse over my like over my head i'm i'm lying down with my face like facing the sky and then she comes over so it looks like i've just been born i've got the pov of a baby with a nurse over there going are you okay are you okay and i

go oh yeah she goes would you like a cup of tea and you know you okay? Are you okay? And I go, oh yeah, she goes, would you like a cup of tea? And you know, it was quite a straight, you know, kind of like,

do I, because I, in my head I thought, why, I would. Thought you'd never ask. Fuck it up. What does a man got to do to get a cup of tea around here?

Gasping. Bit dry in here, isn't it? Like a plumber upstairs. Bit dry. Oat milk. Oat milk. Did Grace notice?

Or was she already busy with what she was doing, giving birth? No, no. So she was, no, the epidural had happened, but she was still sat up on the bed and and the woman said would you like a cup of tea and i said uh yes please and as she walked off she just went men and that got like a big cheer from everyone in the room oh amazing amazing so how long were you out for oh no i don't know know. Not long. Not long. I'm a man. I held myself together.

I came out of it when I was needed. I was there. But yeah, I mean, yeah, the breech berth, that was terrifying. There was one point where Grace asked me to... Right, so does this happen? So in the berths in the films, right? Yeah. It's all done quite quickly. Like, in the film... I've only ever ever seen it the Arnold Schwarzenegger one

junior I think that's quite different though it's only birth I've seen so Grace asks for water or something and I go to give her water and Wilder's this is a bit I warn you now like this is a bit graphic

but Grace is there with her legs open and Wilder's... This is a bit... I warn you now, this is a bit graphic. But Grace is there with her legs open and Wilder's leg is out. Oh, my word. She looked like a tripod, like a human tripod. Actually quite similar to Arnold Schwarzenegger in Junior. So there you go. We got through that. So you saw just like a leg out.

Grace reminded me of that this morning. She was's like do you remember when you came over and i yeah i nearly fainted again oh god i mean i was gonna say that i'd say you've had a brilliant turnaround in sort of managing like any sort of anxiety or panic you have yeah you're way more mature and sort of composed now just even in day-to-day stuff than you were a few years ago how do you think sean walsh of 10 years ago would have handled yeah i remember you having a panic attack backstage at wolverhampton civic hall because you have to do a gig admittedly admittedly we were in the foyer so you know it hadn't sold very well neither of us were in good spirits i'm still in the foyer you prick

that Hancock's got you into the bloody studio hasn't he studio yeah no it's I don't know I mean I think that what I would say is that this is a strange thing to say.

I don't quite know how to articulate this, but I think... I'm excited. But do you guys have this? It's a bit cringy, probably, talking about it. But watching Grace with Wilder is actually my favourite aspect of it and seeing how amazing Grace is with that mother connection, that mother-daughter connection is the most amazing bit. Because I a couple of times imagined if I had in some sort of universe

where I've had to do this alone. And I have to say, I don't think I would be able to cope. I don't think I'd be able to handle that. No, I'd back you up. I don't think you'd be able to. Especially being a single parent, it's so hard when there's

two of you. The people that are doing it, massive respects. I can't imagine how difficult it is to juggle everything. It's made me realise that women are equal. Wow, that's really progressive, Sean. God, yeah, now you put it like that, I think I'm close. I'm close to that too. I would, you know, buy Sean's point that he loved watching Grace and Wilder.

If the podcast hadn't started with 15 minutes and walking through the back of the shop with Sean never turning around once and just carrying on chatting to us. I'm a professional. Yeah, he's at work. I'm a pro. How's the dog? Mildred's great. And Mildred, one of the nicest moments.

Obviously, you have to be careful if you've got a dog and a baby. But I'm very conscious of, you know, I don't want Mildred to feel left out now that we've got a baby. And there was a lovely moment a few days ago where Wilder was on the bed and I was kind of playing with Wilder and I looked over and Mildred, she knows to keep her distance, but she was in the corner of the bed and she just looked a bit lonely. And I said, Mum, do you want to come here

and she slowly and carefully came over and she just gave wilder the tiniest little kiss on the cheek but that didn't happen sean that did happen dogs can't kiss sean all right lick jesus they can well yeah i was speak about this. No, but I think you've got a different relationship to your dog than I've got with mine. Yeah, Rob doesn't like his dog. No, I don't dislike the dog. I don't dislike Fred the dog. The giveaway is calling Fred the dog.

