Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S7 EP43: Rob's manic week (Part 2)

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

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Hello I'm Rob Beckett and I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parents in Hell the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times where none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with arthur can you say rob beckett arthur can you say j Beckett? Rob Beckett. Arthur, can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe.

Good boy. There we go. Lovely stuff. Morning, Rob and Josh. This is my nearly four-year-old son, Arthur, just before he goes to sleep. Born just before lockdown, we're staying home.

Your podcast has given me so many laughs. Missed playing spot Rob Beckett on the way to the grandparents in Bickley. Now he's a country squire. He's a country guy, but I'm not a squire. Keep up the good work, lads. Neil Harrison from Croydon, now living in Swanley. Is that a

place you know, Rob? Swanley, big up Swanley. Used to go to the Asda there. My mum used to leave me in the Asda creche, which, looking back on, I don't think I'd leave my kids in. However, I loved it. It had a Mega Drive under this big bunker thing. Swanley.

And Swanley Market does old magazines. It used to be like three for a fiver. You know, like GQ magazine or Total Film, all the official PlayStation ones, but like three months old, which didn't really matter. That was like a computer game is a computer game. It's not like the Financial Times. No, exactly.

You need it on the day. He says, up the Kent Massive. There you go. I used to get beat at loads when I used to live in Bickley. Did you? Because my house was on a main road, but now I'm in the countryside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oi, oi, Beckett, safe.

Ah! All the builders driving through where's your rubbish do you get less acknowledgement in the countryside because there's less people obviously there's less people but per person are you still getting acknowledgement

or do people in the countryside care less about you well I'm in a car and there's not many pedestrians obviously because it's in lanes and what's quite good is because I go in a car and there's not many pedestrians, obviously, because it's in lanes. And what's quite good is because I go into the pub and I sort of know a few of the local people. So it's like, you're right, it's sort of quite bored of me quite quick. Where I used to live was a cut through for about a million people

and loads of school-run people, especially when I used to drag the little trolley to school, lose little trolley bag. And they were like, it's a the little trolley to school Lou's little trolley bag and they were like it's our bag trolley bag those were the days these people used to scream at me where's your chicken

I had a cab driver go to me once I heard that you weren't even fucking drunk for that chicken video after you made it all up and I went I don't know what you want me to say You weren't even fucking drunk for that chicken video after you made it all up. Fucking hell. And I went, I don't know what you want me to say. Was it? Yeah, I got pissed on Instagram.

Well, how do I know? I went, well, you don't. And I don't care. I couldn't care less. I did a shot once. I went to be, are you Rebecca of the telly? I went, yeah, yeah. And he went, no, you're not.

I went, all right then. He went, prove it. I went, no. He went, show me your ID. I went, no. He went, well, you're not then. I went, if you think I am, I think I'm not. I don't care.

I told you I am. If you think I'm lying, then that's up to you, isn't it? Fucking bullshit. And then when I used to get pissed sometimes I'd be rude to people in pubs someone would come up to me and go

my friends it's normally it would normally be a pissed middle aged woman and go my friends think that you're famous

but I don't even know who you are and I went I don't know who the fuck you are either so why don't you know who you are and i went i don't know what you are either so why don't you fuck off i've said that a few times i didn't go down and romish just hates it when i do that i regret it but some people do need some people in this world josh need a good old fuck off when's the last time you properly told someone to fuck off? I love it. I would say the worst thing about not drinking is drunk people coming up to you. And suddenly you realize the fucking liberties they take during photos, drunk people. Yeah, they're handsy.

Very handsy. Yeah, really handsy. And you're like, I want to go, you disgust me. But I don't. And they'll go, I don't think, you know, my friend finds you funny, but I don't find you funny. And you're like, I've literally stood here having a fight with you. Yeah, exactly.

I was doing an awards do the other day. And this woman come up to me and she was giving out one of the awards. She went, can I have a kiss? I'm like on the stage waiting for the award winner to come up. She went, can I have a kiss? And I went, nope. But a few years ago, I'd have gone, all right, and just let her have a kiss. And it'd been horrible.

And I was like, well, no, I wouldn't like it if Lou went to work and just started kissing blokes at arse. Not again. Can I have a kiss? And I went, oh oh let's do an air actually i went nope i went but we can do an air kiss and did like try to do a little funny actor but if people say that the one i do a couple of jokes i've got when i do awards or do any gig really someone they shout out where's josh or where's romesh and i go you don't get them me and them for this price on a first yeah that's a good one and's romesh and i go you don't get them me and them for this price on a thursday night and the other one when they go i don't like you but my wife loves you can you have a photo i go well i was around her house last night so oh lovely bit of business i gave them

all a photo then bit of fun bit alpha bit laddy but you've got to do what you've got to do in those situations and if you do that in front of a group of lads, they all piss themselves laughing. So that's a good way out of, of doing, of that, if they're annoying you. What about if they say my mum, my mum loves you? Yeah, it all depends. You've got to, you've got to judge the energy of the moment. My daughter loves you. Yeah, no, again, again, probably not.

I'm not going to go, does she? Well, I was fucking her. But it's not just, I'm not saying if anyone is in a positive way and says my wife loves you, but when they go, I don't really like you, but my wife does, then I think, right, here we go, let's do this. Because, you know, I'm happy to rip you apart. If I'm in a good mental space, I'll say nothing

and let it flow through me. But you know what? Sometimes If I'm in a good mental space, I'll say nothing and let it flow through me. But you know what? Sometimes I'm not in a good mental space and I need to belittle someone to make me feel good. Okay. And you're up next. Cause you started it and I'm going to fucking finish it. You mug.