But he's just, I think, we said before, anyone that gets a dog before the child, there is a slightly different dynamic because it is your baby. But when you've got your own two babies and gets a dog before the child there is a slightly different dynamic because it is your baby but when you've got your own two babies and then a dog arrives it's a fun part of the family but it's not it's you've sort of i've got my sort of like coochie coochie stuff out of me yes on my kids but not the dog and i'm just like look mate i'm tapped out there's kids screaming dad all the time i don't need you licking my face right because you spend all day you're busy you sit down and the dog just lands on you and we've got a whip here it's like a fucking bagpipe there's the legs everywhere it's a killer yeah but that's that's nice and i think i love the i love the moment where there's

where all of you are together so if it's your entire family or if your family includes pets, when there's just a moment and you realise we're all together, that's my favourite moment. Yeah, no, that is. And even when they get grown up a bit more, we were all just got all the duvets down and put all the cushions from the sofa on the floor. And me and Lou were in there, the two girls,

and then Fred at the bottom. That was, you feel like, literally, it feels like you're in the womb. You're like all cuddled in. It's amazing. Politics. Sport. Climate change. Culture wars.

I'm Jack D. And I'm Sean Walsh. These are just some of the things we won't be talking about in our podcast, Oh My Dog. Not that we couldn't if we wanted to obviously we're both well known for our scathing satire and social commentary but we've decided to set that aside to talk about our favourite subject

dogs join us on our podcast Oh My Dog subscribe wherever you get your podcasts and follow us on Instagram at OMDPod so one of your answers wherever you get your podcasts and follow us on Instagram at OMDPod. So one of the,

one of your answers was that you were looking forward to squidging. That was one of your answers. That was what you're most looking forward to. Yeah. So the squeezes. Yeah. Well, I need to fess up here. And luckily I've spoken to a few male friends who kind of have had,

luckily had the same thing. Cause I was, I was getting never held. Great. So I let you hold her. Is this normal? Gracious. And it's the first six months thing.

And I have to leave. And this other guy goes into the house situation. Former health secretary. Oh, for fuck's sake. Come on. That leads down. Come on. I'm going to sweat.

So, yeah, Wilder, which is changing now, but for the most part, Wilder has not particularly enjoyed my company. Like, as in... We've all been there, I was told. Oh, for fuck's sake! You should get her a job at the Sun. What I mean is that... So we made a massive mistake.

We've not really had... I got one the other day because I insisted. We need somewhere to put her. We didn't have't there was nowhere to put her apart from the cot yeah right it was driving me nuts it was like it was it was like from the basically from the time you wake up the baby is just has to be i was like keeping a balloon in the air oh we've got a great i've got a great suggestion here oh please a bumbo seat yeah bumbo seat and then they're basically it's for like babies about your age or three months on where they just want to be sat up looking around not cradled and you're sick you can't you start hold you're sick of holding them like that

a bumbo a bumbo seat they you can get them they range from like 30 quid up to like you like they have anything you can pay silly money but yeah they really we had one and they're really good people are those things you spend 50 quid on and they use it for two months and then they want to be held like my son just wanted to be held the whole time you could never put him down you were just carrying around the whole time for six months well one of the things that i've changed uh on's advice, and it seems to have worked, is apparently I was too up in Wilder's face. I can't imagine that, Sean.

And she didn't... That's what she didn't like. So it wasn't me, I hope. Brackets. Yeah, yeah. Right. So, personal space. Personal space. Do you know what? What you need is ring Matt Hancock, a bit of social distancing.

I knew that was going to happen. No. I can't. Sorry. I couldn't help it. Sorry. Can I ask one more Matt Hancock thing? I'm not giving birth to Matt Hancock.

No. No. Fair enough. But did he get you a present? Did you get a present from Hancock? Yes. What was it? A fucking PPE contract? Sorry. Right, let's start. Right, stop.

I feel like we're at Mock the Week doing horse meat scandal again, week after week. Oh my gosh. Question. So, we didn't actually get through Talk Me Through Your Morning. she wakes up at 8.30 that's great she wakes up about 5 for a feed and goes back and he's oblivious

yeah it's probably that so 8.30 is the time that Grace wakes you up so does Grace I don't know how to phrase this go on has Grace basically made her peace with how useless she believes you are?

I think if Grace was here, she would say yes. Right, yeah. In your defence, Sean, you are on tour at the moment, travelling and gigging late and getting home late. Thank you, Robert. He's not just lazing about. He's a bit on tour. Of course.

I'm not lying there like, yes. So this is the difficult thing. I had to go to Australia, and Grace came out for the second half of that with Wilder. So how was the plane? She was great. She was great. I'm asked on. No idea.