But apart from that, I'm pretty chilled out guy. So feel free to say hello. So anyway, so you've got, you've got more content. Right. Oh yes. We've got more stuff to talk about we didn't finish from last week okay do you always do mine and then we'll talk about you yeah oh my god i've done yeah i've done since i've been around kids have left me so we're just

filling it with yours how long could we go before people went what's going on there? Okay, let's ask. We're just talking about it. Where's Rose? Yeah. Cornwall. Cornwall. She's away again, is she? She was away last time we spoke. Yeah, I know.

It's worrying, isn't it? When I broke up with people in the past, normally it's like you sort of just avoid each other for a bit. We went away together last week, just the two of us. Oh, that's nice. Someone describe it as crisis talks. Cobra meeting. other last week just the two of us oh that's nice someone describe it as crisis talks where's that face of the countryside all the politicians go when they're checkers checkers or they ever like the past you know like at the moment it's like the pasta plotters because some people will get really pushy soon like met up in an italian restaurant

you'll be like where was she up in in Scotland, was it? Glen Eagles. Yeah, and they could easily meet at Glen Eagles, yeah. No, I know it's all good to you. I had a good breakfast at Glen Eagles, Rob. Did you? Rose described it as the best breakfast buffet in Europe. In Europe? Okay, where else worldwide's beaten it? Don't know, maybe worldwide.

America's probably got some. It was incredible. Incredible. And then Rose said, I said'm i'm crippled by choice yeah she said just have something you wouldn't normally have okay i had a bowl of shreddies i absolutely panicked i thought i haven't had shreddies in ages. Was it nice? Yeah, lovely.

Surely there would have been like poached eggs. There would have been like bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles, fruit. I kept hunger locked up till lunch, my friend. Why was it so good then? What did Rose have? It was just everything and it was all there was a piece of cheese with a thing that you turned on it and then it kind of shaved it into a kind of i love a little bit of unnecessary exuberance yeah it was so good it was we had a wonderful time

um so she had some cheese and you had a bowl of shreddies A long story short, yeah Right, well let's You carry on What was I up to? When did you get to? Monday So Monday Actually that was when you was in Glen Eagles, wasn't it?

Yeah Oh yeah, that's when I got my antibiotics for my sinus infection. Oh, yeah. I did a little one of them Zoom. You know, them little phone call GPs. Yeah. Anyway, so Tuesday came and Tuesday was Roman Day, Josh. Oh, this is what we're talking about now.

We went in. This is when we put our names down for the morning. Did you say when in Rome at all? Do you know what? I didn't, which is, I can't believe I missed that. But I got a bit thrown because we had to dress in togas and I had a bed sheet around me, so I felt a bit vulnerable. Did they have antibiotics in Roman times?

They did this morning. Off my nut on penicillin. Did you make a toga out of a have you got a picture lou oh i only got a picture of lou but he's honest i didn't really feel comfortable taking photos of doing selfies in a school like some pathetic loser instagrammer just hanging out my toga anyway we just had a bed sheet on then lou bought some gold like rope so we tied it around and then what we did so it was a morning we thought was doing the morning or afternoon but the teacher put us in for both sessions i did nine till 3 30 oh my word an hour's break what did you have to do so the morning well it was really good actually there's

like this guy come in that's like a historian guy that basically stays in character as a roman and he set up like eight different stools and each parent had to be on the stools. So one was like clay making. I was in charge of mosaic tile making. And then there was like some sort of Roman game. And so I messed up because I thought I will go on. I'll go to that. The other ones were like painting, making some little metal necklacing,

making little plastic leather, make a little leather bag or something, all these different stations. And all the kids moved around it and stuff like that. And they also had questions to ask you and you had to answer it because they were trying to find out who was the secret spy or something. Was it the whole school? No, it was just the year, year group.

And I was like, oh, with my daughter's in. And I was like, do you know what would be good? I'll do the tall mosaic one because that would be the easiest. Terrible decision. Because I've realised I've got the mentality of a child. Yeah, yeah. I didn't just realise that. do the tile mosaic one because that would be the easiest terrible decision because i've realized i've got the mentality of a child yeah yeah i didn't just realize that whatever the i want to do is whatever load of kids will want to do so i was absolutely bombarded i was knocking out tiles for these kids one after the other and then the one i tried to avoid was like a roman game where

you have to make these special things play a game my mate mario just said they did fuck all it just sat there laughing at me just watching while i was like hammering out tile yeah they absolutely had it off what do you mean what did you have to do making moments at tiles so you have to give them a bit of card you have to give them some glue all the different tiles and help them make the mosaic they want to make they were supposed to sketch out a design on paper beforehand but i was like fuck that go free i'm an instinct player yeah um because also i need to like fuck that and i said just do what you want go free i'm an instinct player yeah yeah um because also i need to talk about that because i'm basically josh i'm i'm genuinely this is a separate topic i'm genuinely struggling to help my daughter with her homework

in year three yeah yeah because i think i'm dyslexic so i'm going to go for a dyslexia test um right get it properly tested and find out what's going on whether i have it or i don't or what what it what it is because there's something that i i just cannot form sentences properly in a way that academics you know institution would want it delivered either it's you know school and then going off to university and stuff so i'm really struggling and i spoke to the british dyslexia association the bda i think that's what it is um and um they've been like really helpful in explaining what's going on because they said that a lot of the – they got involved before

because I spoke about dyslexia in my book and stuff. So I've always been trying to – I try and help them out when I can. They've got a bucket collection. You tried to. No one could understand what you were writing about. Am I right? A bit of fun. Is that allowed?

I don't know. Well, I think so. If we find out I've got it, then probably. But if I haven't, probably not. Yeah, okay. So there's a lot on that test now. Yeah. So, yeah, it's British Dyslexia Association,

and they're collecting money at my gigs in Soho after the show. But they said that 50% of their calls are from parents that are struggling themselves with their kids' work. Oh, wow. That's interesting. Because what happens is, you either, you know, calls are from parents that are struggling themselves with their kids oh wow that's interesting because what happens is you either you know back especially for our generation and older especially around the 50 year old mark that there's a lot of people went undiagnosed struggle but then they got into a job and career that doesn't need it like what i do really it's sort of bullet points and talking um and then they never realize that they're struggling until

the kids bring home the homework. That's really interesting. So if you are struggling, don't, you know, be ashamed to ring up and go and try it. The British Dyslexia Association. Yeah, the British Dyslexia Association, the BDA, and they're on Instagram and stuff like that. So I'm going to do the test. I'll report back on how it works and what happened and stuff.

And what do you know what the test involves? Not really, no. I think it takes a couple of hours and you sit down with an assessor but the problem is there is a massive way even to go privately and it's even longer if you go through the government not because you know the government are being tight however even if they threw loads of money at it at the moment there's not enough assessors yeah so there's a big market for people to be trained as assessors to try and do it but um i'll get some more information on it once i've done this i think i'm doing it in the new year but um anyway so that's what i realized it was i went for the

mosaics and tiles thinking that'll be the easiest but also all the kids did that so mario sat there doing nothing and him and his wife had booked in just for the morning then they went off for a lovely lunch and had a long lunch and then come back and pick the kids up, while me and Lou were doing a shift in the afternoon. Doing a fucking shift at the Coliseum. Right, the shift at the afternoon, Josh. The morning was fine. We were on these stalls.

They had lunch. We'd come back. Then the teacher went to us, oh, right, we've got 25 minutes now. You guys are doing a play, the Golden Goose play. You and Lou? Yeah, but no no with some kids so i gave her some kids but i didn't know any of these kids they're sort of like kids that either

i hadn't really met yet on the other or like that weren't part of her friendship group even if you did know them it would be it's a bit easier when you they've been around for a play date you can also they can go like do you mind doing that like because they all want to be the goose that lays the golden egg every single one of them wants to be the goose so they're all arguing and then also we've got this up bit of paper yeah in a room with seven kids and it's like right 20 minutes i was like what i didn't know what i was doing they want to be the goose it's like an apprentice task exactly that right now there's one girl who got really upset because she wanted to go in a mum's group but the school policy is you can't go in your parents if If your parents are helping, you can't be in their group.

I don't understand why, but that's just what they do. And they're quite strict with it. So she was really upset because her mum had come in and she couldn't be in a mum's group. Oh, my God. She's crying. She's crying. And when we say what parts she wants to be, she keeps saying no, no, like that. I was like, all right, let's leave her alone for a minute.

So then Lou just goes, right, you're lined up. Just line up. And then Lou just went in right, you're lined up, just line up. And then Lou just went in the order of the parts and how they were lined up to make it fair. God, Lou's good, yeah. So Lou's the teacher. She's going, right, line up, all lined up. I'm going to go, you're narrator one, you're narrator two.

You're the farmer's wife. You're the farmer's husband. You're the goose, right? And then there's a part. And then we get to the poor girl who's crying at the end because she can't be with her mum. She's brought herself together, but she's still a bit teary. She's not in tears, but she's upset, right?

The last part, sad mask. I don't know what a sad mask is. I don't know if it's a Roman thing. Lou just pointed at this poor girl and said, you're a sad mask. And I love it, Lou. We have never nearly laughed so much. We didn't want to because it'd be unfair on the kids. We didn't laugh.

I was like, what are the chances? The last part was poor old Sad Mask. How did Sad Mask take it? She was like, I don't want to be Sad Mask. We went, fair enough. Why don't you? And then we invented a great little part for her because they wanted to be the golden,

why don't you take the golden egg and give it to the farmers when they have to say their golden why don't you take the golden egg and and and give it to the farmers when they have to say their line so she was almost like this new part which was ferrying the egg and then basically me and lou were sad masks which basically is all the cheering and booing it's the best bit i would honestly lou literally just pointed at a child that was upset and said you're sad mask and it was like it's not okay and how did it all play out how's the play i'd say it looked like a play that had been put together by strangers in 20 minutes and that would be that would be complimentary that was that was fun to be fair it was fun to

hang out with lou went for a nice lunch and stuff um And she was talking about what the girls keep calling her now, Josh. Because she's been quite stressed the last couple of weeks because we've had both parties. So we had a very stressful day where I went and collected a cake for my daughters. So we had the sleeping with the boys. Then the following Saturday, my daughter had a party in a hall because she's a bit younger with her schoolmates and some entertainers. We ordered a cake from cough coglans we like coglans coflins coflins is a

cough it's got a g in it but it's coflins yeah is it yeah yeah i've been calling them coglans anyway coflins southeast london bakery do vegan stuff and especially when you've got kids with dietaries they do like these vegan cakes anyway we wanted a blue one they do these drippy cakes have like chocolate coming down the side we wanted a blue one. They do these drippy cakes that have like chocolate coming down the side. We wanted a blue one. So Lou said, I have one without the chocolate coming down the side. They sort of said, oh, that will make it a bit wobbly. It got lost in translation. Long story short, I'm driving the cake home.