This guy. Straight down. Did we even stop in Singapore? Did I get after that? Or did you just... You fainted and I just pushed you through the airport, Sean. No, she's been really good. I mean, my favourite bit is putting her in the sling.

Oh, well, you said the sling, actually, is one of your three things you'd need. Oh, okay. Yeah. So do you walk around with her strapped to your front? Yes, I love that. Yeah. Do you?

Yeah, because they knock out immediately. Yep. Yeah. Black out straight away. I did so much walking, so much walking in buggies or in... They prefer the buggy mind, but the walking around parks and stuff. Yeah. I prefer the buggy.

By the way, this is one of the first things I noticed, that I said this to Rob in a WhatsApp, I think, but I can't believe that I've spoken to so many people we talk buddy don't worry Josh we talk how no one how I've got this far through the

predatory scene and the birth and life without anyone mentioning that you'll spend a lot more time in lifts is that would be one of the first things someone said i'm oh yeah we're pregnant we're having a baby i'd go you're gonna spend a lot more time in lifts that would be the first thing that i would notice that is the biggest change in my life is that you now spend a lot of your life looking

for where the lift is especially on the tube if you're on the most fucking journey of my life yesterday yes bond street please if you are if you have got a pram but you need the lift not bond street don't go to bond street you have to go you have to go in bond street you go down a lift you have to walk to find another lift that takes you up a floor. You're going up and down like Crystal Maze just trying to get to my platform. It's insane. I can't believe no one mentioned that.

I would say that is, for me, how did it change your life? I spend a lot more time in lifts. That's number one. Right. Should I Steve Wright your tour dates? Let's do it. Yeah, you're on tour. Swanage, September

the 9th. Milton Keynes. I'm just going to do the dates. The places, not the dates. That'd be even weird. That'd be much weirder. There's a lot. You don't have to read out all the dates. He likes doing it, Sean. Let's just let him have his own moment. Swanage, Milton Keynes, Radler.

Done that. London, Hackney Empire. Oh, my neck of the woods. I'm going to cum. Yes, please do. Hackney Empire, Northampton, Salford, Salford. Oh, two nights in Salford. That'll be nice. What are you going to do with your time in between?

I don't think he's asked Steve Wrighties to do it. No. Whitehaven, Millham, Southport, Leeds, Birmingham, Birmingham. Bridport, Taunton, Sheffield, Leicester, Durham, Barnard Castle, Robb, Thoughts, North Allerton. Tell you what, Robb, Sean, Barnard Castle. Any thoughts on that, considering the company you keep? Oh, for fuck's sake.

Leave him alone. That was Dominic Cummings. He can't leave him alone. I've not joined the Tory party. What's happening here? That's a completely different human being Fucking hell North Allerton, Leek, London, London That's Leicester Square, so

Amsterdam? Fucking hell, Sean Copenhagen, Oslo, Stockholm This is why you didn't want me to read them out You were embarrassed by how it ended. Antwerp. I need a break from the family. It's been too stressful.

What are you doing on your last night out in Antwerp? We should have a parent in hell away day and all go Antwerp to see Sean Walsh. Do you sell big in Antwerp? Well, we're going to find out I know what I think but guys before we before we all fuck off to Antwerp

can we concentrate on the Hackney Empire because what's happened is Leicester Square's sold out then we'll put on another date Leicester Square's sold out here we go he's going to the top put on Hackney Empire oh no that was the capacity of people that wanted to see Sean.

So if we could just concentrate on that Hackney Empire date. I'm coming to the Hackney Empire. Josh will be there. I'll bring you out at the end. You've got ages. It's September. That's going to be great. Buy a ticket, see Sean Walsh at the Hackney Empire. Genuinely, now I know we've

given you shit. You are one of, if not the best live performers in Empire genuinely now I know we've given you shit you are one of if not the best live performers in the country I tell you what you are the best person I've ever seen

at Hammersmith Apollo when you did your live at the Apollo set and I've seen loads of people there that was the only time I've actually seen the ceiling move

you absolutely rocked it it was unbelievable so make sure you get a ticket Sean's an unbelievable comic absolutely the best terrible parent awful but a wonderful comedian um bless you oh my god i thoroughly enjoyed that episode sean

the only thing is we uh have to ask you we didn't ask last time because you hadn't had the baby what's the one thing grace does parenting wisewise that you just look at her and go, you are unbelievable. This is, you know, I'm so happy we've had a child together. But then what's the one thing she does with the baby that you sort of think, that is a bit annoying and I don't think that's the right thing to do. And if she did listen to this, she may go, actually, that's a fair point, Sean. But it would be too difficult to say face-to-face. She won't think that. She definitely won actually, that's a fair point, Sean, but it would be too difficult to say face-to-face.