It just slides off and just it doesn't stay together, right? So I get home. The cake is unsalvageable. The cake, what I like to call, completely fucked. Where had the cake been on the drive? Footwell. Flat as before. Flat as a pancake?

Flat as a pancake. In the other footwell is another cake for my other daughter's birthday because her birthday is on the actual Friday. But we've pushed all their parties back a week so that my daughter had a party five days before her birthday then she had a birthday then her other daughter had a party the day after my other daughter's birthday because her birthday is in a week's time yeah so we've all shifted it slightly so i'm picking up two cakes one's absolutely fine the other one's slid all over the place i ring lou i go lou we've had a bit of a disaster

the cake's fallen over. And at that point, I hear her scream, fucking hell. I'm like, all right, okay, we'll sort it. Georgie, Georgie, you know the dog? She's walked in. Georgie has eaten an entire advent calendar of chocolate. Dogs and chocolate. Toxic to dogs.

Toxic to dogs. With the immediate vet check however lose found a little hack with the chocolate eating with dogs basically when you go to the vets and you tell them how much chocolate they've had they add it up and put it into a toxicity calculator which you can find on google so we're saving ourselves a cup liquid we're the old toxicity calculator crew anyway so she's put it in basically it says medium level of danger keep an eye on your dog if your dog looks starts to vomit or looks unwell take them to a vet but just keep an eye on your dog if your dog looks starts to vomit or looks unwell take them to a vet but just keep an eye on the dog so it's basically not danger

stomach pump limit okay yeah so she's done that the cake's everywhere lou's lost her absolute mind also i've discovered that the girls when she gets stressed say don't say the f and the h word basically and then my daughter said hell and i said it's the f word the naughty version of fudging because they listen to little like you know little lion man by the mumford and sons because it's not your fault but mine i really fucked it up this time didn't know my and i played it once without realizing it swore so much and the girls loved it but i've taught them they just say fudged right here so they said but mum says fudge in hell but the naughty version no i don't no i don't they went yes you do mummy you whisper it when you're stressed

right so so the cake's dead the dog's eating a load of chocolate. So we keep an eye on the dog. We've locked him in the thing. Anyway, we run Coughlin's. And Lou, we buy all our stuff from Coughlin's. Anyway, we don't mention them because we get freebies. We rang him and then sort of know them. And he rang up and went, well, just message me next time.

We'll start the cakes. But me and Lou always like to do it properly and pay for everything. And then that way you can, you know, so you're like don't worry um it's got a bit lost in communication you need the chocolate on it to keep it secure i'll bring you another cake to the party so he sorted all that out he's in south london anyway so we've got all that sorted and the dog's fine i took it he was fine the dog took him on a walk the next day did about 15 watery shits but apart from that that, he's on fine form. Yeah. The chocolate's passed through. What do you do with a watery dog shit?

Well, where we walk is through woods, and they, luckily for us, do their shits in the middle of the woods. They run off. Ah. The rule is if it's on the path, pick it up. But if he does one in the woods 50 yards away that no one hits through, that's just shit city to me. There's sometimes me and I will, some that are one hits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just shit city to me. There's sometimes me and I will, some that are on the borderline,

where it's not on the path, but it's sort of in view, that if you were to stray, I still pick up because I'm a public figure. I can't take that risk. If I wasn't on the telly, I'd leave that shit there. However, I don't want to be known. I don't want someone to be watching me. You know what, Rob? It's a little bit of the old telly tax rob it's a little bit of the old teletax it's a little bit of the teletax i don't want to be in the jungle

in 10 years time and someone goes i'm not voting for him he left a shit near a path so i'll pick it up anyway 10 years so he's been i can see the watery shit from afar it's also because they keep going then they're hanging their ages because it doesn't feel like they've done a poo so they're confused yeah yeah yeah anyway so um dogs alive we've got another cake delivered but lose at this point it's sort of like a slight um slight break breaking point um anyway next day we get up um go to the party party's all good have a really good time at the party kids it all works perfectly lose still a little bit stressed on an edge but we're getting to the end of the the busy period and then we come home and then have a lovely day lovely day on saturday afternoon chilling watching the football chilling the kids anyway yeah my daughter my daughter last week she went she went into school on the

tuesday she had monday off went to school on tuesday really ill after tuesday so she was off wednesday thursday went back in friday because she had no temperature she was fine saturday sunday wakes up with a temperature and crippling stomach pain sunday morning like severe bent over she never gets a bellyache double ah doubled over like wailing right like real bad pain and she said where's the pain she said it's coming from here she showed Lou Lou when it's coming from a right side this is appendix side oh been there mate right so I was like okay she was coughing all night so I thought she had a bad stomach because she was maybe like straight like strained a muscle or you know when you cough loads and loads you can damage your stomach muscles can't you but when as soon as Lou said, no, she's shown me,

it's coming from the right side, I'm like, right, let's get to the hospital because I'm not going to let this wait. Get to the hospital. We get there. She's in the car. Even when I'm driving fast, she's in pain and stuff like that. Oh, God. Get to the hospital.

Now, the nurses and doctors that we dealt with eventually, amazing. Absolutely brilliant. I do think, though, that immediate – because basically the hospital you go to, you go to urgent care, and when you're in urgent care, you get seen in about 10, 15 minutes, and then they decide, do you wait for the GP, or if it's an emergency, you go to A&E. So you can't get to A&E anymore now unless you go in an ambulance. You have to go to

urgent care they assess you and do you know what it's a much better system so all good however the two people at reception at this urgent care you know there's a sign that always says please treat all our staff with respect they're at work and we will not accept any sort of you know abusive language or aggression. Totally get it. I'm always super nice, super polite. However, I do think these receptionists should have a sign on their side that says, these people are good citizens and good humans. Do not treat the many like the few. Do not treat this person like someone that spat at you last week

because that's not me. The anger you get from these people at a reception, just like they basically say with their eyes, what the fuck do you want while you're here? And my daughter's like screaming in pain, right? So I say hello, right, and there's a big sheet up. She's got a mask on. She's talking quite quietly and she's trying to get my so i give my name and my address and then

she said mobile number i give my mobile number and they say next to and they and she went that's not the right mobile number i was like well it's my number she went who's the next to kin i was like well i'm rob beck i'm rob beckett her dad and her mum's lou beckett yeah that's who the next to kin is i went oh okay fine but that's mine that's my number she went we've got to leave it there i went pardon she got to leave it there i think i'll leave what they've got to leave the number there what do you mean i can't change the next to kill number i went no i'm not i'm not i'm not telling you to you just asked me for my phone number and i gave you mine and you said why is it different and I said well that's my wife's that's what I've said and she would go through anyway so I've sat for him like this well this this person's mental right we sit there we go

and see the first nurse who's looks stressed to fuck but she's quite hard to communicate with it wasn't really listening to what we said and stuff like that and I think she was going to she was like she was saying like oh does she does it hurt when she passes urine i was like no but sometimes she has pain down there every now and again and she was basically going down the urine urine infection but i knew it wasn't a u utc where it was utc i knew it wasn't that yeah and anyway she went to have some cowpul to the and my daughter's i donpul UTC is a comedy club yeah

UTI UTI that's the one anyway she went have some cowpul I don't want cowpul I don't want cowpul and then the woman was like

no I just said if you've got pain have some cowpul we're not kicking off outside Weatherspoons I understand you're under pressure but you are dealing

with an ill person so she's a child. In the end, my daughter went, I don't want any, I don't want any, I don't want any. And then she went, have some. I went, you've got to have some. So she had it. And then within about 20 seconds, my daughter vomited all over the floor.

Oh, my God. So then that sort of livened up the lady, and she sent us through to A&E. That's what was happening, in a way. Oh, yeah, exactly. And then also my daughter was absolutely loving it when we got to A&E. She was like, I told her I didn't want any and i didn't think well and she made me have it and guess what vomit on the floor she's giving it that right um anyway yeah so so we uh we get so we get through um to a and e then we wait to see someone basically it

turns out she did all the tests and it it was an appendix because when we examined her all the pain was coming from the left hand side i was like well that's weird i mean what did you tell mummy and she went i showed her this side i showed her this side then i remembered lou doesn't No. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Disaster. It's a little bit like rush through appendix pain. I'm like, yes, on the right-hand side by the appendix.

Oh, God. Anyway, so we get there. However, she needed to be seen because she was in really bad pain. So what was it is, basically, she said there's a viral respiratory infection going around kind of thing that isn't COVID but is really bad, gives you a cough, makes you really run down and exhausted and a really high fever and temperature. She keeps having a temperature of like 40 degrees when she does too much. So we were chilling in that thingy and basically there's a lymph node in your,

you know, there's lymph nodes in your cheeks and neck yeah yeah the gland you gland that lymph nodes are glandy when you get glandy exactly but there's also some in your abdomen the when you get a viral infection they become swirled swollen and inflamed and can cause pain that coupled with coughing all night will make them really sore and because she coughs all night and then in the day she doesn't cough as much it will it will be that and they did a um we had to do a wee test as well to make sure there was an infection and i had to explain to my daughter that she had to wee into a cup and she just found it the most hilarious thing ever and i was like take your trousers and socks and pants so i'm in this cubicle while she's pissing in a car um and yeah and she basically examined her and did everything and basically when you get these viral infections it can affect that so it can

cause pain in the abdomen that will be worse in the morning because she's been up all night coughing and just keep an eye on it and if it spreads or comes back but we rushed her in because we thought it was in the right hand side but we were right to send her in to get her all properly checked out so she's on bed rest now um and because we she does seem better and doesn't have a temperature then we send her back to school and then she's completely fucked again so we're just making sure she's properly recovered so that was our little trip to a on sunday it's the dream for the kid isn't it isn't that it's great if you're a kid and you have to stay home but you don't feel that bad fuck it out she's all right to sort of like watch her ipad or lay in bed yeah. But she's just knackered. Exactly. Oh, sometimes when I'm busy, Rob, I think that's the illness I want.

Just, yeah. Do you know what I was thinking? Because we've all been ill. I was like, I'd have loved a little circuit breaker. Oh, yeah. A little circuit breaker. The bit of illness would have been lovely. But luckily, she's got, and I think as well, we've been doing like,

it's been her birthday. She had her sister's party at the weekend. Sharky and George, I'd say unbelievable party entertainers. If you need good part into Alfie and Jake from Sharky and George, big up. The kids absolutely love them,

but it is mental. There's some kids in the class that are a little bit more reserved and quiet. And their games, you literally just run around screaming, go mental, which our kids love. But you can see some of the kids like, what's going on?

And some of the parents are like, this is mental. But it was really good. So we are battling through now. We've got a few more days of school left. Heads down to Christmas. Head down to Christmas. Nice, chill, and relaxed at Christmas. But, yeah, it's been a busy couple of weeks in the Beckett household.

But I'm feeling a lot better. I had a good sleep last night. Good work. We're shaking it, Josh. Do you know, we were so close, but you've come to a halt. I thought, we're going to do two episodes of Rob Solo here. I was like, this is the easiest week of my life. You've nodded.