She won't think that. She definitely won't think that's a fair point. I think, God, it's a good question. I think that the thing that I admire is the total and constant care and attention that she manages to give me and wilder at the same time yeah no but i know but i think it's that i think it's the connection that a mother and the baby has so it's not a particular sorry i'm not giving you a particular thing no no no that's good it's just it's just amazing yeah i just find that absolutely amazing when grace makes Wilder smile and you get to witness that because, you know, with yourself, OK, with yourself, when you when I make Wilder smile, as beautiful as that is, I'm not kind of getting to witness that moment because I'm in it.

Yeah, actually, I find it more amazing and more awesome in its literal sense to to watch grace and wilder have that connection i think that's absolutely amazing um the thing that i would say okay definitely here's a thing that i just infuriates me is it where on the fourth wake up of night she could be bitter and loud that kettle going at 3am again. Can't you just have a cold cup of tea? Yeah, I've told you, put it in a thermos at 7pm. It's the cup, right, straight away, I knew this would happen. The cup holder, the coffee cup holder came off the pram early early doors right yeah and i knew that was going to be a problem and now when we go for for walks with mildred and the baby we've both got

a coffee there's a big coffee like rotationary thing where it's all can you hold that i've got to pick up the poop can you hold that because we've got nowhere to put the right yes but i've got to tell you the coffee coffee holder, which was... It says so much about me. I was really excited about the coffee holder. Yeah. I remember saying to Rose, when we did our John Lewis shop, I was like, we're getting the coffee holder.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. But, and I've got no qualms with the Bugaboo B5. I thought it was an excellent, excellent bug. i thought it was an excellent excellent but the suspension on a pram is so poor compared to a car that unless your coffee is half full it's fucking right off that coffee holder in the first place the tea is going everywhere or the coffee depending on you well what i'd say is i think it's because you're getting it from independent coffee shops that the sort of eco-friendly cup is a joke. Oh, there we go. However, if you pop to McDonald's for a bit of landfill cup,

it's going nowhere. Just saying. Rob, Rob. That is going... I'll have you know. That will live longer than me. That will never disintegrate. However, I'm not spilling coffee on my baby.

There you go, Rob. I'll tell you this now the deli they don't even do coffee cups you have to have a cup for life shut up shut up fuck off you are not coming to my hackney show you are bad no we don't give out coffee cup all right then pour it in my mouth pour it in my mouth now i don't care how hot it is pour it i'm thirsty i'll need a coffee pour it in my mouth oh that is disgusting oh no i could have lived there i'll never i'll be like falling down like michael douglas just give me a cup now um thank you so much good luck on your tour and um you'll um you'll smash it brilliant Brilliant. Thanks, Sean. Cheers, Sean. Thank you so much.

Sean Walsh. I love Sean. Yeah, I love Sean. Good guy. I've laughed so much. It was very funny. We were, we went,

he got really, he got Matt Hancocked hard then. Yeah. And it was a long time since The Jungle, but he's a good lad, so he went with it. But no, and I meant that,

he's one of the best stand-up comedians. Yeah, he is. He's unbelievable. Honestly, he's went with it. But no, and I meant that. He's one of the best stand-up comedians. He's unbelievable. Honestly, he's so good live. Unbelievable. Yeah, he's incredible. So go and see him. Yeah, go and see Sean Walsh.

Speak to you next week, Josh. See you next week. Bye. Bye. What a time to be alive. And not in a good way. Pringles are £3.99. You have to scan a barcode to see the menu at a

restaurant. Why are there so many parking apps? Why are there so many apps? Why is everyone filming everything? You've now got to pay £5 just to drop someone off at the airport. Piers Morgan. I drive home in a car. I can't afford to run. To cook food, I can't afford to eat. In a house, I can't afford to live in. I'm Sean Walsh and I'm Paul McCaffrey. And if you've been annoyed by anything that you've heard in this advert, then why not listen to the brand new series of our hit podcast, What's Upset You Now? Here's another thing, podcasts that are three hours long. Not this one. No, this is two 15 minute episodes a week, one with me and Paul and one with guests like Romesh Ranganathan, Rob Beckett, Pete Doherty, Emily

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