Do you know what? You've chipped in with some absolute... I've chipped in. I've chipped in. I've kept the ball in the air. I'm still reading. And I've enjoyed myself. From you saying that your ex-girlfriend is Dua Lipa.

Well, there you go. Should I check if anything's happened to me? Tell us what's been going on with your week and your kids. Your daughter's off unwell. Every kid's ill. It's mental. Was she unwell? I don't even remember, Rob, anymore.

Oh, and she's sick and then she was absolutely fine but couldn't go in for a couple of days because she's been sick rose curfew mean is it your curfew you're not allowed downstairs after nine if she's no we were going to we were going to a party this is the thing yeah because i drive now to the parties that we go to yeah we didn't go to the party in the end because um my daughter um because we've been away a lot and my daughter's been missing us and we needed to so was this an adults only party an adults only party christmas drinks christmas drinks christmas drinks and i found myself saying to rose i'll drive you but we're leaving at 10 p.m on the dot and you've got to come with me.

And I felt like her dad, Rob. Really? How did you respond to your strict curfew? And was it a floating idea or was it an instruction? It was an instruction. It was an instruction. You're getting so powerful these days. I don't know if I am. I don't know if I am, Rob, because in the end we just decided not to go to the party

because my daughter didn't want us to go. So at the end of the day, well, it did. I worried that I haven't got a social life, Rob, when we didn't go to the party. It really hit me hard. What, they didn't go? Well, no, I think you make a decision, don't you, whether, well, it's just you've got kids you can't just keep leaving them all the time because you feel bad then they also they're fun to be with it's not like a break

and also the age where they know and care it's not like when you've got an 18 month old that once they're asleep they couldn't give a shit but when they're older they want to see you and stuff and because you've got a lot of we've both got a lot of work on at the moment you're away more but that's yeah i think that's nice to hang with your kids and it was it was very pleasant it was very pleasant um we um we've got our tree up now real one real one it's too big one of the seats on the sofa you have to watch the tv through the tree like you're a peeping tom is that fun for a bit or is it well it depends what you're watching obviously pay watch uh yeah kind of topical reference we go for rob um we went away for a bit or is it well it depends what you're watching obviously pay watch uh yeah kind of topical reference we go for rob um we went away for a few days to me and rose and we're very

lucky that we get to do this two or three times a year yeah we like to just have a weekend where we can go away and kind of re-remember what we're like without children. Right, okay. So we went to Scotland, to Glen Eagles, and I'm going to bring up an issue I've got with Rose because we're looking to get Rose and Lou back on the podcast, aren't we? Yeah, they need to come back and just do a little rant and I think have a right to reply to certain things like the appendix, the fact that Rose may have left you, things like that. Yeah, that kind of thing.

We get on the train, Rob. Rose, I've've realized has this thing she does when we get on the train she'll peg it to the to our seats that are reserved right okay and then it's a great word by the way yeah so she'll get our seats and she'll sit down yeah and then she'll be like you're right to just put all this stuff? Because I've got the seats. Are you all right to put my coat up there? To put the bags? So basically she'll treat you like a little butler servant once she's sat down.

What she'll do is she'll take the job of getting the seats. Yeah, but I think the seats have already got, if you're stood. The seats have been got, Rob. They've reserved anyway, but on top of that, you're stood next to them seats have been got they've reserved anyway but on top of that next to them putting stuff on the top so exactly i'd say that i'd say the job she's doing has been done by ai yeah i i would say we're way ahead of her on this yeah that job that job's redundant her sitting on it makes no difference really to what's going to happen the next five minutes no so she sits there and passes you things to put up yeah and i know i stand there

it annoys me a lot rob i've realized i've realized it annoys me a lot yes because i suppose in the start of a relationship you sort of do that to be quite gentlemanly and like yeah yeah of course hey little lady let me pop your coat up coat. Yeah, but now I'm like, get your fucking charger yourself. So she'll ask for stuff to get out the back. So is that at the beginning? Put the bag up. Put the bag up. Oh, sorry.

Could I have my charger? Oh, for Christ's sake. So you have to get back up to get it. So you shoot by the window. Because the window seat, the angle of the window seat is too far below the shelf above you. So the person that's got the aisle seat is basically on bag duty. Right. But then I suppose if it's just a charger at the beginning of the trip,

or is it constant? I'm the faffer, Rob. I'm doing all the faff yeah i i i think if you're sat in the aisle during the trip and she wants something for the bag i think it's easier for you to just grab it than you to get up mind out the way and i know it is however i do agree that she could maybe put her bags up when you first get on the train because the the as we discussed the seats are got the seats have been got rob the seats have been got, Rob. The seats have been got. There's a red light above them.

We can all see it. We can all see it. Anyway, we went away. We went to Scotland. We got lost on a golf course. You got what? We went for a walk on a golf course. Yeah.

And they said it was closed because it was snowing. It was incredible. It was snowing. Yeah. incredible. It was snowing. Yeah. We went for a walk. They said there's a cafe at Hole 9. We walked. I was in new trainers, so they were rubbing.

Were they waterproof? No, they weren't waterproof, no. In the snow? In the snow. Well, it was like a light settling of snow. I know, but I think you've got to put waterproof shoes on for the snow. Yeah, I think so. They're hiking boots.

I've got another. Do you want another little issue with Rose? Yeah, this please. Yeah. We had dinner and it was snowing outside the window. It was spectacular. Lovely. And I said, we should go and crunch in the snow after this.

Yeah. Is that a euphemism or a walk? That Friday feeling, crunching up. Quick crunch up. Have you ever crunched in the snow? I can't imagine anything worse. No, I don't. I tell you what, you want to go on top when you're crunching

in the snow that's for sure I think the lube would freeze on your dick and that's horrible you'd look like you'd look like you'd have been

dipped in icing anyway sorry sorry no that's all about it carry on so what for a little walk

in the snow like yeah she didn't want to go out because it was too cold in the evening she was like we can go for a walk in the snow tomorrow.

Yeah. It slushed up by the time we went for the walk, Rob. We just wanted a little wander around the hotel in the evening. I just wanted to crunch in the snow, Rob. Can't you crunch on your own? Well, it was quite cold. We had a lovely time anyway. We walked to the end of the golf course.

Yeah. The cafe was closed and then we had to walk back. Two and a half hours in your little rubby shoes. In my little rubby shoes. Walked to the end of the golf course. Yeah. The cafe was closed and then we had to walk back. Oh, half an hour. Two and a half hours in your little rubby shoes. In my little rubby shoes. I had a massage. Lovely. Yeah.

My first issue with massages, Rob. Yeah. Is when you finish the massage and you're relaxed and they go straight into doing the big sell. Oh, about like, these are the best things for your skin. Yeah. And you're like mate i'm fucking sat here topless i'm trying to relax i've just had an hour's worth of relaxation now i'm basically in the body shop being given the big sell what are they trying to sell you protein shakes no you don't need that oh we don't need that we had lovely relaxing time

came back it's been a it's been a lovely do you know what it's been pretty stress-free i'm this is such a good christmas rob why the ages are so good yeah that i'm already worrying about the the passing of time and yes i think i think you just have to block it out and then accept that they are older does it come into your mind at this time of year well when i was doing roman day one of the kids come up to us in front of all the other kids and said i don't believe in santa it's not real your parents do it my parents have told me don't believe in santa it's not real your parents do it my parents have told me yeah do you know what i did yeah yeah spat in her ears and ed byder i'll get you far no i just said oh don't you well i believe in him the same way some people believe in jesus some people don't some people are hindu

some people aren't some people are Sikh everyone believes in different. And then the girl was like, I'm Hindu. And, oh, really? My friend's Hindu as well. Yeah. And we started chatting about Hinduism for a bit. And I'll tell you what, Paskanesh ain't got a lot. He's called Ramesh. Wonder why he keeps looking at me funny.

I wonder why he keeps looking at me funny. Yeah, I'm worried about the passing of time. It's bad, Rob. Just try and block it out, really. Have you got much Christmas? You're going Lapland with them in Ascol. We're doing so much. What Christmas stuff have you got lined up? We're going to the Eltham Christmas Lights.

Oh, at Palace? Yeah, but it was cancelled due to bad weather, so we've had to reschedule that. When is it? The weather, I'm going to say. You're going whenever. It wasn't like a special time. No, we were going on the 14th,

but now we're going on the ***, I think. Oh, nice. Let's not say that. I don't want a mad fan to come and assassinate me at the Elton Christmas Lights. I doubt it. I doubt anyone's listening going, we'll book it for them, won't see Josh. It's nice out at Palace. It's near me. assassinate me at the Elton Christmas lights. I doubt it. I doubt anyone's listening going,

we'll book it for them. Might see Josh. It's nice out on the palace. It's near me. Yeah. I'll look forward to that. We're doing loads of Christmassy stuff, Rob.

We're doing Panto. We're going to the circus. Not incredibly Christmassy, but we didn't do enough last year. I don't know if you remember last year was my eight days in the park in the row. So I'm trying to you're trying well i think in your defense like i gave you a lot of shit for that however when you've got a really young kid and they love it it's sometimes whatever's the easiest thing to do

is you what you do now he's a bit older you can go let's go circus it because it's fun rather than just exactly so you're making up for it but I'm looking forward to hearing about all these trips out, Josh. And then I've got Lapland. We're going to see Bluey. We're going to the Panto. I'm going to see Bluey as well. I think we're going the same day, Josh. Oh, that's a lot of fun.

That's nice, isn't it? That's a lot of fun. Yeah, and I need to ask you this one. Maybe we could squeeze in a little Pizza Express after. Oh, yes, please. That'd be fun. Yes, please. That'd be nice.

You'll have to take the orders of our children first so that they can't change them on the day. Yes, I'll be screaming in your daughter's face, actually, your daddy picked margarita, so you can kiss that spag bol goodbye, little one. Rob, I've already planned my new year, and it's low-key. This is the new me.

What's your low-key? What's your low-key new year? Going for dinner at Friends. Rob, I've already planned my New Year and it's low key. This is the new me. What's your low key? What's your low key New Year? Going for dinner at friends. Josh, we do nothing for New Year. I've got no part of me. I think maybe the only thing I could do eventually is I might start throwing parties at my house for New Year's Eve when the kids are a bit older and I couldn't be bothered.

But at the moment, I probably won't do that. But then New Year's Day is fucking shit. We had a party last year and you're starting the new year cleaning up cans. Yeah, but I fundamentally, we've spoken about this a lot, hate anyone that says on the 1st of January, I'm going to do this. Do it now or you'll never do it. No, no, no. I'm not saying change it

no I agree I hate that whole new year culture of new year new me no fuck that same year same you either change now or never change I agree but you just it's just shit when you wake up and your house is a fucking tip totally agree so I might rule that out, but do you know what else has been wrong? Maybe it's because I've been tired this week and not well, but you know what I hate at the moment? It's just I flick on Instagram, I go on the stories, and I see these grinning twats that arrive at telling you how to live your life with the amount of middle-aged men I'm seeing getting ice baths.

Fuck off. Fair enough. It's got health benefits. You like it. I don't need to see your little disgusting chicken bodies getting in and out of bathtubs because you're trying to prove something to yourself, you lunatic. The other ones, van life wankers. Oh, I live in a van now and I've got a dog and I cook eggs on the side of a cliff.

Oh, fucking who cares? Jump off it as far as I care. Oh, look at me. Well, fuck it. It feels that good. Would you spend all your day editing videos about it? What are you following, Rob? They all come in.

They all come in. I don't know where they're coming from. It's just an algorithm telling me. I think I'm moaning a lot, so I think my algorithm's telling me to get in an ice bath and live in a van. That screams to me homelessness and no central eating. I'm not up for living in a van. I don't mind ice baths i'm thinking about

getting one because i enjoy the sensation when i go to spas or gyms or any place that has them i really like doing them no problem with that keep it to your fucking self that's all i ask don't tell me about it don't feel how does it work if you've got an ice bath is it constantly an icy bath yeah so as you leave it in the garden it's like a little inflatable tub thing and you can put ice and water in it and you put a bit of chlorine in it i think to stop it going all weird and dirty um but then you basically get in it after a workout for a workout because it basically it's good for your mind because yeah in that five minutes of being in that ice it's almost forcing you to meditate because all you can think about is breathing because you're so cold

and it does have health benefits where it repairs cells and all that bollocks fine i'm not disputing that but you don't need to tell anyone about it yeah thank you when we went to when we went to the hotel rob yeah where i had the shreddies yeah um they had like a sauna and a jacuzzi what did you just have a sink wash because you hadn't had one for what wouldn't you normally do at home shreddies in a sink wash flailing up the armpit wipe the ass get back at it get on that golf course i had a crunch but but everything apart from the jacuzzi everything was single sex right right so me and rose we had a jacuzzi yeah and then we were like we'll go in the sauna and then we got out of sync and we're like meet back in the jacuzzi and then i went

back to the jacuzzi she wasn't there and i couldn't contact her so i went back i did a bit more so that's a bit annoying because you want to be with your partner aren't you yeah and so basically we were cut off from each other like the berlin wall or something. Right. And there was a, there was a sauna and then there was a steam room and then there was a relaxation room and then there was a cold shower room and you're meant to do all these things, but you could only meet at the jacuzzi. And whenever I went back to the jacuzzi, she was never there. It's a bit like your house.

Are you sure she's not leaving you i'll meet you back at the jacuzzi sure i had to go up to one of the women that were there and say could i get a message to the other side could you pass the message on to the blonde woman who's called rose who i think will be in the in the sauna or the steam room or somewhere to tell her i'll meet her back at the hotel room because this is i've given up impossible i've given up i can't i can't relax in the sauna because i'm always thinking doing it I need... Yeah, the message did get to her, yeah. But I couldn't relax, Rob. No.

Because the whole time I was thinking, do I need to be back in the jacuzzi to meet Rose? I do find sometimes when I go to... If I'm away at like a spa place, if I'm in the right mood, it's the best place ever. But sometimes I'm literally just doing it because I have to. Because you're like, I've got to make the most of it. I can't come to a spa hotel and not do everything. okay have i done enough in it right next one have i done it

well actually i probably would prefer just going to sleep in my bed in the room yes yeah totally but we had a lovely time it was an incredible place um right here we go josh i've got some uh small business shout outs for you here oh is it glenn? No, it is not. Hi, Rob and Josh. Love the pod. I have a 19-month-old and another due in three weeks. Yeah, great. Good luck. Congratulations. This is Maddy. Maddy says, please can you give a small business shout-out

to my dad's family history business, Family Story UK. He researches not just the people but the stories behind them, a bit like Who Do You Think You Are. There are a range of different packages and prices starting from £20. Gift vouchers are also available which make it a great present. Further details can be found at familystoryuk.com or Instagram at familyhistoryuk1. Keep up the good work, Maddy. Hi, I wanted to write about my husband's new business.

This year my husband created tom's tennis tots he leads tennis-based classes for two to four-year-olds and their parents that focus on developing your child's skills in a number of areas including hand-eye coordination moving patterns and social capabilities through storytelling all content is created based on physical development not statutory guidance for eyfs don't know what that means so you can be assured that your child is receiving the most up-to-date and relevant teaching tom is a level three lta that's the lawn tennis association eyfs is early years foundation stage ah there we go tennis coach and qualified pe that's physical education teacher and has been working within

coaching and education for over 10 years the first set of sessions are in a village near Farringdon. That can't be Farringdon in London, is it? Probably not. He's looking to add more sessions across Oxfordshire, as the demand grows. Oxfordshire it is. So if you're interested and want more details about Tom's Tennis Tots, follow his social media page, Instagram, Tom's underscore tennis underscore tots.

Facebook, toms with an apostrophe, tennis tots. There's no apostrophes on Instagram. The link to book onto classes can be found on either of those pages. Thank you. Stay sexy and relatable. Leah, toms tennis tots in Oxfordshire. Founding is near the Cotswolds, in between Oxford, Swindon and Cirencester. Absolutely lovely. Lovely stuff. Josh, I'll see you next time. in between Oxford, Swindon and Cirencester.

Absolutely lovely. Lovely stuff. Josh, I'll see you next time. See you later. Sorry for chatting shit for so much, but I had a lot to say, Josh. Busy time in the Beckett house. Busy time. See you later.

Bye.